


Dislocated Souls: Skyhold

by LonelyAgain



Series: Diary of a Dislocated Knife-ear [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Civil Rights, Diary/Journal, F/M, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Insert in Thedas, Minor Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, Modern Character in Thedas, Modern Girl in Thedas, Physical Abuse, Profanity, Slow Build, Slow Burn, mostly canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-19 05:54:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 196
Words: 624,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7347853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyAgain/pseuds/LonelyAgain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A continuation of <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/7147562/chapters/16229045">Dislocated Souls</a>, starting after the destruction of Haven.  An exploration of what happens behind the scenes of Inquisition woven through canon events, people, and places. A journal of the personal and social interactions, magical and scientific exploration, and daily life of someone who is NOT the Inquisitor.</p><p>Dislocated to Thedas at the beginning of the Breach, Chrissy becomes bound up in the lives of the companions,  elves, and servants. She knows too much and not enough.  She tries to come to terms with her appearance, her magic, her knowledge, culture shock, and everything she's lost and gained.</p><p>Follow her life as she moves through society, propelled in and out of situations that worry and challenge. It's easy to stay safe when you don't take chances. But people are scared when you do. Of you.  For you.  Does it matter whether they hate you or adore you?</p><p>The Breach must be closed, Corypheus stopped, and the spice must flow!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions and acceptance, and fire. Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might make more sense if you read the work Dislocated Souls, first. It should, rather quickly, become fairly standalone. Past actions will be referenced/explained.

Day 62.  Some month, day 2.  9:41

Most mages start with fire.  And so I built fire.  It wouldn’t bring back those lost, but it would burn.  I looked at it.  I wanted it to burn forever.  Still kneeling in the snow, I TWISTED the funeral pyre.  I knew veilfire was the memory of fire, and now each moment the fire burned would add to that memory.   I tilted my head, still LOOKING.  Reaching into the glowy mist of the fire, I spun the glow into into a thin strand.  I thought of my people, the ones I lost, and tied those memories to this place.  Another strand, and another.  One for each.  I thought of my people, the ones I lost, and tied those memories to this place.  If this fire ever went out, then a touch would reactivate its memory, and my lost people won’t be forgotten.  If I’d done it right.  I opened my eyes, and purple glints began to mix with the red flames.  The sound had changed, as well.  It almost sounded like someone crying mixed with the crackle of the wood.

I heard a breath suck in behind me.  I turned.  Garalen and Eadras stood there, eyes wide.  I tried my voice, wanting to say I’m sorry.  All that came out was a hoarse croak.  More of my people came up.  Elias, Feren.  Jailyn, Leorah.  They were all looking at me, staring.  Were they mad?  They had every right to be.  I tried speaking again, and it sounded awful, but the words came.  “I’m sorry.”

Leorah moved first.  I flinched as she lifted her hand to my shorn hair.  “Oh, honey,” she said.  “Why are you sorry?”

“Tanya.  Davhalla.  Hannah.  Chris.  More,” I croaked.  I guess I’d screamed myself hoarse.  I turned back to the fire.  It was nearly evenly split, purple and orange, as the physical fuel was consumed.

“So many live, Ethelathun.  Can you not focus on us?  We need you now,” she said.

I sighed.  They needed me.  I couldn’t sit here and die.  You can never die when you want to.  I stood, stumbling.  They led me down toward the camp.  I looked back at the fire.  I wanted it to BURN, to scream to the sky that people had been loved here.  If I had my way, it would burn forever.

They hovered around me, not touching me.  A few looked scared, but they didn’t seem scared of me.  I thought of what I knew of the game.  Our losses were small, he’d said.  Were our losses small now?  Had I made things better or worse?  I’d lost a sixth of mine.  How many had been lost in all?  I needed to find out.  “How many?” I croaked.

“How many are left?” asked Eadras.  I shook my head.  “How many did we lose?” No again. I gestured at the humans.  “How many of them were lost, or remain?”  I nodded.  “They’re still counting, but they think maybe one in five is missing.  We fared better, Da’len.  They had thought they’d lose half, so they’re pleased.”

A glass of something appeared in my hand.  Wine.  I almost laughed.  It had basically no alcohol in it.  I wanted to be drunk, and I’d fixed it so I couldn’t get that way.  Someone tried to put a blanket on me, but I shrugged it off.  I wasn’t cold.  I turned to them.  “Rest,” I croaked.  “Tomorrow… Long.”

They left me alone.  Most bowed or curtsied while they left.  I was going to have to put a stop to that.  I stood, needing to walk.  I’d gone about three steps when an arm appeared to my left.  I looked up into a pair of grey eyes.  His mustache twitched.  “Care for a stroll, Chrissy?”

We walked, and he talked.  “I’ve only been here for 3 days, and on each of those days you have surprised me.  Don’t get me wrong, Lord Trevelyan is a compelling man, but you, you seem to have a finger in everything.  Am I wrong?”  I shrugged.  “Many people are wondering how packed wagons ended up in the horse fields.  I seem to recall someone asking her attendants if the wagons were packed.  So I have a question.  Are you a seer?”

“Define Seer.” I croaked. 

“Oh dear, that will never do.  Let’s get you to some help.”  I stopped walking.  “I promise you, you will not be taking resources from people who need them.  I was thinking only of honey lemon tea.  I assume I am correct about your hesitation?”  I started walking again.  “You know, my dear.  Haven already has enough Martyrs.  We really don’t need one more.  I have a feeling the reason the inquisition is in such good shape is at least partially because of you.  Yes, yes.  Soldiers, fighting, pointy swords.  Terribly bloody.”  He must have noticed my look. 

“I’m speaking of food and clothing.  Someone even packed my favorite tea.  Here we are.”  He ushered me into a chair in front of a small fire.  He performed the familiar rituals with flair.  “And just a dollop of honey on the spoon.  Take a sip. It will help.”  How could anyone resist him?  He actually managed to coax a small smile for a moment.  “I didn’t have the time to form the attachments you obviously did.  But if you need to cry, then I am quite used to holding you by now.  Your people seem afraid you’ll break if they touch you.”  He put a warm hand on my shoulder.  “Your skin is ice.  Where is your jacket?” 

I shrugged.  My voice was smoother this time, though still hoarse.  Probably from the tea.  “A child was cold.”

He sighed.  “You, Chrysopal, are a treasure.  We shall have to be careful you aren’t stolen from us.”  He looked up.  “I see your guard has arrived.  Don’t worry, Ser.  I wouldn’t harm her.” 

I looked up.  Elias was standing there.  He looked worried.  “The Ambassador would like to speak with you.  At your convenience, she said.”

“Might I suggest a change of clothes?  You still have bits of whatever was on the floor of the temple gracing your leggings.  And it appears I’m not the only one to think so.”  Trust him to worry about clothes.

Leorah trundled up with an armful of fabric.  “Ser mage, would you mind if we borrowed your tent a moment?”

“Be my guest.”

She helped me into my turquoise tunic, cream leggings, and leather vest.  “Your hair, Chrissy.”

“It stays.”  My voice was stronger, but still hoarse.

“You could…”

“I won’t.”

“Of course.”  Her face fell.

I held out my hand.  “I’m sorry.  That was rude.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” I gave her a gentle hug.  “I’m heart-sore.  I’ll recover.”

“We loved them, too.”

Dressing didn’t take long, and I bid Dorian farewell.  Elias walked next to me as he led me to where Josephine had her things set up.  She was happy to see me, speaking of how glad she was to see so many survive.  “The children,” she said, “were all safe.  We saw the elves take them into the Chantry.  Thank you for that.”

“That was Philomena and Marta.  You should thank them.”

“Did you know, Chrissy?”  She asked it gently.

“No.  Not for certain.  So many possibilities.  There were so many threads to keep track of, and I could have been wrong.  It depended on Sam, and his choices.  He is a fulcrum upon which the world turns.”

“Are you a Seer?”  Why does everyone ask me that?

“I Saw once, you could say.  It was a game, and every choice the Herald made, something different happened.  I watched many of those choices, but certainly not all.  And things are different than they were.  I’ve not Seen since.”  Truth.  I gave her truth.  Not the whole truth, but enough.  The truth was, in some ways, a lie.  But I knew it was a good decision when I saw the Nightingale step out of the shadows.

“The things you say still sound implausible, but you are either the best liar I’ve ever seen or speaking the truth.”  Leliana speaks so thoughtfully, sometimes.

“I’m hoping you won’t resort to torture, but I’ve been expecting it.  I can’t say more, really.  What if I change something that shouldn’t be changed?  What if I’m wrong?  I can’t predict his choices, and everything hinges on them.  When the soldiers appeared in the hills, I knew for certain that fire in the sky was coming.  If they’d not appeared, nothing was lost, but Ethelathe could have been hit by our human people, disgruntled and wanting to hurt.  And no, I’m not sure where we go from here.  There are many possibilities.  Some are more likely than others.  If I tell you, I may make a less desirable outcome more likely.  The choices branch out so far, I can’t keep track.  And I worry that my memory of a long ago game is faulty.  Plus, some of the important choices belong to you.  And the Ambassador.  All of you.  Your choices will affect his choices.  I can’t remember them all.”  I swallowed.  My throat hurt.

“Are you Rivaini?”

“No.  I’m from Virginia.  I’ve told you this.”

She settled her shoulders, crossing her arms.  “A Seer.  Focused on a moment.  That explains much.”

“I was a Seer, in a way, I suppose.  Long ago and far away.  I Saw only once, and now I just remember.  May I go?”

“You fear me.”

“You consider killing me on a regular basis.”

“Not for a while.  You have value here, Chrysopal.  Ethelathun.  I’ll not toss it away because of a Vision you can’t explain.”  Her eyes got far away.  “I once had a Vision of my own.  I understand better than you think.”  Something in me eased at that, and I nodded.  “Get some rest.  You’ve done good for us, and we don’t forget.”  Her voice was much kinder.  A trick?  I didn’t know.

Josie walked out of the tent with me.  “I’m sorry for the deception.  We had to know.  You do understand?”

I smiled at her.  “I was expecting it.  Don’t worry.”

Elias was waiting outside, eyes wide.  He swept a bow to me, and took up position beside me.  “Don’t pull that crap, Elias.  I’m no different than I was a month ago when you were wondering if there was something wrong with me.”

He grinned.  “I’ve always known there was something wrong with you. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met.”  I sighed, and we walked off.

He found me a cot among our people, and insisted I lay down.  “Rest, my Lady.  Let us handle things for now.”  My go bag was next to the cot.  He left, and I decided to write this.  I’m putting it away shortly.  Tomorrow will be a new day.


	2. 3 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance to let things settle, Cole, and a long walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, but this is a time for reflection. Not action.

3 Cloudreach, 9:41

No real point in keeping track of the number of days, is there.  My dreams were soft.  I hadn’t expected that. Hazy and just out of reach, like I’d been wrapped in cotton wool for the night.  I remember someone stroking my shorn hair.  A smell.  Sandalwood, or similar, and a surprised voice.  I remember “You know me!”  I woke.

It was later than I expected.  There was sunlight in the valley, which means that it was at least mid-morning.  Everyone was striking the tents and packing up.  We were heading out.  I sat up on my cot, my bones sore, of all things.  “I can’t help that,” I heard.  “Caught in a trap pain, and you can’t gnaw your foot off.  Why would you want to?”

“Exactly, Cole.  It’s nice to see you.”

“You do.  You see me.  Why?” I just smiled at him.  He was sitting at the end of my bed.  “A hug?  I can give a hug.”

“I know.  You want to help.  I would like a hug.”  His thin arms came around me, and I put mine around him.  He’s bony.  So frail.

“I’m not.  I’m just me.”  As we separated, he gave a small smile.  “That’s better.  You have to get up.  They’re coming.”  At that point, someone knocked on the tent pole.  When I looked back, Cole was gone.  The hug had helped, so I got up and opened the flap.

Eadras was outside.  “They have to take the tent now.”  I nodded, grabbing my bag.  He hesitated,  and then spoke.  “The fire still burns.  Is it supposed to be purple?”

“It is.  It’s the color of Sorrow.”  I started breaking down the cot.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know.  Is everyone else up?  Have they eaten?”

“We’ve taken care of them.  The boys want to see you.”

“I want to see them.  Let’s go.”

I reunited with my people.  Something settled in them when I was back among them, and that helped something settle in me.  They were too few, but they were still here.  The bonds were stronger, for some reason.  I’ll never understand people. 

The inner circle and advisors were all on horseback up ahead.  Except for The Iron Bull.  He was walking among his Chargers.  We were heading North.  There were probably only three hundred people.  Maybe more, maybe less.  I wasn’t much interested in counting.  We walked all day, only stopping after full dark.  The animals were fed, the people were fed.  Everyone’s going to bed, exhausted.


	3. Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last of the trip, and arrival.

**4 Cloudreach, 9:41**

I had to hunt my sphere last night.  It was a ways away.  I just removed it.  Poof, gone.  It hurt for a moment.  It was gone just like Haven was gone.  I kept some of the flowers, though, carrying them back to where I slept.  I figured it would be a few more days before he’d calmed enough to speak to me.  I’d never lied to him, and I never actually misled him.  I asked questions and said “if”, letting him mislead himself.  Will he remember that?  

I must have been musing aloud, because behind me I heard, “He will, once he thinks back on your conversations.”  I spun, and Solas was there.  “You were quite careful, thinking about it.  ‘Who do you think is the easiest target to a large human male drunk who feels like getting frisky?’  You asked me that, and then you answered the question.  You were entirely truthful.  You never once said you wanted the alcohol reduced for that reason.  Additionally, you let my own anger get the better of me, and then smoothed it away, taking my suspicion with it.  Every time I’ve mentioned deception, you’ve stressed that you’ve not lied.  From what I can tell, you have not.”  He was too calm.  There was something in his posture.  In that moment, I expected to die.

“It’s too easy to be caught in a lie.  It’s better not to tell an untruth to begin with.  I know what they do to people who suspect too much, do things in unusual ways, speak in riddles.  To those who see things that haven’t happened yet, in my world.  They’re caged, trapped, plied with drugs to be compliant, until they’re willing to lie and say they see nothing. They call it ‘treatment’ for ‘mental health issues’.  One of those treatments is called electroshock therapy.  They strap you down and force lightning – electricity – through your brain.  Until you’re ‘normal’, or can at least pretend to be.  It helps some live a ‘normal’ life.  It’s not intended as a cruelty, it supposedly doesn’t hurt, and most recipients appreciate it.  And then there’s here.  Where instead of ‘help’ I could have been burnt at the stake like Andraste herself.  Being different can be hard.  Devastating, even.  It’s easier to tell bits of the truth and let people draw their own conclusions.  Misdirection.”

 “Is that why you didn’t say Haven was going to burn?”

“Smart man, you’re asking questions instead of making assumptions.  The easy answer would be yes.”  I looked at him.  “But that wasn’t the only reason.  I’d rather not talk about it, right now, if you don’t mind.”

“I mind, but consider the subject changed.  In a moment.  What other information is floating in your head?”

“The names of the seven dwarves, a large repertoire of Disney music, probably thirty thousand books, easy, the best way to get to Walmart from my old home, among lots of other things.  Why do you ask?”  I had a bit of my old tart tongue in that.

“All true, I’m sure.”

“Indeed.”  He made a noise.  He doesn’t like it when I use that word, just as it frustrates me when he does it.  I sighed, and looked out into the fade, turning away from him.  You could see my fire from here. It existed in both places.  “I don’t trust you, Solas.  You are ruthless, going for your own goals regardless of the collateral damage.  If you even suspected something would get in your way, you’d destroy it.  I’m not sure whether I’m in your way.  Either way, saying anything could only hurt me, not help me.”

“Again, your words drip with truth.” His voice hardened.  “You believe this.  You aren’t concerned that you might be destroyed just on suspicion you may interfere at some point?”

“It wouldn’t matter.  I’ve tried to die twice now, but wishing won’t stop my heart.  The pain just keeps going.  You can’t die when you want to.  If you killed me, it might hurt less.” 

I glanced back at him, and saw his brows knit.  “Tried to die twice?”  His voice was curious and concerned.

“Never mind.”

“I don’t think so.  Why would you want to die?”

“Because I failed so badly.  Twenty percent of my elven people are gone, because I didn’t do it right, and unlike Cole, I can’t go back and do it again until I get it right.  With rare exceptions, time moves forward, endlessly.”

“The Commander expected fifty percent losses.  He got thirty.”

I made a slashing motion with my hand.  “Then it really wasn’t enough.  I couldn’t even drop the loss rate in half.”

I felt him move up behind me.  “So soon?  I’d hoped to talk more before the end.”

He stilled.  “You think I’m about to kill you?”

“I’ve been told it’s easier when they’re facing away from you.  Not that I’ve ever…”  I sucked in a breath.  My heart hurt.  “I don’t know.  I don’t know if I killed them.  Did I kill them, Solas?”

He remained behind me, but I felt a hand brush my hair.  “Kill who?”

“Those mages.  Four died.”

“No, Da’asha.  You didn’t kill them.”  The hand toyed with a ragged end.

I let out a breath.  “Then I can honestly say I haven’t ever taken a life.  I’ve never even hunted before.  Thank you for that.  Can you kill, here, in the fade?”

“I can.  But I have no need to do so tonight.  You are a mystery, Chrysopal.  This conversation has not gone as I expected.”

“You expected me to apologize?”

“Never that.” There was a smile in his voice.  “You need rest.”

“I don’t. I’m fine.  Besides, I’m sleeping right now.”

“You need more than sleep.  Perhaps you will find a home soon.  Then you would be able to rest in peace.”

I nearly laughed.  “That’s what my people say at a funeral, Solas.  May she rest in peace.”

“Sleep, Da’asha.   I will protect your dreams.  And I won’t peek.  Tonight.”  The hand smoothed the strands down near my neck.  It was soothing.

I awoke rested.  And I didn’t remember any more dreams.  I guess he can be a not-asshole sometimes.  My heart didn’t hurt as badly today.  The Dread Wolf deceives, but he rarely out and out lies.  The mages no longer weighed on my soul.

It was early, so I had plenty of time to disassemble the cot.  Most of my people are sleeping in bedrolls, but they insist I use the cot.  They mean it.  Something about me using it soothes them.  I’m not sure what. 

I rekindled the firepit.  I’m a mage now, so I did it the easy way.  Porridge.  I like porridge.  It’s a comfort food.  By the time it was ready, everyone was rolling out of bed.  The sun was close to clearing the peaks.  We struck the tents, ate, took care of the fires.  Then the slow exodus North continued.

We were doing a mid-afternoon rest stop for the animals when I saw Solas and Sam climbing a small crest.  Sam stepped forward in awe.  Looks like we’re close.  Sam made gestures and the advisors climbed up.  Solas stepped back, using that invisibility of elves.  It’s not that we’re invisible to humans, it’s that we’re just overlooked.  I’ve never seen it work from the outside like this, though.  He was forgotten, as the four of them discussed the best way to get down there.

“What is it, Chrissy?  You’re tense all of a sudden.” Jailyn was my designated companion for this portion of the day.

“They’ve spotted something.  See them arguing?”

“Think we’re in danger?”

“Not this time.  This might be a good thing for us.  Can you feel the difference in the air?”  I wasn’t lying.  There was more everything here.  The world was brighter.  I was surrounded by mages, and I didn’t itch.  The air was just so…  I don’t have the words.  I can’t describe the feeling.  But I didn’t itch, and I didn’t even have to use Andrew’s trick.  Whatever it was, it was so thick here that the mages couldn’t bother me.  I think I’m going to like Tarasyl'an Te'las, for that alone if nothing else.

“No, Chrissy, but I can see that you do.  That’s good enough for me.”

“This has got to stop.”

“What does?”

“You just, without any clue what I was talking about, agreed something unknown to you was a good thing, based entirely on my expression.”

“Yes.  And?”

“Don’t you have your own opinions?”

“I do.  So far, they agree with you.  We’re not going to change, Chrissy.  I promise.  We’re a bit in awe of you, but we won’t follow you blindly into danger.  Okay?”  I sighed and nodded.  Then she got an evil glint in her eyes.  “We’ll open our eyes, THEN follow you.”

“That is NOT…”  She burst into laughter, and I shook my head.  “Evil woman.”

“Can you smile for me, Chrissy?”

“Not yet.  I’ll get there, but it is too fresh.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“Do.  Did we manage to rescue my guitar?”

She grinned.  “Time for OUR song, isn’t it?  Too much fight and die in theirs.”  She ran to get it.

I strapped the instrument to my back with my bag.  I couldn't comfortably play and walk.  However, as they finally got us all walking again, the elves were humming.  We shall overcome.  Someday.  We crested the bluff, and Skyhold was displayed to perfection below us.  I stopped to look at it, my people preceeding me.  Solas has his pride.  He must have selected this vantage on purpose.  The first thing I noticed:  it was a LOT bigger than in the game.  Probably twice as large.  At least.  There were overgrown bits and flat areas around the walls.  There were at least two more stories to the main hall.

“What do you think?”  I knew he’d want to know.

“It’s pretty enough, I suppose.”  I smiled for a moment, before my heart pulled the corners of my mouth back down.  “It’s nice, Solas.  I’m glad you knew where it was.  People are cold, and we truly need somewhere.”

“Yes.  We need somewhere.  This place will do nicely, for the Inquisition and everything else to come.”  There was something to his voice, not quite a smirk.

He melded back into the stream of people and animals, and I stayed where I was for a moment more.  Then I followed my musical people into Skyhold.  They hummed the whole way.  We set up temporary quarters in the courtyards and outskirts.  The advisors insisted that we would have to get someone look at things before we braved the towers and buildings.  Silly. 

I set Cook up in the guard tower that the Herald hasn’t been assigned anyway.  Hot food, in quantity.  She was willing to take the (nonexistent) risk on my say so. Threnn was livid, but I didn’t give a shit.  She tried to keep us from loading in the supplies, but the people hauling were mine, not hers.  They ignored her, to my delight.  This place felt the most home of any place I’d been so far in Thedas.  I knew the kitchens and most of the everything stone was sturdy, but we’re going to have to get the rubble moved to get to them.  We’ll start that tomorrow.

I claimed the wall area next to the impromptu kitchen for Ethelathe.  I think I understand what Eadras was saying, now.  Ethelathe isn’t exactly a place.  It’s a place, but it could be any place, as long as we were there.  They set up my cot against the wall in the back of the tents, under an awning.  Do they really think I’m going to try to escape?  I’d have to get through nearly sixty people to pee.  Yes, my humans chose to stay with us. 

Andrew and Garalen are sharing blankets now.  So are Feren and Isa.  Laura, Daniel, Dee, and Dum are curled up together like puppies.  Stephen wants to stay with the soldiers.  I won’t stop him.  We’re safe tonight, and fed.  I hope they all have beautiful dreams.


	4. 5 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Settling in, feeding Cole, Cassandra takes my lists, and freaking out Dorian. Not bad for a first day.

**5 Cloudreach, 9:41**

I don’t remember any dreams.  I awoke early, refreshed.  The predawn sky was purple at the edges of the horizon, reminding of my fire.  I wondered if I could see it from here.  I’m going to check from the top of a tower.  Some other time.  It was too early to wake anyone, so I went out to the bridge.  The valley below was huge.  Could this be Fen’Harel’s valley, where the refugees and runaways were tended and restored?  I wasn’t ready to ask such a thing, by a long shot.  One side of the valley was cold, with snow.  That’s the part you see from the bridge, and can see encampments below.  Not yet, of course.  Later, they will come.

I climbed the walls.  The sun would be peeking over the peaks anytime.  From there, I could see the other side of the valley.  Green.  Practically verdant.  Hidden from the front of the fortress.  I felt something near me.  A wiggling of the air.  “Hello, Cole”

“How did you know?”

“The fade wiggled as you passed.”

“You are better today.”

“I am.  How was your evening, Cole?  And your morning?”

“There are many hurts here.  Broken, bloody, bruised.  Will I see the next sunrise?  Someone tell my mother what happened.”

“Who, Cole?  I can write that letter.”

“You would help?”

“That’s why you are here.  I can write letters.  My people won’t let me do much else.  It offends them to see it.”

“A symbol, she must be lovely, shining.  A beacon to others.  She searches and finds, Sanctuary.  Gathering, Reaping, Sowing.  Her hair.  Her poor hair.”

“I see.  Leorah thinks I should stand around looking pretty?  That wouldn’t get the job done.”

“How did you know?”

I patted his shoulder.  “I know many of them very well.  I’m not as good with names as with personality.  Names can change.”

“You stopped looking at the sky.”

“I don’t have a home anymore, Cole.  I may never have one again.”

He tilted his head up, so I could see his eyes.  “Home is where the heart is.”

“And my heart is split in pieces.”

“Yes.”

“Cole.”

“I won’t tell.  You’re right.  He would be threatened.”

“Thank you.  Have you ever had porridge?”

“I don’t have to eat.  I thought I did, but I was wrong.”

“Sometimes enjoying a new sensation is more important than nutrition.  Let’s go get breakfast.”

“Feeding people is an expression of love?”  He seemed puzzled.

“Caring.  Same thing I guess.”  I hooked my arm in his, and started walking.

“Yes.”

Cole disappeared while I started the fires going.  I needed a good look at the actual kitchens.  If we could get starters in the fireplace there, powered by magic, maybe.  Fire runes, tied to a button or switch to turn on.  It’s possible it was already in place.  And I wanted running water.  Would Solas mind me installing plumbing in his fortress?  I couldn’t wait for Dagna to get here.

Cook was an early riser, too.  She came up just as I got the fires roaring properly.  She headed inside for the chopping, cutting, etc.  The prep work.  No, we didn’t put a fire in a place with no window.  That’d be stupid.  I do wonder.  How was this place heated?  There were no fireplaces in the outbuildings we could get to. 

After breakfast, which Cole sampled, we got started on picking things up.  It was much worse than you see in the game.  That’s cleaned up some.  We had to pull things off the stairs just to get to the dais.  It took us most of the day to get the courtyard partially cleaned up, arguing with stupid humans who wanted to wait for some “authority” to say it was okay before touching anything.  The Advisors were in conference.  I wonder how long it will take to name him Inquisitor?  I’m not sure, but we had to get it done soon.  I’m betting less than a week, if not the day after tomorrow.  Based primarily on the state of this place.  I’m betting that Leliana’s handling the redirection of any refugees or stragglers.  Ravens have been flying.

By midafternoon, I had a few lists of things we needed to do first.  One needs to plan, after all.  Clearing space, emptying wagons, cataloguing supplies.  Threnn’s over there talking about requisitions and making sure the soldiers are supplied.  She claimed that all the supplies went preferentially to the soldiers.  How nice.  Everyone else needs to eat, too.

I was working on my lists when Lady Cassandra walked up.  “I suspected you would be making lists.  May I see?”

“Of course.”  I handed her one of my finished pages.

“You are a detailed planner.  You don’t even have the limits of our supplies mapped out, and you are making purchasing suggestions?”

“I have an advantage, my lady.  My people did a lot of the packing.  We have a good idea of what we left Haven with.  Within a few days’ food supply, at least.  These are just estimates, but if we’re careful, we have a week before we have to get supplies in.  Of course, the soldiers may have other needs, and we don’t know what was packed in their gear.  However, I can’t make accurate predictions if they keep confiscating goods “for the good of the Inquisition”.  The Quartermaster has claimed most of the meat products, and a good portion of the fruits already.  I’m no good with army requirements, but it seems that if we can keep our supplies centralized, we should be better off.

"The biggest purchasing need right now will be breeding animals.  If we’re to be self-sufficient here, which I would suggest, then we need to make sure we have enough animals to both eat and produce more.  I’ve those estimates on the next page.  Did you notice the fields around the back?  If we can clear the mess down the stairs, we might find the access to them.  There may be wild edibles there.  I could also see if we can get there in a roundabout way.  Along the walls maybe?  Getting fresh water is also going to be critical.  Does anyone know if this place has a well?  Right now I have the idle messengers fetching snow in buckets and barrels.  My kids are hunting mushrooms and other edibles around this main courtyard area.  We’ve found a few interesting things.”

Cassandra looked at me.  “You are far more organized than I expected, Chrissy.  Thank you for your time.  May I take your lists to Ambassador Montilyet?”  What?

I was startled at that idea.  “I haven’t made copies yet, Lady Cassandra. Do I have time to do that?”

“I will return them this evening.  Tomorrow at the latest.”

“Very well then.  Have a good afternoon, my lady.” I bobbled a curtsy.  “Do not DO that.  Please.”  I just smiled at her.  Imagine my surprise when she backed up before turning about and marching off, my paperwork clutched in her fist. I was just collecting the information and noting it down.  I’m going to have to find the Seeker and clarify that the amounts and estimates and so on weren’t my work.  I was collating from Cook and Dennet and several others.  It didn’t occur to me at the time.

We did dinner, skipped school, and had singalong time.  I slipped a new one in.  The Isle of Innisfree.  It was a bad idea.  It was too soon to sing about being an exile. 

About singing time:  Dorian, Sera, Varric, and Bull hung around the outskirts of our little area, just watching.  They didn’t come anywhere near the fire until I waved them in.  Did you know that The Iron Bull is afraid of nine-year-old girls?  She peppered him with questions until Varric rescued him.  He had no idea what to do with a non-grown person.  Maybe his upbringing in the Qun.  They don’t do families like most of the rest of us.  Sera has the singing voice of a scalded cat.  Don’t ask her to sing.  Tie her up and gag her if she tries. 

I had passed the guitar to Cara, who could also play, after I botched the end of Isle of Innisfree with tears.  Dorian plopped himself down and just said, “Nice little spot you have here.  Better than mine.  You have an awning.  Mind if I camp out here with you?”

“Don’t you have stone walls or at least a tent?”

“Yes, but I have to share my tent, and he snores.  It’s definitely not restful.”  He tossed his head, brushing his hair back.

“If you wish to join us here, I’m sure we can find you a non-snoring tentmate.”

“You have a tentmate already?”

“I sleep on this cot we’re sitting on.  Under the awning you admire so much.”

“Don’t you get cold?”

“Nope.  Weird, isn’t it.”

“Well, I suppose I’ll have to suffer.  Select me a tentmate, my lady, and I shall be grateful.”

“Do you mind sharing with more than one person?  That one there…” I pointed to one near me. “has only three people in it.  It sleeps six.  Honestly, you humans are so huge we could probably stuff eight or ten of us in there, but it’s a six-man tent.”

“I’d be delighted.”  I asked a few elves to get his gear with him, and he moved right in.  Odd.  You’d think he’d prefer a two-man tent rather than sharing with three others, but who am I to argue?  I didn’t see Sam or Solas all day.  When I unveiled my journal at the end of the night, Dorian poked his head out of his tent.  “What was that?”

“I was unveiling my journal.”

His face was priceless. “I see.  Continue, then.  If you would like to show me this lovely idea of ‘veiling’ a journal, I would be pleased to learn.”

I patted the cot next to me.  He came out and sat down, wrapped in a blanket.  “It’s easy, really.  You just sort of grab the glowy stuff that floats everywhere and blow it over the journal, and then you twist with the internal magic muscle, and want it to be unseen, and it goes invisible.”

He stared at me in shock.  “Glowy stuff?  Magic muscle?  Where, my dear, did you train?”

“Train?  I didn’t.  I figured this out about a month ago.”

“Oh dear Maker.  You are serious, aren’t you.”

“Someone had to write the first magic book, Dorian. Shall I show you?”

“I wait with bated breath.”  So I veiled it again.  One moment it was in my hand, and the next I was grasping a large handful of air.  His mouth dropped open for a moment.  He reached out and touched the pages.

“Of course, now that I’ve shown you, I’m going to have to find additional ways to hide it.  One’s diary must remain personal.”

“I would never.”  I blew the dust off my journal, and it reappeared.  “Chrissy, we really need to work on your technique.”

“Technique?”

“You can’t just blow on nothing and have things appear.  You’ll scare people.  Altuses, for certain.”  He did look a little pale.

“I’ve done something wrong.”

“No, no.  I’ve just.  When did you say you learned this?  A month ago?”  I nodded.  “Tell no one.  You should not have told me.  We need.  I need to…” He sighed.  “Stay away from Tevinter, Chrissy.  Promise me.”  I was confused, so I did so.  “Please do your veiling away from mages. Away from Templars.  We are going to have to have a talk, soon.  In private, preferably.”  He seemed urgent about this.

“Dorian, you’re gray again.  Do you need help?”

“No.  I am going to bed.  To think.  Sleep well.  And be careful.”

He’s so confusing.  I hope I didn’t break him somehow.  Skittish, that man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The predawn sky was purple at the edges of the horizon." What I mean: https://bearwoodsblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/grand-canyon-111513e-copy.jpg


	5. 6 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Attacks, paperwork, growling at the Chargers.

**6 Cloudreach, 9:41**

I should have expected it, I suppose.  It’s so easy to blame the messenger.  I awoke quite abruptly probably somewhere near midnight.  It was incredibly buzzy/itchy.  Looking back, it was a much smoother sensation than usual, but that’s irrelevant at this point.  I bolted upright in my cot, as a loud clatter of metal sounded.  There was a scuffle, and I focused to discover a dressed Dorian, brilliantly lit staff in hand, glaring at a man in mercenary armor.  The man was being held by Garalen on the ground.  She had a knife to his throat.  A sword was nearby.  Garalen kicked it away from him.

A couple of people had apparently awoken because of the noise.  It really hadn’t been that loud.  Heads peeked out and immediately ducked back in.  Smart.  Nobody wanted to deal with this, and it appeared under control.  Garalen was apparently whispering something in the miscreant’s ear, because he swallowed and nodded.  She got up. He stayed down, hands out and visible.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing.  You can go back to sleep.”  Garalen was rather gruff.

“I don’t think so.  Try again?”

“Just another idiot.  This one got too close.”

I looked at Dorian.  “You knew about this?  This is why you so desperately needed a non-snoring tentmate?”

“I’m a veritable font of knowledge.  Are you speaking of something in particular?  And he did snore.  Worse than a bear growling, every few moments, all night.”

“You’re not funny, Altus.”

“Odd.  My other friends think I’m hilarious.”

“How many, Garalen?”

“Three since Haven.  It’s not a problem, Chrissy.  We have it handled.”

“Why?”

She sighed, and turned sad eyes to me.  “Because you knew, Chrissy.  Someone didn’t make it, and a survivor searches for a scapegoat.  A target for their rage.  Nothing you could have done would have changed the battle itself.”  She added that last sentence quickly.  I must have had some expression she didn’t like.

My heart hurt.  “If I’d said something sooner, better, then more might have lived.”  How do you respond to that sort of accusation?  When they’re right?  “I have to,” I took a breath.  “I need to walk.  Please alert the guards to this.”  I was proud of how steady my voice was.

I didn’t bother to dress.  Bare feet and nightgown.  I had to think.  Maybe I was just brooding.  I went out on the bridge, looking at the valley far below.  In a few months, the ground near the lake would be lit with campfires and littered with tents.  Right now it was dark and clean.  Screwups.  My time here was littered with them.  I watched the water until the sky lightened.

We got to the business of living.  I thanked Dorian for the protection.  He graciously accepted those thanks and suggested I be moved into a tent.  “We could do each other’s hair, perhaps exchange fashion tips!”  We made breakfast, did more clearing.  It’s slow going.  This place hasn’t been loved in a long time.

I got my notes back from Cassandra late in the morning.  By messenger.  A note was included on top, with one word, “Review”.  There were dots and checkmarks, numbers changed, mostly upward.  They’d scribbled all over everything.  I was surprised they had been interested at all.  Still, they’d written all over my notes!  Things had been added, too.  Where the hell were we going to put cows?  And I hadn’t heard of some of the additions to the vegetable list.  And what the hell am I supposed to review?

Well, I rewrote everything out neatly, and then asked Cook and Dennet to take a look.  On a hunch, I walked over to where the Chargers were hanging out.  Krem noticed me first.  Not surprising since he’s the Lieutenant.  “Lady Chrysopal.  To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“Lieutenant Aclassi, I was wondering if I could consult with whomever handles your supply management.”  The Chargers around apparently found my formality amusing.  I had not had a good day, I was exhausted, someone had tried to kill me, and we were out of coffee.  I did not need yet MORE people LAUGHING at me.  I turned to look at them.  “If he,” pointing at Krem with my rolled up list, “is going to browbeat me with a title that’s not even mine, then I’m going to smack him upside the head with the one that is rightfully his.  TWICE, if necessary. Issues?”  I glared at Krem and the rest.  I may also have been swinging about said lists as I spoke.  I was probably a frightful sight.  The chortling slowed, surprise in several gazes.  “I didn’t think so.  I’m not in the mood, ladies and gentlemen.  Now, Krem, if I may call you that, can I possibly get together with your supplies person to discuss the outfitting of this groaning heap?” 

I think he was laughing at me, too, but he wiped his face with his hand, and led me over to Stitches.  Krem introduced me to a lady sitting NEXT to Stitches.  Shows what I know.  “This is Lisa, Support One.”  She’d obviously pissed someone off at some point, because there was a large scar running from forehead to chin.  No, I didn’t mention it.  I’m not RUDE.  We moved away from the others.

Lisa was very professional.  We got our consultation done, and I thanked her for her time.  She then told me that if I needed coffee that bad, then I could always come over to their fire in the morning.  Bitch was smirking at me, but I liked her, so I just smiled and said thanks.  With my reviewed lists, sans Threnn input, plus Charger input, I headed to Josie’s tent.  AAAAND turned right back around, because the Advisors and Cassandra were all shouting at each other.  I’d get it to them another time.

While I’d been away, the dried meats and fruits reappeared in general stores.  Interesting.  Certainly not complaining at that.  And Cullen had been by.  Left a message.  “It won’t happen again.”  What won’t?  The attempt on my life?  The rescue?  The stores being allocated to the soldiers?  Probably thought he was clear, too.  Anyway.

Normal evening.  Food, songtime.  Some of the humans are chiming in to We Shall Overcome.  The upper crusties may sneer at us, but the people cleaning the shit off boots are coming to us.  I found I was moved into a tent.  I had some roommates.  Dorian, Garalen, Andrew, Elias, and a human I didn’t know, who was armed.  A lot.  Not dressed in soldier’s uniform.  I took my bag with my journal up to the ramparts we aren’t supposed to climb, because I know they're perfectly fine.  And I’m writing away from the mages and Templars. I’m going to bed soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (sorry for the edit but I caught something that nagged until I fixed it. ARGGG another typo. Need to proofread. Stream-o-consciousness is failing me.)


	6. Day 3, 7 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coffee, Cleanup, Varric, Solas. In that order.

### Skyhold, Day 3, 7 Cloudreach, 9:41

My dreams are still quiet.  Is it this place?  With the way I’ve been feeling, I’ve been expecting demons.  Nary a one has come.  Two kinds of dreams, like back in Haven.  One like home, one possibly a memory of history.  There has been activity so often here, those dreams are confusing, bleeding into each other.  Barbarians in skins morph to men in silver.  Men, elves, dwarves.  I halfway expect to see fairies and trolls, and a march of the Ents.  It makes no sense.  And no visitors of which I am aware.

I decided that keeping track of days related to milestones could be important.  This is our third day in Skyhold.  The first visitor(s) arrived today.  Fourteen scraggly humans with a poor donkey and a wagon, coming up the “elevator” in the Barbican (at the end of the bridge).  Takes six soldiers to man that pulley system, and almost half an hour to come all the way up.  This place truly is a fortress.  There are stairs around the elevator, but it’s a long way down to the valley floor.  This fat girl is NOT making that trip.  I’ll stay right here behind the walls.  Battlegrounds are bad.  Stink, smell, mess, pain.  NO.

Anyway, first thing in the morning I took Lisa at her word and showed up at the Chargers’ fire, mug in tow.  I also brought a half cup of sugar, in case trade was required.  She seemed surprised to see me until I waved my mug at her.  She hadn’t actually expected me to take her up on it, but seriously?  I’d walk the Lego Firewalk for coffee.  I was up insanely early again.  You know, I used to be a night owl.  This morning stuff?  Sucks.

So that means I was at their fire before they were all up.  Lisa and a few others, all “Support” with numbers, and no I don’t remember their names, were doing the breakfast thing.  I’ll tell you, Chargers eat good.  Bull treats his people well.  “You join up when I wasn’t looking?”  Speaking of Bull.

“Nope.  I was jokingly offered coffee and decided that I’d take it seriously.  I brought my mug over first thing.”

“You really have a thing for coffee.”

“I’d brave lego wonderland barefoot.”

“Not sure what that means, but alright.”

“Don’t mind me.  I’ve not completely caffeinated yet.”

“Feel free to share the coffee.  Heard you took our needs into account for your requisition lists.”

“I don’t know if they’ll charge you for supplies, since you’re mercenaries, but at least they’ll be available if the lists are approved.  May run a tally against your per diem, if you get it.  Make sure you keep any purchase orders or req forms, just in case.  Those kinds of decisions aren’t mine, but I don’t want mistakes in my inventory.”

“You’re kind of young to talk like that.”

“I’m older than I look.”

“How much older?”

“I don’t know.  How old do I look?”

He took my question seriously.  I didn’t expect that.  “Twenty, maybe nineteen summers.”

“Much older than that.  At least half again.  Maybe more than that.  Don’t you know it’s rude to ask a woman her age?  If you had to guess based on my manner of speech and voice, what would you guess?”

“Older.  I’m not answering that.  Not in the mood to get hit.  Where’d you serve?”

“Not here.  Nowhere you’d know.  And I never saw battle.”

“Logistics?”

“It was a long time ago.  I’m not discussing it.”  He nodded, and the lot of us conversed on more neutral topics until my mug was empty.  I thanked them, and left, taking my unnecessary sugar with me.

Well, back to the scruffy people.  Some smart person (or dumb person) had put a bell in or on the barbican, with a rope that goes all the way down to the front valley.  Midmorning, someone rang it.  Panic in the streets!  People running willy nilly because apparently no one had bothered to let anyone know such a thing was in place.  Time passed, investigations happened, and we have the first visitors.  This place is a wreck, and we had to have guests.  Can’t they let us clean up a bit first?

It took a long time for them to be approved entry.  But, they brought some needed supplies or documents or something that were whisked into the other guardhouse tower, as well as some basic supplies.  The people themselves were left to sit there, no direction, no information.  So, I got them fed, set up with a small separate-ish space on the ground, and some bedrolls.  All the tents were in use, or I’d have arranged for one, at least temporarily.

About the time I finished up, Seeker Cassandra came out, looking for them.  I pointed her in the right direction.  She asked if they’d been fed or tended.  I answered in the affirmative and she nodded.  She’d expected that I’d handle it.  Well, glad to be of use, I suppose.  Turns out they were some craftsmen from the Hinterlands, who had come to check things out and fix things up for us.  They’d had a long journey, led by crows.  I handed her the reviewed and revised lists, telling her that Cook, Dennet, and the Chargers’ Supply Manager had also taken a look and had nothing to add, as well.  She actually smiled at me when she said thank you.  She hadn’t expected it done so quickly.

I told cook there were more for dinner, and decided to do the rounds.  I’d not been meeting up with everyone like I used to.  I stopped in to see Varric.  He was leaning near the gates, smacking his head against the wall.  “That doesn’t help,” I said.

“I’m thinking.”

“It’s time.  You know that.”

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“That is so incredibly vague, but completely appropriate to my dilemma.”

“Maybe I’m talking about bashing your head in.”

“That doesn’t explain your timing, and you’re not like that.”

“Is your head okay?  I could take a look at it.”

“My head is fine, Cuddles.  Thought you’d forgotten me, though.”  I leaned up against the wall next to him and bumped him with my hip.

“Who could forget such a dashing dwarf.  Or the chest hair?  I’ve just been busy.  Wallowing and planning.  This place is a mess.  We should be able to get the main buildings cleared enough to evaluate for soundness within a week or two.  Maybe we’ll be able to get under roofs then.”

“That’d be nice.  This outdoor stuff is not my thing.  I want walls and people and streets.”

“Missing home?”

“That shithole?  Never.  Well, maybe.  But this is fine.”

“I better keep going.  You’re probably not the only friend feeling neglected.”

“But I’m the cute one.”

“That’s why you were first, Storyteller.”  He laughed.

I stopped off to Sera, and chatted a bit.  She hangs out near the food.  Smart girl.  Vivienne has a chair, with a pillow, and an awning, set up in the courtyard.  She spends her day there.  I’m not sure what she does, but it doesn’t look like work.  Blackwall I’ve not met, officially, so I didn’t approach him.  Sam and Solas were nowhere to be found.  The advisors and Cassandra are in the guardhouse.  They’re still “discussing” whatever they’re discussing.  Sometimes at volume, but the stone muffles the words.  Sam’s probably in there, and Solas is probably checking on whatever he needs to check on for the keep.  It is his, after all.  Cole’s around.  Somewhere.  He’ll turn up.

Can’t get a whole lot done in the dark, so everything stops at dusk.  Tonight turned into a singalong for everyone.  Different fires took turns with songs.  Sometimes even the wind in this place seems to sing.  When I slipped away to write, the sounds filled the air.  One thing I will say, this place is amazing. 

I was still looking out from the battlements I wasn’t supposed to be on when I felt someone behind me.  The previous attempt on my life was rather fresh in my mind, so I whirled around.  I don’t know what I would have done, but it’s instinctive, you know?  Solas stood there.  I relaxed, marginally.

“I thought no one was supposed to be up here.”

“Worst case scenario?  I fall off.  One less annoying woman.  Many people would be happier.”

“But not all. Your people would miss you.”

“I know.”

“Why are you up here?”

“Because the world is hollow and I have touched the sky.”  I looked at him.  “I’m not intending to be cryptic.  It’s the title of a play.  Story. Something similar.  Have you ever heard of Television?”

“No.  Do you mean clairvoyance?”

“No.  Anyway, that’s the name of the story episode, but I always found it extremely poetic.  It seems fitting, here.”

“The walls may not be safe.”

“They are.”

“You know this?”

“You wouldn’t have brought us here if they weren’t.  The advisors are overcautious sometimes.”

“You assume I knew the state of this place.”

“Why would I not?  It’s the kind of place a dreamer would explore.”

“That sounds suspiciously like an evasion, but I can detect no lie.”

“Isn’t that interesting.  Sounds like most of our conversations, then.  Why are you up here, Solas?  Turnabout is fair play.”

“Identifying the person on the walls.”

“Should I leave?”

“No.  You should be safe enough now.”

“Two statements that don’t necessarily have anything to do with each other.”  He smiled at me.  “Have you ever heard of svartálfar?”

“No.”

“Your answers are short this evening.  You’re far more talkative in the fade.”  He didn’t say anything.  I sighed.  “I’ll head back down.  I apologize for interrupting you.”

“People silhouetted against the night invite arrows.”

That stopped me.  “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“I thought perhaps you were deliberately doing so.”

“No.”

“Find a safer place to think, Da’asha.  There is plenty of stone here.”

We walked down the stairs, and he left me near the gates.

I won’t veil my journal near him, so I got to startle Dorian again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. I got the Magekiller comics, and was distracted for a while.
> 
> Yes, she misunderstood him when he was talking about the walls not being safe. In case you were wondering.


	7. Day 4, 8 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are progressing. Hopefully we'll have an Inquisitor soon.

### Skyhold, Day 4, 8 Cloudreach, 9:41

My dreams are still soft.  Maybe it really is this place.

I showed up first thing to Bull’s fire again.  I got coffee, and laughed at.  Apparently my fixation with coffee is funny.  But I got coffee, so I’m not saying a damn thing.  They’re not being malicious. 

Figured out why I’m not being constantly tailed by Garalen and Elias.  The courtyard is just not that big.  Elias has been hanging out in the lower courtyard, keeping eyes on. Garalen is hanging out in the upper courtyard, since we’ve cleared the stairs.  They don’t need to tail me; they can see me.  And I had thought they’d finally just stopped.  Guess not.  And that human who’s overarmed seems to be against the wall near wherever I am.  He won’t talk to me, even though he shares our tent. 

I saw Sam for the first time since we got to Tarasyl'an Te'las.  He said hello, and recommended I “fix” my hair.  He was nice about it, but I refused.  It will grow as it wills.  We chatted for a while about reaching Skyhold and how huge it was and how surprising it was that this was here.  I just kind of nodded along.  He’s a sweet guy, but sometimes he’s really clueless.  Found out he allied the mages, not conscripted them.  I hadn’t known that before.  I’m glad, though. 

I showed him all the progress we’ve made with making this place habitable.  We’ve nearly got the armory area, with its mini forge for the soldiers, cleared out and ready.  Both courtyards are cleared, though we’re waiting on some machinery to get the rubble blocking the way to the kitchens and the stables.  And the well, which will make life astronomically easier.  The tavern is in surprisingly good shape, but the master carpenter is still busy on the armory.  They’re not letting us in until he has a look.  We’ll get new roofs on, and get some more boards up to cover the empty spaces as soon as he rubber stamps it.  I’m hoping to plaster the inside, even though that’s not canon. 

Harritt and the Uncles are helping us.  They want to get back to work.  These men are the only ones who aren’t treating me as something breakable.  Nobody touches me anymore, except them.  At least I can go to them for my hug fixes.  Do I look that delicate?  And honestly, I need cuddles more now than before.  Enborr especially is an expert cuddler, and he’ll hug for five minutes if I let him.  He’s been eyeing Lace, so I may have to arrange some sort of introduction.

We had some recruits arrive today.  What is it about young men that makes them want to fight?  They’ve seen so much fighting in the Hinterlands.  Why would they want more?  Three other groups of people, humans, came in today to “visit the Inquisition.”  Yeah.  If they want to stay, they’ll work.  I set them to helping with the cleanup.  Thankfully they didn’t object, though there was some grumbling about listening to me until Cook and Joan stepped in. 

This would be easier if the Advisors would get their butts in gear.  We’ve gotten the pertinent areas basically done.  We’ll get the buildings handled as soon as the craftspeople let us.  With the advisors closeted, nobody official is here to greet these arrivals.  I’m having to direct them to where they need to go and assign them places, and I have a distinct disadvantage to being taken seriously.  I have pointy ears.  Maybe I’d get better results if I was dressed in a dress instead of work clothes.  That’d make Leorah happy.

It was a normal day.  A normal evening.  Dorian keeps acting like he wants to talk to me, but also keeps saying there are way too many people around.  He also keeps admonishing me to be careful.  The kids are irritated at me.  I told them that they were going back to school.  I talked to Fiona, and they’re going to attend lessons with the mage kids for now.  Reading, writing, arithmetic, geography.  No magical theory or the like, please. She agreed to that, because we’re “too busy to test for new mages.  However, if they start setting things on fire, I will have to teach them.”  She means take them.  Not happening.  I’ll ask Solas before I’d trust them to her.

I specifically warned Daniel not to try the mage stuff.  I pulled him aside and told him that he needed to learn from Andrew or myself.  He could watch, or even study, but not try it.  Smart boy said that it was because the mages didn’t understand the glowy stuff.  YES.  Exactly.  And Fiona would try to take him from me if he showed that he could do things.  If he could do things.  He said he had tried to move the stuff around, but he couldn’t do much.  Maybe it’s a puberty thing.  That’s when we on Earth typically attribute the onset of magical ability.

Instead of going up on the wall near the gate this evening, I went up to the upper courtyard, and tucked into the tower that will eventually be the quartermaster’s.  The stairs are rickety, but serviceable.  We’ll have the craftspeople fix that.  They’re expecting more arrivals, soon.  Apprentices and such, with more specific tools.

I’ve noticed that while it’s cold here, the courtyards and such are green, like in the game.  Also, considering the elevation and the fact that it’s early april-ish equivalent, the humans are able to get by with a blanket or two.  That’s weird.  Also, the valley behind Tarasyl'an Te'las, the one that’s green?  There’s no way down there I’ve found so far.  I’ll have to ask Solas.

No real interesting conversations today.  Nothing notable happened, really.  I’m missing what used to be home.  I’ll get over it.  Eventually.  I hope.  I’ll head back to our area after I finish this.


	8. Day 5, 9 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Work Stoppage. Ethelathe goes on strike, to good effect. Freaking out Gunther. Confusing Dorian. Waking up the Advisors.

### Skyhold, Day 5, 9 Cloudreach, 9:41

I may have gotten a hair ticked off today.  Just a bit.  I’ll start at the beginning.

I remember no dreams.  That’s actually getting annoying.  I worry someone is taking the memory from me, because I usually remember any “normal” dreams.

Bugged the Chargers.  Coffee.  Nectar of the Gods, it is.  Some of them are getting up earlier to chat a bit.  Dalish is hilarious.  I complimented her on her bow, and she turned to the others and said, “See?”  And then I ruined it by saying the wood must be very good at focusing her will.  I grinned, and she play-glared at me. 

“Hey, that’s got to be very useful,” I said.  “Multipurpose objects cut down on carry weight.  And it must take a lot of will to keep a steady bow-arm.”  That made the awake ones laugh, waking up more of them.  There’s probably twenty-five people in the Chargers, and another ten just support.  They had a home base out toward Orlais, where more of their support people lived.  And some families.  Turns out Stitches is married, and has two kids.  Well, “sort of” married.  They may bring everyone up here later, after we’re settled.

On to the pissed off part.  I was consulting with one of the craftsmen, who’s posing as a structural engineer.  He said, “I don’t want to let anybody in here until your elves can clear this out and I get a good look.  We’ll put boxes in front of the door so that people can’t come in.”  People.  Can’t come in.  But elves, they’re fine.  So I’m a nice person, sometimes.  I asked for clarification.  “We can’t risk anybody coming in until you’ve cleaned it.”

I double checked.  “So you’re saying it’s okay for elves to be in here, with the structure potentially unstable, but it’s too dangerous for people to come in here?” 

He enthusiastically agreed, glad that I “Finally got it through your pretty head, sweetheart.”  And then he added, “I’ve been told I can speak for the Inquisition in this matter.  I’m sure we’ll get along fine.  We’re going to be GREAT friends, dearie.  Just remember I’m in charge.”  He said that last part with a leer.  That is not the way to make me happy. And I do not get PATTED or PINCHED on the REAR.  It didn’t matter that I knew the buildings were basically sound.  This “Representative of the Inquisition” thought it was perfectly acceptable to risk my people.  Because to him, we weren’t people.

I stepped outside the door and let out a whistle.  People stopped and looked.  “Ethelathe!  I’m taking a break.  Work’s done until further notice!”  Considering this was about ten in the morning, and that I used my outdoor voice, everyone turned.  I moved among my surprised people, telling to just drop the stuff where they were standing.  We were finished. 

I moved back to our tent section, with a bunch of confused people coming with me.  I told Andrew what happened, quickly, as an aside.  He looked grim, and gathered Gunther.  They stood sentinel on either side of the “street” into our little tent section.  The rest, I told them that we had an issue.  I would not prevent them from working, if they so desired.  I wouldn’t get upset or anything.  However, we’d hit a snag in our treatment by the Inquisition, and until it was resolved, I wasn’t helping with anything other than basic food and care of the most seriously injured.  At my suggestion, they retreated out of sight of the humans.

It actually got some attention rather quickly. As the shock wore off, people started saying things like “You can’t just leave that here!”  I moved to the entrance of “our” area, flanked by Elias and Garalen.  Our two Templar members stood outside them.  One single human got up the nerve to say “You can’t just quit, you stupid knife-ear.”

I simply replied, “Why not?”  He raised his hand back and Garalen grabbed him, forcing him to the ground.  She put a dagger through his tunic next to his ribs.  She hissed something in his ear, grabbed the knife and stood up again, resuming her place.  Lots of yelling, lots of incredulity. 

I’d not done anything with my SELF since we got here, not even checking on my people. (They were all right there, and we were in the same general space.)  However, needed to do something, preferably without upsetting every mage around.  “Andrew, swap places with Elias, please?”  He did.  I drew a line in the dirt with a toe.  In his ear, I asked, “Can you put up one of your walls?  There, and curved around to the back wall, covering our area?”  I FELT it shimmer into place.  I opened my SELF, and a hair’s breadth behind it I smoothed the glowy bits into a dome of sparkly glass-like stuff.  He put his arm around me, and me mine around him, because it was easier that way to sort of blend what we’d done into a single piece.

When the first clod of dirt came our way, I just smiled as it hit the air in front of us and slid down nothing to the ground.  It wouldn’t stop everything, but it made a statement.  The magic shimmered just a moment when the dirt hit it, and everyone backed up.  Gunther, beside Garalen, was a touch pale.  I don’t think he’d felt anything like this before. 

Dorian, regrettably in some ways, was still in MY camp, so when he came up behind me I knew where he was.  Studying what we’d done, he went to open his mouth.  I interrupted him.  “Am I a person, Dorian?”

“Of course you are.”

“Not everyone agrees with you.”

“I see.  That’s what this is about?”

“Until I get assurance that the Inquisition says we’re people, we’re not doing anything more.”

“Something happened.”

“Yes.”

“Can I get out, or would that disrupt… this?”

“That’s a one-way trip, Dorian.”

“I’ll be back with someone important.” And he passed through, shuddering as the glowy dust and then the millimeter of absolutely no dust passed over him and clung slightly.  I meant it.  He wasn’t getting back in.  No one was.

A few minutes later, the Advisors, Cassandra, and Sam all came running up.  “What’s going on?” asked Leliana.  Sam tried to walk up to us, but hit the barrier.  It stopped him. 

People started all talking at once, with us being the bad guys in every story.  “They just dropped everything and went into their tents!”  When I heard the voice of the craftsman chiming in that I’d walked out on a discussion, I looked at Leliana and said “Ask him.  Ask him whether PEOPLE should be kept out of a place until MY ELVES have cleaned it, and fixed it, and made it safe for PEOPLE to be there.  And then tell me if he’s right, if I’m not people, because I’m supposed to be there, but people aren’t.  Is that the way the Inquisition thinks of us?  He told me he speaks for you.  Is that true?  Let me know when you decide.”  There was a lot of murmuring about that.

Cullen grabbed the man by the arm, and they all went off.  Except for Josie.  She was trying to say we’d work it out, attempting to soothe my anger.  I was having none of it.  Maybe I overreacted, but I wasn’t having it.  We were people, and if they didn’t see that, we’d leave.  The spice must flow, but it didn’t need us, here, to do that.  That they didn’t immediately reassure us was a mark against them.  Not even Josie said, “Of course you’re people.”

Someone brought up a chair for me to sit in.  Isa asked me to sit.  Calling me “my lady.”  Andrew remained standing.  “It’s not hard,” he said.  “I do this every day to be around mages.  I just made it bigger.  I’m not going to get tired.  Well, maybe after a day or two, if we don’t sleep.”  I nodded.  I was tired, but not as bad as I thought I should be.  There was just SO MUCH glowy stuff here.

It took several hours, and it was kind of funny that the cooking supplies were mostly on my side of the “wall” Andrew and I’d put up.  Lunchtime passed and Cook asked me if she should fire up lunch.  “They have enough food out there for at least a week, and they can get more.”  I looked her in the eye.  “Am I a person, Ethel Cook?”

“Yes, my lady.”  I nodded.  Now was not the time to argue about titles.  She continued, though.  “You’re the only one who treats us servants like we’re people, too.  We talked, and we’re all of us with you.  Have been for weeks now.  If’n you didn’t notice.  He’ll get the bad guys.  You’ll handle us.”  I gave her a hug, and sat back down.  They were less tense when I appeared relaxed.

Interestingly, everyone came back about mid-afternoon.  Messengers started nailing paper into the walls at regular intervals.  Josephine came up in front of us.  I stood.  “Lady Chrysopal, the Inquisition welcomes all people, whether they be elven, dwarven, vashoth, or human.  If we meet additional people of a new race, they will also be welcome, should their priorities align with ours.  Every job is important, and just because someone performs an unpleasant or less visible function does not mean they are expendable, less worthy, or easily replaceable.  We’re putting up proclamations to that effect.  I’m sorry.  We’re sorry, that you were treated that way.  That you were all treated that way.  Your personhood has never been in doubt.  Not by the Inquisition.  And now, no one who works with the Inquisition will be able to claim you are less than another.”  She said that loud enough for the courtyard to hear.

She moved closer, so that she was almost touching the barrier.  “I’m sorry, Chrissy.  I didn’t realize what was going on.  That we were letting you do all the dangerous work while we waited for you to finish.  That’s over.  As Commander Rutherford pointed out, you had seventy-five people doing three quarters of the work, and we had three hundred doing a third of that.  It won’t happen again.  Tomorrow, the soldiers will be at your disposal, as will some of the agents and the messengers. We’ve been too busy arguing to pay attention.  We’re going to help.”

I looked at Andrew.  I’d not seen a waver in her.  She was being honest.  He nodded.  So did Garalen.  We dropped the shield.  “We’ll hold you to that, Lady Montilyet.”  I held out a hand, and she took it.

“So,” she said.  “Is this how you’re going to handle things?  No one was hurt.  Nothing was damaged.”  She seemed surprised.

“It’s called a work stoppage.  It gets the attention of the people in charge without doing damage to anything or anyone.  Sometimes called a strike, but I didn’t want to use that term because it sounds too close to hitting someone.  And no, I’m not going to encourage something like this unless someone else tries to put an entire race of people in danger because they have pointy ears.  Or similar.

“It only worked because I know you, and the other people in charge.  None of you, I believed, would condone placing all my people in danger while you waited, watching.  It wouldn’t have worked in Denerim or Val Royeaux.  There, we’d have been cut down.

“However, the craftsman said he was hired by the Inquisition, and could speak for you.  He fondled my rear, hinting that it was the way to keep my job.  And then one of yours pulled back his hand to hit an elf.  Garalen intervened, but I didn’t want to take any more chances.  I put your people and my people on opposite sides of a wall.  For everyone’s sake. Until you all could stop screaming at each other.  It’s affecting morale, Lady Montilyet.  People are scared.  Their leaders are in hiding, and the only thing we hear is shouting.”

She looked troubled.  “We’re going to be out here tomorrow, Chrissy.  We’ll fix this.”  I nodded.

We got dinner up.  Something simple.  Bread and soup.  Dorian came back.  He grasped my hand and pulled me off in private.  “There was NOTHING on the other side of that impressive barrier you created.  I felt nothing.  How did you do that?”

“With the help of a trained Templar.  Magic and antimagic, layered.  Have you never befriended a Templar?”

“There is something wrong with that entire concept.  Don’t your southern Templars hate mages?”

“Maybe that’s why no one knows what we did.  Andrew.  We have a special relationship.  He’s a brother to me, and I will protect him.  I look forward to holding his children.  I can’t explain his and my connection without talking about things I’m not ready to talk about.  I was trying to do what you told me.”

“What I told you?”

“Don’t show anyone my magic.  I did not.  There was nothing there for any mage not in my camp.”

“That’s… somehow worse.”

“Should I be concerned about you now, Dorian?  Have I revealed too much to you?”

“My dear, you are the most surprising thing I’ve found.  I’m going to stop Corypheus with the Herald, but it’s going to be more fun with you around.”

The only real good thing is that only Dorian, Gunther, Andrew, and I know what that barrier looked like.  I think.  No one knows how big it was, or how effective it might have been.  Not even us, really.  I talked to Gunther later, and he said that I was weird.  I had no magic like he knew, and he wasn’t telling anyone.  Mainly because no one would believe him.

We’ll get this placed cleaned up the rest of the way, probably tomorrow.  And then the People in Charge can get their butts in gear.  We really do need an Inquisitor, if only because they can’t stop arguing about what to do next.

 


	9. Day 6, 10 Cloudreach, 9:41:  Finally getting it together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inquisition makes good, Sera, coffee buddy problems, stuff actually gets done, Solas is still an ass. And Blackwall made me an abacus!

### Skyhold, Day 6, 10 Cloudreach, 9:41

Looks like my spate of not remembering dreams is over.  I kind of wish it wasn’t. I’d barely closed my eyes when Asshole was back.  “What did you think you were doing?”  He sounded angry.

“Would you have preferred that I whore myself for some human craftsman and put my people in a danger so that “real” people didn’t have to go into potentially unstable buildings?”

“Explain.”

So I told him about the situation.  Then I looked at him.  “I’m not sure you think we’re people either, so I don’t know why you’re so upset.  It’s not like it affects you.  You can slip away to wherever you go and play in the fade until it’s all over, if you like.  Or you can just cleave to the Herald, as his personal advisor.  You’re not a nobody.  We are.  Invisible, interchangeable.”

“You have made yourself quite visible, Chrysopal.”

“The better for them.  Nobody else was doing it.”

“You offered me your life, and I gave it back.  I expect you to take better care of it.”  He was still steamed.  He could stuff it.

And I awoke in the morning.  NOT refreshed.  Asshole.

* * *

 

I went to visit the Chargers’ fire.  This time Garalen followed me.  I stopped a bit away, looking at Lisa and the others.  “Am I welcome this morning?”

They looked at each other.  “We haven’t heard that you weren’t.”

I got my coffee, but there wasn’t much talk.  They kept STARING.  I said goodbye and left after half a mug, finishing it while walking.  Apparently I broke something yesterday.  I missed it already.

The interesting thing was Sera.  She sought me out at breakfast.  Porridge.  Leave me alone.  “So, how’d you do that?”

“How’d I do what?” I asked.

“Get everybody to stop being stupid like that.”

“When the work stops, everyone pays attention.  But if they’d had permission to kill us, it wouldn’t have worked.  Too many of them, not enough of us, and nothing gets accomplished.  If the Inquisition had been bigger, if I’d had fewer people stopping, if the people up top weren’t decent, it could have been very different.”

“Well, it’s a good idea, yeah?”

“Yeah.  Sometimes sitting down and waiting really does make a difference.   Especially if it’s a lot of people sitting and waiting.  But sometimes a lot of people get killed while they sit there.  And that’s sometimes just as important.  Remind me to tell you about a man named Ghandi some time.”  Lots of sometimes in that, but that’s really how I said it.

“Why do you do it?”

“Somebody has to.  If we can change the way the Inquisition treats people, then as the Inquisition spreads across Thedas, it will change everything.  Maybe not forever, and maybe not a lot, but a little is better than none.”

“They call you my lady, like you’re a fancy britches.”

“Never asked them to.  Asked them to stop.  They don’t seem to want to.  Should I force them?  Or let them do what they want?”

“You’re weird.  You look weird, you smell weird, and you act REALLY weird.  I think I might like you.”  Smell weird?

I couldn’t help but laugh.  For the first time since Haven.  “I might just like you back.  Sera, have you ever heard of the Tuatha de Danann?”

“Noooo… What’s that?”

“Other than a great band name?”  She looked confused.  “Never mind.  Just thought I’d ask.”

“See?  Weird.  But you’re okay. So far.  And I stuffed Lady Viv’s pillow with maple seed powder.  In the padding.  That’s why she’s walking funny.  And scratching her ladybits when she thinks nobody’s looking.”  She giggle-snorted.  It was far cuter in real life than it ever was in game.  “She hasn’t put on her hat yet today, so keep looking for that.”

I smiled at that.  “Thank you, Sera.  That’s supremely satisfying.”

“Exactly.”

After breakfast I got my kids organized.  Guys.  Not the kids.  The kids are staying right here.  I was handing out assignments, none of which were in buildings, I might add, when a hundred armed men showed up.  Shit.  I honestly though my ass was grass, but then one stepped forward and asked which building they were supposed to start with.  They’d been given instructions to do the internal cleanup.  They were “the best of Thedas, and if anyone was going to survive a building collapsing, it’d be them.”  Alrighty then.  I sent half of them into the armory, half of them into the tavern.  We put the boxes across so kids and people who weren’t supposed to be there stayed away.

Cullen set up a table at the bottom of the stairs.  Finally.  Josie’s still hanging out in the guardhouse, but it looks like Cassandra’s hanging out next to the armory, shouting instructions to the soldiers clearing out.  Things were flying out windows and being tossed out doors all morning.  By midday, the healing tents had been moved to where I’d expected them to be put the first time.  A large tent had been put up in the upper courtyard, and Sera was hanging out there.  In general, things were being moved to where I’d seen them in game.  Damn.  When three hundred people start cleaning shit, shit gets clean.

I had my guys and the messengers gather up all the wood into piles, for further use or firewood or whatever.  We’ll figure that out later.  One of the messengers was chatting with a buddy about woodworking.  I asked him about it, describing what an abacus was like, inquiring about getting one made.  He took me up to Blackwall and introduced us.  He seems nice.  If I didn’t know he has been lying the whole time, I might have believed the Warden thing.  He’s convincing. 

Anyway, I politely asked if he knew someone who could make what I described, and he offered.  I drew out the basic design, two sections, twelve posts, two beads above and five below.  The beads needed to move smoothly, but maintain their positions.  To my surprise, by the midafternoon I had a functional abacus!  “It’s not pretty, but it should work.  I’ll see about a better one.”  I thanked him. And then started doing my tallies the easy way.  He watched me adding for a while, and nodded.  “That’s an interesting tool.  Where’s it from?”

I was distracted.  “China,” I said. 

“Where’s that?”

I looked up.  “Huh?”

“You said China.  Where’s that?”

“A long way away.  Thank you for the Abacus, Warden Blackwall.  It will make things so much easier.” We exchanged pleasantries for a while, and then he took his leave.

We also had about fifty random people show up, several groups.  Cullen had them camp below, after finding out we had basically no place to put them.  He asked me about it.  I wasn’t expecting that.  Sam worked alongside the rest of us.  Shirtless.  Pretty, pretty man.  Makes Josie look, that’s for sure.  She keeps peeking out of the guardhouse to watch him.  Cullen went shirtless, too.  And a bunch of others.  The man-candy was breathtaking.  I only found out I was staring open-mouthed when Dorian, doll that he is, pushed my chin up and said, “Drooling is so undignified.”

I looked at him sideways.  “You could always claim you’re just looking because I need a mate of some kind.  If you need an excuse.”  He looked startled.  “Where I come from, there is a legend.  A Sacred Band of Thebes.  The finest warriors in all the world.  It consisted of 150 fighting pairs." I stressed pairs.  "Each pair was devoted to each other, in all ways.  They were revered as the epitome of men, what one should strive to be.  They loved and fought with equal zeal.  The Sacred 300 was the first and the finest for more than half an age.  They were well respected.  And I still respect them, even though the last time they existed was over two thousand years ago.  Do you understand?”

“You are constantly surprising me.”

“I live to serve, my Lord Pavus.”

“Then please do something about this terrible cold.  It sinks into my bones.  How do you stand it?”

“Dorian, sweetheart, are you SURE you want me to play with trying to make you warmer?” I looked around, but we were essentially alone.  “I have been a mage for less than three months, after all.”

He sucked in a breath.   “Perhaps a slightly larger fire?”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

We got more done today than in the other four days since we arrived.  (The first day was really just planning and temporary housing, after all.)  I guess it worked.  Crows are flying everywhere.  I’m hearing rumors about larger groups showing up.  At least one noble is on his way.  Not sure where we’ll put him or her.  Or what we’ll feed him or her. Leliana said she sent for more supplies, and Josie’s arranging it.  Blankets, food, candles.  Candles are at a premium.  And we got the doors to the main hall open today.  There was already a throne, in surprisingly clean condition, despite the detritus ornamentally draped about it.  Solas, Solas, Solas.

I went out on the bridge after dinner and singalong.  I taught them another song tonight.  “Blowing in the wind”.  How many roads must a man walk down, indeed.  It seems appropriate.  I looked down at the shoreline.  The first few of the fires have appeared.  They look lonely from the bridge, but I’m sure they’ll be followed by more.


	10. Day 7, 11 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole. Lots of Cole. Krem tries to undo some damage. Seggrit lectures me on haggling. The Commander tells me they're waiting for "special" supplies.

### Skyhold, Day 7, 11 Cloudreach, 9:41

There is too much history here, and none of it makes sense.  Too many conflicting stories.  How does he keep it all straight?

* * *

 

I awoke with someone wiggling my foot.  “I need a letter.  Can you write another letter?”

I blinked sleep out of my eyes.  “Of course, Cole.  As many as you need.”

The human man asked, “Who are you talking to?” while he looked around.  Cole was sitting right on my cot!

“You always see me.  How do you do that?”

I looked at the man who had never before spoken to me.  “I’m getting up.”

Walking outside, I asked who needed a letter.  Cole pointed toward the new healer’s area.  Still in my nightgown, we walked that way.  I snagged some paper and my pen as we went.  He was a young man.  It looked like he would live, but he’d lost his hand and an eye.  I asked, as if to the young man, but expecting Cole to answer, “You can’t write?”

The young man looked at his hand and shook his head, “Not anymore.”

Cole said, “The words aren’t right after the ink dries.  I can read, but the writing comes out wrong.”

“Then let me write the letters.  You tell me what to say.”  Cole and the young man both looked grateful.  I took down the soldier’s words, and then I asked him what he was going to do when he was healed.  He said he was useless now, so he didn’t know.  Useless?

“Who told you that?”

“Everyone knows a one-handed soldier is worthless.”

“You’ve never met any pirates, have you.”  I launched into a heavily edited story of Captain Hook, where he ended up being a man deserving of the loyalty of his men, tormented by an evil fairy.  I then moved on to explain that you don’t need two hands to do most things in life.  I left him feeling a bit better, with a letter to send.

“You heal hurts, too.”

“I hate to see someone give up, that’s all.  I don’t have your insight, Cole.”

“It worked.  Only a little, but he’s better.”

“Maybe helping a little bit a lot of times is a good thing.”

“You still hurt.”

“I always will.  But you can’t let that stop you from continuing.”

“You wanted to die.”

“But I didn’t.”

“He thinks you still do.”

“Sometimes he’s right.”

“They’re afraid to break you.  They say my lady and build a wall.  Nobody wants to be the one.  You can’t tell them what you are because you don’t know.”

“Do you know, Cole?”

“I don’t know.  Maybe?  Tuatha de Danann.  Dragon Lords of Anu.  Daughter of Aine?”

“What?”

“It means you’re more.  And less, too, but mostly more.  Also the ears.  But it’s a part.  The rest is you.”

“Darling, you’re not making much sense to me, but I’m listening.”

“I’m saying it wrong.”

“Maybe I’m not ready to understand.  Aine is a long-ago grandmother. Tuatha de Danann, Dragons Lords of Anu. These terms I understand.  How you’ve made them fit is a mystery. Perhaps it’s not time.”

“There’s a time to help?”

“To everything there is a season, Cole.”

“Yes.  I sometimes get it wrong.”

“Not wrong, Cole.  Just not yet.  Let me think on it.”

“Thank you for the letter.”  I just smiled at him.

I didn’t invade the Chargers’ privacy this morning.  I was sitting at my own fire after breakfast when Krem showed up, Elias near him.  “You didn’t come by.”

“I didn’t want to intrude.”

He looked uncomfortable at that.  He rubbed his head.  “Dalish said there was nothing there.   Nothing there, and the dirt fell from the air.  And you smiled, and it was eerie, pleased.  She said, ‘that one’s dangerous.  We need to be careful with her.  I don’t know what she’s capable of.’  Then you didn’t show up this morning.  Boss asked why we’d tried to piss you off, then.”

“I see.  I’m not pissed off.”  Hurt is different than pissed off.  “I promise I won’t disturb you, then.  And I’ll still make sure that requisitions are available in stores if I can.  Just have your supply people send them by messenger.  Don’t worry about it.”

“No, that’s not what I mean.”  He sighed.  “I brought you coffee.”  He held out a mug.  I’d assumed it was his.  I looked at it a moment, before he waved it under my nose.   Meanie.  I took it. Coffee smell is heaven.

“Are you sure?  I swear it won’t…”

“Yes.  See you in the morning.”  He walked away.  Now I have to go back to return his mug, if nothing else.  Yep.  He’s a lieutenant.  Bossy.

The soldiers and the free agents and messengers reported for work again today.  I set them to start cleaning out some of the towers as well as finishing the outbuildings we could get to.  They’re looking at the pile of rubble below the ruined walkway, and figure most of it belongs up there.  Should be reasonably doable, but take a while.  Guy named Ansel says it looks like the causeway was collapsed on purpose.  Expected soot, found none. 

A lot of the leftover stairways and so on in the towers are not salvageable.  Had the soldiers pull them down.  It’s interesting to watch the soldiers moaning and groaning about sore muscles.  Thought you boys were in shape, did you?  Now you’re using working muscles instead of fighting muscles.  Noticed my elves not complaining.  May have to work up some sort of treat.  I’ll investigate stores later.

Cullen’s down at the bottom of the stairs, where I expected.  Some recruits have started drilling again.  New people.  While I was watching, one of them was pushed back, bumping into the Commander’s table.  Spilled ink everywhere.  I didn’t think our innocent Cully knew those words.  He was trying to mop up the mess, the recruit having been hauled off to practice more, when I came up.  “You should call that boy back.”

“Why?”

“Because he missed a spot.  That page is entirely covered with ink, except for that corner.  If he’s going to do something, he should do it thoroughly, right?”  Cullen didn’t smile, but the corners of his eyes crinkled.  “I hope it wasn’t important.”

“It probably was.  I’m not sure what half this paperwork is.”

“You left it too long, bellowing at Leliana.  Paperwork is like bunnies.  They both multiply unexpectedly quickly.”

“I was mostly bellowing at Cassandra, but you’re right.  You gave us quite the wake-up call.  We have things under control, now.  Waiting on some special supplies to come in.”

“I wasn’t trying to wake you up.  I was just trying to protect my people.  Waking you up was a bonus.”

“Well, whatever it was, we’re on track again.”

“Good.  It’d be a shame to see the Inquisition lose to Corypheus due to infighting.”

“We won’t let that happen, my Lady.”

“Why does everyone do that?”

“What?”

“Assault me with a title that’s not mine?”

“I think it’s your bearing, honestly.  You stand there and it just slips out.”

“I see.  So I should slouch more.”

“That’s... not what I meant.”

“I know.  See you around, Commander.”

I visited Seggrit.  He was frustrated with a letter he’d gotten from the Merchant’s Guild.  “They’re sending someone else.  Someone fancy.”

“Does that mean you’re out of a job?”

“The Inquisition’s supply will be handled by someone more pleasing to a noble like Trevelyan.”

“Shows what they know.  How’s this.  I refuse to deal with someone I don’t know.  I know Ethelathe’s not very big, but if you could help us negotiate for our supplies, I’d appreciate it.  I’m horrible at haggling.  I tend to just pay the asking price.” 

He was displeased.  “You paid the asking price at my table?”

“Well, yes.”

“Sweet Maker.  I’ll do your negotiating, Chrissy.  Someone needs to watch you.  You’ll bankrupt us all.  You never pay asking price!”  He ranted about on that note for several minutes, with my interjecting apologies and promises to do better.  At least when I left, I felt better.  Thinking about it, it would explain both why he’s still in Skyhold and why he’s a bit snarky at the Inquisitor later.  He’s still here because we need him.  And Mika’s here.  That might have something to do with it.

Lots of people arrived today.  It’s like the reputation of Haven kept people away.  Skyhold is a new and unique and mysterious place.  Everyone wants to visit.  Probably a hundred people from different places.  I had them set up down below, with the others.  Worker bees can be vetted by Leliana’s people.  No elves have come up so far, or I might have a different opinion.  We’re now at 49 elves, and probably 500 plus humans.  Plus an unknown number of recruits being trained down below.  That’s not my department.

Supplies expected tomorrow.  I have to decide if this is a dry county or not.  Do I nearbeerify the incoming alcohol?  I’m figuring no.  The tavern’s going to need stuff, and it should be up in no more than two weeks.  The cleanout is almost done.  Half the stairs were rotten, but the floors were generally sound.  Ish.  The railings are in terrible shape, and the building itself needs some work.  Lots of wood incoming, too.  Have to figure where to put that.  Foodstuffs, basic furniture.  We’ll probably make most of that last one.  Fancier furniture for the noble spots. 

We’ve uncovered at least fifty bedrooms, as well as several rooms that look like dormitories.  Far more than you see in game.  This place is huge.  Haven’t made it to the garden yet.  Door won’t open.  Probably blocked by something.  Or someone, I suppose.  Wonder what might be in there he doesn’t want us to see?  I have a feeling we’re cleaning up after he cleans out.  It’s going to take a while to get this place habitable.

Cassandra came by at the end of the day for my lists again.  She thanked me for being on top of things.  Not a word was said about the other day.  She handed me some keys on a large ring, for the doors we’ve restored, telling me which went to what door.  Temporary stores, guardhouse, main hall, bedroom wing, the door that I know leads to the prison that we’ve not cleaned out enough to investigate yet, some others.  Told me that the people will probably come to me to get things opened.  Ooookayyy.  I am the keymaster.  Just need to find my gatekeeper.  All hail GOZER the Destroyer.

Dinner, singing, talking about the first day of school with the mage kids.  Apparently the mage kids are not permitted playtime.  Everyone needs recess.  And three are elves.  I may just claim them.  I’m thinking about it.  Dorian has scooted his cot next to mine.  The cots are too small, and I’m only using half of mine.  So I guess I’m sort of sharing.  Besides, I’m warm, he says, and he thought I might prefer to sleep next to someone.  He remembers hearing that, but not from where.  Thank you, Cole.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one chapter today. Real life interferes. Maybe one tomorrow, maybe not. Guests coming.


	11. Day 8, 12 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An uncomfortable breakfast, bad gateguards, agreeing with Vivienne, and Dorian.

### Skyhold, Day 8, 12 Cloudreach, 9:41

“You are wandering the courtyards in your nightclothes now?  Making sure enemies know you are defenseless?”

“I had Cole with me.  I was never defenseless.”

“I disagree.  I spoke to the Herald.  You are not invisible anymore.”

“Pfft.  I am known only to about 500 people, if that.  No one else has ever even heard of me.  There are maybe a hundred people in Thedas that would even notice if I left today.  And a quarter of those would easily confuse my face with Marta’s or Garalen’s.”

“No family anywhere?  No friends or lovers left behind somewhere?”

“We asking personal questions now?”  He made a noise.  “Goodnight, Solas.”  He stood there, not leaving, so I woke myself up.

* * *

 

It was probably only an hour or two past midnight when I dressed and got up, leaving Dorian sprawled over both cots.  Leorah apparently lays out my outfits after I go to sleep.  There was only one available.  A dress.  Surprise, surprise.  She likes me in dresses.  I suppose that since I’m not really doing anything but organizing recently, I can do that.  But if I need to get dirty, she’d better not hide my pants. 

Elias was apparently supposed to be on watch, if I had to guess, because he was sitting up on his cot.  The human man and Garalen were laying down, the latter back to back with Andrew.  I thought about waking Elias up, but he needs his rest.  Garalen’s going to be pissed at him.  I wasn’t going far, so I should be fine, I thought.  Just to the bridge, and the soldiers will be able to see me.  I mused out there, watching the moons and the firelights, until it looked like it was heading for predawn. 

I managed to get back into my tent and onto the now-empty portion of Dorian’s cot before anyone woke up.  Nobody around for my catnap, which was nice.  One dose of asshole is enough for any day.  

I thought I’d gotten away with my midnight walk, but I neglected one main detail.  I was fully dressed when everyone else awoke.  And asleep.  So Elias was yelled at, and I had to apologize.  I promised I’d wake somebody next time instead of being too nice and letting people get away with sleeping on watch.  Oops.  I pulled Elias aside after we left the tent and apologized for getting him in trouble.  He got a bit warm under the collar.  Apparently I should have apologized for leaving without telling anyone, not for his dereliction of duty.  Ah, well. 

I did go over to the Chargers’ fire.  I brought their mug and my own, but left mine strapped to my belt.  Krem and Lisa were both up, as well as several others.  I thought about staying, but the wary look on their faces hurt.  Not Krem so much, but the rest of them.  I handed Krem his mug with a smile, and started backing away.  Right into a very large wall of something.  I squeaked and turned.  Turns out I’d walked into the Iron Bull.

“Good morning, The Iron Bull.  I was just returning your mug.  Krem's mug.  I’ll let you all enjoy your breakfast.”

“Not having any coffee this morning?”

“I need to get back to my people and get breakfast on.”

“Fifty people and none of them can handle breakfast?  Why don’t you sit down?  Join us.  We’ve got porridge.”

“How’d you?  Nevermind.  I should have expected it.”

“It’s not a secret.  I think you’re the only person around here that actually likes porridge.”

I sighed.  “I’d be pleased to join you for breakfast, as long as Elias can eat, too.  He’s probably hanging back there somewhere trying to pretend he’s not watching me.”

He gestured at a log, and I sat.  He plopped down across from me.  “Do you always walk around with no boots?”

I glanced at my feet.  “I forgot.”

“Might want to avoid the work areas, then.  Nails and splinters aren’t good for your feet.”

“Plop me in a safe little box, so I can’t get hurt. That’ll make them happy.  Shoes pinch.  Boots are worse, in some ways.”  Damn, sounds like Cole is rubbing off.

“You feel hemmed in?”  He actually sounded a trifle concerned.

“Doesn’t everyone?  It’s not important.  Didn’t you say porridge?  And coffee.  I could use some coffee.”  I was fed, caffeinated, and released back into the wild with very little else in the way of prying.  I made sure I said goodbye to everyone.  Uncomfortable breakfast.  Hopefully coffee is in the supplies coming in today.  Then I could have some at my own fire, with a decent excuse for why I’m not coming to theirs.  And hey, I might get more than one cup.

Back at my own camp, I found my shoes and put them on.  Delivered the littles to the mages, then got set up.  The keys become very important very quickly.  “Mistress Chrysopal, I’ve been told you can unlock the main hall for us.”  Or the bailey.  Or the tower.  Or the whatever.  Apparently everything is locked now, and I seem to have the only available key.  I think I spent the first half of the morning unlocking doors.

The rest of the day I spent comparing traders’ lists to my requisition lists.  When I had been told “supplies” were arriving, I had been picturing some wagons.  Maybe five or ten.  Nope.  The merchant came up with two wagons, and said he had thirty more below, as well as several laden pack animals and some goods carried by people.  If the rest were laden like these two, I’m not sure where we’re going to put it all.  I told him to start with the foodstuffs, and I’d be checking the wagons against the receipts and the requisition lists.  BEFORE he unloaded.

He was also travelling with several of Leliana’s agents, and they were leading a pack animal with a huge box, wrapped in red cloth.  Shaped like a box of roses, but much larger.  Dare I say stupid-long sword large?  Several other things were on that particular animal, as well.  The guy “in charge” got rather irate when I wouldn’t let them through without talking to someone in charge.  No paperwork, no information, just “it’s important for the inquisition, let us through.  No you can’t look at the stuff.”  The merchant had TONS of paperwork.  The refugees are filling out paperwork.  The people here to join up are filling out paperwork.  These people want to come in without even giving their names? I don’t think so. 

So one of the regular guards went running off, and brought Charter back.  Now, I’ve never met Charter, but we’ve all seen her.  She’s a recognizable figure, so I was reassured.  I turned the whole pile over to “authority” because it was likely they were legitimate.  Honestly?  I wanted nothing to do with it, really.  There’s just no way any smart person is going to let unknown boxes and unknown people into a supposedly secure area with no screening at all.  Later, I was pulled aside and told that I’d done it correctly.  The guards that had let them up sans paperwork, which they actually had, were getting a new one ripped by the Commander.  Too Right.

By the end of the workday, we’d only gotten about half the wagons unloaded.  Thank goodness the man’d expected that.  He had the facilities and supplies to camp down below until tomorrow.  Some of the supplies due to be unloaded tomorrow are things like vials, beakers, glass tubing, and the like.  Lab stuff.  So I went hunting Adan.

Adan’s setting up in one of the towers soon.  He’s happy as a clam.  They’ve taken him off healing and wound care and want him to make other things.  Bombs, tonics, medieval napalm kinds of stuff.  He’s really pleased.  He much prefers blowing things up and playing with elements to healing.  Now that they have “real healers” on board, including a “studied doctor”.  Probably that lady who talks about the balance of the humors.  She bleeds just one of mine, without really good cause, like an out-of-control subdermal hematoma (where the blood pools and clots under the skin, worse by far than a bruise), I’ll shove her medical “license” where the sun doesn’t shine. 

On a sadder note, his liaison with Minaeve didn’t last much past Haven.  She’s back in with the mages, taking up her apprenticeship under Vivienne’s underlings.  Very pro-circle and pro-Templar, because she just wants to learn without worrying about the rest of life.  She told him that their romance was a “fun interlude”, but that she had to get back to her “real” life.  Ouch.

You know, I’m all for love who you love, but I’ve noticed that nearly all the human male people around here prefer elven female people.  It’s reminding me of Braveheart.  “If we can't get them out, we'll breed them out.”  So sayeth the King, as it were.  Considering that the child of a human is always human, they may be effectively doing so, to both the dwarves and the elves.  The Qunari take selective breeding to the extreme, and so they’re not likely to be improving the elven and dwarven stock, as it were, either.  Andrew, with his bright spot, and Daniel, with his, may be different.  I don’t know.  It’s just that I wonder, how small of a population are elves right now?  Dwarves?  And are we (or they) really willing to breed ourselves out of existence?  I don’t know what the answer would be.  Probably not my business. It’s a puzzle, for sure. 

Sam caught up with me right before dinner.  I’m to report to one of Leliana’s people directly after breakfast, for an hour.  When I asked why, he said, “Because you need to learn to dodge, at least.”  He gave me a hug on parting and told me he’d see me soon.  Shortly after that, another person, whom I didn’t know, came up to me and measured me from head to toe.  He asked permission, first, and I was startled enough to say yes.  Literally put his foot on a knotted rope, held it up to my full height, and marked a number down on paper.  Then he left without any further communication.  Weird.

Dinner was better fare tonight.  Shocking, I know.  After dinner, I heard a very polite argument between Madame de Fer and our own Dorian.  Vivenne was encouraging him to roost “among his own kind.” Meaning mages, I’m sure.  I meandered up to the argument.  He was tight around the eyes.  Just about the only indication I’ve seen when he’s annoyed.  She spotted me and rolled out, “Oh, is this pretty thing why you’re avoiding us?  Really, Dorian.  If she’s still claiming she’s a mage, you should know that I’ve looked at her myself.  She’s completely unremarkable.”

“I agree, my Lady,” I chirruped at her.  “The Templars have told me repeatedly that I do no magic they recognize.”  Dorian coughed.

“So you retract your claim to magehood?”

“I never made any such claim.”

“I am curious to meet the mage in your encampment, however.”

“Why, my dear Lady, you are looking at him.  He’s the only full mage that has been recognized among us.”

“I see.  Dorian, darling, you and I are simply going to have to talk about the rumors of an invisible barrier.”

He glanced at me.  “I’m afraid I don’t know exactly how it was done, or even which person did it.  Perhaps it was this place?  It positively drips enchantment.”  It was very hard to keep a straight face as they bid their farewells.  So scrupulously polite.  As he came up to me, he said, “You, Chrissy, are not nice sometimes.  You implied that I was the one holding that barrier.  And said that you weren’t a mage!”

“Dorian, love.  I said no such thing.”

“I was standing right there.  Or did my ears deceive me?”

“She mentioned that I was unremarkable, and I agreed with her.  She’s the kind of person who adores being agreed with.  And then I told her that the Templars said I do no magic they recognized.  Is that not true?”

“That… that… is NOT the way it sounded.  She inferred completely different information.  And you know this.”

I arched a brow at him.  “Now how would an inconsequential knife ear with no obvious skills at anything other than organization possibly know that?”

He hooked an arm around my shoulders.  “If she corners me asking about that barrier, you will owe me.  And I want to see you play Wicked Grace with Varric.” 

I just smiled.  “I’ve never played Wicked Grace.”

The kids had fun at school.  Apparently the mage kids their age are interesting and intelligent, but rather naïve.  I had to remind them that they shouldn’t take gifts just to be someone's friend.  A bought friendship is worth little to anyone.  If someone was willing to give them something just to have a friend, then they probably needed one very badly.  A person I would be proud to call friend would make an effort to befriend a lonely person – without a bribe.

I’m not looking forward to the morning.  “Learning to dodge” without caffeinating first?  Oi vey, that doesn’t sound fun at all.  Crap.  This must have been what Solas meant when he said I wasn’t invisible anymore and that he’d talked to Sam.  If I see him in the fade tonight, I might just paste him one. 

Oh, and yes, I remembered to lock all the doors back up, in case you were wondering.


	12. Day 9, 13 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More supplies, meeting Ser Morris, Dismissing Dalish, and Inquisibabe's official.

### Skyhold, Day 9, 13 Cloudreach, 9:41

It’s like the fade is divided into layers.  First, that part that is your own mind, your memories.  Second, that part that is collective memories, recorded by the spirits who dwell or perhaps just left lingering like a ghost that replays its final day over and over.  Or like those ghosts that walk through walls that were put up in the last century.  The last part is the part you can play with.  Your waking dreams, or perhaps the imagination.  Perhaps a fourth layer, the part between the waking dreams of others and yourself, but I think the various dreams undulate against each other.  Maybe more.  If someone could take a portion of their waking dreams and fix them into place, likely using magic, and make them accessible via some device, then a pocket world could be created.  If I’m seeing this right.  So where does that place the different realms of the multiverse? 

Things one muses about.  Those were my thoughts upon waking, at least.  Like I’d spent all night debating fade metaphysics with myself.  For a moment I wondered if I’d been debating with someone else, but there aren’t any traces of things I hadn’t already been thinking in the musings.  So while it’s possible, I don’t expect so.  Plus, I didn’t find any new insight.  If I’d been talking to someone, I’d expect new ideas.  Someday I’m actually going to sleep in.  It seems I get up earlier and earlier.  With random philosophical crap cluttering my head.

Dorian really is cute when he’s asleep.  He curls up like a kitten against anything warm.  First time I’ve shared a bed with someone of the opposite gender, even platonically, and not woken up with his hands in my pants.  Or bra.  Or whatever.  Not mauled.  It’s nice.  He’s probably been mauled by some female people, too.  Well, if I have my way, no one will be mauled without consequences.  

Garalen and Andrew weren’t in bed. Probably slipped off to canoodle.  At least I don’t have to worry about waking someone up. They’re already awake.  I made my way out of the tent to find Dalish making herself free at my fire, “bow” within reach.  “You here of your own will, or under orders?” I asked.

“Both, to be honest.  I don’t retract my words.  I don’t know what you can do, and you’re dangerous.”

“If you say so.”

“How’d you do it?”

“I got a mage to join forces with a Templar.”

She sucked in a breath.  “I’d never have considered making a Templar’s abilities part of a spell.”

“People in Thedas appear short-sighted in that fashion, it seems.  Dividing everything up.  This type for this group, this type for that one, no one training across disciplines.  As well, they’re deliberately breeding the talent away.”  She frowned.

“We are not.  We encourage the talent where we find it.”  She sounded proud of that.

“Of course you do.  Unless there are too many mages in a clan.  Unless the mage is not very talented.  Unless the mage is too rebellious.  It’s not ‘safe’.  And how many keepers are encouraged to bear children like others of the people are?  Are magically inclined children passed around like any other commodity, for the betterment of all?  The circles are worse, of course.  They do their best to ensure that mages never bear, and if a mage has a child, the child is removed immediately.  Either to another circle, unaware of any family connection, or destroyed.”  

“You may have a point.”

“And I may not.  Your people must find their own path.  I mean no insult to their ways.  So must the humans, though I take greater issue with their ways.  Ethelathe, I have hopes that they’ll let me be part of the path they set.”

“Which clan abandoned you?”

“You assume I was abandoned?”

She colored.  “I mean, you seem so.  Well, you’ve no Vallaslin, but...”

“I don’t cower like a city elf.”

“Yes.  And you have the scolding tone of an elder.”

“I was ousted from no clan, and have never lived in an alienage.  I have Ethelathe, and they have me.”

“I see.”

“Your group has nothing to fear from me, unless they intend to harm me or mine.”

“I will talk to them.”  She didn’t look pleased with our conversation, so I didn’t expect good things.

“People often hurt or ostracize what’s not like them, until that thing conforms to expectations.  The slightest hint of a difference, even if the source is unknown, is enough to wither the first flower of friendship.  Why should you be any different than anyone else?  I do not conform, therefore…”  I shrugged. 

“Enjoy your day, Dalish.  You can now say you’ve done your duty and investigated the anomaly.  Let me know if the Chargers need anything else from me.”  Her face looked like she sucked a lemon at that (apparently I wasn't supposed to say something like that), but she had specifically refused to apologize.  Then she comes, prying for information.  I love the Chargers in game, but I can’t be around that constant fear and wariness.  Maybe it’ll get better with proximity and time.  The Iron Bull was neither wary, nor afraid, but his people are not him.  I’m sorry, but I just can’t make nice with someone who is sitting there, weapon at the ready, waiting for me to make a wrong move. 

Eadras took me to task for not being friendly.  I told him that she had come to find me wanting, so I gave her only what I chose.  “Do you always give people what you choose?”

“Not always.  But acting to someone’s expectations has its place.  Nothing I said would have improved her mood or her opinion in the short run.  Perhaps she’ll think on the things I did choose to say, and it will affect the long run.”

“Sometimes, Da’len, you worry me.”

“Only sometimes, Hah’ren?  I must be slipping.”  That got a chuckle.

“There is to be a meeting in the courtyard.  This afternoon.  They want everyone to attend, if possible.”

“It’s about time.”

“It is?”

“Yes.”

“I’m never going to understand you, am I?”

“What would be the fun in that?”

I skipped breakfast.  I wasn’t hungry.  It was busy enough no one noticed.  Or at least didn’t comment, though some snacks showed up mid-morning.  I unlocked everything, as people asked.  We got busy getting the rest of the supplies in.  A lot of it was things like basic equipment for the soldiers.  Not arms, but belts, boots, and such.  Lots of cloth and leather of varying kinds.  Wagons of lumber.  One wagon of steel ingots. Raw flax.  And seeds.  Lots of seeds.  A few seedlings.  We’ve got to get to those fields.  Somebody’s planning a garden.  I have a brown thumb, so hopefully someone ELSE will be doing the actual gardening.

More people came in, too.  There’s quite a backlog in paperwork.  That’s for Leliana’s people to handle.  I’ve only been informed that there may be an influx of elven people.  There’ve been rumors spreading that the Inquisition doesn’t tolerate the mistreatment of elves.  I told them that I’d welcome any that made it past Leliana’s screening, but that I would only claim those I wanted.  That seemed to confuse them, but I think they assumed all elves were “my” people.  Uh, no, not exactly.  Ethelathe is a choice, not a default, made up of all sorts of interconnected threads, most having nothing to do with me.  How do I explain that?

Cassandra went walking by, Inquisibabe in tow.  She was having a very serious conversation.  I sent the messengers out to the work areas to let them know we needed to break for announcements.  We were all in place when they mounted the stairs to the landing/dais.  Dual purpose thing.  Cassandra said some inspirational words.  Cullen said some inspirational words.  Inquisibabe promised to do what is right.  I’m so glad he chose that response.  There was lots of cheering.  Alcohol of varying kinds was broken out to toast the inquisitor, and the advisors took him up into the main hall. 

About a half hour later, they were still in there.  Varric rather nervously smoothed his hair at the bottom of the stairs, and adjusted his tunic.  He resolutely climbed the stairs.  Hawke must be here.  I so desperately wanted to intrude.  Was this a boy or girl Hawke?  Mage/fighter/rogue?  Sarcastic/sweet/aggressive?  Inquiring minds want to know!  And who did He/She romance?  Ugh.  No way to find out right now.  Maybe Varric will introduce him or her around to some of his acquaintances.

Cassandra came by later with a few more keys to add to the ring.  She asked if I was enjoying my work.  I told her yes, of course.  Why wouldn’t I enjoy it.  She complimented me on my stewardship, and indicated some other areas about to open up.  The craftsmen were nearly done with their initial assessment, and soon we’d be able to assign quarters.  She made a few specific requests for some people.  Specifically, Helisma, Leliana, Josie, Cullen, and Solas.  Sera’d claimed the turret room of the tavern by writing “mine” on an arrow and sticking it in the drawings a few nights ago.  Cassandra didn’t see any reason to argue.  She left me with the drawings and asked me to please ensure that the baths were finished quickly, as well.  Guess I’m handling room assignments.

Before dinner, a young blonde man came up to me.  He introduced himself as Ser Morris, and told me he was the new quartermaster.  He was hoping to set up in the tower near the armory, if that was okay.  He looked forward to working closely with me.  I searched his face, but there was neither lewdness nor any sort of mockery there.  A nice fellow.  When I asked him about his job, he waxed poetic about predicting problems and needs, and being in the right place at the right time with the right stuff to solve problems and provide for needs.  He wants to be able to hand someone what they need just when they need it.  Something about the relieved look on their faces.  And he wants to serve the inquisition.  He really seems to like what he’s going to do.  He’s excited and sounds competent.  Guess he’s just nervous around Inquisibabe in game.

Oh, and it seems they managed to get into the garden space today.  Minor cleanup, lots of pruning and weeding, and some repairs to walkways and such required.  Some blank spots where it looks like things are missing are evident, but the general consensus is that they must have been gone a long time.  LOL.  Fresh-turned dirt, but it’s been a long time?  The mental gymnastics people will go through to explain things is astounding.

Dinner had FRESH bread.  Pan bread, but still fresh and yummy.  And butter.  Someone managed to get real butter instead of the various things we substitute for it, too.  I had two slices, because I love bread.  Sank my teeth into some grilled meat of some sort, too.  Thin slices on a stick, kind of like kabobs, with a really interesting sauce.  Fresh supplies are a wonderful thing.

We’ll have livestock soon, too.  I really need to get those fields opened up.  I’m fairly certain there are paddocks behind the stable we can’t get to yet, too.  Looking back at the day, I was supposed to have some sort of dodging lesson.  Never happened.  Oh, darn.

Singalong time included some songs I didn’t know, some in languages I hadn't heard.  The different fires are joining in almost every night, now.  Sometimes we even hear singing from down below.  Usually tavern-type songs, though.  We have some of the ladders in place, so I climbed up on the roof of one of the towers.  No one is going to see me here, and Andrew and Garalen are canoodling down below.  I’ve got to stay up here long enough, I suppose.  Don’t want to embarrass them.  The sky is so beautiful tonight.  I still miss my single gray moon, though.  Maybe I’ll stay up here tonight, under the stars.  There’s not a cloud in the sky. 


	13. Day 10, 14 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice conversation, Bull has an agenda, exercising with an audience, and Inquisibabe rides out.

### Skyhold, Day 10, 14 Cloudreach, 9:41

I explored the keep in my sleep.  I had a key ring, but none of the keys fit the doors.  I could stick my arm in the keyhole, practically, but I couldn’t find the tumblers.  “That’s not how you open doors here,” I heard.  Of course.  What I’d thought was a normal dream, invaded by an asshole.  When I looked, he was leaning nonchalantly against a wall.

“Do you invade everyone’s dreams, or am I just special?”

“We’re asking personal questions now?”

“That’s a personal question?  Interesting.”

“I heard you were being given the keys.  The Keeper of Skyhold?”

“Nope.  I’m just centrally situated. In the doorway, even.  Everyone can find me easily.  Functioning as a head housekeeper, I think.  Determining supplies and where to keep them, and generally who does what.  Until they decide to make someone the Chatelaine.  A keep this size probably needs a Chatelaine and a head housekeeper.  There is so much to do to get it up and running.  I was meaning to ask you, is there a way out to the fields?  We’re going to need those to feed this many, as well as for the animals incoming.”

“Animals?”  He quirked a brow.

“Chickens, for eggs and meat.  Goats, for milk, and possibly meat as well.  And someone insisted on some cows.  I’m expecting them within a week or so.  I’m also hoping there’s a paddock or two somewhere.  And a stable.  I still can’t find a kitchen.  Probably behind a locked door.  I’m told you prefer to have the Rotunda outfitted for you.  And I’m assuming one of the surrounding rooms as a bedroom?”

“Do you always try to conduct business in your sleep?  And why ask me?”

“I’m assuming you’ve explored this place thoroughly.  Am I wrong?”

That got a smile.  “I have indeed explored this place.  There are kitchens.  I’m sure they will be uncovered when the archway is rebuilt.  Or the door is found.  It is past another door that hasn’t been opened yet.  The stables are back there, too.  There might even be a passage to the back fields from there.  Do you throw yourself into everything like this?”

“That sounds distinctly personal.”

“I admit a certain amount of curiosity.”

“I don’t know.  I guess I’ve always gone all in about things.  No point in doing something if you’re just going to play at it.”

“And you feel the need to go all in here?”

“I have nowhere else to go.  I suppose I could leave and wander the mountains, but I’d rather spend the time making this place self-sufficient.  We won’t be able to rely on the generosity of others forever.  Is this a prelude to me being asked to leave?  The gentle warning?  Have I overstepped?”

“You seem so self-contained, but you’re unsure of your place.”

“Rub it in.”

“Excuse me?”  Damn, another earth-only idiom, apparently, based on his reaction.

“Nevermind.  Is there a point to this?”

“There has been no talk of asking you to leave.  There has been talk of making your efforts official.  You tend to have your finger in every pie.”

“Is that a comment on my weight?”

“What? No!”

I crossed my arms.  “Enough of the personal, unless you want me to start interrogating you.  And you are not even close to ready to answer my questions.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Shall I demonstrate?  I’ll start simple.  How old are you?”

“How old do you think I am?”

“You don’t want me to answer that, Elder.  And nice evasion.  Point made?”  He nodded.

We’d kind of been walking as we talked, and somehow ended up on the battlements.  I hopped up on the low barrier to the courtyard side, walking it like a balance beam.  It’s only an inch high or so.  Enough to scuff a footstep in warning.  He watched me.

“Are you not afraid of falling?”

“Skyhold doesn’t let people get hurt from minor falls.  I’d have to be way up there to get any serious damage.”  I was pointing at the central tower, the Inquisitor’s suite. 

“You are indeed a strange one, Chrysopal.  Did you test this?”

“I’m not the only strange one.  I don’t insert myself into other people’s dreams.  Is this something you do often?”

“Sometimes.  Only with the most interesting people.  And nice evasion.  But it is now time for me to go.  The sun arises.”  He’s such a drama queen.  I find it interesting he mirrors my own phrasing.

“I didn’t notice.  Goodnight, Solas.  It’s nice to have a conversation when you’re not snarling at me for one thing or another.”

“Snarling?”  And he really needs to guard his expressions.

“Snarling, yelling, grumbling, complaining, growling, quibbling, grousing, whining.  Did I catch them all?  I’m sure I missed a few.”

“I never whine.  Wake up, Chrissy.”

And I did.  Weird dude.

* * *

 

I know I said that I wasn’t going to spend any time with the Chargers, but Laura was missing this morning at breakfast.  So I ended up asking people if they’d seen her.  When I got to the Chargers, she was there.  Wrapping her blue flowered scarf around one of Bull’s horns.  Because “it will make you so pretty”.  Poor guy looked trapped.  Every time he tried to move, she just said, “Hold still, or you’ll RUIN it.” Or something similar.  In that little girl voice.  You know the one.  Demanding, but in that cute way?

I managed to stifle my laughter before I approached.  “Ser The Iron Bull, are you okay?”

“Fine.”  He practically growled it.

“Laura, can you come here a moment?”  She hopped down off the log and came over.  I squatted down.  “Did you ask Mister Bull if you could play with his horns?”

“They’re pretty now.”

“Did you ask him?”

“Sort of.”  I looked at her.  “I asked if I could put my scarf on his horns, and he said what, and I asked again, and he made that noise grownups make when they’re irritated but they’re going to let you do it, so I did.”  She looked at her toes.  “They’re pretty now.”  The expressions of the Chargers confirmed her words.  They were all trying not to smile or laugh.

“They looked fine before, little bit.  Was the scarf to be a gift?”  She nodded.  “I see.  Wait here, please.”

Now the Chargers and Bull watched me.  I approached him.  “Ser The Iron Bull.  She meant no harm.  The scarf is intended as a gift.  It seems you have clout with ladies of all ages.”  I smiled at him.  “If she was bothering you, why didn’t you say so?  Or move her away?”

“Miniature people are fragile.  And cry for WEIRD reasons.  And leak.  I really didn’t want her leaking anything.  Also, young should be encouraged to explore their interests.  How else will we sort them?”

“If you want her to leave you alone, you must tell her.”

“She was fine.  Is she finished?”

“Laura, are you finished?”

“I’m almost finished, Chrissy.”  She hopped back up on the log and wound a bit around his other horn.  Then she gave him a smacking kiss on the cheek and ran toward our fire.  “BYE!”

He eyed me.  “You’re smirking.”  I pressed my lips together.

“I’m trying not to.  You used her to lure me over here?”  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Skinner hand Dalish a sovereign.  “I just don’t know how you lured her over here.  Unless you went to my fire first, and she asked there.  And you just had to sit at your fire for you to be comfortable.”  Skinner handed Dalish another one.  Guess I got it.

“She likes the horns.  You gonna stay for coffee?”

“After such machinations?  It would be terrible not to reward you with success.  You sure everyone else wants me here?  I wouldn’t want to creep anyone out.” I looked at Dalish. She looked away, but not like she wanted me to refuse. “And I have to let people know she’s found.”

“We’re good.  We talked.  And they know.”  Krem handed me a mug.  “Need to get in good with you while we can.  Just might be too important for regular mercs later.”

“Why is everyone hinting at things like this?”

“Damn, and I thought I’d got to you first!”  I finished my coffee and shook my head. (It was warm, not hot.  I kind of downed it.)

“Work calls.”

“No ditching practice today.  Red wasn’t happy.”

“Nobody came to get me.  I assumed that it was a joke on Sam’s part.  See you, The Iron Bull.  Chargers.”

“Tomorrow.”  I flapped a hand at them.  There wasn’t any wariness this morning.  They were too busy trying not to laugh at Bull.  Sneaky man. Now to figure out why, because this doesn’t make sense.  They’re not going to go against him, but I’m still wary.  Interesting that I was the subject of a bet or two, though.

The morning progressed fairly normally, opening things and figuring out where to put things, directing people and ordering tasks.  It’s no different than setting up a campout for the cub scouts, now that I think about it, except on a larger scale.  About midmorning, an elf I didn’t know in the uniform of Leliana’s agents stopped by my table.  I raised a brow.  “Dodging lessons, I assume?”

“Something like that.  Do you have a moment?”

I arranged one.  Then the man took me out of Tarasyl'an Te'las into the snow.  Not down the elevator, just out past the upper gate.  He ran his hands over my arms, clinically and respectfully, and I didn’t feel infringed upon.  My hands were turned over and my fingers looked at.  He had me stand on tip toes for a count of one hundred.  Several other things.  All balance and flexibility and configuration of body sorts of things.  After a few minutes, I said, “Dude, is there a point to this?  I do fat girl yoga.  I can bend, okay?”

“Show me this fat girl yoga.”  Me and my big mouth.  I settled into a tree pose (one of the few I have a name for) and proceeded to slowly stretch my way through my usual workout.  I’d been neglecting myself, because my stretch wasn’t quite as far as it has been.  I BREATHED through the lot, since I didn’t think he’d notice or care.  It was amazing.  I came away from the last pose feeling energized and bright and FULL in a way that I’d not felt.  Not even at Haven in my nook.  The colors were crisp and clean, the lines of the world sharper.

He noticed the difference.  “You move differently now.  Since you’ve finished.  Smoother.  However, your stretching could use updating.  You’re too familiar with those movements.  Next time, I’ll show you some new things to practice.  I expect you to practice every day, even if I’m not here.   Eventually we’ll move to actual defensive moves.  I didn’t expect the level of muscle you have under your protective layers.”  It was obvious he was trying to be respectful.

“Bigger ladies have to haul more around on a regular basis.  We need muscle.”

His eyes got a glint in them.  “It was a privilege to watch you haul yourself around.  You may wish to consider clothing specifically designed for such movements.  Yours are looser than you think they are.”  The only thing I’d shown during the whole thing was my belly, because the tunic slipped while I was inverted.  And my hips, I suppose.  My boobs were covered, because the tunic landed on them, and I was wearing pants. 

I was woolgathering I guess, because I heard “Ethelathun?”  Huh?  What?  I looked at him again.  “It was also a privilege to work with you.  I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.”  He reached up slowly and touched my hair.  “You grieve.”  It was like the Agent turned off, and the person turned on.

“We all do.”

“You made the ever-burning flame.  It sings my sister’s name.”

“Your sister?”

“Davhalla.  It sings her name.  And no amount of snow quenches the fire.”

I was glad to hear that.  “That is not the only name it sings.  I hope not to have to add any more.  If the fire is quenched, I will wake it up with the screams of the person who defiled it, if necessary.”  Yes, I’m a bloodthirsty bitch sometimes.  Or Dragon Age is rubbing off on me.  Zathras walked me back.  He introduced himself only after our talk about the Memorial.

When we got back, Inquisibabe and some others were saddling up.  He was dragging Vivienne, Blackwall, Cole, Cassandra, and Sera with him.  He hasn’t taken Varric out for a long time, but I think this time he’s separating Varric and Cassandra.  They had quite the row over Hawke.  Sam spotted me and came striding over.

He leaned over to hug me, and it looked like he was going to try to kiss me. I presented my cheek, and he sighed and smooched that.  “You’re a cruel woman, denying a man a kiss before going off to battle.”

“Now, now, Inquisibabe.  I’m sure there are plenty of girls who would be quite generous in their attentions.”

“Inquisibabe?  You do like me!”

“Yes, and you’re so childish sometimes, it’s adorable.  Like a babe in arms.”

He clutched his breast and staggered.  “I’m hurt, beloved.”

“Pish.  I’m not your beloved, Inquisibutt.  Flattery is useless.  Where are you headed?”

“I’m going to Fallow Mire.  There’s a group of soldiers that need rescuing.”

“Be careful.  Stay out of the water, and come back safe.”

“I’ll do my best.  Get this place up and running while I’m gone, please?  It needs a woman’s touch.”

“It needs more than that, but I’ll do my best.”  And they climbed in the saddle and rode out, taking the elevator down three horses at a time.

The afternoon went fairly smoothly.  The only surprise was an official looking piece of paper saying that I spoke for the Inquisition in all things related to the residence Skyhold.  Well.  That’s an interesting tidbit.  I’m not sure exactly what it means, but it’s bigger than head housekeeper.

At dinner, I asked Dorian and Varric if they regretted not being asked to go with Sam.  Dorian immediately looked pleased.  “I mentioned that I felt a little bit of a cold coming on.  All the terrible cold up here in the mountains, you know.  *sniff*  He told me to take good care of myself and get better.  I suggested that Vivienne would probably adore spending some quality time with him.  And so I get to keep my new boots out of the mud, and she has a wonderful time slogging through the swamp.  Oh, my aching chest.  I need a poultice, my dove.  And a hot water heater.  And a cuddle. I’m so ill!”  He added some dramatic hacking at that point, making those of us in the vicinity laugh.

“Poor baby.  It sounds like you need some tea.”

“And a footrub.  Don’t forget the footrub.”

“Never going to happen.  You could always go ask Uncle Harritt.  Or The Iron Bull.”

Varric added his two cents.  “I’m just glad to be away from the Seeker.  She’s got quite a left when she’s mad.  I mean, was I supposed to just introduce her to Hawke when she’d just stabbed me in the book?”

“Speaking of Hawke,” I slid in, “any chance I could meet your friend?”

“Yeah. He’ll be around for a few days, getting provisioned.  They’re heading for Crestwood to meet up with some others there.  Maybe tomorrow?  He won’t feel the need to hide so much with the Seeker gone.”

“So what’s his favorite weapon?  Does he need a new one?” 

“He’s got a favorite shield, but he tends to pick up and drop swords a lot.  I think he’s good on needing a new one.  You’re not doing the giddy girly thing at him, are you?  Because Merrill wouldn’t like that.”

“No, that’s not it.  It’s just that he’s a living legend.  He’s seen so much.  I’ve seen Haven and Skyhold.  That’s it.”

“Where would you like to go, Cuddles?”

“I want to see the Emerald Graves.  The Waking Sea.  The Rivaini Seers.  Antiva.  Tevinter wonders.”

Dorian popped in at that point.  “You are NOT going to Tevinter, my dove.  You promised.”

“Yes, Dorian.  But Storyteller asked where I wanted to go, not where I intended to go.”

We finished our meal, and did the singalong thing.  Varric’s voice is interesting.  He’s a tenor, pretending to be a baritone.  So his tone is both too bright and kind of growly at the same time.  I went up to the tower again, and am writing.  I’m heading for bed soon.


	14. Day 11, 15 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kitchens, the well, a library mystery, and a place to belong.

### Skyhold, Day 11, 15 Cloudreach, 9:41

Dreams were quiet, probably because Solas was busy getting access to the kitchens set up.  If I had to guess.  It seems that every time I mention a specific spot, it comes available quickly.

I visited the Chargers in the morning, and they were gearing up.  Sam’s sending them to go through the rubble of Haven.  They’re to retrieve and identify bodies, recover supplies, and check the damage.  Any enemy dead they come across is to burned.  They’ve been given lead-lined gloves and boots.  Those were in the supplies with the sword, it seems.  I asked Krem if he had anyone who could draw in the group.  When he responded in the affirmative, I told him that I would pay them if that person could draw the faces of any elves they found, so I can get them identified.  When I tried to talk about payment, he cut me off.  “That easily falls within the parameters of our job for the Inquisitor.  We’ll do it, Chrissy.”  I just hugged him, because I was grateful.  When he questioned me, I declared that twice a month we were having hug day.  Just in case something goes wrong and someone doesn’t come home. 

“It’s a really good excuse for people who care but won’t show it to do so, in a non-threatening fashion,” I explained.  “And wouldn’t you feel better if you knew you’d shown people you cared about your feelings if something bad happened to you or them?”

They didn’t answer that one, but I saw several hugs pass between support people being left behind and the active roster as they left.  Bull came up as I was waving them off.  He draped his arm over my shoulder, but it was light and obviously not there to hinder me or trap me.   “Hug day, huh?”

“Yep.  Physical contact is important for emotional well-being.  And I like having an excuse for hugs.”

“You come off as pretty stand-offish, to start, but Varric really did name you well, didn’t he?”

“He usually does.  You not going with them?”

“Nah.  They don’t need me on this one.  Krem’s got it handled.  Did you really call the Inquisitor Inquisibabe?”

“Yep.  And Inquisibutt.  I figure I don’t want him getting too big for his britches.  If nothing else, us middle management people won’t be in awe and will treat him like real people if we use it.  And it’s not offensive or anything.  He’s cute, in a puppy dog little boy fashion.”

“Not for you?”

“No.  He’s for Josephine, but they don’t know it yet.  You missed that at the second bonfire, I suppose.  He was using her thigh as a pillow and drooling dangerously close to her ladybits.  She hasn’t been able to look at him without blushing since.”

“Mind if we use your fire while the Chargers are gone?  Seems silly to keep a fire up for eight.”

“Of course.  I should have the tavern cleaned up soon, too.  There is a dormitory-style room in the back and a single up in the tower.  Thought they might be appropriate.  Objections?”

“Sounds good.  They give you the official word yet?”

“I got a paper that says I speak for the “residence” Skyhold, but that’s all.”

 “I see.  Want some coffee?”

“Is water wet?”  That got a laugh out of him.  I was looking at him when I noticed that he had Laura’s scarf on.  Not around his horns or anything, but tied to his belt.  How sweet!  Big man felled by little girl.  A story older than time.  It’s always the gruff ones that end up suckers for children.  I never thought I’d see the Iron Bull with a little blue flowered scarf swinging on his belt.  I admit, I took advantage of "hug day" to hug everyone I knew that might like a hug.  I wasn't kidding about how important contact can be when surrounded by death and loss.

Fifteen more elven people arrived, wanting to work.  Leliana’s people took their information, and asked that I let them in on a provisional basis.  I asked them a few questions, and nobody had any serious ripples in their answers.  I wonder if that’s how Solas checks for deception.  Makes me doubly glad I don’t lie to him.  64 elves, 49 mine.

The main priorities were the main hall, getting Josephine set up, getting the solarium done for Leliana, and the kitchens.  I have to get to that well.  Josephine’s office was functional, but the attached bedrooms needed work.  She’d been sleeping on the chairs in there.  Luckily, as we were getting the attached rooms set up, the door got slammed into the wall incredibly hard.  Bricks rained down a set of previously unknown steps.  It was all I could do to keep from giggling.

Amsel and Jaine were immediately sent for.  They cleared the brickwork and tested the stone steps.  While they did this, we cleared out the two bedrooms attached to Josie’s space.  You don’t see those doors in game.  There was also a bathing room between, with a beautiful, if dirty, porcelain tub in perfect condition.  And there were holes in the walls over the tub.  Places for piping?  How much you want to bet this place had running water at some point?  Once inquisibabe gets Dagna here, I’m pushing for that to be restored.

We gave one bedroom and the bathing room a quick scrub.  Well, they did.  Every time I pick up a brush or broom, someone glares at me.  By the time the rooms were done, Jaine and Amsel had returned.  There’s a “big room” down there, with doors going off of it.  The whole place seems stable, and since it’s holding up the rest, that’s a good thing.  I snagged a lantern and went to look, over the objections of the craftsmen.  The room was much larger than I expected, and I’d expected a big room.  There were pillars in the middle, four, to support the ceiling. 

Doors went off in all directions.  There were the ones I knew, and a few I didn’t.  One next to the kitchens, which were much larger than I had hoped, was a cold room.  It had ventilation to the outside, as well as what felt like some minor enchantment to keep the place a constant temp.  My companions were shivering by the time we left, so I'm guessing it's colder than I realized.  There were some servant’s quarters, in surprisingly good shape, through a door on the opposite wall.  Cleaner than most rooms, actually.  The expected cellar, and empty vault.  Strangely, the craftsmen walked right past the library down here.  Jaine even had his hand on the “wall” the whole time, and didn’t notice when it disappeared.  That’s really odd.

I went through the kitchen to the outside door and it worked.  Yay!  Jaine tried to stop me from going down the steps, but I glared at his hand on my arm and he let go.  The well is huge.  I pulled the cover off and sent for Dorian and a “mage healer, someone who can test water, please.”  Because of course Jailyn and a messenger teen had followed me.  There's always one of mine nearby.  The courtyard was in decent shape, as was the barn/stables, potentially.  

Those were also bigger than expected.  I glanced in there, and gleefully noticed the large door in the wall behind them.  There was another, smaller door, large enough for a cart, nearby.  I opened that and found the fields!  And could look over and see space big enough for paddocks and livestock behind the other door, on a separate large (very large) outcropping.  Still no way to get down to the verdant valley side. Acres of land available on this side, though.  Plenty for the animals in route, plus more, and lots of room for food production. Next to the stairs up to the kitchens was an overgrown garden that looked like herbs and such.  I think.  My thumb's brown, so I left it alone.

Dorian and a mage-lady, not Renee, darn it, arrived.  “Dorian, love.  Do you know anything about potable water?”  The lady next to him bristled.

“Just that you shouldn’t drink non-potable water, Dove.”

“I found the well.  Can you supervise this probably very competent lady in determining the safety of the water in this well?  I’ve got to get the kitchens cleaned.  Sandwiches for dinner!  We’re going to be too busy to cook.”

“Of course I can.  We’ll get back to you in short order, Chrissy.”

I ran back through the castle to tell Cook I’d found the kitchens, and she was going to LOVE them.  Two huge cooking fireplaces, a huge larder, a cold room, and rooms for up to about fifteen?  Not fifteen rooms, but Cook would have her own small room, and there were several more for the undercooks.  They were palatial compared to the tower room and outside fire she’d been using for a tenday.

Much more to clean, of course.  I went back to my tables and made some more lists.  We’re going to need more lumber, more everything.  Well, not everything.  But more lots of stuff.  And gardeners, to plant seeds.  It’s spring, and they have to be sown.  The cooks got the kitchen shipshape in an extremely short amount of time.  Not a whole lot of grime in there.  The chimneys were checked real quick and found to be without wildlife or untenable soot build-up, so they could be used immediately.  The water came back potable, with the addition of “yummy”.

I set everyone who finished their tasks early to carting supplies for Cook.  She set out sandwiches and cold foods, so we ate as we worked.  Almost everything was moved by dusk.  At firetime, I told Ethelathe about the nearly clean servant’s quarters.  Told the uncles about the reports I’d gotten on the armory.  Sound, and when the steps were replaced, there’d be enough space for everyone to move in.  The place had rooms in it, and I designated some of those rooms sleeping space instead of storage.  There were also the upper decks for any apprentices or similar.  The uppermost portion I planned to drape with curtains and set aside for the Seeker.

Ser Morris came up to my fire and asked to see me.  We walked a bit, and he handed me a package.  Within it were a Seal (not the animal, the thing you press in wet wax or ink to mark a document official), a note, and a ring with the inquisition crest.  The note was from Cassandra.  “Since you have been performing the duties with skill, we have decided to name you Chatelaine of Skyhold Keep.  There hasn’t been an elven Chatelaine in Ferelden, Antiva, or Nevarra in over one hundred years, but there is precedent.  If it concerns the household, then it will fall to your domain.  The military and their supplies, as well as requisitioning for the inquisition itself, fall to Ser Morris and Commander Rutherford.  I hope you will work well together.  Be happy in your duties, Mistress Chrysopal.”  It was signed by the three advisors and Sam, as well as Cassandra.

Oh my God.  They just gave me Tarasyl'an Te'las.  Not to own, or whatever, but mine to order, to stay, to care for, and to manage.  To paint purple if I wanted.  I could do what I wanted with it, within my domain.  I had a Seal to order things under the auspice of the Inquisition without checking with the advisors first.  I remember the SCA.  I know what a Chatelaine is.  My knees gave out a little bit.  Ser Morris grabbed at me and led me to the steps, where I sat.  My hands were shaking. 

My threads were proven once again to go both ways, because Garalen, Feren, Andrew, and Elias showed up a moment later, getting between Morris and me.  “No, no, it’s not him,” I said, and handed Andrew the note.  He obviously had no idea what it meant, but congratulated me.  Garalen read it and her eyes went wide.  She looked at me, and I showed her the ring and Seal.

“Be careful, Chrissy.  This paints a target on your forehead.”  Of course she'd think of that first.

I told them I needed to think, and they understood.  Elias followed me down here, to the hidden library.  Then apparently I walked through the wall.  He panicked.  I re-emerged immediately.  I didn’t see a wall.  He could see and touch a wall that didn’t exist for me.  We ran back to get Andrew.  I had to see.  Andrew saw the room, too, but Garalen did not.  So of course I had to get Dorian.  Dorian saw a slightly hazy wall, and could get through with great difficulty and effort.  Interesting. 

I replenished Dorian’s effort, and Andrew stood in the doorway while we explored.  It’s more than just one little room. It’s three connected rooms of books, with bookcases that open by pulling sconces.  Dorian pronounced it “entirely odd, but most things around you are.”  I know where I’m going to go to hide.  Told Andrew that, too.  At least this explains why this was the only room in the castle without any sort of evident cleanup.  I’d always assumed it was an oversight.  But why would they ignore one library for another?

They had singalong time without us.  I got back just in time for kisses from my littles.  I’m writing in my tent, because that human guy’s not around.  It’s been a wholly exciting day.  Leorah’s already planning a “fitting” wardrobe.  I told her it better be mostly pants I can work in.  I’ll probably have to have that argument with her on a regular basis.  Ethelathe is excited, too.  I can feel it like tiny sparks on my skin.  I’m probably too excited to sleep, but I’m going to try.


	15. Day 12, 16 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Planning, cleaning, and getting under roof.

### Skyhold, Day 12, 16 Cloudreach, 9:41

Quiet night, mostly because I didn’t sleep well.  Too excited/surprised/worked up.  After hours of dozing interspersed with tossing and turning, I decided to tour the gardens that the Chantry will reside in.  They’re pretty bad, I guess.  I don’t know much about gardens.  There were boards making pathways until they figured out where to put the stones.  They’d already put in the statue of Andraste, and the sisters were sleeping on the walkway.  I do not have “clean the cloister” on my list.  They want the cloister cleaned, then they can do it themselves.  It’s RIGHT THERE.  They don’t have to look far.

After that I meandered about the main courtyards.  As we filled the towers, the courtyard was emptying of tents.  It used to be that nearly every spot was taken up by tents or bedrolls.  Now Ethelathe and some soldiers’ tents, as well as the healers’ tents, are all that’s left.  As I was walking, I thought about the skyhold improvements.  Even if inquisibabe didn’t get it done, I think I’m going to put the Healer’s building in place.  Stone floors are just more sanitary than dirt.  And considering that there’s plenty of room for a sparring circle, too, I figure I’ll just put one of those in, too.

The Chantry garden would likely be a good addition.  Wonder how they’d feel if I put a crucifix in there.  LOL.  Or a Buddha statue, or any number of symbols from my world.  Thor’s Hammer, Zeus’ Lightning Bolt.  Athena’s Owl.  Anyway, that’s a bad idea, though funny.  Since we have the herb garden next to the kitchens, herbs in pots all the way over here doesn’t seem very practical.  If the Chantry sisters want that, then they can plant them.  I probably wandered for an hour or two, and then I slipped back in bed, and to blessedly dreamless sleep.

In the morning, Bull and his support were at our fire for breakfast, and they brought a whole bag of ground coffee.  If he’s looking to bribe me, then he’s got an in.  They can eat with us anytime.  The kids are actually in pretty good hands at the mage tents.  I’ve almost got a decent spot for them worked up.  And a great nursery section, too, if I can get a wall knocked down. 

They got the first scaffolding up today.  Work on the causeway should begin tomorrow.  Scaffolding is going up everywhere.  It’s like they waited for inquisibabe to leave before getting it done.  Tavern should actually be finished by the end of the day, oddly.  Wasn’t expecting it that quick.  Fewer boards were rotted than they expected.  Plastering will have to wait.  Functional is key right now. 

I looked through a few more doors downstairs and discovered rooms near the Undercroft.  At least, they have similar views.  Smaller, though.  No clue what they’re intended for.  I’m going to use them for the crafts.  Sewing/weaving/dying, pottery/dish making, soap-making, etc.  With them so open, they’ll let any odor out, but they’re warm.  Not too warm, but not cold, despite the open air chill that should be there.  As we get Skyhold clean, we’ll be going back to our regularly scheduled jobs.

The soldiers got Commander Cullen’s tower cleaned up and set up, including moving in the desk.  That was wonderful to watch, since the men tend to strip off a little bit after lunch because the sun beats down.  We’ve not had a single rainy day since we arrived.  It’s spring, shouldn’t it rain? 

A gaggle of gardener/farmer types showed up, with draft animals.  We managed to get them up the stairs, down the stairs, and around through the kitchen to the rear courtyard.  Only had to deal with Cook’s aggravation.  I apologized, but said they were going to need the animals to put in her vegetable gardens.  She calmed down a bit at that point.  Still, I need to find a pooper scooper or equivalent.  One horse let go on my floor.  Ugh.  Not fun to clean by hand. They’ll be staying in what looks like a double cottage on the outer wall (on the outside).  They have their wives and families, and those wives refused assistance in the cleanup.  They also have some rudimentary furniture.  I told them if they needed something, to let me know.

I popped into Josie’s office after lunch to explain the parade of farm animals, and to ask what the budget for the household supplies is.  She had it all written out for me.  I took it to Seggrit, to see how generous or realistic it was.  Turns out it is generous, but not excessively so.  He’s going to contact his people to see about getting some things like cotton batting, more material, and the like up here.  He’ll get me a good price, he promises.  I told him I’d put him on payroll, but not pay him commission.  He complimented me on learning how to deal with shysters.  No profit in cheating us, now.  Lose a cushy job, if you do.  I also warned him I’d be checking his figures.  I was trained as an accountant.  I started asking about things like double-entry bookkeeping in Thedas, and he had no idea.  Christ.  They’re going to have to learn around here, at least.

Ran down to see how Harritt was liking the undercroft.  He loves it.  There’s a few small rooms attached, big enough for a chest, a bed, and maybe an end table, and he’s claimed one.  Uncle Enborr has claimed another, and there is one more.  I asked them to please not use it for storage, as there might be another person coming.  They were probably originally storage, because there’s no facilities here for evacuation of waste.  They can toss the chamberpot contents out the window, I guess.

This place isn’t really oversized from the outside, but when you start going down into the mountain, it’s HUGE.  I’m wondering now if there’s passages in the walls.  I’ve not found any yet, but that doesn’t mean anything.  There’s no way from the prison area elsewhere, either.  You have to come out past the soldier’s barracks through to the main courtyard.  I count 10 bedrooms in the cloister, intended for more than one.  10 above, obviously fancier for visiting nobles or family.  Several towers, each with at least 4 levels, and some of those could be used for bedrooms.  Undercroft with 3 bedrooms, servant’s quarters with 25 small individual roomlets, 4 rooms off the kitchen, several fancier rooms near the servant’s quarters, one connected.  That’ll be for the head housekeeper when I find him or her.  One dormitory, the tavern, the armory with its bedrooms, Josie’s rooms, the 4 rooms off of each of the *4* levels of the rotunda (because the library, despite appearances, is two levels tall), 2 rooms in the barn, as well as a stableboy dormitory, two multifamily cottages against the walls outside, the gatehouses, and dormitories for soldiers off the main entrance to the prison.  This place, right now, without adding outbuildings against the walls, for which there is plenty of room, could probably house all of us. That’s not even counting the randomly inserted bathing rooms and the communal bathhouse under Cullen’s tower. Just got to get it clean.

Ethelathe will be settling into the servants quarters tonight.  They decided.  Dorian’s moving into a bedroom off the library.  Solas is being placed in one off the ground floor.  Leliana’s already claimed the upper floor, and has several agents per room up there.  I’ll probably sleep at Dorian’s tonight.  Everyone spent the afternoon claiming and cleaning their sleeping spaces.  Except for those who had already done so, like the cooks and the people in the armory and so on.

By the time dinner came around, I’d thoroughly explored what I could get to.  It takes forever to just traverse the halls.  We cleaned a lot, too.  We’re dirty and smelly, but the bathhouse was pristinewhen we opened it.  I fully expected a large crowd this evening.  There are still a few doors I haven’t opened, but I need to get what I’ve got up and running before I’ll look for more.

After dinner (Hot! Plentiful! And eaten at tables in the next door DINING ROOM!), I headed over to the bathhouse.  I grabbed my spot early and had a long, hot soak.  The place had been divided into three sections: Girls, boys, and “who gives a shit I just want a bath”.  I really need to take a look at this place, because the dirt sort of swirled off and fresh water came in from somewhere.  My hair was finally clean, and I stayed in until my fingers pruned. I took a look at my hair.  It was longer than it should be.  It's growing very fast.  Probably a full inch in 10 days?  That's weird. 

We held singalong in the area outside the servant’s quarters.  GREAT acoustics.  I got everyone tucked in, and Dorian and I headed up to his room.  First night in a real bed in ages.  Should be fun.  I think I’m going to claim a bedroom either in the vault area or one here.  We’ll see.  “My” mages have been assigned to the rooms on the next library floor up.  As for everything else, I had halfway expected Zathras to show up, but I’ve not seen him in two days now.  So much for every day.  Dorian has a great view.  I still miss Earth, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grumble grumble spelling fairy


	16. Day 13, 17 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Irritation about my hair, snuggles with Dorian, a VERY busy day, a new room.

### Skyhold, Day 13, 17 Cloudreach, 9:41

I was enjoying a pleasant dream about dancing with my little girl when Egghead showed up.  I immediately blanked the entire dream.  The living room we were in, my daughter, I didn’t want questions on any of it.  He opened his mouth to speak, and I held up a hand.  “If you’re going to mention anything in my private dreams, I don’t want to hear it.”

He had obviously been going to ask something, because I could see him take a moment to recalibrate his thoughts.  He shifted gears completely, saying, “I missed hug day.”

“That wasn’t what I expected to hear.”  He shrugged.  “Does that mean you want a hug?”

“Would that be alright?”

“Real or fade, Solas?”  He just shrugged, so I went over and hugged him briefly.  He didn’t even get a chance to get his arms up.  “Do you have anyone who touches you, Solas?”

“Are we asking personal questions now?”

“I admit a certain amount of curiosity.”

“I don’t encourage touching, generally.”

“Sounds lonely.”

“That’s not what I expected you to say.”

“I live to disrupt your expectations.”  I may have been a touch snarky.  “Hug day is safe.  Everyone hugs everyone.  There are no expectations in it.  Just providing necessary physical contact.  People are healthier and happier with it.  It stimulates the production of oxytocin and dopamine, and reduces stress.”

He looked confused.  “I do not recognize all of those words.”

Poor guy.  “Never mind.  It’s not easily explainable.  Just accept that I’ve read some of the studies on the effects of physical touch.”

“There are studies on the effects of physical touch?”  His curious look is cute.

“Back where I come from, yes.  It’s also why the elderly who live with children live longer.  Kids instinctively touch a lot.  There are actually professional cuddlers, who provide no services aside from platonic touch, as well.  They’re highly paid.”

“That is interesting.  So you say that people who touch are happier than those who do not?”

“Yep. Probably part of why you’re such a sourpuss.”  I was smiling at him.

“A sourpuss?”

“Yes.  A grouchy person who looks with disfavor on everyone around him.”

“I do not look with disfavor on everyone around me.”

“Could have fooled me.  Did, actually.  I must be imagining the judgmental sneer.”

“I did not come to be insulted.”  He was not looking like he was insulted.  He looked like he was enjoying our talk.  If he'd looked insulted, I wouldn't have gone in that vein.

“Nope.  You wanted a hug.  I don’t know if hugs work in the fade like they work elsewhere, though.  You don’t look happier.”  I smirked at him.

“You are a puzzle, Chrysopal.  I think you deliberately bait me sometimes.”

“Would I do that?”

“Probably.  I’ll leave you in peace.”  He touched the ends of my hair.  “What is the custom here?  Can you do anything to neaten it, or must it stay for a certain length of time?”

That pricked my anger.  “There is no specific time," I snapped.  "Do people in Thedas really recover from their grief so quickly?  It's only been fifteen days, I don’t even have a full list of the dead yet, but you’re not the first to ask if I can “fix” it.  Do you all really care so shallowly?  I feel doubly bad for those that have been lost if others dismiss them so easily.  I’ll do something with my hair when my heart is recovered enough to do so.  The wounds are still too fresh.”  I was a touch upset.  This bothers me, greatly.  How can they just go on like that?  The dead deserved to be mourned.

“I meant no offense.”  He looked a bit taken aback by my outburst.

“No one ever does, but that doesn’t change it.  Good evening, Solas.  In case you didn’t know, your rooms are ready.  First door on the left in the rotunda wall rooms, ground floor.  If you need anything else, feel free to let me know.”  It was as much as I could give him. 

This time he faded away after nodding.  He looked a touch sad.  Maybe he really didn’t mean to offend.  I’m SO SORRY my hair is apparently unsightly.  NOT.  They can deal with it.  It’s neater than Sera’s, honestly.  As she would say, they can “shut it.”

* * *

I woke when the sun hit my face.  Actual windows!  Dorian is adorable asleep.  He really is a pretty man.  He deserves some happiness, and he’s not going to find it with me in his bed instead of some burly guy.  I’ll give it a few more days, because I’m selfish, and then I’ll find my own bed.  He’s been so sweet to hold me when I needed it. I got dressed in the previous day’s clothes and carried my nightgown.  I’m going to have to figure out where Leorah left my clothes. 

I nodded at Solas, who was in the atrium.  He quirked an eyebrow at me, but I ignored it.  Varric was already in the main hall, as well.  He’d been given one of the guest/family rooms.  All the inner circle had their rooms planned, except Blackwall.  I have to get the stables up to snuff first.  By my calculations, I have six days before I have to worry about him needing a bed. 

I met up with Leorah, who had my stuff in her room.  She’s going to get the textiles shop up and running today, or at least that’s the plan.  They also moved a desk down here, in front of the large painting.  All my paperwork is on it, and the desk has lockable drawers!  Fancy.  And a comfy chair with extra cushions, too.  I took a look at my to-do’s.  We should have the tavern finished today.  That’ll make Bull and them happy.  Armory’s complete.  Stairs in the Quartermaster’s tower were on schedule to complete today.  Barn and stable to be examined.  Scaffolding in the main hall looks complete, so work on the ceiling can start soon.  A note from Leliana said more supplies due in today, so I’ll have to make sure I’m out and about.

Breakfast!  Porridge, eggs, bacon, biscuits.  Cook’s having a blast, and says we need our meals because we’re working so hard.  She loves the kitchens.  They’re the best she’s ever worked in, she says.  There’ve been some requests for delivered meals, and I approved most of them.  Noble guest arrived, wants breakfast in bed.  Check.  Varric (breakfast and lunch) and Solas (all meals), delivered to work.  Check.  Dorian, breakfast in bed for two.  Change that to one, and I’ll deliver myself.  Check.  Leliana, simple breakfast fare for ten.  Yep.  Josie, at her desk, breakfast.  Sure.  Bull’s in the dining room, soldiers eat where the soldiers eat.  Cook made a few suggestions for meals, so I told her to make the lamb with mint and winter vegetables tonight, and if she needed my further input, to send me a note with options and requirements.  We really need to have the menus together at least a tenday in advance, but that will take time.  I’ll be happy with three at this point.

Runners started picking up trays for the various locations.  I snagged a helper, and we picked up the trays for the inner circle.  She dropped off the tray for Varric, and I took the other two into the atrium.  I smiled at Solas and put down his tray.  He actually smiled back.  “You doing servant duty?”

“I am a servant, Solas.”  His lips pinched at that.

“I do not consider you a servant, Chrysopal.”

“Isn’t that interesting.  There is no shame in honest service, Solas.  I’m not too proud to work, and it needs to get done.” I left him, an odd look upon his face.  That's twice I've pricked at him today.  I should slow down.

Dorian was still asleep when I got up to his room.  I set the tray on the endtable, and sat on the bed.  His arm came around me and he tugged me under him, putting his head on my stomach.  “Dorian, dear.  What IS it with men treating me like a pillow?”

“Hmm?”

“Good morning.  Breakfast is here.  Do me a favor and let go.”

“No,” he mumbled.  “You’re warm.”

“Are you sure? There’s biscuits.”

“Biscuits?”  He sat up.  “Is there butter?  Real butter, not the bacon grease they’ve been using.”

“Indeed.  I brought it up myself.”

“Thank you.  You are a queen among women.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere.  I still insist on half the covers.  At least.”  He chuckled, and I added, “and I thought you might like to join me for a walk.  I heard a rumor that the new recruits are having wrestling practice this morning.  Probably shirtless.”

“Who am I to prevent a lady from ogling?  Give me a few minutes to eat and dress, and we shall investigate those rumors.”  He twitched his mustache.  He likes the idea of ogling as much as I do.  I bid him goodbye.

I emerged into the library.  The shelves are terribly empty.  We’re going to have to do something about that.  Although that may be not my department.  I’ll have to check with Josie.  I hopped over the railing and landed on the floor below.  I just adore Skyhold.  No damage from falls.  Startling Solas into an actual exclamation was a bonus.  I grinned at him.  “I love Skyhold.  So much FUN!” And I skipped off to chat at Varric until Dorian was ready.

Dorian arrived a bit later, and we traipsed down the stairs, Varric laughing at me.  The new recruits were indeed practicing unarmed combat, and no few of them were topless.  So glad to be able to start getting my fix in again.  I probably watched for half an hour before deciding I had to head for work.  I told Dorian that I just might have to make this a daily thing.  “I seem to recall you already had, back in Haven.  Or so I heard.”

“I did.  It’s a great habit.  Gets the blood flowing in the morning.”

“I’m quite sure I agree.  That it’s a great habit, that is.”

“Enjoy your day, Altus.  I’ll see you later.”

 “You as well, my dear.”

I double checked with the construction guys. Tavern was basically done.  I scheduled the move in of a bunch of bunk beds and a few singles.  I had a little time on Sera’s spot, but she had some really specific wants.  She’d sent Eustace (the Quartermaster, and don’t call him Stacy) a whole list of things she wanted.  “Stuff needs a place” and all that.  I’m having the window seats installed with hinges, as well.  Lots of places for stuff. 

Tracked down Bull and told him the tavern should be ready for him after lunch.  Checked in with my forge guys.  They’re really happy with the armory.  Quartermaster tower is on schedule; Eustace is pleased about that.  He’s tired of the banging.  He’s insisted on occupying the top floor when it’s finished.

Spent an hour at my new desk doing paperwork before I decided I needed a break.  I’ve been going full tilt for a long while.  I leaned back in my chair and opened my SELF, checking on everyone.  Minor injuries and bumps, nothing unexpected for the work they’re doing.  I’ve apparently got some wispy connections with a couple of the new elves.  The connection with the people I came out of Haven with is strong.  Steel cable strong, no joke.  I get the sense that I belong to them more than they belong to me, though.  Especially now.

The connection with Solas is still very tenuous.  I test the connections by strumming my metaphorical fingers, so it was quite surprising to feel that one strum back.  That’s new.  Guess I’m not the only one who checks on occasion.  It feels weird, like ripples on your skin for a moment.  Or maybe it was in response to me touching it first.  Nobody else has done anything like that, though.  Most don’t even notice, except maybe Andrew.  He stops still sometimes if I check when he’s around.  Dan’s the same way.

Josie sent me paperwork stating that instead of having everyone get their gold in person, there are “accounts” being set up.  Basically, the amount of wages earned will be tallied, and a person can go to the quartermaster or me to request something, and the price of it will be deducted from the tally.  You can also go directly to her to get actual spending cash.  Bank accounts of Skyhold.  That’s hilarious.  Safer, in many ways, too.  I wonder if it’s in response to the payday from hell?

Zathras found me down at my desk.  We headed out of Skyhold for my lessons.  New stretches, look kind of like Tai Chi, but not exactly.  He works like the old masters work, in kung fu or whatever.  Actually twists my body where it needs to go when I don’t get it right.  At least he doesn’t smack the offending part with a stick the way my childhood ballet teacher did.  Didn’t like her much. 

After about an hour, he took me back in for lunch.  I felt rejuvenated just from being out in nature.  As we came in the main hall, I introduced Zathras to Varric as my instructor and the brother of a dear friend.  “Anyone I know?”

“Possibly someone you knew, Storyteller.  Did you have the privilege of meeting Davhalla?”

“Little blond girl, did the fetching and carrying for the visiting nobles?”

I nodded.  “Yes, that was her.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Varric told Zathras.  He was nodded at.  We took our leave, and headed down to the common dining area.  He’s actually very interesting. He also seems to like to touch my hair.  It’s like the idea of a physical sign of grief is odd to him.  At least he’s never asked me to “fix” it.  He escorted me back to my desk after lunch, and told me he’d see me the next day.

The afternoon was devoted to paperwork and incoming goods.  Keeping up records of the stuff we have would be so much easier with a computer.  Glad I at least have an abacus.  Got things actually be stored where they’re going to stay.  That’s nice.  Moving things twice wastes effort.  Seggrit was on hand to help verify quality.  He actually rejected two batches of cloth until the merchant lowered the price significantly.  Seggrit told me later that the cloth was of inferior thread, being passed off as something appropriate for noble clothing.  It wouldn’t have held up well to the stress of tight lacing.  Tablecloths and napkins, even perhaps pillows or bedding sort of stuff was his recommendation.  Not clothing.  Glad I hired him.

Dinner was fine.  I ate with my people, and they told me all about what they’d done today.  Daniel was excited about school.  Everything was so DIFFERENT.  And he was learning geography of Thedas, and the political stuff, and all the things I’d been at a loss to teach him.  The Tweedles were also excited, but only because the history of the elves was taught, to a certain extent.  I told them to be wary of Chantry versions, because every version had its own bias.  Laura wants to fight, not learn to read and stuff.  I may have to talk to Leliana about her.  She’s nearly old enough to foster or apprentice or whatever they do here.  Anyone who can boss Bull around has potential.

Singalong time had a few more humans than I expected.  We’re away from the fires, after all.  They have to deliberately seek us to show up.  I mean, MY humans, sure, but there were more.  Oh, and that one extremely talkative guy who is way overarmed is back, as of this evening.  Just standing nearby and looking dangerous.  Still doesn’t chat.  No clue who he is, or why he’s about.

Leorah and the others fixed up one of the nicer bedrooms down here for me.  It has an attached bath, including what appeared to be a commode and a large built-in tile tub, as well as a little sitting room.  I was, am, very grateful.  Pretty bedding, curtains on the posts of the bed, nice towels, the works.  Even an armoire, with my clothing in it.  I hadn’t realized how much in the way of clothing I had.  Three tunics, two dresses, several pairs of leggings, my vest, night things, and a plethora of underthings.  On top of the clothing I was wearing.  That's a LOT of outfits.  There were also some odd pieces of cloth with laces.  I asked about them, and was told they were footwraps.  I don’t know how to use those.  I’ll ask Zathras, maybe.  They said it was because I was always forgetting shoes.  The bed is huge.  Maybe the equivalent of a queen size in U.S. mattress sizes.  At least a double.  They said they were drawn to the room. It just seemed right for me.

I snuck out after they left.  I tried laying in the bed, but it didn’t really work.  I slipped out and knocked on Dorian’s door.  He thankfully let me in, telling me I was late.  I’m doing my journal in here, and then I’m going to sleep.  I’m just not ready to be alone.


	17. Day 14, 18 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warming up Dorian, meeting Hawke, typical day, then alcohol strikes. Going to bed tipsy.

### Skyhold, Day 14, 18 Cloudreach, 9:41

I remember no dreams, but that’s okay.  I awoke to sun in the face, again.  I’m not sure I like that.  Dorian grumbles when his heater leaves, but he likes to sleep in.  Honestly, he does feel chilled sometimes.  He’s from a much warmer climate.  I’m going to have to get him some better-insulated clothing.  I don’t think he realizes he’s expending energy to heat the air around him.

I thought about what I knew of heat.  It’s just molecules moving against each other faster rather than slower.  I very, very carefully thought of the air in the room vibrating just a hair faster, while opening my SELF.  I knew I could cause too much heat, so I TWISTED very slowly, until the room was warm enough that he was beginning to perspire.  I left it there, closing my SELF again.  After a few moments to make sure the temperature wasn’t rising any further, I left quietly. 

I traipsed down the stairs.  Last night I’d forgotten to collect fresh clothing, so I was still in my nightgown when I had to traverse the atrium.  Of course, Solas was up.  He arched a brow at me again, looking curious.  I just smiled at him, and kept going down to my rooms.  I need a robe.

I got dressed, headed out to breakfast.  Double-checked the menu with Cook.  Everything looks good.  Varric was in the dining room, so I sat with him.  “Chrysopal, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine.  Hawke, this is Cuddles.”  He indicated the man sitting next to him.  I should have known.  Looked just like the default Hawk in game, sans the red streak.

“Nice to meet you.  Varric’s been talking about you,” he said.

“Nice to meet you, too.  Storyteller talks about everyone.  I wouldn’t believe everything.”

“Said you stormed through Haven and changed the way elves were to be treated, and then stopped all the work here in Skyhold until you got an official document codifying it.”

“It… didn’t exactly happen like that.  Kind of.  It was far more complicated.”

Hawke laughed.  “Isn’t it always?  Sounds like you’re one of those people, too.  Shit drops in front of you and you can’t just let some other schmuck clean it up.  You hear about Kirkwall?”

“You’d never believe me.  Let’s just say I have a clue.  And I didn’t even have to stab Varric in the book.”

“Of all the places to be stabbed, at least that one’s easiest on the carpets.”

We chatted for a while.  I promised to make time later to chat, but I had breakfasts to arrange.

I snagged Solas’ and Dorian’s trays.  I dropped off Solas’ at his worktable, but he wasn’t there.  I took Dorian’s up, setting it on his end table.  “Dorian!  Get it while it’s hot, love.”  He rolled over.

“Did you put more wood on the fire?  It’s beautifully warm in here.”

“Nope.  Just playing with magic again.”

His eyes popped open.  “Playing?  With the most volatile force in Thedas?”

“Of course?  Why do it if it’s not fun?  I hear you laugh all the time.”

“My dove, please tell me what you did.”

“I vibrated the molecules of the air by rubbing them with glowy dust.  I was very careful and twisted very slowly so as not to heat it up too much.  Heat is just making things vibrate faster, after all.  If you stop them from vibrating, they get colder.”

“Don’t tell me things like that before I’m awake.”

“You asked!”

“Yes, but I didn’t think you’d TELL me.”  He reached for the bottle near his bed and took a large swig, coughing.  “Next time, make sure I’ve been fortified.  We’re really going to have to chat.”

“Join me before dinner for the Calisthenics display?”

“What?  Oh yes, of course.”  He muttered something about vibrating things and unnatural magic.  “What did you vibrate, you said?  Molecule?”

“Yes.  The smallest unit of something, the point where if you broke it further, it would become something else.  It’s from the latin molecula, little mass.” 

He stuffed a roll in his mouth, and grabbed a quill and paper, making notes.  “And you rubbed the magic on them to make them vibrate faster?”

“Sort of.  I just rubbed the air with the glowy dust.  And twisted with that magic muscle I told you about.  Just a little bit.  I did wait around a while to ensure I hadn’t made it too hot for you.”

“Maferath’s balls, Chrissy.  We need to improve your terminology.  You can’t go around saying things like ‘glowy dust’ and ‘magic muscle’.  Wait, for me?”

“Of course.  You’ve been so cold, I wanted you to wake up warm for once.  I thought it might remind you of home.  As for the magic discussion, maybe tomorrow.  Right now, I have to check on Solas’ breakfast.” 

I went to go, and he snagged me in a hug.  “I did wake up warm.  Thank you.  It was thoughtful.”  I smooched his cheek and left.  He went back to writing and muttering in his pajamas as I did so, but he was pleased.  And in a warm room. 

When I got out to the library, I leaned over the railing and saw Solas buttering a roll.  “Oh good, you found your breakfast.”  I ran down the stairs and emerged in his space.  “I put some clover honey on there, too.  In that little blue jar.  I seem to have heard somewhere you had a sweet tooth.”

He put some on his roll, and took a bite.  “I want to apologize, Solas.  I may have overreacted to your questions about my hair.  My only excuse is that everyone seems to want me to neaten it or change it or somehow “fix” it.  Like pretty hair is more important than grief.  You probably didn’t mean it that way, and I’m sorry I snarled at you.”

His mouth was full, so he couldn’t respond right away.  He swallowed and responded.  “Your apology is unnecessary, Chrysopal.  It was none of my business in the first place, and I pried at something that hurt you.  I also apologize.”

“So we’re back to the status quo?”

“Of course.”

“Good.  See you around, then.”

I went down to my desk and checked my lists.  So much to do.  Headed outside to see that progress had been made on the causeway.  I’d not noticed the day before.  There was actually passage underneath.  Excellent!  We were expecting animals any time now.  The stable had an all-clear note on it.  I added “Blackwall’s bedroom” to my lists, crossing off “stable stables”.  Dennet was out, too.  He’d let the majority of the horses left out and about in the paddocks out back.  We chatted for a bit, with him telling me there wasn’t anything he needed right now. 

I checked the farmer people.  Tilling is underway, hallelujah.  We need to be able to do it ourselves as quickly as possible.  I want Tarasyl'an Te'las capable of supporting at least 750 souls on its own.  Chicken coops are in.  Goat pens and pig pens are in. 

Leorah’s got the Cloth room going.  She saved me some yarn.  She’s turning into quite the designer, too.  We’re going to need pottery wheels and a kiln in the pottery room.  Large cauldrons for the candlemaking and soap, and dying and laundry rooms.  I can probably put a glassblower in the undercroft with Harritt and Dagna.  He wouldn’t sleep there, but could work there.  That’d make the mages happy, too, to have to-order glassware for their experiments.  That reminded me that I hadn’t checked potion supplies or herb supplies.

There was a stillroom near the kitchen, and we had lots of herbs on hand, but we weren’t full.  I made a note for Adan asking about the shelf life of various herbs, and sent it off.  I had no clue.  Could be days or years for all my knowledge.  I used to get my herbs dried in a jar, and my vegetables in frozen bags.  The only canning I did was for fun.  Speaking of canning, I wonder if they’ve got oranges here.  A thing to ask Dorian, I’d bet.

Zathras interrupted an argument with Amsel about plaster.  He took me out again and we practiced what I’d learned yesterday.  It was easier, and I got in a bit of meditation.  He escorted me to lunch, again.  Varric raised his eyebrow at me.  “Something I should know, Cuddles?”  Looking back, I know what he meant, but at that moment, I was confused.  “Guess not.  Well, let me know.  I’ve got book on a few possibilities.”  Zathras claimed ignorance as well as we got to the dining hall. 

He’s interesting to talk to.  It makes me feel better and him feel better to talk about his sister.  She was quite the little devil as a child.  He asked if I was planning on visiting the tavern now that it was open, and I told him I had to check on Bull and the Chargers, so I would probably be eating there.  Possibly with them.  He didn’t say anything else about it.  Seemed disappointed.  Probably had intended a date or something.  Not ready.  He’s cute, but I’m not ready.  I told him he could hang out, and he didn’t want to meet Bull.  Not sure why.  Bull’s a sweetie.

Afternoon went okay.  Got a couple crates of chickens.  Jesus they stink.  Or maybe it’s just because they were cooped up for so long.  Pun not intended.  Delivered them to the coops.  Well, had them delivered.  The rest was taken up with paperwork.  Notes from the Nightingale and Seggrit, and Eustace.  My paperwork appears to be reproducing.  I got a note from Cullen saying he was available at any time if I needed him.  Probably doesn’t mean 3AM for a chat. 

I stopped by there on my way to the tavern.  He was muttering to himself about something or other.  I knocked on the door.  “Come in.”

“Heard there was a calisthenics competition this afternoon before dinner.  That so?”

“Yes.  A bit of competition keeps the men in top physical shape.  If they didn’t have anything to strive for, they’d slack.”

“You going to participate?  I’d guess you can keep up with them, no trouble.”

“That’s the plan.  At least for a little while.”

“Oh good.  Love to watch you guys work.”

“Why did you come by, Chrissy?”

“Well, the note said anytime.  Thought I’d see if I could make you smile.”

That made him smile.  “Go on with you.  I’ll see you later, below.”  I left.

Met up with Dorian.  We sat on the dais/landing and drank a nice white wine while watching how many jumping jacks and how many pushups and how many various other exercises can I do competitions.  Nothing like sweaty guys.  There were some elves in there, too.  Hubba hubba.  They’re ALL in good shape.  We weren’t the only ones, either.  My habit is becoming quite popular amongst those who appreciate the soldierly form.  Lots of female people ogling.  Some cheering and betting, too.  Every so often a soldier would get overwarm and remove a layer of clothing. Usually to cheering.  REALLY wanted some dollar bills, I’ll tell you.

I told Dorian about that particular tradition.  And all the variations on a theme, of course.  His only comment was “where is this again?  You’ll have to show me this ‘g-string’ thing.  Can you draw?”  I’ll have to try it for him.  I might be able to draw well enough to get the idea across.  I asked if they had tooth floss in Tevinter.  When he responded in the affirmative, I told him the colloquial term for the garment in question was “butt floss”.  His eyebrows shot into his hairline, practically.  “That sounds… absolutely fascinating.”

“I’ll ask Leorah if she could make you a pair if you like.”

“I’ll have to think about that.”

Had dinner in the tavern, after telling Ethelathe I wasn’t going to be down in the dining hall for dinner.  It was interesting to order from a menu.  Cabot was not very friendly until he noticed the ring on my hand.  Then he started yes ma’aming me to death.  Bull about busted a gut.  They’re doing good, like the quarters.  Bull kicked the cleaning crew out of his room.  He likes it the way it is, apparently.  I just told him to let me know if he changes his mind. 

Varric and Hawke were there, too.  Get those two drunk and they say the damndest things. I do know that Varric called me the most close-mouthed drunk he’d ever met.  Hawke called me a lard-ass and got hit, by me and Varric.  Then claimed it was a compliment, and if he hadn’t been attached, he’d have gone there.  I’m not entirely sure about the rest of the evening, because apparently Dorian fetched me to pour me into bed about midnight.  I do remember laying on the floor looking at the ceiling, wondering if we could get a Sistine Chapel painting up there.  Luckily I didn’t say it aloud.

By the time Dorian got me dressed for bed and up to his room, I was sober enough to write.  So I am.  Writing, not sober.  Just tipsy. 


	18. Day 15, 19 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear. Solas. Not good. But everything's ready for Inquisibabe to get back, and Dorian tries my bed instead of his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited to add: I'm going to point out something. There is NO ROMANCE in this chapter. None. Zip. Zilch. Nada. No romantic feelings on any part at this point. There is a feral racist asshat. There's some respectful discussion of potential romance in the future. There is no romance in this chapter. What happens is scary, and is not okay. Somebody loses his shit because his puzzle isn't figured out yet, and said puzzle is behaving in a way he thinks is disgusting and horrifically anti-elf.

### Skyhold, Day 15, 19 Cloudreach, 9:41

“Are you sleeping with Dorian?”

“There are several answers to that extremely intrusive question.”

“You are going to provide me one,” He demanded.  He was closer than I expected, and grabbed my shoulders, shaking lightly.  That made me mad.

I knocked his hands off me.  “Why should I?  What business is it of yours?”

“He is a human!”

“And?  He’s also the only person in all of Thedas who figured out what *I* want and need and has done his best to provide, instead of demanding and needing and expecting at me.  He’s the person who expects nothing from me.  Every little thing I do for him he appreciates, because he doesn’t assume I’m going to do it.  Even you, not even a friend, poke and prod and pry at me for your own purposes.  You’re not even part of Ethelathe.  Why would I answer your prurient demands?”  I was not screaming like a fishwife.  Barely. 

“You will answer, though. Or he will.  I have no issue asking the spoiled prince these questions.”  And he was practically growling.  Lovely.  Not.

“Once again, you prove you are but a foolish Hah’ren.  You look, but you never see.  First Andrew, now Dorian.  What’s your major malfunction, anyway?  This is my private life, and we’ve already established that personal questions are off the table.  Unless you want me to start prying into your past, your relationships, your motivations.”

“At every turn you mislead and evade me.”  He started circling me, prowling steps, eyes on me, unblinking.  I had to keep turning to keep facing him.

“Then either give up and go home, or change tactics.  Try this little tidbit on for size.  Dorian could ask me any question, about any of my so-called secrets, and I’d tell him.  Because I trust him, the dashing refugee Altus from Tevinter, with my thoughts, waking and sleeping.  And I’ve known him less than a month.  He knows about my magic, he knows several things about my home, and he accepts me.  I’m precious to him, just for being myself.  He’s EARNED that information, but has never even pried at me once.  You?  You can go suck eggs.  You think he comes off as a spoiled prince?  Look in a mirror.”  I may have snarled a bit on that last one.

“You are the most infuriating woman I have ever met.”  He was speaking through gritted teeth.

“Then why in the hell do you keep bothering me?”

“One day you will tell me everything, one way or the other, Da’asha.”

“I wouldn’t make book on that, Solas.”  I was still keeping my front to him.  I was in no mood to let him at my back.

He paused in his circling; tilted his head.  “You feel completely comfortable angering me. You have no fear of me.”  It was like his anger turned off. 

“I’m terrified.  But I’m not going to back down.”

“You deliberately baited me.  Again.”  His eyes were not quite glowy again.  THAT was scary as shit.  He took a step closer to me, and I took a step back.  “Wary, but not afraid.  Not even when you thought I was going to kill you were you afraid.”

“I still think you’re going to kill me, eventually.”

He moved fast, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me firmly to him.  I felt his face dip to brush my hair.  A moment later, before I could even struggle, he released me.  “You smell like him, his sweat on your skin.  But nothing more.”  He ran his fingers down my forehead, quickly but gently.  I didn’t duck fast enough.  “Pleasant dreams, Da’asha, for the remainder of the night.”   Then he turned and walked away.

I did have pleasant dreams.  I couldn’t wake myself up, but that could have been the alcohol.  It’s done it to me before.  I just don’t know.  He’s a scary son of a bitch.

* * *

 

I awoke late.  Very late.  Late enough that Dorian had gotten up.  He said I’d just looked so peaceful he couldn’t bear to disturb me.  And he had breakfast for me.  I thought I’d cancelled the two breakfasts, but he said two had arrived this morning, delivered by a young lady who asked if I was alright.  “You are no good for my reputation, Dove.  Apparently the virginal nightgown was a disappointing sight.”

“Dorian, for all you know, I am as virginal as my nightgown.”  I didn’t have a hangover, but I never really did. I was pleasantly lethargic, though, so I stayed right there in bed while I nibbled from my tray.  And sipped my cup of coffee.  “Did you order this?  Or did Cook just put something on a tray?”

“I ordered it, of course.  Can’t take chances like that.  What if I were to get gruel?”

“You are a prince among men.  Too bad you’re the only prince around.”  That may have come out a bit bitter.

“We’ll just have to find you a beau, then, shan’t we.  I heard from Varric that you’ve been seen with a strapping elf scout.”

“Zathras.  He seems nice.  He was Davhalla’s brother.  Why this sudden interest in my love life?”

He looked taken aback for a moment.  “You know, I have no idea.  Odd, isn’t it.  I had no intention of prying.”

“Dorian, Love, I don’t mind.  I was just surprised.  It seems abrupt.”

“Perhaps it’s the smell of Spring in the air.  Young lovers trysting in dark corners.”

“I did introduce you to Uncle Harritt, did I not?”

“A nice fellow, certainly.  But he barely speaks!  How can I get to know someone so reticent?”

“There’s always The Iron Bull.”

“He’s sweaty.  I don’t think he ever bathes.”

“You could take him down to the baths.  Then you could not only handle the sweaty parts but get a good look at the whole PACKAGE, as it were.”

“You are a very naughty woman.  I shall do no such thing.  If this Zathras isn’t a good fit, you could always take a look at the Herald.”

“Bien sûr que non!  He’s a bouncy puppy.  He’s also way too young.”

“That explains his goodbye in the courtyard, then.  He’s smitten, you’re not.  And you prefer your men to be older.”

“He’s smitten with Josephine, but doesn’t know it.  He thinks her thigh is a good pillow.  And despite appearances, Dorian, I’ve seen nearly half an age.”

“I did not need to know that, and I shall never repeat it.  Women would kill for your beauty regimen.  Men, too.  Have you considered Cullen?”

“I’m not really considering anyone, Altus.  While I understand the need some have to affirm life after a disaster, I don’t share it. Not right now.”  I touched my hair.  “I told someone recently, as I’ll tell you.  I lost people dear to me, and I have difficulty understanding how people in Thedas can keep pretending it didn’t happen, or expecting me to get over it so very quickly.  Perhaps they just want me to hide it, but I will not do so.  There are holes in my being where people used to reside, and until those wounds at least scab over, I will not be looking to punch more.”

“My Dove, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”  He sat on the bed and put his hand on my shoulder.  “You just seem so playful, flitting from place to place like a butterfly, your touch upon everything.  It’s sometimes hard to remember the depths of your grief.”

“My putting my nose in everything is a coping thing, love.  It’s what I do to distract myself.  I’d better get up.  It’s late.”

“I meant to ask.  This glowy stuff you speak of.  Are there places where there is more or less?”

“Yep.  Oddly enough, it’s plentiful here, but usually there’s more away from people, and less, much less, where human feet tread.  It’s like you believe hard enough it’s not there, that you make it not be there.  Except for you mages.  You are brighter spots in the web, and the dust swirls around you.  It’s hard to explain.”

“You’re a mage, too, Chrysopal.  I’ve seen what you can do, and with no staff, either.  Speaking of staves, have you ever used one?”

“Not for magic.  Took some classes a long time ago in quarterstaff combat, but I don’t really remember anything.”  I got up and headed out. 

The air felt strange when I got to my room, so I opened my SELF and entered cautiously.  I didn’t see or feel anything different.  It still felt welcoming.  Leorah’d put my clothing for the day on the bed.  The blue dress again.  She really likes that on me.  Should surprise Zathras, if nothing else.  Maybe he won’t make me exercise in a dress.  I put on leggings underneath, just in case.

I went out to my desk and did my morning paperwork.  I really do have a comfy chair.  Cook had sent down a revised menu, there were a few job assignment changes.  One set of workmen wants to be soldiers.  I forwarded that one to Josie.  She’ll have the right words.

I went up and checked on everything.  The causeway should be done today, just in time for Inquisibutt to get home, if I’m not off in my estimations.  Blackwall’s rooms are done.  Basic furnishings, but he didn’t leave any preferences.  All Vivienne’s furnishings are in place.  Sera’s stuff is still in progress, but only because Eustace is waiting on some things.  It’s looking good, and she’ll likely not miss them until they come in.  Cole’s room looks like something appropriate for a boy.  A few stuffed animals on a bed with a blue puffy quilt.  It’s small, but I’m not even sure he sleeps.

I hope Cass likes what I did for her room.  Instead of curtains, the workman put walls up on the top floor, in the back corner.  Her bedroom is a romantic fantasy.  Gauzy hangings and pink pillows, and beautiful dried flower bouquets.  Leorah came through a dream.  If she doesn’t like it, I have a different room done up in more utilitarian style on the bottom floor, next to the uncles.  I’ll give her that one, claiming this one a joke.  Lastly, I climbed the stairs to Inquisibabe’s room.  Everything looks good here, too.  Found out what those little back rooms are for.  One’s up to the loft, which has chests and such.  Just like in game, but neater and more chests.  The other one’s a bathroom.  Looks like there’s a cistern above, so we won’t have to haul water unless it’s not rained in a while. 

Zathras caught up with me as I came out of the tower room.  He raised an eyebrow at me being in a dress.  “If you think that will get you out of practice, you’d be wrong.”

I lifted my skirt to the knees.  “That’s why I wore leggings underneath.”

“Let’s go.”  We went out of the keep, as per usual.  The exercises were easy today.  When we headed back in, he told me that he’d be gone a few days and that I was to keep up the exercises.  Then we had lunch.  “When I get back, I’d like to have dinner at the tavern.  Just as friends, of course.  You’re nice to talk to.”  I agreed.  I’d have to tell Dorian.

For the afternoon, I decided to scrub the OTHER library.  The one that isn’t there.  Only took me a few hours, because swirly dust is super helpful at pushing out icky dust.  I let Garalen know where I’d be, of course.  There’s always someone hanging by.  I’ll have to mop the floors another day, but at least all the thick grime and cobwebs are gone.   I’m not comfortable enough with magic to try and do anything with water around books.  I see that going very badly.

It was my turn to pick up the kids.  I let the boys run off, but I pulled Laura aside.  I took the other way up to the main library, the one that doesn’t traipse through Solas’ space.  I stopped at the table at the top of the stairs, rapping on it lightly.  Laura stared in awe at the birds in their cages.  Is it bad of me that I really wanted to see one slice on Egghead’s desk?  Anyway, Leliana herself walked up.  “Can I do something for you?”

“I wanted to introduce you to Laura.  She’s an interesting little tidbit who doesn’t like going to school with the mage kids.  She’s also not real interested in soldiering.  I thought of you and yours.  I don’t know if that was a good idea, and it’s not related to anything we’ve already talked about.” 

I said that last bit because she was looking at me in THAT WAY, practically screaming “was this foretold?”

She looked at Laura.  “You’re the one who got The Iron Bull to wear her token.”

“It made him pretty.”

“Interesting.  Have you ever met a crow?”

“Antivan?”  Leliana shot me a look when Laura said that.

“I was speaking of the bird, but do let’s talk of Antiva, as well.” 

I was obviously dismissed, so I headed back down the stairs.  There was basically no one in the main hall, as it was dinner time.  The tables weren’t in here yet.  Just Varric, over in his corner.  So I grabbed my skirts, stepped up on Viv’s balcony, and hopped down near the throne.  TOO COOL.   Anyway, Varric didn’t even notice.  Much better than the stairs.  I popped into Josie and told her that I’d introduced Laura to Leliana.  She agreed that was a good idea.  Then I went down to dinner.

Normal stuff.  Dinner, singalong.  I tried laying in my bed again, but I still wasn’t ready.  I was getting ready to get up when there was a knock on my door.  I opened it.  Dorian was there.  “Chrissy, I just happened to notice you are trying to avoid me in the evening.  Three nights, now.  Is there a reason?”

I sighed.  “Love, you have mentioned several times that you are interested in finding real companionship.  I’m concerned I’m keeping you from inviting someone to view your etchings.  I’m trying to wean myself off of needing a sleeping companion, I suppose.”

“That’s quite thoughtful of you, but entirely unnecessary.  You are a real companion, Chrysopal.  I will let you know if I need private time or similar.  Until then, Dove, I request that my heater show up.  I worry, you know.  It’s not like you’ve had assassination attempts or disrupt the natural order of things or anything, is it?  Unless you’d like to stay down here?  I noticed your appointments last night when we were getting you dressed.  Very nice.  Your people know what colors suit you.” 

“I’ve not actually slept on the bed, but it is comfortable to lay on.  Want to try it?”

“For you, anything.”  So we did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I envisioned for Cassie's room, if you change the dress form to a white armor stand: http://www.minimalisti.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/romantic-shabby-chic-bedroom-design-white-furniture-pink-floral-patterns-accessories.jpg With fewer windows, of course.
> 
> Edited to add: I'm going to point out something. There is NO ROMANCE in this chapter. None. Zip. Zilch. Nada. No romantic feelings on any part at this point. There is a feral racist asshat. There's some respectful discussion of potential romance in the future. There is no romance in this chapter. What happens is scary, and is not okay. Somebody loses his shit because his puzzle isn't figured out yet, and said puzzle is behaving in a way he thinks is disgusting and horrifically anti-elf.


	19. Day 16, 20 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Striking back, losing control, finding out exactly how connected I am, and accidentally breaking Dorian.

### Skyhold, Day 16, 20 Cloudreach, 9:41

The fade is different here.  I wasn’t planning on hanging around to be assaulted by an angry elven god again, so I went wandering.  Forward and back through time, around in space.  Things are clearer here, less muddled, even when nothing makes sense.  The images, the feelings, I mean.  They’re still supremely conflicting and confusing.  They’re also beautiful.  Spirits and shades, colors and light.  All of them drift through the fade.  I hid among them the whole night, actually conversing with one or two.  One thing Solas is correct about: these are sentient beings, not “constructs of the fade”.  Much like Cole, but not quite as defined.  It was a pleasant way to spend an evening.

I slept later than usual, mainly because there was no light.  Dorian apparently likes my bed, since he’s sprawled across about ninety percent of it.  I got up, went to use the commode, and spotted the bath.  There was something different about it.  Instead of holes in the wall just above the tub, there were silver spigots.  Just to check, I turned them.  Running water.  I’m still not sure what to think of it, and I’ve had all day to ponder. 

I dressed and went up to eat in the dining room with Varric and Hawke.  Hawke’ll be leaving in the morning.  The last of his supplies are due in today.  He’s a sarcastic fellow, but he can be grating.  Not everything should be a joke.  I’ll never tell Varric that, though.  Morning and evening meals are my main chance to catch up with my friends.  We never seem to have as much time together as we used to.

I snagged Dorian’s breakfast, but told Cook I wasn’t heading up Varric’s way.  She’ll have someone else handle it.  Returning to my room, Dorian was still sprawled, but now he’s on the whole bed.  I left the tray in the sitting room area, and woke him up.  After he ate, we parted ways at my door.  I had things to do, and so did he.

More noble guests were arriving, but we should be ready.  Livestock due in today.  Goats and two cows.  No bulls.  Looks like it’s dairy, not meat, that was wanted.  A beehive.  Apparently the farmers had theirs shipped up and it’s due today as well.  Scheduling, planning.  A full morning’s work, actually.  And a mediation of an argument.  Haven’t had to do one of those in a while.  Eadras brought them to my attention just before lunch.  It was an Ethelathe matter, not a household matter.  They couldn’t get along, and were working in the same space.  I looked at each of them, and told them that if they couldn’t be civil, I’d have them chained together for a 3-day period.  They would either kill each other or come out friends.  Both assured me they would be civil.  I noted the day down, and we’ll see.

After lunch, I did the rounds, checking on people and things, and verifying the supplies had been gotten in.  I’ll be getting full tallies after Eustace sorts out what’s his and what’s mine.  Another thing that’s nice is that there are more keys now.  I still have to lock and unlock bedroom doors for cleaning and so on, but the Bailey, the prison, the towers, and so on all have occupants, and those occupants have keys where necessary.  Some areas are just perpetually unlocked.

Back at my desk, I received a note from Solas.  I ripped it into four pieces and handed it back to the messenger.  “I don’t want to see or hear from him for at least three days.  Hold on.  Let me write him.”

I wrote out, “I do not want to see, hear, or speak to you for at least three days.  And nights.  Absolutely no contact in any fashion.  Your behavior has been reprehensible.  After three days, I will be willing to entertain the idea that you just might think I’m an actual person.  Until then, I will accept no contact without irrevocably and permanently severing any connection between us. This is your only warning, and your chance to prove you are not just a malicious beast.”  I sealed it with wax (but not the inquisition’s seal), a little harder than I really needed to, and handed it to the messenger.

“Thank you,” I said.  I noticed the boy looked a bit peaked.  “Are you okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“What’s wrong?”

He swallowed.  “You going to get mad at me, mistress?”

“I don’t see why I would.”

“You, well, you’re a mite scary, my lady.  I know you’re a elf and all, but most elfys don’t glow when they’re angry, mistress.  I’d heard stories about wild elves glowing, but I ain’t never seen it.”

I looked at my hands.  In this light, they did seem to be glowing, just slightly.  “After you deliver that note to Solas, please go up and get Dorian.  Ask him to come down to my room, as soon as he can conveniently do so.  And I would appreciate you not mentioning this to anyone.”

“Of course not, my lady.  I’ll keep your secret.  You can count on me.”  And off he went.

I went to my room and shut the door.  The candles weren’t lit, and it was obvious that I was, indeed, glowing.  Just a bit.  More than a bit.  Out in the main room, it could have been a trick, or just the way the candlelight played on my skin, but here.  Here it was plain.  It was a slightly blueish white.  I could see my hands shaking.

It couldn’t have been a whole minute before I heard knocking on the door.  “Chrissy?” It was Dorian.

“Dorian!”  I called in a voice that sounded shrill to my ears.  “Help me?”

He opened the door, saw me, and shut it quickly.  “What happened, Dove?”

“I don’t know.  I was angry, and I wrote a note, and I scared a messenger boy, and now I’m scared, and I’m GLOWING, Dorian.  Why am I glowing?  People are not supposed to glow.”

He wrapped his arms around me, lifting me to the bed.  “Let’s take a look.”  He brushed my hair back.  “I think I see.  Pent up emotion?  You’re blocking your channels.  The magic is building up in your system.  Doesn’t it hurt?”

“No.  It doesn’t hurt.  I don’t feel it at all.”

“You have two options that I can see, darling.  You can do something big and showy, or you can do something small and lengthy.  We’ve got to get your channels cleared.  And you WILL tell me what you are so upset about that you damaged yourself.”

“Not everyone thinks it’s a good idea for a Tevinter Altus and an Elven Chatelaine to be sharing a bed.  In fact, some people are downright incensed.  Or were.  Or something.”  Even as I was saying it, the glow got brighter.

“Calm down, Dove.  Think of this like a clogged nose when you have the sniffles.”

“You’re saying I have a magical cold?”

“It’s not a precise analogy, but yes.  This happens to children.  I’ve never seen this make someone glow before.  I’ve never seen it happen in a practicing adult.  Usually if it gets this bad, the child is screaming in pain, but he doesn’t GLOW.”

“Dorian, did I tell you I’ve been a mage for exactly 80 days?”  The glow was bright enough to see his eyebrows twitch.  He was obviously doing his best to keep a straight face, not wanting to show his shock and worry. 

“You said you’d been doing magic for two months.  I remember now.  Somehow I still thought you experienced.  But that’s irrelevant at this point, my Dove.  We need to clear your channels.  Normally I’d have you throwing fireballs until the magic was depleted enough to unclog, but I can’t take you outside in this condition.  Your room, though decently sized, is not large enough for such work.”

“You said small and lengthy.  Could I do that here?  Or could I do something big and invisible?”  I was calmer, despite the glow.  He knew what this was, at least.  “Let me look at what you see.”  I opened my SELF, and noticed his form near me.  He obviously had his SELF open as well.  I looked down at my body, and saw what he meant.  The glowy dust was coming in and swirling around, but it wasn’t leaving my aura.  I could see that there were chokepoints, but not exactly where.  “If I deplete the magic, the blockages will become more visible, and I can therefore work the knot?”

“I’ll have to work the knot.  While you’re depleting.  Think of something you can do.  You don’t do spellwork the way I do.”  There was a knock on the door.  “I’ll get that.  Stay here.”

He opened the door a crack to find Eadras.  “She’s scared.  I want to see her, mage.”

I thought I’d shielded myself better.  At least it was only him. Dorian looked at me, and I nodded.  “Just him.  No one else.”

He let Eadras slip in, and the hah’ren stopped just past him.  He sucked in a breath in awe.  “My lady.”  He dropped to one knee.  Oh, God, not him too.  The glow got brighter.

Dorian grabbed his arm and brought him back up.  “That’s the last thing she needs right now, old chap.”

Eadras allowed Dorian to bring him closer.  “It’s like the stories.  You’re coming into your power.  We knew you were special, Da’len.  We knew you were ours.”

“That doesn’t help, Eadras.  I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to be silent and sit on the settee over there, or leave.  We have to help her, not stare at her.”  Eadras went to sit where he was directed.  “Now, Chrysopal, if I remember, you called cold fire.  Veilfire?”

“Not exactly.  Similar, but not the same.  I think.  It started as the memory of fire, then I twisted it for my purposes.”

“Could you do something like that?  Try that, Dove.  Color and light, out of your SELF and into the world.”

Finally, something I could grasp.  For some reason Tinkerbell went through my head.  The trails of light and dust she leaves behind her as she flies, in fact.  I looked at my fingers and willed the excess magic to DRIP off of them, like I was fingerpainting the air.  I heard a gasp behind me, and lost my concentration.  The magic faded.

“No distractions, Elder, or you will have to leave,” Dorian hissed.  “This is too important.  Go on, Chrysopal.”

I went back to what I was doing, eventually getting the hang of this painting the air thing.  Swirls of color, swathes of light, hanging in space.  It was pretty.  I thought it kind of looked like something I’d seen in a fractal on the old itunes viewer thing, and the thought became reality.  The points swirled out on their own, drawing back in, and rotating about.  Splitting, combining, changing color.  I could FEEL the awe from Dorian and Eadras both.  I hadn’t felt either of them earlier.  I pushed more of the light into the room, and it started to fade from my skin. 

Dorian stepped up to me and brushed my magic with his. He soothed something tangled within me, moving from place to place.  It was like having your hair brushed, after a fashion.  “Chrysopal, do you see what I am doing?  Sort of ordering the flow of magic?”

I LOOKED.  “You’ve created tubes for the dust to go through.  Not many, but enough to keep at least some pieces moving.”  I turned my GAZE to him.  “You have the same sorts of tubes, but far more.  You have all your glowy dust confined in your aura.  Nothing’s getting in, and nothing’s leaving.  Isn’t that uncomfortable?”

“I… You have got to warn me when you say such things.  That is not… I don’t see it the way you do, obviously.”

“It looks like you suck in through a fairly large straw, here, at what I can only guess is a chakra point.”  I touched his forehead.  He shivered.  “I’m sorry.  I’ll be quiet.  How do I unclog in the future, now that I’ll get backed up more slowly?”

“It’s like massaging a cramped muscle.  Dearest, could you… turn off the light show now?  I don’t even want to think about how much studying I’d have to do to come close to that kind of show.”

I did.  The room was plunged into darkness.  “Wait, gentlemen.  I want to try something.”  I deliberately slowed the flow of dust out of my body.  It felt like tensing my muscles.  Maybe I had tensed so hard that I’d gotten a cramp, so to speak. It was an excellent analogy.  Better than the sniffles, that's for sure. Within a minute, I started a slight glow again.  I released the magic into my candles, and my glow faded as the room brightened.

Dorian looked at me.  “I need a drink.  Something strong.  You’re buying.”  I stumbled a little as I stood.  “Be careful, my dove.”  He put his arm around me. 

Eadras was still staring.  “Hah’ren, have I grown horns?”

“No, my lady.”

“Please don’t, my friend.  Don’t do that to me.  I’m just Chrissy, exactly as I was the first day you met me.”

“The first day you met me, you smiled at me and told a stranger that of course I was welcome.  We were all welcome.  That you’d do everything in your power to make sure we were all taken care of.  We had a home, now.  I knew then, Ethelathun.  A day later, you’d learned to create elfroot poultices.  You held my hands that night and smoothed your creation over them, and the pain went away.  You’d learned a new skill because I needed.  I’ve not spent a day in pain since I met you, and I will be yours if I so choose, whether you allow me to call you my lady or not.  You are my home and my sanctuary.”  Well, what do you say to that?  I hugged him, and tried not to leak.  I wasn’t even chopping onions.

We opened the door, and there were fifty people sitting in the main room.  Whoah.  Eadras looked at me.  “You were scared.  We are here.”  I was subjected to a whole bunch of hugs.  People assured themselves that I was okay and went back to their business.  They didn’t even ask for explanations or anything.  I was better, so everything was okay now.  That, in some ways, is exceptionally creepy.  Sweet, don’t get me wrong, but creepy.

Andrew walked up with the Uncles.  Andrew looked at me and said, “You are not to do whatever it is you did again.”

“I apparently tensed up and clogged the flow of that stuff.”

“You haven’t been doing your breathing exercises, have you.  You have to do that stuff every day, sometimes twice a day.  Otherwise weird stuff happens.”  Now he tells me.  Dorian looked stunned.

“A Templar… and you…”  He looked at me.  “Chrissy, I need that drink.”

The uncles passed me around for hugs, and then escorted us to the tavern.  If I wanted to get drinks with Dorian, then they were going to arrange it.  Regrettably, we forgot to feed us, too.  Bar snacks do not a meal make.  Dorian was on his fifth or sixth WHISKEY, my lovely wine drinker was, when Bull walked up.  “What’d you do to him?”

“I didn’t.  He learned something that shook him up.  He’ll be okay.”

“I’ll be fine.  Just need a bottle of this stuff next to wherever you are, dear girl.”

Dorian tried to stand.  It didn’t work out so well.  Bull caught him.  “Whoah, there.  Hey, Chrissy, where do you want me to pour him?”

“I suppose my room.  That’d be easiest.”  I kissed the uncles and led Bull into the main hall.

“I’ve never been down here,” he said as we descended the stairs.  “I always come in through the kitchens.”

“There’s a lot down here.  This place is bigger down here than up there.”  I opened my door.  “In here.”

He half carted, half dragged Dorian to the bed.  “There you go.  He’s kind of brawny for a mage.  You two an item?”

“You’re not winning the bet.  He and I are not an item.  Never will be, either.”

Bull eyed him.  “Interesting.  Need help getting him undressed?”

“Sure.  But only to his breeches.  You’re not getting a show today.”

“What makes you think I prefer guys?”

“I think you’re open minded enough to disregard what the meat suit looks like to play with the person in it.”  We worked while we talked.

“That’s… blunt.”

“Sorry.”

“Why?  I like blunt.  And I’m gonna use meat suit.  I’m not killing people!  I’m FREEing them.  From their meat suits!”  I shook my head.  “I’ll see you, Chrissy.  Lock the door, huh?  It’s been too long since the last attempt on your life.”

It’s been a very stressful day.  I’m turning in.


	20. Day 17, 21 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian's nightmare, the Chargers return

### Skyhold, Day 17, 21 Cloudreach, 9:41

I awoke in the middle of the night, or more probably early morning, to Dorian shaking in his sleep next to me.  I shook him to wake him, and he opened his eyes.  A small ball of light appeared above us, and he looked around with a shuddering breath.  “You okay, Dorian?”

“Fine, fine.”  He took a ragged breath.  “Sometimes one doesn’t guard as well as other times.  I thank you.”

“For what?”

“Waking me.”  He laid back down and threw an arm over his face.  I just watched him for a few minutes.  He’d tell me if he wanted.  “Thank you for not prying,” he said.

“I can feel that you are unsettled, but not scared.  I wouldn’t want to be interrogated feeling like that.”

“I seem to recall someone large carrying me to bed.”

“Yep.  Half-dragged you, more like.  Be grateful.  I didn’t let him strip you completely.”

“Thank the Maker for that.  I prefer to be awake when ogled.”

“There was no ogling.  He was fairly matter of fact about it.”

“No ogling?  None at all?”  He leaned up on his elbows to look at me.  His face was comical in its disappointment.  “I’m an excellent specimen for ogling, and he didn’t even look?”

“He did comment that you seemed brawnier than the average mage, if that helps.  And he did want to strip more off of you.”

“That’s better, then.”

“You better, Dorian?”

“Yes.  I don’t think I shall sleep, though.  And I stink of alcohol.  Terribly common.”

“Hey, I happen to be common, I’ll have you know.”

“There is nothing common about you, Dove.”

“I have a bathing room, if you wish to make use of it, or we could go down to the baths.”

“I’ll take you up on the private bath another time.  I feel the walk will be helpful.”

“Go grab some clothes and I’ll meet you there.”

He shrugged into his clothing and left, taking his glowy orb with him.  I grabbed a fresh outfit and smalls.  It seemed the room was darker for him than me, but considering there were no windows, I shouldn’t have been able to see so well.  Probably elven physiology.  I think I remember something about better eyesight, actually, so the one candle in the sitting area puts out enough light for me to see adequately.  I put it out as I left, locking the door, as Bull’s reminder echoed in my head.

The bathhouse was empty, which is always better than packed.  I beat Dorian there.  I settled into the bathing pools.  He arrived shortly after, availing himself of the soap before sinking into a neighboring pool.  “During the day, you can barely stretch your legs sometimes in these pools for fear of hitting another person.  It’s much more pleasant at night.  I may have to have nightmares more often.  What do you think?”

“I think that something I said, did, or was yesterday scared you.”

“I admit, I wasn’t quite prepared for your condition or the solution, but I am far more worried than scared.  I’ve never seen magic like yours, and I’ve seen many mages do magic.  You don’t channel magic at all.  The channels I created were the first in your being, and they were breaking down like tissue before I’d finished my third drink.  This breathing thing you do.  That is what you were doing when I carried you on horseback after the breach?”

“Yeah.  Sort of.  I basically exchange old dust for new dust.  Like it gets stale when pent up.  Letting it flow freely feels better.”

“I’ve done some thinking about the way you describe magic.  In the places I find it easier to get to the magic through the veil, like here, or a battlefield, or the like, you don’t seem to experience a veil at all, just more magic swirling about.”

“Andrew and I think that perhaps we straddle the veil somehow.”

“Ah yes, your dashing Templar companion.  I meant to ask you about him.”

“If he’d been discovered by a mage instead of a Templar, he’d be a mage right now, because that’s how he’d have been trained.  He sees the world the way I do, but he has had a decade with which to learn.”

“But he learned tricks that work opposite from your instincts.”

“Precisely.”

“May I ask a question of you, darling?  It’s very personal.”

“Of course.  I reserve the right to refuse to answer, though.”

“Where are you from?  How did you get here?”

“You sure you want to know?  Do you have a drink handy?”

“I grabbed a bottle of Tevinter’s finest, yes.”

“From what we can tell, when the veil tears, like at Ostwick or the breach, possibly when an archdemon awakes or is killed, the entirety of existence feels it.  And sometimes changes are made.  Someone may well wake up in a world they weren’t born to.”

“You’re saying there is more than one world.”

“I am.”

He took a swig of his drink.  “And these worlds are connected via the fade.”

“I don’t know.”

“So you woke up in Thedas the day of the Breach?”

“Yes.”

“This explains a lot.  Your lack of basic knowledge of Thedas, your bizarre habits, your odd beliefs.  You had visions of this place, somehow?  You know at least something of what’s happening and what’s going on.”

“I did.  Apparently the worlds are connected in strange ways.  Visions is a good way to describe it, but not exact.  I saw visions of the doings of the Hero of Ferelden, but my visions had so many options.  There were times he was a dwarf or she was a human, or even a dalish elf.  The beginning of the story was quite divergent.  The end as well.  I don’t know how the story actually went, just the different pathways it could have taken.  Same with Hawke and his adventures.  His personality, his doings, even his gender were mutable to my eyes, and many different outcomes, with some key points remaining constant, existed.  I’ve heard some of the actual way it happened from Hawke and Varric, but it all fits.  And now, Sam, is the same way.  The world hinges on these three, their choices, their existence.  I don’t know what will happen, but I know what the possibilities are, and the constants in every timeline.”

“One constant being the sacking of Haven?”

“Yes.  I didn’t know exactly when, but I knew it would be not long after closing the breach.”

“You forsaw the mages helping to close it?”

“It could have been the Templars.  Then we’d be looking at being overrun by Venatori instead of Red Templars.”

“I shudder to think.  I notice you do not discuss the future.”

“Would you?”

He sighed.  “Probably not.  I’m not even sure I believe all this.”

“That’s okay.  I halfway think I’m crazy myself.  I offer this.  Ask Sam about an Avvar man named Amund, a Sky Watcher, when he gets back.  The man would have spoken of rips in the skin of the Lady of the Skies.  If Sam’s closing all the rifts, he’ll come across this man in the Fallow Mire.  Potentially, the man will come to Skyhold.  I have a room ready for him, at the top of a tower.”

“For this to be true, you’d have to know what’s going on in the Fallow Mire, and who’s there, and what they’re doing.”

“Not know.  I don’t know.  It’s a possibility, depending on what Sam chooses.  The man is there, but beyond that, if Sam’s not closing every rift, if he kills instead of talks to this man, if he fails to extend the offer to him, if he merely goes straight through and doesn’t explore the environment, things could be different.  It all hinges upon Sam, and only Sam.  And the results will show me, and all of Thedas, what kind of man, what kind of Inquisition, this is.”

After that, we didn’t talk much.  After we’d appropriately pruned ourselves, we dressed and prepared for the day.  I guess I’d given him a lot to think about.  Before we parted ways, he stopped me.  “You are a treasure, my Dove.  Do not take my thoughtfulness as censure.”  That made me feel much better as he headed to the library. 

I went down to breakfast early.  Cook kindly let me play a bit in her kitchen.  I had an omelet, with sausage, chopped onions and peppers, fried potatoes, and grated cheese all folded in.  Yum.  I wasn’t ready to talk to people, so I went down to my desk early.  Mindful of what Dorian and Andrew had said, I LOOKED at myself.  The tubes that Dorian had created were gone.  Completely.  I saw no trace of them.  I took advantage of my solitude to do my exercises and breathe, the way I used to do.  It wasn’t as heady, but it felt wonderful.

Paperwork multiplies if left alone, but I’d been diligent recently.  There was nearly nothing to do.  I didn’t even have plans to see any particular locations, as everything was basically ready for people to get back.  I was almost down to just day-to-day running.  Everything else was on track or complete.  The shoring up of the walls and the brickwork and such were just going to take a while.

I double-checked on my people from my chair.  I carefully didn’t strum the threads leading to people who might sense it.  It’s early enough about half of them are still asleep, content.  Everyone else is doing alright.  For the first time in a long time, I really had nothing to do.  So I decided to spend the day with the Uncles. 

Enborr and Gruff were already working by the time I got to the armory.  I sat up on a table and they introduced me to all their new assistants and apprentices.  A couple elves, actually.  Real work instead of shit work.  One of them thanked me for making it possible.  I tried to deflect on the Inquisition itself, but the young man looked at me and stated quite bluntly that he was here because he had heard of what I did.  He’d come all the way from Killarney so he could be more than a ditch digger.  The Inquisition, he said, was for everybody, and so far, they lived up to their words.

Enborr strode up.  “Back to work, kid.  Now is not the time to be flirting with my niece.”

The elf swallowed, looking from the very large burly dwarf to me.  “Niece?”

“Niece.  As she says, don’t judge someone by the meat suit they wear.”

“Yes, sir.  No, sir.  Sorry, sir.  DIdn’t know she was a relative of yours.”  He stammered a bit more as he ran off to get to work.

Enborr looked at me.  “Don’t let him bother you.  They’re coming in by twos and threes, but they’re competent, and here to work, not gawk.  They just want a life.  Don’t let him steal your happy, Tidbit.”  He chucked me gently on the shoulder and went back to work.  

After a while, I bid adieu and wandered off again.  I was up on the wall when I heard a clatter behind me.  When I turned, I saw human silent guy and a pair of booted feet.  The booted feet disappeared through the gap in the crenellations. There was a male yell, and a thud.  Human silent guy just said, “Sorry about that, ma’am.”  I didn’t want to know.  And I didn’t look over to see.  Several soldiers came running up, but he waved them off.  “I have to report.  Would you please come with me, ma’am?”

Turns out human dude works for Cullen.  Cullen set him to take shifts with the others watching me, since they’d had some issues.  Apparently I am nowhere close to invisible anymore.  My name might not be being bandied about, but that doesn’t change anything.  Exaggerated and misattributed rumors of “my” deeds are apparently spreading in at least Ferelden.  I specifically asked Cullen how all these people were hearing about me, and he just said “soldiers talk, you know, and they get shifted around a lot.”  Joy.  Then he added “and Leliana might have let her agents slip the information to a few susceptible ears, as well.”  Fantabulous.  I’m a recruiting tool.

By afternoon I was bored and broody.  Then the Chargers arrived.  They didn’t look happy.  Bull was on hand to greet them, and I stayed in the background.  Krem handed some papers to Bull as they were directed into the tavern.  I snagged a messenger and told them to clear everyone out of the baths.  The Chargers were coming.  I then ran up and told Bull that I was having them cleared.  “They look exhausted, and would probably appreciate it.” 

Bull looked at me, then handed me the pages in his hand.  “These aren’t a good way of repaying you for that.”  I looked down and saw a face I recognized.  The world blurred for a moment before I got myself under control.  I hugged the pages to my chest and nodded my thanks.  Now to get names.  I had a trek to make.

Pages in hand, I knocked on Josie’s door.  When invited to enter, I told her that I had to make a trip.  Two days, max.  “Whatever for, Chrissy?”

“I have to go back to my fire.  I will go back to my fire, if I have to walk, Josie.”

“I’m certain that will not be necessary.  We can designate people to go with you.  When will you wish to leave?”

“Soon.  Probably tomorrow morning.”

“I see.  I will make sure things are ready for you.  Leave a list with me of anything that would need your attention during that time?”

“I will.”

I took the long way up to Dorian’s library nook.  He’d already started piling books.  Three were open on his chair, and he was staring out the window.  “Pensive, dear Altus?”

“Always.  To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I’m planning a trip.  Short.  Back toward Haven a ways, to play with fire.  I would like to invite you, if you’d like to come along.”

“To play with fire?”  I just nodded.  “Why do I feel it will be more complicated than that?”

“If you don’t want to go, I will understand.”

“No, no, this should be an adventure.”

I went over to the Templar area.  We had some few of the non-infected kind.  Gunther and Andrew among them, of course.  Probably fifteen in total in the castle itself, more down below, and even more in the world.  Not everyone was gotten to by the corrupt Templars.  Stragglers, those on missions, those that had delayed reaching Therinfall Redoubt for whatever reason, they were still Templars, and some ended up here.  I saw Gunther first.  He pulled me down next to him on the log.  “What’s going on, Chrissy?  You don’t come out to us very often.”

“I’m not fond of ice baths.”

He laughed.  “That’s right.  I remember that discussion.  So why are you here?”

“I’m going to tend my fire.  And to ask if you knew any of these faces.  I want to put names to them.”

He knew a few of the human faces.  Andrew wandered over while we were looking through the pile and provided another name.  Gunther invited him along to help me tend my fire.  Beat me to it, actually, but that’s okay.  “Of course we’re coming,” was the response.  Garalen as well, I’m assuming.  Those two are joined at the hip.  A lot, if I’m to guess.  A baby around here would be nice.  Anyway, that’s neither here nor there.

Cook and her girls gave me more names.  By the time dinner rolled around, all the faces were accounted for but one, and I got that last one from Cara in the dining hall.  At singalong time, I told everybody I’d be taking a small trek, and that I needed them to make sure things ran smoothly in my absence.  I’m still looking for a good point to introduce these people to the Sound of Silence, but that time hasn’t arrived yet.  Blowing in the wind and we shall overcome it is.  And some local ditties.

I bothered Varric after singalong time.  Invited him to come with.  He said maybe.  He was working on a book.  I suggested he start writing the next in the Sword and Shield series.  At least get a basic outline done, you know?  He looked at me and said he hadn’t intended to work on that one again.  I shrugged and said okay.  He narrowed his gaze.  “You’re pretty scary sometimes, Cuddles.  You have a reason you mentioned it.”

“It’s probably nothing.  Don’t worry about it.” 

He sighed.  “I’m finishing this one first.  No one likes Swords and Shields.  It wouldn’t even pay for itself.”

“Like I said, it’s nothing.  Forget it.”

“Like I could do that.”

I drifted down to the tavern.  The Chargers were drinking heavily.  Krem was in his chair.  “I wanted to thank you, Krem.  The lot of you, actually, but you’re the only one I really know.”

“You’re welcome, Chrissy.  Part of the job.”

“An unpleasant part.  It’s been a month.  I’m sure you didn’t find any survivors.”

“Luckily we also didn’t find any evidence that there had been any, either.  Nobody looked like they’d been around for a while after.”

“I’m kind of glad to hear that.  Not that they were dead, but that they hadn’t lingered.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll leave you be.  I just wanted to thank you.”  Krem nodded and drained his tankard.

The mood was glum.  Maryden was silent.  I went up and asked her if she’d mind if I sang something.  She told me the boys weren’t really in the mood for singing.  “This one’s a lament,” I said.  “It’s for mourning.”  I softly slid into “Ailein Duinn.”  I sang it in Gaelic, as I don’t know the translation.  I followed it with “An Eala Bhàn”.  I won’t say it was well-received, but it was cathartic to the mood of the room.  Sadness and melancholy instead of depression and despair.  There’s something about the wailing tones of Gaelic laments.  They sound like women crying, and it helps.

Turns out Maryden did know those kinds of songs, and she continued where I left off.  In English, not in Gaelic.  I don’t know any English language laments that aren’t also extremely religious, and I’m not talking the Maker.  I doubt anyone here would understand Amazing Grace or Mary’s Lament or Hallelujah.  Cultural differences.

Bull caught up with me as I left.  He draped an arm over my shoulders and pointed back to the tavern with his thumb.  “Thanks for that.”

“I didn’t do anything Maryden isn’t doing.”

“Sure.  But thanks, all the same.  Can I ask you something?”

“I suppose.”

“What language was that?”

“Gaelic.  And some nonsense syllables.” 

His brows pulled together.  “I don’t think I’ve heard of it.”

“Probably not.  Goodnight, Ser The Iron Bull.”  He let me go, and I headed up to Dorian’s room, avoiding the atrium.

* * *

 

 

 

For all of you unsure of what Chrissy's hair looks like, I found a picture.  Just imagine it's brown, not blond.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ailein Duinn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qkSNZ3agmI  
> An Eala Bhàn - The White Swan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qWWgntTdO0


	21. Day 18, 22 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Horseback Frickin' riding and reaching a real limit

### Skyhold, Day 18, 22 Cloudreach, 9:41

Sun in eyes!  I forgot how bright Dorian’s room is.  I warmed the room for him as I left.  I took the long way down, and stopped in the kitchen after I got dressed and snagged a change of clothes to go.  Cook was setting everything up, and I asked her if she could arrange for someone to take up Dorian’s tray.  I had to make some last minute arrangements.  She handed me a bag, full to the brim with travel fare.  I’m going to be gone 2 days, max!  We’re not going to eat this much, I was sure.  But I thanked her.  Worst case, I’d have leftovers.

I’d figured that four or five people without animals and wounded would travel far faster than all of us had getting here.  We could easily get there in a day.  Foolish me had planned to walk.  Well, apparently that wasn’t the case.  Andrew and Gunther, Garalen and Elias, Dorian, and two soldiers came up to my desk as I was filling out last minute paperwork for Josie.  “We’re ready to go, Chrissy,” said Garalen.  I said I had to run this up to Josie, and Gara grabbed it and handed it to a messenger wandering by.  “Take this to Lady Montilyet, please.”

I shrugged, grabbed my packet of paperwork I wanted to take with me, and turned to go up the stairs.  Dorian put his arm around me and steered me toward the kitchens.  “There’s nothing to worry about, Dove.  We got you a pleasant, easygoing mare.  Consider it Life in Thedas lessons.  You must be able to ride.”  They had horses waiting outside the stables for us.

Garalen stuffed my things in the saddlebags.  “We figured you had some idea that we’d be walking.  No way, honey.”

“I have absolutely no experience with riding horses, and I’m sure a long journey is not the time to learn.  I could walk.”

“You could.  But you won’t.  It’ll take us half a day, or less, on horseback, or all day walking.  We’re riding.”  She gave me a quick rundown of how to handle a horse.  I’d heard most of it, but I’ve never put it into practice.  It always sounded like way too many things at once.  Grip with your knees, hold the reins firmly but not too firmly, sit but don’t slouch, sway but don’t rock, rein guided or mouth guided, don’t pull to hard, make sure you pull hard enough.  And getting in the saddle and getting the stirrups the right length and all that.  It took me three tries to get on the surprisingly patient mare.  At least she was nice.  My companions were nice enough to hide their sniggers.

“I’m going to get even with you all.  You just wait.  I’m going to have blisters on my ass and you will all pay.”  Gunther got my stirrups set up for me. 

Elias came up next to me.  “You’ll be fine.  And it wasn’t my idea.  I’d like to point that out, in case I get in less trouble.”  Little shit was laughing at me.  “At least it’s not a halla or a hart, right?”

“One of those might work better.  This thing’s like straddling a redwood.”

“A what?”  Elias was confused, but Andrew guffawed.

“A tree with a large trunk.  I feel like I’m doing the splits, and I should know, because I can do the splits.”

Gunther chimed in with a smile.  “Tell me more about your flexibility, my lady!” And waggled his brows.  Must be a Templar thing.  Andrew does it too. Ugh.

After a few false starts, we got the mare going in the correct direction instead of circles.  It gave Josie a chance to come down and say goodbye. (I’d said goodbye to Daniel, Laura, the Tweedles, and most of Ethelathe in the dining room already.  I forgot to mention it.)  Josie covered her mouth as she watched me trying to get my mount to go straight.  It’s so nice to be the center of attention with everyone calling out advice.  Not.  Dorian had given up and was chortling so hard he was in danger of falling off his far more spirited mount.

“Keep laughing, Altus.  I know where you sleep.”  I was teasing, and he knew it.

I managed to get control of Frisky.  Yes, the rocking horse’s name was Frisky.  We headed out.  Garalen was right, riding horseback eats up the miles.  I was also right, and my backside was going numb.  There was a lot of pleasant banter and friendly talk for the trip, too.  The banter did not make up for the backside.

We stopped for lunch, and I got laughed at some more.  Apparently I was waddling spraddle-legged, and didn’t even realize it.  Garalen took pity on me, and reached into her pack.  She still had elfroot poultice.  “Garalen, do you know how much of this stuff we have left?  I dropped this thread.  Do I need to make more?”

Dorian interrupted.  “There will be no talk of work.  This is a serious endeavor that doesn’t permit the mundane minutia of work.”

“Mundane minutia?  Really?  And why can’t I talk work?”

“Because we don’t want you trying to take notes while swaying dangerously in the saddle, and then complaining about your penmanship.  That’s why.” 

I rolled my eyes at him.  “We’re not riding right now.”

“We’ll talk later,” Garalen kindly interjected.

I went behind a boulder and attended my rear.  Then we ate, and I clambered inelegantly back onto Frisky.  We could see the fire by midafternoon.  We stopped a bit away and set up camp.  I’d been right about two days.  But only because we used horses.  It would have taken travelling until dark without, I suppose.  Maybe.  This way it was a fun jaunt, not a hard slog.

Dorian kept getting distracted by the fire.  “Is that thing whispering?  Singing?  Something?”

“Yep,” Andrew agreed cheerfully.  “That’s why we’re here.  She,” and he pointed his finger at me, “needs to add more names to the list.”

“I didn’t know it would sing their names, actually.  I just gave it memories.  I didn’t find out it sung names until Zathras told me.  Apparently some of the new elves have been coming here before going up to Skyhold.  A part of the journey, it’s been said.  I’m assured it’s not a pilgrimage.”

“Then they’re lying to you.  Or themselves,” one of the soldiers, Harold, attested.  “They want to see that it says elven names and human names the same way.  Proof.  I’ve made this trip a couple times.  You’ll see what I mean when we get closer.”

That made me curious, so I spraddled my way up there.  The memory of fire doesn’t burn actual things, except the memory of wood, I suppose.  There were little trinkets tossed into the middle.  At least two rings, a stuffed nug, a few wooden carvings, withered flowers.  I reached in and plucked out the stuffed nug, giving it a cuddle.  They KNEW that it was just the memory of fire, and they still gasped when I did it.  It was warm, but not exactly hot.

No time like the present, I suppose.  I put the nug back and went back to my saddlebags, pulling out my list.  I knew I’d have to do it the way I did before.  I wouldn’t be able to just slide the names in.  I’d have to add my memory of the name being told to me, along with the mental image I had as I looked at the picture.  The other option was to find the faces in my memories and add the memory of hearing the name there.  I wasn’t sure which one would work better.

Dorian was staring at the fire.  “Did this include blood magic of some kind?”

“Nope.  I don’t do blood.  The only thing added to the wood was hair and tears.  The wood didn’t break skin as I gathered it.  Not that I would have cared at the time.”

“Did you plan the spell?”

“Uh, not exactly?  I did what felt right.  I know what I did and I can reproduce it.”

Elias came up on the other side of Dorian.  “Our Chrissy runs on instinct.  She does these fabulous bits of magic and then acts like they’re nothing because they’re not huge fireballs or freezing things to shatter.  She can’t do anything offensive like that at all.  But I’ll protect her if she can keep doing these sorts of things.  A shattered enemy wouldn’t be here two weeks later.  Reminds me of the magic in tales.  Is there magic like this in the Imperium, Altus Pavus?”

“Most of it is old, I’ll admit, but some things like this are created.  I’ve not seen such instinctive skill, though.  It could be refined, of course, but her instincts are better than many trained mages practiced efforts.”   

“I’m standing right here.  I’d prefer not to be talked about as if I wasn’t present.”

“Did you hear something?”  Of course Garalen had to chime in.  “Perhaps it was the wind.”  I pushed her.

“Not funny.”

“The wind is particularly strong today.”

The boys were both twitching their lips, trying not to laugh at us.  “Begone, the lot of you.  I need to work.”

“May I watch?”

“Of course, but don’t interfere.  Don’t stick your SELF in this.  I don’t know what it would do.  And please stay back.”

“I would never!”

“I know.”

I had to get into the right mindframe, so I opened my SELF and listened to the song of the fire.  It was definitely a song.  Almost everything is a song if you listen hard enough.  As the song slid through me, I could feel the grief I’d felt before.  I let it pull me into that mindstate again.  Tears coursing my cheeks, because I’d just lost them again, I reached into the flame and pulled the string of memories to me.  I looked at each dear face, and whispered each name that was missing.  It wasn’t what I’d expected to have to do at all, but it was what needed to be done.

The purple flames just sitting on the bare earth felt wrong.  I FELT about for some sort of solution.  There was silver, but that would be plundered.  There was also obsidian.  That would do.  I needed to make a cradle for the fire.  I’m not sure exactly what I did, actually.  I wanted the obsidian below me to come up and form a bowl underneath the fire.  I wanted it REALLY BAD, so bad that I PUSHED a significant portion of the dust I could find at that goal.  And then I TWISTED, and black oozed and steamed up through the permafrost.  It formed itself into a shallow pool under the flames.  I scoured it with glowy dust as it solidified.  Polished stone beneath the purple flames.  I knew, just knew, that if what I had wanted had been much larger, I’d not have been able to do it.  For the first time, I think I felt a hard limit.  Maybe because it was dealing with the earth.

I heard a “Whoah, I got you, Chrissy.” I was extremely dizzy, and I’m not sure who said it.  “We’ll get her tucked into bed.  She’ll do her breathing tomorrow and she’ll be fine.”  That one was Garalen.  Something soft wiped my face.  “This isn’t normal.”  Probably Dorian.  Any other conversation went over my head.  I was so tired.  The world spun and spun.  “We know you’re tired, Ethelathun.  Sleep now.”

I didn’t wake until well after dark.  Elias and Dorian are in a tent with me.  They’re cuddled up together.  I’d never realized that Elias might be interested in Dorian.  He does his fair share of leering at the ladies.  Maybe he’s just the kind that won’t limit his choices because of dangly bits or lack thereof?  I’m going to finish this up, and get some food.  I’m starved.  I’m still tired, too.  I ache, both in body and in spirit.  I think I pulled that magic muscle Dorian cringes about.  Therefore after I eat, I’m going to snuggle down  in my fur and sleep.


	22. Day 19, 23 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homecoming, and fixing up Dorian.

### Skyhold, Day 19, 23 Cloudreach, 9:41

I dreamed of birds.  I don’t know why I dreamed of birds, but I had a long conversation with some older human gent sitting on a park bench, and we fed the birds all night as we chatted.  I don’t remember what we chatted about, but I remember the birds.

* * *

 

I awoke in someone’s arms.  That in itself wasn’t usual, really.  However, that person was, shall we say, HAPPY to be near me?  I mean Dorian has usual reactions in the morning, but he doesn’t rub himself on me in his sleep.  I turned my head to find Dorian’s arms about Elias, and Elias’ arms about me.

“Elias…” I gently sang.  I wanted to wake him up so he’d let go, but not scare him into waking Dorian.  No effect.  Luckily with elves you have an extra edge.  I flicked his ear.  THAT woke him up.

“What was that for?”  He mumbled it into my shoulder.  I hadn’t flicked the ear hard or anything.

“I like you and all, but our relationship isn’t quite at the rubbing genitals stage, Elias.”  I heard Dorian chuckle behind us both.

“Indeed.  Please refrain from rubbing genitals this morning.  Unless I’m involved, of course.”  He was talking to Elias, who turned red.  The upside was that Elias let go of me, so I patted his shoulder and got up.

“I’ll let you two talk, then.”  I crawled out of the tent, not because the tent was so small, but because I didn’t want either of them to see how unsteady I still was.  I do like Elias, but not in that way, and it’d been a decade since I’d been poked with morning wood, much less rubbed with it.  It wasn’t even a minute before a red faced Elias stumbled out of the tent, followed soon after by Dorian in Debonair Dude mode.  It wouldn’t be a love match, but they’d have fun for a while.

It was still early, but the sun was cresting the mountains.  It caught the obsidian basin, and I realized the trinkets left behind were imbedded in the stone.  Even the stuffed nug.  Crap.  “Dorian?”

“Yes, Dove?”

“Is there some sort of preservation spell or something that you could put on that stuffed nug?”

“Why?”

“It’s sort of, embedded, in the basin.  Which means when it disintegrates, the basin will have a funky-shaped hole in it.  But if it was preserved, then the nug will be there, not a funky-shaped hole.”

“You are worried about an imperfection in a solid piece of stone that you just willed into existence?”

“I didn’t will it into existence.  It was below the surface.  I just kind of asked it to come up and take that shape.  I think.  I’m not entirely sure, actually.”

“Not entirely sure?  Maker preserve us.”

“Memorial fire on bare earth felt wrong.”

“I will have to do some research and come back.  I can’t make up a spell on the fly like that, and the objects will still be here in a week, or even a month.  No guarantees.  It occurs to me that you are doing all these ‘bits of magic’, as the handsome elf says, without a staff to help you.  We shall have to get you outfitted and trained.”

“You’re calmer than I expected, Dorian.”

“Yes, well, I’m waiting until we get back to Skyhold to turn into a blithering idiot.  I have every intention of locking myself in a room and drinking until your magic makes logical sense.  I notice you haven’t stood up yet.  Is there something I should know?”

“Of course not,” I said, brightly.  “I’m perfectly fine.”

“You shouldn’t lie to the nice man, Chrissy.”  Elias squatted down next to me.  “How bad is the shakiness?”

“I don’t know.  I haven’t tried my legs yet.”  I said it at the same time that Dorian exclaimed, “Nice?!”

“No time like the present.  We need to give Garalen a few minutes anyway.  She’s… Busy.”  I arched a brow.  “I’m not interrupting them.”

“I didn’t ask you to.  Won’t it be nice to have babies around?”

“That’s not likely, Chrissy.  We’re not very cross-fertile.”

“You might be surprised, when we’re talking about Andrew.”  He hoisted me up as I said that.  I was rather shaky.  “My legs are shaky, my butt hurts, I think I sprained my magic, and we still have to ride back to Skyhold today.  I have to be there tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m betting that’s when Cassandra’s getting back, and I want to be there when she sees her room.”

The normal day commenced.  Breakfast, tending the horses, sniggering at Garalen.  Apparently Dorian’s been more helpful than I realized. Now that there are glances between him and Elias, I’m getting a few glances of my own.  Too bad so sad, because after riding the horse for hours, I don’t want to ride ANYTHING.  Especially if I was going to have to work at it.

Liam, the other soldier, did not wait for me to try to climb in the saddle.  He picked me up by the waist and set me in it.  He has a nice smile, and I think he’s flirting.  He's cute, and not a babe in woods.  It might have been more effective if planting my nether bits in the saddle hadn’t stung like a wicked bitch.  When we get back to Skyhold, I’m going to try out my new tub.  I can probably think of some way to heat the water. 

Anyway, we saddled up and headed home.  The conversation was pleasant, but I was still a touch unsteady, so I had to concentrate more on actually steering my beast.  At least we only ended up going in circles a couple times.  It might have been better if she wasn’t so sweet and responsive.  A more headstrong mare might have ignored me a little bit and just followed everyone else.

We ate travel rations as we rode, not bothering to stop because this was all downhill.  Arrival in Skyhold came sooner than I expected, probably because it was a downhill trek.  Gethon was in the stables, and he had pity in his eyes when he came up.  “Come on.  It’s going to be bad regardless, you might as well get it over with.”  He held Frisky while I dismounted.  Badly.  And my legs didn’t exactly support me.  Gethon dropped the reins and grabbed me.  “Most people start with a half hour or hour, not two days riding.  Possibly you might want lessons, now?”

“Possibly.  Right now, I never want to ride anything ever again.”

“Can you get to your rooms or do you need help?”

“I can get there.”  I must not have looked it, because he waved someone over to take Frisky and put an arm around my waist.

The others gathered their stuff, Gethon snagged my bags (giving me THAT LOOK when I opened my mouth to object), and we all walked up to the kitchen door.  No sense going way out of our way.  Liam and Harold said goodbye and headed off in a different direction.  Gunther and Andrew went up the stairs to the main hall, saying goodbye.  Dorian saw Gethon and me to my door, and asked if I would be okay.  Of course.  Duh.  So he went up to his room, too.

I would have been fine, but Gethon didn’t let go as I unlocked my room.  He delivered me to the settee and squatted in front of me, holding my hand.  “That was harder than you let on, Ethelathun.  You feel sad and stretched and sore.” 

That startled me.  “You can feel me?”

“I’ve always been good with animals, and we are all animals of one sort or another.  Sometimes it’s more there than others, but I can almost always feel you a little bit if I try when I’m touching you.” 

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to inflict myself on you.”

“It’s fine.  Like I said, it’s only when I’m touching you unless everybody feels it.  May I make a suggestion?”

“Sure.”

“Take a long hot bath.  Use some of your salve.  Take the rest of the day off.  And show up for riding lessons in the morning.  Early.  That way you won’t feel like you’ve been punched in the rear end next time you have to go somewhere.”

“I’m planning to stay home from now on.”

“You might have reason to leave again.  Shouldn’t you be prepared for any eventuality?  Or is that just us?”  Damn it.  My expression must have given me away, because he stood, ruffled my hair, and said, “Remember that we are here for you, like you’ve been here for us.”  He left me alone.

I tested the silver taps in the bathroom.  If one of them was hot water, I was in business.  Considering the heat under the undercroft, I thought maybe the geothermal energy of the volcano we were probably on top of may be utilized.  I’m not sure if it was magic or geothermal, but one came out blessedly hot.  The tub was filling when Leorah arrived.

“Gethon said you might need help getting into the bath.”  She looked at me.  “Oh goodness, Chrissy, you look exhausted!  What did you do to yourself?  I thought this was a little jaunt, not a battle!”

“It was a little jaunt.  I just may have overextended myself a wee bit.  Too much time on a horse.”

She chattered about normal things, which I was glad to hear.  Gossip and news, most of which gladdened my heart.  She added some concoctions from the little bottles around to the bathtub, and didn’t leave until I was ensconced therein.  Which I got into all by myself, thank you.  She must have put elfroot in it, because it soothed my sore legs and butt more than I expected.  She said she’d be back in an hour to make sure I hadn’t drowned, and left.  Obviously Ethelathe had decided I needed some pampering.  And they hadn’t even heard about the memorial upgrade yet.

By the time she came back, I was feeling physically better. I had gotten out of the tub and dressed all on my own.  I still felt sprained on the inside, but the outside felt better.  The time in the tub had eased the sad, too.  It was from reimmersing myself in fresh grief, I knew.  I was going back to my real emotions, what was left.  I was much better than I had been.  I think the worst part was feeling them die.  I didn’t cope well. She stayed long enough to make sure I was okay, and went back to the cloth room.

I knew Gethron had said to take the day off, but paperwork wasn’t really working.  Sort of.  And there was an hour or two left in the work day.  I sat down at my desk, very grateful for those extra pillows, and went over the recent additions.  There were only things regarding Ethelathe.  I had to check in with Josie.

I did that, and then wended my way over to the tavern for dinner and a drink or two.  The Chargers looked less glum.  I sat at the bar, and Lisa actually came up and sat next to me.  She made small talk and I warily engaged her, but she was pleasant the whole time.  Didn’t discuss work or requisitions or anything.  After that, I went down to where Elias sleeps.

Catching his attention was easy.  He looked confused when I told him where Dorian’s room was, so I lied to him.  Flat out lied.  Two truths per lie, that’s the formula, so I gave two lies and four truths.  “Dorian prefers to sleep next to someone.  He gets so cold here at night.  He’s from a much warmer climate, you know.  I just.  I don’t really want company tonight.  I thought that maybe you would be nice enough to share with him?  Just for a day or two?  You seemed to get along on the trip.”

“Of course.  I’m sorry, Chrissy.  I should have realized you needed some alone time.  I’ll check on him and see if he wants a stand-in, okay?  I’ll tell him what you’ve said about wanting to be alone.”

“Oh, please don’t do that.  I wouldn’t want him to think I was avoiding him.”  That one was all truth.  Elias agreed, hugged me and wished me pleasant dreams, and snagged a small bag.  I think I kept my grin hidden until he was gone, but barely.  Dorian could take him up on it or not, take it at face value or not, and Elias could do the same.  Then I went to be in my own bed, alone for the first time in weeks.


	23. Day 20, 24 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares, a conversation with Solas, riding lessons, Cassandra's room

### Skyhold, Day 20, 24 Cloudreach, 9:41

I learned something new in my dreams.  Some demons don’t want to possess you at all.  They have no interest in coming out of the fade.  They just want to play with you.  Extract emotion.  Torture you.  It makes them stronger.  And sometimes they find the right trigger so hard that you wake up screaming, having soaked the bed with sweat.  I needed to be prepared before I went back to sleep.

So I took my sheets to the laundry after getting dressed.  I was in no mood to sleep anyway.   I wore a dress to make Leorah happy.  Besides, my leggings were all still wet.  I’d washed them and the tunics, and they were drying in the bathroom.  I mean, I had to do something when I couldn’t get to sleep.  I’d tried drying them the “other” way, but it almost felt like I’d felt after the Templar attack.  I needed to recover; time to heal.  Little magics until I don’t ache anymore, at most.  I did put on my vest.  Something was niggling at me, and it niggled less when I picked it up.

I decided to walk Skyhold.  It was probably four or so, so people would be up soon anyway.  The view from the causeway keeps getting oddly prettier.  The embers of fires almost look like stars on the ground, to match the stars in the sky.  Clouds are gathering on the horizon, so maybe we’ll even get rain.  I hope so.  It’s been a month, almost, with no precipitation at all.  That’s not normal.  Tarasyl'an Te'las needs crops if we’re going to be able to last here without bending our knees to the Chantry or the Nobles.  Inquisibutt needs to be in a stable position when they call the Exalted Council.  Having a self-sustaining essentially impregnable fortress just might help.

I felt someone pass.  Far enough to be a non-threat, but close enough to let me know they were there.  I tensed.  “I mean you no harm.”  He settled on the causeway near, but not too near.  “I have apologies to make.”

“Yes, you do.  But they will mean nothing if the behavior doesn’t change.”  My voice was flat.

“That is understandable.  I will make every effort to behave more appropriately.”

“No more screaming at me, no more lectures, unless I ask for them?”  I turned to look at him.

“I do tend to lecture, but I will try.  I will certainly modulate my tone.”

“And our interactions will be here, where I can get help should I need it.”  I may have glanced at the guards on the parapets and the barbican.

“You think you need protection from me?”

“I’m certain of it.”

His shoulders sagged.  “Granted.”

“Why would you follow all these rules, Solas.  Why are you interested in some random stupid knife-ear anyway?”

“You are a puzzle.  I don’t understand you at all.  None of your reactions match my expectations, from the first time I sensed your magic.  Which is different than most, I might add.  When I expect you to cower, you stand toe to toe with me, shouting me down.  I think my ears still ring.  When I expect you to be forthright you become reticent.  When I expect coyness and reticence, you are direct.  You do not fear me, despite your words, and that is rarer than you may believe.  You challenge me at every turn, rebuffing my efforts and establishing rules where I’ve not had any.  And I do not consider you either stupid or a random knife-ear.  You would never tolerate a human using that term.”

“That edged dangerously close to censure.”

“I will add that information to the boundaries you are putting in place.  Even the fact that you are setting boundaries is odd.  I am used to offering a small taste of information and seeing someone cling and question.  Seek me out, even.  You have asked nothing of me, save a piece of information I was too slow to provide.  That is quite galling.”

“Why did you blow your top over my sleeping with Dorian?”

“My last view of you in Skyhold was you, barely coherent, being tugged and pushed by a human mage in the direction of his quarters.  There was none of the giggling of a temporary tryst.  The human was grim faced and determined.  There were only two options.  You were wasting yourself, or you were unwilling.  Then I recalled that you delivered his breakfast each morning you did mine, after coming down from that level of the library.  You were willing.  I got angry.”

“It’s none of your business either way.”

“The most promising young mage I’ve seen since my travels in the fade?  A glimmer of hope for the people?”

“Even were that so.  It is my life, and not yours.  I get to choose what I do with it, even if it doesn’t agree with your ideals.”

“Yes.  The ability to choose is the key to freedom.  I would not trap you, Chrysopal.”

“Yet you’ve done so twice now.”

“Twice?”

“You said to me, ‘Pleasant dreams, Da’asha, for the rest of the night’.  I could not awaken myself after that, and additionally awoke unusually late.  That was not your doing?  We both know about the first incident.  Your apology was extensive.”

“I did nothing to cause that.”

“Your word?”

“Yes. You have my word I did nothing to affect your sleep that night other than to ensure your dreams would be pleasant.  May I ask a question or two?”

“I reserve the right not to answer.  I suggest caution.”

“You have been hostile to me since before we met.”

“And it’s been proven to me how wrong I was, hasn’t it?  You’ve been nothing but sweetness and light, caring and supportive, both of me and my people, of all races.  You couldn’t have possibly engaged in lies, torture, and entrapment.”

“I did not engage in torture.”

“You truly believe lying about being able to heal someone and then forcibly keeping them trapped in a damaged body, constantly in pain and out of breath, isn’t torture?”

“I don’t understand why you would allow me anywhere near you at all.”

“Perhaps I think you can be better than you seem to be.  Mostly it’s because I tried keeping you away and it made things worse.”

His face remained blank.  “One other question, then.  If I may?”

“I’m halfway tempted to ask if you may what, but I’m refraining.  Although I would like to point out that this would be the first actual question other than asking to ask questions.”

“So it is.  Why do you not want contact in the fade?”

“It’s a second home to you, if not your first home, Dreamer.  You have power there, and I am defenseless.  There is no way to get help, and any help I found that came from the fade, especially here in Skyhold, would be suspect.”

“As I am suspect.”

“Yes.”

“So you wish witnesses to our interactions.”

“You grabbed my shoulders and SHOOK me in the fade, Solas.  That is assault.  You stalked me and grabbed me and SMELLED me.  Again, assault. That you descended upon my dreams without permission, repeatedly, is intrusive in and of itself.  You wrapped a tether around my spirit without consent.  At one point I was so worried something was stalking me in the fade, YOU, that I confined myself in a sphere to protect myself.  Do you understand why I may be a hair wary?  What other offenses would you commit if angered enough?”

“You already expect death.”

“There are many worse things than death.”

“Your reasoning.  You use logic where I would expect emotion, and emotion when I expect logic.  You are fascinating.”

“So I’m a bug under glass?”

“My apologies mean nothing?  The beneficial things I’ve done?”

“Is it really an apology if the behavior doesn’t change? If I hit a child, then hug her and apologize, then hit her again, she will expect to be hit the next time I raise my hand.”

He took a breath at that one.  Probably stung.  “It’s getting light, Chrysopal.  May I have the honor of escorting you back into Skyhold keep?”  He made a slight bow and held out his arm.  Damn, this guy is smooth. 

“I’ll walk with you, Ser Smarmy, but I will not be clinging to your arm.”

“Ser Smarmy?  I’m crushed.  I will endeavor just to enjoy your company.”

“Continual compliments and ego stroking gets just as annoying as yelling, Solas.” We walked, side by side, towards the gatehouse.

“I will add that to the list, Keeper of Skyhold.” 

“Chatelaine.”

“You use your word.  I shall use mine.”

“This is your chance, Solas.”

“To prove that I’m not whatever you think I am?”

“No.  To prove you can be better than what I think you are.”

“I see.”

“I doubt it, but time will tell.”

“It always does.”  We reached the kitchen stairs.

I stopped and turned to him.  “Solas, I will be willing to hear an apology once I believe that this isn’t just another tactic to put me under your control until you figure me out.”  I’d never seen that startled look in real life.

“You think I’m just trying a different method?”

“I probably remember this quote incorrectly, but it went ‘The greatest part of the information I have was acquired by hunting something, and finding something else along the way.’  You’re a hunter.  Perhaps of information, perhaps not.  And I don’t rest easy because of that.  I don’t know what it is you hunt.  I don’t know if I’m the something, or the something else.  I left you well alone, for good reason.  You wouldn’t let that stand.  If you want to treat with me, you will have to behave in a fashion that indicates mutual respect.  I’m not actually sure you can respect anyone you don’t consider your equal.”

“You have an interesting mind, Chrysopal.  I have thought so from the beginning.  I will think on your words.  Perhaps we are not so different, after all.”  He left me there with a graceful bow.  It actually didn’t look mocking or sarcastic or anything.  I didn’t breathe easy until he was out of sight.  One very fraught conversation, but I came away with fingers and toes intact.  He’d given me my three days and three nights, plus a night, then spoken to me in person and in public.  We’ll see.

The leisurely stroll hadn’t bothered me, but those stairs up to the kitchens were a pain.  Breakfast, with me confirming breakfast for two in Dorian’s room after checking on Elias’. Porridge with some fruit I couldn’t identify but was yummy.  As I was eating, Gethon sat down next to me.  “So did you like Frisky?  I can keep you on her, or we can try someone else.  Dennet thinks she may be too wide for you.”

“Dennet may be right.  I felt like I was doing the splits the whole trip.  She was nice, though.”

“Then we’ll find you another.  You’re picking at your food, trying to delay.  Let’s go, Chrissy.”

I let him drag me out, and he showed me some of what I was doing wrong.  I could actually get on, get off, and hold the reins properly at the end of the lesson.  Quite the accomplishment, I think.

Josie had sent down my paperwork.  Two days and I had tons to do.  I spent the rest of the morning sitting on a cushion, writing and planning and calculating.  After lunch I decided to take a walk.  I was sore, but sitting was making me stiff.  I was up on the parapets when the fade rippled.  “COLE!”

“You always see me.”

“Do you mind?”

“No. It’s nice.  I like blue.  And the bunny.”

“I’m glad.  I’m assuming they’re not far?”

“Yes.  You are.”

“Am I right?”

“Yes. You are tired, too.”

“I’ll be okay.  I’m going to get Josie.  See you soon?”

“Probably.”

I looked around and no one was around where I was, so I just hopped off the stairs to the ground.  Easier than doing the doubleback.  Then I heard “I saw that” from Garalen.  Damn, she’s sneaky.  I waved and kept going.

I got to Josie’s office and was telling her that the Inquisitor should arrive soon when the messenger barreled in saying the Inquisitor and his party had been sighted.  She looked at me.  I just said “Cole”.  “Josie, would you do me a favor?  Would you show Sam his room?  I’ve got to show Lady Pentaghast hers.  Sera’s is ready, too.  Madame de Fer’s furniture is in place, and I’m designating one of her handmaids to show her the room.  Blackwall’s in the stable loft rooms, and a messenger can show him.”

“Of course.  I would be glad to.”

“Excellent.”  I came out of her office and looked at Varric.  “Seeker’s back.”

“Thanks for the warning.”

“You’re welcome.  She’s really not so bad.”

“You aren’t a dwarf she likes to yell at.”

“Maybe she’s enamored of the chest hair.”

“And who could blame her, but I don’t think that’s it.”

I eased my way down the main steps to the dais portion so I could see.  Josie met up with me there as the party came in.  She waved enthusiastically.  I folded my hands and smiled.  We descended the steps and she went up to Sam.  “Inquisitor, if you will follow me, I will show you to your new quarters.”

I made my way to Cassandra.  “Lady Seeker, if you will follow me, I’ll show you the room that has been prepared for you.”

“Of course.”

“Did you have a pleasant trip?” I asked as we headed for the armory.

“It rained the entire time.  We stopped off in the Hinterlands to take care of a problem I was informed of by Leliana, as well.  We made very good time.”

“I’m glad.  You seem more cheerful than when you left.”

“I was a little unhappy, yes.”

We climbed the stairs.  “I wanted to give you your choice of rooms.  If you don’t like this one, I have another that might do.”  I opened the door, leading her into the little entryway closed by the curtain.  Once we were both inside, I gestured for her to pull the curtain aside.

She gasped.  “You think this is something I would want?”  Her words weren’t ideal, but the awe in her voice was.  “You see me like this?”

“You are more than your armor, Lady Pentaghast.  But if you do not like it…”

“It’s… I have no words.”

“And if you keep the entrance curtain closed, no one will see your room even when you answer the door.  Complete privacy.  I couldn’t get a bath up here in time, but we’ve uncovered heated baths in the bottom of the Commander’s tower.  Would you like to see the other room?”

“Is it like this?”

“It’s more utilitarian, to match your outward appearance.”

“I will keep this one.”

“Of course.  I’m glad you like it.  The embroidery was done by Leorah, if you happen to want to compliment her.  Many of the linens were sewn by her as well.  She’s quite the designer.”

“It’s lovely.  I will thank this Leorah, but this is your work.  I see your touch in the improvements I see everywhere.  You are a credit to the Inquisition, Mistress Chrysopal.”

“I’m a credit to Skyhold.  Skyhold is a credit to the Inquisition.”

“Just so.”  She nodded.

“I’ll leave you to rest.  Dinner is served either in the dining hall, the tavern, or the mess hall.  The dining hall is next to the kitchens, just ask someone to direct you.  The tavern requires payment, and is fully operational.  The mess hall is within the prison complex, as are the soldiers’ barracks.”  I listed the evening’s menu for the dining hall and the tavern, and told her that the soldiers’ mess wasn’t under my purview (therefore I didn’t know what they were serving).  “Any runner will be glad to direct you where you need to go.  If not, feel free to seek me or mine for assistance.  Enjoy your evening, Seeker.”

“You as well.”

That went remarkably well.  The pleasure on her face made it well worth it.  Now I know how Varric’s going to feel later. I went down to dinner in the dining hall.  News everywhere, and I got lots of snuggles from my kids.

Singalong time was something I had missed.  I saw Cole sitting against the wall.  He seemed to like the music.  We shall overcome.  Someday.  After I turned the guitar over to Eadras for more Thedasian songs, I opened my SELF to check on everyone.  We’re better together.  Inquisibabe is tired, but he’s laughing at something, so he must be okay.  Dorian’s pensive, but he’s often pensive.  Solas.  His thread is still there.  I actually expected it to be gone.  I’m not sure why.

While I was LOOKING at my people, I happened to glance at my door.  There was something on it, like the chantry board.  I slipped over there and read “There was a terror demon near here, not of my doing.  It is no longer.  Pleasant dreams, Da’asha.”  I’m still not sure what to think of that. It's neither contact in the fade nor contact that could be threatening.  Even LOOKING and checking on my people caused that place to ache, so I didn’t remove the note.  I just said goodnight at the end of songtime, tucked in the littles, took a long, hot bath, and climbed into bed, which had been made in my absence.  I’ll be going to sleep in just a moment.

* * *

Lady Pentaghast's room, just imagine an armor stand instead of a dress mold, and fewer windows: 


	24. Day 21, 25 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebuffing the Inquisibabe, more Dorian, Idiot Soldiers, Varric asks for advice, and Cole plants a seed of thought.

### Skyhold, Day 21, 25 Cloudreach, 9:41

I’m apparently too used to sleeping next to someone.  I just can’t seem to get comfortable at night, though at least my dreams, when I managed to get a few moments of sleep, were undisturbed.  I’m just going to have to adjust.  But that’s why I was up on the battlements before dawn, again.

Other people are having the same issues, I suppose.  I mean, the mind running too fast to sleep issues, not the sleeping next to people issues, but I don’t know.  In any case, Inquisibabe came up next to me.  “I saw you haunting the battlements from my tower.  Is everything okay?”

“I just couldn’t sleep.  Did you rescue the soldiers?”

“They’re fine.  Recovering.  How’d you know about the water?”

“I remembered.”

He thought about questioning that, but didn’t.  “I didn’t get a hug when I got back.  You were busy.”

I smiled.  “It’s not hug day, but I suppose I could make an exception.”

He wrapped his arms around me, and then surprised me by laying his lips on mine.  They were soft, but nothing to write home about.  He pulled his head back after a moment.  “Not a single hint of interest.  No response at all.”

“You’re cute and everything, Sam, but you’re not my type.”

“You have another suitor?”

“Nope.  Not at the moment.  But no, that doesn’t mean you have a chance.”

“You’re bad for a man’s ego, Chrissy.”

“I don’t see how.  I didn’t scream or throw up.”

“That would be worse, yes.”  He let out a chuckle.  “I’d been weaving fantasies of you running up to me when we arrived, throwing your arms about me.”

“I’m not responsible for your fantasies.  But I did miss you.  As one misses an annoying but dear friend.”

“No chance.”

“None.”

“Damn.  I owe Varric money.  He tried to tell me.”  I burst out laughing at that.

“You’re still welcome to hugs and cuddles, unless the other ladies in your life object.”

“Who can resist cuddles?”  And he stood next to me with his arm around me, and we watched the sunrise.  That went better than I’d feared, honestly.  We talked for a bit, about Skyhold and what I’d been doing.  About the Fallow Mire, and what he’d been doing, and going after an apostate mage in the Hinterlands for Cassandra.  The sun came fully over the horizon, and we agreed to get on with the day.  Then he turned to me.  “I may not have a claim on your heart, but I wouldn’t see it broken.  Your suitors better treat you right.” 

“No worries on that part.  I’ve not had a beau in years, and the last one soured me on beaus in general.”

“Give me his name, and the Inquisition will flatten him.”  That was kind of a gleeful thought.  The Inquisition descending upon my ex-husband on Earth, I mean.  It made me smile.

“He’s beyond your reach, Sam.  But I appreciate the thought.”  He wrapped an arm around my neck, then suddenly turned so my neck was trapped against his waist, and proceeded to NUGGIE my HEAD.

“If I’m going to be your brother, I’m going treat you EXACTLY like I do my big sister.  Bye!”  He released me and bounced down the stairs, probably to avoid my retaliation.  I’d get him.  I know how to treat little brothers.

Gethon met up with me at breakfast, and dragged me into another lesson.  I may have whined at him about finally having a morning where my butt didn’t hurt, but he didn’t listen.  Dennet watched him work with me for a while, then when I was currying my mount after I was done, he came up to me.  “I didn’t realize you were interested in riding.”

“I’d never had the time to learn.  I spent time in a stable doing the work part, though.”

“Have you ever gotten up on a Hart?”

“I’ve been on three live mounts in my life, and the first one was an ancient pony led in a circle at a fair.”

“A hart might feel more natural for you.  After you get a few more of the basics down, I’m going to have Geth set you up on Drummer.”  And he walked off.   A man of few words, that.

A quick wipe down and off for paperwork.  Ugh.  I didn’t realize how much paper is involved with paperwork.  You can interact with hundreds of files on a computer, and there’s no pile that falls over.  Damn it.  And no chance you’ll be on your knees on the floor with your ass in the air chasing pages when the next person who wants to talk to you walks up.  And starts laughing.

“It’s not funny, Dorian.”

“Perhaps not from YOUR perspective, but from this side, it’s hilarious.  Would you like some assistance?”

“If you could manage to get all these pages back in one pile, I’d be grateful, yes.”

A gust of wind blew through the room, leaving the pages in two neat stacks.  “I was an apprentice, once.  I could teach you that spell, if you like.”

“Maybe when it doesn’t hurt to do magic anymore.  Thank you, Dorian.  That’s much easier.”  I picked up the stacks and put them back on my desk, setting books on top to keep them there.”

“You need some decorative paperweights.  And what do you mean, hurt?  It hurts to do magic?”

“I told you I sprained something.  It’s better, but still not healed.”

“I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

“Yeah, well it’s not as bad as the annulment, so I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“Annulment!  What annulment!  Someone severed your connection to the fade?”

“They tried.  Didn’t work so well.  You just have to breathe between the sharp pieces.”

“Breathe between the... You have...  That’s not...  Maker.  I’m… just going to carry a bottle.  But you should get that checked, by someone who can check it?  CAN someone check it?”

“I know of someone, but he and I are not on the best of terms.”

He sighed, and changed the subject.  “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“Have not.”

“Elias said that you sent him to me.”

“I was sure you’d enjoy his company better than mine, especially in bed.”

“A lover doesn’t take the place of a friend, my Dove.”

I smiled at him.  “And a friend makes sure that there is time and place for a lover, so when I saw the interest on both sides, I did.”

“So you walk Skyhold at night instead of sleeping.”

“Sometimes.  I’m fine, love.”

“You’re not, but I won’t press.  You were out on the battlements earlier.”

“Oh dear.  Is everyone going to ask me about that?”

“Only those people who saw a disgruntled Inquisitor paying Varric 5 sovereigns.”

“I shot him down, yes.”

“I’m sorry?”  Oops.  Earthisms.

“I refused him.  Gently.  And then he offered to bring the Inquisition down on the man who hurts me.  So sweet.”

“That’s a scary prospect.  Join me for lunch, Dove?”

“I’d love to, Dorian.  And then perhaps we could wander down toward the practice field?”

He laughed.  “Absolutely.”  He presented his arm, and I took it.

Lunch, eye-candy, then I checked on the progress of the renovations.  I went to the prisons for the first time.  Idiot soldier at the prisons didn’t want to let me in.  “Is there a prisoner?”

“No.”

“So there’s no way I could be aiding and abetting an enemy?”

“No.”

“So why wouldn’t I be allowed to look at the hole in the keep?”

“Maybe you should get someone in charge to write you a note or something, elf.  Until then, you should probably get back to work.”

“Oh, really?  Very well, then.”

So I went up to Cullen’s office.  “Chrissy, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Apparently I need a note from ‘someone in charge’ to see the damage to the keep I’m responsible for, Commander.  Until then, I should ‘probably get back to work.’  She wasn’t precisely rude, I admit.  However, I do need to cast an eye over what’s been done from a structural perspective, and I don’t feel like arguing until I’m blue in the face.  Could you spare me a moment?”

He looked at his paperwork.  “I could use a break.  Shall we go view the damage and the repairs?”

“That would be nice.  Perhaps introductions are in order as well, to prevent any further difficulties?”

“If you like.”

So I walked my happy butt right back into the prison area, was introduced by the Commander to the horribly embarrassed soldier, and we viewed the destruction in the prison as well as the minimal repairs.  After spending a few moments musing over what could cause such destruction, we walked back to the main hall together, where he left me with a smile.

Varric spoke up.  “So, two in one day?”

“Two what?”

“First the Inquisitor, now the Commander?”

“Three, actually.  First, the Inquisitor learned that this particular woman is not available to him, as you know already, since you were paid.  Then lunch with Dorian.  Then the Commander was kind enough to introduce me to an irritating soldier in the prison complex.  All completely innocent.”

“That’s not what I’m going to say in my book.”

“Are you planning on making me sound as salacious as possible?”

“Of course.  You have to write what sells.”

“I’m not going to be in your books.  Copyright infringement.”

He laughed.  “You’re copyrighted?”

“Not yet, but it seemed the thing to say.” 

“That was a good one.  The Inquisitor’s going to head back to the Hinterlands soon.  Says he’s got to ‘clean up’ the area.  Then the plan is to move on to Crestwood to meet with Hawke.  He’ll be taking me with him.  I was wondering, any words of advice for me?”

“You’re serious?”

“I don’t know where you get it, but you’ve got some insight.  I don’t turn down extra help.”

“Are you sure you’re serious about this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know.  Most people wouldn’t ask for advice from someone who might be crazy.”

“You’re not crazy.”

“Very well.  Don’t drink the water, at least until it’s not green.”

“Green?”

“You’ll see.  Did he work all three astrariums in the Hinterlands?”

“There are three?”

“There are always three.  Including in Crestwood.”

“I see.  How do you know that?”

“I won’t answer that.”  I smiled at him.  “For the rest, be nice to the trysting couple, they’re just kids.  Explore everything.  And try talking to the spirits.  You might be surprised.”

“You want me to talk to spirits.”

“Why not?  I’ve seen you talk to books, chairs, stairs, fire, beer, cards, shoes, and your chest hair.  Why wouldn’t you talk to a spirit?”

“Those other things don’t talk back.”

“Neither do most spirits.  I don’t expect you to chat up someone who’s attacking you, but if they’re not attacking you, wouldn’t it be nice to know WHY?  Worst case scenario, they attack you.  But you’ve still gained a short break from the fighting.”

“That’s actually a fair point, now that I think about it.  But if my stuff starts talking to me, I’m coming after you.”

“Fair enough.  When do you leave, Storyteller?”

“Not until after the holiday.  His Inquisitorialness wants everyone who can to enjoy Summerday.”

“Summerday?”

“You don’t know about Summerday?  It’s in six days, Cuddles.  There’s only five holidays a year that everyone celebrates.”

“I dropped a thread.  An important thread.  I’m so sorry, Storyteller.  I have to go.”  I kissed him on the cheek and ran off to see Cook.  I hadn’t made ANY plans for a celebration. 

Varric called out “Five minutes isn’t going to make a difference!” as I left.  

Luckily other people had made plans.  I’d at some point approved “general celebration” instructions.  I vaguely remember it, but not completely.  Cook had everything on track for the feast.  I’d requisitioned everything she asked for.  She confided that she’d asked for extra, because she wanted to make sure enough stayed below stairs “for the rest of us.”  I told her that if any of her girls, or boys, had trouble with wandering hands, I would make sure it got handled.  “We know that, Mistress.  You take care of us.”

Leorah had the Inquisition banners and celebration decorations ready to go up.  I was snootily told the cloister would handle the gardens, so I washed my hands of that section.  I went to the Commander, second time in one day. “Back again?”

“Do you have a moment?”

“Of course.  What do you need?”

“Summerday is coming up.  I am concerned about the usual issues when you involve young people such as soldiers, alcohol, and celebrations of coming of age.  And the usual issues with inebriated people and dubious consent, especially among those paid to smile and be pleasant no matter what.”

“You’re worried that what happened to” 

I interrupted him.  “Yes.”

“I’m sorry?”

“She was one of those lost, Commander.  I’m not ready to hear her name.  But yes, that is the kind of situation I am concerned with.”

“I will make sure there is adequate briefing on the consequences of, how did you put it?  Dubious consent?”

“Yes.”

“Consider it handled, from my end.  We’ll post reminders, as well.  If there is an incident, Chrysopal, I should like to be informed immediately.”

“Of course.” 

I went out the central door.  I actually had a question for Solas.  The continuation of a previous conversation, in a way.  I came in the door and didn’t see him.  Dang it.  I must have sighed or something, because I heard his voice.  “Was there something I can do for you, Chrysopal?”  He was up on the scaffolding, drawing on the wall with a charcoal pencil.

“I was hoping to ask you a question.”

“I will be right down.”  And he slung his legs over the side and hopped down.  I’m not the only one playing with the “no falling damage in Skyhold” idea, it seems.  He dusted charcoal off his hands, then rubbed his brow, leaving a streak of gray.  I pressed my lips together, hard, because now he had streaks on his nose, cheeks, and forehead.  Yep, he’s an artist.  He’s probably going to be covered in multicolored plaster, later.  “Something wrong?”

I did my best to keep a straight face as I held my handkerchief out to him.  “You might want to…” I gestured at his face.

He rubbed it on his cheek, confused.  Then looked at it.  “Oh, for…  Just a moment, please.”  There’s a basin and ewer on one of his tables, so he dampened the cloth and wiped his face and hands.  “You should have less trouble refraining from laughter now,” he said, as he turned to me.  I was struggling, I admit.  “Fine, get it out of your system,” he sighed.  That helped turn the giggle urge off.

“No, no, you’ve fixed it.  Except for the bit on your left ear.  If I had any doubt that you were an artist, it’s completely gone now.  I used to know a sculptor of clay, and she ended up with bits stuck everywhere as well.”

“You came here for a reason, I presume?”

“Yes.  You seemed displeased that I never asked anything of you except one thing you weren’t able to provide in time.  So, I thought I’d ask a similar question along the same vein.  Since removing all the alcohol for the Summerday celebration is a bad idea for several reasons, is there a way to instantly sober a miscreant?”

“You were serious about that worry.”

“I seldom lie, Solas.  Too complicated.”

“I don’t know for certain, but I will make every effort to check.  Is there a time table this time?”

“Well, the information would be useful whenever it was available, but we are discussing Summerday, which is six days from now.  If you would be willing to keep an eye out, as well, for trouble?  Things are going too well.”

“I can do that.”

“Then I’ll take my leave.”  I stopped on the way out.  “Thank you.  I do appreciate it.”  He tipped his head, thoughtful.

I’ll talk to Bull tomorrow.  I’m fairly certain he’d be on board with cracking heads if someone acts up.  I went down to the dining hall and ate with my littles.  Laura’s going to be fostered out soon, she tells me.  I’m going to have to check in with Josie on that one.  Stephen’s still begging to be put with the soldiers, but he’s two years too young.  Daniel wants to stay with us, thank goodness.  The Tweedles haven’t thought about it at all.  Neither shows any inclination to magic, so far.

Songtime was fun.  Then Cole started humming a song I hadn’t taught yet, The dance of the wild faeries, next to me.  Not loud, but it struck me as odd.  “Eadras, do you have legends of the fae people here?”

“The fae, Chrissy?  I’m not familiar with them.”

“Fairies?” 

"We have fairy tales.  Little people with wings?"  He still looked confused. 

“Never mind.  That's not it.  Thank you.”

I looked at Cole.  "Could it have diluted so much, here?"

Cole looked at me.  “Others, to tell things.  Before.  The season is coming?”

“Maybe.  It may be.”

“Legends from history.”

“Could the reach be so far?”

“Where is far?”

“Good point.”

“It isn’t pointy at all.”

“Never mind, Dear.”

“I am Dear, even before you met me.  That’s odd, but nice.”

The littles got tucked in, the adults said their goodnights, and I'm going to bed.


	25. Day 22, 26 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Potential breakthroughs scare Dorian. Two geeks together. Iron Bull is interesting.

### Skyhold, Day 22, 26 Cloudreach, 9:41

Despair demons, even the good ones, are easy.  Especially when you’re not feeling their emotion all that much.  I don’t know how to turn terror upon itself yet.  The despair demon suggested I scare it, but I’m not sure how far I should trust a demon’s advice.  I still toss and turn though.  Once again, I was meandering Skyhold in the dark for much of the early morning.  The walking helps clear my head.  I can survive on three or four hours of sleep a night, right?  It gives me a chance to look things over before there are people everywhere, too. 

Aside from the clunky buildings, this place is beautiful.  I find myself wondering what the original keep looked like.  Somehow I don’t see “Ferelden stone box” as the typical elven citadel.  It’s possible that it has a similar floorplan, though.  There’s a feel to the way things flow that seems more natural and organic than regimented.  Plus, sometimes form follows function.  Towers are going to be appropriate in particular places, not just randomly along a wall.  The causeway is at the narrowest crossing from the surrounding mountains to our little shelf.  And part of me still wants to paint the whole thing white, just to see.  Things to muse upon.

I did get the chance to see a group of three of Leliana’s people arrive, before dawn.  I was too far away to identify them, but maybe Zathras is back.  I’ve been good.  I’ve done my exercises, and my breathing.  It’s not an hour a day, but he just said every day, not a specific amount of time.  Ten minutes is plenty, right?  The good part is that I ache much less, so even if I have to BREATHE into a movement, I should be able to fool him that I’ve been practicing more than I have.

I opened my SELF on the battlements.  I can’t count how many tenuous links have appeared.  Down in the frozen valley, here in Tarasyl'an Te'las, and going over the horizon.  How in the dickens am I connected to people over the horizon?  One or two maybe, but that many?  I have maybe seventy-five strong links, and a few weird ones, but those are all here.  Everything else is tons of wispiness floating off into the distance.  I don’t feel much from those when I strum them, though.  Most of my people are asleep.  One vibrated back at me.  Oops.  I try to skip that one.

I closed myself down again, because that twanged that place inside.  The ache is much better, but I really have to stick to little things. It’s taking longer than I expected to recover this time.  Last time it only took three days to reach this point, but I suppose I was under constant supervision and lecturing.  I’ve not exactly told anyone about this one, and I didn’t pass out immediately, just got dizzy/weird.  I think I fooled Ethelathe into thinking I’m fine, without deliberately meaning to.  Let’s just hope for no emergencies.

Breakfast, consultations with Cook, riding, a quick meeting with the new head housekeeper (my dear Joan, who moved in with us with Isa), and paperwork.  Typical morning.  I finally took the note off my door.  It was itching at me.  That made me stop for a thought.  It hadn’t itched when it was put up.  It took two days to get itchy, unless he changed something.  Mages here had glowy dust sort of backed up in their systems, stored for use.  It couldn’t be that simple, could it?  Stagnant magic?  I went hunting for Andrew.

He was down in the Templar tents, practicing the pointy object stuff.  He took a short break, and basically said he had no idea, because “I’ve never tried to feel a difference between fresh and stale magic.”  That’s a good way of putting it, too.  Fresh magic and stale magic.  Depends on if it’s bread or water.  My fire was older than that, but it hadn’t itched.  Even mage staffs don’t generally itch.  Maybe because they actually channel magic through them instead of letting it collect there?  I had to talk to Dorian.

I went looking for Dorian and found him in his nook.  “Dorian, I think I’ve learned something.”

“First time, Dove?”  He was playing, and it was cute, but it wasn’t the time.

“No.  Stop that.”  But I did smile at him.  “I think it’s STAGNANT magic that itches.  No flow.  Fresh magic has a tingly-buzzy pleasant feeling like too much adrenaline.”

“You’re going too fast again, my dear.  First, could you stop bouncing?  You are making me tired just looking at you.  Second, stagnant magic?”

“Dorian, you know what stagnant means.  And if magic has a flow, a tide, even ripples and currents, then why wouldn’t it also get stale and stagnant in places?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Just a moment.”  I watched as he opened a chest, pulled out a highball glass, and put two square stones in it.  He leaned down and rummaged in another decorative box and took out a beautiful glass bottle.  Removing the lid, he poured two fingers of a dark gold liquid into the glass, pondered a moment and then added another finger.  I went to speak, and he held up his hand.  He took a small sip, exhaled carefully, and then downed the glass.

Setting the glass down, he turned back to me.  “My dove, in the course of just a few sentences, you’ve gone from describing magic, which was previously “glowy dust”, as stagnant and itchy, as well as tingly-buzzy like something that I don’t understand, and then compounded things by speaking of magic as a vast water system with currents and tides.  You are going to need to slow down.” 

He led me over to his chair and bade me sit.  Squatting in front of me, he held my hand in his.  “Darling, magic doesn’t work that way.  There’s no such thing as ‘stale magic’, that I’ve ever heard of.  I’m told there’s likely no way to ‘sprain’ yourself, either.  And magic is not ‘tingly’.”

“I see.  Then apparently I’m experiencing something new?”

“You are that sure?”

I sighed at him.  “Come here, Dorian.”  I put my hand around the nape of his neck and pulled his forehead to mine.  I gently gathered some of the glowy dust in the room and slipped it into his being, until he was completely full, and perhaps overflowing a little.  It took maybe two seconds.

“Stop stop!”  I already had.  “My skin, it tingles like…”  He stumbled back a bit, landing on his rear, eyes wide.  “This is what you mean, this tingly feeling?  You feel this ALL THE TIME!”

“Not anymore.  Only when I allow myself to, unless it’s particularly strong.  But the other side of it, the itchiness, is intrusive.  I don’t know how to show that to you.  It’s the way your being is.  Itchy.  Not you so much at the others, but you use magic almost constantly, in little ways.  It doesn’t build up and sit in you like others.  Madame de Fer is the same way, actually.  As is Solas, though he is, in general, significantly less itchy than either of you.”

“I suppose at least that portion is good to hear.  Da’asha, you are scaring Dorian.”

I touched Dorian’s thread, since I was open anyway.  He shivered.  Did he feel that?  He wasn’t scared.  Shocked, surprised, and taken off guard, but not scared.  I closed my SELF, rubbing my sternum, because it ached somewhere in there.

“No, I’m not.”

“No, really, she isn’t. Dove, did that hurt you?”  There was worry in his tone, and he came back to touch my knee.

“Aches, no more.  Don’t worry.”

“You do this… thing, and hurt your… whatever, and show me… whatever this was, and I’m not to worry?”

“I’m sorry to have bothered you, Dorian.  I’m sure I have the concepts wrong again.”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant.”

Solas spoke.  “When you asked me about a magic sprain, I’d assumed that you were discussing the book in your hand.  You were not.”

“Why, no.  I didn’t realize you thought so, but when you said it was unlikely, I assumed you were correct.”

“And whatever she’s done to you is the cause of the panicked yelling that brought me running up here?”

“Whatever she did is fading.  It wasn’t unpleasant, really, just surprising.”

“I needed to show you I wasn’t making it up.  I’ll let you gentlemen finish your discussion.  I should go.” They both protested.  “I have work to do.  Maybe you two can figure out what’s going on with me.  Between you, most of any information I might provide is there.  Truly, I don’t want to hear the argument.  Dorian, you may tell him anything you wish about MAGIC, but…”

“Of a certainty, my dove.  I understand.”

“Da’asha, you don’t need to leave.”

“Would my being here be in any way productive, or would I be sitting, waiting for you two to ask questions while you discussed esoteric magical theories beyond my ken?”

They both had the grace to look a bit sheepish.  “We wouldn’t want to leave you out of something regarding you,” Dorian stated firmly.

“You might learn something or figure something out while you listen,” added Solas.

“I’m going to get lunch.  I’ll send some up to you both.  Then I’m going to do other things.  If you have questions, write them down.”  I kissed Dorian’s cheek, then paused as I passed Solas.  I didn’t touch him, though I had the urge to brush a hand against his shoulder in goodbye. I nodded instead, and left.

I did send up lunch to them.  It was just telling Cook that Solas was with Dorian, actually.  They both have standing requests.  I took my lunch at the tavern, because I wanted to chat with Krem or Bull if possible.  They were playing some sort of dice game I didn’t recognize.  I leaned on a post to watch, but it seemed the rules changed every round, erratically.  I’m fairly certain that Bull noticed me first, but it took almost a minute more for Krem to notice me standing there.

He glanced at Bull and stood up.  (The dice game is played on the floor, in a circle like with marbles, with multiple cups and strange beads of various colors, as well.  Your guess is as good as mine.)  “Chrissy, haven’t seen you in a while.  What can I do for you?”

“I’ve been busy.  Had to leave for a couple of days.  You guys doing okay?”

“Of course.  Experience, process, and move on.  It works.”  He shrugged.  “How about you?”

“There are holes in me that aren’t yet healed, but they’re beginning to scab over.”

“Did you come for a reason?”  He glanced at Bull again. 

“I was actually hoping to chat with Ser The Iron Bull about Summerday.”

“I’m RIGHT HERE.  Krem isn’t a gateguard.”

“Sometimes he is.  Or should be.  Right, Krem?”

“I’m not going to answer that with the Chief right there.  He’s scarier than you are.”

“I’m not scary.”

“Of course not.”  Krem nodded at me, and veered off to a table to get a drink.

“So, what about Summerday.”

“Sometimes people get handsy on holidays.  I was going to ask if you’d mind looking out for issues of abuse or dubious consent.”

“I always do.  Not a fan of that sort of stuff.”

“Of course.  I wasn’t speaking of negotiated arrangements, I wish to make clear.  Drunk humans don’t often negotiate with elves.  Or any other of the serving people, really.”

“Yeah, that’s sometimes a problem.  I don’t allow it around me, though.  I’ll keep my eye open.” 

I smiled at that one.  “Thanks, The Iron Bull.”

“Heard that Vint’s found a partner.”

“They’re not serious.  Elias is sweet, but Dorian would walk all over him long term.  And Dorian’s fun, but Elias will get frustrated with the determinedly cocky façade.  But they both feel better for the time being.  I think they’re scratching itches, not setting up house.”

“You seem pretty sure of that.”

“If you say so.  It’s just my opinion of course.  Anyway, I have things to do.”

“I’m sure.  You could always come by for coffee, you know.”

“I might do that.  I’m starting to spread a bit thin, so it won’t be daily.  Is that okay?”

“Overwork?”

“Nah.  Just too many places to be.”

“You look tired.”

“You always hand out the nicest compliments.”

“Yeah.  That wasn’t one.”

“My words were intended as both a sarcastic comment and an indication that the line of conversation was closed.”

“I gathered that, too.”

“See you later, The Iron Bull.”  He just lifted his hand and they went back to their game.

I checked on my people.  Well, the ones I actually knew.  I checked over the various workplaces, too.  It takes longer here than in Haven, so it was nearly dinner before I was finished.  I picked the kids up from school, and took them down to the main room to play.  Seeing Laura reminded me of the comment she’d made about fostering, so I sent a note to Josie about it.

We all trekked in to dinner, and I spent the rest of the evening normally.  I wonder if we could get a piano up here?  They probably have at least harpsichords.  I also never thought I’d say it, but I think I’d like a quiet night sometime soon.  Out in the wind and weather, like I used to spend on Druffalo Bluff.


	26. Day 23, 27 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geeks want information. Getting up late. Riding a Hart. Typical day. Inquisibutt lays down the law.

### Skyhold, Day 23, 27 Cloudreach, 9:41

I’d probably gotten up around one or two.  I was prowling the ramparts, planning on turning back in soon, when two mages came up to me.  You know, I seem to recall that these two don’t actually get along all that well.  Unless they’re doing the magic thing.  Crap. 

“You’re not sleeping.  You told me you were fine, Dove.”

“I am fine, Dorian.  I’m just enjoying the night air.  Why aren’t you in bed?  Hello, Solas.”

“We’ve been talking about the situation.  I seem to be incapable of seeing what you see, but I do think I understand at least part of what you are experiencing.  Solas appears to understand, but can’t explain it to me.  We have questions, and when I spotted you walking…”

“Where’s Elias?”

“Him?  I don’t know.  His bed, probably?”

“Dorian, did he come up to see you?”

“Chrissy, we are talking about MAGIC.  Solas, you tell her.”

“Chrysopal, I do have a few questions, but probably not ones you are willing to answer at this point.  I do need to know more about your usage of magic.”

I sighed.  “If I’m to be interrogated, I insist on comfort.  Let’s stop in the kitchens, and then we can use my sitting room.  I’ll tend to Elias in the morning.”

Dorian protested.  “But the library!”

“You can go back to the library if you wish.  I’m going to my room.”

Solas actually smiled at Dorian.  “I told you she was recalcitrant.  Infuriating woman.”

“Indeed.  I should have remembered her large stubborn streak.”

“I am neither stubborn nor recalcitrant.  I am merely headstrong.”

I then traipsed to the kitchens and assembled a tray from the servants’ larder.  Bread, cheese, almost-overripe fruit.  Both men had followed me.  I handed the tray to Solas, handed a pitcher of fruited water to Dorian, picked up some glasses, and went off to my room.  The Pampered Prince bookends looked startled to be handed the refreshments, but why should I do the heavy lifting?

I left the door open for them, and sat on my settee, putting the glasses on the small table.  After they arrived, Dorian started pouring.  “Before we get started, I have a completely unrelated question.”

“I reserve the right not to answer.”

“Fair enough.  Did you really tell the Inquisitor that he should be glad you weren’t screaming or vomiting?”

I was surprised, to say the least.  And trying not to laugh.  “Where did you hear that?”

“That’s what he told Varric as the money changed hands.”  Solas looked at us both with that inquisitive look he has.

“Well, it wasn’t quite that blunt, but those words may have crossed my lips.  I said I couldn’t be bad for his ego because of that.”

“Priceless.”

Solas arched an eyebrow.  “Would someone care to inform me what’s going on?”

“Our little Chrissy here completely crushed our poor Inquisitor after he tried to kiss her.”

“He succeeded in kissing me.  I don’t see why people are finding it funny.”

“He kissed you, and you told him to be glad you didn’t vomit?” Solas’ eyebrows went up to his nonexistent hairline.

“That’s not precisely how it went.  New subject, please.  And there is no cause for the laughter.  Dorian, how much have you had to drink this evening?”

“Oh, enough to be fuzzy, but not too much to participate.”

“So you’re only a little sloshed.”

“Quite right.”

I sipped the water and waited.  The men were silent.  After a few moments, I quirked a brow of my own.  “I thought there were questions?”

Solas took a deep breath.  “Dorian told me that you’ve been doing magic only since the breach.”

“I have not done anything like Thedasian magic before that point, yes.”

“Evasive, but fully true.”

“As clear as possible.”

Dorian was looking at us.  “Why do I feel like I’m missing a conversation somewhere?”

“Solas and I took a while to come to a tentative truce.”

“That’s one way to put it, yes.”

“I see.  Or not.”  Dorian did look confused.

“Did we come here to discuss my personal life?  Because I would DEARLY love to ask you some questions, Dorian.”

“No, of course not.  Basically, elven skeptic over here has requested clarification of the things you’ve done with your glowy dust.  He’s clearly not been paying attention recently.”

“Certainly.  It’s fairly short list.  Potions, veiling, nearbeer, painting, invisible writing, untying knots...” I glanced at Solas, then continued. “basic healing, creating fire, changing fire, making light, connecting things to other things, moving rocks, and a barrier.”

Dorian’s mouth dropped open.  “That is NOT the list I would give, my dove.  Let’s try this again.  I remember Eadras talking about potions. True?”  I nodded.  “What is this ‘nearbeer’?”

“Removing alcohol from wine, beer, and spirits.”

“Alright.”  Solas was nodding as Dorian spoke.  “How much wine, beer, and spirits?”

“All of it.  Why?”  Solas stopped nodding.

“All of it?”  Solas' voice was too calm.

“Well, it wouldn’t do to affect only half of it.  How would I tell the difference?  This barrel but not that one?”

“And that’s when Elias said you had the nosebleed,” Dorian continued.

“That was because I fell off the wall after passing out.  It was only two days after the annulment, after all.”

“Quite.  Everyone gets nosebleeds when they remove all the alcohol from a town two days after an annulment.  Painting, what did you paint?”

“Actually, I didn’t, really.  Someone tossed paint on the bulletin board we made, so I spread it evenly and turned it red.”

“Turned it red.  Of course.  What other color would it be. Invisible writing?”

“He knows all about that.  I wasn’t sure it was him, actually.”

“Is that why you were so pleasant?” Solas broke in.

“Probably.  Since you’re going in order, Dorian, Invisible writing is writing stuff with the glowy dust you are so offended by.  Untying knots, he knows that one too.  He tied a magic tether to me and it took hours to undo.  Basic healing was encouraging the cells of my alveoli to replicate, healing my lungs enough to be able to breathe.”

At the confused looks on that one, I told them alveoli were the little bitty sacs in your lungs that actually held the air. Then I continued, “Fire, that was in the mountains, to make a pyre of sorts.  I changed it to sing the memories of the lost, turning it purple.”

“That’s what you modified on our little trip?”

“Yes, Dorian.”

“You also added the stone basin.”

“Yes, but I didn’t take into account the trinkets there.  A really bad job on my part.”

Solas asked, “How did you make a stone basin?  And how big was the fire?”

“The fire was about normal size for a funeral pyre, I think.  About the size of a druffalo?  As for the basin, I sort of looked to see what materials around, wanted the obsidian to make a basin real bad, and twisted the magic into doing what I wanted.  The rock bubbled up and formed itself into a shallow pool.  So I scrubbed it into a bowl-ish shape.”  He took a deep breath.  “If you growl, yell, otherwise criticize, or do anything except potentially explain how I did it and how I might refrain from hurting myself next time, I will hit you and then I will never speak to you again.” He shut his mouth.

Dorian looked at us.  “Chrissy, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak to someone like that before.”

“I have cause.”

“No, no.  It’s fascinating.  I thought you got along with everyone.  Do continue.”

“I get along with most people.  Even him, sometimes.  Anyway, the barrier was a joint effort between Andrew and me.  He put up an antimagic barrier and I nudged a physical one up behind it, and then we sort of blended it together at the edges.  That was only because you told me not to show people my magic, Dorian.”

“I do recall, yes.  And instead of refraining, you decided to play with swirling a Templar’s abilities with magic.  And the ‘making light’ is what you are calling glowing and making those visual patterns in the air.”

“Yep.”

“I’m assuming you don’t want to discuss the clogging of your magic or the disappearing conduits, either?”

“Certainly not.  I wasn’t doing magic for that.”

“See what I mean, Solas?  Elias says she does these wonderful bits of magic but can’t defend herself at all.”

“Oh, I forgot that I can clean and grow people’s hair, too.  And I once hurt someone when Feren was beaten, but I think that’s only when I’m mad and I don’t know how I did it.”

Solas let out a sigh.  “And you forget this one.”  He tugged on the connection between us.

“Ow.  Please don’t do that right now.  It hurts.”  I rubbed my chest.

“Doing even that hurts?”  Solas sounded concerned.

“Just aches, really, except for the actual tug.  Doesn’t so much hurt anymore.  It’s improving.”

The bald one looked at Dorian.  “You were right, she’s completely untrained and in need of some sort of guidance.  She mixes magic styles and does things that should require significant study.  And she’s damaged something.”

“And you know the others have figured it’s her.”

“We’ll have to arrange for something.”

“Whoah, boys.  I only asked that someone find out what’s happening, not try to order my life.  I’ve got too many threads in the air already, and I really don’t have room for however long “guidance” or whatever arrangement would take.”  They looked at each other and nodded like they’d made some sort of decision, but they kept their mouths shut.  “Just tell me if the glowy stuff is real, and if it really does get stagnant if left in one place for too long.”

Dorian said no at the same time as Solas said yes.  Well, that was helpful.  So I said that.  The two mages proceeded to start debating the issue. Sounded like a conversation for which I came in during the middle.  Dorian talked of invisible magic that could be felt and shaped.  Solas spoke of color and texture.  I figured people interpreted the sensations in some way they could understand.  They disagreed, arguing late into the night.  After a while, I fell asleep.  I truly was tired.  I woke up alone, in my bed, with the dishes and cups and stuff cleared.  I would have thought it was just a dream if the candles hadn’t been glowing.  Not lit, mind you.  Glowing.  Joy.

It was actually mid-breakfast when I got out of my room.  I’d missed my consulation with Cook.  She told me she’d send up a note with the changes and approvals she needed, because she was way too busy at the moment.  I grabbed a quick bite and went with Gethon to the stables.  There was a hart, in a strange saddle, waiting for me this time.  “You’re kidding, right?”

“Dennet says that you’ve got the right kind of seat for a hart, and that you should try Drummer, here.  Just try it, Chrissy.”

“This thing’s back is over my head, but okay.”  I stepped into the stirrup like I’d been taught, and threw my leg over, settling.  It did feel different.  Leaned a hair further back, knees a touch closer together.  When I looked, there was no bit in Drummer’s mouth.  Entirely neck and knee led.  Gethon led us for a while so we could get used to each other, and then told me to go in a circle in the paddock.  And I did!  It worked!  Drummer’s gait was a little odd, but I like riding the hart better than the horses.  Guess Dennet’s good at this stuff.  Shocker, I know.

Gethon was grinning as I slid off Drummer’s back.  “Dennet said if you suited each other, Drummer would be your usual mount.  Looks like that’s what’s going on.”  I tended Drummer and bid farewell to Geth.  Dennet was nowhere to be seen, or I’d have said thank you to him.

Paperwork.  All the typical stuff.  There’s a shocking amount of paperwork.  Laura was right about fostering.  Leliana’s in talks with a couple up in Val Foret about taking our little lady in.  Josie would like assurance that everything’s on track for Summerday.  Cullen sent me a copy of the notice he’s posting tomorrow regarding proper treatment of people, including servants.  Three petitions to “join” Ethelathe.  Forwarded by Eadras.  One mediation, in writing.  I made a decision on that one (everybody gets out what they put in, and the rest goes to the Inquisition), and grabbed the three petitions.  I needed to talk to Eadras.  Who was nowhere to be found. 

I did find Zathras, though, as he was coming to look for me.  I put the paperwork back and we went out.  Ten minutes a day is not enough.  I got in my breathing, though.  He chastised me for not practicing enough, and walked me in for lunch.  He reminded me I’d promised he could buy me dinner in the tavern, I told him I’d meet him there at dusk tomorrow, and he left me to my own devices. 

I checked on Sera, who loved her rooms, but was busy doing stuff.  Something with bits of string and fluffy balls.  Maybe making “spiders”?  I spent some of the afternoon down with Harrit.  Enborr has his room down here, but Wulfgang works down here.  I don’t quite understand that, but Harrit says it’s probably because Enborr’s a dwarf.  They’re waiting on some new supplies and an Artificer.  Dagna’s coming!  I spoke to Elias, and he wasn’t hurt by Dorian’s rebuff last night.  Good thing.  “It’s not like that, Chrissy.  I mean it is, but it’s not.”  Clear as mud.  I double-checked the stillroom and the cloth storage, recounting to match against inventory.

Dinner, singing.  There was quite the stir when Dorian, Inquisibabe, and Solas came downstairs.  They’re not usually seen by us peons.  The Tweedles immediately started bugging Sam, who was sweet, but told them he needed to talk to me.  My first thought:  What did those two do?  I led Sam to my sitting room, and shut the door before Dorian or Solas could join us.  Sam piped up.  “Dorian just lost money.” 

“You boys are betting on who I let into my rooms now?”

“Nope.  Solas said you’d shut them out.  Dorian said you wouldn’t.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Inquisitor.  You are here officially, aren’t you?”

“Actually, yes.  It’s been pointed out to me, again, that you are an untrained mage.  Fiona is asking, demanding, you be put under her tutelage.”

“So much for freedom for mages, I see.  I’d rather be stabbed.”

“That’s… abrupt.  The other option is that you allow someone else to give you lessons and guidance.  An hour a day is all I ask.”

“Which one?”

“Which one what?”

“Which one cooked up this harebrained scheme?”

“You should be glad the Templars aren’t calling for your head.”

“The Templars know better.”

“I’m not answering your question, Chrissy.  Choose a mentor, or multiple mentors, or whatever, but you need training.  That much is clear.”

“Fine.  I will meet with the Templar Andrew on the morrow to discuss a potential mentor for me.”  Inquisibabe looked shocked.  “You object to my consulting the Templars on a suitable instructor?”

“No, no.  Just surprised, is all.  Most mages wouldn’t want to do that.”

“If that is all our business, Inquisitor?”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No.  I’m annoyed with the lot of you.  Exactly what am I supposed to dump to make time for the new lessons?  I’m already doing paperwork, handling the residence, overseeing the repairs with Eustace, taking riding lessons, taking physical fitness lessons, keeping track of Ethelathe, planning for a celebration, working up rosters, managing children’s schedules, and now you say I need to carve another hour out of my day to study magic.  I haven’t read an actual book in weeks.  I’m busy from sunup to sundown and my only real free time is in the middle of the night.”

“I’ll tell Josie you need an assistant.  Is that all?”  I huffed at him.

“That is not what I meant.”

“You’ll get an assistant.  You’ll confine your Residence work to mornings and emergencies and decision making instead of minutia.  You’ll trust your area bosses to report to you instead of checking on them in person every day.  You’ll ride in the morning as usual.  You’ll start taking your DEFENSE lessons in the afternoon, along with magic lessons.  Ethelathe can have afternoons, too.  DELEGATE, Chrissy.  Hire some people.  You’re not the person to be delivering meals, entertaining children, or cleaning privies anymore.  You have to realize that.  Pick any job.  We have elves and maidens and lads begging for it below in the valley.  Why don’t you interview some instead of taking their work?  You can start the day after Summerday.  Until then, you’re on vacation.”

“Vacation?”

“Yes.  Until you heal.  And sleep.  The bags under your eyes are huge.  You have bruises on your arms, probably from carrying things.  Bull, Dorian, Solas, Leorah, Eadras, a little girl named Laura who showed up at two the other morning and pointed you out on the walls, and a dwarf named Enborr say you are either working too hard or spread too thin or not sleeping, and my mages claim you’ve hurt yourself on your little field trip back to that first camp as well.”

“I need to get the paperwork done, at least.  What am I supposed to do for the next four days?”

“No paperwork.  Take strolls.  Be seen.  Rest.  Sleep.  Sing.  Play.  Read a book.  Whatever.  I’ll even let you keep taking riding lessons and start your magic lessons.”

“Let?”

“Don’t make me do that.  I will pull rank if I have to.  I’d rather ask this of you for a few days, okay?  Stop walking the castle at night and sleep.”

“I hear you.  And I will try to do some resting.”

“Chrissy, you’ve scheduled every single person under you for two days off every tenday, right?”

“Of course.”

“When was the last time you took a day off?  Josie’s was three days ago.  Except for this, I was taking today off.  Cullen takes days off every seven days.  When was yours?”

“I took that trip.  That was a day off.  I delegated everything.”

“And hurt yourself.  Doesn’t count.  Talk’s over, Chrissy.  I win.  Want to really mess with people?  We could ruffle our hair, mess up our clothes…”

“No, Sam.”  He pouted.  “You’re worse than Eadras, you know.”

“He said you weren’t listening when he asked you to slow down.  You have to listen to me.  And if he’d known you were hurt, he’d have grounded you.  I’ve heard him do it before.  I don’t appreciate being polished off and propped up to Inquisitor at you.”

“Fine.  I’m going to put frogs in your bed.  Actually, I’m going to tell…  Nevermind.  I’m going to talk to Sera.”  He paled a bit.  “Shall we relieve their minds, Inquisibutt?”

“Of course, Beloved.  If you’re going to Inquisibutt, I’m going to Beloved.”

“It’ll make for interesting gossip.”

We went back out.  Everyone pretended they weren’t watching the door, but it was fairly obvious.  They were doing the normal Thedas songs, not my songs.  Dorian raised a brow.  “You, my love,” and I pointed at him, “will pay.  I am being required to sleep.  Either find me a cuddle buddy who will not rub his dangly bits on me without permission, or you and Elias are having company.  Or find a way to magic me to sleep that will still let me wake up if necessary.” 

Solas raised a brow.  I looked at him and said, “You better not ask.  I’ve answered a lot of personal questions recently.”

“I’ve not heard you answer a single one.”

“Are you claiming that an integral part of my being isn’t personal, Solas?”

“An integral part of your being?  You may have a point.  A small one.  One of these days we just might exchange question for question.”  He was looking at me strangely.

Dorian piped up.  “Elias and I are not an every night sort of situation, Dove.  Your bed or mine?”  I pointed back at my room.  He looked at Solas.  “I sleep with her, by her choice and mine.”

Solas responded, “I know.  I just don’t know why.”

“Because she’s warm.”

“I see.”

I looked at him.  “I doubt it, but I think you’ll figure it out eventually.  I’m told you’re smart.”  And I smiled.

“It’d be easier if you would share your reasoning.”

“A question for a question?”

“Not today, Da’asha.”  I smirked at him.  He was no readier to answer personal questions than I was.

Inquisibutt chimed in.  “That was fascinating.  Truly.  Chrissy if you need a cuddle buddy, I offer my services.”

“Thank you, but I did specify no rubbing of dangly bits, did I not?”

“I can be good!”

“No.”  That word came from all three of us mages at the same time.  Dorian, Solas, and me.

Sam shook his head and said, “Well, I guess that’s final.  Goodnight, Chrissy.  If you need, you can pop up to my room.”  He turned to walk backwards and waggled his brows.  Ugh.  But he was kidding around, not serious.  I think.

I tucked the littles into bed, said goodnight to Eadras and the others, and went to my room.  Dorian showed up a moment or two later.  I’m writing this while he enjoys my private bath, and we’re heading for bed.


	27. Day 24, 28 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas is aggravating, Ethelathe is on my side (ish), Sera isn't as freaked out as I expected (because she's never SEEN me do magic, apparently), Andrew is helpful, Zathras is probably never going to talk to me again after the chargers. And getting even with inquisibutt.

### Skyhold, Day 24, 28 Cloudreach, 9:41

I woke up in the middle of the night, but this time, Dorian woke up, too.  He convinced me to stay in bed, and after a while, I went back to sleep.  When I woke up again, it was late enough to actually get up.  Or so I thought.  Until I tried to get up again, and Dorian once again stopped me.  “What are you going to do so early?” he asked. 

“I have to…”

He interrupted.  “Ah ah ah.  You don’t have ANYTHING to do today, Dove.  Why don’t we sleep in for a change, hmmm? You have no duties at the moment other than keeping my side warm.” He wins.  I curled my back against his side again, and laid there.  Now I know why he was so willing to cuddle.  He’s keeping me off the ramparts.  Eventually, I slept.  It was full daylight before he let me out of my own room.

All my people had already eaten and left by the time I got to the dining halls.  I’d tried to go to the kitchens, and Mr. Mustachio steered me smoothly elsewhere.  “I’ve never seen the dining hall, Dove.  Perhaps a tour?”  I didn’t even realize he’d done it until we were eating.

At least he left me after that.  I went out to the stables and enjoyed an hour with Drummer.  It quickly became apparent that while Ethelathe was grateful that I was supposed to take a vacation, they weren’t pleased that someone else had ordered me to.  So when Gethon was done with me, he told me quietly that everything was ready for Summerday at the stables, and he’d make sure I heard of anything urgent, no matter what the “knob up top” said.  And then admonished me to go sit and read or something.  I thanked him, asked him not to talk about Sam like that, and went off.

I had to pass through the kitchens.  Cook pulled me aside on the pretext of asking me about whether I wanted meals brought to me “during my convalescence”.  She quietly told me that since I had approved menus through the tenth, everything was fine.  She’d let me know if there were any incidents or emergencies.  “I can gossip with anyone I want, after all.”

By that point, my mood was MUCH brighter.  Until I got to my desk.  Tried to get to my desk.  Damn it.  Someone put up a barrier.  I ran my hand over it, trying to see if it was a wall or a globe.  I was considering LOOKING at it when Solas’ voice said “It’s a sphere, Da’asha.  The most effective way to contain something if you don’t want someone getting in, as I am certain you recall.”  There was way too much smirk in that voice.

“And now I can’t work on my novel.  I never expected you to try to stifle someone’s creativity.”  Truth, but there’s no novel.  I’ve not started it yet, of course.  But I couldn’t work on it, right?

“I shall be overjoyed to have someone fetch paper and quill for you.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Others might disagree.”

“Fine.  I’ll leave the desk alone.  That paperwork may be time-sensitive, though.  I should take it to Josie.”  I knew he’d prevent that, too, but I felt the need to poke at him.

“She will ask for anything she needs.  The pillow in your chair matches your eyes.”

“Leorah likes that color around me.”

“It’s an unusual shade.”

“Your point?”  I turned around to look at him. 

“What question would you ask?  In return for a single question from me, regarding your eyes.  Both honestly answered.”

“Both questions on the table before we agree to answer them?”

“Precisely.”

I had to think of something non-threatening, but personal.  Lovely.  “I’d want to know what color the hair on your head is or would be or was if allowed to grow naturally.”

“I wish to know if you have your mother’s eyes.”  I have a feeling he matched the perceived intrusiveness of his question to mine.

“I could answer that one.”

“My hair is a reddish brown when I allow it to grow naturally.  More red than brown.”

“My mother has eyes just like mine.  Or I have eyes just like hers, depending on perspective.”

He tilted his head slightly, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully for a moment.  Then he turned and strode away.  “You wouldn’t be able to remove that without time and effort.  It would hurt you, extending your recovery, and therefore your vacation.  Please leave it be.  Enjoy your morning, Keeper of Skyhold.”  Asshole.  But we each gained at least two pieces of information.  I know he shaves or otherwise depilates his red hair, and he knows that my living mother has passed her eye color to me.

I went to the cloth room.  Leorah wasn’t as soft a touch as Gethon or Cook, but I came away with yarn.  No promises to share issues there.  I didn’t bother trying most of the workplaces.  Harritt and Feren told me I should listen to Inquisibutt, but Feren whispered that he’d make sure the Uncles were safe for me.  He promised to let me come sit on them if they hurt themselves.

Then I realized that there was at least one person among all the people I knew who probably wouldn’t feel the need to coddle.  Sera.  She’d have something fun to do.  I went up to her door, grateful that Bull wasn’t out in the common room.  I knocked.  “Sera?  Do you hate me yet?”

The door opened.  “Why would I hate you?”

“I didn’t really think you would, but it was a fun way to get the door open.”

“Heard you’re a weirdie.  More weirdie.  Whatever.”  She opened the door and gestured me in.

“That’s what they tell me.  I’m supposed to ‘find a mentor’ or Inquisibutt is going to cage me up with Fiona.”

“Easy then, find a mentor, right?  I mean, there’s other mage people around.  That way, you won’t muck it up.  Never seen you do anything magicky, anyway.”

“Never thrown fire in my life, never touched a mage staff.”

She giggle-snorted.  “Nobody wants to touch a mage staff.  What if it shoots fire or something?” 

I had to laugh at that one, too. “Better than lightning.  Oh, the sheets! But Ice could be fun.”

“Ugh.  Not thinking of that.”

“I thought you’d be upset I was a mage.”

“You stand between, yeah?  Not going to forget.  Just don’t magic me, and you won’t find an arrow up your arse.”

“Never.”  I flopped on her window seat.  “I’ve been put on vacation, Sera.  I thought you might know something fun to do.”

“Well, I do, but…”

“But what?  Crap.  He got to you, too?”

“Nobody got to me.  I’ve just got… things.”

“Things.  And they’ll take until after Summerday, I’m sure.”  I sighed. 

“I can have things.  Important things.”

“Who?”

“Nobody.  I’m not telling.”

“Damn.  I warned Inquisibutt I was going to talk to you.  He’s probably expecting it, anyway.”

“The Inquisitor?”

“Yeah.  Thought it might be fun to find some frogs or something, maybe put a few in his bed?”

“He’s not on the list.”

“What list?”

“Where would we get frogs?”

“I know where we could get a custard pie.  We could put that in his bed.  At the bottom, so he sticks his toes in it.”  That made her giggle.  “But you have things.  Important things.  I wouldn’t want to distract you.”

“Pffft.  Let’s put his toes in custard.”

“Score!  Let’s go.”

Cook was all for it, and donated a half a bowl of custard, no pie required.  Sam was out with the soldiers, so I grabbed a handful of towels from my room.

“What’s that for?”

“Servants are invisible.  Let’s just go change the towels.”  I slipped the bowl in the towels.  We got the caper done, and I brought towels and bowl back down.  I’d shaken them out so they looked used.  Sera was quite artful with the custard, spreading it over the entire bottom portion of the bed before pulling up the sheets and furs.  We put our tools back where we got them, and split up, pleased with each other. 

Well, that occupied an hour.  It was lunchtime.  I accosted Philomena and Marta.  They were still doing running, but for Eustace now instead of the healers.  They brought me up to date on the gossip.  I told them that Zathras was buying me dinner in the tavern at dusk.  You’ve have thought I said the sun was blue or something.  Apparently they knew Zathras, and he was considered eminently available.  Hadn’t responded to Jailyn’s encouragement, so they’d assumed he wasn’t interested.  Sorry, Zathras.  I told them it wasn’t that kind of dinner, and that he was definitely not taken.  Yet.

Went to see Andrew.  He said he’d been told that I was coming by messenger, and asked to let Josie know if I didn’t show up today.  Sam apparently doesn’t understand that I keep my word yet.  He’ll learn.  Anyway, Andrew and I chatted a bit in private about the idea of combining skills, first.  He’ll be willing to teach a bit and learn a bit, and so will I.  However, he insists that I find a real mage to instruct me as well.  He says I wouldn’t like his suggestions, and liked the idea of me learning some Templar-style skills first.

He did whatever HE does to look at the glowy dust stuff, and he told me that he wasn’t going to get started today.  I “wasn’t right yet”, and needed to heal more.  I felt something when he looked, but it didn’t hurt like the tugging.  He can’t describe what he means, but I think I get it.  It’s like my thread connections, but with touching.  If I touch my threads, I know whether someone is feeling well or angry or something.  He doesn’t see threads, but it’s similar, and requires skin contact.

I browsed the lower library, and most of the books it looks like I could puzzle out.  About half are in English/trade/whatever, and more are in some form of latin-derived language.  A few in actual latin, from what I can tell, and yet more in various versions of squiggle.  I picked up one in English, about Elvish customs.

Dinner in the tavern was fun.  Zathras chatted about the antics of his friends, and we avoided every uncomfortable topic.  Krem did come by the table and warn Zath not to tire me out.  Cabot wouldn’t serve me ale, so I got fruit juice.  He wouldn’t serve me tea, either.  Not even an hour or two past dusk, Bull told me I was missing song time, and I should probably get going soon.  He SAT DOWN AT THE TABLE, and asked Zath how he knew me.  The only way I was able to stop the interrogation was by saying my goodbyes and asking Zath to walk me home.  Which was probably Bull’s goal.

I missed about half of singalong time.  Dorian hadn’t shown up by the time I’d tucked everyone in bed.  I decided to just settle in to read.  I finished only about a chapter.  (It took a while to read, because it was in very archaic language.  It was a treatise on the societal rules of city elves.  Fascinating, actually.)  He's watching me write, now, though.  Apparently someone had put custard in Inquisibabe's bed, and when he and his ladybird were at an interesting stage of developments, they ended up covered in it from the knees down.  Who might have done that?


	28. Day 25, 29 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Existential thoughts, Elias freaks, playing with Solas, talking with Cole.

### Skyhold, Day 25, 29 Cloudreach, 9:41

Actually slept the whole night, with only one small wakeup.  Dreams are normal.  No demons.  I have a feeling that’s because of Tarasyl'an Te'las and the magic that seeps from the stones here, more than anything else.  Managed to slip away from Dorian without waking him. 

I actually did feel better today.  Less something.  Stretched?  Maybe I feel that way to others, too.  At least those with which I have these connections.  It could explain why Dorian stayed asleep when he was up every second breath last night.  I kind of hope they aren’t feeling how I felt.

I wonder how much of the interactions I have with my people might be informed by the emotional connection?  Could they feel my worry yesterday, and that’s why some of them offered to keep me informed?  And by the time I’d gotten to Leorah, I wasn’t as concerned anymore, because Gethon and Cook had reassured me?  Something to think about.  I really don’t want to emotionally manipulate people. I needed to ask someone about my threads, but the only person I really see that has used tethers close to this is Solas.  Even Andrew’s similar skill required physical contact.

I snuck out while I had the chance, asking Cook to send Dorian’s tray to my room.  It was still very early, so I played in her kitchen a little bit.  Biscuit making is soothing.  I left while the biscuits were cooking, shooed out.  Cook said she could handle taking biscuits out of an oven. 

I thought a bit on how to stay in my “rules” and still annoy the hell out of the people trying to cage me.  Inquisibabe said be seen.  Well, I could certainly do that.  I hadn’t intended on visiting the downstairs camp before now, but since I had nothing to do…  I went to Elias, and told him I wanted to take a walk.  He grumbled something about way too early.  I just agreed with him and told him it wasn’t a big deal.  I’d just go by myself. 

I counted in my head.  One, two, three, and he’s wide awake.  “Where’s Dorian?”

“What do you mean?  Probably still asleep.”

“You managed to slip out past him?  Damn.”  Now I have them doing it.  Fewer Maker’s breaths and more damn its.  “How’d you manage that in the same bed?”

“Got up?”

“He’s going to be upset if he wakes up and you’re gone.”  He pulled on a tunic, snagged his blades, and grabbed my wrist.  “Let’s go.”  Dorian was still asleep when we got back to my room.  Elias loudly called out, “Hey, Dorian, I thought you had the night shift.”

“Shift?” I asked as Dorian groaned and opened one eye, focusing on Elias.

“I did.  She’s a grown woman,” he mumbled.

“What do you mean shift?” 

Elias shushed me, calling me Da’len. 

I yanked my arm free of him.  “Don’t do that.  I am not a child.”

“Dove, he was just worried.”

“Yeah, well I was being nice and letting him know that I wanted to go somewhere, and he repays me by grinding my wrist bones, dragging me about, calling me a child, and yelling at my friend.  You’ll excuse my irritation, I’m sure.”

“I’m sorry Chrissy, but when you showed up unattended, after”

Dorian interrupted.  “I’d promised that I wouldn’t leave your side.  He has cause to be unhappy with me.”

“I see cause to be unhappy with him, as well.”

Elias touched my shoulder.  “I’m sorry I grabbed at you and called you a child, Chrissy.  I wasn’t thinking.”

“I forgive you, easily and readily, Elias.  But why do you speak of shifts?”

“We’re tasked with your safety.  Dorian’s presence prevents you having guards at your door.  There have been letters, among other things.”

“Cullen’s man dumped someone over a wall recently.”

“Yes.  There have been other incidents, too.”

“I don’t remember any others.”

“A pitcher of water delivered to your desk, without you asking.  We confiscated it, and Adan said it was infused with poison.  An arrow sent toward the wrong elf.  A set of your clothing left at the laundry was slashed with a knife.  Leorah replaced it before you noticed.”

“Someone got shot with an arrow?”

“That would be the one you focus on.  No, the archer missed.  Feel better, because you have vastly fewer threats than the Inquisitor.  He doesn’t realize he is under guard, either, but at least he can fight.  You.”  He shook his head.  “You can’t even hold a butter knife.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better.  I’ve been running around Skyhold scaring the pants off everyone without even meaning to, haven’t I.  And I can so hold a butter knife.”

“We’re just worried.”

“Scaring the pants off?  That’s an interesting phrase.”  Trust Dorian to catch that one.

“You’re changing the subject.”  I didn’t want to go down to the lower camp anymore, though.

“Yes.  I’m laying here in bed, and Elias has barely glanced at my chest once.  I’m crushed.”

“I looked and admired, Dorian.  I’m just not obvious.  You already know you’re pretty.  Don’t be conceited.”

“Not in my bed, Dorian.  Go back to your own for that.”

“My bed is COLD, my dove.  And tell him I’ve every right to be conceited.  Have you looked at me?”

“Of course, but we’re too much alike.”

“Too much alike?”

“We both like men.  I had hoped you’d join me in watching the soldiers today.  I find myself bored and in need of entertainment.  Staycations suck.”

“Staycations?”  Oops.

“When you’re supposed to go on vacation but have to stay at home.”

“I see.”

There was knock at the door.  Elias and Dorian both tensed up, and Elias answered.  It was just Dorian’s breakfast.  Sheesh.  Men.  Cook had put an extra biscuit on the tray.  For me.  At least that’s what I told them.  “That one’s for me.” Wasn’t a lie.  I had a friend teach me how to make biscuits a few years back, and they’re amazing.  I claimed that biscuit because I hadn’t gotten one and I made them.  So there.

Anyway, I was not near so interested in bucking authority after being informed.  I flat out asked Elias if he thought it might be easier to convince me to do things if I was fully informed.  It had never occurred to them to just TELL me what was going on.  I was “busy” with other things.  “Let me give you a very recent example, Elias.  When I woke you this morning, it was with the intention of meeting the elves in the lower camp.  Now that I know what you’ve been keeping from me, I am planning to stay within the walls.”  His eyes were shocked at the first statement, and thoughtful at the second. 

“See?  The apparently headstrong female can be reasoned with.  IF you bother to try.”  I was speaking to both of them on that point.  And then I excused myself.  I had a date with a drummer.  I got to set up Drummer’s tack for the first time.  It was different than a horse’s tack.  The girth straps narrower, not one designed to snug up, but two designed to go above and below the stomach.  Interesting.  The rest of it was basically similar, with some unfamiliar shaping.  And it turns out Drummer LOVES getting his horns rubbed.  I didn’t realize horns had feeling in them.  I thought they were dead bone, but apparently not.  Or maybe it’s seasonal, or they’re growing or something.

I meandered down to watch the men for a while, but the clanging metal wasn’t very exciting today.  I much prefer grappling practice.  I went back to my area, spending a few moments chatting with Varric on the way.  I double-checked the edges of the sphere around my desk, because I had to.  Then I noticed the back of my chair stuck out of the sphere.  I could move the chair in and out freely by holding the portion outside the bubble. Oh ho!  The material of my tunic also went through the sphere.  It kept out only biologics.  Or only my particular biologics, perhaps.

Well, I’m a bitch sometimes.  So I traipsed my happy butt over to the laundry, and asked for a rug beater.  I promised I wasn’t going to do any work with it at all.  And I wasn’t going to.  Then I went to Cook and asked to borrow her peel (the tool to move bread around in the back of the oven).  Using the two tools, I transferred all my paperwork and my abacus out of the sphere.  For shits and giggles, I cleared everything else off my desk, too.  I stashed it all in my sitting area. 

I returned the tools, and then opened my SELF to look at the sphere.  It didn’t cause me to hurt. I had no intention of hurting myself to do this.  I didn’t want to mess with the sphere, either, but I was betting that Someone was monitoring it.  The sphere was a rainbow-like formation, sort of like a soap bubble in sunlight.  It was the most delicate thing I’d SEEN with my SELF.  Beautiful, really.  I was going to have to ask about it after he got here.  For now, I just wanted to play. 

I took my SELF and swirled a finger on the bubble. At my TOUCH, it started to subtly glow.  Ah.  There was something to tell him if I messed with it.  I wrote “You missed a step.” in the glowy dust, on the sphere.  Then I went to my room, shut down my SELF, and waited next to the piles of paperwork I’d promised not to read. (And I didn’t, mind you.)  He showed up in the main area not even two minutes after I’d sat down. I’m glad I left the door slightly open, because the sound of elven cursing is quite gratifying.

He showed up at my door rather quickly, and just pushed it open, leaning against the jam.  “What did I miss?”

“Mammals can use tools.”

“You shouldn’t have been able to get close enough.”

“I know about the tools of the commoner.  The rug beater, and the bread peel.”

“What, precisely, is a bread peel?”

“A long handled flat piece of wood used to remove bread from the back of the oven.”

“I see.  You’ve had your fun, Da’asha.  You made a promise.”

“And I’ve not broken it.  I have not read even one word of all that paperwork.”

“You are bored.”

“Yup.”

“So you bothered me.”

“No.  I merely played with something left in my space.  Bothering you was a bonus.  You’re the reason I’m bored.  By the way, that sphere is beautiful.  Does it stop all biologics or just me?”

“It should stop all living things.”

“Spirits, too?”

He stood upright.  “Probably.  If they believe they are living beings.”

“Were you busy?”

“No.  I was waiting for you to get bored.  I didn’t expect to find that the mouse had already ran off with the cheese, however.”

“Want to help me put all this back?”

“Just like that?  You aren’t going to protest that you shouldn’t be restricted from your own desk?”

“I’m more interested in how to create that soap bubble, to protect my desk when I’m not around.  Sometimes sensitive information passes through.  I’d make it large enough to encompass the ENTIRE chair, though, so I don’t give away clues.”

“It is not a soap bubble.”  But he filed the tidbit about the chair away.  You could see it.

“It looks like a soap bubble.”

“I am willing to teach you how to create that barrier, but the process is neither quick nor simple.  You would be required to learn the beginning steps first, to my satisfaction.  That means mastering boring steps that aren’t pretty.  Doing things in the proper order.  I’ll expect you to be able to explain each intermediate step.  And we wouldn’t start until I was completely sure you were undamaged.”

“Fair enough.  I would not be available daily, or potentially more than weekly, because I’ll be taking other lessons from other people.”

“You are planning to piecemeal your magic training?”  His surprise was palpable.  Did he think I was offering an apprentice on a silver platter?  I don’t think so.

“Yes.  You can’t teach me what Dorian could, nor even what Adan or Andrew could, with the same ability.  I intend not only to utilize different minds, but to ask the exact same question of different individuals to compare the answers.  Not all of those individuals will be mages.  If everyone takes the tack you have, I will acquire the basics as I go.  I will not apprentice myself to any one person.  I refuse to be part of that kind of power imbalance.  I’d rather blunder along on my own.”

“Power imbalance?”

“I can’t do what I have to do if I’m perceived as subordinate to any one person.  My opinions, expressions, and decisions would be perceived as coming from that individual, and dilute my efficiency greatly.  Consulting, however, I can do.  Do you object?”

“Once again, you surprise me.  Your grasp of power dynamics is unusual in one as young as you are.”

“You make the same mistake The Iron Bull did.  Interesting, actually, how similarly your minds work.”

“The Iron Bull?”

“Nevermind.  I should probably go get lunch before the girls worry.”

“What about your paperwork?”

“I can’t put it back without either your help or removing the sphere.  Since I ache still, just a touch, I won’t be messing with it further.”

“I will remove the spell so we can return the paperwork, but then I’ll be putting it back.  Including around the entire chair.”  He was smiling, just a hint, as he said it.  He also actually helped.  I then went over to the dining hall, saying farewell. 

Andrew and Solas.  Now to finagle Dorian, Adan, Renee, and Helisma.  And Dagna, of course.  And just to round it all off, Cole.  If Inquisibabe wants me to learn magic, I’m going to do it my way.  I’ll have to talk to Harritt about a staff and how and why they work, as well.

Coming out of the kitchen exit after lunch, I felt Cole.  “Hello.”

“You always feel me.”

“You always say that.”

“You confuse him.”

“I intend to.  I’m safer that way.”

“Yes.”

“To me being safer or to what I was about to ask?”

“I’ll help you.”

“Thanks.”

“Why Helisma?”

“Because I’m betting she’s one of the smartest people I’ll find in Thedas.”

“Her song is silent.”

“For now.  That will be her choice.  Eventually, I hope, at least.”

“You think she’s yours!”

“Unless she says otherwise.”

“I don’t know.  She’s hard to see, and I can’t hear her.”

“Then I will treat her as mine.”

“You know.”

“Yes.  But why do they resonate with the shards?”

“He makes the shards real. Pulling and twisting, sighting one severed path with two severed paths.  In then out then in.”

“That makes more sense than I expected.”

“You listen.  You’re welcome.”  I hugged him.

The rest of the day was boring, really.  I read in the sun. Did the dinner thing with Ethelathe.  Checked on a few people, just to say hello.  Played with the littles.  Songtime.  Zathras came down for that, actually.  Then I tucked in my kids and said goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "He makes the shards real. Pulling and twisting, sighting one severed path with two severed paths. In then out then in."
> 
> The first severed path is the path to reality for the shard. The two severed paths are the spinal column and the fade connection. The shards were hidden in pockets of the fade. Looking through to see the shard pulls the shard back into the real, in this particular headcanon. I don't know if it's the "official" way it works, but since we don't know the official method, it's a good way to explain it, yet vague enough to be modified easily.


	29. Day 26, 30 Cloudreach, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian, Bull, and a confusing as hell Solas.

### Skyhold, Day 26, 30 Cloudreach, 9:41

I awoke to Dorian having nightmares again.  Maybe it’s not just for my sake he chooses to share a bed.  I woke him, and he curled into a ball on his side.  From the bathroom I got a wet washcloth, because the man was soaked and shaking, and had sweat the sheets through as well. I warmed it just a bit, and warmed the room, because despite the sweat, his skin was icy.  I wiped the back of his neck and his shoulders.

“Do you want to talk?”

“No.”

“Would it help?”

“It feels like something’s coming.  It’s approaching.  I don’t know what.”  I almost dropped the washcloth. 

“Dorian, are you heading out with Sam after Summerday?”

“The Inquisitor asked me, yes.”

“Hmmm.  And did he say where you were going?”  I wiped his face.

He looked at me.  “Hinterlands, Redcliffe, Crestwood.”

“You come back to us safely, okay?  Some of us love you for who you are, no strings attached.  I shall be quite cross if I have to search the fade for your shade in order to kick your ass.”

“I don’t doubt you would do exactly that, my dove.”

“Let’s get fresh sheets on this bed, unless we are done sleeping for the night?”

“Why do your words sound heavy, like they have portent.”

“I’ve never weighed my words.  I don’t know if some are heavier than others.”

“Solas is right, you are evasive.  You sounded like Cole, just now.”

“Cole doesn’t evade.  We just don’t understand him sometimes. Who else is going?”

“Varric, Bull, Sera, Blackwall, Vivienne.”

“Talk to The Iron Bull if you need someone.  He’ll listen, and probably know what to do.  We can trust him that far right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“That decision hasn’t been made, love.  I don’t know yet.”

“I forgot.  I’m sorry.”

“When you get back, would you teach me the housekeeping spells?”

“Housekeeping?”

“Like what you did with the papers.  The how, the why, and all that for those sorts of every day things.”

“I will attempt to teach you anything you like.  We’d have to start at basics, Dove.  Every step must be…  Why are you smiling like that?”

“Because I’ve heard this lecture.  Every step must be mastered to your satisfaction.  I must understand and be able to explain in satisfactory fashion all the intermediary steps.  It won’t be overly fun or pretty or exciting.  You and Solas are twin princes.  Now if you will remove yourself from my bed temporarily, and let me take care of the sheets, I’d be delighted.”  I handed him the washcloth, and stripped the bed, changing the sheets with the spare kept in the bathroom.

“I’m not sure I appreciate being called a twin prince.”

“Don’t wish to share the attention, Peacock?”

“I wondered if you’d do that.  I couldn’t be sure if you knew.”

“How could I not?  I was just being polite.  But I thought it might make you smile, especially when you are looking comparatively terrible.  I thought it fitting when you call me Dove.”

“At the Temple, you called me Dorian Gray.  It stuck in my head.  Then as we were putting Skyhold together, a pretty turtledove roosted on the tent above your head.  It was a lovely shade of bluish gray.  After that, I associated you with doves.  It seemed to fit.  Dorian and his gray dove.”

I finished making the bed again.  “Are we waking or sleeping?”

“Perhaps we could both prowl the battlements tonight.  I won’t be able to sleep yet.”

“Of course.”  So we prowled the battlements as he suggested.  After an hour of pacing and talking about inconsequential things, I got us back to bed.

The second waking, at a decent time of the morning, was better.  I dragged Dorian to the tavern, cancelling our breakfast with Cook along the way.  The Chargers weren’t about, but Bull was. 

“Dorian, have you officially met The Iron Bull?”

“I have.  We were all introduced to each other.”

“Excellent.”  I dragged him over to sit at Bull’s table.  “Heya, The Iron Bull.”

“Not mad at me, Chrissy?”

“No.  If I’m not going to be mad at Dorian, I have no business being mad at you.  How have you been?”

He eyed me.  “You’re acting weird.  You want something.”

“Yes, actually.  I’ve got a bad feeling again.  I don’t know anything for sure, but I thought I might ask something of you.”

“What is it?”

“Do you mind if I ask you in private?”

“Come on.”

“Be right back, Dorian.  Sing out if our food is ready.”  Bull led me over to his area, where his people gather.  Lisa smiled at me, and I smiled back.  A few others made friendly gestures, which I also returned.

“Alright, Chrissy.  Out with it.”

“I think Dorian’s going to need a friend after you guys hit Redcliffe.  I don’t know for sure, but I have this feeling.”

“Like your feeling about Haven?”

“Not exactly like that.  This would be far more personal.  I don’t think there’s any bloodshed.  Heart wounds, soul wounds.  And I can’t be there.”

“I see.  That’s what you wanted?  That’s all?”

I looked at him.  I had no idea what he was on about.  “Yes.  Did I drop a thread somewhere?  I did something to offend, didn’t I.  I’m so sorry.  Just tell me what…”

“That’s not it.  I guess I should have expected you only to come if someone needed you.”

“I’m not visiting enough?  I’ve been taking it slow.  Lisa’s gradually becoming used to me, and even Dalish isn’t scowling at me so much.  I just stop in and say hello on my rounds.  Usually you’re *ahem* otherwise occupied when I drop by.  Should I interrupt?”

“So that’s why.  I figured you were avoiding me, and then with that Zathras kid, you might have gotten upset.  You’ll break that one, you know.”

“Yeah, but he’d like it.”

“Would you?”

“So will you look after Dorian for me?”

“His mental well-being will be important for the mission’s success.  I would have done it anyway.  But I'll do it for you, too.”

“Thanks, The Iron Bull.”  I hugged him and went back to Dorian.

“What was that about?”

“The trip.  I needed to tell more than just you about my feeling.  You’re amazing, love, but he hits a lot harder.  He’ll keep an eye out as well.”  And we ate.

Since we were decorating the castle today, I may have gotten a little bit of work done.  Mostly “move that a little to the left” and the like.  No lifting, carrying, or otherwise laboring.  I picked up one garland of flowers.  (Imported flowers, because we hadn’t gotten any frickin’ rain, despite the clouds.)  And probably twenty voices yelled at me. Grr.

After lunch, I decided to brave the wolf in his den.  I really needed to ask about the weather and that spell.  He was where I expected him to be.  It seemed odd to be seeking him out.  I think it was the second time other than my apology.  I leaned against the wall.  He gets this intensity when he’s studying, more than when he’s reading.  “I see you there.”

“I’m glad your eyes work?”

“You want to know about that spell.”

“That’s one of the two reasons I’m here, yes.”

“I’d expected you to bother me about it.”

“Why?  You said you would look into it.  I believed you.  Interrupting you would only extend the timeframe it took to do so.”

“Interesting.  That you’d trust that far.”

“In those matters, I have trust, yes.  You wouldn’t pervert the craft.”

“What’s the other reason?”

“Does it ever precipitate here?  In the month we’ve been here, there’s been not a drop of rain, sleet, snow, or hail.  The farmers have to irrigate exclusively, which limits production.”

“That sounds like work.”

That earned him a glare.  “I’m just asking about the weather.”

“It precipitates.”

“It’s not going to do so tomorrow, I hope.”

“I don’t imagine so.  Why are you talking to me about this?”

“Because I’m not completely stupid.  You’re the one who likes old ruins, after all.  And you led us here.”

“History will say the Herald of Andraste led us here.”

“Yeah, well, history is written by the winning side, in such a way as to support their causes and beliefs.  I should go.  Thank you for your answers.”

“You don’t want to know about the spell?”

“I can’t do the spell.  Perhaps you can, if you’ve found one, but I can’t take a chance on doing something new right now.”

“May I look?”

“At least this time you ask.  Yes.  But leave my threads alone.  I’m not going to discuss those with you.”

I felt that cooling blue over the achy place.  “You said you sprained it?”

“That’s the best way I could describe it.  Talking the obsidian into moving up was not so easy, I guess.”  He looked at me oddly.  “What?”

“I have the spell you requested.  You could handle the complexity, I believe, but it would hurt you.  I will keep an eye out, if you wish.  Your connection to the fade was strained or stretched.  Bent oddly, is how I would put it.  It is healing, nearly healed.”  He was still looking at me oddly.

“Do I have something on my face?”

“You are not what I expected.”

“Pffft.  No one is ever what someone else expects.  If they are, they’re lying to you.”

“How very wise.”

I watched his eyes.  Something was off.  “Just the way things are.”  I took a deep breath.  “I am a sociable creature, Solas.  I still do not trust you in most matters.”

“And it is on those matters where I am not what you expected that you trust?”

“Not necessarily.  It is on those matters I watch, and then decide.”

“Da’asha.”

“Yes?”

“What are you going to do when Dorian is gone?”

“Haunt the battlements, I suppose.”

“I could help.”

“I don’t trust you in the fade.”  My voice may have been a little flat.

“Let me know if you change your mind.  You are safe from me, whatever you think.”

“I think that you are the most dangerous person in Skyhold, because you are a dreamwalker among other reasons, and have fooled them all into thinking you are mild-mannered and meek.  None of us is safe from you unless you wish it.  One doesn’t have to be a mage to succumb to demons, and some people just never wake up.”

He didn’t argue that.  “For now, at least, I have no interest in opposing you in any way.”

“I hear your words.  I do, truly.” 

He sighed and shook his head.  “Have a good evening, Chrysopal.  Keeper of Skyhold.”

“I don’t hate you.  I don’t even dislike you.  You are just different from the others.”

“At least there is that.”  He looked unhappy for a moment before his face smoothed.

I sighed on the inside.  I didn’t like making him unhappy.  “It’s not hug day, but I could make an exception.”

“It should have been two days ago.”

I was surprised.  “You were keeping track?”  He shrugged.  I walked up to him.  “Would you like a hug, Solas?”

He slid his arms around my shoulders and carefully tightened, not too much.  I reached around his waist.  “You have no idea what you might represent.  To everyone you are something different,” he rumbled under my ear.  “I’ve not seen a mage do things the way you do in a long time.”

“I’m just me.”

“That’s what Cole says, too.  You’re just you.”  As soon as I made a slight movement away, he released me.

“Good evening.”  And I left.

Dinner, Singalong.  I brought out Once Upon a December again.  It’s a lovely song, and it resonates with the adults.  Things they can almost remember haunt them.  Tomorrow is Summerday.  You know, Solas is confusing as hell, but I’m starting to think he’s lonely.  He’s the only really real person around, to his mind, and he’s walking through a world of shadows.  And he’s got me melancholy.  I tucked in the Tweedles, Laura, and Daniel. Stephen is officially moved to the barracks, because he wants to be and convinced enough soldiers.  He’s happy to be a page.  They’ll pry Daniel from my cold, dead hands.  The Tweedles, too.  I bid everyone goodnight, as usual, and Dorian met me at my room.


	30. Day 27, Summerday, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summerday, Inquisibutt pulls rank and regrets it, no major issues, and Solas is still an ass.

### Skyhold, Day 27, Summerday, 9:41

I couldn’t get to sleep last night.  After a long time of tossing and turning, Dorian created a dim ball of light.  “Chrissy, you are interfering with my beauty rest.  What would make you settle, Dove?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.  Talk to me.”

“Remember when I told you about the visions, where the actions of a select few have branches and consequences?”

“I’m not so old I can’t remember something less than a month ago.”

“What do you do when you suspect, but don’t know, that someone may have made a decision that could hurt someone else?  But it could be a good thing, sort of?  And if you tell that someone else what might have been done, and it hasn’t been done, it would potentially hurt more?  And you know everyone comes out alive and relatively well no matter what?”

“You don’t ask the easy ones, do you?”  He laid back for a while, thinking.  I thought he’d gone back to sleep, he’d been still and silent so long.  “Dove, I think I know what you have to do.”

“Then please tell me.”

The ball of light went out.  He pulled me over to his side, and said, “I think you tell them that some people love them no matter what.  No strings attached.  Goodnight, my dear.”  Thank God the man is smart.  It relieved my mind enough for me to sleep.

It was eerie in the morning.  I was used to waking up hearing hustle and bustle, even when I got up early.  Even Cook and the girls slept late, for them.  Most of the baking and such had been done over the last few days, of course, so there wasn’t a whole lot to do.  The usual noises of the soldiers were missing as I moved out into the courtyard.  Up on the battlements, I was joined by none other than Inquisibabe.

“I thought you were avoiding me, Sam.”

“I was, honestly.  You’re a scary lady, Chrissy, and I figured you’d be mad at me.”

“Why?  You were right, really.  I tend not to lay down tasks as I get new ones.  And I’d not been sleeping.”

“You’re that attached to Dorian?”

“It’s not him, per se.  I have trouble sleeping alone, sometimes.”

“You are used to sleeping next to someone.”  He’s intelligent enough, I’ll grant him that.

“I used to cuddle nightly with someone until I lost her.”

“To the breach.”

“That’s probably the best way to put it.”

“A lover?  Is that why you reject me so often?”

“No, Sam.  I reject you because you remind me more of an adorable puppy than a lover.  And it was not a lover.”

“So who was it?”  His bright happy question struck me wrong, so I turned it on him.

“Who’d you lose to the breach, Sam?”  My tone wasn’t nearly as bright as his, and the technique would have stopped most people in their tracks.

“Some cousins, rather distant, actually.  Who was it, Chrissy?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it, Sam.”

“Mistress Chrysopal.  You _will_ tell me.  Who was it?” He got THAT TONE in his voice.  Damn the man for pulling rank.  Lord of the Castle wins.  Stand-in lord.  Whatever.  HMFIC (Head Mother Fucker In Charge).  Asshole.

I took a deep breath.  “The breach stole my daughter from me, Inquisitor.  Or me from her.  It’s hard to know.”

“By the Maker!  I’m so sorry.  I didn’t know.  I’m sorry.  Maker’s breath, Chrissy, I had no idea you had children.”  It’s easy to apologize once you’ve forced a result you don’t like.  He tried to put an arm around me, but I stepped back.

“I don’t.  Not anymore.  You are forgiven, of course.  I wish you Joy, Inquisitor.”  I gave him the phrase I’d been told was traditional as I curtsied and got out of there.  I heard him cursing quietly behind me, but I really didn’t care.  I went right back to my room and shut myself in the bathroom before the tears fell.  I know he wasn’t trying to hurt me.  Really.  But sometimes that doesn’t matter.

I’d been in there not ten minutes when I realized that I had to shut it down.  I couldn’t do this until I knew how to restrict what my threads felt, and I couldn’t ruin their holiday.  I couldn’t do that to them.  I mentally shut the door on those particular feelings, getting myself under control.  Checking on Ethelathe, I was grateful to discover that most of them had been asleep.  However, he’d stripped a lot of the anticipation of the day I’d had, and I couldn’t get it back.

I put cold water on my face and scrubbed my skin hopefully until my entire face was red instead of just my eyes.  I’ve never been able to cry pretty.  I pasted a smile on my face and opened the door.  To Dorian standing there.  He tipped my chin up and searched my face, and said “It might work.  Who did it, Chrissy?”

“Don’t worry about it, love.  It wasn’t intentional.”

“I’ve only seen you cry twice, Chrissy, and it was heartbreak pain.  I’ll ask the Inquisitor to find out who made you cry this time, if I have to.”

“Go ahead.  I won’t tell him either.  It’s my own fault.  I let too much information out, and someone yanked the thread.  I’ve learned my lesson, and I will keep myself a little closer, now.  Can we just enjoy a nice holiday?  I’m going to miss you when you’re gone.  You never yank at me.”

“Let’s get breakfast, Dove.  Do you intend to attend the services?”  That got a bark of a laugh.  “Somehow I didn’t think so.  I’m assuming you don’t follow the Dalish deities, either?”

We’d reached the dining hall.  It was laid out with foods that don’t spoil very easily, bread and fruit and so on.  It was a continental breakfast at the Marriott, really.  We filled our plates, and I continued the conversation.  “I have my own beliefs, but they’re not Dalish.  Certainly not Dalish.”

“Well, despite my dissolute ways, I will be attending.  You could always keep me company.”

“Somehow I doubt there will be many non-humans in the Chantry, Dorian.  We’re not generally made to feel welcome.  I even get chased out of my own garden on occasion.”

“I had forgotten, actually.  It wasn’t well done of me.  You’re right.  The other peoples are often left out of Chantry doings.”

“Well, darling, you enjoy your boring church services, and I’m going to play outside.  I promise to stay in the walls.”  I kissed his cheek and moved off.  I woke the Tweedles.  I needed cuddles and fun, and they’re the best at that.  We got them and Daniel breakfast, and we played and sang outside for a bit.  Others had joined us, each enjoying their own morning.  Eadras and Cara spent the whole morning with us, which was nice.  I’d not spent much time with them since the glowing incident.  It was a good morning to reconnect with my original people, when even _our_ humans were off.

It seemed an appropriate time to introduce the song “It’s a Wonderful World”.  It’s so full of hope.  It’s supposed to be a joyful day.  That song, to me, is joyful, in the best way.  They always pay attention when I sing something they don’t know.  It was no surprise when they were humming it later.

The afternoon was more structured.  We’d arranged for something similar to a maypole, but it wasn’t danced around.  The ribbons just waved in the wind.  Maybe next year I’ll add that one.  There were no children coming of age, but there were several marriages. 

Cakes and feast foods aplenty.  I took my turn delivering to the buffets, over Cook’s objections.  For all her bluster, she’s really an introvert.  She tried to stay in the kitchens all day.  We dragged her out for an hour to socialize with us, but then we let her back into her domain.  I understand that sort of mentality.

I got to witness Blackwall trying to comb flower petals out of his beard.  A young lady had dumped a bucket of them over his head.  Seggrit danced only with Mika.  As much of a declaration as he could give.  I hope she understood.  I danced with Adan and Harritt.  None of the elven dances here.  Just the human ones.  We really were left out of things.  Zathras brought me a goblet of wine, and we drank together before he pulled me into the dances as well. 

Later in the evening, Varric came up and handed me five sovereigns.  “Remind me never to bet against you.”

“I only bet on sure things.”

“It’s a good thing I had that next installment nearly done.  I was able to bind it overnight and hand it off.  Once again, you know things.  She seems so buttoned up.”

“It’s the buttoned up ones that have lacy underwear.  Here’s a contrast.  Vivienne, who displays her femininity and uses it as a weapon, is not a romantic.  She can love, of course, and she has feelings, but her femininity is a tool, honed to a razor sharp point.  Cassandra is outwardly a weapon.  She’s straight, to the point.  Doesn’t hint about things.  But I bet she either wears lacy underwear or goes commando.”

“Commando?”

“Sorry.  When someone refrains from wearing underthings at all.”

“You think the Seeker goes commando?”

“And I bet she wears frilly nightclothes.”

“No bet.  But it’s an interesting picture.”

“If you tell her I said anything I’ll shave your chest, Storyteller.”

“Now, that hurts.  I’d never do anything of the sort.  And here comes our fearless leader, looking for a dance.  Have fun, Cuddles.”

I couldn’t refuse the Inquisitor in front of everyone, so we ended up dancing.  At the end of the set, he pulled me aside.  “I really am sorry, Chrissy.  You can call me Inquisibutt all year long for that.”

“I will.  It wasn’t nice of you to use your Inquisitorial authority to do that.”

“I get that.  Cole, of all people, chewed me out.”

“He’s a sweet boy.”

“If you ever want to talk?”

“I understand.”

“So about your mage training?  Did you talk to the Templars?”

“Just two.  Andrew and Gunther are on board with helping me.  Solas has agreed to lessons.  Dorian has as well.  I talked to Cole in order to get lessons regarding what the fade is and who its denizens are.  I’m going to ask Adan for lessons on potion making and the reasons why the potions work the way they do.  Helisma will be an excellent resource for discussing the veil in an unemotional fashion.  I’ve not talked to her yet, either.  There may be people added or subtracted from that list.”

“I thought you’d pick someone and be done.”

“I’m sure you did.  Have you ever seen me do things that way?”

“No.”  He reached out his hand to my face, and I dodged it by sitting on one of the benches placed about.  “You forgave me.”

“Yes.”

“You avoid my hand?”

“I really don’t want the speculation, Inquisibutt.”  I gave him a few more minutes of chatting, and left him be.  Yes, I was still upset with him.  But he’d been insensitive, not malicious. 

Dorian and Elias were chuckling quietly together in a corner.  I figured they’d be heading off to bed soon.  I went off to find others I knew.

Bull was sitting back and watching the dancers.  “Having a nice evening?” I asked.

“Fair.  Thought you’d be paired off by now.  Seems to be what the holiday is for.”

“With whom would I pair?”

“There are lots of options.  There’s that stable lad you see every morning.  Zathras.  Elias, because he likes everyone.  Anybody at the forges.  The soldiers.  The mages.  The Inquisitor.”

“Should I just grab one and throw down?”

“Why not?”

“I’m not wired that way.”

“Wired?”

“Never mind.  My brain works differently.  Besides, I did my sleep around days a long time ago.  I’m not going to take a chance on hurting Ethelathe by getting too close and personal with one of my people.”

“I can see that.”

“So why are you still out here, unpaired?”

“I did some pairing already.  I’ll probably do some more later.”  That made me laugh.

“See you around, The Iron Bull.  Be careful out there.  I should be very displeased if you got seriously hurt.”

“I’m good, Chrissy.”

“So I’ve heard.”  He laughed at that one.

I said hello to Lisa and danced a dance with Krem. The rest I waved to and smiled at. 

The evening went very well.  There were soldiers obviously on duty posted at intervals.  Even when I took my turns serving, there weren’t any major incidents.  Some drunken grabbing, but easily handled.  A few rear end pinches, but I bet if these boys knew who I was they’d be horrified.  A few fights broke out, but they were among equals.  No inappropriate power dynamics.  About midnight, I checked on my people to make sure everyone was okay.  Thrummed my fingers over the threads.  No pain, no real worry, generally happiness.  Lots of lust.  We’d put the kids in bed earlier, and they were asleep. 

One tugged back.  As usual.  He’s smug about something.  And just about then, the clouds rolled in and it started to rain.  Asshole.  He did it again.  I know, it’s probably unreasonable of me to think that Solas had something to do with the precipitation arriving exactly as the holiday ends.  But if it’s not him, it’s mighty suspicious, don’t you think?  Considering our little conversation?  He probably tweaked something in the environmental spell he has on this place.  The one that keeps it warmer than the surrounding mountains.  I’m glad I put the guitar away earlier.

I was up on the battlements, and by the time we got most things under cover and handled, I was soaked to the skin.  Running around in soaked skirts is NOT fun.  The damn things are heavy.  At least the food had been under the awnings.  And when I looked up, he was standing at the door from the causeway to the atrium, just watching.  Ass.

I went to my room, took a bath, and curled up on the settee.  Maybe I’ll sleep better here.


	31. Day 28, 1 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weird dreams, Chargers, RAIN, indoor waterfalls, counting Ethelathe, and lots of thinking.

### Skyhold, Day 28, 1 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I hate it when I dream of running.  You know you’ve got to catch whatever’s in front of you before whatever is behind you catches you.  And you don’t know what you’re chasing, or what’s chasing you.  It’s worse when you run into someone you really don’t want to see in the fade.  Literally, actually.  I was looking back to see if whatever was catching up, and barreled flat into someone. 

I fell down, and the figure staggered, but remained standing.  The need to run stopped instantly.  Something shut everything off, including the scenery.  Grey and bland, blank.  Nothing to chase, nothing chasing me.  I looked to see what I’d run into, and it was Solas.  I scooted back on hands and rear.  Never know if it’s really him or not.  Could be anything.   The figure of Solas held up both hands and stepped back.  “Go back to your dreams, Da’asha.  Don’t let it lure you out of them again.  Sleep in your bed where you’re safe.”  I woke up.  I don’t know if it was him or not.  Doesn’t really matter.

I had slept awkwardly on my settee.  Neck crick.  Ow.  At least there were normal noises this morning.  And it was only an hour, max, before daylight.  There was something nagging at me, something I needed to do.  I’d stood and paced as I rubbed my neck, but it didn’t ease.  I sat on the bed to think, and it was gone.  Weird. 

I’m allowed back at work today.  First thing in the morning, I thought about things.  Inquisibutt was leaving, taking some of mine with him, I thought.  I suppose they’re his, too.  More his than mine, maybe.  But considering he’s one of mine, I don’t know why I was dithering about it.  I was still mad at him, probably.  Not a lot, but some.  It was unfair of me, for he was a product of his training.  Actually, I wasn’t sure it was today.   I’d only been told “after Summerday.”  Well, I learned the depths of my folly when I started my day, finally leaving my rooms.

I usually head up to the battlements, or something similar.  Today it was pouring.  Buckets full.  When they say raining cats and dogs, I think they were talking about droplets this size.  There are occasional bright flashes, but no thunder that I’ve heard.  It’s probably drowned out by the pounding rain.  A surprising number of people were standing in doorways or looking through windows at the storm.

One thing I was glad to see was that the roof held.  As it should.  It’s new, after all.  Even the tower rooms for Bull and Cullen have enough cover, I think, to keep at least their beds dry.  They’d both refused to let workers in to fix their roofs.  People were going to be cold and wet, and we were going to have to look out for illness.  But the crops stand a chance now.  Food for the winter contrasted with possibilities of cold and grumpy now?  Yeah.  Food.  Duh.

However, I had to check all the roofs, so that means I got to be one of the poor souls that braved the rain.  The cold never bothered me anymore.  I was a drenched rat by the time I reached the tavern, but I’d checked the other outbuildings.  I’d left it last because I was hoping I could coax a cup of coffee out of the Chargers.  I will say, the work held up beautifully.  No leaks anywhere.  The stables and the farmers’ cottages, the armory, the mage building, the storage buildings, the barns.  And finally the tavern.  I still had the towers to do, but I could get up there through the tavern, after all.

There are more people living in the tavern than I thought.  Or more were left over from yesterday, I guess.  Place was packed, half of them snoring.  Bull worst of all.  Lisa was up, though.  I carted my drenched self over to her.  “I’d hoped to beg a cup of coffee.”

“There’s always a cup waiting for you.”  I thought that was a figure of speech.  Then she pulled down a blue ceramic mug from a shelf on the wall next to their private cooking hearth.  With my name painted on it.  Oh my God.  My surprise must have shown on my face.  “Oh, honey.  I never meant to drive you away.  We’ve been trying to figure out how to undo the distance for a while.  Even Dalish is sorry.”

“You guys still act wary around me.”

“That’s because we don’t want to spook you.  That’s all, really it is.”

“I think I hurt The Iron Bull’s feelings, too.  He keeps asking me to come by, and then he’s not here when I do.  This time, he’s asleep.  Could you make sure he knows I did come by for coffee?”

“Why don’t you wake him?”

“I don’t want to die today.”  For some reason that made her laugh.  “His fist is bigger than my head.  I don’t want to take chances.”

“He doesn’t hit people that wake him up.”

“With my luck, I’d be the first.  I’m just going to stare forlornly into my mug until coffee magically appears in it while I drip on your floor.”  That made her laugh, too.  And coffee did magically appear shortly thereafter.

 I also woke Bull, after she urged me to do so again.  I wrung out the end of my tunic near him, then shook my fingers at his face.  Out of reach.   He opened his eye.  “I was already awake.”

“Of course.  The snoring was just for show, right?  I didn’t want to leave without saying hello.  I don’t think you guys will be leaving today, but I could be wrong.”

“Probably not.  It’s possible, though.”

“I have to check the towers.”

“Why you?”

“Because my standards are likely different in regard to sound roofs than other people’s.  I would trust it to them, but it could backfire.  Anyway, I have to go.  See ya around.”

“See you.”

The towers had also held up pretty well.  Considering there are literal holes cut in the ceiling  to let the ladders through, they’re understandably damp.  However, the sleeping arrangements are generally dry.  Even Cullen’s tower has the hole away from the bed.  Although he tried to argue I should not be in his room.  I asked him if he had issue with me checking the roof, or if he was afraid I, at half his size and no martial training, was going to attack or molest him.  He stammered that he had no issues with my checking the roof while turning red.  He had busied himself with paperwork by the time I came back down not even two minutes later, and wouldn’t look at me.

I came back over the causeway.  I should have realized, but I burst into laughter when I saw the WATERFALL in the atrium.  That hole in the roof is three feet wide.  People had put up tarps around the railings of the library.  It was obvious that the hole had been planned for, though.  There was a shallow pool in the center, maybe two or three inches deep, and a sort of divet or trench that led down the hall to the door, where it spilled out underneath. 

Indoor waterfall and stream.  Since the room is currently unoccupied, maybe I’ll bring the Tweedles and Daniel and Laura in here to play.  It’s probably too cold for the Tweedles, but I could warm it up.  Solas had moved all his furniture to the edges of the room, and he wasn’t here anyway.  I was making those plans as I was stopped by Josie in the main hall.

Apparently my morning is to be filled with interviews.  She let me get changed, and I planted my rear at my desk.  I don’t know how many people I met, but I was authorized to hire “as many as I needed.”  Leorah, Joan, Cook, Mika, and Jailyn all had sent up personnel requests.  Dennett as well.  I figured the farmers and herders would need people, too. 

One thing I was surprised about.  Lots of them lied to me.  Badly lied.  Making their stories better or worse, lying about their names, their place of origin.  By the time I’d gotten ten people into the line, I’d rejected half for the sole reason that they were lying.  That wiggle in the fade as they spoke gave it away.  The first few I thought might just be worried and covering, but even after being confronted, they doubled down, lying more to cover their first lie.  And completely changing the story.

By the time I’d been through the hundred or so applicants, I’d rejected probably thirty off hand.  Then I had to figure out where they might actually be of use.  I ended up hiring forty-three of the seventy I had not summarily rejected.  It didn't actually take too long.  I was recovering from dealing with too many strangers when I received a note from Leliana.  It requested that I show up to her eyrie as soon as it was convenient.

I went immediately, because this is the Nightingale, and the scariest woman I’d ever seen.  She had two issues.  One, that I’d failed to hire any of her carefully selected individuals for any job they were obviously qualified for.  Two, that I’d told each of them I wouldn’t hire them because they were lying to me.  I didn’t quite understand the issues, actually, so she explained that she really needed these people in place.  Not a problem.  She should have said so.  Then she wanted to know how I knew they were lying.  How do you explain that reality shifts sometimes when someone lies?  I told her it was just a feeling, like ripples in the fade or something.  It was true. 

She then looked at my demographics.  Apparently I’d hired nearly half elves.  Shocker, right?  Anyway, she told me that in the general population, elves were nowhere near that high a percentage.  I looked her right in the eye and told her that there was no other place in Thedas where an elf could expect to be honestly considered for safe, decent paying work.  Could she say the same for all the humans?  So if it came to an elf or a human with the same qualifications, I was hiring the elf.  She’s scary, but this is something I feel passionately about.  She SMILED at me after that, and said it was my place to make that decision.  She just had to be sure I was making the decision on purpose, instead of accidently. She let me go after that.

After a late lunch, I took the littles down to the waterfall.  I WARMED the whole atrium, since the library was blocked off by tarps.  We had a blast.  As the afternoon progressed, Cara and some messengers and a few other young people joined us.  The people changed out regularly.  Oddly, all elves except for Daniel and one messenger girl.  Good thing the place is bigger than it looks in game.  Party in Solas’ room!  LOL. 

Poor guy.  I know he saw us at least, because he was hovering in a doorway (not literally), watching for a while.  If he objected, he could have defended his space.  He shook his head when I waved him into the area, so I ignored him after that.  Next time I looked, he was gone.  At the end of the afternoon, I herded the littles back down to Ethelathe Hall.  I’ve decided that’s what I’ll call it.  Might as well, considering.

Dinner, singalong.  We’re starting to be just elves again.  Most of the human people are heading for the tavern after work and dinner, instead of here.  Now that they have more options.  All twenty-two new elven household employees moved in immediately.  Most are sleeping in the workspaces, but I need to finagle actual rooms and beds for them soon.  Real soon.  They got their first taste of We Shall Overcome.  It is apparently a song that resonates well, to judge by their faces.    

There are still some doors I haven’t investigated.  I’m hoping one leads to a dormitory like the prison complex has.  That would solve a lot of issues.  Another level of basement with similar rooms would be better.  How did I not think of doing this sooner?  Instead of prowling outside, I’ll prowl inside.  Someplace this old is probably chock-full of hidden rooms and extra passages.

Before songtime was over, I checked my people.  The new people were already sort of attached to me. Us.  Ethelathe.  They felt relieved.  Not safe, not yet.  But definitely on the way there.  If these are all mine, that brings my elven population within the walls of Skyhold up.  49 from Haven, 16 randomly around, and my 22 new ones.  87 elves.  Bigger than it was originally.  And that’s not including everyone else.  I’ve got a small village under my care.  That’s mind-boggling to think about.

Dorian didn’t show before bed, but I couldn’t bring myself to lay on the settee.  I took the bed.  Maybe my dreams will be better.


	32. Day 29, 2 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian's a sweetie, a new kitten, a better sense of just how WRONG Thedas really is, Varric, goodbyes, speaking with the spymaster.

### Skyhold, Day 29, 2 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I’d barely managed to doze off when I heard the door open.  You can’t see the door from that area of the bed, so I rolled off and slipped under.  I heard footsteps and the door closed.  I held my breath until I heard “Chrissy?” in Dorian’s golden tones.

I crawled out from under the bed and he just stared at me.  “What were you doing under there?”

“I heard the door open.  Figured I didn’t know who it was.  Took steps.”

“I should have announced myself.”  I was sitting on the floor still when I heard a soft meow.

“Dorian?  Your tunic is meowing.”

“No, dear, that would be this lovely little princess.”  He pulled out a gorgeous black long haired kitten with a white sock and chest.  “She’s a purebred Minrathous long hair.  And she’s yours.  I was lucky that Segritt and Varric found her for me in Vercheil.  She’s taken a few days to get here, but she’s for you.  What will you name her, Dove?”  He placed the kitten in my lap.  She was so soft.  Tears spilled onto my cheeks.  “Darling, I didn’t mean to make you cry!”

“It’s a good cry, Dorian.  I was wondering what I’d do while you were gone, and you’ve done this.  She’s beautiful.  Thank you, love.  Irusana, she is.”

“Unusual name.  Does it have meaning?”

“I’ve named her after the Fae King of Cats.”

“Faking?”

“The Fae.  The elves of my home.  They have several kings.  One, Irusan, is, was, the King of Cats.  He was killed by humans, as so many of us are.” Irusana curled up where she was, making no move to leave my lap. 

“Did you know him?”

“No.  He was gone several ages before I was born.”

Dorian abruptly changed the subject.  “This little lady is why I’m so late.  I had to dry her and get all her things.  They’re outside the room.”  He stepped outside and brought back some stuffed things, a pretty cat bed, a scratching post, and a box of sand, which he placed in my bathroom.  “Best of all, this particular breed is familiar with manipulations of the fade, and won’t generally panic if you work with the fade near them.  If we’re lucky, she’ll be one of the rarer ones that can sense and warn of distortions.” 

“She must have been expensive.”

“Don’t worry about the price of gifts, Dove.  It’s rude.  Shall we turn in?  We’ll put the princess to bed, and enjoy a last evening.”  He lifted the kitten and put her in the bed he’d acquired.

“All I have for you is an afghan.  I made it to keep you warm.”  I went and got the one that reminded me of the mountains, in greens, browns, and whites. It was a simple stitch pattern, and I’d whipped it up quickly, knowing he’d have to leave.  Mountains remind me of Dorian.  Showy peaks for all to see, but in between, deep valleys and hidden mysteries abound.

“You made this with your own hands?”  I didn’t know what was in his voice, but it was something.

“Of course.  How else would I make it?”

He unfolded it, and it was large enough to wrap around him three times, and made of soft fuzzy yarn that felt like it was half wool, half something else.  I know it should be warm, because it sat on my lap for several songtimes and mealtimes and other randomtimes.  Crocheting is something you do while you’re doing something else.  He unwound it, folded it carefully, and gathered me into his arms, holding tightly.  He dropped his head beside mine, temples touching.  “I don’t think anyone’s ever given me a gift they’ve made themselves. From the moment I was conceived, nothing was held back from me, no matter the cost.  I had everything I could possibly want; the best money could buy.  This is infinitely more precious.  Thank you, Chrysopal.”   Well, he certainly has a way with words.  We readied ourselves for bed, and slept, after that.

I woke to purring noises, which was odd, because Dorian didn’t make those sorts of sounds.  At least, I’d never heard them.  It took me a moment to remember Irusana.  She was curled up on the pillow next to my head, purring in her sleep.  It was the first time in a long time I’d started my day by smiling.

I got up and went out.  I snagged some breakfast from Cook (and some for Irusana), and went out to the main hall entrance.  The day would be a little drippy, but generally dry.  I looked up at the sky and there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky.  It struck me as odd, and my stomach dropped.  I was afraid, but I didn’t know why.  I was watching it for a few minutes before I realized the reason it scared me.  It was backwards.  Or upside down?  The red on the bottom, the purple on the top.  Like the doubled portion of a double rainbow, but without the primary rainbow underneath.

Varric strode up to me.  “What’s wrong?  You’re staring at the sky like it’ll bite you.”  His words freed me to act, I suppose.  I’d been standing there staring too long.  And I blurted the first thing I thought.

“I hadn’t realized.  Oh my G…” I put my hands over my mouth for a moment.  “I hadn’t realized how badly he broke the sky.”  He’d split reality in two.  He’d fractured the face of the world.  I had known that, but he broke the rainbows.  And I was afraid, for no damn good reason.  A rainbow wasn’t going to hurt me.  And I needed to shut up, because I’d blurted at Varric.

I must have looked bad.  Varric grasped my shoulders and turned me to look at him.  “You’re not making sense, Cuddles.  What are you talking about?  Who broke the sky?”

“Reality.”  I didn’t mention the Who.

“Reality’s always bad.  Take a deep breath.”  I did, more to appease his concern than anything else.  “That’s better.  Now I’m not going to ask any questions here, because I think I don’t want the answers.  I’m just going to tell you that life is the way it is, okay?”  I nodded.  He let go of my shoulders and tried to lighten the mood.  “I’m leaving for Crestwood today.  Any more cryptic advice for me?”

“Sure.  Some dragons breathe lightning instead of fire.”  It was the first thing that popped into my head.

“I’m going off for who knows how long, and you give me a lecture on dragons?”

“Looks like it.”

“Well, shit.”

“Master Tethras.”

“What?”

“I shall be most displeased if you don’t come home to us safely.”

“I’ll be back.  Don’t worry.  For all you hate for people to call you my lady, you sure can sound like one sometimes.”

“I do not!”

“If you say so, Cuddles.  You forget, I’ve seen you out-bark the soldiers and out-snoot visiting nobles.  And then clean privies.  Which one is the real you?”

“None of them.  And all of them.  Give me a hug so I don’t forget later.  I’m going to miss you.”  We hugged, and I headed off to do my thing.  And I’ve never outsnooted visiting nobles.  I direct them to their rooms, sending a person to show them the amenities and informing them who to have their attendants talk to about questions.  That’s all.  I barely deal with them at all. That’s all Josie.  I have little interest in high school level politics with knives.

More interviews this morning.  Hired another fifteen people.  This time mostly male people for the fields.  Mostly human, too, because mostly humans applied.  Only one that could be for Ethelathe, a pretty, pretty boy who wants to work with the Harts.  I say boy, but he’s probably eighteen.  And I’m going to have to make clear he’s not an amenity.  Worst is he’s a real flirt.  Reminds me of Zevran, honestly, but he’s not lying to me if the fade ripples are to be believed, and carries no weapons.  Either he believes what he says, or he’s the best liar I’ve seen so far.  Dangerous.  And Very Very Pretty.  I’d better warn off Dorian.  This boy could be unwitting bait.  I’d better warn Cara, too.

The Inquisitor and his companions were heading out just before lunch.  I went down to say goodbye to them, walking from horse to horse.  Inquisibabe hugged me hard, and told me to take care of everything while he was gone.  I told him to be careful, and asked him to bring them all back safe.  Including him, and I tweaked his nose.  He said I was mean, but he smiled, hugging me again.  No attempts to flirt, thank goodness.  Maybe he’s learned.

I hugged Dorian and Varric, but I’d already said goodbye to them, really.  Sera got her squeezes in, and I mean she tries to break you with a hug.  I told her I hoped she always had enough arrows, and not to get hurt.  I didn’t realize she liked me that much.  Iron Bull picked me up to hug me, because I’m “shorter than a nug”.   Cole hugged me too, telling me that everyone would be safe.  Boy wasn’t even going.  I curtsied to Vivienne, and she nodded.  I spoke briefly with Blackwall, bidding him be careful.

I knew some of the soldiers they were taking with them, too.  Liam and Harold, among them.  Liam claimed a squinch, and Harold said he’d miss us.  Others claimed hugs.  Some soldiers I didn’t even know claimed hugs, as well, mentioning the snowball fight.  It was a bit surreal after a while.  I felt like I was sending an army off to war and sending my kids out to play at the same time. 

I wasn’t the only one, of course.  Josie got her share of hugs all around, and Cassandra gravely said goodbye.  Solas watched from the causeway, nodding at Sam when Sam noticed him.  Josie and Inquisibabe sort of stared at each other for a moment at the end, and Josie turned pink.  He claimed the last hug, another from her, mounted, and they rode out.

I took the opportunity to address Leliana.  “Sister Nightingale, do you have a moment?”

“Of course.”

We wandered a little farther from everyone.  “I hired a young man today to work in the stables.  Elven, no Vallaslin.  Pretty boy, sweet, young, flirty, very truthful.  Goes by the name of Josrel.  He’s very.  Very very.  I can’t find a thing wrong with him.  Too perfect, maybe?  Something’s…” I stopped, because I wanted to say ‘pinging my radar’, but I can’t do that.  “Too perfect.”

“You want someone else to look at him, find out about him?”

“I think he might remind you of someone, and I’m not sure if that’s good, bad, or irrelevant.  I would appreciate a second opinion.  If you wouldn’t mind.”

She walked with me to the stables, and I asked Dennet where Josrel was.  He was putting his things in the stableboy room, so we went there.  I introduced him to her.  When he immediately went into raptures over Leliana’s eyes, lips, and skin, bowing to her, she shot me a look.  I just lifted my brow.  Then she turned the charm on HIM.  Oh my goodness, and I thought Solas and Dorian were smooth.  From what I can tell, he’s just a really flirtatious puppy.  She walked with me away from the stables after effusive goodbyes were given.

“Let me double-check him.  You were right.  He reminds me of someone.  Now whether it’s a personality trait or he’s a deep agent of some kind, we’ll have to dig for.”  She stopped and looked at me.  “How did you recognize it?  Have you met Zevran?”

“No, Ma’am.”  I stopped for a moment.  “Can I ask you something, in confidence?”

“I can’t guarantee that.”

“Thank you for your honesty.”

“What were you going to ask?”

“Nothing important, really.”

“It must have been, for you to ask.”

“I heard a phrase, and wondered where it came from and what it meant.”

“You thought to ask me?”

“It was an impulse only.  I’m sorry to have brought it up.”

“Chrysopal, spit it out.”

I sighed.  “I heard this phrase.  ‘I am your knife in the dark.’”

She sucked in a breath.  “Who did this person swear to?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes.  More than you know.”

“The person said it to me.”

“Who?”

“I protect my own, Lady Nightingale.  I won’t answer that.”

She pursed her lips at me.  “Interesting.  That’s probably why you heard that phrase.”

“What does it mean?”

“Be at peace, Chrysopal.  The person means no harm to you.”

“I didn’t doubt that.  The person would never hurt me.”

“You truly believe that.”  She did seem pleased at that.  I just smiled at her.  “Josie should have your assistant candidate profiles available to you by tomorrow.  You can make preliminary selections, and we will bring them in to interview.  I’ll see what I can dig up on your Josrel, as well.”  We parted ways, with me no smarter, and vowing to myself not to talk to her more than I need to.

I’d already missed lunch, so I rode Drummer for an hour.  Then I sought out Andrew for an hour or so of magical discussion.  That ended with him starting a small fire and me making him dizzy using his own tricks.  Not at the same time.  Exchanging knowledge.  Turns out I was right, and my Templar is indeed a mage, too.  And I can Templar, a little bit.  With some finesse, I’ll be able to do magic “invisibly”.  Which would be excellent, for emergencies.  One thing.  Removing the dust from an area makes it VERY cold.  To me, at least.

Dinner, singalong.  I STILL haven’t checked out those doors, damn it.  I did check on Irusana during the day, a few times.  She was having a wonderful time in our room.  I brought some chicken back for her that evening.  Josrel is sleeping in the barn, but he came for singalong time. Every elf I know currently in Skyhold, save one and the mages, showed up, in fact.  88 elves total, not counting Sera (who’s not here) and Solas (who doesn’t come to these things).  Only a few humans, and no dwarves today.  I’m glad Ethelathe Hall is large, that’s for sure.  I checked my threads, thrumming them as I do.  I skipped one.  It seems rude to do it when people notice it.  Josrel isn’t even vaguely connected to me.  Like Garalen, at the beginning, I suppose.

Bedtime.  Irusana played some sort of chase game with herself.  I cleaned her box and added more sand from the sack left behind.  Then bathtime and bed.  Dorian did well.  I felt much better with my Princess Irusana in the room with me.


	33. Day 30, 3 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josren is weird, Orlesian nobles suck, and Solas is solicitous.

### Skyhold, Day 30, 3 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I dreamed of broken and bleeding rainbows, but if it was a demon it was a horrible one.

In the middle of the night, Irusana discovered bed mice.  Those little things that move under the covers at the bottom of the bed when the people are sleeping?  They are apparently dangerous and must be attacked.  To defend the people, I’m sure.  Anyway.  Ow.  Claws in my toes woke me up, so I played with her a while.  Then I went back to sleep, and so did she.

When I got up in the morning and got dressed, Irusana watched.  Then when I went to leave, she darted out.  At least she stayed with me.  I snagged breakfast, chatting with Cook in regards to the menu.  She’s going to send something to my desk for my approval.  I verified that the appropriate cancellations for food delivery options had happened, as well.  I also snitched some chicken for my Princess.

When I settled at my desk to do paperwork, she sat on it, playing with the quill that Josie sent down.  Not that I ever use it.  I can’t get the hang of the dipping thing.  I love my pen.  I finished the rotations for another tenday, and set them to be sent off for posting.  Then I put Irusana in her room and went out to play with Drummer. 

I was actually surprised when Josren brought him out instead of Gethon.  Enough to ask where Gethon was, actually.  I shouldn’t have, because Josren is way too eager to please.  So he ran off to get Gethon, even though I didn’t actually want him to hunt Gethon down, and brought the poor man back to me.  I spoke nicely to them both, and sent Gethon back to work, since I didn’t need him.  He just smirked at me.

Josren is a touchy feely person, obviously.  Fingers touching my hand to get my attention, hand on my arm to show me something, offer to help me into the saddle.  Compliments out his ass every few seconds. Never anything inappropriate, nothing overt.  Just this side of creepy, which is sort of eerie in itself.  I was glad to get away from him, but damn, he’s good for the ego.  I enjoyed my ride, and then tended Drummer, under the watchful eye of Dennet, thank goodness.

Back inside for more paperwork.  I’d let it pile up.  Not by my own choice, mind you.  I received the equivalent of resumes for five people, so I could review them.  Not one elf.  Not one dwarf.  Not one vashoth.  No one who had worked primarily with elves, dwarves, or vashoth.  One was even disciplined at one point for hitting an underling “too hard”.  Just the once, but that one was right out.  Not a chance.  I had to talk with Josie.

Unluckily, the stairs come up right into her office.  She was in talks with a nobleman I’d not had to deal with, because of my “vacation”.  I’d heard his name, but I don’t remember it.  Balding Orlesian with a plaid-looking mask in three contrasting metals.  He was upset at Josie for some reason and speaking disparagingly to her, and then I accidentally intruded on them.  He practically snarled something at her in French, stalked over to me, grabbed my arm, and THREW ME out of Josie’s office.  I landed on my hip, skidding.  Ow.  I wasn't sure what he did to my arm, but it really hurt.

Josie, wonderfully, immediately attended to me, checking to see if I was alright.  He said something else in French, disparagingly.  I don’t know what.  She tensed, and that was all I needed.  I stood up.  Gracefully, I hope.  My full height wasn’t much, but I made every inch of it count.  Staring at the man, I calmly stated “Ambassador Montilyet, Ethelathe removes all services from this person.  Find some other way to see to his comfort.  I will allow him to stay in the rooms assigned him, but we will no longer tend them, until he is finished with his business.”  I made sure I said it loud enough to be heard by all the sycophantic idiots that hang about in the main hall.

Her eyes flickered.  She hadn’t expected that.  “I shall make a note of it, Ethelathun.  I apologize on…”

I held up a hand.  “I have no interest in knowing this person’s name or hearing apologies unless the apologies come from his own mouth.  Orlesian masks are their own identification, and that one will be remembered.”  Looking back, I can’t believe I spoke to Josie like that.  There must have been something in my face, because she took a step back.  I was livid to be manhandled like that, and I knew he had insulted me further by Josie’s reaction.  Well, I’m not going to play their stupid game, because in THAT game, Knife-ears are pawns.  We were in MY house.

As an aside, I’ve noticed that the upper crusties tend to call me Ethelathun more often than any of mine.  And none of us know what it means, except some of the elves.  Weird that they’d just adopt some random term, isn’t it?

It was mere moments later that Garalen, Elias, and several others of mine showed up.  Even Solas poked his head out of his atrium.  Several serving elves also paused in what they were doing, to watch, worried.  The idiot noble tried to speak up, but he started with “stupid girl”.  Garalen flat out SNARLED AT HIM and put a hand on her dagger.  I touched her shoulder, and she took her hand back off.  I looked at Josie, who was, for once, at a loss.  “When you have a moment, Lady Montilyet, I am hoping to discuss an important matter with you.  Until then, be mindful of your safety, I beg you.”  I looked at Elias, flicking my eyes at Josie.  He took up position beside her.  A soldier immediately stepped to her other side.  Excellent.

A nearby elf, whose name I didn’t know, gathered my papers and handed them to me with a bow.  I nodded at him in thanks.  I then took a step toward the idiot.  “Normally people who are guests in someone’s home show better manners.”  I did NOT back up.  I just brushed past him, into the undercroft.

There must have been something still in my face, because both Harritt and Wolfgang took a step back from me.  Then I heard from Gara at my side. “That was MAGNIFICENT!”

“What?”  I had no clue.  I was too busy holding my arm still.  Elves are apparently very delicate.  She rambled on about putting the noble in his place and so on and so forth, and all I could think was “I hope I didn’t just start a war.”  I said it aloud.

“What happened?” the uncles asked.  So I told them about how I’d gone sailing through the door.  Garalen went from effusive back to angry.  She’d missed that part.  She ripped my sleeve, baring my arm.  The bruise was already forming. 

“Say the word, Ethalathun, and he won’t live the night.”  She said it so quietly it scared me.

“That really might start a war, my friend.  Let’s let the Inquisition deal with him for now.  No killing.  He needs to walk away from Skyhold intact.  However, we need to let everyone know that he gets no services from us.”

“And get Renee to see to this.  I think he did more than bruise you.”

“I can’t go back out there with a ripped sleeve.”

“Leave her here with us.  Go get her fresh clothes and a healer.”  Wulfgang for the win.

“Nobles are assholes, and Orlesians are the worst,” said Harritt.

“Hey now, some of our friends are nobles.”

“There are exceptions to every rule.”

As my mad dissipated, the pain in my arm increased.  Renee showed up shortly thereafter, taking a look at it.  Bruised badly, but not cracked, and the shoulder slightly displaced.  That was NOT fun to fix.  No magic required, since healing it in place would do more damage.  She had Wulf pull straight down on my arm, and it popped back in with a sickening crunch.  She also insisted on taking a look at my hip, which I had landed on, and pronounced it “colorful, but nothing serious.”

Leorah came in after that with a fresh tunic for me, and helped me into it.  “Leorah, that Orlesian Ass is invisible.  Do not react to him, just stay away from him.  All of us.  We’re completely shunning him.  Where’s Garalen?”

“She’s standing outside the door with that human man.”

“Which human man?”

“The one from the Commander.”  She pulled out a turquoise swath of cloth and made a sling for my arm.  Where does she get all this turquoise fabric?  Anyway, thus repaired, I went back out.  People actually moved out of my way.  I must still have looked angry.  Leorah had pulled aside an elf and was talking to her intently while the other elf nodded.  Then both of them went on to spread the word.  It wouldn’t take long at that rate.

I decided to go around the long way, instead of traipsing through Josie’s office.  It was past lunchtime, and I wanted food.  I turned to head through Solas’ atrium.  He stood, about to speak.  I looked at him.  “Is this urgent, or can I eat before you attempt to lecture me?”

He held up his hands.  “I had no intention of lecturing you.  Feel free to eat.  I would like to speak with you, when you have a moment.”  I nodded, and stepped out of the outer door. 

That’s when I noticed that Garalen and Dude-with-no-Name were following me.  I’m a bitch, so I turned to my left and dropped off the causeway.  That’s the quickest way down, anyway.  Garalen jumped, and Skyhold caught her, just as it does me.  Dude ran all the way around and caught up as we went in the kitchen door. 

Cook had prepared some of her meat pies, so I begged one off her.  Wasn’t hard.  I kind of looked at one, and she handed me two.  She frowned at my sling.  “There’s an Orlesian Ass with a fetish for throwing elves staying in Skyhold., and far too many injured soldiers from the Hinterlands to spare magic for this tiny issue.”

“I see.  I’ll make sure none of ours goes near him.  If he’d hurt you, he’d sure hurt any of us.”

“I don’t think he knew who I was.”

“Then he should have.  Isn’t that what they do, keep track of who’s who?”

“I’m just an elf, Cook.”

“If you say so, my lady.”

“Not a lady, Cook.”

“MY lady, Chrissy.”  No arguing with that.  She’s as stubborn as Eadras.  Who strode into the dining hall while I was eating my pies.  Thank goodness pomposity had injured my left arm.  I could still eat and write.  He confirmed what had gone on and seconded the shunning.  Hopefully that would be the end of it.

Back at my desk, I sent a note to Adan about the healing potion supplies.  Did he need help making more?  I then crept up the stairs, waiting this time to hear if there was arguing.  It was quiet, but someone was moving around.  “Lady Montilyet?”

“Chrissy?  Where are you?”

“I’m on the stairs.  Is it safe to come up?”

Her face peered down at me.  “Of course.  Are you alright?  How badly are you hurt?”

“I’m fine, Josie.  I’m sorry if I caused an incident.”

“He caused the incident.  He is properly chastised now, though.  No one looks at him.  We had to get some soldiers to serve him lunch.”  I climbed the rest of the way up as she talked.  Elias was standing near her desk.

“Thank you, Elias.  Someone with that kind of temper isn’t safe around our Inquisitor’s lady.”

“Anytime, Chrissy.  You know that.”  I nodded.

“How much trouble does this cause the inquisition, Josie?”

“Considering he manhandled the Chatelaine of Skyhold, firstly, mistreated a member of the inquisition of any race, secondly, and then spewed insults, we shall have to see.  However, no one here will blame you.  Sam would be most irate, in fact.”

“Sam?  So familiar.”  She blushed.  “I think it’s cute. Isn’t it interesting that someone who has been here at least three days chose the day after the Inquisitor left to misbehave in this fashion?  Yelling at you, throwing me, and general poor behavior and language?  Ethelathe has agreed to a shunning.  He doesn’t exist to us, my lady.  And if he harms one of mine, I’ll expect the inquisition to make him pay.  Or I will let Garalen have him.”  I took a deep breath.  “I’m sorry.  I’m just still angry.  I’m glad it was me and not Cara or Isa.  They’re so much tinier and more delicate.”

I heard a voice behind me.  “You have every right to expect fair treatment here, Chrissy.”  Leliana.  “And I find your observation about his timing interesting.”  I didn’t say anything.  “Any other insights?”

“He smells of fish oil, and needs to bathe?”  I thought a moment.  “And he looked remarkably calm, didn’t he?  Even when Garalen put her hand on her dagger.  Sneering, not fearing.”

“I like that phrase.  Is that what you saw, Josie?”

“Now that I think on it, yes.  It was quite a sight, and everyone else stepped away from the scene, including myself.  He did not.”

The Nightingale looked at me.  “Have you been tended?”

“Dislocated shoulder, bruising.  I’m okay.  Some more injured arrived, so the healers are busy.”  She nodded.  “I’m going to go.  I just wanted to talk to Josephine about the candidates for my assistant.  I tossed one completely, and none of the others are elven or have experience with elves.  As a quarter of the household, approximately, is elven, the person needs to be open to that.  I’d prefer a dwarf or a vashoth, honestly.  Then an elf, finally humans.  Demographics.  We need more types of faces.”  My shoulder was throbbing, so I was glad when she nodded again. 

I thought about just going downstairs, but I knew I’d better talk with Solas.  I stepped into his parlor.  Atrium. Whatever.  He was standing, looking at the first of his murals.  It was almost complete.  That was fast.  I just waited.  He knew I was there.

“Are you hurt?”

“Not much.”

“You didn’t use magic to protect yourself.”

“I don’t know how.”

He sighed.  “That is something we shall have to remedy, soon, Da’asha.  With your permission, of course.”

“It might be a good idea, yes.”

He turned to look at me.  “Are you alright?”

“I said I wasn’t overly hurt.”

“Yet you are in a sling, and you walk differently.”

“Hence the overly.”

“Is there going to be any repercussions for him, or will this be overlooked due to his rank?”

“Ethelathe recognizes no such person.  A person wearing that mask does not exist, and will be treated as not existing.”

His mouth quirked.  “That’s a surprisingly fitting punishment for an Orlesian noble.  May I look, Da’asha?”

“Yes.” 

He came over and gently touched my shoulder.  Parting the cloth, he saw the handprint on my arm and his face became grim.  “I could heal this for you.”

“That’s a bad idea.”

“Why?  You are in pain.”

“It’s not debilitating, and seeing my injuries will have an effect on the other nobles “visiting”.  It also explains the treatment of the noble.  And call me selfish or whatever, but I intend to make sure every person in Skyhold sees me this way.  That way word of the preferred punishment will spread.  As will the notion that one cannot manhandle us without consequence.  I won’t permit it.  Not here, at least.”

“You have an interesting mind.  And you seem to take responsibility for the oddest things.  I can see your point, though I would prefer to heal this now.”

“That’s a new attitude.”  I was poking at him, I know.  I did smile to soften the words.

“But a better one, yes?”

“Much better.”

“How did your first night alone go?”

“I wasn’t alone.  Dorian gave me a kitten.”

“A kitten?”

“A Minrathous long-hair.  She’s beautiful.”

“Your hair is longer.”  Odd change of subject, but okay.

“I don’t know why, but it grows very fast recently.”

“I will let you get on with your day.  If you change your mind, or if that Orlesian Ponce leaves, I will heal you.  Anytime, Chrysopal.”

I brushed his shoulder with my hand.  “Thank you, Solas.  If it becomes too painful or if he leaves quickly, I may take you up on that.”

“And the lessons?  Barriers?  They would have helped today.”

“We’ll set up a time, soon.” 

I returned downstairs.  I still had a ton of paperwork to do.  I gathered my kitten, and she decided that in the sling was the best place to nap.  I’m glad I stayed there, because just about everyone with more than a tenuous connection checked on me that afternoon.  Even the Commander came by to verify that I was okay.  He told me he was putting a visible guard on Josephine until that man left, as well.  He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and told me that many people would prefer I not allow myself to be hurt further.  He’d had his men, messengers, and a few Templars express dissatisfaction with my behavior.  MY behavior?  Apparently I was to have let Garalen gut him.

Dinner at my desk, including food and water for the kitten, but songtime finally put a stop to my working.  Still have way too much paperwork.  Irusana and I went to bed after that.  She’s nice, but I do miss having a person around at night. 


	34. Day 31, 4 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quieter day. Clothing issues, Chargers are weird, Zathras, Cole, and Studying for Fun.

### Skyhold, Day 31, 4 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I was dreaming, dreaming of thin palm fronds on my face, caressing.  Then a pressure on my neck, something soft, but slowly strangling.  I woke up to find Irusana had draped herself across my throat.   Is she going to pick a new way to wake me up every day? 

I got up and dressed.  It was more difficult than I expected, because I was pretty colors and my shoulder was stiff.  Regrettably everything I had to wear was long-sleeved.  I’d have to talk to Leorah about something sleeveless. We are heading into summer, after all.  And about having more than two tunics.  I could have sworn I used to have three.  I had to put on a dress, and magically another two of those had appeared.  The new one had sleeves that were loose and long, so I selected that one.  Maybe I should just be grateful I can just slip these over my head and tighten some laces.

I tucked my thumb into my belt and decided to leave it like that.  The turquoise cloth from yesterday wouldn’t look right.  I tended to the kitten’s needs, fetching food and water, and headed to the tavern.  It was actually daylight, so I was later than usual. 

I stopped in at the back, where Lisa was last time, near their cooking hearth.  More people were up than usual, and I chickened out.  I took a step back, into metal.  “Going somewhere, Chrysopal?”  Krem.

“You shouldn’t sneak up on people.”

“I didn’t.”  He pushed on my shoulder to try to maneuver me into the room, and I hissed in pain.  “Stitches!”

“No.  It’s a message.”  Stitches ignored me, pushing up the sleeve to look at my arm.  “That’s not why I’m here.  I just wanted some coffee.  And you were all awake.  Give me my arm.”  I was starting to feel trapped.

Lisa came to my rescue.  “Let go of her.  Can’t you see you’re scaring the girl?”

“I’m not scared.”  But Stiches looked at my face and gently let my arm down.

“Of course not.  You’re shaking, and you’ve gone pale, but you’re not scared,” he said.

“Exactly.  I’m sorry to have bothered you all.” 

I turned, but Krem was still standing in the doorway.  He moved, forward, edging me closer into the room.   “Chief said look after you.  What’s the message?”  He gestured at my arm as he asked.  I could tell I wasn’t getting out of there without an argument or telling them.  Lisa deposited my mug on the table, and I sat and briefly told them the story as I drank.  Got what sounded like a chuff of laughter out of Grim.  They let me leave after that.  I keep trying to deal with the Chargers, but they’re either glaring or overwhelming.  I like them, don’t get me wrong, but it’s like they only have two speeds.  Negative three and mach ten.

I stopped down at the stables to say I wasn’t up for riding.  Josren asked if a massage would help.  NO.  Gethon smacked the back of his head and told him to leave me be.  Back to my paperwork.  Still have to catch up.  This time I went through the main hall, letting them see me.  Ignoring the asshole, as well, even as he attempted to step into my path.  I stepped around him and continued.  I saw several jaws drop at that.  So be it.  That’s what shunning is.  He doesn’t exist, except as something to avoid.

Zathras caught up with me after lunch.  Evidently an injury is not good enough to get out of practice.  I’m still not seeing the association with what he’s teaching me and dodging or fighting or whatever.  “Give me another month of lessons, and then you’ll see,” was all he said.  I changed to yesterday’s clothing, and we went outside.

We got to our usual practice site and he hesitated.  Touching my hair, he said “It grows fast.  Your hair is beautiful.”  Then he was all business again.  For about half our session, he had me showing the moves I could still do with my arm out of commission, which wasn’t a whole lot.  Then he sat me down. 

“Defense is a mindset,” he lectured.  I think I read this book.  Several of them.  He was just listing things like successful habits of successful people.  Begin with the end in mind.  Seek to understand, then seek to be understood.  Moved into Sun Tzu.  Balk the enemy’s power, force him to reveal himself.  Know when to fight and not to fight.  Platitudes.  He droned on about it, and I really was paying attention.  Ish.  Good thing he’s handsome, so I could just sit here and look at him.  Luckily, he attributed my eyes glazing over to pain from my shoulder.  He was quite solicitous on the way home, tucking my good arm into his.

He delivered me back to my room, so I could change back to my “real” clothes, as he put it.  There must be something about the outfits that Leorah is putting me in that I don’t understand.  To me, the tunic and leggings are “real” clothes.  When he reminded me to wash my feet, I realized I’d been shoeless all day.  He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and said “you’re pretty when you blush.”  And left.  He’s much better at flirting than Josren.

Yes, I washed my feet.  Yes, they were muddy.  No, I hadn’t noticed I was shoeless.  I forget, okay?  I went out to the healer’s area, trying to find Renee.  I needed to talk to her about lessons.  I felt something ripple.  “Hello Cole.”

“Hello.  You always know.”

“I feel you.”

“She’s not happy.  You might want to wait.  Someone died today.”

“I see.  I’ll leave her until another time, then.  Have you met Seggrit?”

“Yes.  He thinks I’m daft.”

“That’s okay.”

“I think he’s daft.”

“That’s okay, too.”

“What’s daft?”

“Silly.”

“I’m not silly.”

“But he is?”

“No.  He’s smart, and pretends to not be.”

“That’s why I hired him.”

“Let go, after all I’ve done for them.  Shut out of everything.  They wouldn’t be here at all if not for me.”

“That’s another reason.”

“You gave him a place.”

“He earned that place.”

“Yes.   He didn’t know you were important.  Knife-ears aren’t important.”

“He will learn, then, won’t he.”

“No, probably not.”

“Then he will be an example.”

“It still hurts.”

“I’m going to need clarification on that one, Cole.”

“Your arm.”

“Oh, yes.  But not badly, really.”

I traipsed around to where Seggrit hangs out.  Cole followed me.  I’m not sure what he wanted.  He usually has purpose.  I’ve noticed he never seems to talk about me.  Just the people around me.  “You’re too bright, and everything overlaps.  It’s hard to hear, sometimes.  And it would make you unhappy.”

“Interesting.  Thank you.”

When we reached Seggrit, Cole left.  I questioned Seggrit about the availability, price, and feasibility of acquiring a piano.  Thank goodness he knew what one was.  I wasn’t sure if they’d been invented yet.  Answers:  Not very, a lot, and possible.  I’m going to have to check what my account looks like.  I really have no clue.  Probably not enough for a piano, though.  I still have to figure out what I owe Leorah for my ever changing closet.  It’s not like the things she makes for me will fit anyone else.

I finished my paperwork for the day.  It’s not all done, by a long shot. I’d finished the book on City elf customs, and went hunting in the ‘other’ library for a new book.  I grabbed one in English basically at random, in the magic section.  I promised to study magic for an hour a day, after all.

Damn book was a mess.  Notes in some funky language in the margins, lines crossed out, exclamation points and questions marks everywhere.  Basically unreadable.  I traded it out for a treatise on wards.  Nothing about spiky stuff or gooey stuff or eyes in there.  Lots of very precise drawings, though, and explanations on what the runes mean and are for.  That will make things easier.  Nothing on glowy dust or pulling things out of shape like I did to the rock, though.

I was engrossed enough in the book and taking notes that I didn’t even notice the time until someone thunked a tray on my desk.  Jailyn.  “You forgot dinner.”

“Sorry.  I got caught up in this.”

“Might want to take a break, hon.  Everyone’s coming soon.”

I thought about that a bit.  We have 23 new elves, at least.  I needed to sing the Voice for them. So after I ate, and everyone arrived, I opened songtime with it, instead of our usual songs.  I couldn’t manage the guitar, so Eadras helped.  One day soon, when we’re stable, I’m going to have to show them the dance of the wild faeries.  We’ll see if it resonates with them the way it’s always resonated with me.  We moved into our usual sorts of songs, finishing with We Shall Overcome.  I took the remnants of my dinner, my book, and my notes into my area, and I’m writing this.  I’ll be going back to the book for a while, because it’s fascinating, but then I’ll sleep.


	35. Day 32, 5 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Argh doors again, and Solas. Weird tension. Adan. Accidentally scaring my princess kitty. Andrew and Gunther moving back in.

### Skyhold, Day 32, 5 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I’d forgotten the tendency of kittens to go wherever you’re focusing.  She managed to chase me to bed better than any nanny, merely by sitting on whatever I was trying to read or write.  My dreams were deep, and as indescribable as natural dreams are.  It’s getting weird, honestly.  It’s like when I first arrived, when nothing strange had yet happened.  Except for the whole arriving in a fictional world thing.  I can’t even play in “my” fade space.  I’m not sure what’s wrong.  Lucid dreaming happens, but I can’t alter anything major.  Just barely affect it and wake up.

I realized that morning as I awoke to a tail up my nose that I’d STILL not looked at those three damn doors.  What the hell?  Why do I keep forgetting?  So that’s what I decided to do first.  After I fed Irusana, of course.  I’d gotten breakfast and consulted with Cook and been halfway through a morning’s paperwork when I realized that I had forgotten, YET AGAIN, to look at those doors.  Why hadn’t I opened them when I opened the others, anyway?  I’d gotten my hand on a doorlatch when I noticed that I’d left a candle burning.  So I went to blow it out and got distracted by paperwork again. 

When I realized what had happened, again, it pissed me off.  So I LOOKED at the door I’d touched.  There was a glassy sheen over it, and it was greasy.  Slippery, kind of.  Not to the touch, per se, but to the noticing.  I probably wasn’t being affected at the moment because I wasn’t interested in the door, but what was over/on it.  I remembered seeing something about a ward like this in the book I was reading. 

I ran back to my room, grabbed the book (and my notes), and plopped my ass down back in front of that door.  I wrote “Not until the door is open” on a piece of paper and smoothed it to the stone wall next to the door.  That should catch my attention if this thing tries to distract me.  As I was looking at the warding runes and comparing them to what I was seeing, someone copped a squat next to me. 

Glanced up, and was not surprised.  “Merely the fact that you see this door and can focus on it is interesting, Da’asha.  That you’ve acquired a book I know isn’t in the Inquisition library and made preparations to investigate is astounding.”

“Astounding?”

“Indeed.”  I hate it when he uses that word.  I waited.  “Not until the door is open.  An interesting note.”

“Is it?”

“Why did you not just ask for help?”  He sounded genuinely puzzled.

“I don’t know if I need help yet.”

“I see.”

“I doubt it, but I’ve heard you’re patient.  How’d you know to come down here?”

“Intense focus and insatiable curiosity.”

“Mine or yours?”

“Yours.  You need to learn to separate yourself from everyone.  It’s becoming critical.  Unless you want to let everyone know what you’re feeling all the time?”

“What?  Don’t be ridiculous!” 

“You can arrange it so the duty bodyguards are in the loop.  Or lock everyone out.”

I was about to ask how, when my note caught my eye.  “Maybe later.”

“Later?”  Aha, he thought he’d had me.

“I have a door to unlock.  You’re distracting me.  Is it on purpose?”

“And if it was?”

“Perhaps if you wanted this door to remain closed, you’d merely have to ask.”

“Why do you want to investigate so badly?”

“I need more space.  Dormitories or at least more rooms for my elven people, away from the others.  They’re nice and I love them, but we really need more space away from the humans, aside from Daniel and Andrew, of course.”

“Of course.  We must claim these particular two, of all the humans in Thedas.”

“We?”

“I was being facetious.”

“Those two are important.  You’d know that if you weren’t still being foolish.  There are others, as well, but I don’t know where they are.”

“I am not…  Never mind.  How did you stick the note to the wall?”

“I don’t know. I just wanted it to stay there and it does.”  He inhaled deeply, and let it out.

“That is not the way magic generally works.”

“Seems to work for me.  The will and the word, as it were.”

“The will and the word?”

“From the Belgariad.  Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t quite work that way.  There are more steps.”

“I’m glad to hear that, at least.  Please leave the door alone, for now.  We’ll find you someplace to put your new elves.”  He actually asked. 

“We again?”

“Yes.  This time.”

“More will be coming, but I don’t have work or space for all of them.”

“You know this?”

“No.  But I’d make book on it.  I’m going to have to turn some away.  I already have, in fact.”

“You?  Turned someone away?”  He was making a joke of it.

“They lied.  About who they were, where they came from, their circumstances.  And when confronted, wouldn’t come clean.  I don’t expect someone to tell me, but I do expect them not to lie to me.”

“You hold them to the same standards you adhere to.”

“Sort of.” 

He slid a finger between my brows.  “You’re worrying over nothing.  You can relax your brow.  The standards seem fair to me.”  He picked up the book I was using.  “Where did you get this?”

“Does it matter?”

“Not particularly.  I was curious.”  I grabbed my notes and the book, and the note from the wall.  He picked up my pen.  “What is this?”

“A fountain pen.”

“You often do that.” I smiled.  I knew what he meant.  An answer that held no real meaning.  And then I tried to get up, with all my crap in my right arm, and leaning on my left.  STUPID of me.  “I assumed you would do that, too,” he said, as I hissed in pain.  “Am I carrying your things or you?”

“I am not a sack of potatoes!”  I shoved the book and notes at him.  Asshole was smirking.  He stood and put my things on my desk.  I was still on the ground when he got back to me.  My hip was sore.  Sue me.

“If you need assistance?”

“I just need a moment.”  I gathered my legs under me and leaned on my RIGHT arm to stand this time.

“My offer to heal this stands, Da’asha.  I don’t understand why you are so stubborn about it.  Everyone knows, and expects you to get it healed now.”

“Why do you care?”

“Does it matter?”  Sometimes I hate the way we mirror our phrasing at each other.  We spend all our time fencing with words.

I sighed.  “Not particularly.  Is he leaving?”

“He’s packing.”

“I think it does matter, actually.”

“What does?”

“Why you care whether or not I hurt.”

“You are interesting.   I would not have you injured.  You have a sharper tongue when you hurt, for one.  Come, Chrissy.  Let me do this.  You’re missing lunch.”  He led me to my chair and sat me down.  I’d given in and he knew it. 

As he finished running his hands and magic gently over my hurts, including my hip, Zathras showed up.  There was a weird tension in the room as he told me it was time for my lessons.  Zath eyed Solas, who still had a hand on my side and one on my shoulder.  Zath drew my good arm to his, pulling me out of my chair.  Solas told him I hadn’t eaten, and he responded that he’d make sure I got lunch, first.  I bid goodbye to Solas, who had an odd expression on his face, thanking him, and Zath escorted me into the dining hall.

We ate, and then went out to our usual spot.  I was able to complete the forms, and Zathras told me that he could tell I’d been practicing.  I tried to ask what the tension was about, but he told me it was nothing for me to worry about.  He started showing me some variations, with him in opposing poses.  Actually blocking potential hits, it looked like, if there were to be contact.  Just in super-slow snail motion.  He led me back to Skyhold, and left me at my desk with a small bow.

I sought out Adan for some magical training stuff.  I’d promised after all.  Adan spent an hour explaining the theory behind potions, and gave me a book on plants and what they’re good for.  It was fascinating.  Before I left, he hugged me and told me I was not to allow myself to be assaulted again.  I had magic, and I was to use it.  “I don’t know how yet,” I told him, and he told me I better learn quick.

Back to the paperwork I’d ignored in favor of the door this morning.  At least there were no interviews today.  Not until the tenth.  Time to see if the current batch fit in, and if there was need for more help.   Another mediation paper for Ethelathe.  *sigh* How hard is it to get along?  Easy one, but I need to ask Eadras why it escalated past him.  Probably because they wanted my signature on the damn thing, honestly.  Ah well, it doesn’t hurt anything.

I took Irusana to the armory when I shut down the paper factory.  Big mistake.  Fire, noise, and new people wanting to touch her.  I only got a few moments before I left.  Got to kiss the uncles, at least.  One whiny brat apprentice dared to ask why I didn’t kiss him (in the absolutely wrong tone of voice), and Alex gave him a lecture on the appropriate treatment of his little bit.  You know, blacksmiths are SCARY when they punctuate a lecture with hammer on anvil.  I left, because it was too much for my little princess.  She’d climbed up into my hair and was shaking.

I got her dinner and dropped her off at our rooms.  She was much happier there.  No forges for kitties.  I should have guessed that, really.  Dinnertime went well.  Kids are happy.  I got the paperwork for Laura today.  She’s to head off soon to a childless family acquainted with Leliana.  I’m going to miss her.  Down to just the Tweedles and Daniel.  They’re going nowhere, unless they truly want to.  Blackwall apparently made them some toys before he left, as well.  I should have thought of toys.  Another thread I dropped.  At least someone picked it up.

At singalong time, I sang Empty Chairs at Empty Tables.  I had grieved enough to manage it.  It’s been my go-to song for sorrow for a long time.  A significant portion of Ethelathe had tears in their eyes.  Zathras was leaking as much as Leorah and I were.  It took a few moments before someone else was willing to accept the singing stick.  Andrew announced that he was moving in to Ethelathe from the Templar barracks.  Gunther, too.  With Eadras’ permission and a general consensus, of course.  Because there’d been no controversy, apparently I’m the last to know.

I tucked my kids into bed, and said goodnight.  I only got about an hour of that book in before Irusana shooed me off to bed in her special way:  sitting on anything I want to use.  I freaked her out by taking a bath first.  Poor thing learned bubbles aren’t solid and she can’t walk on them.  It took longer to dry her than me.  She was quite upset.  I’m taking her to bed with me shortly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Empty Chairs at Empty Tables: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bj1cooyENEU


	36. Day 33, 6 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lessons in the fade, Leorah schools me on the facts, explaining Andrew to Garalen, and Daniel's itchy so I take steps.

### Skyhold, Day 33, 6 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I got frustrated at my inability to play in my own dreams last night.  I did something I’ve never actually done before.  I opened my SELF in the fade to LOOK at what was going on.  I wasn’t trapped.  Nothing had been done to my space, really.  But there was a shimmering something over and obviously outside about three quarters of the space I would consider mine.  I could easily work around it, if I were to so desire.  There was no contact, just as I asked.  Written on it were the words “The first step to barriers is realizing one could be there.”    I probably should have been upset, but I wasn’t.

Looking at it, it seemed to be something of a net.  Much like a dream-catcher back home.  This could explain my limits in dreams, and the complete lack of demons or spirits.  One has something to do with the other.  Two lessons in one.  Smart, sneaky wolfy.  I spent the rest of the night figuring out how one would create such a thing, and at the same time, how one would destroy one.  I did neither.  Not yet.  I returned the strings I spun out of the fade as practice back to their original state.  Don’t ask me to explain that.  It’s more imagination than practical.  Thought becoming reality.  Kind of.

These strings could be used for more, too.  I knew it.  One could trap and hold, or if you wove them much more finely… I realized at that moment that the barriers I have seen in the game are basically Kevlar woven of the same sorts of tubes, on a much smaller level, that Dorian tried to create within my aura.  Because they don’t have a constant connection to the fade, they rely on the power made to create them, and deteriorate over time, just like the channels did! 

That’s why one must recast so often.  It may also be why the average mage is so closed off.  They don’t process the way I do, so they have to hold everything they can within.  The more tubules and internal traps they have, the more powerful they can be.  Then the glowy dust doesn’t move, and becomes stagnant, like water would, and I feel it as itchy.  I work with what’s in the environment.  I should probably develop a shell of some kind in case I end up somewhere without free glowy dust about, though.

Also, that explains why I had to deliberately take down the “shield” I’d made with Andrew.  It had been wrapped up with the magic of Tarasyl'an Te'las, not our personal dust, as it were.  That would be highly dangerous in a battle situation. If I did something and used too much glowy stuff, I’d be dizzy and disoriented.  Dangerous in any situation where the average Templar would be involved or there was limited magic pooled.  Anyplace other than Tarasyl'an Te'las, maybe.  I could have left that shield here forever, as a permanent fixture, but it would have reduced the glowy dust available by the amount I used.  I really wouldn’t even need Andrew to make it, now.

The last thing I did before I woke up was look again at the dreamcatcher.  If I was right, a single tug on the correct string in the correct place would dismantle the whole thing easily.  Pulling the wrong one or the wrong spot would make a mess and be even harder to clean up.  Remedial instruction, as it were.  The idea just felt right.  It’s something a teacher would do, too.  Do it right, and it’s easy as pie.  Barrel through and it’ll be a nightmare.  I think I know which string, but I left it alone, because something tickled my nose.  I woke up.

* * *

 

Irusana’s whiskers were tickling my nose.  She was standing on my forehead, sniffing my face.  I adore that man.  He arranged for me to smile every morning.  I’m going to have to figure out something nice to do for him.  Maybe I could tie the warming I do into his room somehow?  His room would always be warm, like the Mediterranean.  I’ll have to look into it.

I got up and went to get dressed.  Damn it.  I have got to talk to Leorah about my closet.  Armoire.  Thing that holds clothes.  Three dresses are all that’s there.  My leggings are there, but my two tunics are NOT.  I washed them. I know they were clean.  I put them in there.  And there’s enough fabric in these dresses to swathe three of me!  Damn things look like the unrealistic crap Arwen wore.  Filmy sleeves to the floor and all.  And they’re heavy as fuck.  It’s like I have a closet I don’t know about hidden somewhere, and Leorah’s just being nice to give me a few choices every day. I put on the one that covered the most boob, because that’s an issue, too, and headed out. 

Irusana followed me out.  I got us fed and then went looking for Leorah.  She was already down in Fabrics.  “Leorah, darling.  You’re messing with me, right?”

“What do you mean? It’s lovely.”

“I have defense practice every day.  I can’t do forms in this.”

“Oh, I forgot.  I’m sorry.  I’ll make sure you have something for that.”

“Leorah.”

“You have to look the part.  Mages who run castles should not look like they clean privies.”  I’m never going to live that down.  It needed to be done, and I wasn’t going to saddle others with it unnecessarily.

“It drags the ground.  It’ll get dirty.”

She flapped her hand at that.  “You’re a mage.  Just magic something around it or whatever.”

“Leorah.”  She looked at me.

“You represent US, Chrissy.”  Damn it.

“How much do I owe you for the clothes?”

“The fabric to outfit you properly was provided for in your stipend.  We knew you wouldn’t use it, so we did it for you.  It is typical to provide initial outfitting costs.  You represent Skyhold and the Inquisition, too.”

I sighed.  I can’t argue with that logic.  “I have a few requests.  Your work is lovely, but I need shorter sleeves.  Or at least split sleeves, so I can push them back.  These are impractical.  I’ll get ink all over them.” She opened her mouth, but I cut her off.  “And even if I did something to make sure that didn’t happen, they will get in my way on most days.  Fancy tunics I can live with.  Nothing to wear for defense and eventually weapons practice I can’t.  We have to compromise, here.”

“Make some suggestions, Ethelathun.”  I rolled my eyes, but sat down with her to tweak her designs into something I could work in.  Still way too much like pop-culture elven, weirdly, but if it made them happy, I’d deal.  The flowy sleeves had to be reserved for special occasions only, though.  They get massively in the way.  “They’ll be for when you start taking dinner upstairs.”

“That’s not likely.”

“They’re already asking.”

“Then they’ll get me and Eadras both.”

“I’m working on his clothing, too.”  Damn it.  I couldn’t help but chuckle.  I was well and truly caught, but at least Eadras was caught, too.  I snitched some more yarn, for the kitten.  Then we spent a few minutes hunting her down to get her back to my desk.  Because paperwork multiplies.

I went out to play with Drummer, dealing with Josren.  He’s adorable, really.  And he grows on you.  Like fungus.  Really cute fungus, but you still feel slightly dirty after listening to his effusive compliments for too long.  And he’s touchy-feely, but not in any way you can really object to.  And he’s not mine.  That probably makes more difference than I understand.  I may have to bug Solas about these threads, now that he’s being amenable.

Anyway, Drummer and I had a great time.  Gethon was on hand to give me more actual lessons.  Turns out harts can trot as well as walk and gallop, and may have more gaits I’m unaware of.  Trots are not comfortable.  Now I know why they invented posting.  Looks like I’ll either have to saddle-hover or learn to post.  Because getting punched in the crotch hurts for girls, too, and my padding isn’t THAT much.  OW.  Gethon was grinning at me and kindly lifted me down instead of making me dismount.  It's got to be the dress. He told me that by the time he was done with me, I’d be able to post for hours.  There’s innuendo in there somewhere, but I don’t think he meant it.

Meandering off to lunch, Garalen caught up with me.  We chatted about a few things, and she looked nervous.  It took me almost ten minutes to drag what was wrong out of her.  Apparently Andrew had mentioned potential marriage at some time in the future, and she was worried I wouldn’t approve.  She wasn’t sure if she approved, at that.  I looked at her.  “Can I tell you something, Gara?”

“Of course.”

“I have humans and dwarves and elves that I count as part of Ethelathe.  You understand this, right?”

“Yes.  You’re very egalitarian about everything.”

“Now for something less obvious.  I count Andrew and Daniel among the ELVES of Ethelathe, not the humans.”

She stopped eating.  “I don’t understand.”

“I know.  And I can’t really explain it.  There’s a visible hierarchy among people, in regards to access to the fade.  Dwarves, they have basically none, right?”  She nodded.  “Next comes humans.  Regular humans.  Then Magi humans.  Some of the magic-wielding humans, like Dorian and Vivienne, are actually on par with the next level:  elves, and perhaps a bit above.  Remember, we’re not talking about worth, we’re talking about connection to the fade.  Elven magic-users generally fall above that, in intensity of connection.  Andrew and Daniel are different.” 

“How are they different?”

“I’d place them halfway between elves and elven mages, easy.  Perhaps higher than that.” 

She sucked in a breath.  “To your sight, they are elves beneath the skin.”

“Kind of.  Not exactly.  They are human.  They have the human limitations.  But they are special.  Different enough that I’m not sure a child of yours and his would be elf-blooded instead of elf.  At the very least, he or she would be a most precious mage-potential.”

“That’s why you are so possessive of Daniel?”

“Yes.  He’s mine, and he will remain mine for so long as he wishes, even if he never manages the smallest bit of magic.  He’s a ray of hope, in some ways.”

“He talks, you know.  Someplace called Germany.  And the America you sang of once.  Military bases and wars.”

“I hope his words don’t leave our ears.  He’s a child, and as such doesn’t have the best impulse control.”

“Never.  He doesn’t talk at all around the mages.  He thinks they’re horrible and doesn’t like them.”

“Does he say they’re itchy?”

“Prickles on his skin.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?  We need to go get him.  And I have to take steps.”

“NOW?”

“Now.  He’s, well.”  I walked to Ethelathe Hall, and it was empty.  Thank goodness.  “He may be coming into magic.  We have to get him out of there.  I’ll talk to Fiona first.”

“Her.”

“Don’t like her?”

“Not so much, no.  Talks a good game, but then repeats the old mistakes.”

“Let’s go.”

I went up through the atrium.  Solas wasn’t there, so I didn’t have to say anything.  Fiona was in the second level of the library.  I waved at Helisma as I passed.  She helps greatly in finding tomes, until we get our elven book keeper.  I told Fiona that I was withdrawing Daniel from her classes, effective immediately.  We may have gotten into a bit of an argument over it, but the final line, probably at fairly high volume, was that she’d have to kill me to prevent me from getting him and keeping him.  The library was absolutely quiet when I added, “Are you willing to do that?”  She said nothing further, and I braved the mages to get my little boy.  I don’t know if she was offended or something, but I’d been nice about it at the beginning, until she told me I ‘couldn’t have him’.   She’s not getting her claws in my baby mage-templar.

Zathras was waiting at my desk when I got back with Dan, so I asked Garalen to watch him.  I changed.  Leorah had made good.  There was a tunic there on my bed to go with my leggings.  Anyway, we headed out to our practice area and did our thing.  He escorted me back inside and said he’d see me at dinner time.  Guess he’s joining us in the dining hall.  I, being nice to Leorah, changed back into the dress I’d been wearing.

Daniel and Garalen were hanging out with Andrew and Gunther.  I had a small discussion with Andrew, and we agreed that he needed some sort of training.  Minor Templar training, for now, with Andrew’s unique methods.  He’ll also keep up reading, writing, and the rest.  All the stuff I can’t do for him.  Gunther also agreed to watch him when push came to shove. Between all of us, we'd make sure he was safe, occupied, and educated. I have 138 people. We can manage this.

I also had a short chat with Daniel.  Dan had stayed in the school past comfort to please me.  *sigh* I told him I knew what that itchiness feels like, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.  He should have TOLD me.  I took a few moments to guide him into opening his SELF.  He’d done it before, but not realized what he was doing.  Some breathing exercises made him feel better.  Tarasyl'an Te'las is a great place for him to end the itching.  He doesn’t look full or even like Andrew.  Just some swirls in him.  Maybe he’s not a mage, but he has the sense.  Or he’s something else.  He’s still a bright spot.

I left to handle the paperwork monster, and met up with them for dinner afterward.  Zathras joined us, like he said he would.  Filled my plate himself, too.  He got my favorite, a meat pie, and some fruit.  He watched me the whole dinner.  I think it’s the dress.  I look useless, so they want to do things for me.  It’s like when boys are nice to you when you do your hair and makeup.  It’s not personal, it’s glandular.  It’s sweet, though.  And I’m probably a bad person because I liked it.  The lot of us talked about general life stuff, day to day stuff, all that.

I let Eadras do the singalong thing.  I had to do some studying.  I took leftover meat bits in to Irusana.  All the usual things to make sure she’s comfy, and I sat down to study from the book for a while.  She sent me to bed in her usual fashion a while later.


	37. Day 34, 7 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Studying, playing, working, talking. Normal day, except Solas is weird.

**Skyhold, Day 34, 7 Bloomingtide, 9:41**

I don’t know how long it took, but I finally figured out that the “strings” of the big dreamcatcher formed a repeating pattern.  That pattern, when sketched on the ground, was a few runes put on top of each other.  That helped a lot.  It helped more when I realized it was more like knitting than crochet or weaving. 

The neat thing about knitting, in particular, is that if you slice it up, it often retains some consistency.  With a crocheted afghan, you can slice and unravel from just about anywhere.  Weaving is the most consistent, in that slicing it basically anywhere doesn’t change the integrity of other places in the weave.  You can just sew it back together.  This is more like knitting.  With effort, you can severely damage the fabric from any particular place.  Still, you could pull out any one runic combo and it’ll leave a hole, not a raveling issue.  However, there’s one thread throughout, not many.  It’s not a matter of finding the right thread. It’s a matter of finding the right end.  Sure, you could just cut at it until it’s a useless rag, but with a bit of finesse?  Gone, like it never existed, and quietly, and quickly.

Anyway, back to the runes.  I couldn’t just weave the same pattern.  Monkey see, monkey do isn’t good enough.  I needed to weave a barrier of my own with another rune or two or three.  Depends on how to put them together, to facilitate connectivity.  Certain runes would be nigh on impossible to blend or even just do.  They’d need compliments to make the strings flexible enough to connect rune-combo to rune-combo.  Like putting an H over an I to get connectivity in more directions.  And since he knows what book I’m reading, it has to be ones not in this barrier I’m studying.  Also, since he incorporated a masculinity rune, I might just have to incorporate femininity instead.  I wonder if “all night” counts toward my magic studies time?  Somehow I doubt it.

I removed all traces of studying from my space when I felt the first twitch.  I’d barely gotten done when I was pulled out of my dreams.

* * *

 

And I woke up to sandpaper on my toes.  Irusana had apparently crawled under the covers and was grooming my feet.  Lovely.  How many other ways is she going to find to do this?  I dressed (Yay pants!  Sad to get excited about finding pants in my own wardrobe. I know I could check the night before, but why spoil the surprise?) Then we went for breakfast.  I snagged the Tweedles and Daniel.  They were not going to be attending that school any more. 

Laura, I didn’t have to worry about.  Leliana handled her schooling.  However, her new foster parents were going to be arriving any day, so she was excited.  I was actually pretty pleased to hear that they were coming to get her instead of her being shipped off.  At least it won’t be hard to gather her things.  Hopefully the fosters will be super nice, but like real parents, not like “we’re treating you like a guest” parents.

I ensconced the kids and Irusana and a bucket of chalk sticks in Ethelathe Hall.  Told them to go for it.  I’ll hose the place down later.  Or something.  What harm can chalk do I thought.  Until the chalk doesn’t stick to some walls.  I told the kids it had to do with the magical properties of Skyhold.  I hate doing that.  It’s true, but it’s not enough true for me to be completely comfortable.  Anyway, this way they’ll be under my eyes this morning.

The scaffolding in the main hall is due to come down today.  I’m looking forward to that.  It’s unsightly.  I’m currently in a very polite written argument with Jaine and Gannon about that hallway between Josie’s area and the War room.  It needs to be fixed.  It annoyed the crap out of me every time I had to pass as the inquisitor.  We can put a window in, but it needs to be fixed.  It’s just not a “priority” to them.  Grr.

Midmorning, Gethon arrived in Ethelathe Hall to tell me that I was late for my lessons.  I locked up the kitty in my rooms, shooed the kids in with Leorah, and went to the stables.  Josren.  He was subdued today.  I almost hugged him, he looked so forlorn.  Hardly any flirting at all.  Apparently Dennet’s daughter Seanna showed up for a visit and somebody got a bit too friendly.  Not SUPER DUPER friendly, but only because Dennet showed up at the “we’re just kissing” stage.  She only arrived last night.

Drummer was already saddled for me, so I just did the riding thing.  We’re starting to be pretty good together.  I mean, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not fence jumping or fancy riding or anything.  But I can steer!  No more going in circles.  That’s harder than it sounds.  Also, I’ve mastered the “avoid the horns” maneuver without falling off. 

Got introduced to “sitting a trot” today.  Oh man.  Just getting through the description was interesting.  Good thing I’m not some wilting violet.  I mean, yeah, I might blush at an unexpected compliment, but I don’t stammer at innuendo.  I was a sailor after all.  Seems to surprise people.  As for the sitting trot.  Let’s just say it’s a very suggestive motion, rocking your hips and bouncing your legs to keep your rear in the saddle to avoid crotch punch.  He’ll introduce me to posting, in which you use your thighs to rise out of the saddle to avoid crotch punching, later.

And I just want to say my ass is really sore.  I’ve not used those particular muscles in years.  And I wasn’t riding reindeer, either.

Anyway, I went back to the paperwork mountain.  I swear, I get my desk cleaned off most of the way every day, and more stuff shows up overnight.  I really do need an assistant, I think.  Asshole noble left yesterday.  I had his rooms cleaned twice.  Next batch of snooty dudes should be in tomorrow.  I’ll have to wear a dress.

Just before lunch, I decided to see if there were any more books on runes available.  In the “other” library, since I knew there weren’t in the main one.  Expecting a shipment with Dagna, actually, with a bunch of books from lists provided by the inner circle mages.  That’s probably why it’s taking so long.  When I walked in, there was a short table in front of the big desk with the book.  It had three books on runes, and one on barriers, just sitting there.  Well, hell.  I went ahead and gathered them, since he’d so nicely provided.  I also did a quick perusal and grabbed four others that looked interesting.   It’d be stupid to just rely on his picks.  If they’re not for him to bone up, of course, in which case this will be double-fun.

After depositing them in my room with the kitty, I did the lunch thing.  The kids are enjoying their break.  Leorah’s only had to warn them away from the big hole in the wall once.  Caught up on the latest gossip.  The ladies don’t like to bother me when Zath’s there.

Did the exercise thing with Zathras.  He’s added a few more variations.  Soon, he says, I’ll be ready for some actual avoidance practice.  Getting out of holds and such. He was escorting me back through the main hall when Solas stepped out.  “Chrissy, is there a chance I could speak to you a moment?” 

“Of course!”  I let go of Zath’s arm, saying a quick goodbye.  Solas just eased into Zath’s place, walking beside me into his rotunda. 

“I needed to discuss your schedule, Da’asha.  When will you have time to begin your lessons on barriers?”

“Probably three more days.  I have to talk to Helisma about creatures and Cole about the veil.  Then I’m taking a day off.”

“I thought you were studying with that Templar, Andrew.”

“Him too, but not right now.  He still needs to practice something.”

“He is practicing the techniques he wishes to teach you?”

“Have you ever just been able to do something, and not explain how you do it?  It’s kind of like when I speak to Dorian about Glowy dust.  He just can’t grasp my terminology, and I’ve never been taught his.  Andrew and I are figuring out our terminology.”

He led me over to sit on his couch.  “Are you neglecting your mage studies, Chrysopal?”  He was serious.

“I promised Sam an hour a day on those days I’m not taking off.  I’m several days ahead, actually.  So, no.”

“No issues?  Problems sleeping?”  I smirked.  He was hinting at the dreamcatcher.

“I’m not talking to you in the fade, Solas.  I don’t trust you there.  You’re a much nicer person here.  I do have other questions, but I’d assumed that they’d have to wait until the barrier lessons were complete.  Since I’ve not had a chance to let you get started…”  I shrugged. 

Bait, bait, take the bait.  “And what questions would those be?” YES.

“Before, when you were being a total ass, you grabbed hold of some threads of mine and tugged at them.  I’ve gathered since then that not only do they let me monitor the mental state of those I am connected to, it allows those individuals to monitor me.  That’s becoming issuesome on several levels.”

“What sorts of levels?”

“I’m concerned that my emotional state is manipulating them in some fashion, or that they will intrude on a private moment.”

“Private moment?”

“Sadness, grief, other emotional times, or even just when I don’t wish to broadcast.  I’m getting enough giggles recently.”  Have you ever noticed that you can see wheels turning in someone’s eyes?  He kept his face impassive, though.

“You felt grief the other morning.  Deep, tearing grief.  And it shut off.”

“I cut myself off from it, but that’s not healthy.  If I am to heal, I must be able to grieve.  Preferably without a hundred people hovering and trying to make me feel better.”

That got an actual look of surprise.  “So many?”

“Well, there may be a few more than that.”

“How many more?”

“Is that relevant?  Am I not sharing enough that is personal?”

“Integral parts of your being.  Ir abelas, Da’asha.  You are correct.  The numbers aren’t so relevant.  So you wish to be able to restrict what flows through the relationships you have formed?”

“That’s an odd way of putting it.”

“Inaccurate?”

“Not precisely.”

“I am not trying to be personal with this question.  What did you do to the tie I connected to you while you were working with it?  I sensed an occasional tug, but until it flew back, I did not know you were doing anything.  It did not occur to me that you could, truthfully.”

“That’s what I need to do?”

“It is at least a starting point.  In any case, I must get back to my studies, and you to yours.  Shall I escort you to your hall, since the defense instructor is unavailable?”

“I think I can make it, but thank you.”

“It would be no trouble.”

“How often do you think there should be a hug day, Solas?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because you were keeping track of the time between.”

“Perhaps every ten days?”

“Hmmm.  Thank you.  See you later.”  It was a strange conversation.  There seemed to be no real purpose to it until I started asking questions.  He could have addressed the schedule thing any time.  Even by note.

I played with the kids, did some studying, did the dinner thing.  Singalong, bath time.  Kitten sends me to bed by sitting on my work.  It’s a typical evening.


	38. Day 35, 8 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chargers again (but better), getting hair braided, a mysterious applicant, inappropriate cookies, a hidden spot

### Skyhold, Day 35, 8 Bloomingtide, 9:41

It occurred to me, looking at this thing he created over my space, that I needed to look at that barriers book.  So I woke up.  Irusana was already out, so I got a chance to read the whole thing.  Didn’t have what I wanted.  If you spun your web out of something ELSE, did it take those properties?  The dreamcatcher was basically pure unadulterated fadestuff.  But what if I wanted to spin it of something else?  Like Chrysopal?  Or would colors affect it?  Damn book was useless.  Terminology issues.  I was probably jumping too far ahead, anyway.

Mindful of being caught, I put up an antimagic dome around me.  It was open to the side of the castle, so still unlimited access to glowy stuff.  (I didn’t know if dude was below.)  I needed to practice for real.  It wasn’t that hard, actually, once you have the concept.  I just went through the rune book and made little bitty barriers of each rune with enough connecting points.  I knew most of the runes already, anyway.  Probably took a few hours, max.  Had to figure out the weave. 

The difficulty in runes isn’t the rune itself, but the meanings.  Every book probably has pages of “how to read this” and “what it REALLY means”.  I had the basics, but would refine in time.  The rune itself?  There just aren’t that many.  Some go up fast, and some don’t.  The second run through went MUCH faster.  Moments, instead of minutes.  I’d work on rune combinations tomorrow, now that I had the singlets fixed in my head.

I stopped holding the antimagic dome, and climbed back in bed.  When Irusana woke me this time, I hadn’t even been dreaming.  I’d been too tired.  I did spend most of the night awake, after all.  The really cool part is that I didn’t feel depleted at all.  Maybe practice in the fade counts, since I only seem to have big trouble with “new” attempts.

I got Irusana some breakfast after putting on another stupid-long sleeved dress.  This one had the lacings on the sides.  I liked that better, actually.  I found a new pair of shoes in there, too.  More like slippers.  Fabric instead of leather, so they were not pinchy.  I hate pinchy. 

It was barely light when I got up to the main hall.  It looks much better without all that scaffolding.  The scaffolding in the courtyards is next to go.  I made my way to the tavern and the Chargers.  Oh thank goodness.  Support staff were up, but there was plenty of snoring going on.

Lisa noticed me in the archway.  “Hello, Chrissy.  You look fancy today.”

“Yeah.  Leorah’s corrupting my wardrobe.  I look like a fabric store.”

“No, really, it’s nice.”  She paused a moment.  “Except…”

“My hair.”

“Yeah.”

“I may do something with it.  I’m not ready to fix it, not yet.  But I could do something with it.”

“Maybe a braid?”

“Maybe.  I’ll bug Josren about it.  He probably knows how.”

“Him!  Well, I don’t think there’s any doubt.”

“So how much time have you spent with young Josren?”

She blushed.  “Here, have a cup.”

“Is he as good as he claims?”

“He’s as bad as the Chief, honestly.  Different partners at different times of day.”

“But is he as good as he claims?”

She mumbled something.  I didn’t press.  I ordered food from the tavern, over Lisa’s protests.  When the others got up, I engaged in some light chitchat.  It’s not so bad when one at a time gets added.  It’s when they’re all on you at once.  They’re still wary, but so am I.  They’re also very loud.  I was rubbing my temple.  I can’t afford a headache today.  So I said goodbye and left.  I can probably handle them two, maybe three times a week.  Not more than that.  They’re very intense.

I did go to the stables early, and Josren was quite amenable to the idea.  “I’d love to sink my hands into those lovely tresses.”  However, Gethon was also up, and usurped.  He’d known me longer, so he had seniority.  He was quite insistent about it, and seemed hurt when I suggested he might be too busy.  He was NEVER too busy for me.  I knew I'd find people with hair skills at the stable.  Braids everywhere.  If anyone could work with uneven hair, it’d be stable people.

Damn.  Gethon should get paid to do hair.  I sank to the ground in front of his chair while he sat.  He noticed I was in pain, maybe with his special ability, and took the time to massage my temples and scalp for me.  I received a gentle lecture on taking care of myself and sleeping better as he went.  I was a puddle of relaxed goo by the time he started actually braiding my hair.  This man could make a veritable fortune in a high-class salon, and he worked with horses.

When he was done, he informed me I was going to be back on a horse today.  Apparently I need to learn to sidesaddle.  I can barely regular-saddle!  Crap.  That means no knees to hold on, and everything is weight shifting and reins.  Let’s just say I’m not a quick study, but there were no falls.  It’s also much harder to get on and off the horse.  And my butt was already sore. 

In deference to my clothing, Geth lifted me down from the horse at the end.  He hadn’t even finished putting me down when he offered to do my hair tomorrow, too.  Damn skippy.  He also told me to let him know when I was ready to have it neatened, because he could help with that, as well.  No pressure, which I appreciated, just an offer of help in my own time.  I got a long hug, and wandered off to do paperwork.  Geth insisted I skip the grooming, because “you don’t want to smell like horses when the new nobles arrive.”

I attacked the paperwork mountain.  Most of my time is taken up in stupid requests and idiotic suggestions.  Not from Ethelathe.  They’re mostly sane.  From random people.  Crazy suggestions, like offering it to the Empress as a vacation home.  I’m sorry, what?  I don’t think so.  I’m planning on stealing the damn thing from Solas (and Sam).  No way I’m offering it to the genocidal queen.  Another was having a celebration and inviting everyone in Ferelden to attend.  How big do they think my castle is?  I don’t even have decent sleeping arrangements for all my people yet, much less a million guests.

I made sure the nobles got escorted to their prepared rooms, and advised of amenities.  Dinner would be served in our main hall for a change, since it was nice-looking.  Josie made a special point of telling the nobles about my position in Skyhold, and the Inquisition opinion on who is people.  That was new.  I didn’t actually WANT to be introduced to them.  I had been content to speak and send them off.  Maybe she’s averting another shunning.  That probably cost us political points.

I asked her about that after the Count and his entourage was led off.

“It was difficult, but I don’t think it harmed our position.  In some ways, you have improved it by your actions.  It seems there are many sympathetic to the plight of elves.  We did inform the Inquisitor, of course.”

Shit.  They sent him a bird.  “I’m sure he had some choice things to say.”

“Not about you, Chrissy.  Though he shares an opinion with the Commander that you should have allowed your bodyguard to defend you.”

“How would blood on my floors have helped anything?”

“It wouldn’t be unusual in Orlesian politics, necessarily, and he had just assaulted you in front of witnesses.”

“My method hurts more.”

“Oh!  I suppose it does.  Indifference is far worse than strong reaction.  It was quite damaging to be ignored by all the servants.  Even the human ones.  Some of the soldiers refused to help unless directly ordered, as well.”

“On another subject…”

“Yes?”

“I’ve come to the conclusion that you are right.  I desperately need an assistant.  Is there no one with experience working with nonhumans?   Anywhere?  I reread the CVs you sent me, and I still don’t see any of them being effective.”

“CV?”

“Sorry.  Short for Curriculum Vitae.”

“Tevene?”

“Not precisely, but close enough.  The ‘path of life’.  Like a resume, but including hobbies, skills, and doings outside work.  Is that the wrong term?”

“Resume?  Orlesian?”

“List of jobs held?”

“I would call it a conspectus.”

“Very well.  I read the conspectuses, and am hoping for some sort of additional perspective.”

“We have a candidate who has offered to come, but the person refuses to send a conspectus.  Would you mind an in-person interview?”

“As long as it’s not going to be an issue if I don’t want to hire this person.”

“Wonderful.  That was already covered.  I will send a message that they may come for a visit.”  We exchanged pleasantries and I left.  I wonder who this person is.  She didn’t even give me a gender or race.

I ate lunch with Andrew, Gunther, and the kids.  They’re apparently having a blast.  I hadn’t realized that the mages and I were hoarding the littles.  Kids are a big deal in a brutal world.  Andrew’s been letting them run around in the courtyard.  They’ve improved the attitudes of lots of people with their laughter, apparently.  With Cole watching.  I can’t imagine a better guard than Cole.  Considering.  Most people seem to forget about Asunder Cole, and only pay attention to the Inquisition video game.  I know he’s far more dangerous than he appears.  But then again, most people are.  I didn’t know Andrew and Cole had met, but it doesn’t surprise me.

Zath caught up with me in Cassandra’s practice area.  She’s lending me the Sword and Sheilds series.  The whole thing, up to now.  Yes, she has it.  All of it.  It’s in a leather satchel, so I put it over my shoulder.  Neither of us wanted to talk about it when he showed up.  I promised I’d have her satchel back in a few days, since I was taking tomorrow off, anyway.

I went back to my room to change.  Thank goodness Leorah remembered to leave me a tunic.  Oddly, there was a tray on my table next to the settee.  With some sort of raisin cookies.  I’m not actually a fan of raisins, and anyone who would leave me a treat should know that.  My mind flashed to poison, and then kittens.  I went looking for Irusana.  When I took so long, Zathras knocked, and he joined the search.  She was under the bed, in a corner, terrified.  But unhurt, and she didn’t act like she’d eaten anything.  I gathered her, and then stopped one of the ubiquitous messengers.  “Ask Garalen to come to my rooms please?”

I turned to Zathras.  “I’m going to have to skip practice today, Zath.”

“What’s going on?  Because of the cat?”

“No.  Because of the cookies.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t actually like raisin cookies.  Yet someone delivered some?  It wasn’t Cook, or anything sent by Cook.”

He looked troubled.  “We’re going to have to speed things up.  You need to be able to defend yourself faster than I was told.  I’ll let you off practice for today on one condition.”

“What?”

“Have dinner with me.  And wear a dress.”

“Fine.  Dining hall?”

“Sure.  But you sit next to me.  Tomorrow.  I have to go talk to a few people.  Stay right here, and don’t open the door unless it’s someone you know.”  I rolled my eyes at that one.  I’m not stupid.  He didn’t see, though, because he was already gone.

Garalen showed up shortly thereafter.  Followed by several soldiers, some scouts I knew, and Gunther.  Everybody stood around staring at the cookies and commenting.  Asked a bunch of questions.  No, I had no clue.  I just got in.  I was with Cassandra.  Everybody asking the same questions.  Finally, a scout took over.  Don’t know her name, but her face is recognizable.  She got everything organized, arranged for the cookies to be removed and tested by Adan, and set off to talk with Cook. Looks like my days of leaving my doors unlocked are over.

That took most of the afternoon.  I was completely done with people at that point, and stopped by the kitchens.  Cook made up a picnic dinner for me and Irusana.  I remembered a spot on the walls I haven’t gone to yet.  All the way around, past the crumbled portion, on top of the kitchens, really.  It was just hard to get to.  That’s where I was headed.  I did tell Garalen that I’d be on the roof, but not precisely where.

I took my books (not Cassie’s), and the dinner, and the cat, and wended my way.  Had to go through Cullen’s office, but he wasn’t there.  Three more towers, more than in game, to reach the damaged wall.  It was very sturdy, so I had no trouble crossing.  In game, that little flat section behind the roof is empty.  I can’t tell you how glad I was to find nothing in that section tonight.  It was covered in dust, with wind-trash.  It had never been cleaned.  No one knew it was there.

I set everything down and fed us.  And I did some studying.  Watched the sky a little.  Recuperated.  Watched the kitty play with dried leaves built up over who knows how long.  Discovered the place isn’t completely uninhabited.  Some sort of rodent, much like a squirrel, is never going to want to be around cats again.  Poor thing was hiding in the leaves.  It escaped, but it is very unhappy. 

The best thing about being up this high is the sunsets.  And the people watching.  I could see the merchants hawking their wares.  Sounds like a Japanese street market.  Probably any street market, really.  Soldiers and the other people here are being regularly paid, and the merchants want as much of that coin as possible.

I went back to Ethelathe Hall after the sun was all the way down.  I felt better.  I was surprised to see a lot of our humans back tonight.  They usually don’t join us down here.  The uncles, too.  Even Cole was there in the corner, watching.  They started the singalong after I arrived.  The place was packed, and the sound of a hundred plus voices is very powerful.  I put my kitten and my books away, and came out to join them.  I still wanted some space, so I sat behind my desk.

Cole stood next to me.  I just smiled at him.  “You’re theirs.  They are making sure you are alright.”

“It makes them feel better to see me all dressed up, hair done, and apparently healthy. I’m a symbol, not a person.”

“You _are_ a person.”

“Sometimes I wonder.”

“I know.”

“Thank you, Cole.”

Gethon stepped up behind me and undid my braid, surprising me.  Cole disappeared.  “I’m taking tomorrow off, Geth.  I won’t be riding.”

“Good.  You need to take days off.  Come by and let me braid your hair anyway.”

“If I were to institute a hug day, how often should they be?”

“Monthly?  Everyone likes hug days, though. So maybe every three weeks?”  He was still playing with my hair.  “I think I’ve found one of your secrets.”

“What?”

“You love having your hair played with.  Is that why it used to be so long?”  He looked at my face and started laughing.  He was still chuckling when he headed off to sit with the others.  He was right, but he didn’t have to TALK about it.  I gathered my things and went to my rooms.  I had studying to do anyway.  After a bath.

Irusana shooed me to bed late, but at least I’d worked out some good rune combinations.


	39. Day 36, 9 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day off, and Zath's just not that interesting, poor guy.

### Skyhold, Day 36, 9 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I’m pretty sure I could take his barrier down any time I want.  He’s teaching, not tricking, so there shouldn’t be anything completely unusual in the middle to trip me up.  Not on the first one.  I can also create the one I want to replace it with.  I’ve practiced the skills needed and the individual rune clusters.  I need to do some more examination of the “woven” version that one can throw together quickly.  I find it very interesting that he didn’t start with that one.  It seems easier.  A lot easier.  It requires almost no thought or preparation to create.  Hmm.  Maybe that’s why.  However, it’s the easiest to screw up.  A gap in the weave could let your companion or yourself get hurt.  It has to be very precise. 

That’s the easy part, though.  The precision under duress is far more difficult.  Creating all those tiny strands in exactly the right places just before a blow rains down.  That’s skill, right there.  I have a lot more appreciation for Viv, Dorian, and Solas’ skills.  It’s like lighting a safety match.  It’s a duh thing.  Strike the match on the box, poof, fire.  Then try doing it in the pouring down rain, in heavy winds, while running, with someone shooting at you.  A whole different proposition.  I have the theory down at this point.  I think.  I’m going to need a lot of practice.

One thing I did figure out was how to barrierify (it’s a word, honest) the low-connection point runes.  Double stranding!  Just use two threads, twisting before and after each rune piece.  Some of the curves of the runes are a bit tricky, too, and those can be made much easier with double-stranding, too.  These aren’t the usual norse runes or celtic ogham.  These are the sorts of things I saw when looking with veilfire in game.  Much harder than straight lines would be.  At least my nights aren’t boring any more, and I get to enjoy the no demons thing.  BONUS.

Irusana chose yet another new way to wake me up today.  I’m starting to think she’s as smart as a mabari.  Anyway, she curled up on my ear and purred.  That shit’s LOUD.  I’m going to sit today and binge-read a serial romance, so I wasn’t too disappointed when I only had dresses in my armoire.  Matching slippers again.  Must have noticed I wore them.  This one’s sleeves aren’t as laughable.  They’re still long, but they only go halfway to the ground, and they split so that my arms bare to the elbow at will.  Much better. 

I’m going to have to mention the décolletage problem, though.  I have more boob than she thinks I do, or she thinks inches of cleavage is a good thing.  I know the human people are practically putting their boobs on shelves for their dresses, but that’s really not me.  I’m used to lift, separate, and support, not squish together and present for display.  At least I’m not suffering from quadriboob.

Irusana and I went to get breakfast.  Smart kitty then perched herself on my desk.  I told her I was taking a day off.  I shut her into my room with water and food, and for the first time in a long time, I locked the door.  I traipsed out to the stables without her.

Geth was waiting.  He sat astride a bench and pulled me down in front of him.  And he pulled out a hairbrush.  Sneaky bastard.  I don’t know how long he brushed my hair, but it was staticky and flyaway before he smoothed it into a gathered braid, end tucked under.  When he was done, he pulled me back against him for a hug.  “Geth…”

“I know, but when and if that changes, I am going to be sitting right here.  You’re still way too sad.”

“As long as you’re okay with the possibility of never.”

“I love playing with your hair.  Don’t worry about it.”

Dude definitely groks the feels.  I leaned back and let him hold me for a while, because I liked it, and he liked it.  I’d opened my SELF a little to peek, and he’s not lying.  He was content with just that, at least for now.

I visited my people real quick.  Harritt, the other uncles.  I checked in on Jailyn and the rest.  Basically roamed Skyhold for an hour and a half.  I even stopped in to check on Cullen.  He’s looking not so great, but I managed to get a chuckle out of him before I left.  I went through Solas’ atrium and waved at him on my way to Helisma.  We chatted for an hour on exactly what you can learn from fade-touched animal bits and how you can learn it.  She’s actually a very knowledgeable person, but she’s like talking to HAL.  Simulated emotional responses designed to make the people around her feel better, because that’s more efficient.

And since I was wearing leggings under my dress, I dropped over the railing.  Skyhold caught me, as usual.  “Are you trying to stop my heart?”

“Never.  You’re not so decrepit as that, are you?”  He just shook his head.

“You are braiding your hair now?”

“Not exactly, but it is braided, yes.”

“Does this have meaning?”

“It does.”

“And any further questions would be personal?”

“Indeed.”

There was a small noise of disgust.  It’s become the traditional response between us.  He considered an exchange.  You could see it.  But he chickened out.  “I like your dress.”

“Thank you.  Leorah’s doing.”

“She understands what suits you.”  I just said goodbye with a smile.

I stopped by Cook and picked up a snack tray.  Cheese, bread, a little fruit.  A bottle of wine, because I was going to enjoy my day.  I went back to my rooms, played with Irusana for a bit, and dug out Cassie’s satchel.

I wish I could say that this series was good.  Oh, heavens.  But it wasn’t.  It was the worst sort of bodice-ripper, barely-there plot (and clothes), purely smutty fiction.  I see what Cass means.  It was like watching a porn train wreck.  With swords.  And boobs getting you out of prison.  Majorly convoluted Monty-Pythonesque situations.  And serious magic dick syndrome.  I hate him, he screws me, I love him.  But it was really well written crap, I guess is the best thing I can say.  I read all the books in a couple or four hours.  I couldn’t put them down. I’m going to have to ask Varric if he’s continuing the series.

Just for knowledge’s sake.  If you’ve drunk just enough to be relaxed, it’s a whole lot easier to do magic.  Not to do magic well, mind you.  But alcohol relaxes the inhibitions on your I-don’t-want-to-show-that sense.  I was playing with light, because kitties love to chase red dots, when Zathras showed up.  It only took a look at me for him to realize that I was in no condition to play outside.  It was my day off, I informed him.  I didn’t have to do anything.  He was good natured about it, and just reminded me that I was eating dinner with him.

I took the time to reshelve the books I was done with.  There is no fiction in this whole library.  Three rooms, all dedicated to magic and history.  I picked up some of Brother Genitivi’s chronicles.  Might as well read the whole things instead of the snippets from the games.

By the time dinner rolled around, I was no longer floaty, the kitty was exhausted, I’d read two more books, and I was ready to eat.  Books here in Thedas are either really long or extremely short.  Gentivi’s Chronicles each is about the size of a paperback Harlequin, thinking about it.  You can read them in no time flat.

I freshened up and was just about to head out when someone knocked.  Zath.  He’d brought catnip for the kitten.  He sat us in the corner of the dining hall, and we chatted about Ethelathe and the people and the changes and everything for ages.  It was very nice.  He told me about his childhood in the Gwaren Alienage.  It wasn’t as bad as some.  He’s very good at talking.  Especially about himself.  Good thing he’s handsome.  You can just look at him and he thinks you’re paying attention.  After a while, I told him we needed to get ready for the singalong.

There were still a lot of people who weren’t elves.  I sang Empty Chairs at Empty Tables again.  It’s a very cathartic song.  We meandered through various tunes.  Zathras had to relinquish me when Gethon pulled me to my chair so he could undo my hair.  No place for Zath to sit next to me there, and Geth left to sit elsewhere with a smirk when he was done.  Sneaky.  Honestly, between the two?  Geth wins.  He listens instead of talking nonstop, and he has magic hands.  Zath’s prettier, but pretty isn’t all that important.  We finished the night with our standard.  Tucked the kids in.

 I snagged some leftover bits for Irusana and locked myself in my room for the night.  After only a bit of studying, I fell asleep, my books around me on the bed.  I woke up a bit later, poked by one.  That’s why I’m writing now instead of earlier.  I’m going back to bed now that I’ve put everything away.


	40. Day 37, 10 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Playing with barriers, singing the wrong song?, Solas is weird

### Skyhold, Day 37, 10 Bloomingtide, 9:41

Well.  Crunch time.  We’ll see if I got this right.  I TUGGED at the spot I’d identified in his barrier.  And it unraveled!  I unraveled about three quarters of it, leaving the string laying there so he’d know I hadn’t destroyed it in some other fashion.  I then built my contrasting barrier just outside my space.  Female, learning, and dream protection instead of male, dampening/reducing, and protection from all.  It went up beautifully.  And I wrote on it.  “What’s the second step?”

Just for shits and giggles, I double stranded and built a runic alphabet, one letter to the next, underneath that one, following with one containing many of the interesting-meaning combinations.  Finally, below that, I built a plain woven barrier, like the kind you’d see in battle.  On that one, I wrote “This one is both deceptively easy and extremely difficult.  I have questions.”  He’d have to undo each to get to the questions one.  We’ll see if he does.

I then enjoyed the rest of my night playing in my fade-space.  I could fully manipulate it again.  I wanted to call him an ass, but I was too giddy.  It all worked!

I woke up before Irusana could wake me.  Just to make sure he got the message, I opened my door and did the same barrier over my desk.  Just the top one.  Like a lacy blanket.  That woke Irusana, and she started investigating.  Dorian was right, she could sense fade manipulation.  She was pawing at the edge of the lace.  She didn’t seem upset about it, though.  I looked through my wardrobe and got dressed.  I was permitted pants today.  Yay!

We stopped in the kitchen and got breakfast.  After locking my door.  I don’t like having to do that.  Chatted with Cook on menus.  She’s sending supply requests to my desk today.  Time to order.  I’ll have to get with Seggrit.  He can deal with Belle for me.  She drives a hard bargain, and I am horrible at negotiation.  I put Irusana in my room, and skipped down to the stables.

Josren greeted me and showered me with compliments.  Or what he probably thought were compliments.  I really don’t need people commenting on my “ample bosom” or “rounded thighs”, thanks.  Geth came up behind me, without my knowing, and cuffed him upside the head lightly.  Yes, he just swung out an arm beside MY head to smack Josren’s head.  So yeah, I ducked.  I just saw movement in my peripheral vision and panicked for a moment.

“Leave her alone, Jos.  She’s not falling for it.”  Then he gave me a hug and apologized for startling me.  Startling.  Good word.  WRONG, but face-saving.  Anyway, I got my hair done.  Brushed until I was jello, braided, and sent on my way.  Between smiling at kitty antics and getting my hair done, I’m starting to begin days much happier.  There’s still that hard ball of grief to get through, though.  I need to figure a mechanism for compressing all the threads at once.

I was tossed up on a horse for half an hour, sidesaddle.  That’s a whole lot easier when one isn’t actually wearing a dress.  Then I got to ride Drummer.  I had a wonderful time, except for sitting trot practice, of course.  Then as I was grooming Drummer, Geth got in a last word.  “You know the next step will be sidesaddle on the hart.”  Aw, shit.

I went back and got my kitty.  The lacy blanket on my desk went.  I had to work now.  Irusana sat on the desk as I got through paperwork.  I managed to reduce the mountain to a smaller mountain during the morning.  I had the requests from Cook, and they were reasonable.  I sent a note reminding her that we now had milk cows, so she might want to check with the herders to see what we could provide for ourselves.  I know she was enjoying the fresh eggs.  We were using the saltbox eggs less and less.  By next year, we might have enough to saltbox our own for the winter instead of importing.

The goats were producing milk, too.  The herders sent me a note about getting a few more.  Apparently my day off was when the Avvar Chieftain decided to make his goat attack.  Poor guy’s in the prison complex with Magister Alexius awaiting judgement.  And we confiscated the goats.

The kids played in here for an hour or two as well.  We apparently had a light squall, half an hour of rain.  Eadras pulled them in out of the rain.  He started teaching them the guitar.  I discovered something.  Thedas has Pachelbel’s Canon disease.  D, A, B, F#, G, D, G, A.  Over and over and over.  Not so much in the stuff you hear in game, but in the rest of it, it’s there.  I found myself humming random songs that had nothing to do with what he was playing.  I ended up singing “One Tin Soldier” for him.  He said, “Wherever you come from, Da’len, they have interesting story-songs.  Every song you sing surprises me.”

“We have our drivel, too, Hahren.  Everyone does.  I just have the option to choose the things I loved to share.  Those are the only ones I remember clearly, really.  Enough to sing or play the whole song.”

“Share another one?  Just for us?”  He came over and handed me the guitar, leaning against my desk.  I thought a moment.  Then I played Phillip Phillips’ Home.  Ellee Duke’s version.  A moment or two after I finished it, he touched my face.  “Play it again, Da’len.  Please?”  His eyes were shining.  So I did.  When I looked up at the end of the song (because I still watch my fingerings), doors were open all over.  Elven eyes gleamed from every doorway.

No one said a word.  There was no applause or anything.  It was nerve-wracking.  “I…  I should probably get back to work.”

“Of course, Ethelathun.  I’ll take the children upstairs.”  He said it quietly, and kissed my forehead.  At a gesture of his, my elves turned away and shut the doors.  “Thank you for the song.”  He gathered the boys and left.

I ate lunch at my desk.  I had to catch up.  At least a little bit.  Zathras caught me there after I ate.  I put Irusana in my room, locking the door.  (Leorah has a key to the rooms.  She’s in charge of linens, after all.) I tossed the lacy barrier back over my desk like a blanket. Why make a globe if you don't have to?

We went out, but we didn’t just do forms.  At each “stage” of the forms, we stopped, and he showed me, slowly, how it would be offensive or defensive.  It’s much like karate, actually, except not really.  It’s more like attack yoga?  Tai chi, but faster and more?  I don’t have a frame of reference to explain.  It’s definitely a martial art.  He had me moving faster, too.  He wasn’t kidding about speeding up, I guess.  At the end, he suddenly went to hit me full speed.  And I BLOCKED it.  I got some kudos on that one, and he was obviously pleased.  Muscle memory for the win?  He told me he’d work with me on counterattacks later, but the blocking was beautifully done.

He was escorting me back inside as per usual, when Solas stepped in front of me, leaving about three feet of space.  “We need to talk, ma’haselan’udh.”  I had no clue what that meant.  There was a glint in his eye.  He turned his head to look at Zathras.  “I will make sure she gets back to her desk safely.”  I’m not sure what Zath saw, but he immediately let go, and said of course to Solas and goodbye to me.  “Suggestible boy.  You should find a better companion.” 

He bowed slightly, holding out his arm.  Practically challenging me to take it.  ACTUALLY challenging me to take it, if the look on his face was to be believed.  Well, I’m a sucker for a dare, so I did. He put his hand over my arm.  Enough that I could escape, easily, but he could also change his mind and trap me.  Enough to let me know something had changed.

I was expecting him to lead me into his atrium, but he took me outside, to the walls.  As we walked the battlements, he spoke.  “How long did you work on that?”

“Five days or so.  All night, a few hours during the day.”

“You fooled me.”

“You seem surprised at that.”  I stifled a smirk.

“And you think I should not be.”  The glint was still in his eye.  I’m not sure if he was pleased, or angry, or what.

“I didn’t say that.”

“I will be claiming you.  For the afternoon, I should say.  I would like to see you recreate the barriers on this side of the veil.  Then we will discuss technique and your interesting learning style.  Perhaps after that we shall get to your questions about the last barrier you showed me.  It will take more than one day.”

“I might be busy.”

“Clear your schedule, ma’haselan’udh.  You have reached a stage in your tenure here where you could decide not to work at all and they’d still keep you.”

“What does ma’haselan’udh mean?”

“Perhaps you shall find out when you learn elvish.  All you need to do is ask and I will teach you.  Right now, however, we are working with barriers.  You fooled me.”

“You already said that.”

“It will be harder next time, Da’asha.  Let’s go visit my workroom.”

“You have a workroom?  Is it behind one of the nonexistent doors?”  He looked at me.

“How many doors have you noticed and left alone?”

“What difference does that make?”

“It makes a difference, make no mistake.  I will have an answer, please.”

“Three are obviously doors.”

“And not-doors?”

“At least one hallway.”

“So it is you that’s been playing in the library.”

“Of course.  It’s a lot of fun to jump from the railings.”

“Once that might have worked.  You have the most innocent face.  And you tell the absolute truth, as you see it.  You just do not always answer the question asked.”  He glanced at my face.  “Or, I should say, implied.”  We’d reached Ethelathe hall, and were heading into his library.  “And Da’asha?”

“Yes?”

“You have made a mistake.”

“What’s that?”

“We shall see if you figure it out.”  I sucked in a breath.  “I assure you, you are in no danger.  Not right now.”  He went into the back area of the library and pulled a book I’d not touched.  Another wall opened onto a basically empty room.  It only looked empty until I opened my SELF.  Then it was obvious that it was built to contain magic.  I was staring at the whorls and small spikes when he spoke.  “We will get to wards, lethallan.  We are doing barriers right now.”

We got down to business.  He had me recreate the four barriers I’d shown him in the fade.  I’m glad I practiced them in the real first.  Then he removed the top one, and asked about me using multiple strands.  I explained my reasoning.  He then started quizzing me on individual runic meanings.  I told him the books contradicted each other, so I wasn’t sure.  “Ignore the books.  What does it mean, haselan’udh?”  So I gave him my interpretations of the individual runes.  He made no corrections, but that could be because he's waiting until the end.  About halfway through, he stopped the lesson.

“We’re stopping?”

“You do need to eat, I assume.”  That should have sounded sarcastic, but it didn’t.

“Oh!  Yes.  Food would be nice.”

“Then I shall deliver you to your dining hall.”

“I’m not a package any more than I’m a sack of potatoes.”

“Then I will escort you there.”  There wasn’t any real room for argument.  He walked me right into the dining hall, hand trapped on his arm, until I was in front of Garalen.  “Guard her well.”  Then he turned on his heel and left.  Cool, but freaky?

Gara had questions, but I was as confused as she was.  “He walked me all over Skyhold, gave me a magic lesson, and dropped me off here” doesn’t exactly convey what happened, even if it’s exactly what happened.  I just know I didn’t feel exactly threatened, but I wasn’t precisely completely safe, either.  At the same time, I was absolutely sure he meant me no harm.  Dinner conversation went sort of back to normal at that point.  No one mentioned the song this morning.  Weirdest part was Zathras.  He sat fairly far away from me.  Was I that bad a companion last night?  Or did Solas do something?

I unlocked my door and fed Irusana.  Then we had singalong time.  The human presence was dwindling again.  Mostly elves, and my Templars and kids.  The feel was sort of serious, so I pulled out “Waltzing with Bears”.  That lightened the mood.  Gethon undid my hair for me after the singing moved away from me.  Elves truly are a musical people.  We finished on our usual, and I tucked the kids in. 

It took me a while to settle, honestly, because the day was strange.  I just don’t know what to think. About any of it.  So I just played with my magical laser light and the kitty until I was tired enough to write this and head for bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pachelbel's Canon Disease: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdxkVQy7QLM  
> Ellee's version of Home: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjE3GvbwaZE  
> Waltzing with Bears: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GA46_jDjYdI  
> One Tin Soldier: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTBx-hHf4BE
> 
> Cobbled together from Project Elvhen:  
> ma’haselan’udh: ma- my/mine, haselan- spider/weaver, 'udh- small/cute/pretty/feminine (like -ette in French) == My little spider, with additional connotations of female/cute. Definitely undertones of "you think you're funny/cute, don't you."


	41. Day 38, 11 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Figuring it out, the Chargers, helping Cullen, scaring Ethelathe, and Cole.

### Skyhold, Day 38, 11 Bloomingtide, 9:41

The fade near my space was filled with Queen Asha’s lace.  Not a single one touched the area I would claim as mine, but they came near enough the scent filled the air.  All the barriers, mine and his, were gone.    

While there, I investigated ways to compress all the threads at once.  It looked like the best way to do it was with basically a barrier of secret.  I could weave it around myself, between the threads, and tighten it to touch them.  This was much like the “ground and center” of Valdemaran magic.

I remembered then the party banter between Dorian and Solas.  Something about personal randomized barriers.  How would that work?  If I were to “catch” magic and spin it around this, it wouldn’t do what I want.  It took me a bit, but I figured that if I conceived of two different kinds of threads, at least, then it was certainly possible that the connective threads slipped right through the other kind, like light through a window.  It had to be possible.  Dorian and Renee had personal barriers, yet formed constant connections with me.  Solas too, I suppose.

I woke myself up, and spun a bit of barrier thread to test.  I ran it over the amorphous distant foggy threads, and it went right through.  I then checked it against Garalen’s thread, my strongest.  It passed through, not damaging it at all.  If the thread were spun finer, the runes packed more densely…  I tried it.  My previous barriers were thick, with large holes between the runes.  Excellent for practice and checking, but things would get through.  This, more like pantyhose, would work much better.  I’d lay odds that if I made the thread finer still, and packed the runes more densely, it would approach the sheen of a soap bubble.

If I were to somehow catch magic and spin it about the nylons or the soap bubble, it would grip.  It should also keep my emotions on the inside, where they belong, unless I wish to actually send something along the thread.  I could do this!  The smallest fibers I’d ever heard of were nanofilaments.  Literally a few molecules wide.  I can do that.

It took longer to do.  Probably ten minutes to imagine/form the barrier.  I combined the introspection/secret, protection/endurance, and clarity to make the rune segment.  That took probably eight minutes.  From there it was easier, and the actual spinning took maybe two.  Way too long to be useful in a fight.  When it went up, I felt something strange.  A pressure I hadn’t noticed was gone.  I could still touch each of my threads and feel what was going on, but I had to touch them to do it.  We weren’t inexorably linked anymore.

I was almost giddy, with the release of that pressure.  My entire being felt lighter, freer.  My eyes teared up just from the relief.  This is what he meant when he said I had to separate myself from them.  It only took me six days to figure it out.  He helped me more than he knows by putting that barrier over my dreams.  Ethelathe is now me and them, us together, not us combined.

The barrier was powered by ME.  The first one from my personal internal energy.  The personal internal energy moved freely in and out, granted, but the barrier accessed the stuff currently inside.  I could actually release this one to provide power to myself if I ended up in a magic-dry location.  Maybe that’s what all those tubules in the other mages started out as?  The ones I’d SEEN were permanent, though.  Not like what I have.  I realized at that point that I’d never LOOKED at Solas.  He was usually behind me when my SELF was open.  What would I SEE?

I went back to bed.  The smell of Queen Asha’s Lace kept my dreams sweet until Irusana woke me in the morning.  Sandpaper on the nose.  I swear that kitten is trying to find as many ways to wake me up as possible.  Probably smarter than a mabari.

Dresses again.  Ah well.  Leorah’s having fun.  I think, but I’m not sure, that I have a week’s worth of dresses and four days’ worth of tunics.  But I could be wrong, because I never seem to see more than two or three outfits at a time.   And I know I have a week’s worth of leggings, because she lets me keep those.  And for those with more prurient interest, I have plenty of undies of varying sorts, too.

We went out to Cook’s.  I wanted to have an omelet and porridge.  Cook didn’t let me play today.  She made it for me and served me at the kitchen table.  I thought to all those times she let me play in her kitchen.  Was it because she could feel me want to?  That gave me food for thought.  I fed the kitty and put her in my room.  Can’t leave the door unlocked.  That really offends me for some reason.

Gethon met me in the stables.  He grabbed my hand to sit me down on the bench, and commented that I feel better today.  Less stressed out.  He put my hair into a simple braid this time, and hugged me. 

Back to the sidesaddle horse.  I don’t fall, I can steer, but I’m no expert.  I wouldn’t be able to handle anything in a battle.  There’s no way I’m jumping obstacles.  I can ride at a walk, a trot (ow, still working on that), and a gallop.  A canter is still a bit beyond me, because I have no ability to detect the “lead” leg, but I can stay on.  And it’s been explained eleventy-billion times.  I’m just not a horsewoman.  I didn’t ride Drummer today, but I got to pet him and feed him a sugar lump.  Or two, when Geth wasn’t looking.

I meandered over to the Tavern.  I wanted to check how overwhelmed I’d feel around the Chargers.  Nope.  The new me felt overwhelmed.  They’re just…  I showed up, and Krem immediately shouted at me to come on over, to start.  Lisa and another girl commented on my hair.  (I told them about the stablehand-braid connection.  Lisa’s going to bug Josren.)  Skinner told me I wouldn’t be able to fight in the dress, but I had nice boobs.  All in the space of a few minutes.  And they have a terrible idea of personal space, because I was scooted into a spot in the middle of the table, coffee plopped in front of me.  Hip to hip with everybody, elbows tangling.  Note to self, go EARLY, not after stable time.  I was peopled out by the time I got away, and I still had to talk to Seggrit.

I dragged Seggrit back to my desk to look over my lists.  He immediately started lowering the numbers for the approximate costs.  “You’re overestimating by at least ten percent.  Let me handle this.”  Since that was exactly what I wanted, I left him alone.  I’d redo the math later.  I let Irusana out and discovered Seggrit was a kitty magnet.  She LOVED him.  He liked her, too.  For a used car salesman, he’s pretty sweet.  I settled in to attack the paperwork mountain.

I had a note from Josie that I could expect my assistant applicant in about ten to fifteen days.  He’s coming from Kirkwall.  Interesting.  I sent her a note that I’d like to make the 15th and the 30th of every month hug days.  Did she have any objections?  I got a note back quickly saying she loved the idea, but I should run it past the Commander.  Done and done.  I put Irusana back in our rooms, to Seggrit’s actual POUT, and hopped off to the Commander’s office.

Solas actually smiled at me as I passed.  “Well done, ma’haselan.  I’ll see you this afternoon?”  I nodded, and continued.  I’m not sure exactly what was well done, or what ma’haselan is, but I’ll ask later.

I knocked on Cullen’s door, and he yelled “Get in here you dung-brained goat herder!” 

Uh, okay?  I opened the door.  “Commander?”

“Chrissy!  Uh, I’m sorry about… Come in!”

“Is this a bad time?”

“No, of course not.  I was expecting… someone else.”

“Apparently.”

“What did you need?”

“I want to institute a new Skyhold tradition.  Bi-weekly hug days.”

“Hug days?”

“There are too many people coming and going.  Some never to return.  It’s always better to have an excuse to show someone you care.  An official hug day can help with that.”

“You come up with the strangest ideas.  Why are you talking about it to me?”

“Josephine said I should run it past you.  Are you okay?”

He rubbed the side of his head.  “I’m fine.  I’m sorry.  I don’t see a problem with hug days.” 

“It’s hard, some days.  Can I help?”

“No, no.”

“Please, Commander.  Sit.”  He sighed and did so.  “May I touch your head?”

“I suppose.”  I ran my fingers over his temples and across his forehead.  I used to do this for a friend who is a recovering addict.  A light facial massage often helps the pain.  After a few minutes of me running my fingers over his forehead, cheekbones, and nose, he visibly relaxed.  “That feels like magic.”

“No magic at all.  I hope it helped.”

“It did.  Thank you.”  I left.

I was on the other side of the broken wall, looking at the verdant valley I couldn’t get to, when I heard, “Magic would have hurt him.”

“Hello Cole.”

“You didn’t know that.”

“Nope, but I do now.  I don’t know enough about biology to feel comfortable healing.”

“The cat doesn’t like me.”

“Irusana?  Have you appeared or are you flitting half in the fade?”

“I don’t flit!”

“Are you corporeal or incorporeal when you try to make friends?”

“They can’t scratch you if they can’t use their claws.”

“That could be part of the problem.”  I thought of all the legends regarding cats and spirits, ghosts, and witchcraft.

“So they see me, but not enough.”

“It’s possible.”

“I’ll have to ask them.”

“You do that.”

“You are lighter.”

“I figured something out last night.”

“The connections are still strong, but you don’t feel their hurts unless you want to.”

“And apparently I don’t broadcast, either.”

“Tricky little spider.”

“I’m sorry?”

“They think you’re smart.”

“I’m glad?”

“Yes, except for the sadness.  It sits there, pushed back, but always in front.  You need a shoulder?  You have two already.”

I sighed.  “Have a good day, Cole.”

“She’s safe at home.  Time is different.”

I grabbed him.  “You hear her?  Truly?”

“She named her little girl after you.” Oh my God.  “I made it worse.  I’m sorry.  You remembered the tales.  I’ve torn it.  I didn’t mean to tear it.  I thought you understood.” 

“I’m Underhill, and time moved without me.”  The realm of the Fae, where a hundred years can pass in a mortal day, or a mortal day could take a hundred years.  And I’ve been here three months. 

“Yes.  I’m sorry.”  I must have lost my footing, because he helped me to sit, his arms around me.  “You can borrow my shoulders.”  The tears fell, and no one saw us as he held me while I cried.  It was later, but I don’t know how much later, when he said, “they’re looking for you.”

“Who?”

“The ones who matter.”

I tugged my string to Garalen.  She’d be able to find me that way, I knew.  Not sure how.

I was sitting alone on the wall when they arrived.  They were in the courtyard below.  Eadras, Andrew, Garalen, Elias.  Enborr.  I should have realized Enborr would look for me.  I must have missed lunch.  Several others.  Maybe lots of others.  They must have been searching a while.  I got up and picked my way back across the broken wall.  I looked around and even the Commander and Solas were visible.  Cole’d hid us for a long time.

Enborr charged up the stairs and grabbed me.  “You scared us, Bit.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’ve been crying.  Who hurt you?”

“It’s just grief, for those I’ve lost, and needs to heal.”  He picked me up.  “I’m not a…”

“Sack of potatoes.  We know.  However, your legs are shaky, you’re pale as a sheet, and you looked like you were going to fall off the wall.  I don’t want that to happen.  I won’t be falling anywhere.  Deal with it.”

I couldn’t argue with him.  I apologized to everyone.  Apparently no one had missed me until Zathras couldn’t find me for my lessons.  Half the afternoon was gone.  They’d been looking for twenty minutes.  Thank goodness.  Twenty minutes of not seeing me up on a damaged section of the curtain wall is believable.  Cole’s a smart cookie.  Zath apologized for his behavior last night “in case that had anything to do with this.”  I told him it hadn’t.  I was emotionally wrung out and didn’t have the energy to reassure him further.

Enborr delivered me to my room, which Leorah unlocked.  He set me down on the couch.  Brushing his fingers over my cheeks, he said quietly, “I understand a need to grieve, but you’re grounded.”  I didn’t even have the energy to object, and that bothered him.  “Stay off the wall when you’re not feeling well.  We don’t want accidents.”

Jailyn showed up with a tray of food.  Eadras shooed everyone but Garalen and Elias out.  I got a hug from Leorah first.  Eadras looked at me.  “Da’len, let us know when you’re going to disappear.  We were worried.”

“I’m sorry, Eadras.  I didn’t mean to stay out so long.”

“We didn’t know where you were.”  He leaned over me for a hug.  “From now on, please stay with your guards?  At least?”

“I’ll try.”

They left me at that point, but Gara said that she’d be outside.  Fifteen minutes later, max, there was a knock on the door.  I went to open it.  Solas stood there.  “Cole says you shouldn’t have to have school today.  Are you alright?”

“I will be.”

“Tomorrow afternoon?”

“Unless there’s an issue.”

“I have two ears.”

“I’m not ready to talk.”

“And you wouldn’t talk to me.”

“Maybe at some point.”

“Your new aura shield is very well done.  Where’d you learn to do that?”

“It seemed the proper way.”

His eyebrows went up.  “Your instincts are impeccable.  Until tomorrow, then.”  I shut the door behind him. 

I took the rest of the day off.  Spent time with Irusana.  Ate the food Jailyn brought me.  She’s always feeding me.  Stood in my doorway for songtime.  Kissed the littles goodnight.  Laura told me that her new parents will be here tomorrow.  I’m going to miss her.  I asked Geth to give Cassandra her bag when he came to undo my hair.  He sat me on the couch and just played with my hair for a while.  He wrapped his arms around me in a quick hug.  “I wish you were happier.”  I think my sadness makes him sad.  He left me alone.

I’m heading for bed.


	42. Day 39, 12 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit from a demon, Laura leaving, Solas is touchy, and telling Andrew about yesterday.

### Skyhold, Day 39, 12 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I meandered through my memories all night.  Sweet and sad, angry, silly.  I looked at them.  Not just at my daughter, but them all.  My mother, my father.  All the other people that are now gone.  Friends I’ll never see again.  I should have realized that sooner.  Isn’t it strange how the mind can focus on one small piece and ignore the rest?

A syrupy voice behind me said, “You could get them back. I could help you.”  A demon.

“You don’t have that power.  No one does.  The only thing you could do is lock me in a fantasy.”

“How do you know?”

“I read the book.  Go away and leave me be.”

“We could be so good together.”

“But we won’t.  Don’t make me hurt you to get you to leave.  I don’t want to do that.”

“You don’t want to hurt me?”  I just confused a demon.  Score?

“You’re only following your nature.  But I would prefer to be alone.”

“I can give you that, too.  I could make sure you were never disturbed again.”

“I could do that myself.  Begone, demon.”  I spun myself a bubble.  It was so much easier here.  Then I let it expand until it covered the space in the fade I considered mine, shoving the demon out with it.  I let natural dreams overtake me, and drifted along.

Irusana finally repeated herself in waking me up.  Purring in her sleep next to me.  That was the first one.  I hope it’s not a repeating cycle, because I’d prefer to avoid the tail up the nose.  But I did smile on waking.  I’m going to have to do something nice for Dorian.

I knew before I opened the wardrobe that I’d have a stupid-long sleeve dress in there.  Laura’s fosters are coming today.  Have to look nice.  They’re not planning on staying.  Only an hour or so here, so they can get back to their store.  I’m going to miss that girl.

Irusana and I went off to the kitchens.  Honestly, I expected more mice and rats and such in this place.  Cook assures me she’s seen very few.  However, someone dumped a whole bunch of turnips into the fire, and she can’t get the smell out.  I had to keep my mouth firmed.  Cole.  I wished the soldier good journeys.  Cook and I chatted a minute or two, and I went to the dining hall.  I had a feeling I needed to be seen today.

They had porridge and raspberry preserves.  That’s what I’m having, anyway.  I’m told there were a surprising number of berry bushes on the farmstead outside the walls.  Tucked against the walls, I should say.  Away from the fields.  They look like they’ll bear well, according to the people who actually know this stuff.  I see a bush and have no clue what type it is.

Dropped Irusana off and wended my way to the stables.  Gethon was running a bit late, so I was put up on the pretty little mare by Josren.  To a lot of compliments.  Compliments don’t really mean anything when they’re so common.  When Geth arrived, I asked him.  “Why in the world do I have to learn sidesaddle anyway?”

“Because the Ambassador requested it.”  Huh.  First I heard of the Ambassador involved with my learning.

“Any clue why?”

“Because she wants you to look like a lady.”

I laughed.  “I don’t see the purpose.  The nobles are never going to see me ride.”  At the end of the lesson, Geth lifted me down and Josren took off with the horse.  I really do get different treatment when dressed differently.  Yesterday was a dress day, but a plainer one, and I dismounted by myself.  Today I’m dressed all pretty, and I’m lifted on and off the horse.  I’m not sure if that says anything good about the male of the species.  I ended up leaving the stables with my hair still loose.

Paperwork.  Ethelathe stuff, ordering stuff, notes to everyone, the masons are quarreling.  Statues are being put up in the nooks beside the main doors.  The last of the scaffolding is down.  Every single room I can get to without undoing a barrier has been cleaned and outfitted.  The towers that looked so awful in the game are CLEAN.  Except for Cullen and Bull’s rooms.  I’ve managed to sneak some cleaning in there, but they don’t want repairs.  The Chargers won’t let the workmen in to fix it, either.  Yes, I tried.

Just before lunch, I received a messenger.  Riders, incoming, with two wagons.  That, hopefully, is Laura’s foster parents.  I gathered Laura and her things from their respective locations.  We left her things in the Main Hall, but I took her up to the gatehouse tower.  We watched the procession arrive.  Poor girl was bouncier than a basketball.  She’d been dressed in a pretty but not frilly dress to meet them, and was cute as a button.  I hoped the ‘rents thought so too.

As they pulled into the courtyard, I took Laura to the dais.  There was a burly guy and a rather rounded woman in one of the carts, and they looked up to us, instead of to the porters. That must be them.  They seemed nice, but they apparently assumed I was a governess or something, attempting to dismiss me.  Uh, no.

Lunch was a trying affair, with poor Laura on her very best behavior and about to bounce out of her skin with excitement.  My opinion of the couple improved greatly as lunch went on, though.  They spoke to her with respect, treated her with kindness.  After lunch, I pulled Laura aside.  We had a short chat reminding her of the lessons she’s learned here.  Don’t judge people by the meat the spirit wears.  I also told her I’d think of her every day, and if she needed me, she could write to me.  If she was in trouble, think REAL HARD about me, and I might just hear.  I’d do my best.  And if they mistreated her, get news to me any way she could.

She listened and hugged and agreed.  The Nightingale was having a conversation with the foster parents.  When we got closer, Leliana was saying that she expected a letter every week, from Laura, as well as letters letting her know how she was doing.  Basically “take care of my girl” things.  By then, the goods in the wagon had been swapped, the horses changed, the guards changed, and everyone was ready to head out.  Laura waved the entire time she was in sight.  I checked her thread.  She was thrilled, and nervous, and lots of other things, but she wasn’t afraid.

I went downstairs and was caught by Zathras just as I was about to go change.  He’d thought that maybe I’d want to do my training in Ethelathe Hall.  Still private, but not so far away.  Less chance of making me a target.  I told him that I needed the time outside.  So I changed, and off we went. 

You know, I never realized something when I was taking instruction in karate.  The classroom environment doesn’t work that well.  That’s probably why very little stuck.  One on one instruction, in these matters at least, is extremely effective.  At least in regards to learning skills.  The instructor sees exactly when you’ve succeeded, and you don’t stand around for another twenty minutes while everyone else gets it, too.  Today, I actually pulled out of several holds.  By the end, I was doing it at speed.  I also had a few girly but effective counter moves.  The knee-to-the-groin, the instep stomp, and the arm bite.  Added side-of-the-knee bash, too.  He also had me practice screaming.  He said, correctly, that people are trained out of being loud in any society.  I had to feel comfortable screaming.  It was a very interesting session.

He delivered me back to my desk.  I sat down to do paperwork when Leorah came by and asked me to change.  She needed to see something.  So I was poked and prodded and measured.  I’m not sure for what.  Then she absconded with my exercise clothes.  Leaving me in the dress again. 

I sat down to my paperwork again.  Oops.  Shortly thereafter a melodic voice intruded upon my work.  “Did you forget?” in my left ear.  I jumped.  He was behind my chair, leaning against the wall.  He’s doing a lot of leaning lately.

“I figured that if we were working, it would be in your workroom, and I’d see you come down.”

“You did not.”

“Apparently.”

He pulled my pen out of my fingers, setting it on the desk.  He then pulled me out of my chair, escorting me toward the library.  It was obvious I could have objected at any time.  He was just acting so weird.  He’s never been touchy, in game or since I’ve been here.

“I’d like to ask about your aura shield.”

“Go ahead.” 

He shot me a glance, twisting his lips.  “Humorous.  May I look at it?  I may need to touch it.”

“I suppose.”  I could feel him doing something.  Prodding?

“What did you use to make it?  It’s extremely finely done.”

“Nanofiber.”

“Please explain.”

“Nanofiber is a concept from my studies before I had magic.  The ability to create something only a few molecules wide.  They’re strongly bonded, but extremely thin.”

“Molecules being the smallest piece you could have without turning into something else.”

“You remembered!”

“It was interesting.  The weave is so small I almost can’t detect it.  It’s one of the most solid aura shields I’ve ever seen.”

“Thank you?”

“It was a compliment, yes.”  That was almost a smile.

“Why are you being so friendly?”

“Are we asking personal questions?”

“What would you want to know?”

“Why is your hair down today?”

“Will you answer mine?”

“Because there are now better reasons to befriend you than to merely observe you.  You are a unique spirit.  Unusual on several fronts, and I would like to know you.  Your mind, not just your abilities.  If you would allow it, ma’haselan.”  He picked up a strand of hair.  “And my question?  Why is your hair down again?  Is it because of something yesterday?”

“No.  Gethon was running late this morning, so he couldn’t do my hair for me.”

“Gethon?”

“One of my people in the stables.  They’re experts at working with uneven hair.”

“So the reason your hair is undone is unrelated to your emotional recovery?”

“No.  In some ways I’m better.  I got some unsettling information yesterday.”

“From Cole?”

“Can we discuss something else now?”

“Certainly.  I believe we were discussing the individual runes?”

The rest of the afternoon flew by in a blur.  We finished the individual runes, and he still didn’t correct me on meanings.  I asked, and he said that some languages are more about intent than meaning.  What I believed they meant was sometimes more important that what others thought they meant.  To a degree.  However, I’d been fairly consistent with the generally accepted functions.  He stopped us there, and escorted me to my desk.  He had preparations to make.  For what, I don’t know.

I ate dinner with Ethelathe, of course.  Zathras was next to me again.  He apologized for abandoning me the other day.  Again.  Dude, it’s not all about you.  But he was nice, so I just reassured him.  Again.  And then again.  *sigh* After dinner, I played with Irusana until singalong time. 

Andrew sat next to me.  He nudged me with his arm.  “So what was yesterday about?”

“I received confirmation that the time continuum back home and the timeline here are too dissimilar.  There no way to revert things.”

“Put it in words this idiot farm boy can understand.”

“What have you decided about your family there?”

“I’m never going to get there.”

“My child is grown, with children of her own.  My parents.  My friends.  All older by that much, or gone.  Even were I to figure out a way to get us home, there’s no real home to go to.  I just found that out.  Think Rip Van Winkle.”

“You had a child?  I’m sorry Chrissy.”

“A little girl.  She was six when I left, and she’s a mommy now.  In the course of three months.”

“How did you find out?”

“Have you met Cole?”

“Briefly.”

“You could ask him.  If you really want to know.”

“I may do that.”

“You stealing my guy, Chrissy?”  Garalen scooted over.

“Him?  Pfft.  I have better taste.”  He put a hand to his heart like I’d hurt him, faking a stagger.

“Oh, I’m crushed.”

“Not likely.”

 We all shared smiles.  With the pressure gone, I could enjoy our group time more, despite the number of people.  LOTS of people.  The singalong this time included Empty Chairs at Empty Tables, started by another.  That one must resonate as well.  I was also asked to sing Home.  We finished with “our” song.  Kisses and cuddles, and tending kitties, and some light reading before bed.


	43. Day 40, 13 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidesaddle on a Hart, making potions and salves, and making long-term plans.

### Skyhold, Day 40, 13 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I’ve decided I love the smell of Queen Asha’s lace.  I wonder if it’ll grow in this climate.  Dreams are dreams, and memories, of places and people here and there.  No demons, no spirits.

This morning I woke early.  Primarily because Irusana lost her mind.  Running full speed from one end of the rooms to the other and back and forth.  Clacketyclackety nails on the stone.  Crazy cat.  It’s adorable.

I got up and dressed.  PANTS!  Is it sad that I get excited about pants days?  The kitten settled herself on the settee, and I went meandering.  The view from the battlements is amazing, and the sunrise is beautiful. 

I opened my SELF and checked on everyone.  It’s strange.  There are a lot more of those wispy connections going over the horizon.  Not even full connections, really.  More like could-be connections.  Someone knows me?  Maybe?  Laura is asleep, but she’s content.  Dorian, Inquisibabe, Varric, Bull, and Sera are all healthy.  I have barely a wisp of Blackwall, and nothing of Vivienne. 

I’d bet Feren and Isa are pregnant.  There’s an extra connection from Feren to Isa.  I wonder if they know?  It’ll be nice to have babies around.  Everyone is safe, warm, content.  Mostly asleep.  Andrew’s awake.  Very awake.  Note to self, don’t touch his thread in the morning.  Or Garalen’s.  Alex is injured.  I’d have to go see to him.  I brushed Solas’ thread by accident.  The connection is surprisingly stronger.  Not strong, but actual thread, instead of firm-ish wisp.  There was no answering tug, so I’d bet he was asleep.  Jaidyn, Leorah, all my ladies are good.  Gethon’s awake, doing stuff in the stable.

I went to Alex first.  He was still in his room at the armory.  I knocked.  He came to the door.  “You hurt, Uncle Alex.  Can I help?”

“It’s just age, Bit.  It’s cold up here in the mountains.  My joints ache some mornings.  Good thing I work the forge, huh?”

“What about the salve I make?”

“I used the last of it.  It’s no big deal.  Don’t pull out the avenging goddess on this one.”

I looked at his room.  It was cold, comparatively, away from the forge fire.  Stone on one wall, sucking the heat out of the room.  It’s the nature of rock to maintain a constant temperature.  I could help him, at least this morning, and then I’d bug Adan about making more salve.  “We’re going to get something, a tapestry or rug or something, up on that stone wall.  Today.  Until then, I can fix the cold.”  I warmed his room like I did for Dorian.  He started sweating sooner, actually.  “You might want to consider soaking in the baths this morning.  Eadras does, for his joints.”

He looked behind me.  “Where’s your bodyguard, Chrissy?”

I may have whined.  “Uncle Alex.”

“You left him?  Or her?”

“There wasn’t anyone awake.  I just got up and came over here because I felt you hurt.”

“Chrissy…”

“Don’t start.  I’m a grown woman, and we’re in Skyhold.” 

He sighed.  Flexing his knees, he said, “I already feel better.  Maybe I will check out the baths this morning.  After I lay down for a while.”

“I’d appreciate it.”  I kissed his cheek.  I’m glad he realizes when it’s not a good idea to argue with me.

I went to get breakfast, for me and the kitty, and then went out to the stables.  Geth was waiting for me.  He’d put a cushion on the ground for me to sit on.  I guess it’s easier if he’s higher than I am.  He also must have left his brush, because he fingercombed my hair.  And massaged my scalp.  This man should be bottled and sold as shampoo.  I didn’t even want to smack his shoulder when he let out that self-satisfied chuckle men have.  Brats, the lot of them.  He did a more complicated braid today.  Gathered and swirled somehow.  Hell if I know, I can’t see it.  I leaned my head on the nice comfy pillow next to it.

“Are you awake?”  Smirk in the voice near my ear.

“Yeah.”  I didn’t open my eyes.

“Do you want to be?”

“Ugh.  I have to get on a horse now, don’t I.”  I opened one eye at him, and he laughed at me.

“Nope.  Just Drummer.  And a new saddle.”  I groaned.  That was why.  The sweet to take the sting away from the slap.  Grrr.  At least I was in pants. 

Drummer in sidesaddle was not fun.  They sit completely differently from horses, in a way that makes sense when you’re astride.  I had a few moments of holding on for dear life.  He didn’t much like the way my weight was distributed, either.  We got the hang of it by the end of the hour, though.  Barely.  There’s definitely a dress effect.  I don’t get lifted down when I’m in pants.  That’s kind of funny.

The boys and Andrew and Gunther were doing some complicated game in Ethelathe Hall involving two small balls and brooms.  I would have said something like hockey, but the goal was to keep the balls in the air and get them over a center line.  Volleyball-hockey?  Hell if I know.  They were having fun.

I let Irusana out, and she promptly stole a ball.  Changed the game completely.  Eventually everything calmed down, and she curled up on my chest as I worked.  Apparently I have a comfy shelf to sleep on.  My pile is getting bigger.  There’s probably stuff in here from a week ago I haven’t looked at except to prioritize.  I try to keep on top of the urgent stuff, but the older stuff could become urgent. I did remember to get some tapestries put into Alex's room. "Health and welfare" category. If they want to argue with me about it, they can pound sand.

Shortly before lunch, I sent a message to Solas.  I would have to cancel any planned magic lessons with him.  I wasn’t expecting him to show up to ask why.  So, I explained that I had to talk to Adan and arrange for some actually effective salve for Uncle Alex.  “Actually effective?”

“Well, the stuff they hand out generally isn’t very potent, really.  I prefer my guys to have something a little better.”

“May I watch?”

“Watch what?”

“Your salve-making method.”

“I suppose.  I’ll be heading up to Adan’s after defense practice.”

“I shall meet you there, then.”  I looked back at my paperwork.  I was busy.  “I am not used to being so effectively ignored.”

I looked up.  “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just really behind.  Spending two whole afternoons playing with magic and taking one off for personal reasons hasn’t helped the ever-growing paperwork mountain.”

“You _could_ try fire.”  Was that a joke?

“Tempting, but knowing my luck there’s a paper in here that can’t be replaced.  And I love my desk.  I really do need to do this.”

“I’ll leave you be.  Until later.”

“Certainly.”

Last thing before lunch was the hug day declaration.  I sent it off to Josie for formal approval.  Every 15th and 30th, Hug day.  Only among consenting parties.  USE YOUR WORDS FIRST.

Lunch and gossip, then out with Zathras.  Minor guided sparring, hold breaking.  He’s going to be bringing in someone else ‘soon’ so that I have a partner to spar with while he checks form.  Joy.  Hope that person is my size.  He dropped me off at my desk.  I then hiked my way up to the alchemy laboratory.

Solas was already there.  I would have expected chatter, but this is Adan.  And Solas.  Neither knows how to play nice and make friends easily.  Heck, I’ve seen Adan smile maybe four times.  He’s afraid his face will crack or something.  He greeted me with a smooch on the cheek and a huge hug, though.  And shared that he’s seeing a scout here on convalescence.  I’m glad.  Minaeve was mean to him.

Anyway, Adan was more than happy to let me play with his herbs and stuff.  So while we gossiped, I made the potion and salve the way I usually do, and Solas watched.  It was a pleasure to watch his eyes widen, just a hair.  It was a bigger pleasure to spend an afternoon with Adan.  I'd missed him.  It wasn’t a huge batch like last time or anything.  I was only a little dizzy. Adan made me sit down until I wasn't dizzy anymore, plying me with fruit juice.  Solas didn’t say anything all afternoon, just watched us work, until I got dizzy, but I glared at him and he closed his mouth before anything he couldn't take back came out. 

At the end, I took a quarter of the product in payment for my work.  Adan could pass the rest to the healers, I suppose.  I had several pots and flasks.  Adan had learned.  My potion was in little bitty flasks the size of a thumb.  Most potions are in bottles the size of a fist.  The pots were little makeup pots, except the ones for the forge, Alex, and Eadras.  Those were larger.  “Where did you learn to do that, Da’asha?”

I’d forgotten he was there.  He’d been walking next to me.  He was not gratified to see me jump.  “You startled me.”

“You knew I was here.  Or should have.”

“Yes, but you haven’t spoken all afternoon.  Not even a hello.  The only time you were thinking about speaking, you were going to lecture or yell, which would damage our accord.”

“My apologies.  Hello.  Where did you learn to do that?”

“I just watched Adan and did what he did.”

“That is not what Adan did.”

“I was new at this.  I’d never tried anything like that before.  Most people at Ethelathe were in some sort of pain, from attacks, or work, or age, or something.  I couldn’t just let it be if I could do something.”

“So you just tried it, not knowing if you could?”

“Worst case scenario, I mangle a few roots and have to bury a potion attempt.”

“Ah.  Although I would have a different worst case.”

“Oh?”

“You could have done yourself injury.”

“Not likely, besides, I only passed out for a few hours the first time.”

“The first time.  Where was I when you were doing all these bits of magic?”  His voice was hard.  Like he was refraining from yelling.  Or talking through his teeth.  I looked at his face, but it was smooth and bland.

“Out with Inquisibabe or on the other side of Haven.  I was very careful about that.”

“Why?”

“I’m not ready to discuss that.”

“Ma nuvenin, ma'haselan'udh.”

“What’s that?”

“As you wish.”  Solas walked with me as far as the armory door, bowed slightly and left.  He looked stiff and almost angry.  It’s like he’s taking a turn with the bodyguards, too.  I delivered the bigger pot to Alex, and a smaller pot for the armory.  Took a bigger pot down to Harritt, too.  Got my cuddles and gossip.  Dropped the last few pots off at Ethelathe Hall, in my desk.  Except for the pot for Eadras.  I took that up to him in Josie’s office, and made him let me put some on his hands.  Shades of the day I made the first batch, actually. Handed him the pot and went back to my desk.

Paperwork.  Fire’s not a horrible idea.  Evil man for planting that in my head.  I got some more done before dinner.  Songtime, reading about runes, bathtime, bedtime.  Typical sort of evening. 

I have hope here.  I’m definitely stealing Skyhold.  From the Inquisition, from Solas, from anyone who would take it from me.  Not sure how yet, but I’ll do it.  I can support two clans here within the walls with proper preparations.  A few more in the valley below.  If I can get into the verdant valley, I could keep ten thousand people housed and fed.  Maybe more.  The hole in the sky is closed, for now.  Corysnot must be stopped.  And then, then the Inquisition will become untrustworthy.  Too big, too vulnerable.  At least I know Skyhold is safe for a decent while.  The veil went up here, and the magic is still good.

* * *

 

"Comfy shelf to sleep on" 


	44. Day 41, 14 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hair, Leorah, Solas, DAGNA and the Inquisibutt returns my Dorian.

### Skyhold, Day 41, 14 Bloomingtide, 9:41

Another quiet night.  There were Persian Rananculus in the Queen Asha’s Lace.  The only reason I know that is because my sister had considered Persian Rananculus for her bridal bouquet.  She eventually went with roses.  They provided a wild happy riot of color in the white lace flowers.  So pretty.  The flowers encroached right up to the edge of my area, but didn’t touch it.  I’m curious about what’s going on, but I’m not going to ask.

I woke before my kitty again.  But as anyone with a kitten knows, if you have a cat on you, you must remain still.  So I laid there, content for the moment.  When I opened my book to read, she woke up.  Ow.  Kneading the neck hurts. Well, there was no reading after kitty wants to play.  I got up and dressed.  Dresses again.  I know, it’s weird that I talk about my clothes in my diary, but it’s my diary, so I can talk about whatever I want.

Cook made sausage bread for breakfast.  Where has this been all my life?  Sausage and egg and cheese baked into a perfect bread dough.  Amazing.  She had chicken and bacon for Irusana, too. 

After we ate and I complimented Cook again, I tucked Irusana back in the room.  As I was about to head for the stables I had a thought.  As of today, it had been six weeks since Haven.  That’s a long time, really.  I explored my feelings about things, and tested my own self.  I didn’t really need to be in deep mourning any more.  I remembered back to the payday from hell, and growing Hannah’s hair.  It had been growing fast on its own, anyway.  I opened my SELF, and by the time I reached the stables, my hair was back to my hips.  A bit below that, I stopped it, because we needed room to even it up.

I leaned into the stables as usual, and Geth was waiting.  His eyes were worth it when they saw my hair.  He got to me in three strides and drew one hand through its length.  “It’s beautiful.  I’ll brush it, but I want to leave most of it down.  Would you mind?”

“Whatever you’d like.  We have to even the ends, if that’s okay?”

“I can do that for you.”  He went and got his scissors, and I sat on the bench to wait.  When he got back, he trimmed the bottom to be even, and set the shears aside.  I think we missed a quarter of riding time because he was so focused on my hair.  I’m not sure what he did to it, but it was long, and little braids from the sides of my face looped to the back.  There, a single braid gathered them and continued most of the way down.  I wasn’t complaining, that’s for sure.

Dress effect was in full effect.  Put on and taken off Drummer.  Sidesaddle sucks, especially in a dress.  You’re carefully seated, having to sit like a regular saddle, but with both legs on one side.  If you slip down, you’ll hurt the horse’s back.  You have to keep your center of gravity where it belongs.  Drummer got a suger lump when Geth wasn’t looking.  Geth shooed me away from grooming, but I petted a while.

They were still whispering about my hair in the kitchen when I got back.  They understand that it’s a drastic change, and that it means something, but they debate what.  It just means I’m not openly displaying grief anymore.  That’s all. 

I let my door open and settled down to paperwork.  There was a note from Adan.  He’d found something interesting about those cookies.  He went on to list what it was and stuff, but what I found interesting were the effects.  Reduced inhibition, feelings of being hot or overheated, reduced decision making ability, and so on.  Sounds like someone was trying to embarrass the hell out of me.  Leliana had also written on the note that she was looking into it.  At least nobody tried to kill me.  This time.

I attacked the paperwork mountain, and lost all sense of time.  Irusana had become irritating about halfway through the morning, so I’d put her back in my room.  I didn’t look up again, really, until there was a THUNK on my desk.  Leorah, loudly depositing food.  “You need to eat.”

“I’m sorry.  I really need a clock down here.  Or a window or something.”

“A clock?  I can’t think of any clock that would fit here.  Maybe in one of the towers.  It would be nice to have chimes again.”  I had forgotten that watches aren’t really a thing yet.  When is Dagna going to get here?

“Are you joining me?  There’s enough food there to feed half of Elthelathe!”

“You don’t eat very much.  I’ve noticed that.  People assume you do, but you don’t.”

“Yeah, that’s common.  I look a certain way, so I must have certain habits.”

“Actually, most people just assume you’ve eaten with someone else, or something.  You poke around a tiny helping on your plate.  They think you’re being polite, because you’re having a second lunch so you can be with them.”

“I don’t eat two meals a sitting.  We don’t have the supplies for that, for one.  For two, I’d be sick as a dog.  Honestly, I can’t eat that much. It’s enough for a full grown human!”

She sighed.  “Fine.  I’ll join you.  A little bit.  But you need to eat.”

“I eat plenty.  Truly I do.  I eat whenever I’m hungry.”  I really need to get some more chairs.  I got up and perched on the desk, waving her to mine. 

“Oh, I couldn’t.”

“You can.  I’ll think you don’t like my chair.  Or that I left a smell.  I promise I didn’t pee in it or anything. Really!”

“Ewww.”  But she sat.  And we ate.  She’d brought a goblet of wine for each of us, so she’d been intending to stay at least for that.  “Zathras is handsome.”

“He is.”

“Are you two…”

“Oh God, no.”  She looked relieved.  “If you want him, Leorah, I can put in a good word.”

“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant.”

“Of course it wasn’t.  Just remember he is his favorite subject, and you’ll get along fine.”

She took a deep breath.  “That’s actually not why I’m here.  The girls, the people, they noticed…”

“They noticed my hair.  It’s time, don’t you think?  Six weeks of minor disfigurement is enough?  I said I’d wear it until the holes in my heart scabbed over.  They’re not healed, Leorah.  Don’t think I’m abandoning our lost.  Eventually, though, everything heals.  Or it dies.  I’d rather heal.”

“That’s profound.  Everything heals, or it dies.  You have a different way of looking at things, Ethelathun.  You look lovely today.”  Random topic shift.

“Thank you?”

She stood.  “I have to get back to things.  Zathras isn’t coming today.  He had to take care of something for the Nightingale.”

“So I have nothing to do for an hour.”

“Try not to do too much work during it.”

“I have a feeling I’ll forget to work at all.”

“Yes, and the Dread Wolf himself will forget someone’s scent.”  The sarcasm is strong with this one.

I choked on my wine.  “I don’t think that one would ever happen.  Do you not worry that saying the name will summon the entity?”

She laughed.  “Yeah, probably not.  He’s long gone, if he ever existed.” She went back to her area.  I went back to my paperwork.  If she only knew.

Mid-afternoon, I was playing laser-dot with Irusana, a short break.  This time I noticed him, but only when he was close.  “You’re sneakier than Cole.”

“Not quite.  You expend magic to play with kittens?”

“Why not?  If I can’t have fun with it, then what good is it?  Duty and only duty gets boring.”

He scooped her up.  “She’s lovely.  Looks like a breed I once heard of.”

“Dorian says she’s a Tevinter Longhair.”

“Of course he does.”

“Be nice.”  I said it offhand, and I didn’t realize what I’d said right away.

“I’m sorry?”  Crap.  I shouldn’t say stuff like that when I’m in reach.

“You were being mean.  I shouldn’t have said that, though.  I’m sorry.”

“You’ve tensed, prepared to run.”  He let Irusana down on the desk.  “I told you.  You are in no danger from me.  Not now.”  He looked at my hair, picking up a few strands.  His fingers accidentally brushed my cheek.  “It’s beautiful.  I like the way he displays your pretty ears.  Is this your preferred length?”

I shrugged. “It’s the way it was, before.  I just put it back.”

“You kept it in a single braid down your back, then.”

“It doesn’t get in the way like that.  Are we asking personal questions for a reason?  Should I ask when you’ll grow your hair?  Or are you too elderly to grow hair?”

“Maybe someday you’ll see my hair.  It’s possible I could be convinced.  Not today.  But I’m not so decrepit as to lack hair.  And I’m asking questions because I’m curious.  You can always refuse to answer.”  He was only a foot away, if that.  And he had a small smile on his face.  Solas.  Smiling.

“You’re too close.”

“Am I?”  I scooted a little away from him, but my hair was now long enough he still had it twirled in his fingers.  “You’ve never been skittish before.”  The smile was still there.

“You’re acting odd.  What are you up to?  Are we going to do lessons?”

“I was going to cancel, actually.  The Inquisitor and his party have been sighted.  I thought you might want to meet them.”

“Dorian’s home?  And Varric?”  I snatched up Irusana and popped her into my room.   Good thing he released my hair.  I didn’t miss the momentary odd expression on his face, but it was gone by the time I came back, and I couldn’t place it.

“They will be soon.”  He held out his arm, and I took it.  Dorian was home. 

I waited on the dais in front of the main hall.  They had more carts, more horses, more soldiers, everybody they’d left with, added a Hawke and a Warden Stroud, and DAGNA!  They must have met up on the road.  Everyone’s rooms were ready, thank goodness, even hers.  I must have been bouncing, because behind my ear I heard “Steady, Da’asha.  Greet them with dignity, at least until they are stopped.  Think about the image you present, welcoming them home from this place.”  His hand sat at the small of my back.

Actually, it probably was a welcoming sight.  All dressed up, hair done up, and smiling and waving.  When the gate came down behind them, I skipped down the rest of the stairs.  By the time I got to the next set, Dorian had rushed up to meet me. 

“Dove, you are a vision for tired eyes.”

I put my arms around his neck.  “You are alright?  Nothing untoward?”

“Aside from an unpleasant few moments in Redcliffe, darling.”  He hugged me.  “Thank you for warning me.  Truly.  Your hair grows fast, I see, and you’ve learned new talents.  We have so much to catch up on.  You didn’t have to keep her from me, you know.  The Inquisitor and I had a few words over that.”  Hearing him mention her hurt, but not as much.  He brushed my eyes.  “No crying.  You look too beautiful to sully your face with sadness.  It is so horribly COLD here.  How do you stand it?”  We exchanged a few more words before he went inside with his things, and then I went to greet the rest.

I smooched the dwarf.  “Anyone tell you, Cuddles, that you have a gift for understatement?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t drink the water, at least until it’s not green?  That was some freaky shit.”

“I bet.”

“We scared the shit out of kids, too.  How did you know?”

“I’m just good like that.  I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

On to Bull.  “Did you get to kill it?”

“YES!  Not just one, but TWO.  Beauteous creatures, and breathing fire and lightning.  We brought back a head for the Main Hall.”

“There will be no dragon head in my Main Hall.”

“Awwww, come on, Chrissy.”

“Put it up in the tavern.  That way the Chargers can stare and weep in despair.”

“Good idea.  You all dressed up for me?” 

“Of course.  You and everyone else.”  I got hugs, and continued down to Sera.  She got a small hug, but wasn’t talking very much.  Had to get to her room for something.  I would have visited with Sam, but he and Josie were staring at each other again.  Hands touching.  It was so sweet my teeth ached.  Leliana, however, was frowning.  I politely greeted Vivienne and Blackwall, and got greetings in return.  I told Hawke I’d take him and his Warden Companion to rooms, if he liked.

“You’ve hugged and kissed everyone down the line, but not us?”

“I’m afraid of Merrill.”  He laughed.

I greeted Dagna as well.  She told me her name and her occupation and was starting on a story when I interrupted.  “Would you like to see your room?”

“Oh, of course.”

I led the three of them into the main hall.  Asking the gentlemen to wait, I took Dagna into the undercroft.  “Uncle Harriit!”

“Yeah, Bit?”

“This is Dagna, the arcanist we’ve been expecting.  Dagna, this is Harritt.”

She looked at me, and then him, and back.  “Your uncle?”

“By my choice, yes.”

“That’s so neat!  I have parents, but I don’t see them since I left Orzimmar.  We write, though.  Maybe I’ll pick some relatives too?”

“Absolutely.  Welcome to Skyhold, Dagna.”

Went back upstairs and showed Hawke and Stroud to the rooms that were now MUCH easier to get to without all that scaffolding.  As I came down the stairs, Sam stopped me.  “Chrissy.  A word with you?”

“Sure.”

“It’s been thumped into my head a few times that I was very rude to you.  I’m sorry I made you cry, especially on Summerday.”

“You’re forgiven.”

“Does that mean I can get a hug from the second-prettiest girl in Skyhold?”

“As long as I’m only second to Josie.”

“Got it in one.”  And he hugged me. 

“When you have a moment, Inquisitor, I would speak to you about something.”

“So formal, Chrissy?”

“Please?  It’s important.”

“I’ll make time after dinner.”

“Thank you.  Before you go off with Bull to celebrate your return, please?”

“Of course.”

Dinner was served for the inquisitor and his friends, guests, inner circle, and advisors in the main hall, for the first time since Haven.  It was important, so I was supervising the serving people myself.  About halfway through the meal, Sam had me sit down and join them.  “Everything’s going perfectly.  Eat, or I’ll think you haven’t forgiven me.”

Ass.  He put me in the chair next to him, and I ate.  “What did you want to ask, Chrissy?”

“Soon, Sam, you’re going to have a choice.  If you have to choose between breaking someone’s heart and allowing two-score or more people you know personally to die, or turning against potentially treacherous not-yet-allies, which would you choose?”

“This is important?”

“To me.”

“Is your heart going to be broken?”

“I’m sure it will, but it’s not my heart I speak of.”

“I’m going to have to think about this, Chrissy.”

“Of course.  Check your history books on alliances, Inquisitor.  It’ll be eye-opening.”

“I like your hair.”

“What is it with my hair?  Everyone comments on it.”

“Well, if you didn’t mess with it all the time… Short, long, jagged, smooth, done up like a queen, or covered in mud… Pick one, and we won’t ask.”  Okay, yeah, that made me smile.

“Brat.”

“You love me anyway.”

“As only a big sister could.”

“You’re the LITTLE sister.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

Vivienne broke in.  “As entertaining as your schoolyard bickering is, perhaps now is not the best time, hmmm?”

We looked at each other sheepishly, and turned at the same time.  “Sorry, Madame de Fer.” Came out of both of our mouths at the same time, and we giggled.  I excused myself and headed off.  I was actually kind of peopled out at that point.

I sat at my desk for songtime.  Everyone wanted the news, so I shared what I had before we started.  Dorian came down during songtime.  “Please, my dove, let me make use of your private bathing room?”

“Of course.  Problems?”  I took him in.

“A certain Qunari, everywhere I go.  I think he’s flirting, but he’s so OBVIOUS.  I'm sure he'd show up at the general baths, and I just don't feel like heating water this evening.”

“I think he likes you.  He asked if we were an item.  Come on, I’ll get you set up.  Will you be staying?”

“I’d be afraid he’d show up at my door if I wasn’t.”

“You know; I think he’d wait for you to make the first real move.  He’s making his interest clear, and waiting.  I’d wager on that.”

“We are not wagering on my private life!”

“We’re not?  But you wager on mine.”

“That’s different.”

“I don’t see how.”

"Well, I do."

“Dorian, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I need a bath.  A good night’s sleep or five in a real bed.  Time to process recent events.”

“Did you talk to him?”

“I did.”

“I’m glad, for your sake.  Process as long as you want.”

I went back to song time, tucked in my littles, did some light reading, and for the first time in a while, I get to curl up to Dorian instead of, or in addition to, my kitten.


	45. Day 42, 15 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian is an interfering busybody. Fiona is annoying, and now I have to protect her from my bodyguards. Dorian is a HUGE interfering busybody.

### Skyhold, Day 42, 15 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I don’t remember much of my dreams.  Mostly because Irusana took up as much space in the bed as Dorian.  I’d missed being cuddled, so I didn’t mind so much.  He couldn’t keep using me to run from the Iron Bull, though.  That’s not healthy.  I was laying there, awake, when his voice rumbled at me.   “If you think much harder, your hair will catch fire, and then where will we be?”

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize you were awake.”

“I’m resting, more than sleeping.  A lot on my mind.  And no, I don’t really want to talk about it.  Not yet.”

“I can understand that.”

“So what have you been up to?  The castle is changed.  Again.  Your clothing, your hair, your magic.  All changed.  You standing up there like the lady of the castle you are when we arrived, our favorite hobo standing guard behind you.  Creating international incidents.  I’d really like to hear about that last one, actually.  Did you really get the entire castle to completely ignore Lord Pierren desRosier?”

“It didn’t quite go that way.  He was arguing with Josephine when I went upstairs, and grabbed me.  He dislocated my shoulder and threw me across the main hall.  I couldn’t let him get away with that, and I didn’t want Garalen to gut him on the spot.  So I shunned him.  We shunned him.  Even some of the soldiers refused to serve him.”

“That’s priceless, Dove.  Orlesians are all about being seen, and you made him invisible.  He’ll never live that down.  I fear, my dear, that you may have made an enemy.”

“Someone sent me raisin cookies the next day.”

“But you don’t care for raisins.”

“I know.”

“And what about the new aura?  It’s glittery, in a way I’ve rarely seen.  Tell me about this.”

“It started with barriers.  I may have tricked Solas just a little bit.  He’d offered to teach me barriers, and I hadn’t gotten around to it.  So he made one in the fade that protected me from demons.  Regrettably it protected me from dreams, pretty much, too.  So, I’m sometimes not very nice.  I spent the next five days or so studying it, and extrapolating shields and barriers from it.  Once I was fairly sure I understood, I made some barriers of my own.  I unraveled his, and put up one I designed, and a runic alphabet, and some interesting combinations.  I followed it with a generic woven barrier for protection in battle.  The funny part was the whole week he kept asking if I’d noticed anything with my dreams, or if I’d had any issues.  And I hadn’t.  The barrier wasn’t in my dreams, and there were no issues.  He became very intense after that.”

“I’m sure I can imagine.  He wouldn’t take well to being bested.  So you are telling me you learned to create that sort of barrier in five days?  Just five days?”

“Yes.  Why?” 

“You are aware, are you not, that there are people who spend years trying to create the most basic barriers.  You’ve got something so fine I can’t find any gaps or breaks.  It’s like spun glass or perhaps a soap bubble.”

“Really?  They must not have been used to crocheting.”

“What does blanket-making have to do with barriers?”

“Everything.  Crochet something small enough, and the gaps are basically undetectable.”

“Solas must have been upset.”

“Oddly, no.  We spent the next two days in deep discussions, and now he’s… touchy.”

“Touchy?”

“He stands close enough I can smell his soap.  He plays with my hair.  He grabs my hand and escorts me about.”

“I do all those things, Dove.”

“You’re not him.”

“Do you feel threatened?”

“No…  It makes me nervous.  Jittery.”  Dorian started to chuckle.

“Darling, how long has it been since you’ve been in a relationship?”

“Almost ten years.  And that one was stale for a few years before that, as well.”

“You’re woefully out of practice.”

“Please, enlighten me.”

“I think I’m just going to watch this one.  Come here, Dove, and let’s sleep.  Perchance to dream of Hobo Elves, hmmm?”

“I told him he wasn’t allowed to talk to me in the fade.”

“Perhaps you should let him.” 

“Quit laughing or tell me what’s so funny.”

“You, my dear.  You are a delightful mix of worldly-wise and naïve.  Hush, now.”

We slept another few hours, until Irusana found Dorian’s mustache.  Apparently it looks tasty.  She was trying to chew it.  This morning I woke not just smiling, but laughing.  I told Dorian that she was the best gift anyone had ever given me.

I looked in my wardrobe.  “Ugh.  It’s another dress day.”

“Dress day?”

“Yes.  Leorah had confiscated my wardrobe and hidden it somewhere.  I probably have something to do today that requires being polished.”

“You’ll have to do something with your hair, as well. It’s a large knot.”

“Gethon in the stables braids my hair.”

“Gethon?  That burly young elf who watches you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing, Dove.  It seems my presence is a larger hindrance than yours.”

“Darling, go back to sleep until you make sense.  You’re nearly as bad as Cole.” 

He grabbed my wrist.  “You’re not being coy, are you?  How would you expect someone to tell you they were interested in you?”

“You’d think they’d use their words.”

“I see.  So if they don’t say anything…”

“Even if I were interested, I wouldn’t want to presume.  Misinterpreting something innocent is more damaging to relationships I have than anything else.  It’s a quick way to heartache to try to spin castles in the sky.”

“And you speak from experience.”

“Why this sudden interest?”

“Oh, no reason.”

“Today is Hug Day, Dorian.  You should visit the tavern.  Give the Bull a hug.  See what happens.”

“Right now, I’m going back to sleep.  And I’m keeping the kitten with me.  She’s warm, since you’re such a cruel woman as to leave me shivering.”

I went out to Cook, got breakfast and something for Irusana.  I also got a tray for Dorian.  Nothing that needed heating or cooling.  And a cover, so he had breakfast when he got up.  Wouldn’t want a certain kitten to have two meals.  I made my way out to Gethon.

He looked at me and apologized.  “I should have taken that out last night.”

“I thought about it, but I figured I’d just make things worse.”

“Next time I forget, you can just come out here if you want.  Feel free to wake me.”

He sat me in front of him and straightened the mess.  I got a much simpler braid today, but it matched the simpler dress.  I told him it was hug day, and got a long squinch.  After riding, I doled out hugs to the people that wanted them.  Josren, and I had to move his hands off my ass, Dennet, a few others.  Gethon got another hug and a kiss on the cheek for being a sweetie.

Dorian was still out cold when I let Irusana out to play.  Seggrit came by and told me it was hug day.  I smiled, and he leaned over, hugging the cat.  Boy really likes cats, I guess.  Lots of people hugged lots of people.  Dorian awoke about mid-morning, and meandered off, waving. 

Inquisibutt came down.  “I was sent some new drapes and a new throne.  Any way I can get them put up?  And I was sent an Orlesian bed, too.  It looked comfortable.”

“You want the bed put in your room, too?”

“Please.”

“You have people waiting in your dungeon, Inquisitor.  Have you talked to Josie about the goats?”

“Goats?  I’ve not heard anything about goats.  I’ll check with her.”  He yanked on my braid lightly, twice, and strutted off. 

I ate lunch with Leorah and the others, after exchanging hugs.  I really like hug days.  It’s like affirming friendships and making new ones, with cuddles.  Gossip galore today.  Sera apparently ran off to her room because she had smuggled an entire jar of bees into Skyhold.  And then dropped the jar “by accident” next to some poor guy this morning.  She claimed it was “Better than he deserved.”  And nobody knows what he did.

The Inquisitor and Josie were seen conversing on the balcony of his tower this morning.  That was after he had a headache tended by the healers. He sloshed into bed last night, after drinking urine collected from the dragons they killed.  I’m just stating the rumors.  That’s NASTY.  Varric, Hawke, and Stroud were found in a corner of the tavern, asleep.  Hawke and Stroud were treated for hangovers, but Varric was fine.  I tossed of an “of course, he doesn’t drink all that much” and got some stares.  He’s always got a tankard, yeah, but didn’t they notice it’s always half full?  Too much to order another round, not enough to encourage him to take a drink?  Guess not.  Bull does the same thing, at least on the nights I’ve been in the tavern.

That was the extent of inner circle gossip.  Zathras has been sent out again.  Charter has collected a bunch of scouts and will be permanently occupying a keep in Crestwood.  Harding’s been sent to the Dales.  Lots going on all over.

After lunch, since I didn’t have defense practice, I went around to my people.  Hugs for everyone that wanted them.  Even Dagna.  I showed her my abacus, and she’s going to make a bigger one.  She thought it was a neat idea.  And she knows about slide rules and geometry and all that.  Harritt shooed me out after only twenty minutes.  Spoilsport. 

Varric was next.  I gave him a hug, and then I asked him if he was going to write any more of swords and shields.  I’d read the whole series on my day off, and Cassandra and I were waiting for the next installment.  I also might have suggested that she’d looked down the last few days, and could possibly use a hug.  It was hug day, after all.  He looked at me.  “You’re sneakier than you appear.”

“I’m innocent as a lamb”

“If the lamb was possessed by a dragon and a demon at the same time.”

“That’s not nice.”

“You’re right.”

“I am?”

“Yeah.  Maybe I should go give out some hugs.”

We smiled at each other and I continued.  Josie, the uncles, Feren, Cassie.  I braved Bull and the chargers.  Got passed around a bit.  Even Dalish gave me a hug.  Cole was upstairs in his room.  Sitting  on his bed.  “Are you okay, Cole?”

“Yes.”

“What are you doing?”

“Smiling at the bunny.”

“Okay, hon.”

“It likes smiles.”

“It’s hug day.  It might like hugs better.”

“No, it just likes smiles.”  I smiled at him and closed the door as I left. 

I went to the bathhouse.  Isa smiled happily when I came up to hug her.   “I have news.  I think.  I’m not sure.”

“I’m fairly certain.  Feren’s, yes?”

“It’s okay?”

“It’ll be nice to have a baby around.  I’ll adjust your schedule.  Are you sick in the mornings yet?”

“Only sometimes. I saw a healer, and she said it was too soon to tell.”

“Take it easy.  We don’t want any unfortunate outcomes.  We’ll take good care of you.”

Adan was busy.  His ladyfriend had decided hugs were just the beginning. They really needed to lock the door.  The mages were aloof, with little interest in hug day.  Fiona accosted me as I walked by.  “You need to come for training.  Untutored magic is dangerous.”

I peeled her fingers off my arm.  “Do not touch me without permission.  I’ll not be training with you.  Ever.  And my magic is not untutored.”

“What instructor do you have?  None that I see. You risk us all.  You cannot expect to just ignore it!”

“Perhaps I believe as the Avvar do, and take lessons from spirits?”

“Do you?”

“At least one, Cole.”

“That thing.”

“HIM.  As much a personality as you.”  I looked at her.  “Maybe more.  Good day.”

“I will petition the Inquisitor, child.  He’ll give you to me.”

I turned back to her.  “I am not your child. And I am no thing to be given, to you or anyone else.”

“You are too young to understand the danger you face.”

“You have no idea how old I am, and no way to determine how knowledgeable I might be.  You just assume I am untutored based on my face and that I wasn’t in your little rebellion.  Assumptions like that can be problematic on multiple levels.   Feel free to bother the Inquisitor as you wish.  Sam and I haven’t talked since this morning, and I miss his face.  Now if you’ll excuse me.” 

“You carry no staff.”

I looked her in the eye.  “You’re right, I don’t.  I wonder what I’d be capable of if I had one.”  There was a hint of menace in that.  Maybe.  She sucked in a breath, fear on her face.  Damned delicate little flower, for all she’s had a rough life.  I stepped away from her.  “I have no intention of hurting you.  Just leave me alone.”

“You are still a danger.”  I was angry, and needed to go.

“So you think.”  I walked away, to the stairwell.  She wasn’t going to listen.

Elias was just inside the stairwell.  “Is she a danger to you?”  His voice was quiet.

“I don’t think so.  She’s a toothless old cat, who doesn’t understand there are more than just her way and the chantry way.”

“We could teach her.”

“Elias, no.  Don’t even joke about that.  No one is hurt.  No one is dead.  Put the knives away.”  I heard a soft noise.  Oh my god his knives had actually been out.  I had been speaking metaphorically!  He ushered me down the stairs.  Solas wasn’t in his usual spot, and he wasn’t on the scaffolding.  Ah well.

I asked Varric how he handled the paperwork he must have.  He told me he tossed half of it in the fire and read the rest.  If it was important, they’d send it again.  He’s got to be kidding.  I think.  I went back to my own paperwork and did not set it on fire.  Even though I considered it.

I couldn’t concentrate, though.  I was still angry.  Dinner came along, and I ate with my people.  There are so many of us now.  I’d finished hiring another thirty or so people today alone.  With a stroke of my pen.  I had to talk to Solas about that space he said we’d find.  Either that, or I was going to start investigating.

After dinner, we had songtime.  Dorian came down, but he was waylaid by Elias.  It looked like I’d be sleeping alone again, as the two disappeared  before the singing started.  I sat on my desk during the songs, and we finished with our song.  Tucked the kiddos in bed.  Went to my room.  I was reading when there was a knock at the door.

I opened it, and Solas was there.  I moved aside so he could come in.  He noticed the book in my hand.  “I’m surprised you are still reading that.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve demonstrated a keen knowledge of the material.”

“But others might use it differently.  I should be able to guess what meanings they were expecting.”

“You are wise beyond your years.” I opened my mouth, and he cut me off.  “However many of those you have.  I heard your argument with the mage-leader.”

“I looked for you afterward, but didn’t see you.”

“I realized she was right about something.”

That made me wary.  “What might that be?”

“You’ve gone tense again, Da’asha.  You are in no danger from me, remember?  Come. Sit.”  He pulled the book out of my hand and set it on the table, leading me back to my settee.  He kept my hand, looking at my fingernails, as he sat next to me.  “She mentioned you had no staff.  That’s true.  Dorian and I had discussed that before.  So I found Dorian, and we went to Harritt.  He’s going to work up some ideas.  Here, turn around.”

I did.  He undid the knot in the leather tie in my hair, pulling my hair out of the braid bit by bit.  He spoke as he worked.  “Do you have an idea of what sort of staff you might be interested in?”  I had no clue, and said so.  “So you won’t mind if we choose for you?”

“Of course not.”

“Dorian and I spoke today.  He said some interesting things.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.  He said you dismissed some of the actions around you because you think people should use their words.”

“He talks too much.  Don’t worry about him.”

“Oh, I don’t, ma’haselan’udh.  You, on the other hand, I worry about.  So I’ll say this.  The thought of another man’s hands in your hair bothers me.”  He pulled my head back onto his shoulder, ghosting a hand up my neck as he spoke in my ear.  “It’s beautiful hair.  I didn’t appreciate it properly before.”

He paused.  “My hand is actually on your throat, and you’ve not even tensed.  You have no fear of me at all.  It’s nice to enjoy a time without that smell in my nose.”  His hand continued up to stroke my jaw.  “I know you’re not going to change who you have doing your hair right now.  And I’m not asking.  I’m only letting you know it bothers me.”  He wrapped his arms around me and gently squeezed.  “Happy hug day.” And he left.  Oh my god.  I don’t even know.  I’m going to think about it tomorrow.

And damn it, I needed to talk to him about sleeping space.


	46. Day 43, 16 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Cullen, more uncomfortable conversations, Dorian, playing with the kids.

### Skyhold, Day 43, 16 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I didn’t sleep well.  Nothing wrong, really.  Just a little unsettled.  And I’m going to murder Dorian, just a little bit.  And have a little chat with Bull, maybe, after the trip to Storm Coast.  If he’s going to interfere, then I suppose I have the right as well.  I don’t think Sam’s the type to sacrifice the Chargers, honestly.  I hope not.  I got up early and walked the walls again.

Dresses days.  I’m starting to think I’m going to have to steal a shirt or two from Dorian.  I wasn’t the only one on the walls this morning, though.  The Commander was pacing as much as I was.  I walked over to him.  “Issues, Commander?”

“Chrysopal.  Not really.  Nothing I can’t handle.”

“It’s odd to see you out of armor.”

“I don’t usually go without, I admit.  The space between my shoulder blades gets itchy.”  His face was tight. 

“Can I help?”

“No.”

“Commander, let me help.  There are too many people relying on you.  I won’t ask questions.”

“What you did last time?”

“That was my intent.”

“Alright.  I’ll allow it.  If you’re sure.”

“The Inquisition needs you in as good a shape as possible, without resorting to stimulants or other substances, Cullen.”

“What do you know?”  He’d stopped.

“I know you’re in pain, and I’ve known others who have tried to kick an addiction.  I won’t ask if it’s drink, or some ingestible, or something else.  It doesn’t matter.”

“I’m not a drunkard.”

“I know.  Drunkards are drunk, not experiencing symptoms like these.”  We went into his office, and he sat in the chair, tilting his face up.  “Do you have any oil?  Something sweet-smelling?”

“Not here.”

I ran my fingers over his temples and face.  This man was so broken.  I’d have to see if one of my ladies would be good for him.  Perhaps Eliza?  I’d look about.  Someone needs to be looking out for him.  I’d been at it about fifteen minutes when his face finally relaxed.  He was asleep. 

There was a soldier just outside the door.  “Let the Commander rest.  He’s been worried about you all.”  The soldier looked in, and I saw him take note of the fact that everyone was clothed and basically unmussed.  And the Commander was asleep, head laid back over the chair. 

“He’d been walking for hours.  How did you do that?”

“I’m persistent, so he can’t tell me no easily, and I just helped him relax.”  I reached up to the soldier slowly enough that he could easily evade, and ran my thumbs over his brows, gently but firmly and steadily, moving my fingers over his temples when he closed his eyes.  “See?”  It works every time.  I’ve never seen an unattached stressed man not react positively to that.  A few moments and he reluctantly pulled back.

“No magic at all?”

“None.  Just touch.  People need touch to stay healthy and sane.  That’s why children are so naturally friendly.  We train it out of people as they grow, and they suffer for it.”

“You’re a strange one, mistress.”

“So they tell me.  Train well, young man.  I should be distraught if you came home from a mission injured.”  That straightened his spine.

“Yes, mistress.”

I watched the sun rise.  It’s always beautiful.  Today it looks like rain.  Clouds in the sky are dark and heavy.  We could use it.  I made my way back to the kitchens to begin my day.  Tended the kitty and her things, per usual.  I looked for the tie that had been in my hair.  I couldn’t find it anywhere.

When I went out to the stables, Gethon saved me from having to tell him anything untrue or awkward.  “You didn’t have to do that, Chrissy.  If you’d have come by, I’d have taken care of it for you.”

“I didn’t want to leave my room.  I’m sorry Geth, but I can’t find the leather tie you used.”

“I have more.”  He led me to the bench again.

“You know more about hair than you learned from horses, Gethon.” 

He started finger-combing my hair.  It took him a moment to answer.  “I grew up with sisters and a cousin.  And truthfully, I cultivated the skill.”

“Cultivated it?”

He rubbed my scalp.  “I did.  How else could I get a woman practically sitting in my lap, my hands in her hair, her face near mine, so easily?”

I’m a sucker for a scalp massage.  “Really?  My face isn’t near yours.”

“Then maybe you should turn around?  You could rest your forehead on my shoulder.  In some ways it would be easier.”

“You’re an incorrigible flirt.”  I didn’t turn around.

“But I still have my hands in your hair.”

“I think you just like my hair.”

“There is that.”

“Is this a skill many men cultivate?”

“Only the smart ones.  You’d be surprised.  There are ninety-five girls for every hundred boys among the elves, to start with.  Then the humans lure away a good portion, probably five or ten of that ninety-five.  Any children those women have are human.  We’re becoming endangered.  Us men have to lure you back somehow.  Hair is only one of the tricks we learn.  We’re taught by our fathers and grandfathers.”

“So it’s about babies?”

“Not entirely.”  He finished up with whatever he was doing, and sighed.  “It’s about family.  Don’t you want a family? Chrissy, I’ve made you sad!  What did I say?’

“I had a family, before the breach.”

“And children.”  He said it calmly, but there was an unhappy edge to his voice. 

“A little girl.”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t want to cause you pain.”  He hugged me from behind, and then got up.  “Let’s change the subject.  I’m putting you back on Drummer with an astride saddle.  You’ll be in one of those most of the time, anyway.”

“When am I ever going to get to ride him?  I’m not intending on going anywhere.”

“You didn’t intend to before, either, but you made a small trip.  It’s better to know how.”

We moved off painful subjects and onto lessons.  Then paperwork.  Lunch.  I did my fat girl yoga and the funky not-tai-chi inside, as it was indeed pouring outside.  I had intended to do a little of the visiting thing, but the drops put the kibosh on that.  Curious, I looked into the Atrium.  Everything was moved back again, and the pool was filling from the waterfall.  It occurred to me that this room would make a lovely arboretum later.  It would be humid enough for trees, and warm enough that they would bear.  It would have to wait, though.

The Inquisitor passed me on his way out.  He’d just come down the stairs.  I went to check on Dorian.  He was leaning against the wall, looking out the window.  “Dorian?”

He turned his head to look at me.  His eyes were red and bloodshot.  “Hello, my dove.  To what do I owe this pleasure?”

I went over and held out my arms to him.  “Did he say something to hurt you?”

“No, darling.  We were just talking about things.  He apologized for not telling me ahead of time.”  He clasped me to him.  “Why are you here?”

“I saw him leave.  I was watching the waterfall, thinking Solas’ atrium would make a lovely arboretum.”

“I doubt Solas would see it that way.”

“Well, they did say that Skyhold was my domain.  I think that would fall under the realm of the domestic.”

He chuckled.  “I’m going to have to defend his space, aren’t I.  Otherwise, you’ll be making changes here next.”

“I could recover this chair.  It looks a touch worn, after all.  I’m annoyed with you, by the way.”

“Whatever for?  I’ve done nothing to deserve such a thing.”

“Have you been conversing with Gethon and Solas?”

“With regularity.  Is there a particular reason you ask?”

“You’re not hiding that grin as well as you think you are.  I’ve had some very uncomfortable conversations recently.  Oddly, they both revolved around hair.”

“I didn’t mention anything about hair.”

“Oh, I’m sure.  Be warned, my love.  My memory is long, and I will have my revenge.”

“I look forward to it, Dove.”

“You say that now.”

“In a way, I’m just returning the favor you already did me.”  I must have looked as confused as I felt.  “I seem to recall an attractive young man coming to my door offering to keep me warm, since I was oh so used to sleeping next to someone.  My Dove was truly concerned for me, enough that Elias coddled and fretted at me for nearly ten minutes before I gave in.  Do you recall any such conversation?”

I tilted my head up and sniffed.  “Of course not.  I’ve never stood at your door while you entertained your male guests.”

He laughed.  “I can’t wait to see you at court, darling.  It will be memorable, that’s for sure.”

“You’ll wait a long time, dear.  I’m not going anywhere.”

“Oh dear.  I see Lord Trevelyan hasn’t spoken to you yet.  Well, it will be a pleasant surprise if I’m correct.”

“I have things to do.  I just wanted to check on you.  I feel bad not telling you, but I didn’t know for sure.”

“You warned me enough.  Truly.  I am grateful.”

My afternoons are supposed to belong to Ethelathe, so I gathered the Tweedles and Daniel again.  We would go play in the water.  Solas couldn’t use the room as it was, anyway.  We played for an hour or two, getting soaked to the skin and having a blast.  I delivered the boys back to Eadras, who had them today.

I got down to Ethelathe Hall and Solas was at my desk, apparently waiting.  He saw me and allowed himself a small smile.  “Do not think that playing in the rain is going to get you out of magic lessons.”

“I wasn’t playing in the rain.”

“You appear quite wet for someone not playing in the rain.  Is there a lake around here in which you went swimming?  In your clothing?”  There was something in his expression I couldn’t identify, and lots of amusement in his tone.  He’s a weird dude.

“Just in your office with the children.”

“You were playing in my office?”  His surprise was palpable.

“I did just say that, did I not?”

“Hmmm.  Interesting, Da’asha.  Is that where you intend to spend every rainy afternoon?  I would prefer you not drip in the library, though.”  He moved his hand and I found myself dry.

“That’s a neat trick.  How’d you do that?”

“It is to my advantage that you never learn it.”  His eyes had that gleam in them again.

“What?”

“Never mind, ma’haselan.  Shall we?”

We went back to his workroom, and started in on the combinations I’d identified.  He pointed out several others, and asked why they hadn’t been included.  It was a very nice hour or two, informative and not uncomfortable at all.  I was surprised.  At the end, he delivered me to Cullen’s man, who was apparently the guy in the hot seat today.  “Guard her well.” Solas bade the man in a strange tone as he left.

Dinner, songtime.  Gethon wasn’t about, oddly.  Dorian got to see me play with Irusana and the laser light.  He’s a quick study, because he had a competing red light in just under ten minutes.  Irusana loved it.  I laughed at him and split mine into five.  “That’s cheating, Dove.  How did you do that?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.  I wanted it to split, and it did.”

“Tomorrow, we could start on the housekeeping sorts of things you wished to learn.”

“So long as Zathras hasn’t gotten back, I’ll be free the hour or so after lunch.”

“Splendid!  Then we shall begin after lunch.  I do have a question.”

“Ask away.”

“Which do you prefer:  lightning, fire, or cold?”

“I have no idea.  I’ve never done more than light a candle, outside the bonfire.”

“You’ve never accidentally set something on fire?”

“No.  Is that usual?  I have to work to get candles to light.”  His brow puckered in thought.  “You’ll get wrinkles.”

“Bite your tongue, woman.  You’ve never done anything destructive?”

“Once I think I made a man bruise on the parts he used to hurt Feren.  Maybe.  I wasn’t comfortable with it, though.  I was very angry.”

“That’s interesting.  We’re going to have to go outside and experiment sometime soon.”

“Dorian, is playing with hair a skill most men cultivate?”

“If they’re not boorish, usually.  Most people like their hair mussed about with.  Why do you ask?”

“Gethon just said some interesting things this morning.  Elven men are taught tricks to lure the elven ladies, apparently.  And hair is just one of them.”

“You’re curious about the others?”

“Wouldn’t you be?”

“Perhaps you should ask him.”

“Oh, I don’t think so.”

“Suit yourself, but you might like it.”

"I'm not ready for that right now, Dorian."

"I stand corrected, Dove.  Patience is a virtue.  We shall have to see who has the most."

"You are not wagering on this, Dorian."

"Too late, Dove.  Varric has odds on almost every man in Skyhold, including me.  I'm a long shot of course."

"Really?  I may have to check this book and give some other long shot a thrill.  Just to piss everyone off."

"I don't think some of your suitors would tolerate that well.  Make sure you pick someone you won't mind seeing removed from the scene."  I hadn't considered that, and I stayed silent.

I undid my own braid tonight, thank you very much.  A little reading of Gentivi’s accounts.  And to bed.


	47. Day 44, 17 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew talks birth control, paperwork, new rules, Solas goes off-script, and bawdy songs in the tavern.

### Skyhold, Day 44, 17 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I was bored.  So I went walkabout in the fade.  The castle is so very interesting.  Well, sometimes it’s a castle, sometimes a keep.  Sometimes a group of tents.  Interestingly, the walkways remain the same.  Even the tents were positioned similarly.  Group after group settled and left, for varying reasons.  Mostly when whatever war was over, and an outpost at the top of a mountain was unneeded.  Perfect for my needs, actually.  I want them to abandon Skyhold eventually.

I don’t think I’m a dreamer like they talk about.  The fade is just another place.  A funky carnival reality, but still just a place.  I wonder if spirits have babies?  Can you imagine compassion and trust creating love, or fear and desire creating greed?  I’ll have to ask Cole and Solas.

I awoke early again.  Warming the room for Dorian, I got dressed.  It was pants day again.  I wrapped Gethon’s leather tie around my wrist, and made a quick search for the other one again.  I was concerned it would somehow get wrapped around Irusana.  It was nowhere to be found.

I left my room just as Andrew was shutting the door to the upper servant’s quarters.  The area with several littler rooms, but not the one with basically cubicles.  He greeted me.

“Hey Chrissy, I’ve been practicing that fire thing. It’s really useful.  When do you want to get together again?”

“Probably tomorrow or the day after.  I’m still working on barriers, and Dorian’s going to teach me the basic stuff.”

“Did you hear about Isa?”

“What?”  I was worried for a moment.

“She’s pregnant.”  Whew.

“Yes.  She told me.  Isn’t it wonderful?  Feren’s going to be over the moon.  Are they planning on bonding. Or wedding.  Or whatever it is?”

“I think so.  They’re going to ask you to stand for the child.”

“What’s that?”

“Kind of like godparent.  If something happens to them, he or she becomes your kid.”

“Ah.  Cool.  You and Garalen okay?”

He grinned.  “Perfect.  I’m going to con her into marriage any day now.”

“Con?”

“She wouldn’t have me any other way, Chrissy.”

“So long as you’re both happy.”

“I’d be happier if she ran out of that tea.”

“Tea?”

“No one’s instructed you in Thedas birth control?”

“They have birth control?”

“Shit.  Let’s go see Renee.  What are you doing for moontimes?”

“Leorah showed me what to do then.  No one mentioned tea or birth control.  And if Gara wants to keep charge of her body, who are you to complain?”

“Not complaining.  Just saying I’m happy, but could be happier.”

“Tell her, not me.”

“I did.”  He winced.  “She bit me.”

“I don’t want to know.  I really don’t.”

There’s always someone awake in the healer’s buildings.  Luckily it was Renee on duty.  Andrew probably has the schedule in his head.  He dragged me in front of her and proceeded to embarrass the hell out of me by saying I had never had the details of how things worked in Thedas explained to me.  Oh, he put it smoothly.  Renee fell for it, hook line and sinker. 

I had to redirect her.  I’ve been married and had a child, I know how it works.  Tab A, Slot B, etc. etc.  So she got into the nitty gritty.  Thedas has far more options than I expected.  I kind of expected none, though, so that wasn’t hard.  But there’s the tea, and they have lamb intestine condoms (ewww), and they have suppositories for those times when you couldn’t drink the tea ahead of time.  Other herbs and methods, including crocodile dung diaphrams like the Egyptians.  Again.  Ewww.  I’ll stick to the witherstalk tea if I ever need to worry about it.

It took a little time, actually.  Breakfast was a memory and I was late for riding by the time she was done.  I was sent off with a packet of tea and some kind words.  Running for the kitchens, I asked that Dorian and the kitten be delivered breakfast, and went immediately to the stable.

We didn’t have time to do my hair, so I got Drummer tuckered out and put him away.  Geth got a hug and an apology.  I told him I’d been learning from the healer, and time got away from us.  Luckily he thought I was learning magic, and forgave me.

When I got to my desk I tied my hair up in a quick knot.  I did my own hair long before I met Gethon, after all.  Borrowed some wooden skewers from the kitchen. Well, took, with permission.  They’re not getting them back.  Paperwork galore.  I swear we should pour the tea on the papers.

We need more wood and more stone before I can do anything more with Skyhold, really.  I know Inquisibabe got the quarry and the lumber in the hinterlands, and the ones in crestwood, but I don’t see any record of finding any in the storm coast.  I’ll have to tell whoever he takes back there.  Probably soon.  I saw Sam and Bull talking seriously.  They’ve only been home two days.  I hope they take some time off.  At least a week.

Redid the schedules.  Isa’s on half days until further notice.  She can participate in anything she wants, but she shouldn’t have to.  I know she’s pregnant, not ill, but there are so few elves.  I don’t want her to overdo it.  Hired two more people with a stroke of the pen.  It’s so strange to do things like that.  Shelved a bunch of not-right-now paperwork.  Circular filed some stupidity.

I actually have to do some mediation this afternoon.  You’d think that a hundred people would get on better.  I suppose we’re a small village, though, with small village problems.  This time it’s a dispute between a human farmer family and one of mine (I don’t know his face, but I’ve seen his name on the roster).  They say he egged their door in the middle of the night.  He claims he didn’t.  I don’t see this going well for anyone.  How would they know it was him if it was the middle of the night?  The farmer was demanding “that elf” be flogged and fired.  First, there will be no flogging.  Second, I’m going to implement the innocent until proven guilty rule, with a preponderance of evidence caveat.  For anything criminal, I’m going to go with our usual beyond a reasonable doubt.

Garalen delivered me a lunch.  I must have forgotten again.  She growled that I’d forgotten breakfast, too.  I told her that was her guy’s fault, because he had to lecture me on birth control and feminine hygiene.  That made her jaw drop.  “You’ve got a good one, there, Gara.”

She smugly smiled.  “I know.  I’m planning on keeping him.”

“Excellent.  When’s the wedding?”

“When he grovels enough.”

“Good answer.  I like that one.”

“Eat, Chrissy.”

“Yes, Mom.”

Cook had made her meat pies again.  I can never get pie crust to work.  My hands are too warm. Hers are amazing.  I ate the whole thing.  I was still doing paperwork when Dorian came down, my kitten in his arms.  “You took her with you?”

“Of course.  She loved the library.  She loved the rookery.  She loved the atrium.  She climbed the hobo elf.  It was hilarious.  Her little claws are so useful, aren’t they you pretty thing.”  That last bit was directed at the cat, not me.  He was rubbing noses with her.  I smiled when he set her down.

“I do believe we have an appointment, my dove, do we not?”

“We do indeed.  Where do you want to start?”

He smiled.  “Which pile shall we destroy?”  I pointed to the pile on the edge I’d dubbed the circular file.  “Very well.”  He swept his arm across the pile, scattering it everywhere.

“You had way too much fun doing that.  I’m having horrific visions of learning this skill and you walking my desk shoving everything off it.”

“Would I do something so horrendous?”

“Yes.”

“Well, perhaps.  In any case.  How do you think we should proceed from here?”  I spent an enjoyable hour with Dorian.  Cleaning up paperwork, producing grease and soap (for oiling and cleaning, respectively), and obliterating dust.

I offhandedly asked, “So how would you dry something that was drenched?”

I think I was a bit too offhand.  “Well, my dear, perhaps you should leave it outside on a dry day or tell me the whole story.”

“I’m not telling the whole story.  I just wanted to know.”

“Hmmm.  After careful consideration, I have decided that particular skill is more advanced, and you need at least a few more months of practice before I teach it to you.”  He was far too smug.

“Brat.”

“But of course.  It’s the only way to be.  Bow down before my perfection, my dove.”

“If I bow to you it’ll only be to tie your shoes together.”

He bid me farewell with a laugh, and plopped Irusana in my room for me.  I met with the farmers and Attal.  Attal’s a twenty-ish elf with burn scars on his face.  I remembered his interview.  First I asked how the farmers knew it was him.  Apparently they’d assumed because he’d been hanging around the chicken coop.  “You are aware that I hired him to work with the chickens, are you not?”

“He’s been hanging around our shed, too, acting suspicious.”  My eyes narrowed. 

“Don’t you have a daughter?”

“I do.  She’s nineteen, and betrothed to my friend’s son.  A good and loyal girl.”

“I see.  I need to speak to Attal in private.”  I got the real story.  He and the young lady in question had been enjoying themselves.  She wasn’t interested in anything permanent, and neither was he.  He’d been caught waiting for her to get some free time.  I told him to make her come to him from now on.  I returned to the farmer.  “Attal did not egg your door.  There will be no punishment.”

The farmer started turning red.  “I will fix the door.  This time.”  He calmed a little.  “Attal is to stay away from your shed.  Interesting, though, that you assumed it must be the elf, and not one of the others handling the chickens and other animals, isn’t it?”  I paused, eyeing the farmer, who had his hands in fists at his side.  By his attitude, he’d forgotten who he worked for. 

“I will fix the door because it is _my_ door.  It belongs to Skyhold.  You are tenants, not owners.  If you no longer wish to farm in my fields, I have a waiting list from which I can find other tenants who don’t ball up their fists when they talk to me.”  He turned a mottled red splotchy, but he unclenched his fists.  Now if only he’d unclenched his teeth. 

“This is your only warning.  False reports against elves are not tolerated here.  I require evidence.”  He jerked a nod, obviously ticked.  Obviously used to being able to accuse and be believed without any doubt at all.  I looked to see who my attendant was this time.  Elias.  He just nodded at me as I dismissed the farmer.  The guy walked to the kitchen door, followed by Elias, who would make sure he got home safely, without any further incidents.  And with another warning, I’m sure.

I was sitting at my desk when half my hair fell.  I reached up behind me and one of the skewers was missing.  As I looked around for it, the other half fell.  And that’s when I spotted Solas, calmly holding two skewers in his hands.  “Give me those!  I swear you are the sneakiest damn mage I’ve ever met!”

“I shall give them back after our lesson, ma’haselan’udh.  And considering how few mages you have actually met, I am not surprised.”  He is such an ass sometimes.  “I could not resist, and I like your hair down.  Please?”  His face was smooth, not giving anything away.  I shrugged.

“Fine.  But I want them back.”

“Of course, but they prove such temptation.  How could I stop myself?”

“People have been resisting all day.”

He presented his arm with a small smile.  “Shall we?”  I grumbled, but I took his arm. 

This time he’d put cushions on the floor, so we could be comfortable.  We were still going over rune combinations.  I somehow ended up sitting with my back against his chest as he showed me some of the interesting combinations I’d not included.  It was so smoothly done that I didn’t even realize until the lesson was over and I had to move his arm to get up.  He handed me my skewers and watched as I put my hair back up. 

“I admit, there is something appealing about a woman’s bared neck.”  How does he move so fast?  He was over there watching and now the damn man was so close behind me I could feel his breath on my neck. 

I turned and took a step back.  “Are you being deliberately annoying?”

“Am I annoying you?  My apologies.  I thought I was complimenting you.”

“I have to get back to work.”

“Actually, you do not.  You are trying to escape.”

“Escape?”

“I make you nervous.”

You know, in game he was all ‘this is a bad idea’, and ‘there are complications’.  Not playful and so in my space.  Femquiz did all the chasing.  Damn straight he was making me nervous.  He’s horribly off-script.  Everyone else has been basically how I expected.

“You make most people nervous.  And like it.”

He tilted his head.  “Perhaps I am extracting payment for your use of my office?”

“No.  You don’t have an issue with that, and are likely planning to invite us next time so you have overt control of the situation.  Plus, you already knew.”

“You are certain of that?”

“Mostly?”

“You know me surprisingly well.  I want to see you in the fade, ma’haselan.”

“Why?”

“Because you are too busy for me here.  There, you have devoted whole nights to talking with me.”

“I don’t think…”

“You are nervous.  You do not actually think I am going to hurt you, not anymore.  You are just acting that way out of habit.”  He reached out and cupped my neck.  I’d forgotten he was taller than other elves.  Longer reach.  I’d miscalculated, and not actually left his space.  He leaned down and whispered in my ear.  “How quickly would you stop if you realized how enticing it is?”  My skin broke out in goosebumps.  His breath was warm.  Sue me.

“I don’t think…”

“You said that already, da’asha.  Yes or no?”

“What was the question?”

“Invite me to visit you in the fade, haselan’udh.”

“I’ll think about it?”

“Think fast, because bedtime draws near.  Send me a no, or I will be seeing you in your dreams.” He stood abruptly, and acquired my arm.

As if nothing had ever been said, he escorted me back to my desk, discussing the lesson of all things.  I was still a little dazed when he left.  He’s way off script.  What the hell is going on with him?  He’s supposed to be all reticent.  Not like, well, not like THAT.

I had dinner at the tavern, because I needed some noise around me. Bull and the chargers were singing some raucous tunes, so I asked if they’d ever heard the one about the sailor’s strumpet.  Getting a no, I started it off. 

 _He put his hand upon her toe, yo ho, yo ho,_  
_he put his hand upon her toe yo ho, yo ho_  
_he put his hand upon her toe, she said hey sailor you’re much too slow,_  
_get in get out, quick fucking about, yo ho yo ho yo ho._

It continues for a bunch more verses as the sailor touches other things.  Thigh, must be high, ass, too crass, chest, give it a rest, tit, get on with it, etc.  Eventually the lady dies of something or other, and the last few verses made them laugh.

 _And now she lies in a wooden box, yo ho, yo ho,_  
_And now she lies in a wooden box, yo ho, yo ho_  
_And now she lies in a wooden box, from sucking too many sailor’s cocks_  
_get in get out, quick fucking about, yo ho yo ho yo ho._

 _We dig her up every now and then, yo ho, yo ho,_  
_We dig her up every now and then, yo ho, yo ho_  
_We dig her up every now and then, we fucked her once and we’ll fuck her again_  
_get in get out, quick fucking about, yo ho yo ho yo ho_.

Varric told me that I just HAD to meet his friend Isabella.  Hawke about died laughing.  She’d adore me.  Cute, cuddly, and innocent looking, and then I came out with a song like that.  I’d had a few, by then.  I made a decision.  I wrote a note on a napkin.  “Not tonight, honey.  I’m drunk.”  I folded it and had it sent to Solas. 

I brought some leftovers back to Irusana, came back just in time for We Shall Overcome.  Hugged the littles and went to bed.  Sleep.  Thing.  I need to talk to the developers.  They made a mistake.  I felt Dorian come in later.  I think I mumbled something about him avoiding Bull, but he laughed and said we were both avoiding things.  He was as drunk as I was.


	48. Day 45, 18 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas. Chatting with Bull. Trying new things.

### Skyhold, Day 45, 18 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I was enjoying the slow spin of a drunk dream when I heard “you really are inebriated.”

“Solas!  What are you…”  I stood.

“There was no ‘no’ in that note, da’asha.  It said ‘not tonight’.”

He stepped close to me.  “If it said ‘not tonight’, then why are you here?” 

He claimed my hand, looking at the fingernails.  “Because it happens to be morning.  Just barely, but barely counts.”

“You are acting so strangely.  Not like I expect.”  I tugged a little at my hand, but he just smiled.

“Then that makes two of us.  You are nothing like I expect.”

“What did you expect?”

“Someone less opinionated, certainly.  Someone more biddable, perhaps.  You are amazingly strong-willed.  What did you expect?”

“You’re cheating.  You know I’m drunk.”

He lifted my hand to his face for a moment, brushing his lips along my wrist.  “Answer the question, ma’haselan.”

“Someone who thought this would be a bad idea.  It is a bad idea.  It is SUCH a bad idea.  This won’t be happening, because it’s really a bad idea.”  I tugged on my hand, and he moved it away from his face, but didn’t let go.

“You repeat yourself when you are flustered.”

“I’m drunk, not flustered.”

“Perhaps both.  Why are you so sure this is a bad idea?”

“Because you’re an arrogant…  NO, I’m not answering that.  Play nice!”

“I am being very nice.  Have you not noticed?  I did think it was a bad idea, as you put it.  But every time we interact I think it is less so.  It just may be worth the risk.”

“You can’t decide that for me.”

“I am not.  Why not create us something to sit on while we talk?”  I sat a Victorian courting couch in the middle of the flowers that now infested MY space.

He burst out laughing.  “I do make you nervous.  Clever girl.”  He sat me on one side and moved around to the back so he could sit.  “Where did you see this intriguing piece of furniture?”

“My grandmother’s parlor.”

“Fascinating.”  I tugged at my hand, and he released it.  He asked questions about the parlor, and the furniture, staying away from personal things, so I answered.  Later, he told me stories of people I’d never heard of, doing things hilarious, brave, and tragic.  Legends and myth, perhaps.  I listened, because it was fascinating.  I even asked questions in the proper places, because I wanted to know.  It didn’t sound like pontificating, for a change, but storytelling.  I even heard the story of Queen Asha I’d rejected before.  He didn’t have that ‘I’m educating the unwashed masses’ tone in his voice this time.  She’s pretty cool, actually.

As he was winding down, my ruminations from last night prodded at me.  “Solas?”

“Yes?”

“Do spirits in the fade have babies?”

“What do you mean?”

“If a mommy spirit and a daddy spirit…”

“I see.  I suppose it is possible.  I do not believe I have ever seen it.  Why do you ask?”

“It was just a thought.”  He sat up, leaning his arm on the cushioned wall between us.

“It is nearly dawn, da’asha.”

“Really?”

“Indeed.”  I huffed at him.

“And that is relevant because…”

“I should go, so you can be ready for your day.”

“Enjoy the rest of your morning, then.”

“Ah, not yet.  I have a request.”

“What’s that?”

“Come here.”

I sat up.  I’d been slouched.  “That’s all?”

“No.  Can I have a kiss?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I know.  Do it anyway.”

“Why do you want a kiss?”

He smirked.  He was way too close.  I went to back up, and he put a hand on the nape of my neck.  “Ah, ah. No running.  I might be inclined to chase, and you don’t want that.  You’re still too skittish.  I shall tell you, if you kiss me.”  I debated a long moment, and kissed his cheek.  “Lamentably predictable, ma’haselan’udh.  I expected that.  Still, it was a kiss.  Barely.”

“Are you going to tell me?”

“Yes.  This way you’ll have the memory of the taste of my skin on your lips when you visit your stablehand.”  He stood and was gone.  Sneaky bastard.  I hadn’t thought of that before, but how am I supposed to not think of it now?

I awoke to Irusana sitting on my chest, tail lashing back and forth.  Dorian was still out.  He snores, just a little, when he sleeps on his stomach.  It’s cute.  No hangover, which is usual, but somehow I keep expecting one.  I got dressed, two pants days in a row!  Maybe she’s giving up on the dresses thing.  Doubtful.  She’s probably coming up with a new design. 

Cook had porridge and peach jam this morning.  Yum.  I made up a tray for Dorian, and snagged some bits for Irusana.  She’s probably the best-fed cat in Skyhold, considering the others live off the mice and other vermin.  I set the tray in the room and went to the stables. 

I must have been early, because neither Geth nor Josren were about.  I petted Drummer while I waited.  He loves getting the area around his horns scratched.  There was a big to-do a few rows over, so I went to investigate.  Two mares were in foal.  Everyone was on hand, either watching or helping.  Dennet was in with one, singing her praises as she labored.  Josren was using the same compliments on the other he used on the people around him.  It seemed to keep the mare calm.

Geth noticed me and came up.  “Sorry, Chrissy.  We’re a bit busy right now.  You’ll have to postpone lessons.  If you want to take Drummer out, you can, but he’s not going to be very happy with the scent of blood in the air.”

“No problem, Gethon.  I understand.  I think I’ll pass, for now.”  He dropped a quick kiss almost on the corner of my mouth.  Easy enough to say he was aiming for the cheek and missed.  Supremely laid back and casual, like he did it all the time.  Then he went back to the mare Josren was flirting with.  I was actually kind of impressed with his game.

I had a few moments, so I checked in with Bull and the Chargers.  Who’s going to turn down a second cuppa?  Anyway, I managed to get an end seat this time, so I wasn’t so crowded.  They were in good spirits, having their chief back and all.  We gossiped a bit.  Mostly about Inquisibabe.  I smirked at Bull, and he called me on it. “What’s so funny?”

“Dorian’s running from you.”

“Is he now?” Bull let out a belly laugh.  “He can run as long as he likes.”

“I assume you took care of him after Redcliffe.”

“Of course.  He was a bit.  Well, he wasn’t happy.  I gave him something else to think about.  How did you know, anyway?”

I smiled.  “I’m glad you took care of him.  Thank you.”

“You always do that.”

“What?”

“Ignore the parts of a conversation you don’t like.”

“Makes for more pleasant conversation.”

“Any other insights you want to share?”

I looked into my mug.  “Not right now.”

“Now you’ve got me curious.”

“Curiosity is good for you.  You’re too smart for me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“The level of ale in your mug at night.”

He laughed again.  “THAT’s why you think I’m smart?”

“It’s too much to need a refill.  Too little to seem like you’re not drinking.  And sometimes you take a drink and the level doesn’t change.  Varric does the same thing.”

“You know what I am.”  It was a statement.

“Is that a problem?”

“No.  Interested in who told you, though.”

“No one told me.  It’s fairly obvious, actually.”

“And you have secrets.”

“Everyone has secrets.  That’s the way people are.”

“Good point.”

“I should go.  Paperwork reproduces like nugs.”  

He draped his arm around my shoulders.  “You don’t come around enough.”

“You guys are intense.  No offense.”

“Yeah, you may be right.”

“Just a little bit.”

Dorian stole Irusana again.  I braided my own hair, and used a bit of string formerly tying pages together to hold it.  Paperwork.  Gunther brought the boys down into the hall, and was teaching them grappling moves.  It was kind of adorable, three little boys taking down a grown man.  He was obviously letting them win, but they were learning the techniques.

After lunch, I went to find Andrew.  I figured out what my advantage over him was.  I’d read a lot more.  I had a larger pool, as it were.  He’d been a boy into Transformers more than anything else.  And some limited fiction reading.  Dune, Tolkien.  We played, more than anything, once we left the keep.  He was getting the hang of playing with the dust, not just pushing it away.  I tried to show him about barriers, but he couldn’t see the strands.  I showed him lots of other things, and he could mostly see what I was doing.  He could move the dust around, do small things with it, but not spin it or TWIST it into doing what he wanted.  We decided he wasn’t a mage, or couldn’t be one without some major, full-time work.

I, on the other hand, decided to try to walk on air.  It’s amazing what you can do if you just realize it’s possible.  I read a book where the character was instructing another.  You stepped on the bench, and really FELT the bench under your feet.  Then you took a step, and FELT the bench there.  Whether it was there or not.  It’s HARD.  I had to keep my eyes straight ahead to do it, honestly, because I couldn’t disbelieve them hard enough if I looked down.  But I FELT a staircase, and with each step, I FELT the next stair, until Andrew called me to stop.  

That’s when I realized how tired I had gotten.  I was probably twenty feet in the air, and I made the mistake of looking down.  And proceeded to fall in the snow that is still up here.  Thank goodness.  The rocky ground would have hurt a lot more.  Andrew squatted next to me.  “Too high.”  I nodded.  “Can you walk?”

I didn’t move.  “Of course.”  I hadn’t opened my eyes yet.

“I see.  Can you stand?”

“I’m sure.”

“How’s about we try sitting up.”

“In a minute.”

“Are you dizzy?”

“Maybe.”

He sighed.  “You don’t look so good.  Maybe we should get a healer?”

“I’m fine.  I’m just dizzy and tired.”  I opened my eyes.  At least there was only one of him.

“Depleted.  I can see that.  Expending faster than you can recharge.  Did you SEE what you were doing?”

“If I’d looked down, I’d have fallen.  Case in point.”

“It was beautiful.  Sworls and steps.  Like a cast iron staircase, in glitter.”  I looked up.  “It disappeared when you lost concentration.  Come on, let’s get you up.”  We helped each other back to Skyhold, and he deposited me in my chair.  He leaned on my desk, heavily.

“I’m not the only one who overdid it.”

“Maybe not.  But I didn’t fall twenty feet, either.  Shit.”  His eyes had shifted to my left.

“What?”  I looked where his eyes were.  Garalen.  Tapping her foot.  “Shit.”

He stood.  “Hi, sweetie.”

“Did I just hear someone say something about a twenty foot fall?”

I tried to inject humor.  “I don’t know, did you?”

“What were you doing, jumping off boulders?”  She was looking at me.  Yelling at me.  She’d only gotten about halfway through her harangue when Andrew tried to slip off.  She didn’t even look at him.  She pointed at him and said “Not one step, mister, or you’ll regret it.” 

And Andrew, man’s man extraordinaire, looked down at his feet and mumbled, “Yes, dear.”

“I don’t know why you’re yelling at me.  He’s exhausted, too.  Too much, too fast.  He needs to rest, before he hurts something important.”  That got me a glare from Andrew, but it immediately redirected her.

“What?  Are you hurt?”  She took him off to take a good look at him.  Leaving me alone.  Thank goodness.

I fell asleep at my desk for a bit, I think, because I was startled awake by a kitten being plopped in my lap.  I looked up at Dorian.  He smiled at me.  “Are you alright?  It’s not like you to nap.”

“I’m fine.”  I was a bit stiff, but I wasn’t going to say anything.

“You don’t look fine.  You look tired.”

“That would be why I was taking a nap then.  Shocker, hmmm?”  He eyed me. 

“I think you were up to something.”  That tickled my funny bone. 

“I certainly was.”  I laughed.

“I can’t do anything with you when you’re in this condition.  Do you always get the giggles when you do big magic?”

“Who says I did big magic?”

“Your giggles.”

“I just climbed the stairs.  That’s all.”  I got up, just a hair dizzy.  Irusana had jumped to the desk.  Much better, actually.  “If you like, I’ll show you. Tomorrow, though.   I’m a bit worn out today.  Demonstrations and trying new things.”

“I can hardly wait.  They are going to start dinner soon.  Join me?”

“Of course.”  Regrettably, I should have asked before I agreed.  I ended up in the main hall.  Anyway, rest of the evening went well.  Singalong, some light reading, sleep.  Dorian is otherwise engaged, so it’s just us girls tonight.


	49. Day 46, 19 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole knows his legends, Spiraling into the sky and waltzing in the air, Solas... again, and a normal evening for a change.

### Skyhold, Day 46, 19 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I had pleasant dreams.  No one visited.  Thank goodness.

I awoke early.  Before Irusana again.  I rolled over and groaned.  Ow.  I wasn’t hurt, but I sure was sore.  I took a long bath to soak the soreness out, and then I dressed.  I would have borrowed Dorian’s shirt, but he wasn’t here, so I was stuck.  Stupid long sleeves, but they were flowy and split to the elbow.  I think she’d ripped the bits I hadn’t liked off the basic bodice and rebuilt it.  It left my shoulders mostly bare, which was actually a bad thing today, since I was sporting a bit of bruising on my back and the left one.  Considering the fall, I was in really good shape.  I left my hair down, hoping no one would notice.  Hard to believe I actually thought that, right?

I did my usual morning things.  Cook informed me that she’d been told it was my day off today.  News to me, but counting back, I guess it was the tenth day from my last day off.  She refused to talk business.  Grrr.  I snagged food for the kitten and then made up a tray with enough food for two on it.

I knocked on Dorian’s door.  He answered, groggy.  He’d not been alone, but his companion had left an hour or two before daylight.  I delivered the tray with a smile, and turned to leave when he grabbed my arm.  Lifting my hair, he exclaimed “What did you do?”

“Oh, I fell.  I’m alright, just a little sore.  I thought my hair would cover it.  Is it that obvious?”

“No, of course not.  Anyone who requires spectacles won’t see it from a distance.  It’s brilliantly hidden.  You honestly thought you would hide this?”

“It’s not a big deal.  And it’s my day off, anyway.”

“And you still delivered food.”  He pinched his brow.  “And in a confection like that.  You have no restraint.”

“Do too.  I’m not smacking you upside the head.  When do you want to see what I did yesterday?  I’m fully restored.”

He looked at my shoulder.  “I can see that.”

“Well, don’t distract me like Andrew did, and it won’t happen again.  Don’t argue, love.  I want to show you.  I’m quite excited.”

“Fine, fine.  Have you eaten?  You brought enough for two.”

“There may have been two here.”  He just smiled.  We demolished the tray between us, and he dressed while I returned it.

There was a ripple outside the kitchen.  “Hello Cole.”

He was carrying an armful of plums.  “You always know.”

“You always say that.  For the flies?”

“Yes.  You look like what you are.”

“I’m sorry?”

“She doesn’t know, but she said it anyway when she made the dress.”

“Leorah?  What did she say?”

He adopted a feminine voice.  “The color is perfect.  She’ll look like a fairy princess.”

“I’m not a fairy princess.”

“Granddaughter of Aine.  Tuatha de Danann.”

“That doesn’t change it.”

“Could be useful.  Claim her, and claim the throne.”

“Who was that?”

“Son of Eógan Mór.  She bit his ear.”

“That she did.  Wouldn’t you?  She tricked the Earl, too.”

“He wasn’t nice.  He stole her dress.”

“Cole, did she have wings?”

“When she wanted to.”  He paused.  “I like you, too, but my arms are full.”

“I’ll see you later.”

“If you like.”

Dorian stepped out as Cole left.  “What did I just overhear?”

“History.  Legend.  Either or both.”

“I’ve never heard of those names.”

“It’s not Thedas history.  Whatever you heard, it’s not exactly right.  It’s blood, not heraldry.”

“The distaff line of some ancient important person, from another world.”

“Exactly.  She was known to be a woman you didn’t mess with.  She got even.  She was even rumored to be a goddess.  My ears are, I think, a throwback to her.”

“The courts are going to love you.”

“They’re never going to know.”

“You never let me have any fun.”

“I’m officially on a day off.  Shall we go play in the dwindling snow?  I have something to show you.”  I paused.  “You may want to bring a flask of something soothing.”

“Is it going to be that kind of day?”

“Maybe.”

“Good thing I already thought that might be the case.”  He held up a flask.

I led him far enough that we couldn’t see the walls, looking for a large pile of snow.  Just in case.

“Dorian.”

“Yes, Dove?”

“Calmly let me know when I seem to be tiring.  I don’t wish to fall again.  Watch, my dear.  I have learned something new.”  And I stepped up, on to nothing.  I was still watching his face, and his jaw dropped. 

I continued to climb, as if I were on a spiral staircase.  Twenty one steps up, I heard a strangled sound.  “Darling, please.  Stop spiraling into the sky.”  I closed my eyes, and felt for steps below me.  I’d gone down about ten steps when he gasped.  I jerked my eyes to him, and lost my concentration.

I tumbled to the ground, and he rushed to me, pulling me back.  I looked in the direction he was looking.  It was just a horse.  Geez.  I may have said that.  “That’s not one of Dennet’s horses.  They don’t just APPEAR, Chrissy.  And she’s SEE THROUGH.”

She was a beautiful red-brown color.  “Hello, there.”  She felt almost there, but she was drifting apart.  “You’re not quite real, are you.  Perhaps another time, you’ll manage it.”  She’d faded away by the time I’d finished speaking.

“How can you be so calm?”

“I could feel her.  She wasn’t really real.  Just a memory.”

“You never do anything by halves, do you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Memories belong in the fade, not in the snow!”  He sounded angry, and looked unhappy.

“I don’t control where memories show up, my love.  That’s not my department.”

“Department?”

“Never mind.  It’s an atypical usage.  Dorian, you look like Andrew did, the first time he called fire.”

“The Templar called fire?”  He was getting distraught.  I pulled out his flask and offered it to him.

“I’m sorry.  I’m not going to say anything else.  Let’s get you home, Dorian.  I had just wanted to…  Never mind what I wanted.  I’m sorry.”

He sighed.  “I should be used to you by now.  You don’t do anything the way I expect.  You brought me out to show me something new, and you were so happy.  I didn’t mean to spoil your joy.”

“You didn’t.  Really.”  I rubbed my temple.  I must have bumped my head.  At least I’d only fallen about eight feet this time.

“You are trying to save my feelings.  Chrissy, I’ve never seen someone spiral into the sky.”

“I was just on spiral stairs.”

“There were no stairs, darling.  I didn’t see anything, with any sense.”

“Andrew said there were stairs.  How strange.  Maybe I accidentally mixed in Templar magic.”

“It was beautiful.  Like you were dancing in the air.”

“I think I could, actually.  Now that I know how.  I could probably keep you up, too.  If you didn’t look down.”  I paused.  “Want to try it?  Will you experiment with me?”

He thought about it.  “How would you do it?”

“I could create a dance floor a foot or so above the ground.  Like the barrier you couldn’t see from one side, but I won’t hide it.  Next time, I could try to teach you the other way.”

“Let’s try a dance.”

There is so much glowy stuff around here.  It was a trivial matter to create a solid floor.  It took a few minutes, but most things do.  I stepped up on it and held out a hand.  He eyed the floor askance, but stepped up.  “Do you waltz, Dorian?”

“Darling, with you I think I could fly.”  He led me in a few glorious twirls, then bowed.  “I shall be telling everyone that I waltzed above the earth with my Dove.  Dancing in the sky.  They’ll never believe me. It really is disconcerting if one isn’t using magic to look".  He tapped it with a toe.  "Stolid, yet not actually there.”  He gave me a hug and I hissed. “I’d forgotten, I’m sorry.  Let’s get you tended.  Your forehead is bruising nicely, too.”

“Damn it.  They’re going to notice that for sure.  It doesn’t hurt.”  I dismissed the platform, and we walked back to Skyhold.  “My dress is soaked from the snow.  Can you fix it?”

“Of a certainty.”

People were looking at me as we came in.  My forehead must have been pretty colors already.  Dorian tried to lead me to his room, but we were stopped when Solas saw me.  “What did you do to her, Dorian.”  His tone was not friendly.

“Knock it off, Solas.  I fell.”

He picked up my hair, and saw the bruises on my shoulder as well.  Dorian chuckled.  “You think this is funny?”  Solas was distinctly unhappy.

“Of course not.  But your behavior is interesting.  I was about to take her upstairs and drench her in the salve she makes so beautifully.  However, if you like, I will leave her with you.”

“Dorian!  You can’t..”  Solas interrupted.

“That’s fine.  I will tend her.”

Dorian turned to me.  “I’ve never had a more magical waltz, my dove.  Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.  Perhaps when I’m no longer mad at you, I will try to show you what I was talking about.”

“I’m wounded to the core.  Solas is a much better healer than I am.  I leave you in the best of hands.”  I glowered at him and he practically skipped off.  I bet he’s popping popcorn up there.

Solas put a hand in the middle of my back and went to push me toward his couch when I sucked in a breath.  “Exactly what did you do to injure yourself this time?  I have no doubt it was self-inflicted.”  He grabbed my hands to usher me there instead.

“I fell.  I said that.”

“Indeed.”  I glared at him.  “From whence did you fall, da’asha.” He moved way too close, and I sat in self-defense.

“Which time?”  I cleared my face and asked it sweetly. 

“I am not in the mood for games.”

“How nice it is that I’m not playing any, then.”

He sighed.  “Will you, please, tell me what happened to you, in more detail than ‘I fell’?”

“So you _can_ ask nicely.  I was experimenting with an idea and was startled.  I fell about twenty feet, I’d guess, but I’m fine.  A little sore, a little bruising.  Nothing serious.”

“I thought you said that Skyhold would catch you.”

“We weren’t in Skyhold.”  His mask was in place, but his teeth clenched.

“Any particular reason why?”

“I didn’t want to scare anyone.”

“You went somewhere, unguarded, where there was no magical protections, and just… what?”

“I had Andrew with me yesterday, and Dorian today.  That is hardly unguarded.  And as Dorian poetically put it, I spiraled into the sky.  And then we waltzed in the air.”  I smirked.

He sat down, tugging gently on my hair to tilt my head up.  “You refuse to give me a straight answer.”

“Solas, that was a straight answer.”

“And you just told me the truth.  Have I mentioned that you are an infuriating woman?”

“On several occasions.  One would think you’d want nothing to do with me.”

“And there is your mistake, ma’haselan’udh.  You are infinitely _interesting_.”

“I’m not trying to be interesting.”

He smoothed his hand over my forehead, a cooling blue sensation following it.  “People who try to be interesting rarely are.  I am going to undo the back of your dress.  I need to see the damage.”

“I usua…  Never mind.  That’s fine, as long as you do it back up again.”

“I’ll consider it.”  His hands were professional.  I felt the air on my back, and then cooling blue followed his fingers as he touched the bruising.  He did up the dress again immediately, thank goodness.  “Is this why you were asleep at your desk when I went down for our lessons?”

“Probably.”  He started finger-combing my hair.

“You overdid it.”

“Only a little bit.  I was fine today.  That’s usually how it works.  I do something new, and get tired, and the next time is much easier.  May I ask a question?”

“Is it personal?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I may not answer, but you may ask.”

“Dorian said memories belong in the fade.  Are there no memories left here?”

“Why would you ask that?”  There was an odd tone to his voice.

“I’d rather not say.”

“I don’t think there are many memories on this side of the veil, no.  If any.  You are healed, da’asha.  You were correct, in that there was only soreness and bruising.”  He pulled my hair over one shoulder.

“Thank you, Solas.”

“I want something in return.  Do not tense like that.  I have told you repeatedly that you are quite safe.”

“What do you want?”

“Eat lunch with me.  Here.”

“Is it lunchtime already?”

“It is.”

“I suppose I have to eat, and I might as well do so here.  By the way, I can’t find two leather hairstrips.  Have you seen them?”

“They were in your hair.  Have you lost them?”

“That doesn’t answer the question I meant.”

“But it does the one you asked.  Stay here.  I’ll return shortly.”

He came back with food, and we ate together.  He didn’t ask any uncomfortable questions or anything.  It was interesting.  After lunch, I meandered around to everyone.  Saying hello, hearing the gossip, hugging people.  Cassandra is annoyed at Varric, big surprise.  He left a signed copy of Hard in Hightown on her bed.  Which means he saw her very romantic room.  Philomena has a new beau.  One of the new hires.  Seems nice.  Gratia wants to learn to be a bard, so I told her to ask Maryden, and if she agreed, I would schedule official time to do so.  I finally got back to Dorian and he laughed at me.  I just told him that I would get even.

I went up to check on Commander Cullen.  He looked better today, and thanked me for my intervention the other morning.  I told him to send someone, or come get me himself, if he needed me again.  He’ll consider it.  I told Leorah that Cole loved the dress she designed, and so do I.  Mika is still with Seggrit.  That’s a pretty long relationship, actually, for something they both claim is mostly temporary.  Cara has fallen head over heels for Josren, but doesn’t have the gumption to go talk to him, so he doesn’t know she exists.  Thank God. 

Jailyn is content in housekeeping.  Isa is still doing perfectly well.  She’s starting to have uncomfortable mornings every morning.  I LOOKED at her, and everything seems to be in order.  I’m no midwife, but things are in the right places, baby in womb, not tube, etc.  Eadras is still one of Josie’s researchers, and likes it a lot.  Everyone is safe, content, and healthy, from what I can tell.  That’s got to be a good day, right?

Dinner, songtime, wrangling kiddos, and Dorian showed up around bedtime.  “Your bed or mine?”

“You want to sleep in your bed.”

“Actually, no.  Yours is bigger.  I’d prefer here.”

“Then here it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. Stupid mistake. Fixed. *grumble grumble spelling fairy grumble*


	50. Day 47, 20 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I'll kill Dorian a lot. Daniel's growing up fast, too.

### Skyhold, Day 47, 20 Bloomingtide, 9:41

Dreams of battles, past and present, here and home.  Very strange.

Dorian experienced the bed mice issue.  It’s much funnier when she attacks someone else’s toes.  I awoke to “Kaffas! What is WITH you?” And him grabbing her off the bottom of the bed.

I admit, I giggled.  “She found bed mice.”

“What are these bed mice?”

“Right now?  Your toes, apparently.”

“That is not funny.  Stop giggling.”  Which only makes people giggle harder.

“There are worse things to be attacked.  At least it was just your toes?”

“That is NOT nice.  I am never acquiring you another cat.”

I managed to stop giggling for the moment.  “I do love her dearly.  I hope you never need to.  Can you go back to sleep?”

“As soon as my toes stop bleeding, certainly.  And cease the incessant giggling.”

“Sorry.”  I couldn’t help it.  He was so outraged that she’d dared to stick her claws in his toes.  “She has so many ways of waking her people up.  Wait until she sticks her tail up your nose.”

“She’d better not.”

It felt late enough to get up to me, so I went ahead.  Played with Irusana for a bit, because she just wanted some attention.  Got dressed in a regular dress.  Nothing fancy this time, thank goodness.  Straight sleeves and it covered my shoulders.  Why couldn’t she have left this one yesterday?  I’d looked at Dorian’s tunic, but I would have swum in it.  The neck would slip down both shoulders, and the thing would hit below my knees anyway, making it basically an ill-fitting dress.  I’m going to have to find someone else’s clothes to steal.

Breakfast, and then the stables.  Gethon was waiting this time.  He’d missed me, he said, and sat me down.  He brushed my hair until it crackled again, and put it up in a more complicated braid.  Not that I was complaining.  I ended up on Drummer in a split saddle, thank goodness.  This switching back and forth is actually kind of confusing.  At least my nethers don’t often hurt after riding anymore. 

The interesting part came when he lifted me down.  He seems to like to do that.  This time, though, he grasped my waist and lowered me only so far.  My feet dangled above the ground, my face was even with his, chest to chest.  “Hi.” He said.

“Hello.”

“I missed you.”

“I might have missed you too.”

“I’ll have to work on that, then.”  He grinned, and kissed my nose.  Then he set me down. 

The morning went normally, paperwork and more paperwork.  The assistant candidate should arrive tomorrow.  Leorah and Jailyn were giggly over something, but wouldn’t tell me over lunch.  Dorian accosted me afterwards.  He’d arranged to go riding this afternoon.  Horses, not Drummer.  He wanted to see my seat, and insisted that someone come with us, for propriety’s sake.  “Ladies do not go riding off with strange men, my dove, and I am definitely a strange man.”  So Gethon got volunteered and mounted up as well.  I’m ashamed to say he snowed me. In what world would it be magically okay again if there were TWO strange men?

We were forty-five minutes or so outside the walls when Dorian’s horse lurched.  We immediately stopped.  I had no clue what was going on, but the guys were studying a rear hoof.  The eventual verdict was that she was fine to walk, but couldn’t be ridden back.  “I’m sorry, dear, but I’m going to have to commandeer your horse.  You can double with… Gethon, is it?”

That’s when I twigged to what was going on.  I caught his eye.  “Why don’t you double with Gethon?”

“Because neither of these horses could bear my weight and his.  You elves are so tiny, darling, that two of you is about the same as one grown human man.”

“I don’t mind putting you in front of me, Chrissy.”  I caught Dorian’s smirk at Gethon's words. 

“Of course.  We can’t have anything else happen to the horses, or we’d have to walk.  Dorian, we shall definitely have to talk later.”  I may have had a bit of sarcasm in my tone.

“I look forward to it my dove.  You two better head back immediately.  You have lessons, do you not?  I’ll lead the mare back when she’s recovered a bit.  Go on with you both.”  Gethon mounted up, and Dorian lifted me in front of him.  Astride, the ass.  I’m not exactly sure how he managed it.

We’d only gone a short way before Gethon moved us back to a walk.  “Your friend’s a matchmaker.  I’m not sure how he made the mare throw a shoe, but she did indeed do so.  In a perfect way to be uninjured but need coddling.”

“He’s probably done it before.”

Geth pressed a gentle kiss to the side of my neck.  “I can only thank him.”

“Really?”  I turned my head to look at him.  “No annoyance whatsoever with being manipulated?”

He rubbed his nose on mine, and pulled back as I turned to face front again.  “He put you in my arms.  I will be eternally grateful.”  He brushed his nose against my ear, with warm breath washing over it, and I shivered.  Whoah.  I could feel him smile.  “Don’t worry, my dear.  I won’t torment you all the way back.”  He used his arms to pull me firmly against him, and he kicked the horse into a canter.  His chest is definitely firm.  Very firm.  Nicely firm.  My backside was cradled by his hips, and he liked that, too. 

Every few minutes he’d brush against my hair, or press chaste kisses against my temple or neck.  He paused again when Skyhold came in view.  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“What is?  Skyhold?  It’s a touch Ferelden.”

“Having a place to call home, even for just a little while.”

“Ah, yes.  It is.  I’m going to steal it, you know.  Someday.”

“Steal what?”

“Skyhold.”

“How do you think you will steal a fortress?”

“Eventually the Inquisition will run its course, and I will remain.”

“For Ethelathe?”

“Honestly, for me.  But I’ll let the rest of you come along for the ride.”

“I’d ride with you anywhere.  You’re ours, and… we’re yours.”  He’d changed his words.  Deliberately.  Smooth.   He’s got game.  Good game.  I’m not sure if he means it or not, though.  He pressed another chaste kiss against my neck, but this time he opened his mouth over my pulse.  After shivery damp lips stroked up and down my neck, he slid his open mouth up my ear, breathing warm and sliding his tongue up the edge to the tip.  My muscles clenched involuntarily.  Oh My God.  He chuckled when I sucked in a breath.  He lifted his head after another kiss to my temple and started down to Skyhold.   I was still tingling when we got there.  I hadn’t quite realized that about my ears.  I mean, I knew, but I didn’t KNOW, and now I KNOW, and I kind of want him to do that again.

We rode up to the stableyard, and he dismounted.  As he reached up for me, I heard another voice.  “Da’asha, you are late.”  Shit.  Gethon stepped back as Solas strode forward.  “Where is Dorian?  He told me he was riding with you, and he’d have you back half an hour ago.”  That little shit-stirrer.  I’m going to burn his mustache comb.

“His horse threw a shoe, so he sent us back without him.”

“I see.”  He probably did.  He reached up and lifted me down.  “I’m sure you won’t mind taking care of the horse, young man?  She has lessons she’s late for.”  Gethon said something, but I barely had time to say goodbye before Solas had me whisked out of the stableyard.

He wasn’t quite curt, but he did lead me directly to his workroom.  He gently set to work pulling the ties from my hair and shaking it loose as he began discussing the woven barrier in a forcibly pleasant tone.  There was this look on his face I couldn’t identify, so I didn’t say anything.  He settled us onto the cushions and started pointing out differences between the various damage reducing barriers he’d placed about the room, his hand twined in my hair. 

He really did answer all my questions, of which I had many after I relaxed a bit.  The size of the threads, the density and evenness of the weave, all these made a difference.  This was actually a case in which having the threads be too fine would weaken the barrier instead of strengthen it.  You have to balance the sturdiness of the threads themselves against the flexibility provided by more threads per square inch.  The woven barriers worked as a damage absorber.  The fewer the threads, the more damage absorbed, but the less someone could move about in it.  That’s why my solid glowy dust thing worked.  (He didn’t say that, but I gathered it from the conversation.) 

He cast various thread sizes again and again as they faded, so I could see what they were.  He addressed some weaker barriers, that just reduced the damage taken in, that were often the product of inferior training.  I cast plenty myself, until I was actually tired.  He noticed, and called a halt.  He’d not removed his hand from my hair the entire lesson.

“You did well, ma’haselan’udh.  You cast beautiful barriers.” 

“Thank you.  Dorian said that it takes years to learn barriers for some people.”

“And it comes naturally for others.  You are fond of Dorian.”

“I adore him.  He’s family.”

“I see.”

“Perhaps you do.”

“He’s a troublemaker.”

“No more than you are.”

Solas sighed, but didn’t say anything else for a moment.  “You need rest.”

“Everyone always says that.”

“It’s usually true.  Come here.”

“I’m already right next to you.  I’d have to climb in your lap to get any closer.”

“I know.”  And he pulled me there so that I sat sideways, wrapping his arms around me and propping his chin on top of my head.  “I was worried, da’asha, when you weren’t back.”  I wiggled to try to get off, and he put his hand on my knee.  “You do not want to do that.”  I stilled.

“I didn’t know you were even waiting.”

“Obviously.  And when that puppy rode into the yard with you in his arms, I was concerned something else had happened to you.  You must admit you seem a touch accident prone.”

“Dorian sent us back so I could make it to my lessons.  You can’t possibly object to that.”

“You fool no one, Chrysopal.  He gives his intentions away, and your blush shows his methods.  But I will enjoy the game while it lasts.  We shall see how it plays out, with the additional participants.  We shall see who gets the first willing kiss.”

“That would be the Inquisitor, actually,” I inserted tartly.

That got a smile.  “The next willing kiss, then.  I guarantee that you will not feel the need to vomit.  But now is not the time.  You need to eat.”  He stood up with me still cradled.  It was a moment before he set me down.

“What is it with boys and carting me about?”

“Don’t mistake me for a boy, Da’asha.”  I rolled my eyes, and he led me toward the dining hall. 

“Solas.”

“Ma’haselan.”

“You told me that you’d help me find more space for the elves and servants to sleep.  I’ve left your doors alone for that reason.  I can’t wait much longer.”

“So you will begin hunting soon, if I don’t help?”

“I only stopped because I took you at your word.  Should I have expected otherwise?”

“No.  I know where we can house a hundred men, in bunks.  It is yours for the asking.”

“Where is it?”

“I’ll show you tomorrow.  Unless you wish me to visit your dreams tonight, in which case we can take a quick look now.”

“You are a tricky one.”

“And your answer?”

“Fine.  Let’s take a look.”

He led me to the door I’d been working on before.  “You had good instincts.”  He touched the wall and the door appeared.  “The Fereldan mages who lived here before used the space as a workroom.  They were sloppy.  It’s taken me a while to clean it up.  I was working on it prior to your request.”  Behind the door was another barracks-sized room.  It had decayed furniture and a mountain of dust, but it wasn’t itchy in the slightest.  When I LOOKED, there was nothing in the room that was unusual.  No trace of anything.  Either he’s very, very good, or there was no weirdness here to begin with.  But somehow I don’t think he was lying.

“Is that why the doors were blocked off?”

“One of several reasons.  With partitions and double bunks, you can fit a hundred people in here.  If you refrained from partitions, you can fit more.”

“Thank you, Solas.”

One corner of his mouth turned up.  “I will see you tonight.”

He went up the stairs, and I went to the dining hall.  Some sort of roast beast, a scrumptious gravy, stew vegetables, and bread.  A feast for dinner.  Irusana ate well, beast and gravy.  I brought her out to play with the littles for a while, using the magical laser light.  All four of them chased it.

There was some sort of contest going on in the tavern, so even most of my elves weren’t around for song time.  Probably fifteen people, including the Tweedles and Daniel.  Eadras showed, as did Elias.  I think Elias was on duty, though, not there willingly.   We did the usual songs, but mostly gossiped and played.  I learned a solitaire card game.  I pulled out a new joke tune for the boys.  “Sandwiches are beautiful”.  It’s funny, and they enjoyed it.  Everyone drifted off early, since there were so few of us. 

I wrangled the kids down to the bath house and back.  Usually Andrew does it, but he and Gunny are at the tavern.  It’d been a while since I’d been in there, and there were some improvements.  Curtains between locations, benches and seating, partitions and plants.  It was much nicer.  We played for a while in the water in a closed off area.  Once we were clean, I tucked them into their beds.

"Chrissy?"

"Yes Daniel?"

"Do I have to be a mage or templar?"

"Sweetheart, you can be anything you like.  Work the stables, run a library, become a soldier.  I only ask that you know enough that you are no danger to yourself or others."

"I want to have a confectionery.  Cakes and pies, donuts and candies.  Chocolate eclairs and baklava."

"Then I will find you a place.  When you are of apprentice age.  Perhaps they have those recipes.  And you can always come back to me, no matter how long you've trained.  Because I will miss you terribly when you go."

"Thanks, Chrissy.  I'll miss you, too.  You smell like a mommy."  He held on tight for a moment, and I blinked away tears.

The Tweedles don't think about those things yet, but they will start soon.  Thedas kids grow up so fast.  Daniel should be worried about recess not jobs.  I keep getting distracted, and I need to get myself together.  I can't afford to drop a thread again.

After they were tucked in, I showed Eadras the new door.  He didn’t even seem surprised.  When I mentioned that, he looked at me.  “Whenever there is a need, you find a way.  I have learned not to question it.  I halfway believe you could have created this room just today.  We’ll get working on it, cleaning it up.  We have enough in the coffers to purchase the beds and bedding we need.  We’ll have everyone in a real bed of their own in no time at all.”

“I didn’t create the room, Eadras.  I discovered a hidden door, and got help to open it.”

“See?  Who else would stumble on a hidden door to exactly what we need?  This place even has privies.”  He’d uncovered a bathing room similar to mine.  “And the tub is self-draining like the others.  Much easier to only carry water once.  Thank you, da’len, for finding this place.”

I wasn’t really sleepy.  Well, I wasn’t ready for bed.  So I worked paperwork a while.  Dorian must have found a companion for the evening at the tavern.  Either that, or he was worried about facing me after the stuff he pulled today.  I know he made it home safely, because I checked. It was very late when I finally went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sandwiches are Beautiful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laKEcYUD77k


	51. Day 48, 21 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas, Dalish, Bastard Children, and shocking people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is long, over 5000 words. It was like two in one, because Solas kept her occupied all frickin' night. And then a busy day where she got little actual work accomplished because she was tending silent guests and getting an assistant up to speed.

### Skyhold, Day 48, 21 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I was in a flowy music dream when he arrived.  I can tell when he shows up, because the feel of my space changes.  It’s different with demons.  They feel different.  “I have never heard music like this.”

“Hmmm.  I’m not surprised.  It’s not something you can pull from a memory in the fade.”  I hadn’t opened my eyes yet.  “Well, it wasn’t. It’s probably going to be here forever now.”

“I adore the expression on your face, da’asha, but I want to be the one to put it there.”

“What?” That got me to open my eyes.  “Way to harsh the mellow, Solas.”  He’d made me lose track of the music, and it faded.

“Harsh the mellow?”  He strode carefully toward me.

“Never mind.”

“I think I can extrapolate a sense of the metaphor.  You stayed up late this evening.  Scared, haselan’udh?”

“I’m always nervous dealing with you here.  It’s your domain.”

“Are you going to make somewhere for us to sit, or shall we rest among the flowers?” That’s when I realized the flowers were still in my space.  I’d forgotten to remove them, and he was smirking.  “Come here.”

“That’s a bad idea.”

He took another step toward me.  “So you’ve said.  You won’t tell me why.”

“You’re driven.  You’re going to go for your goals no matter who or what gets in the way.”

“Come here, da’asha.  You know I’ve no plans to hurt you.  One step.”  One step seemed reasonable, so I took that step.  I’d forgotten, for a moment, it was the fade.  Intent and emotions and feelings rule here.  His intent.  I was suddenly only two feet away.  “Hello, Chrysopal.”

“Hello, Solas.  You are acting strange again.”

“Only you seem to think so.”  He ran long fingers over his temple, closing his eyes for a moment.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.  Shall we sit down?”  He sat in the flowers, and tugged me down next to him.  Damn it, I’d forgotten to make something to sit on.  “I see you kept them,” he said, picking up a buttercup.

“They smell nice.”

“You did mention that.”  He rubbed his brow again.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“It’s nothing.  Just my head.”

“Maybe I can help?  I’ve eased the Commander’s headaches, relaxing him to sleep.”

“I told you it’s nothing.  Don’t worry about it.”  Ass.  I let it go for a bit, but he was telling me a story about a dog he had in his youth when he rubbed his forehead again.

“Oh, don’t be a baby.”  I created one of those sitting up in bed pillows for behind me, patting my lap.  After a few moments of debate, he lay down sideways and put his head there.  It was an awkward angle, but I’d manage.  “This would be easier in a chair.”  His face was tight, though, so I left it be.

He closed his eyes, and I ran my hands along his face, working them around the base of his neck and over his scalp as well as he gradually relaxed.  “Solas, what happens if you are sleeping, and therefore dreaming, and you fall asleep in the fade?  Do you reach another level of dreaming?  Fade two?  And so on, to fade three and fade four?”

“I don’t know where you get these ideas.  There are multiple levels of the fade, of course, but there is not an additional dream space that one attains by sleeping in a dream.  Can we shift a bit?  This seems a touch awkward.” I nodded, and we moved so the back of his head was on my chest, with one of my legs on either side. 

“You sound better.  How’s your head?”  I’d stopped my movements, and he put his hands over mine.  He moved my fingers in circles over his temples, so I started up again.

“It will be alright.”

“Be that way.”

“Hmmm.  I shall.  Where did you learn to do this?”

“I don’t know.  It’s just a thing I do.  I don’t like to see people in pain if I can help.”

“A natural healer.”

“I doubt it.  This isn’t magic.  It’s just touch.”

“You don’t touch me, usually.  You snuggle up to everyone else you meet.”

“You don’t invite it.”

“I don’t?”

“You have a very forbidding look to you.  Almost like something in your aura pushes people away.”

“You SEE something like that?”

“No, of course not.  It’s a feeling, more than anything else.  Most people like to be touched.  You avoid it for some reason.  Cullen is the same way, as is Cassandra.”

“Yet you touch Cullen.”

“Someone has to.  I leave Cassandra alone, though.  She’d be offended if I offered a hug too often.”

After a few moments of silence, I heard “I’ve learned something about you, da’asha.”

“What’s that?”

“You are extremely gullible.”  The corner of his mouth was quirked up.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“When you get an idea in your head, you focus on that, not paying attention to the other things going on.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Perhaps you ought to look at the position you find yourself in.”  I had no clue, then.  “Where are your legs, ma’haselan?  I certainly can’t complain, but you might want to consider that I told you I was fine from the beginning.”  And then I realized the position we were in.  I’d been thinking about his apparent headache, and the little shit _had_ told me he was fine.

I pushed at his shoulders, and he sat up, craning his neck to look at me with a smirk.  “You never had a headache,” I accused as I scooted back. 

“I’ve had them before.”

“You’re a conniving ass.”

He stood, holding a hand out.  I must have had a look on my face too easy to interpret.  “You can’t kick me out.  This time is in exchange for showing you the space, remember?  And all my work in clearing it.  Walk with me.  Let me show you the fade.  No harm will come to you.” 

I grasped his hand and stood.  “Fine, introduce me to the Matrix, Neo.”

“Excuse me?”

“Never mind.  Show me the fade, if you so desire.”  And he did.  Wonders and sadness, cities and hovels.  We walked past spirits and demons, and they paid no attention to us.  Just went about their lives, doing the things they do.  Building things, growing things, shimmering from one thing to another as the reflection saw a different time or place.  Memories combined with intent and emotion to be more than one thing at a time.  I tried some interesting confections, and tasted a wide variety of foods.  I’d never seen him so animated.  We were strolling back through the gray portion of the fade when he spoke.

“You might consider being pleased that I didn’t take overt advantage.”  It was a complete change of subject, and it took me a moment to process his meaning.  When realization dawned, he continued.  “I could have.”

“Could not.”

“And if I’d rolled over?”

“Fine.  Thank you for not being more of a brat.” 

“Our time is nearly up.  You have a busy day ahead of you.”

“Well then, I’ll bid you good morning.”

“Not yet.”

“Not again.”

“Yes, again.  I feel that I have earned some sort of reward.”

“We’re back to exchanges?”

He stepped close to me.  “What made you think we’d left them?”

Ouch.  “I…  Never mind.  You showed me the fade because I tried to help your nonexistent headache.  That’s exchange enough.”

“You have misconstrued my meaning, da’asha.  I apologize.  I only meant that every connection has its give and take.”  He looked down at me with a somber expression.

“Fine.  What sort of reward do you want?”

“I want you to think of your lips on my skin, the way my face felt under your fingers.” 

“That’s not what I expected you to say.”

“You perhaps thought I’d ask for a kiss?”

“Indeed.”  He made a face.

“That’s not something you would give me today.  You’re still worried about something, and too scared.  Skittish, and proud, and so sure of something you can’t or won’t share.”

“Comparing me to a horse is not helping you.”

“I didn’t expect it to.”  He looked down, collecting my hand and running the fingers along his cheek.  “But when you kiss your stablehand because you are frustrated with me, I want you to feel my face under your fingers.” 

I yanked my hand away.  “I’m not kissing anybody.  I’d never kiss someone because I was upset with someone else.”

“You might want to get back at me.” His voice was… something.  Huskier. 

“I would never use him like that.”  He moved just a hair closer. 

There was a hint of something in his voice when he spoke again.  “I know.  Because you show a rare sensitivity to the world around you.  You don’t want to hurt your stableboy.  But you’ve neglected something.  If he dallies with the Ethelathun, what happens to his place in Ethelathe when it ends?  His is such a precarious position, never sure if going too far, or not far enough.  Unsure of his home because he dared to put his tongue on your skin.”  Whoah. He apparently both knew and didn’t like that idea.  He’d practically snarled that last sentence. 

“He will enthusiastically welcome a kiss, and more, to strengthen his position.  Perhaps even seed you with his child to ensure his own safety,” he said on a sigh.  “Were I in his place, I would be everything sweet and caring, regardless of interest.  The repercussions of negative reactions could be devastating.  His interest is probably real, however.  You do have significant appeal beyond your status.  I may have noticed that myself.”

He stepped back.  His voice was normal again when he continued.   “Have a good day, Chrysopal.  Perhaps, in a few days, we could examine wards?”  A slight bow, and he strode off.

My thoughts were swirling when I woke up.  Irusana was staring at me, tail lashing back and forth.  I pressed a hand to my chest.  His words.  Could he be right?  And how could I know, now?  And how much of that was intended to cause just this reaction, damn sneaky wolf?

I got up and dressed.  There was a new tunic.  Sort of fancier, but not as decorative?  I moved into my day, with breakfast for me and for my kitten and so on.  When I checked the stable, they were busy with another mare, so I just left them alone.  The assistant candidate was due today.  I went upstairs to talk to Varric, and Hawke was shaved, dressed up(ish), and pacing like a caged tiger. 

“Something wrong?”  Hawke just shook his head and kept pacing.

I looked at Varric, who was smirking.  “There may be a chance that a certain lady is visiting.  And someone’s not sure if he’s happy about it or not.” 

I smiled at that.  “You think she’s come herself?  That doesn’t seem the safest.”

Varric shrugged.  “There might have been an Aravel spotted about an hour away last night.  Which means whoever’s coming is being escorted by Merrill’s clan, or part of it.  Loverboy here seems worried she’ll be arriving with, even though he asked her to stay in Kirkwall.”

“So is he hoping she came, or hoping she stayed?”

“I think he’s in that place where he wants both at the same time, actually.”  Hawke stopped and glared at us.

“Don’t you have better things to do than discuss this?”

I looked at Varric, and he at me.  “Nope,” we said, at the same time.

I continued to Varric, “How long before they get here, do you think?”

“Anytime now, Cuddles.  Anytime.”

I put my hair up in a french twist real quick, since that doesn’t require anything to hold it at this length.  I corralled Gara and told her that we needed to have some extra people on hand, just in case.  We really didn’t need any incidents.  Then, I waited with the kirkwallers until we heard the hue and cry.  No Aravel crossed the causeway, but ten Dalish elves and one human man did.  My heart fell.  That human was probably my candidate.  Damn it.  I stood on the dais, watching.  The Dalish were wary, eyeing everyone around them as a threat.  Eadras greeted them for me, and directed them all up the stairs. 

Varric came up next to me.  “Shit.  Well, it probably wasn’t safe for him in Kirkwall any more, and if he’s even a tenth as good as his father, he’ll be an asset.  Hope he’s got an actual personality, though.”

“Storyteller, what are you talking about?”

“You’ll see.”

The group reached the ground in front of the tavern, so I descended the stairs to greet them.  Wary greetings all around, really.  The man was more of a boy, perhaps twenty.  He reminded me of someone, but I didn’t know who.

He spoke up first.  “Greetings, Ethelathun,” he said with a short bow.  “I am Halton, of Kirkwall.  These are my associates, of the Sabrae clan.”  He proceeded to list their names, but I’m never going to remember them all for long.  Merrill was not one of them

“Welcome.  I’m Chrysopal.”  I looked at each one in turn.  It’s only polite to acknowledge each presence.  “Please join me inside.”  Eadras was making some sort of signal at me.  “Just a moment.”  I skipped down and was informed that they’d arranged cushions and refreshments in Ethelathe hall.  I kissed his cheek and went back up to where they waited.  “A little change of venue, hopefully to something more appropriate.  Shall we?”

I gathered Hawke and Varric along the way and led them straight through the main hall to Josie’s door.  We introduced everyone around, and I took the group downstairs.  True to his word, the place was covered in fabric.  Cushions galore, piles of fabric, and a short table in the middle with crackers and stuff.  Snack food.  Carafes of water, juice, and wine as well. 

“Come in, take a seat, feel free to eat anything you like.  If you require other amenities or anything else, please say so.”  Everyone sat down, but no one touched the food.  Not one of the elves had said a single word.  It was eerie, and uncomfortable.  Halton appeared to feel the same way, because he chattered about the trip and the weather and a bunch of other things.  Hawke apparently knew one of the Dalish, because he engaged in a quiet conversation with him. 

I was grateful when Eadras rescued us.  My people, Leorah, Jailyn, Isa, Feren, Philomena, Cara, Marta.  The first ones.  They arrived with him.  Each one seemed to pick a Dalish and start chatting at him.  Isa picked the only lady among them, and soon they were both touching her stomach and chatting, probably about babies and birth.  Feren had gone to the burliest one, and they were awkwardly discussing something or other.  Various stages of awkward everywhere.

Halton looked at me.  “This is a better reception than they anticipated.”

“Oh?”

“Human establishments tend to greet us armed, for one.  They provide strange and uncomfortable chairs, odd foods.”

“Us?”

He blushed.  “My mother was an elf, Ethelathun. My father enjoyed the brothels.”

“I see.  You do remind me of something, or someone.  I assume your father was important?”

“He won’t claim me.  He’s an upright citizen, you understand.  He can’t have it about that he was the clinic’s highest-paying client or he consorted with whatever girl caught his fancy.”  His voice was bitter.  I realized who this boy must be, then.

“And you have his red hair.  He prefers Serendipity at the Blooming Rose.  Do you have his organization skill?  His loyalty to the office?”

He paled.  “You’ve never been to Kirkwall.  We checked.  You’ve no contacts…”

Varric had been listening.  “Cuddles, don’t scare the boy.”

“Sorry, Halton.  I can’t explain it.  Rest assured, I won’t hold your unfortunate parentage against you.  At least it appears you have a modicum of sensitivity.  And you are familiar with elves.  How good are you with paperwork?”

“I speak, read, and write Antivan, Trade, Orlesian, a bit of Nevarran, and a touch of Rivaini.  I was raised among a diverse group, my lady.”

“Don’t my lady me.  I have no claim to nobility.”  Varric snorted.  “Do you have a cold, ser Storyteller?”  He shook his head, trying to hid a grin.  I continued to Halton, “If you have so many languages, why haven’t you been snapped up before?”

“I’m elf-blooded, my l… Ethelathun.”

“Chrissy will do.  And I don’t judge the spirit by the meat it rides in.”

One of the Dalish snapped his head to me upon hearing that.  The movement caught my attention.  "Halton, I’ll give you a ten-day trial, on your words so far and Merrill’s recommendation.  Let’s see what you’re made of.”  He was confused at my idiom, but let it go.  Point in his favor. 

“When should I start?”

“Whenever.  Today, tomorrow if you like.  We’ll get you settled into quarters, first, I suppose.  Do you want to share with the rest of us, or do you want to be among the humans?”

“I’ll stay with us, if you don’t mind.”

“Fine.  Who is that one sitting next to the black haired elf?  I have his name.  Who is he?  He looks at me strangely, and is spying on our conversation.”  The elf looked at me again.

“He’s one of the lead hunters for Sabrae clan.”

“I see.  Apparently I offend him by existing.”

“I think it’s your appearance, my l… Chrissy.”

“What do you mean?”

“You look younger than I do, no offense, but you carry yourself with many more years.”

“That’s because I have many more years, Halton Branson.”  Varric, Hawke, and Halton all stopped at my statement, and the naming, looking at me.  “What?  He can’t or won’t claim the other, and he needs a surname.”

“You will be a challenge to work for, Chrissy.  I’m not offended, but I am curious.  How did you know?”

“It’s a long story, and one I don’t share.”

Varric said, “It’s because she’s creepy sometimes.  But we like her.”  I smiled at him.

Looking to Eadras, I caught his eye.  He came over.  “I really need to get at least a little done today.  Can you find out what sort of accommodations they need, and let me know?  Halton wishes a bunk with us for now, so let me know where we have space.  When the hunter wishes to talk to me, escort him over.  With Elias or Garalen, please.  Or Andrew.  And please bring the kids in.  That might ease things a bit.”  The man was still listening, and stared at me again.  Did these people not believe in expressions?

Eadras brought the boys in, all three, with Andrew and Gunther.  That became a tense moment until Dum jumped up and down holding Andrew’s hand and exclaimed, “Uncle Andrew, they’re really real.  Really really real!  Do you see them?”  Andrew picked him up and answered in the affirmative.  Dum was obviously comfortable with these particular “humans”.

Halton looked at me.  “There are children?”

“Those three, one out for fosterage, one in the soldier’s barracks, and one on the way.  Three have rounded ears.  Daniel is that one,” I said, pointing at my boy.  “Don’t judge him by his looks.  He’ll surprise you.  The Tweedles, Dee and Dum, are the little ones. Isa’s about two months with the newest to-be.  We’re guarding her carefully.  Every society has children, or it won’t survive.”

I stood and moved to my desk, sitting.  I really had to catch up.  Halton didn’t bother me, and I started on the paperwork.  I kept a fairly close eye on things, and people gradually relaxed.  Just before lunch, Josie came down here for the first time in EVER, I think.  “Chrissy, your guests.  Will they be willing to join the Inquisitor for dinner?”

“I’ll find out.”  I turned my head and found Halton already consulting.  He strode over and nodded, standing next to my chair.  “Looks like it, Ambassador.  Does he have anyone else on his list, or just our Dalish guests?”

“Eadras, you, Garalen and Elias, your assistant, Leorah.  Chrissy, is this how it always looks down here?  It’s quite lovely.”

“It wasn’t, but I like it myself.  I may keep it.  Any special orders for Cook?”

“It was already sent down.  If there are particular dietary needs?”

“I’ll find out and relay it to Cook.”  Josie left. 

Halton was looking at papers.  “How do you have these organized?”

“I was trying urgency, but that’s not working because I don’t have time to review less urgent piles.  How rude am I being to our Dalish guests?”

“I don’t think you are, actually.  You welcomed them into your personal space, and then treated them like they belonged here.  You brought the children in.”

“The children are better guarded than you think.  Those two are my Templars.  I have efficient guards here, as well.  And once again, Daniel would surprise you.  I’d despair of the linens, though.  Halton, these are important questions.  How familiar are you with magic, and mages?  Do you get uncomfortable around them?  Do you have any particular expectations or fears?”

“I don’t know much about magic.  I’ve never been around mages, other than the Keeper.  I don’t really expect anything,  I suppose.”

I quickly LOOKED at him.  More than human, less than elf, for connectivity.  Not a mage, either.  Healthy, probably smart, well-nourished.  Closed in, we’ll have to see about that.  “Let me show you around, get you a chair and a desk.” 

I spent about an hour explaining my multiple responsibilities, Chatelaine, Ethelathun, mage-in-training, and everything else.  Showed him most of the spaces he’d need to get to in this area.  I’d take him around the towers later.  Introduced him to Josie, as he’d work closely with her. When I got back Eadras was waiting for me.  He’d been informed that the Dalish would like to return to their Aravel at night, and wanted to bring it in the castle.  I approved that, and sent a written missive to Leliana and Cullen regarding it.

I was concerned about making the Dalish eat with servants for lunch, but since the alternative is the nobles, I dealt with it.  They didn’t seem to mind, but they ate together, ignoring most overtures.  They didn’t ignore the Tweedles, and by extension, Daniel.  Several hunters were watching me by the time lunch was over.  I don’t know what the kids were telling them, but it made them think.

They went to get their Aravel after they ate.  Very strange people.  Not one of them said a word to me.  I’ll have to get used to them, though.  More will probably be coming, eventually.  They were gone three hours, during which time I asked Hawke and Varric if I was being rude, or if they just hated me or something.  “Well, Cuddles, they think you’re weird.  You didn’t ask any questions, didn’t have them searched, provided food, drink, and conversation companions, and let your kids near them.  And they were expecting to be interrogated, not basically ignored.”

“They’re not here to hurt us, I’ve never interrogated anyone, and they wouldn’t hurt the children.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Don’t I?  I suppose I don’t.  But they’re not here for that, and they wouldn’t get the chance, anyway.”

“You’re not exactly the best warrior out there.”

I looked at him.  “I don’t have to be.  No one would get away with hurting my kids.”

“Don’t turn that look on me.  I saw it already in Haven.  I know better.  But just because you look dangerous doesn’t mean you are.”

I looked dangerous?  “I didn’t know I looked dangerous.  I’m just an elf.  A nobody, Varric.  One of many just like me.”

“Then how can you be so sure?”

“Storyteller.  Would you let them hurt my babies?”

“Of course not.”

“How about you, Hawke?”

“I suppose it would depend on how annoying they were.”

“Do you guys think that my people would allow it?”

“Probably not.”  Hawke nodded along.

“What about the Dalish themselves.  Have you ever heard they abuse children?”

“Well, there are rumors.”

“Varric, you know Merrill’s clan.  Would they hurt the children?”

“No.”

“Then why are you bugging me about this?  These aren’t strangers.  They’re Merrill’s clan.  If they weren’t, I would not have been so sure.”

I got barely anything accomplished, honestly.  Between gawkers and random people, and the fact that everyone was watching the aravel arrive, nobody got a whole lot accomplished.  How were ten people going to sleep in that?  It didn’t look big enough.  Maybe they had bunks or hammocks in there. 

Zathras showed up again, but way too late to have any chance at lessons.  Dorian came down later in the afternoon.  “You’re not wearing that to dinner, are you?”

“Yes.”

“Darling…”

“How would it make my guests feel if I changed, Dorian.”

“Oh.  Quite right.  Are you mad at me?”

“A bit frustrated.  You enjoy stirring the pot a bit too much, and I’m having to deal with the fallout.  Would you kindly escort me to dinner?  I do not want to have to deal with anyone else today.”

“I see you didn’t visit your stableboy this morning.”

“He’s not mine.  And maybe he can’t be.”

“Whyever not?”

“What happens if it goes bad, love?  Would he tell me, or would he still stay because he’s afraid Ethelathe would turn on him?”

Dorian looked like it had never occurred to him.  “I don’t know.  I don’t know the lad that well.”

“Yeah.  Me neither.  I’m going to have to do a lot more thinking, and your little stunt didn’t help the process.  He’s going to be a lot friendlier after yesterday.  I wasn’t even thinking on the ride, either, or I’d have insisted on staying with you.  It was only after that it was brought to my attention.  After some friendlier already existed.”

Dorian held out his arms, and I went to him.  “I’m sorry, my dove.  I was just trying to get you to have some fun.  You did have fun, didn’t you?”

I smacked his arm.  “Not that kind of fun.  Just some flirting, a little bit of touching.  I didn’t even kiss him.”

“I saw him kiss you, though.”

“Yeah, well.  That could be part of the problem.  And then other people were in the stableyard waiting for us.  WORRIED that we were late.”  He had the grace to look abashed. “You pitted the two against each other, with me in the middle.”

“So who won?”

“Won?  Nobody won.  They barely spoke to each other and I was dragged off to lessons.  And wipe that look off your face.  Nothing went on with anyone.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  I gave up.

“About dinner?”

“I’d love to escort you.”

“Thank you.”

It was a tense affair.  The entire inner circle, minus Cole and Iron Bull, were in attendance.  Vivienne ignored them.  One of the nobles tried to ask one for a drink refill.  Josie fluttered, which seemed to worry them.  Sam tried, but they didn’t speak much.  Not sure why.  The ones we meet in game chat just fine.  Maybe it’s a personality thing.  I invited them to join us for songtime, trying to ease the tension. 

Most of Ethelathe showed up.  Humans, not-humans, everybody, almost.  When the delegation came back down, they were obviously surprised at the number of people there.  Space was made for them near the middle.  Someone else started the music, and when it got around to me, Eadras asked me to sing Home.  They knew it well enough they came in on the chorus, which was less worrisome. 

It moved on easily to other people, and other songs, but the Dalish kept WATCHING us, humans and elves all.  Halton was just as bad.  It was disconcerting.  By the time we got to We Shall Overcome, I was dreading the reaction.  Eadras handed me back the guitar, and we got started.  The song swelled in the space, over a hundred voices singing together.  I gave the littles hugs, and Eadras tucked them in.  The lead Hunter strode up.  “I would speak with you.  Tomorrow.”

Rude.  Well, I fell back upon formality.  “Of course.  Set up a time with my assistant, Halton, at your convenience.”  He looked disconcerted at that, but after a moment of imitating a fish, he moved away.

Halton came up a bit later.  “Leorah is leading them to their Aravel.  Do you do that every night?”

“Yes.  Not everyone always shows up, but I think we were all here today.  Probably to look at our guests.”

“Humans, too?”

“Have you forgotten so soon that I don’t judge by the meat the spirit wears?  You won’t work here if you can’t get past it.”

“You speak of spirits oddly.”

“I know.  I’m not your usual sort of person, I guess.  You’ll either get used to it, or you’d flee in terror.  Do you remember where your room is?”

“Of course.  When do you wish me to start in the morning?”

“I usually start after breakfast and riding lessons.  Early mid-morning.  Eight-ish.”

“Eight-ish?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll be ready for you.”

“Thanks.  If you need me in the night, my door is right there.  Don’t hesitate to knock in need, but only in need, please.  I get little enough rest, according to them.”

“I need to ask.  Is it true you have a human paramour like the keeper?”

“I have a human companion, but he’s not a paramour.  He doesn’t find me interesting in that way, nor I him.  But we often share space.  Is that a problem?”

“No.  I am clarifying the situation.  Is there anything I should or should not say regarding the arrangement?”

“Completely ignore the question like it wasn’t asked.  If that’s not feasible, say that my personal life is not up for discussion.  Has someone already asked you?”

“A surprising number of people have been inquiring as to your sleeping arrangements.”

“You’re not required to deal with that.  If you become uncomfortable, refer them to me, and I will handle it.”

“Of course.  Good night, Ethelathun.”

“Goodnight, Halton Branson.”

I spent some time playing with the kitten.  She’d been tended and fed while I was busy, thank goodness.  Eadras is on top of things.  I tried to read a bit, but couldn’t get into anything.  Eventually I decided to go to bed.


	52. Day 49, 22 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confusing the Hunter, and Eadras welcomes Halton.

### Skyhold, Day 49, 22 Bloomingtide, 9:41

Dorian showed up somewhere in the middle of the night.  It was odd, because he was freshly bathed.  After we went back to sleep, he woke up twice with nightmares.  He didn’t want to talk, so I just held him until he stopped shaking.  Every so often he would say something, but it was more because he couldn’t not say it, not that he was telling me.  He assured me they were not demonic.  Just memories.  Today was a bad day for him, an anniversary.  He said no more about it, and I didn’t press.  I think I have a good idea.  Several times I took the time to tell him that he had people who loved him.  Just the way he was.

I got up early, leaving him finally asleep peacefully, Irusana purring in the small of his back. I think that was the trick.  The fade-relevant kitten, keeping the bad dreams away.  She was getting a special treat for that.  I mean, I don’t know if she can do that, but I think she’s trying anyway.

I opened my door, and was shocked.  There was rug under my desk delineating the space.  Two chairs in front of it.  A small half-desk with a padded stool was against the wall behind my chair.  The papers were still stacked the way they were, so he’d not had time to do too much.  I could see that I was going to have to schedule him mandatory time off.  He was too eager and would overdo it.  Workaholics.  They really have to be slowed down or they’ll exhaust themselves.

Anyway, I stopped in to see Cook, and she had a few questions about my “new young man”.  She was obviously not referring romantically, so I correctly assumed Halton.  He’d stopped in early, asking if I was up yet, and requesting information on my food preferences and usual choices.  She’d told him, fed him, and sent him off.  No, she didn’t know where he was.

When I got to the stables, Geth was ready for me.  He looked genuinely happy to see me.  Solas was probably wrong.  He gave me a hug and sat me down, burying his hands in my hair.  He matched the braid to the tunic I was wearing, not fancy, but not just something to hold the hair back.  He’d taken a bit and wrapped it around my head like a wreath, before tucking it back into the rest of it.  He planted a light kiss at the side of my throat.  “I missed you yesterday.  It’s foaling season.  It’ll be randomly busy a lot.  We have several more due to drop any day.”

“It’s okay.  I understood.”

“Then let’s get you up on Drummer.  You still need work on your seat.”

“Really?  I’ll remember you said that and remind you at inopportune times.”

He let out a gusty sigh.  “Just like a woman, to take what I say wrong.”  But he was smiling.

It went well.  Dennet himself said I was riding better.  He has opinions about sidesaddle, I learned.  “Harebrained contraption” was the nicest thing he had to say.  He’s not a fan of me learning the style.  If you sit wrong, you can destroy the horse’s back.  Dennet’s fond of his horses.  He mentioned being glad I was on a regular saddle today.  I’ve probably sat a horse for a hundred hours now.  That puts me at the level of competent, actually.  At least Dennet seems to think so.  The 10,000 hours thing is wrong. Experts say it takes twenty hours to learn, twenty to improve, twenty to excel.  10,000 is to go from completely ignorant to best in a hotly contested field.

I checked on the Dalish, and they had actually decided to eat in the dining hall again.  The Tweedles had asked them, the little ambassadors.  They were playing in the pillows with Irusana when I got back to my desk.  The Dalish seemed to be just watching.  Halton stepped up and told me he had my schedule ready for my approval.  Schedule?

He’d scheduled me rumination, “friendship enhancement”, and “romantic entanglement” time, for goodness’ sake.  I gently pointed out that we didn’t have the ability to regulate time as finely as he’d tried.  We could get hours, and perhaps half hours, but four minutes for a “health and comfort” break was a little more difficult.  I was good.  I kept a straight face.  I pulled out my pen and marked the hell out of his schedule.  I also included a final quitting time… for him.  And a “do not begin before” time.  For him.  He would take the day after my day off, no questions, all holidays, and two weeks a year total other days.  The pay he wanted was paltry.  I’d increase it and pay it out of my own.

We took a break to speak with the Dalish in general, just morning greetings.  Samrith, the lead hunter dude, was ushered to one of the new chairs afterwards.  Not by me.  He eyed it.

“Ser Samrith, if you like, we can walk the battlements.”

“That would be better, please.”

Looks like his manners have improved overnight.  I led him up through the main hall, and was stopped by Varric.  Making momentary apologies, I let myself be pulled aside.  “Hawke and Stroud are leaving this morning for the Western Approach.  They’ll be stopping a few places on the way.  You might want to take a moment and say goodbye.”

“Thanks, Storyteller.”

“Anytime.”

I went back to Samrith, apologizing again.  “Is he also part of your Ethelathe?”

“Sort of.  He’s not excluded, but he’s not asked to be made official, either.”

“I see.”

“Mind if I say goodbye to some acquaintances of mine?  They’re leaving on a long journey.”

“No.”

We trekked outside to where Hawke and Stroud were mounting up.  I shook hands with them both.  Hawke gave me a look.  “Varric says I should ask if you have any funky advice?”

“Keep your face covered.  More clothing is actually better at keeping you cool, especially if it’s loose.  Watch out for Gurns.  Avoid the Venatori.  Don’t let the Wardens see you.”

Stroud startled at that one.  “Why can’t we let the Wardens see us?”

“Because you don’t bear the mark, Warden Stroud.  You can’t halt what happens.  He can.  If they see you, they will act too soon, and things might change.  And guard your thoughts, because he will call you, lure you.  Do not listen.”

“I’ve heard him.  I shan’t.”  I waved them off.

“Are they part of your Ethelathe?”

“Not really.”

“Why did you give them advice?”

“Because they needed it.  Two leave, but only one will return.  There will be heartache either way.”

“You didn’t tell them that.”

“It wouldn’t have helped them.  Would you have told them?”

We’d climbed the steps to the battlements before he answered.  “I would not have.”  I just nodded.  We walked for a bit, because he was apparently gathering his thoughts.  “You have humans in your clan.”

“I do.”

“They’re not elf-blood.”

“No.  But they would still be welcome if they were.”

“The assassin said that I should look past the ears in regards to the human child.”

“She probably mentioned her Templar, too.”

“Yes.  What did she mean?”

“I am not trying to challenge your belief structure, Samrith.  I just have to phrase things in a way that is clear.  I may be unintentionally offensive.  If you can’t handle that, I truly can’t tell you.”

“I wait.”

“Fine.  Everyone is connected to the fade on some level, yes?”  He nodded.   “Elves more than most, and elven mages most of all.”  Again, he nodded.  “What if I’d found a human with the same connection to the fade as an elf?  It would be remiss of me to leave them flounder elsewhere, wouldn’t it?”

“You are saying that child is connected as we are connected?”

“He is as connected as you are, yes.”

“That’s not possible.”

“If you say so.”

We walked some more, while he thought.  “You sing strange songs.”

“Do I?  They’re normal for me.”

“This place confuses.  The humans defer to you, the elves challenge you.  We were greeted with sheathed blades.”

“This is my place.  I’ve been made responsible for the household, its running and management. Ethelathe is separate.  Ethelathe sent word to the Inquisition that you were coming and how to greet you.”

“You made the decision about bringing the Aravel.”

“It was within my purvue.”

“You run two clans.”

“No.  I don’t run the Inquisition.  It’s too big for me, and I don’t want it.  I run Ethelathe, and make Skyhold a home for the Inquisition.  The Inquisition needs that, and I do my best.  Honestly, Eadras runs Ethelathe more than I do.  He’s the elder.”

“You are young.”

“Why do people judge others by the meat around the spirit?”

“That confuses, too.”

“If you lost your arm, would you still be Samrith?”

“Yes.”

“Your legs, your eyes, your ears?”

“Yes.”  He looked confused.

“If I could replace your legs, your eyes, your ears, your arm, with new ones, would you still be Samrith?”

He paused on that one, thinking.  “I think so.”

“Then how does the meat matter?  You’d have all new meat, but still be Samrith.”  His eyes were wide.

“You are not young.”

“If you say so.  Have I completed your list of questions?”  He nodded, somber.  “then I need to get back to Ethelathe Hall.  Will you accompany me?”

“As far as the Throne.  I have another meeting.”  He walked me to Josie’s door.  “May the Dread Wolf never catch your scent.”  He’d given me a polite goodbye, but I was about to be mean.  “Why not?”

His jaw dropped.  “What do you mean?”

“Why not?  May I ask you something?”  He nodded, warily.  “You believe your deities locked up, yes, and they can’t intervene?”

“Yes.”

“Who put them there?”

“Fen’Harel.”

“I see.  And so this Fen’Harel is the only deity left standing on Thedas, according to your lore, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Then why would you try to cut me off from the only being with the potential to hear and help, according to you?  That seems unnecessarily cruel.”  His face was mottled.  He couldn’t decide if he was angry or not. 

“That… That is not the…”  He silenced himself.  “That one would not help.”

“How do you know if you don’t ask?”  I’d rendered him speechless.  “I’m sorry.  I’ve probably misunderstood something.  I wasn’t raised among the Dalish.  Perhaps I should seek instruction, if any keepers were to come to Skyhold.  I bid you farewell for now, Samrith.”

“May th…  I bid you farewell, Ethelathun, Keeper of Skyhold.”

As I opened Josie’s door, I saw a shadow in the hall to the atrium.  Good.  Maybe he heard, and will start helping.

Halton was upset I had taken so long, but had been busy sorting things.  I had a pile of “expired”, a pile of “need direction”, a pile of “needs attention”, and a pile of “urgent.”  We went through the “need direction” pile, first.  It was minor matters, routine things, like menus and inventories.  Sadly, that took most of the morning.  I was informed that the Urgent pile was not an “immediate attention” pile.  Halton would review needs direction things with me until he had a firm grasp of how I liked things, and then he’d bother me with them only for changes.

After lunch, which I told Halton he would eat either before me or with me, Zathras took me out for practice.  He remarked that I had improved, which was weird.  I hadn’t been practicing at all.  I went to see Adan after that, and checked in on the Uncles.

Samrith had returned to the pillow palace during the afternoon.  He and his men kept watching me.  More than before.  Dinner was brought in to us, Halton’s doing.  Luckily, most of the servers would also be eating with us, so it worked out.  Songtime, and playing with littles.  Tucked them into bed. 

Halton was doing paperwork again.   “Halton.”

“Yes, Chrissy?”

“You are not allowed to do any paperwork not marked immediate attention when the sun is not in the sky.”

“I’m sorry.  I shall remember.”

“Visit the tavern, explore, compile a list of personal needs, any or none of that list.  But your workday is over barring emergencies.”

Eadras had been watching the proceedings with amusement.  He strode over to Halton, embraced him, and declared “Welcome to Ethelathe.  We’ve needed you.”  Strange man.  I escorted the Dalish back to their Aravel, and went to my room.  A little light reading, playing with the cat, and Dorian showed up.  Bedtime.


	53. Day 50, 23 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fetched in the middle of the night, a discussion with Geth, more talking with Samrith, and torturing Solas a little bit.

### Skyhold, Day 50, 23 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I had pleasant, normal dreams.  At least until there was a knock on the door.  It woke the both of us up.  I went to get it.  Dorian was up shockingly quickly, staff in hand.  He wrapped an arm around my waist to stop me.  Pushing me behind the door, he opened it so I couldn’t be seen.  I heard stammering.

“Ser.  I was looking for the elven lady.  The one who puts the commander to sleep?  He’s walking the walls.  She said if he needed her, he could send for her.”

I put my hand on Dorian’s arm.  He looked over at me, and opened the door wider.  I stepped around to see the soldier I’d shown my methods to.  “Did he send for me?”

He blushed.  “He didn’t say anything, but since he’s up…  We thought maybe you should be told.”

Dorian smirked.  “Yet another conquest, my Dove?”

“Of course not.”  I turned my attention to the soldier.  “Thank you.  I’m coming.  And I won’t tell on you.”

“Thank you, mistress.”  He looked relieved at that.

I stood on tiptoes and kissed Dorian’s cheek.  “Go back to bed.  I’ll be fine.”  He took a moment before he agreed.

Looking at the soldier, he said “Her safety is in your hands.  I know your face.”  Poor guy swallowed hard. 

“I’ll take good care of her, Ser.”

“Quit scaring people, Dorian.”

The soldier ushered me through the atrium and Cullen’s office to the wall on the left, and stayed out of the line of fire.  “Commander.  You’re pacing the night again?”

“Chrissy.  Couldn’t sleep?”

“I found myself awake, yes.  Thought I’d check the battlements.  Are you in pain?”

“Not really.  Just a bad dream.”

I leaned on the wall next to him, looking out over the mountains.  “Your men worry about you, you know.  They see you up here and wonder, ‘what could be so awful that our lion is concerned?  What danger is coming for us that has him pacing?’”

“I’m sure they don’t.  They know I pace at night.  It’s just something I do.”

“Then put it out that you adore the night sky, or the wind in your hair.  Or I could.  It would help.”

“Someone went to get you, did they?”

“Now, now, you know I won’t answer that.”  I looked up at him.  “You need your rest, Commander.”

“And now I’ve interfered in your night as well.”

“I don’t mind.  Come on.  Shall I tuck you in like one of the children?”

That got a laugh.  “I don’t think that will be necessary.  Thank you for coming, though, Chrissy.”

“You are welcome, Commander.”

“Cullen.  You slip on occasion anyway, so you might as well be given permission.”

“Cullen, then.  You’re sure you’re alright to sleep?”

“I’ll tuck myself in.  I’ll even try to sleep.  You have my word.”

“Be well, Cullen.” 

We both walked to his office, and I continued back to the main building under watchful eyes.  As I passed through the empty atrium, I saw his chair.  A wicked thought, considering his sense of smell.  I sat, stroking the arms.  I turned slightly and brushed my cheek across the fabric of the back.  Grinning, I stood up.  I slid my palms across the wood about the height where his head would be.  I traced my fingers over the rest of the wood, as well.  That should be enough, I thought.  I went to leave, and then turned back to his desk.  I trailed my fingertips over every book on it, then went back to my room.

Dorian was waiting.  He looked warily at me.  “Let’s go to bed, Dorian.”

“You aren’t asking questions?”

“I know there’s more than one reason you sleep here.  I don’t mind.  Truly.”

“Well, then, I suppose we should try to sleep for what’s left of the night.”  So we did.

Waking later, I discovered that today was apparently a dress day.  Ah well.  Maybe Leorah had reason.  I recognized this one, too, but she’d fixed the sleeves. I’m starting to think Irusana likes Dorian better than me.  She’s curled up above his head.

Halton was already at his desk, eating.  At least he was reading a book, one of Varric’s, by the look of it.  I stopped in to see Cook, and she had a tray made up for me, as well as one for Dorian and Irusana.  Halton’s work.  I took Dorian’s in, and then came back for mine.  I ate in the kitchen, gossiping. 

Gethon took one look at my hair, a mess from yesterday, and shook his head.  He carefully undid the braids from yesterday, and did something a little different today.  It felt like he’d French braided it and then made a series of little buns down the back of my head.  “It looks like a cascade of roses,” he said in my ear. 

I turned so I could look at him.  “Geth, does my being called the Ethelathun bother you?”

“Of course not.”

“I’ve been thinking about giving it up.  If I went to leave, to do something else and raise a family of my own, would you want to come with me?”  Shit.  His eyes flicked to the left.

“I would have to think long and hard about that.”  Truth, at least. 

I ran a fingertip along his ear.  “You would prefer the Ethelathun?”  I was cheating, I know.  But his “of course not” was a lie.  I’d expected it to hurt, but it was just there.  I didn’t call him on it, because I had no room to say anything.  I’d forced him to lie.  I gave him a hug, accepting his answer for what it was, and we moved on to lessons on Drummer.  His relief when I changed the subject was palpable.  He lifted me down at the end, and I kissed his cheek.  He’s being sweet, even if his motives aren’t as pure as I’d like.  Now to figure out if I could live with that. 

Spent the morning with Halton.  He had a pile of things for me just to review and sign!  So much easier.  He’s even separating Ethelathe and Skyhold stuff.  The Dalish played with the children.  Actual smiles from some of the younger hunters magically appeared at least twice today.  I guess their faces aren’t made of plastic after all.

Midmorning, I received a note.  Halton tried to take it for me, but the messenger specifically said it was personal, and that he had to hand it to me himself.  I took it, and he waited, for a reply, he said.  I took a look.  The note said, “Chrysopal, you play a dangerous game.  Solas.”

I burst out laughing.  On a fresh page, I wrote back.  “Not so dangerous at all. You told me I’m safe with you.  Chrissy.”  I sealed it, and handed it back to the messenger.  I held up a finger, catching his eye.  Picking up Solas’ message, I folded it twice and slid it into the bodice of my dress.  “Feel free to tell him, ser.”  The boy actually chuckled as he went up the stairs.

I got a lot accomplished.  If Halton can make my paperwork this easy every day, I’ll be able to start doing things like actual inventory and future planning.  Just keeping up had been impossible thus far.  We were still pretty far behind, but I could see a time when we would be current.  I made Halton stop for lunch with me, though, because I could tell he wanted to work through.

I was chatting with the ladies when Samrith came up stood next to me.  He didn’t say anything, but waited.  “Can I help you, Hunter?”

“I would speak with you, at your convenience.”

“Just let me finish eating, and I’m all yours.”  His eyes flickered, and he tensed.  “It’s an idiom.  It merely means I will give you my undivided attention.”  His shoulders relaxed a hair, and he nodded as he left me to eat.  Strange people, they are. 

Zathras was coming to get me, I think, when he saw me walking with Samrith.  He plastered himself against the wall to let us pass.

Samrith turned his head to look at Zath, and said only “One of yours.” 

“Sort of.  He’s actually teaching me self-defense at the Inquisitor’s request.”

“Is there anyone you exclude?”

“Why do you ask that?”

“You’ve yet to answer no about anyone.”

“I exclude some.  I don’t expect people to reveal their secrets, but I prefer they don’t lie to me.  I’ve refused to hire people who lie about their abilities or their motives.  I won’t accept rapists, abusive individuals, those who will not adapt, or those who won’t participate to their ability.  If they can’t look past meat, they can’t stay.”

“What is the purpose?”

“The purpose of what?”

“Ethelathe.”

“Home.  Protection.  Safety.  Freedom.  Not necessarily in that order.”

“For your people.”

“If you say so.”

“We will leave tomorrow.”

“What do you need for the journey?”

“You would outfit us for the journey?”

“I did just ask, didn’t I?”

He looked flustered at that.  “Food would be helpful.  Water.  Fodder.  Whatever you choose to spare.”

“And for Sabrae?  For protecting my assistant on his way?”  That startled him.  Actual expressions!  Yay!

“We need nothing.”

“Then I shall get to choose.  Do you have any other questions?”

“Sarel would possibly write.”

“I’d love to hear from him.”

“Merrill will write.”

“I look forward to it.”

“You are not what I expected.”

“Let me guess.  Some random girl in the humans’ castle being portrayed as some figurehead for the good of the Inquisition?”  He flushed.  “They may still try that.  However, all the servants, ALL the servants, belong to me, at least a little bit.  We’d see, at that point, how well they did without.”

“Keepers are mages.  How did you do this without magic?”

“Hunter Samrith, who told you I had no magic?” He remained silent, looking at me. “You want a demonstration of some kind.”  He nodded soberly.  “What difference does it make?”

“It matters,” he said, crossing his arms. 

“Because elves will only tolerate mages in charge.”  I looked down.  The area around the Aravel was cleared and no one was really around.   “I will say I don’t like that.  I don’t see how magic makes someone a better organizer or leader.  However, if a demonstration is what you require…” 

I stepped off the battlements, taking a step forward.  I turned, standing on the air, and held out my hand.  “Coming?”  His eyes widened just a hair, and he seriously considered not taking my hand.  “Come with me, and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination, living there you’ll be free, if you truly wish to be,” I sang softly.

So goaded, he finally grasped my hand, and stepped out into nothing.  I smiled at him, holding his eyes.  “Magic enough for you?  The simplest demonstrations are often the most effective.”

“Keeper, please.  Can we return to the wall?”  His voice was not precisely steady.

“Step back, it’s within your reach.”  He did so.  When he was safely on the stone, I let go his hand.  Then, just to make a point, I proceeded to walk down invisible stairs to the courtyard.  (Keeping my eyes straight ahead.)  I turned to look up at him once I reached the grass.  He was standing, staring at me.  He had no expression, but I was used to that.  He went around the long way, and we went back up the steps to the main hall silently.  I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, daring to touch his arm.  He paused.  “If I offended…”

“You did not.”  And he continued into the pillow palace.

I reviewed the daily stuff Halton had completed.  I had a few minor changes, but generally it was routine and he caught on fast.  I went to the kitchens and asked Cook to arrange ten days of travel rations for ten.  To be ready at dawn at the latest.  I hopped up to where Varric tended to hang out.  “Storyteller, I have a question.”

“I have an answer.  If you’re lucky, it’ll have something to do with your question.”

“Funny.  What should I send back with the Sabrae hunters?  Gifts, for their clan, for Merrill, and for Sarel.”

“Merrill will love any sort of art.  Sarel is fond of fabric.  The clan itself?  Maybe some herbs that are rare up there?  Spindleweed or blood lotus.”

“Thank you.  You are a prince among dwarves.”

“It’s the chest hair.”  I gave him a hug and went to arrange things.  The herbs I had plenty of.  The fabric was swathing Ethelathe Hall as it was.  The art. That was the issue.  I ended up giving the children charcoal sticks and paper.  When they were done, I had a sheaf of cute little drawings of various things.  Kittens, puppies, rainbows, a turtle, a stick figure family.  All really cute.  She’d either love it or hate it.

Halton had dinner delivered again.  He’d noted my objections, and now only those who were staying delivered it.  I think I’m keeping him.  Samrith had pulled the hunters aside one by one, and they keep looking at me strangely.  I took away Halton’s quill and told him to chill for an hour.  I didn’t use those words.  When I couldn’t stand the stares anymore, I visited the library down here.  I could see them, hear them, but they couldn’t see me.  I told Andrew where I was going. 

I was browsing when someone walked in.  He stopped.  “Looking for another book?”

“I was.  Wards, perhaps.”

“Hmmm.”  He touched my hair.  “It’s nice, but not as lovely as when it’s loose.  May I?”  I nodded and he led me back to his workroom, where the cushions are.  He gently pulled the braids apart, shaking my hair loose.  “I hadn’t realized you were a cruel woman.”

“Cruel?”

“Every time I sit your scent envelops me.”

“I thought you might like that.  I’ll have a cleaning crew in there this evening.”

“I would prefer you did not.  I can remove it anytime I wish.”

“Then how was I cruel?”

“It took me an hour to figure out what you’d done.  You are consistently interesting, ma’haselan.”

“That wasn’t my intent.”

“You have interesting views.”

“That’s a sudden change of subject.”

“Perhaps not so much as you may think.”

“So we’re to personal questions?”

“Do you believe in the Dalish gods?”

“What will you answer for me?”

“What do you wish to know?”

“I wish to keep a question in reserve.”  His hands stilled. 

“I’m not entirely comfortable with that.”

“You will still get to decide whether you answer a particular question.  I will just have one at my disposal.”

“I believe I can accept that.”

“The short answer is that I don’t.  However, it’s more complicated than that.”

“Will you share?”

“Yes.  I figure at some point a bunch of people who were better at magic than basically anybody else accomplished things that seemed like miracles.  So the people became legends, perhaps in their own time.  Their legends and magic led eventually to them being revered as gods.  Honestly, they were probably prats.  So much has been lost, though, that all that’s left are stories, handed down orally with all the issues that entails.  A keeper trying to teach a lesson makes a small change.  The ones he taught need to make a different point, and make a small change.  Eventually the legend bears little resemblance to the actual deeds.  And the supposed gods look very little like the people they once were.”

“That’s… Surprising.”

“I thought you’d given up on being surprised by me.”

“And yet you still manage.  Your people will want you back now.”  He helped me up.

“Ah.”  I paused, and glanced up at him through my lashes.  “Did you want your note back?”  He stood absolutely still for a moment, his face hardening as he clenched his jaw.  I laughed “I guess not” as I left the library before he could recover.

Songtime went normally.  Fewer people here.  The Dalish aren’t near the curiosity.  Mostly elves, a few humans.  Maybe fifty people plus the hunters.  I went to my room while Jailyn escorted the hunters to the Aravel.  I didn’t expect Dorian tonight.  He needs it on the regular to keep content.  Irusana and I sprawled a bit, playing, and I’m heading for bed.


	54. Day 51, 24 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Inquisitorial Invitation, accidentally breaking my defense instructor, and my first staff.

### Skyhold, Day 51, 24 Bloomingtide, 9:41

Sometimes you don’t know if it’s a regular dream or something else.  My dreams were a bit different.  I don’t want to say infested, because that has negative connotations.  However, they were occupied.  Will-o-wisps of various colorations flitted through otherwise perfectly normal dreams.  When touched, they were little burbles of emotional bits.  A half a giggle, a sigh, one was a tear of awe.  Not full emotions, but pieces.  A single eye-flicker in fright, the tightening in your chest of sadness.  It was very strange.  My normal dreams weren’t really affected, but they seemed to be watching.  I’m not sure why.

I got up very early.  I didn’t know when the Dalish would want to leave, but I needed to make sure they had everything.  The items I’d wanted to gift were on my desk, so that was easy.  Cook’s helpers were ready to deliver the rations.  It’s not like we were handing out the expensive stuff, honestly.  It was far more beef jerky level than foie gras level; basic trail food that could be reheated, reconstituted, or eaten cold.  We had so many blood lotus from the Hinterlands I was worried they’d go bad before we could use them.  These were children’s drawings, as well.  The fabric was nice, but I had paid for it, so I wasn’t taking anything from anyone.  Josie’d approved the food, because I’d asked just in case.

Still, when we brought the stuff to the area around the aravel, you’d think we’d arrived with gold and jewels my the widening of their eyes.  Even Sam had showed up, and he gave them a closed wooden box, a piece of parchment, and a jingling sack on top of everything I was handing them.  I’d been right, and they’d intended to leave at first light.  They were a hair overwhelmed, so Sam and I pulled everyone back after a bit.  He and I headed up to the dais to watch them leave, waving. 

“They don’t trust us,” said Sam as we watched them go.

“Do you blame them?  Humans and elves have a rocky interaction on good days.”

“We seem to do okay.”  He grinned down at me.

“That’s because you know I’ll smack you upside the head, LITTLE brother.”

“Would not, BABY sister.”

“Says you.”

“Varric says you want to visit the Dales.”

“Hopefully someday.”

“Huh.  I thought he was kidding.  Ever been to Val Royeaux?”

“I have never set foot there.”

“Wanna go?”

“What?”

“Wanna go?  We have to make a negotiation run, because some of the merchants refuse to deal with us by letter.  We’re to head there soon.  After the Storm Coast thing.  Now that you have an assistant, you could get him up to speed in a couple days, hand him off to Eadras, and come with me.”

“You want me to camp instead of sleep in my nice comfy bed.”

“I’ll even let you bring your cat.”

“She’d hate that.”

He grinned.  “Think about it for a couple days.  We’ll be leaving soon.  You can do the most urgent paperwork by crow.  I do.  It won’t be dangerous.  We’re just going to be at an established camp and then go shopping.  I could buy you something pretty.”  Just when I was about to think he was being sweet, he continued.  “Everyone knows sisters are ugly.  You need the help.”  He laughed when I smacked his arm.  “I think a gnat bit me.”

He draped his arm over my shoulder, and turned us to go up the stairs.  “In all seriousness, I want to take you out and show you off.”

“Your pet elf?”

“A friend.  And it sends an important message, when I put you up in accommodations that might rival mine.  An elf that’s not a servant, not a bed mate, and not kept around as a potential bodyguard.”

“Technically I am a servant.  Why not just take Sera?”

“I am, but I need you.  She’d trash the hotel room for fun.  And she wouldn’t find a trail of elves following her home like puppies.  You just might.  By the way, I’ll skewer anyone who tries to claim my Chatelaine is a mere servant.  That’s actually a big insult to me, you know.”

“I didn’t, actually.  So I’m a recruiting tool?”

“They’d be better off with me than where they are.  Celene set fire to the Halamshiral when they dared protest an elf being killed for throwing a rock at a carriage, Chrissy.  There are rumors about how she treated her elven lover, as well.  I want to change things a bit, even beyond Skyhold.  It’s working here, your ideas and mine.  Josie and Leliana tell me your way is more efficient than the ways it’s been done before.  Even with the wage matching, it’s breaking even or better.  People are being treated better in general, and not just the elves.  Claims of mistreatment are vastly reduced in all quarters.  The non-domestic servant humans are working harder, because Leliana’s sacked a few in her domain for incompetence.  Your people just quietly take over and get it done.  I need you to be seen.”

“Sometimes, Sam, you surprise me.  I’ll think about it.”

“The dresses you’ve been wearing are looking good.  Leorah’s been working them up for me.”

“You went behind my back about my clothing?”

“Chatted at Eadras about it, because you need to reflect a certain status.  He thinks it could work.  HE went behind your back.  I just talked to the elven elder.  Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?”  Grrr.  He had me on that one, for typical dealings with elves.  I’d forgotten rogues are tricky.

“Who’s going?”

“Everybody.  Plus the Chargers.  Some soldiers.  Josie.  And you, because you know you’ll give in.  Leorah would be so upset to make all these things and you not use them.”

“Butthead.”

“Yep.  Let me know, okay?  Also, Harritt and Dagna have a few things for you as well.”

“I’ll let you know.  What do they have?”

“Go see.”

I would, but I had other things to do first.  Breakfast, for one.  I’d already been up an hour or more and it was barely daylight.  I was starving.  I stopped in the kitchen for a bite, and took it with me.  There was a small package in the middle of my desk.  “Halton, where’d this come from?”

“One of the hunters dropped it off before they left.  It’s for you.”

I opened it, and it was an oiled wood figurine of a seated elven woman in a dress petting a cat in her lap.  It was probably six or seven inches tall.  Halton looked over my shoulder.  “That’s a pretty good likeness, actually.”

“What?”

“It looks just like you.  They must have been impressed with you.  You would have gotten some sort of gift, because it’s polite, but this?  This is high quality work.  To get it done in the time they had is surprising.”

“I didn’t expect a gift.”

He looked confused.  “You sent them, though.”

“Well, that’s what you do.”

“Exactly?” Nevermind.  I settled down to eat, putting the figurine where I could look at it.  It really was pretty.  It looked like walnut maybe?  I used to have a walnut dresser and it was the same sort of pattern and color. 

My piles were much reduced.  Halton explained his methods as we began.  He sent anything that could or should be handled at a lower level back to that level.  I had been, according to him, doing my managers’ jobs.  He also set up a day every tenday, before my day off, to handle disputes. 

“Let them stew for a while about it.  Sometimes it’ll resolve itself, and sometimes it’ll escalate, but having a set day means they know for sure when they’ll get resolution.  They can plan and negotiate with each other to avoid your unique sense of justice.  Your resolutions do tend to make sure everybody’s a little unhappy but unable to complain about fairness.”

“How do you know that?”

“I asked, of course.  The ones not being arbitrated find it poetic, the ones under the light are often unhappy.”

“I only have a hundred people.  How many disputes can I really get?”

“Well, some of the others are asking for resolutions.  This one between an armory apprentice and a day hire from the valley, for example.  It’s not important enough to bother the Inquisitor, so they’re asking you to handle it.”

“Lovely.  Put them on the list, but I’ll want to check with Josie about it.”

“She said that it’s fine.  It’ll reduce some of her paperwork.”

“You have been here TWO DAYS.  You’re working during your off time, to get this done.  That will stop.”

He turned red.  “I was just talking to her, honest.  She brought up the disputes.  And you’ve got obligations in the afternoons.  I do this when you’re not at your desk.”

“So she’s sending them here?”

“Yes.” 

I sighed.  “Fine.  But if I catch you working during non-work hours, I’ll make you take comp time.”

“Comp time?”

“Hour for hour, if you work during your personal time, I’ll compensate it with an hour of doing something relaxing under my eye during work day time.  That could become problematic quickly, Halton.  I really do need you during the day.  I may be taking a trip soon, too, so I’ll need you even more.  Are you afraid of birds?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Good.”  We moved on to other things, processing as necessary.  We aren’t caught up, not by a long shot, but there is light at the end.  Sending things back to their respective departments requesting recommendations cleared a surprising amount.  Just putting things on his desk instead of mine made it feel like even more had been accomplished.

We ate lunch in the dining hall, and I introduced him to some people that he hadn’t met yet.  He seems to get flustered around human girls, which is so cute.  It’s probably exoticism to some degree or other.  He grew up among elven ladies, after all.

Zathras came and got me.  He didn’t mention yesterday at all.  We went out to our usual spot.  He looked at me.  “I’m going to try to hit you.  The only thing you have to do is stop me, okay?”

Shit.  Well, he dropped into the stance he showed me before, and his arm came at me.  I blocked that one, but then his foot was heading for me and I barely blocked that one.  When the other arm came at me I wasn’t in a good position at all and panicked, closing my eyes and tossing a barrier between us.  I was expecting to be hit, honestly. The barrier was more instinctive than anything else.  I heard a smack sound, and then Zathras cursing.  He used a lot of bad words in a very short time, cradling his hand.  “I’m sorry, Zath.”

“We’re supposed to be studying self defense techniques.”

“You said the best way to get away is to do something unexpected.”  I looked at his hand and it was okay.  Just pain, no lasting injury.  I’ve seen the same thing when drunk idiots punch walls.  Maybe some bruising, and it was definitely swelling.  I suppose when you smack something hard unexpectedly it really hurts.

“I did.  How’d you do that?”

“I kind of mixed your lessons with the lessons in barriers I’ve been getting.”

“You used magic in a sparring match?  That is so not fair.”

That got my back up.  “And when someone comes at me for real, I should just let them hit me because I couldn’t get my hand up, even though I could have stopped them?”

“No, no, no.  Shit.  My hand is swelling.”

“I hate to think of what it would have done to my face,” I retorted tartly.

So lessons lasted all of about fifteen minutes, and I deposited Zath at the healers.  Dorian was in the main hall with Solas.  “My Dove, I thought you would be with Zathras, studying self-defense.”

“I was,” I mumbled.

“So why are you back so soon?”

“I might have broken him a little bit.”

“You broke your instructor?”

“Well, one hand was over there, and then his foot was suddenly coming at me, and then his other hand and I was out of hands and off balance, so I panicked and put up a barrier and he might have punched it a little bit.”

The single huff of laughter didn’t come from him, but from Solas.  Dorian was pushing his lips together, hard, under his mustache.  From behind me, I heard Varric.  “Did you really just say you broke him a little bit?  That’s priceless, Cuddles. You’re as bad as Hawke.”

Solas calmed enough to chime in.  “Considering circumstances, however, does either of you think she could have reacted better?  She did, after all, defend herself.”

Dorian smirked.  “I think she was supposed to use what HE was teaching her, though.”

“If you gentlemen are done laughing at me, I think I’ll head downstairs.”

Dorian grabbed one arm and wrapped it around his.  “Excellent idea, Dove.”

Solas did the same with the other arm.  “Indeed.  Harritt is waiting for us.”

Varric just laughed as they pulled me to the undercroft.

Once down there, Dagna started bouncing.  “You’re here!  You’ve got to see this.”  She launched into a complicated explanation of something I didn’t even have the vocabulary to understand.  In the middle she started talking about complementary resonances.

I stopped her.  “Wait, is that anything like wavelength harmonics or frequency limiting?”

“Yes!  By vibrating it at one of its natural frequencies…”

“You can create a standing wave, first harmonic.  How do you solve the degradation issues?”

“I don’t.  You have to consistently vibrate, using harmonic cutoffs to change the standing wavelength pattern, or changing to another natural frequency.”

“Resulting in different harmonics, and therefore different wave choices and frequencies.”

“You got it.”

“Okay, I got that part.  How does it relate to what you’re talking about?  I’m having vocabulary issues.”

“Well, when you use magic, it plucks the strings.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“It doesn’t?”

Dorian slid in, “Yes it does.”

I looked at him.  “The vibration’s either already there or you have to make the glowy stuff into the strings to pluck.  How do you pluck strings that aren’t there yet?  Use other people’s vibrations?”  He looked confused.  “Wait, that’s what all those tubes are for?  Making internal vibrations to change the frequency?  Like a transducer?  Or a waveguide?”

Dagna looked interested.  “Glowy stuff?  You see magic as glowy stuff?  What’s a transducer?  I know waveguides.”

Solas was a voice of reason.  “Perhaps we can discuss different views of magic theory another time, and update our vocabulary differences then?”  He turned to me.  “Until then, there was something Harritt wanted to show you, lethallan.”

Poor uncle Harritt had just been standing there.  “I don’t know anything about standing vibrations.  I just made you something.”  He walked over to the wall and lifted a staff from among several.  It was smooth, and a silverish wood color, with a bluish glass ball held in what looked like formed tines at the top.  The bottom was sheathed in metal of some sort.  It was really pretty.  I just had no idea what to do with it.

“It’s really beautiful.”  He put it in my hand.  “Whoah.  Is it supposed to tingle weird like that?”

Solas asked, “Is it uncomfortable, pleasant, or something in the middle?”

“It’s almost pleasant, but not quite.  Like when a guitar string’s not quite in tune.”

“Interesting.”

Dagna jumped in.  “I can fix that!  Does it need to be faster or slower?  Higher or lower, I mean, since you’re talking music.  Or were you speaking of (she used some word here I didn’t catch)?”

“Higher in frequency, by about an eighth of a step.  Maybe a bit less.  Are you speaking of the height of the peaks of the wavelength?  Would that be dangerous to mess with?”

“Maybe, but the higher the peak, the more damage you’ll do, right?  So we have to balance it.”

Dorian was just smirking.  “I have never seen a mage getting their first staff that ever noticed if it was attuned.  You are quite fascinating, Dove.”

“That’s usually his line.”  I pointed at Solas.

“Not quite, ma’haselan.  I claim you are infinitely interesting.”

“Same difference.”

“We could always discuss the differences at length when you return my note.”  There was a wicked look in his eye.

“I’d have to find it.”

“But you still have it tucked away, do you not?”

“Not now, Solas.”

“As you wish, Chrysopal.  I do like that shade of pink.”

“I’m wearing blue.”  I may have sounded a touch grumpy.  Dorian burst out laughing.

Harritt told them both to stop picking on me, and shortly thereafter Dagna returned with the staff.  She handed it to me and it wasn’t a tingle anymore, not really.  It was a hum that sort of spread.  It didn’t exactly vibrate anything, but I can’t explain it otherwise.

“So that’s where you get the vibration to change?  The staff is a shortcut, already creating the vibration.”  I looked at Solas.

“Very good.”

“I need to talk to Cole.”

Everyone in the room looked surprised.  “Why?” asked Dorian.

“Because he hears the music?  He can help me find the key.”

Harritt looked confused.  “I didn’t lock it or anything, little bit.”

“I know, Uncle Harritt.  I was thinking of music.”  I went over to him and hugged him.  “It really is beautiful.  I don’t know what I’ll do with it, but it’s lovely.”

“Bit, if you act like usual, you’re going take over the world and send everybody to bed without supper.”

Dagna chimed in with an “Oooh, that’s mean.”

I hugged Dagna and Harritt.  We three mages left, me with my new toy.  I walked the boys to their area and was about to flit off when they stopped me.  “Lessons, Dove.  You have to train with that.”

“I know.”

“We’re commandeering you tomorrow, and we’ll have plenty of time on the trip.”

“I haven’t decided if I’m going yet.”

Dorian hugged me.  “Denying me the pleasure of your company?  Cruel woman.”  He meandered up the stairs.

“Do you want the note or a hug?”

“The hug.”  I wrapped my arms around his middle and gave him a quick hug.  He hugged me back.

I wended my way back to Ethelathe Hall, where Halton had already placed a staff stand.  Cheeky dude.  I finished some more documents, approved a purchase request or two, and it was time for dinner.  Normal evening, normal night.  Dorian commandeered my bathtub halfway through song time.  I sang the Candyman for Daniel, this time.  Everyone got tucked in, I took my turn in the bath, and I’m heading for bed after playing with the kitten.


	55. Day 52, 25 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontations with Fiona cause a headache.

### Skyhold, Day 52, 25 Bloomingtide, 9:41

It seems like it alternates.  Something cool, then normal dreams.  Or maybe it’s just that Dorian’s here again, and he scares away the wisps with his mustache.  Anyway, No big fade revelations today. 

Irusana might just love me more than Dorian today.  She’d curled up behind my knees, under the covers.  I got up and dressed early.  At least now I know why there are so many dress days, hmm?  Flowy sleeves again.  Leorah’s got me wondering what she’d put me in for something fancy, now.  There’s probably going to be some sort of to-do here.  She’s probably got it planned, though. 

I decided to accost the Chargers.  I might not have many more days left with them.  I think Sam’ll save them, though.  They were mostly asleep, with just the support people awake for now. Lisa handed me my mug and we chatted about the Dalish.  I’d snagged the figurine one of them had carved and showed it to her.  Someone that talented might be willing to take commissions.  Hunting’s all well and good, but you sometimes need things that can only be hunted in a shop.

She liked it, and thought of eleventy billion things she’d love to have carved.  Maybe if Keeper Sarel writes, I’ll tell him about the possible market for the hunter’s carvings.  It’s good work, and the people here have disposable income.  Not a lot of it, but some.  The others started waking up, and it got noisier and noisier.  Eventually, I said my goodbyes to everyone and went back to the Main Hall. 

I had breakfast in the kitchen, and chatted with Cook.  She mentioned that her daughter wanted to come to Skyhold.  Well, of course.  I told her that I’d find a place for her, unless she couldn’t fit in at all.  She’d probably bring her “shift, layabout husband” and her two kids with her.  I hadn’t thought Cook was that old, but she told me she had Gretel at fourteen, and Gretel had her first kid at fourteen.  “Mountain girls start young.”  Yikes.  I assured her that her daughter and grandkids were welcome, and that the husband would be evaluated.  She muttered something about evaluating him off the wall, but I pretended not to hear.  I’ll have Garalen look into it if necessary.  He wouldn’t be the first man to go over the wall if it came down to it.

Halton was still in the dining hall when I put my figurine back on the desk.  Finally I beat him to work.  Paperwork paperwork.  I stuck to the stacks he’d marked higher priority, and managed to get through probably half a pile before being accosted by Fiona.  In my own hall.

“You have got to quit playing around!  You’re a danger to yourself and others, and I demand you put yourself under the authority of the mages until you are trained.”

“How do you know I’m playing?”

“Parlor tricks like standing on air are nothing like real magic.”

“So you can do it?”

“I don’t participate in parlor games!  Your tricks may fool the barbaric Dalish, but I know better.  NO ONE can walk on air like that.  Pretending and shamming isn’t going to get you anywhere.  You’ll end up leaving yourself open to demons!  You’re a danger to us all.”

“So you felt it was perfectly okay to come down here and scream in my hall merely because you can’t do the magic I can?  How very insecure of you.”  Thankfully Dorian opened my door at that point.

“What’s all this about faked magic?”

“Just because she’s sleeping with you doesn’t mean you should encourage these stupid tricks.  She has to be trained.  If she’s got magic, she has to train properly, not like your Tevinter slaves.”

“Oh, I quite agree.  We’re still looking for a competent instructor.”  Shit, that was a nice verbal slap.

“And she should be under the eye of a Templar until she submits.”

“She’s under the eye of a Templar,” said Gunther from behind her.

“I will never submit,” I said, at the same time.  “Not to you, not to the Templars, not to my instructors, not to anyone.  You are apparently under some sort of delusion that you will EVER be in charge of me.  Your own little rebellion ensured that every single mage is an apostate.  There is no circle to force me into.  There is no chance your little college will be able to hold me.”

“I can have a Templar lay down an annulment!”  Dorian sucked in a breath.

“They already tried that.  And guess what?  I’m STILL here.” 

“Who in the fade do you think you are?”  

“I’m Chrysopal.  Chatelaine and Keeper of Tarasyl'an Te'las. I'm the Ethelathun.  I’m an elf, and a mage, and today I am ashamed that someone like you can be counted among our number.”  She stared at me a long moment.  “Get out,” I snarled, “before I have you thrown out.”  She gathered her dignity about her and strode off.  I mean, I can sort of see why she’d be upset, but she knows I’m hanging with Dorian and Solas.  It’s like she doesn’t think anyone but her little circle can train people.  Either that, or she has some other agenda.  I’m beginning to fear that she does.

“Dove, you’re glowing.  Please stop scaring young Halton.”

I unclenched my teeth, took a deep breath, and relaxed my body.  I tried to inject some humor into the situation.  “Dorian, love.  I think I ruined your reputation.”

“You’ve made it, darling.  The debonair Tevinter Magister who has managed to seduce half the young men AND the prettiest elf in Thedas?  That’s quite the accomplishment.  I am the envy of Skyhold.  The Inquisitor knows of your training.  Solas, Adan, Helisma, and I have kept him informed of your studies.  Considering barriers take a year or two to grasp, you’re doing very well.  She has no grounds to interfere, even were the Inquisitor so inclined.  Luckily, he’s not.” 

He walked over to me and enfolded me in his arms.  “I’ve seen and felt and tasted of your magic, Dove.  It’s like nothing I’ve felt before, except in things that were so old their origins were forgotten.  She’s too close-minded to see it.  You burn so brightly in my eyes.  I don’t think she’s ever LOOKED at you.”

From behind me I heard, “Say the word, Chrissy.”

“No, Gara.  Let the Inquisitor know, please.  And I’ll see about how I can keep her out of my space.”  I was talking into Dorian’s tunic, but after the outburst I was shaking.  It’s a normal reaction to fight or flight, but it’s not very dignified.

I was whisked off to my room to calm down, and thankfully they postponed staff practice.  I can’t be in this unsettled state for new magics.  That’s just a bad idea all around.  Zathras didn’t come down after lunch.  I expect I’ll have a new instructor for a bit.

My afternoon was quiet, but I had a throbbing headache by the end of it, and Garalen sent me to bed.  I had cold cloths over my eyes and on the back of my neck.  Someone came in quietly, and shushed me when I tried to talk.  I’d lifted my head a bit.  A hand gently pushed me back to the pillow, and played with my hair a while, soothing something in me.  I didn't know who it was, but Gara was standing guard, so I was safe.  I fell asleep with whoever it was still stroking my hair. 

I woke up later, famished, and the fortress was dark.  I raided the kitchen, snuggled the kitten, and went back to my bed.  The room was empty except for me and Irusana.


	56. Day 53, 26 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jailyn chat, Geth time, Zathras is afraid of me, and lessons with Dorian.

### Skyhold, Day 53, 26 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I woke to a knock on my door this morning.  The only thing I remember from my dreams is being scarily certain that Fiona would regret it if she threatened me again.  It didn’t come from me.  Oddly, I don’t think it was Solas, either.  It sort of felt like Cole, but Cole doesn’t intrude on dreams, does he?

Jailyn was at the door with a tray.  I’m not sure when she took over as house mother, but she’s always trying to feed me.  “Hey, Jailyn.  Is it that late?”

“It’s barely daylight, but you have a lot to do today.  I thought you might prefer being woken.”

“Thanks.  I do.”  I let her into the room, and she set the tray down on the little table.

“Is your head better?”

“Much.  No pain at all.”

There was enough for two on the tray, and Irusana.  She fixed me a plate, and began to eat.  “You worried us.  We won’t let her down here again.  Eadras said you were sleeping when the Inquisitor came by.  Why is she so horrible?”

“She’s not bad, Jailyn.  She’s just too heavily trained, and scared.  She believes in black or white, without grey.  Her rebellion was a minor step away from the status quo, and it feels like a whole new scary world to her.  Circles without Templars, and without the name.  She doesn’t understand that I *am* training my magic, because it doesn’t look like what she’s used to.  She’s probably going to want me to go through a harrowing at some point.”

“Why?”

“Many reasons.  Mostly political shit.”

“Why not just do it?  Is it the demons?”

“Demons don’t scare me.  They reflect the terrible things of the peoples of this world.  There would be no hunger demons if everyone had everything they needed.  Demons want to take pieces of you while only appearing to pay.  Like trying to bargain with Segritt without losing all your coin.  You can still choose not to bargain at all, which is safest.  They can’t steal, you can only give. 

“I don’t want to do it because it involves Lyrium, for one.  I don’t know how my body will react to it, and I think the idea of ingesting that stuff is nauseating.  For two, how would you like it for me to stand over you, sword in hand, and tell you that if you didn’t fold the sheet exactly right THIS time, you would die?  It has no effect on all the other sheets in the cupboard.  It’s a useless rite, invented for the comfort of the Chantry.  This person withstood one demon.  Harrowings are no more a good test of one’s ability to withstand demons than anything else.  Circle mages become possessed, too.”

“All the mages take lyrium. Templars, too.”

“Not this one.  Not unless I have no other choice.  I have too good an idea of what it really is.”

“What is it?”

“Not yet.  Maybe after the Inquisitor returns from the deep roads.”

“He’s going to the dwarves?”

“Every hero visits the deep roads eventually.  It’s the way of Thedas, at least recently.”

“Oh.  That makes sense.”

“I’m meandering at you.  I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Chrissy.”

“What is?”

“That you have secrets.  We know you can’t tell us until the right time.  I don’t tell you everything, either.  Everyone has private things.”

We finished our breakfasts, moving to lighter topics.  She’s seeing one of the new guys I hadn’t really talked to.  It’s weird having so many people that I don’t know them all personally.   It was nice to spend time with her, though.  We had a bit of a polite tussle over who got to take the tray back to Cook, which she won.  She told me I had to get to the stables for riding practice.

Gethon was all that was solicitous when I got out there.  He’d been concerned, but Gara had kept him away yesterday.  He didn’t have any more spare hair ties to do my hair, but he was very glad to see me.  (I’m going to have to get some hair ties, I think.)  Drummer was glad to see me, too.  We hadn’t gotten to ride for a few days.  Geth was “stealing some extra time” because I was leaving.  He rode with me instead of doing lessons this time, and we chatted for a while.  Little stuff.  The little stuff makes up the big stuff.  When we were done, he lifted me down and hugged me close.  “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too.”  I would.  I had a daily routine, and he was an important part of it.  I guess I really was going.  I wasn’t going to try to get out of it.

The rest of the morning went well.  The difference four days can make is amazing.  I really expected to come out to piles of papers.  Instead, I came out to organized lists needing decisions.  My desk is surprisingly clear.  Just the few more urgent piles.  I spent the morning working up the new schedules and putting a request in for some new workers.  I hadn’t realized how much of my day was taken up by reading and sorting drivel.  Much more gets accomplished now.  Not caught up, but closer.  My day is still full, but at least I’m heading for the surface.  Maybe soon I’ll graduate to treading water. 

I’d have to get Eadras to interview those workers, with the understanding they were only provisionally hired until I could look them over.  They needed people in the healer’s area, two people in scullery, and another person or two in housekeeping.  Nobles are sloppy as hell.  Also put in a request for another farm family.  I just have a feeling.  Thought about Eustace, and figured he also needed someone to assist him, so I snuck in a request for him, too.  He’d never ask for one.  Hell, I hadn’t asked for one.

I went to the tavern for lunch.  They had sliced beef sandwiches for the special today.  No one I knew was about on the lower floors.  I meandered up to Cole’s spot.  Not there.  Peeked in his room, and he wasn’t there either.  Sera wasn’t around either.  Must be some sort of inner circle meeting going on.

Zathras met me as I was heading back to my desk, and hauled me off toward the gates.  He apologized for his attitude before.  I was perfectly right to use anything at my disposal to defend myself.  I hadn’t even hurt him, I’d just let him hurt himself and he knew it.  He did say he was more confident in my survival if that’s how I reacted.  I’d heard a bit of razzing about him being hurt by a novice.  Everyone knows novices are more dangerous because you can’t predict them.  It’s not fair of them to tease him about it.  Anyway, we sparred at a lot slower pace this time, and he made sure I had time to get my guard back up.  I think he was trying to avoid being hurt again.  See me?  I’m DANGEROUS.  LOL

I got down to my desk without incident, and was knee deep in a report on goat cheese projections when something tapped my desk.  I think.  I didn’t know, so I ignored it.  Then a manicured hand snatched my report!  “Dove, I believe we’re a day behind?” 

“Just let me finish this report and I’ll be right with you.”

“While I’m sure that,” he looked down, “treatises on crottin de chavignol futures are fascinating, there are more important things.  Like being able to use that decorative pole behind you.”

“I’m sure I’ve used decorative poles before.  Most of them were far more decorative than useful, actually.”

“You need to meet better men, my dear.  But that is beside the point.  I’m here to begin your staff training, and you will not be wiggling out of it.”

“Fine.  Be that way.”

“Indeed I shall.” 

I grabbed my staff.  I was unprepared for the hum, and nearly dropped it.  “Sorry.”

“It happens to everyone.  Let’s go where you can swing that thing effectively.”

We went to my practice spot outside the walls.  He started with how to hold it, which is much like I’d held a quarterstaff before.  I mean, I did play around with one at one point.  Not an expert or anything, of course.  I mostly spent my time tending blisters on my hand and bruises.  Still, he seemed impressed that I hadn’t dropped it ten minutes in.  In game, it looks like all you do is swing it about and crap shoots out the top.  Nope.  Doesn’t happen.  Swung it about for three hours, and not a single anything.  Dorian didn’t seem surprised, so I guess it takes something else.  I wasn’t about to experiment with him in the way, so I’d wait for instruction.

That instruction came toward the end of practice.  “I’m impressed so far, but then, I expected to be.  Is there anything you try you don’t do well at?”

“Drawing, painting, pottery making, knitting, needlepoint, historical research, acting, public speaking, dealing with large crowds, woodworking, smithing, swordplay, shall I go on?”

He laughed.  “Swordplay?”

“Tried it once upon a time, sucked at it.”

“There’s another portion of staff use you haven’t touched.  You know about it and haven’t tried it.  Why not?”

“I didn’t want to accidentally hurt you.  I don’t know how to turn on the fireballs or iceballs or lightning or whatever, and didn’t want to have it pointed in the wrong direction if I got it right during experimentation.”

“Well, part of this is figuring out what we have to teach you, Dove.  So I’m going to stand safely over there, and you play, pointing it THAT way.”

I looked at the staff.  It’d been humming through the whole afternoon.  I tried humming the same note.  Nothing.  I opened my SELF and LOOKED.  The staff was made of something conductive, maybe?  I could feel the tingle of electricity coming from the ball at the top, and see it sort of formed?  The tines that held the ball in place were more like pointers?  I pushed just a little glowy dust into the thing and it made a huge noise and shot an arc of electricity.  I may have shrieked and dropped the staff.  And gotten laughed at.

“You figured it out!  Varric owes me a sovereign.  He thought I’d have to show you.”

“Not quite yet, actually.  That was environmental.  I have to make it work from my personal store.  Right?”

“I presume so?”

I grasped the staff again, and the next time I PUSHED the stuff within my own bubble down my arm into the staff.  I may have overdone it.  I woke up in Dorian’s arms, in the middle of a circle bare of any snow or grass.  “Chrissy?”  He was tapping my face.  “Darling, you need to learn a little restraint,” he sighed, as I opened my eyes.  I was so tired.  “Do your breathing, dear, and fix yourself up, because we’re not done.”

I did.  Mostly because I was surprised he’d say something like that.  After about fifteen minutes, I felt better.  Still tired, but coherent.  “I’m better.  What’d I do wrong, Dorian?”

“You pushed everything you had through the staff.  Not a good plan if you intend to hit someone again.  Normally, I would have to tell someone to use more of themselves.  You act like you’ve never hit a limit.”

“Once.  Maybe.  The effort to make that basin took everything I had or could gather, except for a bit I kept back to stay conscious.”

“Alright, so now I know that the first time you do anything you give it 100%.  Under normal circumstances, that might be admirable, but not now.  Keeping conscious, for example, would be a good thing.  Try it again, and this time only give it maybe half a percent.”

I stood up, grasping the staff.  Without opening my SELF, I let a little bit of my magic trickle through the staff.  The ball flickered a bit.  That was interesting.  Thinking back, Solas had told me “never in battle” when I’d tried to open my SELF during the attack at Haven.  Any time I’d use this thing would probably count as a battle.  So what I needed was a slow leak of some kind, amplifying the vibrations already in place, right?

“Slow leak?”  Oops.  I’d said it out loud.

“I’m processing information, love.  Sorry.”

“Process away.  Feel free to ruminate aloud.  It’s fascinating.”

I was rocking as I thought.  In game, the magic left the staff at a release point, much like throwing a baseball, if you threw a baseball every which way. The concept held, though.  Release at the peak of the swing to aim the ball properly with the most force.  Or maybe it was like a sling?  No, that worked more like a trebuchet in the hand, and the movements I’d been learning didn’t match up.

It was more like an aspergilla, maybe?  A disgustingly large aspergilla, which you can also use to hit people if they’re too close?  And the magic flowed like droplets of water?  That could explain why there were more hits every so often.  A slow leak, flinging the magic THROUGH the orb at the top of the staff so it became electricity.  That’s the shortcut.  And don’t open the SELF.  Dorian was chuckling quietly.  “What?”

“Solas owes me a sovereign as well.  He said you’d have to be told how the staff worked.”

“Hah.  He forgets the barrier lesson.  Give me clues and I’ll piece together the methods. I have a thousand systems in my head.  This had to match something.”

“A thousand systems of what?”

“Never mind, Dorian.  It’s not important.”

I tried it.  Standing up, I pulled the head of the staff back, and then sort of pinpricked my aura at the fingertips.  I could feel the uncomfortable drip of magic, but if I meditated while I did this, it wouldn’t matter.  Swinging the staff around, I tried a move I’d been showed.  It did.  Sort of.  The drip flowed up the staff and hit the side of the orb, creating a weak little arc that didn’t go anywhere near where I wanted.  So imagine my surprise when Dorian jumped up and clapped.

“Excellent, Dove.  You’ve got it!”

“I didn’t get the magic through the center of the orb, the lightning was the wimpiest I’ve ever seen, and it didn’t land anywhere close to where I aimed.  How is that a good thing?”

“You figured it out, dear.  You managed to do it without blinding my senses this time, too.  We’re heading in now.  We can practice later, now that you’ve gotten a clue.”

“Is this how you teach other baby mages?”

“Not at all.  I’d have painstakingly explained every little step, including aiming their internal structure at the staff and releasing their grip on their aura at the contact point.  Would that have helped you at all?”

“Probably not.  Well, the aura-contact point would have.  Are you sure we should quit?  A few more tries to get it set in my mind might be a good idea.”

“Did you not notice the darkness?  It’s time to go in.  No more tonight.”

“Just one more?”

“No, dove.  Let’s go.”  I took a step and nearly stumbled.  “You really need to learn how to pace yourself, darling,” he said as he swung me into his arms, staff and all.  “Don’t argue.  It’ll be much faster than if I had to match the pace your tiny little legs set.  I’m positively famished, and it’s cold out here when darkness falls.”

He hadn’t taken into account the stir arriving back while carrying me might cause.  Apparently a soldier panicked and sent word to Ethelathe that I was being carried.  Way too many people met us at the gatehouse, and I had to explain I was tired, not hurt.  Dorian was just impatient, and wouldn’t wait for me to stumble along.  He still wouldn’t put me down until we reached the main hall.

Sitting at Varric’s table, they brought food for us.  I went down to Ethelathe Hall after we’d eaten.  My pen was stolen from me when I tried to do some paperwork.  I was leaving soon, I didn’t even know what day.  I had to get it done.  They didn’t agree with me, and we did the songtime thing before I was shooed off to bed.

 


	57. Day 54, 27 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting ready to go, Geth is oblivious, Solas isn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had random children all weekend. Lots of fun, if fun is defined as herds of thundering elephants and shrieks of glee. Sorry for the lack of updates. Should be back on track tomorrow.

### Skyhold, Day 54, 27 Bloomingtide, 9:41

It was another early morning.  A dress day, but this one my plainest one.  I’d seen it before many times.  No embellishments or decorative buttons or anything.  YAY!  Something I could work in.  It didn’t occur to me until about ten minutes later that I’d been so grateful to have a plain dress I could work in I hadn’t griped about needing pants.  Leorah’s training me like a puppy or something, damn it.

Anyway, I checked my desk for my schedule.  Turns out tomorrow is the day we leave.  I have a ton to do.  Had breakfast in the kitchens with Cook since it was so early.  Fed the kitty.  Decided to check on Cullen, because it’d been a few days and he’s an early riser anyway.  On my way through the atrium I found a fun sight.

Solas, with pigment dotting his clothing and skin, sleeping on the little couch in there.  Awww.  The second panel was nearly complete.  I couldn’t help it.  I leaned down so my face was a few inches from his, and stroked his cheek.  His violet eyes slowly opened.  “Good morning,” I said.  It took him a moment to focus, so I brushed a thumb over his bottom lip as I kissed his cheek.  I backed up before he could think to do anything.  “Enjoy your day, Solas.” 

It was quite pleasant to hear him curse when he missed his grab for me.  I may or may not have been laughing quietly as I left.  He started it, after all.  I’d been kissing everyone else’s cheeks for a while now, so I wouldn’t want him to feel left out or anything.  And if he didn’t want to be woken, he should have slept in his room.  He plays in the fade.  I play here.

I was completely unsurprised to find Cullen up and about.  He looked pretty good today, like he’d actually gotten some sleep.  “Chrissy.”

“Good morning, Cullen.  You’re up early.”

“Don’t start, please.”

“I wasn’t.  You look rested for a change.  Need to chat?”

“I’m doing well, truly.”

“I’m glad.  I’m apparently leaving tomorrow.  Want me to pick up any ribbons or lace in Val Royeaux?”

“I do not wear ribbons or lace.”

“But you could give them as favors to the ladies who sigh as you walk by.  You’ve half the human girls just hoping you’ll settle your eyes on them.  The brave, tortured soul only they could soothe and cosset.  It’s really a disappointment you haven’t chosen a paramour yet.  There are bets going, you know.”

That got him.  “Bets?  On me choosing a lover?”

“Yep.  Care to give me a hint?  Maybe Leliana?  Cassandra?”

“Absolutely not!  Maker’s breath you are a trial.”

“At least I’m warning you.  Take care of yourself while I’m gone, Commander.  I should be very unhappy to see you unwell when I get back.”

“Don’t worry about me, Chrissy.”

“Pish.  That’s not how it works and you know it.  I’m allowed to worry about you if I want.”

“I’ll worry back.”

“That’s how it should be.  Besides, you’re a natural worrier.  Later, Cullen.”

I headed through to the stables the long way, dropping off the walls.  Did not want to run through the atrium again.  Geth was waiting for me.  He looked off, somehow.  “You okay, Geth?”

“Yeah.  Yeah.  I had a weird dream last night.  Someone told me that some hair ties he’d found smelled like horses, so they must belong to me.  When I woke up, eleven hair ties were on the pillow next to my head. It was kind of creepy, actually.  But that’s beside the point.  We’re really busy getting everything ready for tomorrow.  Can we cancel lessons, hon?”

“Of course.  Anything you need.”  There was no doubt in my mind who’d given Geth that dream.  Asshole.

“Drummer’s being checked out for tomorrow, so you’d have had to be on someone else anyway.”  He wrapped his arms around me.  “I’m going to miss you.”  I hugged him back, echoing the sentiment. 

I tilted my face up close to him, but he was lost in thought.  “Geth?”  I slid my hands up to his shoulders, running my fingers through the hair at his neck.  No response.  I stood on tiptoes so our faces were closer together, and brushed his nose with mine.  “Hey.  Forget about me?”

“Oh, no.  I’m fine, Chrissy.  See you.”  He gave me another quick squeeze, and then walked away.  ARG!  Men are morons.

I headed back up through the kitchens.  Halton had a new stack of things in the center of my desk, along with my previously confiscated pen.  I did my hair up with my skewers and got to work.  A few minutes later, Halton verbally listed a bazillion things that had to be handled before tomorrow.  We worked through lunch, actually, and he had sandwiches delivered. 

The boys played in the pillows with Irusana.  Andrew told me he’d take good care of her as long as I took good care of Garalen.  I guess she’s going, too.  The Tweedles are showing some real talent in sneaking and evasion. I may have to introduce them to someone who can help them hone that.  Daniel is still set on being a confectionary, and likes to spend his days in with Cook.  She doesn’t mind, so I don’t mind, so long as he gets his lessons in first.

Towards the middle of the afternoon, the area cleared out.  Andrew took the boys outside, Halton had to run off and talk to Eustace and Josie, and I was the only one left in the room.  And my hair fell.  I turned in my chair to look at Solas.  “Give me those back.”

“I will.  It’s prettier down.”  He set the skewers on Halton’s desk.  “That wasn’t nice.”

“What wasn’t?”

“Accosting a sleeping man.”

“I did no such thing.  I waited until you were awake.  It was morning, and you needed to clean up anyway.  You were covered in cute little colored bits of plaster.”

“I shall bear that in mind for the future.”

“If you prefer, I shall never bother you again.”

“Perhaps you could wait until I am more awake.”  He ran his fingers through my hair.

“That seems like it would carry more risk.  What you did to Geth wasn’t nice, either.”

“I merely returned his hair ties.  Nothing else.  How is that not nice?”

“And told him they smelled like horse.”

“They do.  Remember you started this, Da’asha, when the time comes.”

“Actually, you did.”

“I did?”

“You complained that I didn’t touch you.  And that there was no snuggling.”

“I’m still missing out on the snuggling, aren’t I.”  He leaned down and kissed my cheek. 

“You want snuggles?”

“Regrettably, now is not the time.  We have a long journey together, ma’haselan’udh.  Starting tomorrow.”  He dragged his thumb along my lip.  “You have things to do.  You should also get some rest.  You’re going to need it.”

“Everyone’s going, not just us.”

He squatted to look me in the eye.  “I know.  You’ll still need rest.  Your lessons will not stop because we travel.  Dorian and I are of one mind on this.” 

“So you’re not upset?”

“A scant inch and the morning would have been quite different, Da’asha.”

“I rather doubt it.  But you believe that if it makes you feel better.”  He just smiled and left. 

I snagged my skewers from Halton’s desk and put my hair back up.  I had a lot more to do, he was right.  By dinnertime, I’d gotten down a list of standing orders.  I wrote something saying Leorah was my second, and would handle emergencies.  I included that she’d defer to Leliana in any relevant matters.  I’d surprise Leorah with it tomorrow.

By my calculations, I was looking at fourteen days in just travel time, not including the actual battle or time in Val Royeaux.  Possibly longer, considering the number of people that were going.  More people means slower, usually.  I was going to miss two arbitration days, two hug days, goodness knows what else. 

I made time to eat dinner with everyone.  Heard all the latest gossip, checked specifically on Feren and Isa, and hugged everyone, just in case.  They had to do their jobs in the morning.  Life couldn’t stop for me to hug a hundred people at dawn.  Cook and a few others came by, along with some of the uncles and others.

Leorah had everything I needed packed, she said, except for my nightgown for this evening and some travel wear for tomorrow.  That explains why I’m in a plain working dress today, I suppose.  “You have to promise me you’ll wear the dresses in Val Royeaux,” she told me.

“I promise.  You do amazing work, and I’ll be proud to show it off.”

“I’ve also packed a travel bag.  Your regular clothes, a medikit, rations for three days, and some basic tools are in there.  We’ll take good care of Irusana.  Don’t you worry about a thing.”

I also got a list of requests.  Things to pick up while I’m out shopping.  Some were never going to happen.  I’m not buying Daniel a “real, live tiger”.  Some might.  Like Isa’s request for a rattle for her baby.  I may contact Sabrae about that one, actually.  I tucked fresh paper and my pen into my bag, as well as the list of requests.  I was going to leave most of my journal here.  No use carrying the whole thing.  I put my figurine in my room. 

Songtime was fun.  I pulled out Waltzing with Bears again, and discovered that Thedas has a version of the old lady who swallowed the fly song.  I was leaving the guitar with Eadras.  It was too pretty to take.  I didn’t want anything to happen to it.

I tucked the kids in, promising not to leave without waking them and saying goodbye.  Took my last bath in my own bathing tub.  Time for bed with kitty.  Probably not going to sleep a wink, but I better try.


	58. Day 55, 28 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning madness, and a relatively boring day traveling. Then I irritated the magic teachers.

### Skyhold, Day 55, 28 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I tossed and turned most of the night, annoying my kitty.  Eventually I got up and did some more paperwork.  I can’t believe I’m leaving before I’m even caught up.  I’d had Halton on board for a week, and I guess this was sink or swim time.  I left more instructions on different things, the daily stuff he’ll have to deal with, on his desk. 

A messenger came down, knocking on the “servant’s hall” door.  He seemed surprised to see me.  Turns out he was the knocker-up.  Leorah and the others were surprised to see me, too.  I got a bit of a talking to, until I handed her the document I drew up regarding her.  “Don’t do anything I’ll have to undo, Leorah.  I trust you to use a very light hand only if necessary.  Eadras will handle Ethelathe, but I need you to work with Halton regarding Skyhold.”  She nodded, and gave me a hug when I handed her my key ring.  Then she gathered some of her underlings and went after my luggage while I got dressed.

Pants and tunic, and my beautiful leather vest.  Socks (ugh) and boots.  Pinchy things.  One thing I miss from my world are my boots.  Perfect fit and comfy.  These things are hard leather soles with no real padding.  We’ll see if they last the day.  Strapped on my belt knife, and looked for a way to carry my staff.  Not without spending too much time figuring it out.  I’ll think about it on the ride.  I’ll hold it in my hand for now.

My luggage turned out to be a chest, saddlebags, and a backpack.  Not bad.  Practically traveling light.  The chest has my dresses, fancier underthings, some night things, and matching shoes/slippers.  I’m advised that I must wear shoes in Val Royeaux.  The other two carry what I’ll need for the trip, including a bedroll and the sort of stuff that Leorah’d mentioned yesterday.

The courtyard was a madhouse when we got out there.  Three wagons, horses and other mounts everywhere, extra pack animals, some exiting nobles, all the chargers, half the support people, twenty-some soldiers, a few agents, and the entire inner circle.  We got my trunk into a wagon and just hung back.  Dennet and Cullen had this, between them.  I took the time to go wake the kids and give them their hugs.  Garalen showed up later than I expected, but considering her swollen lips and the love bites on her skin, I didn’t say anything.  I think she’d been thoroughly distracted.

The Chargers managed to get their wagon and everything done in about twenty minutes.  Garalen and I were done in about ten.  The food was packed up in about twenty minutes.  Getting the soldiers, the agents, and the inner circle up took almost an hour.  I was standing next to Krem, watching the kerfluffle, and he said, “Next time, you and I should handle it.  They’re going to have to repack every day the way they’ve got it.”

“I know, but if we wade in there now it’ll cause hurt feelings and we won’t get out of here for hours.”

“Good point.”

Quite a few of my people managed to sneak out here to get hugs.  Seggrit gave me firm orders to not pay full price for anything.  I was to ask the Inquisitor for help, because he’d seen me try to bargain.  Geth managed to steal a moment for a distracted hug.  Zathras even came by.  I told him to take care of Leorah.  He blushed, so that must be farther along than I expected.  Philomena and Marta fussed and redid my hair real quick, stashing some clips and ties in my bag.  The most interesting was Eadras.  He just stopped by and tucked me under his arm, keeping me there for a while.  Cara came up on my other side and held my hand.

“Take care of them, Eadras.”

“Until you return.”

“You’re worried I won’t?”

“What if they want to keep you at the alienage?”

“That won’t happen, hah’ren.  I won’t be kept.  Try to tie me down with anything but love and I’ll leave.”

“We love you here, da’len.  Come home to us.”  I just sighed and gave him a side hug.  He held me until it was time to mount up.  Finally.

Drummer was impatient.  He and the others had been standing forever.  I attached my bag where it belonged, stuck my staff in the holder, and went to mount up.  Before I could, I heard “allow me.  This beast is taller than you are.”

“Cullen!  I didn’t expect to talk to you.”

He lifted me into the saddle.  “Keep an eye out.  We’ll keep Skyhold until you and the Inquisitor return.”

“Leorah and Halton will be the ones to talk to.  And Eadras for Ethelathe.”

“We’ll handle it.  Keep your worrying to a minimum.”

“If you could do me a favor, commander?”

“What’s that?”

“Check in on Joan from time to time?  She’s the human woman who manages the maids and such.  I’m concerned that she’ll not have the protection she needs with me gone.”

“I will make sure no one bothers her.  Or the other girls.”

“Especially the visiting nobles?  They like to think that housemaids are amenities.”

“It will be done.”  It should be interesting.  Joan thinks he the handsomest thing in Thedas.  Yeah.  Sometimes I’m mean.  But he’s going to need something personal to think about.  The Inquisition is too big to be a help during the bad times.  Being chased around by a pretty young thing might distract him.

Finally, everyone headed out.  Gara and I hung back with the agents and the wagons for the exit. It was safer.  Why everyone was vying for position at the front of the line I have no clue.  I’d rather relax back here.  Turns out Liam was among the soldiers, and he hung back with us, too.  Harold was staying home.

We’d been about an hour in the saddle when Dorian reined his horse back to where we were.  “I didn’t even get a word this morning.”

“Good morning, love.  How was the very busy front end doing?  We of the back and the Chargers were just sort of relaxing.”

“Oh, you know, everyone wants to ride with the Inquisitor.”

“He’ll get tired of sycophantic nobles by the afternoon and come back here with us, claiming he has to consult.  You know he will.”

“You’re probably right.  How are you faring so far?”

“I’m worried about how this’ll go.  My backside’s okay for now, but that’s a worry, too.  Eadras plopped three jars of my ointment in my pack this morning.  This plodding pace isn’t helping either.  We’re going to be on the road forever at this rate.”

Dorian let out a laugh.  “You, my dear, are a homebody.”

“I knew that.”

“We’re going to have to drag you out of your cave at least a little bit.”

“Skyhold is not a cave.”

“Ethelathe Hall has no windows, dove.  You know he expected you up front near him, right?”

“Who did?”

“The Inquisitor.  He asked me to double-check you were actually with us and not hiding back at the fortress.”

“So you’re here to fetch me?”

“That I am.  He’s already tired of the Sycophantic Nobles, as you put it, and wants to rub you in their faces.”

“That sounds uncomfortable.”

“The things we do for our fearless leader.”

I bid farewell to Liam and the others, and Garalen, Dorian, and I headed up toward the front.  Sam greeted us.  “I heard you have need of me, Lord Trevelyan?”

“Always, Chrysopal.”

“Well, then we should probably speak in private.  Race you to the next rise?”

A grin bloomed on his face and he took off before shouting, “You’re on!”

“CHEATER!”  He really does have the better mount, as it should be, but Drummer was no slouch.  “Think we’ve pissed off the nobles?” I asked as I caught up to him.

“Probably.  But one can only discuss the weather for so long.”

“It is SUCH a lovely day today.”

“Not you too!”

“When are we stopping for lunch?  You’ve gone this way before.”

“There’s a large clearing about an hour after we hit the tree line.  We’ll stop there to rest the mounts and eat.”

The rest of the group had caught up to us by that point.  I couldn’t tell if there were sour looks on the Orlesian nobles’ faces or not, because masks.  But they pointedly ignored me as we continued.  We did indeed reach the clearing Sam mentioned, and everyone stopped.  There was a pretty stream nearby to water the animals, and we took the packs off the animals.

I caught Krem’s eye, and we surreptitiously started repacking the poor animal’s burden.  Charger support helped us “unload” and “redistribute the weight”.  We’d get to the wagons tonight, if we were lucky.  The Chargers ate separate from the Inquisitor and the soldiers, so it really was about two equal camps of forty-five or so each.  The nobles were planning on stopping in a village about two hours from lunch, so we’d be free of them at that point.  We were going longer before camping.

I did discover something unhappy.  Sera, Solas, Garalen, two soldiers, one agent, and I were the only elves.  Three times I was told to refill a waterskin or fetch something out of a noble’s pack.  I’m fairly nice, and we only had a couple more hours of them to deal with, so I did it to keep the noise level down.  However, when the lady dared to tell Sera to do something, she about blew up.  “Get it your own self, you lazy knob.  Your fingers ain’t broken.”  People were affronted, the Inquisitor got called, Josie soothed ruffled feathers, it wasn’t pretty.  However, I got chewed on for doing as asked to begin with. 

Well, hell.  I WANT to keep the invisible elf thing going, you know?  As long as we’re everywhere, we’re powerful.  If any of us can be exchanged for any other, we can walk literally anywhere.  I could probably walk into the King of Ferelden’s bedchamber as long as I was carrying something and looked like I was going in a hurry.  Or Empress Celene’s.  I may have muttered a bit about that to Sera as we continued.  She nodded.  “That’s good, but not YOU, you know?  You’re a face, now.”  We chatted about what that meant.  I told her I just wanted to stay at Skyhold, and she basically said to keep Skyhold, I had to be a face.  You know, she’s pretty smart, but you have to untangle her almost as much as Cole.

We packed up and got back on the road.  My backside was beginning to be sore.  I rode, sure, but not all day, right?  The nobles stopped at an inn as we passed through a village.  We travelled another two-three hours, until almost dusk.  Camp got set up quickly.  My little two-person tent was pitched between Sam’s and Dorian’s.  Sam was sharing with Varric and Blackwall, Solas with Cole and Dorian.  Bull was off with his guys.  Vivienne was sharing with no one.  Cassie, Sera, and Josie were together.  They were all in four-man tents.  The soldiers were being put in six-man, the Chargers had several ten-man tents.  We took the tack off the mounts, caring for them and tying them up for the night. 

I was pulling stuff out to help with dinner when Dorian and Solas stopped me.  “Grab your staff, Dove.  We have work to do.”  They took me almost half a mile away from camp.  I’ll just say staff practice did not go amazingly well.  I’m not the most athletic sort of person, really.  I don’t much like sweating.  Not that I sweat much here, now that I think about it.  Anyway, We’d been working a half hour or so when I got frustrated with Dorian’s statements on the effectiveness of the trickle method I was using.  And, as you know, I can be a bit of a bitch.  So I opened my SELF and powered a bit of a shock the EASY way.  “Yes! That’s it!” he started to say.

Solas immediately chimed in with NO.  As did I, actually.  Then I had to listen to a lecture about opening my SELF and so on when I’d already indicated I knew it was a bad idea.  And then Dorian was confused, so I made myself a glowy stuff stool and plopped my butt on it, hooking my feet on the rungs to be comfortable while Solas was explaining that I was using the wrong magic.  And then that derailed THAT explanation as I had to tell them I’d just made myself a temporary chair and what were they so irritated/surprised at?  It’s not like it’s hard.

In any case, the lesson ended. Solas was prying about the “firm” barriers I was making with the glowy dust and the uses I’d put them to on the way back.   Dorian was introduced to the concept of environmental as opposed to personal magic on the way, as well.  It was productive, but not in the way they wanted, because I still can’t center the drippage on the staff (and I’ve been told the ball is for aiming only, it’s the staff that does the work), and can’t aim for shit.

We got back in time for dinner.  Stew, what a surprise.  It was weird to sit around the campfire and no one sang or anything.  I am so used to songtime at night.  Gara apparently felt the same way, because she mentioned that humans weren’t very musical.  Quietly, so as not to offend, of course. 

I went off to the small creek to wash my face and fill the waterskins.  Solas followed me.  “Dream with me.”

“Dream with you?”

“Tonight.  Invite me to your dreams.”

“That’s a really bad idea.”

“Do it anyway, ma’haselan’udh.”  He lifted the back of a hand to my cheek.  “I wish to talk.”

“You’re just curious about my magic.”

“Not just your magic is interesting.  Dream with me.  Say yes.”

“Fine.  But if you do anything I don’t like, you’ll regret it.”

“I have no doubt.”  He stayed until I finished filling everything, and warned me to be careful about wandering alone.  “This is not Skyhold, after all.”  Huh? That was an odd tone.

“What’s that mean?”

“You are in very little danger there.  Out here, you are much less protected.”

“It’s sweet of you to worry, but Garalen’s on it.”  He didn’t say anything further, just helped me carry the waterskins back.  Bedtime was earlier than usual.  Leorah’d packed no nightgowns, so my choices were clothes I’ve been in all day or smalls.  Since Gara went with smalls, so did I. The socks.  Ugh.  And the boots.  Maybe I can get away with no boots tomorrow.  We'll be in the saddle all day anyway.  At least my tush doesn't hurt all that much. I waited until everyone was asleep to write.  I don’t think I’m going to veil it tonight.  I’m way to close to the other mages, and Dorian suggests caution. A lot.


	59. Day 56, 29 Bloomingtide, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas. Whoah. And traveling. And a bio-luminescent lake? They never said that!

### Skyhold, Day 56, 29 Bloomingtide, 9:41

I was dreaming of music again when Solas showed up.  I actually dream of music a lot.  I miss the constant music I experienced at home.  Totally into a Peter, Paul, and Mary concert I attended as a child when he sat down beside me.  It startled me, and I lost my memory.  I must have made a noise, because he immediately apologized.  Thank goodness it was an outdoor concert, or we would have fallen out of the seats, too.

“That was interesting music.  A boy friends with a dragon?”

“It was a nice dragon.”

“You have interesting dreams, da’asha.  I didn’t recognize the snake-like things bound to the pillars in front of the musicians.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“There is such a thing as an implied question.”

“I know, but it’s more fun making you ask.”

“What were they?”

“Devices to capture, transport, and amplify sound waves.”

“Sound waves?”

“Frequencies of the range ears can hear.”

“Dwarven make?”

“That’s a more complicated question than you know.  It’s possible, as the original creator was German.”

“How is whether something is Dwarf made complicated?”

“Are we asking personal questions?”  He looked confused.

“How is it a personal question?”

“That would also be a personal question.  Will you grant me more reserve questions?”

“Is there nothing about me you want to know?”

“Nothing you’ll answer.  Not yet.  I’m enjoying learning your personality firsthand, actually.  You can be a bit of a butt sometimes, but you’re generally kind.”

“You think you know me so well?”

“I read the works of Terry Pratchet.  A quote reminds me of you in one of your moods.  ‘There was something about the eyes. It wasn’t the shape or the color. There was no evil glint. But there was… a look. It said: You are nothing. It said: You are flawed, you have no value. It said: You are animal. It said: Perhaps you may be a pet, or perhaps you may be a quarry. It said: And the choice is not yours.’  You sometimes look upon the world that way, Solas.  And then other times, you look with wonder at someone or something, like they’ve astonished you, or you found a bit of beauty you hadn’t expected to see.  Usually Sam, sometimes me, rarely the others.  Most of the time, you’re somewhere in the middle.”

“You astonish me constantly, ma’haselan’udh.  But I don’t believe you just gave me a compliment.  Who is this Terry Pratchet?  Perhaps I should read his works myself.”

“That would be quite the feat, considering I have not seen his works since the breach.  Reality tears, and things are lost. “

“This I know well.”

I touched his hand.  “It wasn’t intended as an insult, Solas.”

He grasped my hand and raised it to his lips.  “I don’t think it was, Chrissy.  I admit I’ve sometimes looked at the world with that sort of thought process.  I…  Never mind.  Your mind is quite different from anything I expected.”

I stood up, tugging at him.  “Are we going to sit here listening to me quote things that don’t exist here?  Or did you have some plan?”

“You manage to undermine every plan, somehow.”  He stood up as well, keeping my hand.  “It’s one of the things I find interesting about you.  But you may quote anything you wish.”

“I keep telling you that I’m not trying to be interesting.”

“You wouldn’t be so if you were trying.  Let me show you something.”

“What does haselan mean?”

“Ah, ah, I get a question for that.”

“I have a question in reserve.”

“I decline to answer at this time, perhaps later.  Let’s walk.”  He wrapped my hand around his forearm and we did.  He showed me the stream near camp, where I’d filled the waterskins.  “Once, long ago, this stream was far larger.  It provided fresh, clean water to travelers.  They knew it was so, because look.”  He pointed at a jumble of rock.  It took a moment for the memory to show, but the stones reformed to a woman and a wolf.  The woman was pouring the water from a vase.  It was a fresco, not a statue, but it was interesting.  I’m betting it was Mythal.

“Was that Mythal?”

“It could be.  Only the people who created the fresco would know for sure.”

“Hmmm.”

He walked me around the area, showing me surprising things.  A butterfly garden, long abandoned.  A smaller campsite, which they had used before, and which was guarded by yet another dog statue.  He stiffened just a hair when I called it that.  “It’s actually a statue of the Dread Wolf.”

I smothered a smirk.  “Interesting.  Must have been a Dalish campsite, then, I suppose.  They seem to place statues of him everywhere.”  I didn’t look at him.  “For a people who don’t like him much, they sure do talk about him a lot.  Half their curses involve his unmentionable bits.”  I know he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t see a way to do so safely. 

We continued along the same line, him showing me the traces of ancient people surrounding us.  Not just elven, actually, but battles and religious places as well.  Anything that made an impact on the fade.  There was a spot where a human tribe had venerated a flowerpot, of all things, because it didn’t crack when it fell down the mountain.  A dry well where a woman had sung of her lover.  Honestly it hadn’t seemed very long when he led us back to the butterfly garden.  “This place reminds me of you.”

“Why?”

“The obvious butterflies, flitting from place to place, catch the attention.  But if you wait patiently, you find that there are a thousand other creatures that make this place home.  You pretend to be the butterfly alone, but you are all the thousand other creatures as well.  Everything from the deer to the spider.  The birds, the squirrels, perhaps even the things that hunt them.”

“And the snake, ready to strike at your foot?”

“Even so.  Deadly, in its own way, but striking only when startled or attacked.” He released my hand and turned to face me.  “A request, da’asha.”  He led me to the memory of a bench, and sat, pulling me next to him.

“Again?”

“Always, with you.”  He turned so his back was against the arm of the bench, increasing the space between us.

“What is the request?”

“You already know.  You offered your lips to another, and he refused you.  Offer them to me.”

“How do you know that?”

“I was checking over Raindrop.  I couldn’t help but notice.”

“And why should I?”

“Because I would have tasted them before you offered them to him, if I’d been faster.”

“Think so?”

“I do.”

“I don’t think I’m ready.”

“I ask for nothing other than a taste, ma’haselan.  Here, where it is only a dream.  Do you dream of me?”

“Well, obviously right now.”  He smiled.  “You’re too tall to kiss.  Why can’t you be normal size?”

“Perhaps you are supremely short, da’asha.  Offer them, just here in the fade.”

“In the fade, where dreams and memory and reality blend until you can’t separate one from the other.”

“That’s an interesting way to look at it.”

“Isn’t it accurate?”  I made sure my eyes were wide and curious.

“To a degree.  It’s more complicated than blending.  From moment to moment the reflection of reality can change, but the fade is all the different…” He made a grumbly sound as he realized.  He pulled me into his lap, wrapping me in his arms.  “You distracted me, but no more.  You are unique.  You show an understanding of the world, even the fade, I never expected to find.  You are safe with me, da’asha. You thought about it when you touched my mouth.  Wondered if you dared.”

“You’re much more forward in the fade.  I’m not ready, Solas.  Not yet.  There are still too many secrets between us.”

“But you’re ready for him?”

“He’s a lot less complicated.  Sweet, caring, undemanding.  I understand what he wants, even when I don’t like it much.  You are different.”

“Then I will wait,” he said at my ear, his lips brushing it, “Because you will become bored with uncomplicated.  I have a feeling that time is on my side.  I will keep asking, until you tell me no.  You’ve never said no, Chrysopal, in all the protesting you’ve done.  But I begin to think there may be fewer secrets than you claim.”  He kissed the hollow under my ear.

“Fewer secrets?”  I did NOT squeak.

“Yes. You know things you should not.  Tarasyl'an Te'las.  I never told you the old name, ma’haselan.  And you behave as if you believe it is mine, not the Inquisition’s, at times.”  I could feel his breath as he spoke.

“I read it.  And you led the Inquisitor there.  You’ve explored it.”

“Hmmm.  I like that you do not lie, but spin your webs anyway, haselan’udh.  Cole tells me I am no mystery to you.  What should I think of that?  Hmmm?”  I shivered.  He was humming right on my skin.  Oh God.  I pulled away a bit, and he didn’t pursue.

“You aren’t.  Male people are fairly predictable.  Maybe you shouldn’t be humming?”

“You like the humming.  You are a mystery to me.” That was a pout in his voice.  It was kind of cute.

“Ask the right questions.”

“I shall think on the questions, then.  After you wake up.”

* * *

 

Garalen was already dressing.  “Are you okay, Chrissy?  You’re flushed,” she said as I sat up.  “You’re not getting sick, are you?”

“No.  I’m fine.  It’s nothing.”  No more walks in the fade.  Well, maybe walks.  But no more sitting.  Certainly no more fade cuddles.  Damn sneaky wolf.  My hands were still shaking as I pulled on the clothes from yesterday.  I’d not done much in them, after all.  I stuffed my socks and boots into my pack.  No way.  I will refrain from the pinchy stuff today. 

Turns out Solas told the truth, so long ago.  It seems the best way to wake up the Inquisitor is with a ladle of water.  He’s the heaviest sleeper I’ve ever seen, I thought.  I wondered if he’s always been that way.  For a rogue type, it seems heavy sleeping would be a bad thing.  But when I mentioned it, he just put his finger beside his nose, then pointed it at me.  “That’s interesting, Chrissy.  You’re not suggesting I’m shamming, are you?” Well, no.  I hadn’t been.  But I am now.  And that means he’d been awake when I asked him to let go of me!  And let Solas dump ale on me!  And climbed Josie's leg on purpose.  Grrr.  I think he saw the dawning irritation in my eyes, because he suddenly had to find something to do on the other side of camp.

Everyone groaned when breakfast was porridge.  Except me.  I like porridge.  If we’re going to have porridge every morning, this will be a great trip.  And COFFEE.  Porridge and coffee.  Breakfast of Champions.  I redid my hair, tended Drummer, and packed up our stuff.  “Hello Cole.”

“I like that you know.”

“I’m glad, because I can’t help it.  You told him.”

“I didn’t.  He asked if you found him as mysterious as he found you.”

“Please, Cole.”

“I know those eyes.”

“I inherited them.  It wasn’t me he knew.”

“You could tell him.  He won’t hurt you.”

“That wouldn’t work.”

“You’re playing! Does he know?  Yes.  And no.  You confuse him.  Why are you happy about that?”

“Because it means I’m real.  Now he needs to see the others.”

“Why were her lips bigger yesterday?”

“Garalen’s?  You should probably talk to Varric on that one.”

“You never mind questions.”

“But sometimes others would have better answers.”

“Varric has better answers?”

“On this one?  Yeah.  Maybe Bull, but definitely Varric.”

“Thank you!”  Varric was going to kill me.  Yup, not even five minutes later.

“Cuddles, you sent the kid to ME?”

“Maybe.  Did you not know the answer?”

“Why me?”

“Because you would be able to explain without blushing.”

“Oh ho, so that means you wouldn’t?”

I deflected his teasing and we got underway.  The traveling was fine.  The salve ensured my rear wasn’t hurting.  Even my feet were fine in the stirrups.  The pace was a bit faster, since the ponces were gone.  Thank goodness.

The interesting part was that Dorian is flat out running from Bull.  In game, I was concerned that Bull was being overbearing, or perhaps coercing.  He’s just barely flirting, if you can even call it that.  But he’s not going off in a corner to do it.  He’s making statements at the top of his lungs across the camp.  “Hey, You, Yeah YOU, the Vint with the pretty eyes!  Need your waterskin refilled?  I’m headed that way!”  Everything in public, yet nothing obvious.  Dorian’s hidden that side of himself carefully all his life.  He’s not sure what to do about active and “aggressive”.

We stopped for lunch and to rest the mounts.  Almost two hours of sitting around.  Dorian snagged me for practice, a bit.  Not staves, just basic fade manipulation.  Like doing scales after playing Mozart.  Boring.  Light the candle, blow out the candle.  No good, it ruffled my hair.  Again, please.  Over and over.  I was about to veil myself and escape when the call to mount up happened.

Madame de Fer actually spoke to me.  She’s glad to see I’ve come to my senses and am taking instruction.  She heard about the issues with Fiona, and “understands completely” why I wouldn’t want to deal with her.  “Dorian is a much better choice, my dear.  And when he’s taught you all he knows, perhaps you will want real instruction, hmmm?”  I just smiled at her.  She’s too crafty for me.  I think this is the first time she’s ever chosen to speak to me.  Apparently this stuff is what the circle mages recognize as “instruction”.  It’s like they expect me to be able to do nothing without careful explanations and being shown a hundred times.  And then I’m going to get it wrong for another thousand before I can light a candle. 

The afternoon wound down, and we were basically off the mountain.  Lake Calenhad was on the right, and we were lucky to camp on the shore this evening.  We’d reached the imperial highway, which increased our speed drastically, almost immediately after lunch.  Inquisibabe said we’re just about halfway there. 

I had expected beautiful vistas, honestly, but everything near the highway is only kind of pretty.  I mean it’s green, but it’s not a verdant green.  There are flowers, but they’re not the most colorful.  There’s less ambient magic about.  Still plenty, don’t get me wrong, but there is less. I think I’m the only one having the issue, because all the humans keep talking about the beautiful views. 

One fun thing.  Lake Calenhad has bio-luminescent life forms, at least at this part.  When you disturb the water, it glows blue in the night.  The Thedasians understand it’s not actually magic.  It’s been studied.  Nothing in the guides or the books or the games ever mentioned the bio-luminescent lake, though.  I spent most of the evening with my feet in it, just to make it blue.  And the lake is big enough to have waves, so the shore lights up every few minutes. 

My fascination with the lake is funny, I guess.  Josie, Inquisibabe, Garalen, even Varric have dropped by to ask why I’m holed up out here.  It’s beautiful.  And I breathe better here rather than near that road.  You’d think this would be in the guides.  Finally, Dorian came by to hustle me off to bed.  He apologized for the “magic lesson”, but said that it was important to be seen doing those things.  I guess he understands Viv better than I do, because I just want to tell her to leave me alone.

Solas caught my eye and arched a brow as I went to my tent.  I don’t think so.  I shook my head no.  I can’t handle two nights in a row of that.  So I’m just writing and heading for sleep.


	60. Day 3, 30 Bloomingtide, 9:41: Road trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inky's a butt, hug day, creeping out Varric, Solas is weird, and making camp early because reasons.

### Road Trip, Day 3, 30 Bloomingtide, 9:41

Don’t know why I was saying Skyhold.  Just habit I guess.  Anyway, I’m not at Skyhold, so I shouldn’t say that.  Dreams were normal, except I kept hearing laughter.  Female laughter.  Don’t know who or why.  Not as many wisps around here, either.  Only a couple in the whole night, now that I know how to look for them.

Hug day!  I didn’t know if anyone would remember.  Well, it’s supposed to be hug day.  I opened my SELF to check on everyone back home.  They’re healthy.  Content.  There were a lot of fuzzy connections, though, from over the horizons in many directions.  I ran my fingers over the threads, and forgot to skip one.  I was expecting a tug, but I got… something else.  I’m not sure what he did, but my skin tingled.  All of it.  Eep.  It was not unpleasant.  He’d better not do that when I’m in public.

I was up before Garalen this morning.  I don’t quite sleep as late when I’m not playing with people in the fade.  Fresh clothing, no socks, no boots.  I don’t need them, and they’re annoying.  I’m starting to see why a lot of elves go shoeless.  They’ve not realized left feet and right feet are shaped differently.  At least the slippers will fit well. 

I climbed out of the tent, and went to offer to help with breakfast.  I was rebuffed rather speedily.  I must have looked shocked or something, because the guy apologized.  “Sorry, my lady, but I have orders.  You’re not allowed to be working.”

“Whose orders?”

“The Inquisitor’s, my lady.”

“When did he say that?”

“At the meeting, my lady.”

“I’m not a my lady.  It’s Mistress, or Chrysopal.”

“Of course, my lady.  I have orders on that, too.  Can I get you something to drink?”  *sigh*  I let him get me a mug of coffee.  We hadn’t had this conversation yesterday because I woke up later.  Apparently Inquisibutt gave orders. 

I meandered over to the Chargers.  I really needed a hug day with them.  Luckily they remembered, and I got several.  Krem even full on hugged instead of just letting me hug him.  Bull wasn’t awake yet, so I’d get him later, but truthfully?  I was more worried about never getting to hug the guys again.  Over the course of the early morning, I got around to all the soldiers I knew, which was eight of them.  One other was brave enough for a hug.  I’d gotten basically everyone I needed to get before the inner circle people and Garalen got up.

I helped her take down the tent and gave her a hug.  “Even if we’re not at home, it’s still hug day.”  She hugged me back. 

I heard Dorian pipe up from behind us.  “Hug day?  How could I have forgotten?”  He picked me up and swung me around.  He didn’t even put me down before snuggling me.  Longest hug of the morning.  I just wrapped my arms around his neck and held on.

“You okay, love?” I asked quietly.

“Just really need a hug this morning, Dove.”  He had his head buried in my neck, my feet way off the ground.  He rocked us as he talked.

“For as long as you need, anytime you need.  You know that.  You don’t have to wait for hug day.  If you need, I’ll find another tent and we can share.”

“That’s… No.  That wouldn’t be a good idea.  But I appreciate the offer.”

“Dorian, what’s wrong?”

“We have to maintain some decorum out here, my dear.  It’s actually pretty important.”

“He says, as he dangles her three feet off the ground.”

“It’s not three feet.”  But he set me down.  “Where are your shoes?”

“Packed in my trunk in the wagon.”

He sighed.  “I mean your boots.  You are not wearing anything on your feet.”

“Haven’t been since that first day.  And I thought you were observant, my love.”  I patted his cheek.

“You need something on your feet.”

“Why?  If you can give me a viable reason other than someone fancy might be offended at seeing my toes, I’ll consider putting those horrid ill-fitting things back on.”

“What if you step on something?”

“I’m going to be on a hart, Dorian.  What am I going to step on?”

“Until then.”

“This place is fairly well trampled.  Not a lot to hurt my feet.  No, Dorian.”

“I will find you something that will work.”

“I have shoes for Val Royeaux.  Be happy.”

There was a feminine squeal behind me.  Josie’d been grabbed by Inquisibutt and he was holding her off the ground.  I shook my head.  “He’s taking advantage of hug day.”

“No more than I was, Dove.”

Varric cracked his neck next to us.  “I didn’t think you’d do that out here.”

“Why not?  There’s to be battle soon.”  I looked at him.  “Take the opportunities offered, Storyteller.  Sometimes you don’t know when the last time you’ll see someone is.  Or when something will happen that will solidify someone’s nature.”

“You being creepy again, Cuddles?”  He looked at me oddly. 

I reached out and hugged him.  “A girl could get a complex with how often you call me creepy, Son of Garen.”

“Shit like that is why I do it.  Where’d you get these ideas?”

“I read it somewhere?”

“I don’t see me digging into your ancestry, Cuddles.”

“Someday soon, Storyteller, I may just tell you about my great-grandmother and how she became a pawn of men and enacted her revenge upon them.”

“That sounds like it might be an interesting story.”

“It’s a story you won’t hear anywhere else in Thedas, to my knowledge.”

Beside my ear I heard “Perhaps you might share this story with me?”  I startled and wheeled.

“Damn, Solas.  I swear I’m going to get you a bell.  Don’t sneak up on me!”  He was smirking.  Ass.

“I’m just standing here.”  His tone was pure innocence.

“And I’ve got oceanfront property in the Hunterhorns,” I said, dripping sarcasm.  Varric laughed at that one.  “If you’ll excuse me, I need to chat with Sera.”

The ladies were up, so I helped them strike the tent.  I gave Sera and Cassie quick hugs when we were done.  Josie came back to their tent and got one, too.  “Sorry, Josie.  Care to make a wager on whether he pulls you off your horse about mid-morning to steal another hug?”

“He wouldn’t!”  But she blushed.

“I’m sure you’re right.”

Not very long after that we mounted up.  I started back with the wagons, but was moved to the front fairly quickly.  Blackwall had been sent after me this time, and he suggested that I just get used to riding up with the others.  I was right, and Sam pulled Josie right off her horse onto his lap for a snuggle about mid-morning.  Even, Cassandra worked hard to stifle a smile.  They are so cute.

Bull accused me of forgetting him at lunch, and I told him that he was snoring so hard I didn’t want to wake him this morning.  He got a bear hug in.  Cole appeared beside me for a minute and put one arm around my shoulders.  I put my arm around his skinny waist and leaned my head on his shoulder for a moment.  “Hugs are nice,” he said.

“Eat something for lunch, Cole.  Please?  You may need to get in the habit, you know.”

“Maybe.  It’s okay if you think I’m bony.”

“It’s nothing bad.  Just not comfy to cuddle with.”

“Most people don’t want hugs.”

“Well, no, not from strangers.  You’re not going around trying to hug people are you?”

“It helps when you do it.”

“Everyone’s different, Cole, and I don’t usually hug strangers.”

“Oh.”

“You’ll get it.  People are hard, sometimes.”

The scenery improved after lunch.  Fewer settlements, I suppose, and things were brighter.  This trip truly is eye opening.  Sam snagged Josie a few more times, to everyone’s amusement.  Then she got to laugh when he did the same thing to me.  I just ruffled his hair and got back on Drummer.  That was basically everyone for now.  Blackwall and Viv weren’t getting hugs unless they asked.

It was later in the afternoon when Sam let out a loud “Fuck!” and went haring off at full speed toward the trees.  A moment later, I felt something WRONG, ripped, despair and fear, lost.  “What the hell is that?” I exclaimed, but I was left with just Josie and the rest of us mundanes as the inner circle galloped after him.  The soldiers stayed behind.  Must be orders.

“I don’t know.  They just left!” Josie said, pulling up to me.  She went to go after them, but I grabbed her reins.

“No.  I don’t think that’s a good idea.  He knew before it opened.  I should have known that.”  Glowing green in the sky, and when he nears, it opens.  Just like in game.  And the spirits, pulled through and painful, because they didn’t ask to be here.  They would attack, because they thought he was the one who tortured them.  I’d never really thought about that.

“You should have known?”

“It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

“What does?”

“He felt the rift before anyone saw it.  He’s going to handle it, and the others are going to help.”

“Oh, dear.” 

“So I should have been able to understand that before being smacked in the face with the information.”  We could hear some strange sounds.  Not battle sounds, but odd moans and creaks, like the air was groaning.  It was about ten minutes before green streaks exploded across part of the sky, over the trees where they’d gone.  Josie grabbed my hand, and Gara, wonderful woman, held her other.  There was naked fear on her face.  “He’ll be fine, Josie.  His road doesn’t end here.”

They were going to need things when they got back. Perhaps healing, or cleanup.  “LIAM!”  The soldier ran up.  I dismounted, releasing Josie’s hand.

“Yes, Mistress?”

“We need to set up camp.  Tents can wait for now, but a quick fire, lots of water, bandages and things to clean with have to happen now.  Get me the person to talk to.”

“Camp?”

“Now, yes.  Let’s get on it.  I want hot water and cloths as fast as possible.”  Some of the others heard me, thank goodness, because Liam isn’t apparently the best person to ask to do these things.  We got the mounts handled, pulled everything to a likely spot, and got started.  By the time the Inquisitor and his companions returned, we had the tents set, soldiers hunting, and everything ready for healing and cleanup.

They came back leading their mounts.  I’m not surprised, considering the smelly goo they were covered in.  Thank goodness we were still near the lake.  They could bathe.  Sam and the others were shocked to see the camp.  I suppose they usually did travel alone.  It was obvious they’d tried to scrape off the worst of the whatever it was that demons bleed.  None of them looked hurt too bad, but the mages all looked exhausted.  Varric looked fine, not even very dirty, as did Sera.  I didn’t see Cole, but I was sure he was fine.  Cass was filthy, as were Iron Bull and Blackwall.  I had them directed to the bathing spots I’d had set up.

Josie was fussing over Sam.  She’d run over with a wet cloth.  Dorian looked gray again.  Solas looked okay, but tired.  I caught both of their eyes and crooked my finger at them.  Soldiers took the mounts, as I’d instructed.  Dorian started heading this way but Solas hesitated.  I arched a brow at him.  “Scared?” I said softly.  He either heard me or could read lips, because he followed Dorian over. 

My Dorian got to the short stump I was standing on first.  “Dove, I really must clean up and rest.  Red Templars and rifts.  What is this world coming to?”

“Hush.”  I wiped his face with a cloth, and touched my forehead to his.  I pushed some wisps of glowy dust to him, and he soon started looking better.  “I take care of my own, my lovely lord Dorian Pavus.  I think you forget that sometimes.”  He stood there in surprise while I carefully looked him over for rips or blood.  He was apparently unhurt, so I nodded at him when I was done, handed him the cloth, and pointed at the lake.  I kissed his clean cheek, and murmured, “You smell, love.  Go take a bath?”

“With delight.  Thank you.  Somehow I’d forgotten you could do that.”  I just smiled at him and made shooing motions.

I took a quick LOOK at Solas and was unsurprised to see that he wasn’t nearly as depleted as he was playing.  He also wasn’t quite as dirty.  I reached out a hand to him, palm up, and waited to see if he’d take it.  It took a moment before he grasped it and stepped up to me.  “You look like you worried, da’asha.”

“Should I not have, mor’ishan?”  That startled him.  I’d talked to Eadras.  The perfect way to respond to little woman was big guy, I think.  I lifted a fresh damp cloth and ran it over his face and head, looking for any sources of the blood he was splattered with.

“When did you learn this?”

“I talked to Eadras before we left.  You’re not as bad off as Dorian was.  Why is that?”

“Personal questions?”

“Perhaps.”

“Later, then.  I have a distinct need to bathe.”

“Ask Cole to bathe, too. He’ll forget.”

“Am I the only one who hasn’t been hugged?”  Sudden subject change.  Two can play that.

“You allowed yourself to become injured, and I am unhappy with you about that.”

“I’m not injured.”

“Whose blood is gracing the rip in your sleeve?” I fingered a three-inch gash splitting the fabric over his bicep.  It was obvious he’d been bleeding at some point.

“Considering the skin beneath is undamaged, I couldn’t say for certain.”

“Indeed.”  He had the grace to look sheepish at my tone.  “Go bathe.  Dinner should be ready soon.”

“Yes, my lady,” he teased.

“Don’t you start.  Shoo.”

“I don’t get the kiss on the cheek?”

“Are we ever going to have a conversation where you don’t ask for a kiss?”

He kissed my hand, which I hadn’t realized he held.  “Probably not.  Not anymore.  But once again, ma’haselan’udh, you didn’t say ‘no’.”  And he strode off.

Well.  Shit.  And then I noticed Garalen looking at me.  “Something you want to talk about, Chrissy?”

“No.”  I hadn’t realized she was there.

“Still rather take poison than have him touch you?”

“Hush, or I’ll ask why you were so flustered the day I painted the Chantry board.”  That shut her up.  Kind of.  If you didn’t count the soft laughter.

The soldiers returned with meat of various kinds, the stew and kabobs got underway, and dusk fell.  I checked on the ladies at the bathing spot.  Cassandra was being tended by Vivienne, who looked much better.  Then I noticed the lyrium potion bottle near the water.  Ah, that explains it.  Dorian probably had one of those ready when I restored him.  I’d rather he didn’t drink Titan blood if he doesn’t have to, though. 

I didn’t see Sera, and had assumed she’d gone back to the camp when I got shoved.  And landed in the water.  To giggle-snorts.  Damn it.  Well, I was in there, so I stripped and bathed.  Garalen was kind enough, when she stopped laughing, to acquire me a nightgown and towel and stuff.  She had to go digging in the chest to do it.  While waiting, I took the opportunity to dunk Sera, who’d gotten back in. And that started the waterfight, of course.

“Perhaps you ought to try to keep the water in the lake?”  Vivienne is such a tight ass.  At least Cassie was smiling.  Josie stripped down and joined us as well.  Some of the chargers, a few of the soldiers.  There weren’t all that many of us female people.

We got out just as dinner finished cooking, which was lovely.  Since the female people were done, I walked over to Krem, who’d not taken advantage of the bath time.  “If someone were to need a private bath for whatever reason, the bathing spot over there behind the laurel bushes is free.  I can ask someone to stand guard if such a person needed me to.”

Krem looked at me oddly.  “You know?  You’ve never said anything.”

“I don’t judge the spirit by the meat, Krem.  Meat is just a suit you wear.  Does wearing a tunic instead of armor make you less of a warrior?  I don’t think so.  Some things come from farther within.”

I could see him mulling my words.  It took a moment, and then he nodded.  “I appreciate the thought, Chrissy.  I will inform anyone who might want to take advantage.”

“No problem.”

Ate dinner, and then found a quiet spot to sit and play with the bioluminescent microbes.  “Hello Cole.”

“Hello.  I bathed.”

“That’s good.”

“It felt strange.  Shivers on the skin from the water.  And fish nibbled my toes.”  He was smiling.  “It didn’t know if I was food, so it checked, and I wasn’t.  And then the others checked, and I still wasn’t.  It felt strange.”

“I’m glad you had fun.”

“There were bubbles.  Varric made them with the soap.  They floated away.”

“They don’t last forever.”

“No.”

He seemed to be waiting.  “Do you need something?”

“No.”

“Did you want something?”

“Yes.  I mean no.  It’s the wrong season.”

“You’re acting oddly.”

“Yes.  I’m watching you for a minute.”

“Watching me?  For a minute?”

“Maybe more.  You didn’t hug him today.”  His voice was faintly accusing.

“There were too many people.  He’s not a public person.  Let me guess, he’s distracting Garalen.”

“Maybe.”

“He asked you not to say.”

“Yes.”

“I should have been more specific, I see.”  Solas.  Cole was gone.

“I’m going to buy that bell.”  I stood up.  “You wanted a hug?”

“I do.”

“You turned into a flirt.  In front of everyone.”

“That bothers you.  No one but your guard was looking our way.  I wouldn’t embarrass you, da’asha.  Hearing you shape our language with your lips addled my senses.”

“You’re turning poetic.  That’s weird.  Are you making fun of me?”

“Never.  Come here.  Please.”  His voice was somber.  I took the two steps to him.  He put his hands on my waist, lifted me, and set me on a rock.  My nose was even with his chin.  “Just a hug.  I won’t ask for more.  Please?” 

There was something in his voice.  I put my arms over his shoulders and my face in the crook of his neck, squeezing gently.   “You sound so lonely sometimes, Solas.” 

He wrapped his arms around my middle and held, taking a deep breath.  “I have no right to be.”  His forehead was on my shoulder.

“It’s not about right, mor’ishan. Some things just are. Trying to figure out what you’re allowed to feel is wrong.  You feel how you feel.  Everyone, even you, decides they’re feeling the wrong things when they try to figure it out.  Things just are, Solas.”

“How old are you, da’asha, to speak so?”

“Personal questions?”  He huffed.  Almost a laugh. 

“You asked, earlier, a question.  A question for a question.”

“I had seen forty-four years before I arrived in Haven.  I’m younger now, I think.”

“Just like you, ma’haselan, I can sip from the ambient magic around us.  Neither you nor I will ever be depleted for long between that and lyrium.”

“Eww.”

“Eww?”

“Lyrium.  It just looks creepy.  I never want to taste or touch the stuff.”

“That might be wise.  Horrible things have been done in the pursuit of lyrium.”

“I need to get some sleep.”  He let go of me, lifting his head and moving his hands to my hips.  I turned my head and kissed his jaw.  “Another kiss you didn’t have to ask for.  Good night.”  And I let go of him, hopped off the rock, and walked back into camp.  He didn’t follow.

Garalen was sitting in the tent, waiting for me.  “What’d he offer you?”

“He guaranteed your safety.”

“He’s said that before, and you didn’t care.”

“This was different, Chrissy.”  I didn’t see a difference, but apparently she did.  Ah well.

Sam stopped by on his way to his tent.  “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“It was nice to come back to friendly faces and a set up camp.  Josie said it was you.”

“She helped.  She was just shocked at first.”

“Either way, it meant a lot.  To all of us.  Even Vivienne said you may not be completely incompetent.”  He smiled.

“High praise indeed.”

“Sleep well.  We should reach the beach tomorrow, even with this delay.” 

“You too, Sam.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mor'ishan: Mor = big; Ishan = Man She translates it "big guy".


	61. Day 4, 1 Justinian, 9:41: Reached the Storm Coast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rainy days suck, and annoying inquisitors sucks worse. Damn it.

### Road Trip, Day 4, 1 Justinian, 9:41

Garalen woke me after a dreamless sleep.  Most people were up and about.  I was incredibly glad I’d washed my travel things during my bath yesterday.  It would have sucked to wake up to nothing to wear but the nightgown.  I helped break down the tent, and we packed everything up.  Breakfast was sausage rolls.  The porters had cooked them in the fire overnight.  Pretty good stuff, and we were eating on the go.

Inquisibutt drove the group pretty hard.  There’d be a premade camp waiting for us tonight, he said, and real cots to sleep on.  He’s so bouncy when he’s excited.  The more excited he got, the more unhappy I felt.  I can’t tell which way he’ll choose, and it’s really bothering me.  He’s so happy about this.  I wasn’t near as pleased to be getting to the Storm Coast.  And then, just before we were to have stopped for lunch, the heavens opened.  And it poured.  Just perfect.

Of course, we couldn’t stop for long, and no normal fire would start in this.  So we were soaked, the mounts were soaked, but at least the food was dry?  Basic rations, jerky, dried fruit, bread, for lunch.  A bit of a rest for the mounts, and we went on our way.  I considered making an umbrella-barrier, but I noticed the other mages were wet, so maybe that would be a bad thing.  It wouldn’t be fair, I suppose.  There wasn’t a whole lot of talk aside from grumbling.  Everyone was wet and uncomfortable, and the mounts were doubly so.

I perked up a bit about an hour later.  The sea!  I could smell it.  The air was thick with that warm, humid, salty, sticky feel, and I was grateful for the lingering light rain.  The going got a lot slower when we hit sand.  The road wasn’t near as good around there, either. 

We kept going all the way ‘til almost dusk, when we heard “There they are!” from some people in Inquisition uniforms.  Our mounts were taken, and we were ushered into the promised premade camp.  I think we’d doubled the number of people there.  They’d expected us almost two hours before, and had been worried.

We were fed, real food, because they had a brick oven made.  I guess this camp was semi-permanent at this point.  Half the people here were wearing blue Hessarian uniforms, so inquisibabe must have challenged for them.  That gave me hope.

I wanted to see the sea, so I told Garalen I was going walkabout for a bit.  “What?”

“I’m taking a walk.  I want to see the sea.”

“You need to stay in camp.”

“Why?”

“At least take someone with you.”

“That’s kind of why I told you.  If you don’t want to come, who should I take?”

“Dorian?”

“I’ll ask him.”  I did.  I was good.  I walked right up to Dorian’s tent in the drizzle and got his attention and everything.  “Do you want to go look at the ocean with me?”

“In the rain?  Why would anyone want to get soaked again to watch more water?”

“Oh.  Well, I guess we can look at it together tomorrow.”

“Get some rest, Dove.  It’ll be a busy day tomorrow.”

“I know that all too well.”

And having done my duty, asking, I walked out to the bluff overlooking where Bull met Sam for the first time.  There was enough light that I could see the ebb and flow of the tide.  Like usual, the sounds and sights of the sea soothed me.  Curious, I opened my self, and the sea GLOWED.  There were no humans in the sea.  No one expected it to be unchanging.  It was beautiful. 

I checked my threads, turning to see them, because basically none were across the sea in the direction I was looking.  I hadn’t really paid attention to the Ocularum.  It was just there, where I’d expected it to be.  I’d not even thought about it.  Until now. 

As I turned, I saw.  The skull was there.  Intact, attached.  And he was STILL THERE.  Oh my god, that poor man.  His spirit is in the skull.  And he’s AWARE.  He looked as spirits do in the fade, just like us basically.  An elven man with the sunburst on his forehead, just watching the sea.  He nodded at me and went back to watching.  Where do those spirits severed from the fade go when they die? It took a moment for the horror to dawn on me, I’m ashamed to say.

“Cole!” I shouted for him.  I was turning to go hunt for him when he showed.

“He’s in there.  IN THERE, Cole.  He’s still in there.”

Cole looked confused.  “It’s hard to see him, but he doesn’t hurt.  There is no pain.  It was wrong.  We will make sure it doesn’t happen again.  I will make sure.”

“It’s still not right.  We have to get him out of there.  Please, Cole?”

“I don’t know how.  Why does this hurt you?”

“He’s trapped!  They brutalized him so he couldn’t feel enough to object, and they trapped him so they could find those stupid shards!  So WE could find those stupid shards.”

“You aren’t forgetting.  I can’t make you forget.”

“No, Cole.  You can’t.  Did they find the shards they need from this skull?”

“I think so.”

“Could you go ask?  Please?”

“Yes.”  And he was gone. 

I tried to speak to the ghost, but we couldn’t hear each other.  After a few minutes of trying, he just smiled that forced smile tranquil get to placate “normal” people and went back to watching the water.  So I closed my SELF and joined him.

It was a long while, probably twenty minutes, before I heard noise behind us.  Enough time for me to be calm again.  I turned to look.  Inquisibabe, Cole, Solas, and Cassandra.  They all, save Cole, looked wary.  “Chrissy, why do you want to know if I’m done with the skull?” asked Sam.

“Because he’s still trapped in it.”

“Who?”

“The elven tranquil.” 

Solas stiffened, and looked intently at the skull.  “She’s right.  He’s there, just standing and watching us.”

Cole said, “He doesn’t hurt.  He’s silent, and hard to see.”

Cassandra asked, “How do you know it’s a tranquil skull?”

“Because he has the sunburst on his forehead, Seeker,” I responded.  She moved around the skull to look at it.

“There is no sunburst here.”

“On the spirit, Seeker, not the skull.”

Sam looked at me.  “You’re serious.”

“Yes.”

He looked at Solas.  “You see this?”

“I do.  I regret I did not investigate before, Inquisitor.”

Sam glanced at Cole, who nodded.  “Cassandra, would this be something appropriate for a Mortalitasi?”

She looked thoughtful.  “Probably.  I can write my uncle.  See what he says.  They may be interested in studying this.  If something can be done, they would know.”

“Thank you, all of you,” I said.

Sam looked at me again.  “Why are you out here, five minutes away from camp, in the rain, by yourself, with no shoes?”

Uh oh.  “I wanted to see the ocean.”

His brow furrowed ominously.  “You couldn’t ask someone to go with you?”

I looked down. “I did.  I asked two people.  They were busy.” 

“Now I know why Eadras has white hair. Chrysopal, you are not to leave camp by yourself.  Ever.  I will ring you with guards if I have to.  And I want to know who you asked.”

“It’s nice to want things.”

“Chrissy,” he warned.

“I’m not getting them in trouble, too, Sam.”   I looked up at him.  He sighed.

“Let’s get you back to camp.”  I went to take a step.  “NOT without shoes, my dear.  There are sharp rocks and dangerous creatures out here.”  His voice was firmer than I’d ever heard it.  No wiggle in that statement.  He was really unhappy.  Solas glanced down at my feet and his face darkened in a glower.

“I’m sorry I disturbed your evening, Inquisitor.  I only needed to know if you were done with the skull.  I didn’t expect you all to come back with Cole.”

“THAT’s what you apologize for?”

“I’m sorry I left camp alone, too.”

I heard Cassandra murmur, “I bet.”

He crossed his arms, looking at me.  “Anything else you think you might need to apologize for?”

I couldn’t think of anything.  “I don’t think so?  Have I dropped a thread?”

“How about scaring the hell out of me when I couldn’t find you?  You’ve been gone for most of an hour!” 

I looked at him.  His expression, his demeanor.  “You’re upset because you didn’t know I was missing until Cole asked you questions.”  Solas and Cassandra suddenly found the dark sky interesting.  He looked upset, angry.  At me and at himself.  “I’m sorry, Sam.  I know how it feels to suddenly find someone missing from you.  It won’t happen again.”

I went to hug him and he barked “Not One Step, young lady.  SHOES.  Where’d you put them?”

“They’re still in my trunk.”

“Fine.  Where are your boots?”  He was looking around at the ground.  Probably for the boots.

“Back at camp, in my saddlebags.”

“In your saddlebags.”  He didn’t look pleased.  And he’s smart, because the next thing he asked was “How long have they been in your saddlebags?”

I looked down again.  “A few days, I suppose.”

“You’ve been shoeless this whole time?”

“Yes?”

I’m glad it was dark, because he looked like he was probably turning colors.  “WHY.”

“They hurt my feet.”  That knocked a bit of the wind out of him.

“We’ll get you new boots in Highever.  AND you will wear them.  I can’t even.  Women.  You’re ALL crazy.”  He turned to stride away, got two steps, and stopped.  He turned around, stalked toward me, and grabbed an arm as he dipped and scooped another around one of my legs.  I ended up in a fireman’s carry over his shoulders and he practically stomped back to camp.  Solas and Cass trailed behind us, the traitors.  Cole was nowhere to be seen.  Cassandra was hiding a smile, and Solas looked displeased.

Inquisibutt dumped me on the wooden floor of the permanent tent I was assigned to, startling Garalen.  “Do you know where she was?”  He didn’t give her a chance to respond.  “Out on the bluff, by herself.”

“You said you’d ask Dorian,” she exclaimed.  Oh My God How could she? 

“I did ask Dorian!”

Inquisibabe smiled a very unpleasant smile.  “Thank you, Garalen.”  Shit.  “Stay put, Chrissy.  I will have something for your feet by tomorrow morning.”  He marched off toward Dorian’s tent.  FUCK.

Solas caught my eye and waited.  His face was devoid of expression.  I shook my head.  No way.  Not getting lectured in the fade.  “You wish to talk here?”  Shit.  That would be worse.  “I have no issue with discussing it right here.  Or we can converse privately.  Choose, da’asha.”

“Fine.  See you later.”

“Indeed.”  I hate it when he uses that word.

Garalen had some choice things to say, but mostly on my behalf once she heard about the elven tranquil. She assumed that he somehow drew me to him.  I told her I didn’t feel drawn to him.  I just wanted to look at the ocean.  I saw him by accident.  I tried to dissuade her, honest, but stopped after a fruitless minute or two.  It got me off the hook, and for all I know it could be true.  Plus, she wasn’t listening anyway.

Inquisibabe walked out of camp with Dorian.  I waited a while, until they returned.  Obviously friends.  No yelling heard.  Smiling at each other.  Which means they commiserated over me somehow.  And also means they made some sort of decision.  Damn it. Not looking forward to whatever it is.  Not looking forward to bedtime, either.


	62. Day 5, 2 Justinian, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New ways of learning, Sam, Bull's decisions

### Road Trip, Day 5, 2 Justinian, 9:41

I’d been through several dreams, just letting myself be, before he showed up.  He came up at the edge of my area, striding out of the mist that had appeared as my dream was suddenly gone.  His mouth shaped elven words I didn’t know as he moved toward me, sentences and paragraphs of what was probably a lecture I’m very glad I didn’t understand.  At least he wasn’t yelling or anything. It was a very controlled tone.  When he reached me, I realized I’d been backing up. 

“Ma’haselan’udh, you did indeed drop a thread.  I have one question before we begin.”  His eyes weren’t glowy, but they were definitely ALMOST glowy.  He was giving himself away again.

“Okay?”

“Where was your staff?”  His voice was determinedly even.

“My staff?”

“Yes.  Your staff.  The only weapon with which you have any semblance of ability to defend yourself.”

“I think it was in my tent.”

“I see.  Come with me.”  He waited a moment for an objection, and then slid his hands under my arms and picked me up.  Two strides later, I was in an unfamiliar place, and he set me down again.  “We usually play in your space, but tonight, you will be in mine, ma’haselan.  Would you like to see who was on that bluff this evening after we left?  Not even half an hour after we left?” 

He didn’t wait for an answer, and we were suddenly on that bluff, watching these horrible creatures climb up.  Darkspawn.  *shudder* I didn’t even see them in person, but they are wrong somehow.  More than the look was off.  The feel of them.  They sing softly, like the red lyrium at the temple but muted, with wrong songs.  Then Solas was gone.

“What would you do now?” I heard.  One of the darkspawn reached me and swung his blade.  I ducked, but he disappeared.  Then I heard barking.  Three mabari came from the land side of the bluff.  They looked at me and growled, moving forward.  Two more darkspawn behind me, three mabari in front of me.  It happened fast.  Oh God.  I was suddenly afraid, and it permeated the air. 

Everything froze.  “I’ve half a mind to let you see how you would have fared.  Alone.  Untrained.  Unarmed.  Unarmored.  But I will not.”  The darkspawn disappeared, and the mabari ran off.  Solas reappeared, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.  “So long as you learn.  This is NOT Skyhold, Chrysopal.  This world has dangers to which you are oblivious.  I do not know where you lived that you had no fear until the very last, but you must understand this place.”  He sighed. 

“Next issue.  I understand the desire to have your feet unbound.  However, even we must protect our skin in dangerous areas.  There have been many battles here.”  He walked over the ground, looking.  A moment later, he reached down and picked up a piece of a broken dagger.  “This would probably hurt if you had stepped on it.”  He moved further away, still looking.  “Hmm.  And if your foot had subsequently contacted this?  Look, ma’asha.  Could that be darkspawn blood?”

I looked. It could be.  It felt wrong.  I was beginning to understand what I had risked.  I’d seen blight sickness in game.  I’d seen what it did to people.  Something in the air changed.  “I didn’t realize.”

“I know, Chrysopal.  I envy you that you could feel so safe, everywhere you go.  That trusting nature.  However, please, because you care for us, stay near us.  Sam was very upset.  Dorian is a bit aggravated at you, and also upset.  You gave him the impression that you would go back to your tent.”

I interjected.  “He assumed.  I never told him that.”

“Oh, I am quite sure of that, ma’haselan.  They are only now figuring out how tricky your mind can be.  They have plans to keep you in view at all times.  You won’t be able to leave so easily again.  I have been asked to wrap your feet in the mornings until we can find suitable shoes or boots for travel.  I have also been asked to ensure with magic that you cannot remove those wraps.  However, if you promise me that you will leave them on your feet, in precisely the manner I place them, and that you will contact me if they shift or become uncomfortable until I remove them in the evening, I will refrain from that portion of things.  Do we have an accord on that?  I would prefer not to confine you with magic, even in such a fashion.”

I nodded.

“I require the words ‘I promise’ with the specific statements I provided you.  Be grateful I am not also requiring a binding oath.”  Damn.  He’s good.

“I promise I will allow you to wrap my feet, leave the wraps in place without disturbing them, and contact you if they shift or become uncomfortable.  I also promise to allow you to remove them in the evening.  This promise will be binding for a maximum of ten days, and can be renegotiated at that time if necessary.”  Something solidified, somewhere.  I have a feeling THIS fade is very different from my dream space.  “Is that sufficient, Solas?”

His mouth quirked up at one side.  “Those are not precisely the words I used, ma’haselan.  But they will do.  I quite like that you placed agency in the statement.  Allow, and time limits.”  He gathered me into his arms.  “Think, da’asha.  How would you feel if Marta had run off at night, to a place known to have enemies, alone and with no protection, without telling anyone?  Or Philomena?  Leorah?”

I took a deep breath.  Ouch.  That would suck, and I'd be so worried for them.  “I didn’t think.  I just wanted to see the sea.  I needed to see the sea, Solas.”

“You will notice I didn’t even mention the younger members of your group.  It would be unfair to compare you to a child.”  Okay, that did get him some points, but fewer than if he hadn’t mentioned it.  “Did you see what you needed?”  He sat on something, surprising me as he settled me next to him.  It was something like a couch, but slightly oddly shaped. It was dark enough that I couldn’t get a better idea than that.  “My space, remember?  Things are where I want or need them.”  We were on the edge of the bluff, looking at the night, and the sea.

I watched for a moment.  “No one expects the sea to be unchanging.”

“Is that what you see?” There was surprise in his voice and the air.

“Sort of.”

“Can you explain?”

“I’m not sure.  It’s like the road.  Everyone kept saying how amazing the views were.  I didn’t think they were all that great.  But when we got away from the road, it was better.  Then I saw the sea.  It was beautiful.  And full, in a way other things are not.  People see the road, and know the road is a particular way.  But the sea, people expect the sea to be ever-changing and capricious, within its rules.  That’s why sailors love her.  Which probably makes no sense.”

“The Tevinter is correct.  You are a treasure.” 

“I’m sorry?”

“Never mind.  Stay with the group from now on, da’asha.  Carry your staff, even if you are not very good with it yet.  If nothing else, you can hit someone over the head with it if you become angry.  If you need to explore, consider me as a companion.  Several soldiers practically worship the ground you walk on, and would go.  Ask Varric.  Cassandra.  Even Iron Bull seems fond of you.”

“Not yet.  Never mind.  Not him.”

He sat up straighter for a moment.  “Da’asha?  Should we be wary of the Qunari?”

“Not right now.” He relaxed.  “But you feel the same way.  His mind is not his own.  Not yet.  Maybe not ever.”

“You know I feel this way?”

“I presume so.  Policing someone’s actions is one thing.  Policing their thoughts?  I believed you would object.  Was I wrong?”

“No,” he acknowledged.  “You were not.  You are more and less a puzzle each time we talk.  To reiterate our conversation to this point.  You now understand why we were displeased, yes?”  I nodded.  “And have promised to allow me to wrap your feet.”  I nodded again.  “And you will stay with the group or take someone with you who can defend you.”

“I will attempt to remember.”

“Try hard, da’asha, for everyone’s sake.”

“I will.”

“Then we are done with the business portion of the morning, and are running out of time.”  Odd statement.  He pulled me across him, so I was laying across his lap as he leaned back, my head on his shoulder.  “I was worried, ma’haselan’udh.”

“I’m sorry I worried you.”  It’s easy to say.  And true.

“Not good enough.”

“It’s not?”

“No.”  He wrapped his arms around me again.

“Not another request.”

“Later.  Right now, I want you right here, where I know you are safe.  You could have been lost to us, da’asha.”  He squeezed tighter, but not uncomfortably so, and dropped his forehead to mine.  An intense feeling of worry flowed around me.  It was a long while before he relaxed the pressure and pulled back, and I felt bad.

I reached a hand up to his cheek.  “I’m sorry I worried you, mor’ishan.  Ir abelas.”  He inhaled.  “I shall take greater care.”  They weren’t just words.  Not this time.  I felt them surround us, somehow.  Like the fade reacts to emotions even more here.  His space is weird.

“Do.”  He’d closed his eyes when I touched his cheek, turning into my hand.  He opened them and looked at me with THAT LOOK.  “I have a request.”

“Not again.”  I may have rolled my eyes at him.

“Again and yet again,” he said.  It felt like a promise.

“Solas.”

“Just a taste.  Please?”

“I’m not ready.”

“Tomorrow?”

“I don’t know.  Ask tomorrow.”

“I shall.”  He stroked my cheek, then kissed my brow.  “Wake up.”

* * *

 

And I did.  I am not used to spending so much time around him, with so few people to buffer.  It’s also kind of odd to feel what he was feeling.  Is that normal for him?  Is that how he expects things to feel?  His entire dreamscape seemed to reflect emotions or something.  It wasn’t until I felt something intensely that the ‘lesson’ changed.  Fear, concern, sorrow, worry, determination, surprise, and regret.  I think that was all the intense ones.  And they weren’t just mine. 

I got up and dressed, but stayed in the tent with Garalen.  She helped me braid my hair.  She wanted to do something complicated instead of my usual straight braid, so I let her.  I did an overbraid on her, which was fun.  I stayed on the wood of the tent base, and behaved myself. 

Sam showed up with Solas not long into the morning.  “Solas tells me you understand now, but you hadn’t before.”  I stayed silent.  “Chrissy?”

“What do you want me to say?  I just wanted to see the sea.  I’m sorry I was stupid.”

“I was angry last night.  I’m sorry, too.  And you aren’t stupid, or you wouldn’t have been able to snow Dorian.  I didn’t treat you very well.”  He ran his hand through his hair.

“Well, it could have been worse.  Some men hit.  All things considered, you were very kind about it.”  Both men had stiffened at that statement.  “That wasn’t aimed at anyone.  It’s a fact.  One of the wonderful things about the Inquisition is that we don’t have much of that at Skyhold.”

Sam continued.  “I have to meet with Bull’s contact around noon.  But maybe we could visit the beach before then?”  He held out a hand.

“Is this some sort of test?”

“Huh?”

“You really think I’ll make the same mistake twice in less than twenty-four hours?  I’ve not even gone to get breakfast yet, because my saddlebags are with the other luggage.”  I crossed my arms under my chest.

“Shit. I’m sorry Chrissy.”

Solas stepped up.  “Luckily, Inquisitor, I came prepared.  The young lady has agreed to allow me to wrap her feet in the elven style as you requested.  If you will give us a few moments?”

Garalen had just stood there silent the whole time, but now she backed up.  Getting permission, he sat on Gara’s bunk, and motioned me to mine.  Putting my foot in his lap, he proceeded to do something complicated with leather and laces, repeating it with the other foot.  It didn’t take long at all.  Actually felt comfortable.  “Wiggle your toes.  Does it feel comfortable?”

“I think so.  It doesn’t bind anywhere.  Feels like studio wraps.”  It did.  Felt like wraparound dance shoes, with the open toe and the firmer sole.  Nike makes an amazing pair.

“Studio wraps?”

“Dance shoes.  Kind of.  Dance socks?  With a sole?”  He smirked.    We stood up, and I did the stand on heel then tiptoe thing. “These are cool.  You’re going to have to show me how to do that.”

“It is not to my advantage to do so, ma’haselan.”

“That’s twice you’ve told me that.”

“And both times it was correct.”

The Inquisitor interrupted.  “As interesting as watching you two flirt is, Chrissy needs breakfast, and to go see the ocean.”  He held out his hand, and I took it.

“Thank you, Solas,” I directed at the elf.  “We’re not flirting, Sam,” I said to the Inquisitor. 

“Are you certain of that, ma’haselan?”

I ignored him and Sam took me to the fire.  He apologized that porridge was all that was left.  Like that was a problem.  After I had a few bites, he led me down to the beach.  “You don’t mind that I asked Solas to talk to you last night?”

I collected shells as we talked.  “He was going to do it anyway.  He was a touch perturbed.”

“Why was he upset with you?”

“The shoes thing, like you, the alone thing, like you, and I didn’t take my staff.”

“You didn’t, did you.  How am I supposed to show you off if you get yourself killed?”

“I already apologized, little brother.”

“I’m the big brother, and I’m still upset, so you have to deal with it.  Varric said you might have what he calls creepy insight about today.”

“I might.  But I can’t say anything, Sam.  I’ve already said too much.”

“We haven’t talked about this at all.”

“You haven’t, but I have.”

“When?”

“It doesn’t matter.  Just make the decisions you are going to make.  Be prepared to accept the consequences either way.”

“You say that like you’re expecting me to have to make some sort of choice.”

“People make choices every day, Sam.  This day is no different.  Thank you for bringing me out here.  The sea air is amazing.  However, don’t you think you ought to spend a little time with Lady Montilyet, as well?”

He grinned.  “Let’s head back.  And I’m telling her it was upon your insistence.”

“What’re big sisters for?”

“Little sister.  Let’s go.” And we did.

I hunted up Dorian.  He was doing something with an oil and his shoulder.  “Some sort of sunscreen?”

“Not precisely.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Annoyed, Dove.  I believed you were heading back to bed.”

“You said I should get some rest.”

“And assumed you would do so.  But you didn’t say you would, did you.  I have learned.  I see you play those games with everyone else.  You’ve even played them with me before.  But for some reason, it didn’t occur to me last night.  Come here, Chrissy.”  He held out his arms and I went to him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.  All is forgiven.  Besides, try to get out of camp without the Inquisitor by your side and you’ll find yourself swarmed with Blades of Hessarian.”

“WHAT?”

“They serve him.  Personally.  Not the Inquisition.  One of them reminded him of that tidbit.  So he looked at the man and said, ‘My sister tends to wander.  Keep an eye on her.  I don’t want anything to happen to her.’ And the man asked for him to point you out, and we both did.  He said they would make sure you stayed safe.  They’ve even been given permission to snatch you up and carry you to safety.”  Dorian was far too pleased at that.

“What about Josie?”

“Oh, they have the same instructions regarding her, too.”

That made me feel better.  “Dorian, you’re going to this meeting, yes?”

“I am.”

“Please, try not to antagonize the representative?  He’s an ass, but he was once the Iron Bull’s friend.”

“You know this.”

“Like Haven.  Please?”

“This is why you’re so tense, and why you wanted to watch the sea.”

“Tense yes.  I don’t know about the sea thing, but it calms me.  It may have been an unconscious choice.”

“Can you tell…”

“No, Dorian.  I can, but I won’t, tell you.  I don’t have enough details, and I don’t want to affect things.  Both outcomes are good for the Inquisition, so I have no right.”

“Another coinflip choice.”

“Yes.”

“Stay here, where it is safe.  Don’t watch the ocean today, dove.”

“I’m not leaving camp from the time you leave, until the ones returning do so.”

“Is there a chance I won’t make it back?”

“So self-centered, my love.  Things can always go differently from what I’ve seen, but you come home in what I have.  Don’t let that make you overconfident, because if you come home with your own blood upon you I will be very angry.”

“I shall bear that in mind.”

Josie, Garalen, and I spent a tense afternoon.  I knew the Venatori boat would be trying to leave on the evening tide.  They wouldn’t be back until late.  It doesn’t show that in game, but it makes sense.  Unless the fighting wasn’t until tomorrow, but they’d been gone too long for that.  Soon after dark, I heard a horn.  Oh, thank god.  Another half hour passed, at most, before there was a large explosion.  We could see the fire light up the sky for a moment.  The Chargers were coming home.  I felt lighter all of a sudden.  “They’re going to be hungry, Josie.  And possibly hurt.  Especially the Chargers.  We should get ready for them.”

Everyone got back about an hour after that.  It was full dark, and they were hungry, tired, and sore.  I ran up to Bull and gave him a hug, surprising him.  “Welcome home, The Iron Bull.”

“Thanks, but why?”

“Because that was hard.”  He looked at me for a long moment.

Then he turned his head, and Krem and the Chargers hauled off into camp.  “Not so hard after all.  We’ll have to see how it goes.  You and I are going to talk, Chrysopal.”

“Later.  I have to go hug the Chargers.”  And I did.

Sam and the others got back a few minutes later.  Bull must have left early to get away from Gatt.  They were in good shape, no obvious damage, not even that dirty.  We got them fed and watered and tucked in, mostly. 

I actually tucked Dorian in.  I put my forehead to his, and helped him out.  He grasped my hand.  “Dove, you are the best thing I could take on a journey.  Thank you.”  I just smiled at him and tucked the blanket under his shoulder.  I kissed his forehead like he was a child, and left.  Josie handled Sam.  Cassandra refused my help when I offered, but nicely.  She was quite accustomed to doing things by herself.  Sera was excited, and she and Blackwall were drinking at the fire.  They’d be up for a while.  Cole gave me a hug, but then disappeared.

Solas came by and removed the wraps.  He was too tired to do anything else, really.  The only thing he did was brush a thumb over my lips.  “I’m not asking tonight. I’m too tired.  But I will ask tomorrow.”

“Good night, Solas.  Dream deep.”

“Dream deep?”

“It’s a quote.  ‘Reach high, for the stars lie hidden in your soul.  Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.’”

“Pratchett again?”

“Pamela Starr.”

“Goodnight, ma’haselan’udh.  Sleep well.”

Garalen and I got ready for bed ourselves, at that point. 


	63. Day 6, 3 Justinian, 9:41 Reaching Highever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garalen is creepy again, fixing the map, conversations with Varric, and a hard slog to Highever.

### Road Trip, Day 6, 3 Justinian, 9:41

First demon in the wild.  Why do I attract despair demons?  And why are they so bad at it?  You’d think they’d be better.  So since it was crying, Depair and I had a chat, and I asked it to consider its life choices.  Had it ever considered doing something to REMOVE despair?  If it could take despair away from someone, then it would still get what it needs, right?  We talked for a long time, actually.  I gave it lots of encouragement, a pep talk on being able to choose its own road, a modicum of information on the human psyche, and a hug, and sent it on its way before I woke up.

It wasn’t a very restful night, so I might have been a bit grumpy.  When Solas wrapped my feet, he paused at the end, looking at me oddly.  When his eyes dipped to above my chin, I warned him.  “If you ask now, I will say no.  Not later, not tomorrow, not I’m not ready, but no.  I’m feeling growly, so don’t push it.”  He remained silent on the subject, but he was smirking.  He finished, stood, gave a slight bow, and was off without saying another word.  I really need a break from intense wolfiness.  He’ll get me to give in just because of badgering, and now he’s got me for a few minutes every morning and evening. 

Anyway, Bull and the Chargers are heading back to Skyhold today.  They’re taking Sera, who has no interest in shopping and has “shit to do” with them.  Which is a bummer, because she would be so much fun in Val Royeaux.  Blackwall, too.  He wants to avoid Val Royeaux, I’m sure.  I’d want to in his shoes.  The soldiers are staying here.  The agents are dispersing.  The wagons are headed to Highever, at least, but no further.

It looks like me, Garalen, Sam, Josie for Val Royeax.  Plus Vivienne, because she’s not passing up a chance to be seen in Val Royeaux on the arm of the Inquisitor.  Dorian and Solas, Cassandra, Varric, and Cole as well.  Everything’s being repacked.  Oh, and I was gleefully informed by Dorian that three Blades of Hessarian are coming with us.  One for Josie, because she knows how to defend herself, and two to spell with Garalen, because I “can’t even hold a butter knife aggressively.”  It’s become a damn meme.  I’m going to box Leorah’s ears.

Breakfast was rolls and cold bacon, because they weren’t pulling out the pots this morning.  No porridge.  I stood back and watched as Garalen informed the two Hessarians of their place.  She hasn’t pulled out the scary in a long time, but it’s a joy to watch when it’s not pointed at me. 

She glided up to the first one, who is twice her size, and said “Do you know what the worst poison you can put on a dagger is?  Saliva.  And then you nick someone.  Just a bit.  Even a papercut might work.  The mouth is the dirtiest place on the body, and the infection kills.  Did you know that?”  And then she held his eyes as she dragged the flat of one of her daggers down her tongue.  It was damn creepy, and not in the good way.  Big bad Hessarian turned pale.

She turned to the other one.  “I would be incredibly upset if anything happened to the Ethelathun on your watch, serah.  It would take you a long time to die.”  She looked back at the first to make sure he knew she was talking to them both.  She’s been a bit overprotective since my foray onto the bluff.  Still fun to watch her scare the shit out of big burly men.  She must be missing Andrew, poor thing.

I made sure to get hugs from the Chargers again, and another from Bull.   “We need to talk, Chrissy.”

“We don’t, truly.”  He just looked at me.  I sighed out, “but I’ll chat at Skyhold if you still want to when I get there.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”  Wonderful.

They left before we did.  We were planning on leaving just before lunch at that point.  I took the opportunity to meander over to the requisition table.  They have maps of the areas on those, did you know?  It doesn’t look like it in-game.  Looks like they’ve explored everything, but they missed the quarry.  I picked up a charcoal stick and wrote where and what it is, in the bend of the river, with an arrow.  I placed a shell on it, so that the arrow pointed to the right place and it wouldn’t move.

Varric spotted me, arching a brow.  As I left, he joined me.  “What was that about, Cuddles?”

“I didn’t want to write on the map.”

“You always do that.”

“Then you should be used to it by now.”

“Whoah, Chrissy.  Wait.  I actually want to know.  I wasn’t being mean or anything.”

I sighed.  “Keep it to yourself?  It’s bad enough it’s my handwriting.”

“I’ll try.”

“They missed the quarry in their investigations.”

“You knew where a quarry is?”

“Yes.  Why do you want to know?”

“Because you know things, Cuddles.  I worry about it.”

“I know about her, if that’s what you mean.”

“It’s creepy when you do that.  You haven’t said anything.”

“Is it my business?  Does it affect me?  Does it affect my people, other than you?  It’s too late now.  Nothing can be changed.”  I looked at him.  “Do you really need to know my opinion, Storyteller?”

He looked around.  “Let’s go over there.”  He pointed at a spot away from just about everyone.  I walked with him there.  “So let’s have it.”  He leaned his back against a tree, one foot on it.  He was braced for impact.

“You think I will judge you.  Love is love, Varric.  I wouldn’t do that.  But perhaps, just perhaps, you ought to look for someone who can stand by your side, openly.  Loving someone new wouldn’t mean you loved her any less, whether she was able to accept that or not.”  I looked up across the camp, spotting Cassandra.  “Sometimes antagonism hides something else.”

He followed my gaze.  “She stabbed me in the book!  You can’t be serious.”

“If I’m wrong, I’m wrong.  Many people don’t even get one love.  You at least have that.”

“I do have that.”

“I won’t say anything, Varric. We all have secrets.”  I patted his shoulder and went to leave.

“Hey, what makes you think you get to leave without a hug?”  I smiled and hugged him. 

“We’re good, Storyteller?”

“You’re still creepy, Cuddles, but you’re my creepy.”

We got ready to go.  We’d planned just before lunch, but it was just easy to get on early.  We ended up leaving not even an hour after the Chargers.  It was a vastly smaller group that headed west.  Fourteen plus a wagoneer and a porter from something like ninety-five.  It was also much quieter.  And quicker, actually.  I’d assumed we were going to stop for lunch, or dinner, or the evening. Instead, we made use of the extra mounts and short breaks.  It was 10PM when we reached Highever.  Forty-three miles in one day.  Ouch.

Josie pointed out the lodgings she’d booked.  They were quite pleased to serve the Inquisitor.  They even didn’t say anything about the pointy-eared people in the party.  Didn’t even look at us strange until Inquisibabe put Josie, Cass, and Vivienne in the connecting room to his (which he was going to share with Varric), and me and Gara in the one next to his.  Dorian, Cole, and Solas were put in the connecting room to mine.  The Hessarians were in their own room, connected to the one with the porter and the wagoneer.  Is it weird that all these rooms were double, well, connecting?  The bathing room was universally shared, and down the hall.

Our things were delivered to our rooms.  I didn’t know why Inquisibabe felt the need to forcemarch us here, but Drummer was exhausted, and so am I.  I have to wear dresses tomorrow.  At least my slippers will fit.  However, I have a feeling I’m going to wearing footwraps anyway.  I did promise to allow him to put them on me.  We’ll see if he does so when even Sam would let me wear slippers.  We made a bathroom run.  I’m going to sit down and wait for butthead to come take these things off my feet.  I’m going to veil my journal here, too. I don't trust people not to pry. And this place stinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going places tomorrow, so don't expect an update. It's possible, but maybe not.


	64. Day 7, 4 Justinian, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas cheats, more Cole, new boots (not that it matters), and giving the Inquisitor what he forgot he wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be the only update for today. Sorry guys.

### Road Trip, Day 7, 4 Justinian, 9:41

I’m not sure when it was, because Garalen was asleep in the bed, but I woke up to someone messing with my feet.  Solas had pulled over the other chair and was undoing the wraps with my feet in his lap.  “Good evening, ma’haselan.  Were you waiting for me?”

“I think I was sleeping, Solas.”  He smirked.

“Sitting up?  In your clothing?”

“It happens.”  He grasped my foot and pushed his thumb firmly under the big toe, rubbing in a circle.  “That’s not fair.”

“Who says we need to be fair?”  He spent a few minutes relaxing my foot before moving to the other one.  “I don’t hear any complaints.”

“I’m not a foolish hahren like some.”

He unwrapped the other foot and gave it the same treatment, that tiny smile gracing his lips.  “Someone I know likes this.”

“Hmmm.”

“This is how I felt when you massaged my face.  Boneless.  I like seeing you this way, da’asha.”

“You’re cheating.”

“Nothing in any rule you gave me said not to cheat.”  He lowered my feet to the floor and stood up, looming.  The chairs had been that close.  He pushed it back and then put his hands on the arms of my chair.

“Why do you do this, Solas?  I don’t understand.”

He leaned his head toward me.  I hadn’t even taken my head off the back of the chair.  “I like the soap you use.  Queen Asha’s lace.  Truly appropriate.  Why do I do what?”

“Pursue.  Carefully, I admit.”

“One reason, ma’haselan’udh.  Just one.”

“Care to enlighten me?”

“Let me hold you on this side of the veil, and I shall.”  Honestly, I wasn’t really all that awake, and I shrugged.  He moved fast.  Enough to startle me a lot more awake.  I found myself lifted, and he plopped himself where I’d been.  He settled me down across his lap, pressing my head to his shoulder.

It was a rocking chair, which is why I’d managed to fall asleep in it.  “Don’t wake Gara.  She’s so tired.”

“Not much could wake her right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Be calm, da’asha.  Garalen is merely deeply asleep, and none of my doing.”  He waited until I’d relaxed again, one hand undoing my braid. “Your hair is much prettier loose.”

“If you say so. It gets in the way. I’ve considered cutting it.  It was so much easier when it was short.”

“It would be a crime.”

“Solas, you said you’d tell me.”

“So I did.  I thought you would know.  Care to guess?”  His hand played with my hair, the chair rocked.

A few minutes later, I mumbled at him.  “You’re putting me to sleep.”

“Deliberately so.  One reason, da’asha, and one alone.  I want to.”  And then the bastard really cheated.  “I have a request.”

“Hmmm?”

“Say yes, ma’haselan.”

“Not saying yes.”

“Offer me your mouth, then.”  And I made a mistake.  I turned my head to look at him.  That was enough for him, and he gently brushed his lips on mine.

“It cannot be cheating if it does not break the rules,” he whispered.  “Rest assured, I am not taking this as any sort of promise.  I still want a kiss initiated by you.  But I had to have a taste.  And another.”  He brushed my mouth with his again.  Butterfly soft.  Not even a real kiss.  “I never thought I would prefer this world to the fade.  But for just a moment…”  He lifted his face from mine, standing up with me in his arms.  “You should be in bed.  Let’s get you there.”

He tucked me in next to Gara, and brushed my hair off my face.  “Solas.”

“Yes?”

“It’s not a promise, and I’m still not ready.”  But I pulled his neck down to me.  More firmly than he had, because the butterfly-light kisses had just tickled my lips, and I wanted to feel him.  I pressed my lips to his.  Just for a taste.  He slid his tongue along the seam of my lips, and for just a moment, our tongues tangled.  I released him, and he stood.  I kept my eyes closed.  “Goodnight, Solas.  Lock the door?”

“Nothing will get to you, ma’haselan.  Sleep safely.”  He was saying something else, but I drifted off at that point.

I woke to sun in my face and coffee under my nose.  I reached for it, opening one eye, and the hand pulled it back.  Garalen.  “Cruel bitch.  Give me my coffee.”  She knew I was kidding.

“Not until you’re dressed.  The Inquisitor wants to take you to breakfast.  I picked out ‘something pretty’ for you to wear, on his orders.”

“You don’t have to take orders from him.”  I blearily climbed out of bed.

“I know, but I didn’t mind.”  She handed me the mug.

“How long have you been up?” I looked at the dress she’d put out.  It was one of the flowy sleeve ones, and had way too much cleavage.  And I couldn’t wear my vest over it.  “This one?  Really?”

“Yes.  And about an hour.  So when’d you come to bed?”

“I’m not quite sure.  I fell asleep in the rocking chair.”

“I know.  I left you there.”

“Then why are you asking?”

“Because you were in bed when I woke up.”

“I was in bed when you woke me up, too.”  I sipped my coffee.  “At least I was wearing my clothes.  My footwraps are off, so maybe Solas?”

“Probably.  He has a thing for you.”

I opened my eyes wide.  “Really?”

She flicked her fingers at me.  “Don’t do that.  People actually believe that innocent act.”

“What was with the licking the dagger?  Totally creepy, Gara.”

“I know, right?  Wasn’t it great?  That second one nearly pissed himself.  All because little me looked at him.  But never doubt it, Chrysopal.  I meant every word.”

“I know.  You’re a deadly woman, and I envy you sometimes.”

“You’re scarier than I am.  Even I wouldn’t go toe to toe with a noble who had just beaten the crap out of me.”

“I never did!”  What the hell was she talking about?

“If you say so.”

I set my mug down and stripped off, getting the gauzy thing on.  She’d put out silk stockings, too, underneath the dress.  “Are you kidding?”

“Nope.  At least you won’t need a garter belt for this pair.  They tie up.”

“What the hell did Leorah pack?”  I went to check the trunk, and Gara stepped in front of me.

“Just get dressed.  Your Inquisibabe is waiting.”

“I have to do something with my hair.”  I brushed it while I talked.

“I’ll get Dorian.  I do things lopsided.” 

I pulled on the stockings as she knocked on the door to the other room, tying them with the little ribbons.  “Hey Garalen, where are the slippers?”

“You won’t need them.  Solas said either you would wear footwraps or be carried to shop for boots, your choice.  He also said that removing the footwraps to try boots on, if you chose footwraps, wouldn’t count as the evening removal.  What did he mean?”

“We have an agreement regarding my feet.”

The door opened, and the gentlemen came into the room, all three.  “Hello Cole.”

“I came through the door.”

“You did.”

“They said I couldn’t come in while you were dressing.”

“I wouldn’t have appreciated it, no.”

“You say it’s a meat suit, and the meat suit doesn’t matter.”

Dorian coughed behind him.  “Cole…”

I held up a hand.  “Cole, darling, that is exactly right, but it’s MY meat suit, and I get to decide who sees it.  Okay?”

“Yes.  That makes sense.  Thank you.”

The guys were actually looking kind of snazzy.  Dorian was out of his armor and into a very nice tunic and trousers combo, one arm still bare.  It must be his thing.  Solas was back in his hobo suit, but it was mended.  “I have got to get you nicer clothes, Solas.”

“This clothing is more than adequate.”

“Not for me.”  He just smirked.

“I could be persuaded to wear something else.  Possibly.”

“You’re not getting my feet in your hands more than twice a day.”

“That wouldn’t be the best way to persuade me.”

“I’ve changed the subject, mor’ishan.  Do pay attention.”

Dorian stepped up, raising my hand to his lips.  “I am looking forward to Val Royeaux, my dove.  That tone is perfect.”

“How could you insult me like that?”  I smiled at him, though.

“Lord Trevelyan is doubtless hungry, and we should not keep him waiting.”

We trooped out the door, locking it behind us.  I’d barely gotten three steps when I was scooped up from behind.  “You had a choice, ma’haselan.”

“I don’t have to be carried by you.”

“Yes. You do.”

“I am not a sack of potatoes.”

He ignored me.  Dorian, mustache twitching, knocked on Sam’s door.  Sam and Varric came out with the ladies.  Vivienne, dressed to the nines, Cassandra, wearing limited armor instead of a full suit, and Josie, wearing an actual dress instead of the fluffy gold and blue thing.  Varric was dressed as Varric, and Trevelyan was wearing very nice leathers. 

There was a restaurant on the main floor.  Ordering, serving, laughing conversation.  It was lovely.  And then we went shopping, and I got my first real look at a human city.  Drab and dreary.  It was so sad.  The place itched, too, badly enough I had to push the dust away like Andrew had taught me.  I was told we’d be boarding the boat in the morning, and leaving on the afternoon tide.  I was looking forward to getting out of here, actually.

Garalen, Cass, and Josie went off to do something for the day.  Vivienne excused herself to do whatever she was going to do.  Dorian kissed my cheek and said he had things to do.  Cole had long since disappeared.  Only Sam, Solas, and Varric, as well as a Hessarian, took off with me.  Sam had me plopped on a couch in a very fancy shoe shop.  The proprietress opened her mouth to object when he stopped her.  “Greetings, mistress.  I am a representative of the Inquisition, and I’ve been instructed to get the Inquisitor’s sister new boots at the finest establishment around.  Would that be here? Or should I take her somewhere else?”

The look on the lady’s face.  She was torn.  Did she kick me out?  She eyed the lot of us.  Sam was dressed very nicely, as was I.  Varric was his usual self, and Solas was hobo’d out, but they could be dismissed.  Finally she snapped her fingers at a young man.  “David, this is the Inquisitor’s sister.  She requires boots.”  Sam gave a small bow and sat down next to me.  Varric was chuckling, and Solas was being unassuming.

“That’s not fair, Sam,” I muttered at him. 

He gave a wry grin. “I just made sure they knew who the important one was.”

“I’ll get even.”

David came over while the proprietress left.  He was practically obsequious.  Ugh.  He carefully traced around my feet and brought out several kinds of leather to look at.  Sam pointed at a cream suede.  “Sam, that’s going to get filthy quickly.”  He sighed and pointed at a brown, also suede.  It took maybe an hour.  They must have uppers and soles precut in the back room.  In any case, I left there with a beautiful pair of boots that seemed like they would fit perfectly.  That did fit perfectly when I tried them on.  Different left and right feet and everything.  Carried, and the boots in a bag carried by the Hessarian.  Because Inquisitors and Elves are stubborn asses.  I even suggested that I could be carried by Varric or the Hessarian, but Varric said to leave him out of it, and Sam just laughed at me, picked me up, and handed me to Solas.  Ass.

I did manage to prevail upon them to return immediately to the hotel so I could get my feet wrapped.  Because the boots weren’t good enough, I suppose.  And Solas had told Inquisibutt about my promise.  So, finally appropriately shod, I headed out to explore, trailed by two Hessarians, because by then I was quite tired of both elves and men.  Varric was welcome, but declined.

I looked around, and started heading toward the seedier portions of town.  I knew I’d find the alienage there, and I’m a bitch.  I had all afternoon to play.  When I started seeing more elves, I stopped and asked for directions to the Alienage’s Hahren.  I followed the pointing fingers to an older gentleman.  Dour guy.  He was suspicious, because of the way I was dressed and the fact I was flanked by two human armored men, so I told him that I was the Keeper of Tarasyl'an Te'las, which the Inquisition called home.  Imagine my surprise when he got up, opened a box, and pulled out a flyer with an elven face on it.  He held it up and looked at me, surprised.

“Why are you here?”  Well, that was rude.  So I decided to scare him a bit.

“To pay my respects to the keeper of the alienage.   I’m in your city.  It’s only polite.”

“Polite?”

“Of course.  I also came to give you something.”  I looked at him, right in the eyes, wanting him to listen.  “Words, hahren.  Words to inspire.  From things I once read.  Do you want them?”

He nodded, not taking his eyes from mine.

I continued.  “Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.  Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.  Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.  Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.  Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.  Elves are terrific. They beget terror.  The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.  No one ever said elves are nice."

“Who are you to say such things?”  He broke eye contact and shook his head, like he was shaking cobwebs away.

The room was fairly dark, a single candle lit upon his desk.  I tightened my SELF, until I began to glow.  There wasn’t a whole lot of the glowy stuff around here, but there was plenty for my purposes.  I placed my hand on his desk, willing a soft light to vine into the air, curling tendrils and sprouting little leaves around my arm and in the air, wrapping around his desk and snaking up his chair, just as a plant would grow.  I extended them out to climb the walls until the room was softly glowing everywhere.  Much like the light show for Dorian.  His eyes grew wide, and he leaned back in his chair, away from me, but not precisely afraid.  I didn’t expect his dramatic reactions to a little bit of decorative magic, but I’d take them.

“The way to Ethelathe smells the sea, weaves through forests, crosses the lands behind, and rises above the mists.  It lives between mountains and guards the river of reality.   I am the Ethelathun.  If you have need of me, swear to me, and I will stand between you and what would harm you.  The Inquistion treats us as we are, with equal pay and safety, but you must be useful.  You must be loyal.  Be well, and be brave.  For someday, We Shall Overcome.”  I released the pent up magic I’d used to glow into two unlit candles, and pulled the vines of light back into myself.  “So you know it was real, hahren, when you doubt.  But like all reassurance, it will only last until it fades.”

It was only then that I noticed the Hessarians had backed away from me.  The fact that the humans were afraid made the hahren braver.  With awe in his eyes, he breathed, “I will tell them, my lady.  I will tell them all.”

“Have a good day, then.”  And ignoring the Hessarians, I left.  They followed, but they weren’t quite as certain I was harmless as they had been.

I went back to the hotel and waited for the others in the sitting room, reading.  The Hessarians stood guard, and we seemed to be quite a spectacle.  Everyone arrived when the bells chimed six.  Apparently there was a timetable of which I was unaware.  One of the blades immediately pulled the Inquisitor to the side.  Reporting my doings, I’m sure.  He kept looking at me, nervous.  The blade, not Sam. 

Sam came back with the Hessarian and knelt next the chair I was in.  “What’d you do?”

“What did you ask me to do on this trip, little brother?”

“Shop, be seen?”

“You don’t remember the rest?”

“Tell me, Chrissy.”

“And she wouldn’t find a trail of elves following her home like puppies.  You just might.”

“Andraste’s tits.  You just scared the shit out of my Blades because of something I said in passing!”

That got the others’ attention.  “Lower your voice, Sam.  Don’t worry, I scared everyone else, too.”

Solas, Dorian, Cassandra, and Varric came up, and the rest moved closer.  “What’s all this about scaring people again, Dove?”

“I merely gave the keeper of the alienage the same show I gave you the day HE,” and I pointed at Solas, “angered me so much I had to call you.”

Dorian paled.  “You can’t do that to people.”

“Whyever not?”

Solas interjected at that point.  “Would anyone care to enlighten me?”

That made Dorian let out a nervous chuckle.

“No.  Perhaps I’ll show you, eventually, Solas.”

“And the riddle?” Inquired Inquisibabe.

“Directions.  Nothing may come of it.  It depends on how determined they are.”

“He said you said something else.  ‘Elves are terrific.  They beget terror.’”

“They do.  You don’t shove a people down this hard unless they scare you, Lord Trevelyan.”

“What am I going to do with you?”

“Take me to Val Royeaux and show me off.  You said so.  Are we eating soon?  I’m starved.” 

He sighed.  “Let’s eat, Chrysopal.”

I put my hand on his arm.  “Sam, do you want me to continue, or to stop?”

“It’s too late to stop.  Far too late.”

I smiled, feeling like I did when the dirt clod fell from nothing, and Sam sucked in deep breath.  Varric said, “She’s creepy, but she’s our creepy, right Inquisitor?”

“Right.  And I shall be far more careful what I ask for.”

Solas watched me the entire way through dinner, measuringly.  Cassandra did the same.  At least everyone else treated me fairly normally.  Dorian was positively gregarious.  He was used to me by now. Garalen just kept grinning once the Hessarians shared the story with her.

We went up to our rooms.  Solas removed the footwraps, sans massage this time.  Probably because Garalen was watching him.  I felt the fade shift.  “Hello Cole.”  Solas stiffened.  I’d said hello before Cole appeared.

“You always know.”

“You often say that.”

“I need…  I have to tell you, and there are too many ears.  You would be unhappy.”

“Give me a few minutes then, to clear the room.  Would just Garalen be okay?”

“Yes.  Just her. She…”  He looked around.  “I need to tell you.  Please?”

“Solas, I’m sorry, but he needs me, okay?”

Solas nodded.  “I understand.  Later?”

“Tomorrow, mor’ishan, after we wake. Not tonight.”

“Scared, da’asha?”

“She’s not.  She doesn’t want to fence tonight.  Why would you be fencing?  You use a staff.”

“Thank you, Cole, but I can handle this one.” I looked at the hobo elf.  “I would just like to rest tonight.  I’ve been having strange dreams.”  He smirked and tilted his head, strolling through the connecting door.

“What did you need, Cole?’

“You changed it.”

“Changed it?  Changed what?”

“Despair.  It’s not.  You’ll see.  But it’s not, anymore.  No, that’s not right.  You didn’t change it.  It changed it.  But you helped.  Like me, it was wrong, and now it’s not.  How did you do that?”

“I’m not sure.  I just told it the truth, talked to it.”

“You gave it hope, and it became Hope.  It takes despair, now, because you told it it could choose.”

“It can, Cole.  Just as you did.”

“Thank you.”  I hugged him.  I couldn’t think of anything to say.

He left, and we tucked into bed.  Tomorrow, we set sail.  I can’t wait.  I’ve not sailed in years. I'm veiling my journal again.  I think my things were searched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got some very specific help for a troublesome paragraph from a new friend, Spiderbro Jenkins. Thank you!
> 
> The quote she uses:  
> “Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.  
> Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.  
> Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.  
> Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.  
> Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.  
> Elves are terrific. They beget terror.  
> The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.  
> No one ever said elves are nice."
> 
> ― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies (Discworld) (Found here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000TU16R2/ I get nothing from a sale or purchase.)


	65. Day 8, 5 Justinian, 9:41 Boat trip!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas is weird again, flowers, card games, and singing with the captain.

### Road Trip, Day 8, 5 Justinian, 9:41 Boat trip!

I woke early, having had normal, pleasant dreams.  Just like the ones on earth, really.  I was watched, but not by Solas.  Someone else.  They’ll come to me when they’re ready.  I felt no threat.  Felt feminine, but barely.  Odd, I know.

The sun was barely peeking over the horizon when I looked out the window.  Cities are so dreary.  Even the people look dull and lifeless as they go through their day.  I don’t remember cities being so awful, honestly, but it’s been a while since I visited one.  Except this one, of course.  Gara wasn’t in bed, and not in the room, but she does that sometimes.

The connecting door opened, and Dorian came through.  “It’s early for you, Dorian.”

“It is a terribly lumpy bed, and I miss my Dove.”

“Do you want to lay down for an hour with me?” 

“No, thank you.  I wouldn’t find any rest, even with you.  It was a lovely offer, however.” 

I turned to look at him.  He looked less fresh and bright than usual.  A bit of dark under the eyes.  “Are you worried about a sea journey?”

“I don’t do sea travel well.”

“I’m so sorry.  You get seasick?”

“I don’t get sick, not usually, but there’s something wrong with not being able to see land.  Like you’ll never touch anything solid again.” 

I went to him and twined my fingers with his.  “I’ll not let anything happen to you, Dorian, if I can help it.”  I stepped up on the air, leading him to do the same.  “We have shore.  Infinite shore, anywhere we are.  I’ll not let the sea steal you from me.  I admit, the boat might move away from us, but I can walk us to shore.  And I will, if I have to.”

“That might cause a bit of a stir.”

“Afraid of the notoriety, are you?”  He just smiled, and stood a foot in the air looking out the window at the sunrise with me.  “When do we embark, my love?” I asked.

“Somewhere mid to late morning, from what I understand.  And we sail on the afternoon tide.  You look happy about it.”

“I love the sea.  I don’t like the shoreline as much.  If I could have a sea in the mountains, I’d be a happy girl.  But that won’t work, for many reasons.”

“You say the oddest things.  Out of curiousity, why won’t it work?”

“Primarily the topology of mountains and the properties of true seas.  Even to have a highland loch would require changing too much near Skyhold, and the loch wouldn’t have the wild qualities found in miles of open water.  So I will travel, from one to the other.”

We were standing there several minutes later when behind us a droll tone stated, “You are aware there is a perfectly good floor not twelve inches below where you stand, are you not?”

Dorian, bless him, slung back, “How terribly common, Ser Solas.  All the best people are using this new technique.  The floor is so plebian.  So many feet have touched it.  Only the best for my Dove, you know.”

“Oh, did you make this lovely floor?  Or was it our little mageling, doing that which is astounding as usual?”

Dorian stepped down, turned, and lifted me down from my own floor, which I dismissed.  “I have no idea of what you speak, Solas.  I see only one floor, and our feet are on it.”

“The Inquisitor had some questions regarding Tevinter.  Perhaps you would be so kind?”

“Sorry, dove.  I shall return.”  He promptly left.

“I’d wager Sam’s not even awake yet,” I mused.  “That wasn’t very nice.”

“He might be awake.”  Solas shut the connecting door.  “Did you sleep well, ma’haselan’udh?”

“Yes?”

“That’s a fetching gown.  Is there a reason you aren’t dressed?”

“I was watching the sunrise.”

“With a man.”

“With a man, yes.”

“Do you watch sunrises with men, in your nightrail, often?”

I thought about it.  Dorian, Cullen, and usually Elias was about if I wasn’t actually next to someone.  “More often than I’d expect, actually.”  That got him.  It was not an answer he was expecting.  Luckily it hit his funny bone, because his lips twitched.  “You were so serious.  Why?”

“I was glad you didn’t put your hair up yesterday.”

“Interesting subject change.  I was going to ask Dorian to help, but forgot before we left the room.”

“I will let things lie, for now, because you are skittish, but we both know a truth, da’asha.”

“There are so many truths.”

“I know this well.  Do you need help dressing?”  That smirk.

“Not at the moment.”

“If I were to tell you something, to my detriment and your benefit, would I receive a reward?”

“Depends on the reward you want.”

“So many things to choose.”

“Well, don’t take all day, I have to dress.”

“I could ask to watch.”

“Nothing you have to tell me would be rewarded with that today.”

“A hug, then.  Before you dress.”  What was he up to?

“That I can do.”  He led me to in front of the window, taking two steps back for a moment. He kept my hand, lifting it out to the side.  His eyes were strange.

He came back, wrapping his arms around my middle and picking me up.  I reflexively put my arms on his shoulders and around his neck.  He waited, and I hugged him.  His lips at my neck, brushing my skin as he spoke, he nearly whispered, “This gown, da’asha, is a beautiful thing.  You should think carefully on the properties of such gauzy material before standing with the light streaming behind you.”  It took me too long to understand what he meant, because my skin broke out in goosebumps and I shivered.  He’d placed a warm open-mouthed kiss on my neck, chuckling low at the response.  Then he set me down and retreated to the other room before I realized.  DRAT that man.

Garalen had left a dress out, with appropriate underthings.  I get the feeling she’s supposed to be acting as lady’s maid, at least in relation to laying out clothing.  And the trunk was locked.  This dress was easier, with laces up the sides.  No stockings this time.  Why couldn’t I get knee length dresses like Josie? I put it on, and then turned back to the trunk.  Gara came in while I was playing with the lock.  “You won’t get it, Chrissy.  It’s a good lock.”

“I just want to see what I have to wear.  It’s my clothes, isnt’ it?”

“We’ll make sure you have appropriate things to wear, but you’d wear leggings and a threadbare tunic if it was up to you.”  That thought tickled my brain for a moment.  And made me laugh.  Leggings and a threadbare tunic.  He and I might be more alike than I thought.

“Garalen, on the ship, can I put my journal in here?” I patted the chest.  “I don’t want to take chances on veiling it near any mage but Dorian if I can help it.  I’ve been taking too many recently.”

“You have.  Sure, I suppose.  Just let me know when you want it in or out.”  Maybe I’d get a peek when she opened it.  I’d not seen it open yet.

“Where were you this morning?”

“Getting some things ready, talking to some people.”

“Anyone I know?”

“Yes, actually.  You had a delivery.”

“Oh?”

“Flowers.  Daffodils.  Delivered by an elf.  The proprietress is scandalized.  How awful to have an elf at her establishment.  I was woken to deal with it.  The Inquisitor was woken to deal with it.  Dorian, luckily, showed up and said they are a tribute to new beginnings.  The card says ‘I will remember.’ Do you know who sent them?”

“Probably the Keeper.  Will I actually get them, or have they been confiscated?”

“The Inquisitor is sending them up with Dorian, probably.”

Perfect timing.  There was a knock at the door.  Garalen let Dorian in.  He handed me six daffodils.  “You have an admirer, Chrissy.”

“They mean new beginnings?”

Dorian nodded.  “And hope, as well.”

“No identification?”  He shook his head.  I smiled.  “They’re probably from the keeper.  One for each statement I gave him, perhaps.  I look forward to working with him.”

I had them up to my nose when there was a knock at the other door and Gara opened it.  Solas was back, to wrap my feet.  “You got her flowers, Dorian?”

“They were delivered downstairs.”

“That must have caused a stir.  Looks like your expedition bore fruit, ma’haselan’udh.  Your influence grows.”

“They’re just flowers.”  At that point, Josie and Cassandra joined us.

“You got flowers?”  I handed one to Josie and one to the seeker. 

“Yes.  But I can share.  I have a question.  Why are there six, sorry Cole, seven people in this tiny room?”  Cole was standing just inside the doorway.  I held a flower out to him and he beamed as he came to get it.  “They’re more for the inquisition than for me, anyway.  So?”  I raised a brow.

Cassandra looked at Garalen.  “We’re actually here to talk to you.”

“Dove, why don’t you and Solas go in the other room to do that?”  I was practically shoved through, Solas ushered behind me.  The door shut.

“Well, that was different.  Kicked out of my own room.” I looked around.  “That’s not fair.  Your room is bigger, and has more beds.”

“Yours has the chairs.”  He sat me on the made bed.  “Turn and sit back.  Put your feet up here.”  I leaned against the pillows and he wrapped my feet.  He was about halfway through when Gara stormed through the door.

“Do you want me to leave for Skyhold?  Today?”

“What’s going on?”

“They think the Hessarians are adequate guards.”

“There will be no Hessarians in my room, and if you aren’t with me, the Hessarians will have trouble keeping up with me in Val Royeaux.  Or here.  I will not be left without even one elven member of Ethelathe here without there being difficulties.”  I heard a disgusted noise from the other room.

“I told them no, and they suggested I ask you.  That you were far more practical.”

“I am.  I refuse to be left bereft.  If there are space issues, they can leave a blade behind.”  That was the end of that discussion, thank goodness, and it wasn’t brought up again in my hearing.  I did pull Sam aside later and ask about it, but he said it’d been Vivienne’s idea, and that he’d only said there was no harm in asking.  He was unsurprised at the result.  We got everything packed up and the porter and the waggoneer took it to the docks for us. 

There we were led up to a pretty little galleon.  Well, not so little.  Across the stern was emblazoned “The Pearl’s Revenge”.  Interesting boat name. We were introduced to a pleasant tanned elf with a huge smile.  His name, he said, was Captain Jack Sparrow.  “Welcome aboard.”  That was quite the coincidence.  Maybe.  I let Sam handle the interactions.  We were led down some stairs to a small area with three rooms off it.  It’s going to be cramped, but it’s only a few days, and we’ll probably be up on deck most of the time.

We were admonished to stay below until we were underway.  Thank goodness we’d eaten.  Tide was about four, so several hours of waiting.  Vivienne ensconced herself in one of the rooms with a book.  Varric pulled out a pack of cards.  I proved I was shit at Wicked Grace, much to the amusement of my fellows.  Glad I refused to bet.  So Varric asked me to pick a game.

“Most of the games I know are for four players or for one.”

“I’m sure we can manage four players, Cuddles.”

“My favorite requires two decks and two pairs of players.”  Varric produced another deck. “Have you guys ever played Contract Bridge?”  There were some blank looks.  I explained the rules, including having to place wagers on your partner’s ability to take tricks.

Solas looked at me.  “So this is a game where points are earned based entirely on whether you are able to do what you say you and your partner will do, and prevent others from doing the same?”

I smiled sunnily.  “Exactly!”

Dorian said, “That actually explains a lot.”  The two men looked at each other like that meant something.

“What?”

Sam played peacemaker.  “That sounds fascinating but complicated, Chrissy.  Do you have anything simpler?”

“We could play Bullshit.”

“What are the rules to that?”

“All the cards are dealt.  Starting with Ace, two, three, and continuing, each player in order has to put at least one card, face down, on the pile, and state how many of the designated card type they’re placing.  The others have the ability to call Bullshit.  If the player lied, he or she must pick up the pile.  If the player told the truth, the person calling Bullshit must pick up the pile.  First person to have no more cards wins.”

Dorian burst out laughing.  “Your card games give you away, my dove.”

I don’t appreciate being laughed at.  “So you’re saying you can’t manage it, my love? Is it too difficult? This game is much simpler than Contract Bridge, but I have another I can suggest.  Or you can all go back to your Thedasian games, of course.  I’d like to point out that I was asked, I didn’t try to force this on anyone.”  I delivered that tart retort and he stopped laughing by the time the first sentence was complete.

Sam did the peacemaker thing again.  “Whoah, whoah.  He didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I didn’t, Chrissy.  I’m sorry for laughing.”

“The games I choose reflect my nature.  It would be odd if they didn’t.”

As a kind gesture, they decided to play Bullshit, since everyone could play at the same time.  I got an excellent hand, and it matched well.  The few times I had bullshit called on me, I’d been truthful.  Over the course of a few games, they stopped calling it on me.  A game or two down the line, Varric tried it again.  And picked up the pile.  Two rounds later, Solas got me.  I’d actually been putting random cards in for a while, but this was the first time I’d gotten caught.  Three cards, none of which were what I’d claimed.  The table looked at me in shock.  “What?”

“You actually put the wrong cards down!  You said you had three threes.”  Poor Cassandra.

I pulled the three threes out of my hand and showed them to her.  “I do, but that’s not what I put down.”

“Why didn’t you put them down?”

“Because those cards will be for rounds that belong to someone else, and the threes come to me again.”  Luckily no one ever seemed to notice when I said two whatever and put three cards down.

“Oh.”

Dorian’s mustache was twitching.  “Don’t do it, Dorian.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”  We occupied ourselves with various games, although Bullshit was a favorite, until we shoved off. 

I convinced a passing sailor to let me stand in an out of the way place for that.  Up near the captain, against the railing to the deck below.  “You move, miss, and you’ll be chucked back below,” said the capitan in a nice baritone. I just nodded.  I’ve only seen smaller sailing ships, so seeing something this large get underway was amazing. 

After we were safely at sea, the captain turned the wheel over to someone else, and came up next to me.  “The only brave one among them?”

“Just interested.  Never seen something this large get underway.”

“And what might your name be?”

“It might be many things.”

“I think I’m going to like you.  What is your name?”

“I go by Chrysopal, among other things.  And you go by Jack Sparrow.”

“Captain Jack Sparrow.  Allow me to escort you back to your cabin.  The evening meal will be served there shortly.”  He held out his arm and I took it.  He delivered me to the passenger area.  “I look forward to speaking with you again,” he said with a small bow.  He turned to everyone else.  “The evening meal should be ready soon.  It will be served here, so please make yourselves at home.  If you need anything, blankets, pillows, conversation, please let me know.”  And he left.

Varric just sighed.  “Cuddles, we can’t take you anywhere, can we.”

“What?  I wanted to feel the sea again.  I stayed where I was put and was returned when the frenetic activity ceased.”  He just shook his head.

Dinner was delivered, and we ate.  Conversation flowed around.  General subjects, general comments.  It was late when I heard the strains of a song I knew.  “ _Over in Killarney, many years ago…_ ”  Oh.  My.  God.  I turned my face to the door.  “ _My mother sang this song to me, in tones so sweet and low_ …” 

“I have to go.  Be back later.”  And I left for the deck, Gara close after me.

“Just a simple little ditty, in her good old Irish way, and I’d give the world, if she could sing…  That song to me, this day…”

I’d reached them, and started with “Tura lura lura.”  The sailors stopped and stared.  “Tura lura li…”  The captain joined back in on the next few rounds, and the sailors came in on the next verse, but he was still staring at me.  At the end of the song, I looked at him.  “You didn’t tell me you were friends with Will and Elizabeth Turner.”

“Well, well, you didn’t tell me you knew Irish lullabies.”

“Virginia, 2016.”

“Newfoundland, 2038.”

“Whoah.  How long?”

“About twenty-three years.”  He didn’t look a day over thirty.  “You?”

“Four months.”

“My precious lady, you must have been terrified.”  I could see Garalen staring at us.  “FIRST!  GET THE LADY A CHAIR!”  Shortly thereafter, a padded rocking chair appeared at the captain’s side, and he ushered me to it.  “What other songs do you know, my dear?  Have you ever heard of the Eagles, or Peter, Paul, and Mary?  Andrew Lloyd Webber?”

“The Beatles?  Christina Perri? 2000s country?  Patsy Cline?”

“You are my new favorite person.  Let’s see you prove it.”

“Bring on the Rain?”  He started the music on his guitar, and I came in at the proper place.  As did he.  I propped my feet on a cleat and rocked to the music.  We flowed from one song to another, into the night.  We passed the guitar back and forth, playing Desperado, and Lyin’ Eyes, More Than Words, some songs I’d never heard before, which must be more modern.  I moved into Any Dream Will Do followed by Close Every Door from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.  He followed with Octopus’ Garden.  Some of them the sailors chimed in on, sometimes in multipart harmony.  It was glorious.  I’d truly forgotten the others were there when I felt a hand on my shoulder.  I looked up and saw Solas and Inquisibabe.  Solas had his hand on me, but was looking at Jack.

“It looks like your compatriots are here to fetch you, my dear.  Say the word and you may stay as long as you like.”  He was joking around.

“I should probably go.  It’s been a wonderful evening.”

“We have four more days, and many more songs to sing, my dear.”

“I look forward to it.”

We got all the way to our quarters before Sam peppered me with questions.  No, I’d never met Jack before today.  He was from the same place, sort of, that I was.  No, I didn’t know he’d be here.  Yes, he probably chose a song I’d recognize on purpose.  He’d noticed me recognize the name.  No, he wasn’t famous.  He was named after someone famous.  Solas just watched me, looking displeased.  Varric kept chuckling in random spots.  Josie thought it was so cute.  Even Cassandra was smirking.  At least no one seemed to think it was some sort of conspiracy.

After the interrogation, everyone sort of retired to rooms.  The two Hessarians were sleeping in the crew quarters.  Inquisibabe, Varric, and Solas ended up in one.  Vivienne, Cassandra, Josie in another.  Mine was going to be the third one over, with Dorian, Cole, and Garalen, but I wasn’t ready for bed.  Garalen actually cleared out to the bedroom area, along with everyone else but Solas.  We were the only two in the common area.  “You spent more than four hours singing unfamiliar songs with that pirate.”

“I didn’t realize how much time had passed.”

“You don’t know this man personally?”

“Well, I do now, but not before today.”

He lifted a foot and spoke as he unwrapped it.  “I’m tempted to try to speak in the fade, but it doesn’t work well on board ship.  Too many noises and motions to sleep deeply.”

“You don’t like boats. I’ll have to remember that.”

“Boats are fine, da’asha.  I prefer less movement and more interesting places to sleep.”  He lifted the other foot and began.  “You, however, seem to like the sea.”

“I do.  The sea and mountains.  They don’t come together well.”

“So you’ve been content in Skyhold.”

“Does that worry you?  That I’m not content at home?”  Something relaxed a hair in his shoulders at my words.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Indeed.”  He tickled my foot.  I deserved it for that word.  “Hey!”

“There is no privacy here.”

“And you can’t effectively resort to the fade.”  There’s something comforting about that.

“No.”

“What’s really bothering you?”

“Nothing.  I am finding it fascinating to watch you interact with new people.  Perhaps you will show me what you did to Dorian someday soon.”

“I didn’t do anything to him.  You don’t like not knowing things.”

“With, near?  And I like to learn new things.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing you couldn’t do yourself.”

“Who sent you flowers?  The Inquisitor couldn’t say.”

“We don’t know for sure.”

“Ma’haselan’udh, you know.”

“I think it was the keeper.  Dorian said the flower meant new beginnings.”

“Among other things.”

“What do you want, Solas?  It feels like you’re trying to pick a fight.”

“Nothing.”  He stood.  “Sleep well, da’asha.”  He shut himself in the room he shared with Sam.  That was a nothing from him twice in less than five minutes.  Odd.

I went into mine, and Garalen had put my nightclothes on the bed.  There was only the bed and two hammocks.  I looked at Dorian.  “We have the bed?”

“If that’s alright, my dove.”

“It’s perfect.  You look like you could use a cuddle.”

I had Cole turn around and changed.  The nightgown Solas had disparaged.  Well, he would have to live with it. I’m giving Gara my journal to lock up in just a minute, and we’ll all go to bed.  Even Cole is having fun swinging in the hammock.


	66. Day 9, 6 Justinian, 9:41 Boat trip!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack's not a dreamboat, Solas is worried, Dorian is brave.

### Road Trip, Day 9, 6 Justinian, 9:41 Boat trip!

My dreams.  Wow.  Soft and full, liquid and glittery.  Amorphous, undefined, full of feelings but no reality.  Like a warm cocoon with no information.  I can see why Solas has issues.  There’s no one here.  It would be lonely, after a while, but it’s relaxing now. 

Relaxing enough that I remember Dorian escaping my arms at some point and being alone.  Gara mentioned something about breakfast, and I mumbled something and went back to sleep.  They’d apparently decided to let me sleep in, because I don’t remember anything else until almost noon. 

Inquisibabe must have sent the dreamer in to find out what was wrong.  I never sleep this late anymore.  The hair got pushed off my face.  “Go ‘way.  Sleeping.”

“What is so fascinating about your dreams here?”

I opened one eye.  He was squatting next to the bunk.  “You’re going to make me get up?”

“Not yet, but soon.  You’ve never slept so long.  May I?”

“Hmmm, whatever.”  I had no clue what he was talking about, and closed my eye.  There was shifting and stuff, but I was already mostly asleep again.  When I woke again later, my head was on a clothed chest that was NOT Dorian’s.  Which woke me up all the way in a hurry.  I moved to sit up and an arm came around me.

“Peace, da’asha.”  Solas.  I relaxed a bit, but not all the way.  “Your dreams were empty.  Why are you so intent on them if they are blank?”

“Because they’re blank, and full.  Infinite possibilities, full of feeling, a warm cocoon.  Why do you smell like old books and leather even here at sea?”

“Old books and leather?”  He traced my ear and I shivered.

“Don’t start.  Yes, old books and leather.  What time is it?”

“Noon.  Lunch is almost here.  The captain was asking about you.”

“Oh?”

“He was trying to ascertain whether you were for sale.”

I lifted my head and looked at him.  “Sale?”  It wasn’t a nice tone.

“I think he intended to purchase your freedom, if necessary.  The look on his face when the Inquisitor told him you were his sister was absolutely interesting.”

“Everything’s interesting to you.  I should get up.  Where’s everyone else?”

“Mostly on deck.  Dorian is in the common area.  Even Vivienne is taking the air.  And you, our sailor, are still abed.”

“It’s like a cradle, rocking you to sleep, and I’ve been worried about things.  Wait, how did you know I was a sailor?”

“Between the songs and the way you take to the sea you have to ask?”

“I need to get up, Solas.”

“Not yet.”

“Aw, hell.  Not again.”

“Again and again, ma’haselan’udh.  No matter how many you trap in your web.”  He pulled me up closer to his face.  “Reassure me, da’asha.  Tell me you will get off this boat with everyone else, not stay.”

“I have no intention of staying on The Pearl’s Revenge.”

“That is not my preferred reassurance.  You are not asleep now.”

“I’m not kissing you in bed.”  He moved fast, grabbing me and standing, holding me in the air.  I held on for dear life.

“We are not in bed.  Was that your only objection?  Look at me, da’asha.”  He stood me on the bed, so I was eye to eye with him.  “You fool no one.  No promises.  You aren’t ready.  Kiss me anyway.”

“You’re like a tidal wave, pulling me under until I can’t think.”

“Just.”  He put his forehead on mine.  “Not him.  If you must choose another, not him.”

“Oh, Solas.  You sound so lonely.”  I wrapped my arms around him tightly, hugging him.  “Do you think so little of me? That I would choose someone I have known less than a day?  I’m not choosing him, okay?  I met him yesterday.  It’s not the way my emotions work.  The more intense something is, the more difficult to get there.  You could subsume me, and we have some truths to get to before we make choices we can’t unmake.  I know nothing about him, and I wouldn’t have time to learn in the days we are here.  I just want to spend time with someone who knows my songs.”

“I begin to believe that it is my understanding of you, not your understanding of me, for which you wait.”

“Anything’s possible.”

“You don’t hate me.”

“I never did.  I don’t know why you do the things you do sometimes.  Nothing ever goes to plan, mor’ishan.  I had intended on staying far away from you.”  I sighed.  “This is neither the time nor the place, Solas.  I have to get dressed.”

Someone pounded on the door.  “Just kiss him, dove, so he’ll let you dress.  Lunch is almost ready, and your captain wants to see you hale and hearty.”

“I’m not kissing you so I can go see another guy.  That’s icky.  Go away and let me dress.”  He lifted me down, not saying anything.  “There’s nothing to stop you from hanging around and listening when we jam, you know.”

“Jam?”

“Play, sing, mess around with music.  Now get lost.”  He left, and I dressed.  The same dress from yesterday, actually. 

Jack popped in and told us that lunch was in the mess, if we wanted, or we could have it delivered here.  His eyes roamed over my skin, and I could tell he was looking for bruises.  He continued, after checking, by saying he was a full-service vessel, after all.  Apparently the Templar habit of waggling brows is also found in the dislocated.  We ate with the others.  Then I walked the deck with Dorian, holding his hand, because he was tense.  

“Dorian, I can get you to shore, remember?  I can do that.”

“That’s the only reason I’m out of the room, Dove.  And I would like to go back now.”  It’d only been a few minutes.  We passed Josie holding hands with Inquisibabe.  Cassandra was looking a bit green.  Was she seasick?  She seemed fine yesterday.  Varric was somewhere, probably playing cards below with the sailors.  Vivienne was examining something or other on the main mast.  Who knows where Cole was.  Solas was gone, too.  Gara and the Hessarians just sort of watched us all.

I stayed in with Dorian for a while, and we were joined by others after a short time.  Sam made sure I was okay.  He’d been worried when I slept so long.  I warned him I’d probably sleep in again tomorrow.

The day sort of repeated, with cards in the afternoon, and singing in the evening.  But this time, the others came out where I could see them to hear instead of staying back.  Dorian planted himself between my chair and Jack, and we taught them some fun songs of all sorts.  The Scotsman, Comin’ around the mountain, kid’s songs, funny tavern ditties.  Dorian was much better after dark, because he couldn’t see the lack of shore, but he still kept his hand on me.  Jack noticed, but didn’t comment.

After songtime was over and people were heading in, Jack asked to chat with me.  Why not, right?  “You’ve been here four months.”

“Yes.”

“How have you managed to get to where you are?  The Inquisitor himself is calling you his sister, and you’re neither his race nor his woman.”

“I helped where I was needed, and stood between.”

“Stood between?  You’ve been defending us?”

“Define Us.”

He looked around.  “People from Earth.”

“Just two of those.”

“So how’d you make an impact?”

“Because I chose to include more people in ‘us’.”

“Oh, you got attached to your ears.  I thought it was neat when I first arrived, too, but elves are useless.”

“Are we?  I never would have guessed.”  You’d think the tone would have informed him.

“You know you’re not like them, right?”

“How so?  Please, do be a dear and inform poor little me.”  First wary glance.

“You’re going to watch them die, Chrysopal.  They’re so fragile.  I made friends with them at first, too, but their lives are just miserable, and then they die.”

“Then why not make their lives less miserable?”

“I’d rather sail the sea with a beautiful woman.  Land is so dull and lifeless, and it’s hard to breathe.  Here, we’re free, Chrysopal.  We can breathe, and the world is beautiful.”

He was echoing my own observations, but coming to different conclusions.  “At what cost?”

“There is no cost.”

“In 2038, how are the blacks treated?”

“Like everyone else.  There were some problems in the past, but we grew past that.”

“And you draw no parallels.”

“It’s not our job to fix this world.  We didn’t break it.”

“I can’t look at a problem, shrug and hand it off, Jack.  Is that your real name?”

“It is now.  If you change your mind and want to stay…”

That’s two people I have to make realize what’s going on.  I’d hoped for better from someone of my world.  Andrew got it, why didn't he?  I went to bed earlier than last night, but it was still late.  Dorian is not handling the sea well.  I’m going to have to pay more attention to him.


	67. Day 10, 7 Justinian, 9:41 Boat trip!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian's worried, Solas is confused, and Jack's not an ass. Cole says interesting things.

### Road Trip, Day 10, 7 Justinian, 9:41 Boat trip!

I slept in again, but not as long.  It’s funny.  When you dream in motion, the things you form stay where you formed them.  No wonder Solas said it wasn’t worth the effort in game.  Dorian was awake but not up when I finally decided to be alive.  He looked unhappy.

“What’s wrong, handsome?”

“Did you know that the captain tried to buy you from me yesterday?”

“Solas mentioned something about it.”

“Is that what everyone thinks of me?”

“Not everyone.  Some of us love you for who you are.  We don’t know what his history is, love.”

“Someone got upset about you and I before, too.  It caused your magic to react strangely.”

“Dorian.”

He looked at me.  “I don’t want to cause you problems, Chrissy.”

“Then don’t abandon me.  I sleep better next to a loved one.  You sleep better next to a loved one.  Until I find you a beau, you’re stuck with me.”

“Looking to marry me off?”

“Nope, I can’t do that.  It would cause problems later.  But you need more than just cuddles.”

“Cause problems later?”

“Darling, you’re an important person, even if you don’t want to be.  If you want to marry, fine, but I’m never going to be someone who tries to coerce you into a marriage of any kind.”  I arched a brow at him.

He hugged me.  “I didn’t mean it that way, Dove.  And yes, I’ve had enough of coercion.  Mayhap I’ll find you a beau first.”

“Oh, please don’t.  I already seem to have three.  Hello, Cole.”

“Five.  There are five.”

Dorian climbed out of bed and looked at him.  “Oh do tell, please.”

“Tell what?”

“Who the suitors are.”

“But they already know.”

“Tell ME who the suitors are.”

I interrupted.  “That won’t be necessary, I’m sure.”

“It’s not.  But he wants to know.  It won’t hurt.  He already knows four.”

“That’s one more than I know, and if I don’t know, then they aren’t using their words so they don’t count.”

Cole wisely changed the subject. “I saw a dolphin.”

“That’s wonderful.  Turn around so I can get dressed.”  Gara had left out another one.

“Why don’t you make Dorian turn around?”

“Because he won’t look anyway.  You’re curious.”

“Why do women have breasts?”

“To feed babies.  If you have further questions about breasts, ask Varric.  Or the Iron Bull.”  Dorian was practically strangling himself not to say anything, turning red and pressing his lips together.

“Okay!”  And he was gone.

Dorian informed me that he was going to spend the day in the common area, reading.  I kissed his cheek and I headed out.  And got stopped by Solas in the common area.  “You owe me a day.”

“Do not.”

“Ten days.”

“I’d allow it for ten days.  It’s not my fault if you forget a day.”

“You allow for renegotiation.”

“Isn’t that nice.  What are you offering?”  He made a disgruntled noise.  “Well, then, when you decide, we can chat about it.  I’ll see you later.”  I sidled up to him, wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his head down, and nipped his chin.  Then I escaped on deck while he stood there, eyes wide in surprise or shock, I’m not sure which.  I heard Dorian laughing behind me.  I did wonder how long it’d take him to realize he still had the wraps in his hand.

Turns out it was probably five minutes.  Score.  And we were on deck where he couldn’t really bug me with questions.  He didn’t even say anything, just arched a brow and pointed at “my” chair.  I smirked and sat.  He pulled the chair, with me in it, over to a crate so he could sit.  Still so sensitive to power imbalances.  Especially now.  While he wrapped my feet, he kept looking at me oddly.  Like he was wondering if I knew what I’d done.  Oh, yes, I knew.  When he was done, he placed his hands on the arms of the chair and pushed, so that I was leaned forward and off balance.  “You’ll go too far, one day, ma’haselan’udh, with these games.”

“And then what?”

“That is the question.”

“Indeed.”  Grumbly noise.  I love that grumbly noise.  I may have smiled vacantly and gotten a second noise.  He released my chair and left to do whatever it is he does during the day.

I got up and meandered over to where Jack and Sam were chatting.  Sam had commented on the fact that most of Jack’s crew seemed to be elven.  Jack responded with an interesting comment.  “Oh, on nearly every ship you can get a good elven sailor for a third to a half of what you pay a human.”  I looked closely at him.  He was playing!  His body language gave him away.  Which means he pays the elves the same as the humans, or more.  So his comments last night?  Interesting. 

Sam didn’t catch it. “That’s horrible!  They’re easily as capable, and likely more so, since they can get more places than a bulkier human.”  I caught Jack’s eye and raised my brow.  He just smirked and continued his conversation.  Well well well.  First, inquisibabe deserves a major hug for his defense of elves, and second, looks like Jack’s not the ass I thought he was.

I was good.  I refrained from climbing the rigging in a dress.  Mostly.  I may have used the “turn the dress into a weird swaddle tucked into the belt” technique.  But Sam yelled at me before I got even four feet up, and snatched me down again.  “You can’t climb rigging without asking, and not in a dress.”

“Well, someone isn’t leaving my pants out.”

“That’s not my problem, sis.  You’re supposed to be a lady.”

“Whoever told you that?  I’m not a lady.”

“I may have heard a rumor otherwise, my dear.”

“What?”

“It’s suspected you have noble blood.  Perhaps a long way back, and are hiding it?”  My face must have reflected my surprise, because he chuckled.  “Seems like there might be a touch of truth to that.”

“I have no claim to any title save those bestowed upon me by my people and the inquisition.  Chatelaine and Ethelathun.”

“Ah, but that’s not what the rumors say.”

“I’m not responsible for rumor.”

“Let’s go get lunch.  It’ll be served soon.”

The rest of the day, I spent with Dorian.  When darkness fell, we had songtime again.  It was so nice to have songtime.  Gara commented on that fact, as well.  We’d missed it.  Even finally pulled out We Shall Overcome.  That raised a few brows.  Had people not been paying attention?  I figured Jack, but Solas, Varric, and Cassandra?  Interesting that Sam didn’t react like that. 

Jack wanted to talk again before bed.  We leaned on the rails looking out at the dark sea.  “I can’t figure out the situation.”

“Which situation?”

“The Inquisitor calls you his sister, and treats you like you need to be coddled and watched.”

“I may have been injured a few times, and he’s understandably worried.”

“And you’re flirting with the Vint, and the bald guy.”

“The Vint, as you put it, and I share a bed, actually.  I’ve shared a bed with the bald guy, too, now that I think about it.”  If he was going to pry into personal things, I was going to shock him.

He stiffened.  “Do you understand what Vints are like?”

“That one, yes.  He left everything to help the Inquisition.  And he’s never treated me as anything other than a full person.  He’s the only human of my acquaintance that hasn’t had to be taught to do so.”

“He is a mage.”

I shrugged.  “So am I.”

“What?”  Actual shock.

“Did I stutter?”

“Do something magicky.”

“I am not a trick pony.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Do I look like a trick pony?”

“That’s…”  He sighed.  “It was intrusive.  My apologies.”

“Accepted.  How many new sailors do you acquire in Tevinter every trip?”

“Several.”

“Useless?”

“The useless ones are cheaper.”

“We’re invisible and interchangeable.”

“So we are.”

“You had me fooled, until today.”

“I like your inquisitor.”

“Thank you, so do I.  Goodnight, Captain Jack.”

He put his hand on my arm.  “You could do good here.”

“I am doing good here.”

“Here, on my ship.”

“I can do more in the inquisition.”  He sighed, and released me.

“Good night.”

I went inside.  The only ones in the common area were Varric, Solas, and Cassandra.  Varric was discussing his writing process with Cass, of all people.  She was sitting there, paying rapt attention.  Solas held pointed at my feet and held out a hand.  I put them in his lap instead.  His chair was higher than mine this time, so I had to be more careful with my skirts, which was probably the point.  I bid everyone goodnight and tucked in next to Dorian.  Garalen slipped in before I fell asleep to put my journal in the chest.  I don’t know where she’d been.


	68. Day 11, 8 Justinian, 9:41 Boat trip!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian's magic lesson, Jack's offer, and making promises. Again.

### Road Trip, Day 11, 8 Justinian, 9:41 Boat trip!

I must have caught up on my sleep, because I woke up bright and early this morning.  Before Garalen, actually. Cole, surprise, surprise, was not in his hammock.  I wonder sometimes if he sleeps at all.  I laid there and decided to check on my people.  It’d been a few days.  I found something odd when I did.  There was a strand that seemed to dead end not far from me, but it was active. I couldn’t place the person attached, though.  It wasn’t anyone on board, and it wasn’t one of the people I knew.  I left it for later.  Maybe it’s an artifact of the sea.  Maybe it connects to the sea, like the sea’s a living thing. Maybe it’s something else.

Anyway, my people were doing well.  Laura’s positively joyful.  Isa’s fine.  I’ve been worried.  Feren’s nervous, but I can understand that.  Andrew’s having a blast with the kids, apparently.  They’re in a tangle, and happy.  Uncle’s hurting again.  Must be raining.  Most everyone else is asleep, content.  Mika is hurt, something minor, but not scared.  Leorah feels overwhelmed.  Halton!  I have a Halton!  He’s up and working.  He’s taking at least three days off when I get back.  I’m not sure if I’m happy that everyone’s so content without me.  I miss them a ton.

Dorian rolled over, and I took the opportunity to get up.  I dressed in yesterday’s clothes and went to the common area.  If everything goes smoothly, we should arrive in Val Royeaux this evening, late, or tomorrow sometime.  Vivienne was awake and reading.  I nodded at her and went to leave.  “My dear, I do not believe you should leave without telling someone.”

“Madame de Fer, I am going on deck,” I told her levelly.

“How nice for you, dear.”  I left, but what the hell was that about?  The Hessarians were already up and about, as was Jack.  I’d left my hair loose again, because I wanted to feel the wind.  If it was my last day on board, I was going to enjoy it.  I stayed in the prow most of the morning, just enjoying the air.  It was only after people came looking for me that I left the rail.  We could see shore today, so Dorian found me.

“You look like a witch, Dove.  Your hair is a tangled mane.”

“It’s a wonderful feeling, Dorian.   Messy hair is a visible attribute of a stubborn spirit.   I read that somewhere.  It’s freeing.”

“We’ve been looking for you.”

“I told Madame de Fer I would be on deck.”

“She did so inform us.  There are five decks, sweetheart.”

“Dorian, you know you could find me in an instant, anytime you wished.”

“Exactly how would I accomplish this marvelous feat?”  My jaw dropped.

“You don’t KNOW?  How could you not be aware?”

“Please enlighten me.  I promise I won’t get upset this time.”  He pulled me over to a bunch of crates, and we sat.  He kept his word, too.  By the end of a half hour, he’d not only detected the strand connecting us, but pulled it and felt it being pulled.  He couldn’t see my other strands, though, and he had trouble seeing his own.  “This is the oddest sort of magic I’ve ever seen.  How did you do this?”

“I didn’t, really.  It just sort of happened.”

“This is how you know when someone is hurt or upset.  Could you make this sort of thing deliberately?”

“I’ve seen it done.  Dorian, forcibly tying a thread to someone to monitor them without their permission, do you think that would be a good thing?”

It only took a moment for him to realize.  “It would be awful.  Like being tied down, only no one could see it.  You’d not be able to hide anything, and you wouldn’t be able to escape.”

I nodded.  “The connections I have are like any other relationship.  Starting small, wispy, tentative.  Over time, it grows more solid.  And it goes both ways.  It’s also easily severed from either side.  It’s like a metaphysical representation of a relationship, in that the stronger the thread, the closer the people.  Does it bother you that I could check on you?”

“This is why I knew you were so upset.  Your sadness woke me.  I knew you needed me.  And then it was gone.  And no, my dove, it doesn’t bother me.  It does explain a lot.  This connection is fairly strong, isn’t it?”

“I couldn’t force that sadness on everyone.  Truthfully, Garalen’s is stronger.  Hers is like steel rope.  I am not sure I could keep anything from her if she really wanted to know how I was.  I’d have to sever it, which would probably hurt us both.  I don’t know when they started forming, but I’ve always had them here.  It wasn’t deliberate.”

“Why is it that every time I try to conduct a magic lesson, you’re the one who teaches me?”

“That’s not true.  You showed me how to use a staff.”

“I think you figured that out on your own.”

“I’m still working on it.”  I grinned at him.  “We haven’t exactly had vast amounts of space or any sort of plan, have we.  I’m really behind on my magic lessons.”

“Not really, dove.  I believe I told you that barriers take some people a very long time to learn.  If you learned nothing else for the next six months, you would still be doing very well.  Add in your light shows, since it is now apparent you can control them, and you’re way ahead.  And your Flame Memorial.  You do the most complicated things effortlessly.”

“It’s not effortless.  It’s just imagination brought to life.  Isn’t that what magic is?  If you can dream it, you can do it.  But I lack some basics.  I can make fire, but not supremely well.  I don’t even think I’ve tried cold or lightning.  If I did, it was right after I got here.  I wasn’t very strong then.”

“You say the oddest things.  Well, at least we can say that you and I had a magic lesson today.”

“And now I’ll never be lost to you.”  He hugged me tightly.  I think that meant something to him.

After Dorian left, Jack visited.  “He’s not your lover.”

“I never said he was.”

You could see him thinking.  “I made an assumption based on you claiming to share a bed with him.”

“I do share a bed with him.”

“And the other?”

“What other?”

“He is your lover.”

“Why do you assume I have a lover?”

“Because every time I get you alone, except after the evening sing, one of the men comes up to rescue you.  Case in point.”  Solas was coming across the deck.  Jack captured my hand and kissed it, keeping his eyes on mine.  “Let’s see how your bald elf reacts to flirting.”

“You’re mean, Jack.”

“I could have done worse, but I’m being nice.  I don’t want to be hurt today.”

“Hurt?”

“You’d slap me if I did half the things I could do to see if he’s the jealous type.  And he’s dangerous.”

“Are you truly flirting?”

“Yes, but I don’t really mean it.  I do want you to write to me.  I think we could be friends, at the least.  And when you break your heart against the rocks of time, I’ll have a place for you here.  Then maybe we can find out if we suit.  You’re still an idealist, my dear.  Come to me when you’re jaded.”

“Be warned.  Another reads all letters in and out of Skyhold.”  I ignored the rest of the statement.

“Then I will speak of mundane things.  Here comes your lover now.”

“He’s not my lover.  We just dream the same dreams sometimes.”

“Right now he’s a thundercloud.”

“Be careful.  We wouldn’t want it to rain.”  We were both laughing when Solas arrived.

He immediately touched my hair.  “It’s a mess, da’asha.”

Jack repeated the same quote I had.  “Messy hair is a visible attribute of a stubborn spirit.  Enjoy your day.  No climbing the rigging, Chrissy.”  And he left with a slight bow.  To me.  Solas, he ignored.

The wolf had the footwraps with him.  I allowed him to wrap my feet, as promised.  “I like your hair loose, ma’haselan, but this will take work to remove the tangles.”

“I just wanted to feel the wind.”

“You like the wind in the mountains, too.”

“Still worried?”

“I have very good hearing.  It is part of how we are built.”

“No matter how one turns one’s head, the ears always point to the fade.  I think Cole said that once.”

“You are changing the subject.”

“Am I?”

“Tomorrow we will need to negotiate.”

“About what?”

“Whether I will let you wear the matching shoes for the dresses Garalen tells me are packed.”

I blew out a breath.  “Are you trying to ruin my day?  That many feet trampling the earth.  The smell of refuse in the water.  I don’t look forward to it.”  We talked of inconsequential things, watching the water.  I didn’t think anything of him stroking my hair, because he does it all the time now.  Dorian holds my hand, Solas has a hand buried in my hair. But by the time lunch came around, my hair was smooth and tangle free.  I hadn’t felt a single pull or snarl.  When I did realize, I looked at him.  He quirked his lip at me.  “Fixing my hair won’t make me any less stubborn.”

We all played cards or read or whatever in the common area during the afternoon, and were invited to the mess to eat with the sailors for our last dinner.  It was very cool.  Garalen was chatting intensely with an older human gent.  I’d have to ask about that.

Jack got cheeky with the songs this evening.  Enough that even I was a little bugged by it.  All My Loving by the Beatles, Leave Your Lover and Stay With Me by Sam Smith.  Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover.  Richard Thompson’s Sunset Song.  Just to change the story, I pulled out Tammy Wynette’s Stand By Your Man.  It got him to laugh, at least.  I know he’s joking around, and HE knows he’s joking around, but I don’t think Sam or Solas do.  I think they’re worried that I’ll be tempted to stay on the sea.  Jack’s just trying to make them react.

I headed for the cabins after that.  Cassandra was already in her hammock.  I checked on her, and she seemed okay.  Not a sailor, I guess.  No fever.  She says she’s fine.  Josie has been enjoying the attention Sam’s paying her.  They’re always looking, touching, or sitting with each other.  Varric’s just taking notes in his room.  They have three actual beds!  Not fair.  Sure they’re bunk beds, but still.  Not sure what he’s seeing that requires so much paper, but there it is.  Vivienne’s watching me recently.  Well, just today.  She’s been pleasant several times this trip.  And not unpleasant once.  Dorian’s already asleep, and Cole’s rocking in his hammock.  He says it’s fun, and Dorian needed company.

Solas ran into me when I went back into the common room, nearly knocking me down.  If he hadn’t grabbed me, I’d have fallen.  He lifted my feet to his lap and undid the wraps.  “I don’t think we should have to negotiate.  You could just release me from my promise.”

“That is not in my best interests, ma’haselan.”

“I’m sure you’re tired of doing this twice a day.”

“I will not argue.  Think on what you might have to bargain with if you desire to wear the matching shoes.  You, da’asha, dropped a thread.”

“I did?”

“Perhaps you have just failed to consider something.”

“What’s that?”

“I shall exchange that information for an acceptable kiss, if you desire.”  He finished folding the wraps. 

“Define acceptable.”

“I want your lips on mine, when you are wide awake and paying attention.”

“You have been incredibly forward this whole trip.  Anytime we have any semblance of privacy.”

“I have you to myself, in the ways that count.  Save annoying captains, I have no competition.”  He leaned toward me, brushing his lips against my ear.  “I refuse to go back to Tarasyl'an Te'las unkissed.”

“I’m sure I can hire it done.”  He NIPPED my EAR.  “Ow!”   It didn’t hurt for more than an instant, but still. 

He pulled back a bit.  “That would not be sufficient to acquire the information you have neglected.”

“And this information speaks to why you are uneager to cease wrapping my feet daily?”

“It does.”

Varric came out, and Solas leaned back again.  “I’m heading down to the mess hall.  I have to ask a few questions of the boatswain.”

“Enjoy your talk, Ser Tethras.”  Stuffy guy, sometimes, Solas is.  I don’t think he was joking around.

I waved at Varric, and when he was gone, I asked, “Would you accept the promise of a kiss?”

“Depends on the length of the promise.”

“There are too many people coming and going here.  The first night in Val Royeaux, I would be willing to grant you a kiss.”

“Your promise, a kiss on the lips, while awake and aware.”

“Yes.”

“Say the words, ma’haselan’udh.”

“I promise to offer you a kiss, while awake and unimpaired, on the lips, at some point during our first night in Val Royeaux.  You have the option of refusing.”

“Even should you eat onions and garlic all day I’d not refuse now.”  Damnit.

“And your part of the bargain?”

“Did you bring any footwraps with you on this trip, my dear?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

He pulled me into his lap and spoke softly. “Then whose do you think you have been wearing?  You truly think I wish to stop wrapping you in my scent, my things, especially when it means that I get time with you, morning and evening, and you are marked as mine all the day?”

I hadn’t ever considered that.  It must have shown.  He chuckled, and set me down near my door.  “Off you go.  Your mage is probably lonely.”

Well, shit.  Now I have to kiss him.  And I’ve got three more days minimum of wearing his wraps, unless I can come up with a really good bargain.


	69. Day 12, 9 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux…Kinda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making it to port, finding out why Garalen wouldn't let me see in the chest, and... well. I may have made a mistake.

### Road Trip, Day 12, 9 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux…Kinda

Cole woke me up very early, because someone was about to wake me up.  Sweet guy knew I’d rather be dressed in clothes before the sailor knocked.  I left Dorian asleep, and Cole and I went into the common area.  The sailor barely knocked before I opened the door, fully dressed (and shoeless, but that’s normal).  He looked at me in shock, and Cole let a small smile cross his face.  I think he did that on purpose.

“The captain.  He asked if you’d like to come watch us put in to port.”

“Of course.  I’m coming.  Cole, want to come?”

“Yes.”  That also explains why he woke me up.  He wanted to see the ship put in.

“Then I’m happy to help.”

“I know.  Thank you.”

The sailor led us up to the helm, and left us.  “It’s a beautiful morning, Chrissy.  Who’s your friend?”

“Cole.  He’d like to watch, too,” I said, after waiting a moment to see if Cole would respond for himself.

“Any friend of yours is welcome.  Stay out of the way, you two.”  He pointed over at a space to stand, where we could see the lights in the distance.  “That’s where we’re headed.  In with the tide.  You’re in for a shock, darling girl.  The world will seem dim after your time on the sea.”

“I hail most recently from Tarasyl'an Te'las.  The world seems dim away from there, as well.”

“Interesting.”

Conversation fell away as he worked the wheel, calling orders to his men.  The sails furled, and the vessel slowed.  Cole and I stood there and watched the docks approach.  Dingy and small, they seemed.  Color leeched from them, until they were nearly as grey as the fade.  Some of that could be the dark, I suppose.  When I asked Cole why he wanted to see us dock, he told me he’d never seen it from a ship before.  Sometimes people forget he’s more than just a voice speaking the thoughts in your head.  He came through because he wanted to learn, among other reasons.

We were in our berth before the sun rose.  Jack told me that he’d be in port for three days, if I were to change my mind.  He also gave me a sheet of paper with his usual ports.  If I sent a letter to any of the addresses listed, he’d get it.  He lowered his voice, and I had to lean near to listen.  Caution, I was told, and care, are the only ways to survive.  Eventually it would become obvious I wasn’t like the others.  “Uniqueness in this world is not celebrated.  If you get to any of the addresses on the list, they will tell me, and I’ll come get you.  However, it may take time.  Be careful.” 

I understood, and told him so.  He’s right.  We’re different than the average Thedas elf. That wasn’t going to stop me.  He sighed, like he felt sorry for me.  He got back to his work, and Cole said, “He worries.  He thinks you are like him.”

“I am.”

“You’re more.  And less.  Different.  He’s a child of the sea, like Aine.”

“He’s related to Manannan, but not through Aine.”

“Yes.”

“How do you know so much about it?”

“It whispers around you.  And him.  The weight of legend, brought through the fade.  Destiny lost, and found.”

“Someone else has a hand in this.”

“I don’t know.  Hope thinks so.”

“My Hope?”

“It is yours, a little, but it is its own.”

“I did not mean to imply ownership, Cole.”

“I know.”

“Let’s go below.  The others should be waking soon.”

We went back to find Garalen and Varric up already.  I greeted them, then slipped in to see Dorian.  His skin was chilled, so I warmed the air before I tried to wake him.  “Love, we’re docked.  Morning is nearly here.”  He mumbled something, but didn’t really awaken.  There was no rush, really, so I relaxed in a hammock for a while.  It seemed like just a moment, but turns out it was nearly an hour later, when Sam knocked on the door.  He wanted to tell us we were docked.  I didn’t say anything about having been up earlier.

Solas wrapped my feet without comment, and the lot of us traipsed out to the gangway.  Porters acquired our things, and put them in two carriages.  Several horses were also being held for us, by the looks of it.  Gara, me, Josie, and Dorian were put in one carriage.  Cassandra, Vivienne, Solas, and Varric were in another.  The Hessarians and Sam rode.  Not sure where Cole was, but he would probably hang with Sam or Solas.  I waved goodbye to Jack, and he nodded and strode back aboard.

There was a distinct smell to the docks.  Like they’d thrown anything and everything in the water.  I was glad when we pulled away.  As the carriages went off, Josie was kind enough to explain our plans.  She’d rented us a villa just outside the city, for a tenday, though we needn’t stay there that long.  She also admonished me to be there before dark, because the Chevaliers were dangerous, and often preyed on elves. 

“Wait.  You’re telling me we won’t be sleeping in Val Royeaux, and I’m not supposed to be in the city after dark?”  Something about my tone must have alerted her. 

“Yes, why?”

“Because that’s perfect.  I’m so glad you made these arrangements, Josie.  You’ve made my morning.”  They all looked at me strangely.  I think I grinned all the way to the villa.  I’m sure it was beautiful, but it seemed sort of dull.  Painted white with a red tile roof, it still seemed to lack vibrancy.  At least the gardens were lovely. 

We were met by a portly lady in a green full-face mask.  She introduced herself as the caretaker, and took us inside to our rooms.  She placed all the humans on the main sleeping floor, and then tried to take Gara, Solas, and myself elsewhere.  “What about the room for my sister?” asked Inquisibabe. 

“It’s ready for her, as soon as she arrives, Inquisitor.”

“Then why are you steering her elsewhere?”

“I’m sorry, your worship?”

“The lady you are ushering toward the stairs.  The room is for her.”  The mask hides the expressions well, but the body language gives it away.  She covered well, and opened the door on the other side of the hall from Sam’s.  Gara went in first, and then beckoned.  Sam was still in the hall.  “And the room for my friend?”

“This one,” she said, leading Solas to a door nearby.  She was obviously not expecting elves to be placed with everyone else.  I smirked at him as he went to check his room.  The caretaker told us she’d be downstairs arranging a brunch.

Sam was still in the hall.  To tweak the wolf a bit, I chatted.  “Sam, are you really telling me I’m not allowed to be in Val Royeaux at night?”

Sam sighed.  “Don’t push on this, Chrissy, please?  We want you out of Val Royeaux before dark for your safety.  Unless I’m with you, we just can’t risk it.  You can explore to your heart’s content during daylight hours.  Just take the Blades with you.”

“Is that why you had Josie get a villa outside the city?”

“It was Josie’s idea, actually.  A safe haven, a respite from the noise and offal.  I’m glad to have a house and not a hotel room.”

“I’ll try not to test you on it, Sam.  I’ll make every effort to be here at the appropriate time.”

He leaned down and hugged me.  “Thank you.  I really don’t want to argue with you about this.”

I waved at Solas, who had been hovering in his doorway, and went into my room.  Oh.  My. God.  Gold paint everywhere.  White everything with gold painted accents.  I sank into the plush pink carpet as I walked into the room and my gaze was caught by what I quickly discovered was a huge silvered mirror.  And the woman in it.  I touched my face, and the stranger in the mirror mimicked me. 

I looked like me, but not like me.  More angles, larger eyes, sharper features.  A portrait just a little off, like something had peeled away a veneer of humanity to expose the different flesh beneath.  There were other things, too.  The scar beneath my chin, and the small one near my eye, were missing.  My freckles were different.  Lighter and in different places.  The grime from the road smeared my skin, and my hair was a fright.  No wonder the caretaker hadn’t wanted me in here.

Garalen had already claimed the cot in the small adjoining chamber.  I’d have called it a walk-in closet, but there was a bed and a little dresser in there.  I guess for a lady’s maid?  Another door led to a bathing room, where there was a tub of water waiting.  Cold.  Well, heat I could do.  It’d been a while since I’d had a full bath.  I called Gara to join me.  The tub was easily big enough for both of us, and she probably felt as grubby as I did.

She rummaged about in the other room for a while, and then stripped off and washed with me.  There was a wide variety of scents and textures.  I found the one that smelled of queen asha’s lace, and used it to wash my hair.  Gara chose something else, but the scents blended nicely instead of fighting.

We got out and dried off.  On the bed when I emerged was a piece of sartorial art.  A lovely thing, with gauzy sleeves and layered gauze skirts.  The multiple hues of blue and teal combined with layers of purple to make it look like a sky at sunset.  I was going to have to negotiate with Solas.  These footwraps did not match in any way.  I lifted the layers of skirt.  Each one was translucent, but all together they were opaque. 

Gara had to help me into it, as it laced at the back.  It was delicate, and beautiful.  The skirts hung straight, unlike the wide fashion, and the sleeves had slits in them to drape from my arms.  I was going to have to move Leorah to a new job, if she wanted.  She could make a fortune designing.  I turned my head to look at Garalen in the mirror.  “Are they all like this?”

“Different designs, but all a unique style for you.  It’s like nothing anyone else will be wearing.  Wait until you walk.”

I took a few steps.  The skirts were slit, in various places, so that my bare leg was never quite exposed.  Yet still, I had freedom of movement, and they trailed just slightly.  The underskirt covered almost to my knees, thank goodness.  My chest was practically on display.  I was going to scandalize Val Royeaux.  Or start a new trend.  Or both.  Gara also pulled out shoes and a mask.  The mask was just gold filigree, circling one eye and crossing my forehead.  It looked like lace made out of gold.  It made a mockery of masks.  I placed it on the dresser.

“You guys did this for a reason.  Leorah didn’t do this by herself.”

She looked sheepish.  “Well, the Inquisitor said you needed nice things to impress.  Eadras decided that we should dress you as the Ethelathun, of Ethelathe, not just a functionary of the Inquisition.  You have several functional items, which I’ve been putting out for you, when you are the Chatelaine alone.  Today, though, you are something more.  We need you to be more.”

“Like the outfit I wore in Highever.”

“There are two more.  One fancier, one a little less so, than this one.”

“I have a week of dresses with me?  That’s more clothes than most people OWN.”

“Madame de Fer brought three trunks of clothing with her.  The lady Montilyet, two.  You are not being overly extravagant.”

“Well, I must go chat with a certain arrogant elf.  These wraps just don’t match.”

“Good luck, my lady.”

“Don’t do that.”  She bowed to me slightly and kept silent.

I walked over to Solas’ door.  I opened my SELF just a little, and put a steady pull on his thread, waiting.  It wasn’t long before the door opened.  He was obviously about to say something when he just stopped.  Still for way too long, staring.  I put my hand in the center of his chest, pushing him back into his room as I closed my SELF and stopped tugging his thread.

I was going to be mean.  I trailed my hand across his shoulders and around his back as I circled him.  “I offer information, in exchange for removing the wraps early and me wearing the matching shoes to this confection.”  I was back in front of him when I finished speaking.

He cleared his throat before responding.  “What information is that?”

“The name of my cat.”

“Would that be relevant?”

 “It could be revelational.  Did you know that every layer of this skirt is translucent?”

“I do now.  I want more than just a name I could find out on my own with patience, da’asha.”

“Do you now?  Hmmm.  You like your scent on my skin.  Do you have more than one of these,” I brushed my hand up his chest, “tunics?”

“Yes.”

“If I were to wear one tonight, in place of my nightrail, it would be worth the final three days of my promise, would it not?”  He didn’t say anything.  I snapped my fingers in front of his face.  “Do pay attention, mor’ishan.”

“You have my attention, ma’haselan’udh.”

“What did I say?”

It took him a moment.  “You offer to…  VIN, asha.”  He continued in what sounded to be elven.

“Solas.”

“Yes.” His voice was harsh.

“I didn’t understand any of that.  What is Vin?”

“Yes.  A thousand times yes.”

“And the rest?”

“You intend to torment me.”

“Would you prefer I refrain?”  I slid my arms up his chest and pulled his head down so I could brush my lips on his cheek.  “Just say so, and I shall,” I whispered.  He took a ragged breath, but said nothing.  “Well then.”  I stepped back.  “Would you be so kind as to remove these very comfortable wraps for me?”

“You will push too far, someday.”  He set me on his bed next to him, and lifted my feet one at a time to unwind the cloth and leather.  “Come see me this evening.  I will give you this one.”

“Give?”

“Loan.  For three nights.”

“One night.”

“Two, ma’asha, and call it done.”

“I hope it’s comfortable, then.”

“You agree?”

“I agree.  Two nights.  Especially since it may be a long while before we have a first night in Val Royeaux.”  His eyes narrowed.  I smiled and left.

I went back to my room, put on my matching shoes, and picked up my mask.  We’d see if the others were wearing face coverings.  Some were, so I did.  Garalen had changed into what looked like a fancy set of leather armor.  It wasn’t long until the caretaker called us to brunch.  It really should have been lunch, since it was now actually lunchtime, but Orlesians are weird.

Sam, Josie, and Vivienne were all dressed up.  Not fancy ball dressed up, but really nice.  Dorian cleans up gorgeous.  Not that he’s not already gorgeous, but wow.  He and I complimented each other extravagantly.  Solas came out in his usual outfit.  Cassandra left off the armor, but was still in military style clothing.  Cole.  Well, Cole is Cole.  He’s got a wonderful hat.  Varric changed his shirt to one in blood red.  It goes well with his skin.  After brunch, it was decided to visit the city. 

I had lists of things to get, so I ran up and grabbed them.  Half an hour to the city, and we were ready.  I stuck with Dorian, who advised me to wear the mask.  Garalen trailed behind us with a Hessarian.  The main shops were interesting.  I browsed, but nothing caught my fancy.  I was stared at a lot, but no one said anything.  Apparently I looked rich enough despite the pointy ears.  We met up before dusk and rode back to the villa for dinner.  No one had any packages.

At dinner we went over the plan for the next day.  After breakfast, Sam wanted to take me to the alienage.  I could be seen publicly, ascertain the situation, and support the elven shops.  He would come with me, to ensure there weren’t any incidents with the Chevaliers.  In the afternoon, he and Josie had to meet with a comte at Boisvert Mansion.  The next day Sam plans on visiting Vicinius’s house. 

After dinner I explored the house.   They had a piano!  It was even in tune.  I was playing when Dorian found me.  “You can’t stay away from music, can you my dove.”

“I can.  I prefer not to.”

“Do all your people embrace music?”

“Most, at least a little.”

“It’s bedtime, darling.  I was sent to fetch you.  The Inquisitor says you have an early day tomorrow, and might need to rest.”  He helped me up from the bench and escorted me upstairs.

“Will you be okay on your own?” I asked when he stopped at my door.

“I will.  Enjoy your rest.”

I put my shoes in my room and then padded over to Solas’ door.  Two light knocks and he was there.  His eyes fairly gleamed in the evening dim.  He pulled the tunic he was wearing over his head, handing it to me.  I just smiled.  “Goodnight, Solas.”

I changed, and waited until the house was quiet.  Back over to his room.  One light knock. If he was asleep, or not paying attention…  But he was awake.  The door opened.  He was obviously surprised to see me, especially dressed in his shirt.  He was still without.  I pulled his head down and fitted his lips to mine.  I must have surprised him, because it took time for him to react.

A moment later, he pulled me fully into his arms, deepening the kiss.  My mouth opened under his and he slipped his tongue inside, tangling his with mine.  He pulled back.  “We’re not in Val Royeaux,” he murmured.

“This isn’t a promised kiss,” I responded.  He sucked my lower lip, worrying it with his teeth.

He slid his lips along my cheek to my ear, nibbling gently at the lobe.  “I’m not complaining, but why?”

“I just wanted a good night kiss.  Is that okay?”  I lightly brushed his lips again with mine.  Something about my words must have shaken something loose, because a moment later, my back was against the wall.  His bare shoulders were under my hands, and he was holding the nape of my neck as…  Well…  Wow.  I’m not entirely sure how long it was.  It was a while.  Let’s just…  Well.  Let’s just say the man can kiss.  He released me, setting me down. I’d somehow ended up off the floor.

“I hope that was sufficient,” he murmured, his cheek against mine.  “Sleep well, da’asha.”

I made it back to my room okay.  I could hear him chuckling as I went.  I’m going to bed.  Smelling like leather and old books.  Feeling somehow swollen.  The woman in the mirror looked well kissed.  It’s still hard to believe she’s me.     


	70. Day 13, 10 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Learn something new every day. And city elves are creepy.

### Road Trip, Day 13, 10 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

The fade isn’t empty here.  I’d forgotten, somehow.  Seems like an odd thing to forget.  Fade looks much like the real here.  Do people not dream of differences?  Or is it because this house is rented, and no one stays long enough to leave an imprint?  It was boring, really, with nothing strong enough to make an imprint or attract a friend.  I sunk back into my own dreams.

Sunlight streaming into the room woke me up.  That and the smell of coffee.  Real brewed coffee, not road coffee with grounds still in the bottom.  When I opened my eyes, it wasn’t just coffee.  A whole breakfast waited for me.  Gara was puttering about, and when she saw me climb out of bed, her eyes went wide.  “What are you wearing?”

“I made a bargain.  Two nights of wearing his tunic for the ability to wear any shoes I want.”

“Two nights of wearing that tunic, or two nights wearing two different tunics?”

I could feel a smile slowly bloom across my face.  I suddenly felt like Wednesday.  Maybe I looked like her, too.  Garalen took a step back from me and inhaled audibly.    Based on her reaction, my smile must have been interesting. I know hers is scary when I react that way.  “I think I’m going to have to ask him.  Don’t you?”

“I’m not getting involved in that.”

“No, I suppose not.  What do you have planned for today?”

“I’m going to watch you scare the elves and the humans, and especially the Inquisitor.”

“There are too many here for me to claim.  I don’t have room.  Not until I get that valley.”

“Valley?”

“Never mind, Garalen.  I need land.  Somewhere.  Before I can do what I want to do.”

She shrugged.  “So get land?”

“What, just walk in and claim it?”

“Show up.  Use it.  Don’t bother telling anyone.  It’ll be done before anyone can stop you.”

“I could start with the Emerald Graves.  Reclaim the dead.  But Celene won’t allow that.”

“You are either the bravest or foolhardiest to just toss off the Empress’ name like that.”

“She can’t hear me.  She’s not the...”

“Not the what?”

“Never say her name, for she…  I wonder if I really could do that?”  Something I’d told Laura niggled at me.  If she thought REAL HARD.  If she called me, I might just hear her.  It was just something that popped out.  Had I somehow known something?

“Chrissy?”

“Would you do something for me?”

“Name it.”  No hesitation.  I was going to have to be careful with this one.

“Go into the other room, close the door, and whisper my name low enough I can’t, wouldn’t be able to, hear you.”

I left my aura shield just slightly open.  Not enough to allow everything out or in, but enough for a trickle.  A few moments later, the thread connecting me to Gara vibrated.  I touched it, and it stopped.  She came back in.  “Did it work?”

“Maybe, Gara.  Maybe.  I don’t know for sure.”  I had to think about this one.  We sat down to eat, and then I changed into my clothing for the day.  This one was a heavier dress.  Off the shoulder, it looked like I was wearing a forest.  Sort of.  The skirt looked like ferns and leaves, and the decorations were leather and wood, on the forest green silk.  Fur graced my shoulders, where the sleeves split, narrow and draped, together.  The matching stockings and slippers would probably never be seen.

The golden half mask was presented to me again.  “The mask doesn’t change,” said Garalen.  “It’s a nod to their tradition, while poking holes through it.”

“You’re making me subversive, is what you’re saying.  You’ve set me up to ridicule them.”

“Not ridicule, but to be apart.  You are not an Orlesian Elf.  You’re ours.”

I let it be.  I would have a talk with them later.  If we’re going to build up Ethelathe, though, then I suppose they have a right to make these decisions.  Something struck me.  “Garalen.”

“Yes.”

“Another favor?  Go back into the other room and say this, quietly.”  I gave her another name.  She went off, and a moment later, the thread connecting us fairly glowed.  Oh. My. God.  She returned just as quickly.  She looked at me speculatively, but didn’t say anything.  “Let’s go wake Dorian.  I have an idea for my hair, and want to run it past him.”

She armed herself and joined me.  Dorian was dressed when I knocked.  The man has some fashion sense, I tell you.  He left his arm bare, as is his way, but the rest of him.  If he was straight.  Damn.  He lifted my hand to his lips.  He has amazing manners when I’m all dressed up.  The dress effect lives.  “Dove, you look like a forest in summer.  Dressed up for someone in particular?”

“Ethelathe and Leorah, mainly.  I was hoping for some advice.  I can’t just leave my hair long.  Should I twine it up on sticks, real ones from trees in the garden, or should I create some invisible sticks to hold it?”

“Are we planning on impressing?”  Garalen interjected a yes.  “Then you should probably use the magic.  That way we don’t have to worry about wood colors and the like.”  I twined my hair up and around an invisible stick, putting two more in to hold it in place.  It looked like a figure eight, sort of.  “Perfect, dove.”  He smiled.  “And what are your plans after the Inquisitor is finished with you?

“Lunch, shopping, why?”

“Perhaps I will join you for the day, then.”

“Honestly, I could use the help.  I’ve been ordered by Seggrit to let someone else do my bargaining.”

“You are abysmal at it, my dear.  You’d be robbed blind if you tried to negotiate for yourself.  For someone good with setting terms, you need to learn much about haggling.”

“I never know what a fair price is.  Why don’t they ask for a fair price to begin with?”  We were still standing in his doorways when Sam opened the door to Josie’s room, obviously trying to be quiet about it.  It might have worked, if he wasn’t wearing yesterday’s clothes.  Dorian and I both looked at him.  His lips were swollen and his hair a wreck.  “Good morning, little brother.”

“Not a word.”

“I wouldn’t dream of embarrassing Josie like that.”

“I’m not the only one wandering the halls.”  Distraction tactics.  Now.

“Oh?  Did Varric finally visit Cassandra?”  That got him.

“Varric?  And Cassandra?”

“Possibly.  There’s a lot of spark there.”

“I like the outfit, Chrissy.”

“Thank you.  Leorah’s work.”

“She’s wasted in bedsheets.”

“I agree, which is why she’s in charge of everything made of cloth at Skyhold, my lord,” I responded tartly.

“Whoah, sorry, Chrissy.”

“Go change your clothes and remove your makeup, Inquisibabe.  Weren’t you supposed to take me places today?”  It was adorable the way he scrubbed at his mouth as he went in his room.  Dorian was good.  He didn’t laugh until the door shut. 

We wandered the halls of the villa together until everyone was ready, chatting. I took a moment to look at the trailing Hessarians.  “Will you be scared again today?”  They said nothing, just looking at each other.

Dorian’s mustache twitched.  “A sovereign says they step back from you at least once today.”

Cass was in full armor again.  Vivienne had her staff with her, and was dressed way up.  She planned on visiting the University.  “If you wish, Chrysopal, you could accompany me.  There is a need for you to acquire culture, as I’m sure you are aware.”

“Not today, Madame de Fer.  I have other obligations.”

“Perhaps another time.”

“I would look forward to it.”  But not necessarily with joy.  What is with her recently?  I’m very wary of her sudden pleasantness.  But at the same time, I may be misjudging.  Polite and distant, until I know what’s going on.

Sam and Josie came down.  Josie was in her usual outfit from the game, and oh my the inquisitor was in the inkyjammies.  I said NOTHING, except that they looked rested.  Josie turned a bright pink.  Cole came down with Solas.  Someone’d gotten him to scrub his hat, so the stains at the edge were gone.  Varric rolled in with a bunch of papers, and started handing them out.  I had probably fifteen different envelopes, and Sam had even more.  We looked at each other, set them on the table, and headed for the courtyard.  No words needed.  We’re not doing paperwork.  Varric chuckled behind us.

We climbed into the carriages.  Dorian lifted me into the carriage, actually, and handed Vivienne into hers as well.  Cassandra glared, and he held his hands up in a surrender gesture.  I mentioned that we all knew how to ride, and that the multiple carriages might be overkill, but was ignored.  Cassandra, Solas, and Cole were in the third carriage.  Josie, Sam, Varric, Dorian, and Garalen were in ours, with two Hessarians following us on horseback.

Sam had us taken to the beginning of the alienage.  I prevailed upon him to stop a few blocks away, and hopped down.  Which apparently meant everyone had to get out.  The place was awful.  Worse than the alienage in highever.  The feel of the place, the glum, run down faces.  And here I was walking in fancy clothing and clean.  I hadn’t intended to do anything.  Not really.  Too many watchers, for one.  But these people needed something.

I meandered my way through the narrow streets, heading generally for the tree.  This part was old, though, so some of the walls and buildings were obviously quite old, and sturdier.  This whole place was maybe six football fields, and some of the rickety buildings reached four stories.  There had to be a tree, right?  I found what was left of it.  It hadn’t been cut, nor damaged.  It was just so filthy here that it was unhappy.  Too little sky, too much soot.  I could feel it hurt, even through everything. 

The vhenadahl here could survive.  It just wouldn’t thrive.  I leaned down to an elven child.  “When was the last time the vhenadahl bloomed, da’len?”

“I don’t know, hahren.” 

I gave her a small coin.  “Can you find me someone who knows?”

Sam came up to me.  “What are you doing, Chrissy?”

“Finding a hahren, Sam.  I have curiosity.”

Dorian, interesting fellow that he is, uncorked his flask and took a drink.  “Welcome to my life, Inquisitor.  Hold on tight, the world’s about to shift.”

“Is not.  I can’t do that.”  Sam looked from me to Dorian, confused.  “Don’t worry about it, Sam.  Play nice with the elves coming to say hi.”

I ignored the visitors, assuming the Inquisitor would handle it.  He was a capable fellow, and Josie was in her element.  This place was so dull and lifeless.  Even the people were dull and lifeless.  Almost hazy.  I opened my self, to take a real look.  There were no mages around here.  None.  Not even a glimmer.  Half the elves in here looked nearly as pale to my SIGHT as humans, connections withered.  There was no hope, no joy here.

The tree was faded and dull as well.  I could see that it had its own connection to the fade, like it was a being, or used to be a being.  This wasn’t just a vhenadahl, it was a vallasdahlen.  A life-tree.  Dorian came up to me.  “Dove, what’s wrong?”

“Hmm?”

He brushed his thumb over my cheek.  It was wet.  “Why are you crying?”

“It’s not a vhenadahl, Dorian.  This was a person.  It’s a life-tree.”

“The tree was a person?”

“It’s not that simple, but sort of.”

“Your urchin is arriving, holding a very old man’s hand.”  I turned to see.  Indeed he was.

“I told you, grandfather hahren.  There was a pretty lady asking.”

“Why do you want to know?” The man looked in my general direction, but didn’t see me.  Blind then.  Cataracts, if the cloudiness is any indication.  I don’t know enough to fix it, regrettably.

“Because I need to know if his name is lost.”

“His name?”

“It could be her name, I suppose.”

“You aren’t making sense.”

“Your Vallasdahlen, the venadahl.  Its name, is it lost?  And when did it last bloom?”

“That tree hasn’t bloomed since I was a child, woman.”

“Chrysopal.”

Garalen decided to butt in.  “This is the Ethelathun, elder.”  He obviously didn’t know what that was.  For a change.  It was nice.

“Hahren.  May I touch your tree?”

“If you like, I suppose.  It’s not my tree. It’s just here.  It’s always been here.”

“It’s sad, then.  You’ve forgotten him, and yourselves.  Maybe we can remember something new.  I am here, with the Inquisition, to be seen.  We do things differently, hahren.  Equal pay for equal work.  No one ruts with an unwilling woman.  Abuse isn’t tolerated.  I don’t have room for everyone.  Not yet.  But someday.  Someday I might.”  He didn’t say anything.

I turned back to the tree.  If it had a connection to the fade, it could hold glowy dust.  I’m not sure what it would do, but it wouldn’t harm the tree.  I walked up one of the large roots, and trailed my fingers up the bark of the trunk.  I couldn’t tell if it was healthy or sickly.  It was big, and tall.  Big enough I couldn’t put my arms around it.  Two of me couldn’t. 

I found the place where it connected.  In people, it’s usually the forehead, but here, it went right through the center of the tree.  I had to reach up to place my fingertips there.  There wasn’t a lot of glowy dust around here, but like Highever, there was enough for my purposes.  I pushed some of it into the tree, until it felt full, and a little more.  I didn’t see a change, but oh well.  I wasn’t dizzy.  It just looked like I was some weird lady caressing the tree.

I stepped down from the tree, avoiding the candles.  Patting the root as I passed, I whispered “Be well, hahren.” 

I had closed my SELF and was walking away when the da’len gasped, “It’s GREEN.”  Of course it’s green, it’s a tree in summer.  I turned back, and it was a tree.  It looked less dull and faded, but it was still just a tree.  Dorian handed his flask to Sam, who had wide eyes.  Inquisibutt took a drink, and handed it back.  Josie interrupted it and took a drink herself.  Varric just stood there, eyes fixed.  They were staring at the tree.  I looked again.  Nothing new.  Still just a tree.  Wish I could have fixed it somehow.

I walked up to them.  “It’s just a tree, people.  I couldn’t do anything with it.  I’m sorry.”  I returned to the hahren, thanked him, and placed a silver in his hand.  “Hahren, I need to do some shopping.  Is there any place around here that you could recommend to me?”  I pulled out my list and started listing a few things I needed.  The child promised to take me about.  “Dorian, Varric, would you help me?  I’m going to shop for a bit in the alienage stores.”

As the child let us about, leaving the elder sitting on a bench under the tree, I asked Varric not to bargain too hard, because these people needed.  He agreed, and I managed to acquire most of what was on my list in just a few moments, I think.  The first shop I went to, the proprietor basically snatched my list out of my hands and sent runners for other people.  Totally weird.

They kept looking at me.  People walked into the shop to look at me and leave.  After just a few minutes I was kind of creeped out.  A lady came in and offered me a glass of water, or a sandwich.  I politely refused.  A few minutes later, a gentleman offered me some fruit.  Not two minutes after that, a child handed me a bunch of blue flowers.  So strange.  More people, more suggestions or gifts. A haircomb, a ribbon, a few other little things, more offers of food. I refused all of them. I let the guys handle the shopping thing, since we weren’t going anywhere, obviously.  I kind of hid behind Garalen a bit.  I really don’t like being stared at.

“Dove, we have about two thirds of what’s on the list, and these fine people are going to send the stuff to the villa in the morning.  Is that acceptable?”

“Sure.  Maybe we can go do lunch?  I want to eat at the café in the Summer Bazaar.” 

I felt a hand touch my sleeve.  Sam.  Thank goodness.  He folded my hand over his arm, and escorted me toward where we left the carriage, the others in tow.  They stared the whole way.  “Why are they staring at me?  I didn’t do anything to them.”  I was getting a little scared.  The Hessarians had closed up, staying between me and everyone else.  Gara was behind me, walking sort of backwards, watching them.

I breathed a sigh of relief to be away from all those eyes.  “What’d I do wrong?”

Dorian grasped my hand.  “You did nothing wrong, Dove.”

Sam asked, “Did you do it on purpose?” at the same time.  I was truly confused, because apparently not even Dorian and Sam could agree on whether I messed up.

“Do what?”

“Dove, if I’m right, you did the same sort of thing you do with me, yes?”

“Exactly.  Why are they upset?  I didn’t hurt it.”

Varric started chuckling, but stopped when he saw my face.  “Cuddles, you really don’t know?”  He sighed.  “You took a dingy, wilted tree, and in its place you left a vibrant, strong tree.  You didn’t see that?”

“It still looked dingy to me.  It didn’t look like I did much of anything.”

Sam just looked at Josie, who still had her hand covering her mouth and chin.  She’d not said anything.  She shook her head.  “It won’t hurt us.  We might want to prepare some extra space.  The nobles are going to want to hire you for their gardens, as well.”

Sam looked at me seriously.  “Don’t go out alone, Chrissy.”

I was a very subdued person when we all met up for lunch.  Firstly, I was about peopled out.  Secondly, I was still confused, because I hadn’t done anything.  Then lunch wasn’t very appetizing.  The others ate with obvious enjoyment, but the food was rather bland.  Except for the sweets, a salt-chew (which is much like a sour patch kid, except with salt), and the pickle.  The most intense flavors, and the sweets had texture that truly blessed the tongue.  Sam laughed at me when I tried so many of the little cakes. 

Cole had joined us, though he wasn’t eating, and he looked at me.  “It’s because there are too many people.  It’ll get easier.”  I nodded. 

Cassandra looked concerned.  “You are obviously not feeling well, Chrysopal.  Would you like to return to the Villa?”

“I think I would, actually.  It’s been a trying morning.”

I was bundled up and stuffed in the carriage before I could say much else.  Sam and Josie, Varric, Cassandra, and Dorian drafted to go with them to the meeting with the comte.

Cole, Vivienne, Solas, Garalen, and the Hessarians came with me.  Vivienne ensconced me on a couch when we got back, putting the back of her hand to my forehead.  “You don’t appear feverish.  Perhaps something you ate?”

“I don’t think so, Madame de Fer.  I’m just tired, I think.  And a bit confused.  Maybe it’s just the sheer number of people.”

“I see.  I have met people who don’t do well in crowds.  We shall have to see that you are given space in the future, my dear.  You have an image to maintain, after all.”  She wandered off to do whatever it is she does, and left me alone.  The Hessarians skedaddled as well. 

Garalen exchanged a glance with Solas and stepped out of the conservatory, shutting the doors.  Her steps didn’t leave, and she didn’t go further away.  Solas was the only one left, and he just looked at me.  “What?”

“I have a lot of questions, but you look tired and unhappy.  Perhaps you would like to read?”

“Maybe later.  I think I’m going to play for a while.”

I sat down at the piano and ran through Ave Maria.  I didn’t feel like singing. “Did you do this to your hair yourself?”

“Of course.”

“I like the little magic sticks that aren’t really there.  Just hardened bits of magic.  No wonder Vivienne has been so solicitous.  May I?”  I shrugged, and he pulled them out of my hair.  “You look unhappy.  Would talking help?”

“They stared at me.  Like I wasn’t a person.  Hundreds of eyes, and I don’t even really know why.  It was creepy, and I just wanted to hide, but hiding would have made it worse.”

“Hiding would have made it worse?”

“They were unhinged enough by the Vallasdahlen.  Can you imagine if I just disappeared?”

“You can do that?”

“I don’t know.  The theory is sound.”

“Interesting.  Would you like to be alone?”

“Not really.”

“Then I will read over there, after I get a book from the study.  Surely they will have something adequate.”

He left and Garalen came back in.  “I heard.  I’ll stay, too.  You could always nap.  Stroll in the garden?”

We spent a quiet afternoon.  Cole sat next to me on the bench and played chopsticks with me for a bit.  Solas read.  Garalen sharpened her knives.  The Hessarians poked their heads in every so often.  When Sam returned with the others, I was feeling better.

At dinner, he and Josie regaled us with the story of the man in the cabinet.  They glossed over the House of Repose stuff, not even mentioning it.  Cassandra talked about a squirrel that had danced for a man with walnuts.  Varric told stories of Kirkwall.  It was all very cheerful.  After the meal, I returned to the conservatory. 

Solas followed me.  “Garalen asked me a question this morning, mor’ishan,” I said as I sat on the couch.

“What question?” He moved behind me, standing. 

“Two nights of wearing that tunic, or two nights wearing two different tunics?”

“I think it was two nights of that tunic, regrettably.”  He lifted a lock of my hair.

“Your candor is interesting.  That wasn’t in your best interests.”

“No.” 

“I was a touch disappointed.”

“In what?”  He threaded his fingers through the tangles.

“You chose the option where you learned less about me.  You didn’t even attempt to negotiate for more information.  You took the physical deal.”

“It didn’t occur to me not to.  You offered too tempting a deal.”

“You are easily tempted.”

“So it would seem.”

“I’m going to play for a while and go to bed.  Good night, Solas.”

“Good night, ma’haselan.”

I did, a few songs, and then went up to my room.  I checked on Dorian, but he said he was fine and didn’t want company.  I changed and I’m going to veil this thing.  I have a weird feeling.


	71. Day 14, 11 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole. Summoned by Varric. Dorian's a horndog (a mean one). Solas. Vivienne takes us about. Paperwork. And Inquisibabe gets told the truth, but doesn't believe.

### Road Trip, Day 14, 11 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

I didn’t sleep, at first.  I’d tried, but it didn’t work.  So I was up very late, standing at the window.  Only Dorian could bring himself to touch me yesterday after the incident.  I was going to have to make it up to them.  I wasn’t sure HOW I’d get the elves on the Inquisition’s side, but I’d have to do something.  Maybe then they wouldn’t...  Well, at least the tree was healthy at the end, according to Varric.  That’ll help.  Hopefully.

Maybe we could arrange a cleanup?  The place was dirty, and could use a good sweep and scrub.  The rest of Val Royeaux at least looked like they had street-cleaners.  The elves probably worked from dawn to after sunset most of the time.  They didn’t have the time to scrub road. 

Or maybe Jack was right.  Maybe I should just go home and stop meddling with people who weren’t mine.  I doubt the city leaders would appreciate someone arranging to scrub the alienage if it didn’t involve fire and death.  Thing is, some of these people were mine, a little bit.  The haziness over the horizon, some of it was here.  Well, near here.  I didn’t know what to do.

Cole showed up.  I was still looking out the window.  “You didn’t say hello, but you knew I was here.”

“Hello, Cole.”

He wrapped his skinny arms around me.  “Varric forgot why you are Cuddles.  Touch helps.  He didn’t mean to forget.”

“I think he’s renamed me Creepy.”  I leaned my head on his shoulder.  The contact made me feel better.

“No.  You are still Cuddles in his head.  It’s green.  Is it going to bloom?  What did she do?  Did you see her touch it?  You can’t see it because they seldom dream.  Everything’s grey.  They are too tired to dream, and if they try, they get hurt.”

“So the world is grey because they give up?”

“Sometimes.”

“The rest of them stay away from me, too.”

“You surprise them.  They expect magic to be flash and noise.  Yours is quiet, and then it’s big.  You do things they don’t understand.  You could look, but you don’t.  You are afraid.”

“Yes.”

“She looks so fragile.  I’d better let her rest.”

“Who was that?”

“More than one voice speaking the same words.  Leaving won’t work, Chrissy.  It would hurt more.”

“So it’ll be better in the morning?”

“Maybe.”

“How do I help them, Cole?”

“It doesn’t matter.  You do help them.  It is enough.”

“Maybe Hope would like it there.”

“Probably not.”

“Oh.  It could do so much there.”

“It’s too new.  It would twist again, and it doesn’t want that.  You need sleep.”

“I’m fine.”

“If you had used your words, they would have touched you, even if they were scared.”

“I don’t want people who are scared of me touching me.”

“I am not scared.”  He led me to the bed, pulling back the covers.  “Sleep.  You won’t be alone.”  I laid down and he covered me.  He sat in the chair.  I fell asleep with him holding my hand.

I woke later than usual.  The sun was all the way over the horizon.  Not noon late like on the boat.  There was coffee under my nose.  “Wakey wakey.”  I reached for the cup.  “Nuh-uh. All the way out of bed, Ethelathun.”  I sighed.  “You slept late again.  We were worried.”

“No need.  I’m sure I’ll be able to fix whatever I broke.  Just give me a minute to get dressed in whatever I’m supposed to wear today and I will be at your disposal.”

“You’re in an odd mood.”

“I’m sorry.”  I shut my mouth until I could mind my tongue.

“They wouldn’t send up breakfast this morning.”

“What?”

“Your presence is requested in the breakfast room.”  Oh god.  Her entire posture changed when I tensed.

“How badly did I mess up, Gara?”

“I don’t know what’s going on.  Let’s get you dressed.  I can get you out of here, Ethelathun.  If you feel unsafe at any time.  If you want to leave, we will leave.”

“That wouldn’t help.  The Inquisition occupies home.  Let’s find out what they want with me, first.  It could be nothing.”

“The Inquisition would have a hard time at Skyhold if they hurt you.”

“Corypheus must be stopped, Garalen.  The Divine avenged.”

“The spice must flow.  And THEN they will have a hard time.”

The outfit I was put in looked like a spring meadow.  Sleeveless, but with a choker that held a delicate loose flowing wrap over the shoulders.  The dress was yellows and greens, with flowers and a fitted bodice in empire style.  Again it was beautiful.  Nothing like what anyone else was wearing.  It felt like a deliberate flaunt.  A façade hiding the real me.  I liked it. I quickly put up my hair again, and donned the mask, downing the last of my coffee.  I was ready to face them.

Gara took me straight down.  The breakfast room was empty, but it had a buffet set up.  I wasn’t all that hungry, so I just poured another cup of coffee and sat.  Well, order me to the breakfast room and not be here?  I drank my coffee and left for the conservatory.  It was just across the hall, really.  I did as ordered.  I reported to the breakfast room.  Garalen looked like she was going to say something, but didn’t.

I investigated some instruments, and was playing with an unfamiliar stringed thing when Varric came in.  “Hey Cuddles.”  Gara took up position by the door.

“Hi, Storyteller.”

“The kid is upset.  What’d you tell him?”  That was unexpected.

“I didn’t tell him anything.  What are you talking about?”

“He told me I’d forgotten who you were, and that you thought I’d renamed you.”

“He looks at the world differently.  I apologize.  To him and to you.”

“I thought we had this talk already.  Until I know what I did wrong, I can’t fix it. What has you all the way over there?”

“You didn’t do anything.  I did.  I know I’m creepy.  It’s okay to call people what they are.”

“So that’s it.”  He shook his head.  “You’re like Hawke, you know.”

“I’m not.”

“I’m telling this story.  Sit down.”  I sat.  “He walks through the world thinking he messed up.  I’m starting to think you do too.”  He started pacing in front of the couch.

“I get a lot of things right.”

“Want to know what I think?”

“Sure.”

“You know too much.”

“What?”

He stopped and looked at me.  “You know too much.  You have too much stuff in your head.  And you try to figure out what you can and can’t say.  You knew about the Qun alliance, and were waiting to see which way it fell.  You knew about Crestwood.  And you didn’t want to say too much.”

“So I pretend to be stupid, sometimes.  Stay silent when something might help? I can’t say some things.”

“I might have decided to write Hawke on my own.”

“You did decide to write Hawke on your own.  I never mentioned him to you until I asked to meet him.  After he was in Skyhold.”

“You knew.”

“I guessed, but didn’t know.  I was more concerned about the back of your head.  You’re a writer.  No concussions allowed.”

He started pacing again.  “You’re more slippery than harbor eels.”  There was respect in his tone.

“I think that was a compliment, however disgusting.”

He full on grinned at that.  “Are we okay?”

“Of course.”  I smiled at him.

He frowned.  “Chrissy, don’t pull that shit with me.  That smile doesn’t fool anyone who looks at your eyes.  I want a real answer.”

“I’m not sure you really want to be near me.  And I don’t want to impose.”

“Because I said you’re creepy.”

“Many times, mostly when do I things my own way.”

He reached up to stroke Bianca, but he wasn’t wearing her.  He lowered his hand.  “Well, hell, you are creepy.  But you’re OUR creepy.  I think it’s hilarious that you freak everyone out.  Did you see the inquisitor drink half a flask of who knows what because you made a tree’s leaves grow?  The only one who didn’t look surprised was Dorian.  And he handed him the flask!  You know that’s going in the book.”

“Varric.”

“What?”

“We’re okay.”

“Good, because hug day is coming up, and I’m not missing out.”

I smiled at him again.  “There’s a real one.”  He leaned over and cuffed the back of my head, apparently managing to grab all three of my invisisticks.  Then reached down and snatched the mask off my face.  “Quit thinking I don’t like you.  Do you really think I wouldn’t eviscerate you in prose if I disliked you?”

“You messed up my hair.”

“You looked too proper.  Our Cuddles is always tangled.  Busy.  Flitting from place to place, not hiding in a music room.  Scaring the Inquisition out of going in circles.  Seducing boat captains.  Getting flowers from strange elves.  Climbing trees dressed like a forest.”  He handed me the sticks.  I dissipated them.  He kept the mask.

“I didn’t seduce the boat captain.”

“That’s not what the book will say.  My Cuddles doesn’t hide her face.  She stands toe to toe with nobles, with the Inquisitor, with everyone, and makes them back down.”

“I’m being dressed up and put on display.”

“You wore it as armor to breakfast.  You thought I’d hurt you.” His voice held a hint of hurt.

“You can.” 

He stopped still for a moment, then sighed.  He knows that means he's important to me.  “Have you eaten, or just drank that nasty stuff until your eyes float?”

“I could eat.”  He pulled me up and took me to the breakfast room.  Viv, Sam, and Josie were in there now, but they ignored us after nodding in our direction.  Not being mean, just eating.  Gara followed us. 

Sam was going out this morning to see about planting a listening device.  I think.  He was taking Dorian, Cole, and Cassandra with him.  I told him I’d get Dorian up for him.  Honestly, I thought that quest only happened if he sided with the Templars, but it’s true that they’ve seen Venatori since then.  Maybe there’s still an important Venatori faction or something.

I filled a tray for Dorian and took it upstairs to him.  When I knocked on the door, a young man I didn’t recognize answered.  He was dressed, but his toggles were off.  I pressed my lips together.  “You might want to redo your shirt before you go out, young man.  Is he awake?”

“He’s... Yes, but he’s not…”

“Give me two minutes, my Dove, and I’m all yours.”

“You’re his dove?”

“What of it?”

“I pictured…  You know he…”

“If I didn’t, you just outed him, and that’s not nice.  Don’t worry.  I only share his bed when he wants a restful evening.”  The guy’s face colored. 

“Darling, that’s not nice.  True, but not nice.  Come in, Dove.”

“Your paramour is indiscreet, love.”

“So I heard.”

The paramour in question moved back to let me through.  “I didn’t know you had company, or I would have brought enough for your guest.  The Inquisitor is looking to leave soon, and would appreciate your assistance.”

“It’s fine.  Marcus was just leaving anyway.  You look terrible.  Your hair’s a wreck.”

“And Varric stole my mask.”  That was the only goodbye Marcus got.  I felt sorry for him, a little.

He gave me a quick hug and settled in to eat.  I left him to it.  At least I know why he didn’t want to cuddle last night.  It was probably a good thing.  He’d have asked about Solas’ tunic.  Speaking of which.  I gathered it, folded it, and knocked on the elf’s door.  It was long enough I had turned to leave when the door opened.  “Going somewhere?”

I turned back.  “I was returning your tunic.  I considered washing it…”  He pulled it out of my arms, holding it to his chest.

“That would be unnecessary.  I will wash it if needs be.”  He tossed it on his bed.  “Come here.”

“What?”  He pulled me into his room, shutting the door and putting me against it.  One arm on the door, he looked down, then back to my eyes.

“Whoever is dressing you is cruel, ma’haselan.”

“Leorah designed the outfits.”

“I have a request.”

“You already got your kiss, freely given.”

“Am I only permitted the one? But that is not my request, not this time.  Interesting that you should assume so.”

“Everything is interesting to you.  So what is the request?”

“Not everything.  Just you.  I want to be there when you do your next surprising feat.”

“Surprising feat?”  I must have looked as confused as I felt.

“Everyone sees you do these amazing things, and you hide them from me.”

“I’m not hiding them.  You’re just never around.  I’ve done nothing amazing, and I didn’t choose your path yesterday.  ”

“No, you didn’t.  I had opportunity and squandered it.  I may have to stick closer to you.”  Considering he was maybe six inches away, that struck me as funny.  I put my arms around his neck, gave him a quick hug, and laughed.  “I fail to see the humor.”

“Solas, you are less than a foot away, complaining you have to be closer.  It’s hilarious.”  I was still laughing as I said it.

He waited until I was no longer giggling, and leaned in close to my ear.  “Remember you started this, da’asha.  You laughed at me.  I like your laughter, but I want other sounds in my ears.”  His breath was warm on my skin, and then he slid his lips along the edge of my ear.  That’s CHEATING.  I said so, and he laughed softly.  “Nothing in the rules says I can’t cheat.  Tell me to stop, ma’sulahn'nehn, and I shall.  Or ask for a kiss, and I would give you that, as well.”

“You usually do the asking.”  It came out a bit breathless, because he’d moved his lips to my neck.

“It’s your turn.  I like that little breathy squeak.”

“I am so not sure about this.”

He lifted his head.  “I won’t go past kisses, ma’haselan’udh, even were you to ask.  You still grieve, and you are still wary.  You are not sure of me at all.”  His thumb traced circles on my jaw.  “I am merely saying what I will grant if you ask.  I do not expect promises.  Someday, you will be whole.”

“You could feel differently, on that day.  Then you would regret this.”

He pulled back a bit.  “You still think I could hurt you.”

I reached up and smoothed his eyebrow, trailing my fingers down his cheek and jaw.  “You’re so very dangerous, Solas.  Lightning in a bottle, and you ask me to uncork it.”

“You say such things.”  He continued in elven, a few sentences.  He watched my face carefully, but I had no idea what he said.  “I have nothing to lose, then, do I, and everything to gain, from patience.”  I had no certain idea what he was talking about, so I didn’t answer.  “My scent is on your skin.  It is enough.”  He kissed my ear, and stepped back, opening the door for me. 

The rest of the morning passed gently.  I ate lunch here at the villa with Garalen and Varric. Then when Inquisibabe returned, Vivienne decided we needed a tour of the nicer areas.  She took us by the Miroir de la Mère, a huge reflecting pool.  It was prettier than I expected.  She also led us around where the mages played.  Well, shopped, hung out, etc. It was all so much nicer than the alienage had been.  The area she showed us was dull, but not gray at all.  It was sad, even as I enjoyed the afternoon.  I got the rest of my shopping done, too, with Varric’s help.  I bought Cole a stuffed horse.  It looked like something he’d like.

I was delivered back to the Villa as the sun set.  My packages had been delivered as well.  The caretaker was livid.  ELVES.  How awful that they accosted her here.  Sam smoothed ruffled feathers, regrettably by asking if she expected someone else to do such a menial task.  He used such jovial voice that if I hadn’t known better, I might have believed it.  It mollified her, though.  I just wanted to smack her.  Sam must have realized it, because he tucked me inside rather quickly.

Dorian pulled me outside in the evening for staff practice.  I’m getting better.  Maybe at some point I’ll actually get to hit someone with this.  I think I’d do better if I wasn’t in flowy skirts, though.  Dorian didn’t allow that as an excuse.  I would need to know regardless of what I was wearing.  We worked a little on freezing things, too, but I was much better at warming.  But not fire.  I’m abysmal at anything other than lighting campfires and candles.  Dorian muttered something about domestic magics and different paths, but he wouldn’t elaborate.  He was going to write some letters.

I did my paperwork before bed.  Some things that really did need my signature, and a squabble that had been passed up the line until only I was considered capable of handling it.  Schedule approvals really did have to come through me.  Not a single thing that could have been handled elsewhere.  I wasn’t sure if I should be worried or impressed.  Halton had included a personal note.  Everyone was doing well, he’d delayed some things, passed off some things.  He had a few letters for me from Kirkwall and Sabrae, but they’d keep.  Some gossip in Leorah’s hand.  Another page from Eadras.  It was good to read.

I handed my paperwork off to Inquisibabe to send, and he set it aside.  “Honey, we need to talk.”

His tone was so serious.  “What about?”

“How long have you been able to make plants grow?”

“I don’t know.  I never tried to make a plant feel better before yesterday.  Did that make it grow?”

“According to this note, it did.  Did you really tell the old man that I wouldn’t let anyone rut with an unwilling woman?”

“Yes.  You won’t.”

“And you had no idea how that would be taken?”

“I don’t understand.”

“I have a formal request to take seven underage girls back to Skyhold with me.”

“That seems a no-brainer.  They come.  If you won’t take them, I will.  But really, I’m disappointed in you.  How could you,” and he interrupted me.

“I didn’t refuse.  I will take them.  They’re being sent for their own safety.  The chevaliers have been eyeing them.  But Chrissy, strangers are entrusting me with their children.  Elven strangers.  Doesn’t that seem weird to you?”

“I don’t see why.  You specifically head an organization that codified us as people.  Skyhold is supposed to be safe for us.  Wouldn’t you send your child to safety?”

“Safe haven and sanctuary.  That’s what Eadras said you were.  I guess that extends to me.”

“There is always a guardian of a home, Sam.  I’ll make it a home, but your role is at least as important.”

“When did I get claimed by Ethelathe?”

“When I spent the day with you after Redcliffe.”

“That you can answer that, readily.  Sometimes you scare me, Chrissy.”

“You have nothing to fear from me.  Yours are the shoulders upon which the world rests.  I would make your burden easier, not harder.”

He hugged me.  “You do, you know.  I never have to worry about food, or linens, or if the baths are clean.  You and yours just get it done.”

“I'm claiming Skyhold for Ethelathe, but we’ll let you live there.”  He laughed.  I don’t think he realized how serious I was.  Another hug, and I was off to bed.  I stopped off to give Cole his horse, and thank him for last night.  “I was in a bad place, mentally.  You really helped, Cole.”  He just smiled, and cuddled the animal.  And off I went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ma’sulahn'nehn Sulahn=sing nehn=joy According to the wiki, sulahn'nehn is happiness or joy.
> 
> So ma’sulahn'nehn could mean either my happiness or my song of joy.


	72. Day 15, 12 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wandering the garden, cheesecake, and deciding a man had to die. And Vivienne verbally smacks the inquisitor.

### Road Trip, Day 15, 12 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

I went to bed, as I said, but my dreams were dull.  Horribly dull.  I could slip back into the usual hazy stuff that carries you through the night, I suppose, but that’s no real solution.  This house is so dreary.  Nothing of the personal anywhere.  I wandered back, pressing rewind on reality, and discovered that this house had never been a home.  It had always been intended for rent, and even the caretakers were changed every few years.  It was so sad.

However, the gardens were loved.  Someone snuck over the walls to play.  Childish laughter, followed by sounds of young love. I woke myself up, needing to see where they’d played, in the predawn light.  I wandered out into the end of the garden, and there it was.  Someone had carved initials in one of the pear trees.  K.H. + J.N., wrapped in a heart.  It’s nice to know some things are constant. 

“You are consistently surprising.”  Solas.  “How did you know where to look?  You’ve not the skills of a dreamer, to dip into others’ dreams.”

I turned to look at him.  “It’s one of the only memories here.”

“So it is.  You should be asleep.”

“You prefer the fade.  I would not have expected you to be out here.  Or awake.”

“Even here, you should not be out alone, da’asha.  I believe the Inquisitor requested you go nowhere alone.”

“So it’s your shift.”

“We take turns at watch, yes.  But not just for you.  We are in unfamiliar territory, with unknown dangers.”

“The dangers are known.  Betrayal, death, pain, anguish.  The source is unknown.  At least, one hopes the source is unknown.  That’s not always the case.”

“That is remarkably blunt.”

“I’m in a mood.  I’m sorry.”

“Perhaps sleep would improve your mood, ma’haselan’udh.”

“This is the only place I see that isn’t dull.  Someone cared, here.  Right there, in that spot.  This place is awful.  Nothing changes. No one cares for this place, no one has lived and loved here.  Worship of money above all else, to build a home that isn’t.  It even has a nursery.  No one dreamed of a baby when they painted it.  If it weren’t for the fauna…”  I sighed.  “Ignore me.”

“I will not.  But we shall let the subject drop.  Back to the house.  Please.”  I went, and he stayed outside, wandering and watching for danger.

I did sleep some more, but I woke about the same time as Garalen.  She and I did our stretching together, and she pulled out the only dress I’d not seen yet.  It was an art nouveau thing in shades of teal and purple.  The sleeves weren’t.  They were just bands around my wrists and arms with draped fabric below.  No cleavage at all in this one, because it gathered up to a choker collar, but I did need to worry a bit about sideboob.

I did a braid in my hair.  Something to keep it out of my face.  I’d have to talk to Varric about getting my mask back.  Since we were up, we went down to breakfast.  We were nearly the first ones there.  The Hessarians had beaten us.  They stood when we entered the room.  I still don’t know if it was fear or manners.  Could have been either, with the way they watch.  We’ve been in the same group for a tenday and I’ve not been able to pry a name out of them.

In any case, the breakfast wasn’t buffet this morning.  A human servant came out, looked around, and went back.  It took a few minutes, but the human returned with plates of eggs and sausages.  Not the little breakfast links I used to think were appropriate, but huge bratwurst sized things.  And a biscuit the size of my head.  Well, maybe not that big, but huge, nonetheless.  Did the cook think they were serving the Iron Bull?  I thanked the guy, which made him color up.  Oops.

Everyone else trickled in.  Sam mentioned that we would be meeting some young people for transport to Skyhold from the alienage this afternoon.  We weren’t taking them right now.  We’d be heading back in a couple of days.  Vivienne still had things to do at the University, and Josie needed to chat with a few other people.

I was leery about heading back to the Alienage.  I knew we needed to meet the kids before we took them, though.  I also got THE LOOK from Sam saying I wouldn’t be able to wiggle out of it.  Apparently he had no interest in meeting a gaggle of girl people under the age of whatever.  And Josie couldn’t come.  Stuff to do.  Varric was going with her.  And refused to return my mask.  Dorian was coming with us, of course.  Solas, of all people, volunteered, as well as Cassandra. 

We left for various places shortly after breakfast.  Dorian had found us noon tickets to a musical performance.  He even had enough for the other three.   Told me he had to show off his dove.  A choir in ten part harmony.  Divine.  The stage was full of color, and the harmonies nearly made me cry they were so beautiful.  As we shuffled out through the crowd, someone shoved me into him, and I heard a muttered “knife ear”.  If I’d known who it was, but nobody saw.  Sam and Cass were not pleased.  I hate crowds anyway. 

We climbed back into the carriage, dumb thing, and trundled off to the alienage after a quick lunch.  Did you know they have CHEESECAKE in Orlais?  MINE.  I had a slice.  A big slice.  For lunch.  With chocolate sauce.  Screw frilly cakes.  OMG, it was that good.  Rich, delicious, melt on your tongue good.  The only thing Sam said was “I have got to get Josie a slice of that.”

“Eat your own lunch and quit staring,” I responded.

Dorian smirked.  “I bet I know at least three men who would kill to be a cheesecake right now.”

“There are five,” Cole slid into the conversation.

“You still have to give me those names, dear boy.”

“No.  I don’t.”  Which made me laugh, so I kissed his cheek.

We headed out to the alienage. The area got drearier and drearier.  A few blocks away, I looked at Sam.  “We get out here.”  He nodded, and stopped the carriage again.  At least we knew the way this time.  When we got to the small clearing for the tree, my jaw dropped.  It was GREEN.  Like Virginia in the spring after the rain green.  Cole reached over pushed my chin up, smiling that half-smile of his.  Yes, he’d told me.

The area around the tree was less dreary, too.  There were three people sitting on the benches, where before there were none.  I heard a child laugh, though it cut short.  I covered my mouth with a hand.  What happened?  This wasn’t me.  I didn’t do all this.  “You started it,” said Cole.  He said it quietly in my ear.

Solas just stood there, a quizzical look on his face.  He was examining the tree and the surrounds.  Sam was next to him, talking about something.  Dorian offered Solas the flask, his lips quirked, but was refused.  I just went and walked the roots like before.  The tree still felt full.  I didn’t know how long it would last, and it wasn’t a big change, but it did feel different.  Less downtrodden.

“Chrissy!  Stop climbing trees in dresses and come help me meet the young ladies!”

“Meet them here!”  It would be best, I thought.  Near the tree was happier.  He was still talking to people, but when I said that, one of the group strode off.  I sat on a bench.  This was Sam’s show, after all. 

Solas slid up to me.  “You did this.”

“No.  Cole says I started it. I’m inclined to believe him.  I didn’t do it on purpose, if I did.  I felt sorry for the Vallasdahlen.” 

“What made you think of this?”

“I didn’t, really.  It just seemed the thing to do.”

“We shall have to talk.”  Oh, not THAT tone again.  I don't think so.

“We shall not HAVE to talk.  I just did to the tree what I do to Dorian when he’s tired after a battle.  Nothing new, nothing you didn’t know about.”

“To a tree.”

“I didn’t think it worked.”

“Apparently, you were wrong.”

“What’s the issue, Solas?  You’re picking a fight.”

“Ir abelas, da’asha.”

“Sure you are.”  I stood up and went to where Dorian, Cass, and Sam were waiting.  The girls came out a few at a time with their families.  The oldest was maybe fifteen, and the youngest probably twelve or thirteen.  She was holding her arm oddly.  Not like she was in pain, but like she was hiding it.  I went over and knelt in the dirt.  “Can I see your arm, honey?  I promise I won’t hurt you.”  The girl debated for a few minutes.  Literally minutes, not the moments people usually mean.  Then she pulled up her sleeve.

I kept my face calm.  “Cole, darling.  Could you get Dorian over here.  Or Solas?”  I didn’t say it loud, but I figured a spirit of compassion was already on it.  She had bite marks on her upper arm and her shoulder.  Large ones.  Human teeth sized bites.  “Sweetheart, I want the Inquisitor to see this.  If anyone can fix the world, he can.  Will you let him?”  She debated with herself.  “Are there other hurts?”  Her stillness, and the stillness of her parents, gave it away.

“Do you know his face, da’len?” I asked.  I loosened the grip on my shields just a hair.  Gara came up, and sucked in a breath.  The girl nodded.  “Can you draw?”

The first word I heard.  “No.”

I looked up at her parents.  “What do you do?  For a living, for wages.”  The man hesitantly told me he was a porter on the docks, a fishtosser.  The woman took in laundry.  “Pack your things.  I can find a place for you, and any other children you have.  She doesn’t need to be separated from her family.”  They looked at each other, debating.  “You don’t have to decide now.  Any time before she leaves, you can choose to come with her.” I turned back to the child.  “I will be right back, da’len.  Can I bring the Inquisitor?  Garalen is a scary woman.  He won’t get the chance to hurt you.”  She debated before nodding.

Dorian, it turns out, was standing just a couple feet away.  Cole had gotten him.  I looked at him.  “I saw, Dove.”

I went to Sam, who was chatting with some other families.  Catching his eye, I tipped my head toward the girl.  He excused himself and approached me.  “I need you to see her, Sam.”  I led him over, and she shrunk back, but didn’t move her feet.  Her parents stayed right next to her, prepared to yank her away.  He knelt in the dirt next to me and introduced himself as Sam.  His eyes hardened as he took in the placement of her bruises.  “Last night, or the night before.”

He stood, and looked the father in the eye.  “This does not happen at Skyhold.  It does not happen in the Inquisition.  Would you accept healing?”  The elves tensed, but the mother finally nodded, barely.  I think we were angry-looking scary people at that point, not nice helpful –looking people, to them.

I was still on the ground.  “Da’len, you see that mage over there with the mustache?  He could help.  Or maybe I could convince the bald one to do so.  Which would you prefer?”  I looked up at Sam.  “Thanks.  Since the others seem to be okay with you, could you ask some discreet questions of the parents?  I need a name, or a face, if we can get it.”  He was taken aback for a moment, but he nodded.

The girl preferred the elf to Dorian.  He did make her smile, just a hint, when he clutched his chest and dramatically told her she’d broken his poor little heart, staggering a bit for effect.  I went to chat with Solas.  He was still looking at the tree.  “I have a request.”

“Really?”

“I would bargain with you, mor’ishan.”  That got his attention. 

“What are you asking for?”

“Healing for an abused child.”  His face smoothed, a polished mask.

“How abused.”

“Enough that I’m not sure she’ll allow you to touch her.  But I gave her the choice between asking you or Dorian.  She chose you.  So I will bargain, if necessary.  Whatever you want.”

His mouth twisted.  “There is no need to bargain for such a thing.  The others, are they also?”

“I don’t know yet.”  I led him to the girl.  He spoke to her in elven.  She didn’t understand him either, but she let him run his hand near her skin, not touching her.  The bruises faded, but the shadows in her eyes did not.  “I will find him, da’len.  Somehow,” I told her.  “What should be done, when I do?”  Solas and Dorian both looked at me sharply, but it was her face I watched.  She wanted him dead, but wouldn’t say so.  When I glanced at Garalen, she nodded.  I had just decided someone would die.  It didn’t matter at the time.  I’m not sure it matters now.

Gara went and talked to Cole.  Smart girl.  Between them, they’d handle this.  I left the kid alone, after promising I’d do my best for her.  They weren’t ready to come with us.  I met the other girls.  Four of seven were clear-eyed.  Then we had the one who was scared.  She’d been accosted, but released as part of the game.  Then there was the one who’d escaped.  She stayed inside at night, now.  And the girl.

It was a somber group that went back to the Villa.  Cassandra had some not nice things to say about Chevaliers.  Garalen and Cole were on the bench seat on the back of the carriage, speaking in low tones.  We ate at the villa, and Sam informed the others of what he’d seen.  The only thing Varric said aloud was “well, shit.”

“Oh, come now,” Vivienne said to the group as they moped.  “You behave as if you had no idea this happened.  Were your heads in the middens?”  I wanted to cheer.  Maybe she has some redeeming qualities after all.  “Perhaps you ought to think about how to fix the issue instead of moping about the child.  You _are_ the most powerful man in Thedas, my dear.”  Wow. 

After dinner I went to my room with a book.  I wasn’t in the mood for company, except to hear if we had a face or a name.  I wouldn’t sleep until Garalen was back.  She slipped out the back door after dinner.  Cole was also nowhere to be found.  She arrived late, and shook her head at me. “No face or no luck?”

“We’ll have better luck tomorrow.”

“You’re okay with this?”

“Even if you hadn’t asked, it would be done.”  That actually made me feel better.  And everyone could honestly say that we’d never discussed the deliberate assassination of a Chevalier of Orlais.


	73. Day 16, 13 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Way too much Solas. Cole has a creepy smile, too. Tokens for a child. Josie smacks Sam upside the head.

### Road Trip, Day 16, 13 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

There was a bouquet of Queen Asha’s Lace on the dresser of my room in my dreams.  Something new and different, and it made me smile.  He’d made something change.  Seeing it there soothed me, and I was able to relax into the normal sorts of dreams I had on Earth.

I woke up to coffee.  Garalen spoils me on this trip.  But when I opened my eyes, there was none of the playfulness I expected to see.  Instead, fierce satisfaction colored her features.  “You found him.”

“I did.  We did.  Our resident spirit of Compassion is talented, and doesn’t require sleep.  He woke me earlier.”

“Do we have some sort of token to deliver?”

“Not yet.  We have a name and a schedule.”

I was pleased by that.  And not pleased that I was happy about it.  “How wonderful.  Do you think I should meet him?”

“Stay here, Ethelathun.  I would not risk your safety.  Do you think the Inquisitor will handle this well?” 

I got up as I answered, taking my mug from her hand.  “I don’t know.  I’m not sure I’m handling it well.  I should be upset.”

“Why?”

“Garalen, a man is going to die, because I can’t bring myself to put a stop to it.  Part of me wants to, but I just can’t.”

“No, Ethelathun.  A rabid animal will be put down, as is proper.  You are far more lenient than anyone else I’ve met.  Many people still take breath because you are kind.”

“That’s just practical.  They can’t learn if you just kill them.  And things are lost when you snuff any life.”

“My life was easier before you insisted on paperwork on the incidents happening to us.”

“Why?”

“I’m not answering that, my lady.  Suffice it to say that the Commander’s desertion rate has improved.”

“I don’t want to know.” 

She smiled a soft smile.  “You’re a sweet lady.  You just have the strangest notions about justice.”

“I just think that a person should get the chance to change.  For most offenses.”  I had to add that now.

Gara’d put the purple sunset dress out.  I had to thank someone for the flowers, anyway, so he might as well swallow his tongue while he’s at it.  We ate up here, and then I went to see if Solas was awake.  No answer to a light knock.  I should know by now.  As I started away from the door, I heard, “every time I open the door, you are leaving.”

I moved back to the door, leaning against the jam.  “I guess I’ll have to learn to wait longer.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”  His face wasn’t as welcoming as I had expected.

“Are you mad at me?”

He opened the door wider.  “Come in, please.”  I did, and he shut the door behind us.  “You thought you needed to bargain with me.”

“No, I didn’t.  I offered to bargain to catch your attention.”

He just looked at me.  “Explain.”  His tone wasn’t encouraging.

“When I said I had a request, you didn’t grant me your attention.  I know I’ll get it if I offer a bargain, and I was in a hurry.  Think about that exchange, mor’ishan.  Was anything out of character for me?”

I could see him reviewing the conversation.  “Whatever you want.”  He moved fast, and I backed up.  I ended up with my back against the wall.  And he was way too close.  “You offered me anything.”  His fingers brushed my cheek.

“And you refused it, mor’ishan. Without a first, much less a second, thought.  I was glad of that, for many reasons.”

“You would have stuck to a bargain.”  He trailed his fingers down my neck, resting his palm on my shoulder.

I took a deep breath.  “I would have hated it.”

“You knew I wouldn’t bargain over a child, ma’nehn.”

“I hoped.”

“She was a stranger to you.”

“She was mine the moment I saw the bruises.  I didn’t know if you’d feel the same.”

“She’s a child.”

“You know, you’re growing on me.”  I reached up and put my arms around his neck.  “New subject, Solas.”

“I like this subject already,” he said, wrapping his arms loosely around my ribs.

“First, thank you.”

“For what?”

“For the flowers.  You made something change.”

“It was my pleasure.  And second?”

“Does there have to be a second?”

“You did say ‘first’.”

“I wanted to do something nice for you.  For yesterday, and for the flowers.  I’m not sure what, though.  So I’m asking what sorts of things you might like.”

He smiled.  “No, you’re not.”

“There’s such a thing as an implied question.”

“I know, but it’s more fun making you ask.”  Sneaky, using my own words against me.

“What might you like, mor’ishan?  Within reason.”

“I want the answers to three questions.  Full, complete, extensively elaborate answers, with subquestions assumed, accepted, and also answered.”

“One question, and I get to veto up to three questions before answering one.”

“This is a very distracting dress.  Two questions, two vetoes.”  He traced his bottom lip over the tip of my ear, then chuckled when my skin broke out in goosebumps.

“You are cheating.  One question, two vetoes.”

“Hmmm.  Two questions, two vetoes, and a kiss.”

“Sneaky, but that changes the entire bargaining table.  One question, three vetoes, and two kisses.  One now, one within three days.”

“One question.  Choose the number of kisses, ma’haselan, and that will be the number of vetoes.  One now.”

“Very sneaky.  Three kisses th…”  I didn’t even get the rest of the statement out, because his lips were on mine.  When I gasped in surprise, he dove in.  He stroked his tongue against mine, and then I realized we’d moved.  He sat in a chair, pulling me across him, tongues still tangled.  One of his hands trailed up and down my side, and I found myself tracing circles on his nape.  Damn, this man can kiss.  I didn’t even realize we’d gone beyond a simple kiss to necking until there was a knock at the door.

Sam’s voice.  “Time to shed the fade, Solas!”

“I shall be out shortly, Inquisitor.  I need to finish something.”  His voice was rough.

“Breakfast’s on!”  Footsteps headed away from the door.

“I want to know what you taste like in the fade,” he said in my ear, nibbling gently.  I couldn’t get my brain to make my vocal chords work.  “You never can resist negotiating.  Tied with your own thread, ma’haselan.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’ll tell you.  Someday.  When you let it slip, so will I.” 

“That makes no sense.”

“It makes perfect sense.  To me.” 

“I could always ask Eadras.”

“You could.  But that would ruin the game.”

I looked at him.  And then I realized he had a hickey over his pulse point.  “I’m so sorry.”  I touched it.  “I didn’t mean to.”

He laughed softly.  “I had every intention.”  He brushed his thumb against my neck.  “But don’t worry, da’asha.  I won’t embarrass you.  By the time you leave, we will not be marked.  This time.”  He leaned down to kiss the mark he had left, and soothing blue flowed over me.  Nipping my chin as he passed it, he stood up, lowering me to my feet.  “You may want to fix your hair.  And I now have three kisses waiting for me.”

“Three?”

“One if I catch you after dark in Val Royeaux, and two more.”  He paused before he opened the door.  “You look beautiful,” he said.  And ushered me out.  I went back to my room to fix my hair.

I came out of my room for the second time at the same time as Dorian came out of his.  He glanced at me, and then stopped and looked at me full on.  “Well, well, Dove.  You have someone stashed in there?” 

“Stashed?”

“It’s obvious you’ve been kissing someone.  Care to share?”

“I refuse to share men, even with you.”

He looked startled.  “That’s…  not what I meant.”  I smiled.  “And you are a tease.”

“Am not.”

“So who is the lucky fellow?”

“Don’t worry about it, love.  You’re a smart guy.  You’ll figure it out.  Probably before I do.  Because men are confusing as hell.”

“Oh, we’re easy, Dove.  Very easy.”

“Of course you’d say that. You’re a man.  How’s Marcus this morning?”

“Exhausted.  The Inquisitor told us breakfast is on.   Shall we?”

“I already ate, but I’ll join you.”  He held out his arm and we went down.

Sam told us that he was just waiting on our mounts to arrive.  It would take a day or two.  Vivienne needed finish what she was doing, and then we would leave.  I was admonished again not to go anywhere alone.  “Not even the gardens, Chrissy.”  I shot a look at Solas, but his face was bland. 

“Are we getting a carriage of some kind, or a wagon?” I asked.

Sam looked puzzled.  “We’ll have a wagon for the purchases and belongings, of course.”

Then the most priceless sight.  Josie smacked the back of his head.  Vivienne glared.  Cassandra made THE NOISE.  I just settled for crossing my arms and raising a brow.  “Okay, ladies.  What’d I miss.”

“The children,” Cassie said.

“I got them horses.”   Varric groaned.  He knew what we knew.   “What?” Inquisibabe asked.

Vivienne spoke up.  “When would the girls have learned to ride, my dear Inquisitor?”

It took him a moment, and then he flushed.  Josie hid her smile behind her hand.  He looked at her.  “Can we rent something, or do we need to buy it?”

“It would probably be better to purchase it.  Returning the carriage could be somewhat difficult.”

“Two carriages.”  Cassandra’s input.

“Yes, that would be preferable,” Josie agreed.

“Well, when you ladies have decided what I’m going to decide to do, please let me know.”

Dorian leaned over to me.  “And you think men are confusing?”

I flicked my fingers at him.  “You are.  The lot of you.”  I glanced at Varric, who was watching our exchange with interest.  “Even the ones with chest hair.”

“Now, now, Cuddles.  I didn’t say anything.”

Josie, Cassie, and Viv were still working out Sam’s logistics, to his bemusement.  He stopped them after a few minutes.  “I am not hiring bodyguards.”  They all looked up.  “I’ve called for a few more of my Hessarians.  They’ll be here today or tomorrow.  Seven, one for each girl.  That way the ones who are here continue to guard you two.”

Garalen showed up in the door.  “I have a few things to do,” I said, excusing myself.

When we got to the conservatory, Cole joined us.  We were in fairly close discussion about the asshole’s schedule when Dorian popped in.  “What is this now, my dove?”  The three of us looked at each other. 

“Not much, Dorian.”

“It looks to me like you’re planning something without me.  Two assassins in close consultation with an angry dove.”

“I’m not angry at you.”

“You will not make yourself bait.”

I smiled.  “That wasn’t on the agenda, but it’s an interesting idea.”  Love the oh crap look.

“If that wasn’t it, what are you planning?”

“My friends are going hunting.”  Garalen smiled at him.  I love her creepy smile.  Cole’s was creepier, because it was sweet, as well as determined.

“The Inquisitor reported him.”

“I know.”

“I see.”

“Can you guarantee something would actually be done?”

He threaded his fingers with mine.  “No.  I can’t.”

“Then let me do this.  Let them do this, I mean.”

“I think you had it right the first time.”  He sighed, but didn’t say anything else about it.

The rest of the day passed fairly quietly.  Dorian pulled me outside for more lessons.  I managed to make a ball of fire, but then I dropped it.  And got laughed at.  I’m so glad my skirts were tied up.  I’m a bit better at aiming the lightning from my staff.  The plain sparring (without magic) I’m so-so at.  I still have moments when I drop the staff and barrier, reflexively.  Which Dorian thinks is a great response to being unsure about a countermove. 

I was playing the piano when Garalen dropped by.  “Come up to your room with me for a bit, Ethelathun.  Please?”  So I went, feeling cold.  Cole was there, with a waxed bag.  “He had the night shift, and was asleep in his rooms.  Alone.  He’ll go missing, Chrissy.  We can’t do otherwise.”

“He was proud of his ring.  I left it on his hand.”  Cole said it so calmly.  “If you ask him, he’ll know why you want it.”

“Would he be horrified or approve?”

“He was going to do it himself.”

Garalen looked between us.  “That’s really weird.  It’s like you start in the middle of a conversation and then skip the important bits.  Like who and what you are talking about.  And I know both of you speak straight when you want to.”

“We both knew those details, Gara.  But I’m sorry.  It was rude.  I need to ask Solas about a preservation spell of some kind.”

An idea bloomed across my brain.  Names and threads.  “He’ll know you know if you do that.”

“Oh.  Bad plan then.”

“No, it’s not.”

Gara huffed.  “You’re doing it again.”

I realized Cole was still holding the bag.  I relieved him of it.  I debated, but it was my duty.  I had to take responsibility, so I had to step up.  I opened it.  It wasn’t so bad, really.  They looked sort of like really good wax replicas.  No smell yet, which was probably key.  An ear and a hand, complete with ring.  How appropriate.

“Thank you both.”  I solemnly hugged Cole, and then Gara.  It was hard to believe that bits of a man were in the bag.  “Anyone know where Solas is?  Never mind.  He’d be in the library.”  Which was more of a study, but hey, Orlesians are fancy.

I traipsed down to the study/library/thing.  He was sitting behind the desk, reading.  He looked up when I arrived.  “I need to learn something.  Fairly quickly.  Or get it done by someone else.”

“What do you need to learn?”

“A preservation spell.  For meat.”

His eyes narrowed.  “How much meat?”

“I’d guess about two pounds?”

“Two pounds.”  He stood up.  “I think you need to show me, ma’haselan’udh, what you’ve done.”

“I don’t know what you mean.  I’ve been here all day.”

“It is not playtime.  Show me, please.”  I led him to my room.  Cole and Gara were still there.  As was the bag.  As I shut the door, he went straight to it, pulling out both the hand and the ear.  “I see.  And you wish them preserved why?”

“A gift for a little girl.” 

He turned his head to look at me.  There was a feral glint in his eyes for just a moment.  “What an interesting idea.”

“It seemed proper.  Appropriate.”

“You grow ever more interesting, da’asha.”  He put the pieces down and GLIDED toward me, a strange look on his face.  Garalen stiffened in my peripheral vision, but I didn’t dare look away from him, not when he was in this mood.  I couldn’t afford to be seen as less.  He ran a clean fingertip along my cheek.  “I greatly approve,” he crooned.  I couldn’t help smirking at that, but he had already turned away.  Magic was brought to bear, and he returned the pieces to the bag. 

He turned to me again.  Cole poofed out of the room.  Garalen watched him.  He spared her one look.  “We already discussed this.”

“I’m making sure you remember that.”

“She is the only woman in this room in no danger from me right now.  Let me speak to her.”

“Whatever.”  She even did the hand flip thing.  When did I show her that?  Or did she get it from somewhere else?  But she left the room.

“That was rude, Solas.”

“Whose idea was the gift?”

“Mine.  I’m a little concerned that it’ll freak her out, though.  I’m going to have to talk with her.  If it would, I’ll just give her the ring.  Keeping that was Cole’s idea.”

“Why did you keep the ear?”

“I didn’t.  That was either Gara or Cole.  I just asked for a token to deliver.  Actually, I just kind of assumed that Garalen would get me some sort of token to deliver.  You’re acting strange, mor’ishan.”

“You recreate ancient ideas, da’asha.  You assumed a token, you say?”  His eyes were staring right at mine.

“It’s not so ancient an idea where I come from.  Two or three hundred years, at most.  Frowned upon, illegal, but noted in story and history.”

“Where do you come from?”

“Is that your question?”  I widened my eyes and tried to sound innocent.

A spate of muttered elven.  “No.”  But the odd mood was broken.

“It’s nearly dinner time, Solas.  Wash your hands.  And quit scaring my friend.”

He shrugged.  “She wasn’t that afraid of me.”

“She was afraid?”

“You are the only person, female person, who has not feared me since the Inquisition began.”

“The first time I saw you up close, I was scared of you.”

“You screamed, but you were not afraid.  Startled, wary.  It caught the attention.  Then I couldn’t find you.”

“Solas.  I don’t want to explain the blood on your hands.”

“Dream with me tonight.”

“If you do anything I don’t like, you’ll regret it.” 

He just smiled.   “That leaves a lot of room.”

“Out.”

“Of course.”  Garalen had been listening, apparently, because she opened the door for him.

After he left, I looked at her.  “You’re scared of him?”

“I’m not stupid.  That one’s dangerous.”

“Yes, but not scary.  Not really”

“It makes sense that you’d think that way.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because you’re just as strange, in your own way.”

“But you love me anyway.”

“That I do, my lady.”

“Don’t do that.”   She quirked a smile at me.

Dinner, time in the music room, a long hot bath, and bed.  We’ll see how things go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ma'nehn: ma=my nehn=joy


	74. Day 17, 14 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fade, the University, Solas is sneaky (but gets told no), and the opera goes wrong.

### Road Trip, Day 17, 14 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

I was enjoying dreams of home.  The first hint I wasn’t alone was his arms looped loosely around my waist.  His breath on my ear queried, “Where are we, ma’haselan’udh?”

“Skyline drive.  A pretty little campsite.”  I had vanished the memory, but the scene remained.  Not my doing.  “Are you doing that?”

“I didn’t want it to vanish before I could see it.  I let everything else go, because I didn’t wish to pry, but the trees and the stars.  The land.  It’s vibrant.”  He let it fade away.  Back in the boring room.  At least I had flowers.

I turned to look at him.  “Was there something in particular you wanted this evening, Solas?”

“Yes, but if we do that, we’ll never get anything else done.”

“What?”

“I fully intend to claim a kiss, da’asha.”  He leaned down and brushed his cheek against mine.  “But not yet.”

“You are far more forward in the fade.”

“You’ve said this before.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true.”

“In the interests of truth, I show a significant amount of restraint.”

“Really?”  I was skeptical.

“Yes.  You placed only one restriction on me for the evening, Chrysopal.  Do you recall what it was?”

“I’ve ringed you in restrictions, mor’ishan.  Which one are you talking about?”

“If you do anything I don’t like, you’ll regret it.” 

“Ah.  It’s true, though.”

“I can do so many things you would like, da’asha.”  His arms tightened and I found myself flush against him.

“Uh, Solas?  This is really not a good idea.”

“I know you think so.”  He ran his nose down mine, bending me back against his arms.  “I could change your mind,” he said, an inch away from my lips.  I ached, in all sorts of familiar places.  My eyes fluttered closed.  Suddenly he released me, and my eyes opened again as I stood.  There was a smile teasing his lips.  Taking a step back, he added, “But I will not.  I will let you decide on your own.”

“You’re getting back at me for the tunic negotiation.”

“No.  But I will.  Count on it.”  He tucked my hand into the crook of his elbow and led me off.  He’d talked in game about the way Val Royeaux had grown from a collection of tents.  As we walked toward such a collection, I stopped.

“Val Royeaux in the fade, at night, does not count.”

“Not to worry, da’asha.  I have no intention of cheating on the promise.  It would ruin the game.  Besides, this isn’t Val Royeaux yet.”  He showed me the changes that had happened in Val Royeaux over the centuries.  An eternity of watching history on his arm.  He gives the best history lessons.  We tasted foods, spoke with memories, played with wisps.  It was comfortable, and fun.  I’d never really thought to call time with the Dread Wolf comfortable. 

In time, though, the evening had to end.  He led me to what looked like a wooded clearing.  Nowhere I could specifically recall. “I was talking to Cole, and he said that Queen Asha’s Lace was the flower for the Ethelathun, but not for the woman wearing the name.  Isn’t that a curious thing to say?”

Well, duh.  “Yes.  Why were you discussing me with Cole?”

“Because you happen to be one of my favorite subjects.  You do the same.”

I was going to argue, but a lot of my conversations with Cole seem to end up with Solas in them.  “I think Cole does it on purpose.”

“As do I.  However, I asked him what flower he thought most appropriate for the woman, and he told me meadowsweet.”

“You have meadowsweet here?”  I didn’t see any of the blooms.

“Not in this spot, no.”  He searched my face.  “It doesn’t grow near here.  More toward what is now Fereldan.”

“It grows everywhere back home.  Pretty much anywhere there’s people, there’s meadowsweet.  Good for headaches.  Yummy in soups.  Almond-flavored flowers and minty leaves.  They even put it in wines and beers.”  I might have been gushing, but it’s useful and yummy and smells wonderful.

“Interesting.  It’s an import to Thedas.”  I stilled, looking at the clearing itself.  Anywhere but at him.  “You meant it when you showed me your sky.  I didn’t understand at the time.  I thought it was something you chose, and your home was your space in the fade.”

“And so you’ve learned something, now, that I told you months ago.  I told you that you’d made wrong assumptions at the time.”  My voice was just a touch chilly.

“So you did.  How did you get here?”

“I’m not going to count that as your question, Solas, but consider this a warning.  The next one that pries will count.”  He nodded.  “The truth is I don’t know.  It had something to do with the breach, but closing the breach didn’t send me back.  And now it’s too late to go back.”

“One more, that is not the question, and you needn’t answer.  Would you go back?”

“Now?  After four months here?  I wouldn’t fit there, even if I went back to the exact moment I left.  I can’t go back.”  He was at a loss for words.  He stood there for a moment, and then pulled me gently into his arms. 

“Dorian knows this.”  It wasn’t a question.

“I tell people, and they don’t believe it.  He believed everything I said, from the moment I told him bits about my home on our way to close the tear in the veil.  I think it’s one reason why he drinks.”

“And a reason he is so protective.  A change of subject, then, haselan’udh.”

“I still want to know what that is.”

“When the words you bite back slip, perhaps I’ll tell you.  The subject?”

“Changed.  To what?”

“It’s nearly dawn.”

“Again and yet again.”

“Yes.  I want to taste you in the fade.”

“There are so many ways to interpret that statement.”

“Interpret it how you wish, da’asha.”  His smile was wicked.

“You want your kiss.”

“Only willing.”

“You are too tall.”  I headbutted his chest, gently.

“That is one reason I call you da’asha.  But there are several remedies to the issue.”  He leaned down, hooked his arms around my thighs, and stood, hoisting me up.  “This one seems to cause the opposite problem.”  I had to place my hands on his shoulders just to steady myself.

“Get your face out of my chest, Solas.”  He tilted his head back, looking up.

“I could lay you down, but you are still too skittish for that.  So a chair or a couch?”

“Where are we?”

“It took you long enough to ask.”  A comfortable-looking overstuffed chair appeared.  Shit, we were in his space.  “And now I don’t need to answer.”  He sat down, draping me once again across his lap.  “Did you know that you tend stay in whatever nightclothing you choose to wear?  Except on the road, where you dress for the day.  I had hoped to see what you slept in then.”

He was right.  I was still in my nightgown.  I’ll have to remember next time.  “Shut up, Solas.”

He nuzzled my cheek.  “Make me.”  I captured his earlobe in my teeth.  “That is cheating.”

“I don’t recall ever being given rules of any kind.”  When I slid my lips along his neck, he made the most delicious grumbly noise.

“Something I might have…” he paused to breathe as I nipped his pulse.  “To rectify.”

I brought my face in front of his.  “Are you sure you want to do that?”  I nearly called him an endearment that would give the game away.  To cover it, I pressed my lips to his. 

He passively accepted the kiss, participating, but not deepening it.  I bit his bottom lip, enough to make him open his mouth, letting me in.  “All you had to do was ask,” he murmured against my mouth, and took over. 

A few minutes later, I was able to pull back enough to speak.  “You taste different here.”

“Hmm.  So do you.”

“What does it mean?”

“It just is.  Things are different.”  He went to capture my lips again, and I put two fingers against his mouth.

“Are you sure you want to steal your last kiss so soon?”

“Sneaky, making me talk to you.”  He clasped the hand and nibbled the tip of one finger.  “But you are correct.  It’s time, ma’nehn, to wake up.”

And I did.

I was up before Garalen, for a change.  On a hunch, I checked outside the door and found a tray with two cups of coffee and two breakfasts.  Sipping at one cup, I set the other one on the little night table next to her bed.  I know better than to be too close when she wakes, so I went back to the doorway to call her.  “I knew you were there when you opened the door, Chrissy.”

“Well, fine then.  Can I wear the forest dress today?  I really like it.”

“Sure.  I’ll be out in a minute.”

I ate, we got dressed, and headed down.  I was looking for Vivienne.  She was at the breakfast table reading a book, twirling her finger above the cup so her spoon would stir her tea.  “Madame de Fer?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Are you going to the University today?”

“I am.  I assume that you would like to come with me?”

“If it wouldn’t be too much trouble.  I need to learn about anatomy.”

“Anatomy?”

“Yes, ma’am.  I have a desire to learn everything I can about the structure of the body.  How can I heal it if I don’t understand it?”

“In most young mages, that would concern me, but it seems that you have a unique learning style, and a keen mind.  If the Inquisitor agrees, I shall take you for the morning.  We have plans for the afternoon and evening, my dear.”  Holy cow, compliments from the dragon lady?

Of course Sam agreed, and Vivienne took me off before just about anyone else was up.  The carriage was a few minutes away when she leaned over and started fussing.  “If you are going to be seen with me, we must fix your hair, dear.  And your neckline is slightly crooked.”  I couldn’t really argue with that, so I let her fuss.  It was very weird.  “I will get you in, Ethelathun.  I will make every attempt to do so without claiming you as a servant.  We’ll start by explaining the Inquisitor has adopted you as his sister.  Walk in a stately manner, do not rush.  Do not interrupt, and please refrain from unnecessary speech.  Look haughty.  The Hessarian guards will be helpful, as will your maidservant.”

The Hessarians have decent manners.  They handed Vivienne out of the carriage, and did the same to me.  She strode quickly forward, staff in hand.  I followed more sedately, as instructed.  By the time I got to her, the clerk at the door was practically bowing.  I heard something about a foreign dignitary related to the Inquisitor.  Then the man got a good look at me.  Ears and all.  I cover them for no one.  He turned colors.  “There may have…  I need to…” 

“Is there some problem?  I thought the University was overjoyed to meet the Ethelathun.”  Her voice could cut glass.  “Should I tell his worship that his beloved relative is not welcome?”  The poor man.  He stammered and stuttered, but eventually ushered us to the sign-in desk.  Vivienne signed us both in.  “Do forgive that little display,” she said when we were inside.  “I so dislike it when people cannot make up their minds.”

The library was huge.  Books for days.  She used what looked like a card catalogue to look up anatomy and led me over to the proper section.  “Don’t gawk like a tourist.  Image, my dear.”  I stayed silent.  Vivienne was acting very strangely.  She gestured at the stacks and watched me. Probably a test of some kind.  I went through and picked out some basic texts, skimming and putting back anything that spoke of humors.  Only diagrams, processes, and descriptions were useful to me.  “Why do you return these?” she asked, looking at the larger pile of crap.

“Because they are fallacious.  I won’t get what I need to know from them.”  I sat down with my small pile and started to look through the higher quality books.  Where was DaVinci when you needed him?  Most of the stuff I had left was crap, too, but looking through them made my brain remember a significant amount of biology 103 and 104 from college. 

I was going through the third book when Viv interrupted me.  “Did you know you argue with books aloud?”

I felt my face color.  “I apologize.”

“You shouldn’t do so in public, but I admit it’s fascinating.  Wherever did you learn such strange information?  You use unfamiliar terms.  Hormone, organ system, electrical signal, chemical signal.”

“I went to University where I came from.  I’m considered moderately educated, Madame de Fer.”

“I can see that.  What university, pray tell?”

“I am sure you’ve never heard of it.”

“Tevinter?”

“Virginian.”

“I see.  And the terms?”

“Hormones are chemicals produced by organs in the body.  Organ systems are collections of organs that work together, such as the kidneys and the bladder, or the brain and the spinal column.  Electrical signals are basically little lightning bolts, usually carrying messages from the brain.  Chemical signals are when an organ produces a substance which triggers another to do something.”

“You appear to speak with authority on this.”  She sounded skeptical.

“No.  I have only the very basics.  I had hoped to improve, because I’m leery about messing with body systems while possessing only limited knowledge.  However, I am not finding what I need.  There isn’t even a good diagram of the skin layers and connective tissues.  The bone structures are almost entirely fiction as well.”  Looking out the window showed me a sun high in the sky.  The morning was over, or near as made no difference.  “Madame de Fer, I seem to have distracted you from your purpose.  I’m sorry.”

“I spent an educational morning, my dear.  Shall we head to the café to meet the others?  Before the bureaucrat heading this way has a chance to bluster?”

“If that is what we are supposed to do, certainly.”  I gathered the pile I’d been reading into my arms.  When the red faced and portly man rushed up, I smiled at him and plopped the books in his arms.  In a sugary voice, I spoke.  “I do so wish to thank you for the opportunity to examine the books in your wonderful establishment.  It was quite fascinating to read the antiquated ideals made available in your _public_ medical texts.  It is so intelligent to keep the more updated books out of the hands of the common drabble.  We wouldn’t want to encourage _that_ element.  Far too dangerous for their minds, I’m sure.” 

I paused for a breath, and just as he opened his mouth, I smiled again and cut him off.  “I have to meet my brother for lunch, or I would speak with you about locating the treatises of Leonardo DaVinci.  Would be considered an Antivan?  Misfiled perhaps?  I couldn’t seem to find them.  Perhaps next time.  Good day, Ser.”  Poor guy was stammering as I turned and headed at a dignified pace toward the doors.

Vivienne kept even with me.  As we settled into the carriage, Gara started giggling.  “Did you see the look on that stuffed shirt’s face?”

“Indeed, my dear.  You will have him scouring Orlais for the updated texts you mentioned.”  She was eyeing me carefully.  “You managed to compliment him on the library while indicating it was deficient.  Who is this DaVinci?”

“An alchemist, inventor, painter, and scholar.  He was an esteemed authority on many subjects.”

“He was Antivan?”

“No.”

“You will have him searching Antiva for the works of this person.”

“He was coming to complain at my presence and kick me out.”

“I begin to see why Dorian likes you.”

She was silent on the ride, but she kept turning to look at me.  Nothing so rude as a stare, but she looked at me strangely.

We met up at the café again.  Cheesecake.  I am having cheesecake for lunch forever.  Inquisibabe is a smart guy.  Or someone is.  No sooner had I sat down than a chocolate drizzled cheesecake with fresh chocolate-dipped strawberries appeared in front of me.  I let Gara have a taste.  And she paused, the spoon still in her mouth. “By the creators,” she breathed around the bite.  A Dalish exclamation?  “Who do I have to kill to get a slice of this?”

Varric chuckled.  “I think someone better feed the women before they get mean.”  I glared at him.  “Ooops, too late.”

“You’re just lucky I’m too busy right now, Storyteller.”  A second slice showed up in front of Gara, along with all the rest of the ladies.  A single bite, and they all crowded down at my end of the table.  We were groaning over our desserts when I told them that chocolate stimulated the same portions of the brain as falling in love.  The guys had given up paying attention to us, but Solas turned his head at that.  He went back to ignoring us quickly, though.  The ladies thought that was interesting, and Vivienne commented that I knew the oddest things.  Sounding skeptical, but still.

After lunch was a trip to the shops again.  We needed travel gear for several more.  I just hung about.  Varric accosted me outside a shop.  “Was that true?”

“What?”

“That stuff about chocolate.”

“Yeah, why?”

“That explains a lot.”

“If a woman’s ever mad at you, try to hug her.  If she tries to bite you, retreat to a safe distance and provide chocolate.”

“Where’d you hear that?”

“I don’t know.  Probably read it on a shirt.  Another good one?”

“Sure.”

“Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.”  He laughed.  “I’m allergic to stupidity.  I break out in sarcasm.”  That got a guffaw.

“Where did you get these?”

“People write them on shirts and wear them pretending to be original.”

“That’s probably the strangest thing I’ve heard you say.”

“Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s just odd, that’s all.”

The afternoon passed.  Varric, Cole, and Cassandra went back to the Villa.  Sam, Josie, Viv, Dorian, Solas, and I were left behind.  Oddly, Varric had handed me my mask before he left.  So I’d “fit in”.  Bzuh?  He wouldn’t tell me, just smiled that half-smile he’s got.  It was moving on to dark, and no one was making any move to leave. 

Gara and I looked at each other.  I sidled up to Dorian.  “I’m supposed to be back at the Villa at sundown.”

“Not today.  We have a treat planned.”

“A treat?”

“A night at the opera, dove.  Solas suggested it.”

“Did he now?”  That rat.

“Is there something I should know, my dear?”

“No.  I had made a bargain with him which was circumvented by my not being in Val Royeaux at night.  Sneaky man.”

“You two are quite the pair.”

“We’re not a pair.”

“So you say.  But it’s adorable, nonetheless.”

“So when you kiss The Iron Bull, do you think he’ll like it if you stroke his horns?”  He turned red.

“I don’t kiss him.”

“Oh?  How sad.  He seems to like you.”

“That is not nearly as much fun from the other side.  Wait, you mean Solas arranged this just to acquire a kiss?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you aren’t refuting it, either.  Priceless, my dove.  I think you may have met a man you can’t outmaneuver.”

“I outmaneuver him regularly.”

“And he still managed to do this.”

“Hush, Dorian.”  He fell quiet, but he was still smiling that amused little smile every time he glanced at me.

“Don’t look so glum, dove.  It’s just a kiss.  You might like it.  Wait, is Solas the one you were kissing the other morning?”  I could feel the heat on my cheeks.  He chortled with glee.  “So it’s not the first kiss, which is why you worry.”

“There are considerations, Dorian.  Things I know, that make this much more difficult.”

“Things like knowing about the Avvar in the swamp?”  I nodded.  “I see.  That does put a different complexion on things, doesn’t it?  It’s still just a kiss, though, darling, you give them out all the time.”

“Not these kisses.”  He smiled.

“Like that, is it?  I wonder if it’s just that he’s getting around you.”  I shook my head in exasperation, and he dropped it.

We visited a garden for the last gasp of the afternoon, where we could see the sea.  Sam and Josie strolled, holding hands.  They are so cute.  I leaned on the railing, watching the sun set.  Solas leaned next to me.  I looked sideways at him.  “When did you plan this?”

“Our first night here, I suggested that you would probably love to see the opera.  I didn’t even cheat.  Lady Montilyet also loves the opera, so therefore the plans were made.”

“You are very sneaky.”

“I told you I had three kisses.”

“And fool me corrected you.”

“The sun will set soon, ma’haselan.  And we will be in Val Royeaux.”  He tucked an errant strand behind my ear, using the opportunity to run his finger along the tip.  I shivered, and he showed a hint of a smile.

“After this, you will have only one kiss left,” I retorted tartly.

“Be warned.  I intend for that kiss to be public.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then it will be lengthy.  Choose, da’asha.  A whole half hour I claim for restricting the kiss.”

“Five minutes.”

“An hour.”

“An hour!”

“Hush, asha.  You’ll attract attention.”

“You are negotiating in the wrong direction.”

“Am I?”

“Nobody can just kiss for an hour.”

“Is that a challenge?”  He raised a brow.

I was not engaging.  “Define public.”

“In front of your stableboy.”

“No, Solas.  I won’t allow you to hurt him.”  He sobered at my words.  I’d used “no”.

“Ir abelas.  I forgot he was one of yours.  Fifteen minutes, then, at a minimum, and public in front of the boy is off the table.  Public, however, is not.”

“Fifteen minutes.  And that’s ALL.”

“Fifteen minutes, and then you may stop it.  If you remember to stop.  Now I just have to wait for the right time.”

“I am never negotiating with kisses again.”

“We shall see.  I like it.  Look, ma’sulahn'nehn.  The sun is below the sea.”

“I have the whole of the night, mor’ishan, until the sun rises.  You’ve been calling me this new thing.  What does it mean?”

“It could mean many things.  Depending on mood and tone.  The Inquisitor is calling us.  Why is Dorian looking at us and smirking?”

“I told him why you did this.  To my chagrin, he approves.”

My only response was another smile, this one predatory.  He wrapped my hand around his arm, and led me to where Sam was waiting.  We loaded up in the carriage and arrived at the opera house.  There were enough of us that the person checking us in couldn’t say much about the composition of the party.  We were led to a box near the stage.  We piled in, and Dorian set himself next to Vivienne.  Sam put me in front with Josie.

The opera was lovely.  Done fully in French. Orlesian.  Whatever.  Not in trade tongue.  English.  Anyway.  It was lovely.  A moving tale of love gained, lost, and found again.  About halfway through the first act, Josie and I were holding hands, because it was so beautiful and exciting and that’s what people do sometimes, and that steadiness is needed.  Sam extricated Josie’s hand and claimed it.  Aww.

During the first intermission, we stayed in the box.  The others left to do things, and Solas scooted my chair back out of sight.  He was still behind me, and hands gently kneaded my shoulders.  Damn.  He’s really touchy when no one can see.  He took the opportunity to trace the neckline of the dress, along the back.  Across my shoulders, warm hands.  When lips touched the nape of my neck, I stood.  Luckily, Vivienne returned at that point.  I returned my chair to where it was, and didn’t look at him.

For the second intermission,  I escaped to the ladies’ room.  When I came out, I must have been turned around.  Too many people, and I was too short to see what was going on.  An arm snaked around my waist, a hand gripped my arm hard enough to bruise.  “What have we here?  Pretty little rabbit playing at being a human?” 

“Let go of me.”  Used my words.  Loud enough for others to see and hear, but they ignored me.

“Now why would I want to do that?”  The asshole sniffed me.  I don’t even let Solas do that.

“Let go of me!”  I clawed at his arm and hand and managed to get free for a moment.  He grabbed my hair and dragged me back.

He pulled me up to my tiptoes by the back of the head and grasped my throat.  I let go of my aura shield.  “I don’t think you know who you’re talking to.  I’d suggest you be a little bit nicer.  Perhaps you just don’t recognize me without the armor.”

“Chevalier,” I managed to get out through the squeezing

“Oh, darling, you and I are going to have SUCH FUN.”

He didn’t hesitate, pulling me back through a door.   Garalen would be here soon.  I hoped.  I was starting to see stars.  I was struggling, and he pulled me against him.  “Oh, yes.”  He practically purred it.

I reached behind me and dug my thumb into the space between his jaw and his ear.  That surprised him, but not enough to let me go.  Bad angle?  He had control of my head, which put me at a severe disadvantage.  “You shouldn’t have done that.  I was going to make it fun.”  I couldn’t think to call fire.  The only thing I knew was barriers.  So I encompassed him in one.  I felt the glowy stuff of his being and PULLED.  I used it to help me weave something tight around him.  Tight enough there was no movement. His hands were out, but that was okay. 

He released me, and I backed up against the wall.  The threads holding him tight were dissipating, but he fell to the ground and was moving feebly anyway.  I was about to cover him in a confinement again when Gara stepped in front of me, blocking my view.  Dorian, Sam, and Solas were hot on her heels.

The man on the floor started getting up, and I panicked and pulled on his energy again, wrapping him with it.  He fell back to the ground, unable to move.  Dorian pulled me into his arms.  “I just can’t take you anywhere, can I.”  I buried my face in his chest, and heard a sickening pop.

Sam said, “Was that necessary?”

“Yes,” came from two elven throats.  A baritone and an alto.  Now that the danger was over, of course I started to shake.  I wasn’t even all that scared.  Hadn’t had time to be scared, really.  Just angry.

“I don’t think I like Orlais anymore.  Can I go home now?”  My voice was mostly steady.

Dorian’s voice rumbled my cheek.  “Festis bei umo canavarum.”  I knew what that meant.  He was saying I’d be the death of him.

“Will not,” I mumbled.

“Apparently not for lack of trying.  Inquisitor, I’ll take her back to the villa.”

Solas responded.  “I’ll take her.”

I looked out.  There was a man-shaped lump on the floor under a curtain.  Sam sighed.  “You can both take her back.  I have to stay here and be seen.”

Garalen said she’d take care of the meat.  That made me smile, even as I continued to frikkin’ shake.  My meat suit concept was catching on.  “I’m sorry I was a bother, Sam.”

“You should not have been alone, Chrissy.”

“I had a Hessarian with me.  He wasn’t outside the restroom when I came out.”  That made Sam grim.  “I don’t know where he went, and he never told me his name.  I don’t have a connection to find him.”

“I’ll find him.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything.”

Solas walked over, examining my neck.  He did not look pleased.  “Let’s get her back, Dorian.  I need to see to the bruising.  You did well, under the circumstances, da’asha.  Mana Drain works better on mages, however.  Weakness and paralysis.”  He picked me up.  “Even under duress you try not to hurt people.  Most magelings would have used fire.”

“I couldn’t remember how.”

There were carriages for hire outside.  We got some looks as Dorian hailed one.  Solas handed me up to Dorian, and then joined us.  “I can walk.”

“Your teeth are emulating Rivaini castanets, Dove.  Let us help.”

The ride back was nearly silent.  Both men were angry.  I just hoped they weren’t angry at me.  “I came right out of the bathroom and the Hessarian wasn’t there.  I was looking around when that Chevalier grabbed me.  I hadn’t walked anywhere or anything.  I was right outside the bathroom.”

“We are not mad at you.  You did nothing wrong.”  Men are weird.  The guys got angrier as we got further from the incident.  You’d think it’d be the opposite. 

The shaking had subsided by the time we got to the Villa.  Dorian still handed me down to Solas.  “I do not need to be carried.”

“Perhaps I need to carry you.”  That shut me up.  He took me straight up to my room.  “Can you undress or do you need help?  I need to see any damage.”

“My arm might be bruised, my scalp hurts, and my neck is sore.  My throat is fine.”

“I will be back in a moment.  Change.”

Dorian just barged in while I was trying to get the back undone.  “I’m not all that familiar with women’s clothing, but let me help.”  For someone not familiar with it, he got it done quickly.  I changed into my nightgown.  “You have half an hour with your beau.  Then I’m coming back, and I will be sleeping here tonight.”  There was no give in his voice.

Solas came in as Dorian left.  He sat down on the bed.  “It should have been a nice evening.”

“It was, mostly.”

“Mostly was not the result I wanted.”

“Everyone’s fine, mor’ishan.”

“I like my language on your lips, da’asha.”  Cooling blue skated across my skin as he ran his fingers over it.  “Dorian says I have half an hour before he comes in.”

“Would you like a kiss?”

He stood, picking me up from where I stood in front of him.  “Always.”

Our heads were even, so I just leaned forward, brushing his lips lightly.  “I’m sorry I ruined your evening.” 

He put his forehead on mine.  “Everyone is safe.  That is what matters.”

“Careful there, or I’ll start to think you’re outgrowing misanthropy.”  That made him chuckle.  He just held me until the door opened. 

“And here I’d hoped to interrupt something interesting.  How disappointing, on several levels.”  He smiled as he said it.  Solas left.  Dorian climbed into bed.  I sat down to write, and am joining him in a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chrissy is using Origins-style magic here. Mana drain, one of the first selections in the spirit tree, and weakness and paralysis, the first and second level of one branch of the Entropy tree.


	75. Day 18, 15 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pants, a subdued hug day, giving the Storyteller a Story.

### Road Trip, Day 18, 15 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

I didn’t sleep well.  Understatement.  Apparently I flailed in my sleep and accidently kicked Dorian onto the floor.  Never did that before.  I thought he’d be upset, but he was worried.  He wouldn’t tell me why, saying that when I figured it out, he wouldn’t be worried any more.  He just wrapped his arms around me and laid down again.  Apparently I’m not getting up.  “You’re not getting up.  You need to rest.”  Freaky that he’d say that.

It wasn’t but a minute later when I realized I’d fucked up.  I formed my aura shield again.  Running my metaphorical fingers over my threads, I made an effort to soothe them.  They were agitated.  The entirety of my original Ethelathe was unhappy.  Gethon was, to my shock, not that far away.  Two days.  Maybe.  Dorian was just as agitated as the rest of them.  Garalen, whom I’d assumed was asleep, was not.  She was outside my door.  I sent what peace I could muster along the threads, and they stilled, until only the people nearby were still agitated.  Danger followed by reassurance.

“That’s better, Dove.  But you’re not fooling anyone.”

“I’m fooling them.  If only because they’re far enough away.”

“Not us.”

“I want to get up.”

“You want to hide again.  No.”

“No?”  Something in my tone must have alerted him, because he stilled.

“Chrissy.” There was hurt in his tone.

“I’m sorry.  It’s a mood.”

“This is an odd mood, darling.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before.  It felt like you wanted to bite someone and hide away, all at the same time.  Scared and angry and ashamed.”

“I couldn’t even call fire, Dorian.  What good am I if all I am is a liability?  I can’t do something that most mages can do without thought.  I do not want to be a burden.  Not on Sam, not on you, not on Ethelathe.  And tonight, I was.  I’m incompetent, and now everyone knows it.”

“That’s not quite how I remember it.  There was suddenly panic and anger, and real fear, where before there’d been quiet.  I followed it to you.  Beaten by Garalen, I must say.  That woman moves far faster than I expected.  I’d expected a fight, you know.  Right there in the opera house.”

“At least we didn’t have that.  How horribly embarrassing that would have been.”

“Imagine my surprise when the only thing left when we got there was minor housekeeping.”

“Housekeeping?”

“You were against the wall, bruised, true.  But he was on the floor, barely able to move.  Your bodyguard merely had to take out the garbage.  She didn’t even get blood on the carpet.  I was quite impressed.  It was a lovely carpet.”

“I don’t remember the carpet.”

“I think you were in a bit of a state, dove.  I’ve never known you to be afraid before.  Not even the smallest amount.”

“They heard me, and they ignored me.”

“Who?”

“Orlesian trash.”

“I’m ashamed to admit you likely would have been ignored in Tevinter as well.  It would have been considered a private matter.  One doesn’t intrude in such things, you know.”

“If I didn’t know so many nice humans, I would be getting a very bad view of the human race of Thedas, love.”

“Positively scum, they are.  Humans.  Terrible beasties.”  I rested my head on his chest, but he’d gotten me to smile. 

He settled back into sleep, and I slipped out of his grasp.  I wanted dressed.  Pants.  None of this dress stuff.  I wanted pants today.  I peered at the chest, looking at it for the first time, really, and discovered a design flaw.  The hinges were pinned, but the pins were on the outside. Like door hinges, but smaller.  I may not be able to get the lock undone, but who needs to? 

I crafted something like my hairsticks, and pushed the pins right out, carefully.  That made the lock basically useless.  It dangled freely from the metal hoop it was looped around while I rummaged.  Turquoise tunic, white leggings, leather vest.  I needed that extra layer today.  And boots. Just in case.  I put the lid back on and eased the pins in.  With luck, it’ll take a bit for Gara to realize just what I did.

I opened the door.  She was standing right next to it, leaning on the wall.  “Want to walk, Gara?”

Her eyes widened, then narrowed, as she took in my attire.  Looking in the room, the chest was pretty much just as she left it.  “Inside the house only, Ethelathun.  You’ve had a shock.”  She looked at the chest again.  “I would have gotten you clothing.”

“You would have dressed me in a dress.”

“Not today.  You’d have hurt me.”  I guess she knows me pretty well.

“Would not.”

“You’d think about it.”

“True.”  We walked the halls.  I paced around and around the atrium until Gara said I was making her dizzy.  She settled on a bench and watched.  “So were you raised dalish, Gara?”

“Only for a…  Wait, how’d you know?”

“Cheesecake.  I’m ready to go home, Gara.  I’m tired of road tripping.  I want my cat, I want my friends, and I want my paperwork.”

“We’ll be leaving today or tomorrow, my lady.”

“Don’t do that.”

“It is my choice.”  I looked at her.  She was grim.  “I failed you, and I’m sorry, Ethelathun.”

“Never.”

“I let that human guard you, and he failed.  He will live to regret that, if he lives.  When I find him.  He was warned.”  I didn’t say anything.  I had no idea of the circumstances, and if he’d betrayed Sam, then I had no say in the matter.  She eyed me.  “You’re not arguing for him.”

“I may still do so.  I need information.”

I resumed pacing, and the sun rose.  I went down to the kitchens and accosted a cook’s assistant for coffee and porridge.  She was flustered, but gave it to me.  I had been playing by Sam’s rules.  Vivienne’s.  Dorian’s.  Even Leorah’s.  Now I was going to play by mine again.  And I like kitchens.  And pants. 

I ate and went back to the music room.  Varric, and Bianca, came in from outside.  He must have had watch.  He looked at me.  “Don’t think you’re getting out of hug day, Cuddles.”

I’d forgotten.  “I wouldn’t dream of it, Storyteller.”  I went to him and wrapped my arms around him.

“Care to tell me why you were upset last night?”

“I’d really rather not discuss it.”

“Something about a chevalier.  Again.”

“Varric.”

“Alright, alright.  But I need some sort of story.”

I fixed him with my gaze.  I’d promised him a story.  Several, but this one for now.  I grasped his hand and led him into my conservatory.  I left him in the center, releasing his hand.  Holding his eyes, I waited until he was just about to fidget, then released the tale. 

“Once upon a time, Lord Varric Tethras, Son of Galen, Child of the Stone, there was a beautiful woman.  She was a princess of the land and the sea and the air.  Those that did cures by herbs claimed she had power over the body.  Those that sang or chanted claimed she would gift them with poetry and song, inspiration divine and precious.  Light and breath was she, and magic and moon.  A Queen of the Fae, she was, and they called her the Leanan Sidhe.  The Sweetheart of the Sidhe, gentle and kind, she knew nothing of war or hate.  Still, it was no safe thing to offend her, because her vengeance was swift and sure. 

“A king laid eyes upon her, and his heart filled with lust.  He sought her hand, and was refused.  Twice and thrice she refused him, for he had no love in his heart.  Angered and determined, he laid in wait for the people of the faerie mound to emerge for their sacred celebration, and wounded her father unto death.  The people ran back to the Sidhe, to the safety of Underhill, but the unworthy king caught her whom he’d begun the battle to steal.

“Without permission, he possessed her, but she struggled mightily.  Setting her teeth, she ripped his ear, severing it from his body.  Ever after, he was unfit to rule, for only one sound of mind and body could claim the throne.  Full of wrath, she cursed him further for the violation of her person. Never again bore he sons, nor daughters, and with him died his line.  And with this, she acquired a new name, one of many.  Kingmaker.

“This tale I share that you will also know.  Do not offend the Queen of the Fae, for her vengeance is timely and conforms to deeds and misdeeds.  To each is given its reward or its punishment, as is right and proper.”  I looked away.  “Is that story enough, Storyteller?”

“Damn, Cuddles.” He breathed like there’d been too little air.

“Forgive me.  I’m in a mood.”

“So I see.  Was that a reward or a punishment?” 

“You wanted a story.  I gave you one.”

“Be careful what you wish for.  You may get it.”

“Indeed.”

“Come here.”  I did, and he hugged me.  “That was not creepy.  I don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t creepy.  Much.”  That got me to laugh, which eased something in him.

Hug day was a thing.  Especially since there was the incident last night.  Cole, Dorian, Sam, Josie, and Cass all got multiple hugs.  Sam located his man, and they bought him out of his prison cell.  He’d been hurt, knocked out and carried off, because they considered him ‘suspicious’ for wearing a sword.  Garalen didn’t forgive him, but she didn’t kill him, either.

Of all the people to hover today, it was Cole that got the most annoying.  Hugs every hour or so.  But he wouldn’t talk about what was bothering him.  Except to say it wasn’t me.  It wasn’t until afternoon that I realized I hadn’t seen Solas all day. 

I went up to knock on his door.  I waited longer this time.  Should have waited just a bit more.  I was just about to take the step back, foot actually in the air, when he opened his door.  He took in my appearance quickly, then stepped back, opening the door wider.  “Come in, da’asha.  If you wish.”  His face was smooth.

Odd phrasing.  “I wasn’t trying to intrude. I apologize for interrupting you.”  I turned, and he made a noise.  “Solas?”

“Please.  Come in.  Forgive me.”  I still hesitated, so he threaded his fingers in mine and gently tugged.  I went in.  “You wanted something.”

“I came to offer you a hug.  It’s hug day, after all.”

“You want to hug me?”

“Is there some reason that I shouldn’t?  Bathe in druffalo dung this morning in some esoteric apostate ritual?”  His lips quirked.  Then he pulled me to him, firmly.

“I could have lost you because I was too slow.”

“You did not, mor’ishan.  I am here.”  I hugged him tightly

“I will not put you in danger again.  I sought to circumvent circumstance.  The inquisitor had warned me, but I didn’t listen.”

“So that’s it.  Hair shirt and flagellation?”

“Excuse me?”

“Or are you personally responsible for the actions of all assholes now that you are slowly learning  to not be one?”  Poor guy looked confused.  Love actual expressions on his face.  “You are not responsible for the misdeeds of others.  Only your own.  You have enough without claiming the misbehavior of others as well.”

“Enough misdeeds?”

“Yes.”

“You say odd things.”

“You’ve told me that before.”

“Why is it the more I understand you, the more puzzling you become?”

“I think it’s the nature of women, Solas.”  I pulled back.  “Do I have to negotiate for kisses?”

“Negotiate?  Would it be fair for one person to be able to kiss freely, and the other constrained?”

“Ah.  Too bad.”

“I didn’t say yes.”

“I wouldn’t want to be unfair.  Enjoy your day, Solas.”  I started to pull away, but he pulled me back.

“Ma’haselan, you may ask for as many kisses as you desire.” 

“I suppose one can always ask.  Come here, mor’ishan, and set your lips to mine for a brief moment.”

“How brief?”

“I seek reassurance, not passion.”

He kissed my temple.  “I can do that.”  He dipped his head and brushed his lips on mine.  Gently, soothing.  Briefly.

“They found the Hessarian.”

“Oh?  Does he yet live?”  Not a nice tone.

“Be kind, Solas.  He is hurt.  Not seriously, but he was unconscious for most of the night.  Arrested while knocked out on suspicion alone, for carrying a sword.”

“I see.”

“I think you do, this time.”  I left him alone.  The rest of the day passed quietly.  I had no interest in visiting the shops and cafes today.  Dorian insisted on spending the evening with me again, over my arguments about Marcus. 

“Marcus is an interlude, my dove.  It would be churlish of me to prefer an interlude to the symphony that is us.  Besides, I enjoy rubbing the fact that I share your bed in your suitor’s face.”  That made me smile.

“He’s not a suitor.”

“Of course not.”

We went to bed early.


	76. Day 19, 16 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's making plans I don't like, Dorian's skittish around the Bull, saying no to Gethon, saying maybe to Solas, and planning a nighttime trek.

### Road Trip, Day 19, 16 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

I was flabbergasted last night.  In my room, an entire wall was transformed.  A tree, in perfect color, with a small figure at the bottom, golden lines from her hands and head to the tree and back.  It was of a piece with the wall, not paint laid upon it.  My flowers were now two kinds.  Queen Asha’s lace and meadowsweet.  Sometimes he’s an ass, but then he does something like this.  It makes things harder, somehow.  What’s going to happen when he knows what I know?  The conversation was coming.  Sooner rather than later.  Maybe a week away, if that.

I wandered about and found several small changes.  Someone’d lured wisps to the conservatory.  There were what looked like ornamental pear trees in the atrium.  It still felt unloved, except for the conservatory, oddly, but it looked better.  I played with the wisps in the conservatory for most of the night.  A hint of laughter, a sly smile, an annoyed breath.  A single flash of unease.  Several worries.  A burble or two of joy and a bunch of quiet content.  I think I liked the quiet content best.  It was how music made me feel here.  Maybe it came from me.

I woke to the sun in my face.  Yay windows.  Not.  Much prefer the coffee approach.  It took me a minute to realize that sun-in-face waking meant I’d slept in.  Damn it.  Dorian was already gone, and I was alone in the room.  I climbed out of bed, and when I actually looked about, I found ALL my clothing laid out, in outfits.  Seven dresses, two pants outfits.  I love Garalen. There weren’t any plans for today that I was aware of.  I chose a plainer working dress, just to surprise her.  I didn’t even know there’d been such a thing packed.

I went down to the dining room and found everyone around the table, with maps all over it.  They were planning routes.  To Skyhold and back to the Dales.  Inquisibutt was going to drop us off and take a single day off, then run off to the Dales with people.  Until Cassandra started arguing that we should just go home through the dales.  I didn’t want them do that with us in tow.  “I’ll take the girls back, then.  You head for the Dales.”

It was the first they’d realized I was in the room.  And I got a resounding “No” from numerous throats.  I’m not entirely sure which ones.  They estimated that it would only take an extra week to ten days to include the Dales in the trip.  Shit.  And they’re right in their arguments.  I can’t defend those girls on the way back, and it would split resources.  As well, it would waste time in some of their minds to make the trip twice.  We non-combatants would be safe in the scout encampments. 

I knew that they’d not be able to complete the Dales in one trip.  Too much construction to be done.  But they weren’t going to believe me.  If I tried to make the argument, it would push them to do the first trip now.  Damn it.  Dorian was arguing for one order, Varric for another.  Vivienne thought it would be a better idea to make two trips out of it.

Solas was quiet.  And then I realized.  Shit.  Solas.  And the Dales.  How much did he like Sam?  Where was his approval at?  Would his dream about Wisdom only happen in Tarasyl'an Te'las?  Had it already happened?  I left.  Mainly because I was troubled and had to think.  Should I say anything?  How much?  I went back to circling the atrium.

Garalen followed me.  “You’re looking agitated again.”

“I am.  It’s like Haven.  I know something.  But do I share?  It could cost me, either way.  Maybe a lot.”

She shrugged.  “Only you can decide that.”

“Thanks,” I replied sardonically.

It wasn’t much longer before there was a large amount of noise in the courtyard.  The poor harried caretaker was upset at the top of her lungs.  All these PEOPLE!  I looked out the windows and saw horses.  A nuggalope, and DRUMMER as well as another hart.  I’d missed Drummer.  And people, too.  Bull was here, as was Sera and Blackwall.  All the inner circle gathered together.  Gethon!  And Gunther.  At least ten soldier types.  And a group of Hessarians.  Seven of them.  I stayed where I was, watching the chaos.  It wouldn’t help to be seen right now.

Seeing Geth again made my decision for me.  He didn’t make my heart flutter.  I was happy to see him, but not the right kind of happy.  Even should everything with Solas be destroyed when I spoke to him, I didn’t feel the way I should for Gethon. 

It got even more chaotic when everyone piled out to meet and greet.  Back slapping, handshaking, a hug between Sera and Cassandra?  That’s interesting.  The mounts were settled into the courtyard and stables rather quickly.  The Iron Bull was the only one who noticed me watching.  He turned his head to the window I was sitting in, and crooked his finger at me.  Which of course showed everyone where I was.  Butthead.

I made my way down to see everyone, hugging Sera and Bull, then Gunther, who held tight for a long moment, tingling cold.  “That extra’s from Andrew and the rest.  Where’s Garalen? I have one for her, too.”  I pointed to the doorway, and he was off. 

Drummer pulled away from the group in the grass and headbutted me, nearly knocking me down.  “I missed you, too, buddy.”  I turned my attention to getting him brushed and settled.  Everything else, the more complicated stuff, could wait.

I was nearly done when Geth approached.  He reached out and grasped my hand. A moment later he sighed.  “You’re worried about seeing me, not excited/surprised.  I admit I had hoped.  It’s okay.  At least you are HAPPY to see me.”  I opened my SELF just a bit, and I could feel that he wasn’t heartbroken, just disappointed. 

“I’m sorry Gethon.”  I reached up and hugged him tightly.

“You’re still my Ethelathun. That’s enough for me.”

“Do you want a kiss goodbye, Geth?”

“A first and last kiss?”  He gave it real thought.  “I think that I’d rather not know what I’m missing, Chrissy.  I really think that.  But if you should ever change your mind…”  He hugged me hard, quickly, and then wandered off to tend the other mounts.

When I left the stables, Solas was waiting for me.  He searched my face, and then said, “a word.”  In the same tone as in the game.  And strode towards the house.  Arrogant ass.  I don’t take that from anyone.  I was pissed off when my inkies took it in game.  I yanked his thread.  Hard.  Almost enough to tear.  He stopped not five feet away and turned, naked shock on his face.

“If you wish to speak to me, I’m going to be in the conservatory later.  Perhaps by then you will have regained your manners.”  His face smoothed, and after a brief moment he inclined his head.

Varric came up behind me.  “What’d you do to Chuckles?” he asked after Solas had strode off again. 

“Reminded him that I’m not his to command.  He forgets his place with me.”

“What is his place with you?”

“We’re working that out, but it isn’t me jumping to his commands.  It never will be, either.”

“Watch out, Cuddles, or you might find yourself with a devoted swain.  Then what would you do?”

“Why Storyteller, I never knew!  Does Cassandra know of her competition?”

“That’s… Not what I meant, Cuddles.  And you know it.”

“If you discuss my love life, I will discuss yours.  At least I didn’t bring deeper things up.”

“A fair point.  My lips are sealed.”

Dorian walked up.  “Dove, can I share your room?  They need somewhere to put everyone for the night, and the ghastly caretaker has taken the vapors and retired to recover.”

“Seriously?  I thought that went... Never mind.  I guess this is Orlais.  One should expect vapors.  You are welcome in my bed, Dorian.”  I raised my voice.  “Josie!  Dorian’s room is free.  Why don’t you put the Iron Bull in his bed?”  Dorian colored.  “Oh ho.” I chortled.

“I have no idea what you find so humorous.”

“Why don’t you go gather your things?  I may be chatting in private, taking a walk, or taking a nap soon.  Please don’t look for me until we go to fetch the girls.”

“Will I disturb your nap when I put them in our room?”

“It’s unlikely.”

“Very well, Dove, I shall see you later.”

I stopped in the kitchens and snagged food for two.  Lunch time was imminent.  Carrying it up to the conservatory, I found Solas standing, staring at the gardens out the window.  “I brought lunch.”

He turned.  “Thank you.”  We ate in silence.

“You want to talk in private, but you also want to suggest the fade.  You’re concerned about how I’ll react.”

“Yes.”

“I’ve already told Dorian I may be taking a nap.”

“You have?”

“I have some things to discuss with you, as well, and the fade is a better place for it.  It’ll make any repercussions easier.”

“Repercussions?”

“You wish to discuss it here?”

“No.  But I do wish to apologize for my abruptness outside the stable.”

“You backslide sometimes, but we’re working on it.”

“A little harder and you may have frayed the connection.”  I remained silent.  “You knew that.  You knew just how hard to pull.”  He went back to his native tongue.  He was probably cursing.  He noticed my lack of comprehension and slipped back to trade.  “It was a warning.  You warned me, quickly, effectively, silently.”

“Precisely.  Do not speak to me like that.  I am not someone you may order.  Do you wish to conduct the rest of this conversation in private?”

“I do.  Come to my rooms, da’asha.  Lay next to me, in my bed.  I will not do anything; even should you request it.  It makes finding someone in the fade easier.”  It was a fair request, I suppose.

“I will exchange your last negotiated kiss for that.”

He pondered my words for a long moment.  “There will be no more negotiated kisses.  This is what you tell me.”

“I do.  Something so important shouldn’t be bargained with, except in the very short term.  Besides, after we talk, things may change.”  I didn’t mention that I might not wake up.

“The sweet before the medicine?”

“No, Solas.  Do you accept?”

The wheels turned in his mind.  Then he held out his hand for mine.  I gave it to him, and he tucked it into the crook of his arm.  “I do.  Come dream with me.”

Before he could walk, though, I caught his eye.  “Are you sure?”  He nodded gravely and started out the doors.  He let me into his room and shut the door behind us.  We hadn’t seen anyone on the way.

Inside his room, he released me.  He went to sit on his bed, and I sat on the other side.  He put his hand on my shoulder.  “You are safe from me.”  I must have looked nervous, though I wasn’t.  He gently pushed/pulled me into a horizontal position.  On his side, he traced one cheek.  “I won’t hurt you, Chrysopal.  Sleep now, ma’haselan’udh.”  He slipped an arm under my shoulders.  Laying back, he guided my head to his chest.  The only place I could put my hand was next to my head.  So I did, and he briefly put his hand on mine.  “This is all the touching I will do.  Sleep.”  He lifted his hand and ran a finger over my forehead, and I did.

I “woke” in the fade, still in his arms.  I went to get up, and he gently pulled me back down with a “please, Chrissy.  Just for a moment.”

After a few heartbeats, I asked, “Do you want to go first?”

“You offered him a kiss.  Twice now you have offered him a kiss.  I must request, cajole, bargain.  I have nearly had to beg, and he gets offers and refuses them.”

“This angers you.”

“It does.”

“Why, Solas?”  Everything stilled.  We must be in his space.  Even the slight breeze from the open window had stopped.

“You ask the strangest things.  He rejects you.  I am pleased by that.  I have no desire to see you kissed by him.  I want you to myself.  That you would offer what I want to another galls me.”

“And who ended up with kisses?  The one I offered them to, or the one who asks and bargains, and is willing to be asked for them?”

There was a long wait for his reply.  I had just about decided he’d really fallen asleep in the fade, when he responded.  “And the one who stole one was admonished to be grateful you didn’t vomit.  Although as I recall, you never did ask me for a kiss.”

“Just so.”  I smiled against his chest.  “And no, I didn’t.  But I got one anyway.”

“I am assuaged.  You do that so easily.  But do not offer the kisses I desire to others unless and until you refuse me.”  I sat up. 

“Agreed, mor’ishan.”  One more time, just in case.

“Your turn?”

“It is.  And this will be easier standing.”

“Do not turn your back to me, please.  It feels like you are trying to make things easier again.”  He was still apparently relaxed on the bed.

“Perhaps easier for me.”

“Tell me.”

“I’m just trying to help.  Truly.”  I took a deep breath.  “You have friends.  Here, in the fade.”

That was not what he’d expected me to say.  He sat up.  “You know that.”  His voice was flat.

“That’s not what this is about.  This is about someone dear to you.  I can’t keep silent, and the cost is potentially very high on this one.”

“Who?”

“When was the last time you spoke with Wisdom?”  He looked startled before his face relaxed.

“Just this morning.”

I was unaccountably relieved.  “So it’s okay.  You have to warn it.  There is a group of mages that are scared.  They don’t care who or what they summon.  They just want something to protect them.  I don’t know if they access it directly somehow or if it’s just a location thing.  It happens in the Exalted Plains.  The Dales. I had to say something when you all were discussing a trip there.  I can’t just not try to help.  And I don’t know if I’m making it worse by telling you.  What if my words make it move to where it is captured?”

“You think I will be upset with you for trying to help my friend, even if the attempt fails?”

“No.”

It took him a moment.  He stood, and I held my ground.  “You think I would hurt you for knowing?”  He said it calmly.

“I don’t know.  You are ruthless, and I don’t know yet if I am in your way.  Others have tried to kill me for less.”

“You know things.”

“Not everything.  Just some things.”

“A vast repertoire of Disney music.  You forget we already had this conversation.”

“We had part of this conversation.”

“I see.  You think I wait for you to uncover some piece of information that is so dangerous that I will kill you?”

“No, not really?  Maybe?”  When put that way, it sounded stupid.  “Sharks are guppies, and kittens are tigers.  I doubt my own judgement.  Not in general, but I am not infallible. You shine so brightly.  The most dangerous person in Thedas save perhaps one.  Lightning in a bottle.  I try to stay away and you lure me in, somehow.”  Damn it, I sounded like Cole.

“You intrigued me.  You still do.  But all you have to say is no.  You have only told me ‘no’ once.”

“You’re not an asshole to me anymore.  Most of the time.”  He smirked.  “I don’t know how, but you made it rain, right after I asked that it do so, but not on the day of the party.  It was probably exactly midnight when the rain started.”

“Come here, asha.  I need to tell you something.”  I went closer to him, and paused.  “I want you in my arms, Chrysopal.”

I went all the way to him.  “Okay.”

He enfolded me gently.  “I have had two months to think on this after the last conversation.  I have already contemplated everything you might know or learn about me.  You are safe from me, and with me, ma’haselan’udh, even should you run me through with a sword.  I have sworn it.”

“Seriously, you’d let me hurt you and not get even?”  I was not expecting that.

“You could not manage to harm a human actively attacking you.  I doubt I am in any real danger.  I will warn Wisdom tonight.  That is all we can do.  Now, wake up.”

I did.  I nearly sat bolt upright, but was pulled back down.  “We were only asleep a short time.”

“How long?”  I was mumbling against his chest.

“Perhaps ten minutes.  Not long enough to suspect a tryst.”

“We don’t tryst.”  He chuckled.  “What?”

“There is book on that.  You and nearly every man in Tarasyl'an Te'las.  Some of the women, too.”

“I told several people that Dorian already won that bet, because he got me into bed first.”

“He likes to share cute little stories.  It aggravates.”

I folded my hands under my chin and looked up at him, rolling to my stomach.  “Like what?”

“Never mind.  Have you always been this way?”

“What way?”

“Fearless.  Sweet but sharp.  Tame only on the surface.  Moving through the world, changing it as you see fit.  It reminds me of…”

While he was taking a breath to cover that he was about to fudge the truth, I covered his mouth with my hand.  “Things you’ve seen in the deepest memories of the fade?  I am not fearless.  And the world doesn’t change for me.”

He nearly asked, but let it go to continue the conversation.  “It does, da’asha.  Cole told me about Hope.  The fact that an Ethelathe exists.  A proclamation of personhood.  There is the tree.  Whatever you did to get flowers from a strange man.  I am displeased about that.”

“I did nothing but scare him and then encourage him to think.  He was rude.”

“I have felt you fear only thrice, in four months.  The day you wrote me telling me not to contact you, the night I showed you what could be on the bluff, and the night at the opera.”

“See?  I am not fearless.”  He just looked at me.

“Were you always this way?”

“I suppose.  I’ve always been a bit of a meddling busybody.  I can’t let something just lay there that needs to be handled.  I think the words I’ve heard most often were ‘managing bitch’.  And I was always too stupid to be scared when I should.  Enough introspection.  We should get up.”

“You think we go to the alienage today.  The Inquisitor scheduled it for tomorrow, to let the travelers rest a day.”

“When did you hear this?”

“Before you came to breakfast.  Which you did not actually consume.” 

“Damn.”

“The breakfast or the wait?”

“The wait.  I need to go to the alienage.”

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

He backtracked.  “It would be dangerous.”

“Thedas is dangerous.  I’d been living in a dream to think it wasn’t.  But I won’t let that stop me.”

“The Inquisitor will refuse you permission.”

I just smiled.  “Since when do I ask permission?  For anything?”

“That smile is very interesting, ma’haselan.”

“You think everything’s interesting.  In any case, I should get up.”  I went to do so, and he pulled me to him.

“Not everything.  Just you.  I want a kiss, da’asha.”

“I’m not kissing you in bed.  Most especially not your bed.”

“You are correct.  You are not.  But in a moment, you could be.”

“Solas.”  That sounded like something I would say.  Sneaky brat.  My tone came out exasperated.

“Kiss me.”

“Fine, but not in bed.”

“Done.”  He stood up, pulling me with him.  He backed me up to the wall near the door.  “I like that frustrated tone.”  He tilted my chin up, and placed a delicate kiss on my lips.  Barely a breath.  “I can think of many ways to frustrate you.”

“How lucky for me that according to Cole I still have three other people interested? Perhaps one of them would prefer to kiss my lips instead of tease them.”

“You like the teasing.”

“So do you.”

“It was cheating to negotiate wearing that dress.”

“It’s not cheating if I don’t break the rules.  Wait, I don’t think I have any rules, actually.”

“Just one.  Be truthful.  It is beautifully refreshing when you spin your web of falsehood with the truth.”  He stepped back without returning his lips to mine, and opened the door.  “Shall I escort you back to the conservatory?”

When I stepped out, Bull was right there.  His eyes ran over my face, but there would be no signs.  How did Solas know?  “Private chat?”

“Yes.”

“Too bad.”

“You’re not winning the bet.  I needed a nap, and Solas was kind enough to offer his room, since Dorian was to be messing about with mine.”

“The vint’s done.”

“Are you okay, Bull?”

“That’s the first time you’ve shortened my name.”

“You’re right.  And evading the question.”

“I’ll be okay.  I have my guys.”

“I like them. I’m glad.”

Solas remained silent the whole way back to the conservatory.  “You knew about the alliance.”

“What do you mean?”

“You knew about the choice the Inquisitor would make.  You treated Iron Bull far more familiarly now than before.”

“He is his own man now.  I can trust him to do as he thinks he should, not as someone else thinks is proper.  Good day, Solas.  See you at dinner?”  I had planning to do, so I basically shoved him out the door.  Nicely.  And shut it in his face.

I went out the garden doors and visited with Drummer.  Gethon was working with the horses, and I didn’t bother him.  I went hunting Gunther.  It took a while, but I found him in the gardens.  After he was informed of my evening plans, he offered to go with me.  Since that was my goal anyway, I accepted.  Him, Garalen, me.  Maybe Dorian?  I went to ask.

“It is a terrible idea.”  Dorian was aghast.

“It is not.  I need to do something.  They will be active in the evening.”

“What about the Chevaliers?”

“Should I let one encounter turn me into the fearful rabbit he called me?”

“No, I suppose not.  But why tonight?”

“Because we get the girls tomorrow.”

“Do it tomorrow after we get them.”

“At night?  You’ll go with me?”

“I certainly couldn’t let you go alone.  I would be delighted to escort you.  Tomorrow.”  I advised Gunther.

With three more of Ethelathe, we had songtime after dinner.  Couldn’t go without. I played the piano instead of the guitar, but we did We Shall Overcome acapella.  I was surprised that so many of the others showed up.  Half the soldiers, Bull, FIVE Hessarians.  Sera, especially. 

She seemed to like what I did.  It wasn’t “fancy”.  She and I discussed the power of songs late into the evening.  The fact is that the world is full of song and music.  The humming of a bee and the sound of the wind are in keys.  Birdsong and the laughter of water.  Even the sound of a footstep is a note.  She seemed to like that one.  I didn’t mention the sound magic made.

I’m tucking next to Dorian.  He’s already asleep.  Adorable.


	77. Day 20, 17 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Learning something new, Gunther needs to meet Cullen, collecting the girls, and songtime at the alienage.

### Road Trip, Day 20, 17 Justinian, 9:41 Val Royeaux

Dorian had a bad night.  He gets them sometimes.  I think he remembers things that hurt him.  They’re not demons, just nightmares.  I think I’ve said before, it’s not just for me we share a bed.  I wiped his face with a damp cloth and warmed the room.  It’s the height of summer, but people get chilled when covered in nightmare sweat.  It’s different.  I held him until he drowsed.  He was only half awake when he called me a treasure again.  And mumbled something about Tevinter.  Poor guy.

I left him in bed and went to wander.  To my surprise, two Blades of Hessarian were standing guard outside my door.  They didn’t say anything, but did the whole come to attention thing.  “Seriously?”  Neither responded.  “If I wanted to walk, you’d follow me, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, my lady,” said one.

“We’ll not fail again,” said the other.

God damn it.  How am I supposed to ditch these guys?  I shut the door.  I couldn’t go back to sleep; I was wide awake.  I put the same dress on from yesterday.  I hadn’t done anything to get dirty.  I’d not done anything like REAL magic lessons for a while, so I decided to play.  I stepped out and headed for the conservatory, flanked by the Blades.  I did shut the door in their faces.  Not two minutes later, one appeared outside the garden door.

I had some ideas I wanted to explore, so I pulled the curtains.  Take that, hessarian spy.  Everything is frequency, right?  Dagna and I had talked about that.  There are fan theories that the veil itself is just a perfect set of harmonics.  So I created a little bit of light, and slowed it down.  It got redder in color until I couldn’t see it anymore.  Pretending I knew what I was doing, I kept slowing it, hoping I was actually lowering it forty octaves.  I don’t know how long it took, but finally I heard it!  A high pitched squeal.  Now that I could hear it, I could play with it.  I squealed with my voice as well as with the magic, because I was excited.  I could harmonize with me!

I spent probably three or four hours learning how to create sound.  I’d have to study more, maybe lots more, but I could echo my voice, or another tone, making it sound like I was four or five people speaking at once, or multiple pianos.  I could even change the pitch, so I harmonized with myself, in a very basic fashion.  Gregorian chant harmony, not complex Beethoven.  I could do basic sine wave music sorts of music, too.  Fundamental pure tones for the win!  Copies and actual homemade sine waves were good enough for a few hours’ tiring work.  I closed my eyes for just a minute.  Truly.  I wasn’t magically exhausted, but I’d been up a large portion of the night.

I woke, a mere moment later, to a gentle tapping of my cheek.  “My dove, this is not the most comfortable place to sleep.  Ethelathe and I have been searching for you.  The Hessarians would only respond with a yes when asked if they knew where you were.  We were about to wake the Inquisitor.”

I opened my eyes.  “Good morning, Dorian, my love.  You will usually find me where the music is. I learned something new today.”

“Fasta Vass.  You can tell me after you’ve eaten and rested.  I shall tell Garalen where you are and return.”

I yawned.  “Okay.”  I put my head down on the piano again.  It had a warm spot exactly the size of my cheek.  But I didn’t close my eyes.  Much.

A few minutes later, Gunther, Gethon, and Garalen arrived with Dorian.  The three Gs.  How did I not notice that?  God, Glory, or Gold.  The reasons for exploration.  But they didn’t fit.  Not really.  But I could place them.  Gunther for God, Gethon for Glory, and Garalen for Gold seemed the obvious answer.  Except she wasn’t doing it for gold anymore, I think.  I opened my SELF and checked their threads, opening just enough to feel them.  I couldn’t tell anything.  How weird to think of that, though.

Garalen plunked a cup of coffee in my sight.  “You are a wonder among women, Garalen.”

I went to reach for the mug and she pulled it away.  “You will wake me next time you want to wander.  Please, Chrissy.”

“I will.  I just didn’t want to disturb you.”  She handed me the mug.

Dorian sighed.  “So that is the secret to getting you to agree.  Be the one holding the coffee.”

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to go to sleep down here, and I’m not exhausted.  I was just up most of the night.”

“I looked to see.  You are depleted, but only a little.  It’s odd to be able to check such things.  It will make teaching later far easier.”

“You’re going to teach?”

“Everyone teaches, my dear.  Some better than others.”

“I think you’re a good teacher.  You taught me how to play with light, and therefore sound.”

“I did?”

I smiled.  “You gave me the starting point.”

“I am, as always, delighted to be of service.  Now.  Food, Chrissy.”

I snapped a salute.  “Yes, sir!”  That got a weary moan.  I was awake, I had learned something new, and I had MY people with me.  It was a very good morning.  The only thing I needed to do to make it complete was to poke Solas and Inquisibutt.  And maybe Iron Bull.  As I went with my people to get breakfast, I was struck by how much Gunther looked like Cullen.  Not in face, or anything like that.  Something under the skin, hollowed out and used up.

“Just a moment, guys.  I need to ask Gunny a question.”  I pulled him back into the conservatory.  “What have you done?”

“What do you mean?”

“You quit cold turkey, didn’t you?”

“We both did.  It doesn’t seem to bother Andrew, but I started up again for this trip.  I wouldn’t have made it otherwise.”

“It wouldn’t bother Andrew.  You’re a different story.  Gunther, I want you to talk to Commander Cullen when we get back.  And come to me when you need help.  It’s your body, so you can decide.  Be warned, it’s a hard road, my friend.”

“I figured it would be, my lady, but I see the reds, and wonder if they were tainted because they got desperate for lyrium and that was all that was available.”

“That’s not quite what happened, but it could have, yes.  The tainted lyrium was forced on them by their leaders.”

“You know this?”

“They told them the red lyrium was more powerful, better, and made it available.  One taste and they were gone.  Not the men and women you knew, Gunny.  Are you angry with me?  I protect those of you that come to me.  I can’t help anyone else.”

“Not angry.  I wouldn’t have believed it if you told me.”

“I mean it about Cullen, Gun.  I expect it.”

“You’ll get it, Chrissy.  I’ll try to talk to the man.”  We continued in to breakfast.

Someone had filled a plate for me.  It was made obvious where I should sit.  Way too much food.  Enough to feed two humans.  But like hugs, feeding someone is a form of love, so I started eating.  I wouldn’t get it all, of course, but Ethelathe eased to see me eat.  They feel weird over the oddest things.

After breakfast, I got changed.  I couldn’t wear the dress I’d worn yesterday.  In the dress I wore in Highever, I mounted up with everyone else to get the girls.  At some point, two coaches, rugged outdoor ones, had been acquired, with horses.  Six-man size.  Hessarians were driving them, and flanking them.  Seven Hessarians, seven solders, eight companions, Inquisibabe, Josie, Gunny, Gara, and me.  Gethon stayed home with eight soldiers, Blackwall, and three Hessarians.  Quite the crew.  And they wanted us all to trek through the Dales?  Lace will flip!  We’d have to have at least a wagon, too.  Food.

We got stares as we trooped through Val Royeaux.  Sam kept looking at me like I was going to stop his carriages, but I let it be.  I did stop his soldiers at the entrance. (With his permission, of course.)  The Hessarians came in to meet their charges.  We milled in the main area around the tree for a bit.  Two days ago, there were barely any candles or anything.  Today, the tree had many, and ribbons as well.

Of course, I immediately climbed the roots again.  It’s a thing.  Gunny was a bit taken aback, but he just stayed outside the tree area, parallel to me.  I think he’s taken up bodyguard duties.  We’ll see.  Bull was taking everything in.  Sera just wrinkled her nose at the smell.  Cole was climbing with me.  We probably looked strange, but who cares.  Everyone else was just kind of waiting. 

Shortly, stuff started arriving.  And people.  Not a lot of stuff, nor a lot of people, really, but with so many already here, it got crowded.  Vivienne, of all people, casually placed herself between me and the crowd.  Not that I was in any danger of being crowded while on the roots, but still.  Once three girls had arrived, Sam started looking about for me.  He mentioned something to the bald one, and the elf strode over to where we were. 

“Come, da’asha.  They’d like to see you.”  I threaded my way carefully down the root, and he grasped my waist as soon as I was in reach.  Lifting me the rest of the way down. 

“I could have gotten down.  But thank you.”  He nodded, and we and the others headed towards the coaches.  Another girl arrived about the same time I did.  I didn’t see mine, though.  I went through the introductions again, and finally my girl arrived. With her parents and extra bags.  Yay!  There was plenty of room, so if he tried to argue, he could stuff it.  There were also two other people, a male and female, that looked like they were going to insist on coming.

I headed over to them, and found that he was a cheesemaker’s assistant, and she worked in the kitchens of a restaurant.  Hired.  No wavers in the face over why they wanted to come or what they did.  So at the end of an hour or so, seven girls, four adults, and I presented ourselves to Sam.  He eyed the adults, and didn’t say anything.

“Do you like cheese, Sam?”

“Of course.  Why?”

“I’d like you to meet my new cheesemaker.  And other assorted additional members of my staff.”

His mouth quirked.  “Is that the story?”

“I hired them just today, Lord Trevelyan.”

“Well then, we can’t leave them behind, now can we.”

“And I’m sure they can help wrangle the ladies.”

“They do seem close, don’t they.”  We smiled at each other.  I think he was relieved to have someone who knew them along.  “Done, then.  We have the room.”  He glanced at Josie, who was smiling behind her hand, and Cass, who quirked a lip.  “Almost like someone knew this might happen.”

I smiled at him.  “This is why you need ladies along.”

I went back over to the tree, because there were a LOT of people milling about, and my little one came with me.  It’s weird to call her a little one, but she’s only thirteen.  I had misjudged her age a bit.  She should be thinking about her first day of high school, not whether…  At that point I’d realized I’d dropped a thread.  I checked, quickly, but there was only one spark.  She was not pregnant, though it might be too soon to tell.  I’d speak with her and her parents later.

Cole drifted by.  He just moves from place to place, and no one notices him.  Not always in the fade or invisible.  He looked back at me, and I smiled at him.  “I will come too.  I want to see.”

“Okay, Cole.”

Finally everyone got packed up, and we headed back.  Eleven more.  There’s a whole lot of people.  Maybe now he’ll be smart and send us home while he goes to play in the elven reserves.

When we got back to the house, the caretaker was still gone.  We got the families set up with extra girls each in two rooms.  I was informed they were used to sleeping with male parents in the room and the floor was carpeted, softer than their straw mattresses.  It was only for one night.  I’d see about proper beds in Tarasyl'an Te'las.  Until then, they could sleep as they willed.  Hell, who am I kidding.  I won’t stop them in Skyhold, either.

Anyway, the horses, the kids, the grownups, the everyone got handled.  After dinner, the bits of Ethelathe I had with me, including Dorian and Cole, started getting ready to go.  I was even letting two Hessarians along.  Geth had our mounts ready.  Solas and Inquisibabe showed up to the stables.  “You guys coming too?”

“It’s not safe, Chrissy.”

I turned to look at Sam.  “Am I a prisoner?”

“No!”

“Then I can go where I wish, and accept the consequences.  My choices, Sam.  Mine.  I’m even taking my staff and wearing boots.  Okay?”  He didn’t look happy at all.  Solas said nothing, but started saddling Raindrop.  “You intend to join us, mor’ishan?”

“I do.  My choice, da’asha.”  I looked at his eyes, and he was serious.  Sam looked between us.  Then laughed.  We both looked at him.

“Go with my blessing, Chrissy.  Somehow I think you’ll be just fine.  Try not to start any wars?”

Shit.  Civil rights was considered by some to be a war.  “Define war.”  Solas stiffened at my words, and Sam stopped.  He had been walking away.

He turned back to me.  “No pushing for a fight, try not to kill anyone.  Please do nothing that would make Orlais come after the inquisition.  Don’t embarrass people so bad they will come after me.”

I kept my eyes on him.  “Anything else?”

“We don’t have room for them all, Chrissy.”

“Someday, I will find enough land.”

“For now, though, we have limits.”

“We do.”

“Be safe, Chrissy.  And for the Maker’s sake, be good.  Please.”

“I’ll return soon.  I just want to sing a song or two.  Songtime at the tree.  And I won’t be dragging anyone else home by the ear tonight, I promise.”

Fifteen minutes later, we were back in the alienage.  We’d passed a few chevaliers, but we had three humans and a Templar with us. Gunther had worn his armor.  Probably the best protection I could have.  At the entrance to the alienage, I turned Drummer.  I wove a permeable barrier, something one could walk through, but it would tell me if they did so.  A warning, not a ward.  I still needed to bug Solas about wards.  Someone choked behind me.

It was dark.  They had streetlights, but they weren’t lit.  No candles in them, no fuel of any kind.  Well hell.  I looked at the amount of glowy stuff they had around here, and it was probably enough for a bit.  I can do light, so I did.  Soft light, peachy glow.  On each streetlight as I passed. 

Dorian took a drink from his flask.  Solas tried to get my attention, but I ignored him.  He was just going to complain that I was doing it.  “I wouldn’t bother.  She isn’t going to understand or stop, Solas.”

“Understand what, love?”  I glanced at Dorian.

“That even basic magic is practically unknown here, except to cause fear.  Perhaps you should consider refraining?”

“That’s silly.  How will people be not afraid if they’re never shown the fun, useful side of magic?”

“See?” he said to Solas.  Solas made a small discontented noise.

“Look, gentlemen.  No one’s afraid.  They’re just curious.”  I got off Drummer at the tree.  The three Gs sat with me.  I started with I know an old lady who swallowed a fly….

A few silly songs.  Sandwiches are Beautiful.  Waltzing With Bears.  A pretty ballad or two.  Windows were opened, faces peered.  The curious trickled into the courtyard.  After they were comfortable, a new song for Ethelathe, too.  Hello Darkness, my old friend.  The Sound of Silence. 

 _"Fools," said I, "you do not know_  
_Silence, like a cancer, grows._  
_Hear my words that I might teach you_  
_Take my arms that I might reach you."_  
_But my words like silent raindrops fell_  
_And echoed in the wells of silence._

And when I was done, it was silent.  When I followed with We Shall Overcome, a few extra voices besides my Ethelathe chimed in.  Several from me, to make it bigger, but several more came in on the chorus from the alienage around us.  That was all I needed.  Threading our way through the crowd, we left. We steered back to the villa, with me undoing the lights and the barrier as we passed.

Solas rode up next to me on Raindrop.  “Why did you need to do that?  I see no purpose.”

“Communities come together.  Ethelathe sings every night.  And it teaches.  If I want a community, I have to treat them like one.  They will remember the woman who came and sang to the tree.  And they might just remember the songs.  Their feet will rest more firmly upon the earth and their dreams will swell.  Hope, Solas, and encouragement.  We don’t have room for me to do more.”  I needed to change the subject.  “So, Solas.  How do I get to the green valley behind Skyhold?”

“There are several ways.  I do not know which might be appropriate for you.  I had expected to see you scare people tonight.”

“No one was rude.”  I heard Garalen choke a laugh at that.  It got the subject dropped, because Solas made that face and we descended into giggles.  Even Cole.  Dorian offered Solas the flask, and he again refused.

Inquisibutt was waiting for us.  “No wars?”

“Not even a skirmish.  Shall I try harder next time?”

“Please don’t.”

“I just went to have songtime in the alienage.  That’s all, Sam.  Now it’s bedtime.”  He lifted me down from Drummer.

“I’m worried about the outcome.”

“Of a few songs?”

“It sounds stupid when I say it out loud.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid.  A little slow, sometimes, like with Josie, but not stupid.”  He grabbed my neck and NUGGIED MY HEAD AGAIN.

“Gotcha, little sis.”

“I’m the big sister, you dork.”

“Dork?”

“Yes.  DORK.  Be glad it’s not dork-face.”

He laughed.  I took care of Drummer.  Solas watched.  Dorian stepped smoothly between Solas and me.  “Sorry, old son.  I have to escort this lovely lady to our bed.”  I called a good night to everyone.

“That’s not nice.”  We started walking, and Solas stepped with us.

“But entirely true.”

Solas opened his mouth.  I’d place book on him offering his bed, no untoward touching. “No, mor’ishan.”

“You have no idea…”

“I’m staying in my bed.”

“Maybe you do,” he said ruefully.  “But I would like a word, please?”  Dorian handed Solas the hand he’d claimed and strode off, mustache twitching.

“I’ll get even, Dorian.”

“I look forward to it, Dove.”

Solas just tucked the hand into his arm and continued walking.  “It was an interesting barrier.  An odd combination of runes.”

“I know.  I really need to learn about wards, but I’m leery of pulling the fabric of reality around like that.  It looks like it would hurt something if you did it wrong.”

“The rock.”

“Yes.”

“That you can see and attempt it, so long ago.  You had magic for how long?  A month?”

“Something like that.”

We were at his door.  “Come in for a moment.”  I nodded.  He wanted a kiss.  He opened the door, and as soon as it was closed behind us I pulled his head to mine. “I didn’t even have to ask,” he murmured after a few moments.

“See what being nice gets you? You didn’t even think about yelling at me even once that I saw.”

“You did nothing for which I would have wanted to yell.”

“Except the streetlamps.  And the barrier.”

“Perhaps, but you had a point about fun and useful.”

I kissed him again. A lingering touch.  And then I left his rooms.

Writing and bed.  Sleepytime.  Tomorrow we leave for somewhere.  I’m sure the plans were finalized tonight.


	78. Day 21, 18 Justinian, 9:4, Road Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chatting with Sam, a conversation with Bull, and Bull resumes his flirting with Dorian.

### Road Trip, Day 21, 18 Justinian, 9:41

I slept deeply, no dreams that I remember.  Dorian and I were woken before daylight.  No coffee.  We were moving out.  Dorian was dressing, and I had finished.  That man takes forever.  I was doing my breathing, bringing the world into focus, when something flickered on the bureau.  I fixed my eyes on the spot and settled back into my meditative state.  For just a moment, I could see flowers.  Something to think about.

Everything was loaded.  My guys made sure the girls were loaded up.  One of the Hessarian guards was not looking at his charge in a way I’d prefer.  Leering is not a good thing.  I mounted Drummer and we picked our way over to where Inquisibabe sat on his horse.  “Sam.”

“Yeah, Chrissy?”

“A moment?”  He wasn’t actively doing anything, so he gave me his attention.  “Once there were methods of ensuring that someone in charge of a young woman didn’t breach duty of care.  The most popular was by ensuring the male person _could_ not breach said duty, for he would have nothing with which to breach said duty.  Perhaps you ought to warn your Blades of Hessarian that I will do what I have to do to protect my girls, even if it means they have to piss sitting down forevermore.”

He was taken aback by my words, and the meaning took a moment to set in.  And he cringed.  “What happened?”

“Nothing, as of yet.  However, one seems very interested in becoming familiar with a girl only fifteen.  Even should Sharis be willing, the age of consent for Ethelathe is eighteen.  If he were to violate her, I would consider it abuse of a child, and react accordingly.  We’re removing these girls from that threat, not gift-wrapping them for your underlings.  Or am I mistaken?”

“One of these days, you’re going to say something simple.  ‘Sam, that Blade is eyeing a child.  Make him stop.’  I swear you can’t ever say something straight out.”

“Inquisibabe.”

“What now?”

“‘She wouldn’t find a trail of elves following her home like puppies.  You just might.’  We’re transporting elven children.  Is there anything else you want to ask for?”  His jaw dropped.  I leaned over and patted his cheek.  “Let me know, little brother.”  He didn’t need to know I hadn’t done it on purpose.  He didn’t respond, either, just kept glancing over at me as we got the caravan moving.  Then he rode back to talk with the Blades.

Bull came up on the Nuggalope.  “What’d you do to the boss?”

I looked around.  No one was paying attention.  “Gave him what he asked for.”

“That’s not very nice.”

“I give him what he needs, too, when others can’t or won’t do so.”

“After Redcliffe.”

“Yes.  You’re observant, and you don’t seem to be assuming I fucked him.  Interesting.”

“I’ve never heard you swear.”

“That you remember.  But now you are your own man, and make your own decisions.  I don’t have to guard so hard.”

“You guard your swearwords.  Yeeeeah.”

“Vishante kaffas, brascha, Divine’s balls, Divine’s eyes, vashedan, andraste’s ass, Maker’s breath, mabari dung, nughumper, stones, scurvy dogs, fenedhis lasa, bloody, puta, shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits.  How much they reveal about a person’s origins and beliefs.  You don’t do any distinctive cursing yourself.”

“And the level of ale in my mug.  You should have your mouth washed out with soap after that.”

“Blech.  I’m a grown woman.  I know most of the words.  It’s just caution that is no longer necessary.  The crossroads has been reached, and the path chosen.  Smaller choices, more delicate paths now.”

“And you aren’t a seer?”

“You read the Nightingale’s report.  I won’t ask how you got it.”  He grinned, a full on grin!  Don’t know if it was fake, but it was nice.  “Did you tell them?”

“It was on the list, but didn’t make it out.”

“At least there’s that.  Watch out for the battlements, Bull.  And they poison their daggers.  I don’t remember what the substance was, but it stings if you’ve been dosing with the antidote, and makes you go crazy and throw up if you don’t.”

“How many crossroads are left?”

“You’re done.  Now all the choices are yours.”

He ignored my words.  “Let me guess.  Dorian’s was in Redcliffe.  Mine on the Storm Coast.  Who’s next?”

“I have no way to know.”

“So, what would have happened the other way?  If I’d sacrificed my boys?”

“The alliance would have progressed.  Everything would seem fine.  And in three years, a Vidasala would give the kill order and you’d do your best to complete it.  Standing against the Inquisitor and anyone else you could, including my Dorian.  ‘Nothing personal, bas.’ One man stands against nine, heartache splashes across the walls in blood, while the dragon screams for freedom.”

“I see.  You’re weird.”

“I know.  Varric calls me creepy.  Neither of you intends to hurt.  I should check on the girls.”

“Chrissy.”

“What?”

“I didn’t mean that the way you took it.”

“You did, Bull.  But they’re just words.  It’s okay.  I know that I’m Varric’s creepy elf.  And probably your weird elf, too.  Do you know what’s in horn balm?  I’ve never found a recipe.  I didn’t think you’d want the stuff I use on Drummer.” 

“I… don’t know.” Distraction works on him, too.  Nice to know.

“Ah.  I’ll have to ask around then.  See you.”

The Blades gave me a wide berth when I rode up, which made Sam smile.  After I checked on our little ladies, I asked him what he’d told them.  “The girls were technically given into my keeping, after all, over this very issue.  I have to protect them.  I told my Blades that if any of them even thought about touching one of these kids, I’d hold them down and let you carve their balls off with a rusty dagger.”

“Oh, ewww.”  The idea turned my stomach.  And he’d said it that way to do that, based on his giddy expression.

“I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”

I shuddered.  “I hope not.  It may be nasty, but I’d do it.  Or let Garalen do it.”

The day passed alright.  Only one small incident at lunch, where a soldier dared ask why he had to get firewood when we had “a whole passel of servants over there”.  The Inquisitor heard him and explained that the girls were his WARDS, not his servants.  Asked if the man was so scared of the forest he’d prefer to send teenage girls in his stead.  It was all I could do not to giggle.  Poor Inky.  Now, to some minds, he has an elven sister and seven elven daughters.  Dorian noticed my mirth, and shared it once I told him the reason.  “I wouldn’t wish seven daughters on anyone, regardless of race.”

“Hey!  Daughters are wonderful, I’ll have you...”  I stopped, because my heart throbbed in pain.

“Dove, I’m sorry.”  He enfolded me in his arms.

“It’s okay.  It hits me at odd times.”

I don’t think the elves realized how long a journey this would be.  None of them had ever been out of Val Royeaux.  There were strange noises and weird smells.  I can understand.  We got us set up at a separate fire.  Just for their comfort, honestly.  It was still in the encampment, just a few yards apart.  We had a six-man tent set up for them. It easily fit all the girls and the two women.  The men slept in bedrolls in front.  Gara and I had our two-man.  Geth and Gunther had a four-man they shared.  They’d bring the men in if it rained.

Bull kindly offered to help Dorian set his pole (for his tent).  At the top of his lungs, from across the camp.  “You need any help with that pole, Vint?”  Dorian ignored him, turning red.  “I could hold it for you!”

“No, thank you!  I have it!” He muttered under his breath a bit.  He was trying to set a four man up.  It was his turn.  He shared with Solas and Cole.  Josie was sharing with Cass and Sera.  Vivienne had her own tent.  Bull shared with Blackwall, and Inquisibabe with Varric.  The others had their own setups.  Looks like five scouts/soldiers to a four-man tent, one on watch at all times.  Hotracking.  Ick.  The Hessarians had two tents.  One at our fire, one behind us.  Hemmed in.  Ugh.

I thought about doing something unusual for singalong time, but we went with the typical.  Let’s get the newbies used to the idea before I scare them.  But I want to pull the elves (and Ethelathe) aside for some private singing.  Soon.


	79. Day 22, 19 Justinian, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra knows neat things, Sam's learning, checking up on Laura, I think Cole does it on purpose, and OMG Solas.

### Road Trip, Day 22, 19 Justinian, 9:41

It was so nice to dream actual fun dreams again.  Differences in reality, so many things happening in one spot.  A doe gave birth, a man penned a letter to his love.  Tears and violence, tenderness and care.  A little nook off the highway, used for so many years, has so many people thinking and feeling.  I wonder what kind of memories our party will leave, if any.  Does anyone feel powerfully about something?  I spent the whole night observing bits of history, emotion, change.  The fade here was bright, with smells and sounds and color.  SO much better than that desolate unloved rental house.

I woke to coffee.  I love waking to coffee.  I’m going to have to figure out something nice to do for Garalen.  We got dressed and got food ready.  The elves were still asleep, some of them, so I carefully woke them up.  I’d asked what their normal breakfasts were, and got answers like “a piece of bread” and “a half an apple.”  No wonder elves were so scrawny.  Mine weren’t so skinny.  I’ll fatten these girls up, too.  I got them, and the parents, porridge with butter and dried fruit.  A whole bowl each, which you’d think they would have expected after the full bowl of stew last night.  Apparently not.

I have a feeling these girls were part of the middle ranks of the alienage.  The best and brightest wouldn’t be parted with, under any circumstances.  The lower group wouldn’t be offered the opportunity to discover if the offer is genuine.  Therefore these must be high enough to reap potential benefit, but low enough to be expendable.  I wondered how they had convinced the parents until I found out that four of the girls were fosters, orphans.  Three had families, and of those, two had come along.  The third had two more children, and the alienage wouldn’t spare such a prolific couple.

Well, they’ll have plenty of food, rest, and exercise with us.  I pulled Sera aside to ask if there was any particular thing I should be feeding undernourished teenage girls.  She looked at me and replied with FOOD.  One word and a Duh look.  Well, THAT was helpful.  So I meandered off to Josie with the same question.  She at least honestly didn’t know.  She’ll look into it for me.  Then I thought about the fact that the Chantry would take in anyone with the calling.  So I walked up to Cassandra.  “Seeker, could I pick your brain for a moment?”

“Of course.  Is there anything you need?”  SQUEE!  That’s a nice greeting. 

“I was wondering if you knew anything about safe ways to improve bodies depleted by malnutrition.”

Smart lady, she looked over at my elves.  “Malnutrition?”

“Slow almost-starvation.  Underfed for too long.”

“I may.  Normally one starts with increasing the amount of food, and the number of times one eats.  Especially fatty meats, breads, and dried fruits.”

“So, bacon, dried fruit, bread, and snacks.”

“To start, yes.  Depending on how bad the situation is.”

“Not horrible, but not good.  You can probably see for yourself.  Compare Skyhold elves to these.”

She nodded.  “I will see about appropriate foods.”

“Thank you.”

After breakfast, camp breakdown, and everything, we got mounted up. The kids and parents back in the carriages, the everyone else in their places.  We went about three hours before coming to a large town or small city. Imagine my delight when the signs said Val Foret!  LAURA!  Inquisibutt was going to purchase supplies anyway, so we had an hour.  I told him I wanted to see Laura, and he said if I could find her.  He only realized he made a mistake when Dorian snorted. 

“You can find her?”

“She’s mine, Sam.  I’ll find her.  Just watch me.”  Did he not remember the stories from the Payday from Hell?

He just stared for a moment.  “Take someone with you.”  I smirked.  He took a deep breath.  “Take at least Garalen and one other adult fight-capable person besides your bodyguards.  If you take another noncombatant, take an additional two fight-capable adults per noncombatant.”  Boy’s learning.

I snagged Gara and quirked a brow at Dorian.  He nodded, smiling.  I opened my self just a hair, and off we went.  A few minutes later, not more than ten, I found my girl.  She was sweeping the steps of a little shop.  How appropriate.  Musical instruments.  She looked up and squealed.  I was so happy to see her, and she to see me.

She introduced me to her foster parents (again), who were not quite as pleased to see me as she was.  I just smiled and gently told them that I check on my own.  She showed me the shop, and played a little tune on a finger flute.  She had a few instruments in various stages of creation.  A really nice drum.  A good attempt at a fife.  I spent about twenty minutes with her, in total. 

At the end, I pulled her out of earshot of her new parents, and gave her a “password” to say if she was in trouble.  Just quietly, under her breath, with INTENT, and I’d know she needed me.  It would take me a week to get to her, but I’d find a way.  She was to share the password with NO ONE.  I had her try it.  “Think hard, Laura, of calling for me, and say the password.”  I didn’t even have to open my self a bit.  Her thread lit up so bright I could nearly see it without Sight, and I could certainly feel it.  I knew who it was and what she was feeling.  

I hugged her tightly, and told her to be good, learn a lot, and remember that she has a home and a family at Skyhold, too.  Her foster mom and dad were glad to see the back of me, though polite.  I’m just glad they aren’t overtly anti-elf.  I don’t think they liked that I checked on her.  I had warned them, though.  We waved until we were out of sight.  The Hessarians and Dorian had remained silent the whole time, and Garalen had only spoken to Laura.

I asked Dorian why he’d not said anything and he looked surprised.  “Couldn’t you see, Dove?  They were scared of me, the Vint magister come to steal their baby.”

“They said something?”

“Of course not, but you could see their trepidation.”

“If they hurt you, I can go back and fix this.”  I started to turn Drummer.

He pulled his horse up short and grabbed Drummer’s halter.  “No, my dove.  But that you would be willing.  It warms my cold heart.”

“Are you certain?”

“Absolutely.  Let us return to the Inquisitor.  I’m quite sure he’s looking for us by now.”

I agreed, so we went off.

We met back up with Sam and the rest in time to leave town.  We were handed some travel food, stuff baked in bread.  Everyone headed out.  Cassandra told me she’d made sure the elves had extra butter and human-size portions.  “You were right.  They are smaller, more emaciated, than the elves of Skyhold.  I’d not noticed before.  I will watch for it now.  The Chantry is supposed to make sure everyone is fed.”

I noticed Solas eavesdropping on our conversation.  So I tweaked him, too.  “When they can’t even decide if Elves have souls or spirits?  Why would you feed such a thing when you must ensure a soul survives?  You could be taking food from a human child.  Someone REAL.  Someone important.  But remember, they did not, after all, starve to death.  A better fate than some, regardless of race.  And now we have them.”

“Again you have a point.  They did not starve, and some do.  That doesn’t make what I see right.”

“You have a good heart, Lady Seeker.”

We stopped for the night after another few hours.  Got the tents set up.  Cole’s turn for tent duty.  He asked Bull to help him.  “Could you hold my tent pole, The Iron Bull?  I am having trouble.” 

Dorian turned fire engine red as Bull strode over.  “No problem, kid.  I’ve handled bigger poles than this.”  He winked at Dorian as he said it.

I set up our fire, cheating, because flint and steel?  Yeah.  Wasn’t spending all night trying to do that.  A little flick of the thumb bic, and there we go.  Dinner was a hearty stew again, and Cassandra had arranged for little bread bowls.  Small loaves the size of a human man’s hand, hollowed out.  The little ladies were surprised to be given such large amounts, but we encouraged them to eat. 

They tired early, necessitating early songtime.   I guess full bellies do that.  The adults joined, and some of the non-elven people hovered near.  One brave soldier sat with us, and offered a song of her own.  It was nice.  Hopefully, it will encourage other people to join.   

It was after dusk when I felt that shivery goosebumps-in-a-good-way feeling.  Solas’ thread.  Nothing urgent, a pleasant suggestion.  Very pleasant.  I have to know how he does that.  My body was tingling.  I looked about for him, but saw nothing.  I followed his thread to the trees surrounding the camp.  His eyes glinted in the darkness.  “Did you need something?”

“Not need.  I’ve not had the pleasure of your company for two days.”

I stepped closer to him, hands behind my back, looking up.  “Did you miss me, Solas?”

He leaned his head down.  “I did, ma’nehn.”  His breath against my ear.  He slowly slid an arm around my waist and pulled me into him.  Giving me plenty of time to object, should I so desire.  “A kiss.  Here in the dark.  I like the way you taste.”

I moved my arms up his to his neck, tracing circles on his nape.  “I have to go back soon.”

He inhaled deeply.  “That is definitely not a no.”  He touched his lips to mine, lightly.   A moment later, he dropped his staff, burying his other hand in my hair.  He tilted my head, getting a better angle.  Our tongues danced, a sensual duet.  The taste of him on my tongue, the smell of old books and the spicy scent of leather in my nose. 

He then dragged his lips down my neck, sucking lightly, not hard enough to raise the blood.  Against my throat, his words.  “Someday, ma’haselan’udh, I will mark you here, for everyone to see.  No man will look at you and not know that you have chosen.”  He reclaimed my lips before I could say anything.  A moment later, I found myself against a tree, pressed between his chest and the bark.  My toes barely touched the ground. His mouth at my ear, my neck, my lips.  Mine following where his led, to his ear, his jaw.

It was but a moment, and I heard Garalen calling.  My feet landed, and he steadied me.  “Your bodyguard calls, ma’nehn.”  I could feel his smile on my cheek before he released me.  He dropped a kiss on my nose, and bent to pick up his staff.  “Shall we return?”  That outfit of his hides many things, but I’d felt them just a moment before.  There was definite… interest.  I was still a little dazed when he returned me, well-kissed, to my tent.  My hands are still shaking, and damn!  Just damn.  How the hell am I supposed to sleep now?


	80. Day 23-25, 20-22 Justinian, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hard ride, annoying scouts, a conversation with Vivienne, and twiddling my thumbs.

### Road Trip, Day 23, 20 Justinian, 9:41

Sometimes it seems like the waking world is but a dull copy of the fade.  Sure, you walk through grey and faded places, but most of it has more color than anywhere but the sea and Tarasyl'an Te'las.  This particular camping spot used to have a stream right through it.  They must have paved it over when they built the Imperial Highway.  The stream still flows under the stones, just hard to find.  Wisps float here and there.  I’d not yet seen any true residents of the fade on my own, though.  Only with Solas do I meet the spirits, it seems.  I’ve only had interaction with a very few demons.

I took the opportunity in the fade to practice the creation of sound.  It’s so strange that light is easier.  Sound’s vibration is slower, and takes more concentration to hold steady.  With light, the little issues are quickly resolved.  With sound, it takes longer to perfect the pitch, the frequency.  It took a while to be able to get it right, to create the exact pitch I desired the instant I wanted it.  It was like learning to play a new instrument, actually.  Strung from your own feelings, plucked with dream fingers.  Ugh.  I really need to get a grip.

Anyway, it took a lot of the night, I think, to be able to instantly call the pitch I desired.  So I started working with two pitches, simple harmony.  Then three.  It started getting difficult around six.  Keeping six tones going, moving them up and down to create music in the fade, attracts wisps.  Adding my voice, and a shimmery being entered the edge of my vision.  I didn’t turn to look.  If it wanted to be seen further, it would move closer.  Demon or spirit, no way to know.

The really cool thing about singing in the fade?  You never have to take a breath.  Your body is breathing back in the real, so you can continue the sound for however long you feel.  You can hold notes for lengths never attempted in opera.  When Bull asked Solas about flying in the fade, he said it attracted demons.  Which means one can.  And now I want to try it.  SOOOO Bad.  But I was good, and didn’t.

Instead, I added two more notes to the song.  Eight notes and a voice.  Ave Marie, by Schubert, in the original German.  Very difficult to split the attention like that.  I’m not sure I can add another quite yet.  It requires intense concentration.  Until it’s more instinctive, twelve part harmonies are off the table.  The figure moved, just slightly.  It looked like a despair demon, but dressed in white instead of grey.  It hovered around the edges of the area I was claiming as mine tonight, and left when the song ended.  I awoke shortly thereafter.

I woke before Garalen, this time.  I got up and dressed in fresh clothes from my pack.  Two days of riding in an outfit is about all I can bear.  Luckily the boots work okay.  They’re not as comfortable as the footwraps were.  When we get back to Tarasyl'an Te'las, I’m going to ask Solas how to do it.  I watched him and still don’t get it. Maybe before.  Give him a thrill.

When I got out, the sun was barely peeking over the horizon.  I helped one of the elven men get the fire going.  A rasher of bacon, shredded and put in oatmeal.  That’s breakfast today.  Sounds yummy.  We got it up and running, and it was done quickly.  Half an hour, forty minutes.  I took Gara’s bowl in to her, and the others served themselves.  Breakfast in bed, and she was surprised that I’d thought of her.  That made me feel bad.  Maybe she should sleep later.  Then I’d have the chance to do it more often.

Tending animals, deconstructing camp, and off we went.  We traveled all day, stopping only for a quick lunch and breaks for the mounts.  We were pushing hard, and there wasn’t a whole lot of talk.  Three ravens arrived for the Inquisitor, and two went out.  At the end of the day, he handed me a small bag of notes.  He looked worried, but wouldn’t talk.  “Too many ears, Chrissy.”  We made it to within spitting distance of the hook in Lake Celestine.  We must have pushed fifty miles today, at least, not stopping until almost dusk.

Dinner was bread, some roasted meat on sticks, and cheese.  We were admonished to go to bed immediately, because we’d be up at the buttcrack of dawn.  I stopped to read my letters.  Paperwork from Halton.  Decisions, approvals, and signatures, and working a new schedule.  I made some adjustments, made some decisions, and signed papers.  I was still working when Gara put out the candle, looking at me.  I created a ball of light and kept going.  “I have to finish these.  I’ll be done in a bit.”  She huffed, but she can’t extinguish a mage light, so she was out of luck.  I’m finishing this entry and heading for dreamland.

* * *

 

### Road Trip, Day 24, 21 Justinian, 9:41

Dreams were normal.  I was too tired to play in the fade, and just allowed myself to sleep.

Today was another hard slog.  I don’t know what’s going on, but we’re heading full bore for the Exalted Plains.  The day went well, considering.  Not a whole lot of talking.  We’d exhausted even gossip yesterday.  Sam is looking grim.  We left the highway and are now bouncing along poorly-maintained roads.  He sent my paperwork by raven, surprised I’d finished it.  Even bubbly Dorian was somber.  And no one would talk to me.  The inner circle and Sam were infecting everyone else with their Debbie downer issues.  Did they not realize they just had everyone scared?

Two of the girls, Maya and Finaya, were horribly motion sick.  I dragooned Dorian into helping me, taking the girls out for short jaunts in front of him.  I’m not good enough at riding to do it myself, or I’d not have bothered him.  I also got the Hessarians to let them up on top of the coaches for periods.  I’m betting on a long slog again tomorrow. 

We stopped at dusk.  Dinner was cold.  It’s summer, so the last of the bread, cheese, dried fruits.  We didn’t bother with tents tonight.  The girls slept in the coaches, the rest of us in bedrolls.  Easier to get going in the morning.  The mounts are exhausted.  I’m not sure how much longer we have before we get there.  I hope we get there before Drummer collapses.

* * *

 

### Road Trip, Day 25, 22 Justinian, 9:41 Exalted Plains

We were woken before dawn.  Rolling up all the bedrolls was quick.  We got underway before breakfast.  Shortly after dawn, soldiers rode around with travel fare.  Jerky, water, dried fruit.  We went straight all morning, only a few minor breaks for the mounts.  Shortly before noon, we could smell fires.  BIG fires.  Not even an hour later, we came up on a scout camp.   

We rolled up and dismounted.  Something about this place hummed on my skin, but I didn’t have time to explore.  We were swarmed by scouts, taking the mounts, unloading the backs of the carriages, and scaring the fuck out of my girls.  I intervened quickly, before they could terrorize them.  I looked around for Sam, but he and the inner circle were already in conference with Lace.

The scouts had assumed the same thing that soldier had assumed.  Servants to fetch and carry.  I don’t think so.  Started ordering the terrified kids out of the carriage, using their big voices.  Kids who had been jostled and jolted from sunup to sundown for days, never having been out of a city before. 

“Hey, leave them alone!  Can’t you see they’re terrified?”  I was pleased to see that even as I uttered the words, the Hessarians assigned stepped up as well, standing between the carriages and the scouts.

The scout stared at the veritable wall of armed men in front of him.  Since he could do nothing in that general direction, he turned to me.  Thwarted people feel the need to bite.  “Get back to work, you stupid knife ear!”

I gave him a chance.  “Excuse me?”

“You deaf, too?”

That was enough for my guards.  The two Hessarians assigned to me flanked me, one slightly rear, one slightly forward.  Garalen stepped partially in front of me.  Gunther strode up behind him, and pulled his sword halfway out of its scabbard with a distinctive shooshing sound.  The scout stiffened.  I spoke.  “I suggest you speak to your compatriots, quickly.  I will wait while you learn.  The next time you call ANYONE knife ear, I will speak to Lord Trevelyan.  I know your face, Human.”

He looked about to argue with me for just a moment, but turned as Blackwall strode up.  “Problem, my lady?”  Directed at me.

The scout paled.  “M-m-my Lady?” he stuttered.  “Warden, I didn’t know.”

“This one, Warden Blackwall, likes terrifying teenage girls and calling people knife-ear.  I thought that had been handled.”

“It has.  The Inquisitor asks if you are being taken care of?”

“I’ve been instructed to get back to work by this rude human.”

Blackwall laughed.  “And the Inquisitor made you come here instead.  Allow me.”

“Of course.  I don’t want blood on Gunther’s armor, after all.”

I dismissed the problem into Blackwall’s hands, slipping through the wall of armor to the carriages.  “Come out, it’s safe.  We’ll get you someplace that doesn’t move.”  I can’t even imagine how these people feel.  We can smell fire and blood.  The noise of fighting is dim, but we can hear it.  And there is still that weird tingling.

We got our tents set up a little on the hill to the left.  It had a nice quiet spot, too, where I could possibly hide.  Far too many people in this little space.  It’s bigger than in game, but not by a whole lot.  MAYBE two times the space.  The Hessarians set up their two tents at the only access.  I then went to see about some refreshments of some kind, and washing facilities.

I’ll tell you, I’m getting sick and tired of being dismissed and ignored.  After trying and failing to get anyone’s attention the usual way, I let Gunther handle it.  A Templar is still respected, so I’m glad Andrew sent him.  In short order, we had food, drink, some chairs and cots, a fire of our own, and some scouts digging the latrine.  Turns out they HAD heard of the Ethelathun.  I was just so grubby-looking I didn’t match what they were expecting. 

Fine, then.  If I’d learned nothing else here, I’d learned that sometimes appearances are everything.  So by the time midafternoon arrived, Gara and I had cleaned me up and ensconced me in the Highever dress.  I put my hair up, and the difference in the way I was treated was once again astounding.  Dress effect.  Stupidity is what it is.  I’m not a different person because I change my clothes.

The scout Blackwall had a chat with came over and apologized.  He was only let up with a guard of three Blades.  Poor guy looked terrified.  Good.  Maybe he’ll learn.  I reiterated that I would not tolerate racial slurs of any kind.  Sam had left with most of the inner circle in tow, or I might have told him about it.  Only Blackwall and Vivienne were left behind this time. 

I could faintly feel a rift where I knew one was to the west, but it was severely muted.  It should have been fairly intense, considering it probably wasn’t even ten minutes away.  As I explored the edges of the camp, I could feel the tingling increase.  Curious, I opened my SELF so I could see what was going on.  Surrounding the whole place was a shimmering barrier.  A soap bubble barrier, or maybe glass.  It took effort to read the runes.  Protection, safety, freedom from fear, and a fourth!  Quiet.  Four runes.  I’d only tried three.  The barrier seemed to rise from between the two statues of kneeling men, and flow over the clearing.

I was standing there, staring at it, when delicate footsteps came up beside me.  “I had wondered if you would feel this, my dear.  It is incredible work.  Few can create a barrier this fine anymore.”

That surprised me, because I knew Vivienne, Dorian, Solas, and I could all do it.  “The ability is so rare?”

“Perhaps it is the drive to learn and the skill, more than ability.  Regrettably, some mages will never be more than mediocre, no matter how much they study.  Still others seem to do things that should take years of study almost instinctively.”

“Hmmm.  I would not disagree, Madame de Fer.”

“You may call me Vivienne, my dear, and I shall call you Chrysopal, hmm?”

A woman that understands bargains.  “That seems fair, Vivienne.  Was there something you wanted?”

“What do you see, feel, hear, smell when you explore this?  I am curious.”

“I would be curious as well.”

“It is so fine I see nothing but the barest shimmer.  There’s a hint of a metallic tang.  It pokes the back of the throat.  And unlike most barriers, it is nearly silent.”

“I see a weave of runes so fine that without looking closely, it appears as a sheet of glass or a soap bubble.”

“Runes?”

“Yes.  There’s a tingle on my skin, which is more intense the nearer the actual barrier I go.  Not unpleasant.  The smell is of vanilla and pumpkin, smells of home, but faint, very faint.  And when I listen, it sings.  Just a bit.  Like the hum of the wind moving through trees, the pitch varies, but stays in key.”

“Which runes do you see, my dear?”

“Protection, safety, freedom from fear, and quiet.  I’ve never attempted a barrier with a fourth rune.  And to weave it so small.  Incredible work.”

“You see barriers as woven runes?”

“You do not?”

“Each barrier is the culmination, the epitome of a rune.  A pure field, ringing with that single truth.  Combining them.  This is not normally done.  Who taught you, Chrysopal?”

“Solas opened the door, and I expanded upon a theme.  He and Dorian were pleased.”

“The barrier in Skyhold, that was you.”

“You yourself said I wasn’t a mage.  How could I but believe you?  Dorian was the only acknowledged mage in our camp.”

“You are clever, I’ll grant you.”

“I just let people believe what they wish.  It makes them happy, and doesn’t hurt anything.”

She and I exchanged a few platitudes, and took our leave of each other.

I organized my ladies and a few others to get buckets of water and rags ready for when Sam and everyone came back.  I’d heat them as necessary, though I didn’t tell anyone that.  The scouts had a deer roasting, as well as root vegetables.  Plenty for everyone.  Even firebread was being made in a series of dutch ovens.  They’d gone out toward the highway to hunt, not into the plains.

Josie’d basically taken over the planning, and she and I consulted.  Our guys were going to come home tired and possibly hurt.  They had potions with them, but you never know.  Some things potions couldn’t fix. I knew that because Sam’d cleaned out the Hinterlands, Fallow Mire, and Crestwood, the group was probably overpowered for this area, but I didn’t say anything.

It was dusk when Cole showed up.  I felt the ripple.  “Hello, Cole.”

“They come.  They have only minor hurts.  Solas says don’t worry.”

“He sent you with a message?”

“Yes.”

“That’s sweet of him.  But that means he was hurt, and isn’t.  How badly?”

“He was knocked unconscious.  But he’s better.”

“Thank you, Cole.  And Dorian?”

“He doesn’t want you to worry either.  You should tell him.”

“So many things to choose.”

“Who you are.  Who he is.  Either or both.  Granddaughter of Aine, magic in the line.  Humanity layered on what is beneath.  You know who you are, unchanged in spirit, and so will he.”  Cole shrugged.  “He suspects, already, that you know.”

“Does he?”  I changed the subject.  “That means Dorian was knocked unconscious as well?”

“Yes.  And he’s better.”

“I’ll refrain from chastising, if that’s your worry.”

“Thank you.”

“And you?  Your hurts?”

“They come now.”  He pointed to the entrance, but I grasped his wrist.

“Your hurts, Cole?”

He sounded surprised when he answered.  “I’m better.”

“Take better care of yourself.  I would miss you.”

“I know.”

I opened my SELF just a hair and TWISTED to make the water in the buckets warm.  Just enough to steam gently, not enough to burn.  They were definitely grimy coming in.  Dorian, smart boy, walked directly over to me.  I handed him a warm, wet cloth and he ran it over his face.  “A treasure, you are.  How do you always know what I need?”

“I don’t.  I just figure what I might need, and provide that.  I’m glad you are uninjured.”  He breathed a small sigh of relief.  “But I would hope you would be more careful in the future.”

“Cole revealed us.”

“Not exactly.  He didn’t tell me anything except that you are better.  Which means you weren’t, at some point.  The fact that he was sent to tell me not to worry, that revealed you.”

“I’m going to remove these dreadful rags.  Disgraceful, they are.”

“Take the bucket with you."  I warmed it again, until it was steaming.  "And please ask Solas if he’s avoiding me because he’s afraid.”

“That is decidedly cruel.  He will have to come to you to prove he is not.”

“Not if he doesn’t want to.”

Josie was helping Sam wash his face.  Cassie was being tended by Vivienne.  Blackwall was holding Sera down and scrubbing her head while she squealed that she would get even.  Bull appreciated the water, washing the grime himself.  It caught Dorian’s attention, until Bull looked at him.  Then Dorian found other things to do, quickly.  Varric somehow managed to be not very dirty at all, but washed up a bit anyway.

Solas stopped by after cleaning himself up.  Dissapointing.  He stood next to me, watching the camp.  “I am not afraid of you.”

“I didn’t think you were.”

“Dorian is chortling over the idea.”

“It’s a funny idea.”

“Why?”

“Because you robbed me of the opportunity to assure myself you were alright.”

“You were not to worry.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

He tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear.  “I am unhurt.”

“I know.  The meal will be ready soon.  I should get back to the girls.”

“Stay in camp, da’asha.  Please.  Until we can get the skirmishes stopped.”

I couldn’t promise that.  I just looked at him.  “Enjoy your evening, Solas.  I won’t wander unnecessarily.”  His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t say anything.

The girls had spent the afternoon making our little camping area more habitable.  We had a small fire for light, and they’d arranged the chairs and a few cushions from the carriages on the ground. Gethon had originally been planning to sleep near the mounts, but decided against it for reasons he wouldn’t tell me.  He moved up to where we were.  We could see the mounts from here.  He and the men were in the four-man.  The ladies were crammed into the six-man again.  Gara and I were in the two-man.

Gunther arranged for dinner to be brought to us.  Well, he said Cassandra had chosen the stuff to bring.  There was a ton.  Truly.  Two whole loaves of bread, and we weren’t expected to have leftovers.  Meat, vegetables, in quantity.  Afterwards, we did cleanup.  Volunteering if only to have something to do.  Iona, my little one, fell asleep before we could do songtime.  The other girls were likewise exhausted.  Stress, since they’d not been doing much.  Gara, Geth, Gunny, and I silently made the decision to skip the songs tonight, and send everyone to bed.  There’d be time enough later.

It was full dark when a messenger scout brought me a few envelopes.  I’ll look at them in the morning.  One’s from Merril, and the others are in Halton’s hand.  They can wait.  I’ll need something to occupy my time tomorrow.


	81. Day 26, 23 Justinian, 9:41 Exalted Plains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations, paperwork, explorations and demons, overprotectiveness, Insecure Dorians, and angry Solas, but not at me.

### Road Trip, Day 26, 23 Justinian, 9:41 Exalted Plains

Solas is always saying “the veil is thin here.”  He’s right.  It’s thin everywhere.  Some places more than others, of course.  Thing is, you can see it from this side, too.  Spots where you can almost see the real world.  I had climbed to the top of the hills near the aqueducts to see the area.  The battles go on here, as well.  Is there no place safe from war?  I didn’t venture too far beyond the camp, even here.  Soldiers in memories are just as violent sometimes as soldiers in present time.  It’s not safe, and I can’t make it so.  It’s just so sad.

“You spend more time wandering than is wise, da’asha.  Why are you not in your own space?”

I spoke as he stepped up next to me.  “I wanted to see.  Will there ever be an end to war?”

“There is no way to know.  Will there ever be an end of greed?”

“Greed is a necessary thing.  A beneficial force, in moderation.  If someone does not desire something more, they will strive for nothing.  Nothing will get accomplished, nothing will change, improve.  That is far worse than greed.”

“You are wise beyond your years, ma’Sulahn'nehn’udh.  However many that may be.”

“Not so many as you may think, but more than I look.  I’m starting to recognize prefixes and suffixes.  And some roots.  Now I need to know what more of them mean.”  I smiled up at him. 

He quirked a lip.  “How many more?”

“How many more what?”

“Years.”  He could have meant words, and chose his question.  It’s FUN fencing with him.

“That all depends on how old I look, doesn’t it?”  He made a noise.  Love doing that.  “Less than half an age, more than a quarter.”

“Incredibly young to have such insight.”

“Only to some.  Others consider me old.  When the world moves fast, you must move fast with it, or you get left behind.  You don’t have a bazillion years to study something.”

“I am not certain there have been a bazillion years yet, however many that is.”

“Depends on your theory of time, I suppose.  If time is merely perception, then all of time is happening in any one instant.  If it flows, like a river, then they all happen, but we can only reach some of them.  The ones ahead, easily.  The ones behind?  Only with great effort, or not at all.”

“You believe time flows, has currents.”

“I think that, I don’t believe that.  Belief indicates some sort of fanatical devotion to the idea.  If I’m proven wrong, I will be perfectly content to think the new theory is accurate.  That’s the way science works.”

“Your mind moves so strangely,” he mused.  Then he sobered.  “Even here, you should have a staff.”

“I didn’t think of it.”  He sighed.

“Please, ma’nehn, return to the safe places.  The barrier holds even here.  Stay within it until we can pacify the area.  Waking and dreaming.”

“You worry.”

“Do you not?”

“Very well.  Barring pressing reason, I will make an effort to remain within the barrier until the area is pacified.  But I want to see a little of Dirthavaren, and this is likely to be my only trip here.”

He looked at me oddly.  “Why your only trip?”

“I’m ready to go home, and intend to stay there, for a long while.  I want my bed, Solas, and my people.  My cat.  My things.  A library to read, and normal things to do.  It’s been interesting, but I’m tired.  And Sam won’t let me go.  I understand, truly, the reasons, and don’t hold it against him.  But I’m done with the road trip.  Done but not finished.”

“I see.”  He said something, elven, as he pulled me into a gentle hug.  I recognized haselan, Tarasyl'an Te'las, and vhen in the middle of it.  I don’t know what haselan is, but I know skyhold and vhen.  Home.

“A month is long enough to be away.  Even the Inquisitor hasn’t been gone this long before.  And still at least six more days.”  The look on his face me tells me it’ll be more than six days.  Not what I want to hear.

He tucked my hand into the crook of his arm and led me away.  “Come, Chrysopal.  I shall accompany you back to safety.”

“You have stuff to do, and it doesn’t include babysitting random women.”

“Not precisely.  But I will feel more comfortable when you are in a protected area.”  He helped me down the rocks back into camp.  Then he took a step, and the camp disappeared.  I found myself in a field of flowers, a single moon in the sky above.  He smiled at my expression.  “You like them.”

“I do.  Thank you.”  His face.  There was something off.  Should I let him know that I know it is not my space?  “Do you want something else, mor’ishan?”

“Many things, but nothing tonight.”

“Nothing?”

“Sleep peacefully.  We are both very tired.”  He looked it.

“I will stay here, then, and pass the night in safety.  Because you are tired, and don’t wish to ask.  But I am not fooled, Solas.”

He nodded.  “Thank you.  There are dangers you would not understand.”  He put my hand to his cheek and closed his eyes a moment.  A deep breath later, he released it, and faded away.

I kept my word, and stayed in the space I was fairly sure was his for the rest of the night.  Laying in the flowers, slipping in and out of easy dreams, safe memories and fiction.  Nothing I would mind him seeing.

I woke soon after dawn.  I bet I woke when Solas did.  Dressed in working clothes, but a dress, because damn it.  Dress effect.  Stupidity.  Garalen’s still asleep, but I wanted to go wandering a bit, exploring the edges of the barrier a bit more.  Not toward the fighting, but back toward the road.  There’s what looks like a bit of a fortification or aqueduct I never got to explore in game, because there’s an invisible wall. Also, if this barrier is a sphere, which would make sense, then a little bit of the area around the road should also be encompassed.  So I was good, and waited until later.

The parents, whose names I never seemed to catch, took over fire duty.  Bacon, barley, dried fruit was delivered.  Bacon porridge again.  Oh, DARN.  I enjoyed breakfast.  The girls and their parents wanted to do SOMETHING, which is admirable, so I spoke to Gunther.  He’ll arrange for them to volunteer under supervision.  Nothing they don’t offer to do, and no coercion. 

Gethon offered to do my hair.  Considering he glanced at the other fire first, I chanced a side glance, without turning my head.  Guess who was standing, facing away, but tensed.  “No, Geth.  I’ll get it.  But I thank you for the offer.” 

“Anytime, Chrissy.  But you should do something with it.  It’s kind of messy hanging down.”

“There are several people who disagree with you.”  His tone had been nice, but his words weren’t.  He’s obviously in the Leorah camp.  Dress the doll.  He didn’t mean to upset me.  But Varric had a good point.  Several.  I’m the one with tangled hair and a finger in every pie.  I put in a simple braided bun, holding it with magic sticks as usual.

Anyway, I had work to do before I could even think about exploring.  I commandeered a table next to Josie, and spread out my papers.  Forty bazillion things to do, and it took all morning to do them.  I miss my Ethelathe hall, which is only as bright as I want it to be, and has NO FUCKING WIND.  Damn it. 

Sam left Cassie and Cole behind today.  Cole’s a dear, sweet boy when he’s not a murdering whirlwind, but he has many, many questions.  After about the twentieth one, I stopped him.  “Cole.”

“Yes.”

“Did Solas ask you to keep an eye on me?”

“Yes.”

“Would he be unhappy if I’m grumpy at him because I don’t get my work done?”

He paused to think.  “I can ask someone else.”

“Just for a while.  I have to get this stuff done.  I’ve not even gotten to Merrill’s letter.”

“You made a good impression.”

“Cole.”

“Private mail, don’t do that, it’s rude.  Sorry.  Varric told me that.  I forgot.”  I gave him a quick hug, because I really do adore him, and sent him on his way.

Josie was in a similar predicament, because the scouts kept bothering her.  We shared commiserating looks many times over the morning.  Eventually I got what I needed to do done.  Sealed up, waxed, and ready to go.  Josie put them in with her letters.  I kept Merrill’s letter out.  I’ll read it later.

A quick lunch, and then I explored the edges of the barrier.  I may have cheated just a bit with getting up to the aqueduct.  There was a whole small meadow, enough for two small tents and a fire.  Garalen thought it was a great spot.  Wants to move our tent, because this is defensible.  You could only get back through a gap in the rocks.  It was near the right statue, if you were looking out.  I knew there was space there.  I could see it in game.  Stupid invisible walls.  I told her I’d think about it.  It’d leave the girls out there on their own.

It wasn’t until midafternoon that things got stupid.  Someone let the fire go out in the right kneeling guy’s bowl.  Fools.  That demon outside the barrier, in the crossroads?  It respawns until the area is pacified.  I felt the barrier go down.

“Cassandra!  We need that fire lit!”  She turned her head to me, but didn’t understand.  I pointed toward the statues, and she looked.  She didn’t pay attention to the fires, though, she was a little focused on the horrid things just now noticing the lack of barrier.  They didn’t move quickly, thank whoever is in charge of that.

Cassandra started barking orders, and the soldiers bundled up the noncombatants and shoved us into our area.  Not just us elves, but the others, too.  Josie, some others.  There were the ten Hessarians, Cass, Cole, Gunny, Gara, and five scouts.  Not a single damn mage.  So I climbed up on a carriage and barriered as many as I could, as often as I could, from WAY back.  I am NOT up for a fight.  Gunther, Gara, Cole, and Cassandra had precedence.  Then the others as I could.  There was only so much fighting room, so the scouts stayed back, shooting arrows.  The Hessarians were staying mostly back, defending their charges. 

Three demons.  When Cass had them handled, I pulled a scout aside and told him to get the fires lit in the bowls.  I got to Gunther and Gara.  They were both okay.  Smeared with copious nasty, but not injured.  I hugged Garalen tight.  The barriers had worked.  No one had more than bruises.  Cassandra actually thanked me.  I was tired, but not exhausted.

“Why did they attack now?” she asked.

“Because someone let the fires go out.  They activate a barrier for the camp.  The barrier went down.”

“That is what you were yelling about.”

“Yes, Seeker.”

“Someone is handling it?”

“They better be.”

We got water from the little stream, lots of it, to try and wash the slime off the grounds.  Which had almost no effect.  Apparently not water soluble.  It at least dulled the smell.  Maybe Dorian or Vivienne knew something we could do.  There were slices in one of the nearer tents, from a stray claw or four.  While we were messing with the slime, trying to put it into buckets, I felt the barrier go back up.  Thank God.  Finally, I just created a barrier and scooped the bucket up to it, collecting the slime.  Two scouts and I carried the stuff outside the barrier, flinging it into the crossroads where the things spawned.  Gunny and Gara followed.  We were on our way back from the second trip when Sam and the guys arrived.

I should probably have considered my appearance before I started doing stuff, but I was doing CLEANING.  We certainly weren’t expecting the guys home so soon.  It wasn’t even dusk yet.  I guess we were pretty dirty.  May have smelled a bit.  It’s not like the warrior types can kill it and we leave the carcasses in the middle of camp!

I just cheerily waved at the guys, and we continued back to camp.  Cassandra met them at the barrier.  She probably explained everything.  I wasn’t actually accosted until Dorian showed up next to me as I was scrubbing a tent side with soap.  “Dove, you are literally scrubbing on your hands and knees.”  His voice was testy.

“I’m not the only one.”

“You are quite filthy.”

“Such a nice thing to say.”

“I’m sure someone else can take it from here.  We may have a few questions for you.”  Not the most pleasant sounding request.

I stood up, pushing my hair back.  “Who’s we?  Cassandra should have all the answers.  She was in charge.”

“She’s briefing the Inquisitor.”

Maybe it was because I wasn’t waiting?  “I’m sorry I didn’t have everything ready for you guys.  We’ve been a little busy.  I’ll get the girls to get the water and stuff set up.”

“They already did, Dove.”  I was thoroughly confused. 

“Then what do you need?  Just say so, love, and I’ll get it.”  He shook his head, exasperated. 

Dorian led me over to a large rock where Garalen was being questioned by Solas.  They both went silent before I could figure out what they were talking about.  The bald one was as displeased as Dorian.  “What’d I do?  Why are you both mad at me?”

Solas asked the first question.  “First, we are not mad at you.  Second, exactly how close were you to the demons that attacked the camp?”

“I was standing on top of that carriage over there.”  I pointed.  Something eased in both of them.  I crossed my arms.  “I told you both I would try to stay safe.  I know you’ve got those ramparts to handle.”

“The ramparts are handled.  We’ll clear the rest of the west tomorrow.  There’s a Dalish clan around here that the Inquisitor wants to meet.”  Dorian pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at my forehead.  I wrinkled my nose.  That keeper.  Ugh.  “This had better not be blood, Dove.”

“It’s not.  Not mine, at least.  There was nothing more than bruises on the Inquisition side.”  I moved on.  “Good news on the headed west thing.  There’s a nice stream…”  I shut my mouth.  Then I remembered the maps.  I could know this.  “We could all use a bath.”

“That, da’asha, is why we were early.  The Inquisitor closed the rift just to the west, and the way is clear to a pretty little waterfall and associated pool.  Large enough to accommodate all of us.  It was supposed to be a treat, not a necessity.”  He paused.  “How did you manage to acquire all that,” he gestured at my clothing, “if you weren’t near the demons?”

“I hugged Garalen, and I was doing the cleaning.  We had to get rid of the slime.  It’s not even water soluble.  And the stuff smells caustic, though it isn’t.  Awful.”

“It takes a fifteen minute walk to get to the stream.  Gather your things so we can go.”

“Excuse me?”

“Please.  I was not attempting to order you.”

“What about the girls?”

“They stay.  The Hessarians and your Gethon will watch them, as will the scouts.  Vivienne, as well, has no interest in going.”

Dorian chimed in.  “Blackwall will also be staying.  He doesn’t like cold streams, and would rather wash with a bucket of warm water.”

“It’s the middle of summer, away from the mountains.  The stream won’t be that cold.”

We gathered food and clothing and other stuff.  As a large group, we walked to the pool.  The inner circle, minus Blackwall and Vivienne, plus Josie, and a few soldiers, Gunther, Garalen, and me made up the entire group.  Girls on one side, boys on the other.  And a waterfall was heaven for washing long hair.  I probably had to soap it four times before the water ran clean.  Just ewww.

I heard Iron Bull laugh.  “But it’s dirty, and I can’t reach between the shoulder blades very well!”  Apparently he’d asked Dorian to wash his back.  “You could probably just magic it clean from there.”

“IF I wanted to wash your back, it certainly wouldn’t be in full view of the entire Inquisition!”

“So you want to get me all to yourself, eh?”

“That’s not what I said!”

“Whatever.  Your choice, Vint.”  He tightened his biceps, smirking.  Dorian just stared, and then turned away.

I had a long chat with Sera and Cass.  They say it was so easy to sort out the ramparts because the people here aren’t very experienced.  They “cut through them like a hot knife through butter.  CHEESE!  Cheese is better.”  Sigh.  Sera has a particular way with words. 

It wasn’t quite dusk when we all dressed and went back to camp.  I was heading back to the girls’ section, but got grabbed by the arm.  Gently.  “We are not finished talking, the three of us.”  Dorian grabbed my other arm.

“Do we need to be speaking in private?” I asked.

“There’s not a whole lot of private around here,” Dorian returned sardonically.

“Only if you don’t know where to look, my dear.”

“Well then, perhaps you could show us the privacy you claim to have found.”  Of course Solas chimed in.

“I guess if I’m to be lectured, it should be in private.”  I led them almost to the kneeling statues, then turned right and climbed the rocks a bit.  Behind a tree was a gap in the rocks large enough for a man, the path I’d found earlier. 

Stepping through, Dorian was flabbergasted.  “Can you not go anywhere or do anything without exceeding expectations, Dove?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Privacy.  And you find an entire nook.”

“Gara wants to move my tent up here.  I’m considering it.  The girls haven’t needed me.”

“How did you find this?”  Solas.  Grim.

“I was tracing the barrier.  I wanted to see the boundaries of it.”

“And yet we still discovered you outside those boundaries.”

“With four fighting people types!  I was not being foolish.”  I huffed.  “Look, I understand you guys might be unhappy with me, but I didn’t engage in any fighting, never left the company of guards, and still managed to be useful.  In most books, that’s a GOOD thing.”

“Dove, Cassandra’s account didn’t make sense.  She claims you managed to barrier everyone.”

“Not exactly.  The Seeker doesn’t understand.  For most of them, I just barrier’d ME.”

Solas got it.  “So Cole, Garalen, Gunther, and all of yours were under the fragmented barrier you once created?”

“Not exactly.  That one wouldn’t have been very useful.  But the same principle.  So I had fewer barriers to cast, which means I could cover more people.  The scouts were far away, so I didn’t bother with them.  Only the close fighters.  Cassandra, two Hessarians.  Keeping up only four barriers isn’t too bad.  I just wish they didn’t decay so quickly. There’s got to be a way around that…”

“We’re not getting distracted on that tangent, my dear.  So you kept up only four barriers on how many people?”

“Mostly twelve.  Why are you guys so upset?  I didn’t break any of the rules!”

“Dorian, could you excuse us, please?”

Dorian gave me a hug.  “Because I came back and found you covered in demon blood, my dove.  You nearly stopped my heart.  Be nice, you two.  No yelling.”  He left through the gap in the rocks.

“You told me you would stay within the barrier.”

“Did not.  First, I said barring pressing reason.  Removing that horrid slime from the camp was pressing.  Second, the barrier we discussed came down, mor’ishan, and a new one, one we hadn’t spoken of, was brought up.”

His mouth pressed into a tight line.  His back was suddenly to me, as he turned.  He took a deep breath.  “I will have to listen more carefully, I see.”

I stepped up next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.  “I stayed away from the danger, Solas.  I was never in harm’s way.  I thought you’d be pleased that I had done so.  I’m confused at your reaction.”

“You have done nothing wrong.  I had a discussion with the Inquisitor about the children being here.  And you.  He has good reasons to keep you all with us.  We expected you to be safe.  I am unreasonably angry that you were not, and the anger has nowhere to go.”

“I was safe.”  He turned his head to look at me.  “Cassandra saw the demons coming, so very slowly.  She managed us all, sending us to safety.  I only helped from behind a wall of swords and above the reach of the demons that invaded until they were defeated.  I swear it, Solas.  That is the way it was.”

He threaded his fingers in mine.  “We should get back.”

“Of course.”  Neither of us moved.  After a few breaths he pulled me in for a hug, holding tightly, releasing my hand to wrap both arms around me.  A full minute later, he let go, and ushered me in front of him through the gap.  Garalen was waiting there, antsy.  “Something wrong, Gara?”

“No.”  She settled immediately.

Solas barely glanced at her.  “Guard her well,” he said, before striding off.

“He says that to you a lot.”

“He means it, too.  He’s a powerful mage.”

“He won’t hurt you.”

She looked at me.  “Let’s get dinner.”

“Gara.”

“What, Chrissy?”

“You’re mine, sworn to me, twice, with your own vow.  Thrice, when you told another.  I will not allow him to harm you.  You are mine, and I am yours.  Friend, confidant, guardian.  Ethelathe and more.  To protect and be protected.  Do you understand?  I will defend you as you defend me.”

“How will you stop him?”

“I always seem to find a way, do I not?”  That made her laugh. We went off to eat.  The place had been cleaned further while we were gone.  The tent mended and the seams waxed.  Josie and Sam cuddling in front of the main fire.  Awwww.  Iron Bull was in that looks relaxed but isn’t pose he’s so fond of.  Dorian sat at my fire looked hunted.  I sat down next to him.  “Problems?”

“I’m not sure I should be discussing it.  Especially since you seem to have stalled your own romantic life.”

“Stalled?”

“You never.  There is no outward sign that there is interest.”

“And too much from the Iron Bull.”

“Perhaps.  I am used to chasing.”

“So enjoy it as a nice change of pace.  He’s not forcing anything on anyone, and even his flirting can be construed as innocent.”

“You think I should encourage this?”

“I think your blushes already do.”

“I am a grown man.  I do not blush.”

“Of course not.”

“You’re a fine one.  Are you ever going to get an actual kiss from anyone in Thedas?”

“You think I don’t get enough kisses?”

He muttered for a moment.  “Chrissy, I don’t see you getting any.”

“Dorian,” I said, and crooked a finger.  He leaned in.  “Do you think I’m a private person or a public person?”

“For all your friendliness, you are intensely private about many things.”

“So a beau who kissed me in public, or left me looking kissed in public.  Left marks.  Left me open to embarrassment and speculation.  On an acquaintance of less than four months, no less, because I’ve only been here that long.  How far do you think he’d get?”

“You’re telling me…”

“Love, I’m telling you nothing.  I’m merely asking questions.”

“You came out of that clever little hiding spot exactly as you went in.  And that’s how you want it?”

“For now, at least, yes.  Besides, I wouldn’t want to scare off the other three beaus, now would I?”

“Three?”

“Well, I know it’s one less than it was, and Cole said five, so therefore it must now be four.  Three more beaus.  Now about your own kisses…”

“I’m not discussing it.”

“Very well.  It’ll keep.”

The rest of the early evening I spent with Gunther and Gethon.  They were near the horses, drinking.  Geth had never seen a demon up close, and Gunny was helping him deal.  We determinedly avoided talking about anything not cheerful.  By the end of the evening, Geth was sloshed, Gunny was singing, and it wasn’t even songtime.  

I returned to the girls and kept it short, though a few more scouts and the brave soldier lass joined us.  The kids are starting to sing with the songs I do.  The parents aren’t yet ready.  I pulled Home on the Range out.  I changed a few words.  Druffalo for buffalo, elvhen for red man.  It was appropriate to the setting and the history.  We ended with our song, as always.

We got everyone to bed, and Gara argued for moving my tent again.  If we spend another night, maybe.  Not after full dark tonight.  As I was getting ready to turn in, a gentle tug.  I turned, and he lifted a brow.  I smiled, and he returned it with the quirk of his lips.  I’d see him tonight.  Maybe I could get some advice on how best to practice in order to improve the number of tones I could hold.  And I wonder if I can hold as many in the real as in the fade?


	82. Day 27, 24 Justinian, 9:41 Exalted Plains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fade dates, creeping out the inner circle, paperwork, testy Garalens, naps

### Road Trip, Day 27, 24 Justinian, 9:41 Exalted Plains

I’d been through two dream cycles before he visited.  I was in one of the weird dreams that doesn’t make much sense.  In the audience of the Voice, if The Voice was a piano bar with high stools and tables, listening to a huge range of singers.  Good, bad, truly awful.  And then someone brought their singing parrot on, and all four judges turned.  I felt him enter.  I knew he was there.  His hand ghosted up my throat as he stepped up behind me.  “You have no idea what it means that you are not afraid.  What is this place?” He spoke against my jaw.

“It’s an amalgam of several things, from what I can tell.  Dreams don’t always make sense.”  Everything was starting to wisp as I was no longer paying attention.  “Couldn’t you tell?”

“The lights, the strange items, and the microphones you told me about.  These little umbrellas in your glass?  I was looking for more specific information, ma’nehn.”  He traced my ear with his fingers.  Shivers broke out.  The stool held me high enough that his mouth was even with my ear, and he breathed on it.  You don’t have to breathe here in the fade.  He did it on purpose

“Is that your question, Solas?”

That noise.  I grinned.  “It is not.  Feel free not to answer.”  The only clear thing left of the scene was the stool I sat upon.  Everything else smeared, like a hand carelessly brushed over it.

“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.  This is all technology.  Unless all magic is just technology.”  His hands moved into my hair.  I’d apparently put it up in my dreams, and he was taking it down.  “You really have a thing for my hair.”

“Is that so?  I think I have distracted you from your dream.  Did you prefer the singing bird?”

“Why did you want visit this evening?”

“I need to reassure myself that you are unharmed.”

“You did that already, mor’ishan.”

“It is not enough.”  He placed a lingering kiss on the side of my neck.

“What would be enough?”

“Oh, Chrysopal,” he rumbled against my neck. “It would not be in my best interests to answer that.  Let it suffice that I will not be getting the assurance I seek tonight.”  He almost growled it in my ear.  This is really bothering him.

I turned on the stool.  “You’re not handling this well.”

“Twice now you have been endangered, seriously so.”

“I wasn’t hurt at all this time.”

“You could have been.”

“You’re punishing yourself and everyone around you over things that didn’t come to pass?”  That got him.  His head rose.  Fuck, his eyes weren’t just barely glowing, which I’d expected.  I’d never been this close to him when he did this.  There was sparse lightning behind them, quickly hidden.  He truly is weakened, if this is what he has compared to Tresspasser.  I cupped his jaw in my hands.  “Solas.  You need to relax.  Calm down.  I’m here, I’m unhurt.  If you’d cooperate, I’d be asking questions about magic.  Maybe even a hug or three?”

“Kisses?”  I think he said it mostly out of habit.

“Is every man’s mind stuck on kisses?  Even Dorian griped about me never looking kissed.”

He stepped closer, against my thigh.  Face far closer.  Eyes gleaming.  “I can make you look kissed.  Easily.  Then your stableboy would know to keep his hands to himself.”  Shit.  That tone was nearly predatory.

“That’s completely unnecessary.  He already knows, and doesn’t touch me like that.  Wait, are you jealous?”

“You have not yet chosen.”  His tone hadn’t changed.

“I don’t want to be speculated about.  You don’t, either”

“We are in the fade, ma’haselan’udh.  There is no one to speculate.”

“There is.  Spirits are people, too.”  That shocked him out of the mood.

“They are?”

“What else would you call them?  Cole proves the theory, really.  It’s just a matter of side of the veil.”  I spun on the stool and hopped down on the other side.  “I’m surprised it doesn’t happen more often, I think.  Maybe they lack the will.  It would take a powerful spirit, I think.”

“You are trying to change the subject.”

“I am.  Is it working?”

“You had questions about magic?  Perhaps you should make us something to sit on?”

I made a comfy couch, and he let the subject of kisses drop.  He let me ramble on about harmonics and frequencies.  He was surprised a few times.  That I knew light and sound were really the same thing, for one.  That I’d smeared one into the other, for another.  Then we got distracted by a discussion of string theory, in which the entire multiverse is merely vibration and frequency.  That someone from Thedas could speak intelligently about esoteric physics theories! 

He started talking obliquely about what sounded like focused wormholes.  A physical object, connected to another via magic, able to close the distance between locations.  Eluvians.  He was telling me how eluvians worked.  And I had no way to take notes.  So I asked if he was talking about stargates.  Might as well throw him a curveball until I could get up to speed.  So I explained that we had legends of such things.  Stargates, fairy rings, standing stones.  All of which could transport the unwary through time and space.

By the end of evening, his head was in my lap and we were back to a discussion of practice techniques for tone production when he sat straight up.  “It’s dawn.”  A contraction?  “I had not noticed the time.  Ir abelas, ma’nehn.”  He continued in elven, quickly.  I put a hand to his lips.

“I didn’t understand that.  But you have to go, and should have before now.  I understand.”  He nodded and poofed.  Didn’t even get any kisses.  Poor baby.  He’ll be grumpy about that later.  I woke smiling.

* * *

 

I did some thinking while I was getting dressed.  If I wanted to get out of here tomorrow morning, they needed to finish this place as far as they could TODAY.  So, I made some preparations.

I packed a pack with spindleweed, elfroot, canine leather, and iron.  Hawen could whistle for great bear pelts.  We didn’t need them, anyway.  I walked up to the map out on the table.  Sam and Cassandra had their heads together over it.  I was about to ruin their day.  “May I intrude?”

“What do you need, Chrissy?”  Sam sounded tired.

“I need to be creepy at you.”

He looked at me.  I arched a brow and made a soft bak-bak chicken noise at him.  He straightened and glared.  “Fine.  Do your thing.”

“Okay.  There are logging camps here, and here.  A quarry over here.”  I touched the map, leaving little lights of green and grey.  “There’s one in the fens, too, but you have to get the collapsed tunnel cleared.  That’ll be done by your second trip here, I’m sure, just as the bridge will be.  First thing you need to do is talk to Olafin.  He’s here.  Watch out for the armored skeletons hounding him.  He’ll give you directions to the elven encampment.  Make sure you mention Olafin to Hawen, the keeper.

“Hawen’s an ass, but be polite.  Talk to the others first, to get an idea of what’s going on.  Hawen’ll tell you that you need to do things for him “to befriend the clan” or some shit before he’ll let one of his people join the inquisition.  Loranil wants it more than his next breath, and his spirit will wither if he is denied.  So you’re going to have to barter him away, basically.  Do enough nice things and you’ll buy Hawen’s goodwill.”

I took a deep breath.  “Next.  The brother is here.”  I touched the map, a red light.  “You may have seen him already.  Don’t tell the sister anything other than that he was brave, or this won’t work.  Be warned.  This evasion will annoy Dorian and Solas, because the kid died doing blood magic.  Don’t mention that to anyone in the clan.  The golden Halla is around here.” A gold light.  “Chase it back, don’t kill it, don’t let it die.  When you clean out the demons from the Var Bellanaris,” a purple light, “don’t open the graves.  It’ll piss Hawen off.  You can get the keys to the door later, after you’re done with the clan.  The shrine of Sylaise contains the talisman you’ll need.  It’s here,” a blue light, “past the waterfall we were at last night.

“Finally, I’ve packed spindleweed, elfroot, canine leather, and some iron.  Give each one separately after you’re asked for it, and be seen doing it, but don’t brag about it.  That should get the job done.  If you do all that, then the young man will be permitted to come.  He’ll be an asset to Cullen and make a large difference later.  It’s a lot of work, though.  I’ll understand if you refuse.”  I didn’t look up until I was done.  Sam was staring at me, jaw dropped.  Cassandra had her mouth shut, but the same expression. 

Varric had come up to the table as I spoke, and burst into laughter.  “See, Inquisitor?  That’s how I felt when I saw the green water.”

I could feel my face heat.  “You don’t have to laugh.  You’ll make one large circle doing it this way, not wasting time.”

Sam looked at me carefully.  “How well do you know the other places?”

“I’m not sure yet.  More about the graves than Emprise du Lion, but neither super well.  I’m fairly useless on the eastern portion here, too.  Except for there’s an occupied fortification past the bridge, that there’s a dragon back in the fens, and the quarry.”

His eyebrows shot up.  “Dragon?”  I didn’t say anything.  I was afraid I’d screwed up.  I just wanted to get moving again.  “We met up with Olafin yesterday, and took care of the skeletons.  This.”  He was at a loss for words for a moment.  “Chrissy, how do you know this?”

“From a long time ago.  I saw something, once.  I’ve already sung to the Nightingale. She knows, better than anyone, what it means.  Upon your shoulders rest choices that shape the world and everything in it, Inquisitor and Herald, Chosen of Andraste.  Desired or not, true or not, history will so name you.”  I took a breath.  I had to stop that.  “I could be wrong about this.  Sam, I could.  Don’t rely on this alone.  Choices change things.”

“Have you met the keeper?  Hawn, you say?”

“Hawen, and no, I’ve never met him.  However, Hawen distrusts anything Andrastian. He will overlook that if you bribe him by doing things.  That’s not very different from selling his clan member, whom he should be responsible for, to you.  I distrust you, but you gave me things, so here’s a family member?  I feel sorry for his clan, but we can save this one, Sam.  Please?  One is lost already, but we can save Loranil.  You’ll also be able to shop at the trader.  They have things you may need.”

“You remembered this because of his treatment of this Loranil and a lost one?”  I nodded.  “I see.  That makes a lot more sense, knowing you, than you having a random map memorized.  The other things you mentioned, the bridge, the tunnel, occupied fortifications, a maker-bedamned dragon?  Those are memorable, too.  Let me guess.  This is the exact bare minimum we have to do to change the keeper’s mind?”

“Yes.  They also want great bear pelts and some things done in the Emerald Graves.”

“Write it down, Chrissy.  I’ll never remember it all.”  That meant yes.  I hugged him, and smooched his cheek.  As I turned around, there were more faces behind me than I expected.  Bull.  That’s okay.  Sera was obviously creeped out.  Thank goodness Dorian, Solas, and Blackwall weren’t around.  I edged around them and left.  A few minutes later I returned with a neatly written list.  Sam’d already put the pack near the mule they were going to use.  Sera stared, but the rest seemed to have shrugged it off.

I was a bit leery of hanging too close, so I immediately started away from them after handing off the list.  Something whooshed near my ear and my hair fell!  I turned and looked.  “You know how weird it is to do that and grab the nothing holding up your hair?”  Varric, you ass.  And I didn’t say it.  “Go eat, Cuddles.  I’ve got this.”  I nodded at him, and he handed me my sticks of magic.  Off for breakfast. (And I redid my hair.)

The girls and their parents were doing okay.  They weren’t as freaked out as I’d expected them to be over the fight yesterday.  True, though, they’ve dealt with a lot freakier stuff than I have.  Thedas is a horrible, bloody place, and they lived in the biggest alienage in it.  They were eating, relaxing, helping, under the guidance of Gunther. Gethon is good, he’s hanging out with the mounts, shocker.  Garalen wasn’t in the tent when I got there.  No clue where she is.

Since they’re fine, I went over to the tables now set up for Josie and me.  I actually had MORE stuff on it.  And yes, I neglected breakfast.  I wasn’t hungry.  I don’t know how those people are going to react to me knowing.  I’d sort of eased Varric and Bull into it. Anyway.  Stuff.  I read Merrill’s letter first. 

Apparently we made a good impression.  Merrill forwarded good wishes from the keeper, and Samrith of all people.  She complimented me on community building techniques, over the course of several paragraphs.  Someone needs to teach her to summarize.  And she asked what the inter-clan courting procedures were for clan Ethelathe. 

I wrote back explaining that Ethelathe wasn’t actually a clan, per se.  It’s hard to explain what we are.  We’re a home, and a place, and a method, and a family.  And yet, we aren’t a family of elves.  We are a family of people.  Ugh.  I referred her to Eadras to explain better.  If someone wanted to court someone in Ethelathe, they needed to Use Their Words, and talk to the person in question.  It didn’t go through me or anyone else.  Everyone makes their own decisions.

Paperwork multiplies, so I wasn’t exactly surprised to find as much work as I did.  I was surprised that it took the morning and half the afternoon to get it done.  I’d cleared my paperwork yesterday!  A new schedule, since I’d changed the last one, and Halton’d included the requests, in a neat hand.  Scouts had been delegated to make sure the fires were well-stocked.  We wouldn’t have a repeat of yesterday.  I was just finishing up when a bowl of stew clunked on the table.

I looked up to see Garalen.  “Hello.”

“You didn’t eat breakfast, and you didn’t eat lunch.”

“I forgot, I’m sorry.”  She handed me a spoon.

“Don’t sorry me.  Eat.”

“Where were you this morning?”

“In conference.”  Her tone didn’t invite questions.  I’m a nosy bitch, so I asked anyway.

“Should I be concerned?”

“No.”

I set my spoon down and sighed.  “Anything that makes you this unhappy with me I need to know about.”

“I’m not unhappy with you.  I’m just aggravated.  I got news I didn’t like.  It changes nothing.  I’m yours, Chrissy.  Your knife in the dark.”

“That’s thrice you’ve vowed to me.  Are you sure you want to do that?  There’s magic in threes, even unknowing.”

“It’s done.”

“Have you eaten?”  She gave a curt nod.

“Can I help?”

“No, Chrissy.  You can’t help.  Well, you DID help, so you can’t help.”

“You’re starting to sound like me.”  The first smile.

“I put seating in the little clearing.  You look frazzled.  You could get away from the bustle there.”

“Is that a hint?”

“You’re stressed out over something this morning.  A dream or reality?”  Her words had meaning I didn’t understand, so I met them with truth.

“I creeped out everyone this morning.  I interfered in Inquisition business.  Making requests and showing way too much knowledge.  It could bite me, later.” 

I’d forgotten that Josie was right there.  She reached over and touched my hand.  “You have nothing to be concerned with.  The Inquisitor appreciated the information.  He said it would make dealing with the prickly Dalish much easier.”

Garalen handed me back the spoon.  “Eat, and then check out the clearing.  I’m sure you will relax there.”

“Gara, what are you plotting?  I’m not setting one foot in that clearing until I know who or what is waiting for me.”

“I’m not plotting anything.”  She thought for a moment.  “You’re not the only one who prefers privacy.”

“So my presence has been requested, and you are a messenger.”  She looked uncomfortable.  “It’s okay.  I don’t mind.”

Her body language cleared, though she still looked tense.  “Thank you.”

I finished my stew and headed where I’d been directed, after a quick stop at my tent to collect something.  I was fairly certain I knew who I’d find.  I stepped through the gap in the rocks and there was a blanket on the ground.  No one there.  Several logs had been moved nearby, too.  I settled on a log, planning to check on my people.  A few moments later, my hair fell.  Again.

I swiveled my head, and there he was, playing with the nothing he’d snatched.  “I told you someday I was going to get you a bell if you kept sneaking up on me.”

“And perhaps someday you will.”

“Did you forget I think ahead?”  I pulled a wad of cloth out of the pouch at my waist.  His face remained placid.  I unfolded the cloth to reveal a bell on a green leather thong.  His mask slipped, for just a moment, in surprise, and then his face smoothed again.  I picked it up by the string and it tinkled lightly.  “I got it in Val Royeaux,” I said, holding it out to him.

“You got this for me?”

“No one else likes to sneak up on me.  It’s a self-serving present, I suppose.  You’ll probably never wear it.  But I like to keep my word.” I lowered it.  “It’s okay if you don’t like it.”

He grabbed my wrist, leaving the bell jingling in my hand.  He pulled me to my feet.  “You are constantly surprising me, ma’haselan.  It is…”  He seemed at a loss for words.  His fingers gently tugged the cord out of my hand, and he held it up to look at it.  “It is lovely, intricate.  You chose this.”  It wasn’t a question.

He was acting strangely.  “Is there something wrong?  You’re acting weird.”

“I like the gift.  Perhaps you might even convince me to wear it.  Care to try?”

“Perhaps I’ll wear the golden beryl you left for me if you wear that.  Seems only fair.”

He wasn’t expecting that.  “You still have that.  I had thought it lost when Haven fell.”

“None of mine lost anything of their personal items.”

“You are eternally interesting.  You had it all this time, and never wore it.  Not even once.”

“I think I wore it once in Haven.”

He caught me off guard when his lips captured mine.  He pulled back, and wrapped the thong around his wrist.  “I meant since then.  As you well know.”

“What’d you do to it?”

“I did nothing.  It is as it was made.”

“Your words are not easing my mind, mor’ishan.”

“You need a rest, Chrysopal.  Even your Garalen mentioned you were stressed.”

“You just want to play in the fade.”

“An hour’s rest, and I will remain awake to guard you.”  That caught me off guard.  I must have looked at him strangely.  “I have an ulterior motive, yes.  If you are going to rest for an hour, I could kiss you now.  You would be unmarred by the time you left.  I would not allow you to sleep unguarded away from the others.”  Allow?  But I let it slide.

“You did just kiss me.”

“Have you forgotten so soon?  There are kisses, and kisses, ma’haselan.  Sit with me?”  We sat together, and I played with his hand.  Long fingers, delicate lines, but strong and quick.  I massaged it lightly, the bell tinkling.  It made me smile.  “It will not make noise often.”

“You’ll still the clapper with magic, won’t you.”

“That is one way.  Your rest?”  He pulled his hand away and then imbedded it in my hair.  Soundlessly, damn it.

“Why do you want me to take a nap?”

“It was another’s suggestion.  She thinks you have not been resting enough.”  Fingers made little circles behind my ears.  Massaging my scalp.  Good at it too.

It took me a moment to realize who would want me to rest.  “Garalen.”

“Make your guardian happy.  Rest.  Make me happy.  Grant me a kiss first.”

“Kisses and then rest.  You’re quite persuasive.”  I leaned toward him and met his lips with mine.  He nipped at my bottom lip gently, playfully, and I opened for him. 

He swept in, tasting and exploring.  I wasn’t pleased when he lifted his head.  “Much better.  You look kissed.  Now, ma’nehn, rest.”  He leaned against the log and pulled me across his chest.  I was still on the ground, but my cheek was pressed against his heart.  I could hear it beat, slower than I expected.  He stroked my hair for a while, and then said “sleep, ma’nehn.”  He said more, but I sank into sleep and didn’t catch it.  Formless, drifting.

I awoke to fingers stroking my face.  “It’s time to wake.”  Two contractions in one day?  “The girls will be wondering where you are, and the Inquisitor will be returning soon.”  He stood, lifting me with him until I was standing flush against him.  The barest brush of his lips to mine, and he led me, still a little groggy, out of the hidden space.

There wasn’t much rest of the day left.  Sam and the others rode in as dinner was nearing completion.  He sought me out, telling me that everything had gone well.  The halla had not been where I said, but fairly close.  Enough to be easy to find.  Loranil would be arriving this evening, and he would be assigned to Cullen.

“The man is so eager, Chrissy.  He thinks Corypheus is a threat that faces us all, and wants to help stop it.  To protect his people.  You were right.  To confine him, to keep him there, it would have damaged something.  When we get to the Emerald Graves, I want you to add any tidbits you have to what the scouts have put on the map.  Even if it’s not much.”

“I don’t know as much about that area.  Not like here.  I remembered because of Loranil.”

“Anything is a help.  I had a long chat with Varric.  You’ve been giving him advice for a while.”

I shrugged.  “He asked.”

“I’m asking now.  We’ll be leaving for the Graves in the morning.”  He gave me a quick hug and went back to Josie.  Birds came and went, dinner was had.  Songtime with the girls and Ethelathe, as well as a few others.  I think I like this lady soldier.  She has fun songs. 

Loranil arrived as songtime ended.  Inquisibutt watched closely for signs we had met before when he introduced us, but honestly, we hadn’t.  Loranil acted like most other idiot young men.  I pulled my hand out of his before he kissed it.  And he pouted like he thought I’d find that attractive.  Uh, no.  I advised him that the young ladies in the encampment were not to be flirted with, or he’d regret it.

Poor Dorian looked hunted.  Bull hadn’t SAID anything, he said.  But he kept LOOKING.  “You can’t prevent him from admiring what you put on display, Dorian.  I noticed you done up this morning.  If you primp and preen for him, he’s going to give you the courtesy of noticing.”

“I didn’t do it for him.”

“Oh?  Some other nice gentleman around you have your eye on?”  He huffed and hugged me goodnight, returning to the tent he shared with Solas and Cole.  I’m heading for bed.  I’m veiling my journal tonight.  It’s not like it’s so unusual anymore.  They know I do weird magic by now.

* * *

The Bell.


	83. Day 28, 25 Justinian, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Travels and Demonstrations. Revealing too much.

### Road Trip, Day 28, 25 Justinian, 9:41

We were all awoken before dawn. Dressed in traveling clothes, and the beryl wrapped around my wrist, we got out.  We barely had time to stretch.  Flatbread with egg and cheese in the middle was handed to us all as our portion of the camp was struck.  A scout snagged me and Gara and dragged us over to the conference going on.  Did I think the girls could handle a hard slog that took us to after dark, or did we need to do this in two days?  I so wanted to say they could handle it.  Truly.  I even opened my mouth, but I couldn’t do it.  I closed my mouth and shook my head.  Damn it. 

And I got laughed at.  Josie was full on giggling.  The rest of them were in various stages of smirks, smiles, quirked lips, or chuckles.  Money changed hands.  What the hell?  Turns out Sam had already figured the girls wouldn’t handle it well.  But then one of the scouts had mentioned that I really wanted to get the trip over with.  I’d been muttering about it over my paperwork.  Josie corroborated the statement.  Varric, the little shit, then laid odds on me saying I couldn’t lie.  Sera and Blackwall, as well as a few scouts, lost money.

“I can lie.  It’s just too much trouble.”

“Sure, Cuddles.”

I let it drop.  We mounted up, heading for the Emerald Graves.  The feel of the place changed as we moved further into the wooded foothills.  It felt more like Skyhold.  Not as intense, but the glowy dust I did most of my work with was everywhere.  I would have to ration, but I could do anything here.  Vallasdahlen started to be seen, as they should be.  These were large and full, green.  Wild halla!  The feeling dimmed on occasion, usually when crossing a road or coming upon a human settlement.

We stopped to eat and rest the mounts at a pretty little stream.  A wolf statue prominently watching the water.  He was everywhere.  I was going to have to tease him.  Not yet.  But soon.

Even the girls were happier here.  Yes, it’s so very different, but some of them could feel the difference.  I doubt they were mages, so perhaps it’s just an elven thing.  I paused to speak to them, and it was only some of the young ones that could feel the difference here.  Four of seven managed it, including my little Iona. Maya, Finaya, and Nolari (the second oldest) spoke of the difference in the air as well.  Sharis, the oldest, and Riwan and Devella did not.  None of the adults felt it.  That was disappointing.

This trip had been good for them.  They weren’t yelled at.  They helped only where they wished, and were admirably industrious.  They’d been eating more and better than ever.  Even with the demon scare, they were healthier and more vibrant.  Iona had smiled at me twice.  The woods felt safe, in some way.  It was time to show them.  And I had a gift to give.

When we stopped for the afternoon, I did some real thinking.  I pulled Gunther aside.  “I want to do something tonight.  It may be scary, but I want you there.  I want to show the girls what an elf can be, beautiful and wonderful.  Would you be offended?  Humans are wonderful, but so are elves, in a different way.”

“What’s going to happen?”

“Light, sound, dancing.  Nothing I would be ashamed to show, but it’s a private thing.  The words I use.  They will show the duality of things.  I need someone to stand firm and keep everyone away, no matter what he sees.”

“Count on me.”  I nodded.  I didn’t have enough people for a faery star, so I was going to have to go simpler.  It wasn’t magic.  It was symbolism.

I moved on to Garalen.  She was all in.  Cole, as well, was willing.  Dorian was harder.  He was cleaning his leather boots, sitting at the fire.  I sat next to him.  “I need to do something, Dorian.”

“And of course, you need me.  Everyone needs me.  That’s why I’m so sought after.”  He smiled.  Poppinjay.

“I do.”  He looked at my face.

“You’re serious, Dove.”

“I am going to possibly scare people.  Maybe you, but I need you.  Can you stand no matter what you see?  Nothing new for you, I think, but new combinations.”  I paused.  “Have you heard me create music?”

“No, but I look forward to it.”

Cole stopped near me as he walked the camp.  “I will help.”  I smiled at him and he continued.  “It will be fun to see it.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

Last one.  Solas.  He was going to be harder.  He was in front of his tent, sitting and writing something.  I squatted near him.  He looked up.  “Can you contain sound?  Is that a thing that exists here?”

“Limit how far it reaches?”

“Yes.  I want only the people in a designated space to hear something.”

“It has been done.”

“Can you do it?”

He stopped writing and looked at me.  “I can, depending on the size of the space.”

“I wanted to ask you for something.”

“You can always ask.”

“I am giving a gift tonight.  Away from the others.  The children, their parents, Ethelathe, Dorian.  You, if you wish.  You wanted to see what I did that scared Dorian.  I want to inspire, mor’ishan.  Can you stand, no matter what you see?  Remain silent?”

“I wonder if anyone would say no to that.”

“I would hope for honestly, instead of insatiable curiosity.”

“You wore it.”  His finger touched my wrist.

“I did.  We had an accord.”

“You had it with you.  I thought it back at Skyhold.”

“Is this a bad thing?”

“No, ma’haselan.  Surprising, that you kept it.  More, that you kept it with you.  I can stand.  I can remain silent, and keep sound within your space.”

“Songtime will be somewhere away from prying eyes.”  I stood.

One last stop.  Sam was mending his armor.  Josie was near him.  I waited a short distance away to be noticed.  He looked up.  “Chrissy!  Did you need something?”

“I did.”  I sighed.  “I need to do girly elf things with the girly elves.  I’d like to have an hour free of the Hessarians.  For all of us.”

“No.”

“Sam, I will have Gunther, Garalen, Solas, Cole, and Dorian with me to stand as guardians.”

“You’ve asked them.”

“I have.”

“I’m responsible for them, Chrissy.”

“I know.  We won’t go far, and we will come running if there is danger.  I swear it.” Josie raised her head at that.  “I would not endanger the children, Lord Trevelyan.”

He thought long.  “I will allow this, Chrissy.  But you bring them straight back at the first sign of danger, and don’t go far.  There aren’t any rifts, but there have been red Templars and Venatori sighted recently.”

“Thanks, Sam.  It means a lot.”

“One hour only, Chrissy.”

“That’s all I’ll need.”

It was a nice, leisurely afternoon, especially for a travel day.  I took Garalen and two Hessarians and found a small clearing not far from camp.  There was a small wolf statue at the edge, facing out.  Good enough.

Back at camp, we ate.  At dusk, I gathered the elves, sans Sera, and the others.  When the Hessarians went to follow us, Sam called them back.  There was a lot of curiousity.  I carried a waxed bag with me.  I’d checked the contents, and they were still preserved.

I wanted to introduce them to how humans of my world viewed the elves.  The fairies of Irish Lore.  Not the little winged beasties, but the old Aes Sidhe.  I needed a guarded place to do so.  When we got to the clearing, Cole placed himself just where I wanted him.  I smiled, and he smiled back.  He’s not quite as oblivious as he seems, is he.  And reads more than just hurts.

I moved to a place across the clearing, selecting carefully.  I reached out a hand to Garalen.  She came, and I stood her there.  Quietly, I told her, “you are patience and stability, my friend, and I couldn’t do this without you.”  I hugged her and kissed her cheek. 

Crossing the clearing again to a spot between Gara and Cole, I caught Dorian’s eye.  He came over, perplexed.  I positioned him where I wanted him, and told him in his ear, “you are emotion, depth of feeling, and I love you.”  I hugged him, and kissed his cheek as well.

Crossing a third time, I only had to glance at Gunther before he came over.  He placed himself.  I smiled.  “You, my dear, are wisdom.  You know what is going on, and hold your tongue.  I am better with you than without you.”  I went to pull his head down, and he picked me up with a grin, smooching my cheek.

He murmured “feeling’s mutual,” before setting me down.

Crossing again, Solas kept step with me.  He lifted a brow as I positioned him.  “You are passion and strength, ma’fen, and you brighten my days and nights.”  He was struck silent, and I pulled him down for a hug.  I kissed his mouth, a lingering touch, and walked to Cole.

“I am spirit,” he said, too quietly for the others to hear.

“You are.  Thank you for being you, every day.”  I kissed his temple and hugged him.  Turning away from him, I moved to the center.  Twelve people stood in the middle, confused.  “Everyone adult, please move to the edges of the circle defined by the guardians.  Please.”  I felt something shimmer up.  I glanced at Solas and he directed an unreadable look at me.  Narrowed but thoughtful eyes.  I dismissed it for now.

I invited the girls to sit in the middle.  “Once upon a time, in a land far away, that is how most stories begin, and so it is with this.  There were, once, the Aes Sidhe. Both feared and sought were they, despite retreating to the otherworld with the descent of the veil.  The moon and tide worked a magic of their own, and the veil waxed and waned with them.  At times impenetrable, and at other times fading to nothing.  It is on those nights that strange things occurred.  The veil becomes thin, or absent entirely, and anyone with the blood could pass.  Children are conceived, on both sides.  Ages could pass in an hour, or a single day could last a century.  Legends and lore, those of MY people.  Our people now, my lovelies.”

I made a tinkling sound happen.  It was surprisingly easy.  Too easy to want and get, in some ways.  I stood, and they stood with me.  I’d been prepping for this song.  I’d sung it before, danced it before, a long time ago, in that other world.  The beginning strains of Dance of the Wild Faeries floated through the air, single notes in sequence, while I taught the steps. 

Once the girls had it down, I filled my hand with light, and pushed the music forward, more notes and delicate sound.  I let the light stream in whorls and swirls as we went, the ladies following the whorls to know where to step.  I was grateful none had dropped out of the dance.  I sang, adding copies of my voice for the spoken portions.

 _"Those who seek us surely find us_  
_See the trail we leave behind us_  
_Some bewildered, some enlightened_  
_Some are brave, some are frightened_  
_Are we kind or are we vicious?_  
_Nectar poison or delicious?_  
_That, my sweet, you will discover_  
_Fairy foe, or fairy lover"_

When the song came to an end, I let the light fade.  It was dark under the trees.  I formed a small ball of light in my hand.  “Iona, we have a gift.”  I settled the bag on the air, the light above it.  Things I learn from Dorian by accident.  “You were harmed, and a hunt was called, my darling.  There is proof.  A token.  There.”  I pointed at the bag.  “If you want it.”

Her eyes hardened, and she went to the bag.  Opening it, she gasped.  I was concerned for a moment, but it was surprise, not fear.  She lifted the hand out, turning it to look at the ring.  “This is his hand.  His hand!”

“Look further.”

She pulled out his ear.  “He is dead.  He can’t hurt anyone.  Tell me it is so.”

“It is so.  Garalen and Cole sought him and slew him.  I would not suggest showing them to anyone not in this clearing.  Leave them in the bag.  They are yours.”

While the parents and children talked quietly, I happened to glance at Geth.  He was shocked.  I felt his thread.  He was still there, still strong, but feeling shaky.  I went to him, standing in front.  “I am the same person I was yesterday.”

“Yeah.  I didn’t know that person either, my lady.”  He was still mine.  It was enough.  He would recover.  I brushed his shoulder with my hand as I stepped to Gara, thanking each guardian in turn.

Gunther was surprisingly unshaken.  “I’ve known Andrew for years.  You two are alike.  There’s no harm in you.”

Dorian was shaken, but holding.  “You kept his hand, Dove.  That’s not how it is usually done.”  He took a drink from his flask.

Solas.  He said nothing as I thanked him, captured my hand.  He kissed my wrist where the necklace hung, holding my eyes.  “Later, mor’ishan.  Not now.”

Cole was standing there grinning.  “The lights were so pretty!”

“Thank you, Cole.”

“It was my place.”

I herded everyone back.  We hadn’t taken more than thirty minutes.  The Hessarians swarmed their charges when they arrived back.  Iona kept the bag close.  Her parents still looked a little strange.  Grateful, but strange.  I caught Sam’s eye, and he nodded.  I nodded back.

I headed for my tent, and a hand caught my elbow gently.  He pulled me behind a tree, putting my back to it.  “Such simple magic, ma’haselan, layered beyond what I believed you knew to do, used to such large effect.”

“I’m not ready to talk about it.”

“I do not want to talk about it.  That is for tomorrow.  You lost a suitor tonight.”

I smiled.  Teasing.  “You abandon me?”

He made a frustrated noise, stepping closer.  “I do not.”

“Again and again, mor’ishan.”

“You kissed me.”

“I kissed many tonight.”

“Even now.”  He shook his head.

“Wouldn’t you be disappointed if it was any other way?”

His lips quirked.  “Probably.”

“I’m heading for bed.”

“Not yet.  Dream with me.”

“Not tonight, Solas.”  He looked like he wanted to press.  “I will say no.”

He settled for a kiss.  “You have no idea what you have done.”

“I’ve done nothing except entertain children with a story and song.  Inspiration.”

“More than that.”  He captured my lips again.  When he lifted his head, he studied my face.  “You look kissed.  No one will notice if you stay away from the firelight.”

I did stay away from the firelight.  I don’t think Bull was fooled, though.  He watched us return, speculation in his gaze.  I replayed the look on her face when she opened the bag after I lay down.  It was a good thing.  That look of fierce intensity when she demanded to be told his fate.  That intensity is what we need more of.  We shall see where it leads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Dance of the Wild Faeries. The lyrics are in the description. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvLbctdFjr8
> 
> Thank you to ComaVampure for settling a major point in this. It could have gone differently.


	84. Day 29, 26 Justinian, 9:41 Emerald Graves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iona wants an apprenticeship, Sam's a butt, Dorian's a good friend, songtime was... more than I expected.

### Road Trip, Day 29, 26 Justinian, 9:41, Emerald Graves

To sleep, perchance to dream.  The atrocities committed here are terrible.  The horrible things that elves and humans do to each other and themselves are too numerous to be counted.  But humanity breeds faster than elvendom, and far faster than the dwarves.  In a pure race, they win.  I want everyone to grow up, and put all the races on equal footing.  I just have to figure out how.  Note to self, do not venture out of my dreamspace here without preparing myself to see blood and taking my staff.  This place reminds me of what one would see dreaming on the civil war battlefields back home.

Oh, there’s joy, too.  On all sides.  The adage holds true.  One person is intelligent, friendly.  People in general are stupid, panicky animals.  Hind brain takes over when the people around you don’t look like you.  And an idea bloomed.  I know how to find land.  The Arling of Edgehall is empty.  There is no Arl. Perhaps it is time to put my hand in politics. 

Or maybe we’ll just start moving an elf or two into the outskirts of villages, or establishing our own.  The local nobles would love servants.  Elven servants.  I need to think on this. Human servants, too, I suppose, so long as they’re mine.  It would take a long time, but Jack says I have that.  Once I have the servants, I have the nobles.  And then, Ethelathe can dip its hand in politics easily, choosing a people-friendly arl.  Elvenborn or dwarvenborn, preferably.  We could put our people in every seat.  There’s already an elvenborn Ferelden king.  I’m going to have to think more.

I spent the night drifting through dreams and scheming for the future of reality.  If I can’t buy it, I’ll steal it.  Adverse possession.  Fence creep.  Slowly, so they don’t notice.  I just have to figure out the right method.

I woke to the smell of coffee again.  Garalen, that wonderful woman.  I opened my eyes to see Iona holding the mug.  “Iona?”  She pushed the mug into my hands.  “Where’s Garalen?”

“Outside.  So, Templar Gunther was telling us that everyone works or apprentices in Ethelathe when they reach age to do so.”

“Yes…”

“Well, I want to be a lady’s maid.”

“Have you discussed this with your parents?”  She bit her lip.  “Until you address this with your parents, honey, I won’t help you find a place.”

“I already know where I want to work.  Garalen told me I’d have to report to someone named Leorah, and she’ll get me set up.”

“Well, until your parents approve, the answer is no, until you turn sixteen.  You’ve not even seen the situation at Skyhold yet.  You may dislike everyone there, or think it smells funny, or any number of issues, and want to return to Val Royeaux when the time comes.”

“So if Mama and Papa agree, I can start sooner?”  The exuberance of youth.  Ignored everything I said.

“Sweetheart, until you actually get to Skyhold, this point is moot.  If your parents agree, I will approve you talking to Leorah about this, okay?  But before Skyhold, be a girl.  Help out, sure, but you are not a servant right now.  You are a guest, the Inquisition’s guest, until we get there.”

“Okay.”  She bounced out of the tent.  Ugh.  Cheerful in the morning.  I may get up early sometimes, but I’m never BOUNCY in the morning.  Morning people should be shot on sight.

I drank my coffee and got dressed.  I decided to do something different with my hair.  A Nerdychick knot stays with no sticks, so if either stick-snatcher tried, there’d be nothing there.  And hopefully it wouldn’t disturb the hair.  I was sitting there thinking my wolf would be surprised when I realized what I’d called him last night. Oh shit.  Not only did I call him mine, and a wolf, but I did it in HIS language, not mine.  Shit.  I wasn’t ready for that particular conversation.

I climbed out of the tent to find Gara sitting there with breakfast for both of us.  Oatmeal!  Just another porridge.  YUM.  Of all the things I dislike about travelling in Thedas, breakfast is not one of them.  I glanced over at the girls and they were all either eating or cleaning up.  “How are they holding up?”

“They all had fun.  The parents are a little more unsure, but not hostile.  You do things strange, but they’re here because of you.  They’re eating better and resting.  Been given healing.  Arnold had a sore that’d been festering a while.  Your poultice has cleared it up.  As an aside, Poor Geth asked me twice this morning if he’d done anything to upset you.  I think you scared him.”

I checked my threads.  He was fine, still strong, no fraying.  The girls were slender strands, except for Iona, who was a delicate thread.  Ethelathe was good, in general.  Eadras was a little stressed.  Alex’s knees were hurting again.  Andrew was melancholy, probably missing Garalen.  More wispiness!  Where is all this connectivity coming from?  “He’ll get over it.  He’s still one of us.  Not even fraying of the connection.”

“There was ritual there last night.  I didn’t recognize it.”

I smiled.  “There was.  But I’m not discussing it out here in the open.”

“As you like.  We need to get moving, they plan to leave soon.”  I nodded and lifted my spoon.  “When we have some true privacy, Chrysopal, I need to tell you something.”  It halted a few inches from my mouth, and I returned it to the bowl.

I fixed her with my gaze.  “Will a lack this knowledge endanger me or anyone else?”

“No, my lady.  A lack won’t change anything.”  Her tone was respectful.  She was talking to the title, not me. 

“Gara.  I wasn’t trying to do anything, just asking a question.”

She relaxed a hair.  “Sometimes, Chrissy, you have more impact than you think.  There’s a tone you get, an expression, which says something is serious.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s a good thing, really.”  We finished eating, and struck the tents.

The ride was fairly leisurely.  We stuck to the roads, stopping here and there for mini-breaks.  We reached the encampment just a little before lunch.  And I got a surprise.  And saw what I expected, too.

This camp was much bigger.  They’d actually set up tents for all of us before we got there.  In an old ruin, with a statue of Fen’harel smack dab in the middle.  The elves basically ignored it after staring for a few minutes.  The really funny part is that the statue was staring at the back of my tent.  I covered my mouth and bit my tongue when I noticed it.  It would not do to laugh.  I’d have to explain. 

The girls were set up in two tents.  Geth and Gunny were placed with the husbands.  Apparently one is named Arnold.  Wish I knew which one.  I know they told me their names.  Why can’t I remember?  At least they’re more solid than when I first met them.  Nothing I’ve been able to adequately describe to myself, even.

This camp appears more permanent than the others we’ve been in.  The layout is different.  Probably because it is in a building.  Sort of.  They have a military side and a support side.  We’re on the support side.  Lots more support people, lots more military types here.  This is an armed camp, and it’s obvious.  Inquisibabe and the inner circle are all on the military side. 

Poor Josie.  They stuck her with me.  Inquisitor’s personal effects, store here.  That’s what they should write on our tent.  Two cots, two desks, both already piled with paperwork.  She looked at it, I looked at it, and both of us sighed and said, “lovely” at the same time.  And then laughed. 

A few minutes later, Garalen plopped her bedroll on the floor.  The scout accompanying her kept trying to tell her that she was assigned another berth, on the fighter side, but she just flat out ignored him.  Gara’s stubborn like that, and assures me she doesn’t want a cot.  If she does, the one I have is big enough for two.

They’ve actually got a cook here, and meals were delivered for lunch.  The girls tried to help, and were politely rebuffed.  Sam’d been busy, evidently.  They were provided with sewing materials and such, like they were used to, and given real mending work.  Scout uniforms, shirts, trousers, cloaks, etc.  Not smalls and undershirts or linens.

The other really cool thing about this camp is that they have BOOKS.  I’ve been dying for lack of reading material.  They’ve been scouting abandoned villas and dragging the books out with them.  Forget paperwork, I’m reading this afternoon.  I was sorting through what they had when Sam strode up. 

“Chrissy, I need you to look at this map before I head down to talk to this Fairbanks person.”

“A quick look.  Don’t you think I’ve scared enough people this trip?”

“Come on.  Don’t be a baby.”

We went to the military side, where the map was.  Requisitions were plastered on the side of the table, and it made me smile.  Until I read the one for a remedy.  I picked it up. “Sam, is this my fault?”

“Nah.  They’ve been trying to poison us long before you got involved.”  His face blurred as he spoke. 

“I never thought you’d lie to me like that, Inquisitor.  How much damage have I done?”

He stared for a long moment.  “It’s not really you, Chrissy.  It’s me.  I claimed you as a sister, which made things a little hairier.  This would have happened without you, according to Leliana.  Remember that dinner I went to?  I might have insulted a few people by accident.  Josie was really mad.  I tend to let my mouth run on occasion.  You’re a convenient excuse, one of many, including my Marcher heritage.”

This time nothing wavered.  “I see.  Well, I’m sure they’ll find what they need around here.  Rashvine’s on every tree, and we already have so much nugskin we could probably pave our way back to Skyhold with it.”

“The map?”

Oh.  I could remember some things.  There was a lumber camp north of the falls.  I pointed out where the dragon was, and the twisted tree.  A quarry west of one of the campsites.  Giants and brontos among the vallasdahlen.    Elven archeologists in Dinan Ha’len?  Hanin?  Dinan ha-something.  He smiled at that.  “I’ve gotten that report.”  And then I mentioned the bear.  The big one that was going to try to move to cave to the north later.

“She’s just a mommy trying to take care of her cubs, but she’s the biggest damn thing you’ll see.  Her cubs are nearly the size of regular bears.  She’s dangerous, but not because she’s vicious.”

He pinched his nose.  “You want me to protect the bear.”

“I said nothing of the kind.  I want you to be aware before her moving here costs you soldiers.  She’s protecting her young, and that makes her dangerous.  People get, COULD get hurt.”

He looked at me, annoyed.  “You remember the oddest things.  You can’t tell me where the enemies are, but you can tell me a bear is going to move in and hurt my scouts?”

That hurt.  I felt tears sting my eyes, and I was NOT going to cry.  “I’m sorry.  This was a mistake.  I should never have told you about Loranil.  You would have been fine on your own.”

“Shit, Chrissy, I’m sorry.”  He wrapped me in a hug.  “You’ve done nothing but try to help, and I was snappish.”

“I’m trying to remember things I saw in passing a long time ago.  It was about CHOICES.  Polite or cruel, yes or no, do or don’t, this one or that one.  These things you ask, I don’t know them.  I’m trying.  How well do you remember a map you saw last year of a place you’ve never been and never expect to be?  The enemies are everywhere, red Templars and bears.  Rifts hum off key.  There is red lyrium singing its distorted song in a pavilion and in a mine.  People to rescue, things to collect, knowledge to acquire, enemies to destroy.  Haunted villas and windy cliffs.  I don’t have the words.  It changes with every choice, Sam, and it’s from so long ago.”

“Andraste’s sword, sweetheart.  I’m sorry.”  He held me for a minute longer.  “Garalen and a templar are here to collect you.  Your distress called them, I think.  Tell them to stop glaring at me?”

I raised my head from his chest, and Garalen was indeed glaring at him.  “I’m not hurt, Gara.”

“You’re lying, my lady.”

“I’m not injured,” I amended.

“That’s a matter of opinion.  Come with us.  We’ll find you a place to rest and a book while the Inquisitor goes out to play with his friends.”  I had to hide a smile at the affronted look on Sam’s face.  She knew just how to make me feel better.  Gun and Gara led me off.  Back to my tent.

Josie was out.  A selection of books already rested on my cot.  A book on wards among them.  I looked at Garalen.  “Who?”

“A scout delivered them.”

“That doesn’t work on me.”

“I think it was him.”

“What is it about him that scares you?  You don’t even say his name most of the time.”

“It’s nothing I can articulate.  A way he looks at me sometimes, like I’m already skewered on the end of his blade.  And he’s a mage.  It’s more than that, too.  I don’t understand it.”  Hmm.  I did.  Legends painted him as a warrior for a time, too.  I suppose when you have eternity, it makes sense to learn as much as possible.  Warrior, rogue, mage.  What difference did it make when time wasn’t a limiting factor?

“He’s just a man, Garalen.  Mage or not, he’s just a man.”

“Maybe to you.  He likes you.  He doesn’t scare you.”

“He doesn’t scare me, that’s true.  Like anyone else, he could kill us all with the right provocation, but the same can be said of the Inquisitor.”  I looked at her.  “The same could potentially be said of me, or of you.  The tweedles.”

“You?  The boys?”

“Anyone, Garalen.  Anyone can snap under the right circumstances.  It’s a matter of psychology.”  She looked confused.  “The way the brain works.”  No clearing of her face.  “Nevermind.”

Dorian came over late in the afternoon.  “Have you recovered from whatever the Inquisitor said that made you cry?”

“I did not cry.  Not one tear fell.”

“The rumor was that you wept copious tears and he groveled for hurting you.”

“Yeah, right.  Can you see Sam groveling at anyone’s feet aside from Josie’s?”

“Good point.”  He sat on my cot.  “I wanted to apologize.”

“Whatever for?”

“I may have been judgmental.  I don’t know what your culture is, and I did a typically Tevinter thing, sneering at what I didn’t understand.  I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, my love.  I understood you were in shock.  It’s not a normal thing.  But it wasn’t a normal circumstance.  I would have requested other body parts of Garalen, but Iona is still a girl.  The offending member would have been in poor taste.”

“In poor taste, she says.  You have the oddest sense of justice.  I knew she would be avenged.  I understood that.  But the rest?”

“Would it have eased her in the same way to be told by a stranger that the problem had been handled?  Cole said he was proud of that ring.  She recognized it.”

“He eased a hurt, helping both of you.”

“He did.”

“A new subject, Dove,” he said, flopping onto my lap.

“Wards?”

He blinked.  “That’s not where I would have gone, no.”

“Oh.  Then what?”

“I have been informed that the next stop is DREADFULLY cold.  Magic awry has frozen the lake solid, and the chill air does nothing to warm the bones.  What shall I do?  I need you, my dove.  My heater, my warmth.”

“You just love me for my body… heat.”

“Indubitably.  If the Inquisitor permits, I would change my tentmate.”

“I bet the Bull generates a lot of heat,” I teased.

“That is NOT nice.  He’s warm, but not that…”  His face flamed.

“Oh, ho!  Have we been cuddling?”

“No, we have not.  I was near him.  He leaned across me to get a cloth.  We didn’t even touch.”

“So you felt his body heat without even touching him?  That sounds pretty warm to me.”  I kept all teasing out of my voice.

“You’re a fine one to talk.  Canoodling behind trees with certain hobos?”

“Canoodling?  Two kisses does not a canoodle make.”

“Only two?  I’ll have to chat with him.  It sounds like he needs a recommendation or two.” He glanced at me and twitched his mustache.  “Oh, how the tables are turned.  We should compare your cheeks to roses, now.”  My face had flamed.  I am a grown woman.  I should not be blushing.  “I take it that he needs no instruction at all?”  I flicked his nose. 

“Enough, Dorian.  There aren’t likely to be any more kisses for a while, anyway.”

“Whyever not?”

“Have you not noticed a distinct LACK of privacy, amicus?”

“The hazards of shyness.  You’ve been waiting to do that, haven’t you? Adora te, my dove.”

“I’m not shy.  I’m a social introvert.  I like people in small doses, and keeping my personal life personal.  And yes.  I was hoping it’d change the subject.”

“And so it has.  The Inquisitor is expected any time.  Then we will dine, and you shall share your lovely voice and songs with an entirely new group of supplicants.  Have you noticed that almost a third of the scouts are of your people?”

“I hadn’t.  I don’t generally look.  It’s just the housing for a spirit, after all.  But that is interesting.  Perhaps because it is the Graves?”

“Quite possibly.”

He was right.  The Inquisitor returned, food was had.  Singing was not just had, but planned for.  A fire was placed at the front end of the wolf, and chairs brought out.  I sat beneath the wolf’s paws at the insistence of the audience.  No, the irony was not lost on me. 

Nothing new, nothing creepy, no magic.  I did include the Sound of Silence, and we finished, as usual, with We Shall Overcome.  That the scouts were elf-heavy was relevant at that point.  They knew my song.  They’d been waiting for me to come so they could sing it with me.  Almost twenty throats released the words.  It was a surprise, pleasant, but unexpected. 

At the end, I checked my threads on a hunch.  These were some of the most tenuous threads I couldn’t identify earlier.  They were inquisition.  I could see the cross threads with Sam.  But they were also connecting themselves to me.  To Ethelathe.  I heard the rumors among the humans that the song predicted our victory over Corypheus.  It’s safe to let them believe that.  But I knew the elves singing with me knew it was more.

A hand with a small bell dangling from the wrist showed up in my peripheral vision.  “Shall I escort you to your tent?”

I smiled up at him.  “Certainly.”  It was only a few dozen feet, but you had to turn, climb steps, turn back.  He didn’t say anything on the whole trip.

“Dream with me, Chrissy.”  His face was serious.  “Don’t say no.”  It wasn't something I could really put off, so I nodded.  “Say yes, ma’haselan’udh.  I want no confusion.”

“Yes, Solas.  I will see you tonight.”  His eyes were strange as he turned away.

Gara looked at me.  She’d followed us.  “See?  That’s not a normal look.  Are you going to be safe?”

“He wouldn’t harm me, Gara.  He told me I could run him through and he’d not harm me.”

She sucked in a breath.  “That’s.  That’s a powerful statement.”

“He told you I was safe with him.”  I caught her eye.  “How much do you discuss with him?”

“Nothing of note, Chrissy.  Nothing damaging.  Your wellbeing, your needs. I would never betray you.”

“I know that.”  I hugged her, and I’m sitting at the desk writing.  Josie arrived a few minutes ago.  Gara’s setting up on the floor.  And I’m headed for bed.


	85. Day 30, 27 Justinian, 9:41, Emerald Graves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams and tests, and setting my feet on the path of expansion.

### Road Trip, Day 30, 27 Justinian, 9:41, Emerald Graves

I didn’t bother waiting for him.  I just dreamed in my own space.  He’d be in when he felt like it.  I wonder if the lack of demons is his doing?  In a place so washed with blood, they should be everywhere.  I was contemplating it when an arm snaked around my waist.  Startled the hell out of me.  “Just me.” in my ear, and a kiss on my temple.

“Could be a demon, pretending to be you.”

“And what kind of demon would I be?”  There was a smile in his voice.

“That I have yet to discover, having only conversed with you a few moments.”

“I see.”

“So do you have an agenda for this evening, or are we just making it up as we go along?”

“I always have an agenda, ma’sulahn’nehn.”

“Sounds fun.  Care to share?”

“Perhaps eventually.”

I leaned against him and turned my head to see his face.  “If you’re a demon, it’s a very good likeness.”

“I am very glad to hear it.”  I could see his smile.  “What are you contemplating?”

“Demons, actually.  Or the lack of them, considering this place’s history.”

“You were expecting more demons?”

“I was.  I’ve not seen any since Hope.”

“Perhaps you scared them away.”

“I’m not scary.”

“Your stablehand would disagree.”

“Why do you insist on bringing him up?  He’s not competition for you, you know.”

“Not anymore.”

“Your competition is much more interesting.”

“I have other competition?”

“Is that your question?”

He traced my ear with a finger.  These damn ears are sensitive.  NOT FAIR.  “No, ma’haselan.  But you knew that.”

“That’s cheating.”

“Nothing in the rules.”

“What are we doing this evening?”

“Discussing how many layers of magic you can control at once.  When you were asking about exercises to increase your ability, I made unfortunate assumptions.”

“What assumptions might those be?”

“A question for a question?” I loved that he used my own words against me.

“Certainly. I’m using my spare.”

“That, Chrysopal, is cheating.”

“I don’t see how.  You can refuse the question, and we’ll renegotiate.”

“No.  Now you are the only one owing questions.  Make us somewhere to sit, ma’haselan.  That fluffy couch, perhaps?”

I placed it, and sat.  He turned me and sat behind me.  “Why do you have your hair up here?  That was retorical.”  He investigated the knot and pronounced it clever as he undid it.

“You are constantly playing with my hair.”

“It is beautiful hair.”

“You still haven’t answered.”

“I had assumed that you were creating three, perhaps four separate frequencies.  That night I saw eleven, including the light, the music, and your voice.  You didn’t appear to be having difficulty.”  He started massaging my scalp.

“I had only counted nine.”

“You doubled your voice twice.  Four separate voices.”

“Ah.  It wasn’t the limits, but it required close attention.”

“How many separate items could you produce simultaneously?”  His thumbs ran circles along the base of my skull.

“Another question?”

“If there are to be improvements, I must understand the starting point.”

“I started with eight and singing in the Villa’s conservatory.  I practiced here in the fade at night afterwards…” He’d moved to massaging where my neck met my shoulders.  “How did you know?”

“You were holding your head too still.  It won’t help much, but it will help.  Please continue.”

“How can I… wow.”  I may have mmmm’ed.

“Do I need to stop so you can talk?”

“Don’t laugh at me.”  I straightened, and he pulled me back to his chest.

“Continue, ma’nehn.”

“I can hold twelve notes or lights and sing.  I haven’t pushed beyond that, because I don’t know any songs that require that many different tones.  I’ll write something or add visual effects to go further.  I can glow while I do it, too.  It makes the tones more brittle, though.  Not appropriate for all musical pieces.”

“Glow?”

“That’s the part that freaked out Dorian.  And me.  Apparently I can glow, if I get mad enough or if I decide to.  Like a muscle cramp.  NOT like the sniffles.”

“We are discussing sniffles?”

“No.  Never mind.  I guess you had to be there.”

“You were angry at me and started to glow?”  Damn him, he WAS laughing at me.

“Laugh it up. See where that gets you.”

“If I annoy you enough, you’ll drop more threads, Chrysopal.  You’ve already forgotten to pick up a few.”

“You didn’t want to talk about the lack of demons.”

“You are correct.  That was not the thread of which I was thinking.”  I tilted my head up to look at him, and asked about frequencies in the subsonic range.  Were those the ones that caused earthquakes?  We thankfully got back to the discussion of frequencies, and I eventually explained the mechanism I’d accidentally used to glow.  It was much later when he stopped talking in the middle of a paragraph.  We were sitting at opposite ends of the couch by then, chatting.

“Solas?”

“This is not what I wanted to be doing this evening.  You have the uncanny ability to distract me.”

“It’s a female thing.”

“A haselan thing, ma’nehn.”

“What did you want to be doing?”

“I am delighted you asked.”  The man is fast.  I found myself tucked under him, his tongue in my mouth.  One of his arms under me and the other tracing my ribs, stroking my hip.  He pulled back.  “You named me.  Passion, you said.  You have not yet tasted passion, ma’haselan’udh.  But given time, you may.”

A moment later, I was drowning in sensation.  He must have been using magic, for I know his lips were both on mine, and on my neck.  Hands in my hair, holding my jaw, tracing my shape, arms holding me to him, more than two.  I felt almost dizzy, floaty.  When I finally moaned, unable to keep sensation in any longer, he lifted his head, triumph in his eyes.  “Say my name, haselan,” thrummed in my ear.

I didn’t even think.  “Solas,” I breathed, as he slid down the column of my neck.  He was Solas to me, whatever else he might be.

“First, and always, ma’nehn.  That is what I needed to hear.  My name sings sweet on your lips.”

He soothed me, gentle kisses on my eyes.  Firm fingers on my neck and shoulders.  Massage, and calm.  My breath steadied, but I ached.  “One day, mor’ishan, you might find yourself trembling under my hand.”

“Anything is possible, Chrysopal.  The sun rises, and we must wake.  Stay in camp, please, while I am gone.  For all its beauty, there are dangers here.”

 

* * *

 

I woke, still flushed and aching.  Drat that man.  There was privacy nowhere to be found, and he pulls that.  I was disgruntled at breakfast, even after my coffee.

Dorian expressed concern as I started my paperwork.  “Are you alright?”

“Fine.  Just aggravated.”

“So I see.  And precisely what has that poor envelope done to you today?”

I’d ripped it in half.  “Men suck.”

“Only the good ones.”

“DORIAN!”

“If you leave me such openings…  But why are you aggravated with men, Dove?”

“Nevermind.”

“As I happen to be male, and do not wish to bear the brunt of your aggravation, I shall kiss you goodbye and leave you be.  If you promise not to bite me.”

“You are not the one I would bite.”

He smothered a chuckle, smart man.  Then a kiss was dropped on my cheek and he advised me to calm down. “You don’t want whomever triggered this to know they got to you, now do you?”  That stilled me as nothing else had.  “I pray I am never the target of that look, my dangerous Darling.”

“I’m not dangerous, love.  I’m sweetness incarnate.  I can’t even hold a butter knife properly.”

“And on that note, I’m removing myself from the arrow’s path.”  We said goodbye, and the inner circle mounted up.  Blackwall and Cole were the designated home guard today.  Blackwall spent the day hiding in the horses, and Cole.  He went wherever it is he goes when he's not around.

I calmed down as I attacked the pile of paperwork.  The sheer amount of stuff being sent was astounding.  A messenger arrived midday with yet more documents.  I had petitions?  Letters, asking if we needed this skill or that one, begging to come because they’d heard space was limited, and people were being turned away.

I had to have land.  Soon.  I thought for a while.  I wrote to them.  “If you are willing to use your skills elsewhere, I may be able to find a place for you.  Give me three months to look.”  I’d accomplished much in four, how much more could I get done in seven?  Three months wasn’t too long to ask them to wait.

I sat back, still thinking.  I would have to either press him about that valley, or start the creep to the south of Skyhold.  I needed better maps.  I penned a letter to Halton requesting settlement maps of the Frostback Mountains. Then I thought better of it.  I was about to toss it, honestly, when Josie came storming in, irate.  Her tone was clipped and her accent was thicker than usual.  “He says we have another WEEK!  At LEAST!”

“They’re back?  Already?”

“No.  The coward left me a NOTE!  The messenger was instructed to deliver it after lunch!”

She wasn’t loud, really.  Just very agitated.  She paced in the small space for a few moments.  “I apologize, Chrysopal, for my outburst.  I should not have taken my annoyance out on you.”

“You didn’t even yell.  I think you should make him grovel.  The week thing, he might not be able to help that.  The not telling you in person thing?  Inexcusable.”

“Yes.  He should have told me himself.”

I closed up the letter to Halton.  I’d send it.  I was done for the day.  I ignored the papers still on my desk.

Meandering out to where the mounts were, I fed Drummer some carrots.  Geth came up.  “I’m sorry for the way I acted.”

“It’s okay, Geth.”

“It was foolish of me.”

“Enough.  You’ve no need to keep going.  I already accepted your apology, which you didn’t even need to tender.”

“I just really don’t want to do anything to upset you.  You’re more than just the Ethelathun, and I do care about you.”

“Gethon, If you’re talking about…”

“I could be different.”

“No, Gethon.”

“It’s him, isn’t it.”

“He sees me as a woman, not a title…”  My brain stuttered.  THAT’S what he was doing.  He tested me like I tested Geth so long ago.  “Thanks, Geth.  You just clarified something for me.”  He was confused as I walked off, but I didn’t want to deal with it.

Sneaky old wolf.  Making sure that when I wasn’t thinking, I considered the man, not the title.  An unspoken thing.  He’s fairly sure, but can’t know for certain.  And I know it.  A secret that still must be revealed, but will not be a revelation.  By the time they came back, I was ensconced in a book, humming to myself. 

Dorian was a little taken aback by how cheerful I was at dinner.  Nothing left of the surliness of the morning.  “Did you finally bite someone?”

“Nope.  I understood the reasoning.  I’ll still get even, but I’m not mad anymore.  Did you enjoy your traipse through the woods?”

“Not particularly, but there were highlights.”

“Glistening skin and bulging muscles?”

He gave me a look.  “I’m looking up Elias as soon as we get back.”

“That’s nice.  Josie’s going to skin the inquisitor.  Just a little bit.”

“Oh?  Is she taking lessons from you?”

“I can’t even properly skin a nug.  Anyway, he told her we’d be at least another week.  Via a note.  Delivered by messenger.  After lunch, while he was gone.”

“Oh dear.  That may not be the safest way to give bad news to your significant other.”

“Precisely.”

The scouts set up my songtime area again.  The usual songs, from many throats.  Someone produced a flute or pipe of some kind.  Not a shape I recognized.  A few songs I didn’t know, played and sang for the group by scouts.  Traveling songs, songs for remembering home, for remembering family.  The kind sang by military men for ages past. 

The song of Ethelathe at the end.  Every night, by very new tradition.  To think songtime started because the Tweedles needed a lullaby.  I strummed my threads.  They were strong.  They were healthy.  No pain, and no despair from anyone I could touch.  The wispiness wasn’t enough to feel, but it remained.  And three of the scouts were mine.  Not so tenuous any more.

When Solas appeared to walk me back to my tent, I wasn’t surprised.  He didn’t say anything this time, just held out his hand.  I let him help me from my seat.  As we walked the short distance, I thought a moment.  “Making things obvious?”

“You kissed me in public.”

“That was different.  It was ritual.”

“Sleep well, ma’haselun’udh.  Unless you would like to…” I interrupted.

“Not tonight.  I think I should deal with you in much smaller doses.”

“Too intense?”  Smirking ass.  I tweaked at him again.

“Too soon, mor’ishan.  You rush.  Have you no patience?  Such things should be savored, slowly, each step enjoyed for itself.”

His eyebrows rose.  “To be lectured on moving too quickly…  You are, as always, intensely interesting.”

“We met only five months ago.”

“So we did.”  He left me.  Garalen was already in the tent.  Some days I don’t know where she goes, but she’s always back before I close my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I just started a full time job. I will do my best to continue my updates daily, but I may miss a few days here and there. Never more than one in a row. I will try to let you know if I anticipate specific issues.


	86. Day 31, 28 Justinian, 9:41 Emerald Graves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations with Varric, Lessons with Dorian, and Inquisibabe is Late.

### Road Trip, Day 31, 28 Justinian, 9:41 Emerald Graves

I did a little snooping around my space.  There has to be something keeping demons and spirits out.  I can’t find it, though.  I gave up after a while and let myself drift along, back in normal dreams.

I awoke early, before Gara.  The support people wouldn’t let me help.  Not with the cooking, the cleaning, organizing, nothing.  I was handed a cup of coffee and told to stay out of the way.  No porridge today, either.  The cooks were “treating” everyone with bacon and biscuits, and a savory gravy.  Apparently people had been complaining about porridge every day. 

I didn’t stray out of the support area.  I am quite aware that this place is hella dangerous, and have no interest in traipsing about meeting giants and dragons.  It’s bad enough we’re going to be attacked by mama bear and baby bears.  Probably today.  They closed the cove rifts yesterday, I think.  He needs to hurry up.  I want to go HOME.

I watched the Inquisitor and his followers RIDE out today.  Must be going toward the cliffs.  It was Varric’s turn to stay home, and Dorian’s.  Varric spent some of the morning chatting.  He told me about Fairbanks being a noble lady’s son.  He also told me that the Inquisitor spent half the day yesterday muttering about “red lyrium in pavilions and mines.  I had to ask, didn’t I.”  That pulled a smirk out of me.

“I knew it!  It sounded like something you’d say.  What else did you tell him?”

“That we’d be attacked by a mama bear here at camp.  It’ll probably be today, actually.  She’s not really aggressive, just trying to keep us away from her cubs.”

“I’ll keep Bianca at the ready, then.”

“That would be nice.  I’m fairly certain she and her cubs will have to be put down.”

“Why do you sound sad at that?”

“Because she’s just a mommy trying to protect her babies, Varric.  And she’s going to die for it.  If she were human, they’d honor her for the same thing.”

“Anything else?”

“About what?”

“You’re not that dense.”

“Honestly, I’m not quite sure.  I was a touch upset at the time.”  He dropped the subject, and we talked of other things.  He told me stories about Kirkwall I hadn’t seen in the games.  Maybe they were real, maybe not, but they were good stories.  After all, the entirety of DA2 was just Varric mouthing off.

Shortly after lunch, the expected bear did come rampaging through the camp.  A couple tents knocked down, food stolen, one injury.  Bianca got her in the shoulder, and Dorian and I kept everyone safe while she fled, a whole deer in her jaws.  I didn’t even know bears liked meat.  I thought they ate fish and berries.  I suppose I should have known.  I mean, fish is meat, right?

The injured person wasn’t one of mine, and wasn’t interested in my little pot of poultice.  His loss.  Even Dorian implored him to try it, and Gunther suggested that I just slather him in it anyway.  I told them all that it was the idiot scout’s choice, and yes, I used those words.  He could be tended by the usual healers.  I’d offered.  That was enough.

I spent the afternoon with Dorian.  Staff practice.  And he’s a smart teacher, because he had me doing other things while I practiced.  Like climb stairs that weren’t there, and put up barriers on people.  Garalen was there to help, isn’t that nice?  Her job was to stand there and let me barrier her.  Then Dorian got a “bright idea”.  He’d test my barriers and my electricity slinging skills at once. 

He had her stand across the clearing, and told me that her safety was reliant on my barrier.  No problem.  Then he told me to hit her with the staff.  I didn’t even want to try at first, but Garalen told me she had the utmost confidence in my barrier.  Dorian teased me about being insecure in my abilities.  So I went to try, and the magic wouldn’t come.  I mean, it dripped fine, went through fine.  Magic lightning happened, and then fizzled.  Just fizzled, halfway to her. 

Dorian’d never seen anything like it.  Staff spells didn’t just STOP.  He’d watched.  I’d released the magic properly.  Everything should have worked.  He, with permission, threw his own lightning from my staff.  And fire from his.  Worked fine.  Barrier held.  He handed me my staff back, and fizzle.  After a short time, he called an end to practice.  Garalen hugged me, a strange expression on her face.  She wouldn’t explain.

We got back to camp in time for dinner, but Sam didn’t.  I kind of shrugged it off at first.  He was running late.  They were running late.  As darkness descended, however, we weren’t so sanguine.  Four of us watching the edges of camp.  I ran my figurative hands over my threads.  Tiredness, lingering disquiet.  Anticipation.  Hunger. Worry.  And one responding caress.  No significant injuries, though there were some.  “They live, they’re mostly fine.  They’re on their way.  Let’s make everything ready.”

They rode back into camp smelling strange.  The mounts were agitated, but that drove them here, not anywhere else.  Sera was cradling an arm, but insisted it was fine.  Vivienne and Cass were apparently unhurt.  Sam insisted that Sera be seen by a healer and then caught Josie up in a hug. Sam was fine, based on the snuggling.

Bull had a shallow cut across his side, but wanted it left alone.  “I need a new scar.”  Ugh.  Dorian immediately started arguing with him.  It was adorabull.  Teehee.  Bull eventually allowed the mage to wrap it up.  He didn’t see Dorian smear the salve I make on the cloths, but his chance of a scar just went way down.

Cole, smart kid, reported right to me.  “I did get hurt, but I’m better.”

“What happened, Cole.  Why are you so late?”

“The Inquisitor wants to yell at you, but can’t, because you told him and he didn’t listen.”

“Wait until he finds out the bear destroyed a tent, hurt a scout, and stole a deer.”

“He won’t like that either.”  I tugged on his hat and told him to go eat.  He gave me a hug.  “An expression of love, but I’m not hungry.”

My hair fell.  I’d put it up with the sticks.  Damn it.  “Solas, I got you a bell for a reason!”

“You would have me wear it while out doing the things the Inquisitor does?”

Damn it.  “No, I suppose not.”

“I thought not.”  That smirk is going to make me smack him someday.  It’s better than the supercilious I’m-better-than-you look he used to wear on occasion, though.  “The Inquisitor comes.”

“I’m sure, but you haven’t yet told me if you were injured.”

“Indeed.”  Grrr.

“Chrissy!”  Sam came up.  Solas left to acquire food, I suppose.  “Next time you mention haunted ANYTHING, please remind me to ask more questions. That was intensely messed up.  That little girl ended up possessed and taken over because…  It’s just not right.”

“Well, her parents could always have sent her to the circle, where they’d never see her again, and she had a decent chance of ending up either killed by a Templar or as a spirit stuck in a skull with glowing eyes.”

“That’s blunt.”

“There’s got to be a better way.  Maybe we’ll find it.”

He levelled his gaze at me.  “We did.  An hour a day, at least, of magic study, from teachers already considered fully capable in their fields.  Averaged over time, of course.”  I’d dropped that thread, and my jaw dropped.  He grinned.  “Never thought I’d pull one over on you, Chrissy.”

“Sam, you are an amazing dude.  They picked a good Inquisitor.”  I hugged him, and he picked me up, swinging me back and forth a little.   “Go eat, and cuddle with Josie a little.  She’s been worried.  Besides, you’re not done groveling.”

“Groveling?”

“Leaving her a note?  Really?  Do you understand how truly upset she was that you couldn’t tell her in person?”

“Upset?  I’d heard she was angry.”

“Whoever told you that doesn’t share a tent with her, Inquisitor.”

He looked over at her.  “I’ll talk to her.  Apologize.”

“Good idea.”

Dorian bid me goodnight soon after songtime, grumbling about fighters in general being stubborn and annoying.  Because songtime can’t be missed, obviously.  At least the scouts think so.  Even Geth was helping set up.  Guess he got over his disappointment.  I’m glad for that.  Now to find him a nice girl.  Ethelathe needs more babies.  Solas walked me the few feet from the statue to my tent.  He didn’t say anything, just holding out his hand for mine and escorting me there.

He didn’t ask.  He did something new.  “If you want to see me tonight, ma’nehn, wander outside your space.  I will find you.  It is your choice.”

“What if I want to see the area alone?”

“Then tell me to leave you alone after I find you.”  He turned and left for the military side of the camp.

I finally threw a quiet, polite hissy fit at Garalen.  The cot’s big enough.  She can sleep up here with me.  Either that, or I’m joining her on the floor.  She didn’t like it, but she’s not going to have me sleeping on the floor when the cot is available.


	87. Day 32, 29 Justinian, 9:41 Emerald Graves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A break, thinking, Varric knows people, and incredible cold.

### Road Trip, Day 32, 29 Justinian, 9:41 Emerald Graves

He halfway didn’t expect me to leave my dreamspace.  You could tell by the way he said it.  So would I be playing into his hands or out of them if I went out?  I have to figure out a way to get even, as well.  I debated through a few cycles.  I usually have five or six cycles a night, so I had time.  It’s a good way to time things, too.  Finally, I decided that I wanted a look around, and that I’d be safer if he was looking after me.  Maybe I’m lying to myself, but it works.

I’d been out of my space maybe three seconds when he walked up.  “Waiting all night for me to take a walk?”

“Exercising patience.”

“Stealing time.”

“Is it stealing?”

“Sometimes I wonder what else you are supposed to be doing when you are spending your nights wandering in my dreams.”

A smile played at his lips, but never bloomed.  “I have no obligations I am neglecting, ma’nehn.  I am spending my nights enjoying my own dreams.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“You are distant this evening.”

“I’m barely two feet away.”  I was feeling playful, so I added, “Your feet, not mine.”  I stepped a bit closer.  “Now it’s my feet, mor’ishan.”

That finally got a quirk of a smile.  “I suppose that means you are not so distant after all.  Still entirely too far away, however.”

“How close would you have me stand?”

“You assume I would have you stand.”  I smiled, because he’s adorable, but I didn’t know precisely what he meant.  Too many possibilities.  It must have been apparent, because he asked, “should I show you?”

“I don’t know.  I’m a touch apprehensive about your intentions.  I both liked and didn’t like.  Probably more didn’t, after, and more did, during.”  I looked away from him.  “Why, Solas?  Why strain this delicate thing?”

“Chrysopal.”

“I want to know, Solas.”

He touched my cheek.  “I had no intention of straining anything.”   He lifted my chin.  I looked at him.  “Ma’nehn.  Forgive me?”

I wrapped my arms around his waist.  “Strained, but not broken.  I still wish to know.”

“I will tell you, someday.  Come with me.  Lay by my side.  Let me hold you, for a short while.”

“You take advantage of a clear field.”

“Admittedly.  Will you?”

“Varric calls me Cuddles.  How could I refuse?”

 He lifted me, my face even with his.  “This time, I will not drown you.”

“This time, you will keep your magic to yourself, mor’ishan, or there will be no this time.  And no next time.  I’m not wholly comfortable.”

“That is not entirely reasonable.  I shall initiate no more than holding you, and use no magic on your person tonight.”

He took a step, and we were elsewhere.  A luxurious room, with more pillows than anyone could possibly need piled on a bed.  “I shall not do anything you would object to, ma’haselan, even should you ask.”  He set me down at the edge of the bed.  My choice.  After I sat, he lay down, arranging me so my head was on his chest.

We laid there for a long while.  He just kept his arms around me.  Didn’t say anything, didn’t really do anything except occasionally squeeze tighter and consistently play with my hair.  After a while, I looked up at him.  “Are you alright?”

“I am well.  Better with you in my arms.”

“Solas.”

“I know, ma’nehn.  It is too short an acquaintance, and most of our acquaintance has been adversarial, at least on your part.”

“That’s actually nothing to do with anything I was thinking.”

“It is, however, accurate.  We have been on increasingly improving terms for only two months.  It seems longer.”

“It does, sometimes.  It’s because of the time we spend here.  Most people don’t interact for this many hours in any given day.  Also, it’s been a stressful time, which has an impact.  As well as other things.”

“Other things?”

“You deliberately raise my endorphin levels when you can.  Touch, massage, cuddles, kisses.  You take advantage of endorphins raised in other ways.”

“I do not understand the word endorphin.”

“They’re substances made by bodily systems that have a mood-enhancing effect.  They are pain-reducers produced in response to stimuli.  They can also provide a euphoric feeling.  Fear and pain, touch, tastes and smells, excitement of various kinds, these can all trigger.  They are the reason that kissing and cuddling a child in pain actually can remove that pain.  It works on adults, but not as well, because of body size.  I think you know exactly what I speak of, even if you use different words.”

“That is entirely possible.  But I am not the only one going around taking advantage.  I had no intention of letting you out of the bargain where I was wrapping your feet.  I had intended to arrange more appropriate color.  I found myself bound to a new agreement before I realized what I had done.”

“People need touch.”

“It does not work as well here.”

“But it does work.”  He smiled.  His full smiles are rare, but nice.  “Why did you want me to come out to you tonight?”

“I did not wish to intrude.”

“And you wanted me to choose to see you.”

“I did.” 

“Have you figured out yet what you want of me?”  His hand stilled, and his brow furrowed.

“You ask the strangest questions.”

“That’s a no.”

“I had not thought about it.”

“No one said you had to.  I just wonder why you have been so insistent on knowing me.”

“At first, because you went out of your way to avoid me.  I needed to know who you were, and you eluded me at every turn.  I could smell strange magic in the air, feel oddness in the wind, and it all revolved around you.  I did not expect to find the woman as interesting as her deeds.”

“You wanted to study me like a bug.”

“I would not have said that.  I did, however, wish to understand how you do things.  I still do.  You manage to do all the interesting things out of my sight.”

“You saw the last one.”

“It was incredibly simple, and yet very complex.  Holding so many separate strands of magic, clearly, precisely, when you are yet so young.  The potential you have, ma’haselan.  It is astounding in this world.”

"What time is it?”

“Nearly dawn.”  He played with my hair.  “You make me think.”

“Is that bad?”

“I have no idea.  Kiss me good morning, ma’haselan.  We have little time left.”

“That sounds like goodbye.”

“I have been playing chess like a child.”

“You want time to think.”

“You know me well.  Again and again, ma’nehn.  That will not change.  Kiss me.  Please.  I promised I would initiate nothing but holding you.”  I scooted up a bit, until our faces were even.  I rubbed my nose on his.  After that, a nip at his chin.  “Ma’nehn,” he murmured. 

“I am getting around to it.”  I slid my cheek along his, then nibbled his earlobe.

“Chrysopal.”

“Hmmm?”

“Please, haselan.  Remember the setting.”

“You have complete control over the setting.”  I took pity on him, and brushed his lips with mine.  He allowed the delicate contact for a moment before he rolled, putting me under him.

“You play with fire.”

“I named you passion.  Did you think it stood for water?”

“Release me from my promise.”

“On a bed, in your personal space?  Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“But you already initiated the kissing, ma’nehn.  So…”  He didn’t drown me.  He’s just an expert.  A few minutes later, he rolled, putting me back on his chest.  “I forget I need to think when I do that.  I think we should not interact here in the fade for a while.”

“I believe I said that recently, yes.”  That got a grumble.

“I will think on the questions you ask.  But be prepared to answer the similar questions at some point.  Why, and what do you want of me?”

“Is that your question?”

“That is incredibly tempting.”

“I wonder.  Maybe I want Skyhold.  A place to call home was hinted at, long ago, by someone I know.”

“I remember.  And you do indeed call Skyhold home.  It has been remarked upon.” 

“Are you ticklish, Solas?”  I stretched a hand toward his ribs.

“Wake up, Da’asha.”

* * *

 

I did.  “Well, that’s certainly an answer, now isn’t it.”

The morning was quiet.  The sun not yet up, Garalen still in bed.  I told her I was going to climb the wolf and read.  She muttered something about not leaving camp.    Several of the girls were awake, so I asked if they could read trade tongue.  Not well, but yes.  So I took a few books with us and we all climbed the statue.  Lessons on the back of a wolf.  Better light up there.

Reading lessons are always interesting.  We took turns reading aloud.  Some people are dramatic readers, and some just monotone.  You never know who will be what.  Sam summoned us down for breakfast an hour or two later.  He’d had to have a small discussion with the cook about the girls “neglecting their duties.”  Now they’re not allowed to help at the next camp. 

Turns out Sam wouldn’t be tackling the dragon today.  I’d assumed he would.  He’s planning on traipsing through here some more when they finish the work on the bridge and tunnel.  That’ll be a bit.  The soldiers and workman haven’t even arrived yet.  But he’ll handle the dragon then.

The new plan was a leisurely start towards Emprise du Lion, later in the morning.  We had time to pack our things.  Sam was collecting more soldiers as we went.  He’d snagged probably a third of the soldiers in the Exalted Plains, and he was taking half of the ones here.  He was going to need them, but I wasn’t saying anything.

We mounted up and headed out.  It was only a few hours before it got noticeably chillier.  Even for me.  When we stopped for lunch, people pulled out blankets and cloaks.  Dorian was shivering visibly.  “My love, it wouldn’t be the first time I’d ridden in front of you.”

“You’re offering?” he chattered.

“I am.”  I put my arms about him and warmed the air just a bit.  The kids were fine in the coach, and had extra blankets.  They’d stay warm.  I left Dorian to check on Gun and Geth.  Geth had donned his fur coat, and was fine.  Gunther likewise had appropriate weather things.  Josie’d been dolled up in a beautiful fur coat.  Gara had a fur-lined vest, and she’d pulled out a fur-lined cape for me.  Came to my knees, and I really don’t want to know where they got teal blue fur.

Between Dorian’s cloak and my cape, we were pretty well covered.  I kept the inside toasty, and he was a happy man.  Solas had barely looked at me today. I guess he meant it when he said he had to think.  I hadn’t expected him to ignore me outside the fade as well as in it.

There was a light dusting of snow on the ground by the time we stopped for the evening.  Snow.  In the middle of summer.  Josie told me that the cape had been purchased by her, and she had outfitted the girls, too.  She’d known that I didn’t have winter things with me, and neither would the children.  So Gara hadn’t managed to hide it from me.

Dorian talked to Garalen, and then somehow managed to swap our little two man for the four man he’d been using.  Poor Solas.  Cole and he would be sharing my old two-man.  “It will be cozy, but that is just another word for warm, my dove.  He’ll be fine.”  The entire situation is hilarious.

Varric complained. I don’t think I’ve ever heard so much complaining.  The stew was too hot, the snow was cold, the wind messed up his chest hair.  He objected to the fact that he had to close his coat.  He whined until nearly every single person was sick and tired of it, and then he stopped.  Smart man, he is.  Not one scout or soldier said a word about the cold.  They buttoned up and mentioned that dwarves were certainly whiney.

The Iron Bull took the opportunity to come over and ask if I was okay.  I’d spent the bulk of the day being carried on horseback after all.  In fact, I was sitting on Dorian’s lap when Bull arrived.  He slid right up next to the poor mage to talk to me.  I was atop Dor’s thighs, so I know full well that Bull’s was right up against it.  I scooted so I was on three thighs, trapping Dorian. 

Bull wasn’t wearing anything special for the cold.  He explained that the heat and cold didn’t bother him much, because something something breeding and something something training.  Which didn’t fly.  Dorian and I bullied him into wearing a shirt, at least, so that we wouldn’t feel cold just looking at him.  “Besides, you could cut glass with your nipples, Bull.  That’s just wrong.  Wear something.”

Dorian didn’t say much of anything after I said that.  Dinner was hot stew made with corned beef.  Not bad, I suppose.  I’d never have picked corned beef for a stew, though.  By the time we went to bed, it was snowing again.  Damn breach.  I bet that it caused this.  That and the Templars were deliberately cultivating it.  Probably easier to grow red lyrium in the cold.  I couldn’t hear its twisted song yet, but I know I’ll start sometime tomorrow.  I’m glad I’ll be on Dorian’s lap. 

We’re all planning on curling up like puppies.  The three cots are right next to each other.  And Dorian and Gara are arguing over who gets the middle.  I just warmed the tent, so the point is moot.  And they’re staring at me.  They apparently didn’t realize?  I’m warming the girls’ and the mens’ tents, too.  No reason for Ethelathe to be cold if I can help it.  It won’t last all night, but it’ll last long enough.  And if I wake up in the middle of the night, I can redo it.


	88. Day 33, 30 Justinian, 9:41 Emprise du Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian is the best thing ever. Red lyrium whispers, Poulins suck, Michel de Chevin is interesting, and claiming defensible places.

### Road Trip, Day 33, 30 Justinian, 9:41 Emprise du Lion

A quiet night.  Except for the jostling.  Somehow I ended up in the middle, probably because I’m the warm thing.  It’s not that cold, really.  Not to me.  Every time I woke up, I refreshed the warmth in the three tents I was responsible for anyway.  Gara leaves me a lot more room than Dorian does.  He’s a cuddler.

Somehow in the early predawn hours we all three ended up awake.  I commented that I’d never before lived somewhere in which three unrelated people of varied genders and races could share a bed without comment.  Thedas isn’t nearly as body shy or as personal bubble-y as where I came from.  They were rather taken aback.  I had to explain what the personal bubble was.

Gara told me that my privacy and personal bubble requirements were some of the things that cued people that I was high-status.  Only high-status people were used to expecting and receiving a specific amount of space or privacy.  My preference for a bed-sharer, even platonic, is another one.  Apparently it makes people believe I had a personal attendant as a child.  Dorian added in that I stand up straight and look people in the eye, unheard of in an elven woman.  And I never back away from anyone, except sometimes the Inquisitor.  It’s confusing to the people around me, sometimes, until they get to know me. 

“That is so strange.  A lot of people are like me where I come from.  Well, not preferring a cuddle buddy, but the personal space thing.  It’s normal.  Privacy and body shyness is normal.  And I forget to back up.  It’s not what I’m used to.  It’s not the manners I grew up with.  I’ll try harder I guess.”

“No.  It works for you.  Andrew doesn’t need that kind of space.”  Gara chimed in.

“Well, maybe it’s because he was a farmer.  They’re used to open space and cramped space in turn.  But I bet even he had larger bubble requirements when he first got here.  He was young, too, still in high school.  Being retrained probably reduced it.  I came here and immediately, luckily, found the space I needed.  I would not have done so well without it.  Others were invited in, when I saw they had need.”  Dorian was chuckling.  “What?”

“Oh, Dove.  You completely miss it.  You tell us straight out what you’ve done, and you still don’t see.”

“There are at least three kinds of people, my love.  Those that change themselves to suit the world, those that remove themselves from it, and those that change the world to suit themselves.  I’ve no illusions.”

“And you still miss it.”

“Are you going to explain?”

“I think not.  I derive a great deal of enjoyment just watching you move through Thedas.”

“Brat.”

“Always, my dove.  Just, please, stay away from Tevinter.”

“Afraid I might marry the next Archon and change everything?”

“It wouldn’t surprise me to see it, but no.  For your own safety.”

“I adore you, altus, and will not put myself in danger that way.  How did we get on this subject?  We are supposed to be sleeping.”

Garalen commented that we ended up on it because I didn’t know how to pick a subject and meandered like a nug.  In any case, I drifted off to sleep shortly after.

Morning came too soon.  Cold wind, cold everything.  Thank goodness for a hot breakfast.  The girls are done.  I’m done.  I’m ready to go home.  I helped them all get bundled up and taken care of.  I made sure the carriages were warm, and was actually PLANNING to saddle Drummer when Dorian leaned down pulled me up in front of him.  “If you think I’ve giving up my heater, Dove, you are mistaken.”  He got the stink-eye from Gethon.

“There are other warm people.”

“But you, my dear, are my personal heater.”  He was pouting.  It was cute.  Sue me.  I gave in.

“I will be delighted to keep you warm.”  So I spent the morning in his lap.  I actually fell asleep.  I’ve been tired recently.  Possibly stress from too much travel.  I woke up to wrong song.  Everywhere.  Almost inaudible, so I could tune it out, for now.

“Dove, are you okay?”

“No, Dorian.  I want to go home.  And I can’t.  You can’t hear that?”

“I don’t hear anything in particular.”

“I see.”

“What do you hear?”

“Whispers, off key, eerie music, beckoning with bloody fingers, come to me, come to me, you’ll never be alone again.  It’s wrong, so wrong, and they mine it.  Where are the children now?  She sold them, all of them.  The same result either way, but this way she gains her life and coin.  Nobles and coin.  And I have no room.  I need land, Dorian.”

“Kaffas.”  He pulled his horse to the side, out of the way of the column of soldiers, and stopped.  Placing his hands on my face, he lifted my eyes to his .  “Relax, my dove.  Be calm.  There are no bloody fingers here, and I will not leave you alone.”

“You will, because you are needed.  It won’t be silent, but it is still low murmurs.  I am not going to do well here, Dorian.  I am in no real danger at the moment.  It is nothing you can fix.”  He got us moving again before the others stopped.  They’d been looking back as we spoke, though.

We finally arrived at another premade camp.  This one the back end of Sarnia.  For all that it looks destroyed in game, it’s much worse in person.  There were maybe twenty villagers left, milling about.  The small space they tried to install Ethelathe and the girls in was truly tiny.  I don’t think so. 

I looked around, and decided on the tower just inside the town.  Thank goodness like most things it was bigger than in game.  Enough room for fifteen, easy.  Even twenty might fit in here, if we used the stairs, too.  I was supervising the cleanup and installation of bedrolls when Sam visited.  “Problems with the tents?”

“Too small a space, no defensibility.  We’ll let the soldiers have them.”

“There’s a hole in the side of this thing, Chrissy, and you won’t need to defend yourselves.”

“I thought the same thing in Exalted Plains and the Emerald Graves.”  That shut him up.  Demons and bears, oh my.  Yeah, them, Sammy boy.  He looked at me a long moment, and sighed.

“Fine, hon.  Want to take a look at the map?”

“I…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t.  Not yet.  Too many decisions have to be made first.  Cassandra’s enemy is on the ice.  The dragons three past the bridge destroyed.  The rest.  I can’t tell you the rest without changing things, Sam.”  Tears stung my eyes again, damn it.  What is with this weepiness?

“Tears?  How bad is it?”

“I don’t want to be here, and I don’t want the girls here, but we will endure until we can get home.  The others need you here NOW, so we will be here, behind walls.  I will not speak with her, Sam.  I will not meet her.  And I will not be exploring.”

“I won’t force you to meet anyone.  You’ll be safe in camp, hon.”

“If you say so.  Take extra soldiers, Sam.  Please.”

“What do you know?”

“Many things.  The airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow, the price of rice in China, How much wood a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.”

“Chrissy.”

“No, Sam.  I told you.  I can’t.”

“You’re making my Blades bunk in this narrow street.  In tents.”

“No, I’m not.  You are.  There are several empty houses.  Put people there.” 

He muttered under his breath.  He couldn’t argue; I was right.  “I will take more soldiers.”  He bid his farewell, and I got back to work.

We managed to get all the bedrolls out and arranged, with a brazier in the center.  Gunny moved a small portable desk in next to the door.  I had more mail waiting for me.  Damn it.  This is why I need to be HOME.  The blighted lyrium hummed at the back of my skull.  Worse than a desire demon.  Never be alone.  Come to me, come to me.

Dorian arrived with his bedroll and some support people brought in a trio of cots.  “Somehow, my dove, I think this will be the warmest place in camp.”  He stepped inside.  I’d already barriered the hole in the wall and warmed the tower just a little.  Enough to take the bite out of the air.  The cots were set up against the stairs, and my bedroll and Gunther’s moved to them.  I eyed Garalen, but her bedroll was still rolled up near the door.  She intended sleeping across it.

I asked Geth, Arnold, and the other guy if they could fix the gate, so it would close.  They could, and had it done before dinner.  It was sturdier than it looked, and would keep most people out.  Now I just had to keep the warm air in by adding a barrier to the door itself, and our little nook was complete. 

Solas did drop by, but didn’t say much.  He looked at me strangely after eyeing my barriers.  He leaned against the doorway, and held out a hand to me, challenge in his gaze.  He stroked my thread, the ass.  How the hell did he do that?  Shivers down my spine.  And everywhere else.

I didn’t want to do this in front of the others, so I went to him.  He led me to a shadowed nook.  There are many in any ruined place.  “Again and again, ma’haselan.  I told you that wouldn’t change.”

“You’ve ignored me for two days.”  I was a touch peeved about that.

“My every thought was regarding you.  I do as you ask.  Please, da’asha.  No one will know.  Just because I cannot tell you what I want of you…”  I put my fingers on his lips, stilling them.

“I have never asked you to do that.”

“Then…”  He was confused.  Actual expressions.  LOVE them.

“I asked if you knew what you wanted of me.  Not for you to tell me.”

“There are so many things, ma’nehn.”

“You wanted a kiss?”

“Yes, but I still need to think.”

“Mor’ishan.  You fool no one.  No promises.  You aren’t ready.  Kiss me anyway.”  His own words.  He knew it.  A small groan, and his lips met mine.

A moment later he lifted his face.  “Unmarred.  One day, ma’nehn, ma’haselan’udh, I will not release you to share a bed with another.”

“You say such things.  Two others, recently.”  Oh, he didn’t like that.  His eyes were almost glowy.  Here in the real.  He grows in power, even as I watch.  I pulled his head down for another kiss.  “I offer kisses to no one else, mor’ishan.  You asked it of me.  But I have promised nothing beyond that.”

“I know.”  He sighed.  “I have to think, still.  There are considerations.”

“You are not the only one who has to consider carefully.”  He didn’t like that, either, but said nothing.  He escorted me back to the tower, and left.  I’d been gone perhaps ten minutes.  Who’d have thought he hadn’t bothered to actually listen to my words?  I think he projected what he’d want on me.  The connection to him, however, is still silent. 

Dinner was hot, but not as plentiful as usual.  We shared with the townsfolk that were left.  Hundreds gone, twenty-three left.  I can’t even.  Noble bitch Poulin at the table they’d brought out.  Sitting there cooing over the people she has left, them never realizing she sold their friends, neighbors, children, to the Red Templars.

I left dinner early, appetite non-existent, and took food, mine and his, to Michel de Chevin.  He was surprised, to say the least, and has wonderful manners.  I introduced myself only as Chrissy, and took a quick look at him.  Definitely elf-blood.   He eyed my trailing bodyguards, two Blades, a Templar, and an elven rogue.  I don’t think he believed I was no one.  Points in his favor, he’s smart, and he knows when to keep his questions behind his teeth.  I think I like him, and I haven’t liked many Orlesians so far.  I went back to my tower and did paperwork for a while.

Dorian and Gunther blocked in my cot when we lay down.  Not sure quite why.  Dor was cuddley as usual, and Gun didn’t touch me at all.  Geth and the men were between Gara and the girls.  Gara across the door.  I warmed the place, and got up a few minutes after Gunny slept to write.  I’d forgotten.  Dorian’s watching me impatiently, so I'll leave it here.


	89. Day 34, 1 Solace, 9:41 Emprise du Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exploring a little, a letter from Jack, a lyrium potion, Forgetting hug day, and mother hen Dorian.

### Road Trip, Day 34, 1 Solace, 9:41 Emprise du Lion

I had to scope the playing field, so I meandered.  I made sure to take my staff on my walk in the fade.  I didn’t go far.  Just a bit outside the town, a bit onto the ice.  Things were where I expected them.  Soldiers and demons, horrors and beauties.  This place was once a beloved home, and many times a bloody battleground.  And now the tainted lyrium grows in every nook and cranny, singing wrong songs.  There must be a way to sing it clean again.  I’ll have to get some normal lyrium and compare the songs.  Maybe I can find the key, the frequency. 

There wasn’t an untainted piece of lyrium in the area I explored.  It occurs to me that it was probably a good thing.  Lyrium, raw lyrium, is fatal on contact to mages.  Just approaching a piece could be bad. How to destroy red lyrium.  To render it harmless.  That might be better.  Still more than I can do right now.

I still saw no demons, few wisps.  A few spirits, and memories aplenty.  Why do I not see demons anymore? The veil is thin enough in places that the real bleeds into the fade.  You can see what is actually going on in places.  Poulin burning papers in the night.  Townspeople huddling together in the cold.  My people, warm and safe. 

I woke, wanting to check them.  The girls were mine.  The women were mine.  The men were unsure of me, but connected.  Gara and Gunther were strong.  Gethon was steady again.  I’d have to remind him I would keep him safe a few more times, but he feels okay.  Lonely.  He’d hoped.  I’ll have to find him a girl, someone in high enough position to appeal to him. 

Back in the direction of Skyhold, they were doing okay.  Content in sleep, resting.  Eadras’ hands hurt.  Isa’s baby was aware, the tiniest bit, the spark becoming a node of its own, forming connections to mommy.  I wonder if they were going to do some sort of marriage or bonding, Feren and Isa.  The tweedles.  I missed them.  When I get home, they’re not going to be able to pry me out of Tarasyl'an Te'las with a crowbar.

I warmed the room again.  The others were on the floor, so I warmed the flagstones under us, as well.  Wriggling out of between the two men, I went to my desk.  Paperwork.  Might as well.  There was enough moonlight coming in from the hold in the tower to read by, so I didn’t bother lighting the candles. 

I’d received a letter from Jack of all people.  I’d not expected that.  And of course he played with language.  Leliana probably had a conniption.  Guten Morgen Sonnenschein.  Good morning sunshine.  How sweet!  Mi nave pierde su sonrisa.  My ship misses your smile.  Un jour, vous devez visiter à nouveau. Il est mon souhait le plus cher que vous revenez.  One day, you have to visit again. It is my dearest wish that you come back.  Then to English.  I hope you enjoy it.  Enjoy what?  I scanned the rest of the letter, but it said nothing else on the subject.  He switched to a simple tic tac toe cypher about a quarter of the way through, for a paragraph or two.  Then back to English for the remainder, save the postscript.

He was commissioned by my brother to transport goods between Val Royeaux and Jader, and paid handsomely.  He looks forward to dealing with my inquisition friends again.  I am to remember what I was told.  When my heart breaks against the world, the sea could be salvation.  He will be waiting, a friend only, when that happens.  As well, he would be offended if I didn’t choose his vessel for any future travel needs.  Give him a month’s notice, and he’ll come get me on anywhere on the Waking Sea.  He signed it Captain Jack, with ridiculous flourishes.  The postscript said alea jacta est, praesidio offerunt in bona fide.  The die is cast, I offer protection in good faith.

I should never have told him there would be eyes reading what he writes.  But it made me smile, in this place of murmurs and betrayal.  Clever, clever man.  And now I wonder what it is that I’ll enjoy.  A hand touched my shoulder.  “My dove, what is it you are doing?”

“Reading my mail.  Doing paperwork.”

“In the middle of the night?”

“I was awake.  Jack wrote me.”

“Did he now?”  I handed him the letter, still smiling.  Dorian created a small ball of light and read.  “Does he test you, with these languages?  Anders, but odd.  Antivan, Orlesian, Ancient Tevene?”

“Remember, my love?  It’s German, Spanish, French, and Latin.  And a simple English cypher in the middle.  He tests me, yes, but he’s mostly poking Leliana.”

“That’s what the strange boxes are?”

“Yes.  English cypher.”

“Ah, I see.  The children’s game, moved to letters.  And the dots to put them in order.”

“Precisely.”

“Will you be responding?”

“Of course.  I just have to plan my response.”

“Flirting, dove?”

“Certainly not.  Well, maybe.  He knows me rather well on such short acquaintance, doesn’t he?”

“And what of your hobo?”

“He may not want me, Dorian.  Other things may be far more important to him.”

“Have you not seen the way he looks at you?”

“If it is to be, I will not be unhappy about it.  Jack wouldn’t be for a long time in the future.  At least two or three years, if it were to happen at all.  It would take at least that long for me to give up and retreat to the sea.  And even then, only if I failed.”

“When your heart breaks against the world?”

“If, my love, but even so.”  I took a deep breath.  “Dorian, may I ask you for something?”

“You may ask.”

“A lyrium potion.  Just one.  Just in case.”

He was shocked.  “You’ve avoided them assiduously.  You don’t use them.”

“This place, my love.  It’s wrong.  So very dangerous.  I cannot leave the children undefended.  I cannot afford even the minutes of dizziness you’ve seen.  It’s okay if you refuse.”

“No, for then you’ll ask another, and he or she will give in.  At least this way I know that you have it.”  He dug in his pack and produced a small glowing blue vial.

“How does one clean a place of red lyrium?  This place.  It is not fit for anyone to live here.  Fingers of blood, Dorian.  Whispers, come to me.  Louder, it sounds.”

“I don’t hear it.  Cole does.  I asked.  He agrees that it is a wrong song.  He was not surprised you heard it.  Are you like him, my dove?”

“As much like as you are.  Spirit housed in flesh, with the ability to manipulate the fade.  I am a born person.  A mother and father had I. As you did.  Do.”

He glanced at the hole in the wall.  “It is almost dawn.  Answer the letter after another nap, darling.  Rest.  You are nearly haggard.”

“Such compliments!”  He led me back to the cots, and we slept again. 

I awoke alone, with coffee smell in my nose.  Garalen waving a mug.  Coffee.  I smiled at her, sitting up.  “You are a blessing to me, Garalen.”

“You’re in a strange mood.”

“I was up late.  Thank you for the coffee.”  I usually dress in skirts for the main camps, but I did not this time.  Garalen, sweetie she is, had left both out, pants and dresses.  I chose pants.  Garalen told me that Dorian and the rest had already left.  It wasn’t far after dawn, so they must have deliberately set out early.  Vivienne and Sera were the lucky ladies left behind.  He always seems to take seven of his companions.  Probably so he can have two teams of four.

I sat at breakfast with the girls.  I still wasn’t hungry.  Afterwards I walked around the remains of the town a bit.  I seem to have inherited a third Hessarian.  Or something.  Anyway, three of them, as well as Gara and Gunny, watching me wander and talk to the people.  They’re hungry, cold, hemmed in by the weather and the Templars.  They have nearly given up, which doesn’t explain the color this place has.  Limited color, but it is there.  It’s not as bad as the alienage was.  Maybe the lyrium?

I took lunch to Michel de Chevin.  He thanked me again, but this time he asked who I was.  I told him I was named many things, but he could call me Chrissy.  He just waited.  Interesting man.  I think we could be friends, eventually.  “I am sometimes called Chatelaine, sometimes Ethelathun.  Mostly Chrissy, short for Chrysopal.  Other names, but likely none you would know.”  He sent me back inside the town, claiming to be concerned for my wellbeing.  He was alone out there in the game, but he has soldiers with him now.

I sought out Josie and Vivienne.  They were taking tea together, but they invited me as soon as I was spotted.  We sipped a cup, and then they inquired as to why I was meandering.  “I had a question, actually.”

Vivienne quirked a brow.  “What is your question, darling?  Perhaps we can be of assistance.”

“What is being done with the bodies of the red Templars?  Is it a good idea to handle them the way we handle normal bodies, considering they are infested with red lyrium?”

Josie paused with her cup halfway to her mouth, her usually dusky skin paling.  Vivienne sat completely still.  “What would you suggest, my dear?”  Vivienne recovered enough to ask.

“We treat them like blighted bodies, or even more carefully.  Burn them hot, magical fire as hot as it can get. Preferably under a barrier to keep the ashes from spreading.  Then bury the ashes deep.  Unless someone has a better idea.  I’m not sure what I’ve suggested is enough.”

“You have brought up an important point, Chrysopal.”  Vivienne can be condescending, sometimes.  “Well done, my dear, for the thought, and the suggestions.  We will address them with the Inquisitor.”

“I’m sure you will.”

I settled back into paperwork.  It was later in the afternoon when Varric showed up at the gate to the tower.  “I’m upset with you, Cuddles.”  What?

“What’d I do?”

“You forgot hug day.”

I counted back, and it should indeed have been yesterday.  The thirtieth of every month is supposed to be a hug day.  “I’m sorry, Storyteller.  Would you like a hug?”

“Yes.  But that’s not good enough.”  I blinked.  “You need to make it up to us.  Hugs and kisses for everyone today.”

“I can’t, Varric.  I can’t offer kisses.”

“Then I expect two hug days.  Today and tomorrow.”

“Done.”  He grinned, and hugged me.  I explained hug day to the new elves, and they shared where they wished.  Varric had apparently told people already that it was hug day, because I was offered hugs from a good quarter of the scouts and soldiers.  I apologized to Josie and Sam (who had returned) and group hugged them both.  I gathered my courage to offer hugs to Cass and Blackwall.  They both accepted.

 Bull picked me up and swung me around a couple times, and told me I looked tired.  He leaned toward my ear.  “Trade you bunkmates, Chrissy?”  I laughed.  Apparently he’d been assigned to Cole and Solas, since Dorian absconded into Ethelathe.

“Dorian would kill me.  But he watches you.  I wouldn’t recommend hurting him.  I protect my own, Bull, even from men five times my size.  I can suggest it, I suppose.  I’d not mind Cole at all.”  That tickled his funny bone, and he let out a huge laugh, squeezing the breath out of me good-naturedly.

I had expected Sera to refuse, but she squeezed me.  Dorian smooched my cheek.  Cole smiled and bumped me with his shoulder.  “Two hug days.  Because you keep promises.”  I snagged three of ten Hessarians, Gunny, and Gara. 

Gethon held me carefully, but snugly, his head on my shoulder.  “Thank you, for allowing nothing to change.”

“Nothing you have ever done, to my knowledge, has been so horrible that I would hate you, Gethon.  The Ethelathun will protect you.  The woman thinks she’s going to find you a nice girl and hopes to be an aunt to your children.  Safety, and home, Gethon, if you want it.”  He squeezed me tight.

I even meandered out to Michel de Chevin.  “I have a tradition in Ethelathe, good ser.  Hug days.  To remind those leaving why they fight, to help ensure that the last memories of people who may not come home are good ones.  Would you like a hug?”  He was taken aback and demurred.  “I shall ask again tomorrow.  Enjoy the rest of your day.”

The only one left was Solas.  I caught his eye and slipped into an empty house.  Fairly good repair.  This could house inquisition soldiers.  I was exploring a bit when Solas showed up in front of me.  Without even a word, he buried a hand in my hair, tilting my head.  The other arm lifted me against him, and his lips came down on mine.  It was but a moment and a lifetime before his lifted his head.  “I heard there is to be two hug days.  You told Varric you could not offer kisses.”  His tone was almost gloating.  He kissed me again.  “It was difficult to control my expression when I heard that.  You cost me control even when you are nowhere near.”

“I’m sorry?”

He dropped his head to my neck.  “Oh, ma’haselan, you tie me in knots.  How do you manage that when we have shared not fifteen minutes of time in days?  Have met in the fade not at all?”

“I’m not trying to tie you in knots.”  I reached up and traced his brow, brushing his jaw.  I pulled my hand back.  “I’m not sure what you want me to say.  I’ve left you alone as you asked.  I’ve not bothered you.  I wasn’t even sure about offering a hug, but it wouldn’t have been right to not at least offer.  I didn’t expect this.  I had only thought to offer you a hug, mor’ishan.”

He lifted his head. Cupping my cheek, he dragged a thumb across my lips.  “So much temptation.  I will take that hug, ma’nehn.  For today, and for tomorrow.  And I will return to thinking.”  He clasped me to him, tightly.  A moment later, he left me.  Couldn’t have been more than five minutes total. 

The smell of the stew they were making didn’t make my stomach happy.  I ate a little bread at dinner, but nothing else.  I meandered back to my desk and went back to paperwork.  Answered Jack’s letter in multiple languages, telling him that I appreciated his offer, and wondering what I was going to enjoy, because I’d not made it back home yet.  I didn’t tell him where I was or what I was doing.  I did say that if I found myself in need of a sea-faring ship, I’d look him up. 

I worked on the rest of the mail.  Only got about a quarter of the way through the stack.  Ethelathe returned and Garalen complained about how cold it was.  I warmed the floor and air.  I’d not even noticed.  We did songtime in the warm tower.  Others joined us after we started.  The pile of coats at the door grew.  After songtime, there was another quick round of hugs.  I went to my desk and sat down.  Too much to do, and I had to drown the lyrium song.  Dorian let it go for about an hour and then pulled my pen out of my hand. 

We had a short argument about ownership of the pen, and he’s letting me journal real quick.  I look exhausted, apparently, so he’s dragging me to bed.


	90. Day 35, 2 Solace, 9:41 Emprise du Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hug day 2, talking with Bull, dealing with Chevin, poking Poulin, and reassuring Dorian.

### Road Trip, Day 35, 2 Solace, 9:41 Emprise du Lion

I stayed in my own space, and dreamed my own dreams.  Dreams of Earth, of technology and science.  Dreams of comfortable places and air conditioning.  I didn’t realize why I was dreaming of air conditioning until Dorian curled further into me, jostling me awake.  His skin was frigid.  The girls were in a ball together, and Garalen was awake.  It was still dark.  I warmed the space, and the flagstones. 

I’m not sure what they did to make it so cold.  The breach was closed now.  Temporarily, until it is opened again.  But with it closed, how could it do this?  Did the dragons make it cold, or did they move in because the Templars made it cold?  Lace told the inquisitor that the river froze fast, and no one complained before Haven was destroyed.  It has to be the Templars or the closing of the breach.  Somehow.  Was it Imshael?  Arg, I couldn’t THINK with the INCESSANT WHISPERING!

“Gara, you should have woken me.”  She just looked at me like I was dense.  She hadn’t been about to wake me up, because she knew what I was going to do.  If it was this bad in here…  I pulled on my cloak and she sighed.  We took a short walk through the camp, and I warmed the other sleeping places.  Except Poulin’s sleeping quarters.  She had a nice fire going, anyway.  I don’t think anyone noticed, except maybe some of the soldiers on watch.  I might have warmed them a bit, too.

I sent Garalen to bed, promising not to leave my tower without an escort.  I finished all the paperwork.  Nothing required much thought.  Halton was getting a raise when I got back.  I would practically be able to lead a life of leisure between him and Leorah.  I might actually get some real work done on figuring out the veil.  Studying magic.  Playing with the tweedles and coddling the pregnant women.  And holding the babies.  I really wanted to hold the babies.

I snuffed the candles and climbed the ruined stairs.  From the hole in the tower, I watched the sun rise.

The day was normal.  Breakfast, per usual.  People were happier today.  That made me smile.   I made sure everyone who wanted a hug got one.  Bull was left behind today, and Cole.  Bull cornered me midmorning.  “You’re not sleeping.”

“Most people don’t when the large ball of light is in the sky.”

“You’re not eating, either.”

“I ate just this morning.”

“Half a biscuit and two spoonfuls of porridge doesn’t count.”

“I already have a mother, and the idea that you counted how many spoonfuls of porridge I ate is extremely creepy.”

“Dorian’s worried about you.”

“I know.  I’ll be better when we get away from this place.”

“I told him I’d watch you.”

“Seriously?  I have three Blades of Hessarian, a Templar, an assassin, and now you?  Like I really need another guy staring at my ass while I’m walking down the street.”

“It’s a nice ass.  What’s eating you?  You’re not usually snippy.”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I asked, didn’t I?”  We meandered as we talked.

“Fingers of blood, whispers in the dark, come to me, come to me.  Pain and sorrow, wrong songs.  The whispers never cease.  It burns in the cold, and I can’t say why.  This place must be cleansed.  How to remove the red?  How to remove the lyrium?  If it’s going to be a home again, we have to remove the lyrium.”

“Yeah.  That shit’s dangerous.”

“If I found the right notes, could it be sung clean?  Singing sweet, sold to the dwarves?  Perhaps sunk in the earth, deep enough to hide?  Can’t put the taint in the ground.  The whispers don’t stop.   I can’t THINK.”  I’d stopped, and stomped my foot on that last word.

“Hey.”  I barely heard him.  He dropped to a knee and swiveled my head to look at him.  We were eye to eye.  “Hey.  You know what’s you and what’s not.  Hold onto you, and let go what’s not.”

“The new me, the old me, the me in the middle, which to choose.”

“You can’t go back to the old you.”  He looked away, standing up.  “Not even when you try.  Not even when others try.”

“Once I knew nothing of death.  Now I have rejoiced in the destruction of a man.  What does that make me?”

“He deserved it.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you wouldn’t wish death on someone who didn’t.”

“You’re sure?”

“You are, or you wouldn’t be asking the question.”

“I think you might be good for Dorian.”

“You didn’t always think so.”

“You would have harmed him.”

“And now I won’t?”

“And now you must choose to harm him or not, and he must choose to be harmed or not.  No squiggle-horned bitch ordering you to break your own heart for dangerous purpose would actually succeed.”  He was taken aback by my phrasing.  “I’m sorry.  I’m in a mood.”

“You really did see the Viddasala.”

“It’s too hard to keep track of lies.”

“Let’s get you some food.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Then let’s get me food.  You can share.”

“Bull.”

“Eat something, so I can tell the others you did.”

“Fine.”  We did get some food, and I ate a few bites of a sandwich.  He didn’t push, just pulled the rest out of my hand after a while. 

The girls were having a blast playing in the snow.  They stayed outside town.  Wouldn’t want Poulin to sell them, too.  She was so obsequious.  Fawning over Josephine.  Asking the scouts prying questions.  How close were the Inquisitor and the Ambassador?  Why did the Inquisitor bring so many people?  Asked, and was answered.  All in the name of “providing better accommodations.”

It wasn’t until the afternoon that she tried to corner me.  “So, an elven Chatelaine.  I’d be curious about how you got the position.  How exactly are you and Lord Trevelyan related?”

Her sugary sweet poison tone pissed me off.  “I feel no need to respond to a keeper who fails to protect nine out of ten of her clan.  I protect my own, Mistress Poulin.  Keep your claws off the Inquisitor, and away from the Ambassador.”  She started in with the how dare you’s as I turned away.  I stopped and looked back at her.  “Once, on a farm, I saw a chicken run about for nearly an hour after its head had been chopped off.”

“You can’t threaten me.”  Such strident tones.

“I could, but I didn’t.  I was sharing a childhood recollection.”  I smiled at her, sweetly.  I don’t know why she swallowed.  The Hessarians had touched their hands to their blades, so maybe that was it.  “To everything, there is a season,” I told them.

I visited Michel de Chevin again.  He looked up from where he was sitting, honing his blade.  “Greetings again, milady.”

“I promised to offer another hug.”

He looked at his sword, twisting it this way and that.  After rubbing it briefly with a cloth, he sheathed it.  “Why?”

“Why what?”

“The food, the offers of hugs, the conversation.”

“It seems proper.  You defend and protect, even beyond what is required.  You would not appreciate my reasons, but I see how far you have risen.  You have done well for yourself and others.  You are the only Chevalier I would consider turning my back upon.”

“You know.  How do you know?”  Anger.

“Everyone knows, Ser de Chevin.  Queen’s Champion.”  He relaxed a bit, still eyeing me.

“Don’t mind me so much, Ser.  Even my friends think I’m strange.  Would you like a hug?”

“I think I would.”  He said it warily, like he expected hugs to bite.  I stepped to him and gave him a brief squeeze about the neck.  Hugging armor is impossible.  I went to step back, and his arm stopped me.  “Who are you?”

I held up a hand to still the bodyguards.  He noticed, and released me.  “I have already told you.” 

“Chatelaine of where?”

“Skyhold.”

“What is an Ethelathun?”

“That’s an excellent question, and one that I don’t know the answer to.  It is what I’m called by the people of Ethelathe.”

He pondered my words.  “I should go back into the town, if I were you, milady.  It’s not safe for you here.”  I nodded at him and left.

Garalen bumped me.  “What?”

“He’s cute.  In a humanish way.”

“I know more about him than you think.”

“Another?”

“Another what?”  It dawned on me.  “NO, Gara.  Heavens, no.  I don’t know him that well, and he doesn’t have the time.  He’s a very busy man, and not for me.”

“Then why?”

“Gara.  We need land.”

“I know.”

“We need people in charge who are sympathetic.”

“Okay.”

I pulled her aside and lowered my voice.  “How lovely would it be if I could surround the Frostback mountains with hand-picked nobles?”  A light dawned.  I lowered my voice farther.  “And I know more than that.  I want people with elven mothers, Gara.  Loving elven mothers.”

Her eyes widened.  “Elf-born?”

“Does he not have the look?”

“It’s possible.”

“Say nothing.  Please.  I could be wrong.”  I wasn’t, but I could be.

“He thought you were flirting.”

“Nothing indicating intent, but he is an Orlesian male.  It’s customary.”

I got hugs from Cole.  He came back for seconds.  Why do I get the feeling that Cole would prefer every day be a hug day?  When he came back for thirds, I told him that he didn’t need to wait for hug days to hug me.  He just grinned.  “I know.  Those weren’t my hugs.”

“Oh?  Who do you proxy for?”

“You know, or you don’t.  I won’t say.”

“That’s fine.  Just so long as it’s not someone I wouldn’t want hugs from.”

“No.  You wouldn’t mind hugs.  The song is wrong, but it’s not you.  The Iron Bull is smart.  You should listen.”

“The whispers, Cole.  I can’t seem to tune them out.”

He looked at me, thinking.  “Amplitude?  Is that the word?  Turn that down, young lady.  Are you trying to go deaf?”

“I’ll try.”  I did, but it didn’t have much of an effect.  I’m probably doing it wrong.  Either that, or I just can’t concentrate enough.  I warmed the tower again, and the girls took to needlepoint while they waited for their outerwear to dry.  I had no more mail arrive today.  Inquisibutt came back relatively early, triumphant.  He sent about half the scouts and soldiers ahead to outfit and staff Suledin Keep.  Tomorrow, he intends to take the mines.  He asked that we move to the keep, “where we can properly defend you, behind sturdy walls”, tomorrow.  He’ll leave a dozen soldiers to escort us when we’re ready.

We got lots of lingering visitors in my tower.  Probably because it’s the warmest place aside from Madame Poulin’s room.  Dinner was served hot, and the kids ate hearty.  They’d hunted on the ice, and had fresh meat.  Songtime went well.  A packed tower.  People were sitting on the stairs, all the way up.  Afterwards, I climbed up and watched the sky.

Dorian watched me, apparently concerned.  “You sicced the Iron Bull on me.  I didn’t realize you were getting along so well.”

“Cole wouldn’t cooperate.  She’s not hungry, he says.  The qunari noticed, too, and approached me.”

“The Qunari?  So formal.”  He sat down next to me, wrapping an arm around me.

“You are trying to play, but it feels forced.  Just accept that we worry.  You sound ready to bite anyone.”

“I’m on edge.  I’m sorry love.”

“We’re taking the mines tomorrow.  We’re all going.  I want you in the keep, my dove.  The Inquisitor’s moving most of the soldiers and scouts tonight, to get it ready.  Try to be nice to the local nobles until then?”

I cuddled into his side.  “You heard.  You will understand tomorrow, if you clear the mines.”

“Can you tell me?”

“There’s too much.  I am not being unreasonable.”

He sighed.  “Come to bed, darling.  You need rest.”

“It still sings while I sleep.”

“Try?”

“The Iron Bull made me eat a sandwich.  And said I had a nice ass.”

“Mine’s better.”  That made me smile.

“I think he likes you.”

“Enough.  He flirts enough for ten men.  He doesn’t need a cheeky elf flirting for him.”

“I’ll come to bed.  Just let me make the rounds and everything.”

I wandered the camp and town, warming everything in the tents and buildings aside from her places.  Carefully I fixed the locations in my mind.  It would be nice to stay put and warm everything.  I’d try.  And I’ll try to sleep.  Dorian looks like he’s about to steal my pen again, so that’s enough for now.


	91. Day 36-38, 3-5 Solace, 9:41 Emprise du Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole, a new player?, barriers and ambushes, dealing with worried people, Sera is a surprise.

### Road Trip, Day 36-38, 3-5 Solace, 9:41 Emprise du Lion

This will be a little messy.  I’m writing in bandages.  Another two-plus day entry.

I couldn’t understand how the others stood it. Was I the only one hearing the whispers?  If I was, why were they targeting me?  I got up after the others fell asleep.  I couldn’t.  Even my normal dreams were full of red whispers and bloody fingers.  I wandered the camp after a while, warming that which was cold.

It was still the dead of night when Cole showed up.  “Hello, Cole.”  He silently handed me an apple.  “Feeding me, because you care?”

“Yes.  They hear the whispers, too.  They’re quieter.  You listen better.  The Inquisitor, itchy at the back of his skull.  Smack and scratch, and it’s quiet, for a time.  He has no magic to tug and pull.  Solas, he learned to silence what he couldn’t bear to hear, a useful talent, but hinders him.  The others, itchy on the skin, a murmur of conversation, turn the head, who’s talking?  No one there, they must have just walked away.  They don’t know what they hear, and you do.  It’s louder for us, because we are connected to the other side.”

“Will this place ever be clean again?  Children can’t play here, not with fingers of blood poking the sky.”

“I don’t know,” he responded sadly.  “I can’t touch that hurt.”

“Cole.  Is there a way to create a barrier powered by the red lyrium?  Attached to it?  A barrier to keep itself in?”

Cole smiled and lifted his head, meeting my eyes.  The quirk of his lips was off.  His voice odd.  The cadence wrong.  A drawl, sliding through the words.  “Little pieces guarding themselves, but what about the source?  Everything is connected, da’haselan.  Strands here and there, tainted and not.  Millenia to weaken what the mother used to protect her children.  But barriers could work, for a time.”

“Cole?”

He shook his head, like he was clearing it.  “I don’t know.  Maybe.”  That was weird, and I didn’t dare ask him about it.  I took a deep breath, and rubbed my forehead.  The whispers had fallen silent, for the first time in days, and I didn’t know why.  I hated the place.  I wanted to go home.  I was suddenly very tired.  “The voices are gone?  How are the voices gone?”  Cole, confused.

“I don’t know.  But I’m going to sleep while I can.”  I did, and woke predawn after several hours sleep, the whispers returning.  Whoever or whatever managed to give me that reprieve, I owe them a steak dinner at the restaurant of their choice.  It was the best part of the last few days.

In the morning, a significant portion of the camp was broken down and loaded into carts.  I prevailed upon Sam to let me pick my soldier escorts.  Our soldiers, the ones connected to me.  Twelve of them.  Shocker, they were three quarters elven.  He ran off with the entire inner circle, mounted.  They have townspeople to free.

Josie stuck with us.  Seven kids, four parents, Josie, me, ten Hessarians, Gara, Gunther, Geth, and twelve soldiers headed out about midmorning, leaving a stripped down camp with minimal personnel.  Requisition officer, a dozen soldiers, a few support people.  Poulin did that air kiss thing with Josie, and waved as we left.  Michel de Chevin was not where I expected him to be, guarding Sahrnia.

The whispers got worse as we passed the shards thrusting up from the ground.  They really did look like bloody fingers.  Whole hands, sometimes.  They were also loud, whispering and groaning at the back of my skull.  But I knew what to do, I’m not sure how, to keep the kids or anyone else from touching it.  Safe enough, temporarily.  

A combination of runes that I’d not considered, but immensely appropriate, floated at the forefront of my mind.  It required, however, four runes.  Barriers, weavings, this I can do, but four runes is a lot of strands to use at once.  I barriered every piece we passed anyway.  Cold, intensity, trap, isolation.  The lyrium burned hotter, but quieted.  Created from my being, but tied to the glowy dust in the air.  Hard to spin it small, soap bubbles in the air.

The carriages weren’t doing so hot.  This is not the terrain they were designed for.  Liam gave me and Josie bad news when we were most of the way to the Highgrove camp. (Yes, my Liam was one of the soldiers I chose.  He’s more mine than most. Probably because of the fire.)  That’s when he told us the carriages wouldn’t fit through Alphonse’s Passage anyway, so it wasn’t a big deal.  Crap.

We all dismounted and climbed out and otherwise ended up on the ground.  The plan, we were told, was to dismantle the carriage tops, and put them back together later, when we continued on to Skyhold.  Lovely.  Luckily these carriages were apparently designed to do this.  Josie supervised everything, but the kids weren’t going to be able to ride anymore.  We were down to teenage girl walking pace.  Admittedly, that’s not as bad as tweedle pace.  Dead slow or full out.

Anyway.  We went through the passage, carefully skirting the red lyrium growing everywhere.  Every piece, I put a barrier.  My magic to create, ambient magic to sustain.  Eventually out to Drakon’s Rise.  There we were fed, at that camp.  I wasn’t hungry, but ate some bread and cheese anyway.  Garalen and Gunther kept looking at me, concerned.  Even Geth kept tossing worried looks my way.  I was tired, yes, but I had a lot more to do.  I still had the tower camp and the quarry to handle and that huge piece near the keep.  Temporary fix, but it would help.  Even now, the whispers were quieter.

I was thoroughly exhausted, from the hiking and the magic, after we got through the tower camp.  I’d have to do the quarry another time.  They weren’t finished with it anyway.  We were about halfway up the way to Suledin keep when the red lyrium I could sense everywhere MOVED.  And I learned that a red Templar feels just like a finger of blood.

We were surrounded.  They popped up out of nowhere, circling us.  We were trapped, ambushed.  God DAMN it.  Hessarians and soldiers, bless their souls, ringed the girls.  Josie’s Hessarians stepped in front of her, and were in turn covered by soldiers.  I had my people.  Asshole with red glowing eyes behind his helm tried to be all reasonable.  “No one needs to get hurt.  We just want the women, and the rest of you can go.  We just want to talk.”  He paused, awaiting a response.  A few minutes passed and no one said anything.  “We want to have a chat with Lady Montilyet about her lover.  Give her to us, and the elven women, his charges, and the rest of you can go.”

When no one moved, an arrow came streaming in from the surrounds.  It hit one of the elven dads in the throat.  Shrill girly screams, and Josie was pushed to the ground.  I was knocked down as well, a body covering me.  It was kind of like my brain went into hyperdrive.  Sounds of arrows, fighting.  It was weird. I calmly thought, “Well, this is why I handpicked my soldiers.”  I cast barrier on ME.  Which barriered a significant portion of the people I was with.  Turns out that was a bad move.  And too late, for some.

Red Templars are apparently REALLY good at Templar shit.  Not only did firing up magic put them in high gear, attacking my people faster and harder, they started in on their abilities.  And I was the only one there with a mage staff.  Invisible knives slashed at that part of me.  I was already tired, we were outnumbered, my magic was depleted, and they were trying to annul me.  This annulment hurt much worse than the last.

I rose to my knees.  Reaching into my pocket, breathing through the shards, I pulled out the blue vial Dorian had given me.  I did what I’d seen in game. I drained the whole thing.  A vial that was geared toward a much larger person with a bit of a tolerance for the stuff…

Oh my god.  It hurt.  It really hurt.  Tingles where there weren’t knives.  Magic pent up under my skin.  I had to have glowed, I felt so horribly full.  The magic seethed under my skin, begging for release.  Something, anything.  Josie was still pinned under two Hessarians.  The girls were screaming.  

My brain flicked through books, rapid fire, stuttering on rpg player’s guides.  Dungeons and Dragons.  Lightning and ice, staff and surrounds, a blizzard.  I needed a diamond, and prayed the crystal in my staff, whatever it was, would work well enough.  I put my hands on it and focused my will.  Only my people, and the inquisition people, were untouched.  Screaming, and the smell of burnt flesh.  I felt something tear, somewhere inside where the knives had already shredded.

Too much magic rushed through me.  Too much, too fast, over places already hurt.  As the storm died, my stomach churned.  My head, my everything, hurt and pounded.  I barely got a glimpse of the destruction.  Bodies, cooked in their armor.  Rictus grins.  I remember stumbling to the side of the group and heaving.  Blue glowing stuff and everything I’ve eaten for years.  I held tightly to my barriers.  We couldn’t chance there being more just because I was weak.  I had tunnel vision and heard someone say something about catching.

The rest of the time is a haze of pain and snippets of sound.  I remember Gunther yelling.  Movement, like I was being carried, but every sway sent shards of pain through me.  Every so often there was screaming, and someone would say something I couldn’t catch.  After a while, I heard “She’s not in the fade.  She’s awake.”  A female voice.

“Chrysopal, you must release the barrier.”  The woman commanded.  Too loud.  Shrill hurts.  I was too tired to argue with her, but I couldn’t.  I couldn’t let them near us.  Several other voices swore to me the children were okay.  Josie was okay.  Everyone was okay.  They were fine.  Perfectly healthy.  No one was attacking anymore.  I could release the barrier.  I knew better, because I saw a father die, and they were attacking me with sharp words, the loud still there.

It wasn’t until a quiet voice whispered in my ear.  Low enough that it didn’t hurt me to hear it.  Soft and caring, honest, no ripples in the veil when he spoke.  Cole.  Cole was here.  “The Inquisitor will protect them, Chrissy.  I will protect them, I swear it.  Let go.”  It took a minute to figure out what he needed, and then I relaxed something I’d been gripping tight.  His hand barely brushed my skin, and fire followed in its wake. Someone screamed, and someone else said “sleep”.  But I didn’t.  I couldn’t.  Lyrium song, fighting within.  Blue and red, ringing in my ears.  I was rolled, fire pushing on my body, and emptied my stomach again.  My eyes opened.  It was pretty, the glowing blue flecks on the floor.

A mustached face floated into my vision, and said something about recharging and healing.  Demanding.  It made my head hurt.  And then searing pain, everywhere, in that place that tore, where knives of burning ice had slashed at me.  This time I knew it was me screaming, and the searing pain stopped.  A familiar voice, muttering words I didn’t understand.  I heard “this will hurt”.  And it did, but it wasn’t the sharp searing pains.  Pain, but less.

It was dark when I opened my eyes and understood what I saw.  I was in Suledin, looking up at the sky.  Gunther was pacing, worried.  “Stop, Gunny.  You make me tired.”  My voice wasn’t very loud.  Everything ached, and that place inside hurt, throbbing.

He gasped and spun to look at me.  “You’re awake!”  Too loud.  Ow.  He strode quickly to me, reaching out a hand, but stopped a few inches from my skin.  He pulled his hand back.  Much more quietly, he spoke.  “We were warned not to touch you.  You’d be hurt if we touched you too much.  You were struck by lightning in that blizzard.”

That explained the fire on my skin.  Burns from lightning.  I think it was the crystal, actually.  I moved to sit up and quickly thought better of it as my vision swam.  I lay back down, hissing.  I needed my nook, but it wasn’t there anymore.  “Josie?  They wanted Josie.”

“The inquisitor has her.  She’s not left his sight since they came barreling up the path.”  He was still looking at me, worried.

“I’ll be okay, Gunny.  This has happened before, remember?  I just need time.  And a safe spot away from everyone.”

“My lady, this is different.”  He slowly reached out to me, but instead of touching me, he pulled a lock of hair in front of my face.  “This has never happened before.”

Strands of white entwined with the deep brown I usually had.  I reached up to touch my hair, and found my hands bandaged.  “What happened?  How many people got hurt?  Is everyone okay?”

I don’t think those were the questions he expected.  He stared at me a moment, solemn.  “I have to go tell them you’re awake.”  He pulled a tarp to the side and left.  I was in a closed off area, open to the sky.  He didn’t want to tell me something. Something was wrong.

I went to try to open my SELF to check my threads.  The girls, Gara, the rest.  I’d barely started putting thought to action when searing pain wracked me.  Black dots in front of my eyes.  I couldn’t get enough air.  I heard feet, and hands smoothed over my face.  Checking for fever?  “You cannot, ma’nehn.  Not even a look.  Please, Chrysopal, listen to one who knows.”  

It took a few moments for my vision to clear, for the pain to subside a bit.  “What happened?”

He looked somber.  “So many answers.  Was that intended to be a final strike?”

I looked at him.  “Final strike?  You have those here, too?”  His face grew severe.  I cut him off before he could say anything.  “No, mor’ishan.  I’m not suicidal.”  I took a breath.  “Cold, to dull the red.  Lightning, because of the staff.  Blank spaces for mine.  Books half remembered, spells described but only thought.  Never actual deeds.”

“You called the storm on your own, ma’nehn.  You should have a partner for that spell.”

“There was no one else.  Garalen.  Where is she now?  Gethon.  And the girls.”  It didn’t hurt to talk.  My voice was raspy, but my throat was undamaged.

“She is in the healer’s tent, being tended.  She will recover.  She took several blows intended for you, hard enough to get through the barrier.  Your stableboy is unharmed, aside from shock.  The girls are also unhurt.  You barrier well.”

“I had good teachers.  I should have done it sooner.  How many were lost?”

The tarp pushed aside again.  “My dove, when I told you that the gray dove reminded me of you, I didn’t intend for you to change your feathers to match.”  He knelt by the bed, picking up a lock of hair and gently touching his lips to it.  “I’m truly sorry.”

“You did nothing, love.  It will repair itself soon.  Please don’t be upset.”  I was sure of that, but I don’t know why.

“I gave you the lyrium.”

“Lyrium saved us.”  He sighed.  Couldn’t argue with that.  “I never want it again.  I have to get up.”  Two voices objected.  I thought about saying I needed to pee, but that wasn’t true.  “I will be leaving, somehow, unless I am told what is going on.”

“Lyrium poisoning.  You overdosed, dove.  I’m not sure how, because it was the typical dosage.”

Solas poked his nose into the conversation.  “At least, that is what we are to tell them.  You have burns.  They may scar, ma’nehn.  Time will fix all else, with rest and luck.”  Why did they think I was worried about me?  I could see I was in poor shape.  I narrowed my gaze on him. “I suggest you stay away from templars in the future.  Never again, da’asha.”

“Solas.  Dorian.  You know me better than that.  Tell me or I go.”

“Supplies are lost.  A teamster and several horses perished.  Just the one elven man, darling.  Three Hessarians were lost.  Half the soldiers.  Lady Montilyet is shaken.  The girls are upset.  The women are terrified.”  Dorian answered.  Solas slipped out.

“Terrified of me.”

“The situation, dove.  You were accosted by a large group.”

My stomach rolled, threatened to rebel.  “I killed them.”

Dorian noticed.  He reached out for me, and stopped his hand.  “I’m sorry.  Truly, most of them were the work of the others.”

“They wanted the Inquisitor’s lady, you know.  They wanted the girls.”

“They wanted you, too.  Why were you so depleted to begin with?”

“I want to see them. With my own eyes, Dorian.  Can you arrange that?”

I’d never seen Dorian determined before.  “Why were you depleted?”

“Making the trip safe.  I’m not allowing the girls to touch lyrium.  I used mostly environmental magic, though.  I was careful, love.”

“What did you do?”

“Sealed it away.  Hidden behind a barrier.  Silent, protected.”

“Stop, Chrissy.  Take a breath.  You sound like Cole. Strange phrasing and odd inflections.”  He was still sitting next to me.  His hand brushed my cheek.  “Now if I’m not mistaken, Solas has gone to get the Inquisitor.  I expect your people will arrive any time now.”

I did take a few breaths.  I went to take BREATHS, and Dorian stopped me.  He’s seen me do this a lot, so he recognized it.  “NO, Chrissy.”  There was panic in his voice, and I stopped.  “You can’t.  Not if you want to heal.  Solas said that place you call the magic muscle isn’t sprained.  It was torn, ripped to ribbons.  Each ribbon is connected at both ends, but it’s delicate.  It has to heal or it will fray, even disconnect.  You wouldn’t be tranquil, my dove, but you also wouldn’t be a mage.  And it could kill you.”  Shit.

Gunther returned with Gethon.  Dorian left me in their care.  I managed to convince the guys to unwind the dressings on my hands.  Soft pink skin, with silver fractal lines, that was extremely sensitive.  Lightning scars.  They traced even up to my shoulders.  Gethon wrapped everything back up carefully, to protect the new skin.

It was probably a sign of how bad off I was that I did all this laying down.  However, I felt better about it when Garalen, the Inquisitor, and Josie arrived.  Josie was being carried for a change.  She had her arm in a sling.  Garalen was in decent shape, but she’d been healed with a capital H, not just patched up.  She still walked carefully.  She sat on the chair no one had sat in.  I’d not noticed it before now.

Garalen smiled at me.  Sam just looked serious.  “I’m sorry, Chrissy.”

“No big deal, Sam.”

“You warned me.  You didn’t want the girls or Josie or yourself anywhere near here, did you?”

“I didn’t.  But the war escalated.  You had no choice.”  He gently set Josie down, glaring at her when she went to take a step.  I almost laughed, but the hitch in breath before a laugh actually hurt.  “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect your Hessarians.  Or your soldiers.  Or your lady.”

“It wasn’t your job to protect them.  It was their job to protect you.”  He came over and touched my hair.  Why is everyone touching my hair?  “You paid a high price.”

“I’ll be fine, Sam.  At worst, I look distinguished.  Unless my face is as old as my hair?”  He quirked a lip.

“No, you don’t look ancient, Chrissy.  You are never to do that again.”

“Do what?”

“Break your staff to destroy everyone.”

I didn’t remember breaking my staff.  Just using the gem in it.  “I don’t remember breaking the staff.  Maybe that’s where the lightning came from?  I was a little out of it.”  And every word true.  I love him, but I can’t tell him what really went on.  Maybe Solas, Dorian, or Cole, but not him.  He just sighed and shook his head.  He’s attributing the unusual behavior to lyrium and staff-breaking.

“I’d kiss you, but Solas says your skin is too delicate to take much touching right now.”

Josie added a few words.  She managed to stab one dude from her prone position.  One of her Hessarians didn’t make it.  She’d check on Liam for me, too.  I didn’t know which soldiers died.  She’d get me their names, the Hessarians, too.  She believed it was the destruction of the staff that hurt me so bad.  Even asked if maybe I should get something other than lightning next time.  And she let it slip that it was the fifth of Solace.  The fifth.  I’d been asleep or out of it for three days?

Sam picked her up at that point, saying that was quite enough of that.  All that were left were the three Gs.  God, Gold, and Glory.  I just don’t know which is which.  “How old do I look, Garalen?”

“Your face isn’t that different.  Maybe twenty five?  At least the hair is a pretty silver.”

“I can live with that.”

Solas returned, shooing the others out.  Garalen stayed, even when he glared.  “If she wants me to leave, she can say so.”

“Have you two been arguing again?”

Solas glanced at me, and noticed the rebandaging.  “What have you done, haselan?”  

I caught Gara’s eye.  “You need rest, my friend.  You are still shaky.”  I raised my voice, just a bit.  “Gunther?”  He poked his head in.  “Can you get Gara to rest for me?  Andrew's going to skin me alive as it is.”  Everyone frowned at that. Damn it, can’t people take a joke?

“If you don’t go lay down and rest, I’m going to sit up, too.  We can sit together.”  Garalen slowly stood. 

Gunny stepped up took her arm, wrapping his other around her ribcage.  “Let’s get you back to your rack, Gar.”

The night was cold.  All this had probably taken an hour.  Solas rewrapped my hands.  “How bad was it, mor’ishan?”

“Your skin welded itself to the stone.  It came off in Gunther’s hand.”

“And the rest?”

“You cannot do anything to stress your magic.  Nothing, ma’nehn.  It needs to heal.”

“Can you finish the barriers, then?”

“A bargain?  Now?”

“Just a request.”

“I saw the barriers.  An odd choice, strangely done.”  His eyes looked directly into mine.

“I woke knowing to do it.  The whispers stopped, for a while, and I slept.  I awoke with the runes I needed at the forefront of my mind.  When can I go home, Solas?  The townspeople, I assume, are rescued.  Poulin is in custody?”

“Yes.  She was selling the townspeople to the red Templars.  And information.”

“That’s how they knew.  She kissed Josie before we left.  Why is there a tarp, not a tent?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were hearing the lyrium whispers?”

“I think your question is worth two of mine.”

“You can go home when you can walk unaided, without dizziness.  There is no roof because you like the sky and I can keep it warm enough without brushing you with magic.”

“I don’t get cold.”

“You will, without magic, ma’nehn.  The lyrium whispers?”

“I thought you knew.”  He quirked a brow.  “Truthfully, Solas.  I thought you knew.  Cole knew, and said that you had learned to block it out.  I can’t eat, I am pacing the camp at night, warming every tent to have something to distract me.  I’ve been grumpy, snippy, and randomly weepy.  Dorian knew, Varric knew.  Even Sam knew, I think.  They at least knew something was bugging me badly.”

“I was avoiding you.  Thinking.  It has turned out poorly.  You so easily distract me from my plans.  Let us get you set up for the night, ma’haselan.  You may feel disoriented, nauseated, or dizzy, but should not have significant pain.”

“You are not watching me pee.”

“Be reasonable.”

“You are not watching me pee.”

“Perhaps Cassandra?”

“That would be fine.”

“Who do you think has tended you these last few days?”

“I don’t want to think about that.”

He leaned out of the tarps for a moment, and a few minutes later, Sera, of all people showed up.  Solas was not thrilled, but said nothing when she said she was there to help.  She managed to insult him about six different ways in less than three sentences.  He picked me up carefully.  He was right.  I got queasy and dizzy, but there wasn’t any real pain.

Sera harangued him out of the privy and matter-of-factly handled issues I couldn’t.  She’d cared for people who couldn’t help themselves before.  The lady who raised her was really sick at the end and Sera was her primary caregiver.  She was efficient, and surprisingly gentle.  Her mouth went a mile a minute, but her hands were careful.  She helped me change, not commenting on my hair, unlike the men.  Gara doesn’t count because I asked.

I thanked Sera for her help, and she brushed it off.  She summoned him back with a shout of “baldy-elf”, telling him to get his rear in there.  He ignored her again, lifting me.  He had a slight smile as he saw I was wearing an actual nightgown.  I wasn’t nearly as bad off as I’d feared.  I just couldn’t do my breathing to fix me.  And the delicate skin on my hands and arms.

Solas set me back in bed.  “The game has changed, ma’nehn.  I feel the need to warn you.”  I don’t know if he was referring to the games we play together or something else.  He was very serious as he said it.  He was leaning down, face near mine, when the tarps parted.

Gethon had brought my paper and pen.  Since the bandages are flexible, and each finger is wrapped instead of mittens on my fists, I am able to write.  Carefully.  Pushing too hard is painful.  I pretended I didn’t hear Gethon tell Solas that I belonged to Ethelathe first.  Solas let him walk away.  That’s enough.  It looks like he intends to sleep in that chair.


	92. Day 40, 6 Solace, 9:41 Emprise du Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warmth, the hazards of "skin grafts", learning what Haselan means, and recuperation.

### Road Trip, Day 40, 6 Solace, 9:41 Emprise du Lion

Solas was right. In the middle of the night I woke up shivering.  With no roof, and clear skies, it was extremely cold.  Shivering wasn’t exactly comfortable.  Shortly after, warm arms wrapped carefully around me.  “I did not expect you to chill so soon.  Do you come to the chair with me, or do I lie here with you?”  He barely paused for a breath, feeling me shiver.  “Never mind, until you stop shaking, we will lie here.  Then you may tell me your preference, ma’nehn.”  He slid under the blankets and furs, blessedly warm.

“How have I been keeping warm before now?”  My teeth chattered as I spoke.  I admit I may have burrowed into him a bit.

He actually pulled away from my burrowing, turning me away from him.  “Be careful, please.  You cannot do that right now.”  His voice lowered, and he whispered intently, “try that in three days, ma’haselan’udh, and I will respond quite differently.”  His voice returned to conversational levels.  “You have been in either my arms or Dorian’s most of these last few days.  Your Templar also took several shifts.  I refused your stableboy, though he offered.  I told him he was not physically large enough.”  That last bit was slightly smug.

“That’s not nice.”

“I have never claimed to be nice, ma’nehn.  I did not wish to smell him on your skin again.”  He continued, “body heat is the best way, considering the delicate nature of new skin, to warm you.  Steady heat, not too hot, and not directly on the skin.  Fire is not a steady heat, and you cannot tolerate magic.  The evenings are warmer, due to the properties of the stone our people built with, which is why you were alone when you finally woke fully.”

“What does haselan mean?”

“Now?”

“I will lie here, in your arms and tucked up next to you, for the rest of the night, for the answer to that question.  Otherwise, I’m sure there are people outside that tarp who would be delighted to call Dorian for me.”

“I would have told you for the asking, because previous conditions have been met,” he chuckled, “but how can I refuse such a sweet bargain?”  He shifted around until he was fully on his side, and gently arranged me to his liking, my back fully against him.  “Not what I would prefer, but the skin is too delicate for much touching, so you must face away from me.  Try not to grip the blankets, please.  The likelihood of damage is low, but it could be detrimental to your finger dexterity when you are healed.  The fabric is rough, and with normal movement you could scratch or tear yourself.  Your skin is hypersensitive, and it would be extremely uncomfortable.”

“Fine.”  I waited a few moments.  “Well, Solas?”

He chuckled again.  “It means spider or weaver.  You barrier so beautifully, ma’haselan, and learned so quickly.”  He placed a careful kiss on the back of my neck.  “Your next question would be what the suffix -udh means.  I offer it without bargain.  It is much like -ette in the Orlesian tongue.  Multiple meanings, but with the sense of little, attractive, feminine, and delicate.  Sleep, asha.  I will guard you in the fade and warm you here.”  He was truly warm, without being too hot.  I found myself drifting to sleep again.

When I awoke in the morning, I was cuddled in Dorian’s lap in the chair. We were swathed in blankets.  It was disconcerting, to say the least.  He noticed me waking, and spoke softly.  “Dove, you have no idea how disconcerting it is to see you aged years in a day.  You are therefore under strict instruction to never do it again.”

“I’m not sure how it happened in the first place, love.”

“Nevertheless.  Be prepared for the flow of visitors.  When they know you are awake, they will be checking on you.  Shall we get you ready for the day?”

“I feel a bit steadier.  If magic was used to grow new skin, how come I can’t be around it now?”

“It was a calculated risk, Chrissy.  We took a chance, after discussing your condition.  It could have turned out poorly.  We don’t want any further risks.”  He lifted my chin very gently with a finger.  “Please be careful.  A talent like yours is unique.  The risk of death is also real.  I would miss you.”

I lightened the subject.  “It seems our positions are reversed.  As we arrived, I was your heater.  As we leave, you are mine.”

“Anytime you have need.”

“What happened, Dorian?  It’s a very uncomfortable blur after I took the lyrium.”

“Which you will never be doing again, if I have my way.  I’ve never seen such a reaction.”  He carefully stood with me in his arms, and set me on the bed, disentangling the covers.  My stomach swirled and my head swam.  “It’s possible that some of your dizziness is left from the lyrium poisoning.”  Icy air, and I shivered.  Not comfortable.  “Now, dove.  Privy or food first?”

“Privy, I think.”  I noticed that he changed the subject, but didn’t push.

“You may be able to tend yourself today.  Would you like to try?”  He asked as he unwound the strips from my hands.

“The difference an evening makes.”

“You still had elfroot on your hands last night.  You wouldn’t have felt if you…”  He sucked in a breath.  “You’ve bruised them already.  I’ll get Sera to help you.  She volunteered.  Probably to annoy your hobo.” 

I looked at my fingers, and one, just one, had the slightest bruise.  And it wasn’t from writing, because it was the wrong hand.  “Dorian.  Let me, please?  I’ll be extra careful.”

“Any bruising could be problematic.  I’ll get Solas’ opinion.  If he agrees, we will let you handle it yourself.”  He wrapped me up in the blanket.  “Stay put.”

He left, and barely two seconds later, Iona came in.  She sat next to me and didn’t say anything.  “I’m sorry, Iona.”

“Mama says the hurt will heal, but she cries at night, too.”

“The grief is too new.  I still grieve from the attack at Haven, and now we have new lost ones.  When I am recovered, if I recover, I will sing his name into the fire.”

“I want to kill them.”

“Would that fix anything?” 

She was still thinking about that one when her mother came hunting her.   I got apologized at and curtsied at and nothing I said nicely made any difference.  Finally I cut her off.  “Excuse me!”  The woman stopped.  “You are welcome here.  Iona is welcome here.  I claim you for Ethelathe, should you so choose.  I regret that I was unable to protect you better.”  I went to reach out my hand to her, but dropped it after I saw the pink skin.  I sighed.  “Ir abelas, lethallan.  Mala suledin nadas.”  I watched that scene way too many times.  Now you must endure.  Tears filled the woman’s eyes, but they did not fall.  She curtsied, deeply.  Damn it.  And she stepped back a few times before turning to go, taking her daughter with her.  And saying nothing more.

Solas and Dorian came back in.  They’d apparently given us privacy.  As much as one can have in an open tarp.  “Can I have a roof?  I would really like a roof.  It looks like it will rain.”

Dorian quirked his lips.  “I’d be shocked if that worked, dove.”  He’d caught the same expression on Solas’ face that I have. 

“Hidden talents, ma’nehn?”

“I have a smattering of phrases from many languages, mor’ishan.  Why should yours be any different?  I am not fluent, by a long stretch, and have perhaps twenty five reliable words, in specific useful phrases.  Maybe less.”

Dorian’s mustache twitched.  “You think you’re surprised.  Imagine how I felt when she sat in front of me on my horse and directed me to battle.  In my own tongue.  After knowing her what, two days?  In the backwards south, no less.”

“I have more latin, tevene, than elven.  Much more, if one extrapolates meanings of roots and affixes from derivative words in other languages.  And I’m not from the backwards south, as you recall.  Can we get on with the examination of the barely seen bruise?  Some of us should visit the privy soon.  And it’s freezing out here.”

Solas said nothing more on the subject, just gently lifted my hand.  “I asked you not to grip the coverlet.”  I learned what hypersensitive meant.  He traced a finger along the bruise, oh so lightly.  Sneaky bastard.  Chill bumps raised on my back.  It was desperately oversensitive, and sent shivers down my spine.  Not unpleasant, definitely not unpleasant, but very intense.  “If you are careful, you may tend yourself.  But you need someone with you, in case of difficulties.”  My finger still tingled.

“Dorian.”  No hesitation on that.

“Then I claim the privilege of carrying you.  Unless you are no longer queasy or dizzy?”

I kept my mouth shut.  Dorian kindly turned his back while I attended the things I needed to attend to.  It was more difficult than I expected, and I was very tired by the time I was finished.  Just from a quick face wash and a potty break.  Mr. Mustache helped me change into what looked like a man’s tunic, but very soft.  It didn’t smell like Dorian or Solas.  I was told it was one of Gunny’s spare shirts, made of what felt like cashmere wool.  Warm, very warm.  Templars apparently get paid well.  A pair of leggings and I was in business.

I was covered in my teal cape and a white blanket.  Dorian let Solas in again.  These two are not supposed to be so cordial.  They don’t like each other.  They’re acting like twin princes again.  “You wish to be seen, ma’haselan.  I know this.  We shall visit the rest of the inquisition.  Lady Montilyet, Varric, Iron Bull.  He has the next shift.”

“Where’s the Inquisitor?”

“Getting a few final things cleared up.  He took Vivienne, Cole, Blackwall, and Cassandra with him.”  He turned too quickly, and I swallowed hard, glad I’d not eaten anything yet.  He noticed and slowed, apologizing quietly.  He let Dorian lead the way, giving him a space to say something private.  Turning his head to where I rested mine on his shoulder, he barely murmured, “Tomorrow, your skin should be healed enough that I can kiss you again.”  It was so low against my ear, I almost didn’t hear it.

“Was my face damaged?”

His features hardened.  “You have no idea what condition you were in when they found you.  And they tore you apart before Dorian and I could get to you.  They should never have touched the stone.  I could have…”  His whole body was tense and he’d stopped walking.

“Mor’ishan?  I am here.”

“Yes.”  He started walking again.  “I repeated your barriers in the mines.  The lyrium song is nearly silent.  I do not know how you knew, but it was certainly appropriate.”

“I don’t know either.  You’re having too much fun carrying me, Solas.  What agenda does this further?”

“It is not in my best interests to tell you that, ma’nehn.”  Garalen, Gethon, and Gunther, as well as Bull, Varric, Sera, and Josie, were at the mess tent.  It was fairly warm there, and the twin princes permitted me to unravel myself a bit.  Well, they unraveled me.

Josie’s arm was still in the sling.  When I asked about it, she said it had been dislocated, and it was better to let it rest some more.  It didn’t need actual healing.  She confided that it was mostly Sam’s overprotectiveness that made her wear it.  I glanced over at the guys, and she commiserated. 

Food, a few strips of bacon and a small amount of oatmeal, showed up in front of me.  My stomach was not thrilled at the idea.  I ate maybe three bites of oatmeal, and one of bacon.  Gethon offered to brush my hair, because he said it was a “bit tangled”.  Hah.  It was a horrid mess, and I knew it.  I opened my mouth to respond when Dorian and Solas both said no.  Baldy I could understand.  He’s still got an unreasonable prejudice against Geth, but Dorian?

Bull piped up that it was HIS shift after breakfast, so if I needed anything done, he’d take care of it.  He was eyeing Dorian while he said it.  I missed something while I was out of it.  He didn’t cuddle like the guys did.  He just sat close to me.  He was, actually, very warm.  Just as Dorian had said, you could feel the heat coming off his body, without even touching him.

The princes left, and I chatted with the ladies and Varric for a while.  Gara was obviously feeling much better.  They filled me in on the plans to return to Skyhold.  Not tomorrow, but the day after, we’d be leaving.  A three day trip, and I’d be home.  Forty five days away.  Never again.

The girls and the intact set of parents came in.  They chatted and teased.  Resilient.  Every so often a shadow would cross a face, but they were determinedly cheerful.  After they left, seven soldiers dropped in.  Including Liam, thank god.  He went to one knee in front of me, and thanked me.  He’d watched a red sword coming down, and then something shimmered just for a moment, and the sword hit, but didn’t actually touch.  I’d saved his life. 

Regrettably, that reminded me of the lives I didn’t save.  I asked him to make me a list of the ones that I lost, so I could sing them into the fire.  “Anything you want or need.”  He stood, and bowed to me before he left.  He was the only human of the three in our group that had survived.  I’d not even known the other two’s names.  The elven soldiers also bowed, and followed him after murmuring thanks.  Is it crazy that at this point I was glad the Hessarians were firmly Sam’s?

Solas came back to retrieve me shortly after that.  Tucking me back into the blankets, he carried me back to my bed.  There was a tent!  He smiled at my surprised expression.  “You did ask for a roof, ma’nehn.  It seemed a simple thing to provide.  And I certainly cannot object to the improved privacy.”

He placed me on the bed, and it was WARM.  He removed the extraneous coverings, my cloak and the white blanket.  The whole tent was warm.  “You are not the only one with such skills.  I cannot do it with you near, but I could arrange a warm welcome.”  He helped me lay down, and I fell asleep with him stroking my hair.

I awoke later, feeling better than I had.  Dorian was seated in the chair, reading.  I went to sit up, and he dropped the book to help.  My head didn’t swim as much with the change of altitude.  “It can’t be very entertaining to babysit me.  You could leave and do what you wished.  I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“If I had been seriously hurt, where would you be, dove?”

“Oh, hush.”  I eyed him.  “I wonder if any mail came?”

“I have no idea, and will not be finding out.  We will let you journal, but that is all.  No papercuts.”

The afternoon passed alright.  Gara came in to keep me company, which I was glad about.  She was doing much better today.  She’d been hurt pretty bad, but she could be magicked better, and just needed to recuperate her energy.  The Hessians sent a representative to say hello and thank you and all that.  They’d diverted my guards to the girls, because some of them had perished.  Sam was smart.  He figured nothing was getting near me with Gunny, Gara, Solas, and Dorian around.  Not that Dorian or Solas could do a whole lot, actually.  Solas couldn’t give away his martial skills, and Dorian relies heavily on magic.

Solas, by the way, I’m assuming, had brushed and braided my hair during my nap.  I’m assuming it was him because I don’t see him letting anyone else do it.  Dorian holds my hand, Solas buries his hands in my hair.  After a second nap, Varric came by with a little soup.  My lack of fooding had been noticed.  He told jokes and stories for an hour, and then was replaced by Bull, who did basically the same thing.  I asked who was keeping Dorian warm at night, and he said that it wasn’t him.  Yet.  He kindly carried me to the privy and back, with none of the personal attendant arguments I had with the others.  I wasn’t nearly as dizzy.

The twin princes returned, and Bull apparently ran his hand along Dor’s backside as he left, based on the reaction.  Maybe Dorian shouldn’t have blocked the tent entrance?  They looked at my hands and wrapped them again.  Just to poke, I bemoaned my lack of calluses now.  I was going to have trouble playing the guitar.  It got a snort out of my Altus, but Solas just frowned.  So I called him a sourpuss.  Dorian left, laughing.

Solas told me I was lucky I was recuperating, or he’d get even.  “There is a lot of skin that is not at a delicate stage of healing.”  Cripes.  He sat in the chair as I lay back down.

I looked at him.  “You plan to sleep there?”

“Unless you have a better idea.”

“I’d rather not wake shivering.  So you can get me my altus to be a heater, or you can be one yourself.  Your choice.  Be aware, when my skin is healed, it will be Dorian.  You’re sneaky.”

“Speaking of sneaky.  I rescued your beryl.  It must be reset.  I will have it done.”

“Sneaky made you think of the beryl?”

“No.  The bell, which rests on my wrist, where your beryl used to rest.”

“Oh.  Your decision, mor’ishan?”

“You already know it.  You ask silly questions to annoy.”  I smiled.  He presented me my pen, and paper.  “After you finish, ma’nehn, I will join you.”  At least he keeps his hands to himself.  He won't be sleeping next to me if he doesn't, and he knows it.  Hopefully he'll enjoy it while he still can, because when I am healed, he won't be sharing my bed.


	93. Day 41, 7 Solace, 9:41 Emprise du Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas, planning to invade a village... slowly. Dorian's triggers.

### Road Trip, Day 41, 7 Solace, 9:41 Emprise du Lion

A half heard conversation, and light, woke me up.  I opened my eyes just as the tent flap closed, making it very dark once again.  “Are you going to sleep more, or do you choose to wake?”  Solas was near the tent flap.

“Must I pick now?  Can I not just lie here?  I’m warm and comfortable.”

“You may do anything you wish.  Save use magic, even be around it, or stress your hands.  Dorian believes the skin on your face and torso is recovered.  You will be sensitive to cold and heat, but it is no longer as fragile.  I left while he examined you.  I assumed you would prefer that?”  His eyes glinted in the darkness, as elven eyes do.  I must have made some response, because he nodded.  “How is your stomach, ma’nehn?  Queasy?  Hungry?”

“Neither.”

“I gave you fair warning.”  He was gliding toward me.  “You did not object.”  Object to what?  “I have been exceedingly well behaved.  I have even treated your stableboy carefully, solely because he is yours.  Keep your hands and arms still, ma’haselan.  You do not wish to damage them.”  I was still groggy, I suppose, because I had no idea what he was talking about until he swooped down, capturing my lips with his.  He was still gentle, but very, very thorough.  “You are never, ever to do such a thing again,” he breathed between kisses. 

He smoothly climbed over me, gently capturing my arms and raising them above my head when I went to embrace him.  “Don’t say no, not yet.”  A hand in my hair, his lips on my neck.  We both lost our heads.  His arm clasping my hips, my legs wrapped around his waist.  I think I begged him to kiss me.  Words I barely understood flowed from his lips.  Nadas, inevitable.  Sahlin, in this moment.  He pulled off his tunic, and was holding my bare torso to his.  He lowered his head to my lips yet again, eyes blazing. “Ma’haselan, ma’nehn, ma’sulahn'nehn, ma’asha.”  Mine mine mine.  Punctuating the words with firm kisses.  Our lips had barely met again when a voice called out. 

“Ser Solas!  The Inquisitor requests your presence!”

He made a sound in his throat, then raised his voice.  “I will be there shortly!”  There was bite in his tone.

“Yes, Ser.  I’ll tell him.”  There was fear in the soldier’s response.

“I bet his name is Jim,” I said.  He’d saved us.  Solas didn’t get the joke.

He lowered his forehead to mine.  “You will retreat.  You still have not chosen.”

I sighed.  “Is this even real?  There is still much between us. I worry it’s fleeting.”

“Fleeting?”

“The drama, the death. The Fear.  The isolation. Lack of things to do.”

We hadn’t separated.  He moved his hips, bringing us once again in intimate contact, only layers of cloth between us.  “I can think of plenty to do.”  Then he laughed, as my face flamed.  “NOW you blush, when you were so wanton before.”  He laughed so rarely.  “Quite made me lose my head, ma’nehn.  Ma’sulahn’nehn.”  He pulled down my borrowed tunic.  “You may run as long as you like.  I do not mind the chase.  Just do not offer the kisses I desire to anyone else while you do.”

“I’ve already promised this.”

He went to stand, and paused, kissing me again, deep and thoroughly.  “I know, but I needed to hear it again.”

“It leaves me plenty of room.”

Oh, he didn’t like that, but he smiled.  Predatory.  “Little spider.  Be careful who you trap in your web, for I will outhunt them all.”  Another kiss.  It felt like a claiming.  “Shall I fetch Dorian on my way?  Unless you would prefer Varric?”

“Whichever is easier.”

He dressed as quickly as he’d undressed, and strode out, grim faced, with swollen lips.  I just laid there.  He’s dangerous.  Damn, he’s dangerous.  I am never going to Crestwood.

I sat up carefully, only a little dizziness at the altitude change.  No queasiness.  I realized I had not actually walked anywhere for at least three days.  I was seriously considering trying it when I realized that if I fell, I’d instinctively catch myself with my hands.  They’d be so upset.  I couldn’t ruin the work they’d done, so I sat there.  It was chilly, but not cold, in the tent.

Dorian arrived shortly, grinning madly.  “I see that the hobo isn’t the only one looking well-kissed.  It’s about time.”

“Perhaps if you have enough time to worry about my romantic pursuits, I have time to concern myself with yours.”

“Be nice.  It’s about time, Dove.  You’ve been alone a long time.”

“I’m still alone.  There are considerations, love.”

“So you’ve said.”  He let it go.  “Hungry?”

“Not really.”

“You want something.”

“I want to try my legs.”

“Then I am surprised I didn’t find you standing.”

“You would have been unhappy if I had fallen.  I would have instinctively caught myself.”

He sat down next to me.  “How did you manage to look fully kissed without disturbing the bandages?”

“Determination.  His, not mine.”

His mustache twitched.  Grinning, he unwrapped my hands carefully.  “It’s too dark in here to see.  Let’s take you outside.”  He held my elbow as I stood.  I was a bit wobbly.  Okay, a lot wobbly.  “I’ve got you, dove.”  He lifted me.  “This is faster.”  He stopped.  Set me back down.  “Why are the blankets over there?”

“Never mind.”  He picked them up, tossing them on the bed, shaking his head all the while.  Grabbing the white blanket, he wrapped me in it, and cuddled me against his chest. 

Outside the tent, the sun was high in the sky.  He set me on a wall and examined my hands and arms, very carefully.  The tiny bruise was still present, but no worse.  A finger traced the silver lichtenberg scars.

“Lichtenberg scars usually only last a few days to a few months, love.”

“Not these, my dove.  I fear these will last forever.”

“Forever is longer than you think.  Nothing lasts forever.”

He covered me back up.  “No sun for you yet.  Let’s get you fed and tended.”  He kindly let me stand on my own, but hovered as I walked.  Not very fast.  Damn it.  He lost patience after a few minutes and hauled me up again.  Feren has far more patience. I wanted so badly to check on everyone. 

Something must have been on my face.  “No, Dove.”

“What?”

“Whatever you were thinking.  No.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

We reached the food.  It was already lunchtime.  Gethon plopped a bowl with stew in it in front of me.  “You are losing weight.  Fast.  Eat something, my lady.”  His surly tone made me smile.  He smiled back.  I ate probably four or five bites before my stomach threatened to rebel.  Geth sat.  “We’ve been worried.”

“I know.  I’m sorry.”  Dorian kissed my cheek in farewell, leaving me in Geth’s care. 

Gara sat on the other side of me.  Between the two of them, it wasn’t so cold.  Gara picked up my hand and looked at it.  I arched a brow.  “We saw your bones, Chrissy.  Some people think you shouldn’t be told, but I disagree.  Gunther is still very upset.”  That explained why they’d let him take shifts.

“Thank you for telling me.  Where is he?”

“Taking his turn at watch.”  Geth stared at the lines on my arms.  “What are those?”

“Lightning scars.  Lichtenberg lines.  Lightning flowers.  They have many names.”

“Are they magic?”

“Not usually, no.”

“These?”  He’s a smart cookie.

“I don’t know.  They’re silver.  The lines aren’t usually silver.”  They weren’t silver like metallic silver.  They were silver like old stretch marks silver.  Like the scars were already healed and permanent.  “They could just be long healed, like old scars.”

Geth rebraided my hair, but used the same tie that had already been in it.  He was matter of fact about it, not like before when he’d been flirting.  The three of us went over to the girls’ fire.  Spent a bit of the afternoon there. 

Then I got a messenger.  A thick stack of papers.  Perhaps thirty pages thick.  Five crows’ worth.  Gara took the papers for me, before I could reach for them.  Glaring at me for daring to reach out.

She brought me a chair and a table, and laid out the papers.  Halton was wonderful.  He needed a raise.  I had information on the composition of the ten nearest villages to Skyhold, and the spaces between.  Two of the letters I’d gotten from people wanting to move would be perfect fits for the nearest village.  They didn’t have someone who dyed cloth or wove.  If my elf set up on the outskirts of town and just started coming to market…  We could send people to the market every so often, to keep an eye on things.  I’d get Seggrit on that.  The elves would have to be warned it was dangerous, but if it worked out for them, we could add more.  A presence in the town.  A small push of the barriers.

I started shivering as I was going through the papers.  We didn’t really notice, because Geth and Gara were both really excited about this idea.  Gradually infiltrating the Frostbacks?  I told them to tell NO ONE.  Not even Solas, or the Inquisitor. 

Speaking of the Inquisitor, it was Sam, visiting the girls, who noticed me shaking as I went over the maps and notes Halton had sent.  He was distinctly displeased.  He sent a messenger for Dorian, cursing up a blue streak.  He glared at Geth, glared at Gara, glared at random messengers.  Wrapped me up again carefully in the blanket that had fallen off my shoulders as I perused the documents.  He had a few choice words for me, too, but mostly just held me as we waited.  Gara gathered my papers.

Dorian showed up with Bull.  Bull unceremoniously scooped me up.  He didn’t say anything, just frowned, shifting me a bit.  Dorian led the way to my tent, which was blessedly warm.  There were candles, bright candles, burning in several floor candelabras.  Dorian had no reticence on the matter.  “How could you not notice you were turning blue!”  How does one respond to that?  He continued in the same vein as he looked over my hands and arms.  They were stiff, but fine.

“I am so glad we are leaving tomorrow.  You need to be ensconced with Eadras.  I swear he’s the only one you listen to!”

“Is not.  I listen to you all.”  Bull snorted in the corner.

“She has a point, Dorian.  She does listen.”

“And proceeds to ignore us!  You will remain here, my dove.  You were easier to take care of when you were unconscious!”

“You’re shouting at me, love.”

“I’m WORRIED!”

“Why didn’t you tell me that my hands were nothing more than bone and a few strips of torn muscle?” 

He stilled.  “I didn’t know how.”

“You avoided every question.”

“Don’t punish me by hurting yourself.  I couldn’t live with that.”

“Is that what you think of me?  Come here.”  I held out my arms for him.  He tucked me into his lap.  “I would never, ever do myself damage to try and get even with someone.  It’s self defeating, for one.  It hurts two people, but only one for long.  At some point, you could easily decide you don’t care, and I’d be left with permanent damage.”  I lifted my head as he enfolded one of my hands gently in his to warm it.  No chafing or movement, just holding it.  “I want the name of the person who did that to you.”

“It’s no one.”

“I want the name.”

“You can’t do anything.  It’s over and done.”

“Dorian.  You thought I was trying to hurt you because of this person.  They hurt me by hurting you.  I want their name.  I could always ask Cole.”

“He’s dead, my dove.  You can’t do anything.”

“I can call his name in the fade and talk to his shade.”

Dorian paled.  “NO.  No magic.  Nothing.  Please.  Swear to me.”  Well, looks like that is an actual possibility.  I’d been talking out my ass.

“I won’t do anything to hurt myself.  Not intentionally.”

“You are devious, my dove.  Swear it.”

I sighed.  “You’ve been chatting with hobos.  I thought you didn’t like each other.”

“We have two things in common.  And you are trying to change the subject.”

“You’re getting more stubborn every day.”

“Chrissy.”

“I swear I am not and will not do anything in regards to my recent injuries to deliberately hamper or prevent my recovery from them.” 

A laugh from across the tent startled us both.  “You two.  She’s got you wrapped around her finger, and you’ve got her dancing to your tune.  It’s beautiful.  It gets a guy, right here.”  He tapped his chest, and wiped a pretend tear from his eye.  “You’d be the perfect couple, except for that whole preferences thing.  She likes elves, and you like boys.”

“I like non-elves, too.”

“Name one.”

“Adan.  But he’s not for me.  We’d argue incessantly.”

Bull eyed me.  “Name a second.”  Shit.  He laughed.

I thought a moment.  “The Arishok.  The new one, formerly Sten, who walked with the Warden.  No horns, cornrow braids, gray skin.  Did he ever get the Sword of Beresaad?”  Got him.  He stared at me.  “But you have a point.  I do have a preference for elf.  I also have a preference for male.  Although humans have very nice musculature, and I wouldn’t mind a night or two with some of them.”

“Why not do it?”

I just smiled.  “Because I did the shallow bed thing when I was young.  It pales after a while.”

Dorian had moved his hands to my other fingers.  The warmth was getting to me.  Put me in a warm room after being cold, and I get drowsy.  Dor tucked me in for a nap, and the men left, promising to have me woken for dinner.

I was, but wasn’t hungry.  I closed my eyes, and didn’t open them until later.  Solas is waiting patiently for me to finish writing. I’ve been given a choice between his lap in the chair or lying with him in bed.  Dorian is “busy”.  As he’s promised not to push, I’m planning on letting him stay next to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to hawke a friend's fic for a moment. An original idea, very interesting. Check out Queen of Scores, right here on AO3, by my Discord friend, Sternenstaub, if you like. It's a good beginning.
> 
> Also, there is a small portion of this that was written in far greater detail. It'll be in Diary of a Dislocated Knife Ear part 4. http://archiveofourown.org/works/8008828/chapters/18334258


	94. Day 42, 8 Solace, 9:41 Leaving for Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introspection, poking Solas, soothing Gunther, and home comes to us.

### Road Trip, Day 42, 8 Solace, 9:41 Leaving for Skyhold

Another night with no dreams.  I woke blessedly warm, the scent of old books and leather in my nose.  They’d left the bandages off my hands last night.  There was little light in the tent, but enough.  I splayed my hand on Solas’ chest, for no other reason than to look at it.   

Every time I turned around, Thedas stripped something of my old life from me.  Every mark that had reminded me of a memory was gone.  A steam burn scar from the first time I forgot to plan a moment before lifting the lid on a pot of boiling water.  Always lift the lid away from you.  All my hard-won callouses, gone.  Guitar protection.  I was going to bleed again to get those back.  My nails lacked the character that bumps and scrapes and smashing in doors had given the shape.  Teeth marks from when my little brother bit me.  Missing.  The time I nearly sliced off the top of my thumb trying to sharpen a pencil with a knife.  Those times are all gone.  Instead, silvery scar lines twined in fractals along each finger. They no longer looked like my hands.

My face was gone, too.  The same but not the same.  Body the wrong shape, shorter.  My hair, gray before its time.  I felt it was temporary, but what if I was wrong?  My family, continued without me.  I was a grandmother, and I’d never know my grandbabies.  Even with the aging, my body was about half the age it should be.  My personality was shifting.  Who thinks gifting a thirteen-year-old with a dead man’s hand would be appropriate?  It fit here.  My manner of speaking was far more like all those times people told me to “talk right”.  I’d trained myself not to do it, most of the time, and I was slipping, badly.  Quirks I’d suppressed most of my life, coming to the fore here.  And I was stupid.  I was laying on the chest of the most dangerous man in Thedas.  What the hell is wrong with me?  I’d planned to stay away from him, not end up half-naked beneath him. 

Those thoughts were running through my head when a thumb brushed a tear I hadn’t noticed off my cheek.  “What is so terrible, ma’nehn, that it has you in tears?  I have never seen you cry.”

“I’m just feeling sorry for myself.  I didn’t mean to wake you.  I know you prefer the fade.”

“I do not.”  That was a surprise.  “Things are easier in the fade.  Possibilities are laid out.  Endings change with every breath.  I find I like here, as well.”

“There are no endings.  Things continue, forever.  You should realize this.”

“If there are no endings, how can there be beginnings?”

“Are there beginnings, Solas?”

“This I know.  There are beginnings.”

“Things don’t end, they just change.  Even death is only a change, not an end.  Beginnings could just be changes, too.”

“You have a fascinating mind, ma’haselan’udh.  But you should be sleeping.  You heal while you rest.”

“What is the plan for today?”

“We will be leaving.  The area is pacified.  You will be riding in front of someone.  Gunther, Dorian, and I have all volunteered.”  I opened my mouth to protest, but he continued.  “If you rode in the carriages with the girls, it would make them uncomfortable.  They hold you in some awe.  You cannot control reins.  Please.  It could slice your hands, twist the fragile muscle.  If Drummer became agitated, you may not even have the strength to control him.  Let us carry you home, warm and safe.”

“I need to spend time with Gunther, I suppose.”  My eyes narrowed at Solas.  “You have been keeping things from me.  I normally don’t mind. Everyone has secrets and private things.  However, not when it involves my health.  You speak of my skin, my hands.  They were bone, rebuilt.  I should have known this.”

“Does knowing change anything?”

“Yes.  I know I need to reassure my Templar that I still care for him.  He has been worried unnecessarily.”

“I will keep that in mind for the future.”

“That’s not saying much, mor’ishan.”

“Again and again, ma’nehn.”

“You want kisses now?”

“Always.  And then you should sleep.”

“You just wish you could make me sleep.”

“Yes.  And visit you in the fade.”  He said it reasonably, but there was something under his tone.

“I’ve not been remembering any dreams at all.”

“This I know.  It is better for your recovery.  Do not start raising your hackles at me, ma’nehn.”  I’d stiffened.   “I did nothing.  You instinctively did this.  It is possible I would hinder you if I interfered.  You will talk all night if I let you.”  He slid me up so his arm was under my neck, and rolled.  Just until I was on my back.  He threaded fingers in my hair and pulled through.  No braid.  He must have taken it out.  Tracing a finger down my jaw, he leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on my lips.  He then lay back, and pulled me back to his chest.

“Sleep, da’asha.”  I closed my eyes and he stroked my hair, at least until I slept.  I awoke alone, with extra blankets.

Soon after, Garalen arrived with coffee.  “Time to get up, Chrissy.  We have to get you ready to go.”  She’d snagged a dress and leggings.

“A dress?  Really?”

“You’re out of clean tunics, or I wouldn’t have.  One was destroyed, hon, remember?”

“Ah, yes.”

“And you will eat today.  You’ve not been eating.  You nibble when people are looking.  The Iron Bull pointed it out.  We added it up between us, and we’ve seen maybe fifteen bites of food in two days.  You’ve lost weight, Chrissy.”

“I’m not hungry.  Eating makes me queasy.  I’m more concerned about tossing my cookies than a little extra weight I can well afford to lose.”

“Tossing your cookies?”

“Regurgitating what little I can eat.”  She frowned at me.

“You are still that nauseated?  Why haven’t you said something?”

“I thought me eating very little gave it away.”

“What do you think you’d like?”

“A piece of bread.  That’s all, I think, for now.  Maybe something later.”

“You don’t want porridge?”

“Not today.”  Her frown deepened to concern.  “We’ll deal with it when we get back home, okay?  More than a week of not eating would be problematic. I admit this.”

I got dressed, with help.  I put the cape on, too.  It was very cold.  Garalen put a companionable arm about my waist as we walked.  It would look like we were just walking together, not that I needed her support.  Hopefully.  Suledin is huge, and I, and the girls, had been tucked in the way back, up near the flagpole.  We still had to get past all that lyrium.  Unless there’s another way out I’m unaware of.  Could easily be.

We finally reached the mustering area, right in front of the wolf statues.  A shocking number of people were milling about.  When did all these soldiers get here?  There must have been a thousand of them!  No shitting!  Garalen kept me to the walls.  We got a few leers. She pulled a dagger and stepped in front of me, keeping the only one who tried to approach us away.  Mostly humans, everywhere. 

I’m a bit ashamed of it, but it’s reached the point where large groups of humans that aren’t mine scare me a bit.  They are seriously much bigger than I am.  It’s probably a reaction to the red Templars and the Chevaliers.  And those Orlesian nobles that just ignored me.  With no staff, no magic, and no martial skills worth mentioning?  I’m helpless.  I looked at Gara.  “We’re safer out of the way. Let’s climb the statue, so we can see what’s going on and won’t get jostled.”

Her jaw dropped.  “You can’t do that!”

“Why not? I’ve done it before.  Lots of times.”  I looked at her.  “It’s just rock, Garalen.”  She looked nervous.  “You think of Fen’harel as a deity.”  She looked away, swallowed nervously.  She didn’t want to tell me.  “You may believe as you wish, lethallan.  I have no issues with that.”  She relaxed a hair.  “I, however, would have no respect for any deity that honored a cold stone statue more than keeping a person out of harm’s way.  ANY person out of harm’s way.  And if he, she, or it happened to be real, I’d say the same thing to their face.”

An arm snaked around my waist.  “It?  Interesting.  I can see you doing just that, ma’nehn.  You would stand toe to toe with anyone, would you not?”

“Probably.  If I was annoyed enough.  Besides, the statue probably likes the attention.  Wolves are social creatures.” 

“Somehow I doubt it, since it is stone.”  He led me over to the statue.  He took off his cloak, draping it on the wolf’s back. Lifting me and stepping on the wolf’s paw, he set me on it.  “I am quite sure no one of importance will mind you sitting on the statue, but please have something under you.  The stone is cold.  I will send the girls over.  You will all be safer away from this disorganized mess.”  I kept my smile on the inside.

Shortly after, we were eleven elven women sitting on the back of the stone wolf, watching the goings on.  The girls, the moms, Gara, and me.  I’d not actually expected Garalen to join us, but she clambered up next to me.  The remaining dad joined us, too.  Nolari planted herself next to me, and kept asking if I was okay.  It struck me as odd.

“Darling, why do you ask?”

She lowered her voice.  “You’ll laugh.”

I lowered mine to match.  “I will not.”

“You feel weird.  Pale?  Littler than you used to.”

“I am.  But I won’t be, if I allow myself to heal slowly.  Nola, I am going to want to you to talk to someone about this sense.  Were you ever tested?”

“I’m not a mage.”

“We are all connected to the fade, my dear.  There are odd little talents that pop up everywhere.  You felt the difference between the Graves and the city, if I recall.”  She nodded.  “I think you may sense things.  Let me talk to a few people.  I’ll keep your name out of it for now, if you like.  I know several people with unexplained quirks.”

She seemed surprised.  “But I’m not a mage.”

“Really?  Because that’s what the mages and Templars told me for months.”

Her eyes grew wide.  “You?”

“Me.  I don’t do things the way most mages do.  I’m quirky.  Different.  It causes Dorian no end of grief.”

When the group finally managed to get moving, I was astride a horse in front of Gunther, who wasn’t wearing his armor, but a large fur cloak which he wrapped around us both.  The girls were walking, and the carriages were being pulled as before.  We went through the pass.  It was uncomfortable.  Tingling on my skin, everywhere, and not in a good way.  “Sorry, hun, I forgot.”  Suddenly the tingles stopped, completely.  “What’re you doing?”

“Dampening magic.”  He dropped a kiss on top of my head.  “You look like a fish.  Close your mouth.  Why did you think you were put with me after what I did?  Like your mages would let you go for anything other than absolutely necessary reasons.

“Gunny, we need to chat about what you just said.”

“I’m so sorry, Chrissy.”

“No.”  I said it firmly.

“What?” Surprised him.

“Why in the hell should you be sorry?”

“I should have waited.”  Castigation returns.

“You didn’t know if the stone was hurting me further.  I was drifting in an out, not coherent.”

“Exactly.”

“So you did the best you could?”

“Of course!  Why would someone do less than their best?”  He was affronted.

“Then you are still mine, I am still yours, and the twin princes can fuck off.”

He choked.  “That’s blunt.  I knew I liked you.  Twin princes.  I like that.  It fits, too.  They really don’t like each other much.”

“They have too much in common.  What do you think of Solas?”

“He’s a scary son of a bitch, but he turns to butter around you.  Why?”

“I’m thinking about keeping him.”

“You can’t just keep people.”

“Can’t I?  I claimed you, and you didn’t mind.”  That surprised a laugh out of him, and we continued on our way.  The carriages were reassembled, the children were ensconced within after Solas fiddled with them.  Warming them, I’d bet, since I’m under dampening and can’t feel it.  After that, the speed picked up, drastically.  Lunch was cold, and only a short break.

I watched as he started turning gray over the course of the day.  The effort of keeping the dampening was hurting him.  “I’m sorry, Gunny.  You have to stop.  You’re hurting yourself.”

“Tiring, not hurting.  A little further.  We have it planned.  Honest.  You’ll see.  We should reach a camp soon.  It’s a little surprise for Gara, too.”

“Andrew?  You sent for Andrew?”

He nodded. “And he’s bringing a few friends along, too.  Nobody important in Ethelathe, but Leorah sent a maid and some clothes, warm things she’d planned for the winter.  Cook is upset about hearing you aren’t eating, so there’s things sent to tempt you, and a little lady to see to those needs, too.  Elias, to spell Gara and me, Cara, a few others.  Cara and some other ladies to keep the girls in line.  They’ve been running a bit wild with you under the weather.”

“You’re telling me Eadras sent us an entourage.”

“Let’s call it an escort home.  I FELT it, my lady.  You barriered every last one of us, then offered everything you had to kill the Reds.”

“That is NOT what happened.”

He ignored me.  “We couldn’t do nothing.  Giving us something to do means that over a hundred elves and eighty humans didn’t troop down the mountain, leaving Skyhold on a skeleton staff. It’s bad enough that we had to answer all the letters.  Lady Montilyet’s getting attendants, too.  After her reaction, they decided not to tell you until it was too late.”

“A hundred and eighty?  Letters?  This isn’t making sense, Gunny.”  He just looked at me.  I hadn’t counted in a while, but I did not have that many firmly in my camp, did I?  “We have an army already.  Where are we going to put them?  Do we have enough provisions?”

“That’s why they’re coming.  Right there.  First thought was what you could do for them.”

“How many.”

“Twenty, at most, my lady.  We’ve got it handled.  You are to do NOTHING.”

“Wait, how did Josie react?”

“She tilted her nose up at the Inquisitor and threatened to write a letter to a particular matron in Orlais stating he was desperate to meet her in private if he didn’t remove his fingers from her arm that very instant.”

“I’d pay to see that.  Wait, Elias is coming?”

“Yeah.”

“Crap.  Dorian.  Bull.”

“It’s fine.  Elias has a cute little girly he’s seeing now.”

We finally slowed when we were far away from the keep.   I’m very glad Gunny had given me warning.  It wasn’t utilitarian tents.  Some of them were, but some of them were brightly colored.  One was octagonal, and others round.  It looked like they’d raided a circus or tourney or something.  The army with us had to set up, but we were handled. 

Solas held his arms up for me, and Gunther lowered me down to him.  This camp was obviously not a surprise to him.  It was, however, a surprise to Gara.  She flung herself through the air and was caught by Andrew, who held her close.  He didn’t greet anyone else before striding off into the trees with her.  I was smiling, but I noticed Solas was not.  “Someday, mor’ishan, you should LOOK,” I put extra emphasis on the word, then continued.  “At my Templar and his lady, and tell me what you see.  Instead of being a stubborn and foolish hahren who can’t see what is obvious to me.”

“All those times when you said I look but do not see, you meant LOOK.”

“I did.”

“I will do so.  This evening.”

“Why are you carrying me, Solas?”

“They need to get used to seeing you in my care.  I am making our dance public, ma’sulahn'nehn.  I warned you things had changed.”

“I thought you didn’t want to be seen with me in public.  You are a very private person.”

“As are you.  This, however, is just a statement of interest.”  He stopped, looking at me.  “I will not embarrass you.”

“I didn’t think you would.”

He walked over to the rest of Ethelath’s delegation, and gentle hugs and greetings ensued.  Cara, Elias, Philomena, a human man who smelled of spices, a shy girl I’d seen but didn’t know.  Three ladies for Josie.  Three more Hessarians, to replace the ones I’d failed to save.  Liam fell into our camp.  Most of the elven soldiers set up around us, too.  Dorian arrived to check on me, but didn’t stay long. 

I’d been ensconced in a chair in the octagonal tent, and a bath, a real bath, was being heated for me.  It’d been so long since I’d felt truly clean.  I know I was washed after the incident, as part of the healing process, but that’s different.  There was a brazier burning in a corner, taking the worst of the chill off.  It wasn’t as cold as it had been.  There was a double cot near the center, and a portable tub.  The portable tub was ingenious.  A collapsible frame with waterproof tarp.  I’d never seen anything like it.

Cara and the shy girl, Briri, helped me into the bath when it was ready.  They took great care with my hands, and I wasn’t allowed to touch anything.  But they did it sneaky.  I’m not exactly sure how it was managed.  Everything I reached for was in use or not there.  I was bathed, dressed in a warm nightgown, and tucked into a velvet robe I’d never seen before.  Food, three tiny little meat pies, was provided.  It was almost too much, but not quite.  How did they gauge that?

Elias came to pick me up.  I was wrapped in a blanket and carted to a spot away from the fire.  I’m not sure how they managed that, either.  Every time I thought of objecting or protesting, I’d be distracted with some tidbit of news, or something.  Plus I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  There was something important present that had been lacking.  It had been a little there when Geth and Gunther had arrived, but now, I felt much better. 

I’d forgotten about song time for a while.  Three days awake, three days asleep.  A week lost.  Cara and Philomena wrangled the kids into place, the soldiers that were mine settled in.  Andrew and Gara reappeared.  Dorian plopped down right next to me.  My people. Something in me settled to have more of my people around me.

I looked at them.  I didn’t know what to sing.  Cara cleared her throat.  “Our song, Ethelathun,” she said quietly.  I nodded.  We started with we shall overcome.  It was a joy to sing it with people who knew it well.  Harmonies, sweet and lilting.  I pulled out The Voice.  Solas heard it for the first time tonight, I think.  He’d missed the previous times.  Then one Ethelathe at home didn’t know.  The Sound of Silence.  But my girls knew that one.  Two pieces of Ethelathe learning each other, meshing.  Others showed up as it went.  My soldiers, Liam and the elves.  Two Hessarians watched, but they could be guards.  Sam, Varric, Sera, who pretends she can’t sing.  They devolved into fireside songs, with different fires singing in turn.

I felt a moment of panic when Dorian kissed my cheek and left me.  Hobo elf sat down in his spot.  “You told me, and I failed to listen.”

“You do that a lot.”

“Who else is like that?”

“My little guy, Daniel.  A lady who claimed amnesia, who disappeared with some nobles in the first days after the breach opened.  Most of the others were killed.  A dwarf, a vashoth, several humans.  Probably more.  Captain Jack.  I had to explain it to Samrith, but you realize why I claim them.  The meat lies.  Cole is not human, no matter that the meat he wears bleeds and looks it.”

“It is not possible.”

“So your own eyes lie?”

He turned his head to me.  “Who is Samrith?”

“A hunter for clan Sabrae.  He felt the need to test my fitness as keeper.  So I scared him.”  He quirked his lips at that.  “He later asked Hawke’s Merrill what the customs for courting are in my clan.  I entertain myself trying to figure out which one of my ladies has caught his eye.”

“Where was I?”

“Probably in your atrium or the fade.  You act like these things are hidden.  It triggered a confrontation with Fiona.  She accused me of using parlor tricks and fakery to walk down from the battlements.”

“She’s an issue.”

“Garalen and Elias want to kill her.  Dorian said she can’t touch me, because you two are training me.  Along with Cole, Adan, Helisma, Andrew, a few others.  Speaking of Cole, I haven’t seen him in ages.”

“He can’t be near you right now.”

“Why not?”

“He leaks magic, uses it constantly without meaning to.  It is the nature of spirits.  It is time for bed, ma’haselan.”

“I can walk.”

“But you will not.  If you refuse me carrying you, I have many others that will step up.  Gunther, Elias, even your stableboy.”

“That’s not nice.”

“I have never claimed to be nice.”  He scooped me up.  “Bed or chair?”

“I’m better.  You don’t have to sleep next to me.”

“That is true.  Dorian, Gunther, or Andrew could instead, asha.  And Dorian is busy.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.”

“What did he do?”

“Lost the wager.”

He handed me my pack and is letting me journal.  Briri will be sleeping in here, as will Elias.  It’ll be okay.


	95. Day 43, 9 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trapping my hand, avoiding uncomfortable conversations, stepping outside the narrow box of proffered choices, regretting civics lessons, and being plied with food.

### Road Trip, Day 43, 9 Solace, 9:41 Leaving for Skyhold

It’s weird.  I’m doing things AFTER I journal at night.  After my last entry, they confiscated my bag again.  That was expected.  Then Solas sat me down and produced a hairbrush.  My hair wasn’t dry from my bath yet, and he brushed it until it was.  Why? I don’t know, and he wouldn’t tell me.  Briri kept offering to do it, saying it was her job.  One thing they did agree on: I can’t go to sleep with wet hair.  I chill too easily.  I think Briri annoyed him, though, because after the third time she offered to take over, she apologized and left the tent.  He probably glared at her, because he didn’t use magic.  His glare is mean enough.

After she left, he was much more affectionate.  Abandoned the brush for his fingers, stroking my scalp.  His fingers are more magic than Geth’s, and I know he’s not using magic to cheat.  “Is this a thing male elves are taught to do?”

“If they are not, they should be.”

“Which doesn’t even pretend to answer the question.”  He didn’t say anything else, just tucked me into his side when my hair was dry and bid me attempt to sleep.

I nearly always awaken at least once during the night.  This time I awoke because of a twinge of pain in my hand.  I’d somehow gotten it tangled under Solas’ tunic, next to his waist.  The tunic had been stretched tight, and now pressed too hard on my hand.  “Solas.”  His eyes opened.  Very light sleeper.  “My hand.  It’s trapped, and it hurts.”  I was quickly disentangled, and my hand was examined by candlelight.  No obvious bruising, but we’d check in the morning.  The twinge had stopped once it was released.

He pulled me back against his chest.  “If you wish to feel my skin, ma’nehn, I could always remove the tunic.”

“Smartass.”

“Oh?”

“You are having way too much fun with this.”

“Define fun.”

“Watch out, mor’ishan.  I bite back.”

I found myself on my back, him above me.  “I like that definition.”

“That’s not what I meant.  There are other people in here, Solas.”

He sighed.  “I had forgotten.  However, I was not joking about my shirt.  It might be wise, if your hands wander in your sleep.”

“They never have before.”

“Until tonight.”

“Enjoy it while you can.  When we get back to Skyhold…”

“You will get to choose a chair, your bed, or mine.”

“What?”

“Until it is no longer necessary to protect you from magic while you sleep, you will need to stay near one of a select group.  So unless you intend to force Gunther to remain awake all night, or Andrew to abandon his Garalen, you must be content with me.”

“Dorian?”

“He could.  You taught him the skill.  But he’s busy in the evenings.”  

I’d have to investigate how I taught Dorian to dampen magic.  Later.  “Solas, we sleep near each other for mutual benefit.  I worry about him, and I have reason.”

“He did not wager with me, Chrysopal.  He wagered with Iron Bull.”

What?  “You have so got to share.”

“That is a question, hidden in a statement, ma’haselan.  I get an answer as well.  Not the question I am still preparing.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I want to know so many things.  It is too soon for most of them.”

“Fine.  Then I’m going back to sleep.   We can talk about it later.”

“Then so we shall.  But I have a question. Unrelated to the bargains in progress.”

“What?”

“Do you want me to remove my tunic?  Purely to protect your hands, of course.”  A sly tone.  I don’t want to know what he read in my face, but he laughed low.  “I shall leave it on, da’asha.  Try not to hurt yourself with it again, or it comes off.”  He settled back down, and pulled me to him.

“You are taking advantage of this situation.”

“Unashamedly so.  Next time barrier first, and call me.  You can call Dorian or me at any time, and we know it.  Then you would not need to accept nighttime company from uneasy directions.”

“You were busy.  The faster the townspeople were rescued, the fewer would be transformed.”

“A day one way or another makes little difference.”  I huffed at him, and he hugged me to him.  “You are careless, ma’nehn, and you reveal too much.”

“I’m going to sleep.”  I rolled over, so my back was to him.  He just chuckled at me.

I awoke alone again, or so I thought.  Gunny was in the tent, in the chair.  He was doing maintenance on his weapons.  He noticed me moving, and greeted me softly.  Briri and Elias were both gone, too.  “I’m never going to be left alone again, am I?”

He grinned.  “Probably not.”

It wasn’t quite light yet.  As dawn arrived, so did Briri, with, incredibly, a small slice of a breakfast quiche!  How in the hell did they manage that?  It was still hot. I ate the first few bites with enjoyment, but I was done after the fifth or sixth.  She didn’t push, or even mention it.  Just took it away as soon as I was finished.  Something I’d noticed.  There were no food smells anywhere near me, unless I was eating.  I recall reading something about keeping food smells away from nausea patients a long time ago.  

It was a warmer day today, if the evidence of less abundant fur was anything to go by.  I was still hella cold.  Briri brought out a warm tunic and a set of woolen leggings.  The tunic was longer than what I was used to.  Or maybe it was a short dress?  All the way past my knees, almost skirt-like, with laced splits up the bodice sides.  The sleeves laced up, too, or I could wear them unlace and they’d fall like the other sleeves Leorah likes.  It wasn’t poufy like what Josie wears, more flowy/swirly.  With pants.  I like pants.  It also covered the girls.  Covering the boobs is always good.

I was draped in my cape again.  Gunny offered me the opportunity to sit on a mare being led for the day.  Or I could ride with him or Solas.  “Why not Dorian?”

“Uh, well.  Dorian.  He’s supposed to leave you alone for the trip home.  Give others a chance.”

“Who others?  What chance?”

“I’m… going to go get Elias.  See you!”  And he left.

Solas or Gunther or a led mare.  I didn’t think so.  I poked my head out of the tent, and Briri spotted me. She scuttled off, quickly.  Soon after, Garalen walked up, happy.  “Gara, would you mind if I borrowed your Templar?”

Wariness.  “Borrowed how?”

“I really do need to be near someone who can shut magic down if it gets to be too much.  I just scared off Gunther, Dorian’s unavailable, and Solas got plenty of time last night.  So instead of sitting on a mare being led around like a child, I’d prefer to ride with him.  If that wouldn’t bother you.”

She got a “duh” look on her face.  “You’re worried about asking if you can sit in front of him?  Please.  Just don’t ride him hard and put him away wet, and we’re good.”  I choked.  Oh my god.  When I gathered my composure, I said I’d go ask him, since he hadn’t even said hello yet.  “Stay here.  I’ll go smack him upside the head for you.  No greeting.  Ass.”  She has such a way with words.  She strode purposefully off.

He showed up a few minutes later and gave me a hug.  “I hear that I’m to grovel for neglecting you.”

“News to me.”

He picked up a lock of my hair.  “Never seen it do this before.”

I shrugged.  “Never took lyrium before.”

“Lyrium did this?”

“Possibly.  Andrew, I know you’re not having trouble.  Could you help me make sure Gunny talks to the Commander about your plans?”

“We’ll talk about it later.  For now, I need to remove my armor so there’s room for you on my horse.”  He tugged at the strand of hair and smiled.

“Thanks, Andrew.”

“You’re ours, Chrissy.  I don’t think you get it yet.  We claimed you.  That means we get to take care of you.  GET TO, not HAVE TO.  Every last one of us is a volunteer.  I’ll be back.  Stay put.  In the tent.”

That would have been fine, except some people were swarming in and around the tent.  Elves.  I recognized a few faces, and smiled at them.  Two I didn’t recognize at all.  The tent was struck in quick fashion, and I was left basically standing alone. It’s disconcerting when you don’t know where your pack is. 

I meandered to where the mounts were.  I could at least pet Drummer.  Or not, because I was gently directed elsewhere by the two human stableboys.  Drummer was fine.  I needed to head back to the others.  They’d bring me my mount.  And the dreaded My Lady.  It’s got to be the teal fur.  But I’d have a laugh and a half if they brought me Drummer.  Geth’d be pissed.

Elias shared gossip after he found me and gave me a short lecture on leaving without a bodyguard.  Was I TRYING to worry them?  “We talked about it, and then we voted.”  Uh oh.  The lessons I’d been teaching may have sunk in.  “When you are healthy, we’ll let you go anywhere, do anything you like, with minimal guards and interference, and you get to be in charge.  When you are not, we get to be in charge.”  Fuck.  Looks like Solas isn’t the only person changing the playing field.  Ethelathe is too.

“I’m not letting a hundred people with a hundred voices and ideas pull me in a hundred directions when I’m not feeling well.”

“We talked about that, too.  We’ve got it covered.”  Earthisms.  And they’re spreading.

When mount up time came, I was placed in front of Andrew, with Gara riding on one side, and Elias on the other.  I think that made them happy.  They relaxed a bit, at least. 

Dorian rode up.  “I did warn them, dove.  You never do anything the way people expect.”  He was obviously pleased about something.

“I heard that I don’t have my preferred heater because you lost a wager.”

“Oh, my darling!  Look!  Over there, do you see it?  It’s a beautiful distraction!”  That made me laugh.  The others, too.  I let it drop.  For now.

Midmorning, the human man who smelled of spices (I didn’t catch his name) brought me a mug, an actual mug, of a warm-ish beverage.  Tasted interesting.  At least part coffee.  Part milk or cheese?  Cinnamon, vanilla?  It was thick, and he bid me drink as much as I liked, but that it was better warm.  I found I drank the whole thing, which made him very happy.

Andrew filled me in on gossip and news.  More people coming, more letters.  One man came claiming to have solved the riddle.  From Highever.  Eadras had let him stay in the barracks hall.  If he could make that trip alone, with no horse, then he figured it was someone I should meet.  Who’s dating whom, Isa’s morning sick still, Alex had been moved into the undercroft from the armory.  Which is what I suggested in the first place.

For lunch, we stopped and cooked.  A good two hour break.  Solas found me where I’d been ensconced, because I’d been asked not to walk about without someone watching.  I made the mistake of one tiny stumble.  He examined my hands, tracing the scar lines.  There was soreness in the one that had been trapped, but no bruising, and it was only sore when pressed. 

I was provided with three more of the little meat tarts by the man, who completely worked around Solas’ presence without ever acknowledging him.  It wasn’t that he was being rude, he was just doing things.  Solas eyed my meal askance.  “Is that all you are eating?”  There was censure in his tone.

The human chef, for I figure that’s what he is, butted in and chastised.  “You will ruin what little appetite she has.  Praise, for eating what she likes, try that.  If she eats too much, she will eject it.  That would be like eating less the previous meal.  Behave yourself, ser.”  He had an odd accent, and was a bit gruff.  Perhaps German?  It didn’t sound like German, really, but he has the gravel to the sounds common to German.

Solas tensed a moment, and I put my fingers to his mouth just in case.  “It’s okay.”  I turned to the man.  “Thank you, for the meal.  I’m sure it’s delicious.  I’ve enjoyed everything you’ve made for me.”  He grumbled and left.  Sadly, the guy was right.  I really didn’t want the tarts any more.  Solas didn’t notice, thank goodness, or at least he didn’t say anything.  Just glanced at them. 

He did speak against my hand, mentioning that Andrew wasn’t on the list of people he’d heard this morning.  “That’s nice, my dear.  Because I so love being given more and more limiting faux choices.  I have tended my health, my people, and my movement requirements all in one go, by ignoring that very limiting choice.”

He smiled, just a bit.  “I will remember.”  He held my hand to his cheek a moment, and returned to wherever it is he was before.  The tarts remained when Andrew collected me.  At least he let me walk to the staging area.

I dozed in the afternoon.  I was given a room temperature beer-flavored thick drink, just a small cupful, as a snack.  I only took a small sip.  I don’t much care for beer.  It might have been slightly alcoholic, or I’m just still real tired.  Anyway, I lost an hour or two, to the delight of my companions.  They were really pleased by it, no sarcasm.  I have to sleep to heal.  Repeated ad nauseum.  It must be an aphorism of Thedas.

We stopped for the evening, and the tents were established quickly.  Dinner was some sort of roast beast for everyone else, and pocket bread with sausage and cheese for me.  Not much.  Just the size of my palm.  Garalen pulled Solas aside.  She alternates being terrified and standing toe to toe with him.  I just don’t get it.  Or maybe I do.  She’s not going to let being scared of him change what she does.

Songtime.  Dorian was permitted to sit with me by whomever is jerking his leash.  I held his hand and cuddled into his side, and he didn’t pull away.  I do miss him.  Dorian holds my hands, Solas plays with my hair.  Vivienne and Cassandra joined the rest of us at the fireside, too.  Varric’s always there.  Sam and Josie.  DON’T ask Sam to sing.  He will.  Badly.  I think he does it on purpose, much like the pretending to be asleep thing.  I wonder if Josie has figured that out?

The girls and Cara and Phil giggled a lot. I’m glad to see them get along so well.  Bull hovered.  Gun too.  Andrew and Gara had disappeared.  They’d missed each other.  Geth was lost in the music, if his expression was anything to go by.  Elias sat near me.  The chef guy knew all the words to my songs.  He had to be one of the new people I’d hired before I left.

Afterwards, Solas showed up, and unceremoniously plucked me from the log I’d been sitting on.  Just walked by, snagged me, and started walking again.  No one said a word.  Briri was waiting in the tent for me.  She must have left songtime early.  Dude left for a few while I changed, and then returned.  I was delivered a cup of warm milk with cinnamon and honey in it.  I had to ask.  “How did you get milk?”

“We brought it with us.”  Briri’s tone was dulcet, pleased that they surprised me.

“But it has been several days?”

“Andrew told us about the idea.  A portable cold room, like the one at Skyhold.  He called it a refrigerator.”

“Yes, that’s the term.  Who did the magic?”

“I don’t know.  Does it matter?”

“Probably not.  Thank you.”  She frickin’ curtsied!  “Don’t do that.”

“I’m allowed.  My choice, Ethelathun.”  Damn it.  Someone’s been doing way too much talking.

Solas returned and tucked us into bed.  Not even a word about using the chair tonight.  Elias and Briri are already snoring on the other side of the tent, and Solas is playing with my hair while I write.  It’s so weird.  I’m starting to wonder if he has a hair fetish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small tribute to a certain friend, and his chat room distractions. He knows who he is.


	96. Day 44, 10 Solace, 9:41 Headng for Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice boring, quiet day. But I got to spend it with Dorian.

### Road Trip, Day 44, 10 Solace, 9:41 Heading for Skyhold

I noticed that Solas was specifically not watching me write.  Isn’t that interesting?  He put the paper and pen back in my pack without looking at it.  It wasn’t that he was obvious about not reading it.  He just didn’t bother.  He came back, tucked me up next to him, and closed his eyes. 

I’m starting to think he’s not sleeping so much as in a light trance.  He reacts as if awake if I move about.  Also, how would he detect a magical fluctuation if he was fully asleep?  Or would Uthenera be fully asleep, and everything else is much lighter?  I stayed awake, pondering the concept of sleep in relation to infinity.  For humans, dwarves, everyone.  I think that ancient elves must have levels of sleep.  Maybe dwarves, too, because of the whole titan thing.  But Solas, I don’t think he’s really sleeping at all, so much as meditating or putting himself in a trance state.

“I can nearly hear you thinking, ma’nehn.  Rest.  Sleep, if you can.”

“I’m allowed to think.”

“I never said otherwise.”

“Do you ever fully go to sleep?”

“Sometimes.  When I have need.  Is that what you are pondering?  My sleep habits?”

“Not everything’s about you.  Sleep habits in general, and how they relate to levels of activity in fade and here, trance states, and the passage of time.”

He sighed.  “Do you ever turn off your ponderings?  You need rest.”

“It’s possible that when I stop thinking, imagining, believing, that I would go grey and fade, I think. I’d rather not, thank you.”

He’d stilled.  “You believe that?”

“It’s a thought.  Not a belief.  One of many theories I’ve been kicking about.”

“Sleep, da’asha.”

“You can’t make me right now.”  I know my tone was smug.

“No.  But I can ask.  Please.”

“Fine.”  I may have grumbled the word.  I let my mind fall fallow, wrenching it back to nothing when it wandered, and eventually drifted off.  I actually had a dream. Just one, and it was just me floating in a very small chamber, listening to music.  Does this mean I’m recovering some?  I don’t know.  I hope so.

When I woke in the middle of the night, I was plied with food.  A single tiny sweet cream tart.  It was the size of my thumb.  Literally a single bite.  What is with this?  Every time I turn around someone is handing me a very small tidbit of food.  It’s not like I can’t afford a little weight loss.  I’m still rounded in all the places I’ve always been rounded.  Just not as much so.  I went back to sleep quickly.

When I awoke again, it was to Solas leaving.  He’d placed a kiss on my forehead and was sliding out.  I didn’t respond.  I drifted off again in the warm spot he left behind.  When I finally woke for the day, it was to Garalen offering me that thick coffee drink I’d had midmorning yesterday.  It was really good.  I was bundled up more than everyone else, I noticed.  I was wearing thick fall/winter clothing and everyone else was in lighter things.  Briri quickly did my hair.  I was feeling much less shaky, and not quite as grumbly.

I meandered my ass over to where Dorian was saddling his gelding and waited.  He turned to look at me.  “You don’t ever do things the way others tell you to, do you.”  He was smiling. 

“I escaped before I could be told to do anything this morning.  I have a preferred heater and cuddle partner, love.  Since you are apparently busy in the evenings, perhaps I can steal some time this morning?”  I was a little hesitant about asking, honestly.

“It would be my pleasure, dove.”

“I’ve missed you.  Did I do something wrong?”

He sighed.  “No, darling.  I did.  I allowed myself to be goaded.  Beguiled with the possibility of a month’s bar tab for free.”

“What was the wager?”

“I’m not going to tell you.  Regrettably, my nights are occupied for at least a week.  But my days belong to you, if I’m not needed by the Inquisitor.”

“Your days are your own, but I would be willing to share with you, my love.”

“Care to ride in front of me this morning?”

“I’d love to.  I was hoping you’d offer, actually.  You’re not on the list they keep trying to push on me, and I’ve been informed I somehow taught you the necessary skill?”

“Have you had breakfast, Chrissy?”

“Enough of one.  I’m not hungry.  I’ve eaten more in the last two days than in the whole previous week. I’m stuffed to the gills!”

“You don’t have gills.”

“It’s a figure of speech.”

“I see your guards have found you.”

“You are learning bad habits.”

“It’s frustrating, isn’t it?”  His mustache twitched.

“Meanie.”

Elias and Gunther showed up shortly thereafter.  Greetings, reassurance, statements of adulthood, and tacit agreements to alert people to my location.  Ugh.

Dorian looked between me and the others.  “They don’t know?”

“They don’t.  And they aren’t to, my love.  That’s special, to be shared privately.”

He gave a slight bow.  “As you wish.”

“Not you too!”  He laughed at me.

Elias and Gunny rode next to us.  Eli told Dorian about the little lady he’s seeing now.  Gratia.  She helped carry the chantry board into place.  They’re fairly new, but he really likes her.  He kept glancing at me, like I was going to object or something.  Ah well.  I smiled at him, and he relaxed.  Maybe he thought I would interfere. 

Midmorning, I felt something tingle, and then start to hurt, dancing across my skin with fire.  A few seconds at most, and then it was nothing but cold.  I started shivering.  Dorian handed me to Gunther, and the Inquisitor and the inner circle rushed off.  I bet it was a rift, but I’ll have to wait to see.

Josie organized an early lunch stop.  I was bundled next to Gunther.  As I got used to the cold, I ached, badly.  I asked Elias to make sure Briri had things available to take care of my guys.  “Which ones are yours?”

“Sam, the Inquisitor, will be tended by Josie.  Varric and Cass will probably handle each other.  Viv won’t need anything.  Blackwall and Sera will probably handle each other.  Bull, Dorian, Cole, and Solas are my concerns.”  My teeth weren’t chattering, but I was still shivering.

Elias left and came back with another blanket.  I felt basically useless.  The chef guy directed Gunther to move me in another direction.  Not sure why, but I was taken to the other side of the lunch camp.  Food was cooked, and Sam and the rest came back to cleanup materials and a hot meal.  This time looked easier, since they weren’t covered in ick.

Cole moved into my view, fairly far away, and waved at me.  The very vigorous full-armed wave made me smile.  Which was probably his intention.  Bull, Dorian, and Solas stopped by.  They were cleaned up already.  Solas reached a hand to my cheek, frowning when he touched it.  His hand was warm.  Dorian just looked at Gunny.  “I think you can let up, my good man.  It does make things distinctly uncomfortable.”  It warmed, very slightly, but not much.  I know Dorian doesn’t feel it as cold. 

Bull looked around, assessed the situation, and snatched me out of Gun’s arms, sitting on a log.  It only took a few minutes of me curled up on his lap to feel much warmer.  He’s smart, the Iron Bull.  Once I’d warmed from the whatever Gunny had been doing, Bull let me down.  I thanked him, and he blew me off.  Typical.

I made sure they’d all eaten and cleaned up.  By asking, because I did that while still bundled.  When I went to apologize for not helping, Dorian cut me off.  Afterwards, we mounted up, and I was again in front of Dorian.  We talked about many things, including how he’d learned to “dampen” magic.  Back when I was having glowing issues, he finally noticed the “flow” I’d been talking about.  It wasn’t until later that he’d figured out how to stop it.  It was HARD, he said.  I’d never found it so, but I didn’t say anything.

Nobody had even mentioned food to me during the lunch break.  Midafternoon, though, I was delivered a small sandwich, some sort of nut butter?   Not peanuts.  Very bland, but I ate it.  As we continued, I noticed that the world was gradually becoming colorful again.  More than one shade of grayish green, and the colors were more vibrant.  Just a hair.  Not quite like putting on those polarized sunglasses, but similar. 

The rest of the day went typically.  We were finally in the mountains.  Views were better than they’d been on the way down, but that could be more of a “what you’re used to” thing.  We stopped before dusk, and nugs were hunted and cooked.  It didn’t smell that wonderful, actually.  I was ushered away, to my tent, where Briri had other food for me.  Something similar to manicotti, with melty cheese and thick noodle, drenched in a cream sauce.  On a real dish, with real silverware.  Still small.  She told me I couldn’t eat it yet, because it was too hot. 

The rich but subtle scent gradually permeated the tent.  The smell cleaned my nose of the burnt skin stench.  I was actually hungry!  I ate the whole thing, and it was probably twice the size of any meal I’d had in weeks.  Since before Val Royeaux.  I was done eating and the smell had quickly dissipated when there was a knock on the tent pole.  Someone taught Solas to knock!

Briri let him in, trying to take his staff from him.  He didn’t let go, and leveled his gaze at her.  She let go and raised her hands up in surrender.  She hadn’t been trying to steal it.  It looked more like the “let me take your hat and cane” thing.  He strode over to me.

“I appear to be early, ma’nehn.”

“Early?”

“You are not ready for sleep.  Unless you intend to sleep in those clothes?” 

"No, I intend to change and do songtime."

He sat on the edge of the bed, pulling me in front of him.  “At least I can help with this.”  He undid the ties to my hair and fingercombed it out of the braid it was put in.  Briri made herself scarce.  She was probably not far, but Solas and I were the only ones in the tent.  I was not intending to miss getting a good night kiss.  I’d not gotten one in days.  SO.  I stood up, catching him off guard.  With him sitting on the cot and me standing, I was only a little taller than he was.  So I leaned down and addressed the lack of good night kisses issue firmly.  Based on the reaction, I was not the only one who had been missing kisses.  After a short while, I sat up.

Briri came back in while Solas was recombing the tangles out of my hair.  She shooed him out for five minutes while I changed, and then let him back in.  Songtime went swimmingly.  There is no forgetting songtime with this much of Ethelathe about.  Which I'm glad about.  The familiar rhythms and traditions, even though they are new, are soothing.  Briri didn't try to touch the staff next time he came in.  She settled for bidding him good night and heading to her own cot.  Elias showed up after I started journaling.  Solas is doing his best to be a distraction, but I’m stubborn.  I think I’m going to have to find out if elven deities are ticklish.  Soon.


	97. Day 45, 11 Solace, 9:41 Arriving in Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NIghtmares, languages, plans, and arriving home to gifts.

### Road Trip, Day 45, 11 Solace, 9:41 Leaving for Skyhold

The music was wrong.  That was the first thing I noticed about my dream.  Nightmare.  Thing.  Thumpy, creepy, like the Drunken Whaler from Dishonored.  The fog was real, and the sour smell of things rotted, peat bog.  It smeared into the Threnody for the Victims of Hiroshima.  It was too loud, shaking my skin, and the colors were all wrong.  Things, horrible things floating by.  The faces of those I’d failed to save.  My daughter’s face, eyeless.  Isa, holding a dead baby.  Images of my people, shot through with glowing red.  Melding in and out of the fog.  I couldn’t escape, held by tendrils of something.

A moment later, a hand pulled at my neck, tucking my head into a chest.  I screamed, but another arm wrapped around me.  The scent of old books and leather.  Spicy vanilla almond and aged cognac.  The music stopped in an instant.  Lips against my temple.  “Shhhh.  It is figments, not demons.  Your mind playing tricks.  There is no danger here, ma’asha.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist.  He spoke again against my hair.  “It was due to happen.  I was not just invading your bed for the privilege of holding you.  It makes it much easier to find you in the fade.  The rest is a bonus, I admit.”

He stroked my back until I stopped shaking.  I finally calmed enough to look at him.  There was concern in his gaze.  “I think I want to wake up now.”

“You should wait until you wake naturally, ma’nehn.  Shoving you between could cause more damage.  May I shape your space?”

I wasn’t so gone that I wasn’t careful.  “This one night, and anything you do must be gone, completely, before I return again.  Nothing to watch, to linger, to interfere on another time or this one.”  That got a chuckle.

“You still feel you need to protect yourself.  So be it.  It shall be as you wish.  Although I could offer you another option.  I could wake, leaving you alone here for a bit, and wake you from the other side.”  Some part of me panicked.  He immediately shushed me, creating a wide padded rocking chair.  He sat, taking me with him.  Even that much tugged at my sore places and I ached.  “Ir abelas, ma’haselan’udh.  I was very careful, but it will cause discomfort for a time.  I cannot leave you on the ground in your condition.”

We sat next to each other on the doublesized chair, quietly.  He was rocking.  My feet didn’t quite reach to the ground.  I pulled at a shoulder, putting his head in my lap.  He likes it when I touch him.  Touch soothes me as well.  I stroked his face and head, the back of his neck.  He left one foot on the ground, one leg over the arm of the chair.  Small humming noises he’d never admit he’d made were barely heard.  I don’t know how long we were like that. 

For the first time, I awoke in the morning still in Solas’ arms.  And I hurt.  Aching, badly, in that place that no one sees.  He awoke at the same time I did, I’d bet.  He tilted my chin up to look at him.  Keeping his eyes on mine, he asked, quietly, “Knife pain, sharp and cutting, or stretched pain, achy and tight?”

“Stretched.  Very stretched.”  I took a deep breath. 

He looked relieved.  “I am sorry, ma’nehn.  The other options would have been worse.  Perhaps I should have insisted on leaving you and waking you up.”

“No.  I’d rather deal with this.”

“You cloud my judgement sometimes, haselan.”

“Maybe it wasn’t your decision, a grá.”

“A grá?”  I just smiled and layed my head back down.  “More secrets?”

“Haselan, Sulahn’nehn, a chuisle mo chroí, Grohiik.  Or are you dovahkiin?  Two can play the game, mor’ishan.  Pedig edhellen?   Ma istal quet' Eldarin?”

“What language is that?”  Best response ever.

“It is four of them, darling.  Six if I count yours and the trade tongue.”

“You are ever fascinating.  Perhaps you will teach me?”

“I have only a smattering of any of them, save the trade tongue.”

“Enough to confuse.”

“I can probably ask ‘where’s the bathroom’ in fifteen tongues.  Yes, no, I don’t speak, do you speak, good morning, goodbye, thank you, excuse me, I’m sorry.  Some I have more, some I have less.”

“And now you must endure.”

“That was a one-off.  I heard it.  It was appropriate to the situation.  I know some songs, as well, learned phonetically, mostly.  The lullaby I have a good idea of the translation.  A few other phrases.”

“You have no recognition of the written forms.”

“I was never Dalish, Solas.  I would not have been exposed to it where I was raised.”

“Neither are the Dalish, from what I understand.  It is nearly light.  I have things I must do before the day gets started.  I must leave as soon as Gunther arrives.”

“I thought you were just avoiding morning breath, grohiik.”

“Why do I have the feeling grohiik means something strange like cornflower or coffeepot?”

“It doesn’t.”

He pulled me up so he could reach my lips, kissing them gently.  “I am not avoiding morning breath, ma’nehn.  I have a request.”

“I’m always willing to consider requests.”

“I wish to bring you home.  We should reach Tarasyl'an Te'las today.  Let me carry you there.”

“You want me to be in front of you today?  Solas, I need to spend some time with Dorian.”

“The afternoon, after the lunch stop.”

“Alright.”

Gunther arrived a few minutes later, and Solas slipped from my bed with a kiss to my forehead.  Gunny just smiled.  After Solas left, he sat down next to me.  “That man’s hooked, Ethelathun.  Time to reel him in?”

“I’m in no rush, Gunny.  I have all of this side of forever, and there are considerations.  In three years, we’ll either be together, or I’ll be left in Skyhold alone.”

“You won’t be alone.  You have us.  We’ll be in Skyhold with you.”

“Thanks, Gunny.  Hopefully by then, I’ll have more than Skyhold to share.”

“You want land.”

“The Dales, the Frostbacks, the Hinterlands.  If I can’t buy it or steal it, I’ll carve it out of the fade.  There will be a safe place for us.”

He just stared at me.  “Somehow, when you say things like that, they sound possible.”

“We just might find out, mightn’t we?”

“Honestly, I hope not.”  But he was smiling. 

Another little quiche was delivered.  A slightly larger slice than last time, but still small.  I almost finished it all.  Briri got me dressed.  She’s sneaky.  I find her helping me just where I start having trouble.  So if I was about to twist to reach something, she’s jumped in to tie it already.  I’m not sure if I’m grateful or annoyed.  I caught her watching me with concern a few times.  “Something wrong, Briri?”

“You keep rubbing your chest.  The skin?”

“No, it’s magic.  It aches where my magic lives.”

“You already hurt, and you plan to create land?”

“I’ll have healed by then.  And I hope I won’t have to.  But it’s been done before.  I saw it, long ago.  The Crossroads, here.  And the legends of Underhill back home.  Tir na Nog.  The fae lands.”

“I don’t know these places, but I’m glad you do.”

“Don’t spread it around, please?  Tell no one?  It may not happen.  If my other ideas work, then it won’t.”

“Never, my lady.  Speaking about a lady’s secrets can be dangerous to one’s health.”

“I will never strike you or hurt you.  The worst you will receive from me is a banishment, or a swift knife from Garalen.”

She gasped, and I turned to find her standing there absolutely still with Elias’ knife at her throat.  “Or me.  We won’t tolerate betrayal of our lady.”

“Elias, let her go.  She didn’t even suggest she would do so.  I was reassuring her!”

“I won’t take chances.”  He lowered the knife, and she put a hand to her neck.  Unmarked, on the outside.  “There have been too many attempts on your life, and too many close calls.  She’s new, and very close to you.”

Gunny had entered with Elias, and done nothing to stop it.  I was travelling with dangerous, determined people.  I wished that I could feel their threads, gauge their moods.  I didn’t want them aiming at an innocent.  After Briri recovered, she packed things away.  Gunny and Eli walked me to Dorian.

The morning passed swiftly.  Lunch was meat pies.  I had little ones, four.  After lunch, Solas came to find me.  “Come with me, Haselan.”

“Normally it is the other way.  The spider says come with me to the fly.”

“I am not a fly.  I have far more teeth.”  He lifted my hand to kiss it, and stopped.  “Why did you not tell me you were bruised?”

I looked down, and there was a pale bruise.  Barely there.  Really.  Like the small one on my finger, they were barely a light brown.  “I didn’t notice, a chroí.  If I had, I’d have informed you immediately.  It doesn’t hurt.  Truly.”

“Would you know if it did, over the other ache?  Unlikely.”  Garalen produced the pots of salve that I make, and he shook his head.  “Too much, Garalen.  I need something made by Adan, or that doctor woman.”  Elias jogged off and returned with a small jar and bandages. 

“I’m sure this isn’t necessary.”  I tried to stop it.  But they just ignored me.   Andrew, who was there as well, just reminded me that they’d voted.  Solas slathered and bandaged the hand in question, and had a grim expression on his face the whole time.  “Glaring at my hand is not going to fix it.”

“We will discuss it later, ma’nehn.  Once we are moving again, you may say what you wish on the subject.”  He led me to Raindrop and lifted me to his back.  “You reach for anything with that hand, and I will tell Eadras that you are exhausted from the journey and need at least three days in bed.  I would not be lying.  You need rest.  You still have dark circles under your eyes and are so tired you have been napping on horseback.”

“That’s not right.”  It was a different saddle, a different feel.  My backside was snug up against his groin.  Thigh to thigh, with little wiggle room.  From my shoulders to my knees, I was in contact with him. He got the hart moving.  Sneaky bastard.  I could feel every movement of his thighs and chest (and everything else!), and was surrounded by his scent.

He dipped his head to my ear, and murmured.  “And now you know, do you not, one reason why I might wish to hold you.  The feel of you against me is intoxicating.”  He sat up straighter and continued in a more normal tone.  “The bruise will not happen again.  I will either wear tighter tunics or none at all in the future.  I will let you ponder that choice.  For your sake, I will continue to wear trousers.”  There was a smile there.  It wasn’t on his face, but it was all over his voice.  “Unless you are using one of the other options.”  He meant Gunther or Andrew.  I couldn’t do that to either of them. 

It was strange.  He was there, in the center of our little group.  My people all around us, and yet he was still separate.  He felt separate from the group to me, without me doing anything to check or strain my magic, but not so much separate from me.  Dorian fit in well, and I never had that sense with him.  The caravan moved in clusters.  I found a surprising number of scouts and soldiers hanging near us.  Mostly of the elves, a lot of humans.  Liam was one of them.  Us.  I think he’s one of us now.  I can’t check to be sure.

I was provided a warm mug again for a snack, and drifted to sleep soon after.  Yeah, he was right, but I’d never admit it.  I awoke to a gentle murmur in my ear.  “Haselan, ma’nehn, wake up, da’asha.  See what has been placed before you.  We have reached Tarasyl'an Te'las.”  He’d pulled Raindrop aside.  The line of horses and carts continued, but we watched the sunset turn Skyhold pink and gold.

“It’s pretty in this light, even with its Ferelden stone.  Maybe, a grá, I should paint it.”

“Pink?  Please do not.”

“White.  White, mor’ishan, so that it catches all the colors of light.”

“That would be a lot of effort.  Perhaps later, if there is time?”

“There may not be a later.  But I will refrain.  Take me home, Solas.  I need to see my people.”

“It is my pleasure to do so.”  We joined the stream of people, a hundred strong returning to the fortress.

Most of the soldiers and scouts milled about in that first large courtyard.  We kept moving, all the way to the kitchen gardens.  Garalen and the others were ahead of us.  So many faces I knew!  Harritt claimed me first, even before Solas had stopped Raindrop.  Solas lowered me down to him.  A kiss, a cuddle, exclamations over my face and hair, examination of my bandages.  Repeated with all the uncles.  

I told Alex I’d make more salve for him as soon as I could, but he needed to stay warmer.  Harritt had a lovebite on his neck, so I teased him.  He barely reacted.  A handsome young man who worked in the stable had caught his eye.  “Please tell me it’s not Josren.”

“That boy?  Way too young for the likes of me.”

Enborr held me the longest.  “I would have come for you, but they needed me here.  I wanted to go get you the first time, but it wasn’t until the second that we had enough votes.”

“I was just shaken the first time.  It was right to wait.  But I was so desperately glad to see my own people after this latest.  You have no idea, Uncle Enborr.”  The others got their kisses and cuddles in, too.  Wulfgang stared at my hair, touching it, trying to understand how and why it had gone grey.  Gruff and Mark just held me. 

Eadras greeted his granddaughter first, with hugs and kisses.  Then he came over and bowed to me.  “Eadras…”

“My choice, Ethelathun.  Now give us a hug, please?”  I did, and a kiss besides.  My boys, the tweedles and Daniel.  Feren and Isa, Leorah, Mika and Segritt.  Adan.  Renee, from the healers.  Names and faces I knew, and a few I didn’t.  Cook kissed the chef guy.  Well well.  Even Halton came out.  He looked happy, less careworn.  Far less worried.  Slightly RUMPLED.  Seems that we’re having good effect on him.

Cara and Jailyn introduced the girls around, and the remaining parents.  Sam came by and snagged the lot of us after that.  Apparently his family goes in the front door.  I whined at him.  “My room is RIGHT THERE.  Please can I just go home?” 

He bent and gave me a hug.  “Of course you can.  Through the front door like a proper example for these young ladies.”  Ass.  Gethon heard and covered a laugh with a fakey cough.

“Sam, should the girls be put in noble country or down with Ethelathe?”

“You’ve been here two seconds and you’re working?  NO.  No no.  You are not doing that again.  I’m sure Leorah and Joan between them have the whole thing managed.  It would already be handled.”

Cullen came by while Sam was lecturing, and held out his arm.  “You look like you need my help for a change, Chrysopal.  Shall I escort you inside?”  Sam smirked.

“Fine.”  I may have huffed it.

“Besides, I really need to speak to you about that Joan woman.  She won’t leave me alone!”

“But you’ve been eating and sleeping.”

He paused a moment, considering his words.  “She’s very insistent, and she’s LOUD.  And she cheats.”

“She’s a wonderful woman, and she won’t expect more than friendship from you.”

“You look different.  Older.”

“It’s the hair.”

“And the face.  What happened to you?”

“Lyrium.  Speaking of which, I have a favor to ask of you.”

“Depends on what it is.”  Such a wary tone.

“I’d like you to have a talk with my Gunther.  Maybe Andrew, too, but definitely Gunther.”

“Why?”  Surprise this time.

“Because Gunny stopped taking lyrium, trying to escape it, then started up again to come get me.  You haven’t told me what your addiction is, but any help you could provide would probably be welcome. I’ve asked him to seek you out.  I figured that a former Templar might find it in his heart to help?”

“I’ll talk to the man.”  He was gruff.  By this point, we’d made it to the main hall.  Cullen gave a slight bow and left me at the doors.  We went inside.  I’m sure we looked a fright to the various nobles about.  I took the left and the girls were ushered after me.  Josie was already sitting at her desk, pen in hand, writing. 

Sam had a quiet hissy fit.  At least he’ll be too busy stopping her from working to mess with me.  I traipsed down the stairs, and found a slightly changed room.  It was still a pillow palace, with even more pillows.  But on the other end of the hall, opposite my desk, was a beautiful white grand piano.  “Did you guys?”

“It came for you a couple of weeks ago.  Workmen put it together and tuned it.  There’s a letter, my lady.”  Halton sounded pleased.

I ran my fingers along the wood.  On the lid over the keys, a blue envelope lay.  I reached for it, and Elias snagged it, opening it for me.  He handed me a card.  I sat on the bench to read it.  PADDED BENCH!  “Because you didn’t have one, and your voice was wistful when you told me that you wanted one.  Play it, enjoy it, and remember me.  -Jack.”  I went to expose the keys, and my bandaged hand caught my attention.  Not today.  I couldn’t play today.

Garalen was smug.  “Told you he liked you.”

“He told me I was too naïve.  To come to him when I was tired and jaded.  It’s beautiful.  He mentioned a gift in his letter, but I never dreamed it was something like this.”

“Chrissy, we’ve locked up your journals, put everything away or to be washed, and prepared a small meal in your room.”

I let her lead me to my rooms, and when I opened the door, the little black furball ignored me completely.  Oh, Irusana was pissed.  “She hasn’t been fed yet, so perhaps…”  Gara pulled out a small bowl of cooked chicken bits.  I went to sit on my couch, and it was in the wrong place.  The whole place was different.  The walls were a pale blue.  There was a large mirror above a dresser.  My bed looked bigger, but that could be because I’d been away so long.  At least they’d kept my furniture.  “They considered moving your rooms entirely, but we vetoed that.”  More earthisms, or is veto a thing here?

By the time I’d fed the bowl of chicken to Irusana, tidbit by tidbit, we were friends again.  At least for now.  She curled up on my lap and kept it warm for me.  I ate some of what I’d been left, as well.  It was the first time I’d really been left alone in months.  I’d snuck away to be alone, but this was offered time I didn’t have to steal.

They didn’t even offer me the guitar at songtime.  The girls and their parents, some new scouts and soldiers, including Liam, and most of my old Ethelathe showed up to songtime.  Solas and Dorian, too.  It was over a hundred people.  They ran through our music, and then the girls ran through Sound of Silence.  Everyone knew We Shall Overcome.  I tucked my tweedles and Daniel in to bed, carefully.  They had lots of questions, but I put them off to tomorrow.  I just held them as long as they’d let me.  Wasn’t actually that long.  We are talking about six year olds and an eight year old.

When I finally left their room, Solas was waiting.  “Your bed or mine?”  That was said conversationally.  He leaned in closer, and murmured “I would adore having you in my bed, ma’nehn.”  I don’t know if he meant that double meaning or not, but I am not heading to his room right now.  No way.  Still not quite ready for that.

Briri kept him outside while I changed.  She was apparently going to be doing the helper thing here, too.  Maybe only so long as I was under the weather.  Perhaps.  She provided me a lap desk and my writing utensils.  I introduced Solas to Irusana, and he raised a brow.  “Irusana?”

“It seemed a good name.”

“You once offered me the name of your cat.”

“I also said it could be revelational.  Was it?”

“Possibly, ma’haselan’udh.  It sounds familiar.”

“Does it?  How interesting.”

“Finish your writing, da'asha.  Tunic or no?”

I didn’t know.  He’d changed into a form-fitting thing that would be hard to get my hands under, but was made of something soft enough that his form was displayed to advantage.  Like a too-small t-shirt.  Well, not that bad.  But definitely something that showed he wasn’t a pasty nerd all the time.  This guy found time to work out.  I am trying to finish writing, and he’s trailing his fingers along my neck.  “Tunic, okay?”  I’m done.  I have to have a conversation and go to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A grá = my love in Gaelic  
> a chuisle mo chroí = Pulse of my heart in Gaelic  
> Grohiik = wolf in the Dragon tongue of Skyrim (Elder Scrolls Game)  
> Dovahkiin = Dragonborn in the Dragon tongue of Skyrim  
> Pedig edhellen? = Do you speak Elven? in Sindarin (Tolkien elvish)  
> Ma istal quet' Eldarin? = Do you speak Elven? in Quenya (Tolkien elvish)
> 
> Drunken Whaler from Dishonored: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urV8MIcLDFk  
> Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp3BlFZWJNA


	98. Day 1, 12 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distractions, kittens, seeing myself in the mirror, fixing my hair, starting right up with the social engineering, figuring out my routine a bit.

### Skyhold, Day 1, 12 Solace, 9:41

Once again, doing things after journaling.  After I set everything down, I captured the hand that was stroking my neck.  “Do you have some objection to me writing down my day?”

“What?  Of course not.”

“You seem to do your best to distract me from it.”

He had an arrested look on his face.  “That was not what I was doing.”

“For the last three nights, you have been very attentive while I write, while ignoring what I write.”

“I see.”  He came around so he was facing me.  “It is the only time in the day you stay in one place.  Not pacing while reading, meandering, or moving from foot to foot.  Even in your sleep you change positions often.  But while you write, I can enjoy an uninterrupted half hour.”

“You crave affection, out of the fade.”  He didn’t say anything.  “From the very first hug day, even when we were at odds.  I am sorry, Solas.  I should have thought.”

“You should have thought?”  He sounded confused.

“I know that touch is less effective in the fade, yet I failed to offer it here very often at all, even after we become closer.”

“No, ma’nehn.  Though your logic is interesting.” He leaned down and kissed me.  “You stay in one spot, so I can play while you are occupied.  You ignore what I do, and I have far greater leeway before you interfere.”

“You’re not distracting me, you’re taking advantage of my distraction.”

A smile bloomed across his face.  “Precisely.  Feel to write whatever you like, whenever you like, for as long as you like.  Or read.  You tend to ignore others when you read, as well.  Shall I get you a book?”  I glared at him.  “Now, it is time for you to rest.  Shall I call someone, or would you be content with me undoing the knots?”

“I can undo my own knots.”

“Not yet, ma’sulahn’nehn.  Let your hands heal.  They are already bruised.  The underlying muscle and tendon must recover, or you will have permanent damage.  You are rushing, when you should slow down.”

I sighed.  “Could you get someone, then?  I’ll need more help than just knots.”

He stepped out, and came back with Cara.  She and I went in the bathroom, and I came out in a nightgown.  I had even had a bath, because Cara is stubborn as hell.  We didn’t wash my hair, because she didn’t want me to go to sleep with wet hair while I was “still fragile”.  Fragile my ass.  The only fragile thing is my hands.

She left me after warning me about men who might take advantage of an injured person.  If I needed them, I could call them.  I left the bathroom smirking.  “I’ve just been warned, grohiik.  I’m to be wary of men who might take advantage of my injuries.”

“I would never take advantage of your injuries.  Taking advantage of the fact that Dorian is unavailable due to his own folly, Gunther needs his sleep, and Andrew will be busy?  Absolutely.  You need your rest, ma’nehn.”  He tucked us into bed, dropping a kiss on my forehead.

It was in the middle of the night when Solas sat straight up, cursing eloquently and extensively in what sounded like elven.  I was knocked out of sleep, and groggy. “Solas?”

“Your demon of an elven cat just BIT me.”  He was glaring at my baby.

“Elven cat?  Bit you?”  I gathered her up.  “This adorable baby wouldn’t bite anyone.  Would you, ‘Sana.”  She purred in my arms, and then turned to glare at Solas.  “She does tend to stick her claws in toes, though.”  

He held up his hand, with a bleeding thumb.  “I think it was not claws in my toes, ma’nehn.”

“She’s never done that before.  I’m sorry.  Do you need to go elsewhere to heal that or would you like me to bandage it?”

“I will be back in a moment.  Stay here, Chrysopal.”

I lectured the kitten while he was gone.  She got a little grumpy, but I think we understand that he’s not food now.  I had to have similar talks with her about Dorian and eating mustaches, so I suppose she’s just unhappy about sharing a bed with men.  She’ll have to get used to it.  I did warn her that wolves are not safe things to antagonize, and they bite back.  She just cleaned her paws.  This should be interesting.

Solas returned, good as new.  “I hope you spoke firmly to her?”

“I informed her that you weren’t food, if that is what you mean, grohiik.”

“Perhaps you should warn her I bite back.”

“I would be very displeased if you were to bite that tiny baby.”

“Where did you get her?”

“She was a present from Dorian when he had to leave me alone here the first time.  A Minrathous Longhair.”

He opened his mouth for a moment, and then closed it.  There were words, so many words he was holding back.  After a moment, a smirk played at his lips.  “I see.”

“You get brownie points for managing not to voice that lecture behind your eyes, because no matter what they may have been called before or what they’re descended from, they are Minrathous Longhairs now.”  I had already put her on the couch, and she’d curled up there.  She’d find her way back here eventually, but the bed was safe for now.  “I’m going back to sleep, a grá.  Are you staying or going?”

He slid in next to me.  “Staying.  But I’d like to investigate what brownie points are at some point.”  He curled around my back, since I’d rolled to my side, and I slept.

I woke up when he left, but didn’t say anything.  Wouldn’t want him knowing he woke me by leaving.  Irusana was curled up next to my head, sweet girl.  I don’t think she bugged him any more last night, but I bet she gets him again tonight.  He’ll be eager to return to his own bed when the time comes, hopefully.  I got up as soon as the door shut.  I rounded the wall to find Andrew and Gara were cuddling on my couch.   

Andrew looked me over carefully from where he sat.  He’d not done so yesterday.  I could tell by the way his eyes went strange.  Not doing magic, not really, but observing it.  “You’re a mess.”

“What?”

“You’re in worse shape than I expected.”

“My hands are almost healed.  They don’t even bruise as easily or twinge anymore.”

“I’m not talking about your hands, Chrissy.  You look like you were shredded and taped back together.”

“That’s generally my impression, yes.”

“What’d you do?”

“Remember D&D?”

“With the weird dice?”

“Yep.  I tried a spell from there, but I really needed a large diamond.  Since I didn’t have one, I substituted the gem from my staff.  Got the job done, electrical storm within a blizzard, to fry and freeze the red Templars, but I may have injured myself a wee bit.  And the only reason I could even attempt it was because I took lyrium.  I seem to react poorly to lyrium.”  I touched a strand of my hair.

“A wee bit?”

“Look, I’d spent all day shielding the red lyrium from creepy crawlies and the girls.  Hopefully it won’t contact anything living to grow.  I was exhausted, I’d not slept in a while, and I couldn’t eat.  The red lyrium song is loud and wrong, and impossible to shut out.  All I really wanted to do was get everyone to the keep safely, but that didn’t work out so well.  I lost five soldiers, three Hessarians, and a civilian father.  I wouldn’t exactly call that a win.  I hope you’ll forgive me if I didn’t do things neatly and quietly.  There was far more at stake than me.”

“Whoah.  Chill, Chrissy.  I didn’t mean to tear at heart wounds.”  Gara whispered something in his ear.  “Thanks.”  He directed it at me.  She poked him in the ribs.  “Fine!”  He rubbed the spot, glaring at her.  Looking back at me, he added in a much nicer tone, “Thank you for bring Garalen home in one piece.  She tells me you are responsible for her not being killed multiple times.  Timely barriers and advance warning.  I appreciate it.” 

“Not a problem.  She’s dear to me, too.”  I went to rummage through my dresser and ran face to face with the stranger in the mirror.  There were dark circles under her eyes, and she looked much older than the woman in Val Royeaux.  Not ancient, by any means, but definitely more mature.  She probably looked twenty-eight?  And the silver streaks in her hair made her look older.  She looked exhausted, worn out.  And she’s lost more weight than I thought she had.  No wonder everyone is so careful around me.

“Garalen?”

“You look fine.  You look better than you did.  You have no idea.”

“I was going to ask if we had any walnuts.”

She looked at me strangely.  “I’ll find out, and get you and ‘Sana your breakfasts.”  She got up.

“Ask Cook to save the coffee grounds, and any walnut shells she has, for me.  I’ll also need three raw eggs and a few cups of apple cider vinegar.”

She stopped to look at me.  “You aren’t going to eat that, are you?”

“NO!”  I laughed.  “I’m going to fix my hair a little bit.  That should help.  Unless Leorah has nettle or henna?”

“Cook’s going to look at me weird, but okay.”  That made me remember the strange lists of foodstuffs Solas was reputed to ask for from the cooks at Skyhold in the developer chats.  I just smiled, and she left.

I went back to investigating the dresser, finding my side-lacing dress that slips over my head.  I can wear that with the associated chemise and only need help tying the laces.  After dressing in the bathroom, I dragooned Andrew into playing lady’s maid.  Gara arrived back while he was messing with the ties.  Plates of food, no ingredients.  No coffee, either.  Damn.

I fed Irusana my quiche.  I had a bite, but there were too many conflicting smells.  Andrew eyed my plate, and went to open his mouth about it.  Garalen put her hand over his mouth and glared at him.  After we all ate, I was allowed out to play at my desk, with Andrew hanging out in the pillow palace.  Halton had things in neat stacks.  He’d even somehow acquired pretty stationery.  It was sitting in the center of my desk with my pen and Jack’s card.  A hint. 

I smiled at him.  He was eating at his desk, but hadn’t pulled out any paperwork.  “Everything’s organized.  I sent the most urgent things ahead to you while you were in the Graves and Emprise du Lion, so you’re not that far behind.  We have your day mapped a bit, with plenty of rest time. Dee, Dum, and Daniel will be by around two to tuck you in for your nap.”

“That’s cheating.”

“It wasn’t my idea, my lady.”  His face was serious.

“You obviously approve.”

“A very changed woman has returned, Chrysopal.  We are rightfully worried.”  I was pleased he said WE.  It means he’s integrated.  “Eadras said if we had any trouble with you, we were to call him.”

“Fine.  I’ll play nice for a while.  A short while.  But only if we start the planning on a few little projects I have in mind.  AFTER you eat.”

“Of course.”

I meandered over to Leorah’s area, intending to ask about henna and nettle.  They’re more likely to be in clothing dyes, anyway.  She already had powdered henna being packaged for me.  Using all the things will make it look more normal.  Henna for staying power and reddish brown, coffee for midtones, walnuts for the deep brown.  The eggs and the vinegar are for fixing and rinsing.  I also acquired a few old large rags.  I’d planned to do it after I handled my thank you notes and the most urgent paperwork.

Which took longer than I thought.  A small bowl of shelled walnuts and almonds showed up on my desk at some point.  I only noticed because I found myself munching them.  Eadras brought the boys and two other children into the pillow palace for lessons.  Halton constantly rearranged paperwork so I had small stacks of stuff to review, sign, evaluate, etc.  I was glad to stop midmorning.  Well, more toward noonish than dawn.  My hand wasn’t sore, but I had definitely used the muscles.  Heeding advice, I stopped before I had actual soreness.

I went to visit Cook, and she introduced me to her daughter, Gretel.  Who had fingerprint bruises on her jaw.  Apparently the two unknown kids were hers.  “When will I get to meet your husband, Gretel?”

“He’s around somewhere, my lady.  He doesn’t report to me, he says.”

“Does he now.  Well, I hope he’s found soon.  It was nice to meet you.” 

Cook, being the smart lady she is, had already boiled the walnut shells down to a dark liquid and strained them for me.  She said she’d boiled them in extra-strong coffee.  Interesting.  I took my eggs and vinegar, and the cooled pot of soon-to-be hair dye back to my room.  There I rounded on Andrew.  “Exactly what do Chantry marriage vows promise?”

“Pretty much like back on Earth.  It varies a bit, but love, honor, cherish or love, honor, obey, or for so long as love shall last, for example.  Sickness, health, all that.”

“So a widow is permitted to remarry, no issues.”

“Right.”

“I want that husband found and brought before me.  In private.  He will explain the fingerprints on his wife’s face.”

“Fingerprints?”

“The line of bruises on her jaw.  I don’t want anyone to know yet, Andrew.  I want to evaluate the situation without Gretel trying to defend him.”

“If she doesn’t object…”

“If she’s been brutalized to the point she doesn’t feel safe enough to express an objection, and feels that her only safe option is to defend him…”  That caught his attention.  “That’s the main reason Ethel Cook asked me to bring her here.”

He bowed slightly.  “It shall be done.  It looks like the lunch shift has arrived, Chrissy.”  Lunch shift? 

I turned, and a handsome, debonair mage strode toward me.  “Dorian, my love.  Do you by any chance want to help my fix my hair?”

“Before we’ve eaten?  By the fade, no.”

“I’ve been munching all morning.”

“And they have cheesecake for dessert tonight, dove.  If you can bring yourself to have a small bit of cheese and broccoli soup, I can probably arrange some for the afternoon snack.”  He was unwrapping my hand as we talked.  “Hmmm.  I could have sworn someone had been told to be careful.”  He was looking at the yellowed bruise Solas had frowned over. 

“Blame Solas.  His clothing attacked me.”  Dorian just arched a brow.  I don’t think he wanted to know.  At least the bruising was all on my non-dominant hand.  He slid his hands over my forearms, as well.  I think he was checking for knotting and lumps.

“Everything else looks as it should.  Please be careful.  So where’d you get the pianoforte?”

“Jack sent it to me.  Told me that I’d sounded wistful when I mentioned wanting to get one.  Isn’t it beautiful?  I’ve not played it yet.  Hands and all.  It’ll be easier than redoing my guitar callouses, though.”

“Guitar callouses?”

“Oh, yes.  Once my hands heal, I’m going to have to start from scratch.”

He sat with me at my desk, and we both ate broccoli cheese soup.  From the same bowl, so I couldn’t tell how much I ate.  The conversation meandered around lots of topics.  Halton kept grinning at us, but stubbornly remained on the outside.  Sigh.  We’ll get there. 

After lunch, Dorian and Briri helped me do my hair.  Henna, walnut, and coffee.  This should work.  I wrapped up my hair and was ensconced on my couch in my room by my boys.  They told me all sorts of wonderful stories about discovering that you can’t fall hard enough to hurt in Skyhold, soldiers don’t like ants, that goats don’t like metal, and that if you squirt a baby cat in the eye with cow milk, the mama gets unhappy with you.  Along with attached stories. 

Schooling stuff, reading, writing, history, civics.  All sorts of stuff.  Daniel told me all about “Special” lessons with Andrew, too.  No details, but he was “practicing looking at the glittery silly putty”.  Not how I see it, but okay.  But practicing that?  That seems odd to me, but he’s very young.  Andrew has also apparently been expanding upon my civics lessons.  I’m hearing words like vote, and checks and balances, and constitutional monarchy.  Which seems weird, but that’s okay. 

I actually fell asleep, and when I awoke, we rinsed out my hair.  A vast improvement.  Not perfect, but nice.  I was “allowed” to dry my hair in the sun.  Dorian left in favor of Gunny.  Gunther and Halton brought my maps out to me, and we discussed some placements of people in nearby villages.  Close enough to be “helping out” instead of invading.  I also asked about starting to have tea with four or five random Ethelathe people every day.  I didn’t know a lot of them.  The girls played some sort of game nearby under the watchful eyes of Cara and six Hessarians. 

Halton told me that the cheesemaker had asked where he was to start working.  He seemed surprised we were starting up a cheese operation.  “What else are we going to do with the nanny goats and cows until we get a firm breeding herd?  We eat the boys, breed the girls.  Need only a few boys a generation for that.”

Loranil came by while I was outside.  I think he was just checking out the elves of the place, but he was far more polite than the first time I spoke to him.  He’d apparently been getting instruction somewhere, because he bowed and backed away after our conversation.  Annoying as hell, but better than the over-flirtatiousness. 

And speaking of Josren, he’s absolutely THRILLED to see me back.  He came out of the stables to toss compliments at me in hopes one might stick.  I told him that the age of consent for Ethelathe was eighteen, and all seven of those girls were under it.  The punishment for breaking that rule would vary based on the severity of the breakage, but castration was on the list.  He might want to be wary and VERY polite.  He told me I have a fantastic way with words, and that he couldn’t even look at those children when he had a womanly vision like me to adore.  Lovely.  At least that means he understood me.

Dinner was at my desk with the children, Seggrit, and Mika.  It was “their turn”.  My darling Dorian personally delivered a slice of cheesecake.  I’m not sure who made it, but they need a raise.  It was delicious, and I ate the whole thing.

Songtime went well.  They didn’t hand me my guitar, surprise surprise, but we got our staples and a few clean tavern tunes in.  Of course, we ended with our song.  I smooched the kids, tucking them in.  We’d missed each other a lot.  They’d been worried, and scared, and didn’t know if I was okay.  I reassured them as best I could, and gave them lots of cuddles.  The hair being mostly brown again instead of obviously streaked with white was a help.  No dye is perfect, after all.

Briri undid my laces and helped me change.  Gunther sat on the couch while I did my evening stuff.  Irusana is playing with string and a little ball.  Solas showed up as I was writing, and Gunny left.  The old wolf actually interrupted me to ask who changed the color of my hair.  He’d assumed that it had been magic.  I explained that it was hair dye of the conventional, mundane variety, and he relaxed.  Once again he’s distracting, but he’s generally behaving, so I let it go.  Is it bad I hope he wakes up to a tail in his nose? 


	99. Day 2, 13 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas laughs, breakfast with the chargers, a day with Dorian, discussions with Dagna, accidental magic, revealing plans to Eadras

### Skyhold, Day 2, 13 Solace, 9:41

So still doing things after journaling.  I was reading a book last evening on the couch.  Solas likes to read, too.  And was on the other side of the couch.  I can definitely see the appeal of someone being distracted.  He likes to read with the book actually on a table or bookstand.  He’ll reach a stopping point and then he’ll ponder what he just read, looking up or away or closing his eyes.  So I turned a page  of the book on the coffee table while he was reflecting.  He didn’t catch me the first two times, and his expression was worth the effort.  The third time’s apparently still the charm, though.  “I saw that.”

“It’s so nice to know that your eyes work, considering your great age.  You have to be what, at least fifty?”

“I believe someone else has admitted to nearly that much.”  He snagged my waist and pulled me onto his lap.  “Now, how many pages did you turn this time?  Do you realize how irritating it is to return to my place and find it changed?”

“Everything changes, Grohiik.  Sometimes faster, sometimes slower, but things that don’t change stagnate and decay.”  I grinned and added airily, “Which I suppose is also change.”

“Are you trying to lecture, ma’asha?”

“Nope.”  I put my arms around his neck.  “I’m trying to distract you.  It seems to be working.”

“Are you certain you wish to distract me?  We have solid walls and no other occupants of this room.”

“I’m sure Irusana would protect me if necessary.”  I smiled up at him.  “She bites.  Besides, didn’t you promise not to hurt me?”

“I did, and I would not.  But we do tend to get carried away.”

I tilted my face up to him.  “Oh.  Well, I suppose I shall just say goodnight, then, and…”  I didn’t get any further.  My mouth was otherwise occupied.

After a too brief kiss, he pulled back.  “If you wanted kisses, ma’nehn, you had but to say so.”

“I wanted to watch the little annoyed frown you get when something isn’t the way you expect it.  It’s cute.”

“Cute?  I am not cute.  I am grim and forbidding.”

“Says who?  But if you’re offering kisses, I’ll take a few.  But only a few.”

”Ma nuvenin.  I shall do my best.  While you are healing.”  He rubbed his cheek against mine.  “And for so long as we are in your bed.”

“We’re on the couch, Solas.”

He smiled against my neck, then nibbled my ear.  Butterflies and warmth slid through my belly.  “Are we?  Interesting.”  He slid his mouth along my neck, leaving a trail of damp kisses.  He’d captured my mouth again for the who knows what number of times and had his hand making slow circles on my bare thigh before I noticed how long it had been.  I was just as bad, with my hand in the neck of his tunic stroking his shoulder.  We were both breathing heavily.

“Solas!  What happened to a FEW kisses?”  I put one hand over his mouth when he tried to put his lips back to mine. He gently captured the fingers against his lips and placed a warm kiss on the inside of my wrist.

“Ir abelas, ma’haselan.”  Smirking.  

“Tel’abelas.  You fool no one.”

“I wanted more than a few kisses, and so did you.  Besides, as you pointed out, we were on the couch.  I made no promises regarding couches.  Precisely how much of my language do you understand?”

“Is that your question, a grá?”

“My question.”  He looked at my face, searching it.  “I want to ask my question in the fade.  In my domain.”  He continued in Elven, and I didn’t catch many of the words.  There were a few ma’somethings in there, indicating HIS, and a da’something, and something about inevitability and safety, but I don’t know what he was saying.  He was speaking too fast for me to be sure of anything, really.

“I caught some prefixes in that, and inevitable, and safety?  But that’s it.  The fade?  Why?”

“It is not in my best interests to answer that.  Indeed, I already told you once.”  Sneaky ass.  He hasn’t pulled that word in a long while.

“I’m feeling horribly weak, mor’ishan, and suddenly believe that a trek through the fade is a very bad idea.”  I even put the back of my hand to my forehead dramatically.

He actually LAUGHED at me!  A full bodied laugh.  I don’t think I’d ever heard one before.  He’d laughed, but not like that.  He dropped a kiss on my lips, a quick peck. “You are a delight.  But you must rest, you are correct.  Where is your demon cat?  I would not want to step on her... by accident.”

“If you step on her, I will never forgive you.”

“Then she had better avoid my feet.”  He stood, carrying me with him, and we went to bed.  I didn’t see him while asleep.  I did have a tiny portion of the fade, the mists revealing slightly more than they had, but I spent the night in more normal dreams.

Dorian had the morning shift.  They’d apparently worked out some sort of schedule.  I woke to a handsome man reading on my bed next to me, a kitten purring in his lap.  “Good morning, Amicus.”

“Good morning, my Dove.  Your hobo is moderately irate with our little fuzzball here.”

“Did she bite him again?”

“Again?”  He laughed.  “No, but that is too precious.”  He picked her up and cuddled her.  “Such a smart little girl, aren’t you.”

I sat up.  “Darling, what did she do?”

“Shoved her tail up his nose.  I am quite aware that she does it on a regular basis to any person in your bed, but I didn't need to share that little tidbit with him, now did I?”

“Dorian.”  My tone was serious.

“Yes?”

“When am I going to be healed?  No one has told me a prognosis, only that if I’m very careful, I’ll heal completely.  When will I be able to be unattended?”

He put his book down and set Irusana on the floor.  “I’m going to be blunt, Chrysopal.  I didn’t expect you to come this far physically.  You are fully functional.  You aren’t horribly scarred.  As for being healed…  Physically?  Probably three more days.  Until you can resume CAREFUL activities.  We’ve limited you to writing, so far, and only because we knew we couldn’t take that away.”  He caught my hand.  “We have been so very careful with you.  Do I have your permission?”  His eyes were serious, boring into mine.

I gave him the seriousness he needed.  “Yes, my love.”

He put a finger on my shoulder, pushing sort of hard, but not enough to hurt, just dimple the skin.  He ran the finger down my arm, keeping the same pressure.  Just above my elbow, it changed.  OW.  I’d barely opened my mouth in a gasp, and he stopped.  “That, my dear, is a much better reaction than the first time.”

I put my hand over my arm.  It still hurt.  “Why do babies cry?  Because that was the most painful thing they ever experienced.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Never mind.  Something I read once.  A treatise on the natural growth of pain tolerance and endurance.”

“That is vastly improved.  I spoke to Solas.  Your hand bruised with barely any pressure at all.  Now, you can hold and carry heavier things, dress yourself to an extent.  But darling, please.  Take it slow.”

I nodded.  He’d made me understand.  “And the magic?  Will it recover?”

“You are already reclaiming space in the fade.  I’m not sure exactly what that means.  Solas is very pleased with your recovery in that area.  However, you still must be kept away from magic to significant degree.  And deliberately using it will hurt.”

“Letting people use it around me hurts, too.”

“That is because your personal barriers are much weaker than they were.  We’re getting a sense of your general well-being again.  Not as much as before, dove, don’t look so upset.  Just a hint.”  He sighed.  “Regardless, it is time to start your day.  Get dressed and I will play ladies’ maid.  You will be the envy of every woman in Tevinter.  I’m quite the catch.”

“Too bad I’m hunting in other directions, then.  I prefer willing prey.”  That made him laugh.

Getting up and facing the stranger in the mirror every day is disconcerting.  I know she’s me, but she still looks wrong to me.  My face is what I expect to see.  “Dove?  Are you alright?”

I shook myself internally.  “Of course.”

He stood up as well.  “I wish I could say you would be the way you were.”

“Oh, hon.  I’ll never be the way I was, even should I wake up tomorrow looking exactly as I did the first day on Thedas.”  That shook him.

It took but a moment.  “You didn’t look like this back home.”

“Thedas has taken everything, Dorian.  My family, my home, my very face.  Soon there will be nothing of me left.  All that will remain is Chrysopal, the Ethelathun.  And that only if my magic returns.  How quickly will even that go if it doesn’t?  What good would I be?  To anyone?  I want to hate this place, sometimes.  You don’t, can’t even understand what’s broken here.”

He came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders.  “Chrissy.  You will always matter to us.  Even with no magic.  It isn’t magic that changed the way elves were paid.  You weren’t doing big things then.  You made Lady Montilyet try to defend the system in place, and she could not, in good conscience, do so.  No magic.  You gathered a large group of people and carved them a home.  That wasn’t magic when you were cleaning middens and signing in for work as other elves.

“As to what’s broken, darling.  Fix it.”  He shrugged.  “At least in the small scale.”

“You don’t know what you ask.  I would need more time, and more information.  LOTS more information.  The kind I could only get in Tevinter, Dorian.”

“Tell me what you need, and I will see if I can’t get it for you.”

“I need to know what the veil is, precisely.  What it’s made of, in detail.  The exact frequencies it resonates at.  How to work around it, love.  IGNORE it.  Still want to help?  But the biggest thing is that you could tell no one.”

“What do you want to do?”  He wasn’t taking me seriously, not really.

“Destroy red lyrium and everything related to it.”  I couldn’t tell him I wanted to cure the blight and fix the sky.  “I have a theory.  One that has some support.  But I need information.”

“You need the research on the veil.” 

I nodded. “I do.  And you can’t get it for me.”

“I could.”  He said it very slowly.

“Not so long as you react like that.  NO, my love.  Not yet, and maybe not ever.  I may be able to find what I need elsewhere.”

I got dressed, and Dorian did indeed lace my gown.  Gown.  It’s just a dress.  They’re infecting me.  Anyway, we were gathering everything to head out when Dorian stopped and looked at me.  “Wouldn’t you need research on lyrium?”  I froze.  He put his book back down.  “Why don’t you need research on lyrium?”

“I want nothing to do with the stuff if I can help it.”

“I have known you too long. What is it?”

“I can’t pile you with secrets you need to keep.  I won’t.  It would be an abuse of our friendship.  And this one, I’m not sure you could keep.  Please.  I will tell you once the inquisitor returns from the Warden Keep and Varric visits Valammar with an old friend.  Or once you all return from the Deep Roads.  One or the other, and the secret will out enough to share the rest.  Please?  It can keep that long, can’t it?”

“It can.  Of course it can.  But it would not be an abuse of our friendship when I’m asking.”

“I disagree.”  He picked up his book, and we headed out.  He took me to the tavern for breakfast after acquiring food from Cook for Irusana.  I told Halton I’d be a touch late and he told me that I wasn’t technically on duty for another week.  News to me. 

At the tavern, the Chargers were all hanging about in their usual spots.  Krem at the chair by the door.  He stood, and held out a hand to me.  I went to place my hand in his, and Dorian prevented me.  “Careful there, Aclassi.”

“I’ve been told, Pavus.”

He reached out his hand again, and Dorian didn’t stop me from taking it this time.  Krem didn’t even close his hand around mine.  “We noticed you hadn’t been by for coffee in over a month!” he teased.  “So we asked your second favorite Tevinter to bring you by.”

I was plied with coffee, but there were too many smells about for me to feel hungry.  When is that going to fix?  So I chatted with the Chargers for half the morning.  I went back to Ethelathe Hall and did paperwork and played with Irusana.  I found myself snacking on things that showed up on my desk.  To Halton’s surprise, I cleared everything he’d set aside for me to do specifically today by three or so.  He’d forgotten how fast I read, apparently.

I had to discuss something with the uncles, so I headed out to the armory.  After letting them know I’d like to have dinner with them, I was told it wasn’t their turn.  So I made an appointment for tomorrow at nine-ish, and went to the undercroft.  DAGNA.  How could I have forgotten?

She hadn’t.  She peppered me with questions on what exactly I’d done with the gem in the staff.  You know, she’s the only one who asked.  So Dorian turned pale as I explained exactly what I’d been thinking.  Dagna put it not so succinctly.  “So you ripped the frequency generator out of its housing and fused it to your own body to manipulate the atmosphere and create a disturbance?  Like a microstorm created in a jar, except there was no jar and it was big?  And used lyrium to direct it?  Where’d you get the precipitate to generate the formation of the ice crystals?”

“Um.  Kinda?  Maybe?  I’m not entirely sure.  And particulate matter is readily available just about everywhere, really.”

“That is SO NEAT!”

Dorian interrupted.  “I thought you had managed to function as two mages, combining different magics?”

Dagna responded before I could.  “She did!  Do you see?  She pulled the lightning through the stone, making it function as the second mage, and between the barriers and the ice, it created a strangely-done Storm of the Century.  Odd that it was nearly four times the usual size.  Is that a matter of magic potential or the unusual method?”

I had opened my mouth to answer when Dorian did.  “It was potential.  We think.  That particular spell continues until the mana is completely exhausted.”

I finally managed to cut it.  “When you two are finished figuring out what I did, please be so kind as to inform me.  If I’m permitted to be a real person instead of a toy ball?  I do so love being talked around, especially when people are discussing me.  And completely getting it wrong.” Dagna blushed, and Dorian apologized.  Dagna did sneak a request to enlighten her in there, and I assured her I’d talk to her later.  I told Uncle Harritt and Wolfgang about our morning meeting.  And got some more cuddles.  We spoke as a group on more general things, passing a pleasant half hour or so.

At my desk, Dorian left me with Gunther.  He and Elias, as well as Gratia, Isa, and Feren, were to have dinner with me.  Apparently Ethelathe had the same ideas about spending time with people as I did.  I’d still implement tea, but it’s really sweet.  Isa’s doing very well.  Full on morning sickness, and queasiness in the evenings, but that’s pretty normal.  Feren’s thrilled.  They’re planning a bonding for next Summerday. 

Elias and Gratia are cute, but I don’t think they’ll last.  She’s darling, and I like her a lot, but they don’t mesh well, somehow.  I was just looking at them, not trying anything, and I slowly felt soreness rising through my being.  And then it was cold, and I was sore and cold.  “You can’t DO that,” Gun said, grabbing me.

“Do what?  I didn’t do anything.”

“Damn.  You didn’t do it on purpose.  That’s not good, Chrissy.  That means he was right, and you do a lot of things instinctively.”

The others were watching.  I was ensconced in a blanket quickly, and then Gunny handed me my fork again.  They all pretended nothing had just happened.  I suppose from some perspectives, nothing did happen?  We chatted amiably about lots of subjects, and the others, aside from Gun, left comforted and content, based on their expressions.  I found out that Josie had ensconced the girls in what functions as a finishing school with herself and Vivienne.  That’s on top of the lessons I’d already written to Eadras about ages ago.  Reading, writing, arithmetic, civics, and history in the mornings, and now etiquette, dancing, and conversation in the afternoon.  And Iona thought she’d have time to train to be a lady’s maid.

Speaking of whom, it turns out Briri was a lady’s maid.  She came here because she was tired of getting smacked around.  Or so she said.  It’s hard to believe people when I can’t watch the ripples in the fade.  It turns out that’s another thing I do by accident.  And it’s magic.  At least it means I must be feeling better?  And it also means that I will have far greater control of “accidental” magic before the end of my recuperation.  And a nice clue about what those accidental things are.  
  
Songtime went fine.  I’d have thought that fewer people would be coming by now.  The new should have worn off, as it was the third day.  But the humans of Ethelathe were still coming.   The elves had rarely missed it in the past, but the humans lost interest quickly.  Eadras sat next to me, and I asked him during a tavern song.  “They are part of us.  They come.  We have room for twenty three more, in the barracks, Ethelathun.  That is all.”

“I have plans, hahren.  I am going to send our people to nearby villages.  To be useful and helpful, and not too far away.  We’ll visit them on market days or if there is need.  Small groups, to fill needs.  Creeping, slowly.  It will take years, but I’m going to steal the Frostbacks, a village at a time.  One neighbor elf family that is useful?  They’ll be welcomed.  And with good impressions, more could follow.  Humans think of elves a particular way, but each human will thing of particular elves differently.  It’s time to become individual instead of interchangeable, in those places, as we go.  SLOWLY go, Hahren.  In the cities, the far away places, in the noble houses, we should still be as we were.  Invisible, interchangeable.  Eyes and ears in every place, with every face. 

“I’ll also be looking into the disputed Arl’s seat.  Perhaps someone could be found to court the nobles?  Elf-blooded, or dwarf-blooded.  I want people with elven mothers, loving elven mothers, in key places, if I can get them.  Non-human mothers, loving, if I can’t.  I found one potential person in Orlais.  He’s a prime candidate to acquire and rule some small bit of land there.  If we can bring him to us, then maybe.”

Eadras looked at me.  “I didn’t realize you had such extensive plans.”

“I need land for Ethelathe, Eadras, or we will stagnate instead of grow.  It’s time.  If I can’t buy it or steal it, I’ll carve it out of the fade.  Or raise it from the sea.  Worst case, I’ll take the desert.  I will find water.  Somehow, hahren, we’ll get it.  Give me time.”

“I would give you two lifetimes, if you wanted them.”

“It may take that long, Eadras.  You won’t see it.  But the children might.”

We finished with our conversation and returned to songtime.  Ending with our song, of course.  I tucked the boys into bed with snuggles and kisses.  Briri helped me change, and I am ready for bed.  Solas showed up while I was reading.  I’m writing now, and then I’m going to sleep.  I’m very sore, and my arm hurts where Dorian pushed on it.


	100. Day 3, 14 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first "talk" talk with Solas goes scarily well. Planning incomes, Dagna is smart, tricking Varric and sharing micro and macro economic theories, Dinner, random glasses, singing, and bed.

### Skyhold, Day 3, 14 Solace, 9:41

I actually didn’t do much after journaling last night.  The middle of the night was another matter.  Solas had apparently talked to Dorian and Gunther, because he was grimmer than usual.  He looked over my arm, and then more generally my arms and hands.  I hadn’t realized just how gently they touched me.  “You tried to do magic today, ma’nehn.  You must be careful.”

“Don’t start, Solas.  I’ve already figured out that I must be doing things without noticing.  Do not lecture me.  I hurt.”

He sighed, and curled up with me.  We went to sleep without any further conversation.  At least, I did.  Irusana was still running about.  I woke up at some point in the middle of the night.  I went to get up, and an arm gently pulled me back down.  “They would be unhappy to see you wandering the battlements so soon, ma’haselan’udh.  Stay.”  I lay back, and he sat up, pulling the covers off me.

Moving to the bottom of the bed, he sat facing me.  Picking up a foot, he ran his hands over the ankle.  “You are upset?”

“Not really.”

His fingers threaded my toes, massaging.  The thumbs pressed up the arch.  “Why do you feel the need to pace the night?”

“I don’t.  Not really.  I don’t know.  I just wake up, and there’s so much to do, but nothing I can do, and my brain won’t rest enough to go back to sleep.  It’s thinking and planning time.”

“And what plans do you weave, haselan?”

“Land. Plans for land.  I’ve run out of room again.”

“So soon?”

“Yes.  I have beds for twenty three more.  Not enough.  And I have not forgotten the other doors, mo chroi.”

“Cole has taken to telling me there is a season for everything.  Anytime I ask a question he does not want to answer.  It sounds like your words.”  His hands had worked their way up my calf, and he switched feet.  

I was getting drowsy again.  “It was a good way to explain that while I was willing to answer a question, it wasn’t the right time.  Or that information he had was confusing because the time wasn’t right yet.  I notice your segue and divert in return.  I’m surprised you’re not in the fade.”

“You are here.”

“I don’t mean to be a burden.”

He didn’t respond to that right away, just finished massaging my other leg.  My eyes were closed, and I was nearly asleep when he stopped.  Pulling the covers over us again, he kissed me, gently.  “You are not a burden.  Now sleep, da’asha.  I have waited long to gain permission to hold you, and I do not wish to waste a moment.  Especially when you are calculating when you can safely tell me to leave.”  I was glad there was a smile in that last bit.  “I think you are worried that you will give in, ma’sulahn’nehn.”

“Go to sleep, Solas.”

“I could promise not to ask my question while you spend the nights in my arms, ma’nehn.”

Well, crap.  He had to bring it up.  “That would be the opposite of help, grohiik.  We can’t move forward until you ask your questions, and more.  And understand the answers.  It could change things.”  I sighed.  “I want to sit up a while.”

I went to do so, but he stopped me.  “You are tired.  You have done nothing but try to put barriers in place.  Yet it seems it is my reactions that worry you, not any lack of desire on your part.”

“Just sleep, mor’ishan.  I won’t go far.”

“You truly believe I may change my mind?”

“You are required to prioritize.  You have plans and goals of your own.”

“Distraction.  You believe something about you may change my mind.”

“Solas...”

“Do you still believe I would kill you?”

“You wouldn’t break your word without good reason.”

“At least you trust me that far, though that was not a no.”

I put my hand to his cheek.  “I would not trade one of these moments I have stolen, a grá.  But until you know, you cannot decide.  I should have worked harder to stay away.  It was wrong of me.”

“Cole talks about you.”  That caught my attention.  “He says you worry that I judge others by the meat they wear.”

“I have reason to think that.  Your preferences and prejudices are not hidden.  Can we go to sleep now?”

“Hush, ma’asha.  That made me wonder a few things.  So I asked questions.  You bade him not talk about you or your grandmother.  He refused, completely, to discuss your family at all.  May I ask my question?”

“We are not in the fade, and we are not in your domain.”

“No.  We are here.  In your bed, in your domain.”  He pulled me close.  “I want my question.  The longer I delay, the more you retreat.”

I sighed.  “Tell me your question, and I will answer it.”

“What are the women of your line like?  All of them.  The legends, the boring things.  Like you?  Unlike you?  Their appearances.  How they age.  Do they age?  I will possibly ask more questions later.”

“Shall I start at the youngest or the oldest?”

“The youngest.”  He smiled down at me.

I took a breath.  “I’ve never met my granddaughter, and I never will, but Cole said she was named after me.”  He froze, then took in a breath.  I continued, because I didn’t want to hear whatever he was going to say.  “My daughter, I last saw when she was six.  She had hair the color of mine, and the prettiest brown eyes.  My sister and I were the last with this blue.  She was stubborn, like me.  So smart.  Loved school, and learned fast.  A little sponge.  Just learning to read, and already had a small smattering of one foreign tongue.  The breach ripped me from her, and that is where my knowledge of the younger of my line ends.  My father calls, called, us to the dinner table in various tongues, just to get us used to other ways.  So being around and interspersing foreign words into my speech was normal...”

Solas gathered himself enough to interrupt.  “You had a child.  And a husband?  Bondmate?”

“No longer.  We dissolved our marriage after our daughter was born.  Divorce.  I don’t know if you have it here.”

“We do.  I am just relieved that you are not bonded.”

“There is a difference?”

“There is.  The only thing that would dissolve a bond is death.”

“If he’d been my bondmate, I’d have killed him to get away.  Or allowed another to do so.”  I squirmed away a little bit, trying to get some space between us.

He pulled me closer.  Flush to him, instead of just next to him.  “I would have been tempted.  The next time you try to leave my arms, I will put you beneath me, and you can talk there.”

Okay… That would not be a good idea.  I continued. “Back to what we are talking about.  In any case, my family is a little strange.  We have odd ideas, and we get feelings.  Yelling at a child before they finish putting their hand in a cookie jar, from the other room, out of sight.  There is no magic there, not like here.  So feelings, and consistently better than average guessing, and techniques like cold and warm reading, they substitute for it.  Or perhaps they are what’s left.  Every woman in my family has stories of something they predicted, or caused, or just knew.  Coincidences, of course, but so many...”  

I continued, talking about my grandmother and great grandmother.  What we looked like, generally.  That we aged like everyone else there.  I then explained I didn’t know much about the rest, but it was rumored, and Cole confirmed, that I was a descendant of the Fae.  “This would be the part you may not like.  I am the descendant of a Fae and a man.  A human man.”

He traced my ear.  “That seems unlikely.”

“Whatever happened during the trip to Thedas from my old home stripped a layer of humanity from me.”

“What, precisely, are the Fae?”

“Legend.  Stories in the mist.  Tales from times before science became the only magic.  The Aos Sí, the Sidhe.”

“The Shee?”  There was no recognition.

I went on.  “Tuatha de Danann, Dragons Lords of Anu.  Dwellers of Underhill, Tir na Nog.”  He’d stopped moving.

“Tir na Nog.  And the Tuatha de Danann.”  He knew those.  He pronounced them correctly.

“Yes.  The land past the portal, where they all remain young.”

“Her name.  Your ultimate grandmother’s name.”

“Aine.  She discovered how to blend two races into the fae.”

“I never knew Ahn-yah.”

“She’s gone.  Long gone.”

“Her family?”

“Manannán mac Lir was her foster grandfather. Or one of her husbands.  The legends aren’t clear.  Eógabal was her father.  Possibly another epithet for the Dagda.”  No recognition.  Better than I’d hoped.

“Her mother?”

“The legends don’t say for sure.  Probably the daughter of the Morrigu, daughter of Ernmas, descended from Nuada.”

“Nuada.”  Recognition.  Damn.  “Nuada’s line.  You descend from Nuada?  This is what you feared telling me?”

“No.  I didn’t know if you would know of them at all.  Is _possibly_ being _very distantly_ related to Nuada a bad thing?”

He ignored my question as he ran fingers along my face.  “Meat.  You are focused on my reaction to meat.  You looked different.”  I just watched him.  I could tell when he realized.  He stroked over the tip of my ear again.  “You would not accept any reassurance now, would you?”

“No.  Think it over.  What might you be inviting?  Even I don’t know what I am.  I believed I was human.  Now everyone believes I am elven.  Cole says I am me, the ears are parts, and that is enough.  Born on a night when the veil disappears, the night when demons and goblins and spirits of the dead walked the earth according to legend.  But no one ever sees them, not for real.  Magic isn’t real.  But we have so many stories.  Only the insane believe that any of it could exist.  And if you do, they ‘help’ you.  Unusual, never fitting in.  Too strange, with odd inflection and speech patterns.  Different.  Creepy.  Annoying and weird.  Even my sense of equity and justice is abnormal.”

“Lightning to the brain, until you learn to pretend. Caged, trapped, plied with drugs to be compliant, until you’re willing to lie and say you see nothing.  Therapy for mental health issues.  And that is why you are unhappy when they call you creepy.  You have been punished for being creepy.  You told me from the beginning, and I did not understand.  You even tried to warn me.”

“I learned to pretend quickly, and avoided most of that.  Yes, I tried to keep you away.  Warn you away.  Between that and other issues.  There is still more left.  Can I go to sleep now?  You have had your question.  I have told you what you wished.  You can ask follow up questions later, if you still have need.”  I waited a moment, then added, “I have never lied to you.”

“You can sleep.”  I started to move away, and he pulled me back.  “Right here.  Do not run from me.  In this moment, do not run.  Please.” He turned me to my side, and pulled me into him, my shoulder under his, my back to his side.  He must have been really worried I would leave, because he wrapped his arm around me snugly, under my neck and over my ribs.  I moved, to see if I was trapped, and he easily released me.  “Sleep, Chrysopal.  I have things to consider, but not, I think, the same things you expect me to consider.”  I settled back, and he wrapped his arm again.  Oddly enough, I did sleep, not too long after that.

I woke to someone stroking my hair.  “You cuddle in your sleep, and this time I let you,” rasped in my ear.  My arms were wrapped around his neck.  He was dressed again in his usual tunic on his elbows and a knee over me.  “Your Templar is on your couch, so behave yourself.  But I like that you wrapped yourself around me the moment I came close.”  My sleep-fogged mind knew that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what.  “A good morning kiss, da’asha.  Just one.”  I granted that before I realized what was going on.

“You want kisses?”

“You sound surprised.  Cole is not human.  Maybe he could become so.  He is spirit, housed in flesh.”

“Aren’t we all?”

“That is a matter for debate.  No, I am not abandoning you because your flesh once had a different shape.  I have rebuilt you from bone and charred remnants, and I know what you are, even if you do not.  Now, are you releasing me to the day, or am I coming down for more caresses and kisses?”  He doesn’t give easy choices, does he.  I released him.  I was still confused.  I’d expected him to be glad to see the back of me.

He stood back up.  “I think I shall make an effort to do the opposite of what you expect more often.  You have the cutest confused face when I do so.”  He hissed.

“Are you alright?”

“I dislike your cat.  Can you please remove her from my leg?”  I sat up and looked over the side.  Irusana was climbing him.  She came up on the bed herself, and curled up on a pillow.  Ignoring both of us.  I couldn’t help it.  I let out a giggle.  “You think this is funny?”

“Yes.  A full grown man bothered by a cat no bigger than your hand.”

“She is bigger than that.  I must go, ma’haselan’udh.”  He bent down again.  “Did you really think I would tear free of your web so easily?  Or that I would want to?  No one else is nearly as interesting.”  He caught my lips with his, and then stood and strode off.  “Eat something, ma’asha.  You must rebuild your strength,” he called back to me.  “You will need it.”

I was hearing a choking sound.  I looked around the wall, and Gunther was practically dying on the couch, trying to keep in his laughter.  “Gunny?  Are you alright?  Breathing is important.”

“You two.  By the Maker your dance is entertaining.”

“Oh?  And what’s wrong with having a dance partner, oh solitary one?”

“Not a damn thing.  But usually it works a little differently, and you know it.  He’s hooked.  I told you.  You could tell him you turn into a fish on fridays and he’d still want you.  What’d you do to try to scare him off, anyway?  I didn’t catch most of it.”

“Gave him truth.”

“Now that’s just mean.  We men don’t handle women’s truths well.”

“Apparently, Gunny, he does.”

“Well, let’s get you fed, Chrissy.  You planning on getting dressed or hanging around in your nightgown?  Ethelathe would love to see you stay in your nightclothes and take a day off.”

“It’s only the fourteenth.  I don’t have to take a day off until the twentieth.  Can you get whichever person is assigned to help me today?  I feel very sore, and would like help with getting dressed.”

He was gone but a moment, and returned with Briri, who was tickled pink about being asked to help.  She got me dressed and my hair done in record time.  I spent the morning with paperwork and the children.  And Irusana.  She loves the pillow palace.  She spent a lot of time wandering free while I was gone.  They’d shut Josie’s doors and all the doors down here, and she’d wander wherever.  

The girls were actually with us today, too.  And grumbling about it.  Until I put a stop to it.  “I had been hoping that Val Royeaux’s alienage would be free of whining children.  I suppose they are.  Now.  Is there something painful about what I ask of you?  Or are you incapable?”  I received multiple protests.  “Don’t tell me, ladies.  Show me.  Excel in your tasks, that you can be shown the next step.  Who knows where the wards of the Inquisitor might end up, when they are taught by a foremost enchantress and an ambassador.  But you must have the basics for their lessons to be fully effective.  If you can’t read properly, then how will you compose a letter?”

I turned back to my work, and heard Daniel mutter to someone.  “She does that all the time.  It’s not fair.”  I ignored it.  Eadras just grinned and continued the lesson.  Honestly, I think that one of the chafing points is that they’re taking lessons with two six year olds and worse, three humans.  They’ll get over it.  My boys all read and figure better than any of the girls do.

Halton was a font of knowledge today.  I’d gotten letters back from two of the people I’d sent to.  They’d be willing to settle nearby.  A blacksmith and a carterwright’s apprentice.  Perfect for my purposes.  They were coming here, to meet and greet, see and be seen.  Then we’d send them off with a month’s supplies and visit weekly for a while.  It was a two hour horse ride away.  I could get exercise again.  Drummer’s probably ticked at me.

The uncles met me midmorning.  We all went to the undercroft.  I laid out my problem.  I needed an income.  Something not from the Inquisition.  Would they be willing to help me?  I wanted to make pens and sell them.  How feasible was that?  Turns out, quite feasible.  They’d been going to chat with me about those and the sunglasses I’d shown Harritt.  

Some of the soldiers coming back from the western approach wanted to keep the sunglasses.  I hadn't even known they were being issued with the gear for the desert.  I mean, I didn’t have a problem with that, but I’d like to have known.  In any case, they were crediting me with the design, and were thinking about making it available.  I’d get a small cut, two or three percent, of every pair sold.  Ethelathe would get another two or three percent.  They’d get a percent each.  The rest would cover materials and labor with any remainder going to the Inquisition.  That would lessen the objections. I rubberstamped the idea, and they’re going to start offering the option.

The pens were different.  There were only two, after all.  The guys were willing to share the plans they made based on my descriptions, and make another prototype.  Enborr was also going to talk to some people he knew.  “Before we get started with selling something new made out of metal, I’d best write a few letters.”  I bet they’d sell like hotcakes in Orlais.  And they’re practical enough to appeal to the Fereldens.  Antivan ladies would like that the ink doesn’t splatter, as well.  Feren was good enough that he could make these on his own, with supervision.  

So we’d the person, but we’d need the tools and the location.  And the materials.  And then I thought of Varric.  Holy crap.  How did I miss this opportunity?  A pen for Varric. The pen used by Varric Tethras, the Author of Hard in Hightown would be an excellent marketing slogan.  I started laughing.  “Gentlemen, have you already made some prototypes of the pen?”

They looked at each other.  “Yep.” said Gruff.  “Three.”

“Can I buy one off of you?  I know a writer who might like it.”

Enborr smiled.  “I knew you were a smart one.  I’ll write some letters, but he’d be a good choice to look into this.”

“I was going ask for a product endorsement, actually.  Should I ask about something else?”

“Permission to make it,” said Wulfgang.  

“Ownership of the idea.  Filing paperwork in Orlais, Ferelden, Nevarra, The Anderfels, Antiva, Rivain, and even Tevinter,” added Mark.

“And with the dwarves, of course.”  Alex.  Harritt just smiled.  

“That sounds expensive.”

“That is why we want to start with the sunglasses.  But get him writing letters,” said Enborr.  Gruff pulled out three prototype pens.  Obsidian, Paragon’s luster, and dawnstone.  I picked the paragon’s luster.  Too many meanings to pass up.  And of course I had no pockets.  I gave everybody hugs and kisses, and they got back to work.  

Spent a few minutes with Dagna explaining what I really had done.  She rephrased, to make sure she got it.  “So you used the ideas from something you read.  A ‘material component’.  So, the stone was a sacrifice, almost like blood magic, but with rock?  I bet it was a better sacrifice because it was attuned to magic.”  Oh God.  Elven blood is a better sacrifice because it’s attuned to magic, too.

“I hadn’t thought of it that way.  I suppose that’s one way to look at it.  The material component is destroyed during the spell.  It is a sacrifice.  But not blood.”  At least not that part was blood.

“I’ve read about other things being sacrificed.  It doesn’t always have to be blood.”

“Dagna, I better go.  As always, our talks are enlightening and intriguing.”

“Hey, when you finish figuring out frequency manipulation, I’ll make you a new stone, a new staff, okay?”

“I never plan to step foot more than five miles from Skyhold ever again.”

“Suit yourself, but better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it!”

“Good point.  I’ll let you know.”

Harritt and Wulfgang got extra hugs before I left.  Something appealing about sweaty men, you know?

I meandered out over to Varric and sat in a chair at the table he uses.  “Hey, Storyteller.”

“Hello, Cuddles.  What brings you here with that look on your face?  You look like you want to bargain with me.  I’ve seen your bargains.”

“A gift.  And a request or three.  The gift is yours even should you refuse the requests.”  He looked wary.

“What are you up to?”

“Pens.”  I placed it on the table in front of him.

“I’ve seen you use something like this to write.”  He didn’t touch it.  “What are the requests?”  

“I’d like for you to use it, and let me say you use it.”

“That’s a big request.”

“The next is bigger.  Enborr suggested I talk to you about getting permission to make them.”

“And the last?  You did say three.”

“Ownership of the idea.  How and where do I file for that?  In every country I can reach.”

“Why do you want to sell these?”

I lowered my voice.  Too many ears.  “Because I need funds if I’m to do the things I want to do.  Expand Ethelathe.  Help the helpless ones.  Get LAND.  I need land.  So badly, I need land.  If I can’t buy it, I’ll steal it.  If I can do neither, I’ll carve it out of the fade or raise it from the sea.  I’m sure everyone will be happier if I buy it.”

“You know, you should warn a guy before throwing out impossibles, Cuddles.”

“Perhaps you should practice by believing three impossible things every day.”

“What impossible thing should I believe today?”

“That a man can handle a woman’s truth.”  That made him laugh.  I’m not sure why.

He stopped when he saw my face.  “You’re serious?”  I nodded.  “So how does this thing work?”  I explained the mechanics of it, capillary action and pressure flow, and the features like never dipping, no splatters, and never needing trimming.  He smoothed it over paper and his eyebrows shot up.  “This thing is smooth.  It’d take a bit to get used to not dipping in ink.  What do I do when I run out of ink?”

“Talk to Adan about getting more.  He has the formula.”

“The ink’s where you’ll make your money.”

“Not if I can’t get ownership of the idea.  I’d pay you for your time, Varric.  I can’t pay for much of your time yet, but I will pay your going rate, if you like.  Whatever that is.”

“How much do you want to sell these for?”

“I was going to talk to Seggrit about that.”

“Alright, your highness.  I’ll write some letters, get some things done.  I won’t even charge you for my time.  But if you want to use my name to sell them, I get a percent.”

“Certainly,  a percent I can do.  Thank you, Varric.”

“Wait, what?”

“Did we not just bargain for your name?  A percent of the profit.  Granted.”

“You sneaky little shit!  You know what, I’m going to let you get away with that.  I meant percentage.  But now I want to see what you can do in business.”

“I studied business with a focus on accounting for six years, Master Tethras.  I’m just terrible at haggling.  Set your price at the junction of the supply and demand curves.  That’s basic economics.  Haggling messes with the curve.”

“I could have been having conversations about economic theory this whole time?”

“Have you ever heard of double-entry bookkeeping?  Price fixing and its detrimental effect on the economy?  Price floors?”  So we sat and talked for a significant amount of time on various subjects.  Food showed up.  Finger foods.  The entire plate was empty before I realized I was munching.  I hate it when I eat mindlessly.  Papers were covered in notes and graphs regarding basic microeconomics.  

He was most interested in the ideas about the hazards of concentrating wealth in a small population, macroeconomic theories.  “Once the wealth is concentrated in a small enough group, the larger group will alter the economic environment, obliterating the wealth gap, and creating a new system.  This repeats.  Often accompanied by a violent change in government and a forceful redistribution of wealth.”

“Looting.  Just say looting, Cuddles.”

“Fine.  Looting.  At the same time, if you spread it out too evenly, no one has incentive to excel.  A nation will collapse under its own apathy.  It’s a balancing act, like the supply and demand curves.  Does this match up with anything here or is this new?”

“A bit of both.  You’re combining things strangely, but it all makes sense.  Personal utility.  It’s obvious once you think about it.”

It was getting dark, and I went to light a candle, not thinking.  I’d barely touched on it, and I hurt, and then I was cold.  Not the drench from Gunther.  The ice from Andrew.  Is it sad that I can recognize who is doing what?

“You can’t do that, Chrissy.”

Varric looked concerned, because I’d gasped.  It HURT.  “What happened?”

“I wasn’t thinking.  I tried to light a candle.  To see.”

“You look better, but you’re really not, are you.”

“My skin is healed.  Muscles, tendons, almost.  The rest of me was shredded, and taped back together, as Andrew here put it.”  A blanket appeared over my shoulders, and Andrew picked me up.

“Say goodbye to the nice dwarf, Chrissy.”

“Goodbye, Varric.”  I wasn’t thrilled to be carried off.  “Could you tell him I’m not a sack of potatoes?”

“Have a good evening, Princess.”

“That’s twice, Varric.  Why?”

“You told me a story, Cuddles.  And I’m smart.  You did say it was about your grandmother?”

“That doesn’t work that way.  Don’t make things worse.  Please.”

“Worse?”

“I have people CURTSYING to me already.  My ladying and it’s my choicing.  I am not a noble of any country in Thedas.”

“I hear what you’re saying.”

“Thank you.”

“So what country would claim you as a noble?”

“There are no nobles in the country I come from.  We elect our leaders, supposedly based on competence.”  That shut him up for a moment, and then an evil grin spread across his face.  Uh oh.  I waved, and Andrew walked off with me.  

I was deposited at my desk, and Eliza showed up with two women I didn’t know to have dinner.  We lounged on the pillows to eat, and chatted about girl stuff.  I was told I look pale.  A mug of that coffee-cheesy stuff showed up, and I drank it.

Ethelathe trickled in.  I’d asked Halton for a head count.  Two hundred and twenty two people considered themselves part of Ethelathe as of yesterday morning.  I think they were all in here tonight.  Honestly, at this rate it would take me four months just to eat with them all, and that’s if we don’t add any.  My twenty-three beds are down to nineteen.  Eadras accepted a few more today.  He runs Ethelathe more than I do.  Maybe I should give him some sort of official title.  President.  Prime minister.  Something.

We were starting to get a bit crowded, but that’s okay.  We’ll just move outside again.  Or take over the main hall.  That many voices, though, raised in song.  There’s a reason churches sing together.  We’ve reached the point on many tunes that not only do we all know it, there is harmony.  Sometimes lots of it.  Other times, everyone sings the same note at the same time.  And sometimes everyone will stop, and let one person sing something.  Powerful, moving, beautiful. 

Dorian shows up every night now.  Sam hovers at the edges, not wanting to steal the spotlight.  Sera thinks I don’t know she joins us.  Dalish and Skinner and Laura almost every night, and Krem tonight.  A glass appeared by my hand.  I picked it up, and Garalen took it, to my surprise.  She looked concerned, and Elias showed up at my side.  She took the glass right over to Adan, who sniffed at it.  I couldn’t hear anything over the singing, but they were talking. 

After We Shall Overcome, I tucked the Tweedles into bed.  Daniel informed me that he was older now, and didn’t need tucking.  But he still wanted hugs.  Because everyone likes hugs.  He told me he had something neat to show me when I was feeling better. 

Elias and Andrew took me to my rooms.  When all three of us were inside, I turned to look at them.  “I get it.  An unauthorized food item showed up where I’d be likely to consume it.  Do we know what it was?”

“Not yet.  Adan’ll look at it tonight.”

“And I’m not to take food except from a short list of people.”

“Yes.”

“Get me the list.  And could you send Briri in?”

“No.  She’s new.”

“Fine.  I need help getting off this dress.  Can you either do it or arrange it?”

Elias left and came back with Leorah.  She deftly helped me out.  I hugged her and told her again that the dresses had been wonderful for Orlais.  Solas has perfect timing.  He’s just showed up, and I’m just finishing up.  It’s been a long day.  I’m tired and sore.  I hope he doesn’t want to chat.  I just want to rest right now.


	101. Day 4, 15 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas, Hug Day, Zatlan, Scaring Josren, Annoying Varric, Rejecting Cullen, and other fun things.

### Skyhold, Day 4, 15 Solace, 9:41

I had just put my pen down.  I watched him come toward me.  He wouldn’t hurt me, but I couldn’t gauge his mood.  Andrew and Garalen left me alone with him, shutting the door behind them.  It’s his shift, after all.  He didn’t say anything, but sat down on the couch.  He reached out and turned me so my back was to him.  Undoing the tie, he started in on my hair.  Leorah’d left it in the braid. 

Pulling my head back against his shoulder, had slid a hand up my throat.  It paused, and I felt the brush of nails.  He was trying to scare me.  “Still no fear.  I am relieved.”

He wanted to talk.  Damn it.  “Is there some reason I should be afraid?” I sighed.

His hand slid the rest of the way to my jaw.  “Sometimes you do not think highly of me.”

“That is not true.  I merely know that you are extremely dangerous, and old enough to be set in your ways, even when those ways are biased or could be seen as shortsighted.”

“You claim I am dangerous, yet you do not fear me.”

“Fear would change nothing.  What will be will be.”

“I have had all day to think, da’asha, and I believe I am insulted.”

What?  “Insulted?”

“You believed that I would go from kissing you to avoiding you from one conversation about things you had no control over.”

“Not quite.”

“Oh?”

“I thought you would be upset I hadn’t revealed it before the first time you laid your lips on mine.  That you were kissing something you might not want to kiss.”

“You were half asleep then, and still putting walls up almost as fast as I could tear them down.”

“You stole that kiss, and we both know it.”

“Kissing something I might not want to kiss.  I do not like that phrasing.  You are no thing.”

“Meat is a thing, Solas.”

“You are not your meat.”

“Be certain, mor’ishan.”

“I met your Daniel today.”

“Solas.”

“Yes?”

“I am so tired.  Do we have to do this now?  If you say it, I will accept that you are comfortable with whatever it is I am, for now.”

“I do say it.  Stop running, at least until you are healed, ma’nehn.  I am becoming tempted to chase instead of lure.  You react poorly be being trapped or hunted, especially when you cannot defend yourself.”

“Meaning I bite and otherwise lash out when cornered.”

“Yes.”

I didn’t want to go back to being wary anyway.  I relaxed against him, and he relaxed in return.  I hadn’t realized how tense he was.  “Whatever pleases you, a grá.  I will try not to run.  Until I heal.”  He wrapped his arms around me.

“Whatever pleases me?”  There was a smile in his voice.

“Don’t.  I am too tired, and I hurt.”

“Very well, I will not.  Speaking of which.  You are handling environmental magic well.  I would like to look at you, but it may be uncomfortable.  You should not feel pain.  If there is pain, tell me immediately.  May I?”

“Tonight?  Can it wait?”

“Ma’nehn, the pain should be less today.”  He lifted my chin and looked at my eyes with concern.

“I accidentally tried to light a candle today.  I wasn’t thinking.  Andrew caught it.”

“Tomorrow, then.  Please be more careful.  Though it is a good sign that you are starting to unconsciously do more than maintain your temperature.” 

I went to sit up, and he tightened his arms.  “Solas, I’d like to sleep.”

He released me.  “Then we shall.”  I went to bed, and he followed. 

It wasn’t until we were in bed that I realized he was wearing the looser tunic.  “You are no longer worried about my hands?”

“Your hands are healed.  You may carefully resume activities.  SLOWLY, ma’sulahn’nehn.”

I didn’t even open my eyes to speak to him.  “You tell me this when I am exhausted.  Not fair.  I could have played tonight.  How upset are you going to be to see my fingertips reaquiring calluses?”

“I do not know.  I have known people to play until their fingers bleed.  This would upset me.  Slow but steady progress is better.”  My hand was lifted and my fingers kissed.

I woke in the morning, my arm trapped under Solas’ tunic.  His skin was warm.  He’d worn the looser tunic hoping for just this.  Foolish wolf.  I gently slid my hand back and forth on his chest.  By the intake of his breath, he was now awake, if he wasn’t before.  He didn’t move.  I ran my palm down his chest, and then up his side.  Once there, I curled my fingers into his ribs. He jerked, and tried to move away.  However, my hand was under his tunic.  Apparently wolves are ticklish. 

It was so on.  The first brush could have been an accident, but not the subsequent attack.  By the time he got my hand out of his tunic, he was breathless with laughter.  He rolled me under him.  “You will pay for that, ma’nehn.” 

“Will I?”

He was leaning down to kiss me when he suddenly reared back.  “Fenedhis!”

“Solas?”  He reached behind himself and detached Irusana from his backside.  As soon as he had her in his arm, she started purring.  That made me giggle.  The little thing was jealous.  “That is adorable.”  He was glaring at her.  “Be nice, Solas.  She must like you if she was jealous.”

“I do not think she was jealous.  I think she was defending you.”

“She’s smart, and you did say I would pay.”

“You will.”  Then he hissed.  She’d sunk a claw into his wrist.

“Looks you’re right.  Solas.”

“Yes?”

“Happy hug day.”

“So it is.”  He set Irusana down and was leaning toward me again when the door opened.  He cursed under his breath.  “One day, ma’asha, we will be uninterrupted.”  That made me laugh, and he just got up, a typically grumpy look on his face.

A veritable army of people entered the room, and Solas high-tailed it out of there.  He doesn’t much seem to like crowds.  I got hugged by all my usual people.  Leorah and Andrew, Garalen, Elias, Gunther, Jailyn, who I’d not seen in ages, Cara, Eadras.  After I was dressed, I went out to Ethelathe hall and Philomena, Mika, Marta, Zathras, Gratia, Hannah, Eliza, and Joan were waiting for me.  In the kitchen, I was mobbed.  People I didn’t even know were hugging me.  I got out of there as quickly as I could.  I got Halton, and was gotten by the kids and the girls.  Geth came in and got one, too.  Liam was a surprise, but he came with seven other soldiers.   I recognized faces, but not too many names.  The soap room, the cloth room, everyone there.

Many people visited during the early morning, getting hugs before work.  A Blade of Hessarian was hanging out near the stairs.  He was checking who people were as they came down.  Odd.  The flow of hugseekers stopped early on, so I was able to get things done.  The new schedule had to be out today.  A flood of mail had come in.  I had an appointment with the one elf who had first followed the riddle from Highever.  Two more had arrived, a brother and sister pair. 

Zatlan was from Highever.  He had been one of the Hahren’s assistants.  The old man had told everyone, literally every elf, that he could about the poem.  I’d just made it up on the fly!  I had been annoyed, and wanted to scare him.  Zatlan my ladied all over the place.  I held up a hand.  “I am Chrysopal.”

Zatlan actually lowered himself to a knee.  “I would swear to you.”  Shit.  I couldn’t allow that when I couldn’t SEE him.

“One week.”

“My lady?”

“One week, living here, as I direct.  With work, pay, and company.  If you still wish to swear to me, I will consider it then.  It is not required to be here.”  He didn’t waver.  He had that light in his eyes.  That fervor.  He was going to pop if he wasn’t directed in some way.  He was still on his knee.  I got up and went to him.  “Zatlan.”  He raised his eyes.  “Here, we care for those who need caring, do what needs doing, and keep the peace.  We use our words.  I have a small request of you.”

“Anything.”

“Do not offer that, Zatlan.” It made no impact.  “See to Eadras when I cannot.  Volunteer a little of your spare time to help him.  He is old, and he hurts.  You have training in caring for a Keeper.  Help me care for mine.”

“You are not the keeper?”  He was confused.

“I am the Keeper and Chatelaine of Skyhold.  I am the Ethelathun of Ethelathe.  Ethelathe has a Keeper of Ethelathe Hall.  He answers to me.  As will any other Keepers under my hand.”

“I understand.”  The light in his eyes didn’t change.  It was almost as bad as Eadras.  Damn.  I held out a hand to help him up. He grasped it with both hands, and then the man KISSED it.  Like three times!  Elias had to step forward before he let go.  He was ushered out.  He’d groveled and bowed the whole time.  Even the Blade, who would normally be silent, told Zatlan to knock it off.

I looked at Halton, who was hiding his smile.  “Find out what he does for a living, and find him work.  I really don’t think I want to spend to much time around that one.  And people say I’m creepy.”

Halton uncovered his mouth.  “He was perfectly normal when Eadras and I spoke to him, my lady.”  I glared at him.  “Chrissy.”  I nodded.

I did lunch with Hannah and Joan.  They came in for hugs and stayed for a bit.  Afterwords, Elias and Garalen accompanied me on a long walk.  I greeted Blackwall before he retreated.  I think he’s worried about something.  Maybe he got that letter.  Don’t know.  I got a hug from Josren.  Surprisingly delicate, and in no way flirtatious.  I was surprised.  I asked if he was okay, and he assured me he was.  “Some things are too important for flirting, Keeper.”  Then he was Josren again, and hugged me, grabbing my butt. 

Before anyone else could do anything, I yanked his head back by the hair.  Made sure it hurt, too.  “Never without my permission.”  Channeling Leelu.  I was a touch angry.  “Do you understand me?”  Pain bloomed, but I shoved it back down, choking back whatever it was I was doing.  I didn’t have a Templar or one of the twin princes with me.

He spread his hands in submission.  “Yes, my lady.  Not without permission.”  There was fear in his eyes.  “I am sorry, Ethelathun.”

“You are forgiven, Josren.  Once.”  I released his head, smoothing his hair. “I don’t let anyone grab me, Josren.  I react badly.” 

He studied me for a moment, then opened his arms for another hug.  This one was flirtatious, but he kept his hands above my waist.  “Whatever fool hurt you, I pray he hurts a thousand times in return before he dies.”

Crap.  I turned, going behind the stables.  That stupid quizquisition was there.  “Leave.” I snarled.  He left quickly, without even the whooshing sounds.  Garalen followed me.  “I will have to apologize to him,” I said to her softly.

“Him who?  Josren or the Orlesian?”

“Josren.”

“Oh please don’t.  I’ve been waiting for someone to do that for weeks and weeks.”

I looked up at her.  “What?”

“You’re probably the only woman who hasn’t dealt with his wandering hands before.  He thought you were with Geth, so he left you alone.”

“You didn’t do it?”

“He’s kind of like a puppy.  How do you squish a puppy?  But you, that was fabulous!  And I swear your eyes flashed for just a moment.  Scary as shit.”

“What?  My eyes flashed?”

“Sort of blue, almost a glow, for just a moment.  It happens sometimes.  It means you’re getting better, right?”

“I don’t know, Gara.  I lost my temper and was actually angry at him for a moment.  I almost hurt him.”

“He knows that.  But you didn’t.  You forgave him.”

“The trip has changed me.  I don’t know how much.”  She didn’t respond, just sat with me for a while.  I got done being an annoying wimp and stood up.  “I have to finish my rounds.  Let’s go.”

I got the uncles, the chargers, Iron Bull and Sera.  Cole was actually around, too, and gave me a squeeze.  First time I'd seen him in a week or so.  I kissed him, because I'd missed him.  I wasn’t the only one hugging people, either.  Hug day is a thing now.  I went back and got Eustace and Cassandra, too.  I even got Josie and Sam, both in her office. 

Varric, who looked worried about something, was brooding.  I watched him.  For a moment.  “Hard in Hightown 3: The Re-Punchening” was laying on his table.  “Did they find him?”

“Find who?”  I just picked up the book.  He looked at me.  “Yeah.  The guards picked him up.  I wasted a favor to the Nightingale, didn’t I.  I should have asked you.”

“Worthy can’t write for shit.”

“Yep.  Should have asked you.”

“Nope.  They had to find the evidence, or it wouldn’t have worked.”

“You couldn’t have told me in confidence?”

“You?  The inveterate liar who can’t stop writing everything down?”

“That hurts, Cuddles.”

“Speaking of which.  It’s hug day, Storyteller.  May I have one?”  He held open his arms and I gave him one.  Smooched his cheek, too.

I did go up and greet Vivienne.  I didn’t offer her a hug, but I did say hello and wished her a good day.  From there I went to see my Dorian.  He needed lots of cuddles.  I snuggled with him for a while.  I also asked if he could keep a secret.  Of course he responded in the affirmative.  “Solas is as ticklish as you are.  And if you tell him you know, I’ll make sure he knows.” 

He burst into laughter.  “That’s precious, my Dove.  I’ll not breathe a word.  Don’t mind me if I smirk at him mysteriously every so often.”

I gave a hug to Hellisma, explaining the physical and physiological effects of touch and the detrimental effects of being touch-starved.  “A hug day sounds efficient for keeping a population of non-related individuals healthy,” was her response as she hugged me.  I didn’t bug Leliana.  She still makes me nervous.

I hopped over the railing and landed on Solas’ desk.  “Are you sure you should do that in a dress, ma’nehn?”

“I’m wearing pants underneath.”

“I see.”

I slid off the desk in front of him.  “It’s hug day, mor’ishan.”

He smiled a slow smile.  “I am already aware.” 

“Good!” I responded brightly.  “Then I shall see you tonight.”  Not what he was expecting as I traipsed off across the atrium.  I turned back to him as I hit the hallway and blew him a kiss.  He just blinked in surprise as I left.

Cullen was staring at his desk.  I halfway expected to see an open box with how intently he was looking at it.  “Cullen?”

“Chrissy.  Forgive me.  I didn’t hear you come in.”

“It’s hug day.  Would you like one?”

“Truthfully, I’d prefer that thing you do with my face.  But you can’t do that right now.”

“Why not?  Sit, Commander.”

“I thought you weren’t to do magic.”

“This is not magic.  Just touch.  This is what hug day is all about.  Platonic touch.”  I stroked my fingers over his brow.

“Platonic.”

“It’d be a little strange, the way I hug and touch so many, if it wasn’t.”

“Is there anyone?”

“There’s a possibility of someone.  If you are lonely, I know several other women.  Have you met Eliza?  She’s a pretty lady with raven hair.  Not very talkative.”

“I see.”

“I’m not for you, Commander, though you are sweet.  Much better than you could have been.  But if it’s not this one possibility, I have another two who have potential.  You would be not even third, but fourth on the list.” 

He was relaxing under my hands.  Sighing, he responded “I suppose I am at least on the list.  So who is the lucky fellow you have your eye on?  Please tell me it is not that Liam fellow.”

“No, it is not Liam.  And I’m not saying.  I wouldn’t want to jinx it.  You are better this time.  Joan must have been helping more than you think.”

“She has.  Food, and a bowl when I can’t keep it down.  Nagging to sleep.  But she’s not good at this.”  His face flamed under my hands. 

“I see she has other talents you have sampled.”  He stuttered at me.  “Hush.  I did send her to you, and I know what she’s like, and what she likes in a man.  Enjoy whatever you can while you can, Commander.”  He was calm and relaxed.  I kissed his cheek.  “I would enjoy being your friend.”

“Fourth on the list?”

“I can guarantee number three would be willing and able.”

“If not, look me up.”

“Rest, Cullen.  Did you talk to my Gunny?”

“I did.  We are both going to take care of ourselves.”  He opened one eye.  “You knew.”

“Lyrium has a smell.  It’s odd for it to be so faint in a Templar.  Unless the Templar has stopped taking it.”  Not lying.  Just not letting on how and what I know.

“Thank you for not saying anything.”

“Not my secret.”  I left.

Dinner was with three people I didn’t know, Gunther, and Garalen.  Afterwards, I played and cuddled with my boys until songtime.  Slightly fewer people today, but Josren showed up.  He doesn’t usually come.  Eadras spoke softly.  “I’m not sure what you did, but he asked how someone joins Ethelathe this afternoon.  He’s rejected all our overtures.”

“Something I’m not proud of.  I hurt him for touching me.”

“Perhaps it was necessary?”

“Violence should never be a first response.”

He changed the subject.  “Zatlan offered to carry my meal at dinner.”

“Did he?”

“You hinted at getting me an assistant long ago.  Did you do so?”

“Not yet.  Let’s see if it’s work he would prefer, first.”

“There are others who want to meet you.”

“I need at least a week.  I can’t see them properly yet.”

 “Very well.”

After songtime and tucking in the boys, I bathed and dressed for bed.  With help from Leorah and Garalen.  Because they insisted, not because I needed it.  Solas is leaning against the wall, watching me as I write.  I really get the impression he’s not watching me write, so much as watching me.  ‘Sana’s already asleep.  The kids tired her out today with a new toy with feathers and a little bell.  They wouldn’t tell me where they got it.  I think I have a clue.


	102. Day 5, 16 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A discussion of privacy, plans for fall and winter, and Jailyn is being weird.

###  **Skyhold, Day 5, 16 Solace, 9:41**

When I set my journal aside, he stood up from the wall and walked to me.  “I think I am the only person in all of Skyhold or the surrounding two miles who has not gotten some sort of affection from you today.”

“That’s not true.  You got plenty of attention this morning and I blew you a kiss this afternoon.  Either or both counts as affection.”

“But still no hug.”  He was positively looming.  So I tossed him a saucy grin.

“Did you want a hug, Grohiik?”

“You are going to reveal these secrets, eventually.”

“Am I?  With so many secrets, it would be hard to tell which ones were the important ones.”

“So that is the reason.”  He leaned down, a hand on the arm of the couch, another on the back.  Blocking me in, but not trapping me.

“Nope.  But you and I both know I am not the only one with secrets, a grá.  I shall refrain from so many names, if it bothers you.” 

“It does not.  You landed on my desk, scattering papers I had organized carefully.”

“Would you like me to reorganize them for you?”

“I would never find anything again.”  But I got a bit of a smile.

This had gone on long enough.  I sat back.  “Alright, mor’ishan.  Let’s skip the chase and tree the prey.  You are looming, slightly grumpy.  Use your words.  Tell me what I did or did not do that has you unhappy.”

“I want a hug.  And a kiss.  And other things.”

“You can have as many hugs as you like, Solas.  Kisses I am a bit more careful with, but you are the only one getting so many.”

“Getting so many?  You are kissing others?”  He’d tensed over me.

“You have a problem with me kissing children and friends on the cheek?”

He relaxed.  “No.”

“Yours are the only lips mine have touched since the Inquisitor stole a kiss and I told him to be grateful I hadn’t vomited.  Before that, it had been nearly seven years. The only lips I have desired to kiss since a year before even then.”  I scooted out from under his looming self.  Grabbing my papers, I left the room and locked them with the others.  He watched from the doorway.

“I have not and would not read them.”

“You are not Briri, Leorah, or any of the others who troop through here on a regular basis, either.  I will feel better when I am better and can shield them properly.”

“I see.  Why do you let them make free of your private space?”

That question surprised me.  I turned to look at him.  “It’s not really private space, is it.  It doesn’t belong to me.  It belongs to the Inquisition for now.  It belonged to someone else, probably many someone elses, prior to that.  My only private space gets invaded regularly, as well, but you have learned to ask to enter there.”  I returned to my room, ducking around him.

He turned in the doorway, watching me.  “You don’t have private space.”

“Ethelathe makes free with my desk, my room.  I have drawers in my desk they don’t usually invade.  I think.  My chair, most of the time.  The confines of my bed, they don’t enter, but the bed itself they mess with, moving it and redressing it.  My area of the fade, but someone else I know changes that one, too.  So I guess there’s no place that’s entirely mine, but this place is more than most.”  He stepped into the room and shut the door, leaning against it.  I walked up to him.  “Someone mentioned hugs?”  I reached up around his neck.  “I can provide those.  I didn’t offer before because someone I know is intensely private.”

“You are using hugs to distract me from this conversation.”  His arms came around me.

“Is it working?”

“Vin, Asha.  Nearly always.”  I rested my head on his chest.

“You are too tall.” 

“You are just short.”

“I am not used to doing things after journaling and before sleeping.  You are a bad influence.”

“I am an excellent influence.  But if you wish to go to bed…”  He lifted my chin and kissed me gently.  “We can do that.”  There was a tone to his voice.

“Solas?”

“Worry not, ma’nehn.  You are still hurt, still wary, and we still have things between us.  But less than before.”  He’d been walking us back and my legs hit the bed.  I sat.  “Invite me into your space.  You have allowed, so far, but you have never invited.”

“Invite.  How about get over here, before I change my mind and make you sleep on the couch until Dorian is again available instead of next to me?”

“So I now know when.”  His mouth was twisted in a wry smile.

“You do.  You know the last time I will let you into my bed because I was injured in the Dales.  Come to bed, mor’ishan.”

His expression changed at that.  Thoughtful.  I could see the wheels turning.  He planted a kiss on my lips.  “Ma nuvenin.  As you wish.”  And he did, pulling me to him for some deeper kisses and caresses before we settled to sleep.  And he got kisses and cuddles without interference from kitties, and didn’t push at all.

My space in the fade was pushing back the mists again.  A little larger.  A single demon flirted with the mists at the edge.  I think it was a demon.  Maybe a spirit.  It seemed to look behind it, and scurried away.  I was unbothered the rest of the night.

I woke alone.  Gunther was again on the couch around the wall.  Irusana was cuddled next to him.  “Leorah left some things out for you.  She said you’ve been wearing the same few outfits over and over.  They need mending.”  I looked, and there was a new outfit, from the skin out, on the table.  A dress, surprise, surprise, but that’s okay. It had serviceable sleeves.  And she’s moving my wardrobe to fall stuff, because it had fur trimming the neckline and sleeves.

“Why do I get the feeling I will never see those outfits again, if they did need mending?”

He just smiled.  I went back around the wall to dress.  “Hey, Gun?”

“Yes, Chrissy?”

“Maybe you can explain something.  Why did Josren not want to be associated with us until after I got angry at him?”

“Maybe he wanted to see what you’d do if you got angry before he associated with us?”  

I hadn’t considered that.  “He was…  Shit.”

“What?”

“There are very few reasons people test like that.  Either he’s hunting boundaries, or he’s figuring out if he’s safe.  Or he’s an ass, I suppose.”  I came back around the wall, dressed.

“Chrissy, most of them are going to try to figure out where the boundaries are.  They’re going to push to see if you execute at the slightest provocation.”

That gave me pause.  “Who said we execute?” I asked it very evenly, I thought.  I didn’t expect his response.

He stilled, attitude changing.  Very respectfully, he returned, “no one, my lady.  There is no one.  It’s a normal thing. It’s something we ponder about every organization.  There is no rumor, even, that Ethelathe executes people.  We have never.”  He was wrong, but I didn’t enlighten him.

“We are not an organization.  We are a family.  A village.  Maybe eventually a town.  NOT an organization.”

“Of course.”  He was trying to soothe.  “Of course we’re family.”

“I mean it, Gunny.  People in organizations are in it because of a need for order and instruction, or a paycheck.  There is no trust, can’t be trust, because someone else paying more or giving more palatable orders will turn a head.  I don’t want ANYONE in Ethelathe who is not here because they care about their fellows.  Because they believe in that.  Who wouldn’t help a neighbor paint the house or raise a barn because it needed to be done, not because someone told them to or paid them to.”

“It’s okay, honey.  We know that.  We get it.  But in order for it to work, we do have to be organized.  So we look like an organization.  But we understand.  That’s why there are more people working in Skyhold than are in Ethelathe.”  I could feel the temperature dropping just a bit.  

“Why is it getting colder in here?”

“You feel that?”

“You’re gathering, just in case.  I’m not that upset, you know.”  I was frowning at him when he grabbed me about the waist and swung me about.  

“You have no idea how glad I am to hear what you just said.”  He hugged me and put me down, leaving in a hurry.  I acquired food for ‘Sana and myself, chatting a bit with Cook, and sat at my desk.  The cat ate while I was waiting for my porridge to cool, and I started doing paperwork. He came back shortly after that, but didn’t say where he had run off to.

While I was gone, one of the old farming families had taken off, unable to handle the demands I had.  They were replaced with the elven farmers I’d not had room for.  I had a requisition for a bunch of stuff that I’m assuming was required for cheese.  Not least of which was sheep.  So we’re going to have wool, too.  Cows, sheep, goats, pigs, horses, and reindeer.  Oops.  Harts.

I also snagged Halton’s attention.  “We need evening classes for those who don’t read well.  Think we should do that before or after songtime?”  He assured me he’d look into it.  Then I got stuck back on the harvest totals.  Summer harvest was going well.  We wouldn’t be self-sufficient for this winter.  We hadn’t had time, and it hadn’t been the focus.  But I did some fiddling on my abacus and figure we could feed Ethelathe and fifty more on what we have.  But we’d be depleted come spring, and have to import for summer.  So that’s progress.  Two more years with this kind of improvement and Skyhold would be set.  And if the Inquisition trickled out after Trespasser, we’d be golden.

Eadras sent the kids out to play with Cara.  He and I did the rounds seeing how things are shaping up.  We’re edging up on fall, so wool, blankets, clothing, roots and herbs, etc. were a high priority.  Wood laid in, enough for half the winter, but they’re still working on it.  Charcoal, for the soldiers to take.  Fresh roofing.  Bull and Cullen are out of luck.  I’ll put in barriers or windows, but my roofs are getting fixed before the snows.  The atrium is getting a hat, too.  The birds will be able to get in and out, but the waterfall will go away.  I’ll run that idea by Solas first, though. 

Getting the outside walls of the buildings washed later this week, then whitewashed, too.  Whitewash isn’t for looks, it’s to protect the wood and stone from the elements.  So we’ll be whitewashing.  We’ll be whitewashing the kitchens, too.  Walls and floors.  Rugs and rushes for the other floors are just waiting, having already been ordered.    We need to cover the bare stone.

We’ll have two days of cold meals, but with the harvest coming in, we’ll have plenty of fruits and veggies.  Canning days are being planned.  Going to take over the dining hall for canning prep, and haul every spare servant into pitting, peeling, and chopping.  Decorations for All Soul’s Day are being created or have been ordered.  I’ve advised people that the thirtieth is All Hallow’s Eve, as well.  We’ll skip the costumes, and I’ve not told anyone that All Soul’s Day where I come from is my birthday.

I sent a message down to Dagna asking if she knew any practical methods of heating rooms lacking ventilation for non-mages.  Got one back ten minutes later that just said “on it!”  With three exclamation points and a little happy face.  I didn’t know happy faces were a thing here.  I wonder if there’s a horrific lack of fireplaces because the same blueprint has been followed subconsciously by all the various occupiers and it was originally a mage’s stronghold?

Jailyn plopped a plate down on my desk about lunchtime.  I looked up, and she was glaring at me.  “What?”  She looked at the untouched bowl on my desk.  Oops. 

“You have to eat, hon.  You’re healing.”

“My hands are healed, but I have to make haste slowly.”  She just arched her brow at me.  I wasn’t fooling her.  “Fine.  I’m better.  Gun’s happy about something about my recovery.  I don’t need a living heater anymore.”

“We voted.”

“I heard there were a bunch of votes I didn’t get to participate in.”

She just smiled.  It wasn’t creepy or anything.  It was sweet.  “We missed you, and we were worried.”

“I’m sorry I worried you.”

“Did you know we all knew when you got hurt?”

“Jailyn, what are you meandering toward, hon?”

“We’re all connected.  Everybody.”

“Yep.”  That wasn’t what she expected.  She was at a loss for words.

“You knew?”

“It’s how I found you all on the Payday from Hell.”

She just looked at me in surprise.  Apparently she hadn’t realized.  “Eat something, Chrissy.  Please?”  I picked up the sandwich and took a bite.  She smiled and walked off with the untouched breakfast.  

For the afternoon, Halton wandered off to deal with Eustace with something.  Ethelathe Hall was empty for a change.  I was going to play with my new toy.  I slid my hands over the lid before I lifted it.  The keys beneath were pristine.  I’ve actually never seen such clean keys.  The pianos I’d played with in the past were well used, with discolorations or grooves in the keys.  These were pure white and black, shiny.  I ran a slow scale.  It was in tune.  I did a few finger exercises, and discovered that I had definitely not recovered as much as I’d hoped.  Either that, or my muscle memory left with the muscles.

I was sighing in frustration when Zathras showed up.  “Time to get changed for practice, Chrissy.”

“What?”

“You’re better enough to get back to work on self defense.”  I changed and we went out and did some minor practicing.  I was sore.  On our way back, Solas met us like he used to.  Just slotted in between us, smoothly as hell.  Zathras just shook his head as Solas absconded with me.  

He let me down the hall around the rotunda, stopping at his door.  “Solas?”

“Gunny said we need to take a look at you.”

“Here?”

“Nervous?  Worried about being in my room?  Feel the need for a chaperone?”

“Yes, yes, no?”  He stopped and looked at me.  “What’s wrong with the library?  The work room?”

“The library, then.  Though you do realize that we are far more private there.”

“It’s not where you sleep.”

He leaned down.  “Right now, neither is this, ma’asha.”  His breath washed over my ear, warm, and I shivered.  He chuckled, and let me away from his room.  In the library, I stopped him as we headed for the work room.

“I can feel it from here, and it’s uncomfortable, a grá.”

We stayed in the first room and he stepped back from me.  “I need to take a look, ma’haselan’udh.  It will be uncomfortable, but it should not be painful.”  I nodded.  That cooling blue flowed across parts of me, dipping into cracks and crevices.  It felt like squeezing a sore muscle.  More than uncomfortable, less than painful.  Achy, sore, crampy.  I was shaking when he finished, but it couldn’t have been more than a moment.

He scooped me up and walked with me to my rooms, where he sat, still holding me, on the couch.  My whole body throbbed, but not in any good way.  I just wanted to curl up in a ball, and I still had dinner with Ethelathians and Songtime to get through.  “You are much better.  I am pleased to see it.  Strands are bonding, and the bonded places are strong.  No more fighting templars, ma’nehn.  You still need rest, but I have seen others recover from this point…”  He considered saying something, probably to claim seeing it in the fade.  I put my fingers over his mouth. 

“Don’t.  Don’t say something that would hurt us later.”  His eyes searched mine, but he learned nothing.  He gently took my hand and kissed the fingertips.

“I have seen others recover, Chrysopal, from damage this bad.  With care, you should as well.”

“I just want to curl up and block out the ache.”

“Shall I cancel your evening activities?”

“You can’t.  I have to eat with them, and I’m not missing songtime or bedtime cuddles.”

“I understand.  I’m rather fond of bedtime cuddles myself.”

“The children would not understand.”

“Then rest now, and I will wake you in time enough to change and meet your dinner companions.  Have you considered adding a rocking chair in here?”

“You have one in your rooms, don’t you.”

“It is possible.”

I curled in a bit closer.  “Sneaky.  I love rocking chairs.  Especially the padded ones.”

“I may have found one in hopes of luring you to my domain.”

“That’s almost a better idea than Jack’s piano.”

“Jack’s piano?”  He didn’t sound pleased.

“He gave it to me.  Had it shipped here, assembled, and tuned, all because I looked wistful when I said I didn’t have one.”

He didn’t say anything for a long moment.  “I will be content that you are in my arms.”

“Hmmm.  I’m pretty pleased you’re in mine, too.”

I did take a nap, and Solas kept his word.  He woke me with time enough to change and eat with three new Ethelathians.  He disappeared for that, but returned for Songtime.  Songtime’s thinning out a bit, but we still have a large group.  Bull showed up today.  Probably following Dorian, since the Altus is flushed.  Dorian picked me up out of my chair and plopped in it.  “You have the only decent chair in here.  You can share, dove.”

“Still running?”

“I have no idea of what you speak, and never intend to.”

After songtime, I tucked in my littles.  I ache badly enough I’m not looking forward to sleep.  I think moving between here and the fade will be uncomfortable.  My eyes are drooping even now, though.  I’m going to lock this up and head for bed.  Solas is already waiting, looking concerned.


	103. Day 6, 17 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adan's a curmudgeon, but he cares. Tavern bets, Gretel's husband, holiday plans, Skyhold improvements,

###  **Skyhold, Day 6, 17 Solace, 9:41**

A single kiss, a few cuddles, and I was asleep.  Back to normal.  Kitty to my front, wolf to my back.  A girl could get used to this.  I awoke in the middle of the night and slipped out of bed.  Didn’t wake the oh-so-light sleeper, either.  I wasn’t tired anymore, hazards of naps.  I didn’t feel any urges to walk about the castle, but I didn’t go out of my way to check.  I would bet everyone’s okay, though.  

Lighting a candle with an actual striker, I settled in to study for a while. I was only about a quarter of the way into the book on wards I was reading, notes spread everywhere, when ‘Sana came tearing around the room.  This way and that way, full speed, up on the walls and round in circles.  Typical kitty behavior, but she took great pleasure in scattering my notes.  Thank goodness fountain pen ink dries faster than quill ink, or she’d be tracking it all over, too.

She’d apparently woken my temporary bedmate, as well.  He came around the wall obviously looking for me.  He kindly helped me pick up the scattered paperwork.  Reading a page, his eyebrow rose.  I took the notes from him and stacked them neatly.  “Back to bed, I take it?” I asked.

“Unless you would like to ask questions?”

“Not until you can show me instead of just tell me.”  I blew out the candle and went back around the wall.  

“Very well.  How did you leave the bed without me noticing?”

“Just rolled over and got up.  You must have been actually sleeping instead of the trance state you are usually in.”

“Once again you surprise me.”

“Pfft.  You’re dead easy to surprise sometimes.  Anytime someone mentions the obvious you get all giggly about it.”

He frowned.  “I am never giggly.”

“Unless someone is tickling you.”  

He immediately grabbed my hands, threading his fingers through mine and holding them firmly but not hard. “No, ma’asha.”

“I wasn’t going to.  I’m still way too achy to feel playful.”

“Ir abelas.”

“That actually sounded like you meant it.  You needed to look.  I understand that.  Dorian and Andrew look in a different fashion, and probably don’t have the experience necessary to notice problems.  You might.”

“Might?”

“I have no way to know, so I am assuming so based on your actions, but I have been mistaken in my trust before.”

“I have the necessary experience.”

“You can let go of my hands now.”  He did so, and I curled up to him.  “For someone so private, you seem to like cuddles.  You are almost always touching me, even while you rest.”

“Master Tethras named you well. I do indeed like Cuddles.”  

I rolled my eyes.  He couldn’t see it, but he knew.  I slid into sleep and he was gone when I awoke.

Briri was waiting for me, with Elias.  He watches her closely.  Doesn’t seem to like her much.  No heat, though, so it’s not interest.  She brought more new clothing in a warmer style.  Fur trim.  Where did they get blue fur?  Also did my hair up in some fancy thing.  I checked the creepy woman in the mirror, and there are little braids draped around the ears and a lot piled on the head.  It doesn’t feel piled, though.  I suppose it looks okay.  It’s going to be a mess after I visit Drummer.

It was time for me to get back into my routine.  I asked Cook to get someone to feed Irusana for me as I passed through to the stableyard.  Geth and Josren were both surprised to see me.  Drummer was thrilled.  We didn’t ride this morning, but we will tomorrow.  I have to get back into regular life.  Can’t be an invalid forever.  I meandered over to the tavern and was immediately snagged by the Chargers.  Plied with coffee, hair laughed at, clothes admired, rumors shared. 

Interesting thing is that NO ONE thinks that Solas won the bet.  Apparently he’s just sharing my room out of duty, on sufferance.  Being a nice acquaintance who is a healer.  The formal nature of our public interactions says we’re not close.  To them.  Odd.  The formal interactions feel like flirting to me.  Anyway, he’s supposedly eager to return to his own things, and is not staying long.  Just until Dorian can take care of me again. They don’t see him as someone who is interested in such things. Blackwall must have asked that one banter question.  Sera let it be known he was only into fade nookie with fadey spirit-people.  

I’m going to tell him that people think he barely tolerates me.  There are some who know better, of course, but they have not said anything.  Two of those are Sam and Bull, and yet the Chargers still don’t know.  They haven’t said anything.  I guess, thinking about it, that only a few people know we’re even thinking about it, and most of those are in Ethelathe.  Maybe twelve people, total.  Anyway, current crowd favorite is some guy I’ve never heard of.

I stirred the pot a bit.  Put two bits down on some guy named Dave.  Picked the name randomly off the list, but they don’t believe me.  I don’t even think I’ve met Dave.  Best two copper I’ve spent so far.  And I told them again that Dorian was the first man to sleep with me in Thedas, but they dismiss it.  I’m starting to think that the whole bet thing is a joke, and they don’t think I’ll sleep with anyone.

Wandered back for paperwork and planning, trailed by Elias.  It was almost lunchtime when Andrew caught my eye from the kitchen doorway.  He jerked his head back towards the kitchen and slipped back in.  I put everything down and headed that direction.  He led me up through one of the towers, to one of the storage rooms.  A shaggy man was there, soused but not too horribly, dirty, and grumpy.

“Heyyyyy, that’s a purty doxxy.  She yours?”  He reached for me, and I stepped back. 

Andrew pulled the man’s arm up behind the back toward the shoulder blades.  Uncomfortable stuff, but the guy was too drunk to notice.  “Be nice to the Ethelathun.  She’s the one who invited you here, after all.”

“Just another bitch like my mother-in-law.  And my wife.  Stupid bitch.  Hey, I thought you said there’d be more ale up here?”  Andrew would have pushed the man’s arm further, but I shook my head and motioned for him to let go. 

“You don’t like your wife?”

“Who would?  Ugly, and only one son?  Probably fucks around, too.  Not that anyone’d want her.”  Oh, yeah, this guy’s a prize.

“There were bruises on her face the other day.”

“So?  I ain’t hit her.  Them’s the rules.  No hitting.  She needed to remember to look at me when I speak to her.”

“Did she?”  I moved closer, catching his eyes.  “Tell me, good ser.  How else do you instruct your wife?”  Something in my tone must have cut through the alcoholic haze, because he squinted at me.

“Who are you?”

“I’m just a woman, good ser.  I try to be a good woman.  Please, tell me how you instruct your wife?  I’m sure any husband would appreciate such advice.”  Soothing.  Take the bait, little man.

Flattering him was the right tactic.  He preened.  “Well, it starts on the wedding night.  You have to tell ‘em who’s boss.  Then you just make sure as to reward them when they do good, like give you a son.  And when they do bad, they have to be punished.”

I knelt, cocking my head to the side.  Out of his reach, I’m no fool, but looking so submissive and harmless.  “You have such interesting advice, good ser.  And the children, especially the girl child?”

“She needs to learn her place.  I won’t tolerate no backtalk.  She gets the back of my hand for that.  Useless.  The boy’s not much better.  Should have known I’d get shit from shit stock, but her dowry was nice.”

I stood.  “I’ve heard enough.  Let him be for now.  I need to talk with Gretel.”

“Gretel?  Hey, that’s the wife’s name.”

“I know.”

“Who’d you say you were?”

“I didn’t.”  I swept out of the room.  There was nothing horrid there.  Physical abuse, but not to the extent I’d feared.  Nothing that would be considered heinous in Thedas.  Emotional abuse, truly, of them all.  The guy’s an ass, but he’s not truly a danger to them physically.

I hunted up Gretel and asked her some questions about her husband.  He’s apparently a nice guy when he’s not drunk.  He was good to her in the beginning, but after the first kid, he started hitting the bottle.  She wouldn’t mind seeing the back of him, but he’s her husband, and she has a duty to tend to him.  She looked away when she said that.  “Does he insist on marital privileges?”

“Only sometimes.  Mostly it’s cook, clean, normal stuff.  He’s usually too drunk for anything else.”

“He drinks any money he earns.”

“And then some, milady.”

“Do you love him?”

“Used to.”

“Now, Gretel.  Do you love him now?  Do you care about what happens to him?  If I were to tell you today that you would never see him again, would you mind?”

“I don’t love him anymore, but I’m used to him, I guess.  Wouldn’t mind not seeing him again, maybe.  I don’t want him dead.”

“I’m not in the business of killing people.” She relaxed a bit.  “However, while you and your children are welcome additions to Skyhold, I’m having trouble seeing the benefit having yet another drunkard about provides me.  I am giving fair warning that I may send him away.  Those who don’t work, don’t get to stay.”  She opened her mouth.  “If you say anything about working for him, I will be extremely displeased.  He is an able-bodied adult and is responsible for himself.”  She shut it again.  I bid her farewell.   

And wandered to see Adan.  After kisses and hugs, I asked him if he’d ever heard of Calcium Carbimide.  He started looking through his private library.  His lab is so much better than it was.  Andrew, who’d followed me the whole time, asked me what I’m up to.  So I told him.  Calcium Carbimide mixed with two parts citric acid makes a substance that basically makes you violently allergic to alcohol.  A single grain taken morning and evening, and the man would be incapable of getting drunk.  Physically incapable.  Adan had stopped looking through his books and was staring at me.

“What?”  I really don’t like being stared at.

“How do you know that?”

“Studies on treatment for alcoholism in a place called Canada.  I have, had, a family member who was an alcoholic.  It’s a moot point if you don’t know what Calcium Carbimide is.  I certainly don’t.  It’s a name in my head.  You may not even have it here.  Or it could be called something else.”  My stomach grumbled, and both men froze.

Adan set the book down.  “Did you eat breakfast today?”

“Way to miss the subject, Adan.  I was in the tavern this morning with the Chargers.”  

Adan hasn’t figured me out yet, but Andrew, regrettably, has.  “That wasn’t quite the question Adan asked, Chrissy.”

“Wasn’t it?”

“No.  Did you eat this morning?”

“I was in the kitchens, yes.”

Adan and Andrew both leveled their gazes at me.  “Chrissy.”  They said it in unison.

“I had coffee with the Chargers.”

“And now that it is into the afternoon, did she eat lunch, Andrew?”

“Nope.  Just meandered her way to you.”

“Fine.  Chrissy, I will look for your Calcium Carbimide if and only if you go to the kitchens right now and eat.”  Adan does know me better than I thought he did, but I didn’t think he’d be the type to grumble about eating.

“I agree to your terms.  Consider it done.”  He bowed to me, grrr, and went back to the book.  I walked with Andrew to the kitchens.  I was plied with finger foods and was prevented from helping with the churning going on in the back.  I’d wanted to churn butter with a real churn.  I’ve always made butter with the shake-in-a-jar method.  I mean, it works, but a butter churn looks like fun.

I made my way back to Halton, and he moved Irusana from a particular stack of papers.  Building permits, basically.  Whoot!  For reoutfitting another tower, for the Templars, since we’d already done a mage one.  The hospital.  A chantry garden.  How it must have burned to have to run that one by me.  Cullen put a polite note telling me he was claiming part of the courtyard for a practice circle.  All these things, all at once.  Inquisibutt must have found all the lumber and quarries.

Work on the whitewashing will begin tomorrow.  Everyone thinks I’m strange for requiring safety ropes, but some of that work will happen outside the walls.  No one is falling to their death accidentally on my watch if I can help it.  “Halton, I need it disseminated that anyone caught working on the walls without a safety rope will be docked one day’s pay for it.”  I’ll make sure they eat, but they’ll lose their cash.

“Got it.”  He pulled out a sheaf of papers and took notes as we discussed the rest of the items.  Several things had been escalated from Eadras, too, so I had Ethelathe business.  I will say that Halton is a dream, considering I’m getting more done faster when I don’t have to do the organizing and prioritizing.  He handles little things, too.  I remembered that I’d wanted to give him a raise.

I sent a note to Josie asking her to take one percent of whatever I had in my account and transfer it to Halton as an All Soul’s Day bonus.  And to take another two percent and split it among the higher ranking servants evenly.  Somebody’d told me I’d gotten extra pay for the trip because I’d been injured and because I had done extra work or some such.  I think it was Josie.  So there should be at least a little in there.

I finally got to check that the things we’d bought in Val Royeaux made it back and to their proper people.  The small crate of stuff I was going to give as gifts was intact.  No one had messed with it.  I’d dig them out later.  For All Soul’s Day.

We’re planning a bonfire, decorations, and a few other things for “All Hallow’s Eve”.  I’ve got a few things of my own to add.  Jack-o-lanterns, mists, “spooky” food.  If I’m recovered enough, I’ll be adding special effects, too.  With creepy music, like from Nightmare Before Christmas.  Or the Grim Grinning Ghosts song.  There is so much I want to do.  Things in windows, flickering lights on the walls.  Wish I could get away with dancing in air, but that’d be too much.  If the Chantry wants Andrastian funeral pyres and stuff, they can do it in their little garden.  The rest of Skyhold is mine.

For All Souls Day, I’m planning a Thanksgiving-like feast day.  With the plates for the dead.  Ghosts at the Feast, traditional in so many cultures.  We have the stuff to make it, and most, if not nearly all, of the harvest should be in by then.  I have a meeting with Cullen tomorrow to see if I can’t draft the able-bodied soldiers just sitting around to help get the crop in.  Should be fun.  Half of them are farmboys anyway.  Skilled labor!  Maybe we’ll get Cullen himself out there showing them how it’s done.  Just because I don’t want a piece of that right now doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mind looking.

Eadras showed up in a doorway, held up his hand, and made a circle with his finger. Traditional “wrap it up” motion.  Halton, the fink, snatched the papers out of my hands and restacked them.

“You do know you work for me, and not him, right?”

“Yep.  But my job description includes stopping you from overworking.  Didn’t you read the job description?”  I hadn’t.  He smirked.  “I figured.”  He just kept putting things away.  “If it helps any, I get stared at by increasing numbers of people if I keep working after Eadras says stop.  It gets quite uncomfortable.  I’m told that doesn’t work with you, though.”  I’d never noticed such a thing.  

Anyway, I spent a little time at the piano, getting the muscles back.  Just half an hour or so.  I tried a few minutes of guitar, but stopped after fifteen minutes or so.  Metal strings are much harder on the fingertips than vinyl. Now my hands and fingers are both sore.  Someone I know isn’t going to like that.

Got to have dinner with the kids.  That’s so much nicer than the grownups.  They are all achatter about what’s been going on.  Who’s seeing whom, looking forward to “our” new baby, interesting gossip about our people and others.  Neat information about hiding places.  I have my own, but I won’t tell.  The workmen will find it, I’m sure, but not many will be brave enough to go there.  I’m certainly not telling rambunctious sixes and eights about a hiding place between roofs.  

Songtime was fun.  It’s thinning again.  I guess everyone shows up for a few days when things happen.  Reaffirmation.  Then just the ones of us that want to participate.  Only probably a hundred twenty people, max, crammed in.  Half of the people who claim to be us.  Dorian, of course.  All my girls.  It’s fun, a nice way to end the day, not mandatory, and traditional for us.  Ended on our usual stuff.  Is it weird to sing the same song every day?  I wonder sometimes. 

I changed into a new nightgown.  Can’t find my old ones anywhere.  This one is heavier cotton, much less billowy, and slit up one side.  About halfway up the thigh.  It has to be for me to walk, the skirt is so straight.  Makes me very glad it has a matching robe.  It’s pretty, though.  Leorah doesn’t make anything that isn’t. 

Garalen let Solas in.  His eyes noted the slit in the gown right away.  He’s trying to distract me.  I’m going to have to tell him what everyone has decided about his preferences.

 


	104. Day 7, 18 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drawing a line in the sand regarding Orlais. Worrying about Gunny. Dorian got some? And I spent time with Solas. Lots of it.

###  **Skyhold, Day 7, 18 Solace, 9:41**

He’d been stroking his fingers along my neck for the last five minutes of writing.  When I finally put my pen down, he leaned into my ear.  “Your hair is a mess, ma’sulahn’nehn.”

“Such kind words, a grá.”

He just smiled that little half smile.  “Come here,” he said, as he moved position on the couch.  His hands rearranged me so my back was to him, and I was between his knees.   I’d forgotten my hair was up, actually.  But he likes taking it down.  A few minutes later he could run his hands through it easily.

“Mor’ishan.”

“Yes?”

I looked back over my shoulder.  “It has been too long since your lips were on mine.”

“Has it?”

“Only in my personal opinion.  Of course, rumor has it that you barely tolerate me, did you know?”

“Rumor?”

“Yes.  You’ve been so kind to attend me during my recuperation, but your exquisite manners tell everyone that it is not PERSONAL.  Odd.  They feel like flirting to me.”  I turned, leaning my side against him.  “I thought we were quite personal.”

“As did I.  Where, precisely, did you hear these rumors?”

“At the tavern today.  They’ve quite decided that not only have you not won the bet, you aren’t going to, and likely don’t want to.  I’m not your type.  We may eventually be friends.  In time.”

I looked at his face, and he was frowning. “Solas?  I thought you would find it humorous.”

“Humorous?  Why would I find this humorous?”

“I think the bet is a joke.  They don’t think anyone’s going to succeed.  Current favorite is some guy I’ve never heard of, and I stirred the pot by betting on some random guy from the list.”

“They speculate on your life and mine.  Getting it wrong.”

“Better than right, grohiik.  I prefer unsupported speculation to intrusive questions about the men in my life.”

“Men?”

“You know what I mean.”

“They believe you free.”

“You as well.”

“They are not betting on me.”

“They think you prefer spirits in the fade.”

“Blackwall.”  Serious annoyance.

“Solas.”  I slid my palm along his cheek.  “Does it matter what the world thinks?  Truly?  If we know where we stand?”

“I suppose not.”  He sighed heavily, then turned his head to kiss my palm.  “But it is galling.”  A moment later, his gaze narrowed.  He grasped my wrist and investigated my fingers.  “Why are your fingertips abraded?”

“I played guitar for a bit.  I didn’t continue until they bled. Because it would bother you.”

“At least you listen.  Sometimes.”

I pulled my hand free and wrapped my arms around his neck.  “It’s been ten minutes, and still my lips are unkissed.  You aren’t good at hints, are you.”

A small smile in return.  “Perhaps not.”

“Do you have objections to kisses?”

“Certainly not.”  Smirking.  He was baiting me.  Waiting.  Foolish wolf, inviting me to play.  He will learn.  I smiled, and he inhaled sharply, but didn’t say anything.  He placed an arm along the back of the couch, and the other hand on the armrest, looking relaxed.  

I nipped at his chin.  Slid my lips along his jaw.  Played a little with his neck and ear.  Only after that, when his breath was heavy and his hands fisted to keep himself from moving them, did I put my lips to his.  Oh, so gently.  Barely a brush.  Again, teasingly.  And then I suddenly got up, evading his hands once he realized what I’d done.  “Thank you.  I needed a kiss or two.”  

He made a sound in his throat, and smoothly stood.  “Is that all you wanted?”  His voice was rough, face lightly flushed, eyes dilated.  I shrugged, and before my shoulders were back down, I found myself against the wall.  “I want more,” he nearly growled.  And he got more.  Not THAT much more, but definitely much more.

It was a bit later when the sound of claws scratching at a door penetrated my consciousness.  I raised my head from his shoulder, identifying what it was and where it came from.  “Solas, did you shut Irusana in the bathroom?”

“The door shuts on its own.”

“Solas.”

“She has food, water, facilities, and toys.”  He wound his wrist back in my hair, pulling me back to him.  “Come here, ma’sulahn’nehn.  Ma’asha.”  He muttered something in elven I didn’t catch.  A few kisses later, and he released me, murmuring again and searching my face.

“What are you saying?”

“It matters not.  We should sleep.  YOU should sleep.  You are healing, and I must remember that.”

“I’m much better.”

“You smell like a forest in winter.  It’s intoxicating.”  He kissed my neck, where it meets the shoulder.

“What?”

“Apples, pine, and newfallen snow.  The pine is new, a sharp scent.  The apples since you arrived in Tarasyl'an Te'las, after closing the breach.  Do you know how hard it is to find someone who smells of newfallen snow in the mountains in winter?”

“You are old books and leather, and cognac or brandy when you actively use magic.  You smell like a study or library.  I knew you looked, mor’ishan, and made sure to hide.  It didn’t work so well.  You found me all too easily.”

He didn’t respond to that.  “I have only one more night after this one.”  

“So you say.”

“Then come close and let me hold you.”  I fell asleep wrapped tightly in his arms, and the fade was kind.  Pleasant dreams, and slightly larger space.

I awoke to someone caressing my shoulder.  Solas was stroking over one spot with a thumb, smirking.  “Good morning, ma’asha.  I assure you this was unintentional.”

“What was?”

“You may wish to wear a higher neckline today, or you will reveal a secret.”

It took me a moment.  Then I got up and looked at the woman in the mirror.  She had a mark, light but there, where her neck met her shoulder.  I caught Solas’ eyes in the mirror.  He was lounging, but looked not displeased.  Not precisely pleased, but certainly didn’t mind.

“Unintentional?”

“If I had meant to place that mark, it would be vivid, as well you know.”  His eyes nearly glowed for a moment.  “Shall I darken it for you?”  For just a moment heat pooled and I considered saying yes.  He saw it and smiled.  He slid gracefully off my bed.  “I must begin my day.  Someone will be by shortly, I’m sure.  Will you please refrain from wandering until you have a guard?”

“I shouldn’t have to be guarded at home.”

“Home is where you are most vulnerable.”

“Fine,” I huffed.  “I will wait for someone this morning.”

“Chrysopal.”

“Yes?”

“You might want to dress before that someone arrives.”  He handed me the nightgown he’d thrown last night.  One more kiss, then he collected his tunic from the couch and pulled it on as he strode out.

Leorah was the one who came in to help me.  In person!  I was back in the nightgown, and had picked the robe up off the floor.  Andrew and Garalen came with her.  Of course Leorah’s eyes spotted the mark right away.  “Hiding or flaunting?”

“Hiding.”

“Makeup?”

“No.  It has a smell.”

She nodded, and pulled out the dress I wore in Highever.  “There will be more nobles arriving today.  You will need to greet them.”

“It’s on my schedule.  I also need to supervise the work on the walls.”  She laced the dress tighter than I normally do.  A distinct corset effect.  My chest sat on what amounted to a shelf, tucked in a canvas bag.  Whoah.  Hair brushed and put up, a quick nod, and she handed me shoes.  

“You look presentable.  Do us proud, my lady.”  She kissed my cheek as she hugged me.  She pulled back.  “You have been worried lately, about us, and where you fit.”  She touched her chest.  “You fit here.  With us.  You stand between, and we have your back.  We know who got us out of Haven.  We know who did all the things you’ve done.”  She cupped my face.  “You are ours, and we are yours.”  She let go, curtsied, and was off before I could say anything.

I looked at Andrew and Garalen.  Something was off.  “What’s wrong?”

They looked confused.  “Nothing’s wrong,” Garalen responded.

I caught Andrew’s eyes.  “Where’s Gunny?  I haven’t seen him since Hug Day.”

“He’s coping.  Let it be, Chrissy.  He doesn’t want you to see him.”

“Does he have someone with him?”

“Yes.”  Something rippled, and it pulled at that achy place in my chest.

Garalen grabbed me.  “I’m not going to fall.”

“You don’t realize how pale you look.”

“My friend just lied to me, deliberately, warping the fabric of the fade around him.  Enough to pull at the hurt places inside.”  He apologized before she got the chance to say anything.

“I was trying to make you feel better.  I’m sorry.”  He got that faraway look.  “You’re still a mess.  I can’t tell if something needs fixing.”  I just looked at him.  “Chrissy?”

“You lied to me.  About the health and wellbeing of one of mine.  You’ve never lied to me before.  Ever.”  That’s when he grokked how upset I was.

“I am so sorry.”  He held out a hand to me.  “Forgive me?  I won’t do it again.”  His eyes were serious.

“Once, Andrew.  I will always forgive something once.”  I put my hand in his.

“Thank you.”  He hugged me.  “Now you have to get checked.  Please.”

“I will speak to Solas later.”  Much later.  Maybe next year.

I opened the bathroom door and saw the elaborate setup Solas had provided my Irusana.  She had water, food, a pillow, her box.  Some new toys.  A rope scratching post.  Somehow he’d stuck a stick to the wall that had a few feathers on it, too.  She was curled up on the pillow, content and asleep.

I left the door open and investigated my desk.  A runner’d come get me when it was time to play chatelaine.  Nothing immediately urgent.  I wouldn’t be able to ride Drummer today, not in this dress, but I could visit him.  I snitched an apple from Cook and wandered out there.  Josren waxed poetic on my dress and the fabulous things it did for my figure.  Drummer appreciated the apple.  

Geth reached out and pulled my neckline more toward my neck, smirking.  “No comments, Geth.”

“Not a word.”

Garalen caught up with me during my chat with Geth.  We walked around checking the workmen’s setup.  It would take three days to get the entire place done.  The kitchens would be done on the twenty-second.  Canning and baking party the day after.  I was getting my hands dirty on that day, and no one would stop me.

When the call that the nobles were arriving happened midmorning.  They’d obviously stopped nearby for the night so they’d be pretty on arrival.  The Inquisitor and Josie also showed up on the dais to see them come in.  The three of us greeted them, but I didn’t say a whole lot.  Just directed them to their guides, who greeted their servants, as well.  There was a tense moment as they waited for me to bow and scrape, but that’s not happening. I bow to no one.  

Maybe the inquisitor, if I’m feeling sarcastic.  But the trip to Orlais crystallized one thing.  Those nobles do not have say over me.  They are not MY nobles, and therefore I will not bend my knee to them.  Ever.  So I sweetly smiled and held out a hand when they started to leave.  They couldn’t think of a way to make me curtsy with Inquisibabe right there, so they ended up awkwardly bowing over my proffered hand.

After they went inside, Sam looked at me.  “That wasn’t nice.”

I made my eyes wide.  “Really?  I offered to shake their hands, and they didn’t even try!”  I steadied my face.  “Sam, I’m not bowing to the same Orlesian nobles who watched a Chevalier haul me off while I yelled for help and did NOTHING.  Do not ask it of me.”

He studied me for a long moment.  “I won’t.”  There must have been something on my face, even though I’d steadied it.  “Chrissy, I won’t.  I wouldn’t want to either, if I were you.”

I nodded.  “Thank you.”

I descended the steps and visited the uncles.  They sent me on after a short while, Enborr thumping an apprentice when he dropped a red rod on the floor.  He doesn’t like it when his apprentices stare at me.

I went up to visit Dorian, waving at Solas as I passed.  His eyes moved to my neck and he looked pleased.  Dorian was doing well.  He was busy researching something or other.  He looked haggard.  “Didn’t sleep well?”  He blushed.  “Oh ho!  Anyone I know, my love?”

“A gentleman doesn’t tell, dove.”

“I know, but I’m talking to you, darling.”

“I’m hurt.  Truly.”

“Are you going to be returning to my room, or do you now have a constant companion?”

“Oh, no.  Definitely not a constant companion.  Can you imagine?  No.  I will return.  You are RESTFUL.  Speaking of companions…  Don’t you have one?”

“For one more day, there is someone who is there because I was injured in the Dales.  After that?”   I shrugged.  “I don’t know.”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course.”

He leaned over.  “I don’t think he’s there because you got hurt.”

“That is the official story, though.”

“I’m glad you are recovered enough to put up your personal barriers.”

“I am?”

“I’m also glad that they are apparently instinctive now.  Excellent!  When will we start working with staves again?”

“I don’t have one.”

“There are staves piling up in corners.  Pick one.”

“Not today.”  I walked right past Fiona.  She said not one word, pulling back from me.  Good.  She’d heard.  Maybe now she’d leave me alone.

Gara bullied me into the Dining Hall for lunch with the others.  There were the meat pies, so I enjoyed the meal.  I did the paperwork thing until Eadras pulled the wrap it up again.  Music practice for a bit.  Then I decided to try to LOOK at the world around me.  I was feeling better, after all.  I switched my focus, stepping sideways as it were, and LOOKED.  The first thing I saw was my door.  And it said “Not yet, even though you feel better.”  Damn it.  I blinked the shift away, and rubbed my chest.  Not hurting.  Achy.

Dinner with the farmers tonight.  At their house against the walls.  They did nice things to it, actually.  It was a father, mother, and a single child.  There were several hands, as well.  Six people lived there, contentedly.  Friendly, elven, hard workers.  Happy.  Thrilled, actually, that they got the letter to come to Skyhold.  I got thanked repeatedly.

I was escorted back for songtime.  Still a lot of people.  More than a hundred.  No Gunny.  After our song, I told Andrew I want to see Gunny tomorrow.  Even if only for a minute.  Tucked the kiddos into bed with kisses and cuddles.  A huge round of hugs for the girls.  Iona was tickled.  Her parents said yes to her desire to train as a ladies’ maid.  Leorah was willing to talk with her.  The others were just enjoying the lessons and leisure time.  Embroidery on fine fabric is much nicer than mending coarse clothing.  Played with the kitty for a bit.

Solas, again, shows up as I write.  This time, he interrupted me, lifting my chin for a kiss before settling on on the couch to read while I finish.


	105. Day 8, 19 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last night with Solas, sleeping late, new plans for the harvest, braving Leliana's lair, and getting Dorian back.

###  **Skyhold, Day 8, 19 Solace, 9:41**

I had barely put my pen down when Solas moved.  I’d thought him concentrating on the reading he was doing.  He reads with a book on a surface, so he just leaned over and dragged me across his lap.  I arched a brow at him.  “Something you want?”

“Yes.  This is my last night.  I want your skin next to mine.  A memory.”

“How much skin?”

“As we slept last night.”  Me in smalls, him in pants.

“Sounds chilly.”

“You don’t need anyone to keep you warm.  Not anymore.  But I guarantee you will not be cold.”  I don’t think he’ll ever lose that arrogant tone.  It made me smile.

I traced his brow.  “Such a small thing to ask.  I hadn’t expected such a small thing.”

“Then grant it, haselan.”

“Done, then.”

“One other thing.”

“What?”

“I need to look at you again.  Tonight, or in the morning, or both.  To make sure…”  He paused.  “There can be no blank spaces, weak places.  If there are such abscesses, they must be lanced.  It would be painful.”

“Have there been any such places so far?”

“No.  The healing has gone well.  Beautifully well.  The strength of the…”  He stopped.

“Solas.  You can’t keep stopping in the middle of sentences.”

“Of course I can.”

“Brat.”  I walked two fingers up his chest to his shoulder.  “So do I have to get undressed before you can look at me?”  I cocked my head to the side, smirking.

He stilled.  His eyes held mine.  Lifting my wrist for a kiss, he responded, “I am not answering that.”

“Do your looking, Faolan.”

“Yet another name?”

“Same name, Solas.  Another language.  A different name would be Blaud, yet it is still yours.”

“You are trying to confuse.  Define Blaud.”

“Solas.”

“Yes?”

I smiled.  “Blaud means Solas, mo chuisle.  Pride.”

“And Faolan?  Grohiik?  Chuisle?  Grá?  Chroí?”

“You have a good memory.  It would not be in my best interests to answer those.”

“You use my words against me.”

“We have always done so, have we not?”

“Indeed.”  I wrinkled my nose at that, and he chuckled.  A moment later he sobered, and somber eyes met mine.  “I believe you told me to look.”  Cooling blue flowed around me.  It covered all the places but that one that hurt, then gently slid over that one.  There were fewer crevices and much felt more like ridges than anything else.  It didn’t hurt, and was only mildly uncomfortable comparatively.  Achiness like I’d felt before, the first time I’d been exposed to annulment, but in no way minor.  “The difference two days makes.”  He hugged me tight.

“Solas?”

“You have no idea, ma’nehn, truly no idea.”

“Then perhaps you could give me an idea of what you are talking about.”

He let me go a bit.  “You are greatly healed.  We worried you would be permanently damaged.  That worry is assuaged.  I do not know how the ordeal will alter your strength.  It could go in any direction or none at all.”

“When do I get to play again?”  I did not get the reaction I expected.  The contours of his lap changed, and his eyes darkened.  “Magic, a grá.  Play with magic.”  His hand tightened, barely, on my thigh.  “Solas!  Not like that.”

“A pity.  Tomorrow.  You may try looking at things tomorrow.  Stop if it causes pain.  For now, you agreed to my request, and it is time for sleep.”  That was the only warning I got before he stripped his tunic from him.  There were marks on his chest.  Teeth marks.  I was horrified.

“Did I do that?  I’m so sorry.”

“You did,” he purred.  “You could do it again.”  He gently turned my face to his.  “I could heal it any moment I wished.  I like your marks on me.”  He brushed his thumb over the mark at my shoulder, but didn’t mention it.  He gently pushed me off his lap to stand, joining me upright.  “You need rest, so invite me to bed.  Unless you prefer the couch?”

“Come to bed, mor’ishan.  Hold me through the night, if you wish.”  I removed my gown, and we laid down to sleep.  A few kisses, some gentle caresses, and I slept folded tightly into his arms.

Gentle dreams, larger spaces, thinned mists.  I woke still in his arms, him shaking me gently.  “Chrysopal.”

I opened my eyes.  “A grá.”

“I must go.  When your Tevinter Altus cannot keep the restlessness away, and you feel the need to prowl Tarasyl'an Te'las, remember where my door is.  You sleep the night in my arms.”  He kissed my eyes shut, and then my lips.  Something slipped over my shoulders.  “Sleep, ma’nehn.”

When next I woke, there were voices on the other side of the wall.  Briri’s voice, and Andrew.  “He said to let her sleep until she woke.”

“I don’t care what he said.”  Briri obviously tried to stop him, because he basically shoved her into the bed area as he ignored her hands on his chest and walked.  “Chrissy.”  The relief he felt to find my eyes on him was visible.

“What is it, Andrew?”

“Sweetheart, it’s midmorning.  Hours past daylight.  Are you okay?”

“Of course.  I’m sorry I slept so long.  Did someone feed Irusana?”

“Yes, but the Commander is looking for you. You are late for your meeting.  You already rescheduled once.”

I sat upright; relieved to see the woman in the mirror was wearing clothing.  Climbing out of bed, I said, “Delay him.  I will be ready as soon as possible.”

“Done, Chrissy.  Be speedy.”

Briri may have kept them from me, but she was efficient now that I was up.  I was dressed in record time, my hair up in moments.  There was a mug of that coffee drink handed to me.  It was cold, but warmed the moment my hand touched it, until it was perfect.  “Drink quickly, my lady.”  It couldn’t have been ten minutes before I strode out to meet Cullen.

He was on the battlements, talking with my Templars.  Gunny looked awful, out of armor and haggard.  I probably shouldn’t have, but I ignored Andrew and Cullen to reach for him.  “Are you okay, Gunny?  Do you have need?”

He wrapped his arms around me, hunching over.  “I am better, Chrissy.  It will get better still, I’m told.”

“I understand addiction, Gun.  And I am here.  You didn’t have to hide from me.”  As he released me, he looked beyond me, probably for help, because a throat cleared.

“Chrissy, I believe we have a meeting?”

“Ah yes.”  I turned to him.  He held an arm out, offering escort.  I took it, and we strolled the walls.  “Is he okay?” I asked as we got out of Gun’s earshot.

“I’m not here to talk about him.  What did you wish to discuss?  Something about farming?”

“Yes.  We need help bringing in the harvest.  A significant number of your recruits are farmboys and girls.  I had hoped you would let me borrow them for a few days.  The last thing we want is food rotting in the fields, no?  Some things can be harvested over time, but bulk is ready now.”

“You want my men to harvest fields.”  He said it fairly flatly.

“It’s honest work.  Nothing to sneer at.  You could say no.  Or perhaps they would volunteer if they knew there was need.”

“I’m not sneering.  I just don’t know.  I’m not ordering my men to do farm work.”

“Will you let me ask?  Give them permission to take the day and help me if they chose?  I’ll feed them, lunch and dinner, out of my stores.”  I looked at him.  “You as well, if you wanted to help. Or supervise.”

“Playing to a soldier’s weakness, Chrissy?”

“Everyone gets tired of mess food and the company of soldiers.  I can offer them a day away from that.  Plus, nearly all the young women, human and otherwise, are mine.”

“That’s cruel.”

“It’s cruel to provide a nice picnic for anyone harvesting the fields?”  I inhaled and covered my mouth as an idea occurred to me.  “Even better, I’ll let them bid on picnic baskets.”

He stopped, turning to me.  “What?”

“Anyone who works the fields can bid on a picnic basket for lunch.  The ladies will pack the baskets, one each, and then the winning bid gets the basket and the company of the lady.  We could use the funding to improve the liberty hangouts.  The tavern, the baths.  If someone doesn’t want to bid, then lunch will still be available in a more group setting.”

“Will you be packing a basket?”

“Probably,” I responded distractedly.  I was in planning mode.  “Oh,  I have to talk to Cassandra and Leliana.  The ladies shouldn’t be left out.  Can I?  Please?”

“Alright.  They can choose to participate.  How many do you need?”

“I think sixty men, plus Cassandra to show them up, should do it.”

“Make that fifty nine.”  He smiled that little smile as he dropped me off at the entrance to the atrium.

I turned to look at him seriously.  “Cullen.  I’m not for you.”

“You are a friend.  Perhaps Joan will pack a basket.”

“I’ll make sure of it.”

“What day are we doing this?”

“The Twenty-fourth.”

I entered the atrium.  Solas was sitting in his chair.  There was no one else around, so I sat across his lap.  His arms came around me, probably instinctively.  I put my arms over his shoulders, for stability.  “Solas, do you have any interest in helping to harvest the fields?”

He was not expecting that, and the control of his face slipped a moment.  Microexpressions of surprise and dislike.  I’d not have caught them if I wasn’t looking at him so carefully.  “I do not.  I am sure there are numerous people with experience at such things.”

“Hmmm.  Okay, then.”  I went to get up, but he didn’t release me.  “Yes?”

“Why do you ask?”

“We’re having a harvest day.  I’m bribing some soldiers with picnic lunches to gather and reap.”

“I see.  I’m sure soldiers would enjoy a change from the communal eating.”

“Did you arrange the mug this morning?”

The corner of his lip turned up.  “I might have.”

“But did you?”

“I arranged for it to be the proper temperature.”

“Thank you.”  I dropped a quick kiss on his lips and stood before he could grab me again.  I wiggled my fingers at him from the stairwell.

Had a nice conversation with Dorian about several topics, mostly magic, then started up to Leliana’s rookery.  Elias and Garalen both caught up with me there.  The Nightingale saw me, I know, but she didn’t acknowledge me for a long minute.  “Chrysopal.  I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I had an idea, and thought you might like your people to participate, if they wish.”

“And just what is this idea?”

“I need help in the fields.  Cullen has said I may invite his soldiers to participate, and he is participating himself.  If the scouts wished to do the same, we could make it a contest.”

“Scouts versus Soldiers.  Why would anyone volunteer for field work?”

“Good food, good company.  The picnic basket auction.”

“The picnic basket auction.  And what, precisely, is that?”

“People pack picnic baskets, and the men bid on the basket, not knowing which lady packed it.  They win the contents of the basket and the privilege of eating with the lady.  This isn’t known here?”

“What day is this to take place?”

“The twenty fourth.  I need a few days to prepare.”

“If people wish to participate, they may.”

“Cool!”  We both walked away.  No bowing, no backing up.  It was almost normal.

I stopped, eyeing the banister.  Garalen stopped.  “Chrissy, no…”  Too late.  I hopped and dropped.  TOO FUN!  I landed, startling my hobo.  I waved, and strolled off whistling the title tune to “Oklahoma”.

They caught up with me on the way to the armory.  Cassandra was next.  When I suggested to her that she could outdo any soldier, so she should take the day off and participate, I meant she should pack a basket.  She agreed to participate, and then said she was absolutely sure she could pick more than Cullen.  I opened my mouth, and she looked at me.  “I’m sure you can,” was all I said, and I let her be.

Morris was all for it, and wanted to help with setup and such.  He’d get his assistant (the one I’d forced on him by putting out an ad) on it.  I bugged the Chargers.  Bull thought it would be a fabulous thing to watch.  I asked him if he would be the auctioneer.  I didn’t know who else might be good at that.  “Nah.  Not interested.”

I looked around the room.  “Anyone else, maybe?”  I was expecting Skinner or one of the others to pipe up.  Imagine my surprise when Grim grunted.  I shot a glance at Bull, but he leaned back and crossed his feet, completely at ease.  What the hell.  “Alright.  The job’s yours.”  Krem and the others looked quite shocked that I’d done that.

I headed up to the main hall.  Varric would be interested.  I told him I’d tried to help him.  “How?”

“I was trying to get Cassandra to put a basket in the picnic auction.  She’s decided she’d rather work the field instead.”

“Interesting.  So are only girls allowed to submit baskets?”

“I don’t think that’d be fair.  But you would have to be a good companion to anyone who won the basket you pack.”

“I’m an excellent meal companion.  But I don’t think that would be a problem.”

“We’d have to convince her to bid.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem either.”  He popped his neck in both directions and smiled.  “I know all her favorite foods, and a small word in her ear about participating in the entire experience will get her.”

“So open about it?”

“Can you imagine the horrified look on her face when she sees me?  I’d pay good coin for that.”

“If you want me to put that small word in her ear, you will.”

“Totally worth it.”

“I have to talk to Josie.  And Sam.”

“That’s mean, Cuddles.  Because if you convince Josie to make a basket, the Inquisitor is going to have to participate.”

I smiled.  “I know.”  I hugged him before I left.  

Josie was easy to convince.  That convinced Sam, of course.  As I went back to my desk, I felt a ripple.  I joyfully turned to see Cole, who wrapped me in his arms.  “He said I wouldn’t hurt you today.”

“You don’t.  I’ve missed you.”

“I know.  You are less and more and different.”

“Again?  I’m not surprised.  Solas said my scent had changed again.  What did I lose?”

“The way home.”

“What?”

“You would not be able to live there now.  You would need underhill.”

“Another layer stripped from me.”

He nodded.  “But you are more, too.  You were not going to try to go home, anyway.  That decision had been made, the pain gone.”

“What more?”

“To everything there is a season.”

I smiled at him.  He handed me an apple.  “Food, because you love me.  The feeling is mutual. Let’s get lunch, Cole.”  He sampled a little of the food I got, but didn’t really eat.

He played with Irusana, I did paperwork, and I just enjoyed being around him.  There’s something about his presence.  I really had missed him.

He disappeared when the people arrived for dinner.  Halton joined us this time, and we all enjoyed a pleasant meal.  Three more Ethelathians I don’t know.  Didn’t.  I know them now.  I wandered off after dinner and before songtime, putting up a signup sheet in the soldier’s area, near the prison.  A description of the work, a list with fifty lines, and a statement that only those who contribute some sort of work will be able to participate in the picnic basket auction.  If they had other ideas on how to participate, they could see me about it.  

I chatted quickly with Liam and saw Harold, who’d been sent out to the Western Approach.  He was back.  They and a few others of the soldiers, people I knew, got hugs and so on.  The word would be spread.  I would be surprised if the list didn’t expand farther than fifty names.  At least we’d get the harvest in.

Back for songtime.  Dorian sat with me in my chair, and joined me in my rooms.  We took turns in the bath, and it was like it had been.  Spending the end of the day chatting with a best friend.  I’ve missed him.  He waved it off when I told him that.  He’d missed me, too.  He didn’t ask any questions about my time with Solas, merely commented that my room was disappointingly clear of any musky odors.  He got smacked on the arm for that one, but he grinned.  “Don’t worry, Dove.  I’m sure you’ll figure out how to arouse him eventually.”

I raised a brow.  “What makes you think it’s him that is insisting on keeping our clothing on?”

“You?”

“There are still things between us.”

“You just told me.  CLOTHES.”

“Dorian.”  He chuckled and hugged me.

“Do your writing and come to bed.  I am COLD.  Fall in the mountains is not a pleasant time.”

“Winter comes next.”

“You will be required to tend me, Dove.  Keep me warm, or I shall simply shrivel in the cold.”

“I’ve heard that happens to some men.”

Laughter and fun, and cuddles from a friend.  It was a good evening.  He’s reading in bed.  I’ll admit I’m missing Solas a bit, but I’m really liking my Dorian being back.


	106. Day 9, 20 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian, Fountain Pens, Waterfalls, and babies

###  **Skyhold, Day 9, 20 Solace, 9:41**

I’d not slept with Irusana in the room for two nights.  So the fur on my face was a surprise.  I’d been playing in the fade, and woke up sneezing.  Dorian was still asleep, or so I thought.  He’s more run down than he’s letting on.  I should have done something.  I was here playing with Solas and Dorian needed rest.  We’ll get him up to snuff again.

I had been given permission.  So I carefully opened my SELF.  Discomfort.  Real discomfort, but no worse than after the first annulment.  This time had been so much worse.  I hadn’t seen my threads in weeks.  Garalen was still solid as a rock.  Eadras, Leorah.  All the ones I expected.  Geth was steady.  Dorian.  His thread was stronger, thicker.  But when I touched it, he was feeling more delicate than I expected.  One of his eyes opened.

“I can feel that.”

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to wake you.  Is it uncomfortable?”

“No.  It feels odd.  You didn’t wake me by doing whatever you did.  I heard sneezing.”

“Sorry, love.  I touched your thread.”  He opened his other eye.

“Do you do that a lot?”

“You’ve never noticed before.  You’re frail, darling.  Pushing too hard.”

“You’re a fine one to talk, my dove.”

My self was still open, so I LOOKED at him.  He was depleted, as well.  That explains his lethargy.  “What have you been doing?  Are you hurt?”

“I am, as always, a nearly perfect specimen of manhood.  I have no idea of what you speak.”

“Try that on someone else.  What have you been up to?”

“Research with Alexius.”

“What?  The Inquisitor judged him already?  How did I miss it?”

“You were busy with the whitewashing and hug day.”

“I see.  I take it he’s been sentenced to research.”

“You knew?”

“There are only so many possibilities.  A single one of which would involve him remaining alive and being where you could spend time with him.  Be careful, my love, that he doesn’t use you up.  He will try.  He wants to turn back the clock.”  I looked at the woman in the mirror.  “Time can’t work that way.  If we could just go back, it would be worse for some, and best for only those near the magic user.  It can’t be allowed, Dorian.”  I caught his eye in the mirror.  “Imagine, my love, a world where two mages had opposing views about how time should have gone, and the ability to change the past.  It would be a hell for everyone else.”

“This has already occurred to me,” he responded drily.

“Then why help him now?”

He lay back, staring at the ceiling.  “He needs me.  Not the magic, but me.”

“He’s hurting my beloved friend, and either doesn’t realize or doesn’t care.  Neither of which is acceptable to me.”

“I’m not hurt.”

“Oh?  Perhaps I ought to go to him and offer my help, since he isn’t depleting your resources.  It should be perfectly safe, should it not?”

“NO.”

“No?  So it’s not perfectly safe?  Darling, this man.  I know some of what he means to you.  But you feel so fragile.  Delicate.  You’ve never felt delicate before.”

“Perhaps it is changes in you, not in me, Dove.”

“Well, then, you would have no issue with me helping Alexius.”

He sat up.  “You mean this.  You think he’s hurting me.”

I scooped a little of the magic around me.  Uncomfortable.  Very uncomfortable.  I scooted closer to him.  “Shall I show you?”

“Show me?”  There was so much glowy dust.  I’d been dealing with wisps of it for ages, and here it is thick in the air as it was in the sea.  Before he realized, I touched his forehead and gently pushed it into him.  I stopped just on the verge of pain.  He was about three quarters restored, and looked impressively better.  It took merely a moment, and he exclaimed, “Stop, dove.  Please!”  I already had.  Dizzy and sore, sweating.  “Vishante Kaffas.  You stubborn woman.”

He was cursing, but he was moving energetically.  I hadn’t closed my SELF, and I kept looking at him.  A slow leak.  Leading somewhere.  “Someone or something.  Your magic escaping, love.  Stealing your strength.”

He blinked and looked around.  The stream moving away from him cut off.  “Solas is going to hurt me.”

“Why?  I only ache.  I stopped before the point of pain. Those were the rules.”

“Festis bei umo canavarum.  You are speaking oddly again.”

I smiled at him.  “Will not.  I’ll drag your sorry shade back from the fade if you leave me, love.”

He shivered.  “Don’t say things like that.”

“I am also going to have a talk with your Mentor.  Soon, very soon.”

“Please, do not.  I would rather he never meet you.”

“He was a good man, once.  You believed it.  Yet you would not introduce us?  Are you ashamed of me or him?”  I yawned, and covered my mouth.

“You never ask the easy questions.  I am not ashamed of you.  Now sleep.  Your hobo is going to be angry enough as it is.”  That ended the conversation, and I was asleep before I realized it.

I woke again early.  Irusana was curled in the crook of Dorian’s shoulder.  I had overdone it a wee bit, I could tell.  I was throbbing uncomfortably in fadey places.  I got up and investigated my wardrobe.  Serviceable clothing is hard to find.  I settled for a plain dress that was a bit large on me.  It’d come back.  It always does.   I found some real hairsticks in a drawer, and used them to put up my hair.  

First order of business was food for two and a cat.  I bothered Cook, and she provided me with sausage rolls.  Oh, yum.  The man I’d never gotten the name of presented me with a mug of the coffee stuff.  I got his name now.  Hadrian.  He put what looked like yogurt in it.  I’d never thought they had yogurt here.  He has a sweet smile, and his eyes linger on Ethel.  It’s so cute.  He isn’t mine.  He works for me and likes his work.  Skyhold, not Ethelathe.  Interesting.  I hadn’t even opened my SELF and I knew this.

I deposited enough breakfast for Dorian and ‘Sana in the room, and sat at my desk.  General paperwork, until Halton arrived. He halted mid step.   “What are you doing?”

“Paperwork?  I have to get these plans for the Harvest out.  Anything else can wait.”

“If Eadras sees you, he’ll be upset.”

“Why?”

“It’s the twentieth, Chrissy.  Your day off?”

I sighed at him.  Looks like I was going to have to put down some new rules.  “Let’s make one thing clear, Halton.  I listen to you, to them, to Eadras, because I care about you all and your opinions.  However, I am a grown woman.  If I feel the need to do something, I will.  Not one of you has any authority but bonds of caring over me.  I am still your boss, young ser, and some things can’t wait.”

“Eadras isn’t your hahren?”

“Eadras is a hahren. He is family by choice, and I respect him.  I listen to support his role, and because he cares.  But, Halton, I met him six months ago.  I don’t think he’s old enough to be my parent, unless he started very young.  The only one, ONLY one, who I will tolerate giving me orders is the Inquisitor, and that only because I am a member of this Inquisition while it exists in this form.  Now, you are correct, it is the twentieth.  This is normally not a work day, and I will not work long, but I have not yet completely caught up from my absence and illness.  And to be very clear, my working today does not mean you get to work tomorrow on your day off.  Hour for hour, under my eye, remember?”

It was his turn to sigh.  “Yes, milady.”

“Chrissy.”

“Yes, Chrissy.”

I worked maybe two hours before wandering in the direction of the stables.  Well, until I hit the door.  Rain.  COLD rain.  Darn it.  This was going to delay the last of the whitewashing, messing with my timeline.  Probably.  Instead, I went out to the main hall, visiting.  Varric was engrossed in some paperwork.  I sat down next to him. He looked up at me.  “I have news on that pen.  Fountain pen?”

“Fountain pen.  What news, Storyteller?”

“It looks like it is something wholly new.  I can probably get you exclusive patents on the ink, the container, and the pen itself.  It’ll take time.  Check your coffers and see what I have to work with.  This looks like it’s going to be fun, Princess Cuddles.”

“Seriously?”  

He just grinned.  “Why not?  Make the Orlesians squirm.”

“And paint a target on my back for Tevinter.”

“Tevinter?  Why Tevinter?”

“Never you mind, Son of Garen.”

“Why do you insist on calling me that?”

“Only when you call me princess, Storyteller.”

“Hmmm.  Guess Son of Garen’s not that bad, as names go.”  I glowered at him and he laughed at me.  I hugged him as I left.

Solas wasn’t in the atrium.  Water poured down.  The tarp curtains had been put up and closed, making it darker in here.  I’d not noticed that it got darker when that happened before.  Maybe it was just a darker sky.  The water was too cold to play in, and I couldn’t warm it this time.  My boys would be disappointed.  I watched the water splash in the shallow pool, then flow under the door to the outside.

A door shut somewhere, and it got slightly darker.  I suppose it was only about eight thirty or nine in the morning.  The sun wouldn’t be all that high to come in the roof yet.  Usually we played in the afternoon.  Maybe I’d feel better then.  A slight jingle was my only warning, and my hair fell.  “Solas, you sneaky brat!”

I turned to look at him, about to demand my sticks back.  I met his eyes, and stopped.  Something in them.  He raised a hand, eyes holding mine, tracing a finger along a cheek.  “Good morning, ma’nehn.”

“Hi.”  I shook myself internally.  “Can I have the hairsticks back?”

“These?” He held them up.  “They are lovely.  I prefer your others.”

“I wasn’t up to making those this morning.”  His eyes narrowed.  “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.”

“You should have been able to do that.”

“I did other things.  The hairsticks?”

“Which ones?”

“Solas.”

“Later.  I like your hair down.”

“I thought the bell would give me more warning.”

He leaned into my ear.  “Be glad I let it jingle at all.  You did not distract me.  What things did you do that you could not create your hair ornaments?”

“Just looking at people, checking my threads, and moving glowy stuff.”

“How much ‘glowy stuff’?”

“I stopped at the point of pain.”

His face smoothed and he stood up straight.  “Da’asha, that was not supposed to be a goal.  May I?”  I nodded, and cool blue swirled over me. “You watch my waterfall with sadness.  Why?”

“It’s too cold to play in, and I can’t warm it.”

“The temperature shouldn’t bother you.”  He seemed puzzled.

“But it would certainly bother four little boys, a little girl, and seven teenagers.”

“I see.”  His brow furrowed a minute, and then smoothed.  “I could warm the room, and the water.  It would not be difficult.” Something in the way he said it made me wary.  I waited.  “Are you not going to say anything?”

“You are not offering, you are stating a fact.  I’m waiting for the rest.”  He chuckled.

“Ever fascinating.  A bargain, haselan.”  Language I understand, but I was about to cheat.

I stepped up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing myself to him.  “And what do you want, mor’ishan, mo chroí?”  Holding his gaze, I licked my lips.  His tongue touched his before he realized what I’d done.

He took a quick step back, and I let my arms fall.  “And you think I am devious.  I will warm the atrium and the water at three this afternoon, for two hours, so the children and their caretakers can play.  IF.  If, ma’asha, you take a two hour nap.  Sleep, rest, from noon to two.”  I could do that.  “In my room.”  What?

“Why your room?”

“You won’t be disturbed if you sleep in my room.  You would be in your room.  Every night supplicants try to disturb your rest.”  I arched a brow at him, crossing my arms.  “Don’t look at me like that.  Eadras sensibly requires all requests during your convalescence go through him.  They left when asked if Eadras had approved.  I would have woken you for an emergency.”  He brushed a finger under my eyes.  “You look nearly bruised, and you obviously did not sleep well.  Of course, there is also whatever you and Dorian got up to, again, that hurt you enough you could not manage your hair.”

“Dorian did nothing.  Why can’t I sleep here?  You have that couch.”

“It is public.  You would be disturbed by people passing.”

“Most people will avoid the waterfall.  You missed me, and are trying to finagle me into your bed.”

“Finagle?”

“Obtain something by devious means.”

“Ah.  Definitely.”

“Half an hour, in my rooms, but you may join me.”

“An hour and a half, in my bed, without clothing.” He’d lowered his voice.

“Oh, I don’t think so.  My clothing is not up for negotiation. Neither are kisses or more personal interactions.”

“Very well.  An hour and a half, in my bed, then.  Clothing is optional.”

“You’re funny, you know that?  A single hour on that couch over there, resting in your presence.”  

He smiled.  “I can agree to that.”

“Why do I get the feeling that we ended where you wanted us to?”

“Say yes, little spider.”

“Fine.  I’ll return at noon.”

“One.”

“What?”

“Eat at noon.  Be here at one.”  He opened a book and started reading.

“Whatever.”  I’d do it.  Might as well.  “Solas.”

He glanced up.  “Yes?”

“The hair sticks?”

“What about them?”

“Can I have them back?”

He returned his eyes to the book.  “After your nap.”  He raised his eyes again for just a moment, and mischief filled them.  Ass. He wanted me to argue.

I visited my people who worked around Ethelathe Hall.  Soaps and scullery, weaving and dyeing, carpentry (which had been planned, but actually got implemented while I was gone), and more. Going to have to do something about the open to the sky parts of these areas, though.  Or maybe not.  Nobody seemed cold.  When I asked, they said they were fine.  

Showed up in Leorah’s “official” area and asked for yarn.  I was plied with fabulous strands and colors as we gossiped for an hour or so.  I selected a few and thanked them.  I’d been yarnless for too long.  Time to test my muscle memory in other ways.  The crocheting went much better than the musical instruments.  Plus Irusana loved the string.  Requisitioned a bunch of towels while I was there, too.

The kids were thrilled when I told them I had arranged waterfall time.  Gretel’s two and my little ladies had to have “waterfall time” explained to them, but the Tweedles and Daniel were definitely up to the task.  I sent a message up to Josie saying I was claiming the girls for two hours at three.

I did spend some time playing the piano.  Just a few little tunes.  More time playing guitar, but only because I was playing kid songs and fun stuff.  I was too busy giggling with my kids to notice any pain with my fingers.  Cole joined us for some of it.  He likes to be where there is happy.  Always fighting hurts wears on him sometimes, I think.

Mika and Seggrit joined me for lunch.  Just because, I thought at first.  But they were insanely nervous.  I was suspicious, so I opened my SELF for a moment.  Well, well.   I let them meander around the conversation for a while, and then I pounced.  Figuratively.  “So when are you making it official?  Or are you?  Before or after the baby’s born?”

Mika turned red.  Seggrit laughed.  “Told you she’d know.”

“To be fair, I only noticed a few minutes ago. Babies are a blessing.  An innocent life, seeing the world with new eyes.  If anyone gives you trouble over the child or its parentage, come directly to me.  I will not tolerate that.  Children should be cherished.”  After we finished eating and chatting, I got hugs from them both, and wandered my way up to the atrium.  I took the towels with me.

There was a blanket on the couch, folded.  I set the towels down in the middle of Solas’ desk.  His EMPTY desk.  That had been pushed back to the wall.  I sat in his chair.  I wasn’t going to lay down if I didn’t have to.  I only bargained to rest in his presence.  He showed up not long after, pulling me out of his chair by the hand and leading me to the couch.  I sat, he pushed me over, and covered me with the blanket.  “Sleep, asha.  You need it.”  He traced a finger across my lips.  “May I?”  I nodded, and he chuckled.  He traced his finger down my forehead and whispered, “Sleep.”  The last thing I thought was that he was a sneaky bastard.  I’d thought he wanted a kiss.

I was woken by giggles and kid kisses.  Dum climbed up on me, snuggling.  “Did you fall asleep waiting for us?”

“I took a nap, baby.  Sometimes grownups do that.  The joys of naps are wasted on the young.”

“You LIKE naps?”  Dee.  

I smiled, looking around the room.  Solas was sitting in his chair.  I caught his eye and answered Dee.  “It often depends on the company.  I had only expected to sleep an hour.”

“There was nothing in our bargain regarding waking you up, da’asha.”  Such a smooth retort.  I’d get him later.

Cole and the ladies, several messenger teens, Eadras, Gretel, me, the Tweedles, Daniel, Gretel’s two, and a mage kid playing hooky made quite the crowd.  Poor Solas stayed in his chair, pretending he wasn’t there, I think.  The rest of us played.  Laughter, giggles, water fights.  The players changed, but the fun remained.  At the end, when Eadras and Gretel were going to take the kids for a bath in the communal bathing room downstairs, I got an idea.

I bent down to Dee’s ear.  “You should probably thank Solas.  He made it warm enough for playtime in here.”  Cole started giggling.  Dee grabbed Dum, and they both advanced on the hobo, who stood.  A polite thank you, and then they HUGGED him.  One leg each.  Soaking wet kids hugged the dry mage who had deliberately stayed out of the water, despite warming it and the room.  They got a polite response, but I got a glare.  And Cole still giggled.  

The girls were hauled off by Vivienne, who showed up annoyed.  “This is not proper use of their time, Chrysopal.”

“They are still young, and deserve fun now and again, Madame de Fer.  A little magic made it warm enough to play.”  She wasn’t nearly as unhappy as she sounded, based on the look and nod behind the girls’ backs.  She understands the need to demystify the mages, make them less an object of fear.  And it is best to start with the children.

Solas was dry by the time I turned back to him, and reseated.  We were the only two left.  Cole’d poofed.  I know Solas would stop me from hugging him soaking wet, but I don’t know if he remembered hair dynamics so well.  I stopped far enough away not to spook him, then flung my hair forward, then back.  And laughed at the elven curse and look on his face.  A moment later, I was dry, too.  “I will get my revenge, ma’nehn.”

“That WAS revenge, a grá.  You should have woken me, and you cheated to get me asleep.”

“I did not.  I asked, and you acquiesced.  Perhaps you should have inquired after more details?”

“My hairsticks, please.”  He produced them, smirking, and I said goodbye.

I ate dinner with Cara and Eadras and some new guy Cara’s seeing, sort of.  At least it’s not Josren.  New guy worked in Carpentry, and was sort of one of mine.  Conversation centered on wood, furniture, and snowballs, of all things.  When the two weren’t making goo-goo eyes at each other.  Cara’s only nineteen, but I suppose that's plenty old enough to be thinking about mates and families.  

My little guys were exhausted after two hours of water fun.  Songtime was shorter than usual, because Mika let people know about her condition and the evening devolved into parenting stories.  I tucked the kiddos in bed and sang them to sleep.  We Shall Overcome, just like I used to, and several others.  Dorian waited in the doorway of the kid area for me, and escorted me to my room.  Writing, and then bed.  I blew the dust off this thing.  (Brought it back to write.) Didn’t feel so hot, but I did it.  I feel safer with my journal veiled, somehow.  I’m going to protect everything else tomorrow, too.

  
  
  



	107. Day 10, 21 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Restless nights, feeling stupid because I missed the obvious, getting told not to mess with money, and meeting Zevran.

###  **Skyhold, Day 10, 21 Solace, 9:41**

Dorian is a sweetheart, really.  But he gets fixated on things.  I thought we’d dropped the subject of Alexius.  I was wrong.  He felt the need to “explain” that Alexius didn’t know anything about the drain.  He’d left himself connected to a gadget, an apprentice mistake.  Explaining.  For an hour, pacing back and forth.  I just sat there on my little couch.  He needed to convince himself, maybe?  After an hour, I was done.  “Darling.  My love.”

“Yes?”

“I don’t accuse anyone of anything.  I merely present possibilities.  Someone or something was draining you.  If you say he’s harmless, then I agree with you.  This man has been a mentor to you for a long time.  I’m sure he has a lot of wonderful qualities.”

He stopped and looked at me.  “It’s never that simple with you.”

“Dorian, you are a dear friend, the only man I let invade my bed any time HE likes.  You know more of me than anyone else.  I trust you.  If you say he’s not a danger, I believe you.”

“I can’t say he’s not a danger to you, Chrissy.  But he’s not a danger to me.”

“Why is he a danger to me?”

“Because of what you did just last night, for example.  You do things strangely, and that will attract him.  He’ll want to study you.”

“It won’t be the first time some old mage has wanted to study me like a bug under glass.”

“Or a butterfly on a pin, dove.  To him, you are just an elf, and therefore something he won’t respect.”

“That needs to change, Dorian.”

“It takes time to alter a society.”

“Or to build one.  I know.  Mika’s pregnant.”

“Seggrit?”

“I know of no other.  That’s two babies.  If we keep going this way, there’ll be six on the way by spring.”

“Any possibility one of those might be yours?”

That made me laugh.  “That would take a miracle.  You have no legends of virgin-born deities here.”

“You have had a child.”

“True, but I’m participating in procreative sex about as much as you are, my love.  So unless parthogenesis becomes a fae thing, it’s unlikely.”

“I should know that word, shouldn’t I.”

“I’m not sure.  It’s descended from Greek, I think, not Latin, but the two were in close proximity.  Partho- is Virgin, Genesis is creation.  Virgin birth, or offspring from an ovum without fertilization.  Similar to ex nihilo, I think.”

“Ex Nihilo I understand, and genesis.  It was only Partho.  Bed, dove.  Sleep.  You still look tired.”  He paused.  “Have you done something recently?  You look different.  Again.  It’s odd.”

“Good different or bad different?”

He is definitely male, because he faltered a moment, then answered cautiously, “Neither?”

“Wonderful.  I manage the silver hair and end up with age spots or horrid wrinkles or something.  I’m only forty four, for heaven’s sake.”

He blinked.  “I regret mentioning this, and I am dropping the subject retroactively.”

“Probably smart of you.”  We both climbed in bed and slept.

I woke in the middle of the damn night again.  I swear this is a trend.  Irusana was playing with my yarn, tangling it all up.  I naturally increased the light in the room just a bit, and it didn’t do more than ache mildly.  I crocheted for a few minutes, but it didn’t ease the restlessness.  I needed to walk.

I meandered up out to the pens.  That way I wasn’t “prowling” Tarasyl’an Te’las and wasn’t tempted.  I petted the goats and calves in the starlight.  I hadn’t realized how many animals we actually had until I was looking at them all.  The pens aren’t one of my normal wandering spots.  We had a bunch of pigs, several cows - more than I had thought.  The goats, of course.  Chickens, sheep, three turkeys, horses, harts, other mounts that may or may not be good for food or ingredients and leather.  We need silkworms.  That would put us in good position.  Maybe a field of flax, too?  For food and clothing.  I’d have to get someone knowledgeable on the subject to advise me.

Elias caught up with me at the pens.  I hadn’t realized I was being watched that closely.  I’d not seen anyone but soldiers and scouts on guard.  When I asked, he said that Argo had woken him.  “The lady is wandering again” were the exact words used. I have no idea who Argo is.

I moved to the edge of the fields.  So little room for what I need.  I could look down on the green valley below.  Elias came up next to me.  “What are you looking at, Chrissy?”

“The valley.”

“Oh.”

“I need to get down there.”

“Why?”  I looked at him. And started thinking.  Why hadn’t anyone else been trying to get to the green valley I see?  Why did no one else mention it?  Solas had talked of it with me, but said he didn’t know how I’d get there.  I’d been going around assuming everyone saw it, but everyone saw a wall where the basement library is, too.  “What am I missing?  What’s wrong with the one on the other side?”

“A library, Elias, a valley, and doors.  Don’t worry about it.  I wasn’t thinking.  Differences and changes, something I missed.”

“You missed?”

I gave him a quick hug.  “Don’t worry about it, truly.  The fault lies in me, not in you.”

“You’re not making any sense.  Should we get one of your mages to look at you?”

“Don’t threaten me.  Let’s go back.  I should probably get a few things in before dawn.”

“Are any of those things sleep?”

“I’m sorry if I pulled you out of Gratia’s bed.”  

“You didn’t.”  He smiled.  “Argo did.”

“You two getting along well?”

“She’s sweet, I guess.”  That didn’t sound good.

“Well, so long as you both are happy with the situation.”

“It’s alright.”  He walked me back to the Pillow Palace.  “Stay home, Ethelathun.”

“Fine.  I won’t leave this hall until daylight.  Okay?”  He nodded.  I settled and did paperwork by the light of veilfire on my candles.  Saves the wax, because veilfire is merely the memory of fire.  Doesn’t melt anything.

I was still in my nightgown when people started waking.  Briri was one of the first ones up.  She somehow managed to bully me into going back into my room and getting dressed.  She’d pulled the sides of my hair into a braid at the crown of my head, but left the rest long. I was dressed, dressed UP, actually, and fed before I realized what we were doing.  It was just reasonable to do what we were doing.   She’d gotten me primped and reensconced in my chair without waking Dorian or disturbing the kitten, either.  And without triggering any inclination to refuse her.  Elias is right.  This woman is dangerous.

Halton made his appearance, but only to get some blank paper.  He was writing, he said.  That reminded me to write Merrill and Jack.  Just to say hi.  It had been a while since I wrote either of them.  I played with several languages for Jack’s letter, and a simple homekey shift cipher.  That one might be harder for Leliana.

I got the details on my account and its contents from Josie, in an envelope.  I didn’t bother to look at it, and just handed it off to Varric.  “That’s everything I have, Varric.  Use what you need.”

“You’re not leaving yourself a fallback?”

“I don’t even know what it’s worth, honestly.  It’s numbers.  What’s the real value of it?  I have no idea.  Your weight-based money is weird.  We should probably see about moving to a fiat system.  That would alleviate much of the difficulties of hauling around precious metal.  Perhaps just banknotes…”

“Cuddles, you’re not messing with the money.”

“We’d just keep it in a safe place, and exchange paper that said how much we had and what it was worth.  Checks, for someone to visit the vault where we stored it and access a specific amount?”

“No.  You want to buy something, use real coin.”

“And yet you took that piece of paper as proof of the coin I had?”

His eyebrow went up.  “That’s what you’re talking about?”

“Something similar.  If you and I agreed that this,” I picked up a blank sheet of paper off his table and wrote a one on it, “means that I owe you one sovereign, then it means that to us.  You give it to someone else, agreeing that it is still worth one sovereign, so now I owe that person one sovereign instead of you.  I’m sure you have something like this in place.  You don’t broker debt?”

“You’re suggesting we turn the entire monetary system into debt brokerage?  Selling things for bar tabs and loans?  Shit, no.  Can you imagine the inflation?  It would spiral out of control.”

“Just an idea.”

“A bad one.  Wait, is that the way money works where you came from?”

“Yep.  Sort of.  It’s more complicated than that.”

“Of course it is.  Nothing is ever that simple.”  He shuddered.  “Horrifying.”  He put the envelope I handed him among a small stack of papers, and returned to writing.  With the fountain pen!  Woot!

I visited the Chargers.  I adore them, I really do.  But they’re just so very overwhelming.  I got a second cup of coffee, though.

Leliana stopped me as I came through the doors to the main hall, a measuring look on her face.  “There’s someone I want you to meet, Chrysopal.”

We walked together to Josie’s office.  Josie was behind her desk, face flaming.  A blond man, pointy ears, was standing in front of it, back to us.  Leliana cleared her throat. 

“OH!” exclaimed Josie, hands going to her cheeks as she noticed us.  “I have to…  I need to check…“ She cleared her throat.  “Yes.  I will go see how our latest Orlesian guests are faring.”  She stood and strode deliberately away. 

A small smile teased Leliana’s lips as she led me further into the room.  The man turned.  “Leliana, it is always a joy to see your lovely face.  And who is this vision?”  His eyes slid over both of us, lingering, but not intrusive, and came to rest back on our faces.

“Zevran Arainai, I’d like to introduce you to the Chatelaine of Skyhold, the Ethelathun, Chrysopal.”

“Hello, Ser Arainai.  It’s nice to meet you.”  I held out my hand, wanting to see what he’d do.

“Oh, Bella.  Chrysopal, such an unusual name.  You, my lovely, may call me Zevran.”  He clasped my hand gently, keeping his eyes on mine.  As he raised it to his lips, he continued, “Eres la mujer de mis suenos.” 

Just as his lips would have touched my skin, I slid my hand from his, away from his lips.  “Adulador.  It takes more than that to coax kisses from my skin.  It is a true pleasure to meet you.”

“I’m sensing a challenge.  Are you sure that is wise?”

“Since when do elves always do what is wise?”  My tone was teasing, and that would not do.  How many times do you get to meet your first video game crush though?  I shook my head a moment.  “It was not a challenge.  I am not in the market for kisses of any kind.  Way too busy.  You, Zevran, are a very bad man.  I think I like you.” I smiled at him.  Leliana ducked into her cowl.

He aimed a lascivious grin at me.  “An elven chatelaine.  A rare thing, precious.  Perhaps you would show me your stronghold, Bella?”

“It’s Chrissy, Zevran.  And of course.  Though technically, it’s Sam’s stronghold”  He held out his arm, and I took it.  

“The Inquisitor?  You are on such good terms?”

“I name him my brother, and he calls me sister.  We are dear to each other.”

“Things are indeed odd here.  Next you’ll tell me that people dance in the air and sheep fly.”

That made me laugh, because I could tell him that.  The Avvar had flung rams at the walls, and Dorian and I had indeed waltzed in the air.

By the time we reached the doors of the main hall, Garalen had shown up.  The two eyed each other.  “I’ve heard of you,” she said, eyes narrowed.

“A pity I can’t say the same for you, beauteous one.  Have we met?”

“Zevran Arainai, this is my very good friend Garalen.  Garalen, you appear to know Zevran, at least by reputation.”

She nodded.  “I know of him.  When he isn’t stealing virtue, he’s stealing coin and breath.”  She nodded at him.  “It is a pleasure to meet you.”  I actually think she meant it.

He was still eyeing her.  “We shall have to talk, my dear.”

“Play nice, you two.  Zevran, Garalen is one of my best friends, and one of the few I trust to guard my back.  Please be kind.  Gara, I’m going to show Zevran Skyhold.  Want to join us?”

“You already know the answer.”

I did show him, a full tour, with Garalen within arm’s reach the whole time.  He was a perfect gentleman.  I also told him about the harvest day and the basket auction.  Some of the plans I had for the near future.  Stability and self-sufficiency.  “You are planning on staying here?”

“Yes.”  I grinned at him.  “I’m going to steal a stronghold, just you watch.  I figure I ought to start small.  After that, Biondo, I’m going to see about stealing mountains.  Whole ranges of them.”

He burst out laughing.  “I think it would be wise to be very careful around you.”  I did gently warn him that I considered the seven teen girls my personal friends, and that they were here to be kept safe from the imprecations of men.  “If you are warning me off, I have never been interested in children.  Not even as a child.  A seasoned woman, with experience and a commanding presence.  That would be interesting.”  He is an accomplished flirt.  I can see Josren becoming like him in a dozen years or so.

“If you refer to me, I am not trying to be interesting.  Interesting people are targets.”

His eyes flickered.  “So they are.”  He’s always seemed to be for anything improving the lot of elves.  I wonder if he would find our little community interesting.  I left him in the main hall after inviting him to song time.

Dinner was with Renee and two others from the healer’s tent.  A pleasant conversation, and pleasant company.  I’m sorry to say I was yawning by the end of it.  I’d been up a long time.

We had more people than usual for songtime, again.  Probably because The Zevran Arainai was in the audience.  I’d expected him to be ensconced on a pillow in the pillow palace, but he leaned against the stone walls.  I suppose it was safer.  Dorian was sharing my chair again, but told me that he’d join me late, if at all.  He had an appointment.  I was safe to sleep, healed enough I didn’t need a magical guard.  Solas was down here for Songtime, too.  I can probably count the times he’s come to songtime on purpose on one hand.

I tucked in the littles, and headed for my rooms.  I’d have to ask what our guest thought of our songs next time I saw him.  As the door to my rooms closed, a familiar arm wrapped around my waist.  Solas pulled me to him, and rested his chin on my head.  “Solas?”

He leaned down and kissed me.  Barely a taste, the fiend, before he drew back.  “I wanted a kiss, ma’nehn.”  I tried to pull him back down for a better kiss, but he stepped back.

“Is something wrong, mor’ishan?”

“No.  I just wanted a goodnight kiss.” His voice dropped an octave and his lips brushed my ear, “If you want more kisses tonight, then come to my bed.  I can promise you pleasant dreams.”  He kept his eyes on mine as he left my rooms barely a moment later.  Ass.  I’ll be fine.  I don’t have to go running to him.  Promising pleasant dreams.  I belong in my bed.  With my cat.  And he can stuff it.


	108. Day 11, 22 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wisps are back... in force? Riding, Adan, discussing Dorian with Bull (not like that), and Solas.

###  **Skyhold, Day 11, 22 Solace, 9:41**

Dorian did come to bed, very late, and freshly bathed.  I didn’t ask any questions.  Like I told him, he’s the only man currently allowed in my bed whenever he wants.  He actually wanted to cuddle, too.  Wrapped his arms around my waist and put his head on my stomach, which he doesn’t do often.  Something is bothering him, but he won’t talk about it.  So I mommied him for a while, until he went to sleep.

The fade was interesting.  The wisps were back.  I don’t know why they were suddenly flooding my space, but there were a lot of them.  A whole lot of them.  Like hundreds instead of five.  Bits and pieces of feelings.  They’re really kind of adorable.  The mists were nearly gone, and I could see the otherworld.  I think the mists were there to protect me.  They still create a sort of barrier, but the wisps got through.  Even there, though, doing too much is uncomfortable.  I had to refrain from too much shaping.  I just created a metallica concert.  I was a little aggravated, after all.  Not at Dorian, of course.

I woke early, but not like yesterday.  I had to untangle Dorian, and he wasn’t a fan of the idea, grumbling in his sleep.  Just to see if I could, I tried to warm the room a bit.  No no no.  Bad Idea.  So I snagged him another blanket before ‘Sana and I left for the Pillow Palace. 

Today’s plan is to whitewash the kitchens.  We would have started yesterday, but the rain had delayed the outside.  Isn’t it odd that the rain only fell on my day off?  Yeah, I thought so too.  So cold meals are the plan of the day.  We did smoke meats and all sorts of other things, because those things need to get done, too.  Getting things ready for storage.  Well, not just today.  You know, I’m not the expert on stocking up for the winter, but I know what it smells like.  And it smelled like that today.

I did paperwork for an hour or two, woke Dorian with food, and left Irusana with the kids.  I had to double-check the outside.  The walls were done and dry, gleaming white.  Next on the list was roofs.  I needed to be better or ask someone about barriers for Cullen and The Iron Bull’s rooms.  I was not having my heat run away to the sky.  Waste of precious wood, and that’s one resource for which we have to trade, for one.  The hole in the wall to the war room was also repaired.  The stones were right there.  There’s a window coming from somewhere, I’m not sure where, and whiny Inquisibutts can have their view back then.

Which reminded me to invade the undercroft to talk to Dagna about warmth runes for the places that aren’t set up for fireplaces. Dagna and I were having a wonderful conversation regarding frequency combinations of heat and light and how to apply it to solid barriers when Dorian found me.  Photoresponsive solid barriers seem like a theoretical possibility.  Would make wonderful windows, that keep out too much light.  Like the photovoltaic doors we have.  He joined the conversation for a while, because Tevinter has similar things, though not photoresponsive.  Window barriers to keep in the heat or cool.  I told him we were going to need to discuss me borrowing his skills soon.

Dorian wanted to go riding to clear his head.  So we did.  I played with Drummer, and he rode a spirited little mare.  He didn’t say much of anything.  He just wanted company.  I thought about it, and he needed another thing to think about.  “So, Dorian.  I’ve looked through our libraries and haven’t seen a lot of interesting on veils.  Where else do you think I should be looking for information on the veil?”

“You’re still on that?”

“Until I solve it.  It was just a thought.”

“Actually, my dear, it might actually be possible to request some of the information you need from Alexius’ estate.  His personal library is extensive, and contains much of the basic literature.  He wouldn’t mind.  He has recommended I study the veil numerous times.”

“Interesting guy.”

“One of the best.  No, you are not being introduced.  He would not fall under your spell so easily, my dove.”

“Did I ask?”

“Not today,” he responded with a smile.

The rest of the jaunt passed pleasantly, though mostly quietly, and his mind was taken off whatever he was thinking so hard about.  By the time we got back to the stables, he was more his debonnaire self again.  And it wasn’t just a front.  He actually FELT better.  I’m going to have to strengthen my shielding, because I hadn’t opened it to feel him.  I felt better, too.  I’d not exactly intended it, but something about the mountains encourages deep, meditative breathing.

We got back to the stables, and Josren lifted me down from Drummer.  “I’ll tend him, Lady.”  Wierd.  He led the Hart off. 

I looked at Dorian.  “What just happened?  Is Josren okay?”

Dorian had dismounted and was looking at the retreating elf as well.  “I don’t know.  That wasn’t nearly as pushy as he usually is.”

“Subtlety is an art he is still learning.”  I turned to see Zevran leaning against a stall door.  “Do you have a moment to speak with me?”

I looked at Dorian.  “Elias should be here shortly, Dove.  Wait for him, please.”

“Of course.”

Elias did show up barely a minute later, strolling in.  I introduced him to Zevran, and they eyed each other.  Goodness, it’s like dogs sniffing each other in the park.  You just want to look away because it’s embarrassing.  They complimented each other and then ignored each other.  I think it’s an assassin thing.

I took the proffered arm.  “Is Dove a nickname for you?”

“Only from him.”

“I see.  But you are not together.”

“We sleep together most nights.”

“Ah, you are being funny.  There is sleeping and there is sleeping.”

“Did you have something in particular you wanted to talk about?”

“As a matter of fact, yes…”  He asked some detailed questions about how Ethelathe had been formed, what we were doing, where we were going.  He’s good.  I ended up chatting about how I wanted to basically install elves in the villages around here, and maybe buy up the land around.  I didn’t mention the green valley.

As we got back to the pillow palace, Halton handed me a clipboard with a bunch of papers on it.  “I do apologize, Zevran.  I have so much to do.  Feel free to do whatever it is you do.  Just don’t hurt any of my people and don’t get blood on my freshly whitewashed walls.”  He burst out laughing, but I’d been serious.   He spends a lot of time laughing.  Lessons were still going on, so he watched what Eadras was doing with the kids.  

Removing my attention from him, I snagged a bit of food from the low table in the middle of the hall. I munched as I sat down to review the paperwork.  Made a few changes, annoyed some supplicants by being fair but not particularly nice, found out that Adan had found my carbimide!  He had questions.  I made quick work of the other three rulings, one for, two joint fault, with accompanying resolutions.

Taking my clipboard with me, because I wasn’t done yet, I headed up to the alchemy tower.  I got hugs and a quick bussing on the cheek before we got down to the more weighty matters.  I lost the rest of the afternoon in intricate alchemical discussions.  High school chem comes in handy.  See?  I WILL use it in real life, just like my teacher said.  Halton’s going to be annoyed that I took notes on the back of the schedule and a contract.  Oops.  I needed paper.  It was there.

We only noticed it was getting darker when it got harder to see what we were doing.  When I finally created a ball of light to see something, Elias intervened.  It was time to stop.  “You have other things to do, Chrissy.”  

No, actually, I didn’t.  I rebelled, a little bit.  “Actually, I think that just about ends my day.  I’m going to eat in the tavern.  I’m not in the mood for a cold meal.”  Yes, I know I am supposed to eat dinner with some random person.  If they want to eat with me so much, they can find me.  They didn’t.  Must not have been that important. 

Maryden had some new songs.  I sat next to the Iron Bull.  Chatted a bit, and he asked how my vint was doing.  “Pensive, actually.  You have something to do with that?”

“Might.  I don’t like this Magister guy.”

Yeah.  Me neither.  “Do you have reason?”

He leveled his eye on me.  “Have you seen Dorian?”

“I let him take me on a short ride and showed him a slow leak that he had to plug.  He’s a bit better.”  

“Slow leak?”

“Something was draining his magic.  A constant trickle.  Not a good thing.  It’s stopped for now, but I’m watching.”

“It seemed like a good idea, letting him work for the Inquisition.”

“Maybe he just needs to settle in.  He is smart, and he might uncover something Sam can use.”

“Most people don’t look for the beneficial side of everything.”

“It doesn’t cost more to try to be optimistic about things you have no control over.”

“True.”  We chatted about inconsequentials.  I had one drink.  ONE.  And I turned into a giggler.  Ugh.  I left while I still had my wits.  I’m way too friendly when I’m drunk.  Never drink with a mercenary.  I’m not even sure how they convinced me to have one.  I don’t even like beer.  I’m not even sure that was all beer, actually.

Songtime and kid cuddles.  Dorian wasn’t around.  Sam joined us, as did Vivienne.  Not sure why Viv was here, but she was.  I spotted Solas against the wall.  Eadras put the kids in bed, telling me to get some sleep.  

Halton grumbled about being prevented from redoing the contract after songtime.  I did something new by accident.  Probably the beer.  Instead of veiling the paper in his hand, which was a bad idea to begin with, I managed to veil the ink.  Halton looked at the paper, looked at me, and stammered “where’d it go?”  

“It’ll be back tomorrow.”  I said it all smooth, like I’d actually meant to do that.  Note to self, you can veil ink so the paper looks unused.  Solas had stood up from the wall he was holding up when I did it, narrowing his eyes at me.  I wasn’t watching him.  Honest.  He was just kind of in my sight if I turned my head just a little bit.  When Halton left the paper on his desk, I unveiled it.

A silken shiver ran down my spine.  Drat him, he was playing with our thread again.  His face was smooth as he caught my eye and then turned to walk up the stairs.  A few minutes later, there was this gentle pressure on the thread, not enough to make me ache, but if it were harder, it would hurt.  I followed it and found his room.  Was this what he felt when I’d done that pull through the door in Val Royeaux?  An incessant call?  I mean, I could shut it off, but I was curious.

I reached his door, which was closed.  I raised my hand to knock, and it opened.  “Hello, ma’nehn.”

“Hi.  You wanted something?”

“I want many things.  But tonight, I want five minutes.”

“Five minutes?”

He opened the door wider, silently inviting me in.  “Of your own free will, ma’asha.”

“I am not going anywhere near your bed.”

“Perhaps not tonight.”

I stepped inside.  “What are we to do in five minutes?”

The door shut, and his mouth met mine.  “There are so many things.”

Our arms came around each other and he lifted me to a dresser, wedging himself between my knees.  I don’t know if it was five minutes, but it was a very short, fairly chaste time, considering.  I couldn’t help it.  “I’ve missed being in your arms.  I shouldn’t.”  

“Come to my bed.”

“If I get in that bed with you, I may never leave.”

“I would not harm you.  Tell me you know that.”

I hadn’t even considered that.  “I wasn’t thinking you would, a grá.”  I cupped his face.  “Injuries and need are small things.  Taking advantage of circumstance.  Choosing to abandon my bed for yours.  That’s a big thing.”

“Abandon your bed?”

“Never mind.”

He kissed me again, gently.  “You think of my bed that way.”  I didn’t say anything.  “It could be a night, ma’haselan.”

“Would you be satisfied with one night?”

“No.  But I would accept it.”

“Solas.”

“Yes?”

“Will you dream with me?  I miss you.”

He stilled, not breathing, closing his eyes.  His arms tightened, and he inhaled deeply at the crook of my neck.  I thought he was going to refuse.  “Vin, ma'sulahn'nehn.  I will find you in the fade.”  A last kiss and he ushered me out his door.  “Sleep well.”  

I went back to my room, dressed for bed, played with Irusana.  Dorian’s reading.  I looked him over, and he’s still okay.  I’m veiling this and heading for bed.  The whole thing, not just the ink.


	109. Day 12, 23 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fade time, potential harrowings, canning and baskets, talking with Mother Giselle, dinner plans.

###  **Skyhold, Day 12, 23 Solace, 9:41**

I still had an overinfestation of wisps.  They were everywhere.  So they and I played for a while.  Until Solas came striding out of the mists.  I’d thought they were nearly gone, but they did hide more than I’d thought.  It was easy to see him from a fair distance, but visibility was limited.  I’d say one mile, three quarter mile visibility.  Be careful while driving, but walking?  No issues.  Anyway, when Solas arrived, about half the wisps scattered.

“You scared them off.”

He stopped within reach.  “How many were here?  There are a great many around.”

“I don’t know.  Lots.  About half of them split when you came in.  They’re adorable, aren’t they?”

“Some think so.”

“Do you?”

One corner of his mouth quirked.  “It depends.  One does not always like being watched.”

“The watcher in the mist.”  He glanced at the mists.  “It was a book I read, a long time ago.  It has no bearing.”  I handwaved it away.  “I wonder.  Would they leave if we asked?”

Solas held my eyes.  “You could try.”  There was something he wasn’t saying, but I ignored it.  

I reached out a hand, touched a half a giggle.  Solas almost reached out to stop me, the aborted movement obvious.  With the wisp in my hand, I looked at him.  “Is something wrong?”

He eyed the wisp and then me.  “Apparently not.”

Okay, evidently touching wisps is bad?  I lifted the wisp to my mouth and whispered “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”  It flickered, and then wafted into the mists.  “I guess some will,” I added, turning back to Solas.  He just smirked, waved a hand, and the rest scattered.  We were alone, save for three.  I glanced at them, and they bobbled in place before leaving.  Which made Solas laugh.  I’m not sure why, and he wouldn’t say when I asked.

He captured my hand and led me off into the fade.  We meandered the area, chatting about things.  Walking the halls and the battlements, then out into the surrounding areas.  Eventually we reached a pretty little glade, not far from Skyhold.  Obviously in spring, since flowers were blooming.  “Does this place still exist?”

“At least here, it does.  I would be curious if you can tell if it still exists.  Have you tried?”

“Tried what?”  He laughed.  Again.

“To see how solid this memory is, when it relates to.”

I thought about it, looking around.  I wanted to say one thing, but I had no idea if it was accurate.  “Something is niggling at me to say it exists, but doesn’t look like this.  Hasn’t for a very long time, decades at least.  But that’s probably just imagination.”

He lifted my hand to his face and kissed my wrist.  “You have a very good imagination, then.”

“Seriously?”

“Indeed, ma’nehn.”  I wrinkled my nose at him, making him laugh.  That’s twice, close together.  Three times tonight.

“What has you so happy, Solas?  You laugh so easily tonight.”

He pulled me to him.  “You asked for me.  Never before have you requested my presence merely because you wanted it.  Never before have you sought my company in the fade.”  He smiled again, running a finger down my cheek.  “And now you are blushing.  Is it so terrible?”

I ignored the question.  “So what should we do?”  His eyes darkened.  “Get your mind out of the gutter, Solas.”

“Out of the gutter?”

Crap.  Earthism, or at least a non-Solas known -ism.  “It’s an idiom.”

“Explain it?”

“Well, are you familiar with sewers?”

“Of course.”

“Gutters are the places at the sides of roads and such that drain into the sewers.  They carry filth, refuse, undesirable material, right?”

“I do not see the correlation.”

“In a society that equates vulgarity or sexuality outside specific contexts with filth, the association becomes obvious.”

“You are used to being in such a society.”

“It’s used as more of a joke, now.  Sexuality and its variants are, were, less taboo subjects than even the ten years prior.”

“So you were merely joking when telling me to stop pondering sexuality and its variants?”

“Can we just forget the subject now?  It obviously doesn’t translate well.”

“Oh, no. I think I like this subject.  I like any subject that makes you blush.”

I put my hands to my cheeks and he laughed again.  Three bouts of loud laughter in less than ten minutes?  Four in a night?  “You’re acting strange.”  It was making me wary.  I took a step back.  Maybe this wasn’t Solas.  

He saw it and sobered.  “Chrysopal?”  His mind worked for a bare moment.  “I am not a demon of the fade trying to cross over.”  He reached out, and I took another step back, so he couldn’t reach me.  He dropped his hand, looking concerned.

“How do I know for sure?”

“Do we not have a connection?  Test it.  Find out for yourself.”  He held up both hands, so I could see them.  Being non-threatening.

I’ve checked connections and such in the past while in the fade.  I think.  Maybe?  I can’t remember.  I closed my eyes and felt for Solas.  He truly was in front of me.  I took a step and reached out a hand, and connected with something solid.  Grabbed it in my fist, a handful of tunic.  I opened my eyes, and yes, he was still there.  “It is you, I think.  Unless everything has gone strange.”

“Am I truly so somber that laughter makes you wary?”

“You often chuckle, but full out laughter?  It is rare.  Three full laughs in less than ten minutes?”

He carefully moved his hand to my cheek.  “Perhaps you bring joy to my life.”

“Perhaps you are a flatterer.”

He gathered me close.  “I did not mean to make you wary.  Should I refrain from laughter?”

“No, of course not.  But if you’re feeling giddy, a warning would be nice.”

“I am never giddy, but I will keep that in mind.  I have a request.”

I smiled, and did my part.  “Again?  Don’t you usually do this at the end of a night?”

“Again and again.  It is the end of the night.  Towards the end of the night.”  He traced my lip with a fingertip.  “I want to know how you taste here.”

“You’ve kissed me here.”

“That was before. Come with me?”

“Yes.”  He lifted me for a bare moment, taking a step.  He set me down in a field of flowers.  Meadowsweet.  There is not likely a field of meadowsweet in all of Thedas if it’s a transport, so we must be in his space.  It sort of smelled like him.  Like vanillin and leather, with the smell of meadowsweet laid over all.  I turned back to where he watched me from a few paces away.  “Your space.”

“My space, yes.  A private part of my domain.  But you do not look surprised.”

“Anytime you lift me, I know we are changing dreamspaces.  I don’t have the ability to walk into other dreamspaces.”

“Have you tried?”

“I don’t see them.”

“Ah.  That would make it more difficult.”

“Not impossible?”

“Nothing is impossible.”

“I am going to remind you that you have said that, someday.”

“New subject, ma’nehn.  Or rather, reverting to a previous subject.”

“Sewers?”

He smiled.  “Not that previous.  Are you satisfied that I am who I claim to be?”  I felt along the thread, lightly caressing it.  He shuddered.  “You know not what you do,” he chided.

“Don’t I?”  The teasing tone may have been a mistake.  His face changed, his look intensifying.  His eyes darkened, and he snatched me up.

I found myself against a wall that hadn’t been there two seconds before.  His thigh held me up off the ground, pressing against sensitive places in intriguing ways.  “I had been operating on the assumption that those brushes were accidental, ma’nehn.”  Teeth grazed my chin.

“I didn’t know until just now.  Not for sure.  And I only figured out it had an effect at all when you did it to me after Val Royeaux.”

“I see.  Then I will not exact revenge…  much.”  He spoke as he ran his lips over my neck.  “Have I mentioned that I adore this nightgown?”  He slipped it off one shoulder and kissed the skin he revealed.

“A grá, I thought I was going to get kisses.”

“You are getting kisses.”  He trailed back up my neck.

“On my lips.”

“You will.”  He tormented my ear.

“Now, mor’ishan.”  He chuckled and complied.  He was right, it did taste different than it had.  Richer, somehow.  Not the same as in the waking world, either.  It was also different in other ways.  I could feel more.  And less.  After a while, we moved to a couch, easing back.  He was blessedly non-pushy.

“I could leave my mark on you here.  I wonder if you’d transfer it to the waking world.”

“What?”

“Never mind, haselan’udh.  We can find out another night.”  He lay next to me, his head pillowed on my chest, stretched out on the couch.  He held me close a moment, and then raised his head.  “Why did you ask me to dream with you?”

“It had been too long since I had seen you in the fade.  Exactly the reason I gave you, Grohiik.  I missed you.  Once we would spend part of every night together.  Even when we were at odds, we spent that time, though it was on opposite sides of a wall.”

“You knew I was there?”

“I knew someone was there.  I thought it might be you, but I didn’t know.”

We talked.  Philosophy, mainly.  Plato’s cave, something he hadn’t thought a human would think up.  “Interesting that you assume he was human.”

“Was he?”

“It was thousands of years before my time.  How would I know?”

We delved into the concepts of shared reality, where the more people believe something, the more real it is.  He keeps asking if things are what I believe.  So surprised, every time, when I tell him it’s something I think is possible, a theory that I am willing to accept modifications to as evidence presents itself.

“Is there nothing that you fully believe, that you would not change your views on?”

“Yes, there is.”  He waited, but I didn’t enlighten him.

“Not sharing?”

“A question for a question?  THAT question, a grá.”  

He chuckled.  “Fine then, ma’nehn.  Another time.  Your beryl is being reset.  Would you like a necklace or a wristlet?  Something else?”

“Surprise me.”

“You changed it, Chrissy.”

Changed it?  “How?”

“The heat from the lightning tempered it.  It is no longer yellow.  It is a greenish blue, now an aquamarine.  Do you still want it?”

“It is the same stone.  You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“I want it, but how does heat change stone’s color?”

“A conversation for another day.  Dawn comes.”

“You always seem to know.”

“Experience.”

“One last kiss?”

“Always.”  He scooted up and occupied my tongue.  “Remember you slept the night through, ma’nehn.  In my arms, even if not in my bed.”

That tone.  I’d heard it before.  “Wait, are you jealous again?  I thought we’d resolved that.  Dorian is important to me, and we share a bed for mutual benefit.  Your place in my life is different than his, but not less.”  

He kissed me again.  “You have no idea.”  He smiled.  “That makes me feel better.”

“Keep this up and I’m going to start mentioning all the female people who wander through the atrium in hopes of catching your eye.  I don’t assume you’re chasing every swishing skirt and come-hither look, do I?”

“In other words, place a bit of trust in you.”

“Precisely.”  I smiled.  “If you are in danger of being replaced in my affections, I will use my words.”

“I will remember that.”

“And return the favor?”

“Unlikely to happen, but I will tell you.  And now, Chrysopal, wake up.”

* * *

 

I did.  Irusana was on my chest, tail lashing back and forth, eyes on my face.  “Hello, baby.”  She turned and stalked off.  

“She was like that for about five minutes, dove.”  Dorian was awake?

“You’re up early.”

“Early?  Dawn has come, my dear, and the knocker up banged on the door.  We have things to do today.”

“It’s canning day!  And we have baskets to pack.”

“What will you put in yours, darling?”

“Probably ham sandwiches and potato chips, with a fruit salad and maybe a cake and some fruity drink of some kind.  Perhaps a sangria.  It would be very nice by tomorrow.”

“Potato chips?”

“You’ll see, love.  And just so that one can’t identify my basket by unfamiliar food, I’m sharing with others.  We all are.  It’s just easier to make a larger batch and share.”

“That’s cheating.”

“Maybe I’ll include some fried chicken instead of ham sandwiches.  Or both.  Or roast beast.  You are not sharing the contents of my basket with people.  You, my love, are a meddler.”

“Considering I’m making my own basket, that’s not at issue.”

That made me happy, actually.  “Varric is as well.  So you’re helping in the kitchens today so you can get out of field work tomorrow.  I see.”

“Up and dressed, my dear.  You slept deeply last night.  Are you feeling better?”  A bare moment, without giving me a chance to respond.  “Apparently you had good dreams if you are blushing.”

“I am not supposed to blush.  I’ve been doing way too much of it.  I’m practically an old woman.  White hair, wrinkles and age spots.”

“Not so much any more.”

“What?”

He pulled me up, showing me the woman in the mirror.  I looked at her.  Younger, again.  Twenty two?  Twenty three?  The pale scars shot up my arms, fractals and patterns.  Like branches of trees, or the path of lightning.  Shocking. “You had aged.  I’d have placed you at thirty three days ago, based on appearance.  The silver hair, based on your roots, is going to be permanent, but your face, dove.  What did you do?  Whatever it is, you should bottle it.”  

He met my eyes.  “Rumors are already flying.  Good and bad.  Blood magic, whispers that you are more spirit than real, assurances you use healing magic to reverse the damage.  Fiona is demanding a harrowing.”

I smiled at that.  “I’ve been expecting that, and have thought long about whether I would acquiesce.  I will.  That far I will go.  The spirits of the fade are fascinating. I would love to speak with the ones that scare the circle mages so badly.”

“It requires lyrium, so it would not be until you are recovered, if the Inquisitor agrees to it.  He is objecting.  Vivienne says that you are not currently a danger and voluntarily put yourself in the care of Templars.  Also, that it is inappropriate to harrow someone who has used magic for less than a year.”

“I would want it public, Dorian.  Very public.”  I turned and looked at him.  “Public like the dais in front of the main hall.  There can be no doubt of the outcome.  If it comes to pass, that is my requirement.  Too many things could go wrong hidden behind closed doors.”

“On the dais?”

“Let the people see a templar standing over me with drawn sword, while I am unconscious.  Let them hear them debate how long they should give me before killing me because I’m troublesome.  How long should I be given, my love?  For I am very troublesome, and intend to become more so.”

“Is that what a harrowing is like here?”

“That’s what I’ve seen.  I’ve lived through a harrowing eleven times, as someone else.  Sort of.  The same harrowing as multiple people.  In a way.  And demons in the fade do not scare me.  If they were strong enough to be a true danger, they’d come through on their own if they wished to.  Like Cole.  Most don’t.  They’re just people, Dorian, wanting to live their own lives.  It is so very arrogant to think they all focus exclusively upon the humans of Thedas.  Just as some study the fade, some spirits would study the waking world.”

“The things you say.  I don’t know what to think.  You think of Cole as dangerous?”

“Dorian.  Are you not one of the most capable mages on the continent?  The flower of Tevinter, possibly the most effective mage there?”

“Well, yes.”

“Why would you think the other companions to the Inquisitor would be less dangerous than you are?  You are all extremely dangerous people.  Terrifying to the average person.”

There was a knock at the door.  Briri came in a moment later.  “I’m glad to see you awake, my lady.”  She curtsied, a swath of what looked like maroon wool fabric in her arms dusting the floor.  “You have a busy day.”  She really is good at what she does.  I was primped and brushed and dressed almost before Dorian could hightail it out of there.  She was brushing Irusana as I left.  Brushing her.  And ‘Sana was letting her.

Elias was waiting outside.  “Problem, hon?”

“I don’t like that woman.  But her credentials check out.  She has good references.  And she has sworn not to harm you or yours.  So today is a kitchen day, yes?”

“Most of it would likely be in the dining room.  We’re going to be cooking, but meals are going to be leftovers from yesterday.  Are you working fields or anything?”

“I’m doing setup and teardown of the staging area.”  He leaned against the door.  “I’ll be eligible to bid on baskets.  Should be fun.”

The canning and prep took up most of us.  More than I’d expected.  The Girls were surprisingly deft at blanching, chopping, all the skills.  I shouldn’t have been surprised, I guess.  These are the girly skills of non-nobles in Thedas.  The good part is that I could keep up.  Although I’d never seen the acquisition process for gelatin before.  We were using dried powdered gelatin, but the boiling hooves were going to replenish our stock.

Jellies, jams, canned vegetables, sauces, stocks, blanched and frozen things, because we have a cold room with a very cold sections.  As well, we had stacked trays of drying fruits out in the garden, covered in muslin, by the time we were done.  Accompanied by laughter, singing, gossip.  It was a beautiful time, with more than fifty people all working together.  Cook had obviously planned everything super well.  Each thing was done just as the next thing was ready, for hours.  We had jars and jars of things, and bags, and boxes, and a few large baskets.  Even a chest or two.  The meat smoked the last few days was hung up on hooks in the cold room.  Herbs were drying in the stillroom.  That took care of the fruits and the meats, mostly.  Some of the kitchen garden stuff.  

We’d have to do this again after the major harvest for the rest of the vegetables, the grains, the roots.  The shell beans are dry, so they’ll be grabbed tomorrow, too.  Actually, a lot of the roots would be staying in the ground for now.  I had no idea that was a thing.  The carrots, turnips, onions, and the like were left, because they were less likely to deteriorate there.  We’ll be harvesting them as late as possible, preferably after a frost or two, which should be coming soon.  Learn something new.  

That round of preserving was actually completed by around three.  After that, we fired up the oil cauldrons and started in on the rest.  We’d probably stacked every lunch-sized basket in Skyhold against the wall.  We played in the things we just made, and made a couple trips out to the fields to special-pick ingredients.  Roasted corn was a favorite, as were various meat sandwiches, a few pies, cakes.  

Varric and Dorian were on hand building baskets, as was Josie, and to my surprise, Vivienne.  Sera came in and munched a bit.  She’s going to be judging some sort of contest?  This thing may have spiralled a bit into a whole harvest festival sort of day.  I wonder if they realize it’s not the last one?  I have a bonfire planned, too, on the thirtieth, with a feast on All Soul’s day, too.  I showed everyone how to make potato chips.  Super thin sliced, fried until crisp, salted lightly.  They were a huge hit, and about a ten of the baskets ended up with them.  After I finished my basket, I slotted my name in the lid like everyone else.  

The lists were brought in, the ones for volunteers.  And several more.  The fifty lines were now seventy eight lines.  More than we needed.  Grim was still doing the auction. Bull and Sera had set up contests.  Sera’s was interesting.  She had fourteen people signed up for a “shoot the pumpkin” contest.  Bull was doing a log rolling contest in the little paddock pond.  It was going to be a double-elimination, and there was an undisclosed “valuable prize”.  Almost a hundred people signed up for that one.

It occurred to me that I needed to make a few things clear to the Chantry.  I sought out Mother Giselle in the Chantry Garden.  They’d actually done well with it, really.  It was cleaned up nicely, with spots for meditation and reflection.  Giselle was sitting on a bench, staring at the sky.  “We need to talk about All Soul’s Day, Mother Giselle.”

“I am not surprised.  I had been expecting you sooner.”  She turned to me.  “You have questions about our traditions, and how to incorporate them into what you are doing.”

What?  Uh, no.  “Actually, Revered Mother, I wasn’t thinking along those lines.  I won’t interfere in anything you do for All Soul’s Day.  You may celebrate as you wish, in whatever way you see fit.  So long as those celebrations are within this garden and the cloister.”

“I… don’t believe I heard you?”

“I respect that you have traditions.  Do as you like.  If you need something, I will do my best to help you get it.  In this place.  But the fires that killed Andraste, if you set them up outside this place, they will not burn.  No matter how much you try to light them, if I have my way.  I will prevent the Maker’s Bride from roasting yet again in my domain.”

She didn’t know what to say.  I took a deep breath.  Time to twist the knife.  “Please keep the torture of the Chosen One of the Maker in your own garden.  I refuse to stand before the Wellspring of All and tell him that yes, I knew she was his beloved, and allowed her to be burned.  Again.  When I could do something about it.”

“You are Andrastian?”  She said it with shock.

“Certainly not as you are, your Reverence.”  I gave her a nod.  “Enjoy your day.”  And left.  Let them think there is yet another piece of me they’ve found.  I said nothing untrue.

Garalen commented as we closed the garden door.  “That was cruel, my lady.”

“Stop that.”

“I will not.”

“I wish you would.  It’s catching.  In any case, it wasn’t cruel.  It was practical.  Now she has a reason she will understand.”

“ARE you Andrastian?”

“Any relationships I may have with deities of any kind are intensely private.  Suffice it to say that Andraste is not something I would reject out of hand.  Neither are the Dalish Gods, nor those of the Avvar, nor the Greek, nor the Gauls, nor the Norse.  It is not my place to say what is and is not appropriate for someone to believe.  Belief alone, Garalen, has power.  It’s harder, out of the fade, of course.”

“Out of the fade?”

“I’m sorry.  I tend to ramble.  I’ll stop now.”

“Please.”

“When I dream, I can change the world to fit my whim.  Spin up castles, create fields of flowers, walls of stone, and skies with one moon.  In the waking world, it is much more difficult to change things.  Some things I believe, Gara.  That people should be judged on their actions, not the meat they wear or the talents they have.  That anyone can learn. That choice and consent are essential.  These things make sense to nearly everyone I talk to.  Why has no one tried to put them in place before?”

“Maybe they have?”

“I see no evidence of it in all of Thedasian history.  Empires and slavery, serfs and tranquil.  Annul that which scares you, rip it from the fade.”

“Your twin princes say you will recover, fully and completely.”

“More and less and different.  I know.  Already there are things that I am going to have to change.  My shields aren’t strong enough, for example.  I’m feeling through them unintentionally.”  We moved to less fraught topics as we walked.

I checked on Cullen.  He was sitting in his chair, staring at the papers on his desk.  “Are you alright?  Will you be rested for tomorrow?  We’ll be in the fields at dawn.”

“What?  Oh, yes, of course.  I’m just.  Well, never mind what I’m just.  I’ll be ready.”

“Do you hurt?”

“Actually, no.  It has been a good day.  Tomorrow, that should be fun.”  The sarcasm is strong with this one.

“If you have need of me, send for me.”

“I will.”

“If my Gunther has need of me, send for me as well.  I’m not invading his space, solely because others seem to be handling him.  But if he needs the same sort of attention I’ve given you, I will provide it.”

“He knows.  Right now, it would be too much.”

“Whatever else he may need from me, I will provide, Cullen.  I protect my own.”  

Cullen nodded.  “He knows that too.  He has said as much.”  I left it alone.  But I was WORRIED, damn it.  

I bid Cullen farewell and walked through the atrium.  Solas was reading something.  I stopped in front of his desk.  He looked up at me, still pensive.  “Yes, da’asha?”

“Are you SURE you don’t want to participate in the harvest tomorrow?”

“I am sure.  I have many things to do.  I will likely join you for dinner, if that is acceptable?”

“Of course.  We may have others sitting with us.  I never know who has been scheduled.”

Disappointment.  “Perhaps I can make an appointment.”  His glance flickered to Garalen.

“Her schedule tomorrow was considered too busy to burden her with the usual meet and greet dinner.”

I looked at her.  “Who makes these decisions?”

“Eadras and Halton, with Jailyn’s input.”

Solas claimed the floor again.  “Then it seems it will be us for dinner.”

“Indeed.”  His eyes narrowed a hair as I met them, and I smiled a little smile.  “Good evening, Solas.”

“Enjoy your dreams, Chrysopal.”

“I usually do.”

“Do you?”

“I suppose it does depend on the quality of the company.”

Garalen kept looking back and forth between us.  “I’m going to go up and see Dorian.  I’ll be back in ten minutes.  She’ll be safe with you, won’t she?”

“Perfectly.”  He waited until she had left the area.  “The quality of the company?”

I moved around his desk, nearer to him, and planted my rear against it.  “Yes.  The company most recently has been excellent.”

“That is gratifying to hear.”

“Perhaps I will meet the same person or persons in the fade tonight?”

“It depends on whether you wish to.”

“It would be nice, I think.  As long as it doesn’t interfere with anything else that needs doing, of course.  The person or persons are probably much in demand and very busy.”

His eyes warmed.  “I am quite sure that whoever it is would find at least a little time for you.”

“Then I’d look forward to sleep.  I seem to sleep much better when visited.”

“Is that so?  Interesting.”

“I find it so.”  I touched the back of his hand, ran a finger down his long ones.

“Be warned, Chrysopal.  The times in which I do not retaliate are coming to an end.  You are far less skittish, ma’nehn.”

“And what does retaliation look like?”

“One thing it is, it is public.”

“I’m not entirely comfortable with public, Solas.  I would tell them all that we are considering each other, but displaying such affection in public… I am less comfortable.”

“You would tell them?”

“Why do you sound surprised?  You aren’t a secret, a grá.”

“Am I not?”

“Is that what this is about?  Grohiik, if you have a need I am not fulfilling, you must use your words.”

“What levels of public affections are you comfortable with?”

“Touching hands and faces, standing close.  Being SEEN together.  Hugs, looks.  Walking arm in arm.  Standing with an arm around each other.”

“I see.  We have done most of this.”

“And doesn’t that tell you something?”  I traced his jaw.  “What would you be comfortable with?”

“All of that, holding you close, you standing in front of me, in my arms.  Sitting in my lap or next to me, leaning on me.  More contact.”

“We could probably build up to that, mo chroí.  Is time something we’re short of?”

“Not with you.”  He touched my cheek.  “Time is not something I worry about.  Only how much you grant me.  Be warned.  There will be a public kiss.  At least once.”

“Perhaps when we have fewer secrets.  There’s not much left of me still hidden.  I don’t think you can say the same.”

His eyes glinted for a moment.  “I think less is hidden than you imply.”

Garalen came back down the stairs.  She cleared her throat, and we both turned our heads to her.  “You guys are weird.  Really weird.”

I smiled.  “Thank you.  At least I’m not boring.”

“Never that.  Jailyn is going to pitch a fit if you don’t show up for dinner. It’s her night.”

“I’m coming.”

“Not yet,” Solas murmured.  I nearly didn’t hear him.  Glancing at Garalen, she hadn’t.  He chuckled.  “Now I understand, da’asha.  This will be interesting.”  Lowering his voice again.  “Momentary panic in your eyes, but a blush on your cheeks.”  He inhaled deeply.  “And the rest of you likes the idea.”  I moved away from him.  What could I say to that?  “Sleep well, Chrysopal.”  Sneaky damn wolf.

I ate dinner with Jailyn and Eliza.  Played with my littles for a while.  I got chattered at by my little ladies, too.  They felt USEFUL today.  And they made baskets for tomorrow.  I told them they were required to eat within sight of the main tables.  Eyerolls and teenage whining.  “We KNOW.  Lady Montilyet already told us.  It’s not fair.  Everyone ELSE doesn’t have to be in sight of the tables.”

“Everyone under eighteen does.”  I’d forgotten how trying teenage girls can be.

Songtime went well.  Zevran was among the crowd again this evening.  He stopped by my desk after it was over.  “Do you do this every night?”

“Yes.  Not everyone shows up every night, but it’s tradition.  I think there are more here to look at you.  You are famous, after all.”

“Perhaps you can explain this tradition over dinner tomorrow?”

“I’m sorry.  My dinner slot is already taken.”

“Lunch then.”

“I’ve donated a basket.  My lunch companion will be the one who bids and wins.”

“I see.  You are quite the in demand person.”

“Just busy.  Perhaps the day after?”

“If nothing presents itself sooner, I should be delighted.”  He lifted my hand to his lips, but I slipped it out of his grasp before his lips touched it.  He smiled, and didn’t chase it.  He really is kind of adorable.  

Dorian fetched me, eyeing Zevran.  “It’s time for bed, my dove.”

“Just a few more papers?”

“Not tonight.  You need your rest.”

I huffed.  “Fine.  Zevran, it was good to see you.  If you want to participate in the proceedings tomorrow, we’d be glad to have you.”

“I will bear that in mind, Bella.”

“Chrissy.”

“Bellissima Chrysopal.”  

Dorian led me away.  Briri was on hand to help me out of the dress and undo my hair.  Things go much faster with someone’s help.  She put out the gown with the slit leg.  Guess the others were dirty.  ‘Sana’s running around, chasing Dorian’s and my competing laser lights as I write.  I’m going to play a bit more, and head for bed.


	110. Day 13, 24 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvest day

###  **Skyhold, Day 13, 24 Solace, 9:41**

I played for a long while in my space with the wisps.  I giggled with the giggles, and glowered at the glowers.  Danced with bubbles of joy and contemplated with bits of thoughtfulness.  A white-cloaked spirit hovered in the mists at the edge of my domain, watching.  It was probably midway through the night when I finally beckoned to it, and the wisps backed up, watching.  

It was Hope.  It’d been hovering, waiting for me to heal, hoping with the others that I would be at least as well as before. When I asked what others, it just smiled, holding my hand.  “You cause hope, and confidence.  Strength to go another day.  Irritation, anger, happiness, and fear.  The gamut is you, and I hope it always will be.  It doesn’t go unnoticed.”  I had a very short chat with it before it seemed to panic.  “I have to go.  I hope to see you again, Lady.”  It released my hand and fled as Solas walked out of the mists.

“You scared it, a grá.”

“Scared who?” Interesting that he said who and not what, hmmm?

“Hope came by to visit, and left in a panic when you strode in.  Why?”

“I have no way of knowing that,” he chided.  “I do not read minds, not even of the spirits.”

“I think you have an idea, though.”

“I may, but it is irrelevant.  Did you enjoy the chat with it?”

“Oh, yes.  And the wisps are fun, too.”  He raised one of my hands to his lips, kissing the wrist.  I LOOKED a moment and felt for where he was.  Here.  “It’s good to see you.”

“I am glad you identified me.”

“How did you know?”

“Your eyes, ma’sulahn’nehn.  They give you away.”  He almost purred it, eyes darkening, stepping closer. 

“Good evening, Solas.”

“It certainly is now.”  He wrapped his arms around me.  “You asked for me, twice in a row.  Is this a new trend?”

“I’m using my words, Faolan.  Asking for what I want.  Should I stop?”

“No.  Never, haselan’udh.  But I have been here several minutes, and you have not requested a kiss.”

“I thought it was your turn.”

“Well then, I think I will just steal one instead of…” and he did, before finishing his sentence.  A single, delicious kiss.  Then he pulled back.  Wrapping my arm in his, we walked and chatted.  He keeps stopping in the middle of things, then changing the subject.  Worried he’ll give things away?  

“Faolan.”

“Yes?”  

I smiled.  “Are you ever going to tell me why you stop in the middle of sentences?”

“I think it more likely every passing day.  You never push about it.  Why is that?”

“Would you be more or less likely to tell me if I demanded answers?” I inquired cheekily.

His eyes glowed a moment, little streaks of lightning and gone.  “You are wise for one so young, ma’nehn.”

“I’m forty four.  Ancient.  A grandmother.”  A shaft of pain through my heart.  I thought I had gotten past that.

He pulled me into his arms, holding me.  Soothing me.  “Ah, ma’asha.  If you could go back, to the point where it went wrong, would you?”

I sighed.  “You don’t understand.  There is no point where it went wrong.  It just went, and I didn’t like the result.  What would you have me give up?  Perhaps if I’d have been there, my daughter wouldn’t have met the one who fathered my granddaughter.  Should I sacrifice that little girl for my own selfishness?  What else might I lose with the things I could gain?  Every little thing is a choice.  Playing in time until I get an outcome I like means changing other lives without their consent.”

“They would have no way of knowing what had changed.”

“And that makes it okay?  Ripples in the stream, mo chroí.  Actions affect others.  Besides, if I went back to that moment, I wouldn’t have met you.  Would you have me undo that?”  I lifted my face to his.  “I’m very glad I met you.  You are not what I expected, in many ways.”

“You had expectations?”

“Everyone has expectations of everyone they meet, Solas.  Even you.  Or should I ask just how naive and biddable you thought I’d be?”

“We have, and you have a point.  As well as evaded the question.”  He changed the subject.  “Again and again, ma’nehn.”

“So soon?”

“It is an early day for you.”

“Then don’t waste time.”  And he wasted no more of it.  Nothing too intense.  I think he doesn’t want me waking aroused next to Dorian, honestly.  I’ll have to ask.  Another time.

We were awoken early.  Before dawn.  Briri managed to get me dressed in a serviceable gown, with a snood, of all things.  It’ll keep the hay and such out of my hair, and my hair out of my way.  Hairpins to hold it in place over the braided bun.  Getting dressed is much faster when she’s involved.  And she’s somehow sneaky enough to get around me.  She asks this or that questions instead of yes or no questions, which is totally cheating.  Especially before coffee.

We have about two hundred acres.  That’s all.  A third of a square mile.  Three quarters of a square kilometer.  Not really all that much, and no way to get more.  And only half that, at most, was getting touched at all today.  Some was already done, and some wasn’t ready yet.  Not all the produce would be ripe.  Most of the gourds would be purpose-picked, as would the root veggies for now.  We should make at least a significant dent in the harvest, though.  

Not that I know how to do this.  My experience is limited to pay-to-pick excursions for apples and pumpkins and berries back home.  Very different.  That’s why the farmers are in charge.  And the livestock guys.  Apparently with a nugalope, one can do the work of ten men in a wheat field.  And the farmers are planning on planting winter wheat in a week or two, to harvest in spring?  I didn’t even know that was a thing.  There’s a list of crops you plant in fall to have ready when the frosts break.  Truly strange.

Also, there are some “sunken” fields, according to the farmers, at the edges of the cliffs.  Obviously artificially done, they’re carved down into the rock, dirt and hay put in.  It’s warmer, north-facing, and I’m told it’s akin to a greenhouse.  They’d expected to see some sort of covering, like glass or mica, but there isn’t one.  Still works.  After a quick look, I learned it is because the top is a barrier, keeping out the cold?  I’m going to have to take a closer look when I’m feeling better and have time.  In any case, that will let us do spring and fall crops in small doses throughout the winter.  And winter is likely to be long here.  They’re expecting the first snowfall in another week or two.  Not that this place isn’t generally warmer than the surrounding mountains anyway.

First thing we did was carry stuff, lots of stuff, out to the staging area.  Tables and breakfast, buckets of water with dippers, wagons and livestock, all being arranged.  The volunteers reported to someone else.  I’m not sure who.  Most of the women were over here with me, arranging drinks and the normal lunch for the people who don’t win a basket.  

The farmer’s wife looked over the crowd and estimated about a seven hour workday.  Since we’re getting started so early, seven, they'll be done by two at the latest.  So there is some debate over whether we should break for lunch at noon or just finish.  I’m in the two hour break camp.  Give the workers a rest.

Even those of us not working the fields were busy.  Carrying water, moving baskets, moving the finished baskets out of the way.  Even Dorian and Viv pitched in with organizing and such.  About two hours in, most of the men were shirtless, improving the view considerably.  Even Dorian found himself distracted, and we told each other that we’d start watching the hand to hand sessions again.

As the sun hit the midpoint in the sky, the triangle was struck.  A hundred people came in from the fields for lunch.  We’d stacked the baskets next to a table.  Grim strode up, looking less somber than usual.  Sam clambered up onto the table first, and explained what the baskets were.  The baskets were donated by men and women.  The winner of the basket got the company of the person who packed the basket for lunch.  All companions who were under the age of eighteen were required to stay within view of the main table. The proceeds from the auction would go to improving the officers mess and the Herald’s Rest.

He yielded the floor to Grim, well, table, eyeing me.  A distinct “are you sure?” was on his face, so I nodded at him.  Grim picked up the first basket, lifted the lid, and read the information.  He stood there a long moment, staring at everyone, gauging the crowd.  One deep breath, and I think that was the last breath he took for half an hour.  

 

It was like that song The Auctioneer.  Oh my god.  I couldn’t understand half of what he was saying!  He described the contents, in great detail, gradually as the bidding went up.  It was maybe a minute and a half before SOLD was heard, and one of Josie’s assistants collected the money.  

A young messenger girl I didn’t know stepped up, and a nice soldier boy walked her to a spot nearby.  I got busy putting things out on the communal table, so I didn’t get to see all of it, but I was listening.  Not long later I heard something about fried fish and pickles, and a hummus dip with flatbread.  I smiled to myself.  I knew that basket.  

Glancing over, Cassandra was in a bidding war with a darker-skinned human gent.  The price got past twenty sovereigns when Cassandra growled at him.  “If you win that basket today, I will meet you in the practice field tomorrow.  Is that clear?”  To no one’s surprise, the man bowed out.  She was quite pleased, cheerfully handing the assistant her money.

And then she spotted Varric walking toward her, holding the basket.  “No, not YOU.  It CAN’T be you.”

He popped his neck.  “The deal is you eat with the packer of the basket.  I’m sure that nice gent over there would love some fried fish…”  She made THE NOISE, and snatched the basket, striding off.   Varric followed her, grinning from ear to ear.  And staring at her ass the whole way.

My little ladies all ended up with respectable prices, too.  Dorian’s, to no one’s shock, went for a fortune.  Vivienne’s, too, but she cheated.  She had ICE CREAM in hers.  What I hadn’t expected was the price on mine.  Somebody had squealed, I think.  Josie’s basket ended up in the hands of the Inquisitor.  My basket, with its far more basic fare, went for nearly as much as Dorian’s, snagging fourth place for the whole day.  A certain Antivan rogue had won it.  

As the last basket was finally won, Grim bowed and hopped down.  “Just a moment,” I said to Zevran, and walked up to Grim.  A quick hug for him, and I thanked him for doing it.  “You were amazing!  And most people thought you couldn’t talk at all.”  All I got in return was a grunt, which made me laugh.

I returned to Zevran, and he walked us a ways away.  Spreading out our picnic blanket, we set about eating.  He had lots of questions, mostly about our traditions.  I had but a few.  “How much of what we talk about is going directly to the Nightingale?”

“Most of it, of course.  She warned me you would probably be reticent about talking, but I’ve found the opposite.  You are surprisingly open about your Ethelathe.”

“It’s not a secret.  I just want a place where no one is stomped on because of their ear shape or their gender.  Where mages aren’t bartered or imprisoned.  A place where we needn’t fear.”

“You seem to have found one.”

I sighed.  “It’s not big enough.  I need more space.  I already have too many people for the space I have.”

“Ah, Bella.”

“It’s Chrissy.”

“Of course.  Surely you won’t spend our whole time together discussing work?  There are so many more interesting topics.”  I’ll say he’s really good at flattery, but he’s smart, too.  We talked about a lot of things.  

I explained the songtime tradition and how it started, and what I believed it meant now.  He mentioned he is between jobs, and was delighted to come to Skyhold to muzzle the puppy in the stables.  Harmless, but annoying.  I told him he was welcome to stay, as long as he followed the same rules as everyone else.  “And what might those rules be?”

“No hitting, use your words, everybody works.”

“Interesting.  What about fraternization with the leader?”

“I don’t think that would be a good idea.  Sam’s got his eye on Lady Montilyet.”  He burst out laughing that sardonic laugh of his.

“The Inquisitor wasn’t quite the leader I was referring to, Chrissy.”

“Eadras?”

“Now you are being deliberately obtuse.”

“I believe I already mentioned I am not on the market.”

“And won’t even let me kiss your hand.  Yet there is book in the tavern that you will select someone, soon.  And that you’ve been stirring the pot kissing all sorts of unsavory individuals you later claim not to know.”  That made me laugh.

“I’ve kissed two potential mates in my time with the Inquisition, and any other kisses were on the cheek to friends.  I would think you would know better than to listen to rumor.”

“So there is a potential mate.”

“Isn’t there always?”

“Ah, my poor heart, you have broken it.”

“Somehow, Adulador, I doubt that.” 

We moved to lighter topics, and passed a pleasant time.  He tried to kiss my hand again, and again I removed it.  “It is not always wise to issue such challenges.  Potential mates leave much room for wiggling.”

I tried for a more severe tone.  Just a hint.  I really wanted him to stop trying to slobber on my hands.  “Perhaps you heard that my hands were recently severely injured?”  

He stopped still a moment.  “I had not considered that.  My apologies, Chrysopal.”

We gathered up the lunch things when the triangle rang again.  Solas was chatting with Sam and Josie, and cast his eye over me carefully as I returned.  I was in no way mussed.  Zevran went back to the fields to finish the day, as did Inquisibabe.  I went over to where Solas and Josie were.

“Did you have a nice lunch?”  Josie was all smiles. 

“That guy never stops asking questions.  He also flirts with anything with a pulse, so there is that.”

“Oh, I’m sure he’s not quite THAT bad.”

“I didn’t say he was bad at flirting, just indiscriminate.”  Solas just stood there silently, watching me.  I stepped closer to his side, still chatting with Josie.  He relaxed just a hair when I brushed my hand over his shoulder.  “We had better clear away the lunch.  Still don’t want to volunteer, mor’ishan?”

“It seems it is too late to make a difference now.”  A small amount of sulking in that voice.

“Remember you were asked twice, Solas.  And refused.  And even now, you refused a third time.”

He smirked.  “Three times I refused.  I shall remember that.”

“Perhaps next time you’ll volunteer?”

“Perhaps.  I will see you at dinner.”

I held his eyes.  “I look forward to it.”

Josie and I got back to work.  “Are you and Solas…”

“We’re considering it.  Exploring the possibilities.  Getting to know each other.”

“You’re courting!”

“Very slowly and carefully.”

“Does the Inquisitor know?”

“Probably.  He notices things.  Most don’t.”

“I won’t say anything.  You know, now I look back, I can see it.  You are always looking at each other, and tending each other.  Heads together, talking.  He treats you like you are precious.  But so formal!”

“I like his manners.  It feels like flirting.”

“Oh.”

We cleaned the table area and moved wagons.  Refilled buckets.  The people came in from the fields soon after.  Cullen came by, still shirtless, to chat a bit.  Dorian drooled a little.  He wanted the tallies, his people against Cassandra and the Scouts.  I told him he’d have to wait a bit for everything to be collected.  He’d have the tallies in an hour.  Not three minutes later, Cassandra showed up with the same request.  I gave her the same response.

They returned an hour later.  They’d chosen five people from each “team”, as well as Cullen and Cassandra.  It was close, but the soldiers won.  They’d harvested more by less than half a basket.  Cullen told them a round was on Cassandra at the Herald’s Rest.  She grudgingly seconded it.  

I took a second glance at her, then beckoned her over.  Very quietly, I spoke.  “You might want to consider covering your shoulder better or getting some healing, Lady Pentaghast.”

“Why is that?”

“Because someone left a hickey.  Or it’s a very bad abrasion.”

“I’m going to kill that…”

“Now now.  You’d miss him if you killed him.  I hadn’t realized you were so friendly.”

“I’ll only kill him a little bit.  And we are not friendly.  I don’t know what we are, but it’s not friendly.”  I just smiled.  I remember those days.  They weren’t so long ago.

I thanked the farmers and the soldiers and everyone I could see or find.  We’d put a massive dent in the harvesting, and the hands could handle it from here.  Enough food for us to not starve the winter, at least.  If we got nothing else, we’d be lean, very lean, but we would survive.  That doesn’t mesh with my calculations, but I guess the farmers would know.

Most everyone went for the bathhouse.  I am so grateful that I have a private bath.  That I found Dorian in.  Grrr.  Anyway, I got my bath when he was done, Briri washing my hair for me.  She just kind of does it.  When I asked about it, she said it was training.  She’s supposed to be unobtrusive and infinitely helpful, without annoying.  Well, she succeeds at it.  I thought of Iona, and told Briri about her.  If Io still wants to be a ladies maid, this is a good example.

I was dressed in “something pretty”.  Just a normal dress, laced up properly, instead of just tied and left loose.  Briri commented that I was filling out again.  I wasn’t offended, though I’d expected to be.  She said it with such genuine satisfaction and happiness.  She was honestly glad.

Leorah popped by to see to me, too.  Checking the fit of my clothing, checking up on Briri, making sure everything’s okay, telling me she’s now seeing Zathras…  She’d been worried I’d be unhappy, but we’d talked about it already.  Heck, I’d assumed they’d already gotten together.  Or that she’d already told me this?  Dejá vú.  A quick glance over let me know she wasn’t telling me because she was expecting.  Don’t know.  Maybe it just took this long for them to make it official or something.

The littles had a great time today.  So now that means they’re grumpy.  They were plied with food and ensconced in the pillow palace.  They may be going to bed early today.  I don’t know how long dinner will take, so I went ahead and kissed them goodnight.  Just in case.

Twenty minutes of paperwork, and the bald one showed.  We chatted for a while, and he chatted with my kiddos.  He has been spending time with them I wasn’t aware of, it seems.  Eadras dragooned him into “familiarity with magic” sorts of talks.  Once we finally got away, I asked him where we were eating.  

“My rooms, ma’nehn.”  I’d thought he was discussing his bedroom, at first, but he led me to the hidden library.  “I admit, I thought about eating with your people, but it is not conducive to a quiet evening.  You look like you could use a dose of silence.”

“It was a very noisy day.”

“One reason I try to avoid such gatherings.”

“Oops.”

“Indeed.”

“So what’s for dinner then?”

He lifted the lid off a platter on the desk.  “Cheesecake.”  It made me laugh.

“Not the healthiest of dinners, a grá.”

“Not every meal must be healthy.”

“Wait, did you make this?  While the kitchens were empty today?”

“It is possible.”

“You can cook?”

“Not precisely.”

“I don’t care.  I can’t wait to taste it.”  

He gathered a small bite on a fork and held it to my lips.  “Then do.”  Oh my.  It was better than the stuff in Val Royeaux.  True Cheesecake Factory cheesecake.  Daystar Cheesecake cheesecake.  Hole in the Wall Bakery cheesecake.  I’d barely eaten the bite when he stole a kiss.  “Delicious.”  He handed me the fork, and I continued to eat.  He snagged a few bites from me, capturing my hand and stealing what was on my fork.  I ate two pieces.  Most of two pieces.

He pulled the plate and fork away just as I realized I was done.  It’d only been a few minutes.  He led me through one of the bookcase doors, away from the workroom, and a matching space was found on the other side of the “Y”.  I should have known.  This was a comfortable little reading nook, with a couch and a chair, and a little table.

“I might have guessed this was here.”

“I have half an hour before your people come looking for you.  Kiss me, Haselan.  Help me forget that you lunched with an incorrigible flirt today.”

“He flirted, Solas. I did not.  I told him I was not in the market.”

“I know.  I do, Chrysopal.  But feelings do not always make sense.”

“Just a kiss?”

“Anything you want to give, in the time we have.”

“A dangerous thing for a ticklish man to say.”

“Chrissy, please…”  I pulled his head to me and kissed him. Thoroughly.  Our time was up too soon.  

He led me back in time for songtime.  It had been a tiring day, and songtime was sparser than it had been.  Dorian wasn’t there, either.  But he may have found a nice companion with that basket trick.  I wonder how long he’s going to run.  I’m even too pooped to play with ‘Sana, who has been acting like I neglect her horribly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Auctioneer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SAC1AX_L7A


	111. Day 14, 25 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fade spirits, Too much Solas, Harold's an ass, Cole's an angel.

###  **Skyhold, Day 14, 25 Solace, 9:41**

I was reading last night when there was a knock at the door.  I guess I’ve learned my lesson, because I barriered myself before opening it.  I didn’t even have to think about it.  I was expecting Dorian, but got Solas.  “Hello!” I was surprised to see him, but not unhappily so.

“May I come in?”

“Of course.” I opened the door wider.

He came in and glanced around.  “Where is your guard, Chrysopal?”

“Probably in bed.”

He sighed.  “At least you barriered before you answered the door.”

“I did.  I admit I thought you were Dorian, though.”  I shut the door.

“Do you have plans for tomorrow?”

“Riding in the morning, paperwork, overseeing the threshing, planning the vegetable canning day with Cook, reviewing the schedules, checking on the cap for the Rookery Roof, bugging Dorian about barrier windows, half an hour for exercise and self defense practice, mediation of three disputes, dinner with who knows who, songtime, have to visit Helisma regarding ectoplasm, need to check on Alex, talk to Renee about Isa…”

“I see.”  He smirked.  “That explains many things.  As an aside… Ectoplasm?”

“Whatever the guck spirits are made of here in the waking world.  That nasty goo stuff?”

“Goo.  Such technical terms.”

“Leave my glowy dust alone.”

“Is it yours now?”  He pretended surprise.  Who’d have guessed he had jokes?

“Just the name.  So what can I do for you, Grohiik?”

“Hmm.  Many things.  But I have not gotten a good night kiss in two days.”

“You got kisses today.”

“None of them were good night kisses.”

“Sneaky.”

“Say yes.”

“To what?  I’ve made that mistake already with you, and found myself taking a very sudden nap.”

“I prefer you awake for the moment.”

“It is much easier to kiss someone that way.”

“Is it?”  An eyebrow raised.  “That doesn’t seem to stop us.”  He leaned down for a clinging touch of his lips to mine.  “I would also like to take a look at your hands, and your SELF.”

I nodded, and he sat us both on the settee.  Cool blue ran over the place that still ached.  Not as much, but still there.  He  scowled at me.  “You have been doing too much.  Make haste more slowly, ma’nehn.  I would not see you crippled.  You must let your magic heal.”  He lifted my hands, one by one.  Fingers ran over mine, then traced the scars.  “These types of scars usually fade, but I think yours are permanent.  They have settled into silver, and have not lessened in two weeks.  I am sorry, Chrysopal.”  There was genuine regret in his voice and on his face.

“Why?”

“I left it too long and your body remembered.  The lightning had to go somewhere.”

“You were more concerned with the fade connection.”

“I was.  A body is far more easily rebuilt.  You were shredded, inside and out.  I started with the worst damage.”

“Do you consider it a disfigurement?”

“No.  They have beauty to them.”

“Then there is no issue.  Talking pieces and reminders of old deeds.  I have missed having scars.  Solas, I intend take some time for myself tonight, okay?  I would like to see you tomorrow evening, in the fade.  AFTER the day.”

His lips twisted wryly.  “You clarify the meaning of tomorrow.”

“Otherwise you’d stride in at twelve oh one.”

“Then I will see you tomorrow, after your day.  And during, of course.  Come to me when you are sore from the unfamiliar work today, and I will tend you.”  He kissed the inside of my wrist, holding my eyes, and then more thoroughly kissed my lips.  It wasn’t until after he left that I realized he hadn’t said “heal”, he’d said “tend”.  

I settled into sleep, and played with wisps in my dreams.  Hope introduced me to Confidence.  Over-confidence, more like.  This one would be easy to warp if I had a mind to.  I was very careful not to do so.  Hope seemed pleased about something when Confidence left.  It wouldn’t tell me what, though.  I woke and played a bit of piano in the middle of the night, then returned to sleep.  I need to get practice in, after all, and there are too many people during the day.

Briri woke me.  ‘Sana was curled up behind my knees.  Dorian had never come to bed.  I wasn’t surprised, I suppose.  I was dressed but not braided when Harold showed up at the door.  Apparently Cullen had another bad night, and the soldiers decided to get me.

I asked Briri to see to Irusana and went off with Harold to see Cullen. He led me out the kitchen way, oddly.  The courtyard was full of shadows, and Harold stopped against the wall.  “Just a minute…”

Something about his body language bothered me, so I barriered.  I was thinking he’d led me into a trap, not that he’d attack me.  Just a half a second later, his dagger flashed.  It glanced off the barrier.  A ripple in the fade, and Cole stood behind him.  As Harold staggered, another dagger sprouted in his neck.  I was just staring.  He was still alive, barely.  Blood bubbled from his lips, frothy, as he tried to speak.  Elias, who I hadn’t seen, pulled me back from the puddle forming under the man.

“Why?”  I looked at Cole.  “Why would he do it?”

Cole looked down at him, then up at me.  “Because you scare him.”  He said it softly.

“He did this…”  He was someone I knew, cared about, even if only a little, who smiled and laughed with me, and still he did this.  Something in me grew very angry.

Cole reached out, catching my attention.  “He is already dead.  Killing him again would only hurt you.”  Harold took maybe five more bubbly breaths before his eyes fixed.  I had been ready to kill.  My god.  What the hell was wrong with me?  Cole just held me for a bit.  I whispered my thanks, and he just nodded.  


Elias pulled his throwing dagger out of Harold’s neck, cleaning it on Harold’s pants.  I thanked him, as well.  Surprisingly calm.  It is a measure of how surreal my life is that I thought about how we were going to have to clean and mend the armor before it could go to someone else.  The little altercation had been seen, and Cullen himself along with several guardsmen showed up.  Briri showed up a moment later, looking for me.  Explanations all around, and the meat was taken away.

Honestly, I should be more upset about this.  I watched a man die today.  But my only real opinion is that at least he did it face to face.  Up to now, it’s mostly been poison and attacks from behind or while I was asleep.  Thedas is winning, and I am becoming comfortably numb.  Floyd to the rescue.  I am becoming inured to violence.  

I visited Drummer, letting the hart distract me.  I would have to answer more questions, but with Briri confirming what Harold said to lure me, and Cole and Elias being there to witness the attack, it wouldn’t be too problematic.  I wasn’t being accused of murder or anything.  One of Cullen’s men took over guard-the-helpless duties while Elias was answering questions.

After my ride, I went back to Ethelathe Hall.  Eadras just put his hands on my shoulders, staring at my face.  A moment later, he hugged me.  I didn’t want to discuss it, so I just continued with my day, and he let me.  A man died, and I just wanted to get past it.  Paperwork, schedules, menu planning…  

I didn’t eat. Didn’t want to eat.  I went to talk to Renee about Isa.  That went well.  Isa’s doing beautifully, though Renee didn’t share details (as is proper).  I got a rundown of what she shouldn’t be scheduled for.  

It was about one when the adrenaline and numbness and everything wore off completely.  I was discussing ectoplasm with Helisma, and turned wrong.  Ugh.  I hate it when I do that.  Just turning a sore muscle in the wrong way.  Tender and uncomfortable.  I realized I was achy on the outside as well as the inside.  I’m so used to hurting, I guess, that I didn’t realize.  My riding muscles less than the others, actually.  Probably because EXERCISE. And moving the lactic acid and so on.

I climbed down the stairs instead of hopping the railing.  Of course Dorian noticed.  And grumbled about me taking care of myself.  It wasn’t until after I mistakenly mentioned that I wasn’t hurt from the altercation this morning that Dorian bristled.  I didn’t know humans COULD cat-puff.  And of course, Solas heard the exclamation.  And showed up.  

“What are you doing to your Altus now?”

“Nothing.”  I glared at Dorian.  “Don’t you dare.”

And of course he ignored me.  “Did you know our little magelet here was nearly stabbed this morning?”

“But I wasn’t.”

“And now you are walking down the stairs.  Not hopping, skipping, whatever, WALKING.”

“I will get my revenge.”

“Whatever."  Seriously?  He did NOT need to be doing those kinds of dismissive earthisms at me right now.  "I leave you alone for one night, and you try to get yourself killed!”

Solas intervened.  “I believe I asked you to come to me if you were tender today, Chrysopal.  Dorian, I will take care of her.  She is hale and whole, and the aggressor is dead.”

I went to add my two cents, and Solas covered my mouth with his hand.  I licked it, and he pulled his hand away.  “That is quite…”  He wiped his hand on his trousers with a grimace.  “Please, never do that again,” he nearly sputtered.

“I will remember that you do not like to be licked,” I tossed off.  Dorian choked.  That effectively changed the subject.

“We are going to need to talk in private, ma’nehn,” Solas warned quietly.

“On that note, I believe I have things to see to.”  Dorian skedaddled.

Solas gestured toward the stairs, and I preceded him.  I turned toward the atrium, but he tugged my arm toward his room.  He opened the door.  “Of your own free will, or not at all, haselan.”

I stepped through.  He shut the door behind us.  “We need to talk in private?”

“I do not like to be licked?”

“You did ask me not to do it again.”

“And you are obviously sore.”

“I was actually coming to you.”

“That was…  You are telling the truth.  You were coming to me.”

“The adrenaline and numbness wore off while I was talking to Helisma.”

“You were coming to me.”

“You already said that.”

“Lay down.”

“What?”

“You heard me.  Trust me, ma’asha, I have no intention of doing anything you will not like.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.”  

He smirked.  “Leave your clothing on for now, and stay on top of the covers.  I am only going to do something about the soreness.” 

“What?”

“Scared, da’asha?”  Jerk.  Of course I wasn’t scared.  I laid down.  “On your front.”  He carefully unlaced the back of my dress.  What followed was probably the best massage ever, limited to my back and shoulders.  It was really wonderful that he used an elfroot salve, too.  The sleeves were the open ones, so he got my arms and hands, as well.  Not quite putting me to sleep, but I was definitely feeling relaxed and much less sore when he was done.

“I’ll refrain from doing your legs for now.  Perhaps later.”  Contractions again?  He kissed my jaw.  “By the way, I do not usually mind licking.  In private. And in certain contexts.”  Then he licked my ear, from lobe to tip, just along the edge.  Shivers down my spine. “Do not undo my work by tensing,” he breathed.  “The idea of your tongue on my skin…”  He didn't continue the thought.  Instead, he got up and washed his hands.  He must have used a barrier to keep the elfroot off them, or they’d be numb.

“You are being sneaky again, my darling.  I don’t want to get up.  I’m comfortable.”

“And in my bed.”

“Hmmm.  Am not.”

“No?”

“ON the bed.”  That made him laugh, just a little.  He helped me up, and ushered me on to the rest of my day.  Not even a kiss.

Ethelathe hall, a few minor disputes, Liam coming in to apologize for the other soldier.  I’d thought they were friends, but apparently not that close. Ate dinner with three new people and Elias.  I insisted on Elias.  If someone I know can turn on me, what about strangers?  And is it sad that I'm wondering if Harold had family that I should write or something?  What would I say?  "Sorry, your father/brother/lover/son attacked me, and my friends killed him."  


Songtime went well.  More people showed up because Zevran did.  Solas did as well, along with Krem, Lisa, and Grim.  Wonder if Grim has as good a singing voice as an auctioneer voice.  Chant and song aren’t that different.  Caught Solas and Zevran chatting.  Zevran only comes up to Solas’ chin.  It’s odd to realize how tall he is to other elves, not just me.

I tucked in the littles, cuddles and kisses.  I bet both Dorian and Solas show up tonight.  Dorian in the waking world and Solas in the fade.


	112. Day 15, 26 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Dorian, Solas, Zevran, plans and methods, Josren acts like he's in Ethelathe and maybe he is now

###  **Skyhold, Day 15, 26 Solace, 9:41**

Dorian showed up as I finished writing, and I got to explain what happened yesterday morning.  He’ll be staying with me tonight.  He was changing for bed when I noticed marks on his back. “Dorian?”

“Yes, Dove?”

“Someone left what look like teeth marks on your shoulders and fingerprints on your back.”  His ears reddened, but he urbanely moved a hand and assured me that he knew they were there.  “And exactly how would you react if a lover left those sorts of marks on me and I wouldn’t explain?”

“Chrissy...”  I crossed my arms and waited.  “Fine.  It was consensual.  Negotiated.”

I smirked.  “So you and Bull.  It’s about time.  You’ve been sniffing around him for ages.”

He sputtered.  “ _I’VE_ been sniffing around _HIM_?”

“Don’t worry, love, I won’t tell anyone.”  He was still muttering imprecations as we went to bed.  He grumbled things about rejection and drinking and not chasing anyone and did I SEE what THAT MAN did on a regular basis?

\--

I had barely closed my eyes when Solas arrived.  “Miss me?” I teased.

“Yes,” he answered.  Well, way to kill the joke.  “I was pleased to learn you were unharmed.”

“Not a scratch.  Thanks to Cole and Elias.” Several wisps were waiting for me, but they and the others coming in skedaddled when they saw him.  “Blaud…”

“Yes, ma’nehn?”

“Why do the wisps run when they see you with me?”

“Because I asked them for privacy.”

“We need privacy?”  A slightly predatory look crossed his face, and I shivered.

“I never want you to fear me, but nervousness?”  He trailed a finger up my arm, leaving tingles behind.  “I know exactly how to play with a light case of nerves…”

“Solas…”  He hummed against my ear.  Damn.  “Solas!”

“Yes?”

“You are suddenly very friendly.  Are you drunk or something?”

“Why do you ask?”

“You are acting out of character again.”

“Perhaps you are just seeing more of my character.”

“You are not answering my questions, a grá.”

“A question for a question?”

“Depends on the question.”

“What does Pedig edhellen mean?”

“Do you speak Elven, said to someone close to you, in Sindarin. Why do we need privacy?”

“Pick a different question.  It is not in my best interest to answer that one.”

“Are you inebriated or otherwise under the influence of something?”

“Define ‘under the influence’.”

“Have you consumed, ingested, inhaled, injected, inserted, or otherwise applied some substance affecting your mental state?”

He half-smiled, then rubbed his cheek against mine.  “No.  The only intoxicating thing around here is you.  Is Sindarin an elven tongue?”

“Sort of.  It was supposedly created by a man.  But was used for fantasy elves in the novels he wrote.  You are very forward in the fade.”

“So you have said.  Spoken to someone close to you.  How close?”

“Familiarity, not distance.  It’s contrasted to the formal.  And that’s the last question I’m answering for free, mo chroí.”

“Information for free, part of something you asked once, in return.  Nehn means joy.”

“You call me your joy?”

“You are.  You make me smile.  You brighten my days.  How do you stay so cheerful?”

“I don’t.  I just take pleasure in all the little things that come my way.  They make the rest bearable.”

We moved to other topics. For the rest of the night, he walked me around Skyhold.  I learned things about housekeeping magic that even Dorian probably couldn’t tell me.  Bits and snippets to be put in my head to sort later, without being actually taught.  When we reached the point on the wall that oversees the green valley in the waking world, I asked why I saw it and no one else seems to.

“I see it, Chrysopal.”

I bumped him with my hip.  “I know that.  I meant anyone ELSE.”

“You will have to figure that out on your own.  I do not want to reveal too much too soon.”

“How many secrets do you still have?”

He lifted my hand, eyes on mine.  “I think at least one or two less than I should.” His lips touched my wrist.

Change of subject.  “Are you the reason I haven’t seen any demons recently?”

“Possibly.  I have no way of knowing for certain.”  I grumbled at him and he smiled.  “Dawn comes.  You sleep through the night with me.”

“Don’t you have things you do in the fade?  I would hate to think you are neglecting something to spend your nights with me.”

“Yes, but I can spare a night or two.  I want to kiss you in the waking world.  May I?”

“I haven’t refused you a kiss in a while, grohiik.”

“I will be by your rooms.  Disentangle yourself from your tevinter mage after you wake up.”

And I woke up.

Dorian was still asleep, Irusana on his chest.  She opened one eye at me, and then closed it again.  I climbed out of bed, and was considering getting dressed when felt a gentle pull on a thread.  Our thread.  From the other side of the door.  

I opened the door to him, saying that I wasn’t dressed yet, and his lips met mine before I got the first sentence completed.  Standing in the doorway.  He bent me back over his arm, tangling his tongue with mine.  A moment later, setting me upright, he stepped back.  “Good morning, ma’nehn.”  He took two steps back, practically swaggering, eyes nearly glowing for a split second, then strode off.  Thank goodness the pillow palace was empty.  My lips felt swollen.  I’m wondering if I missed something.  He was tickled pink about something, and it wasn’t me, but he wanted to celebrate.

I went back in to get dressed.  Briri showed up not ten minutes later.  Morning ablutions and dressed and primped.  I was feeling better, so I warmed the room for Dorian.  Slowly.  It was achy, but not hurty.   Vast improvement over a few days ago, that’s for sure.  

Breakfast was waiting for me at my desk.  Paperwork multiplies when ignored, and harvest days aren’t paperwork days.  Letters and notes, requests and schedules, estimates, shipping documents, bookkeeping.  That occupied my morning as my kids, all twelve, studied their lessons.  ‘Sana ran around, disturbing everyone.

After lunch with my littles, Zathras came to get me.  It’d been a long time since last we practiced. As we headed out, Zevran stepped next to us.  “So, we are going somewhere?”

“She has defense training.”

“I would like to see this.”

“You know, I’m right here.  If people are going to watch, I should be the one approving it.”

“My apologies, Bella.”

“Chrissy.”

“Of course.”  That was cute the first couple times, but now it’s getting annoying.  No give and take like with Solas.  He’s not getting the hint.

“You push too far, sometimes, Antivan.”

“Ah.  I have made you grumpy.”

“I am not grumpy, I am annoyed.”

“Please permit me to observe your lessons?”

I stopped and looked at him.  Opened my SELF for a moment to feel for the people around.  There was a tenuous connection to me, but a bigger one to Eadras.  Much bigger.  And Cara.  Not so strong to suggest a longstanding connection, but it was healthy and golden.  “Are you planning on sticking a knife in me as well?  It seems to be the week for it.”

His eyes didn’t even flicker.  “I have no intention of doing any such thing, and it would be expensive to change my mind.  You wound me.”  He put his hand over his heart.  He’s either the best liar I’ve ever seen, or he’s telling the truth… about the expensive part.  The wound part was pure puffery.

“Your reputation precedes you, Zevran.  You keep showing up.  I have to wonder why.”

“Can you not believe that it is your own lovely self that inspires?”

“No.”

“I am here because my dear Leliana asked.”

“That’s why you came, not why you are still here.”

“This Ethelathe is interesting.  Its leaders are interesting.  I find I want to know more about a place where elves can walk with their heads high and look humans in the eye.”  Still not lying.

“And how does that tie into my defense lessons?”  Zathras was tugging my arm, and I let him get me walking again.

“It doesn’t.  But it seems a good time to chat.  You are a very busy woman.”

“Fine.”

He asks many questions.  Questions upon questions.  And not stupid ones.  I admit, I didn’t give him many details.  I don’t think he’s gathering info for nefarious purposes, but his history indicates caution.  When he accused me of not trusting him, I just agreed with him.  Zathras released me from practice, and Zevran, who had remained silent the whole time about Zath’s and my technique, piped up.  “What would you do if I were to attack you right now?”

He’d not even gotten the first three words out before Zath and I were both barriered.  By the fourth, I pulled out a little trick I’d been thinking about.  An AIR-TIGHT barrier.  Over his head.  It wasn’t until after his sentence that he realized he couldn’t breathe.  After a moment of panic in his eyes, he was surprisingly calm about it, and didn’t reach for his weapon.   I let it go, and inhaled.  He did the same.  “Effective, but I could have killed you before I died.”  He hadn’t moved the whole time.

“Only if you could reach me.”  I hadn’t let Zath’s or my barriers down.

“Leliana asked me to check your competence.  I had expected you to assume a defensive stance.  Interesting that after all the lessons you have been getting, you chose strangulation from afar.  I have never seen that one before.”

“Isn’t that interesting.”  

I gestured for him to precede me back to Skyhold, and he held out an arm instead. “So wary.  Allow me to escort you back.”  The barriers wore off as I debated.  I went ahead and placed my fingers on his sleeve.  Zathras hung back a bit, following us.  I stopped in to see Solas, bidding Zevran a cool farewell.   Zev looked like he wanted to say something, but did not.

Solas was standing and staring at a blank wall, the one for either Adamant or the Winter Palace.  I sat in his chair.  “Hello,” he said, not looking at me.

“Hi.”

“Did you need something, lethallan?”

“No.  Yes.  To escape.  This place feels safe for me.”  That made him turn.

“You feel unsafe?”

“No.  I feel challenged, tested, and poked at every way I turn.”

“Tested?  What is being tested?”

“I really don’t know.  It’s a feeling, and feelings don’t always make sense.”

“You may stay as long as you like, ma’asha.  Do you wish to lay down?”

“I’m not climbing in your bed.”

“It is not so tall as to need climbing.”

“Solas.”

“A pity.  I also have the couch, and a rocking chair.”

“I’m not sleepy.”

“Irrelevant, as you know.”

“Thank you for the offer, a grá”

“I wish to know what that means.”

“I know you do.  Perhaps when there are fewer secrets between us.”

“I will hold you to that.”

“I did say perhaps.”

“You meant when the right secret was revealed, you would tell me.”  I guess he knows me pretty well.  I bid my farewells and he returned to contemplating the wall.

More paperwork, more people I didn’t have places for asking for rescue.  They don’t say that.  They ask for a job doing anything.  Lists of every possible skill with names lay in my center drawer.  I turned to Halton.  “Did the blacksmith and cartwright get here yet?”

“Not for another week at least, Chrissy.”

“What did the next village lack?”  We discussed the skills and trades available nearby for a bit, and I made more plans, writing to a few others.  Come to me, Come to me, I may know a place where you could be safer than where you are.  I was honest.  I wanted them to go somewhere that I couldn’t guard them well.  The situation was laid out.  The ones writing to me are desperate, though.  Suspicious villagers are far less dangerous to an elf family than a passel of human nobles.  The life might be harder, though.  No frilly servant quarters.

I got a letter back from the mayor of the first village.  They would welcome a blacksmith and cartwright, even if they were elves, especially since “elf work isn’t quite as expensive”.  Well, I won’t say anything, just quietly let them know what they’re up against.  But honestly, coin is worth more up here than down in the cities.  And if my elves need something, they’ll be able to ask Seggrit or his new apprentice to help.  

I stopped into Dagna and Harritt before dinner.  I asked all sorts of questions about how golems worked.  How did their limbs move if they were metal or rock?  There weren’t any gears to rust that I had heard of.  I told her a very abbreviated version of Nuada’s silver arm.  Moved and rippled like flesh, magical, made of silver or some silver metal or rock.  Her normal bubbly personality sobered a moment.  She nodded.  “I’ll look into it.”  Then she was back.

Dinner with strangers.  Nice strangers, glad to meet me.  I’m going to have to talk to Eadras.  I can’t keep doing this every day.  Maybe a few times a week?  But all these new faces make me dizzy.  And they all know me.  Or of me.  And they’re so eager and bright and earnest.  I halfway expect one to ask for my autograph sometimes.  I hear about their jobs and how coming here changed everything.  How different we are here.  It makes me sad.  It shouldn’t be that way.  This shouldn’t be the only safe place.  Safe-ish.  Because not even here is safe.  

The roofers informed me that the rookery cap should be placed tomorrow, and the roofs will be blue by the thirtieth.  I want skyhold hard to find.  White walls in a white mountain range, blue roofs against a blue sky.  A perfectly mundane way to hide things.  I wonder when others will catch on.

Josren asked for a moment of my time after songtime, which I granted, and left.  He and many others returned for the singalong, including Zevran and Solas.  Dalish pulled me aside a moment, and warned me about “shenanigans” going on in the stable after dark.  She didn’t know what, but it involved one of my girls.

Songtime went well, and long.  Not sure why.  After We Shall Overcome, I tucked my babies in bed, and sought Josren, who had waited.  He told me that a messenger boy and Sharis had been seen together in the late evening at the stables.  He wouldn’t have said anything, but he didn’t like the boy.  Something about him made his gut clench.  Honestly, a successful flirt is fairly reliable at discovering issues, because flirting is so delicate.

“Has it gone beyond kissing?”

“Not yet.”

“How old is this boy?”

“Late teens, and human, my beautiful lady.”  

“I don’t want to destroy a young romance, Josren, but if he makes you uncomfortable, that worries me.  Would you do me a favor?”

He waxed poetic about slaying dragons and I cut him off.  “I have no need for a dragon’s head, Josren.  I do, however, need another set of eyes in the stable.  Has Geth seen this?”

“I don’t think so.  She hides from him.”

“Will you watch out for her?”

He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it.  “My lady, I will do whatever you ask.”  I hugged him, and he didn’t do anything untoward.  I felt his thread.  It was actually fairly firm.  He was one of mine, now.  Because I put limits on him?    

“We all take care of each other in Ethelathe.”  He bowed and left.  Damn it.

Zevran ambled up.  “Is that the prospective mate?”

“Josren’s a baby.  That’s kind of icky.”

“He can’t be much younger than you.”

“You might be surprised.”

“If not him, then who?”

“Why?”

“Perhaps it is curiosity?  A desire to inspect the competition?”

That made me laugh.  “There is no competition, Zevran.  There is no contest at all.  And I am no prize.”  Solas was within earshot, and a look of satisfaction crossed his face followed by a slight frown.  “You’ve known me all of a week, if that.  How could you be that interested?”

“Have you not heard of love at first sight?”

“Evasive.  At least you’re interesting.  Sleep well, Zevran.”

Zevran left, with good manners.  He murmured something to Solas as he passed.  I looked at Solas.  “Is this random dudes need to talk to Chrissy night?”

“I thought that was next week, but perhaps I was mistaken.”

“Funny.”

“You are a prize.”

“No, I’m not.  I’m a person.  Not a thing to be won.  Where is Dorian?”

“I have no idea, but Briri waits for you.”  He lifted two fingers to my cheek, stroking lightly.  “For what do you wait, I wonder?”

“Many things, mo chroí.”

“Dorian is not here.  Invite me to stay, ma’nehn.  I miss you in my arms.”

“For a little while.”

“For the night, unless and until Dorian returns.”  Odd inflection.  And concern.  What was going on?

“You have reason.”

“I do.”

“And you don’t wish to share.”

“Precisely.”

“So you are asking to stay to be a guard, not because you want to stay.”

“Am I limited to one reason?”

I huffed.  “Fine.  Until Dorian arrives.”

Briri helped me undress and left me to bathe.  I dressed in the gown left for me, and Solas is undoing my hair as I write.


	113. Day 16, 27 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharis ruining Solas' night, and everyone else's, Tea at midnight, an accord with VIvienne. Annoying Inquisibutt, Luring Zevran toward Ethelathe, Easing Cullen, and trading barbs with Dorian.

###  **Skyhold, Day 16, 27 Solace, 9:41**

I was reading a lovely book on frequency variation (though it never said the word frequency in the whole thing).  My feet were in Solas’ lap, and he was doing distracting things to my toes and arches. I had given up, actually, and was about to close the book.  He knew it, the ass, as well.  I looked up and caught his eye, and he smirked.

We were both startled when Sharis came storming into my room.  Crying sixteen year old flings herself onto the floor, head in my lap.  Ignoring Solas, whose mouth just drops.  “You have to do something.  He’s HORRIBLE.”

That twigged my oh shit meter.  “Who.  WHO, Sharis.”

“That stablehand, Jorren.  He PUNCHED Mikey!”

Josren?  Punched someone?  Not two hours after I asked him to look after her?  “What happened?”

“He’s awful.  I was just talking with Mikey and That Horrible Guy just grabs him and punches him!  DOOO SOMETHING!” Sob sob.  If only she wasn’t lying.

“Is that so?”  I looked at Solas, who had his blank mask back.  “I will speak to him.  In the meantime, I want you to go back to your bed.  We will also be discussing…”

The door was still open, and Josren stopped in the doorway.  “I don’t know what she’s telling you.  I don’t care.  The ass deserved it.”

Sharis stood up.  “He did not.  He just wanted to show me something.”

“I know exactly what he wanted to show you, and who else was waiting.  You are the stupidest…”

“I am not stupid!”

“What do you call nearly spreading your legs for some guy and his friends who bet they could get you?”

“He loves me!”

“He’s known you a week, fed you every cheap line there is, and you don’t even know his eye color.”  Josren said it flatly.

Solas gently put my feet on the floor and I stood up.  “I thought you said you were just talking.  Now I hear things about going places with amorous adults?”

“He’s lying!”

“No.  He’s not.”  Josren looked surprised.  Had he not realized that once he was mine, I would defend him when he was in the right?  Sharis looked shocked.  She apparently had thought I’d fall for her lies.  “Now, it’s late.  I am not going to tangle with this tonight.  YOU!” and I pointed at Sharis, “are going directly to bed.  Before I call Sam.  And don’t let me hear of you getting out of it again tonight unless the Inquisitor himself tells you to.”  

She went storming off in the direction of her sleeping quarters.  Josren watched me warily.  “Thank you, Jos. I truly appreciate it.”  Shock in his eyes.  How badly had he been treated that basic decency shocks him?

“You’re not angry?”

“Of course I’m angry.”

“But…”

“OH!  I’m not angry at YOU.  I’m angry at an apparently adult-ish messenger who tried to lure one of my girls into who knows what.  And at Sharis, who lied to me, and fell for it.  You, my dear.”  I beckoned him over.  “Let me see your hands.”  They’d been behind him, and I could see why.  They were busted up, though not broken or anything.  Just swollen/abraded.  “Solas, scootch over a bit so he can sit.  Do you remember where I put my salve?”

“Chrysopal,” Solas sighed.

“Yes?”  I looked at him.  He looked at me, thoughtfully.  He stood, opening a drawer in the bathroom and getting my pot of salve.  I watched him, but he seemed to be looking at something behind me.  When I turned back to Josren, the stablehand was making motions in the air and stopped, moving his hand to comb his hair.  So not smooth.  “Sit.”  They don’t get it, I think.  It’s on or off.  You’re mine or you’re not.  Josren was mine now.  I smoothed the salve over Jos’ knuckles.  “Head on out, Jos.  If you need anything, let me know.  If you see any repercussions, at all, send someone for me.”

“The guards?”

“Even if they toss you in the prison, Jos, find one of mine cleaning something and send them.  Tell the guards, tell Geth or someone else as they take you off.  Do not resist them.  I will come for you.”  He stared at me.  “Jos?”

“I…”  He seemed frozen in place.  “You…”

“Take your time.”

“You would come for me?”

“Just watch me.  Now, go get some rest.”  I thought about it a moment, but didn’t give him the ‘password’.  He bowed and left.  I shut the door behind him, sighing.  

“That’s not going to be pretty tomorrow.  What was all that handwaving at you?”

“Apologies for interrupting.”

“But they didn’t interrupt anything.”

“Which I am imminently pleased about.”  He drew me closer.  “And now that we are again alone…”  His lips met mine, and I wrapped my arms about him.  Slow kisses led to rising passion, and eventually I was astride his hips, his lips to my breast, his fingers teasing at my smalls.  There was another knock at the door, and I stilled.  Solas lifted his head.  “Not again.”

A familiar voice called out, “Lady Chrysopal, please, milady, the Commander needs to see you.  He said, ‘tell her it regards an altercation between one of hers and one of mine.’”

“I dislike that particular scout intensely, ma’nehn.”

“Hush, love.  He can’t help it.”  Raising my voice, I called, “Let me get dressed, Jim.”

“Of course.  I will wait for you.”

I kissed Solas again, and slid off his lap.  Pulling a dress over my head, I asked “Could you help me lace this thing?  Unless you’d rather I go in my nightgown.”  He glowered at the door, and my clothes, and helped me straighten the skirts.  His deft fingers laced me up, and he snagged his tunic.  “Solas?”

“I am not leaving you alone with him.  Once is coincidence.  Twice becomes suspicious.”  He brushed his fingers over my lips after he was dressed.  “Better.  You are beautiful.”  He opened the door, a steady look at poor Jim, who swallowed hard.  “I hope you are correct that the Commander requires her presence.  She is still recuperating and needs her rest.”

Turns out, he was.  Solas escorted me to Cullen’s door and ushered me through, remaining outside.  Staring at poor Jim.  And shut the door behind me.  In front of me were Cullen, two guards, Josren, and a messenger with a swollen nose and lip.  “Chrysopal,” stated Cullen grimly.  “Do you have any idea what’s going on?”

“Yes.  HE,” and I pointed at the messenger, “was kissing a sixteen year old elven ward of the inquisitor,” the messenger paled at that, “against a wall in the stables, and was luring her to where he had friends.  They were going to ‘have fun’.  I had intended on addressing this with you in the morning.  I do recall that the inquisitor mentioned that they came from circumstances in which other human men were attempting to do exactly what this one was doing.  And they were here so he could protect them from such use and abuse.”  

As I spoke, I walked to Josren and pulled him away from the two guards, putting him behind me.  “Josren was acting on my request to protect her, after Dalish of the Chargers informed me something untoward was going to happen.”  I looked at Cullen.  “Have I missed any of the finer points of the issue?”

“I don’t believe so.  In fact, you covered a few points young Edgar didn’t mention.  Which one was it?”

“Sharis.”

“She’s sixteen?  She looks younger than that.”

“As of two months ago.  Why is my Josren here?”

“To answer some questions.  The only thing he’d say was to get you.”

I turned and looked Josren over carefully.  “Are you hurt?”

“I did as you said.  Don’t resist, ask for you.  I am unhurt.”

I looked at Cullen.  “Is he free to go?”

He held my eyes.  “I see no reason to hold a man for protecting one of the Inquisitor’s daughters.”  The messenger paled even more.

“Have your questions been answered to your satisfaction?  Or shall I bring the young lady in here as well?”

“I’m sure that won’t be necessary.  Sleep well, Chrysopal.  I’ll handle it from here.”

With Josren in tow, I went out the way I came in.  Solas was waiting, along with a sweating Jim.  Solas and Jos both ushered me along the causeway.  Uh, no.  Had to get Josren back to the stables, and then I had to get back to my rooms.  It was late.  So I stepped off the causeway, dropped to the lower courtyard, and glanced up at them.  They looked at each other, and both stepped off as well.  We trooped to the stable, where I bid Josren sleep well.  Solas put his hand at my waist and led me through the kitchens to my rooms again.

“What’d you say to that poor scout?”

“I said nothing to him.  Just watched him.  It seemed to make him nervous.”

“Did you remember to blink?  People become very uncomfortable when you forget to blink.”

He stopped still.  “You’ve forgotten to blink?”

“Sometimes when I stare at something, I just… don’t, I guess.  I’m told it’s creepy.”

He pulled me into my rooms, and then against him.  “I do not find it creepy.”  Based on what I was feeling against my stomach, he didn’t.  Or he really liked creepy.

“You’ve always seemed to like it when I was creepy.”

His teeth snagged my bottom lip.  “Not creepy.”

“Others disagree with you.”

“Humans,” he tossed off dismissively.

“And dwarves, and vashoth.”

“How many elves, ma’asha?”  I tried to think, but his lips were teasing my neck.  “How many spirits?”

“Sera.  Dalish.  Even some of mine.  No spirits, though.”

He pulled back.  “This does not surprise me,” he sighed.  His eyes glimmered.  “I am not among them.”  I was leaning in to kiss him when there was another knock on the door.  Solas groaned.  “Next time, Chrysopal, I am dragging you to my room.”

“Dragging?”

He sighed.  “Perhaps not.”

The knock sounded again.  Three knocks, equally loud, in rapid succession.  “I better get that.”  He brushed his fingers over my face.  He leaned against the wall, smacking the back of his head on it, once.  

I opened the door.  Vivienne of all people stood there.  “May I speak to you for a moment, Chrysopal?”  I stepped out of the room.  Solas could play with Irusana for a moment.  “Did you order Sharis to return to her bed and remain there?”

“I did.”

“She ran into my boudoir, weeping inconsolably that you were being horrifically cruel.”

“She ran into my rooms earlier, interrupting my studies.  Did she tell you about the altercation in the stables?”

“Why no, darling. Studies?  You are studying in the evening?”

“I am quite busy during the day, Madame de Fer.”  Her eyes slid past me.  Solas had appeared in my doorway.  “We were discussing the propensity of different races to understand variations from normal when you arrived.  It’s been a busy evening, too.”

“I hadn’t realized how much you were taking on.  Dorian, Adan, Helisma, and Solas.  All demanding, I’m sure.  You don’t choose easy paths, do you.  Perhaps you ought to be considering increasing your rest days.”

I paused before I answered, because that sounded like actual concern.

“I get behind enough when I take the required ones, Madame.”

“Vivienne, please.  Perhaps you need another assistant.  You must learn to delegate.  If you are spending your nights studying and your days running Skyhold and your clan, then when do you sleep?  You need sleep, Chrysopal.  However, that is not why I am here.  Young Sharis claims that Josren started a fight over her in the stables.  He is far too old, and the Inquisitor has stated that his wards are not to be considered in that context until eighteen.  A very high age, but he has reasons.”

Her words made me laugh.  “That is what she told you?  Allow me to illuminate the issue, my dear Vivienne.”  I invited her into my room, and to have a seat.  Not two minutes later, Briri showed up with tea service.

“Herbal, Ethelathun, so as not to interfere with your rest.”

“Thank you, Briri.”  She pulled the chairs from my desk area into my little sitting room, as well, letting everyone take a seat with three left over.  I sent Briri back to bed and told Viv about the situation over the familiar tea rituals.

“You pour beautifully.  You have obviously been taught.  May I inquire as to what finishing school you attended?  Or did you have private tutors?”

“None of that, actually.  Just a demanding mother.  Now, Sharis seems to be stirring up trouble.  Where do you think she is now?”

“A good question.  I sent her to bed, after a small amount of coddling, I admit.  However, based on her previous actions, I doubt she went.  She’s going to be a problem, Ethelathun.”

“Technically, she’s the Inquisitor’s problem, if I get too annoyed with her.  The only ones of the girls who are officially Ethelathe are Iona, Nolari, Maya, and Finaya.  Devella, Riwen, and Sharis are all ‘considering’ it.  So they’re not actually my problem, except as Chatelaine of Skyhold.  Josren, however, is Ethelathe, and she is accusing him.”

“I see.  Indeed, I have no official duties in regard to any of them.  I have been kind, but it is too easy to abuse kindness.  Perhaps our young lady needs to be aware of our opinions.”  We shared a smile, interrupted by the Inquisitor and Josie arriving.

“Oh, for the love of…” I heard Solas mutter.

“Alright, sis.  Spill.  Why do I have crying girls, bloodied messengers, annoyed Cullens, an unhappy scout, and three extra worried messengers all of a sudden?”

“Because the bloodied messenger was bloodied because the crying girl was being willingly lured to a private place where most likely the three extra worried messengers were waiting to have some fun with the crying girl, which she doesn’t believe.  Cullen’s annoyed that the messenger did this, crying girl has delivered three stories to three people now, Josren did as I asked and protected your ward.  The unhappy scout annoyed Solas.”

“Annoyed Solas?”

“He interrupted us.”

Vivienne jumped in.  “Speaking of which, did you know this woman is spending her evenings studying magic instead of sleeping?”

“Let’s stick to the subject at hand, please?  It is nearly midnight, and normally I would be in bed, any lessons or reading completed.”

“We’ll talk about it later, then." That was ominous.  "You have investigated?” asked Sam.

“I believed Josren, yes.  He didn’t lie to me.”

“Cullen investigated?”

“The messenger’s reactions gave him away when I relayed Josren’s words.”

“And now I’m ending this.  Sharis will be grounded.  For how long?”

“A month,” stated Vivienne.  Steely.

“Two weeks,” I offered at the same time.

“Until she is eighteen,” proffered Solas.

“A week,” added Josie.

“I agree with Solas, but apparently the ladies don’t.  So I’m going with Vivienne.  A month.  Constant supervision.  Can you move her room in with another woman?  Someone from Ethelathe?  I’ll pay them to babysit.”

“I’ll inquire.  Give me until midmorning, and I’ll have an answer.  Worst case scenario, I’ll put her in here with me.”  Which got me a glare from Solas.  “I’d also like to tell you, Vivienne, and you, Sam, that I specifically sent her to bed and told her she wasn’t to leave it without Inquisitorial permission.  That didn’t happen, I assume?”

“I was reading, and she didn’t say anything about being allowed up by the Inquisitor.”

“She showed up at my door, hysterical.  I issued no permission for ANY of this.”

“Welcome to parenting teenagers.”  I smiled.  “I will address the failure to follow instructions, if you will permit?”

“Nothing bloody.”  

“SAM!  When have I ever advocated a bloody punishment?  Besides, I just whitewashed this place.  No blood on the walls.  I was considering putting her in kitchen duty for however long she was grounded.  Actually, I could put her in with Cook for the month.  She likes Josren.  I’ll ask in the morning.”

“It will ruin her hands.”  Vivienne.

“She’s gotten used to the life of a lady of leisure.  Let’s see how she reacts to losing it.  There’s nothing wrong with hard work.  If she thinks so, I have a middens that could use a scrub.”

The party broke up at that point, with Josie stealing the tea things as they left.  Vivienne air kissed my cheek before she followed them.  “Get some rest, darling.  You still look tired.”  

After they left, I shut the door and leaned against it.  And spotted all the extra chairs.  “Damn it.”

“What now, Chrissy?”

“The chairs.”

“I’ll help you with them.”  He’s modernizing his speech, I think.  Slowly.

I opened the door and pulled Halton’s chair back to his desk.  Three more floated after me.  Mine and the two from in front of my desk.  “That’s cheating, Solas.”

He was suddenly behind me, his breath on my ear.  “Nothing in the rules, ma’haselan’udh.”  And I spoiled it by yawning.  He sighed, leading me back into my rooms.  “I can undo the laces, so we can get you to sleep.  Vivienne was right, you still look tired.”  He shut the door behind us, and helped me undo the dress, tucking me into my nightgown.   Then pulled back the covers, encouraging me to lay down.

I touched his hand.  “Are you leaving?”

“Do you not want me to?”

“Stay, please?”

He seemed surprised by the request.  “I will stay.”  He tucked us both in, and I fell asleep against his chest, his lips touching my temple.  My dreams were mostly absent.  I halfway remember glowing eyes and brushing kiss.  And an admonishment that it wasn’t playtime, I had to rest.

I woke to lips on my skin, sliding along my jaw.  “It is time to awaken, ma’lath.  Kiss me a moment, and then I must go.”  Half awake, I met his lips with my own.  He pulled back a moment later.  “I am tempted to leave you like this, flushed and warm, lips swollen from mine.”  He kissed me again.  “But not today.”  A tight hug, and he brushed his magic over me and left.  I was still only half awake.

Briri showed up a moment later.  “How did you know to show up last night?”

“I don’t know, milady.  I just knew.”  It was the truth, but it also felt evasive.  She was probably trysting or some such.  I wasn’t going to pry.  I slid myself back into the red dress from last night.  I’d pulled it out of a drawer and worn it for maybe an hour.  If I didn’t wear it, Briri would take it to be cleaned.  Wasteful.  I created my sticks and put my hair up my way.  Barely a twinge.

I was going to have to steal a few minutes today and test what I could actually do.  I was so much better.  I bugged Cook, who was delighted to “take charge” of the girl.  “Be a little careful with her.  We don’t want her broken, just working and supervised.”

“I’ve raised a girl.  I won’t hurt the chit.  I’ll move her in with me, and she can try to escape to the stables with strange humans.  I’ll keep your girl safe and under my eye.”

“Thank you.  I’ll let the inquisitor know.”  Before I left, she shoved two sausage rolls at me, telling me I was still not eating enough.  Garalen pulled away from the wall as I came back into the pillow palace.  “Let’s go wake Inquisibutt.”  She smiled.  “How’s Andrew?”

“Tired.  Very tired.”

“Is he okay?”  I was instantly concerned.  

She laughed.  “He’s better than okay, and I hope he will be even more tired later.”

“Oh.  Well.  I hope you two enjoy tiring yourselves out.”

I headed up the stairs through Josie’s place, intending to go out into the main hall.  However, that was decidedly unnecessary as Sam was gently shutting the door to Josie’s bedroom, looking rumpled.  “Next time, Sam, fold your clothes so they don’t wrinkle on the floor.”

He jumped about a foot in the air.  “Andraste’s tits, woman, don’t sneak up on me.”

“I don’t sneak.  I just came up the stairs.”

He looked around me.  “Where’s Solas?”

“Why would I know?  I last saw him last night.”  I had left my eyes closed this morning.

“I thought…”  

I raised an eyebrow.  “As of yet, no one has won that bet, Inquisibutt.  Unless we truly mean sleep, in which case Dorian won ages ago.”

“Never mind.”

“Too right.  Cook has agreed to shepherd our wayward miss.  She’s raised a daughter, and is willing to keep day and night watch over her.”

“Good.  When can we get her moved?”

“Whenever you want.  Welcome to parenthood, Sam.  I handled the arrangements.  You slot her into them.”

“What?”

“Do your part, father figure.  I will make the home.  It is made.”

“That’s not fair!”

“You believe life to be fair?  Do you need to talk to Leorah again?”

“No.  That’s not necessary.  I get it.  You did your half, momma figure, and now it’s my turn.  I am NOT old enough to have a teenage girl.”  He eyed me.

“You had better not say anything about my age, or I will ensure you get boiled beets with no salt for every meal for a week.”  He hates boiled beets.

He adopted a whiny teenager voice.  “You’re so MEAN…”  I rolled my eyes.

I went back down to my desk and got started, munching my sausage bread.  I had a lot to do before I had arts and crafts in the afternoon.  Which Sharis wasn’t going to miss out on.  Shoot.  Need to chat with cook before Sam gets here.  So I got up and talked with her.  Thank goodness she agreed with me.

It was midmorning and I was hip deep in paperwork when our second-favorite Antivan arrived.  Because Josie is everyone’s favorite.  “Walk with me, Chrysopal.  Stroll in the gardens.  You look so tense.”  It was said nicely, but not flirtatiously.

I smiled.  “I don’t think the chantry would like that.”

“Ah, perhaps somewhere else?”  He bowed slightly and held out his hand.

“You know what?  Sure.  It was a long evening, and an even longer morning.  I could use a break.”  I placed my hand in his, and he tucked it around his forearm.

“Let me tell you of the slums of Antiva, Tesora.  The sights and smells, the beautiful women, the throbbing music…”  He did.  He distracted me for a good fifteen minutes before we returned.

“It was fun talking with you, Zevran, but I do have to work.”  I settled myself in my chair.

“Such a shame a beautiful woman has to work so hard.”

“Odd.  I think it admirable that she has no one telling her to do these things, but she still ensures that everything that needs doing gets done.  I do not see what her beauty has to do with it.  Are less beautiful women less valuable?”  I turned my head to smile at Solas.  “Chrysopal, your cub in the stables needs reassurance.”  I checked my threads, and Josren and Geth were both worried.  About what?

“Thank you, Faolan.”

“Allow me to escort you.”  He glanced at Zevran, giving his game away.

“Solas.”

“Yes, Chrissy?”  Completely innocent look on his face.

“Fine,” I sighed.

“We can get you lunch while we are meandering.”

“Alright.  Thank you for the walk, Zevran.”

“You are quite welcome.  Perhaps you would like dinner company?”

“My dinners are already filled, but you are welcome to join us.  I’ll be eating with a few from Ethelathe.  You could learn more about our little family.”  He kept his smile with no effort at all, a point in his favor.

“I look forward to it.”

Solas grasped my wrist gently and tugged me out of my chair.  “Let us be off, then.”  He wrapped his arm around my waist, hand resting on my hip, and pulled me off to the kitchen doors.  He looked back as he ushered me through.

Josren was in the stables, sitting on a hay bale with his head in his hands, and Geth was with him.  Blackwall was watching, too.  I walked over, making enough noise to be noticed.  Geth looked up.  “Guards took him away last night.”

“I know.  It’s been solved.  If it has not, it will be.”

“I’ve never been in trouble like this.”

“Josren, look at me.”

He raised his eyes.  “Yes?”

“You are not in trouble.  The young lady in question is grounded for a month and working in the kitchens under full time watch.  When I discussed it with the inquisitor last night, he was grateful, not angry, that she was rescued from her own folly.  I’m fairly certain Cullen will be handling the messenger.  Let me see your hands.”  He held them out to me, looking much better.  “Geth, do you still have the salve I make?”

“Running low, but yeah.”

“I’ll make more for the stables.   Please share it.”

“Of course.”

I smiled at him.  “Thanks.  Is everything else going okay?”

“So far so good.  Blackwall is keeping an eye out for the other three.”

“Other three?”

“The ones that were waiting.”

“I dropped that thread.  I’ll make sure that Cullen is aware.”  I gave a quick hug to them both.  Solas walked with me up the stairs to the battlements.  “I halfway want to throttle that girl.”

“Really?  I felt that way about two minutes after she interrupted our evening.”

“Oh, hush.  I know I’m a soft touch, but you don’t have to rub it in.”

“Many things I would call you.  A soft touch is not one of them.”  I looked at him and smiled.  “If you voice the words behind that look in your eyes, ma’nehn, you will be spending the rest of the day in my rooms.”  He leaned down to speak in my ear.  “And you wouldn’t be objecting after the first kiss.”  I shivered.

“Be nice.”  He just smiled, and knocked on Cullen’s door.

“Enter.”

I did.  Cullen looked awful.  “Are you okay?”

“A long night.  Four miscreants to manage.  A bad day.”

“So you did handle all four.”

“It would be foolish of me not to.”

“Josren’s worried about retaliation.”

“I hope I’ve managed to prevent that.”

“Sit down, Commander.”

“Chrissy…”  I just looked at him.  He sat, tilting his head back without me saying anything.  Solas watched as I ran my fingers over Cullen’s face for a while, until he relaxed under my hands.  As I lifted my hands from his face, he mumbled, “You have to teach Joan that.”  

I kissed his forehead and said I’d think about it.  I went back to Solas.  “I believe you said something about lunch, a grá.”  As we closed the door behind us to head for the atrium, I looked at him.  “Are you planning on taking me to the tavern?  There are probably one or two people that haven’t seen your arm around me yet.”

“No.  And no one was paying attention to us but the Antivan.  You kissed him,” he stated as we walked.

“You said you understood kisses on cheeks for friends and children.”

“Is he a friend or a child?”

“You’re funny.  You could tell how it was.  A bit of both.  He needs some coddling.  Very stressed out.  I did the same kinds of things for Sam until Josie took over.  I still handle Dorian, but Iron Bull is slipping into that territory, very slowly.  Joan is good for Cullen, though she doesn’t have the same touch.  But she makes him eat.”

“You’ve claimed him.”

“He needed me.”

He muttered things under his breath.  “You cannot claim everyone who needs you.”

“I don’t, or the entirety of Val Royeaux Alienage would be sitting in the frozen valley right now.”

“They don’t all need you.”

“The other option...”  I shut up.  I was not discussing Briala with Solas.  I got a quick sandwich and was delivered back to my desk just in time to start making decorations for Halloween.  All Soul’s Day.  Whatever.  

Fall wreaths for the windows, carving turnips and gourds, things like that.  I hummed Grim Grinning Ghosts, and sang it after someone asked what the song was.  I halfway expected them to be freaked out, but they liked it.  I checked in my self to see if I was up to it, and then decided to try.  I could recreate anything I’d heard, and I’d heard this song too many times not to remember it.  

“Want to hear it the way it was intended?”  I sort of asked it in an undertone, but more people heard than I expected.  Lots of yes, but no real understanding.  The strains of male voices threaded through the room.  I actually had to close my eyes to concentrate.  It didn’t ache, exactly, but it was more difficult than it should have been.  I’d been effortlessly flinging this many voices about before the attack.  The ladies, however, loved it.  The sound bounced around like it was actual spirits singing while moving about.  As the song died, I sat down, out of breath and achy.  It didn’t ache until I was done.

I didn’t get the questions I expected.  They wanted to know if I could do it again, on All Soul’s Day.  I told them I’d be doing things like that for All Hallow’s Eve, the day before All Soul’s Day.  Probably.  If they saw eyes in the bushes or strange lights in windows, a fleeting glimpse of something out of the corner of their eyes, then that was me.  That was what Halloween should feel like.  A little spooky.

Dinner was those meat pies I adore.  Zevran did join me, as did my blacksmith uncles.  All of them.  I was pretty thrilled.  We chatted about everything under the sun.  Gruff asked if Zev was my young man, and I said he was too young for me.  Startled the heck out of Zevran, since he wasn’t expecting that sort of response.  Enborr just said I was still “stuck” on the other one, and since he was “stuck” back, the likelihood of Zevran being my young man was basically nothing.

“Who is this other one?”  Zevran asked.  Mark raised a brow and said that if he didn’t know, they certainly weren’t going to tell him.  At the end of dinner, I hugged and smooched all my forge guys.  Zevran watched them leave and looked at me.  “They don’t touch your hands.  I’ve been watching.  Wrists, waist, shoulders, arms, but never your hands.”

“Dorian holds my hands, as does Solas, but no, the others don’t.”

“How severely were you injured?”

“My fingers were rebuilt from cooked and shredded flesh and exposed bone.”

“I see.”

“They’re still very sensitive to touch, and easily pain me.  I get twinges, but never enough to distract me or stop me.”

“If I hurt you, before I knew…”

“Not in any significant fashion.  I have to get some paperwork done, or I’ll never get to sleep tonight for worrying.  I slacked off way too much this morning.”

“I will therefore take my leave.  It’s been an interesting day.”

“Are you coming back for songtime?”

“Of course.  I still haven’t figured out why you do it every night.”

I smiled wickedly.  “Most mothers like to sing their children lullabies.”

He laughed at that.  “I see.”

“It’s because it keeps us together.  It’s just something we do.  It grew out of when we were all in one room.  I think I told you this.  I will see you later, Zevran.”  I removed my attention from him, because I really did have to get some work done.  He was gone the next time I looked up.

Jailyn stole my pen from me as people gathered.  “No more tonight, Chrissy.  You know better.”

“Sorry.  I didn’t see everyone showing up.”

“Too busy playing with your abacus.”

“Counting kids yet to be born and chickens yet to be hatched.  Piglets and calves and lambs.”

“Well, now we’re singing.”

We were.  Dorian showed up about halfway through.  Josren and Geth sat near me.  Solas and Zev were holding up walls, along with Elias and Garalen.  Andrew brought Gunther by, but shook his head when I caught his eye.  Gunny didn’t want attention, and wasn’t up to dealing with me.  I’m apparently INTENSE.  Whatever.  

Littles and reading, bedtime and Dorian, who asked how last night had gone.  “Ugh, it was awful.”

He sat straight up in bed.  “What?”

“First Sharis and Josren, and Vivienne, and Sam and Josie.  I didn’t get to close my eyes until well after midnight.  Poor Solas was just frustrated that they were all bothering me.  He was a good sport, though.”

“Oh. OH.  I had thought… Well, never mind what I thought.  The inquisitor was in your rooms last night?”

“A bit of an incident with his ward, but nothing Josren didn’t take care of.”  I nestled ‘Sana between us.  “Sleep now.  You look like you could use it.”

“A fine one to talk!  You could carry bushels in the bags under your eyes.”

“Dorian Pavus, you take that back.”

“Fine fine.  Perhaps not bushels.”

I’m finishing this, and then I’m sleeping.  Bags or no bags, I’m exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you paying attention, yes, Sharis called him Mikey, and Cullen called him Edgar. He gave her a fake name, because he didn't want her to be able to find him later if there were "repercussions". Just another elf-blooded bastard, and none of his doing. His name isn't MIKEY. Sometimes humans are horrible.


	114. Day 17, 28 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More spirits, winning friends and influencing people, boring duties, trying to scare a supplicant, and Zevran gets informed that I am unavailable.

###  **Skyhold, Day 17, 28 Solace, 9:41**

I met a new spirit last night.  Actually, three new spirits.  I’m practically inundated with wisps, but most of them seem to come in to look at me, and then leave.  I met two spirits while watching two sets of armies fighting over this place.  It had smaller walls at the time, but they were in the same place.  

I had been pausing and rewinding to take a look at the place and the people.  It kept randomly moving forward.  I got a little firm with my pause button and told it to STAY paused until I changed it, Damnit.  

A spirit politely walked up to me shortly thereafter and asked me to let the scene go.  I was interrupting the battle.  The spirit introduced itself as Valor, and it explained that it and its buddy Fortitude were watching.  I listened as they described the battle from multiple perspectives.  We scooted the memories forward to the next battle.  They were quite informative.  Described for me the changes in the fortifications, the reasons for the bits and pieces, the way they changed the tenor of the battle from previous times.  

There was a spirit hovering at the edge of my space for most of the night, ducking out of view when I looked at it.  I finally managed to say hello, but only because Valor marched over and snagged the poor thing.  It was shyness.  Color me surprised.  Not.  

Anyway, I asked Valor and Fortitude about the stronghold’s current defenses, and shyness quietly asked where the escape route was.  Well, Shit.  That had never occurred to me.  Where was the escape route?  There had to be something.  Fortitude scoffed, but I asked if children were expected to stand to the last one?  When it responded that Valor would protect them, I raised a brow.  

“And for the duration of the battle, they should be…”  That shut it up.  So Valor, Fortitude, and Shyness are going to work on an escape route for my littles. Either find it or give me suggestions for building it.  Fortitude will keep them on task, I think.  

Honestly, they’re just people with strong personalities.  We’ve all dealt with those types.  The easiest way to make friends with people is to ask them for help.  It’s weird psychology stuff, but asking for help makes someone feel useful, which makes them like you.  Asking them about themselves makes them feel good about themselves, and they like you, because they associate feeling good with being around you.  

There are other ways, but anyone who’s read _How to Make Friends and Influence People_ knows most of them.  Head tilts, the way you look at someone, how much you look at someone, microexpressions, etc. Accepting them for who they are and validating their experiences helps, too.  Maybe I’ll make a friend or three.  Ethelathe, or maybe just me, could probably help them out someday, too.

I still had some night left, so I wandered a bit on my own.  You know, in game, the fade is grey and weird and things upside down and stuff.  It’s not like that at all.  At least, not to me.  It’s almost a perfect mirror of the waking world, if you could fast forward and rewind.  Like those time lapse movies.  Or you can basically put yourself anywhere you remember.  It’s exactly what you expect, and nothing more or less.  Makes me wonder what sorts of horrid things people expect from the fade.

* * *

 

I woke up to a fur collar (the cat) and the smell of COFFEE. Coffeecoffee.  I opened my eyes, expecting to see Garalen, but the mug was sitting on the end table.  Not only was it coffee, but it was light and sweet.  I mean, I’m not overly picky about my coffee, but a teaspoon of cream and a pinch of sugar goes a long way.  I sat up and brought it to my lips, and there was a small vanilla scent.  It was delicious.  And cool enough to sip, but not guzzle.

Briri had another outfit out, furred collar and sleeves.  Back to the stupid long sleeves, and this thing was cream colored.  I was going to have to be very careful about the ink.  “Important things happen today, milady.  Please, let us dress you for them?”

“What important things?”

“Zatlan. He is requesting an audience with you.  Halton gave me the schedule.  Also, several Ferelden dignitaries are due today.”

“So I need to be primped and polished.”

“Please.”

“The sweet before the slap.  This is why the coffee.”  She didn’t know what to say, but she went still.  “Thank you.  I told you, Briri, I do not abuse people.”

“I would never slap you, milady.”

“It’s a saying.  The sugar to make the medicine go down?  The calm before the storm?  The good thing, to ease the bad.”

“I see.”

I sighed.  She’s nice, but…  I warmed the room for my bedmate and got dressed. I put up my own hair.  Food for Dorian and the kitty, a few bites of breakfast for me, and I got started, keeping my sleeves well away from the pages.  

That’s hard, actually, and I ended giving up quickly, to a smirking Halton’s amusement.  He promised me he would have everything ready for review and signatures by tomorrow, and shooed me off.  The bulk of the information on the harvest totals wouldn’t be done until August.  Plus, we were expecting information on the harvests that would be available later in the year from lower altitudes.  So we could decide what we needed to purchase.

The rest of my little ladies weren’t at class this morning.  It was just the five littler kids.  I went upstairs to ask Josie and found the ladies all ensconced in front of the fireplace, having a serious chat about the responsibilities put upon those who have been given advantages.  I left them to it.  When I was less angry, I was going to have a chat with the wayward miss myself.

I checked on Varric, who told me he was doing well and he just might have some information for me after All Soul’s Day.  Maybe.  Went back downstairs.  

It was starting to be a bit cooler, and I know Cole.  I snagged a small bag of millet and all the old bread from Cook and wandered out to the battlements.  I didn’t want to drag this stuff through the tavern, so I ventured through Bull’s tower and down to Cole.  He just smiled at me as he took possession of the bird food.  

I waved at Sera, the Sutherland band, and the others as I hopped down the stairs.  I didn’t know Sutherland or his people, but I’ve talked with them a couple times, and they seem nice.  I put my thumb to my nose and wiggled my fingers at Bull, and he smiled.  Ruffled Krem’s hair. Made Maryden smile by sticking out my tongue at her.  I was in a surprisingly good mood, until I got outside.

Damn.  Ferelden Nobles, arriving.  I went up to the dais to wait.  They come to me, not the other way around.  I was joined by Inquisibabe and Josie.  Have I mentioned I really don’t like talking with nobles?  They’re so ANNOYING.  Generally.  At least they’re not Orlesian Chevaliers.  I have unreasonable opinions regarding certain groups.  I’ll have to work on that.  At some point.

Anyway, I was polite, showed them to their rooms, introduced them to attendants, all that fun stuff.  Dinner’s at six in the main hall, if you have any food preferences, please feel free to let me know.  Was basically ignored, though I was smiled and nodded at.  I think it’s the short.  And maybe the ears, but mostly the short, actually.

I took the opportunity to ride Drummer during the usual lunchtime.  It was nice to spend time (mostly) alone, not bothered by anyone.  By the time Geth’d had Drummer ready, a Hessarian was already mounted.  Said not a word.  I hadn’t realized they were still following me.  Still, it was a silent time, and I could breathe away from everyone.  I mean, Skyhold is wonderful, but there are just so many people.  

I went back to my desk after being lifted down from Drummer.  Dress effect in full effect.  It really is a thing.  There were neat stacks at the corners, and three papers in the center.  A formal request to join Ethelathe from Zatlan.  Under it was a letter, in Antivan.  From Eadras.  Beneath that, a request from the other two arrivals to be “included” in Ethelathe.  I like that one.  Included.

Apparently poor Eadras had been begged to write a letter of recommendation.  He could recommend Zatlan as an annoying, interfering busybody.  Constantly badgering him to eat or rest or put salve on his hands or something.  Since that was exactly what I’d wanted, I think I’ll take a closer look at the man now that I’m a bit better.  Seemed confused that Eadras wasn’t visibly a mage, though.  (Apparently the Hahrens in alienages are usually mages, too, just like keepers.)  

All three of the “applicants” showed up soon after, directed by Halton.  Zatlan dropped to a knee again, damn it, assaulting me with miladies.  I do not need people genuflecting at me.  The other two, a man and woman, elven, looked confused.  Since Zatlan wasn’t looking, I rolled my eyes, and the woman made an aborted noise and covered her mouth.

“Up, Zatlan.”  He stood.  “I have a few questions for you.  Some of which you’ve answered, and some you haven’t.”  I watched him carefully as I interviewed him.  He didn’t lie to me, but he wouldn’t tell me what he thought of his old Hahren.  I can live with that, I suppose.  He hadn’t harmed him or left him without support.  

I asked similar questions of the elven couple.  They just wanted a new start.  They were from the same alienage, and their families had wanted them to bond new blood.  They weren’t closely related, it’s just tradition.  They were willing to work hard, and Halton provided me evaluations on their work from Jailyn.  The man was working out well in portage, and the woman was an excellent lower maid.  I added them to the roster of “regular” Ethelathe members and dismissed them.

I turned back to Zatlan, who was watching me.  “You made a specific request.”  He nodded.  “I can ignore that request, add you to the regular members, and you will be one of us.”

He watched me, but didn’t say anything other than, “No.”

I stood, moving around the desk, pinching out the candles as I went.  A single candle remained on Halton’s desk.  I’d expected Halton to leave, but he sat and remained.  I snuffed the last candle, plunging the room into darkness.  “I’m not quite normal.”  

“I know, my lady.”

Basic light patterns are easy, and don’t ache.  Firelight dancing on the walls.  Flickers around the pillow palace.  “Light is pretty. It’s useful.  But it can be dangerous.  Scary.  A hearthfire or an inferno.  I am usually the hearthfire, Zatlan.  People are comfortable with the hearthfire.”  Flickers of warm, easy enough.  I could see his face.  He didn’t understand where I was going with this.  I reached out and touched his cheek, slowly, and he didn’t draw back.  “The warmth nurtures, Zatlan.”  He nodded, still standing there.  “Could you withstand the inferno?  Could you accept that as well?”

“Yes, Lady.”  I raised the heat around us, making the flames against the walls appear bigger, hotter.  I left my hand on his cheek.  I didn’t want to hurt him, but I wanted to threaten pain.  I held his eyes with mine as I continued to increase the temperature.  I wanted him to FEEL flames.  He trembled under my hand.  He started sweating, and then the sweating stopped.  His skin warmed, and turned feverish.  I felt a drop of sweat trickle down my own cheek, and I stopped.  He just stood there, panting, eyes glassy.  “I would swear to you, my lady.”  

“I’ll scare you.  They say I’m creepy.  Not everyone survives association with me.  I can’t protect everyone, and I will expect more of you.  Much more.”

“I don’t care.  I’ve heard the stories.”

“If you betray me, I will kill you.”

“My life is yours.”

I turned off the lights, plunging us into darkness, and then lit the candles again with a thought.  I cooled the air around him.  His skin wasn’t even red, just a little pink.  I got a pitcher of water from Cook, and three glasses.  Halton poured for all of us, hands trembling.  “Drink, Zatlan.”  He did, three glasses in quick succession.  I just watched him, sipping my own cup.

When his throat was wet enough, he spoke.  “I saw you from the doorway.  The vines of light grew, your skin glowed.  You said to him: ‘Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.  Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.  Elves are terrific. They beget terror.  No one ever said elves are nice.’  It is those words I remembered.  And yet again you have proven them.”

“Consider carefully how you will word your oath, Zatlan.  I will hold you to it.  However, caveats or escape clauses will lead me to believe you are not sincere.  Remember what you chose to say, because I will.”

“I would expect no less.”  He bowed deeply.

“Go do whatever it is you do around here, Zatlan.  I will hear your words on All Soul’s Day, and decide then whether or not to accept them.”  He left, backing away carefully.  I turned to Halton.  “You are scared of me.”

“Not… Precisely.  Merrill told me that you were unusual, and that Varric called you special.  It’s still disconcerting to see, even when you hear the stories.  What did you do to him?”

“Tested him, very mildly.  An extremely tame Gom Jabbar.  The original idea… I’m going to have to figure out how the glamour works a little better.”

“He looked like he couldn’t breathe.”

“It’s hard to breathe in that much heat.”

“It was just light on the walls!”

I smiled.  Halton paled a hair.  “It was more than that, for him.  And for me.  You will find out, should you ever decide to swear to me instead of just working for me.  You have always been brave enough to meet my eyes.”  I took a breath.  “And are you now scared enough to run home to Kirkwall, or will you be staying?”

“Everything I learn about you and this place you have built…  I like it here.  You are scary at times, but I think you do it on purpose.”  I smiled, a happier smile, I guess, since he didn’t pale at this one.

“Sometimes.  You, Halton, are in excellent position to harm me and what we’re doing here.  I know this.  But I find myself trusting Merrill’s judgement.”

“That’s good to hear.  I have to deliver these to Stacy.”  That startled me.  I’d never heard Eustace allowing anyone to call him Stacy before.

“Are you and Eustace?”

He laughed.  “Good friends, no more.  He calls me Haley, I call him Stacy.  It’s a joke between us.”  Sobering, he looked at me.  “You don’t have a problem with it.  You were just curious.”

“Why would I have issue with it?”

“There’s nothing there.  I prefer women.  But it’s good to see.”

“It’s just meat, Halton.”  I grinned wickedly.  “Some people have more meat than others.”

“On that page, I think I’ll take my leave.  You have a visitor, my lady.”  He gave a quick sketch of a bow and moved off.  I looked around and saw no one.  Then my hair fell.  Solas.

I didn’t even turn around.  “One of these days, Solas, I will hear you.”

“You had warning.  Young Halton told you.”

“How much did you see?”

“I was in the library.” He smoothed my hair.

“You have something to say?”

“Be careful, ma’nehn.  You could have hurt him.”

I turned to him and he held me against his chest.  “Not with a little bit of warming,” I responded.  “I’ve been warming people and things for months.  It’s just making things move faster.  Increasing the frequency, sort of.”

“You have a fascinating mind.”

“It’s just science.  Every teenager learns this stuff where I come from, Solas.  Most don’t retain it into adulthood, but they learn it.  I’m really not that unusual.”

“You have retained it.  And I think you are quite unique.  Are you sore or achy after that display?”

I did an inventory.  Stretched feeling, but not achy.  “Nope.  Pushed to the limit, but not over.  Don’t want to do it again today, though.”

“Your dinner companions will be here soon.”  I sighed.  “You could say no, and come play with me, ma’sulahn’nehn.  You smell enchanting.”  He ran his nose along my ear.

“Solas… I can’t do that to them.”

“You didn’t ask for these appointments, and never specifically agreed to them.”

“It’s just dinner.  And it means so much to them.”

“Eat dinner with the Inquisitor.  You were invited.”

“That’s even more people.”

“I would join you.  You could make the inquisitor laugh, and Vivienne and I could glare at you.”  I immediately checked Sam’s thread.  He was fine.

“Join me here, instead.”

“Not today, my Chrissy.  I will see you later.”  He  dropped a quick kiss on my mouth and, sassy glint in his eye, bowed slightly before he left.  Ass.

Dinner was with two more people I didn’t know, Andrew, and Garalen.  The new guys seemed nice.  They worked in the baths.  Maintenance and upkeep of the baths and the private facilities.  Not including middens.  They were insistent on that.  Nice people.  One kept looking at my scarred arms and hands, which was a little nervous-making, but otherwise it went well.

Songtime ended up being a bit early, and shorter than usual. People were tired.  Zevran got to see the kids and I and Dorian play with Irusana with the multiple laser lights.  He seemed to find it amusing that kids and cats all chased the lights.  He headed up the stairs, and I tucked the littles in. 

As I closed their door, I noticed Solas leaned on the wall behind it.  He reached out and caressed my cheek.  “I have something for you.”  In his other hand he held a blue stone in a strange setting.  “This is more versatile than it was before.”  He explained, quietly, that it could function as a diadem, a necklace, or a wristlet or anklet.  A finger trailed down my arm, and lifted my hand.  Wrapped around my arm twice, then a third and fourth time, the crystal didn’t dangle, but lay on the bones much like a watch.  He then lifted my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist.  It was an intense, intimate moment.

A small sigh startled me, and I looked away from Solas to see Zevran near the stairs.  The blonde moved back toward them.  “You did that on purpose.”

“For several purposes, chief among them a desire for the taste of your skin.  I did not know he would show, but your friend is safer if he actually believes that you are unavailable.  You used your words, but he hoped you were wrong.”

“Safer?”

“Yes.  If he put his hands on you without your permission, he would regret it.  You are not the kind to invite him when we... are.”

“We are what?”

“We are what we are, and may someday be more, or less.”

He delivered me to my rooms.  “Dream with me, a grá.”  Dorian was in the bath, singing.  It made both Solas and me smile.  A single kiss, and he went for the door, smirking at me.  “You haven't answered.”

“I will see you tonight.  Count on it.”

Briri showed up, helping me out of my clothes and into the bathtub that Dorian had vacated filled with fresh hot water.  Cuddles and girl talk with my Tevinter mage and then sleep.

* * *

 

  This is what I mean by furred collar and long get-in-the-way sleeves.


	115. Day 18, 29 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midnight chats with Inquisibutts, Dorian is still an issue, Mother Giselle doesn't listen, and Zevran is a good sport.

###  **Skyhold, Day 18, 29 Solace, 9:41**

Dorian is so tired recently.  He fell asleep almost before getting into bed.  So much for cuddles and girl talk.  He sprawled across the bed even before lifting the covers, making joining him much more difficult.  I checked him over for further leaks, and he’s not depleted.  No other evident damage.  He’s just working too hard?  Probably burning the candle at both ends. I’d have to sleep on the settee tonight.

I found out something interesting before that, though.  He let slip that he’d been asked to be busy the night of Sharis’ escapades.  I thought back to the conversation Solas and I’d had, and he never actually said he wanted to stay to be a guardian or anything.  I’d made assumptions, and he didn’t disabuse me.  I am going to have to start being careful.  Looks like the gloves are coming off, slowly.  This is going to be FUN.

Well, since the settee is uncomfortable to sleep on, I decided to study.  I replaced the frequency variation book and went back to wards.  If I could figure out the meanings of underlying shapes, I would be set.  But I’ve known that since Haven.  The books refer to stuff I don’t see.  I remember in game, even, I would see complicated glyphs and patterns in light.  Why do I see shapes and eyes and taffy here?  The books show the glyphs and stuff, and I can draw them out fairly well, now.  But they don’t WORK.  Arg.

I was studying at my desk for goodness knows how long.  It was a while.  I didn’t want to disturb Dorian.  There was a noise on the stairs, and I admit, I barriered.  It was Sam.

“Hi Chrissy.”

“Hey, Inquisibutt.  What are you doing down here?  At this time of night?”

“Investigating.”  He picked up my book and squinted at it, and then squinted at the papers.  “You really are studying at night.”

“Sometimes…”

“I thought maybe Solas was in your room for other reasons, and Vivienne misinterpreted.  But she had the right of it.”

“He was in my rooms because he fully intended to kiss me breathless.  And possibly more.”

“Nice try.  The evidence is against you.”  He hefted my book.  

“Can I have that back?”

“I thought we talked about an hour a day?”

“You suggested an hour, yes.”

“Chrissy.”

“It’s just a little light reading.”  I tried to toss off a Hermione, but it didn’t work.  The book thumped onto my desk.

“Go to bed, Chrissy.  Isn’t Dorian watching you tonight?”

“He was so tired.  He fell asleep almost before he could close his eyes.  He’s been working with Alexius from dawn to dusk recently.”

“It seems I’ll have to work something else out.  I had assumed you were guarded at night.”  

I needed to get him off that idea.  “I don’t need guarding, hon.  Especially not at night.  Why are you down here, really?”

“I was wandering, and thought I’d check on you.”

“Are you okay?   You don’t normally wander.”

“I’m heading out the day after All Souls.  I’m taking everyone back to the Dales.”

I stilled.  “Everyone?”

“Not you and Josie.”

“Oh, thank goodness.”  That made him smile.

“I would appreciate it if you looked at the maps again.  Maybe something will jog your memory?”

“You can get the key from the graves in the Exalted Plains, now.  Why would the dead care, but the bodies attack.  The bridge leads to an elven citadel that has foolishly been activated.  Celene’s troops are trapped by their own folly.  The Dead Man’s Hand.  Rewards are found by doing elvish puzzles the proper way.  This one takes four people and a logical mind. The dragon lies in the fens, as do the shrines, the quarry, and the white wyvern.  If you kill the white wyvern, save the heart, and the hide.  They may become important later.  Do not give the heart to Dagna or use it for anything else until you know why I said this.  Then choose.”  

I took a deep breath.  “Sam, this is important.  Hit the pillars, not the demon.  Ignore the demon, destroy the pillars.  I don’t know if it’s this time, or next time, or if I have stopped it.  Ignore the idiot mages, get rid of the pillars, burn their book or give it to Solas.”

“You mentioned the pillars three times.”

“There is magic in threes, and it is a memory aid.  At Emprise du Lion, it was made cold to attract dragons and grow red lyrium, I’m guessing.  There are THREE dragons beyond the bridge.  Be careful, because it is possible to catch the attention of two dragons and the denizens of a rift at the same time.  That could be disastrous.  And there lies the way to the Cradle of Sulevin.  An elf, deceased, has the book that contains the key, north of Valeska’s Watch.”

“I found that already.”

I nodded.  “The Emerald Graves.  It is not yet time.  The threads aren’t in place.”

Sam leaned his hip against my desk.  “How do you know all this?”

“I told you. I saw it.  Choices and consequences, with some things constant.  The state of things before you get there, and possible states for when you are done, which affect other things.  It’s getting harder, actually, because there are more changes to keep track of.  I didn’t know it was real when I saw it, so my memory is imperfect.  Also, it’s bigger, and harder to navigate.”

“What about the Western Approach?”  

“Sand, and more sand.  Griffon Wing Keep, the Silent ruins, Frederic the researcher.  Luring and killing a dragon.  Sulphur pits.  Astrariums, there are always three.  Collect the shards, for Solasan.  The skulls, Sam, you wrote the Mortalitasi?”

“I wrote them.”

I got distracted by a thought.  “The Fade is a reflection of belief and memory.  What do the Tranquil remember that makes it work?”

“What?”

“Nevermind, Inquisibabe.  You should probably rest.  You are a busy man.”  I reached for my book, and he put his hand on it.  

“You are very good at that, but you’ve taught me to watch for it.  You are going to bed, too.”

“Not yet.”

“Yes.  Or I’ll call in reinforcements.”  I scoffed at that.  “Let’s see.  Should I wake Dorian, Eadras, Solas, or Garalen?  Any one of them could get you to rest.”

“Fine.  I’ll go.  Dorian’s already in my bed.”  I picked up the book, and Sam tugged it out of my arms.  Damn.  He yawned, and I followed.  Cheater.  Bet that was a fake yawn.

“There’s a couch in your rooms, right?”

“You are not sleeping on my couch.”

“I could put a Blade there.  Hmmm.  There’s no couch in Solas’ rooms.”  That last had a sly tone.

“Et tu, Brute?”

“What?”

“Nevermind.  He got to you.”

“He can protect you.”

“I don’t need protection so badly I’ll beg for space in a man’s bed for it.  Nor will I buy it in a man’s bed.”  That might have come out a bit snappish.

He held up his hands, a placating gesture.  “That’s not what I meant, hon.”

I sighed.  “I’m sorry.  I’m just…  I don’t know.”

“You’re tired.  I’m tired.  It’s late.  We should both have been asleep hours ago.”

“I’m sorry I’m not more help.”  I gave him a hug.

He didn’t let go right away.  “You don’t have to be a help, Chrissy.  Just be you.  You don’t see the Inquisitor, you see Sam, and I need that.  Sleep well.”  He kissed my forehead, and I watched him leave.  He’d forgotten about the book.  

I went to reach for it and another hand landed on it.  Startled me into an exclamation.  An arm around my waist pulled me back into a hard chest.  A familiar voice brushed my ear.  “You do not have to beg for a place in my bed.  It waits for you.  And you have had my protection for longer than you think.  It cannot be bought.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Long enough.  You were not in the fade when I looked for you.”

“When Dorian is very tired, he snores.  It’s cute, but noisy.  And he sometimes sprawls.  I was reading, waiting for him to relax and let me have room.”

“Studying.”

“Same thing.  Mostly.”

“Come to my bed, ma’nehn, since you cannot use yours.  Your person is as safe from molestation as you wish it to be.”  I wavered.  He lowered his voice, until it was just audible.  “Just for tonight.  To sleep in my arms, where you belong.”

Where I belong.  What did it say about him that he said it, or about me that it convinced me?  “Just for tonight.”  It was capitulation.  A bare moment later, I was picked up and he was striding off.  “I can walk, you know.” But I put an arm around his neck for stability.  I might have let my head rest on his shoulder, too.

“I like carrying you.  The first time, back in Haven, when you stole a stab wound.  I did not want to put you down, and you would not look at me.  So unyielding.  You were a puzzle then.  You still are.”

“You wanted to examine me like a butterfly on a pin.  A bug under glass.”

“I would not have phrased it like that.”

“Fine.  Perhaps a really interesting rock.  That’s about how intelligent you expected me to be, as well.”

“You are still that stubborn.  Infuriating woman.”

We reached his door, and it opened as we approached, then shut behind us.  “You like it when I confound you.  Housekeeping magic.  My favorite kind.”  He just smirked and set me on his bed, sliding in beside me and pulling the covers over us.  He didn’t say anything at all, just sort of sigh-hummed and pulled me close.  It sounded content.  “How long were you listening to me talk to Sam?”

“From before you told the Inquisitor exactly why I was in your rooms, and he refused to believe you.”

He heard everything.  Crap.  I took a deep breath and commented only on his words.  “They do that a lot.”

He let it be, as well.  “To be fair, you were studying that night.”

“But that’s not why you were there.  Nor were you guarding me.”

“Sleep, Chrissy.  Talk to me while you do so.”  You know, most guys would be saying to shut up and go to sleep.  He says to sleep, then talk to him.  It’s odd, but nice.  He smelled good, and I just enjoyed being there.  After a while, he spoke.  “May I help?”

“You want to put me to sleep?”

“Hmmm.  Yes.  And no.  Either we both go to sleep, ma’nehn, or...”  His free hand traced my ear.  “We can both stay awake.”  He kissed my lips.

“This once, Solas, you can put me to sleep.  To awaken at dawn, no later?”

“I have little control over when you wake up.”

“Malarky.  You can wake me up anytime you wish.  And you know when it is dawn.”

“I will not promise that.  But I will consider it.”  I nodded. He kissed my forehead, and I fell into the fade.  We discussed nothing in depth for the rest of the night.  Not what I’d said to Sam, nothing.  Just sort of watched the wisps play and cuddled in my space.  “I will see you in a moment,” he said in my ear at some point. And disappeared.  Next I knew I was awake, his lips to mine.  There was just a hint of sun over the horizon.“I want to know about brownie points.  Soon.  Because I think I just earned some.”

“It doesn’t count if you brag about it.”  He just smiled.

He smoothed my hair from the night. Then he walked me back to my rooms.  Briri was panicking.  She calmed as soon as she saw us, and curtsied.  I just rolled my eyes.  Solas delivered me to her care, and left.  

I got dressed.  I felt stubborn, and didn’t have anything scheduled, so I held out until Briri found my teal tunic and white pants.  I hadn’t realized, but my leather vest was gone.  It was destroyed in the storm.  I felt a pang over that, and I was going to have to apologize for ruining the Uncles’ beautiful work.

Dorian was still asleep.  ‘Sana missed me, because she twined about my legs.  I LOOKED at Dorian, and he still looked okay, but not as rested as I had expected.  My meter was still twigging that something was wrong.  I tucked him in and warmed the room for him.  I was going to have to talk to Solas.

I got breakfast for him, me, and ‘Sana, and ate at my desk.  Halton, true to his word, had everything sorted and ready for perusal and signing.  I had nearly finished by the time the littles were done with their studies and went outside.  I decided to join them.

However, when I reached the courtyard, I discovered several piles of wood with poles in them.  One in the upper courtyard, one in the lower, and one on the mountain outside.  Probably one in the Chantry Garden, too.   Excuse me?  I spotted a chantry sister adding more wood to one.  They didn’t listen.  Mother Giselle was still putting funeral pyres in my courtyard.  So be it.  I hope their faith can withstand the fires not burning.

I double-checked my SELF.  I was doing better.  Recovered from my playing yesterday.  Barriers is something I know, and the glowy dust is plentiful here.  Just for funsies, I swirled an airtight, but not impassable, barrier with the templar magic I’d been learning from Andrew.  Invisible magic to the average mage, and fire doesn’t burn without air.  A nice blanket over the wood, making it impossible to light.  Tie it to the surroundings, and I don’t even have to maintain it.  If they take the wood off the pyre, it will burn fine.  Put it back, and it’ll go out.  I blanketed the other one in my courtyard, and decided to leave the one on the mountain alone for now.  

I had plans for a fire out there on All Hallows Eve anyway, so it was kind of them to put wood out there for me.  Anyway, seeing those pyres put me in a bad mood.  A very bad mood.  So to counter the bad mood, I visited Adan to make more salve and potion.  He had found my calcium carbimide, too, so I really needed to visit.

Not only had he found calcium carbimide, but he’d remembered the formula.  After we greeted each other and gossiped for a bit, he presented me with a tin of the powder and a grain measure.  I thanked him profusely.  Now I had to talk to Halton, and find Gretel’s husband again.  In any case, I made more salve.  I can practically do it in my sleep.  Adan was making lyrium potion, and the smell was terrible.  I took my leave quickly when he went to uncap the actual stuff.

Stopped to get lunch food, and then returned to Halton.  Gretel’s husband had shown up for work three out of the last ten days.  Not good enough. I was going to give him a chance, just one, to prove he could be an asset to Skyhold, and by extension, the inquisition.  Or he was gone. 

Elias was my shadow today, so I asked him to arrange for someone to find Gretel’s husband and bring him before me during audience hours tomorrow.  He said it’d be done, but didn’t leave.  I checked my threads, and everyone is okay.  I notice, now, that my threads are a golden color.  I remember Harold’s thread.  It was more silvery.  I wonder if that was significant.  

I took that second step sideways to look at the web in more detail, who is connected to whom.  Isa’s doing very well.  The baby is almost self-aware.  A strong connection to momma from baby-chan.  A light connection to Feren.  And the thread between Feren and Isa is very strong.  As strong as Garalen and Andrew.  I decided to visit Isa in the bathhouse.  

She was happy to see me.  She’s lightly rounded, and her baby belly is adorable.  She was putting on some flesh, too, which was nice to see.  A bit of chubby, excellent for the baby and for her.  No one had been bothering her, and everyone had been dropping by to check on her.  The baby had moved, and she could feel kicking, sometimes.  Not often, but for about a week now.  Five months pregnant, almost, we think.

I meandered up to Solas’ desk.  He was sitting, looking at a shard.  I leaned a hip on his desk and waited.  “Yes, ma’sulahn’nehn?”

“Can I ask a favor, a grá?”

“Shall we bargain, ma’lath?” 

I smiled.  “And for what do you want to bargain?”

“I want the meaning of a grá.  What is your favor?”

“I’m worried about Dorian.  He’s not recuperating well, and he’s overtired.  I think something’s going on with him and Alexius.  He had been being drained, somehow, but I think I stopped most of that.  But I’m concerned, and I don’t know what to look for.”

“I can help with that, certainly.”

“Ma’lath.”  

He sucked in a breath.  “Say that again.”

“Solas…”

“Please.”

“Ma’lath.  Solas, that’s what a grá means.”

“Since the day we returned to Tarasyl'an Te'las,” he breathed.  “Devious woman.”

“Flatterer.”

“You say such things in public, under eyes.”  He lowered his voice.  “Wait until I get you alone, Chrysopal.”

“About Dorian…”

“I will look, and talk to him.”

“Thank you.”

Back to my desk to finish my paperwork.  I was signing things when Zevran plopped into one of the chairs in front of my desk, slouching back.  “This Ethelathe is interesting.”  I smiled at him.  “How do you intend to attract more people?”

“I just scare people, and they come running.  I don’t quite understand it, honestly.”

“Running from where?”

“From all over.  I don’t have to attract them, I guess.  The Inquisition does it.  Just the idea of being allowed to stand up straight.  Be paid the same as anyone else with the same skills.  It attracts them to the inquisition.  To Ethelathe, it is different.  There are the people who work here, who are not part of Ethelathe.  Hadrian isn’t, but he’s seeing Cook, who is.  Then there are a select few.  Two only, for now.  Perhaps a third on All Soul’s Day.”

“So there are levels of belonging?”

“No.  Maybe?  It’s not that precise.”

“And where does the bald one fit?”

“He’s not in Ethelathe at all, as far as I know.”  An eyebrow rose.  “What?”

“Does that not seem… dangerous?”

“To know there is one person that is associating with me not because of Ethelathe at all, but because of me, personally?”

“If you are certain of that…”

“I am.”

“So the members?  The regular ones?”

“They are family.  A small town?  A village?  We are us.  That’s enough.  They are mine, and I am theirs.  I stand between them and the world when I can.”

“It’s not just elves.”

“No.  It’s just meat.  If I lopped off your ears, you’d still be you.”

“Meat.”

“Yep.  That stuff that’s left when the spirit leaves the flesh.  I judge the spirit, not the flesh.  And expect the same of others.  I’m weird like that.”

“I will be leaving soon.”

“We’ll miss you.  You’re fun to have around.”  He smirked.

“I’d like to write.  Visit, perhaps.  Ponder the possibilities.”

“You would be a welcome addition, should you decide.”

“You think to stand between me and danger?”

“If you were one of us?  Yes.  You are perfectly capable of defending yourself.  But everyone needs a place where they can lay down that burden.”

“Where do you lay down your burden?”

“I’m not sure yet.  I am hoping it will be Tarasyl'an Te'las.  I’m going to steal it.  I think I told you that.”

“You were serious.”

I smiled again.  “As I’ve said.  Watch me.  And then I’m stealing the mountains, too.”  We jabbered at each other for a while as I finished my papers.  He’s intelligent and a good conversationalist.  

He joined me and several others for dinner, entertaining them.  It gave me the chance to relax for a change, instead of being the center of attention.  I left dinner early, in fact, and no one complained.  I brushed Zev’s shoulder with my hand and whispered thank you as I passed.  He nodded and kept up the banter with the others.  He’s far more exciting than I am.  If I hadn’t met Solas first, he would have stood a decent chance.  He was my first video game crush.

Before songtime, Solas sought me out.  “You have good instincts, Chrysopal,” he imparted, tracing my nose and eye socket with a finger.

“Thank you?”

He cupped my cheek.  “Dorian is currently drinking himself into a stupor.  He will not be joining you this evening.  Bull has offered to pour him into bed later.  The Inquisitor is going to speak to him tomorrow.”

“Is he okay?”

“He will be.  He was tied to something.  You apparently noticed it before, and it was slowed way down in response?”  I wanted to strangle Alexius.  “Calm down, ma’nehn.  It will be okay.”  He uncurled a fist I hadn’t realized I’d clenched, and kissed the palm.  There were little half-moon indentations, and he frowned to see that one had drawn blood.  Cooling blue and admonishments.

I took a deep breath.  I got through songtime and tucking in the littles.  Daniel learned how to throw a punch today.  Andrew is expanding their instruction in the afternoons.  The tweedles are learning how to duck.  The cute part is that they quack as they do it.  It’s just for fun and giggles, but it’s adorable.  Songtime went fine.  Zevran spent some time talking with Solas about something, Sera showed up, and pushed my shoulder.  I don’t visit enough.  Dalish is a staple at this point.

I bathed and dressed for bed.  There was a knock at the door.  I bet myself it was the wolf and won.  And lost.  Most couples spend the daylight hours together, and separate for bedtime.  We seem to be doing the opposite.  I didn’t wait for him to ask.  I told him he could stay or go as he pleased, couch or bed, cuddles or not.  His choice.  Tonight.  The other option, though I didn’t say it, was waking Garalen or Elias.  Sam’s unhappy enough about me being attended by a sleeping guard at night.  I really don’t want a Hessarian on my couch.  Besides, it’s no hardship to sleep next to the man.  He chose staying, cuddles, and bed.  Shocker. My resolve not to let him in  my bed once I was healed didn’t last long, I guess.


	116. Day 19, 30 Solace, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interesting evening, talking in the fade, asking Helisma a hard question, Hug day, meeting Zither the BAD way, nearbeering a mage, halloween spookiness done small, and accidental magic that is apparently quite interesting.

###  **Skyhold, Day 19, 30 Solace, 9:41**

I still wanted to hurt Alexius.  Solas had sat on my couch and was just watching me pace.  Irusana was happy, because I was shredding a piece of paper.  Little tiny bits fluttering to the floor, and ‘Sana was chasing each one.  “Haselan’udh.”  I stopped and looked at him, and his eyes darkened to purple.  He stood up and glided toward me.  “Let the Inquisitor handle it, ma’lath.”

I started pacing again.  “He’s mine, and that man hurt him,” I snarled.  “Arsch mit ohren!  I want to hurt him back.”

He grabbed me, stopping my movements.  “Arsch mit ohren?”

“Ass with ears.  The curse words stick in the head.”

“You are making work for Briri, Chrissy.”

“I didn’t see it, a grá.  I failed him.”  I put my forehead on his chest.

“You did see it.  You asked for help.”  He tipped up my chin, catching my eyes.  “He will recover.”  

“I need to MOVE.”  I was nearly calm when I paced.  I went to pull away, and he hauled me back to his chest.

“Chrysopal.”  There was a tone to his voice.  “Dampen that link.  You are feeling his anger.”  That caught my attention enough to listen.

“What?”

“You have to separate yourself.”

“You know what’s you and what’s not.  Hold on to you, and let go what’s not.”  Thank you, Bull.  I tightened/adjusted my internal barrier.  There was a sense of relief.  There was still anger, but it was mine.  “Is he being watched?  The more he drinks, the angrier he gets.”

“Bull has it.”

“That is twice over I owe him.”

“He volunteered.  There is no debt.”

“I still want to hurt that man.”

“I know.  However, I only have two more nights to enjoy what company you will grant me.  Let us not spend it on imbeciles.”

“He’s not an imbecile, actually.  He’s very smart.  Not as smart as-”  He interrupted me with a kiss.  “Grohiik.  I was talk-” And he did it again.  When he lifted his head this time, I smiled.   “Something you want, mo chroí?”

“You have no idea.”  

“Sit or stand or lay down?”

I’d caught him off guard.  “Excuse me?”

“Choose, Solas.”

“Sit.”  I pushed him back until his legs hit the settee, and he sat reflexively.

I put one knee on either side of his legs, settling on him.  “Ten minutes, my love.  I grant you ten minutes of playtime.”  

“Then I would be a fool to waste it.”  It ended up being more, honestly.  A lot more.  We both lost our heads.  Completely.  Yes, I mean that.  We didn’t even get all his clothes off.

A bit later, he smiled at me.  “You need your rest, because I fully intend to ravish you in the morning.  And perhaps in the fade.”

“We’ll see.  It’s my day off tomorrow, and hug day.  There may be visitors first thing.”

“I put a sign on the door.”

“You did WHAT?”

“Do not disturb.”

“Solas.”

“Unless you wish an audience?”  He laughed when I turned pink.  “Another time, perhaps.”

We climbed into bed, and he pulled me close.  “Yes or no, ma’asha.”

“For?”

“Do you want to see me in the fade tonight?”

“I have a few things to do, but perhaps later?”

“You have things to do… in the fade?”  Such surprise.

“Yes?”

“Such as…?”

“Oh, you’re going to tell me what you do all night when I’m not around?”

Grumbling.  Love it.  “Call me when you are done with whatever you are doing, if you like.”

“I just might, a grá.”

We slept.  I actually sought out Valor and Fortitude.  They were arguing good naturedly over some detail of crenellations.  Wisps trailed.  I’m not sure why they were following me, but they were adorable.  Even the angry scowl.  Not that it liked that I thought it was cute.   I added that one reason crenellations gradually got larger over time was likely because the men hiding behind them and their armor were both larger.  It would make sense for the crenellations to be bigger as well.

They both turned to stare at me, and I smiled at them.  Valor admonished me.  “You know you aren’t supposed to be out here.”

“Says who?”  Valor and Fortitude looked at each other but didn’t answer.  “Let me be clear, then.  Only I decide where I go and what I do.  No man, woman, or spirit is my master, and I do not obey.”

Valor grinned.  “I like you.  I won’t say anything.”

“Say what you will.  Let whomever thinks to limit my movement come discuss it with me.  It might be interesting.”

“There is a fine line between bravery and foolhardiness, my lady.”

“Since there are very few people that would speak of me at all, especially in the fade, I don’t think I’m in any real danger.”

They looked at each other, then at me again.  “You know who might have talked to us?”

“Just an idea.  But anyway, have you considered where the escape route for my littles might be?”

They looked at me for a long moment.  Then Fortitude looked at Valor.  “I like her, too.”  And we settled down to consider escape routes.  They also have some interesting ideas about beefing up defenses, too.  The really neat part is that they consider magic in their plans.  I wonder how old they are.  How powerful they really are.  But it would be rude to ask.  Probably forty minutes of conversation, and they moved to other topics.  I just listened for a while, then bid them adieu.  Both gave me slight bows as I left.

I wandered back to my own domain, which felt larger than it used to feel.  Shyness was there, and we talked for a bit after I coaxed it out from behind a tree.  It wants friends, it’s just, you know, SHY.  Introversion can be crippling if people aren’t understanding.  It told me about a pretty little spot nearby that it likes.  It’ll show it to me next time, if I want.

I could feel that it was getting late.  So I bid it farewell, and when it had gone, I touched Solas’ thread.  I was good, I didn’t stroke it or anything.  Just a light touch.  Not long after, he came.  The wisps scattered.  “I think you scare them.”

“I find it interesting you do not.”  He reached out and touched my cheek, a single finger lightly resting.

I kept my eyes on his.  “I used to, maybe.  I had to go hunting the denizens of the fade for a while.”

“Regrets, ma’sulahn’nehn’udh?”  A sly tone.  It took me a moment to figure out what I might regret, which made him smile.  “Apparently not.”

“Nope.”  I stepped closer.  “You?”

“Yes.”  Something hurt, inside, at that.  I’d pushed to hard, I thought.  I felt my eyes water, and his face changed.  “No, ma’nehn, not that.”  He wrapped his arms around me.  “I regret that I, we, were so antagonistic for so long.  If I had found you sooner…”  He kissed my eyes.  “I do not regret our closeness now.”

I put my arms around his waist, and he held me.  “Come with me,” he murmured.  I hugged him.  He took that as the consent it was, picked me up, and stepped.  “I believe I said something about perhaps ravishing you in the fade.”  He studied my face.  “Perhaps another night.”  

“Something else you’d prefer to do?”

“You need rest, more than anything else.  And we have things to talk about.  Soon.”  He kissed me, and sat in a rocking chair that appeared under his ass.  I was still in his arms, and ended up curled in his lap.  That’s CHEATING.  He played with my hair then started talking.  Staff techniques, and energy conservation.

“You know, Solas.  I don’t like rocking chairs just because rocking makes me drowsy and relaxed…”

He smiled, but didn’t rise to the bait.  “They make you feel safe, and the rocking motion helps you think.”

“Well, yes, but that wasn’t what I was going to say.”

“I know.  Good morning, ma’lath.  It’s time,” his smile turned wicked, “to wake up.”

He’d deliberately put me in a relaxed, lethargic mood, and I awoke that way.  Which he took advantage of.  Slow, like he’d tried the night before.  I was lethargic enough to let him, agreeing verbally when asked, and I’m very glad I did.  Lovely way to wake up.  He squeezed me fairly tightly, saying something fervently in elvhen.  “Solas?”

“I want to keep you in bed for a week.  More.  But I have to let you go.  And Dorian is going to want to be in this bed.”

“If you think that a bed is required, a grá, you have forgotten last night.”  He chuckled, and magic flowed over the room.  I’d have killed for magical wet spot remover back on earth.  No lingering odors, no lingering stains.  Cheating.  Really.  

We went to put on clothes before Briri got in, and I discovered that my undies had been neatly unstitched on both sides.  “Solas…”

“I could have torn them…”  I just shook my head.  “Briri will fix them.  It’s one of the things lady’s maids do.”

“I’m not sure how I got talked into a lady’s maid.”

“I should have done this last night, but I was distracted.  May I look, Chrysopal?  To see how you heal?”

“Should I remove my clothes, mor’ishan?”

“Do not tempt me, da’asha.”  He knew it was a yes, though, and cooling blue flowed through all the places.  It wasn’t smooth, there were ridges and seams, rough and uneven places.  Solas, however, breathed easy.  “Much better, and no abscesses.  Stop before pain, ma’lath.  Do not push too hard.”

“Dorian’s going to want to start staff training again.  And I finally got Zathras to give up, too.”

“You did not.  He has been sent to the western approach.”

“Oh.  He didn’t say goodbye.”

He touched a finger to my lips, tracing the curve.  “Happy hug day, Chrissy.”

“And it’s Halloween, too.”

“Halloween?”

“All Hallow’s Eve.  Samhain.  The Fall Equinox.  The day before All Soul’s Day.  It’s my favorite holiday season, and it’s unknown here.  But it won’t be, someday.”

“Mmm.  I must go now.  Chrissy?”

“Yes?”

He leaned close.  “I still want you in my bed.”  He lightly kissed my lips, and left my rooms.

(I’m writing this now, so I don’t forget.  I mean, really.  STEAMY.  And now Briri’s here, so I’m going to veil this thing again.  More later.)

* * *

 

Briri had brought the forest dress.  Appropriate.  One thing I’ve noticed.  When I’m in these long dresses, no one notices my bare feet.  It works out well.  I offered Briri a hug, and she accepted.  

And the rounds began.  I love hug days.  I snagged quite a few in the servant dining room.  Leorah, Eadras, my littles.  Garalen and Andrew.  Cara, Jailyn, many more.  Porridge for breakfast.  Snagged my girls.  And Iona’s mom.  Sharis was serving, but I offered her one, too.  She hugged me a long time.  “I’m still mad at you,” I whispered, “but you are also still welcome here.”  She nodded in my shoulder, and then picked up her stuff again, getting back to work.

Gunny was actually at breakfast.  He looked less haggard than the last time I saw him.  He hadn’t actually wanted to see me that much that time, so I was hesitant about approaching him.  I made sure he had plenty of room.  “Gunny?”  I was so glad when he held out his arms.  I got pulled into his lap for a long cuddle.  

“I am still yours, lady, and you are still mine.”  Better words I’d never heard from him.

“I’m sorry.  If I bothered you…”

“No.  I needed to see you.  It helped.  Cole helps, too.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.”  I smiled at him.  “I don’t want to interrupt your breakfast.”

“You’re leaving me?”

“Not yet, if you don’t wish it.”

Gunny is one of those people you never worried about ulterior motives.  If he wanted to hold me, it was because he wanted to hold me, and be held.  I love him to pieces, in a purely platonic way.  He’s never actually shown any real interest in anyone, so if he needs touch, I’ll provide.  And I’m proud of my people.  Not a single smirk or snicker, no hint that anyone thought it was anything more than hugs.  After a few minutes, he lifted his head and kissed my cheek.  “Thank you.”

“If you ever have need of me, you know I will be there.”  A hard squeeze, and he set me down, nodding gravely.

Off around the workstations and through the kitchens, where I caught Hadrian and Ethel canoodling behind a stack of crates.  I just smiled and left them alone.  It was innocent canoodling.  But it did make me think of Gretel’s husband.  I’d never even bothered to get his name, and I was going to be cruel to him today.  

Out to the stables, and my guys there.  After my ride, dress effect obvious again, Gethon got a hug and went back to work.  Josren held on for a bit, my toes off the ground.  Didn’t grab or anything.  Just held on.  “Jos?”  I checked his thread and he was feeling very complicated.  Gratitude and happy and sad and lonely and tired and lots of other things.  “Josren.”  He looked at me.  “You are taking tomorrow off.”  He nodded.  “Hey, do you need to talk?”  I pushed hair behind his ear.  “I can listen.”

“No, lady, but thank you.”  He set me down carefully, bowed and left.  I kinda feel bad now.  I’d judged him very harshly when I first met him.  I offered Blackwall a hug as I left the area, and Dennet.  Blackwall said yes, Dennet no.

Seggrit claimed a squinch on the way up to see Cullen.  I knocked, and Cullen said come in, but he was in conference with Leliana.  I just apologized for interrupting and went to leave, when Leliana’s sweet voice was heard.  “Are you here because of hug day?”

I turned to look at her.  “I am.”

“Well, don’t let me interrupt.  This is a good stopping point, Commander.  Enjoy your hug.”

Strange.  He turned red.  When she left, I turned to him.  “What was that all about?”

“You’re not the first lady to interrupt this morning.”  

I laughed.  “I’m not surprised you are so popular, Commander.”

“Cullen.  About that hug?”

“Of course.”  I gave him a squeeze.  “Is everything going okay?  Gunther looked better this morning, but you still look tired.”

“I’m fine, and so is he.  For now.”

“Day by day, then.”

“Yes.  There is another you might check in on.  Michael Locke.  He’s also made the same decision.  I’m sorry to say he’s not doing quite as well.”

“I’ll check on him.  Templar area?”

“Hospital.”

“Oh dear.”  He nodded.  I bid farewell and crossed the causeway.  

Solas was contemplating walls again.  “Greetings, Chrysopal.”

“Greetings.”

“What do you think will end up here?”  He was looking at the wall.

“A plaster mural using a technique nearly lost on this world.”

He turned his head to me.  “You know what I ask.”

“It will be one of two things, Faolan, and which it will be has not yet been decided.”

“I see.”  There were questions in his eyes as he strolled up to me and placed his hand on my cheek.

I held his hand in place, and put my other on his own cheek.  But then, I asked a hard question.  “Are you planning on having this conversation now?  Today?  I don’t think you’re quite ready, a grá.”

He looked troubled just a moment, then his face smoothed again.  “Say it in my tongue, ma’nehn.”

“Ma’lath.”  He closed his eyes, savoring it.

“You have so many things to do today.  I will see you later, Chrysopal.”  He considered a kiss.  You could see it.  But he brushed his thumb over my lips and stepped back.

I smiled at him and went to see Dorian.  Who wasn’t in his chair. Or in his nook.  I checked his room.  Not there either.  Worry was mounting until Helisma approached me.  “The Iron Bull said ‘Tell her I’ve got the Vint.’”  I hugged her, and she was taken off guard.

“Helisma, if you could be cured of tranquility, would you want to be?”

“I remember it was chaotic.  I had trouble thinking.  I had illogical preferences.  I do not know, Mistress Chrysopal.”

“Think on it, and let me know.  Inquire as to the others, as well, please.  I will be doing some research in that direction.”  There are still the nine tranquil from Haven.  They are here, safe.  I worry how many actually exist elsewhere.

I raided the undercroft next, and got cuddles from Wulfgang and Harritt.  Dagna was super excited to see me.  She’d been working with my ruined staff, and thinks she may have a better idea for me.  A miniature staff, since I don’t seem to like to take mine with me.  Something the size of my forearm.  “A wand?”

“You know about this?  I thought it was new.”

I put a finger to my lips.  “As far as I know, Dagna, there is no such thing in Thedas since the Elvhenen were creating things.”  Felassan had a wand that could grow to a staff and back in the books.  She brightened at that.  I pulled her aside, beckoning over the Uncles, too.  “I’ve been meaning to ask you about a special suit of armor.  Black leather, for a potential new member of Ethelathe.”  

I described Thranduil’s armor from The Hobbit, and she got more and more excited.  Wulfgang rubbed his hands together.  They have an idea of what it should be made out of, and what it should be enchanted for.  I left them to it, or tried.  Harrit pulled me back, and gave me a box.  I opened it, and it was another hardened leather vest.  White leather with teal trim and accents.  He hugged me again, and I held the vest to my chest.  It wouldn’t go with this dress.

Sam and Josie were in her office, having a serious discussion.  They stopped when I came in.  I hugged them both.  “Chrissy, after the Dales, we are probably going directly to the western approach.”

“Hurry while there, because you will have to be back here at some point.  Probably a month or two.  But the trip out with me was the longest you’ve taken, so you should be fine.”  I smiled as I left, because he was seriously considering asking questions.

I got Varric on the way out, but he was ass deep in paperwork and didn’t want to chat.  I stopped in the armory to get the rest of my uncles.  Enborr.  I don’t know why he has latched on to me, but of all of them, he takes the Uncle designation most seriously.  

Cassie was reading, but stopped when I came near and OFFERED a hug.  Squee!  Got Eustace and his new assistant, then went into the hospital.  Michael Locke was in pretty bad shape.  I spent half an hour getting him to relax, and then another fifteen minutes getting him to sleep.  

Renee put her hand on my shoulder once he was out.  I covered it with mine and smiled at her.  She’s one of those that is quietly mine.  Steady, caring, but I don’t see her very often.  The friend who is a friend even if you go a long time without chatting.  We spoke a few minutes, and I moved on.  

I went into the tavern and got Maryden and the Chargers.  Lisa was pleased to see me.  Dalish actually chatted, and hugged me.  Bull wasn’t around.  Sera came hopping over the stairs.  “Best thing ever, and don’t tell me if it’s that magicky crap.”  She hugged me.  “Cool scars.  That’s a story.”

“I haven’t made one up yet.”

“You’ll find a good one.”  Maryden started up with Sera was Never.  “CREEPY!” stated Sera, enunciating clearly at Maryden, and went back upstairs.  The Sutherland band wasn’t there, so ah well.  Cole wasn’t around either.  I don’t know how I knew that.

On the way out the door, large arms wrapped around me from behind, and an Orlesian accent said “This hug day, I think I like it.”  Regrettably, I panicked.  I screamed, dropped out of his arms, and rolled away.  It was some guy I didn’t know.  

Krem got to me first, and shoved me behind him.  “You forgot the first rule of Hug Day, there, Zither.  Use Your Words First.”  His sword was halfway out.  Elias was there in moments, and pulled me into his arms.  

“Everyone wants to hug me.  I’m the one and only Zither!”

I may have mentioned I’m a bitch?  “You’re a washed up has been who apparently has grabby hands.  Don’t you EVER touch me again.”  I was shaking.  It had brought back some bad memories.  Operas and Chevaliers.

Zither was shocked I’d speak to him like that, but before he could respond, Elias whisked me away.  Lunch, time with my littles.  Time to calm down.  

I’d spent the morning during my walking times leaving little surprises everywhere for the servants.  Blinking glowy eyes in the bushes.  Spots that would moan at random times.  I couldn’t wait for dark.  Halloween was going to be fun.

The afternoon found soldiers and scouts seeking me out for hugs.  Interrupting my guitar practice. (I had created little barriers over my fingertips when my fingers got sore.  Cool beans!) Liam has apparently requested a transfer to my guard?  I have a guard?  He smiled and said I didn’t quite yet.  Crap.

The dinner was fun.  Zevran joined me again, with the others.  He is an excellent conversationalist.  We chatted even after the others left.  He had completely dropped the flirtations, except for the occasional playful bit.  He clued me in on the intention to reform the crows.  He’s looking for a better organizational model, and perhaps a new start for them.  He kind of watched me as he said it.  “Well, if you intend having them around here, no blood on the walls, please.  And if they lie to me, they can find somewhere else to sleep.”

That made him laugh.  “Are those the only rules you have?”

“Nope, but those are the ones relevant at the moment.  We’ll have problems if you try to hurt one of mine, as well.”

“I will keep that in mind, fair lady, if the Crows should ever decide to hang about here.”

“Something would need to be done about a standing army for Antiva, in that case, too.”

“You know far more about politics than you let on, my dear.”  I just smiled at him.

“Just wait until the first time I scare you.”

“I have never been scared by a beautiful woman.”

“Sure, but we’re talking about ME.” I teased.  “In any case, give it time.  I bet I scare you at some point.  I think there’s only two people around here I haven't scared at least once.”

“Leliana and your bald one?”

“Got it in one.”

“Got what?”

“Nevermind.  Idiom.  You don’t have golf here?”

“The Starkhaven game?  Where you play fetch with yourself?”  That made me laugh.

“That’s the one.  Anyway, my new friend.  I have preparations to make.  Tonight is important to me.”

“New assignations?”

“Nope.”   But I must have blushed.  

“So the books in the tavern are wrong.  There is heat there.”

“Plenty.”

I saw Dorian and Bull, finally.  My Altus looked like crap.  And smelled like a sewer or a brewery.  “Bull, hon, go dunk him in my bathtub a few times?”  

“Anything for you,” he said with a grin.  I hugged him, and gingerly gave the stinky one a small hug.  I’d never seen Dorian in such shape, and I was concerned.  I looked at Bull.  “He’ll be fine.”

“I’m… GREAT!” slurred the mage in question.  

“He’s still drunk?” I asked sharply.

“Looks that way.”

Now, wallowing in misery for a night is okay, but to drink solid for at least twenty four hours?  I don’t think so.  I narrowed my eyes, and Bull stepped back.  Zevran hadn’t left, and was watching, but I wasn’t worried about that.  I gripped Dorian’s chin, and he grinned at me, sloppy. “Get a grip on yourself, my love.  You look and smell terrible.”  I nearly cooed it as I nearbeerified a drunk for the first time.  I watched as his eyes cleared.  

“What have you done.  What have you done?  And dear Maker what is that SMELL?”  

“That smell, my dear Altus, is YOU.  I love you, but you are offending my nose.”  I said it just loud enough that the hangover now not anaesthetized by the alcohol throbbed.  “Take a bath, drink some water, and then we can talk, not before.”

“You took… How did you… My dove, that was NOT NICE.” That came out a little loud, and he groaned, grabbing his head.

“I believe you heard me say many times that elves are not always nice, Dorian.”  Bull helped him steady and nearly shoved him into my room, grinning.

He popped his head out a moment later.  “Remind me never to piss you off, Little bit!”  Why was he using the uncles’ name for me? I just smiled at him, though.

Zevran was watching, thoughtful.  “You just stole that man’s buzz.”

“That’s one way to look at it.  Or I just cured his alcohol poisoning.  He’d been drinking, apparently solidly, for more than a day.  That’s not like him, and he needs to face the issue, not run from it.”

“Shouldn’t he make that decision?”

“He will.  He can pick up a bottle any time.  But he will decide sober.”

“There’s history there.”

“I wouldn’t do it to a stranger.  That man is the only person allowed to share my bed any time he wants.”

“Because there is sleeping together, and sleeping together.”

“That’s part of it.”

The bonfire was held in the lower courtyard.  The littles loved my eyes in the bushes, and chased phantom wisps made of light.  Dorian was much better after a bath, and far enough away from the hurt to participate.  Lots of my people showed up.  They loved it.  Little happy shrieks when the eyes blinked, or when I had nothing brush against someone.  Flickers at the corner of an eye.  Random noises.  Not even enough to make me feel the slightest bit drained, but lots of fun.  Spooky lighting, bonfires, little tricks.  Just barely creepy, but a hint that there is MORE out there.

Singing and dancing, drinking and eating.  I played with the others a while, danced a few dances.  Then I tucked my littles in to bed and went out to do MY thing.  I watched the woman in the mirror as I pulled the glowy dust around me like I do my journal.  It worked!  The woman in the mirror was gone, but I could still look down and see my own hands.

I strode out to the bonfire and whispered that I’d be back in Garalen’s ear.  She looked around, but saw no one.  I raised my voice so she’d recognize it, and she insisted on coming with me, and letting Andrew know.  She couldn’t see me, though.  Which was a good thing.  Cole joined us as we walked out of Skyhold.  I could see him, and he could see me, but Garalen could see neither of us.  She pronounced it creepy.  *sigh*

I got to my usual practice spot, out of the sight of the towers of Tarasyl'an Te'las.  There, I unveiled, and so did Cole.  He smiled happily.  “You figured it out!”

“I did.”

Garalen just shook her head.  “Why are we here?”

“I have strongly held beliefs, too, and this is part of them.  In or out.  I’m making another circle.”

“In.” Both of them said it at the same time.  I ushered them into the center of the circle.  I did my rituals and lit “candles” of pure veilfire, in colors, calling quarters very quietly.

“No matter what you see or hear, don’t cross that line.  Nothing will hurt you here.”  They moved closer to the line when I started the fires.  If I’d been alone, I’d have removed my clothing, but not in front of Cole.  I started with a beat.  A veilfire bonfire in the middle.  Wendy Rule’s Dissolve.  It swelled in the air.  It’s perfect for tonight.

 

> _“Neither day, nor night_  
>  _Neither one place, nor another_  
>  _Forwards, or backwards_  
>  _Water or sky_  
>  _Neither here, nor there_  
>    
>  _It is Samhain and the veils are thin_  
>  _We cannot force them to dissolve to our power_  
>  _It is Samhain and the veils are thin_  
>  _There is a madness to the reason within_  
>    
>  _What will it take to cross over?_  
>  _(Thoughts beyond mind)_  
>  _What will it take to cross over?_  
>  _(Will beyond fear)_  
>  _What will it take to cross over?_  
>  _(Faith beyond Will)_  
>  _What will it take to cross over?_  
>  _A mirror that dissolves me_  
>    
>  _It is Samhain and the veils are thin_  
>  _They are the weavings of the soul of a spider_  
>  _It is Samhain, and the veils are thin_  
>  _There is a reason, to the madness within”_

I had my eyes closed as I used my magic to create song.  As the rhythm moved me, I opened my SELF and danced.  I could feel where the boundary of the circle was, but everything stopped there, like a space out of the waking world, but not in the fade.  Garalen’s gasp is what opened my eyes.  Two other wispy figures were dancing with me.  I just smiled.  I had, after all, just told them what it took.  Valor.  And Hope. Cole was just grinning.  As the song died, Valor saluted as it faded.  Hope’s wispy hand brushed my cheek, and it dissolved as well.

I turned off the veilfire bonfire I danced around, and then dismissed the quarters as well.  As I stood from the last one, I came face to face with Solas.  “You have hidden talents.”  His voice was husky, eyes gleaming.  It was only because I was close I saw the sparks.  He reached out, putting two fingers on my cheekbone and holding my eyes.  

“Not hidden, Grohiik.  That couldn’t’ve been me.  It was ritual, music.  I had little to do with it.”

“Then why are you so tired, ma’haselan’udh?”  I WAS tired.  Surprisingly so.  Not quite as bad as it could be, but like I'd done something Very Large.  I just didn't know what.

I looked back at where the circle was.  “I…  I don’t know.”  

He moved my face gently back to him, brushing a thumb over my lips.  “I will be delighted to see just what heights you will reach, ma’lath.  If you can do this here, alone, unintentionally?  Oh, you have my attention.”

Another face moved out of the shadows, and then another.  Zevran, and Elias.  I was surrounded by assassins, possibly even Solas, but I didn’t feel threatened in the least.  Zevran was thoughtful, and asked no questions.  Garalen and Elias were used to this.  I think Cole expected it.  And Solas.  Apparently it caught his attention.

Elias produced a cloak, and Solas wrapped me in it.  I was a touch chilled, oddly.  I had an escort of five very dangerous people back to Tarasyl'an Te'las.  Zevran said goodbye at the gate, heading for the tavern.  Cole disappeared at some point.  The other three took me all the way back to my door.  Elias and Solas followed me inside.  

Dorian and Irusana were sprawled across my bed, both snoring.  Bull was on my settee.  He opened his eye when we came in.  “He feels safe in your bed, Chrissy.  Whether you’re there or not.”

“Then let him be.  I’ll find somewhere else, since there’s no room.”

“Thanks.”

“You going to be okay there?”

“I’ve slept in worse places.”

“I’ll be back in the morning.”  I went to grab a nightgown.  If nothing else, Dorian’s bed was empty.  That, and clothes for All Soul’s Day.  Strangely, most of my clothing was gone.  I grabbed underthings and a chemise from an overdress that was missing, and figured that would be enough to get back here to Briri.  A kiss on Dorian’s brow, which made him sigh, relaxing just a hair.

Elias had skedaddled while I was doing all that.  Solas closed my door behind me as we left my rooms.  “You could sleep in Dorian’s bed.  It would not bother him.”

“You don’t like that idea.”

“I do not.  Come to me.”

“No serious discussions, no questions.”

“Agreed.”

So I’m actually sitting in a rocking chair with a lap desk he provided in my size, not his, planning on sleeping in Solas’ bed.  My, how things change fast.  He’s still looking at me with that intense look.  Laying on the bed, above the covers, looking relaxed, but watching me.  Hasn’t stopped since the ritual circle.  I’m not sure what to think of that.  Tomorrow is All Soul’s Day.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you paying attention, no Gretel's husband wasn't dealt with. He's away for a few days, and Elias couldn't find him.


	117. Day 20, All Soul’s Day, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arguments and annoyances, Dorian is better and a good friend who remembers birthdays, Mother Giselle, binding oaths, and apparently I'm going to see the Chargers EVERY MORNING.

###  **Skyhold, Day 20, All Soul’s Day, 9:41**

I was just putting the cap back on my pen when Solas stood and stole the desk and the journal.  He didn’t look at it or anything, just set the whole thing on his dresser.

“Bedtime, da’asha.  It’s very late.”  A smirk, and he held out his hand. I put mine in it, and stood.  Put my pen on the papers, and veiled them.  “I told you I would not intrude.”

“I know. It’s habit, more than anything.”  I reached up to his face, tracing his jaw.  “Invite me into your space, mor’ishan.”

“Come to bed, da’asha.  Hold me through the night, if you wish.”  His face was visible in the starlight through the window.  He was slightly smiling as he used the exact words I had used to invite him.  He leaned a little closer.  “I would adore having you in my bed.”

“You repeat yourself.  And you’re becoming as forward in the waking world as you are in the fade.”  I was smiling, though.  He did, indeed, have me in his bed, and we slept, agreeing to meet in the fade later, after we each did our own things for a while.

I was exploring my own memories, trying to get details on making matches, when he stormed into my space near morning.  “It’s GONE.  You KNEW!”

I took a deep breath.  I know you don’t have to breath in the fade, because your body does it for you, but it calms.  “What’s gone?”

“Wisdom.  It’s gone.  You knew.  How could you?”

Huh?  “How could I what, exactly?”  He went off in Elven.  I didn’t understand any of it, but the pointing was getting annoying.  I crossed my arms.  “Enough.  Enough, Solas.”

He glared at me.  I continued.  “Let me get this straight.  Somehow, you’ve decided it was my fault that Wisdom is gone, despite the fact that I warned you, and asked you to warn it.  When I gave you the information I had, despite thinking that this would be your exact reaction.”  I gave him a moment to think, and his glower got worse.  “Have a good day, Solas.  I hope you find your friend soon.”  I woke myself up, slipping out of his bed.

He awoke moments later.  “Chrissy.”

“I don’t think so, Solas.  Get your head on straight, and then come talk to me.  Where is my DAMNED NIGHTGOWN?”

I turned and he was standing.  He had it in his hand.  “I need to apologize.”

I sat on the rocking chair, using a lap blanket to cover me.  I wasn’t comfortable naked right then.  “Yes, you do.”

“Ir abelas, ma’asha.  I should not have been yelling at you.  It is not your doing.”  He paused a moment.  “Will Wisdom be alright?”  There was the barest hint of pleading in his tone.

I couldn’t help it.  I looked at him.  I hurt for him.  “I could be wrong.  Your choices, Sam’s choices, I could be wrong, Solas.  I don’t know.”  His face was a blank mask.  I held out my arms, and he snatched me up.  I don’t know what I was expecting, but he just held, tightly.  We ended back on the bed, but his head was on my chest.  I just ran my fingers over his skin.  Trying to soothe.  Thank goodness it was nearly morning, because there was no chance he would sleep more.

He told me he’d be okay when dawn came.  I had to go see to the things for today.  He wanted time to himself, but was being polite.  I donned the chemise I’d found the night before, grabbed my journal stuff, and headed out to my rooms after a kiss goodbye.

‘Sana was actually asleep on Bull.  She opened one eye, then closed it.  I should have expected that, considering how warm he is.  Dorian’d finally left space for me. Considering it was still very early, I decided to climb in with him.  I didn’t wake again until Briri woke me.

She’d ignored Bull and Dorian completely, bringing me a mug of coffee, light and barely sweet.  Darling woman.  She was putting unfamiliar clothing in my dresser when Bull leaned on the wall.  “So that’s why you’re neglecting the Chargers.  You’re getting your coffee here.”

“I don’t mean to neglect them.  I’ll try harder.  I’ll have Halton schedule it.  He schedules everything else.”

“It’s reached the point you have to schedule your friends?”

“I seem to get around to everyone during my free time every fourth or fifth day, and it’s getting worse.  And that’s if I don’t do me things in my free time.”

“Me things?”

“Things just for me.  Practicing music or magic, playing with my littles, reading, stuff like that.”

A muffled voice came from behind me.  “I would complain that I have a terrible headache, but someone I know is a cruel and heartless elf, who wastes sovereigns worth of work.  Therefore I’m going to whine that I’ve been awoken too early, and complain that my Dove was not here last night.”

I turned toward the bed, putting my arm around the qunari’s waist and leaning my head on his side.  “Some people didn’t leave any room for me.  That’s twice you’ve prevented me from using my own bed.  I’m beginning to suspect ulterior motives.”

“Hmmm.  Did it work?”

I decided to tweak at him.  “No.  The spirits remained wispy, and I’m not sure how to help them.”  Like it had been deliberate.

His eyes popped open.  “What is this?”

“I learned something new, my love.  And you missed it.”

“Come over here and tell your darling Dorian all about it, my dove.”

“Nope.  Out of bed.  You should thank our friend who cared for you for two nights.”

“Nah.  it was nothing.  Besides, I got to dunk him in a cold bath.  Hadn’t quite realized he had the ability to turn pink EVERYWHERE.  Somehow I’d thought he would have outgrown that.”

“Hush, you.  She’s not the only cruel one.  Throwing a man with a hangover into a cold bath.”

“Worked, didn’t it?”

Now wasn’t that interesting.  He turned pinkish all the way to his ears.  “Bull, darling, you’re a wonderful man, but I’m not showing you my girlybits.  I have to get dressed.”

“So did you sleep in Dorian’s bed last night?”

“No.”  He bust out laughing.

“Somehow I figured you wouldn’t.”

“Let the people figure it out on their own.  I have a standing bet on the longest shot.”

“No worries.  I won’t tell.  You may want to think about a bath of your own.  Some of us can tell what you’ve been doing.”  He left after that, chuckling away.  Dorian pressed me for details, but was satisfied with a few general statements.  Mainly, no, pointers and instruction were not required, because the person in question was eminently capable.

I took that bath, and Briri washed my hair.  She tied me into yet another new dress, in a heavy fabric.  Winter things, replacing the light things I was wearing.  Somehow managed to talk me into thick stockings, even after I told her they’d get all torn up.  

Actually, I know how.  She got Dorian involved.  That’s how my hair ended up in this whatever they did, too.  I even got makeup around my eyes and gunk on my lips.  At least it didn’t taste awful.  “Just so I can see how it looks.”  Rubbish.  And they wouldn’t let me look in the mirror.  

“Trust me, dove.  I wouldn’t let you out of this room looking less than beautiful.”  Fashion is apparently a weapon in Tevinter, and one must learn to wield it for effect.  Much like Vivienne, I suppose.  No wonder they get along so well.  Anyway, I’m primped because it’s a special day.  That’s all they’ll say.

It was Halton’s day off, so I tackled a bit of paperwork on my own before breakfast.  I had plans for the morning.  Mainly watching the chantry bemoan a lack of fire.  

I set myself and my guitar on the wall that looks down into the lower courtyard from the upper, and strummed as the sisters hung effigies.  Oh, no.  I’d reset the “blankets” of barrier, so I was content that the pyre wouldn’t burn, but the effigy?  Ugh.  At least they’d have to actively set Andraste on fire, not just the wood at her feet.

Mother Giselle sought me out.  “I spoke with the inquisitor, and he gave us leave to set up anywhere we liked.”

I strummed another two chords or so.  “I don’t recall ever saying you couldn’t do whatever you wish, Reverend Mother.”

“I see.  What are you playing?”

Another few chords.  “Rise.”

“That does not sound like Rise.”

“Different Rise.”

“Does it have words?”

“Do you want to hear them, Mother Giselle?”  I raised my eyes to hers.  “Do you dare?”

“I am not afraid of a song.”

I quietly sang Rise, by Katy Perry.  “Oh ye of so little faith…”  The lyrics are incredibly apt for a day when they burn a martyr.  Joan of Arc meets Saint Michael.  When I was done, I looked at Giselle, who was just watching me.  “So many forget, her daughters were lost.  Who among you might be Andraste’s heir?  You?  One of the other humans?  What hides in your bloodlines?  Just a woman, but changed the world.  Yet you would gleefully watch her flesh crisp and split.  May you never face the same fate.”

“You _are_ Andrastian.”

“I wouldn’t necessarily say that.”

“Not many elves would.”

“We aren’t welcome in your chantry.  I can’t even walk in the garden without being asked to leave in rude tones.  Or clean something, if the sister doesn’t know my face.  Andraste led the elves and the humans, all the slaves.  She didn’t distinguish in that way.  Why do you?”

I let Giselle talk and try to wend her way around the subject.  Trying to contort Andrastianism into a fluffy-bunny good for everyone love-fest.  It went on for almost twenty minutes, until the first torch came into the courtyard.  There were lots of people around when the sister touched the torch to the wood.  And nothing happened.

The wood was touched with torches in several places.  Nothing.  The sister picked up a piece of wood, looking at it.  Lit it.  Put it back down and watched it go out.  I’d seen enough.  I did not want to be around when the shit hit the fan.  They couldn’t get new firepits and such dug, because there wasn’t really room for them to do it twice.  I went inside.  Giselle didn’t notice because she was trying to figure out what was going on.

Varric stopped me in the main hall.  “What have you done, Cuddles?”

“Saved Andraste from torture, just for a little while.  If there is a Maker, perhaps he’ll smile on one who tried to help his bride instead of harm her.”

“Okay… I was talking about your face, actually.  But that was… Weird.  Shit.  You don’t do anything small, do you.”

They did actually get the fires lit.  After they got four mages to work on it, and after several hours.  And the flames were dinky at that.  Barely reached the legs of the effigy, and it smoldered more than burned.  Dorian didn’t say anything about it, but he kept looking at me as the day progressed.

“People begin to hate when you argue with their religion.”  Solas.

“I didn’t.”  He wanted to say more, but let it drop.

“I am sorry for this morning.”

“You were in pain, and lashed out at the messenger instead of the message.”

“The inquisitor has agreed to make finding my friend a priority.”

“I would have been surprised if he hadn’t.”

His arm reached around my waist and pulled me back against him.  “Do you accept my apology, da’asha?”

“I do.  You didn’t really mean it, Faolan.  But you hurt me.  Try not to do it again.”

“I can promise to try.  I want to know what Faolan means.”

“If you guess its meaning, then I will confirm it.  Otherwise, it waits for a more appropriate time.”

“Will you miss me?”

“Yes.  I shall be very displeased if you return to me injured.”

We stayed like that for a bit, my back against his warmth, his arm around my waist, watching the kerfluffle in the courtyard.  Until a messenger girl arrived.  “Mistress Chrysopal, Eadras wants you in Ethelathe Hall.”

“Thank you, hon.”  I pulled away from Solas as she ran off.  “I have to go.”  He nodded.  I put my hand on his cheek for a moment, savoring the touch, and left.  

Zatlan was pacing in front of an exasperated Eadras.  When they spotted me, they both bowed.  Damn it.  “Eadras, you’re teaching him bad habits.”

“I taught him not to kneel.”  I huffed, and he smiled.  A quick hug, because that’s what we do.  I took the opportunity to look over his hands.

“I made more salve.  I assume it was delivered?”

“I got it.  Thank you, da’len.”

I turned to Zatlan.  “You’re sure about this.”

“I am, my lady.”

I sighed, internally.  “What do you expect of me, Zatlan.  As a liege lady?”

“I… don’t know?  To feed, clothe, house, in exchange for appropriate work.  To terrify and cajole.  To guard and be guarded.”

“I see.  And what would you swear?”

“Your life, even at the expense of mine.  Your needs fulfilled before mine.  Your wants seen to before mine.  I pledge my flesh and my spirit to your service, and place myself into your keeping.”  It was strange.  I could FEEL the weight of that oath.  It waited in the air for me to accept it.

“In exchange for your oath Zatlan, I can give you this.  I will ask nothing of you that I don’t believe you can give.  You are welcome at my fire, and my table.  I will be fair in my dealings with you.  You in my keeping.  But if you betray me, I have but one knife, and I will cut your throat with it.”  I didn’t expect Garalen to step forward at that, but it was appropriate that she did.

I took a deep breath.  “A third time, a last time, I’ll ask you.  Are you sure you wish to swear to me?”

“I am certain, my lady.”

“Then speak your oath again.”  He repeated it, and then repeated it again, without being asked.  “I accept.”  The weight settled, dissipating to nothing, but connected to me.  Examining that place, I noticed others there.  Garalen, Eadras.  Those, I expected.  Oddly, though, there was Gunther.  I’d never noticed a weight when the others swore, but then, I was more sensitive to such things since being hurt.  

Thinking back, I remember Garalen swearing to me many times.  Eadras, naming me his to care for.  Gunther, though.  It took a moment.  I am yours, and you are mine.  We’d used variations on that theme many a time.  Apparently it meant more than I knew to my Gunny.  Zatlan, though.  He needed that ritualization of the process.  It satisfied something within him.  I’d have to remember that, now that he was mine.  His connection was the oddest thing.  Brightly golden, as it should be, but both a thread and a cable, somehow. Like it was two threads.  Personal and professional?  Something like that?

“Are you satisfied, my Zatlan?”

“I am.”

“Excellent.”

“What would you have me do, my lady?”

“Whatever.  Take care of Eadras, for now, and watch over my littles.  Do the things you have done before.”  I looked at him, in the eyes.  “But remember your actions reflect on me, now.  The things you do, you will answer for, good or bad.”  He swallowed hard.  This is what finally scares him?

He bowed low.  “I will do you proud.”  Crap.  He’s going to be one of those.  Well, I guess I already knew that.  

I didn’t see Sam until the feast dinner.  He about stared.  “What?  Ink on my chin or something?”

“You did something… Different?  With your face.”

Thank heavens for Vivienne.  “Have you never seen makeup before?  Odd, I had thought you at least a LITTLE cultured, my dear.”  She looked at me.  “It’s lovely.  Don’t let the reaction prevent you from doing it again.  It’s merely because men can’t think while they are drooling.”

Over dinner, where I couldn’t make a scene, I was informed that I had a new guard.  I’d be introduced to THEM tomorrow before he left.  Lovely.  I tossed off an airy, “Oh, I’ve already been told.”

“You will not hide from them.  I have reasons, Chrissy.”

“Fine.  Be that way.  I think Garalen and Elias are plenty.”

“Well, now they will be able to spell with others.  They’ll be able to continue your defense lessons, too.”  Ugh.

Josie had arranged acrobats and other entertainment.  I stayed out of reach.  I don’t trust new people.  What are acrobats but entertainers with mad skill?  Sounds like assassins to me.  I told Sam to stay away from them, too.  Eadras and Zatlan were in close talks with Zevran.  God only knows what about.  

I had to get up a few times to moderate the attempted food fight at the children’s table.  Steven was kind enough to call me a witch.  I leaned down.  “And if I were, and you just made me angry… would that be a smart thing for a young soldier to do?  It might be very difficult to hold a sword as a fennec.”

I probably shouldn’t antagonize the child, but he never liked me, and resented everything about elves.  And now he’s old enough that he could become dangerous.

Dorian pulled me aside after dinner.  He had a small box, tied with a ribbon.  “For you, my dove.”

“More presents?  Are you going to give me things every time you leave me?”

“Of course, but this one is special.”  I opened the box, and lifted out a necklace.  Of carved and polished chrysopals.  Oh my. My mouth worked, but no sound came out.  It was beautiful.  “Happy Birthday, darling.”

“How did you…”

“Cole is very good at answering questions.  It’s not every day a beautiful woman turns forty five.”  I hugged him, and he put the necklace on me.  

Bull found me during song time.  “I have a favor to ask.”

“Name it, Bull.  I’ll see what I can do.”

“I need someone to keep an eye on my Chargers.”

“I’ll do one better, and keep two.”  I smiled at him.

“Every day, Chrissy.  Check on them every day.”

“Are you having me keep an eye on them, or them keep an eye on me?”

“Both.”

“I’ll do it.”

“Thanks.”

Lisa showed up shortly thereafter.  “Briri says you prefer cream and sugar?”

“Yeah, but it’s not required.”

Krem came up behind me.  “Boss says if we don’t see you every morning, we get to tear apart Skyhold looking for you.”

“What?  NO!  I’ve seen the damage you Chargers can do.”

“Best show up, then.”

“Bull…”

“Hey, just show up, everybody’s happy, nothing gets broken.  It’ll keep the vint’s mind at ease knowing my guys are watching out for you.”

“When are you going to put him out of his misery?”

“When he comes to me sober.  Until then, he won't get more than a tease.”

Songtime ended, cuddles with the littles.  Solas is in my rooms, waiting to talk to me.  Dorian is grumbling about snoring cats, and plans to sleep in his own.  I think he’s just leaving the way clear for Solas.


	118. Day 21, 1 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NIghttime chat with Zevran, Solas needs, saying goodbye, threatening Cole, guards, and everyday things.

###  **Skyhold, Day 21, 1 August, 9:41**

First off, I need to say I'm used to a much hotter August.  I don't know if it's because of the altitude or something with Thedas, but this is the eighth month, and it's getting cold already?  I'd always assumed that Harvestmere would be when the cold started.

Anyway.  I tucked my journal into a drawer and locked it.  Solas was still waiting to talk to me.  Or sleep.  Or something. But before I went to my room, another famous elf needed to chat.  Zevran plopped himself in one of the chairs.

“You accepted an oath.”

“I don’t discuss personal business with acquaintances, Zevran.”

“Personal.  Not Ethelathe.”

“Personal.  Between him and me.  And Ethelathe.  The oath is personal.  The rest is not.”

“I begin to understand, I think.”

“You may be making the same error many others make.  Expecting me to stay in one box or another.”

“Boxes?”

“To be one thing, labelled, and filed away.  For large items one has classified, one might use a box to do that.”

“Perhaps.  Acquaintances?  You wound me, my dear.”

“Having known me a course of days?  I doubt it.”

“So you will not discuss Zatlan?”

I fixed my eyes on Zevran.  “He’s very nice.  I would be very upset if something happened to him.  I haven’t yet explored what I might do if I were truly angry.”  He waited, but I said nothing else.

He shook his head slightly.  “I was not threatening him.  You are a hard woman to get to know.  The necklace.  It is very nice.”

“Thank you.  It was a gift.  Getting to know me?  I’m fairly boring, and do the same general things day after day.  Ethelathe is much more interesting.  You should probably talk with Leorah and Jailyn as well as Eadras and Cara.  More perspectives.  Perhaps Andrew and Gunther, Cook and Joan, as well.  Feren.”

“And Josren and Gethon.  I have spoken to these people. You do different things every day.”

“Then you already have your answers.”  I ignored the second part of his statement.

“Everyone gives a different answer.”

“Precisely.”

He sat there a long moment, just looking at me.  “Sometimes things just are, Zevran.  There’s no hidden meaning or grand plan. We just wanted to be safe.  And we are, together.  Invisible and interchangeable.  Ubiquitous.  Pervasive.  We’re everywhere, handling the small bits.  Where one needs, others provide.  The work gets done, to the best of all our ability.  We can go anywhere we need to, because of that.  Someone has to be visible, to grant that invisibility, that safety in anonymity, to the others.  So if someone is going to be put in harm’s way, it had better be me, because I do not tolerate someone hurting one of them.”

He watched me a long moment with hooded eyes.  “Interesting.  Perhaps we can talk again.”  

I just smiled.  “Perhaps, if you wish.  And if the Nightingale needs more details, remind her that one of the rules is we don’t lie to the Nightingale.”  

“I am not asking for Leliana.”

“If you say so.”  We both stood.  I bid him a good night,  and walked the five steps to my rooms with him watching me.  Weird.  Ethelathe isn’t that hard to figure out.

“Chrissy.”

“Yes?”

“If your Ethelathe can be anywhere, invisibly, what are you going to do with them?”  

“Now isn’t that an interesting question.  Nothing that will harm the Inquisition, Sam, or anyone or anything else I’ve claimed.  The divine will be avenged, Corypheus will be stopped.  I will allow nothing to get in the way of that.”  I smiled as I stepped through the door and closed it behind me.

Solas was looking through a stack of books that had appeared on my end table.  He glanced up.  “Interesting reading material, ma’haselan’udh.  Spirits, the veil, wards, four different apprentice textbooks, and a treatise on magic as it relates to color.”

“I haven’t actually seen anything in that pile.  Wasn’t there this morning.”  I smiled.  “It was probably Dorian.  He’s always looking for books that might interest me.”

He set the books down and walked over to me.  “I can find things to interest you.”  His eyes narrowed as he spotted the necklace.  “You have new jewelry.”

“A birthday gift from Dorian.”

“Birthday?”  It took the barest moment for him to understand.  I love how intelligent he is.  “You were born on All Soul’s Day.”

“Yes.”

“On a night when the veil disappears.  You were born in a whole world.”

“That world isn’t always whole.  Just sometimes.”

He looked thoughtful.  “I brought no gift.”

“I don’t expect birthday gifts.  This,” and I touched the necklace, “is Dorian being Dorian.  He actually sought out Cole to find my birthday.”

“I have been shown up by Dorian.”

“You have other priorities.  I’m far too old for most of the birthday nonsense.”

“Yet it puts that sweet smile on your face.  I want to put it there.”

“You do, when you’re not being an ass.”

“I am sorry, ma’asha.”

“For being an ass?”

“Possibly.”

“Is it possible, mor’ishan, that whatever ritual they used to summon Wisdom required a particular day?”

“More than possible. Probable.  Another subject, please.  This is our last night, ma’sulahn’nehn.  For a while.”

“I already forgave you.”

“Then come here.”  He reached behind my neck and undid Dorian’s gift.  “It’s lovely, but your skin is better.”  I noticed he didn’t remove the aquamarine I was still wearing as a bracelet, though.  “Someday, you will drip with gold and gems.”

“Sounds messy and uncomfortable.  How about not?”  

He looked at me, a wry almost-smile on his face.  “Is there no greed in you?”

“Of course there is.  There are many things I want.  Random gemstones to weigh me down just aren’t among them.”

“What do you want?”

“A question for a question?”

“How will I know if I am not told?”

“Is that your question?  Or are you now asking two?”

He glowered, and dropped the subject.  “Invite me to your bed, or come to mine.  I would like to hold you.” 

“I would prefer my bed.”

“Done.”  He went to kiss me, and pulled back immediately. Getting a cloth, he cleaned my face first.  Tingles of magic brushing my shields.  Hands ran through my hair, which I thought had been up, and he touched his lips to mine.

We went to bed.  Just rest, light kisses, cuddles.  Soothing touch.  Nothing more intimate than that.  

We wandered the fade separately for most of the night.  I met a few more spirits.  (Over-)Confidence had returned, bringing Contentment.  And a surprise.  It brought Rage to visit.  A demon.  But it was just another spirit, really.  An angry one.  I really think the spirits are testing me, because I would have named this Rage demon more “a little annoyed” than full on Rage.  Close enough I could easily have messed with it.  No real need to, though.  Or maybe Rage was only slightly annoyed instead of really ragey because Contentment was there?

The way the mind of a spirit works is odd.  They start in the middle of sentences, switching topics without warning.  It’s like talking to Cole, if Cole was on Speed and LSD.  But if you wait, and think, it makes a certain sense.  Reality to them is a constantly shifting thing.  

The stability of the waking world was stolen from them.  Just my presence inflicts a stability upon the fade.  Not as drastic as others, but some.  Perhaps that’s what attracts demons?  They sense that more stable place? A world of fluctuating quantum mechanics with seriously imperfect observers versus the waking world of expert observers.  And mages being super good at it?  And the more power you can contain or control, the more you can observe at once?  Being asleep dulls our observation skills, or enhances them…  or something else...   

Ugh.  Head hurts.  I should have asked when he was still here.  I’ll forget by the time I see him in the fade. If I do.

We only met back up at the end of the night.  He inquired if my evening went well, and I said yes.  I asked if he was okay, and he just hugged me.  “I will miss you, ma’haselan.”

“I will miss you as well, Grohiik.”

“I want to know what that means.”

I smiled.  “Faolan.”

“Grohiik means Faolan?”

“Yes.”

“And what does Faolan mean?”

He realized what I was going to say too late.  “Grohiik”  He grumbled.

“You will go too far one day, Chrysopal.”

“And what will happen when I do?” 

He bent me over his arm and kissed me, hard.  “I have no idea.”  Which made me laugh, even while still off balance and backwards. 

I sobered quickly.  “Solas, perhaps you can… I don’t know.  Never mind me.”

“I go into sorrow.  Grant me a memory of joy to take with me.”

“What form would this memory take?” I was foolish.  I was thinking fade cuddles or some such.

“A public kiss.”  I mean, it’s one thing to kiss someone naturally in public, to reach that point.  But deliberately planning it?

“Why now?  And define public.”

“I have lost Wisdom.  To lose you as well…”

“Lose me?  I am going nowhere, mo chroí.  I will be here.”

“With that…”  He stopped himself.  He was jealous.  That’s what this was.

“I see.”  I kissed him, and held him, but didn’t answer him.  “I do not play with affections, Solas.  For so long as we are we, then that is it.  Let’s get ourselves awake, and get you ready to go.  Come on.”

I woke myself up, and he woke a moment later.  “Chrysopal.”

“Come here, Solas, and leave the smell of old books and leather on my skin. Do you know why I wanted you in my bed last night?”

“You prefer your bed.”

“Where will I sleep while you are gone?”

“Here.”  The light dawned.  “And it will have my scent, for a while.”

“Does that ease you, a little?”

“A little.”

We cuddled until Briri arrived.  She ignored his presence in my bed and set out clothes for the day.  Started listing my schedule as she got things ready.  Solas was shaking behind me.  Turns out he was silently laughing.  Briri breezily continued, and then when she finished, she said she’d be back in a few minutes.  Just call her when I was ready.  Totally wierd.

I must have looked confused.  Solas smiled.  “She’s giving us a chance to do whatever it is we may wish to do first thing in the morning.”

“She’s leaving so we can…”  Oh my god.  “I don’t think so.”

Solas traced my cheek.  “You turn such a lovely shade of pink.”

“I’m a grown-ass woman.  I do not blush.”

“Of course not.”  We got up and dressed.  He had to go get his things for Raindrop.

I had things of my own to do.  Stupid dresses.  Sleeves are not supposed to brush the floor.  Anyway.  I let Irusana out of the bathroom, and got food for her.  Cook was pulling the last of the sausage bread out of the oven.  I helped pack it up for the inner circle, and cart it out.  Sleeves came in useful for once.  Helps in carrying.  

Sam was out in the courtyard with six soldiers and three scouts.  He called me over.  A very irate Josie was scowling at him.  Curious, I went.  Big mistake.  Huge.  “Chrissy,” he stated gleefully, “I’d like you to meet the guard I’ve gathered for you and Josie.”  Liam waved from the back.

“Seriously?”

“Yep.  You’ve already got a few of your own, so it’s just three of them specifically for you.  The other six are going to make sure no one gets to Josephine.”

“The House of Repose?  Already?”

He’s apparently used to me now.  “Yep.  Can’t have anything happening to my favorite lady while I’m gone.”  She was still glowering.

“Leliana has already said she’d handle the guards.”  Crisply, she said it surprisingly crisply.

“She’s getting help.”

I gave in to the inevitable.  “Fine.  Have them report to Garalen.  She’ll get it all set up.”

The inner circle, a bunch of soldiers and scouts, several wagons with civilians, a few of my elves.  They all gathered and got ready.  When I saw Bull, I ran up to the tavern.  Popping my head in, I caught Krem’s attention.  “You’ve seen me.  I’m busy.”

“Got it.”

I went back out, saying goodbye to everyone in line.  It’s what I usually do.  Telling them to be careful.  Little bits of advice or whatever.  Hugs and stuff.  A really long hug for Dorian.  “Come back safe, my love.”  I gave him another hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then I put my forehead to his to make sure he was full.  Nothing was twinging my senses.  No leaks, no holes.

“I wouldn’t dare do otherwise, Dove.”

Bull picked me up.  “Watch my Chargers.”

“Of course.  Watch them do what?”  He just squished me and put me down.

Sera, Vivienne, Cassandra.  Hugs for Varric, and reminded him to be careful because you really can catch the attention of two dragons and the rift spirits/demons at the same time in Emprise.

A very quick hug for Blackwall, and a long one for Sam.  “Be careful out there, little brother.”

“I’m the big brother.”  He tweaked my nose.  

I walked up to Solas.  He was messing with Raindrop’s halter.  I touched his shoulder, and he turned to me.  “Be very careful.  I would miss you for eternity if something were to happen to you.”  I hugged him around the neck, and he held me a long moment.  Not pushing, not asking again.  “Solas.”

“Yes, ma’nehn?”

I pulled his head down to speak in his ear.  “You have a need.  I will provide.”  And I touched my lips to his.  Gently.  Truthfully, there was so much hugging and kissing going on in the courtyard, I doubt much of anyone saw me kiss him.  But he obviously felt better afterwards.  It was a chaste little kiss, at first.  He deepened it, just a bit, and then set me from him.

“Be safe, Chrysopal.”  Holding my eyes, he lifted my hand and kissed my wrist next to the aquamarine.  “Thank you.”

“If you wish, I will make time for you, every night.  Now, have you seen Cole?  He is not allowed to leave without a hug.”

I felt a ripple behind me.  “Hello Cole.”

Solas smiled and released my hand.  Cole hugged me from behind.  “You always know.”

“Not always.  Be safe, Cole.”

“You worry, because you love me.”

“I do.”

“I will be back.  Probably.  HOPEfully.”  He stressed Hope.

“Cole?”

“Dreams and tests, questions answered but not asked, and you still go around in circles.  That’s cheating, Chrissy.”

“Tell them to try something different.”

“And for the other?”

“That’s between him and me.”

Solas had been silent until now.  “What is going on?”

“It’s called a conversation, Grohiik.”

Cole.  “You call him…”

“If you like your bunny, you will not tell him.”

“But the bunny is made of cloth.  You can’t really hurt it.”

“Cole.”

“It would be okay.”

“Do we have to have this conversation now?”

“No?”

“Good.  Then it can wait.  Until you get back here.”

“You wait.  But he…”

“NO, Cole.  Now is not the time.”  I turned to Solas.  “And you are not to question him.  If you want to know something about me, ask ME.”

I looked back at Cole, and he had a SMIRK he quickly wiped off his face.  Ugh.  Anyway, they moved out soon after that.  I gave Solas another hug. And because it would shock him, I kissed him again.  I wouldn't have, but we didn't FEEL like we were in public.  I watched them leave from the Dais.  Skyhold seems empty, quiet, without them.

It wasn’t long before I was asked something or other and the rest of the day started.  Paperwork, paperwork paperwork.  Eustace needed me for a bit, and we coordinated the upgrade of the courtyards.  We argued good-naturedly over whether we’d need more snow shovels.  Redoing the flagstones of the pathways has to either be done now, or wait until spring.  The first frost is due any day at this altitude.

Halton grabbed me for an off-day dispute.  They apparently can’t stop yelling at each other.  I changed up their jobs. They aren’t near each other any more, disturbing others with their bickering.  They both liked their jobs.  If they want them back, then they can civilly eat lunch and dinner with each other for two weeks.

Zevran watched that.  Someone had told him I was going to resolve a dispute.  No clue who.  He then asked me to eat lunch with him.  I shrugged and did so.  With him, and with Andrew and Garalen.  Topics were perforce general.  He doesn’t want to ask the hard questions in front of them, I guess.

Afternoon with the littles.  Music and games.  I did get a note that my carter and blacksmith should get here soon.  Then I can outfit them and we can get them to the local village.  I really have to get its name.  Liam handed me a list of names before dinner.  The guards that I didn’t manage to save on the trip.  

Just for shits and giggles, I checked his thread.  He’s definitely mine.  He told me that there was another soldier, elven, and a human scout assigned to me by Sam.  Cullen had one guy, the overarmored human, still assigned.  Two Hessarians considered me their responsibility.  And there was Elias and Garalen.  And sometimes Gunny.  Jeez.  That’s ENOUGH.  But when broken down into shifts, it’s not that bad.  Supposedly.

Ate dinner with Leorah (and others of course), who talked about clothes, colors, and Zathras the whole time.  It’s adorable.  The clothes were a surprise.  She says she’s working up something special, several somethings special, just in case.  “I just have a feeling.”

Feren and Isa sat down to talk with me after dinner.  Isa felt the baby move, for certain, not flutterings.  According to Isa, this is when they are supposed to ask someone to “Stand for” the child.  Based on what they’re telling me, it’s like being a godparent and in loco parentis, all rolled into one.  If something bad happened to both of them, the kid would become my kid.  To give it the import it should have, I told them I’d think on it.  They looked relieved, so I think it was the right way to do it.  Of course I’m going to say yes.

Songtime went beautifully.  I dusted off Home for the evening.  At Eadras’ request.  I hadn’t sung it for them in a while.  I don’t have to run this most of the time.  They know the songs.  Even the sound of silence.  However, they seem to like it when I play things for them.  Tonight, it was Home.

I played with Irusana for a while, then tackled the top apprentice textbook.  I only read for a couple hours.  I think.  Anyway, it’s pretty dark, and everyone’s out.  Except for a scout.  Standing outside my door.  Say’s he’s going to be there until four or so in the morning.  No amount of arguing worked.  He’s got orders, he says.  They all do.  If I don’t like him outside, he’s allowed to sleep on my couch.  I’m going to hurt Sam.


	119. Day 22, 2 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking Briri to task, dealing with Andrew and the Chargers, learning I'm leaking again, backing up Halton, and a bigger Ethelathe.

###  **Skyhold, Day 22, 2 August, 9:41**

I was still annoyed when I went to bed.  Irusana was in a kneading mood, and I just let her.  Pizza dough belly or whatever.  When she finally curled up, content, on the other pillow, I just watched.  I was seriously unused to sleeping alone.  Again.  Damnit.  I hadn’t expected this problem, actually.  I should have.

It took way too long for me to fall asleep, and I didn’t sleep well.  I played in my own place in the fade, just a bit.  Fewer wisps than usual, and they were the less happy ones.  Wasn’t in the mood for visiting or exploring.  Wasn’t expecting visitors, either, but I was glad to be wrong.  

Contentment visited, for a little while.  Doesn’t talk much, really.  I felt better after he left, though.  It left.  Not he.  They aren’t gendered, just picking forms. We hadn’t even discussed anything pressing.  It did say something odd, though.  They enjoyed songs, too.  I may have to start a songtime in the fade. 

Is it significant that the spirits call me my lady?  Does it have to do with my relationship with Solas?  Contentment, Valor, Hope, and Shyness have all done it.  Fortitude hasn’t.  I told Solas I’d save a piece of every night for him.  He didn’t take advantage of it tonight.  I’d kind of wanted to see him.  I was disappointed when I felt the waking world tug at me.

Briri was bustling around, neatening and straightening.  I’m not a slob.  There wasn’t much neatening and straightening to do, but I feel kind of bad that I have her cleaning up after me.  “I’m sorry, Briri.  I should have stacked those papers more neatly.”

“It’s no trouble, my lady.”  Ugh.

“Still.  You shouldn't have to clean up after me.  I’ll be neater.”

“My lady.”

“Yes, Briri?”

“If you clean up after yourself, dress yourself, what happens to my job?”  Her voice was thin, and her lip trembled, just barely.  Crap.  She could be being manipulative, but she still had a point.

I sighed.  “How much of a mess do you need, Briri?”

“Oh, you’re fine now, but if you started cleaning…  You’d waste your time.  You have so many other things to do.  If you’d let me do more with your face and hair…  You’re so beautiful…”

“I don’t actually like baseless flattery all that much.”

“I’m sorry, my lady.”

“Stop with the my ladies already.  Please.  I don’t like makeup because it feels heavy, has a smell, and tastes bad.  My hair.  I’ll make an effort to let you do my hair every so often.  It’s just faster to put it up with my sticks.”  I smiled.  “And they’re such temptation for one of the men I know.”  

That made her laugh.  “That one.  He likes you a great deal.”

“I like him back, when he’s not being an ass.”  She looked shocked.  “I’m not blind to his faults, and I would hope he’s not blind to mine.”  That mollified her a bit.  “Who’s on duty this morning?”

“Garalen should be here shortly, with her human.”

“Excuse me?”  Something about the way she’d said human struck me as off, but I couldn’t pinpoint it.  I may have been a little harsh in tone because of it.

She paled.  “I’m sorry.  The Templar, Andrew.”

I looked at her, holding her eyes.  “Remember that insulting anyone for the meat they wear is not permitted here.”

“I understand.  It won’t happen again.”

“Well then, let’s get the day started.”  I just sighed when she curtsied at me.  She never listens to me anyway, so I’m going to save my breath.  Dresses.  Where are all my tunics?  At least this one I can wear my leather vest/coat with.  I let her do a single braid, and she was just finishing as the door opened.

Just one knock, and Gara and Andrew came in.  They’re allowed.  We had things to do today, according to Andrew.  He’s decided to oversee my defense training.  Joy.  He’s not going to be nearly as easy to get around as Zathras.  Then he pulled out that evil grin of his, and said there were going to be “others” involved.  Great.  Just great.

Anyway, I was herded out to the stables for time with Drummer.  Josren was on hand to help, but Geth was nowhere to be seen.  Jos reminded me that I’d given him hugs yesterday for a reason.  Wait, what?  Geth had left with Inquisibabe!  I checked his thread, and he was content, and about a day away.  I had hugged him because he’d wanted a hug.  I hadn’t realized he was leaving!

Anyway, Josren put me up on Drummer for half an hour.  Dress effect works on him, too.  I got put up and down, and Jos snagged a hug.  A very long one, but with no wandering hands.  I was curious, so I asked him his age.  Nineteen.  He’s so young.  “Josren.”

“Yes, Chrissy?”

I wasn’t quite sure how to phrase it.  “You’re a beautiful man.”  He smiled flirtatiously, reaching a hand toward my face.  I stepped back and continued.  “You’re not an amenity of Skyhold.  You know that, right?  I would guard you as much as you guarded Sharis.  You can say no.”  He stopped, dropping his hand, and sobering amazingly quickly.

“I don’t mind.”

“If you are ever uncomfortable, tell me.  I will put a stop to it.”

“I do say no when I don’t want to participate in bedroom games.  But it means a lot that you’d say such a thing.”

Garalen told me my next stop was the Chargers.  I could eat with them.  I got the feeling I’d been had.  Something was going on.  We went up that way, bypassing Cook and the nice smells.  Straight to the tavern.  Andrew held the door for us, and I went in.  

Krem was waiting for me, with a wiry guy I’d met but didn’t remember the name of.  Second string, not primary.

“Late.  I expected you before now.”

“I didn’t know I had a designated time.”

He smiled.  “You’re not going to be able to work in that.  You’re a bit short, but you can probably fit Lisa’s things.  Go get changed.”  What?

Andrew just pointed toward the back room, where Lisa was beckoning.  I’d definitely been had.  I changed, and she folded my stuff, grinning.  “I hope you have some salve for yourself, hon.  Breakfast will be here when you’re done.  I’ll even get you coffee.  Play nice, now.”  She shooed me back out.

What followed was a rather grueling evaluation of my abilities.  Apparently I had not impressed with my drop and roll out of Zither’s arms.  It was clunky, slow, and my scream was wimpy.  When told I’d been taking “defense training” off and on for months, Krem decided that my instructor was incompetent.  And he got together with Andrew.

After a full half hour of stretches, dodge practice commenced.  Oh My God.  Firstly, Andrew, with a smirk, put me in an Anti-magic sphere.  Not so closed that I couldn’t breathe, but delineating a space.  Then wiry guy started with the fairly slow grapples.  Every time I instinctively created a barrier Andrew BROKE IT.  I am not nearly so good without magic.

I used to do this stuff, damn it, but my body’s all wrong!  It’s short, and the feet are weird, and the balance is different, and my fricking shoulders are wonky.  And I’m CLUMSY in an anti-magic sphere.  What the hell?  I’m not usually clumsy.  Literally tripping over my own two feet!

I was actually sweating by the time they let me go get food.  When I asked why I had to wait for breakfast, Krem actually said that he didn’t want to step in it if I got hit in the belly.  I changed back into my dress, with Garalen’s help.  I had bruises forming.  Fingerprints on my arms, marks on my hips from falling.  Bootprint on my foot.

Porridge, sliced apples, coffee.  Dalish said I did better than she expected.  Andrew told me I used magic nearly constantly, and they needed to see what I could do without it.  He was as confused as I was about my clumsiness, though.  Once I had access to magic again, my clumsiness disappeared.  If it was just that, shouldn’t it have affected me while I was injured?  But I guess I was carried most of that time.  Skinner and Stitches were talking about that with Dalish as I left.  Sore.  Ow.  Krem said he’d see me tomorrow morning.  With a damn smirk.

I went back to my desk.  I had a small pile of mail, still unopened, in the center of my desk.  Merrill, Sarel, Jack, Tarvin (who appears to be the Highever Hahren), someone from Val Royeaux, all letters.  I put them aside to review later.  Too much work to do.  

Gunther came by midmorning with some of my salve.  Practically dragged me into my room to slather me in it.  “Why didn’t you say you hurt?  I was wondering why I was aching in the back of my skull all morning.  Gara said, oh, it’s just Chrissy.  She had lessons.”  

“I made you ache?”

“I said it, didn’t I.”

“I’m sorry, Gunny.  I’ll tighten my shields.”

“Don’t you dare.  I want to know when you’re in pain.  If I can’t feel it, then I’m going to have to hang around, getting in your business.  I’m really good at that.”

“If I leave that open, it’s going to go both ways.  Are you comfortable with that?”

He paused in applying salve to the boot print on my arch.  “I don’t know.”

“Well, that’s the way it’s going to be.  You can change your mind any time.”

“Fine.”  He finished what he was doing and deposited me back in my chair.  “Be more careful.”

“I’m very bad at dodging and breaking holds with no magic.”

“Then get better.”  He patted my shoulder and strode off.  He felt pretty good today.  None of the shakes, he was standing, and he wasn’t so haggard.  The littles finished their lessons and ran after him.  My girls headed up to Josie.  Vivienne was gone.

Eadras came over.  “That itching in my skull is you?”

“I don’t know.  I didn’t mean to leak all over.”

“Da’len, like Gunther, I’d rather know if you were hurting.”  Gunny was one thing, but no way was I inflicting even a little pain on an old man.  I did tighten my shields near his thread.

“I can understand that, hahren.”

I finished the paperwork Halton had set out for me.  He was running about getting something done with the paving stones.  They were too smooth?  In any case, Eustace’s assistant had come for him before Gun got here.  Got snagged to open a few of the lesser-used doors on official business.  Keeper of the keys, you know.  

Lunchtime had Zevran showing up again.  He’d said he was leaving soon a few days ago.  I wonder how he defines “soon.”  I didn’t ask.  We ate with the littles.  Elias told me over a sandwich that he still couldn’t find Gretel’s husband.  Honestly, I’d forgotten about him, but I’m glad Elias hadn’t.  Whenever or if ever the man returned, I’d have a chat with him about sobriety.

“Do you have a problem with drinking?”  Zevran queried.

“Not actually.  But I do have a problem with people who don’t even try to earn their own keep.  He’s drinking his children’s food money.  So if he wants to stay, he’ll be sober and employed.  Or he can leave.  His choice.”

“So a drunkard who did his job and had no dependents would be fine.”

“Yep.  Their meat, their choices.”

The afternoon passed fairly slowly.  I redid the sleeping arrangements of the bunkroom, by necessity.  Not everyone’s happy with the arrangements, but I’m out of room.  I also snagged some rooms in the towers.  Putting bunks in there.  Soon.  I really want to avoid the “traditional” medieval “servants sleep on the floor” thing.  I admit I’m selfish, too.  I don’t want to give up my rooms.  Maybe I can move carpentry out to the armory, and put beds in there.  Only issue is the huge open space window-ish balcony thing, but something keeps the cold out.  There’s room in the armory, now that I think about it.

Halton returned, dirty and annoyed.  The workers weren’t listening to him.  So I made an appearance and had a nice quiet hissy fit about it.  Halton knows what the hell he’s doing.

Ate dinner with him, actually.  And Eustace.  And the elf scout assigned to me.  Joined by Zatlan and two giggly women.  Very giggly.  Lots of gossip and eyelash fluttering.  Loved Eustace’s reaction, though.  “Is there something wrong with your eyes?  You seem to be blinking an awful lot.  Have you seen a healer?”  Hard to keep a straight face, but I managed it.

Songtime went fairly well.  Sang a new one, for funsies.  Follow Your Arrow by Kacey Musgraves.  It wasn’t nearly as packed.  Lots of soldiers and such went with Sam.  While they sang, I sat back.  I went to check my threads and such, and was shocked.  Way more than I thought.

I know how many people I have, but only when I think about it.  I did.  OMG, it was OVER THREE HUNDRED!  Three thirty two, actually.  How?  And they’re not all here.  Most of them are over the horizon somewhere.  But so many?  I don’t know how I ended up with so many.   Weirdly, not all of them have threads like I was expecting.  They’re mine, but we’ve never interacted, maybe?  I don’t even think I’ve met some of them.  I mean, I know I have them, but they’re not connected.  That’s so weird.  And the wispiness is bigger.  More of them that have heard of me?

Crazymaking, trying to figure it out.  I think I’m just going to let it be.  It’s their choice, after all, not mine.  Maybe there are levels and layers to Ethelathe.  Not thinking about it tonight.  Just went into We Shall Overcome when it was time.  


I tucked in my littles, took a bath, played with my kitty, read in the apprentice book until she sat on my notes, and hauled my butt to bed.  Briri was very helpful with everything, and I asked her to arrange some sort of exercise clothing for the mornings.  I know Leorah has some done up for me.  Somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ8xqyoZXCc
> 
> Kacey Musgraves - Follow Your Arrow


	120. Day 23, 3 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fortitude, a visit from Solas, The chargers, Andrew (twice!), and Michael.

###  **Skyhold, Day 23, 3 August, 9:41**

I learned something new today.  That thread dead-ending on the boat?  It doesn’t dead-end in the fade.  It connects to someone here.  And there are more.  Solas is in the fade, as well.  A few I didn’t recognize.  I didn’t touch them.  The threads to the other side of the fade, like Garalen.  They dead-end not far away.

The wisps are plentiful again.  Fortitude visited without Valor.  It had ideas for making Skyhold impregnable.  We probably talked for at least an hour.  Great ideas, and mostly impractical.  Physics doesn’t quite work like that in the waking world.  But I filed the information away for the future.  Someday, when things are different, I may need to know how to defend a castle in a mixed world. The practicable ones (all two of them) I memorized for Cullen.

I played in my dreamspace, normal dreams and memories, for a while.  Savoring memories of home, watching a single gray moon track across the sky.  Wisps danced in the sky around it, mimicking the milky way.  I don’t know how long it was, but at some point I felt a touch.  A query on my thread.  Solas.

I went in his direction, meeting him at the edge of what I considered mine.  I wonder how he feels about my expanding space?  Anyway, he didn’t even say anything at first, just touched two fingers to my cheek, staring into my eyes, brushing my lip with his thumb.  I reached up to his cheek, cupping it.  A few moments later, he pulled me into his arms.  “I miss you.”

“I’m here.”

“You hurt yourself today.  One day of traveling away from you, and you do this.”

“Blame the Chargers.  Krem has decided that Zathras is incompetent, and taken over defense training.”

“Be more careful.”

“I’m incredibly clumsy.  It’s going to take a while.”

“Clumsy?”

“They have me working under Andrew’s eye, with limited magic, and I can’t even take two steps without tripping.  I don’t understand it.”

“I will think on it.  It is nearly dawn.”

“Already?”

“Again and always.”

“You just came by to steal a kiss.”

“Do I have to steal it?”

“No.  I offer it freely, faolan.”

He set his lips to mine for a few moments.  “I want to know what that means.”

“Maybe when you get back, we can discuss it.”

“Can you tell me what I face?”

I traced his brow.  “Oh, Solas.  You don’t need me for that.  Your mind knows the range of what you may find.  You have choices to make.  Sam has choices to make.  I don’t know what will happen.”

“And you could be wrong.  You said this.”  He sighed, hugging me to him.  “Dawn comes.  I must go.  Another day of travel, at least.”

“Be careful out there.”

“Always.  Be at ease.”  He kissed me again, then strode off.  I woke shortly after.

Briri was already about, brushing Irusana.  She’d laid out a set of loose clothing, pants and a shirt.  Linen.  There were matching footwraps.  She offered to wrap my feet, but something about the idea bothered me.  “I would prefer not, thank you.”

“I could teach you.”

“If I need teaching, I have a teacher in mind.  Thank you, though.”

“It would be no trouble at all.”

“Briri.  Enough.”

She curtsied at me.  “Of course, my lady.”

“That’s starting to get annoying.”

“It’s my choice, Ethelathun.”

Whatever.  Anyway, Andrew met me at the door after I was dressed.  The salve I make is pretty good.  The boot print on my arch was nearly gone.  He commented on it.  This morning was a repeat of yesterday.  I’m incredibly clumsy!  Somehow!  Finally, Krem stopped it.  Said I was doing better.  I could hardly do worse.  He told me that I should practice moving in a non-magical environment.  Dalish had decided that I use magic constantly to stay graceful, and I needed to cultivate the grace without it.

“When I can move again without pain, maybe.”

“This afternoon, Chrissy.”  He crouched down to me.  I was still sitting in the dirt where I’d been tossed.  “You do realize you are in danger?  There’s a reason you have guards.”

“I get that.”

“I want you to survive until someone can get to you.  Tomorrow, we’ll practice screaming.  You’re terrible.”

“At least I won’t get bootprints on my ass with that.”

“Nope, but your throat’s going to hurt.”  I sighed.  “You have a strange compulsion to be quiet.  I don’t understand it.”

“Too many people shushing me as I grew up, probably.  It’s not very ladylike to scream and yell.”

“Not very ladylike, huh?  Interesting.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Of course not.”

“Snot.”  He held out a hand and helped me up.

“Be nice, my lady.”

“Don’t start.”

“Wouldn’t want to be unladylike, now would we?”

“Don’t push it.”

“Go eat.  Have some coffee.  You’re going to be sore later.”  He clapped me on the shoulder, gently, and steered us into the tavern.  The wiry guy, Foxtripper (and he glared at me when I asked why), told me to enjoy the break tomorrow, because he wasn’t going to be going quite as easy on me after that.  Wonderful.  Andrew and Gara ate with us, and Andrew told me he was stealing my magic instruction hour this afternoon.  Funfun.  

Halton spent an hour with me discussing decisions.  He’ll put it all down in appropriate language and have it for me to sign tomorrow.  The letters called me, but I was busy.  Philomena popped down to ask me to chat.  She still does running for the mages and healers on occasion.  Apparently there was a terse exchange between Cullen and Fiona, then a letter to the Templar encampment from Cullen, then a letter to the Templar encampment from Fiona.  She thought I should know.  Fuck.

At least the concept of Templars made me think of Michael.  After I got dressed in real clothes for the day instead of the exercise stuff, I went up to see him again.  He’s doing better.  Not good, but better.  I LOOKED at him, and it is so strange.  He looks like a crippled mage?  Like the tubules that the human mages have are partially formed, disintegrating.  Gunny and Cullen, much less Andrew, do not look like this.  Physically, he looks awful.  Lost weight, had to have, and gaunt, pale.  If something isn’t done, he’s not going to make it.

I pulled Renee aside and made arrangements for him to spend the evening in the pillow palace.  He can join us for songtime.  That much happy can’t be a bad thing.  He didn’t object when I suggested it, but he wasn’t eager.  He was weak and didn’t really care one way or the other.  Where’s Cole when you need him?  That was when I realized I did know someone else who might be able to help this man.  Hope.  Maybe.  I’d ask it tonight.  If I could find it.  

After lunch with the littles and the ladies, I went to talk to Cullen.  I had to ask him a few questions about the fortifications.  He very indulgently gave me permission to talk.  You could tell he didn’t expect me to say anything much of worth, but he got a surprise.  I may not know a lot about castle defense, but Fortitude does.  After the first two minutes, he told me to wait, and started taking notes. Fortitude had found something Cullen had missed.  Something about archer placement, ice, and shields.  I was just repeating the words.  I didn’t quite understand it all.

“Where did you get this idea?”

“It’s not my idea.  It’s someone else’s.  But the person is pretty good at figuring out stuff.”

“You’re going to have to introduce me.”  Shit.

I took a deep breath.  “Maybe someday, Cullen.  Maybe.”

“I won’t scare them.”

“We’ll see, Commander.”

Andrew did snag me for an hour later on, after more paperwork.  He had me doing weirdness in an antimagic bubble.  Tippy toes, down, one foot out, down.  Felt like ballet.  First position, plie.  And so on.  Arms out, arms in, rock back and forth.  Slow and steady.  Asked me things like “where are your fingers RIGHT NOW? Don’t move them, use your words, Chrissy.” Balance exercises, range of motion things.  And he told me he’d be snagging me tomorrow, too.

At dinner, Zevran told me he’d be leaving in the morning.  Not much notice.  But he’d be back.  “I think I like it here.  Very interesting place.”  I was to expect him in a month or so.  Okay?  Not sure what’s going on there.  

Eadras and Cara gave Zev big hugs, as did my littles, even Daniel.  I hadn’t realized they were so friendly.  Dee and Dum have stars in their eyes, I think.  Hero worship.  Michael was brought down by Gunny and Cullen.  They were supporting him as he walked, and they stayed with him.  I LOOKED at him again, and he was in the same shape.  Didn’t seem to be deteriorating quickly, at least.  There was still time.  I cuddled up to Gunny and held Michael’s hand.  Touch helps.

In any case, the evening progressed as usual.  Songtime was had, Michael was returned after I gave Gun a smooch and hug.  I put the kiddos to bed, did a bit of studying from the apprentice book.  NO, I’m not planning on trying this stuff.  They want me to summon a demon to “practice”.  Hell no.  If I want to talk to a spirit, I’ll go hunting in the fade.  Or invite someone to visit.  Not the caging I’m seeing advocated.  Horrible.  

Irusana got me headed off to bed when she spilled all my papers on the floor.  Housekeeping magic that Dorian taught me, and time for sleep.  


	121. Day 24, 4 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spirit talks, fade cuddles, screaming practice, unwelcome invitations, Zev leaves, and Liam apparently joined up.

###  **Skyhold, Day 24, 4 August, 9:41**

You hear in game how mages summon spirits to ask questions about the fade.  I think I may have made a mistake.  I had barely closed my eyes when Valor and Fortitude came to visit.  They had been looking at our fortifications again, and had questions.  Like, “Why do you need those holes in the projections on the wall?”  Uhhhh… Don’t spirits have to eliminate waste?

“It’s a garderobe.  If there wasn’t a hole, then it wouldn’t work for its purpose.”  Annnnndddddd apparently not.  Blank looks.  Cole doesn’t, now that I think about it.  “Don’t spirits have to pee sometimes?”

“No.”

“Well, that’s where we people that have physical bodies tend to elimination requirements for those bodies.”

Fortitude frowned.  “The holes are a weakness in the defenses.  You should refrain from requiring elimination during times of assault.”

“That’s… not how it works.  Okay guys, let me explain something about bodies.”  So after I took most of the evening to explain bodies and how they work, they wandered, muttering, off to change their plans.  They have to adjust for “meat weaknesses”.  By which they mean eating, sleeping, and elimination.  Le Sigh.

It wasn’t long after that when I felt a touch on my thread.  I smiled and went to greet him.  This time he wanted to hang about.  The wisps scattered before us.  He held my hand as we wandered.   I asked about his day, and he said they’d reached the camp.  They’d hunt for his friend in the morning.

“So what about your day?”

“It was a day.  Briri’s getting annoying.  Foxtripper’s looking forward to beating me up day after tomorrow.  I’m worried about Michael. The apprentice magic books piss me off.  Zev’s leaving in the morning.  And explaining how a body works to spirits is an exercise in aggravation for all involved.”

He hmmmed a moment before speaking.  “Foxtripper?”

“One of the Chargers.  They’re teaching me to defend myself.  I’m coming away with bruises.”

“May I say something?”  I nodded.  “I think Zathras was incompetent as well.”

“What?”

“Any real defense lessons are going to cause bruising, or at least soreness.  He never even had you breathing hard, and was scared to push you even before you hurt his hand.  Not a strong personality.  The Chargers are not afraid of you.”

“You think Zathras was afraid of me?”

“Not in so many words. Awe.  What is this but a kind of fear?  Make us something to rest on, ma’nehn.”  I created a fluffy couch, and he sat with me, pulling me across his lap.  “I will admit, I cannot regret the assassin’s departure.” A few minutes of cuddling and light kisses passed before he continued.  “So why are you explaining body functions to spirits?”

“They asked.”

“I see.  Why are you so annoyed with Briri?”

“She’s pushy.  She won’t stop curtsying at me, for one.  And she offers something two or three times, even after I refuse.”

“What did she offer?”

“To wrap my feet.  And then to teach me, and then again.  She doesn’t seem to understand anything other than a blunt no sometimes.”

“And you do not like to say no.  You will, but it is not preferred.  Why would you refuse let her wrap your feet?  You usually don’t bother with shoes after...”  I felt my face heat.  He chuckled low.  “I see, ma’lath.  I will admit, I would prefer no other hands on you as well.  Perhaps when I return.”

“I have plenty of shoes and boots.  Slippers, too.  I wear them when needed.”

“Which in your opinion is rarely.”

“Hush, Solas.”

“Ma nuvenin, ma’sulahn’nehn.”  He smirked, and in a quieter voice asked, “Who is this Michael?”

“A former Templar.  He’s not doing very well.  I’m concerned he won’t survive his addiction.”

“Ah.  Ir abelas.”

“I hope to save him, but we’ll see.  He looks like a stunted mage, or something similar.  Those little tubules that Dorian has in his person, they’re present, but not… right.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.  And they’re disintegrating?  Maybe?  Or just half-formed to begin with.”  

“If he is still here when I return, I could look, if you wished.”

“I might.”  We cuddled a while more, and he said he had to leave.  Earlier than usual.  Strange.  I played a bit more in the fade, and woke up to Irusana grooming my eyebrows.  Gotta love Dorian.  I smile so much more with Irusana in my life.

Briri came in a few minutes later, laying out linen exercise clothing.  “I’m sorry Briri.  They told me that I’d be doing screaming today.”

“It’s on your schedule.  The Lieutenant suggested that loose fitting clothing would still be more appropriate than your usual constricting clothing.  Should I fetch something else?”

“Fetch?  Don’t I have clothing in my drawers anymore?”

“Only those things which you like to select for yourself.  Smalls, tunics and pants, a few of the plainer dresses.  Socks, as well, but you don’t use them so much.  The fancier things and special purpose things are kept in the wardrobe room.”

“Wardrobe room?”

“Leorah set it up, and selects your clothing from it.”

“Interesting.”  Honestly, I felt better knowing Leorah was selecting my clothing rather than Briri.  I don’t get to see her much, because she’s as busy as I am, if not more.  In any case, I got up, dressed, and got my hair braided.  That made Briri happy.

Briri let Elias in after he knocked.  “Mornin’ Chrissy.  Ready to go?  Krem says to make sure you eat after riding.”  

“Sure.”  I said goodby to Briri and ‘Sana.  Briri assured me she’d tend the cat.  

As I passed my desk, there was something in a shimmery blue envelope sitting on top.  It had a genuine pearl brooch as the closure, which caught my attention.  I paused to reach for it, but Elias pulled me on.  “Not now, hon.”

Jos had Drummer ready for me.  Now that I wasn’t in a dress, I didn’t expect that I’d be lifted on.  Shocked the hell out of me when I was.  While I was riding, I checked my threads.  Well, tried.  Honestly, there are so many now I couldn’t get a good read.  I have to learn to filter somehow.  When Elias waved me in, Josren lifted me down again, too.

“I’ll take care of Drummer, Lady.  You have practice,” he said.  He paused.  “We want you safe.  Learn fast, for our sakes.”

I had been going to argue about tending Drummer myself, but after that… “I’ll do my best.”

Elias walked with me to the kitchens.  Cook let me play a little bit.  Hash browns, sausage, onion, peppers, salt and pepper, and eggs, all mixed together in a skillet.  Yum.  I took my plate and sat in the dining room with the others for a change.  He snagged premade oatmeal and sausage from the tables set out.  I offered him some of mine, and we shared both plates.

We went up to the tavern.  Lisa handed me my mug.  There was sugar and cream in my coffee.  Not milk, cream.  Heaven.  And cinnamon.  I thanked her and eyed Krem.  “You know, if I start screaming in Skyhold, all sorts of people are going to come running.”

“Yep.  That’s why we’re going outside the walls.  Get your cloak.”  He looked down.  “And shoes.”  I hadn’t put any on again.  Damn.  Elias sent a messenger for my cape and shoes.  Briri came running up shortly afterwards, shoes and cape in her arms.  She settled the cape over my shoulders as I put the shoes on.  She was just gone when I looked up to thank her.  I saw her walking away, but I’d have had to yell to get her attention.  I’d have to remember to thank her later.

Krem snagged my mug from me as soon as it was empty.  Handing it off to Lisa, he ushered me off.  “Let’s go.”  We wandered out to just past where we can see Skyhold.  Krem, Stitches, Dalish.  Andrew met us out there.  Shit.  No magic.  

Krem started with breathing exercises.  Large, slow, deep breaths from the diaphragm.  I used to sing in a choir.  This part I can do.  After probably five minutes, he said, “Okay, now let’s hear you scream.”  Uh…  They were all staring at me.  I tried, but I don’t do so well with being stared at.  I want to hide, not make myself noticed.  All that came out was a squeaky little breathy thing.

“We do have our work cut out for us, don’t we.”  Thanks oh so much, Miss Dalish.  In any case, it turns out okay.  We had a yelling session, where all five of us yelled.  That helped.  Then I got coached into being higher in pitch, taking deep breaths between screams, not breathing through the nose, etc.  It took a bit to get comfortable making noise, honestly.  I’m not sure I’m going to be able to do this in a non-group setting. We’ll see.  Krem was right, though.  By the end, my throat was very sore.

We went back to Skyhold.  Down to my room, changing into the dress whoever had picked.  Kicked off my shoes. Petted my kitty, and left the door open so she could come out.  The kids were reciting times tables.  Cook had actually let Sharis rejoin the lessons.  Nice of her.  

I sat down.  Halton stood and handed me the blue envelope with the pearl brooch closures.  “This one first.  Please.”  I undid the toggles and opened the top.  A heavy, thick cream card embossed in gold was inside.  You are cordially invited… Oh, hell no.  I didn’t even finish reading it.  I am not going to Halamshiral.  It was sent by “House Valmont”.  A week long thing culminating in a ball.  Ugh.  No.  The brooches are pretty, though, and the paper’s nice.  RSVP in lovely scrollwork in the bottom of the response card.  I don’t want an incident, so I’ll chat with Josie on the best way to refuse later.

Paperwork got done, kittens were played with.  Sharis was shooed back to Cook at the end of classes.  I walked the other girls upstairs.  I had to tell Iona, Maya, Finaya, and Nolari about my chat with Renee.  Apparently a large number of elven people have strange little “quirks” like this.  They’re not considered to be mages, per se.  It’s just oddities of their different connection with the fade.  Like Geth’s being able to sense emotions in a general way when he tries to and is touching someone.  That’s another one that’s common.  Finaya actually has that one too.

Anyway, I went to drop the girls off, and had the envelope in my hand.  Josie squealed and snatched it.  “Leli said you’d gotten one!”  She pulled it open.  “Lady Chrysopal Theneras of Ethelathe, Lady of House Trevelyan, Most Honored Ethelathun, Chatelaine of Skyhold!  How wonderful!  You’re real, Chrissy.  To the nobles, as well as to the servants.  This gives you CLOUT.”

“I was actually going to ask for your help in phrasing a polite refusal…”  Josie looked at me in shock.  “What?”

“Chrissy, you can’t just say NO to the Empress of Orlais?”

“Why not?”

“It could create problems.  It would hurt our position greatly.  You can’t do that to Sam.  He’s worked so hard...”

I plopped in one of her chairs.  “You’re tellin me I’d hurt Sam if I refused.”  She nodded gravely.  “Damn it all to hell and back.”  

She blinked.  “Chrissy?”

“Never mind.  If I have to go, Josie, it’s going to be on my terms.  You understand this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not going to be a servant.  I’m not going to bow and scrape.  And I’m going with a full contingent of MY people, since I don’t trust the Chevaliers.”

“How big is a full contingent?”

“I’m not sure yet.  I’m going to have to figure that out.”

“Anything less than twenty people should be fine.  We’ll have to work things out if it’s more than that.  Would you want lodgings with the inquisition contingent?”

I sighed.  “I suppose.”  I looked down at the invitation.  “Why does it call me ‘Chrysopal Theneras’?”

“Solas told us it was your surname, when we were in Val Royeaux.”

“Interesting.  I’ll have to ask him what it means.”

“Do you need help phrasing an acceptance?”

“Possibly.  My Orlesian isn’t the highest quality.”

“Orlesian?”

“Respondez sil vous plait seems to indicate a same language response would be appropriate. Perhaps j'en serais enchanté?  Excité has sexual connotations.”

Josie’s mouth just dropped.  “You speak Orlesian?”

“Just a few words here and there.  Mostly read it.  My accent is terrible. Où sont les toilettes, Where’s the bathroom.  Combien ça coûte, How much is it.  Oui, non, bonjour, bonne nuit.  Ma chemise est rouge.  My shirt is red.  Où est-ce que je dois passer pour arriver à l’hôtel, s’il vous plaît, How do I get to the hotel?  Not a whole lot.  Barely enough to ask for directions in Quebec.”

“Quebec?”

“Nevermind.  Suffice it to say my French, my Orlesian, is awful.”

“I’ll help you. J'en serais enchanté is a good start, though.  Just… don’t speak the language while you’re there?  Please?”

“I don’t want to go, Josie.”

“I know, Chrissy.  But we must all do things we don’t wish to do in support of the Inquisition and its goals.”

“I’m going to drag a full entourage with me.  I’m not facing Orlais without my people behind me.”  I know I was repeating myself, but I really didn’t want to go.  She didn’t say anything else, just patted my shoulder and went off to see to the girls.

I went down to lunch, passing Halton.  “I let Leorah know that you would need a week’s worth of outfits for Halamshiral.”

“Thanks, Halton.”  My tone may have been a bit snippy, but he just smirked at me.  He was stacking more paperwork on my desk.  “Eat something, Brat.”

“I will, boss.”

I went and ate with my littles.  And Elias.  Zevran came by afterwards telling me he was leaving.  He looked like he wanted something, so I offered him a hug.  He accepted, and was a perfect gentleman.  He also kissed Philomena and Marta goodbye.  Like bent over the arm dip kisses, with tongue, one after the other.  I was embarrassed just to watch it.  Guess I know what he’s been doing.  Or who.  I thought Marta was seeing someone, but I guess it didn’t work out.  

I told him I was going to be away from about the fourth of next month to who knows when, but he was more than welcome to come back anyway.  I’d leave instructions for him to be given rooms.  When he asked where I was going, I told him that I was going to Halamshiral under duress.  A short back and forth had him looking ponderous for a moment, and then telling me he’d “talk to Leli”.  Whatever makes him happy, I suppose.

I was snagged by Andrew again for the afternoon hour.  Basic movements under antimagic conditions.  I’m still clumsy as hell.  Heel, toe, heel, toe, up, down, up, down, lean forward, then back, not to the side.  And I fall.  A lot.  I still have bruises from yesterday, and they’re layered with today’s.  Garalen helped me slather the spots I couldn’t reach with the salve.  And I still had more paperwork to do.

The rest of the day went perfectly fine.  Everything was normal.  Dinner with randoms and Cara, songtime, cuddles, a story, because the tweedles asked.  Liam stood next to me the whole time, and took up position outside my door, the little shit.  “I’m allowed to sleep on your couch, but I have to be in there, or right here.”  Damn it.  “Don’t worry, it’s just until ten.  Then someone else takes over.  I think it’s the Hessarians’ turn tonight.  Don’t remember if they’re taking it in shifts or together, though.”  

“I’m going to have flipping bookends, IN UNIFORM, outside my door?”

“Probably.”  He grinned.  “Nothing’s going to get to you.  Not on my watch.  I signed up, my lady.  I get to guard home this evening.  Now go get some sleep.  You have a busy day tomorrow.”  Cheeky little shit.

I did a little studying, but Irusana wanted cuddles and belly rubs.  Everyone knows cats win when the choice is between books and belly rubs.  I’m finishing this around her folded paws, and going to tuck in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seth is thin, tenuous. -an is a "place" suffix. Uthenera translates to Eternal Waking Dream. Setheneran is the tenuous waking dream place. Both based on the elven language in the wiki. Therefore, Thenera would mean Waking Dream, since it is the common thing between them. Interesting surname to be given, especially by Solas.


	122. Day 25, 5 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice, slow day. The fade is silent. First snow (and sneaking the kids out of bed). Seggrit's smart, we find Gretel's husband, and I'm going to smack the next person who says "bangadoodle" upside the head.

###  **Skyhold, Day 25, 5 August, 9:41**

So, I couldn’t sleep.  I tried, and it just didn’t work.  So I pulled out one of the books on the veil that Dorian had left here.   _A Dissertation on the Fade as a Physical Manifestation_ states that the veil should be thought of as opening one’s eyes to see the rest of reality, instead of just the little bits that are static.  Back when I was watching the memories of battles here, I remember seeing that there were magical defenses already in place.  Once upon a time.  

I wonder if there is a way to force Skyhold to REMEMBER those magical defenses.  To move them through time, or just blend it together so that it exists in the here and now.  I had to know more about the defenses once in place, so I laid down.  And nothing.  Happened.   No sleep.  All the usual rituals.  And I was tired.  It’s not like I wasn’t tired.  Damn it.

So then I got up, because what use is staying in bed if you can’t sleep, right?  Threw on a dress, thought a moment, and put on some slippers, too.  That way no one will gripe at me about the weather that I don’t really feel.  I was planning to check the walls to see if I could maybe get a hint of where these things were.  In Awakenings, when the veil was thin enough, people could actually SEE the demons in the fade.  Maybe I could see the fortifications, is, was, and will be.  Hopefully will be.

Anyway, that was my plan. I opened the door and found the bookends I had hoped Liam was kidding about.  They looked so disgruntled when they saw me dressed and ready to walk about.  So I tried to be sociable.  They won’t give me their names, and won’t call me anything other than ma’am or lady.  Grrr.  Fine.  Be that way.  Bookend one and bookend two it is.  One and Two for short.  They don’t like it, they’ll give a name.  I headed up to the main floor, bookends following like chastised boys mixed with snarling puppies.  I think I ruined their night.

I wandered up to the battlements, leaving my SELF open.  I saw places where there might have been something?  Spots that felt different.  But I couldn’t put any sort of name to what it was, though.  Spots of warm and cool?  Maybe that was the piping.  Frustrating as hell.

As I walked back to the main hall, a white flake fell.  Snow!  The first snow I’d seen in Skyhold.  I went inside and woke up the boys.  Wrapped up in blankets, we stood in the kitchen doorway watching the first snow.  It drifted lazily down, and wasn’t sticking or anything.  Just pretty.  Only the first moon had any light at all showing.  Satina was a new moon.  Honestly, it was about as much light as a half-moon on earth.  Thedas is very bright.

I tucked the bouncy kiddos back in bed.  The bookends were still following me around.  At least Two had cracked a small smile at Daniel’s antics regarding the snow. The way they watch me is annoying.  Anyway, I was tired, exhausted really, and had come away with no real information.  They took up positions outside my door as I went through.  

I didn’t bother to undress before laying down again.  This time I managed to find the fade.  Better late than never.  There was actually a sense of falling, oddly.  Well, more like sinking?  I felt the fade close over me, somehow, as I relaxed.  Too weird.

The fade was really quiet.  EMPTY quiet.  Not one wisp.  No spirits.  It was like when I was back in Haven when I first got here.  It was grayer than usual.  It was also quiet as in sound quiet.  Usually there are at least small noises.  Footsteps, wind (yes, even there), memories of birds and small animals.  Instead, everything was still.  The fade mourned with him. I pushed myself into the old kind of dream, leaving the fade to him.  If he wants to see me, he can pop in.

I awoke fairly early, kitten cuddles and all that.  The bookends had been replaced by Elias napping on my couch.  I have a feeling that this is going to be a normal sight unless one of the twin princes is in bed with me.  The OTHER set of bookends.  I get way too much enjoyment out of that.

Anyway, I was good and woke Elias.  Food.  Actually hungry.  I got all the way to the kitchen and realized it would be a VERY bad idea..  Anyway, again.  There was not a trace of the midnight snow in the morning.  If I hadn’t seen it, I’d not ever have known it happened.  Eadras took me to task for the bleariness of the kiddos as I was leaving for the stables.

Elias steered me away, because apparently today is not a riding day?  I’m informed I have a schedule.  I have not seen this schedule, but everyone ELSE has.  Off to the chargers, again, for bruises, again.  Andrew gave me a hug when I actually managed to dodge Foxtripper.  Once.  I paid for it the next time.  

That man is like an octopus.  Hands everywhere, never letting go.  Yet never a hand in the wrong spot.  Not once has he grabbed boob, butt, or anything else I might object to for reasons.  He just DOESN’T LET GO.  I get out of one hold, and he already has me in something else.  ARG.  

Finally I yelled “Let go of me!”  Shockingly, he did.  With a smile.  My voice echoed through the courtyard.  I was horribly embarrassed, but Krem and Dalish were tickled pink.  “Using my big girl voice” is important enough that lessons stopped there as a reward.  Lisa fed and caffeinated the lot of us.  Her scar’s looking very red.  Possibly the cold.  I’m going to have to make sure another pot of elfroot salve makes it down to the Chargers.  

Back at my desk, I got some good news.  The Blacksmith and Cartwright I’d been waiting for had arrived last night.  That means I could take them up to market day, day after tomorrow.  Get the village used to us.  I had Halton send a message to the Mayor.  

I’d only been going for about an hour when Zatlan showed up and plopped an elfroot potion on my desk.  “Looks like I’m going to have to manage two keepers, Lady.  Your needs before mine.  I see bruises.”  Eadras was practically choking, trying not to laugh.

“There are supposed to be bruises, Zatlan.  It’ll teach me not to be stupid when someone grabs at me.”

“Who is grabbing at you?”  Instant angry voice.  Take a chill pill, dude.  I thought.  But I didn’t say that.

“I’m being taught evasion tactics, Zatlan.  So that if someone grabs me, I can get away.”

“Can’t you just…” he sort of flipped his hand around.

“Magic?”

“Well, yes.”

“There are places and times when doing magic is not a very good idea.  Should I wait for a better location before escaping?”

“No.  Absolutely not.”  He left me alone after that.  He’d infiltrated carpentry, showing a real knack for the work, and tended Eadras between pieces and during break times.  He was building bunk beds for the towers.  Helping me house more people.

I managed to clear everything Halton had for me in a decent amount of time, and turned to my letters.  “Hey, Halton.”

“Yeah?”

“Pick a number between one and five.”

“You should probably open the Sabrae Keeper’s first.”

And that’s why he’s a good assistant.  Sarel wrote to thank me.  The provisioning of the hunters on the way back was something they’d not expected.  He also liked the cloth, and asked me to thank Leorah for the message inside explaining how to prevent fading of the dye.  Whatever had we done to get such a brilliant blue-green color?  Various inconsequentials, polite blather.  A careful social hand reaching out.  I would have to be cautious.

I wrote back thanking him for protecting Halton on his way.  The littles had loved seeing strong men who were not afraid of anyone.  I got Leorah to write the secret of the dye down.  I wanted to know, too.  “It’s not a secret, Chrissy.  It’s a type of fungus we find growing just outside the balcony.  Inedible, but makes a beautiful and vivid blue when we use copper salts as a mordant.”

“What’s a mordant?”

“Never mind, Lady.  You can’t know everything,” she said with a smile.  Leorah packed about a pound of the dried mushrooms into a small bag to send along.  Now I know how she’s gotten that blue on everything I own.  It’s made here, and she thought it matched my eyes, so she used it on a lot of my stuff.  Sheets, pillows, chair, clothes…  And I need a book on dyeing.  I’m woefully lacking in vocabulary.

The discussion on dyeing did remind me of the letter I’d gotten from the weaver and the cloth dyer.  Leorah agreed to see them, and to evaluate their skills.  I could put them in the next village out.  It’s still only a two hour horse ride.  Or with basically three villages, we could…  I stood up, kissed Leorah’s cheek, and said “I have to talk to Seggrit.”

Practically ran out to where he has his desk, under a little alcove.  No wares any more.  He has people coming to him for pricing and negotiations.  Bulk purchases and route planning.  No time for general selling.  He looked up as I got there.  “Hey.  Usually you send a note.  Is Mika alright?”

“So far as I know.  I was actually wondering something.”

“I’m not welcome in Halamshiral.  Something about shoddy workmanship.  False rumors.  I was framed.”

I blinked.  He was lying through his teeth, but that’s his way.  He’s not welcome, but he probably deserved it.  The quality he’s gotten for me has been excellent.  But he knew about Halamshiral?  I let it go.  Thinking about it, I don’t think he actually expected me to believe him. A twinkle in his eye.   “I was actually wondering about how one arranges a market day.  I mean, we have those two villages fairly close.  And we have that great big open space outside the Barbican.”

“You want to drag them here.”

“There are all these soldiers with coin and nowhere to spend it.”

“Good point.  They’re Ferelden.  So don’t say you’re going to have fancy stuff.  We have an excess of metal things.  Pins, grooming things, buckles and toggles, nails, tools.  Those would probably lure in the people.  There’s no blacksmith around here but Inquisition.”

“That’s about to change.  My Blacksmith and Cartwright arrived last evening.  They’re going to be shuffled off to Garvey if I can manage it.”

“I’m sure you will.  We could use a cartwright.  Keeping the wagons in good condition is getting harder.”

“And the inquisition could pay him.”  I smiled.  He waved me off with a cheeky little bow, and got back to his work.

I forgot lunch.  Sue me.  Anyway, I did some quick rounds, met some newcomers, bugged Josie, and Elias snagged me before dinner.

“I found him.”  I had dropped the thread.

“Found who?”

“That wastrel married to Gretel.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s been rotting in the prison for four days.  Tried to steal from a soldier.”

We walked as we talked.  “What’d he try to steal?”

“That part’s not clear.  The story has changed a few times.”

“Fan-fucking-tastic.”  We reached the barracks and prison.  A bit of verbal fencing with the bitch du jour on guard duty, and I was allowed in.  

I got maybe three feet from the main prison door and my skin began to itch.  I hadn’t itched this bad since Haven.  I pulled out Andrew’s technique before I went in.  And came face to face with Alexius.  Not actually face to face, I guess.  He was in one of the indoor cells, lucky dog.  I didn’t meet his eyes.  Not yet.

That I ignored him bothered him.  He quietly murmured something.  Then, I heard, “It’s not smart to turn your back on a Magister, little dove.”  That caught my attention, and I glanced over my shoulder.  “Oh yes, I know who you are.  Considering his preferences, I’m not quite sure how you managed it.  Pretty little knife ear, ensnaring the finest fruit Tevinter has produced in a hundred years.”

Okay, I’m a bad person.  He called Dorian a fruit, and I giggled. He glowered.  A templar I hadn’t noticed stood straighter, catching Alexius’ attention.  “And it seems you are well guarded.  Your southern templars are incredibly trying.”  He sounds like a bitter old man.  “Perhaps you might like to come talk to me sometime, pretty dove.  I have so much to ask you.”  I didn’t say anything.  I’m going to have to tell Dorian I was good.  The man’s quiet tone was a strange combination of cajole and command, with a large hint of ‘You are Scum on my Boots’ mixed in.

Elias and I continued to the outer cells.  Gretel’s husband was in the first one on the left.  Beaten to a bloody pulp.  Elias obviously hadn’t seen him before he brought me to him.  The guy didn’t look good.  Breathing was fine, but his color was wrong.  And I don’t mean the bruising and swelling.  “Go ask Renee or Janet to come in here?  No one should have to be left like this, no matter how much we dislike him.”

Elias nodded and ran off.  Renee came up shortly after.  I’d already gotten the lock undone. I think that the soldiers forgot I’m the woman with the keys.  Both his eyes were nearly swollen shut.  I’d bet his nose was broken, and maybe his jaw.  I was surprised he didn’t seem to be missing any teeth.  Renee did a quick look over and his back and ribs are pounded on, too.  

I halfway expected to feel anger.  Instead, there was a kind of sadness, and a general pissed offedness (It’s a word.  Now.) that I knew was because this had happened to anyone.  This man was not mine.  I’d tend him, and take steps to ensure this didn’t happen again.  But that soul-deep anger I’d felt before when Feren was hurt?  It’s not there.

And I’m a bit ticked they put him in the cold rooms, too.  The bitch in charge, some Major, claimed it was to help with the swelling and bruising.  Renee invoked healer’s privilege and had him moved to the hospital.  They’re sending a guard with him.  Really sad part?  Man was sober.  Figured out what the off color was.  Jaundice.  Not so wonderful.  It’s a sign of liver damage.

A staff sergeant walked up to me as I left the hospital.  “He said he wasn’t part of Ethelathe, or we’d have gotten you.”

“He’s not, but his wife and children are.”  He looked confused a moment.  “He didn’t want to be,” I added.

“Dumb move.”

“Don’t actually like him all that much, so I’m content.  But some of that bruising was fresh.  Did you guys beat him AFTER you arrested him?”

“There was an incident.”

“Since no one can figure out what he stole, I think, personally, that a beating by several of the Inquisition’s finest was a little much.  Perhaps we can decide he’s been punished for whatever transgression?”

The sergeant seemed surprised.  “I thought you’d be angry.”

“I’m a bit ticked that you soldiers thought it was okay to beat up an unarmed person and throw them in a cell open to the cold, yeah.  But I’m not going to yell at you about it.”  I smiled.  “I’m going to ask my brother about it.”

The guy paused, thinking hard.  I don’t think he wanted the inkie involved.  “Perhaps you would be willing to let the matter drop if the Commander addressed it?”

“I’ll consider it.  Please ask Cullen to let me know when and if he wants to talk about it.”

“Of course, Mistress Chrysopal.”  

I ate dinner in the tavern with three teenage kids, two elven, one elf-born, who had wandered all the way from Highever, like Zatlan.  I left them a “bangadoodle” riddle and the way was “absolutely bangadoodle.”  I have never heard bangadoodle before.  It’s being sprinkled heavily in every paragraph they speak.  They made a mistake, though.  Two of them can’t read.  So they’ve all three been scheduled for schooling evaluations tomorrow with Eadras.  I think I’ll let Halton tell him.  

Songtime was full again.  As full as it can be with half the soldiers and all the inner circle gone.  But Dalish showed up.  My guys.  Soldiers and scouts and regular people.  It starts to taper off, and then something happens and we all draw together again.  I’m going to miss this.  Once those two get established in Garvey, it won’t happen again.  We will never be able to have all of Ethelathe in one place, one room, all singing together.  We’ll finally have gotten too big.

Kisses and cuddles.  Recited Green Eggs and Ham.  Gunther is cleaning his weapons and armor on the floor.  I’ve got a bit more studying to do, and then he’s going to hit the couch, and I’m going to hit the bed.  Gunny said something that got me thinking.  He didn’t know why the Inquisitor was suddenly ringing us with guards, but Josie had more than I did, and the girls’ Hessarians are with them any time they aren’t in Ethelathe Hall or sleeping.  People were worried.  But the Inquisitor doesn’t strike him as someone who panics.

 


	123. Day 26, 6 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fade, a normal morning, and thinking politics with Josie. Edgehall. Two potential arls and more, but something's off.

###  **Skyhold, Day 26, 6 August, 9:41**

I invited Gunny to sleep on the bed with me, but he refused.  He doesn’t like sleeping next to people.  Reminds him of the barracks when he was younger.  He’s going to stay awake, anyway, until the next shift arrives.  It’s a little weird going to sleep with someone else in the room, awake and listening.  Gunny actually took my book away and tucked me in like a child.  I laid there a long time, failing to fall asleep.  Both times I tried to get up, Gunny stuffed me back in bed.  

A long time, and finally I dropped.  It was like before.  I’d been hitting some sort of barrier, but now it softened and closed over me.  It was still, but not quite as grey, and not silent.  It’s hard for spirits of other things to keep grieving for long, I suppose.  I saw one, maybe two wisps in the distance.  Nothing was really moving, nothing was being loud.  Talking in whispers quiet, instead of tomb quiet.

I decided to go find Hope for Michael, and check on my spirit friends.  They were very unhappy at the loss of wisdom, too.  As I walked toward a landmark I knew, it was suddenly much farther away.  I found myself just inside the space I considered “mine”, but on the opposite side.  Oh, I didn’t think so.  I do not particularly like being trapped.  I decided to forgive him, unasked, because I know he’s grieving, but I wasn't going to allow it to continue.

I opened my SELF in the fade.  Fool wolf.  For someone I halfway suspect was once a fade spirit, he forgets such simple things..  Spheres are better than walls.  Walls can be gotten over.  Although maybe that was his way of making sure I wasn’t actually trapped?  That made me pause, but not for long.  

I had spirits here that were mine.  I needed to check on them.  It wasn’t until that thought crystallized in my brain that I realized it was true.  I had people here, my people, and they might need me.  Shyness and Hope.  Valor and Fortitude were solidly leaning that way.  A Little Annoyed was, too, oddly.  Contentment and OverConfidence were the light attachments of acquaintances, but still more mine than not mine.  The wisps didn’t belong to anyone.  Much like the tranquil, they weren’t enough… something… to make that connection.

In any case, I walked up invisible stairs in the fade, then down invisible stairs.  But they weren’t invisible.  Swirls and whorls of color and will, visible to the eye, not even requiring the SELF to be unveiled.  I see what Andrew meant by wrought iron.  Dorian hadn’t seen anything at all.  Different abilities and specialties, I suppose.  And likely the trip through the fade changed Andrew in some way.  The structure swirled away as I watched.

My escape from my own space caught the attention of more wisps.  They’re so cute, like a bunch of really dumb chipmunks.  And I seem to have all the acorns.  From the couple in the distance I could see through the wall, there are probably a hundred floating around now.  I don’t mean really dumb in a bad way, just that you really can’t expect a single tear to converse intelligently.  

I followed Hope’s thread to a little nook overlooking a valley.  She, IT, was looking out over it.  “We’ll all get through this,” it said as I arrived.

“I know.  There is always tomorrow, and it is a new day.”  Sometimes platitudes are platitudes for a reason.

“He said you wouldn’t be able to come.  I asked.  I hoped he was wrong.”

“He was.  Sometimes he underestimates me.  And I think he was keeping me away.  I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep yesterday and today.  Was there some sort of gathering or…”

“There was.  We said goodbye.  I had hoped it would reform right away.  Sometimes they do.  It did not.  He still waits.  One more day, two more days, give it time, he says.  He hopes.”

“Someone will return in that space.  Eventually.  But it won’t be the person he knew.”

“How do you know?”

“Someone who would know said so, in a memory I have of the future.”

“You want something, but don’t want to bother me by asking.”

“Yes.”

“You won’t bother me, but I may say no, Chrysopal.”

“There’s a Templar, former Templar.  Michael Locke.  I think he’s dying.  I’m fairly sure he’s giving up before I can figure out what’s wrong and fix it, if I can.”

“What do you want me to do with this information?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what you CAN do with the information.  So I just put it out there.  Anything else is beyond me.  I don’t know if you can help, or if you will help, or if you can hurt or will hurt.  I don’t even know if a little hurt might be better for him in the long run.  So I’ll tell you the situation, and let you decide whether or not to do anything.”

“What do you hope?”

“That he stays alive long enough for help to get back to Skyhold.  That he doesn’t deteriorate so badly that when help arrives, it would be kinder to let him die, or let Cole kill him.”

“You tell me both your hope and your despair.”

“They’re intertwined.  Inseparable.”

“They are.  I’m pleased you understand that.  It bodes well for the future, Lady.  I’ll look over the situation, and let you know.”  She paused.  “Because it’s you, I hope I can do something.”

“Thank you.”  After that we sat.  Just watched the fade.  Sometimes it’s better than any sunset.  How many sunsets swirl with green and blue?  The whole rainbow.  It was greyish now, but waking up.  No less beautiful than the vistas on the way to Val Royeaux.  More, in its way.  Both places less than they could be.

Apparently my presence meant it was okay for others to join Hope in the nook overlook.  We were just sitting there and others sort of sat around us.  Except for a few that paced behind us.  There were almost twenty of us.  Only Hope was mine, but I could feel the curiosity of the spirits around us.  I left ~~her~~ IT to their company and hunted up Shyness.  My kingdom for a frickin’ eraser.  Whiteout.  Something.

Shyness was hanging around back at my space.  Around and around it was walking.  “Shyness?”

“You weren’t here.  I looked.  And I couldn’t get in.  Why can’t I get in?”

“Because I wasn’t supposed to get out.  Come with me, and we’ll both go in.”

“I went all the way around.  There’s no way in.”

“If you can’t go around, go over.  If you can’t go over, go under.  There is almost always a way.”  I walked up not-so-invisible stairs again, letting them linger as before.  They held it as it followed.  On the floor/ground/whatever again, I let them dissipate as it stepped beside me.

“Why aren’t you supposed to get out?”

“Because some people aren’t ready to see me, and think I might disturb them.”

“Oh.”

So, I taught Shyness Hearts, which was pretty cool.  It has a very good mind.  I was only up one game when I felt that tug of wakefulness.  Barely enough time to say goodbye.

Briri was bustling about.  I had a Ferelden noble coming in some time this afternoon, and he was coming with wife, children, and servants.  Bringing his own cook and housekeeping, too.  I was tossed into the exercise clothing and sent out, with instructions to return to be primped before the noble arrived.

The attendant people were the oh-so-talkative dude assigned by Cullen and another elven soldier I’d never met.  Saw her face when Sam was talking, though.  So I rode drummer, played with Foxtripper, caffeinated and ate, and got sent outside to “play lady of the manor”.  Funfun.  

Snuck a peek at the two guys in the hospital.  Michael’s not deteriorating, at least not quickly.  Gretel’s dude is screaming randomly, incoherent.  Janet tells me that someone gave him ale with dinner, enough that he was soused, to help with the pain.  Now he’s coming down off alcohol again.  She just shook her head at the situation.  I just feel bad for him.  Liver damage and DTs.  This guy.  I hope he lives, kinda.  It would also solve some problems if he didn’t, and I’m a horrible person for thinking that.  Something like one in ten dies in modern times.  I don’t know how many DTs sufferers died in older times.

Anyway, Cullen’s man, who STILL won’t tell me his name, ushered me back to Halton.  The guy arriving is apparently Gell Lendon.  He’s trying to get himself declared the Arl.  If I recall correctly, he was in exile in Orlais, and had come back with a nasty piece of work ex-chevalier mercenary, conscripting workers and displacing the old arl’s widow right before the fifth blight.  I thought a bit while I did some of the more mindless paperwork.  

“Halton.”

“Yes?”

“I may be dipping my toe into politics.”

“They’re not going to make an elven arless, Chrissy.”

“The person I’m thinking of is not elven, my dear Halton Branson.  He’s Ferelden.  I just need to arrange a good family if he doesn’t already have one.  Many Templars are younger sons of nobility.”

“Give me names I’ll look into it.”

“Not yet.  Let’s see what happens first.  There could be better candidates.  This is not for the desk of the Ambassador.”

“Yes, lady.”  He sketched a bow before sitting down, and laughed when I grumbled at him.

Before lunch I was bathed, primped, perfumed, and polished.  All fancypants for the usurper.  By the time lunch was over, we had heard they were coming up the lift in the barbican.  I walked up to meet Josie, and we went out to the dais together.  “I’m not going to play nice with the Usurper, Josie. But I will be polite.  And if he is rude, I will make effort to be silent about it.”

“I have heard some unpleasant rumors.  But he is the one in control of Edgehall keep right now, and it guards an important pass.  While he is still in consideration for Arl, please try not to antagonize.”

We stood there while the man arrived with a pretentious entourage.  Way too many people for a disgraced exile barely keeping a toehold in Ferelden.  Possibly fifteen hangers-on including family?  Plus associated servants.  They’re going to have to share rooms.  We just don’t have the space with our other guests.  I can allot them ten, at most.  I hadn’t expected to need more than five.  I’ll let Sam kick them out.  We don’t need those other five rooms quite yet.

Lendon came up the stairs with a weary woman in fine clothes and a sullen teenager similarly dressed.  He introduced himself and his new wife (who I think is his brother’s widow, actually), and his “beloved nephew” Curtis.  Something about the tone annoyed me.  I had a much nicer smile for Curtis because of that, and his eyes brightened just a hair.  I might be able to work with this one.  He had all the appropriate manners for his age, and a hint of spirit.

While Joan and Josie showed the older two and most of the hangers on their rooms, I pulled aside the lad and his small entourage.  Curtis reminds me of someone, and I am not sure who.  In any case, I gave him a personal tour of the main areas, including the training grounds.  He was shocked by that.  I told him that Commander Cullen wouldn’t mind if he practiced.  If he asked nicely, the former Knight Commander might even allow him to train with the troops.  There were quite a few men his age in the lower ranks.  

On a hunch, I introduced him to Eustace.  They soon started discussing some sort of strategy game involving colored pebbles.  Sounded like chinese checkers on crack, mixed with chess.  After a few minutes, we went back to the main hall.  “If you can get away, we have singing every night in Ethelathe Hall, below the Ambassador’s office.  I would be delighted to see you there.”

I treated him with the respect due his station.  Like he was a person who was worth knowing.  He’s a nice kid.  We’ll see how he gets along here.  He’ll be here for another two weeks or so.  I showed him his rooms, which he would be sharing with his attendants and his companion, and the amenities.  He had expected to be placed in with the parental units, and was quite pleased.  He bowed to me, and I nodded at him before I left him.  Nice kid.

Something was twigging at me, so I went looking for Josie.  “Josie, something’s bothering me.”

“What is that?”

“Why did he bring his own cook?  There is no kitchen for him to use.”

“They are hoping to be using the main kitchens.”

“He worries about someone being a better fit for Arl than he is.”

“What are you getting at?”

“I’m going to be very unhappy if somehow the Inquisition got blamed for something bad happening to that nice young man who is competition for the ass in Edgehall.  The lad didn’t want to come, and was made to.  He was told his presence was essential.”

“I’m sure that wouldn’t happen.”

“Are Ferelden politics as subtle as Orlesian politics?”

“Let me talk to Leliana.”

Having stirred that pot, I went back to my paperwork.  I wasn’t shit-stirring for no reason.  Why in the hell would the man tell the lad he was essential on what was basically a meet and greet trip?  It makes no sense.  And to bring so many people?  My brain is thinking witnesses.  Maybe I’m just paranoid after Orlais, but this guy was exiled there for a while.  A long while.  

Regrettably, I don’t really have any young men not already busy in Ethelathe.  Soldiers and scouts and a few messengers, but no one he would consider an equal or friend. No one I can ensconce with him.  I don’t know why I’m worried about this kid.  There’s literally NOTHING to indicate he’s in any danger at all.  Two words said in an odd tone of voice should not raise this kind of suspicion. Is it sad that I really wanted to talk to VIVIENNE?

Dinner with people.  I just ate in the main dining hall with everyone.  Might as well.  The kid did make it down for songtime.  Not a kid.  Probably seventeen.  Six or seven when the blight started.  I wonder if he’s the old arl’s son?  Wouldn’t that make him a clear heir, though?  Or is Ferelden different?

Tucked in the littles, did some studying on inviting spirits across the veil.  Sorry.  “Summoning”.  Most of the time used in these rituals is spent in binding them to your will.  Only a little is spent preventing them from hurting you and keeping them within a designated space.  Literally seventy percent of the summoning ritual is CRAP for my dime.  But that should make it easier.  Maybe I’ll ask a spirit if it would mind if I called it from the other side.

Anyway, it’s bedtime.  I checked outside the doors and I have bookends again.  Ah well.  I asked if they needed or wanted anything and was refused, so I’ll let it be.  I”m veiling this thing and turning in.  Maybe I’ll get to sleep.  Short nights are starting to catch up with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took an extra day for the chapter. I was in no mood to write on election day.
> 
> Taking my little girl somewhere for the weekend, too. I may not get another one out until monday, or I could get one out every night. Just don't know yet.
> 
> Oh, and I found a place that shows what Chrissy means by "the world is dull".   
> https://mic.com/articles/153193/these-gifs-will-show-you-what-it-s-like-to-be-colorblind#.KH9wRoLyj  
> Blue Cone Monochromacy, the first gif. Completely SFW.


	124. Day 27, 7 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strange conversations in the fade and in the waking world. Leliana's FRIENDLY? A letter to a hahren, Market day and introducing Curtis.

###  **Skyhold, Day 27, 7 August, 9:41**

I didn’t have near the trouble falling asleep tonight.  The weirdness of my space was still in place, but that doesn’t stop me anymore.  The wisps were about, mostly tears and sighs.  I wonder if they change based on the mood of those around them?  They’re not all that bright.

Contentment was wandering near my space.  I asked if there was anything I could do for it, and it told me again that spirits enjoy songs, too.  “Something for the sorrow, something for the hope,” it said.

“And something for him.”

“Yes.”

“I think I know a good song.  But tomorrow, Contentment.  To give him time to grieve a little more.”

“And you worry that the song might change someone.  It won’t.  Not unless that is your intent.  Can you sing, wishing only to let anyone take what they will from the song?”

“Seems like a large chance to take.  Too much trust in a stranger.”

“I am content.  Once, I was complacent.  Now, I am more and less and different.  You understand this.”

“Have you guys been watching or do you know Cole?”

“It is what we do.  Watch, feel, explore.  Everyone their own specialty.  The veil thins, and we see more and more.  Sometimes people come, and they understand.  Sometimes they don’t.  Sometimes they wake up afraid.  Sometimes they don’t.  These things are, and should be.”  It smiled.  “And yes, I know Compassion, who has taken the name Cole.  He likes you.”  That sounded like a test of some kind.  It raised my hackles a bit, and I might have been a touch snippy in my response.

“He loves me, and I love him. What would you do, then, with no veil?”

“I don’t know.  Find a place to contemplate.  That world is very solid.  Too solid.  Are you so sure of his love?”  The response was completely even, like I’d never been anything but pleasant.

“You like the fade as it is.  Changeable.  But there is beauty in stability, as well.  And I am.”

“Nothing lasts forever, but I am content here.  He is as sure of yours.”

“The world would be less solid, without the veil.  Still, not forever, even there.  Beginnings and endings, changes, just slowly.”

“Possibly.  Slow.  In quicksilver races.  You love another, as well.”

“How long is your memory, Contentment?  Surely you see the changes.  Many others, in varying ways and depths.”

“Longer than yours, Chrysopal.  Not so long as others.  I don’t remember before the veil.  But yes.  One differently.”

“I see.  Though that would depend on how one measures time, would it not?  Yes, he is different.  He does remember before the veil.”

“Good point.  You commiserate with Despair, glower with Rage, hide with Shyness.  It’s been a long time since a mage, even an elven mage, has made so much effort to understand.  Do you see?”

“Perhaps next I shall scare Fear?  Stand firm with Bravery?  Both at the same time with the same spirit?  I may, but some might argue the Elven.  Even the mage.  He needs to use his words.”

“Foolish they would be.  Words can conceal even as they reveal.  You could fight with Valor.”  

Shivers ran over my skin at those words.  “No.  Or call Valor to battle.”

An odd expression.  “Hmmm.  Even so.  It’s been a long time since that happened, too.  It might be nice to see again.”

“Treguna Mekoides Trecorum Satis Dee.  Disney movies come to life.  How often does this happen?”

“So you say.  Enough.”  It slashed a hand.  Like it was done with something.

“What’s the difference between contentment and sloth?”  I was curious, because I’d figured it out.

“Attitude.”  A smile at that one.  “How did you know?”

“Used to be complacent.  You told me.”

“So I did.  You catch on more quickly than most.  Two conversations and more, intertwined, another unspoken, gratifyingly strong, you feel, and you understand.  Hope was right.  You’ll do.  I’ll tell it.”

“Tell Hope what?  Feel what?”  But it walked away, done with me.

“A song.  Tomorrow.  You said it!” was called back to me.

That exchange hadn’t seemed that long, but it was shortly after I felt the tugging of wakefulness.  I woke to Irusana sitting on my chest again, tail lashing back and forth.  I woke tired, like I’d been working hard, doing something strenuous.

I was in the bath when Briri came in, walking softly.  I called to her and she jumped a foot in the air.  “Sorry, Briri.  I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I should not have startled so.  My apologies as well.  I thought you would still be sleeping.”

“Not this morning.  I just wasn’t Content enough to sleep.”  I smiled at my own private joke.  “I have plans-”

“To attend market day in Garvey.  Yes miss.  I’ve advised the Chargers.  They tell me that doesn’t get you out of visiting.  A few support people may come with you to investigate the market.”

“I see.  Anyone else coming along I should be told about?”

“I…  Maybe?  I only told the Chargers, Miss, because they need to be informed of your schedule.  They’re on the list.”

“I’ve been hearing about this list.  Exactly who is apprised of my whereabouts and plans?”

“Eadras, Garalen, your Templars, the Advisors, the Chargers, Elias, the Hessarians, Liam, Thomas, Halton, Leorah, Ser Morris, Aubrey, Kiera, and Walter, unless you specifically state otherwise.  Josren is to be informed if you will require Drummer.  Others as required to facilitate your day, but that is handled by Leorah and Halton.”

“Okay.  I know everyone but Thomas, Kiera, Aubrey, and Walter.”

“Walter is the Commander’s addition to your guard.  Kiera is the elven soldier.  Thomas is the scout.  Aubrey is Ser Morris’ assistant.”

“Lovely.  Guess nothing I do is private any more.”

“Anything that occurs within these rooms is not to leave them.  I do not discuss your personal business, Lad- Miss.”

“Thank you.  For the correction as well as the discretion.”

She beamed for a moment.  “My pleasure, Miss.”  Guess she was happy that we found a middle ground we could agree on.

“Don’t overdo it.”

“Of course not.”  She primped and pressed me into something appropriate for meeting local low-ranking nobles, and shooed me upstairs to breakfast.  I put my own hair up as I went.  

The Chargers had sent Krem and a woman I couldn’t name.  I whispered "You see me" as I passed, and Krem nodded, smirking.  The Advisors were all at the tables, too.  I had been specifically invited by Josie, but I'm not sure why.  Curtis was picking at his food.  Gell was jovial and hearty, lying every third sentence or so.  He knows the formula.  Isn't that interesting.  The woman, I didn’t catch her name, was silent.  Several Orlesian nobles were sneering under half-masks at the Lendons.  Josie was trying to keep the conversation going, but having little luck.  Cullen was just eating.  He’d prefer to be with the soldiers instead of among the nobility.

Of all the people to greet me and invite me to sit, it was Leliana.  With a smile.  Crap.  I sat down beside her and was served by one of mine with a smile.  Porridge.  With peaches!  I gave her my thanks and she practically glowed.  I feel bad that I don’t know her name, though I know her face.  It must have shown on my face or something.  Leliana commented casually, “It’s gotten too big.”

“I know.”

“So compartmentalize it, Lady Theneras.”

“That is not my name, Leliana.  You know this.”

“The Orlesians believe it is.  The Free Marchers name you Trevelyan.  In Fereldan they whisper of Ethelathuns.  The inquisitor has caused no end of trouble.”

“Not my doing.  I have claimed only Ethelathun.”

“True.”

“What do you mean by compartmentalize?”

“You need another assistant.  Separate your duties.  You have too many people.  You need someone to keep track of them.  Halton keeps track of you.”

“Ugh.  You think I need a personnel department.”

“Personnel department?”

“I’d call it Human Resources, but we’re mostly non-human.”

“You impressed Zev.”

“Nice segue.”

“He wants to come to Halamshiral.”

“He needs cover?”

“Possibly.”

“I’m sure Sam wouldn’t mind.”

“He doesn’t want to come with the Inquisition.”

“Fine.  But if it comes back to bite me, I’ll bite him, and he won’t like it.”

That made her laugh.  A tinkling girlish sound that caught Josie’s attention.  “Another Segue.  The food the boy eats will be prepared by Ethel Cook.  Josie managed it.  It shows faith in us, to allow us to feed his heir.  We will have to be very careful.  Also, his mother has asked you take him to the market with you.  She wants a few things.”  Leliana held my eyes as she said that.

“Is she going to get them?”

“That depends on many things.  But there will not be an incident if we can help it.”

“Do you think she would like a tour?  I am justifiably proud of our still room and cloth production.”

“Perhaps later.  I am going to have to talk to you more often, Chrysopal.”

“Leliana, compared to the conversations I have at night, keeping up with you is easy.”  Looking back, I probably should not have called her Leliana like that.

“I had heard you were studying until all hours.  You should rest more.  And hire that additional person.  Your coffers grow.  Has no one told you?”

“I haven’t dealt with it.  That’s Seggrit’s department.”

“You should grant him a bonus.”

“When the baby’s born.”

“I like babies.”

“Me too.  I’ll take him.  Maybe he’ll like Garvey.”

“Seggrit?”

“Curtis.  Maybe Seggrit, too.”

After we ate, I spent a few minutes doing paperwork.  I read the letter from Tarvin, the Highever Hahren.  Most of it was about Zatlan.  Glowing words regarding his work ethic.  “Driven”, “Full of Zeal”, “Hard-working”.  All things I already knew.  The good part is that he was granted permission to come, and left in good standing.  Although I think Tarvin was relieved to be rid of him.  Not because of any reason other than he’s intense.  I can handle intense.

The Hahren also sent a ton of information on the alienage.  Numbers of elves, general jobs, how they’re treated, demographics, crime, etc.  It felt odd, like he was reporting in or something.  I passed that page to Halton.  He also sent information regarding the Teyrn.  Fergus Cousland.  I’d almost forgotten.  According to Tarvin, “a fair man, in his dealings with us.”  His new wife, Tatiana of the Anderfels, is pregnant.  He suggests we send a gift.  Something from the Inquisition, of course, and something from Ethelathe.  Nothing magical.

I wrote back thanking him for the information.  I told him I’d taken Zatlan into my household, not just into Ethelathe.  I appreciated the fervor in which he did everything.  His woodwork was beautiful, and he had a true talent for it.  I stopped there, and meandered over to Carpentry.  Just to see, I pulled, just a bit, on the firm cable surrounding the thread.  A moment later the door opened, and he stood there.  

“Milady.”

“Hello, Zatlan.  I’m writing Tarvin.  Is there anything you’d like to say, send, or have me say to him?”

He let the door shut behind him.  “May I send a letter of my own?”

“Of course.  Is there anything you’d prefer I not mention?”

“Say anything you wish, Lady.  I trust in your judgment.  A question?”

“An answer.”

“How did I know you needed me?”

I smiled.  “Do you object?”

“Certainly not.  I...  It's...  I knew it was you.  I felt a direction, and an... Invitation?”

“I tugged on the bond you swore.”  His eyes widened.  “It’s too late to panic now, my dear.”

“Eadras said, but I didn’t believe.  I do now.  I do, lady.  Anything you wish of me.  Anything.”

“Zatlan, CHILL.  We’ve gone over all this already.”  I patted his cheek.  “Go do whatever you were doing before I interrupted.  Actually, you should probably write your letter, first.  Halton can get you paper and quill.  It’ll go out with mine, if you hurry.”  He beat feet across the room.  He’ll learn, over time.  He’ll probably have relaxed just enough by the time he has to take over for Eadras.

I went back to my letter, including the fact that I was including Zat’s letter in it.  Asked if Tarvin needed or wanted anything.  Ethelathe would be willing to listen to such requests.  I also put in there that I was looking for an additional assistant.  Did he know anyone that might suffice?  I would prefer Elven, Dwarven, or Vashoth.

Halton pulled the letter away almost before I was done.  “You have to get going, Chrissy.  Market day, you know.  They’ll be waiting for you in the courtyard.”

“Make sure Zat’s letter is bundled with this one, and send it up to Leliana.”

“Of course.”

I got socks and boots on, the ones made in Highever, actually.  Briri magically appeared with my teal fur cape.  It wasn’t quite Ethelathe blue, but it was close.  Yes, we’re calling it Ethelathe Blue. Or Skyhold Blue.  Depends on the audience.  Fereldens respond better to Skyhold, Orlesians to Ethelathe.  And it’s been decided it is not for sale.

We all met up in the courtyard.  Curtis and his companions, Elias, two Hessarians, two soldiers, a scout, Seggrit (I hadn’t known he was coming), the blacksmith, the cartwright, and Joan.  Several wagons, too.  Seggrit apparently goes to these things all the time.  He’s been trading on my behalf.  Cullen was standing just outside his doors, watching.  She waved at him, and he waved back.  A little wimpy wave, but it was adorable.

“I see that’s going well.”

“We get along, and nobody expects anything.  It’s nice.”

“I’m glad.”

We set off and had a pleasant ride to Garvey.  Seriously, I had pegged it two hours away, but it was a little over one.  Our little group rode into the village square.  This place was as small as Haven had been.  Twice the size of Origins Haven, basically.  

Seggrit set up a little stand off one of the wagons, and a lad of about fifteen stood there manning it.  Looks like he’s got himself an apprentice. There were other little stands setting up.  Some on blankets on the ground, some on carts, some on wagons.  There were two or three permanent-looking stands, too.  

I wandered a bit.  The village center was a well, as expected, but it was fairly elaborate.  More like a plain fountain.  Not the bucket and handle I expected.  It looked like small water spout coming out of the vase of a woman pouring water.  The water constantly ran.  I could feel tingles of magic on my skin.  Old magic.  I decided to wander over here in the fade to see what I could see.  If I had time, I would do it tonight.

Mayor Reese walked up as I was looking at it with Curtis.  Curtis had just sort of gone where I went.  “My lady, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”  He gave me a small bow.  Not even a hint of sarcasm.  I’d been surprised.  I mean, we’d been corresponding, but I’d expected the OMG SHE’S AN ELF reaction.

“You as well, Ser Reese.  How do you do?” I responded with a nod.

“Not bad.  I look forward to meeting the rest of your group.  Who is this strapping lad?”

“Young lord Curtis Lendon of Edgehall, I’d like to introduce you to Ser Norman Reese, Mayor of Garvey.”

“Lendon, of Edgehall?”

I give the lad credit.  “Of course, Ser Reese.  It’s a pleasure to meet you.  Lady Chrysopal has been showing me about a bit.”

“That’s very kind of her.”

I chimed in.  “Curtis, why don’t you peruse the stands?  You know what Lady Lendon needs more than I do.”

“Of course.”  He made a mistake in precedence.  Poor boy bowed to me and stepped back.  I just shook my head.

“Don’t mind him too much.  He’s young.”

“You brought a Lendon here.”

“Is that a problem?”

“You do know he’s not really a Lendon, I’m sure.”

It took barely a split second.  I laughed.  “You’ve been listening to Orlesian gossip, my good man.”  I smiled secretively.  “Certain people just might be doing everything they can to legitimize their claim to the Arling.  Including spreading nasty rumors about very nice ladies.”

He eyed me carefully.  “How would you know?”

“Elven servants are quite the done thing in Orlesian households.  And CERTAIN Lendons are more Orlesian than others.”

“I heard that some Lendons were exiled, but came back when others perished.”

“I might have heard that, too.”

“That Lendon had mercenaries.”

“Led by a Chevalier.”

“Fixed up Edgehall.”

“Conscripted the freemen to slap some plaster on it and restack the blocks, I understand.”

He’d obviously heard the same thing.  “Not much different than slavery.”

“He is more Orlesian than Fereldan.”

“What about young Curtis?”

“You’ll have to make up your own mind.  He’s survived this long.  I’d bet he has some hidden talents.”

“Are you advocating for him?”

“Nope.  Truthfully, it doesn’t matter who sits in Edgehall as long as they don’t interfere in Ethelathe or the Inquisition.  But I do care about the local lords and Banns.  And Mayors.  You guys are the ones I would prefer to deal with anyway.”

“Why did you bring him, then?”  A small hint of pique, there.

“His mother asked me to bring back a few things, and sent him along to acquire them.  They’re in Skyhold eating my food and waiting for the Inquisitor.  Be glad I didn’t have to bring the OTHER Lendon.  In any case, enough about them.  

“Let me introduce you to the blacksmith and cartwright I would like to house here.  Honestly, we’ll give them plenty of work, but they’ll be told to handle village needs first.  So long as they’re paid fairly.  Prices will be pretty standardized.  I’ll be stocking them with things made in Skyhold, as well as the things they make.”  I did the introductions, and he was positively jovial again.  

They’ve needed a local smith for ages, but haven’t been able to lure one.  They also need a clothier, as I noted before.  I told Ser Reese that I’d be ensconcing a weaver and clothier pair in Treepine if they had room.  We were considering starting up a market day in front of Skyhold, so that the local villages can get together and trade.  While Treepine was nearly three hours from Garvey, it was only a couple, at most, from Skyhold.  And I’d gotten here in an hour.

I think this wouldn’t have gone nearly as well if I hadn’t been corresponding by letter with the mayor.  And if Seggrit hadn’t been a fairly regular attendee of their market.  He’s been buying and selling between the villages since nearly the beginning, in my name.  I had no idea, the sneaky dude.  Definitely a used car salesman.  I’m fairly certain the mayor isn’t nearly as pleased to meet me and the others as he’s playing, though.  Not quite lying, but not quite telling the truth, either.  I’ll have to keep a close eye on my two for a while

We were there for a few hours at most, and then headed back.  I’d tried to buy some food for us from a stand, and Seggrit practically growled at me.  He talked the ladies down to less than a quarter of the price they’d quoted me before a bargain was made.  “I do the buying, Chrissy.  Remember?”

“I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Please, bother me.  DON’T try to buy anything.  Especially not dressed like that.”  I don’t know what was wrong with the way I was dressed, but oh well.  From that point, we walked together, I told him what I wanted without pointing, and he took it from there while I practiced looking disinterested.

We got back as dusk was hitting.  Curtis and his buddies went up the main steps, leaving their mounts.  Until I cleared my throat.  “Young Lord, do you always leave your mounts like this?”  I made sure my tone was respectful and curious, not in any way accusing.

He looked at me, then at his companions, who snickered.  I saw the debate in his eyes as he pondered the way I had been treating him and my words.  “No, Lady.  My apologies.  Come on, guys, let’s get the horses tucked away.”  His companions seemed surprised.

“Thank you, young sir.  The horses would have been chilled by the time they could all have been tended.”

He smiled when he saw that I was tending Drummer.  “A good horseman always takes better care of his mount than himself.”

“Someone taught you well.”

We chatted as we worked, and then the boys ran off.  Seggrit had long absconded with our purchases and coin.  I went in through the kitchen door.  Sharis was doing more supervisory duties today.  Bet she earned it.  I smiled at her, and she smiled back.  I wasn’t nearly as mad any more.  I’d have to carve out some time to talk to her now that I was calm.

Dinner, playing, a little bit of paperwork snuck in during songtime.  First songtime of the evening.  I’d agreed to sing a song in the fade.  Briri tucked me into a flannel nightgown.  Soft and cuddly.  'Sana thought so, too.  Leliana had sent a note down saying the Inquisitor was on his way back, but they’d not seen Solas for three days.  He’d wanted to warn me.  Which was kind of him.  I’m getting worried.  If Solas doesn’t come talk to me tonight, I’m going to bug him tomorrow night.  I know he thinks he’s got me safely wrapped up in my own space, but I don't just sit in one spot and wait.


	125. Day 28, 8 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Songtime in the fade, Solas, measured again, Foxtripper gets mad at Curtis, laying it out for Andrew, Halton gives me more news, and Zatlan is actually pretty good at keeping a keeper.

###  **Skyhold, Day 28, 8 August, 9:41**

I could not get to sleep for ages.  Tossed and turned.  Didn’t feel like a barrier or anything, though.  Just my mind refused to still.  Finally got up and studied for a while.  Have to remember to take a detailed look at the old magical defenses of Skyhold.  And it occurred to me… the doors, too.  There are still two doors.  At least.  And I keep forgetting them.  Maybe I won’t in the fade.

After tiring my mind a bit, I was finally able to rest.  Settling in, I slipped into the fade.  The rest of the fade is recovering.  Less grey as spirits move on with their lives.  Sounds increasing.  Deepest mourning doesn’t last forever.  

I wandered over to the little nook Hope had been sitting in, and planted my rear on the memory of a log.  Wisps floated in the air near me.  It wasn’t long before I was inundated with them.  They just seem to find me interesting, I guess.  And I learned something new.

Wisps can sing.  Kind of.  Each one is more a note.  You can get them singing in chorus, much like handbells.  Not that sort of noise, though.  More of a buzzy/throaty hum.  And the really big wisps can do two different notes.  Perhaps that’s because they are two wisps together?  I don’t know.  Also, there doesn’t seem to be any correlation between pitch and the feeling bit.  You ask a wisp to sing by feeling what they represent.  It’s emotionally wracking.  You match them, even a little bit, and they’ll sing.  Maybe I will learn to ask them in some other fashion eventually, but it’s the only way for now.  So any sort of group performance is right out.  Too exhausting.

In any case, no one said I had to wait for anyone before singing a song in the fade, just that I should sing one.  I knew that the singing I’d done in my own dream space didn’t count.  Just to see if I could, I tried to make a guitar.  I don’t know if it was doubt or the fact I wasn’t in my space, but guitars did not appear.  So voice alone it was.

Some say love, it is a river…  Bette Midler’s The Rose.  A song with hope and sorrow.  Harmonic magic works outside my dreamspace, so I could double and quadruple my voice.  Keeping Contentment’s words in the back of my skull, the only thing I really wanted was that anyone hearing the song take whatever they wished from it.  

My brain went from that one into Sarah McLachlan’s Arms of the Angel.  I wasn’t singing for anyone else.  It just seemed the thing to sing, for me.  I wasn’t trying to change anything or anyone.  I’m not some virtuoso with an amazing voice.  I’m a regular person who used to be in choir.  I make mistakes and flub notes on occassion.  So what happened next was a surprise.

When I finally opened my eyes, there were spirits around.  More than I expected.  Hope was smiling, as well as Contentment.  People I didn’t know were sitting on the overlook, just viewing the fade.  Various shapes, various sizes and colors.  Some humanoid and some not.  Some of the wisps were humming, but that wasn’t the weird part.  The songs were moving.  I could hear them repeating.  Mistakes and all.  I mean, really, it’d been months since I last heard either of them.

I heard a familiar voice behind me.  “Told ya.”  Valor bumped Fortitude with his shoulder.  “You owe me a squid.”  No clue what that was about.  Nobody seemed any different, thank goodness.  It looked at me.  “That took a fair bit of bravery.”

Not really.  I didn’t say anything.  Fortitude added its two cents.  “Brass knockers.  Definitely.”  I arched an eyebrow at that one.  “Didn’t think you’d do it.”

“I was asked.”

“Huh.  Do you do everything you are asked?”

“No.  But it’s fairly certain that if someone doesn’t tell me what they want, I won’t be able to decide yes or no.  Anything I did that solved a want would be a coincidence.”  I greeted the others, too.  Variations on themes.  There are only so many synonyms.

Contentment looked smug, actually.  It and Hope both bid me a good evening when I went to go back to my space.  Hope hugged me and whispered that it was still looking at the Locke, and hasn’t found the key.

I was very tired, so I climbed my not-so-invisible stairs back to my area. From behind me, I heard another familiar voice.  “I forgot the sphere lesson.”

“You did.”  I turned to look at him, but he was in shadow.

“Do you know what you’ve done?”  His voice was smooth, giving away nothing.

“Left a song or two in the fade, at the request of Contentment.  One that won’t change anyone or anything, and gives only what someone wishes to take.  Spirits like song.”

“You did this because a spirit asked?”

“Two spirits asked, actually.  Is it a bad thing?”

“No, ma’haselan.”  He stepped out of the shadows, and I verified it was him.  A small smirk, quickly lost, flashed across his haggard face.  “It’s not a bad thing.”  He was balanced on the balls of his feet, ready for anything.  I think he thought I’d yell at him.  Or something.  He was wary.  I don't like him wary of me.

“You’ve been using contractions more and more, Solas.”

“Perhaps you are affecting my speech patterns.”

“Would you like a hug, a grá?”  He quickly took the two steps to me and enfolded me in his arms.  He dropped his head to the top of mine, rubbing his cheek on my hair.  “I’m annoyed with you, Solas.”

As I wrapped my arms around his waist, he responded.  “Why is that?”

“You prevented me from sleeping, and tried to trap me in my space.”

“I did not succeed.  That should count.”  He sighed.  “I wanted to be left alone for a while.”

“I was able, and yet still did not bother you.  Remember that.”

“I shall.  You are tired.”  I could hear his frown.  “Who has been pushing at your shields?”

“Probably Contentment.  I think I passed some sort of test.  Or failed it.  I’m not sure.  Did Sam destroy the pillars?”

“He did.  We all did.”

“So you got the opportunity to say goodbye, at least.”

“I never expected to hear your voice float through the fade.  I cannot stay, Chrysopal.  I have too many things left to do before I can return to you.”

“Solas.”

“Yes?”

“Don’t do anything in deepest grief or anger.  Don’t let your emotions control your actions, Faolan.  Please?”

He kissed my lips gently.  “I want to know what that means.”

“Someday I’m sure you will.  If you need me...”

He kissed me again, and I wasn’t nearly as tired.  I think he did to me what I do to Dorian.  Something smoothed over my personal barrier in cooling blue, and I felt better.   “I will come to you.  Goodnight, ma’lath.”  And he left.

The rest of the evening was uneventful.  Wisps and normal dreams.  I wandered Skyhold, trying to find the magical defenses I’d seen, but had little luck.  I’ll try more time periods next time.  I know they’re here, I just don’t know WHEN.

When I woke, I was getting a bath.  Irusana had captured my hand and was methodically cleaning each finger.  It wasn’t the most comfortable thing.  My hands are still kind of sensitive.  I pulled my hand free, to her chagrin, and wouldn’t give it back.  She was very vocal about being displeased.

I was still playing with her when Briri came in.  A perfunctory knock and just walking in.  This time she had Iona and Leorah with her.  Leorah spoke first.  “Oh, good.  You’re already up.”

“Hi, Leorah.  You’re up early.”

“We have some work to do.”  I just waited.  “Let’s get some measurements, and then you can get dressed to go play with the Chargers.  Is that alright?”

“Go play with the Chargers?”

“You know what I mean.”  She helped me get the flannel gown off, and clucked at me, shaking her head.  Iona and Briri just stayed silent, watching.  “You’re still not eating, lady. I’ve been resisting taking in your clothes, but I may have to.”

“I’ve fleshed out some.  It’s only been a month, Leorah.”  With three women, measuring went very quickly.

Iona asked quiet questions of Leorah and Briri as they worked.  I learned a lot.  The knots were four inches apart.  When measuring different locations, one had to use different techniques.  You never touch the person you are measuring without telling them where, how hard, and why.  

They got detailed measurements of my torso.  Every single inch from my hips to my armpits.  I dread to see what they’re going to do with that information.  Around my arms and thighs.  Length of my fingers.  Weirdness.  When they were finished, I was dressed in the linen outfit, now that vivid blue-green, and sent off to fight with Foxtripper.  No Drummer today.

I’m still clumsy as hell in an antimagic zone.  Sadly, the young lord was watching today.  And he and his buddies were quite mirthful about my inability to escape.  That rubbed Foxtripper the wrong way.

“Since it’s so easy, young lord, why don’t you come down here and show her how it’s done?”  He led me to one of the benches in front of the armory, and turned to Curtis.  “Any time you’re ready.”  Curtis had stopped laughing.  It took him barely a minute to decide in his youth that he could take whatever the Charger dished out.

Curtis lunged, attempting to take him off guard.  Foxtripper had him in a half nelson in seconds.  The young man’s face flamed when it became obvious that Fox was PLAYING with him.  “So, what would you do now, youngling?”  Curtis brought his other arm up, grabbing at Fox’s fingers on his neck.

Foxtripper slid his other arm underneath and completed the Nelson.  “Bad move, kid.  Now you’re trapped.  I have full control over your upper body.”  As he spoke, he swung Curtis around, left and right, then pulled Curtis’ head toward the floor.  “Stop struggling, kid, or you’ll hurt yourself.  Wouldn’t want you paralyzed because you think with your ego instead of your head.”  When Curtis calmed, Foxtripper released him.  

“Come here, Tidbit.”  He beckoned to me.  They’ve adopted the Uncles’ terms for me, and expanded on it.  He glanced at Andrew.  “Leave her be for a moment.  Let’s see if it works.”  Andrew nodded, and the null magic zone went down.  Fox slipped me into a full Nelson.  “Show the kid what to do, darling.”  

I’m not the biggest thing, and Fox is heavy, so I wouldn’t be lifting him.  I slipped my hips to the side of his, dropping my center and getting a leg behind him.  Then I collapsed backwards, tripping him with my outstretched leg.  An elbow to the gut and I was free.  I got to my feet as rapidly as possible and scrambled away from him.  

We aren't supposed to pull the punches much here, so I was actually hitting.  Kind of.  They’d had to teach me to do the elbow thing.  I still pull my blows way too much, according to them.  Anyway, I’d done it!  I can’t do it in a null-magic zone, but I actually did it in the dusty world.  Foxtripper stood and ruffled my hair.  “Good job.  Go get your coffee.”  He glanced at Andrew.  “Andrew and I need to have a CHAT with the young lord.”  

That gave me pause.  “Guys…”  I looked at Andrew.  His face was set.  Angry, but under control.  I’m not sure what set him off.

“NO, Ethelathun.  This needs to be done.  Unless he’s afraid and runs like a child.”  That told me they wouldn’t hurt him, for Thedas definitions of hurt, and stiffened Curtis’ back.  It also told me this was important, and had something to do with Ethelathe.  I turned to the tavern, still a bit concerned.  All three, Andrew, Curtis, and Foxtripper watched me as I headed in.  As well as Curtis’ attendants.

A couple other Chargers were just inside the door, and they ushered me farther in when I turned to look back outside.  “Not your business, Chrissy.  That’s between the men involved.”  I was fed and caffeinated, and Elias showed up to take me back to my rooms to change.  Foxtripper hadn’t come in, and none of the parties were in view as we left.

Today was a “normal” day, but I had dinner with the upper crusties upstairs to deal with.  Joy.  I picked out a serviceable dress and Briri helped me lace the sides.  A velvet thing in green, with too much embroidery, but the sleeves laced to the wrist, so they didn’t get into everything.  

Andrew caught up with me about midmorning.  “Chrissy.”

“Yeah?”

“We need to chat.”

“What’d I do?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, hon.  Come on.”

He led me up on the battlements.  He was just going to stop there, but something about his manner said he needed actual privacy.  There were too many soldiers that weren’t mine around there.  So I picked across the crumbled portion of the wall.  “Geez, woman.  Warn a guy when you’re going to do shit like that!”

“Can’t keep up?”

He clanked across carefully, and I showed him my little nook.  Looks like a few others have found it, too, because there’s a bedroll, a couple chairs, and a leftover cup.  “So this is where you hide.”

“One of several places.”

He straightened two chairs and handed me into one, plopping in the other.  “That boy.”

“What about him.”

“He’s going to be trouble.  Are you claiming him?”

“I haven’t decided yet.  If I can make him Arl, we’ll have LAND, Andrew.  I can pull more people in, feed, house, protect.  Is there a reason not to claim him?”

“Other than he’s a spoiled brat?”

“Yes, other than he’s a typical noble kid.”

“He’s not going to live long enough.  He thinks he won’t survive to twenty.”

“His uncle.”

“Yep. Are we sticking our noses in that?”

“Not precisely.”

“Shit, Chrissy, what’d you do?”

“Just asked Josie why the Arl-presumptive needed his own cook, and why he told the boy that it was ‘essential’ that he come along to Skyhold on a basic meet and greet.  It’d look very bad for the Inquisition if something happened to the boy while they were here, but it would certainly solidify the toad’s position.  And he brought LOTS of witnesses.”

“What’s the goal, Chrissy?”

“Probably to win the Arling without competition.”

“No, hon.  What is YOUR goal.  You’ve changed the game again.”

“Land, Andrew.  Buy it, steal it, carve it out of the fade, raise it from the sea.  I need land.  People are still being killed just because they aren’t noble enough, important enough, human enough.  I have to help them.  I need a place for them, where I can protect them.  We need a home big enough for the ones I feel over the horizon, who have attached themselves, all unseeing.”

“You can’t save them all.  It’s not your war.  Fighting it could cost your life.  Even if it doesn’t kill you.”

“Andrew.  We’re not from here.  It’s not our war.  I get that.  But it would be my shame if I did nothing.  I can’t just shrug and say that the Skyhold people are generally okay now, so ignore the rest.”

“Okay.  Okay.”  He sighed.  “What land do you want?”

“The Frostbacks.  All the way down to the Avvar.  Just to start.  Did you ever read the Valdemar series by Mercedes Lackey?”

“No.”

“Damn.  That would have made it easier to explain what I want to do.”

“They follow you, hon.  Everywhere you walk, more follow you.  You’re like the pied piper.  That’s dangerous.  You haven’t even met half of the new people who hang on your every word.  They’re setting you up, you know that.  Even Gara.  You’re going to find yourself stuck before you realize the trap is set.”

“I’m already trapped, Andrew.  We can’t go home, and I can’t look away.  Whatever they’re doing, if it helps, I’ll not stop it.  You, though.  If it bothers you this much.  If you feel the need to leave...”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“I’m serious, Andrew.  There’s something to be said for a regular life.  Regular schedules, house, kids, comfort.  Slipping into obscurity.  Enough money to get what you really need, but not get everything you can possibly want.  Nothing overly scary, nothing overly exciting.  If you find you want that…  I can get it for you.”  He stood and paced a moment.

He was looking out over the roofline, facing away, when he spoke a few minutes later.  “But not for yourself.  My home and hearth are here.  My lady, my girl, and my family.  At least they’ll never be able to say you cowered behind others as we stormed the world.  Damn it.  You are not a Kwisatz Haderach, no matter that they want you to be.”

“Then you will have to be my Duncan Idaho.”

“Chrissy…”

“Was there anything else?”

“You still haven’t answered. What’s the goal.”

“A country.  A country guarded by a barrier.  Those with no ill intent will pass freely.”

“A barrier that size…”

“I think I know a way, but I need the land first.  Andrew, you’re a templar.  Were a templar.  Whatever.  Have you ever heard of Aeonar?”

“The mage prison.”

“Legend places it near here.”

“No, Chrissy.  Don’t go there.”

“I have no fear of the denizens of the fade, Andrew.  I need to visit it.”

“I don’t know where it is.  But mages go insane there.”

“I was told once, by a Templar or two I know, that I’m not a mage.”

“You’re definitely a mage, for all you don’t look or feel like a circle mage.  Come on.  They’ll be looking for you.”

“Help me find it?”

“No.”  He glanced at me.  “No, Chrissy.”  I just waited.  “Chrissy…”

“I need the Aeonar.  I need the Brecilian Forest.  Soldier’s Peak.  The Blackmarsh.  I need the broken places.  Ostagar and the Hinterlands.  The Dales, and the Tirashan.  Eventually.  I begin with the Frostbacks.  Edgehall.  The Aeonar.  And Skyhold.”

“You don’t dream small, do you.  The Templars aren’t going to allow it.  We’ll have to stop you, hon.”

“We’ll have to stop you?”

“Let’s go, milady.”

“Andrew.”

“If you think you can acquire all that without hearing milady every five seconds, I want what you’re smoking.  But it’ll be fun to try.  Okay?  I’ll even help.  But I think you don’t understand the effect that will have on your people.”

“I don’t have to own it.  I just have to control it.”

“Let’s go.”

“A moment more, Andrew.”  He turned to look at me.  “Who do you serve?  The Chantry?  The Templars?  The Seekers?  The Inquisition?  Ethelathe?  Do you know?  You said ‘We’ll’ have to stop you.”

He took a deep breath.  He took another few minutes to answer, clearly taking the question seriously.  “I made my choice, didn’t I.  The day I moved out of the Templar encampment instead of eating with them or warning them about the stew.  I even left Gunny and Chris behind.  I chose you, and Gara, and Ethelathe.  I’m with us.  Just us.  All the way.  Wherever that takes me.”  Him saying that settled something in him.  A tie broke, and the others were stronger.

“Then let’s go, Andrew.”  Instead of climbing back along the broken wall, I just jumped from the roof.  Skyhold caught me.  And him, as he followed.

When we were on the ground, he looked at me again.  “That’s really kind of creepy.”

“Not my doing.”  He escorted me through the kitchens, catching Cook’s eye.  By the time I made it all the way through, Sharis was presenting me a tray at the door to the pillow palace.  I gracefully bowed to the inevitable and snagged my lunch.  I’d eat at my desk.  Andrew left me with a kiss on the cheek in the care of the Elven soldier, Kiera, and Cullen’s man.  Walter.  Not that he’d shared his name with me.

I ate as I worked, finishing up paperwork.  Halton placed a requisition on top of my stack.  It was in Leliana’s writing.  Another assistant, specifically for the Inquisition side of my duties.  She was going to look for a dwarf or a vashoth, followed by an elf.  I sighed and signed it.  Halton smirked.  “The Nightingale has seven assistants and twelve apprentices.”

“What?”

“Just to put it in perspective.”

“How many people does she have?”

“It’s not people, exactly, though I’d guess she has maybe a thousand.  It’s countries, and styles.  Someone good at dealing with Free Marches won’t be a good choice in Orlais.  Or Nevarra.”

“You’re telling me something.”

“We received a letter.  It was addressed to Ethelathe, so I opened it.  A delegation from Redcliffe is coming.”

“Redcliffe?  What do they want with Ethelathe?”

“The Redcliffe Hahren is sending people to meet you.”  

“Whatever for?”

“Because his son recently wed a lass from Highever.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Precisely.”

“I was just mad.  He was rude.”

“Of course, lady.”

“Don’t start.”

“Also, someone told him that you took out a detachment of Red Templars all by yourself.”

“Damn it.  Did not.”

“From what we were told, you did.”

“I had help.  The soldiers, the scouts, the Hessarians.”

“Of course.”  I hate it when he gets all soothing on me.

“Fine.  When do they arrive?”

“They’re setting out tomorrow, so probably the 12th?  13th?.”

“Alright.  I’ll figure something out.  If nothing else, they can sleep down here.”

“It would be better than what they're used to.”

The rest of the afternoon passed uneventfully.  I finished a large stack of paperwork, signed a bazillion things.  Got a delivery from Seggrit.  A small hand pie from yesterday.  They’d been pretty good, and he saved me one.  Huckleberry.  Yum.  He delivered it in person.  I’m not allowed to eat it otherwise, he said.  He got a small hug, and we gossiped a little.

I set a minor thief to scrubbing pots for me. Also, she had to return the items and give the owner fair value for them on top of it.  Only a few silver, but still.  Warned her that the next infraction of that nature would have her in the cells for a while, as well.  A third would have her escorted off the mountain.  I’m being very nice, because in other places in Thedas, you would get lashes or lose body parts.  Or so I’m told.

Dinner was in the main hall.  Curtis was sitting next to his mother, and it looked like he had a split lip.  I didn't ask.  Honestly, the conversation up here is nauseating.  Who did what with whom.  Latest fashions.  Can you BELIEVE that so and so dare to do such and such?  I ate sparingly.  There's just too many people, I think.  Maybe.  And the Orlesian accent, between the Chevalier and Zither, makes me very tense.

The evening was spent with Isa.  She’s got a “due month” now.  Firstfall.  Which seems soonish, but apparently elven gestation isn’t quite the same as human.  Off by a couple weeks.  Humans average two hundred eighty days, elves average two hundred sixty three.  She’s nicely rounded, as a five months pregnant woman should be.  We spent the time between dinner and songtime making baby things.  It doesn’t take long to whip up baby booties.  Newborn baby booties take about an hour.  Made in a nice soft yarn.

Songtime went well.  For the sake of keeping things straight, I introduced the Rose to this side of the veil, too.  With guitar.  I’ll introduce Arms of an Angel tomorrow, if I remember.  The number of people attending is dwindling again.  People come when they need the reminder that they’re part of something, I think.  

The bookends had returned, and they make me uncomfortable.  Primarily because they basically ignore me, staring around at everyone.  One on either side of my chair, slightly behind me, like I’m in imminent danger.  Intimidating, they are.  Keeping people away from me.  

Zatlan noticed, and moved nearer to me.  He’s taking this caring for the keepers thing very seriously.  And I’m one of the keepers.  When I told him he could stay with the rest, he just smiled at me and settled on the corner of my desk.  I admit, it did make me feel better to have him there.

I only read for a few minutes, max, before Irusana started bugging me.  So I’m finishing this and heading for bed.


	126. Day 29, 9 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lady Montilyet in danger, meeting multiplayer characters, getting more clues about Gara, bathtime with Renee and Joan, and other boring bits.+

###  **Skyhold, Day 29, 9 August, 9:41**

I tossed and turned, and I hadn’t yet fallen asleep when Garalen and Gunther knocked on the door.  I was good, and barriered before I opened it.  I really need a peephole.  Gunther took a quick look around the room, including under the bed, while Garalen sat me on the couch.

“What’s going on?”

“There was an attempt on Lady Montilyet.”

“Did her bookends get him or her?”

“Yes.  But it wasn’t the House of Repose.”

My mind started working.  “Damn.  That would make it too easy, wouldn’t it.  That means it has to do with Sam, not Josie.  Probably not Anderfel? The Shadows of the Emperor generally work internally, don’t they? And we just got those invitations.  The Rivaini Beards wouldn’t have any reason to attack Sam, I don’t think.  I don’t see it being Loyalists or Crows, either.  The Carta don’t have any real beef with the inquisition, and Zevran likes Josie.  He’d have warned us.  Someone else maybe?  Do the Free Marches have organized assassins?  Or there were those Harlequin people...”  Garalen and Gunny stared at me, mouths agape.  “What?”

“How do you know about all those?” Gara asked.

I wasn’t thinking, and answered.  “Codex entries.”

“What Codex?”  Shit.  That woke me up to what I was saying.  I shut my mouth, then opened it again.

“I don’t even know how to begin to answer that.  It has turned out to be as accurate as any word of mouth.  Not very.  And I don’t remember the whole thing.  So… Why are you guys in here, looking under the bed?  You said the Hessarians got the assassin.”

“They travel in groups of three.”

“Well, crap.  Is someone warning the girls?  Sharis?  I have to talk to Cook.  She’s going to be terrified…”  I went to stand up, and Garalen pulled me back down.

“You’re not going anywhere.  Not yet.  This is a nice, defensible room with water and two days worth of food.”

“Two days worth of food?”

“Yes.”

What the hell?  “You’re keeping food in my room?”

“It’s that nasty travel bread you can break your teeth on, but yes.  Just in case.”

“Someone has to warn the girls.”

“It’s done, Chrissy.  We’ve got you all.  Now we wait.  You could try going to sleep.”

“You want me to sleep NOW?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, right.”

I’m not sure how long we waited, but it was a while.  Gara and Gunther kept trying to send me to bed, but I was a little too worried.  Finally, at god knows how late, there was a knock at the door.  Gunny pulled his sword.  Garalen pushed me behind the wall and leaned against it apparently nonchalantly.  Gun looked back, they nodded at each other, and he opened the door.

A man was allowed to enter.  Garalen still blocked me, keeping me back with a gesture.  A pleasant baritone with an odd accent told Gunny the other two had been found.  Both suicided before they could be captured.  I knew the voice.  Cillian, from Multiplayer.

“Is that the Arcane Warrior, Gara?”  Wasn’t any use hiding me after that.  I poked my head around.  He was a rather dark man, darker than the game depicted, with blue-white vallaslin and bluish eyes.  His vallaslin actually clashed with his hair.

“Have we met?” He rumbled it.  I usually like gravelly voices, but his did nothing for me.  

“We have not.”

“Well, then, I am Cillian.  I wasn’t aware that I’d become so well known that someone would recognize my voice.  And you are?”  He’s smart.

Garalen butted in.  “Lady Chrysopal, Ethelathun.”

I think I made a noise.  “Chrissy.  Just Chrissy.”

“I’ve heard of you, as well.  It’s a pleasure to meet you.”  He didn’t add any sort of name.

“You as well.  Thank you for relaying the message.  Do you by any chance know if my girls are okay?”

“They’re fine.  A little shaken up, but whole.”

“Thank you.”  He was looking at me oddly.  “Is there something wrong?  I’ve got ink on my cheek again, don’t I.”

“No.  You just look different than the other city elves I’ve seen.”

“I’m not a city elf.”

“Dalish then?”

“No.”  He looked confused for a moment, and then his face smoothed.  You could almost see the mental shrug.  I took pity on him, and gave him a truth he wouldn’t understand.  “I’m from a long way from here.”

“I see.  Ethelathun.  I’ve heard of you.  Did you choose the name?”  His tone was polite but curious.

“No, why?”

Gara glared at him.  “The Keeper chose the name.  It was appropriate.  It still is.”

“I wasn’t questioning it, Syndic.”  She nearly growled at him, like that was an insult.  He took a step back.  “Apologies.  I thought it was the appropriate term.”

She glanced sideways at me.  “Guardian, not Syndic.”

“But…”

“Guardian.”  He glanced from her to me.  He was about to speak when she piped up again.  “Have a good evening, Cillian.  It was nice to meet you.”  She said it forcefully.

He takes good hints.  “Perhaps we can chat again.  The threat is gone, for now.  Enjoy the rest of the night.”  He left.  I didn’t get to say goodbye or anything.  I hope I wasn’t rude, but I hadn’t wanted to interrupt the conversation.

I turned to Gara.  I didn’t even say anything, and she panicked or something.  “I’ll tell you.  I will.  But we need privacy.”

I reached out and grabbed her hands.  “Gara.  You are my knife.  Mine.  I know it.  Relax.  Tell me when you’re ready.  You said this wouldn’t endanger anyone, and I believe you.”  

The relief she felt was palpable.  “You remember.”

“I am not so old I can’t remember less than two months ago.”

Gunther had remained silent the whole time.  “We need to start shifting your schedule.  The Ambassador’s, too.  You can’t be doing the same thing in the same place at the same time every day.”

“There’s only two entrances to Ethelathe Hall,” added Gara, “So she should be fine down here, if we put someone on the kitchen door.  They’re going to be guarding the door to Josie’s rooms.”

Gunny responded.  “Someone on the stairs, too.  Just in case.”

They weren’t really paying any attention to me.  “I could put something up at night that prevents people from coming down.  A one way trip.  I have done it before, after all.”

“Bad idea.  There are people who work all hours.  They need to get home.”

“True.  Nevermind then.”

Gunny looked at me.  “You’re tired.  Let’s get you to bed, Chrissy.”  He’s better at getting his way than most.  I was tucked in and he told me he was claiming my couch.  Before I could object, he said that it was a good way to get Gara to go back to Andrew.  I huffed, and he sent Gara off.  He was right, I was tired, and I was quickly asleep.

The fade was boring, basically.  Everyone was busy doing their own thing.  Wisps played, of course, but they didn’t really DO anything.  Except hover about in quantity.  I just generally ignored them after greeting a few.  And making a couple sing for fun.  Stuck to my own space, and investigated a few more timeframes for the defenses I was looking for.  I woke, frustratingly, in the middle of what I was doing.

Briri was bustling about, humming quietly.  ‘Sana was still asleep.  Gunther was gone.  I got dressed in the exercise clothes and Briri asked me weird questions about what fur I preferred and what leather.  Like I would know. So, being a bitch sometimes, I told her my favorite leather was Naugahyde, but Naugas were extinct.  I told her I prefer soft fur and flexible leather and smooth fabrics.  Beyond that, I’m not horribly picky.  Just… no icky patterns.  Please, no plaidweave.

She looked at me in horror.  “We would NEVER dress you in Plaidweave.”

“Do you know where they’ve taken the assassins from last night?”

“Assassins?”

She didn’t know.  “The Ambassador was accosted last night.”

“You think they would come after you?”

“I have no clue.  Gara and Gunny seemed concerned.”

“Oh, I hope not.”  She went on and on in concern, and eventually I had to cut her off to go see the Chargers.  Last thing I need is them hunting for me after hearing about assassins.

I stopped in the armory first, to say hi to the uncles.  Enborr barrelled over and snatched me up.  He’d obviously heard.  I just hugged him back.  The others, Alex, Mark, Gruff, they all snatched hugs, too.  Feren was here for a change, and he claimed a quick squinch from me.  “Guys, hug day isn’t for a week!”

Gruff responded.  “Don’t care.  Gimme another.”  I did, and they let me run off to the tavern.

Krem was supervising again.  He’d been gone yesterday, and I’m not sure why.  Andrew once again put up his zone, and we got to work.  An hour later, they called it quits for me.  Krem nodded complacently.  “You can almost walk straight without magic.  Not bad for a week’s work.  And I heard about yesterday.  Should have added a scream for help when you got away.  But you got away.  That’s something.”

“High praise, coming from you.”

“Don’t let it go to your head, or I’ll put you in dagger training.”

“Don’t threaten me like that.  I’d probably stab myself by accident.”

“If you didn’t use magic, probably.”

I ate and stuff.  I took the opportunity to give Lisa one of the little pots I’d stashed in my desk.  My salve might be able to take the redness out of her scar.  It looks uncomfortable.  She told me it was just the cold, which I’d assumed, but I asked her to try it anyway.

Spent half an hour with Josren, Elias, and Drummer.  Jos saddled up a mare and a gelding so he and Elias could ride with me.  It was fun.  We chatted and joked around.  Yes, I did realize they switched up my schedule, but I didn’t SAY anything.  After I was dressed, I started the rest of my day.

The morning lessons were attended by three sullen teenagers as well as my littles, Gretel’s two, and the girls.  I guess school is DEFINITELY not “bangadoodle”.  But they came here to be part of Ethelathe.  That means they need to be able to read.  Over the course of the morning they calmed down a bit, especially after I pointed out that every last one of the other children could read.  Plus, I’m the boss.  They want Ethelathe, they deal with me.

It also helped that they were from an alienage, and the only elven girls their age were in school right next to them.  Yes, I know they are old enough to apprentice.  I don’t care.  My elves can read.  Actually, I have enough kids now that I really need an actual schoolroom.  Maybe I’ll bug Solas about it.  He needs a distraction.

Paperwork and more paperwork.  Things that take three clicks of a mouse require two pages of notes.  Even if I could get a working computer somehow, I still don’t have the programs, the electricity, or the knowledgeable personnel.  Or the internet.  I miss the internet.

Renee and Joan visited for lunch, which we took in the bathhouse.  A long, hot soak.  Most of what we talked about were Cullen and Michael.  And Gunny.  The bathhouse was pretty empty, and we didn’t say anything revealing.  Just we all knew what was going on, and we were coordinating our actions to help.  

Joan had discovered that if you make Cullen sit down every few hours or so, he doesn’t get as much vertigo.  Also, he needed to avoid mint.  Even the slightest amount of parsley in his food could cause an episode.  Renee ‘bout lost it.  They’d been feeding Michael mint tea because it has soothing properties.  

They both knew about the touch thing, but it didn’t work for Joan.  It worked for Renee and Michael, though.  She could calm him.  I noticed that Joan had much rougher fingers than Renee or I did.  That could be it.  Joan had also discovered *ahem* additional techniques, but Gun and Michael were shit out of luck on that one.

Anyway, we were all three wrinkled prunes by the time we left the pools.  It felt good to soak for so long.  I could only justify it because we were technically working.  I may have to conduct business in the bath more often.  

As I left the ladies’ area, Zatlan was waiting.  With a towel.  He helped me dry my hair.  I’d been thinking I wouldn’t really want to go out in the cold with soaking hair.  And Solas has still not taught me the Dry Things technique.  Keeps saying “It’s not in my best interests”.  Ass.  And Dorian won’t either, because he thinks it’s funny.  Well, when I catch cold, they won’t be laughing, now will they.  

Zatlan also had my cloak.  He’d gone by and asked Briri for it.  The bath house was surprisingly empty.  As we ladies and Zatlan left, I found out why.  Bookends.  Damn it.  They fell in next to me as we headed back.  Renee went up to correct Michael’s liquid intake.  Joan had to deal with a small crisis in one of the Orlesian’s rooms.  I had things to do, too.

Afternoon went swiftly.  The teens were evaluated by Eadras and split up.  The elvenborn was sent off to the stables.  The two elven boys were sent to the forge.  Not for any other reason than they had that interest.  We’d see if it lasted.  We can switch them about later.  

Went upstairs to finally craft the response to Celene’s invite, and found that Josie had bookends of her own.  Two sets.  Hessarian and Agent.  That made me laugh.  Leliana’s just as protective as Sam is.  The response was crafted, for both the Inquisition and Ethelathe.  

We settled down to make arrangements.  Gara, Briri, Andrew, Gunny, Elias, to start.  Probably Zatlan, too.  I’d ask.  Then I’d need someone from Cook, someone from Leorah or Leorah herself, possibly someone from the stables.  That’s nine, right there.  Maybe Philomena, for a “companion”.  And Marta.  They’re just running, they’d like the change.  Add in Zevran, since he needed cover for something, and it was twelve.  Thirteen in total.  A lucky number for me.

Josie mentioned something about dance lessons.  “No.”

“What?”

“I’m not learning Orlesian dances for the titillation of the nobles.  I can waltz.  I can do the minuet.  And I can polka.  Add in a nice chacha and I’m done.  If they don’t like it, they can stuff it.”

“Chrissy!”

“I don’t want to dance with them.  Perhaps I can break a foot or something.”

“I will arrange your dance card to be full.”  She wrote, however, on her little paper, that I preferred Dorian as a dance partner, and that I was passable in Anderfel and Antivan dance techniques.  “With suitable, non-threatening individuals.”  She jotted down some names I didn’t recognize.  “About your clothing.”

“Leorah is designing it now.  I have to talk to her about clothing for everyone else, too.  We need to match.  I’m thinking Ethelathe blue.”

“Very well.  Masks?”

“No.”

“I was thinking along those lines for the Inquisition, as well.”

“Do me a favor.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t put everyone in identical uniforms.  Make individual outfits that all have a common theme but fit the different personalities and styles.”

“That’s… a good idea.”

“Talk to Leorah if you want.  She might have some thoughts.  I know she’s planning an entire wardrobe for me.”

We settled some details, like whether we were bunking with Inquisition.  Yes.  Whether we wanted a hotel or a house.  If they could find a house big enough…  Privacy is good.  Lots more, from preferred transport on down.

Dinner was upstairs, at Leliana’s request.  I halfway think she’s evaluating my table manners.  In any case, after dinner young Curtis came up to me.  In the main hall.  He bowed, and apologized for his rudeness in laughing. He’d meant no disrespect.  Learning new skills and protecting oneself was admirable.  He layered it a little thick.  I accepted his apology, and we chatted for a while.

I escaped back to Ethelathe Hall in time for songtime.  Halton was still working, and I stole his paper.  “Do I need to hide the ink again?”

“It’s your day off tomorrow, and I have a lot to do.”

“Leliana was right.  You should have said you were being overworked.”

“I’m not.  Not really.  Truthfully, we could use a scribe.  To write the responses to the letters.  We say the same thing to them all, basically.  We write down their skills and be patient.”

“We’re a lot nicer about it.”

“Of course.  But it is still the same to everyone.”

“I’ll see about a scribe.”

“Thank you.”  He tried to pull my own trick, sitting back down when the conversation was done. 

“Ah ah, Halton.  Hour for hour, under my eye.  You owe me an hour off tomorrow, doing something fun.  Care to make it two?”

“You’re kidding.”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?  You were warned.”

“But…”

“No buts.  Might want to pick out a good book or something.”

“Chrissy.”

“No.  And if you keep arguing, I’ll start adding time.”  He shut his mouth.

Songtime went swimmingly.  Zatlan moved me away from my desk to a pillow in the middle.  The littles cuddled on both sides of me.  The girls kind of spread around me.  We sang and played, ending where we usually end.  

Daniel told me all about how he accidentally kicked Andrew “right in the codpiece” during his lessons this afternoon.  Thank goodness he was wearing armor.  The tweedles are doing run and hide.  That made me realize I’m actually supposed to be learning to move without magic.  But Andrew’s busy, and Gun can’t.  So until my pampered princes get home, it’s going to be spotty.

Briri got me ready for bed.  I hadn’t combed out my hair from the bathhouse, so she did that.  I mentioned thinking about cutting it, and she objected.  I had beautiful hair.  I should not do such a thing.  Fine.  Not right now.  But it’s my hair.  It’s not like I can’t grow it back in minutes anyway.

I did get most of the treatise on magic and color read.  Interesting stuff.  Actually relates to what we know about color on earth.  Red makes people hungry, yellow is happy, etc.  Played with Irusana, got my first cat scratch on my hand.  OW.  That ended that.  So I’m off to bed.  I wonder if I can make my scars glow in the dark without making the rest of me glow.


	127. Day 30, 10 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Playing with Desire demons, military justice with Cullen, Michael, and answering letters. Way too much working on a day off.

###  **Skyhold, Day 30, 10 August, 9:41**

I wandered out to Garvey in the fade.  It was different, looking for a particular place.  I’d never really hunted for a specific thing before, just wandered.  It takes effort.  I found, it, after I don’t know how long, though.  The well is bigger in the fade.   Not size-wise, exactly.  More like looking through a fisheye lens.

I was looking at it, about to rewind the memories, when a beautiful alto/tenor voice hummed in my ear.  “Hello, my dear.  Fancy meeting someone like you out here.”

“Hmmm.  Fancy that.”  I turned, and found a very attractive person standing there.  Extremely androgynous, but reminded me of Andrej Pejic.  With dark hair and eyes.  “You’re beautiful!”

“I know.  You are quite lovely yourself, but you don’t think so.  I bet I could convince you.”

“I have someone who is trying, but thank you.”

“Only trying?”  It settled in front of me.  “I could be anything you wanted.  Anyone.”

“Oh, I know.”  And I had an inkling of how to deal with a flirtatious desire demon.  I smiled, reaching my hand to its face.  “Not only that, you could be many different ones, in succession, couldn’t you.  I would never lack for variety of any kind.”

“Oh, yes,” it purred, licking its lips.  I stepped around it, circling slowly, keeping my hand on its neck.  It preened under my gaze, sure it had won.  “Bring me home, my dearest, and I will be everything you want.  Everything you need.”

I stopped behind it, and touched its shoulder with my other hand.  “Kneel, pretty thing.”  It was too tall.  It sunk to its knees.  “You are possibly the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen, my dear.”  I fluffed its hair, running my fingers through the strands as it purred, my other hand on its throat.  “But there’s a small problem.”

The first sign it had it might not win.  It tensed.  “Problem?”

“Two, actually.  First, my lovely, if you can’t get to the other side on your own, you are not strong enough to interest me in that way.  Come to me there, stand before me, and I might consider you, if not for the other problem.”  It went to get up, and I fisted one hand in its hair, holding it in place.  The other tightened on its neck.  “Ah, ah, ah, darling, I’m not done.  Second,” and I lowered my lips to the disappointingly round ear.  Brushing my lips against it, I continued softly. “My heart has already been lost.  To Pride.”

It paled in my hands.  “P-p-pride?”

“Do you know him?”

“HIM?”

I moved my head to the other side, and went on.  “I see you do.  If you’d come to me three months ago, in the flesh, in the waking world, you might have had a chance.  As it is, I could find a place for you there.  Or here.  But it wouldn’t be that place.  Really, everyone knows I prefer pointed ears to round.  Are you not even trying?”  I released its neck, but not its hair.

Desire stammered a bit, and I hushed it.  “No hard feelings, darling.  Feel free to stay, you greatly increase the visual aesthetics.  I do love looking at you.” I loosened my fist and slid my fingers down the strands while it shivered.  “Do you have a name?”

“Yes.”

“Mine is Chrysopal.  You may use it.”  I moved around to the front of it, watching carefully.  One time may not be enough to make it give up, though mentioning Solas might have been.

“I am Ardor.”

“Good Evening, Ardor.  How do you do?”

“I thought I had you.”

“I only look sweet and biddable.”

“Does he know you have lost your heart to him?”

“He does.”

“I can offer things he can’t.”

“I know.  So can I.  Doesn’t mean any of us can or would deliver.”

“You are more cynical than you appear.  How did you get to be so, when you are so young?”

“Why do you assume I am young?  And young for what species?”

“Species?  Elves.”

“So you assume I am an elf?”

“What else would you be?”

“I didn’t realize spirits were as hung up on the shape flesh takes as fleshies are.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know.  That’s okay.  Do you know anything about this statue?  It tingles against my skin.”

“Is it a sensation you like?”

“Sometimes.  But that’s not the goal of this particular conversation.  I want to know about the statue.  Wait, have you ever played contract bridge?”

“No?”

“Do you like card games?”

“Maybe?”

I smiled.  “I will remember.”

It pondered a moment.  “You are dangerous.”

“Oh?”

“You’ve changed twice in this conversation, impossible to match.”

“I haven’t, actually.  I’ve just changed the subject.  I’m still just me.”

“You have no fear of me.”

“Dude, I’ve been hit by a car.  Watching one of those barrel at you at seventy is hella scary.  Thermonuclear war, that’s scary.  Guns and bombs.  Scary.  You?  You’re pretty, and devious, and dangerous, but fear?  Maybe I’m too stupid to fear you.”

“I think not.”

That made me laugh. “Therefore you are not.”

“Lady?”

“Cogito ergo sum.  I think, therefore I am.  Descartes.”

“I can think.”

“Obviously, since you are here.”

“You are confusing me.”

“That’s okay.  I confuse everyone.”

“I can tell you about the statue and the well.”

“Oh?  You want to bargain, I see.”

It had looked smug for a moment, but now it looked wary.  “You like to bargain?”  I had been walking the edge of the fountain, but now I turned my head to it and smiled.  It stared a moment before stating firmly, “I do not wish to bargain with you, Lady.”

Darn.  “Chicken.”

“Excuse me?”

“About the fountain?”

“The fountain is over a thousand years old.”

“Pre-veil?”

“Yes.”

I caught its eyes, held them.  I walked closer as I spoke.  “Thank you, Ardor.  I will remember that you have helped me.”  Barely touched its cheek.  I had to go, but I wanted to protect it, just a bit.  “A small warning.  The world out beyond the veil is not like this one.  If you do not have the strength to cross on your own, it will damage you, destroy you.”

I stroked its hair for a moment.  “You will become less than you are if you ride in a meat suit not your own.  I would greet you happily in Ethelathe, but only if it is you.  Not you and another in shared flesh.  Do not allow another to control you like that.  Even if you seem in charge, the person’s emotions will damage you.  Think long and hard before making that particular decision.  It nearly always turns out poorly.  Have a good evening, Darling.”

I left it behind and walked back to my space.  It had taken the whole evening.  Shyness was around again.  We played one game of hearts and were halfway through another when I felt the tug of wakefulness.  It barely got the chance to wave goodbye before I was pulled away.  From the best hand ever.

Briri was actually calling me, softly.  “Miss Chrysopal, please.  There has been a development.  You must awaken.”

I opened my eyes.  “I’m awake.  I’m up.  I had a really good hand, too.”

“Miss?”

“Nothing.  Just playing cards in the fade.”

“If you say so, miss.”

“Don’t overdo it, Briri.”

Anyway, she got me primped and pressed in record time, but had no other information on the “development”.  I threw my hair up in a nerdychick knot.  As I left my room, Halton greeted me.  I was surprised to find him up so early, along with multiple others.  Elias and Garalen, Andrew and Gunther.  All four were standing in the Pillow Palace.  Halton had a note from Renee and a sandwich for me, and handed me both with a grim face and small bow.  

When I opened it, I realized why I was awakened early, and why Cullen had requested an appointment.  Gretel’s husband had died.  The healers were saying he had internal damage, probably from the beating.  Well, hell.  Considering that no one could even tell me what he was in jail for, this was a terrible situation.  I was going to have to demand some sort of recompense.  And talk to Sam.

I also wasn’t going to go to Cullen’s office.  The note from him was handed to me next, requesting a meeting at my earliest convenience.  I sent one back via Marta, who was also about.  She’d probably delivered the healer’s note.  I also asked her get Renee down here, if possible, first.  I would be waiting for him in Ethelathe Hall.  I was not the supplicant this time.  I didn’t put that second part in, and I worded the statement more politely, of course.  “Please meet with me in Ethelathe Hall at your earliest convenience.”  And signed it Ethelathun.  I wasn’t Chrissy right now.

“Elias, could you wake Eadras and tell him school is cancelled today?  Ask him to have Cara watch the Tweedles and Daniel.”  He sketched a bow and strode off.  “Gunther, would you please let the girls know that there is no school today, and they should report directly to Josie?  Let her know as well, please, if you can.”

“Of course, my Lady.”  He put his fist to his chest and headed up the stairs.

“Halton, have Ethel Cook and Gretel been told?”

“Yes, Lady.”

“The children?”

“I don’t know.”

“I want the children kept out of Ethelathe Hall for the moment.  Could you ask Cook and Gretel to be ready to come in if I call them?”

“Of course.”

Andrew watched all this with hooded eyes.  I lit the candelabras on either side of my desk.  I swear the lighting in here changes on the whim of someone, and it’s not me.  His face said he needed to say something.  “Yes, Andrew?”

“I’ll tell you later, when you’re not already displeased.”  That confused me a moment, and I frowned at him.  He walked over to me, coming off the wall.  “It’s not bad, hon.  Just not appropriate right now.  Okay?”

“Whatever.  Halton, is there a standard weregild here?”

“Weregild?”

“The price of a man.  Every man is worth something, to his family, his friends, his job.  His loss will be costly.  Is there a standard price for this?”

“I’ve never heard of a wear-guild.”

“Weregild.  Man Gold.  Once upon a time, the price of a free man’s weregild was two hundred shillings if he had no other skills.  If I were to make basic equivalents, two hundred shillings, twenty shillings per pound, it would work out to ten pounds.  Ten Gold, ten Royals, ten Sovereigns, ten Andris.  For a free man with no dependents, no measurable skills.  More, since he had a family.  He also had measurable skills.”

“We don’t have that here.”

“We do now.  That man will cost each of the soldiers twelve gold coins of standard weight.”

Marta came running back.  “He’s on his way, Lady. He’ll be here in ten minutes, he said.”  He must really be upset.  Renee was hot on her heels.

“Where are my bookends?”

“They went off-shift at four.”  That was Garalen.

“Good.”

I straightened the desk.  “Renee, can you tell me how he died?”

“His liver was ruptured, and one of his kidneys.”

“Usually caused by blows to the back, and a punch to the stomach.”

“Precisely.”

“Please, would you sit in on this meeting?”

“Of course.”  She planted her butt in a chair.

Elias and Gunther both returned just before Cullen came down the stairs.  Garalen was the only person who acted like a bodyguard, thank goodness, though the men held up walls in armor.  “Gara, he’s not going to hurt me.”

“He won’t get the chance.  He’s not here as your friend, Chrissy.  He’s here-”

“One doesn’t turn off friendship, Garalen.”  Cullen had arrived.  “Hello, Cullen.”

“I’m sorry about the circumstances.”  I had not stood to greet him.  I remained in my chair and gestured for him to take the free one in front of my desk.

“It’s never a nice thing when someone dies a preventable death.  Do we want to do pleasantries or get down to the meat?  If we get this solved, we can get back to normal.”

“Let’s just… Get down to the meat, did you say?”

“Yes.  Did you ever find out what he was accused of stealing?”

He ducked his head and rubbed his neck.  “It started in the tavern.  Something about taking a drink of other people’s ale.”

“Are you trying to tell me that your soldiers beat a man to death for a mouthful of ale?”

“I wouldn’t have phrased it quite that way.”

“I'm sure you wouldn't have.  Cullen, I’m going to make a suggestion.  If you want to hear it.”

“Of course.”

“Have you ever heard of weregild?”

“No.  What is it?”

“The price of a man.  Not to buy or to sell, but what a man is worth.  Admittedly, this one isn’t worth much, but he had skills, he had a wife, he had children.  Can you agree so far?”

“I can say a man has worth, and more with skills and family.”

“Good.  Now, according to my calculations, the weregild of a free man with no skills or family would be ten standardized gold coins.  That is the price someone would pay for removing him from his life.  This man was more complicated, so I have to go one further.  Can you see this so far?”

“How much?”

“Twelve gold, to start.”

“To start?”

“The ones who beat him should have an obligation to his children.  The important things one can usually expect a father to do.  Arrange apprenticeships at the correct age.  Approve a husband for the girl.  Those sorts of things.  They would not need to take a daily interest should they not wish to.  I won’t call for their death.  I won’t ask for punishment.  I won’t even look at them mean, and I won’t talk to Sam about this.”

“I can’t make that decision on my own.  I have to talk to them.  They’re in custody right now.”

“Would you like for me to make the offer?  Would you forgo military justice if they made the choice to take the father’s place and pay the weregild?  It should not come from the Inquisition coffers, Cullen.  It has to come from them.  A weregild from each.”

He leaned back in the chair, obviously thinking.  “It has to be something from my desk.  I was debating ahead of the court martial.”

“Even better.”

“What?”  He sat up.

“If you court martial them, then you can, if they are found responsible, offer them this lesser punishment, as opposed to the more traditional lashes or death.”

Renee put her two cents in.  “There’s no doubt in my mind that the beating caused the death.”

“Should we be putting this to the Inquisitor’s justice?”

I answered him.  “I don’t think this is the sort of stuff that is Inquisitorial purview.  It’d be like smashing a bug with a sledgehammer.  A magical sledgehammer.  This is a military malfeasance matter, and should be settled within the chain of command.  In my opinion.  But if you wish, I can wait until Sam gets here and have this conversation with him.”

“He wasn’t Ethelathe.  Major Yorin was clear that you said he wasn’t Ethelathe.”

“His wife and children are, and they are the ones harmed.”

“I see.”

“Also, he was Ethel Cook’s son-in-law.”

“COOK?” He rubbed his face with his hands.  “We’ll eat burnt meals for weeks.  MONTHS.  She’s not the one cooking, but she has her hand in every fire.  Even the things we order at the tavern would be burnt.  Or salted to inedibility.  Or something.”

“Cullen.”

“Yes, Chrissy?” he sighed.

“Killing them won’t fix anything.  It won’t bring the man back.  Whippings, beatings, likewise.  This, this has the chance to let them see the extended consequences of their actions.  To care for the man’s children, to comfort his wife, to apologize to his mother-in-law.  She disliked him, if that helps, but she loves her daughter.”

“Will you attend the court martial?  I’ll let them decide their own fate.  Because I would have to have them strung up.  The man stole nothing of worth, was beaten unarmed in custody, and then left exposed to die if you hadn’t found him.”

“Elias found him.”  I gestured at Elias.  “But yes, I will attend.  Perhaps they would prefer my justice to yours.  Shall we grant them the opportunity?”

“I’m just glad you’re not as upset as I’d feared.”

“If it had been one of mine, Cullen, this would have been a very different conversation.  I want to make clear that I consider the Major complicit, and expect to see her face at court, as well.”  There must have been something in my voice, because he stilled and pulled his hands from his face.

Meeting my eyes, he nodded.  “I understand, Lady.”

“Not you too!”

“You don’t realize you do that.”

“Do what?”

He glanced up, looking at Garalen, who was behind my chair. “Nevermind.  I’ll let you know when the court martial is called.”  He rubbed his face again.

I stood.  “Good.  Now that the business portion of this meeting is concluded…”  I picked up a small bottle of cedar oil I’d picked up at the market.  He went to stand.  “Sit, Cullen.”

The oil made the massage much easier.  He didn’t even argue with me.  He knows better by now.  When the lines of pain had eased from his face, I handed him the bottle.  “Joan might have better luck if she uses this.  Don’t put it on anything sensitive, keep it out of your eyes, and don’t eat it.”

“It smells like a wardrobe.”

“But it works, and as a bonus, it’ll keep the biting insects away.  I could have used lavender, and considered your image.  Be grateful.  Go do whatever it is you do, Commander.  And I hope your day is more pleasant than your morning.”

“You as well, Chrysopal.”  He stood, facing me, took two steps back, and left.  Damn it.

I was shuffled off to the Chargers after saying goodbye to Renee.  Today was a yelling practice day.  I ended up screaming myself hoarse.  To the point where I’m rasping badly and people can’t understand me.  Then Drummer was brought out to me.  Jos, Elias, and I rode the mountainside for a bit.  They’re really taking this “change the schedule” thing seriously.

I talked to Cook.  Gretel and the kids were having family time in Cook’s rooms.  They didn’t want visitors.  Cook was glad he couldn’t hurt Gretel anymore, but sad that Gretel was sad.  She plied me with honeyed tea so I could finish my conversation with her.  By the end, I could barely whisper.

Halton was still working when I got back, so I wrote “hour for hour” on a piece of paper.  I leaned over, putting my hand down in the middle of the document he was penning.  I then handed him the note.  “Now?”  I nodded.  “But I need to-”  The ink disappeared from the page.  I just gave him a half smile.  “It’ll be back in an hour, won’t it.”  He sighed, picked up a book, and went to sit on a pillow.

I played piano for a while.  Just fooling around.  I moved to the guitar after about half an hour.  I admit, I got a little lost in the music.  A little while later I opened my eyes and he’d fallen asleep.  He looks so incredibly young.  A quiet voice behind me.  Zatlan.  “You play beautifully.  Shall I get a blanket for your assistant?”

I nodded.  He left, and returned shortly with an afghan.  Gently tugging the book out of Halton’s hand, he draped the cover over him.  He then returned to me.  Lifting my hand, he frowned at the tips of my fingers.  “You didn’t protect your hands, Lady.”  And of course, once he mentioned it, I could feel my hands throbbing.  I guess I’d done a lot.  Riding, writing, piano, and guitar.  “Take a break.  You’ve had a difficult day, too.  I’ll get your lunch, and something for him.”

Gunther reappeared just as Zatlan brought lunch.  “Oh good, someone else is handling it.”  He looked over the tray.  “You forgot something for her throat.”

“Cook’s making it now.”

“Good.”  We all sat down and consumed food, save Halton, who was still asleep.  We talked in low voices.  I learned more about both of the guys.  Gun told me that the bet in the tavern had finally been settled.  They’d decided that Solas might just have won after all.  Considering I had money on Solas (and a bunch of others), I needed to go collect my winnings.  Still think Dorian won, but no one listens to me.

Halton eventually woke, and I made him eat.  He was a touch irritated that I’d somehow “made” him go to sleep.  I hadn’t, and told him so, which mollified him.  The afternoon passed otherwise uneventfully.  I had a chat about Templar abilities and whether they ACTUALLY required lyrium with Gunny.  Referenced the stories about King Alistair.  

Visited Michael, who was more coherent.  I couldn’t talk much, but he didn’t really want to chat.  When I went to leave right away, though, he grabbed my hand, panic in his eyes.  “Please stay.  Just for a little bit?”  

I LOOKED at him.  The tubules were a bit more decayed.  Maybe?  And stayed.  He talked, after a while.  He told me he felt like he was breaking apart.  He had family, once, a sister, but she died.  His parents were gone.  He had been in templar training from the time he was nine.  Always wanted to be a templar.  And he had killed some that he recognized recently, who had gone to the red.  I just listened, and tried to understand, but I wasn’t sure why he was telling me.  Maybe he just needed to talk.  When he slept, I left him.

I took the time to answer my letters, finally.  Jack’s was the most fun to read, and write.  He was just checking in.  Inquisition gives him lots of business.  He wrote a response to one request stating that if they sent me along, he’d transport the Light Steed for half price.  He was still waiting for a reply on that one.  The party to fetch it hadn’t arrived, though. It was scheduled for sometime in Harvestmere.  I’d think about it, if Sam asked.

Merrill gossiped, and told me more of her alienage.  She mentioned she needed leather, and was going to go hunting it soon.  We have leather piling up in corners around here.  Not Inquisition leather, just my leather, from the animals we have that can’t make it through the winter.  Better to slaughter now, and get meat.  Plus, my guys hunt the slopes, and we’ve got so much nug leather we can swim in it.  

I bundled a bunch together to send off with my letter.  Put a set of crocheted fingertipless gloves and some furs in there, too.  I sent a note to Seggrit asking how best to get a box shipped to Kirkwall, quickly.  He said he’d take care of it, and two strapping young men showed up not ten minutes later to get the box.  I sent a shorter letter via the usual methods with some minor gossip and the information that a more detailed letter and a crate would be arriving.

The last letter was from some guy in Val Royeaux, claims to be an elf.  Wants me to put the tree back the way it was and give back the girls.  I had “no business” messing with their tree.  I had “no right” to steal their women.  I was just a show-off.  I sent a letter back saying that I was sorry he felt that way.  However, as I didn’t see much of a difference in the tree, I wasn’t sure how to undo it.  Besides, did he really want me coming back to do so?  And the girls were put in the protection of the Inquisition.  He would have to write the Lord Inquisitor Trevelyan.  I stayed polite.  Barely.  Something told me it wasn’t some random elf dude.  The girls were not this literate, and they were some of the better educated, supposedly.

Dinner with random people, but they were nice.  And very firmly mine.  I didn’t understand how they could be so attached to me.  Andrew finally explained it.  Apparently I’m like the BeeGees or Joni Mitchell.  Pop stars and star athletes.  People forming an attachment to someone, sight unseen.  “If you were back on earth, they’d be putting your poster up in their rooms and stuff.”  

Joy.  I have the hipster like it before it is cool people swooning at me.  I’m not that well known, and I haven’t done anything to really help anyone outside of Skyhold.  Light shows and music isn’t that cool, really, when you’re an average singer like me.  And I’m certainly no Michael Phelps.

Anyway, song time went well.  The kiddos were tickled pink about their fun play day.  I had presents.  They’d done CRAFTS.  What am I supposed to do with three strangely shaped lumps of hardened clay?  Guess I’ll put them on my desk as paperweights.  And tell everyone they’re priceless works of art.

Briri was fascinated by the nerdychick knot.  Enough that she asked me to teach it to her so she could use it in her own hair.  I was put in a new nightgown.  Silk, with lace panels.  A pretty peachy color and ribbon spaghetti straps.  I hadn’t realized spaghetti straps were a thing.  We had to search the pillow palace for Irusana, because she’d fallen asleep IN the piano.  Note to self, leave piano cover down.

A bit of studying, a bit of light reading, doing the journal thing, and heading for bed.


	128. Day 31, 11 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas scared off Shyness, Dalish knows Elven Tai Chi, lunch and an afternoon with the Lendons. Grrr. And Bangadoodle is my own damn fault.

###  **Skyhold, Day 31, 11 August, 9:41**

I had barely closed my eyes when I felt Solas.  He was waiting at the edge of my space.  I stretched a hand to him and he strode to me, pulling me into his arms.  “You were not here, Chrysopal, when I attempted to visit this morning.  A little fear demon squeaked something about cards.  Are you alright?”

“Spirit.  Shyness and introversion doesn’t make one a demon, Solas.  Being afraid isn’t a bad thing.  Tell me you didn’t hurt it.  Shyness is mostly harmless.”

He leaned back to look at me, shock on his face.  “You knew this demon?”

“Please tell me you didn’t hurt it.”

“I did not.”  He sighed.  “I did tell it to leave you alone.”

“Oh, no.  It took ages to get it to talk to me!  Now it’ll be terrified again. I’m going to have to find it...”

Solas’ brow drew in.  I’d confounded him again.  “Tomorrow night, da’asha.  Give it a chance to calm. Make us somewhere to sit.  I have questions, if you do not mind.”

“As always, I reserve the right not to answer.”  I made a fluffy couch again, and he sat, pulling me with him.

“I will ask in a moment,” he murmured as his lips met mine.  “Let me assure myself you are undamaged.”  He curled my head into his shoulder, holding tightly to me as magic flowed over me.  It wasn’t blue this time, but a strange yellow-orangey color.

“Solas?”

“You are you, and only you.  I am relieved.”

“Of course I’m me.  Most spirits don’t even give it a token go, just wanting to chat.  The more aggressive ones feel the need to push a bit, but they give up easily.”

“How many have you dealt with?”  He actually sounded a bit baffled.

“Solas, are you getting mixed up in meat again?  Just because they don’t have meat doesn’t mean they’re not people.  Pretty interesting people.  It would be rude to walk near them and not even say hello.  Besides, I just have a few new friends.  A couple acquaintances.  A few I’ve barely spoken to.  One or four who feel the need to test me.”

“Two dance partners.”

“Yes.  I only have six or seven friends or acquaintances here, I think.  I’ve talked to more.”

“You think?”

“Sometimes it’s hard to keep track.  There’s so much wispiness, the firmer connections are harder to find.  And I don’t know if I should count the wisps or not.  Enough about that.  Are you coming home, Faolan?”

He obviously considered pushing, but decided against it.  “I have finished what needed to be done, and will be making my way to Skyhold.”

He still looked haggard.  “You need actual rest, a grá.  You look exhausted.  Sorrow and pain, emotional turmoil.  Is there anything I can do to help?”

He didn’t answer the question.  “This is a lovely gown, ma’lath.  It may be my new favorite.  Have you been wandering the fade dressed like this?”

“And if I have?”

“I would request you do not.  Politely.  You could always create other clothing.”

“This is the first night I’ve ever worn it.  You were here almost as I arrived.”

“I was concerned.”

“Worried that my will was weak enough to succumb to that incredibly dangerous little spirit?”  I might have said that a little too sweetly.

Something flashed across his face before his face smoothed.  It might have been wariness.  “I would not have said that.  Just…”  He thought better of whatever he was going to say.  “I need to hold you.  May I?”

“I’m here.”

The night passed quickly.  We didn’t talk much.  Not even much in the way of kisses.  Just holding him while he stared off into the distance or curled me into him.  Touch and comfort.  His head ended up in my lap about halfway through the evening, and I just stroked his skin.  I could tell he expected me to ask questions, but I really didn’t need to.  The seeds of the end game were sown, but perhaps they would lack the care needed to grow.

Dawn approached, I could feel it becoming late.  Solas reached up and slipped a finger under a shoulder strap.  “Wear this, the night I return.”

“Hmmm.  Any particular reason why?”

“Yes.”  He didn’t elaborate.  A few minutes later, he followed with “thank you.”

“For what?”

“For this night.”  He brushed my face with fingers.  “You have no idea.”

“You needed me.”

“And you provided, Vhenan.  It means... everything.”  He lifted his head and pulled mine down for a sweet lingering kiss.  I woke in the middle of it.  Sneaky bastard.  To call me that as I’m waking up and he’s days away.

Briri was already bustling about.  I finally worked out how I got “talked” into a lady’s maid.  I wasn’t.  She showed up while I was injured, and by the time I was okay, was well-ensconced.  Damn it.  I bet Eadras and Leorah were just WAITING for some way to sneak her in.  And now I won’t be able to get rid of her, because one, she’d lose her job, and two, a precedent was set.

I had to spend time with the Arl-apparent today.  Joy of joys.  So Briri had the highever dress out and admonished me to come right back after practice.  Today was a no-riding day, too.  

Foxtripper wasn’t about when I got to the tavern.  Instead, Dalish was waiting with Andrew.  It makes me feel a bit better that she’s clumsier in the zone, too.  But anyway, we did the kind of things I was doing with Zathras.  She was surprised at my ability with it.  It’s kind of like Tai Chi, but not exactly.  “At least he accomplished SOMETHING” was her only comment on the matter.  And I’m less clumsy.  A little.  The improvement was noted.

After a quick breakfast of cream of wheat and raisins and coffee, I was herded back down to my room to be primped and polished. (I didn't eat the raisins, but the rest? Yum.) I had lunch and social time with the Ferelden Ass.  I know, I know.  I have no way of knowing he’s an ass except for the stuff I’ve read in the core book, but isn’t that enough?  And I still needed to know why there wasn’t a clear line of succession if Curtis is the old arl’s son.

In any case, I managed to shoo Halton off, because for some reason he thought a nap yesterday meant he got to work today.  Then I got about half my stack done before my pen ran out of ink.  Damn it.  And I would have to go to Adan to get more.  Which I did, of course, with Walter and Thomas hot on my heels.

Adan was thrilled to see me.  He’d been playing with the calcium carbimide concoction I’d told him about and thought he might be able to do something with it.  Something about removing the carbimide and combining it with something else?  I have no frikkin’ clue.  More power to him.  I am not an alchemist.  He also had ink for me.  He’s got LOADS of it, just waiting.  I think someone’s expecting fountain pens to be a hit.  Since he created the ink, he’s going to get a percentage.

Stopped in to speak to Leorah.  She dragooned me into another measuring session.  Out of the Highever dress I went, and into forty bazillion different random bits of unfinished somethings.  We also discussed whether she was overworked with managing the wardrobe.  Not only mine, I learned.  She’s handling the “uniform” cache as well.  As well as overseeing the dyeing, the weaving, the sewing.  Turns out she’s not.  I’ve apparently signed requisitions for two assistants for her.  No wonder she feels comfortable telling me to get another assistant.

I was stuffed back into the Highever dress and sent off to lunch.  It was… interesting.  Gell Lendon was torn between chatting me up and sneering at me.  I just wanted him to brush his teeth a few times a year.  He got off to a GREAT start when he called me a “pretty little rabbit”.  Josephine intervened when I asked him what animal he’d prefer to be called.  He told me he’d want to be a lion, and I told him it was too late.  The Inquisition already had a Lion of Ferelden, and Cullen had the title first.  Besides, two would be overkill.

I showed the Lady the stillroom.  She gushed over how well organized my stock is.  That actually is my doing, because I insist on it.  I also do a lot of it myself.  The stillroom has only two keys.  One for Renee, and one for me.  We can’t let the medicinal herbs out.  They’re too valuable.  They may look like they’re everywhere in game, but it’s really only Elfroot that grows everywhere.  Whether you want it to or not.

I nearly ran into Curtis.  He was looking for me.  He wanted to know if he could visit songtime again.  “Only if you mind your manners.  I did not appreciate the lack of them the other day.”

“I will keep myself and my companions under control, Ethelathun.”  Once again, humans use Ethelathun even more than the elves do.  And have NO CLUE what it means.  Not that I really do either, I suppose, and I use it plenty.  His conversation meandered all around.  He’d been spending time with Eustace, which is interesting.  He finally wound down and I took my leave.  

His uncle walked up to me and wanted to chat, too.  Complimented me on my work here, for one.  After his truly exceptional start of calling me rabbit, he did get better.  He’s a game player, so I just waited.  He seemed to run out of general conversation quickly, and started in on the weather.  “I don’t mind the weather,” I responded.  “It keeps the crops hardy, for one.  And how would we ever have decent fruits without the rains?”

“The incessant MUD, however, is just terrible.”

“That’s just good soil, Lendon.  The best time to plant rice is when it rains.”

“You sound like a dirt farmer.”

“I have been striving to learn.”  He hadn’t expected that.  “It seems best to know the basics of the jobs around one’s holdings.  One never knows when someone might be exaggerating the effort required or even not performing a task that is necessary.  It prevents one from being cheated.  That and caring for my people.”

“The Inquisitor’s people.”

I leveled my gaze at him.  “I and my people work for the Inquisitor and the Inquisition.  We are not his people.”  Quite the opposite.  I had felt for a long time he was mine, not the other way around.  Though he probably thinks of me as his.

“You brought your clan here to run Skyhold?”

“I don’t call them my clan, exactly.”

“So where are you from?  Where is your clan from?”

“We’re from everywhere.”

“Do any of these elves belong to Edgehall?  Run away from their duties?”

I about saw red.  Josephine must have seen the look on my face, because she started toward us again.  I lifted my chin.  “Not a single one of those elves is anyone’s but their own,” I sneered. “Even if any of these elves were from Edgehall, they weren’t chained there.  You seem to have mistaken Ferelden for Tevinter.  An odd thing in someone purported to be an Arl.”  

I changed my tone to be more instructional.  Channeled Solas for a moment, really.  His pompous let-me-educate-you tone was just perfect for this.  “Here, Lord Lendon, the people can choose where they live and work.  They’re called FREE HOLDERS.  Perhaps you’ve heard of them?”  He was going red in the face when Josephine intervened again.  I found myself talking to an inoffensive Orlesian lord rather quickly.  Lendon was maneuvered to the other side of the room.

Leliana stopped next to me soon after.  “What did he say?” she asked quietly.

“He asked if any of my people ‘belonged’ to Edgehall.  Like they were slaves.  Property.  I told him this is not Tevinter.  I will be counting noses while he is here.  If even one of mine goes missing…”

“I will also keep an eye out.”

“I do not like him.  I am not actively working against him at this point, Leliana, but if he tries to harm me or mine, that will change.”

“Why do you tell me this?”

“Because we don’t lie to the Nightingale.  And it could affect the Inquisition if Ethelathe had issues with the Lord of Edgehall.”

“I see.  You may have a point.”

I escaped downstairs after a while.  Thank goodness.  Finished more paperwork, now that I have ink again.  Dinner was with Isa and Mika.  Pregnant ladies get precedence.  Feren and Seggrit joined us, too, of course.  I formally agreed to stand for Isa’s child.  Strange feeling, that was.  Like I’d given an oath.  Maybe I had.  And a light connection formed to the little boy.  I could feel it.  Yes, boy.  No, I’m not telling them.  

After dinner, people started trickling in.  There wasn’t a large number of people showing up or anything.  In fact, it was a smaller amount, since nothing major had happened recently.  It was the people from the stations I hadn’t gotten to recently.  Scullery, farming, husbandry, housekeeping.  I mean, others showed up, but it didn’t feel like this.  All the places I hadn’t recently gotten to were here.

The teenage kids were here tonight, too.  Added their own song… sort of… Bangadoodle Dandy….  Well, shit.  I’d not sung that one in months.  How did it get all the way to Highever in less than six months?  The words were slightly different, but the tune was the same, and it was obviously a corruption of Yankee Doodle Dandy.

I wore a different nightgown and let Briri take down my hair.  I was going to have to do some more exploring in the fade for the magical defenses.  I think I also need to explore the “making clothes” thing Solas was talking about.  I’m nearly done with the apprentice books Dorian left me.  He’ll be pleased about that.  Leliana says they should be back tomorrow.  Then we have preparations for the ball to make, and after that he plans to run out to the western approach.

 

* * *

Chrissy's nightgown:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mandatory overtime sucks. It may be Thursday or Friday before the next update.


	129. Day 32, 12 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas, the Delegation from Redcliffe, Inquisibutt comes home, Manhandled by the Iron Bull, Dorian and Bull are caught canoodling... IN MY ROOM, and Bull warns me not to sleep in my own bed.

###  **Skyhold, Day 32, 12 August, 9:41**

I read the last apprentice book Dorian left.  It’s wrong.  Very wrong.  I took notes to talk to him about it.  I also practiced something I’d been thinking about.  If I could do flickering lights, I could do pictures.  Maybe.  But no.  I can do color blotches.  Oh yay.  Not exactly what I was aiming for.

I finally plopped into bed kind of late.  Solas was waiting for me again.  I wasn’t quite ready for him.  “Hey, Solas.”

“You do not look pleased to see me, da’asha.”

“I’m always glad to see you, Grohiik, but I have stuff to do.  You can either come along, help, or I’ll meet you later.”

He arched a brow.  “May I greet you properly first?”

“I’m sorry.  Of course.”  I held out a hand for him with a smile, and he stepped into my space.

“I had expected to see the other nightgown again.”  He traced the neckline with his finger.  “I do not know if I am pleased or disappointed.”  He dipped his head, just a bit.  “Kiss me, ma’nehn.   It has been too long.”

Now how could a girl resist that?  So I wrapped my arms around his neck and did so. A few kisses more than I’d intended, but we parted.  “So will you be helping, watching, or finding other things to do?”

“I think I shall at least watch.  Perhaps I might help.”  

I took a deep breath and felt for the thread connecting me to Shyness.  “If you come with me, you may have to apologize to Shyness.  It feels very unhappy.”

He still had his arms around me as I turned in the direction it was.  “I had no intention of damaging a relationship.  I had only thought to protect.”

“I didn’t think you would have.  Not if you’d known.”  I started off, and he kept pace with me.  It was a fairly long trek.  The landscape changed as we went.  From mirroring the waking world, we started encroaching on strange pillars and escher-like changes.  Solas kept looking at me like I was going to freak out, but I just kept following the thread.  This is what I’d expected the fade to look like.  I thought it was neat in game, and I think it’s even neater now.  Walking upside down and sideways?  YES!  It’s hilarious.

Shyness was behind a strange green and black carved pillar.  It was sitting on the pillar, sideways.  It didn’t see me, so I called its name softly.  It immediately fell to me, wrapping its arms around my shoulders.  “Lady, you came.  You came for me.”

“I always come for my people.  It’s okay.  He didn’t mean to scare you,” I soothed as I hugged it back.

“He said to leave you alone.”

“And I am saying ignore him.  Let him talk to me about it.”  He was behind it, and arched a brow at me again.  I wrinkled my nose at him, and stuck my tongue out.

You could see the debate on his face, but finally he spoke.  “I have been properly taken to task, Shyness.  I would not interfere again.”

Shyness jerked in my arms.  “You… You…”  I shushed it.

“He’s with me today.”

It looked from him to me and back again.  Solas, thank goodness, nodded.  “Okay, if you say it,” it murmured, almost inaudible.

“We can play cards tomorrow, if you like.”  It just nodded.  “We’ll leave you alone, then.  If you want?”  More nodding, and it let go of me.  I smoothed its hair.  Fur?  It was very soft. I bid it farewell.

I went to Solas and smiled up at him.  He wrapped his arm around my waist and we walked off.  “That was enlightening.”

“Was it, mo chroí?”

“Any other surprises for me?”

“My plan right now is just to find the old defenses on Skyhold’s grounds.”

That got him.  “The old defenses?”

“I saw them, in a memory.  Such things wouldn’t disappear.  Even if they were later removed, perhaps I can bring that memory back.  Or at least study them.  I just have a feeling.”

“Something from your visions?”

“No.”

“Did someone tell you that memories could be shifted in time?”

“No?  I was just kind of hoping.  Valor and Fortitude are too focused on trying to figure out the best choke points right now, and how to improve defenses.  And something about ice that I relayed to Cullen.  I didn’t understand it.  Still, the meat requirements sort of threw them, and they are having to rework the whole plan.  And the escape route for the littles, of course.  I need something to protect, just in case, if Skyhold is besieged again as it has been in the past.”

“Exactly how many spirits do you know, haselan’udh?  And what are you planning?”

“I told you.  I don’t know.  At least six or seven.  Is the number important?”  I ignored the second question.

He stopped me, tangling his fingers in mine.  “I will show you where the defenses were, when I return.  If.”

“If, mor’ishan?”

He stepped closer.  “If you grant me your time tonight.”

“I thought I already was granting you my time, Faolan.”

“I would prefer not traipsing the length and breadth of the fade.”

“We haven’t done THAT much walking.”  But I looked at him.  He still looked terrible.  “I’m sorry, a grá.  I should have thought.  You are likely very tired, as well as the emotional exhaustion.  It is still very fresh.”

“I had expected something else.”

“After I got on your case about my hair?”

“I had forgotten.”

“Must be your age, mor’ishan.”

“Even now, you make me smile.  Come with me?”

“Yes.”  He leaned down, wrapping his arms around my legs under my ass and picking me up.  “Solas!”

“Yes, ma’sulahn’nehn?”

“What are you doing?”

He moved forward, then dropped me on something soft.  “Cuddling.”

“Cuddling?”

He laid down next to me.  “Yes.  I have been away too long.  I miss you.”

“So what shall we talk about while cuddling?”

“Whatever you wish, ma’nehn.”

I rolled over, holding my head up with my arms.  “Why do I not see the fancy glyph things they’re trying to teach in all those books on wards?  I can recreate them, but I don’t see the point.  They don’t do anything.”

Something about that question tickled his funny bone.  He laughed, full-out.  “I give you full range to ask anything you want, and you ask about wards?”

“I wouldn’t want to be rude.”

“Is there nothing you want to know about me?”  He gathered me into his arms, then rolled so I was under him.  “Nothing at all?”

“So many things…”

His face was inches from mine.  “Say it again, ma’nehn.  You’ve said it twice.  Say it again.”  His voice was intense.  Eyes sparked, stronger now, but still so very weak compared to trespasser.  I wasn’t sure what he meant.  “You know.  You said it the first time you kissed me in front of others.”

“Are you so certain?”

“Say it.  Please?”  He brushed one thumb over my bottom lip, leaning on his elbows above me.

I suppose it was time.  “Faolan.  Grohiik.”  He tensed.  “Wolf.”  He let out a breath I hadn’t realized he had been holding.

“Cole was right.  You have known, the whole time.”

“Cole has a big mouth.”

“He said only that you knew everything you needed to know.  It explains so many things.  You called me dangerous.”

“I did try to stay away from you.  And you are dangerous.”

“The more you ran, the more you intrigued me.”

“I very carefully didn’t run, Solas.  I merely hid.”

“And you were not afraid.”

“I was.  I wrote in my journal that I was scared, terrified even.”

“And yet I never smelled fear.  Not once, ma’nehn.  Not until that day on the bluff, when you saw the darkspawn.  Perhaps the sheltered life you led did not teach you what fear truly was?”  He paused a moment.  “You still have not said it.  I want to hear it on your lips.”

“Why?  Does it change anything?  You are Solas.  First and always, you said, when you tried to break the fragile connection between us.  I was angry over that.”

Something dawned across his face.  “Faolan, Grohiik.  These mean wolf?”

“It is not in my best interests to answer that, I think.”

“Devious woman.”

“I was slipping.  I had to redirect.  It allowed me the outlet without the danger.”

“You are in no danger from me.  I have sworn I would not harm you.”  He paused.  “Extremely devious woman.  Still you have not said it.  Say it, haselan’udh.”

I lifted my head and nibbled at his jawline.  “Would you prefer that or kisses?  I would prefer kisses at the moment.”

He is so typically male.  “So devious,” he released on an unsteady breath.

He dipped his head, capturing my lips.  “Can we table this discussion until later, Solas?” I asked when he lifted his head.

“Someday, ma’lath, you will give in.  And then we shall see what we shall see.”  

“Darling, I already gave in.  Even once in your bed.  Don’t you remember?”  I lifted my legs around his hips.

He groaned.  “Chrysopal, you are a temptress.”  He was leaning down to me when I felt the first tug of wakefulness.  “Tomorrow.  The next day at the latest.”

“Hmm?”

“I will see you, soon.”

“Sam’s coming today.”

“I will not be long behind.  Two days.  And then I will be kicking Dorian out of your bed.”

“Will you?”

“Yes.” He growled it at my lips, and I woke.

* * *

Briri was once again bustling about.  “What’s on my schedule, Briri?”

“Riding, practice with the Chargers, lunch with the nobles…”

“No.”

“Miss?”

“I’m not lunching with the nobles two days in a row.  They’re just so…” It took me a moment to find the words.  “I have trouble eating.  Everything is dull.  Food has little flavor.  The cattiness, the high school level politics.  No.”

“I will ask Halton to send your regrets.  Also, you have time scheduled for disputes this afternoon.  There’s an expectation of a certain level of pomp and circumstance.  The Inquisitor will be arriving at some point this afternoon as well.”

“Geth will be back!  I’ve missed him in the stables.  And pomp and circumstance is a really bad song.  Not happening.”

She ignored the second half of my statement.  “You look forward to the stableboy over the Inquisitor?”

“Don’t be a snob, Briri.  I’ve known Geth longer.”

“Yes, Miss.”  I glared at her.

I was bundled into the maroon dress.  “What about practice with the Chargers?”

“Ser Aclassi sent a message to dress you normally.”

“Lovely.  Sometime this week, I need to get out to the memorial fire.”

“I will remember.”  She also handed me some soft moccasin-like shoes in a matching maroon.  When she braided my hair, it was heavier.  “An old trick, my lady.  Be careful, because the weight is metal and could do real damage.”

“A weighted whip.”

“Precisely.”

“Take it out.  I don't know how to use it, and I don’t want to accidentally hurt someone during practice.  But keep the weight for another day.  I will need to get used to it for traveling.”  She’d looked disappointed in the mirror at the first statement, but perked up at the second.  Seriously, it's better just to put up long hair when fighting.  Hair is just another handle.

Josren lifted me onto Drummer’s back.  I’d call it the dress effect, but unlike the others, Jos always does it..  I decided to ask.  After I was settled, I did so.  “Josren, you always lift me up and down.  No matter what I wear or my mood.”

“Would you like me to stop?”

“That’s not it.  I was wondering why.  I call it the dress effect, usually.  Geth can be relied upon to be more and more solicitous the fancier the dress.  You do it even when I’m in exercise pants.”

“You are my lady, whether you wear fancy dresses or threadbare leggings.  Enjoy your ride, Ethelathun.”  That didn’t answer the question at all, really.  He’d been doing it from before I was his lady.  I did enjoy my ride.  Drummer was a fast Hart.  It helped clear my head.  Josren lifted me down at the end before I had a chance to do it myself, smirking.  “Have a good day, Lady Chrysopal.”  And shooed me off.  

Foxtripper was back.  Thank goodness Briri had been nice and put me in a decent-sleeved dress.  They were still way too long, but it was harder to use them as a tool to trap me than some other dresses would have been.  Andrew was on hand, as usual.  I’m not falling and tripping near as much as I used to.  In fact, I caught Foxtripper around the neck with my sleeve once.  I just know I’m going to pay for that tomorrow.  All I did was spin when he grabbed it, wrapping him in it.  It was pure luck that it ended up where it did.  Not that I’m going to tell them that.  They were way too pleased.

I spent the most of the morning with Halton.  Paperwork paperwork.  I got a reply from Tarvin.  That was incredibly quick turnaround.  Just a week to get a return letter.  Random chitchat, and he tells me that Highever has taxed community gardens.  Half their local produce was confiscated.  The fun part was that they left the vegetables and such.  They confiscated the spices and the more expensive things such as medicinal herbs and sugar beets.  The statement was buried, like he really wanted to shout it, but he was worried I would think he was begging.  They’d eat, after all.  It just wouldn’t be tasty, and they wouldn’t be as healthy.

I sat for a few minutes, thinking.  I have plenty of medicinal herbs.  They’ll go bad if they don’t get used.  And the kitchen garden was plentiful in the spices department.  We’ve not got the expensive stuff like saffron, but rosemary, thyme, that sort of stuff?  We have that.  There’s even sage growing in the kitchen and dining room.  But I needed to check with Josephine.  They weren’t entirely owned by Ethelathe.

Josephine was lovely about it.  They fed and gave blankets to the people in the Hinterlands.  Of course they could spare some medicinal herbs and spices for Highever.  Whatever I needed.  I was about to head down again when a messenger came running in to her office.  “Lady Montilyet, there’s a group of wagons arriving.”

“The Inquisitor?”

“No, Lady.”

“The delegation from Redcliffe.  They’re early.  I didn’t expect them until tomorrow.”  I turned to the messenger.  “Go tell Eadras Redcliffe is here, please.  We have to greet them.”

Josephine just asked “Redcliffe?”

“From the Alienage.  I thought you knew.  I had assumed the Nightingale was reading my letters.”

“Oh.  I was not aware of this.  How many?”

“I don’t know, but don’t worry, I’m putting them with me, not in noble country.”

“Noble country?”

“Idiom.  Comes from ‘Officer country’ on a sailing ship.”

“I see.”  You could tell she didn’t, not really.

“I will explain it later, if you want.  I have to go.”

I skipped off to the dais to see if I was right.  I was!  About a half-dozen elves, and they’d traveled with a normal shipment of goods.  Excellent!  Seggritt was already here going over the lists of goods.  I hopped down the stairs and was quite surprised to see the elf man who requests you put flowers on Senna’s grave.  He was older than everyone else, so I greeted him first.  

“Good morning, hahren.”  I went to reach out a hand to him, and Gunny, of all people, pulled me back.  I hadn’t even known he was there.

“The Ethelathun is quite pleased to meet you, but she forgets her hands were recently severely injured.  No insult is intended, Ser.”

The elf looked taken aback for a moment, but then bowed.  “It is my honor to meet you, Lady Chrysopal.  Ethelathun.”  Standing again, he introduced himself.  “I am Cyrren, of Redcliffe.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Cyrren.  Please, call me Chrissy.  You’ve arrived in good time.  Would you and your people care to join us for lunch?  You must be tired and famished.”

“We would be grateful.”  There were six other elves with him, one female, five male.  They all bowed/curtsied behind him.

“Would you prefer to go through the kitchens, which is faster, or the fancy route with all the random nobles?  But that one takes longer.  Honestly the kitchen route smells better, too.”

That made him smile, and the elves behind him covered their mouths.  “By all means, let us go the faster route with better smells, Lady.”

While I was talking with them, I noticed one of mine go tearing off towards the kitchens.  How very odd.  In any case, Cyrren graciously held out his arm, and Gunny let me take it.  We walked around the back way and up the kitchen steps.  As we trooped through, Cook told me that refreshments were already in Ethelathe Hall, waiting for us.

Cyrren looked a bit confounded.  We entered the pillow palace and the other six put backpacks and some regular bags down against the wall.  That just reaffirmed Cyrren’s status.  If he wasn’t the Hahren, he was at least an Elder.  He was the one who didn't have to carry the bags.

“How did you come to have human servants as an elf, lady?”

“They’re not servants, they’re family.  I guess I could call them clan.”  His face was obviously confused.  “Don’t worry about it.  It’ll get clearer when you’ve been here longer than five minutes.  How long had you intended to stay, Hahren?”

“We had planned for two or three days.  Enough time to get acquainted, I think.”

The food laid out was city elf fare.  Thank you Cook.  Salt-chews, plainer fare, breads, cheeses.  Nothing too hard on a stomach unused to rich foods, but sour cream dips were there if they wanted.  Seeing the Redcliffe elves next to my Ethelathe elves really shocked me.  My elves were filling out, rosy cheeks, shiny hair and eyes.  The Redcliffe ones were as emaciated as Leorah in Haven.  Their heads seemed too large for their frail bodies.  Sunken cheeks, pallid skin, lifeless hair.  These people were not getting enough.

There was also water to wash up with, which was used liberally.  We ate lunch together, with my elves doing what they could to make people comfortable.  Just enough people came in, the kids came in, Eadras had a nice chat with Cyrren.  They’d finished that room in the tower, so if the delegation wanted to stay there, they could.  After lunch, Cara took Cyrren and the others over there, and was going to show them the bath house.  Isa’d already closed off a small area for them.

I sat down behind my desk, and some issues were resolved.  Hitting is not allowed.  Period.  I don’t care what you think the verbal provocation is.  Hitting BACK, however, is.  That’s defending yourself from an attacker.  Apparently this is a new concept?  Anyway, the person who threw the first punch is on sewage duty for a week.  

The person who hit back is told to be nicer with their words.  If they continue to become involved in altercations started with words, I will invoke the inciting to riot idea.  The penalty for inciting a riot will be to be put on bread and water for a week, as well as getting a nasty job and being confined to quarters when not working for that week.  As always, if you don’t like my justice, you are free to leave.

Cyrren was back for that, though I didn’t know it.  He'd skipped the bathhouse, and was with Eadras at the stairs to Josephine’s office, just listening.  They emerged from that little nook after I was finished with a few other simpler dealios.  No, there is no stealing allowed.  One of the rules is that we keep our own stuff and share what we choose to share.  It wasn’t the same person, so once again, they had to return the item, pay for the item, and so on.  Another mistake would be more severely punished.

I was about to invite Cyrren to sit when another messenger came running in.  “The Inquisitor comes!”

“Hahrens, I will be back soon.  I have to see them!”  I kissed Eadras’ cheek as he shooed me off.  

“Play nice, da’len.”

“Always, Eadras.”  I am not sure why that made him laugh.  I just went out the kitchen door.  “Lunch was perfect, Cook.  Thank you!”  She just smiled and waved as I went running through.

Coming through the kitchen door meant I was on the back end of the procession, which means I got to Gethon first.  “Did you have fun?” I asked, giving him a huge hug.

“Of course.  It was very exciting.  Did you miss me?”

“Yes.”  He smiled.  “Not like that.  Behave yourself,” I laughed as I smacked his shoulder.

“Hey, a guy can hope.”

That sobered me.  “There is no hope, Gethon.  I thought you realized it.”

His smile didn’t falter.  “SHHHHH.  Don’t make me cry.”  I just rolled my eyes at him.

Some of my soldier guys and scout people had returned, too.  I was passed about cheerily.  It wasn’t until I got all my people that I went up to Sam and the rest of the inner circle.  Varric hugged me and passed me off to Sera.  She nuggied my head and said something about leftover custard in the Inquisitor’s boots.  He’d apparently annoyed her.

Blackwall gave me a slight bow, so I hugged him as a surprise.  Vivienne air-kissed my cheek and said we’d have to get everything together for Halamshiral.  She was claiming me for an hour in the afternoons, if possible.  Joy.  Cassandra clasped my arm and said she was glad to see me.  I told her that Jailyn had gotten that tub up to her quarters, so all she’d have to do is say the word and Enborr would be happy to send up hot water.

I would have said something to Inquisibutt, but his tongue was currently down Josie’s throat, so I figured I’d wait.  I went up to Dorian and tapped him on the shoulder.  “Excuse me.  Has anyone seen an arrogant Tevinter Altus?  I seem to be missing one.”

“Hmmm.  No, I don’t believe I have.  Perhaps I will do?  I’m the Handsome Tevinter Altus.”

“Probably even better.”  I smooched his cheek and he returned the favor, clasping me to him.  

Iron Bull came up, too.  “Hey, Dorian, why you hogging the pretty ladies?  Give me some of that.”  I got snatched up to dizzying heights and spun about.  “You take care of my Chargers for me?”

“I don’t see why I should.  They spent the whole time you were gone trying to beat me up.”

“Sounds painful.  I’ll hold Krem down so you can hit him back.”

“Nah, he might like it too much.  Dude, you need a bath.”

“Let’s head up to the Tavern first.”  He slung me over his shoulder.

“I haven’t said hi to Cole or Sam yet!”

“The Inquisitor’s busy, and Cole can meet us there.”  Smacking his back did nothing.  At least he let me off his shoulder and tucked me under his arm when we reached the stairs.  It’s a little better, I suppose.  No clavicle in the gut.

He finally set me down after we got inside.  “I do so love being manhandled.”

“I know, but to do it TOO often would spoil you.”

“Chief!”

“Krem!  I hear you’ve been beating up our favorite Midget!”

“Every day!  She’s almost able to scream, and she manages to get out of holds about half the time.”

“Excellent.”

Great.  He knew. I’d been hoping he’d put a stop to it.  “Does it count that I do NOT want these lessons?”

“Nope!”  From multiple people.  Dorian, Bull, Krem, Stitches, and COLE!  Who finally gave me a hug.

“I didn’t feel you show up, Cole.”

“I walked in this world, because sneaking up on you is backwards.”

“At least it’s not upside down.”

“Shyness is happy.  You went looking.”

“Of course.  It’s mine.  Contentment is very odd.”

“Complacency is very old.  The old are often strange.”

Iron Bull just looked at us.  “You guys are really weird, you know that?”

“Yes.”  Both of us said that.  

Dorian sobered.  “Chrissy, about Solas…”

“He’s not coming back yet.  I knew before he left.”

He sighed with relief.  I spent about an hour with them, and then had to go back to Ethelathe hall.  I had guests.  As I was leaving, they came with me.

“We want to meet your guests, my dove.  Anyone interesting?”

“The Redcliffe Hahren and his attendants.  Did Sam put the flowers on Senna’s grave?”

“He did.  Why?”

“Because I think Cyrren is the man who asked him to do it.”

We went up through the Main Hall, and Sam snagged me for a hug as I passed through.  “I hear you have visitors?”

“Redcliffe.  They came calling.”

“Can I meet them?”

“Of course.  I think you know at least one them, actually.”

We trooped downstairs.  Cyrren was apparently enjoying the conversation with Leorah and my girls, including Sharis.  Iona’s mother was there, as well as Finaya’s parents.  Cyrren looked up and smiled when he saw Sam.  “Young man!  It’s a pleasure to see you again!”

“And you!  I hadn’t expected to see you here.”

“I wanted to see for myself what the Lady is doing.”

“My sister’s made some major improvements, as you can see.”

“Your sister?”

“Yep.  I hope you enjoy your stay.”  He turned to me.  “ I may spend more time down here than up there.  How did you ever manage to deal with Lendon for two days without strangling him?”

“Two days?  It’s been almost a week, you owe me.  He thinks elves should belong to places.  If I spend much more time with him...”  

Cyrren just smiled through the exchange.  Then Zatlan arrived.  That struck Cyrren.  “Zatlan?”

“Greetings, Cyrren.  Just a moment, Hahren.”  He came up to me.  “My Lady, we have the room repaired.  There was a slight issue.”

I had no idea what he was talking about.  “Thank you.  Should I have any security concerns?”

“The Commander says no.”  Shit.  Now I needed to talk to Cullen.  Tomorrow.

“I’ll need more details, Zatlan, but not right now.  You know Cyrren?”

“Of course.  Tarvin has regular dealings with him.”

“Then I will leave it in your capable hands."  I lowered my voice, barely audible.  "We want them as friends, Zatlan.  Even more, perhaps.”  I put my hand to his cheek.  “Thank you.”

“Anything for you.”  He bowed to me, and joined the delegation.  I introduced Dorian and Bull, too. Sam ended up leaving, because he has to eat with the nobles.  I don’t envy him.  We had a lovely meal down here.  Cook put traditional city elf foods in the Pillow Palace, and we had plenty of regular fare in the dining hall.  

My teenage boys complained to the delegation that I was mean.  I made them go to school.  I heard them say it.  My littles are always excited about visitors, and talked their ears off.  Zatlan was asked if he was my mate, which he vehemently denied.  “I could NEVER.  She…  She’s not for the likes of me.”  Cyrren apologized for the question.  Dorian charmed several of them, but sat rather close to Bull.  Bull told some almost-inappropriate stories.  My girls told way too many stories, too, I think.  In any case, Dinner went well.

After dinner we had songtime.  Early-ish, because the delegation was tired.  They were surprised at how many people showed up, though.  All my scouts and soldiers, the entirety of Ethelathe not on duty or elsewhere.  Probably two hundred plus in this room.  I had been expecting it.  Our songs, their songs, fun things.  The Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly, for the littles.  A few campfire songs for the soldiers.  Home, again, at Eadras’ request.  

We finished with Ethelathe’s song.  Chills.  Goosebumps up and down my arms and legs.  I didn’t even sing it.  They did.  It swelled in multipart harmony, and even our guests knew the words.  Tears pricked my eyes.  Arms wrapped around me from behind.  My Dorian.  I’d missed him.  “You’ve built something here, Dove.”  I just nodded.  That the delegation knew my song…  I don’t know what to think about that.

I escorted them to their tower room.  It looked safe to me.  Cullen had posted guards outside both doors, to make it so, I suppose.  I told Cyrren that the guards were not to keep him in.  He could wander where he wished at night, save the war room, secured areas like the prison, and the private bedrooms.  “I shall refrain from wandering, my dear, as shall my people.  It has been an interesting day.”

“If you need anything, I’m sure you could just tell one of the guards.  They’ll either get it, or get me and mine.”

“You have provided everything I could have requested.  Sleep well.  I would like to speak with you tomorrow, if you have time.”

“I’m sure I will find time for you.”

Cyrren didn’t strike me as the scareable type.  He was a more stable personality.  Probably had to be to deal with everything that’s gone on in Redcliffe over the last thirty years.  I’ll show him what can be done with effort and cooperation.  I hope.

I tucked in the littles, who were super excited.  Dorian was nowhere to be seen.  I went to my room and he was *ahem* intensely exploring Bull’s tonsils. I had assumed they would part quickly, but I stood there for probably five minutes.  “Gentlemen!  Do that stuff in YOUR rooms.”  Which made Dorian turn bright red and Bull chuckle.  

“Will do, Midget,” laughed Bull.

“We’re finished.  Completely.  How did this happen?”  Dorian was very flustered.

“I could always explain it to you again, Vint.”  That was a very interesting voice.  It gave ME shivers, and it wasn’t even directed at me.

“That will not be necessary.”  Dorian SQUEAKED.

“Exactly how many people are sleeping in my rooms?”

“Zero.”  This, from Bull.

“Huh?”

“You need to not be here tonight.  We might have heard a rumor or something.  So you can head up with us to the tavern, take over Dorian’s bed, or maybe the Hobo won’t mind you sleeping in his bed?  Since he’s not using it and all.”

“And where will you be, Dorian?”

“I will be in my own bed, and you are more than welcome, my dove.”

“Aw, darn.  And here you were sober and everything.  I think my heart is broken.”

“I’m not entirely sure you HAVE a heart.  Do Qunari savages have those?”

“Hey, now, you’ll hurt my feelings.”

“As interesting as watching you two flirting is, I need some more details, here.  Are my guests in any danger?”

“Not likely.  We’re just switching up your schedule a little.”  Bull was a good liar, but the fade tells.  He's full of Bullshit.

I arched a brow.  “By kicking me out of my own room?”

“Yep.”  He tried to look innocent.  He's bad at it.

“Let me think about it.  It’s still early.”

“You can always bunk with the Chargers.”

“No.”

“What?  They adore you.”

“Yeah.  Adore me so much I have bruises.”

“Learn faster.  Seriously, nothing will get to you in the barracks.”

“No.”

He threw an arm around my Altus.  “C’mon, Vint.  Let's leave her be.  Just, Chrissy, sleep somewhere else tonight.”

“I’ll think about it.”  Bull shoved Dorian out the door.

It took me a while to decide.  I wasn’t quite comfortable sleeping in Solas’ bed without talking to him first.  But he did have a comfortable rocking chair that he acquired with me in mind.  Dorian was going to be busy for a while.  I didn’t think Solas would mind if I crashed on basically his couch.  Bull really harped on not being here.  So I gathered up a pretty blue wool dress and fresh underthings, and a nightgown. I put ‘Sana in the bathroom, for her safety.  I really hope Solas doesn’t mind me borrowing his chair.


	130. Day 33, 13 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cards in the fade, the mages are not safe, Varric comes through, Briri is... awed?, Cillian's an ass, tea with the ladies, and Solas returns.

###  **Skyhold, Day 33, 13 August, 9:41**

The rocking chair is not horribly uncomfortable.  It’ll do.  It didn’t take long for me to drop off.  I immediately went off to find Shyness.  It was waiting near my rooms, a deck of cards in hand.  That made me smile.  “Hello, Shyness.”

“Lady!  You weren’t here.  Thank goodness you weren’t here!”  It wrapped its arms around me.  “It was very angry.”

“Shyness?”

“I saw it.”

“Saw what, hon?”

“He fadestepped through the wall.  Your bed was empty.  He was angry.”

“He who?”

“I don’t know.  But he is scared of you.”

“How did you see this?”

“I was waiting for you.  The memory was fresh, strong.”  It licked its lips.  “Enjoyable.”  I just smiled.  I knew they got something from strong emotion, but it was odd to see it referenced like that.  

It was probably better if I stayed where I was instead of investigating.  I put us in a nice tavern-style room and we settled down to play cards.  We’d gotten a few hands in and I was teaching it contract bridge when I felt us being watched.  Shyness squeaked and ducked behind its hair, dropping its cards.

“My apologies, Shyness.  I did not intend to startle you.”  He continued in rapid, fluid Elvhen.  Shyness flicked its eyes at me, and then sweetly smiled.  It spoke back to him in Elvhen just as rapid and liquid.  A few more exchanges and I’d had enough.

“You know, it’s really rude to do that.”

“Do what, ma’asha?”

“Have a conversation  in a foreign language that someone doesn’t understand, exclude them.”  I caught Solas’ eyes.  “Especially when you’re discussing me.”

“Would we be discussing you?”

“Yes.”

Shyness spoke up.  “I’m sorry.  It won’t happen again.  I should probably go.  Thank you for the time, Lady.”  A little bow and it poofed.  I really want to know how they poof like that.  Solas can do it, too.

Solas strode up to me, putting his fingers on my cheek lightly.  “You are not resting well.  Why are you uncomfortable?”

“I know I should have asked first, but you weren’t around.”

“Asked first?”

“I invaded your room.  I figured you wouldn’t mind if I slept on the rocking chair.  Dorian and Bull are busy, ish.  Bull asked me not to stay in my room.  I didn’t want to stay with the Chargers.  You don’t mind, do you?”

“You are in the rocking chair?”

“Yes.”

He looked confused.  “Why not the bed?”

“I’m not going to go that far.  It’s bad enough I invaded your room.  Besides, the last time I was in your bed didn’t go so well.  I wasn’t sure, especially without you in it.”

“Chrissy…”

“What?  I know I don’t like it when people assume things about my space.  I have little enough.  I certainly don’t want to invade someone else’s without permission.”

His eyes held mine.  “You do not have permission to sleep in the rocking chair, Chrysopal.”

Well, shit.  That hurt.  “Oh.  I’m sorry.  I’ll only be there a moment longer.”

“No.”  He said it before I’d willed myself awake.

“Solas?”

“In just a moment, ma’nehn.”  He put his hands on the table, trapping me between them.  “When you awaken, I expect you to move to my bed.  Your place in my bed, my space, my place, waits for you, whether I am there or not.  For so long as we are what we are.  Never again, this foolishness.”

I reached up to his face.  “Are you sure?”

“Vin, asha.  If you have a need, I will provide.  Now you should go, and return to me quickly.  Shall I help?”

“Help?”

“Say, Vin, Solas.”

“What kind of help?”

“You will return to sleep quickly.  Say it.”

“You are constantly trying to get me to say things.”

His eyes darkened, sparks within.  “Vin.  I have not forgotten.  Say that, too.  And then put yourself in my bed.”

“I will allow you to assist me this one time, Solas.  Because you are devious.”  

“You are never willing to just agree,” he sighed.  “How difficult for you to say Vin, Solas.”  He touched my face, and I woke up, very groggy.  It was like only a small part of me was awake, that stumble-to-the-bathroom wakefulness.  I went the three steps to his bed, and pulled the covers over me, sinking into the mattress and into sleep.  I found myself right back where I’d started, pressed against a table, between his arms.

“Sneaky.”

“Hmmm.  Welcome back.  Have you successfully relocated?”

I smirked.  “Vin, Solas.”  Love the little frustrated sound.  In any case, the rest of the night was pleasant.  Solas finally consented to learning Contract Bridge.  One more and I’ll have a set.  We sprawled across his bed, cards just floating where we set them.

In return, he taught me a strange card game using a hexagonal deck.  Colors instead of suites, and there were nine.  The cards were numbered, but named differently.  It was obvious he was translating.  Soldier, backup, support, general, archer, that sort of thing.  A card deck based on the military?  The rules were complex, and it was a lot of fun. I’m not sure if he let me beat him or not, considering he was the one teaching me.  

He wasn’t happy, but he wasn’t quite as haggard as he had been.  It was nearly dawn when he put his cards down and touched my face.  “You should wake up. Briri will worry.”

“And the night ends too soon.”

“Remind me not to play for gold, ma’lath.”  His thumb rubbed my cheek.  “I will be back.  Today, if I can.”

“Don’t push yourself too hard.”

“It depends on whether I need to stop for something or not.  I will not be exhausted.”

“What would you stop for?”  I turned my head and bit his thumb lightly, soothing it afterward with my tongue.  Yes, I know I’m mean.

He inhaled.  “It doesn’t matter.  I can do it another time.  This afternoon, Chrysopal.  Look for me.”

“I have the Redcliffe delegation, so don’t be surprised.”

“They can have your days.  Your nights are mine.  Please?”

“I will always make time for you, but there are others that need me.”

He sighed.  “For now, yes.”

“Solas.”  He looked at me.  “I give you fair warning.  I will not be caged.  Not even with love.”

“Is it so bad to wish to protect you from whatever may come?”

“Would you allow me to take your entire night, so I may protect you?”  

That sobered him, and he flopped on the bed, practically whining my name.  “That's not the same thing.”

“What’s sauce for the goose is good for the gander, a grá.”  He grumbled about that, too.

He set his head in my lap, reaching an arm around me.  Obviously thinking.  A few moments later, he tilted his head back, catching my gaze.  “At least one or two nights a week, Chrysopal, should be ours.  Perhaps more.”

“Ours is much better than the mine you said before.”

“Now, you should reassure your maid that you are not missing.”  His lips hinted at a smile, but it didn’t bloom.  “Wake up, Vhenan.”

* * *

 

Damn it.  He needs to stop saying that as I wake.  The scent of old books filled my nose before I came completely awake.  Vanillin and leather.  I bet I smelled like him, too.  It made me smile.  

It was still dark.  I dressed in the blue dress I’d picked out, and left, shutting the door quietly.  Just for fun, I checked on Dorian.  He was in his own bed, but it was fairly apparent he’d not been there all that long.  The covers weren’t messed up.  I kissed his brow and left him alone.

Briri wasn’t up yet, and my bookends were at their post.  It must be before four.  I opened my door, smiling at them, and was shocked.  Someone’d tossed the room.  I immediately checked on Irusana.  She was okay, they’d left the bathroom alone.  I went back to the bookends.  “One?  Two?”

“Actually, Lady, I’m Three, and he’s Five.”  Oh, fuck me sideways.  That smirk is going to get him swatted.  If I wasn’t fairly certain that’s exactly the reaction he wanted.

“Cute.  Did you by any chance see who trashed my rooms?”  Three turned to look in my room, and his eyes widened.  “Isn’t a great thing that Bull asked me to sleep elsewhere?”  Stupid me.  I’d forgotten that Sam’d given them permission to haul me about.  I found myself hauled back upstairs over a shoulder and deposited with Varric of all people while they bugged Sam.  I should have just woken up at the beginning of the night, when I first heard about it from Shyness.  

Varric does NOT like being awoken at oh-dark-thirty for babysitting detail.  He sat with me, blearily looking through his paperwork.  Every so often he muttered about people who can’t leave other people alone.  He was feeling a little better when Elias and Gunther showed up.  And then Sam showed up not two seconds later.

He squatted next to me.  “So, where did you sleep last night, hon?”

“Solas’ rooms.”

“You sure he’s not going to mind?”

“He told me that if I needed the space, I could use it.  He knows that sometimes I get overwhelmed by the traffic in my room.”

“Traffic?”

“Just all the people that traipse through.”

“How’d you know?”  He wanted to know if I’d been being creepy again.

“Bull asked me to sleep somewhere else.  They’d heard a rumor.”  I put my hand on his shoulder.  “This was not one of my creepy moments.  I had no idea.”  He nodded, solemnly.  “But I need to add some creepy to it.”

“What do you need to add?”

“Whoever it was fade-stepped.”

“Fuck.  How do you know?”

“One, the door was locked.  Two, Dorian got me a Minrathous Longhair.  Did you know they can sense fade manipulation?  Three, I’m extrapolating from what I’ve been told.”  I didn’t mention Shyness.

“We’re not sure if this was aimed at you or at me.  I’m told that there was another incident with Josie a few days ago.”

“There was, but I don’t know anything about that one.”

“All right.  Do me a favor.  Stay with your guards?  And stop calling my Hessarians bookends?”

“They wouldn’t give me names.”  He just sighed.  “But I like Three.  He’s got a sense of humor.”  Sam shook his head, but left it alone.

Elias sat down next to me.  “If it helps, you weren’t the only one with issues.  Someone went through Madame de Fer’s things while she slept, too.”

“Renee? The other healers?”

“I’ll have someone check.”  He went off to do that.

Varric handed me some paperwork.  “Here.  Didn’t cost as much as I thought, but we’re still just getting started.”  The first page was a notice that a patent had been presented to Orzammar.  The second was for Orlais.  The Free Marches.  Ferelden, Rivain, Anderfels, Antiva.  “We’ll see who approves them, but we should be in good shape.  It’s a new thing.  Nothing like it.  Any copycats will be obvious.”

“The money’s going to be in Adan’s ink, and personalization.”

“Yep.”

“And of course, I’m sure there will be someone who wants one in every color.”  That made him smile.

Gunny continued to stand guard, and wouldn’t sit down.  Elias came back.  Renee and Janet also had things out of place.  Marta sat next to me for a moment.  It was obvious that she wasn’t planning on staying.  “The mages in the mage tower had several rooms ransacked.  A storeroom with little bottles had every single one opened.”

“Thanks, hon.  Could you tell Leliana that?  Tell her that every single mage had their space invaded and they were apparently searching for phylacteries, too.  And Sam.”

“I stopped to tell you first.  You think they opened the bottles looking for something?”

“The term is phylactery.  The Nightingale will know it.”   She tried out the word, nodded, and hopped up.  I grabbed her hand.  “Thanks, Marta.”  She nodded and headed out.

Briri showed up a few minutes later with a hairbrush and such.  My hair was a mess from sleeping.  A messenger I didn’t know ran up while she was tending to it.  “Dalish sent a message, Miss.  They tried to get in, but the Chargers are better than that.  They have a package for the Inquisitor.”

I just raised my voice.  “SAM!”  He turned from where he was talking with Leliana.

“What, Chrissy!”

“The Chargers have a package!”

“Got it!”  He just abandoned everyone he was talking to and loped off.

Leliana stopped next to me.  “I couldn’t warn you.  The Chargers...”  She sighed.  Well, shit.  She’d known.  At least it wasn’t a surprise to her.  And I wasn’t supposed to be warned.

“Curtis?”

“No.  But good guess.”  She held my eyes a moment, and then glided after Sam.  “Be nice to our guests, Chrysopal.”  Fuck.  I’d thought I was done playing lady of the castle.

“Cillian and Neria… They won’t be pleased to have their stuff messed with.”

She stopped, and glanced back.  “You know them?”  Something in the set of her shoulders told me she’d forgotten our Dalish friends.  Odd.  It’s not like her to have dropped a thread like that.

“I met Cillian, but not Nera.”

“Please check on them?”

“If I have a few spare moments.”

“Of course.”

Briri’d done something fancy with my hair by then.  “Miss, perhaps a different gown?”

“This one’s fine.”  It was a little long in the sleeves, and had too much embroidery around the neckline, but it was serviceable.

“This blue is not the best color for your duties today.”  It’d been a long morning, her tone was way too conciliatory, and I’d not had breakfast or been caffeinated, so I smiled at her, annoyed.  Not really at her, she’s just doing her job, but I was not really in the mood.  She stilled.

“Precisely what color would be good today, Briri?”

Her mouth worked a moment, but no sound came out.  She didn’t take her eyes from me.  “I’m sorry, miss.  Truly.”

“What.  Color.”

“A g-g-green, Lady, o-or a red.  I can get-”

“That won’t be necessary.  I don’t feel like changing.  I’m famished.  Let’s investigate food.”  I’d changed the color of things before.  The chantry board of Haven, the color blotches on the wall.  If she wanted green, then fine.  I grabbed the molecules and twisted the way they reacted to light.  By the time we reached the door of Josie’s office, that’s what I was wearing.  A deep aquamarine to match the stone on my wrist.  I think Briri hadn’t been expecting that.  

Gun was watching, but he had a small smile.  “Wrong way, Lady mine.”  He held out his arm to escort me.  “Did you remember shoes of some sort?”

“I dislike shoes intensely.”

“I’ll take that as a no.”  He glanced up to Briri, who wasn’t dealing with it too well.

“They… they won’t match any more.”

“Chrissy, could you make the slippers match?”

“Sure.”  I turned my eyes to him.  “If you want, Gun."

He looked back at Briri, arching a brow.  “Would you please go get the Lady’s shoes?  We’ll be at the tavern.”  Briri dipped a curtsy to me and scurried off.

I got escorted to the tavern.  “So what crawled up your butt today?” he asked as he went.  

“Nothing, really.  Just one last thing that snapped my last shred of pleasant.  Someone was looking through our stuff, Gunny.  That’s...  I’m going to have to make some minor changes.  I need my rooms to be...”

“Yours.  I get it, hon.  So long as Garalen, Andrew, Elias, Liam, and I can get in, do what you want, Bit.”

“Not Briri?”

“She’s not part of your guard.”

Andrew met us there.  Dalish and I did the Tai Chi thing again, and she said that every single mage had been attempted.  Briri showed up with light brown slippers as the lesson ended.  They were not the slippers that usually went with this gown.  For the first time, though, I could see that she was nervous of me.  Damn it.  

“It’s okay, Briri.  I understand.”  I lifted the shoes from her hands and the the color brightened to match my dress.  Hue and saturation wheels in G.I.M.P. are extremely educational.  Briri didn’t say anything.

I was fed and caffeinated.  Scrambled eggs and bacon, actually.  I was told I need the protein today.  Bull was still in bed, I was told.  Gunny and Andrew led me back out of the tavern, and I realized today was a grappling practice day.  I hadn’t seen one in a while.  I’m a bad person sometimes, because I stopped.  The young ones aren’t interesting, but there are those few older guys…  Hey, I can look.  I’m going to have to tell Dorian he missed grappling practice.

They only let me watch a few minutes.  Then I had to go greet Cyrren and see how their night went.  I passed Cillian on the walls.  I stopped, waiting for him to finish his conversation with Hall.  When he gave me his attention, I asked him if he’d been disturbed in the night.  “My door was tried, yes, but whoever it was didn’t stay to be questioned.”

“Do you know if the Keeper’s First was bothered?”

He looked at me.  “Have you met Neria?”

“No.”

He spent a long moment looking at my face.  “You are not Dalish.”

“I am not.”

“Which alienage do you hail from?”

“I am not from an alienage.  Do you always ask the same questions twice?”  Cillian glanced up at Andrew and Gunther, who flanked me.  

“You have strange companions.”

“You walk the Vir’Dirth'ena Enasalin.”  It’s so nice to deal with people that don’t startle easily, even if they don’t like you much.

“I always strive to learn.”

“That is the way it should be.”

“Who are you?”

“We were introduced before.  I am called Chrissy.”

“The Inquisitor’s pet.”

I narrowed my eyes.  “Is that what you think?”  I lifted my chin.  “I had been concerned for you.  I see now that I should not have been.  You are more than capable of hurting others when you wish.  Still, I bid you welcome in this place of peace.  Dirthara-ma.”  May You Learn.

I turned to leave, removing my attention from him.  He spoke behind me.  “If you are not his pet, why are you here?”

“Because the Inquisition spreads across Thedas like a blanket of new leaves.  Those leaves will have this shape.  And he is the only one who can fix the sky.  Is that not why you are here?  This affects everyone in Thedas, even the insular Dalish.”

I hadn’t turned to look at him, but I stayed where I was.  There was a long moment of silence.  “I met Gratia.”

“If you harm her, you will live only to regret it, even if you were the only one of your kind.”

“She said you were different.  I didn’t believe.”

I turned my head to him.  “I’m not different, so you were correct to disbelieve.”

He watched me carefully.  “Ir abelas, for the insult.  I should have remembered my manners.”

“You said what you thought.  At least your knife is not hidden in your sleeve.  Good day.”

Cyrren and his people had been provided breakfast in quantity in their tower room.  He claimed they couldn’t eat it all, and was genuinely unhappy about the waste.  “Whatever you don’t eat will be used to feed the animals.  Worry not.  Let me know when and if you wish a tour, Hahren.”

“Of course.”

Paperwork, which was interrupted by paper airplane building with my littles.  They had been discussing kites, and of course I had to get involved.  And so did Andrew.  We ended out in the yard testing aerodynamics.  Impromptu paper airplane races for the win!  

Curtis sought me out, asking if I would walk with him.  I was curious, so I went.  He strolled with me on the battlements.  “Mother is very unhappy today.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

He leaned against a merlon, looking out at the frozen valley.  “Why bother even trying?”

“Curtis.”  He sighed.  “You want to know why we try?”

“It might help.”

“Down there, Curtis, there are people.  Over there in the Hinterlands.  Over in Orlais.  Just regular people.  And they’re part of the problem.”  His eyes widened.  “They’re not trying.  They’ll worship whoever they’re told to worship, follow who they’re told to follow, ignore what they’re told to ignore.  All because they’re not TRYING.  Out of a normal, everyday badness.  Or perhaps laziness.  They accept evil, not because they say yes, but because they don’t bother to say no.”  Thank you, discworld.

“Then why?”

“Because I say no.  I can’t look at something horrible and shrug and say it’s not my business.  It is.  You want to see what trying does?”

“Of course.”

“Look at Feren down there, flirting with Isa.  See how they look?”

“Yes.”

“Now look over there at Cyrren and my Zatlan.”  I gestured in their direction.  “See how Cyrren looks?  How slender he is.  Almost emaciated?”

“I thought…”

“You thought elves were supposed to look like they were starving.  You never questioned it.  You weren’t TRYING.  What sorts of other things, young lord, do you just assume are okay?”  I left him a few minutes later.  He was still looking troubled, but he was at least thinking.

After lunch I checked on Dorian, who was pacing in the library.  He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.  He just pulled me to him for a hug, sighing heavily.  After that, I went up to Leliana.  She invited me to tea after I told her Cillian’s door had been tested.  I hadn’t had a chance to talk to Neria.  

Tea, it turned out, was a formal affair.  Vivienne, Josephine, Leliana, and Cassandra were all participating with me.  Vivienne asked me to pour, so I did.  Her subsequent remark, “Do you see?” was a surprise.

“See what?”

“Not you, dear.  You pour beautifully.”

Leliana and Josephine seemed thoughtful, and Cassandra was just smug.  “What’s going on?”

“Are you sure you’ve never been to a finishing school?” Vivienne asked.

“I think I would remember.  The closest thing I’ve ever had to deal with was Mom.  She was pretty fussy about table manners.  And Grandmama was strict enough that you would eat properly or not eat.”

“Never any bardic training?” Leliana queried.

“We’ve had this conversation.  Why am I under interrogation?”

Josie broke in.  “Oh, no, not that.  We’re just trying to figure out where to start.  I must admit, I had been inclined to start with basic manners, but you have those down.  And Madame de Fer insisted that you would need no instruction in the niceties as well.”

“I have my own manners, and any lack can easily be explained by my obvious foreignness.”

“You reflect on us.”  Cassandra said it quietly.

“Would I be a poor reflection?”

“No.  You could use some polish, however.”

Vivienne set her cup in its saucer.  “Your wit is sharp, your observation skills impressive.  Situational awareness is adequate.  You can deliver the sweet cut.  But your expressions give you away.  Your game face, darling, is completely lacking.”

Oh, they had no idea.  I smoothed my face.  That pleasant but not smiling face that lets you deal with the asshole patting your rear and calling you SAUCY as you walk by, because he outranks you and holds your military career in his hands.  The carefully not-blank face used to convince an appointed psychotherapist you aren’t depressed enough to need inpatient treatment.  “I do apologize, ladies.”

My lips curved in the smile I used to give the girls in high school.  The ones that pretended friendship.  The social smile at board meetings.  That smile women cultivate so jerks on the subway don’t shout “Smile, honey!” at you.  “I was not aware that I should guard my expressions at home, among friends.  Thank you for the instruction.”  I took a sip of my tea, blowing gently.  “Was there something else you needed?”  I lifted a brow.

There was a pleased silence.  Cassandra smirked.  Leliana full out smiled.  Josie just stared, mouth agape.  “I stand corrected.”  Vivienne’s lips quirked as she spoke. 

“But darling, you are still seated?”  Her smile bloomed, just a fraction.

“On to the other issues, then.”

“Other issues?”

Leliana ticked things off on her fingers.  “You have a limited dance repertoire, you don’t deal well in crowds, you are a mage, and your ears are pointed.”

“Some of those things are not changeable.  Also, I’m short, I have an odd accent, I have no title the humans understand, no one knows where I come from, and they cannot trace my lineage.”

“Even so.  As well, you have never seen the big players.  You won’t recognize many of them on sight.”

“I see.  I assume you have collected portraits and a dance instructor?  Intend to conduct daily lessons in various social niceties?”

“Among other things.  We have less than a month, Chrysopal.”

I took a small breath.  “I will do this.”  I set my tea down.  “Because Sam needs it, yes, but I want something.”  I met their eyes in turn.  “You have used my face, my name, without my knowledge or consent.  You plastered my portrait on every alienage wall within five hundred miles, and perhaps farther.  You’ve renamed me for your own purposes, held me up as a symbol without asking.  Created of me a target, who needs guards and protectors.  I cannot CHOOSE, and was never given a choice.  I am no simple knife-ear to succumb to murmured platitudes.  You’ve placed me in untold danger, confined me, trapped me under the Inquisition banner.  You cannot afford to actually let me leave, and it would not reduce my risk.”  I took a deep breath, and looked at them, letting my eyes reflect my disappointment in the Inquisition, and my personal despair at being called the Inquisitor's pet elf.  “I asked for none of this.”

The ladies looked at each other.  They all knew I was right.  Cassandra spoke.  “What is it you want?”

“Inquisitions don’t last forever.  There will not always be the threat of the breach.  Some day, the soldiers will go home, there will be a new Divine, the threats the Inquisition protects against will be quelled.  This Inquisition will lay its banners down, as did the one before.”

“And when that day comes?”  Leliana asked.

“I want Skyhold and its surrounds.  I want my home to be mine.”

Leliana looked at Cassandra.  “Cullen wouldn’t object.”

“Neither would the Inquisitor.”

Josie piped up.  “I think I could arrange it.  Most think it is yours already.”  I smiled at that.  The proper smile, appreciative with a hint of Well, duh, I knew that.

An answering smile flirted with Vivienne’s lips.  “And I thought you could not play the game.  I am delighted to be wrong, my dear.”

Tea passed quickly after that, with some minor plans made for lessons.  Leliana and Cassandra left to do other things.  Josephine, Vivienne, and I turned the conversation to our little elven ladies.  We were discussing whether we were going to leave them behind and a few little things about their education when Josie looked up past my head and smiled.  “I think we are done for now, Chrysopal.  Enjoy the rest of your day.”

Vivienne closed the book we were discussing.  “Absolutely, my dear.  We can finish this another time.”

I turned around in my chair, and Solas was standing in the doorway.  He held out a hand to me.  I bid farewell to the ladies without ever looking at them, for my eyes were locked on his.  When I got close to him, he laid his whole hand on my cheek.  I covered it with mine, and we stood there a long moment.  He had a small streak of dirt on his cheek, and he looked tired.  I’ve truly never seen him tired before.  

“Did you stop to eat, mo chroí?”

“I did not stop at all, ma’nehn.”

“Did you speak to Sam?”

“We talked as I arrived.”

He tucked my hand under his arm, and we walked down the stairs to Ethelathe Hall.  He continued into his library.  We’d barely gotten in the door when his lips met mine.  When I was given the opportunity to take two breaths in a row, I asked if he wanted to use my bathtub.  “Do I smell?”

“You do have a nose.  But there is dirt on it.”

“My room smells like you.”  He leaned down, inhaling deeply against my neck.  “And my scent is on your skin,” he sighed.  It sounded content. “I will bathe, and you will continue your day.  But tonight.”

“Tonight, it will be your bed or mine, for us both.  If you wish.”

“Yessss.”  He drew the word out.

I reached up to his brow.  “Are you alright?”

“I will be.”

“I am here.”

He wrapped his arms around me, hugging tightly.  “And that means everything.”

He and I left to our respective things.  I had dinner with Hannah, Daniel, the Tweedles, Eadras, and Cara.  Cyrren and his attendants, too.  We ate at the table in the center of the pillows.  Yes, I have all the names of Cyrren’s people, but I need to be looking at them to remember them.  My brain isn’t so great at names sometimes.

Songtime went well.  Dorian told me he was unavailable this evening.  He was smirking, so I think he knew Solas was back.  Cillian, of all people, was hanging back in the stairway, eyes glinting in the candlelight.  He left as soon as the singing was over, and didn’t say anything to anyone that I saw.  I did all the niceties with my guests, tucked the boys in, and moved Irusana’s basics in with them.  

My room had been repaired, fresh everything.  That new nightgown was across the corner of my bed, laid out for me.  Briri knew he was home, too.  I had barely gotten dressed for bed when he showed up, and he’s doing his best to distract me.


	131. Day 34, 14 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a revelation at all, way too much Solas, Cole is coherent for a change, Dagna hasn't forgotten, Songtime has spread, and a reflection on time.

###  **Skyhold, Day 34, 14 August, 9:41**

The instant I closed my pen, Solas pulled the papers away from me and put them on the side table.  He’d been tracing little circles on my shoulder, waiting impatiently.  He’d made a good backrest.  When I went to sit up, he pulled me back against him.  “Not yet,” he murmured, planting a kiss on the side of my neck.  “We need to talk.”

“What about?”  My tone might have been overly innocent, because he chuckled.

“You fool no one, ma’haselan.  Say it.  You have waited.  Wait no more.”

“Does it make a difference, Solas?”

“Yes, Chrysopal.  It makes a difference.  Does it not feel important that I know you are Ethelathun as well as Chrysopal?  The names of a loved one are always important.”

Damn.  I sighed, picking up his hand and tracing the fingers.  “If we are to be naming things for what they are, I have more to tell you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You never asked if Chrysopal was my name.”  He stilled behind me.

A few moments later, “I never did.  Everyone was calling you Chrysopal, and I did the same.”

“I know, Faolan.”

“Say it, Chrysopal.”

“But it is not YOU.”

“It is, ma’lath.  Just as Ethelathun is you.  Chrysopal is you.”

I huffed and turned to face him.  “I don’t know why you care if I call you Fen’Harel.”

He worked a hand into my hair, undoing the complicated braiding Briri had done.  No other reaction.  I’d actually kind of expected one.  “I would prefer you did not.  But I needed to know you knew.”

“You already knew I knew.  Have for ages.  That’s why you aren’t reacting at all?”

“Strongly suspected, not knew.”

“Piffle.  You knew.  You have no idea how often I imagined a rolled up newspaper that first month or two.”

“I was fairly certain, yes.  A rolled up newspaper?”

“Often used to chastise wayward puppies.”

“I am not a puppy!” he burst out.

“If you say so.  A swat on the nose.  Or the rear.  It’s generally frowned upon in modern day, though.”  I smiled at his expression.  It took him a moment to regain his composure.

He made the obvious decision to completely ignore that snippet and move on.  “I have a question.”

“What is it?”

He lifted my chin to look in my eyes.  “What is your name?”

“Names have power.”

“This I know well.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

He kissed my lips lightly.  “It matters, or you would not have mentioned it.  I will treat it as a close secret.”  He had finished my hair, and pulled it over his own shoulder.  He rearranged me again, the back of my head in the crook of his neck.  Fingers traced the edge of the neckline of my nightgown, and he breathed on my ear.  “Do you not trust me with your name?”

I sighed.  “Emily.  Emily Fitzgerald.”

“Emily.  A nice name.”

“Want to know the funny part?”

“There is a funny part?”

“It’s Emily _Lynne_ Fitzgerald.” There was no immediate recognition.  “My initials were hilarious as a child.  For certain definitions of hilarious.  I acquired other nicknames quickly, in defense.  I refused to answer to Emily.  Or elf.”

“Your initials.”  He paused, his voice thoughtful. “Interesting.”  

“Unless you’re a child being teased in school.”

“Emily Lynne flows much better than just Emily.  It’s a very foreign shape, but pretty.”

“It’s what my mother called me.”

“I think I will continue to call you ma’nehn.  At least in public.”

“That’s fine.  I would prefer you didn’t share it about.  My birth name does weird things with my threads.  Chrysopal is what I’ve used as a nickname for a very long time.  Decades.  Please continue to use it.”

His head had moved to my neck.  “I love this gown, Emily Lynne.”

“Pay attention, Solas.”

“All of my attention is on you.”

“I thought we were-” He slowly set his teeth to my shoulder, biting just hard enough to tingle with intensity, then ran his tongue over the spot.  The sensation was…  I can’t even describe it.  “Solas,” I breathed.  He just chuckled.

We had missed each other, so we played a bit before sleep. I had barely drifted off, still in the fuzzy stuff before actually “waking” in the fade, when I woke to Solas cursing in elven.  Bed mice. I was giggling, I admit.  He glowered at me a moment, then grumbled, “We tried sleeping in your room, and your demon cat attacked.  Now we will finish the night in mine.  Unless you have objections?”  I was too busy laughing at him to respond.

He snagged a piece of paper, firmly wrote a short note, and folded it, tossing it on the dresser.  Yanked on his pants, bundled me up in the coverlet, and tossed me over his shoulder. There were bookends outside my door, but neither was Three.  They kind of looked at each other and one of them followed us all the way to Solas’ room.  We didn’t see anyone else, but the Hessarian was desperately trying to keep a straight face.  I admit, I laughed the whole trip, to Solas’ chagrin.  Grumpy Solas is wonderful.

When he dropped me on his bed, I just rolled over.  “I’m starting to think you don’t like cats, a grá.”

“I love them. They are quite delicious.”

“You are not eating my cat.”

“She seems to be trying to eat me.”

“You didn’t give me a chance to get dressed.”

“I prefer you undressed.”  He pulled the coverlet off me and lifted the corner of the blankets on his bed.  “Shall we, ma’nehn?”  I slid in, and he shucked his pants and climbed in after me.

“How am I going to get back to my room?”

“You could always stay here.”

“Solas.”

“I left a note.  Briri will bring something.”

I sighed, and we curled up.  He found me moments after I dropped off, and we spent the rest of the evening together, too.  His space, not mine.  The rest was taken up with kisses and cuddles, inconsequential conversation.  He still looks sad.  Probably why his grumpy came out so spectacularly.  Several times it looked like he needed or wanted to talk about something, but he always changed his mind.  Still, I was never out of his arms.

I finally decided to ask.  “What is it, love?”

He took a long time to respond.  “I have so many questions, but I do not believe you would answer.”

“You want to ask about the future.”

“It is tempting.”

“The future is not yet written.  There are some things that are fairly consistent in what I’ve seen, but not all of them are good things.  I’ve made great effort to leave the choices to the people who are supposed to make them.”

“And it is selfish to ask about yourself.”

“Any information I gave would be tainted by my opinions.”

“And what are your opinions?”

“We’re having a nice night, Solas.  Let’s not ruin it.”

“That does not bode well.”

“I can’t make your choices for you, mo chroí.  I can only hope that you make ones I’d prefer you to make, considering what I know of the potential outcomes.”

He didn’t say anything.  Not for a while.  When he finally did speak again, it was on more inconsequential matters.

I was dumped into the waking world quite suddenly.  Solas glided out of bed, pulling on a robe that hadn’t been in his hands a moment ago.  In fact, I don’t remember seeing it anywhere.  Interesting.  

In any case, he answered the door.  Briri stood there, her arms full of things.  Her eyes kept flicking to me, and to him, and back again.  He took the things from her.  I wouldn’t have thought it odd, except that it looked like her hand bumped into something as she handed the stuff over.  Something about her attitude finally clicked.  After she’d left, I asked.

“Why couldn’t she come in?”

“It is a rare spirit that can enter here.”

“And your Briri is not one of those rare spirits.  Today seems full of revelations, a grá.”

He sighed.  “Your people were taking poor care of you.  She works for you, not me.  It was made clear.”

“I’m not planning to run out there and fire her.”  I grinned.  “I’m naked.”

“Then I shall play lady’s maid, and help you to dress.”

“Your tunic is still in my room.”

“I have more.”

“Excellent.  Then you won’t miss that one when I burn it.”

He smiled, the first full smile since he’d gotten back, but it didn’t last long.  I would have to remember he was still heartsore.  In any case, I managed to put most of my clothes on myself.  He only needed to help with the lacing at the back.  A few lingering, but light, kisses, and I went to leave.  “Not yet.”

“Hmmm?”

“Shoes, ma’lath.  You always forget things for your feet.”

“I don’t usually wear them around Skyhold.”  He just held up the slippers.

I snarled “fine” as I grabbed them.  I went to leave, and he pulled me back.

“On your feet.”  I put them on.  They wouldn’t stay on long, though, I admit.

In any case, the rest of the day commenced.  Bull was waiting for me when I got to the tavern, as well as Krem and Foxtripper.  Garalen shook her head at Andrew, who was also waiting, when she thought I wasn’t looking.  Gunny’d had a bad night, and was shaky, but he wouldn’t want me to see him that way, so I’m refraining from bothering him.  

Bull evaluated my “progress” with escaping Foxtripper.  He has the same comments about annoying sleeves as I do.  He also suggested I cut my hair.  Solas likes it too much, and since he’s the one brushing it, I’ll let it be.

After drinking my coffee (it still tickles me that I have my own mug with my name on it), I went up to bug Dorian.  And he wasn’t in the library.  His room’d been slept in, but he wasn’t there either.  So, me being me, I followed his thread.  He was in the dungeon, probably with Alexius.  I debated going in there, but as we all know, I’m a bitch sometimes, so of course I went in.  They were speaking in hushed tones, but Dorian didn’t appear happy.  I left before they noticed me.  My presence would have helped nothing.

Paperwork reproduces when left unattended, and I admit I’d been less than diligent recently.  I managed to put a decent dent in the crap I had to do.  There was a larger abacus delivered to me late in the morning.  Dagna had come through.  This one had stone beads and metal rods.  It was very well made, with the counters moving easily but not slipping.

Halton scooted off to work with Seggrit on something.  I decided to take the opportunity to go thank Dagna.  The uncles were off somewhere, so I had Dagna to myself.  She was poring over some drawings she’d made of a man’s left arm.  With measurements.  “Hey Dagna!”

“Hey!  Do you have any idea who made the first one of these?  Maybe I can have someone look in the memories for it.”

“No clue.  It was an elvenborn, or potentially an elf.  Long ago and far away.”

“I THINK I might know how it works.  But if I’m wrong, it could hurt.”

“You have about two years, so don’t worry too hard.”

“Did you come for your new staff?  I didn’t know you knew it was ready.”

I blinked.  “I didn’t.  I just came to talk to you.”

“Oh!  Well, you have a new staff.  The Tevinter guy said we should probably use ice, since you can’t set anything on fire with ice.”

“He’s wrong.  You can.  It just depends on the angle of the sun and the clarity of the ice.  Not as good as a magnifying glass, but serviceable.”

“Really?  That’s neat!”

From there, our conversation devolved into a discussion of heat, which moved into a discussion of levels of comfort, which moved into a discussion of sound and volume, which moved into a discussion about breaking glass by singing, which is when we were interrupted by an exceedingly calm Vivienne.  “Did you forget, Lady Trevelyan?”

“That is not my name, Madame de Fer.”

“Lady Chrysopal, then.”

“If I have to.”

“It might be wise, dear.”

She dragged me up to the balcony with the girls.  We all sat around as she explained the who’s who of Orlesian nobility.  And she didn’t have portraits, she was creating faces in midair.  With light and color!  I lost interest in the names and faces, and opened my SELF just a bit to SEE what she was doing.  Something about defining the edges before filling it with the illusion of color…  

I was busy trying to figure it out when I heard “Chrysopal!”

I jumped.  “Yes, Vivienne?”

“Please stick to the _intended_ lesson.  We can discuss the method of demonstration another time.”

“Of course.”  Random face.  Random names.  I’m never going to remember them all.  

When the lesson was over, I had a brainstorm.  I skipped off to find Cole.  He was in the infirmary with Michael, who was asleep.  Michael hadn’t deteriorated more, but he still wasn’t good.  “Between you and Solas here, and Hope elsewhere, I’m hoping we find the key to this Locke.”

“The key is found.  It may still be too late.  The lock is rusty.”

“Is he a mage, or some sort of proto-mage?”

“I can’t stand with you in Halamshiral.  I promised the inquisitor I’d stand next to him.”

“Shoot.  Great minds think alike.”

“No they don’t.”

“No, I suppose they don’t, at that.”

“He can’t be what he might have been, because that part is broken now.”

“They tried resuming the Lyrium.  It didn’t work.”

“He’s too much one, not enough other.  It may be kinder to let him go.”

I sat on the stool next to his bed.  “Whether it is kinder or no, he deserves the chance.  And the choice.”

“I have to tell. I promised.”

“Tell who what?”

“You didn’t eat.”

“I had breakfast with the Chargers.”

“Dorian worries.”

“Oh, don’t tell Dorian.”

“I promised.  But I told you first.  Varric called it a ‘head start’.”  Damn it.

I chatted with Renee after Cole left.  He’s basically on palliative care.  He’ll either make it or not at this point.  He’s thin.  Very thin.  For someone who looked like Andrew and Gunny, he’s practically wasted away.  We’d have to see about that.

I wandered back through the main hall, and was snagged by Jailyn to handle a “small emergency”.  Someone had cut through every single sheet in the linen closet.  There wasn’t enough time to get more, and she couldn’t put mended sheets on the beds.  She presented me the problem, and then waited.  You could see it in her eyes.  The utter calmness.  She fully expected me to be able to solve this.  Such confidence is terrifying.  Luckily for her, I know how thread is made.  But what about the next emergency?

“Show me the linen closet.”

“Yes, Lady.”  She led me over to the small room that housed the household linens, and opened the door.  Holding up an example, she said, “see what I mean?  It’s like someone took a sharp knife to the entire stack.”  I fingered the edges.  It was only about two inches deep, but it would continue to ravel and probably tear easily.  Who would slice a two inch rip into the ends of every singe sheet?

“Alright.  Shut the door behind you, please.”  She didn’t even question.  But I was fairly certain I could do this.  It was just twisting fibers together.  No different than twisting elfroot to get the essence.  It was a touch harder than I expected, but if Polgara can do it, so can I.  Well, probably.  At least this thing.  Maybe not everything she does.  

Anyway, a while later, Eadras and Gunny opened the linen closet door.  “I’m almost done.  Any clue who might have wanted to destroy all the sheets?”  I was only a hair dizzy.  Probably because this is just a new application of something I know how to do.  I think I’m starting to understand how this works.  When I expand on things I already know, it’s much easier.  Or if it’s stuff I know for a fact works in game.  Otherwise, it’s a crapshoot.

“Probably someone annoyed with the Inquisitor or the Inquisition.  Dinner, lady.”

“In a moment.  Who am I eating with?”  Eadras listed some names, but I didn’t know who they were.  I finished up what I was doing, and sat down for a little bit.  Then I went out for dinner in Ethelath hall.

My dinner companions were people who work in the lower camp, as it turns out.  They keep the areas between the tents clean, move the charcoal around, do the fetching and carrying.  They did not handle the latrines or “the messy duties”.  Cullen had ensured the soldiers handle their own shit, as it were.  So my elves don’t have to, unless that’s precisely what they hired on to do.  That’s a really drastic change from even the trip out to Orlais.  Also, I learned that songtime is held in the lower camp, too.  And in the other camps, sometimes.  It’s a THING.

My songtime went well.  People have other places to be and other things to do.  Reunions and private celebrations.  I slumped back in my chair and examined my threads.  Generally, we’re happy.  How amazing is that?  We’re not in pain, we’re not afraid.  That was enough, once.  But now, they’re happy.  Smiling and well-fed.  Friendly and cheerful.  Standing tall and speaking with full voices.  Making decisions.  Making choices.  How important the ability to make decisions is.  And it’s all happened in six and a half months.  One hundred and ninety three days.

Dorian caught me after song time.  He’s fine.  Truthfully, he feels fine, too.  He wants to sleep in his own bed because he has company.  NOT the Iron Bull.  He’s still running, hard.  It’s probably so strange to meet someone who claims you in public like that when you’ve spent your whole life hiding.  I reminded him that tomorrow was hug day.

Tucked in the littles.  They’d been moved, to a smaller room.  Used to be a closet, actually, for the servant’s hall, but it’s comparatively huge.  Maybe nine by ten, the size of a normal bedroom.  Three beds (bunked for two of them), toys, dressers, books and papers.  It looks like a kids room.  Paper airplanes with busted noses languished on the nighttable.  

Solas was waiting for me outside again.  “Do you wish company?”

“Of course.”

“Your room or mine?”

“Let’s try mine.  And I’ll even let you put Irusana in the bathroom.”  Which he did.  He’s reading something about Tevinter on the other side of the couch.  Major serious face.  Anyway, it’s bedtime for bonzo.  Bonzos.  Whatever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'll be another day or two before the explicit side.
> 
> Blame the Insert In Thedas Discord Crew for the name. It was their idea, especially Comavampure. Yes, it's corny, but I promised.


	132. Day 35, 15 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fadebros, Hug day, Michael is better, showing Cyrren my day, planning a short jaunt, Sharis is restored, and reassuring my Dorian.

###  **Skyhold, Day 35, 15 August, 9:41**

I guess I’d been watching him for too long.  “I can feel the weight of your gaze.”  He turned his head.  “Do you need something?”

I just smiled.  “No.”  

I went back to reading, and a moment later, I heard, “I see.”  He moved one of the numerous ribbons to his place in the book and shut it.  His fingers gripped my book, pulling it out of my hands.  Setting it on the table, he pulled me into his lap.  “I have things to do this evening.  I may be able see you in the early morning hours.”

“I have some things I’ve been neglecting, as well.  But you needed me.”

“I still do, never doubt it.”  Is it bad that I’m not sure about that?  Need is such a strong word.  “Ma’lath?  Why that look?”

“Never mind, mo chuisle.”  I touched his face.  “I have a request.”

He smiled.  “Again?  It is only the beginning of the evening.”

“Again and again, mor’ishan.”

“How could I say no?”  He set his lips to mine for a while, and we went to bed.

I’d only been in the fade a few minutes, at most, when my fade-bros showed up.  Valor was waiving rolled paper.  “We were waiting for you, Lady.  Did you know that your fortress is the oldest in the entire mountain range?  There’s another that comes close, but we can see that one built.  This one has always been in the fade.”

You know, I’d never considered that.  If your world began at a defined point, would you be able to see what came before?  The fade is a ruined place in many ways because of the destruction as it was formed?  Maybe?

“Wait, the other one.  Is it called, at any point, Aeonar?”

Fortitude tilted its head just a hair too far to the side.  “Why do you wish to know?”

“That head tilt is nearly perfect, but you’ve overdone it by two degrees or so if you intend to indicate curiosity.  And because I want the broken places.  All of them.”

“Thank you.”  It corrected his head tilt, raising a brow.

“That’s about right.”

“I have seen broken places.”

“They would be easier to find from here, I suppose.”

“No one wants them.”

“I do.”

“They are guarded.”

“That’s probably a good thing.”

“There is only fear and despair where you wish to go.”

“I know.”

“Then WHY?”  I’d managed to frustrate a spirit of Fortitude while Valor just watched.  It made me smile, for a moment, but I knew I needed to soothe it.

“Fortitude.”

“Lady.”

“Is there some reason I must tell you my reasons?”

It was taken aback by the question.  Valor burst out laughing.  “Most people do,” Valor boomed.  “Fortitude is not often blocked.”

Fortitude glowered at Valor, then looked back to me.  “Maybe I won’t help without that information.”

“That’s fine.  You have to do you.”

“I have to… do… me?”

“I would not expect you to act against your nature.  All you had to say was ‘I’m not answering that question.’”

“You’re not going to press?”

“Why should I?  Either you’ll tell me, or you won’t.  I have other methods of getting the information I seek.  They may take longer, or not, but they exist.”

Damn spirit actually pouted.  “You are unexpectedly patient.”

“Some say I am stubborn.”  I smiled, and it smiled back, just a bit too wide.  I turned my eyes to Valor.  “You are not the only one seeing this place, Fortitude.”  I moved toward Valor, and Fortitude caught my hand.  

“If not around, then through.  If not through then under. Or over.”

“If necessary, exactly.”

“Lady.  What is the goal?”

“Land.  Buy it, steal it, carve it out of the fade, raise it from the sea.  Claim the broken places, heal the hurts, home, safety, love.”  I looked at my hand.  “And I thought IT was Valor.” Fortitude released my hand, stepping back and bowing slightly.

“I am me.  And Aeonar is indeed of what we spoke.”

“Are you one of those who presses on the weak places, trying to escape the prison of the fade?”

“Not at the moment.  Are you?”

“Not at the moment.”  

It smiled again.  “Valor has information.”

“Is every spirit going to test me?”

“No.”

“Just most.”  It smiled yet again.

“I think I like you, Lady.”

“You repeat yourself.”

“So I do.  We have the methods of improving your stronghold.”

They stood with me around a well drawn map.  They suggested changes to the entryspace between the portcullises first.  Apparently those little walls should go all the way up and have arrowslits.  The crumbling wall needed to be fixed.  The doors of every doorway needed to be examined for sturdiness.  They were old.  Barriers over every window.  They spoke of magical technologies, too, such as the fire-starter runes I’d thought about and a few other things.  Temperature controls, self-heating cauldrons on the battlements, walls of lightning and streaks of flame.  But WHEN were they?

The spirits pointed out several other issues, but the biggest they pointed out was that I wasn’t effectively utilizing the watchtowers.  I confess I wasn’t actually aware of the watchtowers.  There are, according to my fade-bros, tunnels to get to them.  Right now the inquisition only had access to a few of them.  There were ladders that they used to get into the tops, and they pulled them up for safety.  That left the watchers stranded in case of attack, and limited options to let the main keep know what was happening.  The good news, there are tunnels to the bottom of all eight.  From the next level below the area near the prison I’d given to the soldiers.

They were kind enough to show me the entrance to the lower level.  A hidden door that slides to reveal a stairway.  We could get more people out of the cold.  There were two more barracks areas, and a central area for gathering and indoor practice.  One of the tunnels, the one that runs under the prison, will need to be shorn up.  I thanked them profusely for the information, and the tour.

“You like secret areas.”  Valor was thoughtful.

“I do.  They’re really cool.”

“You haven’t been in the walls.”

“I figured there had to be rooms or halls or something in the walls.  In the drawings of castles and such that I’ve seen, they’re fairly common.”

“It depends on the thickness of the walls.”

“How come you two aren’t very cryptic?  Most of the spirits I talk to are far more difficult to parse.”  They both just looked confused.  “Most spirits seem to take delight in confusing me.  Speaking in circles.  You get right to the point.”

“Just because you have difficulty understanding doesn’t make it cryptic.”  That was Fortitude.

“I don’t mind cryptic.  It’s fun to make sure I phrase my replies in a way that matches, so they understand.”

Valor looked at Fortitude.  “See?”

“I see.”

We wandered back to the table with the drawings on top of my space.  Valor starting writing in strange squiggles on the page on top.  “If you follow these directions, it’ll-”

“Valor, I can’t read that.”  That shocked it.

“You can’t READ?”

“I can read.  Just not THAT language.”

“How have you gotten this far when you’re illiterate?”

“Okay.  I am NOT illiterate.  I can read several languages.  That is not one of them.”  Valor spread its hands in that calm down gesture I hate.  “There is a fine line between bravery and foolhardiness,” I stated calmly, staring at those hands.  “Do not try to placate me, Ser Valor.  That particular gesture is commonly used to indicate the female person is getting ‘overly’ emotional and irrational.  As if her having feelings makes her opinions less valid, like she’s less a person than a male would be.”  

It moved its hands behind it.  “I apologize.  That was not my intention.”

“You have likely seen it used often.  I’d wager that the female people it was used on fed either rage or fear that day.  I appreciate it, both of you, that you gave the information and advice.”  I looked at the papers.  “I wonder…”

“Probably not.”  I looked at Fortitude.  “While you have prodigious talent, Lady, you do not have the skills of a dreamer.”

“So I wouldn’t be able to take those into the waking world.”  It inclined its head.  “I’m left with asking a dreamer or storing them here.  Is it safe to store them here?”

“If you wish, I will guard them.”

I tilted my head to the side and watched it a long moment.  It didn’t even fidget, just waited.  “If you wish to do so, I would be pleased.”  It rolled up the documents, then did something I’d not expected.  Just inserted them into its side.  They disappeared into its being.  

Nothing prior to that had really creeped me out in the fade, not even Shyness.  I kept my face expressionless.  I hope it keeping those memories and thoughts doesn’t hurt it.  I’m not fool enough to believe those are actual papers in its amorphous non-physical being.  I’m not so far gone that I think this is anything other than a construct to allow people to have a shared frame of reference.

I woke in the morning, not having seen Solas at all.  He was curled around me, still asleep.  I enjoyed the situation for a moment, but I had things to do.  I tried to slip quietly out of bed, but his arms tightened.  “Why are you always trying to leave my arms?”  The words were mumbled, half asleep.  I could feel his lips curve as he said it, though.

“Some of us have work to do.  I neglected Cyrren and Curtis both yesterday in favor of Ethelathe business, and I need to get back to them.”

“It’s hug day, da’asha.”  He moved above me, kissing my temple.

“Would you like your hug now or later, mor’ishan?”

“I have to choose?”

“I suppose you can have more than one.”

“How very generous of you.”

“I have a question.”

He sighed.  “It has nothing to do with hug day.”

“No, it does not.”  He snagged a lingering kiss.  It took a moment for me to remember what we were talking about.  “Solas…”

“I might have an answer.”

“Why are some spirits more difficult to converse with than others?”

“What do you mean?”

“Some speak plainly, even as you or I do,” I pointed out.  “Others are far more cryptic, like Cole.”

“It may be familiarity with the world, Haselan.  Sometimes those of greater age have older patterns.  Though I would like to point out that you are often less than clear.”  I used my thumbs to massage his neck where it met his shoulders.  He’d looked stiff.  He lowered his head with an almost-inaudible sound.

“Someone I know likes that.  It seems to be more effective out of the fade.”

“If you do this every time I answer a question, I will likely answer a lot more.”

I paused.  “It wasn’t supposed to be some sort of reward.  I just wanted to touch.”

“Ir abelas, ma’asha.  It was not intended to imply you were paying me. You are welcome to touch.”  I resumed what I was doing.

“I really do have to get up.  I need a bath before I get ready.”  He lifted his head, eyes gleaming in the darkness.  “Alone, or I’d never get clean in decent time.”

“Perhaps another time.”

“Perhaps.”  I climbed out of bed, and he watched me head for the bathroom.  Irusana was still asleep in there, but she woke up at the water sounds.  I don’t know what the little balls of light Dorian taught me to create are called, but I call them witchlights or magelights.  I’m not sure where I got the name, but it was probably something I read.  In any case, she kept trying to jump for it, and poor girl landed in the tub.  NOT a happy camper.  And since people won’t teach me the Dry Things trick, she was stuck doing the step-shake step-shake paw dance after I got as much as possible up with a towel.

A few minutes later, a knock on the door was revealed to be Solas, to kiss me goodbye.  Briri had arrived, and had my clothing for the day.  “How far can I trust Briri, Solas?”

He lowered his voice, speaking in my ear.  “As far as you like, Emily Lynne.  Almost as far as you trust me,” he murmured, sliding his cheek along mine, then claiming his kiss.  I cupped my hands before I brought them up to his shoulders, slowing the movement of the water, making it colder.  And then spread my fingers, letting the water fall on his back.  He didn’t react, not even a momentary pause in our kiss.  A minute or two later, he pulled back.  “I play back, ma’lath.”

“Have a good day, Solas.”  I finished my ablutions after he left, and Briri bustled in with various toiletries.  Dressed in ridiculous sleeves and fur.  I put my own hair up, though.  Invisisticks are irresistible to certain people. She went over my agenda from Halton.  I made a few mental changes to it, and discussed them with Halton as I left my room.  ‘Sana came with me, looking like a koosh ball.  Poor thing looked miserable.

I haven’t played with Drummer in a while, so I decided to make that my first stop.  Hugs for everyone I passed, including Halton.  I left ‘Sana with the kiddos, Ladies, and the three Highever teens.  (And Eadras, who snagged smooches on the cheek as well.   I don’t mention him often, but I see him every day.  He’s one of the staples of my life.)

Drummer was pleased to see me, but he’d hurt himself.  One of his front legs had a gash in it.  It’d been tended, but he wasn’t to be ridden.  Josren acquired himself a long hug, breathing a sigh of relief.  I’m not sure why.  When I asked, he didn’t want to tell me.  Geth wouldn’t talk much either, and hugged me.  They also wouldn’t tell me what happened to Drummer.  “He hurt himself” was all I could get.  Looks like I’ll be riding someone else tomorrow.  Dennet says he’ll pick me a “winner”.  A couple other stable lads and lasses, Blackwall, Dennet, and I was off again.

I visited the Chargers.  Andrew was waiting with Bull.  “I’m not playing today.  It’s hug day.”  Andrew laughed.  

Bull just grinned and ushered me inside.  “If you want.” I just realized they managed to steal every single breakfast for the last however long.  Sneaky sneaky.  Bull’d been complaining I was neglecting them.  The big lug manipulated me again.  I’ll have to get even.  Maybe I’ll make him a blanket or something.  A crocheted blanket just might get stuck on a horn.

Gunny showed up while I was eating breakfast with them.  Not looking great today, but better than yesterday.  He trailed along as I got most of the rest of my people.  I am very concerned about Alex.  He’s not doing very well, gets cold easily, joints acting up.  He feels… frail somehow.  Nothing I can put my finger on.  More grey at his temples.  He’s always been older, but now he seems OLD.  

Michael Locke looks BETTER today.  For the first time since I started checking on him.  His grip was stronger, and the little tubules looked… different.  Sealed somehow?  He looked at me, wavering between what looked like awe and fear.  “Do you know a spirit of Hope?  Was it lying?”  His voice was strong and steady.

“Hope, Compassion, Valor, Fortitude.  I spoke of you to them all.”  

“How?”

“I am not afraid of the Fade or its spirits.  If they were strong enough to hurt me, they’d have come over here to do it.  Otherwise, they either don’t want over here, or they aren’t strong enough to be a threat.”  

“The bald apostate visited me, and said I would mend.”

“He said he’d take a look when he returned.  I’m glad he did.”

“You did this.”

“No, Michael.  Renee has been tending you, Solas took a look at you and likely performed some sort of healing.  Hope and Compassion- Hello Cole.”  Cole put his chin on my shoulder, putting his arms around my middle while standing behind me.  “Sorry.  Hope and Compassion helped you, kept you here.  Joan discovered the mint tea issue.  Cullen, Gunny, and Andrew asked me to include you in our activities to keep your spirits up.  It wasn’t me.”  He didn’t say anything, but kept my hand.  “Heal up, Michael.  Happy Hug Day.”

“I should get a hug, then.”

“Did you want one?  I’m sorry.”  Cole let go, and I leaned down to give Michael a quick squinch.  Cole walked out with me.  We chatted a bit.  No real revelations.  I admired the hat Sam’d had made for him.  Even bigger by a good inch, and somehow floppier and firmer.  Not sure how they managed that, but I’m no milliner.

Cyrren was sitting in a chair in front of my desk, turned to watch the lessons, when I got back to my desk.  “Hello, Hahren Cyrren.”

“Good morning, Chrysopal.  Young Halton tells me you have plans for tomorrow?”

“Yes.  I was thinking I needed to visit the memorial fire.  There are some names that need to be added to it.”

“I’d like to see this memorial fire.”

“Excellent.  It’s about half a day’s ride, but we need to spend the night there.  I’ve exhausted myself both times I’ve messed with it.  Is that okay?”

“These bones aren’t as old as you think.  A night in the chill won’t kill me.”  Mental note:  Don’t let the Hahren get too cold.  We chatted about a few things, and I showed him the kinds of paperwork I do.  This pile for the Inquisition, that one for Ethelathe itself.  Hired more people with a stroke of a pen.  Counted more harvest tallies.  Allocated supplies.  Answered letters.  Signed letters already written.  Joked around with Halton.

Seggrit came by.  He snagged a hug and cuddled the kitty.  Talked prices and needs for a bit.  He wants to expand his network just a bit.  “A few old friends are interested in our sunglasses.”  Squee!  Harrit’d worked up the colored lenses type, too, but they’re much more expensive.  To get large glass sheets or delicate things, you go to Serault.  But we just needed little pieces of flat colored glass.  No Serault required.  We have our own formerly Dalish glassblower.  Ethelathe, not Inquisition.  The patent requests have already been submitted.

He also wanted to tell me he’d bought the initial supplies for my blacksmith and cartwright.  They’ll be moving in next week sometime.  I was told the house is nearly complete.  Fixed by MY people, not anyone from Garvey.  I won’t trust my own to anyone else right now.  I’ll give them the “password” before they leave.  Still corresponding with the Mayor of Treepine.  She’s cautiously agreeing to consider my suggestions.  Wants to meet the elves in question, though.  May have to make a trip out there soon.

Cyrren spent basically the whole morning watching me write and do the things I do.  Finally he asked, “So, what is that thing you are using to write with?”  I hadn’t even thought!

“A fountain pen.  My Forge Uncles made it for me.  We’re going to sell them.”

“May I?” He held out a hand.  I put the pen in it.  He tried it on some scrap paper bits.  “Interesting.  Smooth, I must say.”

“How long will you be staying, Hahren?”  I was very careful with my tone.  Curious, and in no way impatient.

“I’d like to see this fire, and speak with a few more people, but we will be heading home by Thursday, I hope.”

“You’re more than welcome to stay longer.”

“That should be all I need, Ethelathun.”  I just smiled at him, but I’m not sure why he keeps changing what he calls me.  Lunch for all of us was delivered.  Hugs everywhere, gossip and chitchat.  Jailyn, Leorah, Eliza, basically everyone in the main workstations down here, all showed up for it.  Zatlan, too.  I’ve not gotten to spend much time with him.  I have way too many people to keep track of them all.  I’m glad I have the others to help me manage.

I pulled Zatlan aside after lunch and asked if he had any spare room in his schedule.  He assured me he had plenty, because Eadras was dead easy to take care of.  I asked him to check on and watch over Alex a little as well.  “The human blacksmith with the greying red hair?”

“That’s him.  He feels wrong, somehow, but nothing is wrong with him, exactly.  Frail.  I can’t explain it.  We’ve already moved him into the undercroft, but it’s not getting better.”

“My lady, he feels his age.  I will help him, but age is not a thing we can fix.”

“Not in humans, and not yet.”  He looked a bit taken aback at that.  “Don’t worry about it.  You’re telling me to prepare, because my Uncle may die soon.”

“Soon, late, no way to tell.  He could live another twenty years, if he is lucky.”

“Thank you, Zatlan.”  I put my hand on his shoulder.  “I have never regretted accepting you.”  I hugged him, and he returned it, flushing.

In the afternoon, I spent a little time with Dagna.  I MIGHT have POSSIBLY mentioned snowboarding, and maybe even snowmobiles.  She seemed intrigued by the idea, equating it to dogsleds. Dogsleds are a thing here, in the mountains near the Anderfels, apparently.  It’s possible that one could be powered by an electrical rune or three, but she’ll have to figure out how to get the get up and go of whatever type to make it actually move.  I could get to my fire in an hour with even a slow snowmobile.  It has occurred to me that you could ask a spirit or two if they’d like to pull it.  If they wanted.

I may have to mention dune buggies, too.  They have a lot of get up and go.  Considering the metals here seem rather lighter than what I’m used to, it may be possible to find something like aluminum.  Hey, don’t judge.  With a dune buggy, I could get to Redcliffe in a day, if I had decent roads…  I kind of miss going seventy five down an empty road.  Though the roads aren’t likely to be empty.  There’d have to be only one or two, and they wouldn’t be shared outside Ethelathe.  She’s got to work on the arm first, though.

Dinner was in the main hall.  The girls, including Sharis this time, and Sam, and of course the Lendons, with the Orlesian new arrivals and several others were all present.  Ugh.  Without any prompting from me, Sam announced that Sharis had completed her penance, and would be restored to noble country.  No, he didn’t call it noble country.  PseudoArl Lendon was a bit perturbed to hear Sam call her his ward.  They were on the other side, so I didn’t hear what was said.

Curtis, on the other hand, was over with me.  An Orlesian Comte had arrived with a son and daughter.  They weren’t staying long, but the teenage people are definitely socializing under benevolent eyes.  Curtis thinks the girl is cute.  The girl, however, is more interested in one of the serving girls.  She stares at her, sighing.  It’s kind of adorable.  I did pull the servant in question aside and remind her she’s not an amenity, just in case.  “Nothing you don’t wish to do.”

It wasn’t until after dinner that I got the chance to see Cullen.  Well, I didn’t actually.  There were… Noises… coming from Cullen’s office.  I am quite sure neither he, nor she, nor I, wanted me to knock on that door.  

I got the library peeps on the way back.  I invited Dorian to come with me tomorrow.  “What about your hobo, dove?”

“What about him?”

“I thought you would ask him.”

“I will.  What does that have to do with me asking you, my love?”  He squeezed me tightly for a long while.  

“I worried that you…   Never mind.  I should have realized.  You’re not that type.”

“You are one of only two men in Thedas that can just crawl into my bed, Dorian.  If you need me, tell me, and I will be there.  Solas will understand, or not, but you are my glorious peacock, amicus.  I will tend you.  He has another bed.”

“I don’t think he’d be thrilled about that.”

“And?  He knows how I am.  I’m not going to change my nature for him or anyone else.  Do you need me?”

“Actually, not tonight.”  He turned pink.  “I have plans.”

“Anyone I know?  Someone with horns?”

“It’s not like that.  It’s just a drink.”

“Can I tell you something?”  He leaned down.  “I have a feeling you can either get drunk, or get lucky.  Up to you.”

“You, my dear, are a bad woman.”

“You like me that way.”

“You are certainly fun.”

“Going with me?”

“Absolutely.”

“Excellent.”

I hopped over the railing, landing in front of Solas’ desk.  “Hi.”

“If you are trying to startle me, you must choose new tactics, ma’nehn.”

“I haven’t gotten a hug yet.”  I stepped up close to him.  He just smiled.  “Am I going to get one?”

“Later, for certain.  Your bed or mine?”

“Whatever.  I’m heading out to my fire tomorrow.  Sam was kind enough to tell me I had to take at least three people with me besides my guards.  Want to come?”  His eyes darkened.  “Want to go with me, I mean.”

“Yes, to both questions.”  He said it low enough that no one else could have heard.

“Solas!”  He just chuckled at me.  I bid him farewell, blowing him a kiss from a few feet away.  

Varric was just inside the main hall, doing paperwork in front of the fireplace. I sat down next to him on the bench and gave him a cuddle.  “It was nice of you to help with the patent stuff for the sunglasses.  Segritt said you helped him with the paperwork.”

“Eh, I was already doing one set.  It was easy to let him copy off me.”

“Better watch out, or someone will figure out you’re a softy.”

“Nah.  Bianca here’d straighten them out real quick.”  He winked at me.  I hugged him again and went off down the stairs.  

I snagged Zatlan and asked if he wanted to go to the memorial fire with me.  He did, so we’re going.  I’m taking Kiera, Three, and Garalen as guards.  (Andrew and Gunny can come if they want.  I offered.  They’re considering.)  Elias is seeing yet another new girl, so he’d prefer to spend his night here in Skyhold.  I can understand that.

The evening was normal.  Songtime, bedtime for kiddos, check the threads.  Everyone’s doing okay.  There’s determination coming from somewhere, but I can’t tell where.  It’s like it’s a connection I can’t exactly see.  All the other emotions are attached to someone.  Wispiness is out of control, but I can look past it so long as I’m not trying to do too much at once.  I need to figure out some sort of filter system.  I tried thinking in three dimensions, instead of two.  I’m going to need some sort of construct to imagine, because just saying ‘Okay, now, try it in three dimensions’ doesn’t work.

I was reading a book Dorian had left on the metaphysical properties of the veil when there was a knock at my door.  I got up, and Solas was standing there, leaning against the doorframe.  His eyes locked with mine.  Reaching for my hand, he brought my wrist to his lips.  “You said whatever, da’asha.  So, will you come to my bed?”

“You had but to ask.”  So I’m back in the rocking chair, writing at the lapdesk he got for me.  Irusana was played with and is happily ensconced with the kiddos.  Josie said a carriage will be ready for us to use tomorrow, so Cyrren and his attendants will ride in style.  Everything's arranged.  I just need to finish writing and get some rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. I'm going to have to start planning to update a little less frequently. Holiday parties, kidlet things, general seasonal kerfluffle stuff. Not less than twice a week is the plan. It'll go up after the new year, I'm sure. Just wish could convince my brain to wrench down the wordcount a little.


	133. Day 36, 16 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope, nearly falling prey to Contentment, Commander Cullen, a trip to the fire, Andrew intervenes

###  **Skyhold, Day 36, 16 August, 9:41**

Solas pulled the desk off my lap as soon as I was done, claiming my pen and leaving the papers on it.  He picked me up, and sat, plopping me on his lap.  “You seem to like carrying me about.”

“Hmmm.”  He just held me close, rocking.

“Blaud, why?  You are always carrying me or putting me on your lap.  It’s not what I’m used to.”

“Perhaps that is why?”

“Perhaps, but is it?”

That made him chuckle.  “You are small, and I like holding you.”

“Mo chroí, I’m the fattest elf in Thedas.  I’m not small.”

“I think you are.  Your bodyshape is… enticing.  You are so tiny, and cuddly.  You fit in my arms.  And my lap.”

“I’m not tiny.”

“Yes.  Sometimes you seem much larger.  You loom, somehow, from way down there.  It is quite remarkable.”  

I pinched his side, gently. “Way down there?”

That made him chuckle.  “Perhaps not so far down.  We have a busy day tomorrow.  Relax, Vhenan.  Nothing will harm you here.”  He rocked a while, until I was drowsy, and then bundled us into bed.

I slipped quietly into the fade.  Wisps abound, and spirits wander.  I followed Hope’s thread back to the little nook it likes.  “Is this your home, Hope.”

“It is my space.  Until someone stronger comes to try to take it.”

“Stronger?  How will you tell?”

“If they can take it, they are stronger.”

“Is there a way I can help you protect it? Everyone needs their own space.”

“You would do this?”

“Why not?  Is there some reason I should not?”

Hope touched my face.  “So innocent.  I will not take advantage of it.”

“If I thought you would take advantage, Hope, I would not have offered.  I am not so foolish as you may think.  You helped one of mine.”  I hadn’t realized before that moment that Michael was one of mine.  He hadn’t been before.  Odd.

“I didn’t.  I just kept the nightmares away.”

“You underestimate how much that helps.  And you spoke to him, reassured him.”

It brought up the other hand.  Both now cupping my cheeks.  “There is no debt.  There can be no debt, Chrysopal.”  I’m not sure what that means exactly, but it was insistent that there could be no debt.  Nothing it did could ever incur a debt from me.  It said that thrice, firmly.  What could I do but acquiesce?

“Alright, Hope.  There can be no debt.”  When I said it, something tightened, then released, accompanied by some sort of noise.  I can’t even describe it.  “What was that?”  

Hope had closed its eyes, a strange look on its face.  It let out a sigh, opened its eyes, and smiled.  “Soon, they will see what I see when I look at you.  Songs in the fade, songs on the land, calling us home.”

“You are welcome at my table and in my hall, Hope, if that’s what you mean.”

It let go of my face.  “It wasn’t, but it is now, my lady.”  It smiled.  “And now there are five.”  I don’t know what it means.  We chatted a bit, sharing news, getting and giving hugs.  Hug day shouldn’t be limited to the waking world.  I moved on.  As I headed off, it called me.  “Chrissy!”  I turned back to it.  “Songs in the fade.  Something new.”

“I’ll consider it.”  It just nodded.  

As I wandered, I came up on Contentment.  I think it had been waiting for me.  “Hug day.  An interesting concept.”

“I like it.”

“Even in the fade?”

“Did you want a hug, Contentment?”

It didn’t say anything, just held up an arm.  I put my arms around it, hugging.  “You have done so much for them.  I have been watching.”  It brought its arms around.  “It is nearly time to sit back and watch the babies grow.  Harvests and plantings, the changing of the seasons.”

“One could think so.”  There was something so soothing about its voice.  And it was making a certain sort of sense.

“Your elves, your humans.  They are fed, warm, safe.”  I sighed, warm and comfortable.  “We could make Skyhold a haven for them, away from danger.”  And it messed up.  We.

I didn’t let go, didn’t tense, just enjoyed the hug.  “Tests again?”

It chuckled.  “What gave it away?”  I was still in its arms, and it tightened them, smiling affectionately.

“A question for a question?”

It paused, releasing me.  “What question?”

“Can you teach me the Orlesians dances, or find someone who can?”

It eyed me thoughtfully.  “I will teach you dancing, new and old.  What gave me away?”

“We.  You said we.  I am not a we, and never will be.”

It inclined its head.  A glint crossed its eyes.  “I will not try again, you have my oath.”  Something settled.  Then it smirked.  “But I will teach you.  This will hurt.”  Before I could ask further questions, it reached for me.  

A palm on my forehead, another on the back of my head, there was fire in my brain.  I heard laughter, far away, as visions and colors invaded my skull.  “The opposite of sloth, lady, is vigor, energy, industry,” it chuckled, “Liveliness.”  The pain eased to a throb and the hand on my forehead slipped from my skin.  “How did you know to ask  _ me _ for such things, I wonder.  You are smarter than even I expected.”  

It pulled my head to its own, touching my forehead to its cheek.  “A word of advice, from this spirit to-” and it tapped my chest, “this fae.  Become not complacent, nor overly content.  Stand between stagnation and progress, never too much of either.”  It released me, bowing deeply.  “I will be watching over you.  And watching you.”  And it poofed.  I could feel the tug of wakefulness.  It had kept me all night.

I woke with a dull throbbing ache behind my eyes.  I rubbed my eyebrows, trying to ease it.  Solas must have been in the meditative state he prefers, because he opened his eyes.  “You hurt?  Why are you in pain?”

“Because Contentment who was Complacency used to be Liveliness, and loved to dance.”

“Chrissy?”  His voice was concerned.

“I made a request and forgot to ring it in restrictions.”

“What request, ma’lath?  You were speaking to Liveliness?”

“Contentment.  I asked if it knew anyone who could teach me the Orlesian dances.  In response, it taught them to me.  And more.  I think.  It’s a bit jumbled in my head, and it throbs.”

“May I help?”

“I would kiss anyone who took this horrible throbbing away.”

“Then I should ensure it is me, and not someone else.”  He moved my hands, sliding his fingers over my skin.  His magic curled around mine, not the usual cooling blue that I had been expecting.  His head dipped, and his lips met my own.  Deepened, tongues dancing, the smell and taste of him lingering as he lifted his head.  “How is your head now?”  The pain was gone.

“Much better, thank you.”

He stood, pulling me out of bed, an odd look on his face.  “Dance with me.”  He held out a hand.

“Ooookaaaaay…”  I put my hand in his, and he started moving.  Intellectually, I have no clue what dance we were doing, but my feet knew where to step.  Maybe he was just a good lead.  The footwork was fairly intricate, and he led me in a circle.  When we got back to the starting place, his face beamed with a kind of quiet joy.  “Solas?”

“I had thought them lost.”  He picked me up and swung me about, then pulled me in for a hug.  “I had thought them lost forever.”

“You should probably thank Contentment, then.”

“Where do you usually see it?”

He realized a moment too late.  “In the fade.”  Love making him grumble, but he was smiling.  “We need to get dressed, and I have things to do before we leave.”

“Very well.”  He set me down, and I slipped back into my nightgown.  “I shall walk you to your room.”

We stepped outside his room door, and there were my bookends.  Damn it.  They followed us back to my room, where Briri was waiting.  She’d put out that flowy tunic that reached my calves and a pair of leggings.  And my new leather vest. At least this outfit had sleeves that laced snug.  She’d also set out the knife that Eadras had given me, in its sheath.

Solas left and I bathed and dressed.  You know, despite the minor issues she and I have had, Briri is absolutely astounding at her job.  Anyway, I was primped and pressed in a serviceable manner, and sent out to play.  Well, she didn’t say that, but I kind of felt that way.  She always gets so pleased when she sees Solas and me together.  

I wended my way through the kitchens, snagging a sausage roll just out of the oven.  “That’s for traveling!”

“I’m traveling today!”  Cook just laughed and shooed me off, WITH my prize.  I bounced it from hand to hand as it cooled.  

I went off to the stables to check if things were ready.  Geth, Jos, and some dude I didn’t know were working with Seanna (Dennet’s daughter) to get the carriage ready.  They’d be good to go when the time came to leave.  Drummer wasn’t going.  The guy I didn’t know said he was still hurt from the attempted theft.

“Theft?”  Seanna smacked the guy upside the head lightly as I watched.  “What theft?”

“Someone tried to steal the Inquisition’s mounts, lady.  The Harts.  They’re worth a pretty sovereign to the right people.”

“I see.  Should I arrange watchmen or guards?”

“The Commander’s handling that.”

“Very well.”  I needed to talk to him anyway.

He’s always up pretty early, so I knocked.  “Who in the Maker’s name is using that thrice-choked paltry knock at this time of-  Chrissy!”  He turned pink.  “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.  Do you have a moment?  There are a couple-three things I need to chat about.  Best to worst or worst to best?”

He led me over to a chair.  “Hit me with the worst.”

“It’s been ten days, and I haven’t heard anything about a court marshall for the parties who beat or ignored Gretel’s husband, causing his death.  I will not be patient forever, Commander.”

“The Inquisitor got involved.”

I sat.  “Well, shit.  What’d my aggravating brother from another mother do now?”

“He wants to talk to you about it, actually. It’s been put on hold until he does.  The people in question are still in holding cells.  You are not the only one impatient.”

“I see.  Well, then, I’ll have to talk to Sam about it.  Next up, I have an issue with Skyhold security I need to see about fixing.”  I explained about the entryway and how soldiers could climb up to the arrow ledge and get through the watchtowers, completely avoiding the second portcullis.  “I, and my advisors, are requesting permission to build the wall up.  All the way to the ceiling, with arrow slits.  I would just do it, but this touches on your domain, not just mine.”

“Smart move.  We’ll see about getting it scheduled.”

“Soon, Cullen.”  I looked him in the eyes.  “I keep getting this feeling that we should be fixing this place up.”

“What’s going to happen?”

“I have no idea.  Nothing I remember says anything about this.  But leaving ourselves vulnerable…”  I sighed.  “I can’t explain it.  It’s not something from a vision or anything.”

“Alright, Chrissy.  I’ll get it done.  Planned, drawn up.  Then you can get it put up.  I can have the plans in a week.  Soon enough?”

“I hope so.”

“And the third thing?”

“We have to do something about your roof.”

“I want the open sky.”

“Then I want a permanent barrier.  Or at least a long-term one.  Something that keeps in the heat.”

He was about to say something, but shut his mouth at the look on my face.  “Talk to the other mages.  I won’t stop you.”  

“Good.  One more thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I feel quite comfortable leaving you in Joan’s hands.”  My tone may have been a touch sly.  “You’ve not looked horribly stressed for a while.  No severe headaches that needed me for a week.  And you should really remember to lock your door.”  He turned a beautiful pink.

“I.. I’ll remember that.”

“See you tomorrow.  Behave.”  I kissed his cheek and went to bug the Chargers.

Traipsed through Bull’s room, waving at Cole on the stairs.  Sera was doing something smelly in her room.  Not sure what.  Not getting close enough to the smell to find out.  I hope they’re not stink bombs.  And if they are, they’re for the battlefield, not pranks.

In any case, I hunted up Lisa and Krem.  “You’ve seen me.  You won’t see me tomorrow until EVENING.  Don’t wreck my castle.”

“Awwww, Mom.  You never let us have ANY fun.”

“No.  Do NOT call me Mom.”  Lisa just giggled.

“It’s mom or Midget.  You can pick.”

“You are no longer my favorite Tevinter, Krem.  And I refuse to be called Mom.”

“Aww, darn.  Midget it is.  And we’ll see you by dinner tomorrow or come looking.”

“I’ll be out towards my fire.”

“The purple one?”

“Yep.”

“Got it.”

I got a bit of paperwork done, at least.  Madame de Fer sent a note saying that I was extremely delinquent in my studies and she would expect me at two.  I sent one back saying it would have to be the day after tomorrow, because I was not going to be in Skyhold.  I had to add to my memorial.  I got a very terse reply.  It consisted of one sentence.  “I will expect your presence on the eighteenth.”

We didn’t actually get underway until after lunch.  Andrew, Gara, and Kiera were coming as my duty bodyguards.  Zatlan, Dorian, and Solas as companions, Cyrren and one of his attendants, and Josren to drive the carriage.  I tweaked at Dorian, saying he could always ride in the carriage if he got cold.  We bantered back and forth, and finally our far-too-big group got going.

It didn’t take as long as I expected to get there.  There was a path, worn down, the whole way there.  That made the going a bit faster, especially for the carriage.  I rode a pretty little mare instead of Drummer, and stayed next to the carriage, chatting, for a good hour.  Cyrren has so many stories, and asks good questions.  My Zatlan was in with the contingent, so I knew they were in good hands when I left the carriage’s side.

Giggling with Dorian, chatting with Andrew, light flirting with Josren (to Solas’ disgust).  When I got to his side, he was a touch disgruntled that I was flirting “with a child.”  I teased him about being jealous, but he didn’t find it funny.  Damn it.  

I held out my arms to him, and he pulled me in front of him.  Gara snagged the mare’s reins while I tended to Solas.  “I flirt with Jos because it’s safe, and he prefers that sort of interaction.  Much like people from Orlais, it’s a normal interaction.  He’d be confused if I didn’t flirt at least a little.  Neither he, nor I, takes it seriously.  There is only one man I kiss with intent.  You know this, I hope.”

“I am not jealous.  He is a child.  It’s not...”

“I see.  He’s nineteen, adult, and I’m considering setting him up with Cara.  She’s the only girl he doesn’t flirt with, to her chagrin.  Does that help?”  He nodded.  Once.  “And now everyone has also seen me riding in front of you, so there will be no mistaking who I am with, okay?”

“There was no doubt in my head.”  Of course not.  Silly wolf.  He stopped to let me down, and I mounted the mare again.  The fire was calling me, tears and pain, memories of the lost.  It wasn’t far.

We arrived before dusk, and it was still light when we set up our camp.  Cyrren and his attendant were offered either a tent or to sleep in the carriage.  He chose the carriage.  “I am way too old to be sleeping on the ground.  I’ll leave that to you and your young man.”  

I was good.  I kept a straight face until he walked away.  “Are you my young man, Solas?”  My lips, I’m sure, were quirked.

“Definitely not the term I’d use, ma’nehn.”  Contractions again.  More and more often.

In any case, we set up.  Andrew and Gara sharing.  Zat and Kiera.  Dorian and Jos.  Oh my.  That might heat up, if the way Jos is eyeing my peacock is any indication.  I don’t think Dor’s noticed yet.  Solas and me.  And Cyrren in the carriage with Luthor.

While the fire was laid and dinner being prepared, I wandered up to the memorial.  Dorian, at some point, had actually come back.  There was a preservation spell on the stuffed nug.  I could see it, but not quite understand it.  I was missing something, some intermediate step.  

More things were piled in the basin.  I stepped in, to a gasp from Cyrren.  I was confused for a moment, but then realized that he wouldn’t know it wasn’t real fire.  Though you’d think the color gave it away.  “It’s not hot, Hahren.  And even if it was, it’s MY fire.  It wouldn’t, shouldn’t, burn me.”  He didn’t respond.  I went back to examining the things in the basin.  More trinkets, pretty stones, jewelry.   Nothing overly valuable, I think.

That wasn’t the strange part.  Some were little slips of paper, held down by various means.  When I picked one up, it had writing on it.  “Help my father get better.”  Another read, “I want to find true love.”  Yet another was “May I win at the races.”  “Which one should I choose?” with two female names. “Why do people die?” in a shaky hand.  Why would these be left here?

Andrew stood just outside the basin.  “Come on, Ethelathun.  It’s time to come out.  You’re already sad.”  I had the papers in my hand.  He took them from me as I stepped down.  “Don’t worry about these.  Please.  They’re not thinking, leaving these here.”

“Andrew, what do they think I can do?”

“Chrissy… they’re not for you, okay?  They’re for the fire.  Don’t take this on.”  I don’t think he was convinced yet.  “You are not the Kwisatch Haderach.  Don’t let them do that.”

I’m not letting them do anything.  “Okay, Duncan.”  I reached for the papers, and he cast them to the wind.  My mouth dropped open.

“I’m protecting you.  You never say no.  You’d try, Chrissy.  Hunt for the writers, try to fix things.  No.”

Garalen was close enough to hear everything, but said nothing.  She did look a bit confused.  “It’s a book reference, Gara.  From long ago.”

Solas came up with Dorian.  He stared intently at my fire.  “You did this, when Haven fell.”

“You were not more than a thousand yards away, Solas.  If you did not know, it was because you did not care to know.  Pay better attention next time.”  He’d opened his mouth, but shut it again at my look.  “If we’re all here, who’s making dinner?”

“Cyrren.”

“What?  He’s a guest, I’d better go over there.”  

Cyrren, it turns out is both a very capable cook, and very fond of cooking.  Dinner was delicious.  He could hear the names whispered, and asked me about them.  We were all sitting around.  For every name, I could talk about a memory.  For some, several.  It’s how I put them in there.  My memory, or the description given by another.  I had to miss them to put them there, and how could I miss them without that kind of thing?  It took only whispering their names, last time, but I still had to miss them.

It took only a few minutes to add new names this time.  I waited until dark, when the stars were out.  Garalen and Andrew kept everyone away.  I added the people I’d lost.  Iona’s father, Jerrod.  The Hessarians, the scout, the soldiers.  Every person whose loss I felt was included in the fire.  Which meant that Gretel’s husband was NOT there.

I wasn’t quite as dizzy this time.  Dorian helped me up.  He’d seen this before.  He already had a handkerchief on my cheeks.  A long hug, and I got helped back to camp.  Not quite steady on those few yards, and handed to a stump near the fire.  Songtime was skipped, save for the wind’s mournful whistling and the whispers of the memorial.  

Josren is definitely flirting.  I’m fairly certain that Bull doesn’t get jealous, but I wonder if I can say the same about Dorian.  He doesn’t seem to be flirting back with the same intensity.  Perhaps he’ll refrain.  

Solas is watching me journal again.  There are questions in his eyes.  He was not thrilled at the dizzyness, or what I’ve done.  I am seriously considering writing longer just so he keeps doing that thing to my toes, though.  But that would be cheating.  So I’m not going to do it.


	134. Day 37, 17 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sacrifices? Cyrren, Long conversations, Alliances between alienages.

###  **Skyhold, Day 37, 17 August, 9:41**

I put my journal aside and watched him.  He has a thing for my feet, I guess.  I’m certainly not going to object to him rubbing them.  He finally broke the silence, looking out the tent flap at the purple flames.  “You had magic for two months?”

“Fifty some days.”

“How much was instinct?”

“I don’t know.  All of it?”

“What did you do?  How?”

“I built a fire.  It was the first time I called fire for a purpose.  I wanted it never to go out, so that my people wouldn’t be forgotten, so I…  I’m not exactly sure, but I attached my memories of them to the fire, and it began to change.  Now, when I need to remember more people, I just add the memories to the strands.”

I could practically see the wheels turning in his head.  “Your hair.  You sacrificed your hair.”

“I guess I did.  I put it on the pyre, at least.  It just felt right.  Is it significant?”

“Yes, da’asha.”  I waited.  He set my feet down, crawling up next to me.  He didn’t say anything else, but looked unsettled.

“Solas?”

He pulled me close, holding tightly.  “Later.  Please.  Suffice it to say that what you have done is something most could not do.  Please.  Refrain from using sacrifices for the near future, until you understand them more fully.  Instinct… So much could have gone wrong.”

“Okay, but could you loosen up just a bit?  I need to breathe.”  

His arms loosened. “How did I miss it?”  He was talking to himself, but I answered.

“You were conversing with Sam.”

He sighed.  “You managed to stay out of my sight, even doing such things.  I saw the fire, from a distance, but never looked at it.  Anything else you want to share with me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Any other bits of magic you left maundering in the countryside?”

“I don’t think so.”

“You are not sure.”

“There’s the memory outside Skyhold, but I don’t think that was me, and I don’t know what effect my practicing has.”

“You push too far.  You were dizzy, disoriented.”

“Not nearly so much this time as last time.  I often get dizzy or even pass out the first few times I try something new.  Especially if it’s based on something from a different…  I don’t know how to explain it.”

“This does not comfort me.”

“Do you wish me to tell you a comforting lie?”

“No, ma’haselan.”  He pressed my head to his shoulder.  “Maleva somniar, ma’lath.”

“What does that mean?”

“It is time to dream, my love.”

I drifted off shortly after.  The fire burned in the fade as well, and various spirits watched it.  The sound was bigger here, murmuring names and bits of stories.  I’d never really looked at the fire from this side.  On the other side, the words were buried in the crackle.  Here, the crackle was buried in the words.  Something about it pleased me.  

It made me think of Hope.  My Hope had asked for a song.  I let the night pass, considering.  Something for it, specifically.  I think I know what song I should sing for it, but I need to practice.  Make sure I remember the lyrics.  

I was not visited by anyone.  The spirits and demons knew I was there, but they were more interested in the fire.  Purple flames in desolate grey.  Solas stayed away, doing whatever he does.  I could feel the tug of wakefulness, and followed it back to the other side of the veil.

At some point during the night, someone’d covered us with blankets.  I slid out of his arms, then out from under the covers.  He was so rarely asleep.  I leaned down and brushed his cheek with my own.  His eyes opened, violet depths slowly revealed.  “Good morning, mor’ishan.”  Unlike the rotunda, this time he wrapped his arms about me before he fully awoke.  Luckily I wasn’t trying to escape.  “You have beautiful eyes.”

“I am not the only one.”

I brushed his lips with mine, then slipped out of his arms.  “I need coffee.”

“Foul stuff.”

“Blasphemy.”  His brow arched.  I kissed him again, because he’s cute, and crawled out of the tent.

I got the fire going, warming the tents and the carriage a little as well.  Garalen and Josren were the first up.  Kiera had been on watch.  Zatlan woke while I got breakfast going.  Porridge.  Of course.  The best part about travelling.  

Cyrren’s companion, Eric, was up before he was.  He told me that Cyrren was stiff in the mornings, so it would be a few minutes.  I didn’t even have to ask Gara.  All I did was glance at her and she went digging in my pack.  A little pot of salve was produced.  I explained that I would be offended if it was rejected before they even tried it, and did they really think I would try to poison him?  Eric had tried to demur.  Seriously.  Why do people do that?  

The Hahren was out not long after, an unreadable look on his face.  He tried to return the pot, but I told him to keep it.  They served themselves breakfast and chatted quietly with Zatlan.  I went to Dorian’s tent and slid in next to him.  

“Wakey wakey, my love.”  He just mumbled and cuddled.  “Ah ah, it’s time to get up.”

“No…” came out, muffled by the blankets.  “Maker-forsaken mountains.  How did I let you talk  me into CAMPING?”

“I have no idea.  But we can head for home.  Warm home.  With fires and books and companions.”

“Very well.  I shall be out shortly, Dove.”

Andrew handed me a bowl of oatmeal as I emerged.  “Gara said you drank two cups of coffee and ate nothing.  Not cool, Chrissy.  Eat.”

“You know, you’re really bossy.”

“Aw, shucks, ma’am.  I’m just a Montana farm boy.  I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout no bossy.”

“Idjit.”  We both laughed, and I took a bite.  I looked up, and Cyrren was looking at us, measuringly.  Sometimes he does that.  It’s odd.  I really wish I knew what he was deciding.

We got the tents struck and the campfire out.  Chitchat and jokes.  Cyrren spent the time near the fire.  I was watching when he tensed, then thrust his arm into the flames.  He pulled his arm out, looking at it.  Little wisps of fire clung, but went out quickly.  Next to me, Solas murmured, “He wanted to see if it would hurt him.”

“Why?”

“Because you were standing in it yesterday, and it didn’t hurt you.”

“People are weird.”

“Sera would agree with you.”

“She’s smarter than you think she is.”

“I do not think she is unintelligent.  I think she wastes her intelligence.”

“You don’t get to decide that, a grá.  She does.  It’s her brain, and she can do what she chooses with it, can she not?”

“I can still be irritated by it.”

“Does that mean I get to be irritated when you fail to grasp that which I think is obvious, despite your intelligence?”  That left him quiet for a bit, so I smiled at him and bugged Dorian until it was time to go.  We mounted up and headed out, enjoying the morning and the trip back.

When we got to Skyhold, Cyrren and Eric left me with a nod and thanks.  Cyrren’s considering something, I think.  He watches so intently.  I tried to do normal things, but I was shooed out of the stables almost before I could get my mount handled.  Sent back to my desk and my paperwork.

Cyrren caught me at my desk not long after.  Halton was off somewhere, and the kids were playing outside with Eadras.  We were alone.  “I was told you could create vines of light.  Leaves, stems.”

“I can…”

“Will you show me what you showed Tarvin?

“If you wish.”  I pinched out the candles with a thought, the housekeeping magic Dorian’s been teaching me.  The room plunged into darkness.  “It’s light, in the darkness.” I said, as I started to glow.  I put my hand on the desk, like I had in front of Tarvin.  Little vines and leaves, growing out, expanding, like you see real plants grow.  “Just the tiniest seed can take root and grow, changing things.”  I’m not entirely sure how I do it, but it’s more will and power than spell.  The light vines spread through the room.  “Do you want the words, Hahren?”

He nodded.  He was not afraid, as Tarvin had been.  He wasn’t surprised.  He just watched, steadily, taking deep breaths.  He’d been braced for this.  I repeated the quote, finishing with "No one ever said elves are nice.”

“No one ever said elves are nice.”  He said it thoughtfully.

“Like any other people.”

“Do you ever worry someone will become angry when you do this?”

“I refuse to cower because they are afraid.  Someday someone may succeed in killing me, but my songs will linger, my words will still inspire.  We _will_ be a proud people once more, instead of mice scurrying in the dark.”  I pulled the vines in, stopped glowing, and lit the candles again.  It was dimmer in the candlelight.

“What do you think we should do first?”

“How are you on supplies, Cyrren?”

“Well enough.  Food for two years in our alienage, kept hidden, safe.”  It’s actually pretty odd that he told me.

“I am seriously impressed, considering what’s been going on.  Textiles, furs, medicines, materials?”

“We’re alright.”

“Well, then.  First, then you should eat.  You and your people.  Elves are starving, malnourished.  Existing on less than what humans feed a child sometimes.  Sadly, we’ve internalized their image of us - emaciated.  You should be consuming a full meal, every meal.  As much as the dwarf and the human next to you, not half.  Especially the children.  My girls told me they were eating a slice of bread, or a small apple, for a meal.  That’s not enough.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”  Halton came back, unobtrusively putting some papers on my desk and getting to work.  I don’t think Cyrren even noticed.

“That’s what we do first.  Make sure we have enough to eat.  Then, enough blankets, clothing.  Ensure we and our children are strong and healthy, warm.  Then, education.  They need to read, Hahren.  Write.  Figure.  Have a trade.  I don’t care if they beg at the feet of the humans all day, but at night, they need to expand their minds, improve their bodies.  Our people are frail, but they don’t have to be.  We’re kept that way, by ourselves and others.  We are so tired, so beaten down.”

“You ask a lot.”

“Do I?  I ask that we eat until we’re not hungry, stay warm, and educate ourselves.  That we learn something that can support a family.  Is that too much?”  He couldn’t argue when I put it like that.  

“So we should look to you?  What do you offer us?”  What the hell?

“Me?  I can’t give you anything you couldn’t do yourselves.  Except maybe help organizing.”

That shocked him.  “You… I don’t understand.”

“I can help with movement of goods between locations, maybe.  Tell you that Kirkwall needs leather, and Highever needs herbs and medicines because the humans ‘taxed’ everything that tasted good or kept them healthy.  Sabrae clan needs cloth, and will trade in fur, bone, carved art of amazing quality.”  I gestured to the carving of me.  

“Sabrae did this?”

“Beautiful isn’t it?”

“What do you need here?”

“Here, I need land.  Places that are safe for us.  Nothing you can provide, Ser.  Your alienage is already full, people stepping over each other and crammed into small spaces.  But maybe we can help each other when there is need.”  

“So why should I put my people in your hands?”

“Oh, my.  Why would you do that?  You’ve got to be kidding. Don’t do that.”

“You aren’t trying to take over?”  He seemed surprised.

“Dude, I’m busy enough as it is.  I don’t want to remove the Hahrens from the alienages.  That would be counterproductive.  They need you guys.  I don’t want your jobs, either.  What could I do for them from here?  I have no idea what their day to day needs are.  If a Hahren tells me, though, I might be able to help.  If an individual desperately needs something, I might be able to tell you.  I can… feel… my people.  When I try.”  

“So what are you doing here?”

I took a deep breath.  “Look, I just look at the elves and see people underfed, under appreciated, scared, hurt, beaten down.  Less than they could be, because they’ve been pushed down for so long.  Who wouldn’t want to help fix that?”

He looked troubled.  “I can think of many people.”  He sat.  I think that was a compliment of some kind.  “My son married a young woman from Highever.  She was full of stories.  There are rumors, out of Orlais.  The Inquisitor did a service for me, offering, when the fighting was high.  Inquisition soldiers are paid on a time in service scale.  This is unheard of.  Is it your doing?”

“I’m not responsible for rumors, and Sam’s always been helpful.  The pay thing.  I might have influenced that, but I didn’t command it or anything.”  

“How much of the rumors are true?  Tarvin’s letter, Melia’s story, they matched what you just showed me.  Did you save the Venadahl, make it bloom?”

“It wasn’t dying, really.  Just surviving, holding on.  Tired and depressed, leached of color, much like the world.  And it was more than a Venadahl.  It was Vallasdahlen.  And they don’t remember his or her name.  Maybe there’s a way to sing the name from the tree, but I don’t know it.  Not yet.  Wait, it bloomed?”

“So they say.  Out of season.  And the fire truly does sing the names of the fallen elves of Haven.  They aren’t even mentioned on the stone monstrosity erected by the noblemen.  And you knew them.  All of them.”

“You know, you’ve asked the most questions of anyone I’ve met with save Zevran.  What is your goal, Cyrren?”

“We have almost three hundred in our alienage.  Only a quarter of us, if that, have the opportunity to practice a trade.  The rest are servants, beggars, thieves.  Little better than slaves, sometimes, and often treated worse.  A slave cost money, after all, and has value.  Damaging a slave is harmful to your pocket.  A servant who dies doesn’t need to be paid.”  His tone was bitter.

“I’m sorry for your loss, Cyrren.”

“How did you…  nevermind.  I suppose it was fairly apparent.”

“Servants have value, Hahren.  They are everywhere, invisible, interchangeable.  The things they hear and see.  It must be amazing to know the secrets of every person of wealth in the area.  Why, I would bet that any one of the elves could grab a bucket or a rag or a tray of some kind and get into nearly any room in Redcliffe.  That’s power, right there.”  He looked thoughtful at that.

“You have all the servants here.”

“Even those that aren’t mine work for me.  Humans, Elves, Dwarves.  And most of them are mine.”

“I have another child.”

“Oh?”

“A young woman.  She has a daughter, five years old.”

I was confused. “That’s...  I had a daughter once.”  It slipped out.  I didn’t expect to say it, and it hurt for a brief moment.  

“I am sorry for your loss, as well.”  His eyes were sympathetic.  “I like the Tweedles.  Perhaps we might consider whether one of your tweedles and my granddaughter suit?”

“They’re a little young, aren’t they?”

“They may not suit, either.  There’s plenty of time.  And I’d need to talk to Aedan in Greenfell.  That’s where she lives.  I’ll send a letter introducing you.  I’ve enjoyed our visit here.  It’s been enlightening.”

“Are you leaving?”

“In the morning.  I have to get back, and a shipment of goods is headed that way.  We’ve stayed longer than I had expected.”

“I’ll tell Cook.  It’s been nice having you, as well.”  I stood.  I kind of wanted to hug him, but I don’t think that would have been appropriate.

He bowed, deeply, for the only time since he arrived, and bid me good afternoon.  “I hope to speak with you again before we leave, my lady.”

“Of course.  I’ll see you off, if nothing else.”

It was a long, strange conversation.  After he left, Halton said, “I’m not sure how you do that, and I just watched it.”

“What do you mean?”

“He called you my lady, not Lady Chrysopal or Chrissy.  He just started the arrangements for a marriage between children who won’t be of age for a dozen years or so.  He plans to associate with you that long.  And he’s going to introduce you to Aedan.”

“I didn’t do anything.  He’s just making friends, Halton.  His family meeting my family.”

“Of course, my lady.”

“Brat.  Don’t do that.”

“I’m allowed.  The Hahren said so.”  Kid stuck his tongue out at me.

Dinner was up with the nobles again.  I sat with Dorian, because he’s more fun.  We spent the time gossiping and giggling. Well, I did most of the giggling.   Vivienne glared a few times and we settled.  I asked him if he’d be sleeping in my rooms and he turned red, hemming and hawing.  “Just say no, love.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like, amicus?”

“It’s… ”  I just waited.  “Well, I may be...”  He was struggling.

“Let me guess.  You may be visiting, and coming to bed late, and don’t wish to come to my bed after what you may or not be doing.”

“There’s… entirely too much truth in that.  Are you adding mindreading to your unusual talents?”

“Not this week.”

I played nice with the nobles, chatted with Curtis, bugged Sam.  Songtime went normally.  Sera was down here again.  She shows up sometimes.  Kissed the kiddos.  Chatted with Leorah.  Eadras announced that Cyrren was leaving “on the morrow”.  He and his people have apparently become popular in the short time they’ve been here.  The evening devolved into little groups of people socializing.  

I strummed my fingers over my threads.  There are so many.  All my people close by are healthy and fairly content.  Multiple threads dead end not far from me.  Halton is connected now, fairly strongly.  Not sure why the change.  Even Cyrren now seems to be lightly connected.  Someone, a few days away, is very very determined.  I forgot to skip one, and it thrummed back at me.  Shivers up my spine, in the nicest fashion.  Briri bustled me into my room, clucking over the state of my dress.  I ended up bathed and dressed in a muslin nightgown.  

‘Sana was actually glad to see me, coming back to the room at bedtime.  I’m going to finish this up and dive back into the books Dorian’s been leaving.  Betcha certain apostates show up by the time I’ve been reading an hour.


	135. Day 38, 18 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic lessons, art ethics, boxer's fractures (never punch bone), Healer's privilege, finding what Valor said I'd find

###  **Skyhold, Day 38, 18 August, 9:41**

I had all my notes spread out when there was a knock.  I had to move, sort, shove, organize just to clear a path to the door so I could open it.  And I forgot to barrier.  Which was, of course, the first thing he said.  He reached up and put two fingers on my cheek, eyes holding mine, and said it flat out.  “You forgot to barrier.”  It was sweet and annoying at the same time.

“It’s you.  Should I barrier against you, a grá?”

He slid his hand across my cheek.  “Distraction.  I am well aware you did not check before opening the door.”  I put my hand over his for a moment, then backed away, letting him in.

He eyed the notes and papers as he shut the door.  “Studying?”

“Always.  There’s so much I don’t know.”

“You have time to learn, haselan.”

“You never know how much time you have.  Under the right circumstances, anyone’s life can be ended.”

He gathered me in his arms. “You are well guarded.  Ringed with protectors.”  He didn’t understand.  “You are safe, ma’lath.”

“You told me you would show me the old defenses.”

“Why are you so focused on this?  What have you seen?  Where do you feel the threat?”

“It’s nothing, Solas.  I have seen nothing.  But it doesn’t make sense.  There’s a gap, where the Inquisitor, all of you, are gone.  And Skyhold remains here, mostly unguarded.  And there’s nothing.”

“I see.  A place where you think something should be, so you prepare.”

“Yes.”

He sighed.  “Tonight.  I will show you the past tonight.”  Then his eyes gleamed.  “I find myself curious about what you will do with the information.”

“I don’t know yet.”  I stepped away from him, gathering up my notes on wards.  He bent down to help.  

He paused, looking at a page.  “You have the underlying theory, it seems.  But you look at the wrong layer.”

“Do I?”

“These drawings, runes, circles within circles, they will not help you beyond what you already have.  They merely allow those who normally cannot alter the shape of that layer of reality to shape it without being able to see it properly.  Ritualized.”  He set the pages down.  “You have proven that you can see and grasp that layer without the ritual, Chrysopal.  All that is left, since you have the concepts, is practice.  Actually doing.”

“I think I’d prefer to start with how to return that layer to its original shape.  I don’t want another weird rock.”  That made him smile.  “You say it is ritual.  What else are these circles used for?”

“Raising, binding, seeing beyond what one can see, affecting that which one cannot otherwise touch, emulating other abilities.”

“You have been seeing me draw these circles over and over for quite a while.  Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“You were not doing it quite correctly.”  Well, damn.  But he can’t seem to help the supercilious tone.

“So I’m doing it correctly now?”  

He stilled.  I may have had some sort of tone to my voice.  “The last three times I looked at your work, it was correct.”  He still had his lecture voice on, but it wasn’t as snotty.

I thought a long moment.  He picked up Irusana, putting her in the bathroom, watching me the while.  “Would the right rune circle allow me to see others’ dream spaces?”  

A smile bloomed across his face. “You are ever interesting.  Yes, the right circle could let you see, and perhaps even enter, another person’s dreams.”

“Could it allow me to strengthen a memory?”

“I have no idea.  Have you tried to strengthen a memory before?”

“No.”

“Enough for now.  I have already been lectured by the Inquisitor for late night lessons.  I have far more interesting things in mind, ma’asha.”  He dipped his head, sliding his cheek along mine.

“I was thinking about your language, Grohiik.”  He hummed along my ear.  “You shouldn’t be-  Solas.  Humming?”

“You like it.”

“So do you.”

“About my language?”

“Asha.  It means woman.”

“Sometimes.”  He was doing his best to distract, without magic, and I still had to work to concentrate.

“Contextual language.  I got that part. Does it also mean lady?”  He chuckled against my neck.  “Seriously?”

“It can.”

“So you’ve been smugly wandering around calling me my lady while I gripe at everyone else for doing the same thing.”

“Mmmhmmm.  Especially the smug part.”  He nibbled my ear lightly.  “But mostly I just like calling you MINE.  Lift your arms.”  It wasn’t until then I realized I was astride him as he sat on my little couch.  He took advantage of my momentary confusion to remove my nightgown, and resumed kissing me.  I have to admit, his ideas were far more interesting than a magic lesson.  

He kept his word, showing me several timeframes in which magical defenses were a thing at Skyhold when we reached the fade.  He didn’t explain them, just pointed them out, saying he wanted to see what I could do.  He left me after that, having things to do.  I had a few of my own.  Cards with Shyness, just a hand or three.  Maybe four.  Trading quips with (Over-)Confidence and a few more of its buddies.  Nearly running into someone named Patience because I wasn’t paying attention.  It was very nice about it, and we had a fairly lengthy conversation.  Hope was busy.  I could tell even without looking.  But it was okay.  The night passed quickly, and I felt the first twinges of wakefulness without seeing anyone else I knew.

I woke to the sounds of rustling paper, strokes of a pencil.  I opened my eyes and went to sit up and I heard, “don’t move.  Please.”  I settled back down.  The sheet was low on my hips.  I couldn’t see Solas.

“What are you doing?”

“Sketching.”  Honestly, I hadn’t quite realized he would sketch.  I mean, plaster is different from painting.  Charcoal on the wall, general layouts, but paper and pencil?

“What are you sketching?”

“Why do you ask questions you know the answer to?”

“A question for a question?”

“That question?”

“I’d prefer not.”  He chuckled low in response.

“So Redcliffe leaves today.  And you have practice with the Chargers.  Halton sent over a revised schedule at some point.  It was under the door.  You are a much busier woman than I realized.  There was once a mindset that there should be a certain number of people who are responsible-”

I interrupted.  I didn't need a lecture on the number of HR people per regular employee.  “Leliana is looking for another assistant for me.  An Eadras for the Household side, basically.  Most people ask before sketching someone.”  Disrupt and distract.

“I am not sketching anything salacious, ma’nehn.  Do you object?”

“I suppose not.”

“Ma’sulahn’nehn.  Look at me?”  I turned my head.  He was sitting cross-legged on the bed, a firm invisible something under the paper he was using.  Something like my glowy dust stool?  I was about to LOOK when he spoke and distracted me from it.  “Do you object?”

“I don’t object.”  He nodded, and put the papers down. It was time to get up.  “You could have taken my papers down off that chantry board any time.”

“Of course.”

“You did not.”

“There was no pressing need to do so, and I got a closer look at you.  You still would not meet my eyes.  And you dipped that cheeky little curtsy that was in no way respectful.”

“I was trying to avoid you.”

“It might have worked, if you hadn’t been doing so many interesting things.  If you had behaved as any other elf...”

“Hmmm.”  I reached out an arm and pulled him down toward me.  “I find I can’t quite regret that at the moment.”  His lips had barely touched mine when the door to the room opened.  He cursed softly.  “She’s yours.  Don’t look at me.”  Love making him grumble.

In any case, Briri bustled in with the furry sleeves thing.  She completely ignored Naked Solas, setting the dress on the dresser.  “Please hurry, Miss.  You have a busy day.”

“I’ll be up in a minute.”  I smiled at her, but Solas narrowed his gaze in her direction.  She bustled out, not seeing it.  “Solas?”  

His face smoothed, and he kissed me before standing.  “Time to get up.”  He pulled on his clothing, and assisted me with some of mine.  Which wasn’t as nice as it sounds, because I was throbbing in all sorts of interesting places after I was partially clothed.  And he was smirking.  “Think of me today, ma’haselan’udh,” he murmured, sliding his lips up my ear.  Asshole.  He strode out of my room fully composed and Briri bustled back in a moment later.

I was plopped into exercise clothing.  “I will be waiting for you after your lesson, Miss.  Please hurry back, as your guests will need to be seen off.”

Foxtripper stepped up his game today.  For the first time, he was incorporating fistfuls of clothing in his tactics.  Before, he’d been grabbing me, not my clothes.  I am SO not looking forward to doing this in “normal” clothing.  My only instructions were “Sometimes you will have to hit someone to get them to let go.  Why don’t you give that a go today?”

I learned today that my hands are not quite as healed and hale as I thought they were.  The first time I hit his hand, I nearly saw stars.  I did it wrong.  Way wrong.  Which immediately stopped the lesson.  There might have been a crunch sound.  Andrew sent for Renee.  She gave me a lecture on moving too fast.  New muscle, new tendon, new skin, and I should have known better.  I was lucky she wasn’t going to just set and wrap the hand for a month.  Normally she’s so soft spoken!  Not today, apparently.

And then she rounded on Foxtripper.  “And YOU.  You, of all people, should know how long it takes to regain ability.  She still aches after writing and playing music, and you have her hitting bone!”  Turning to me again, she cupped my hand gently.  “This will hurt, my lady.  I’m sorry.”  Her magic isn’t quite as smooth as Solas’.  It stuttered up, itchy and pokey, sharp pain and then dull throb.  The throb didn’t ease away like when Solas does it, either.

She turned to Krem.  “She has three days off.  Healer’s privilege.”

I piped up.  “Off practice.  Just practice.”

“Is that what I said, Lady?”

“Renee, I can’t take three days off.”

“It’s only two extra.  Today, tomorrow.  The next day was already a day off.”  She pursed her lips.  “Two hours of paperwork a day.  I’ll give that far, if you promise.”

She looked so calm and composed.  I touched her thread, and she was seriously upset on the inside.  “Renee.”  She just watched me.  “I’ll do half days, today and tomorrow.  Fun things or rest in the afternoon.  A full day off on the twentieth.  I promise.”

“Okay.  No practice, piano, guitar, or whatever the Chargers are teaching.  Swear it.”  I did, and she relaxed.  My hand was still throbbing.

Krem waited until she left.  “Next time, Midget, don’t PUNCH bone.  Use an open hand.  You only punch flesh, to do more damage.”

“NOW you tell me.  You just said hit!”

“At least you didn’t tuck your thumb.  Let’s eat, slugger.”  He got me fed.  Biscuits and sausage gravy, a double round of coffee.  Lisa’s face is looking less angry-scar.  Salve might be helping.

After food, I went up to Josie real quick.  I asked her if I had ten sovereigns in my account.  I was assured that I did, so I asked for them.  Josie produced a small key and opened a desk drawer, pulling out a ledger and a bag.  A signature later, I was handed ten coins.  And a small silk bag.  Thanking her, I went down to Briri.

She got me primped and pressed in good time, ensconced in the furry dress with stupid sleeves.  I put my own hair up with my invisisticks.  She smiled a little at that.  Irusana decided to come with me this time.  She followed me out into the main area.  

I checked the dining hall, and Cyrren and his guys were still eating.  Cook had prepared some travel food for them.  When they emerged from breakfast, they greeted me with bows.  Lovely.  “Oh, don’t do that, Cyrren, you’re going to make me have to curtsy, and then you’ll feel the need to bow again, and then I’ll curtsy again, and we’ll never get anything done.  What ever happened to a good old-fashioned handshake?”  They looked at each other.  I held my (good) hand out to Cyrren, and he lifted it to his lips.  “That’s not precisely what I had in mind.”  Cyrren smirked at me.

I walked with them down to the merchants’ wagons.  “If you need anything, write.  We’ll see what we can do.  And say hello to Lord Woolsley for me.”  I handed him the travel fare.  Enough for all of them for three days, if they were careful.  

“Lord Woolsley?”  

“The red ram belonging to one-eyed Jimmy.”  He promised he would.  He was pleased, and thanked me repeatedly for the food.  I just smiled.  I’d put the silk sack with the gold coins in it into the food bag.  He’d find it later.  Sam joined me in saying goodbye.  He’d spent some time with them too.  

As we waved from the dais, Sam sighed.  “If only getting rid of the Lendons was so easy.”

“Keep going this way, and I’ll just put Curtis in school with the rest of the underage people.”

“It’s not nice to threaten the Inquisitor.”

“I’m not.  I’m annoying my brother.”

He escorted me back inside, and I came face to face with twin princes.  Dorian spoke first.  “Perhaps, cousin, I could steal this lovely little elf from you for a bit?”

“Of course.”  Sam handed me off to Dorian with a smirk at me.  “Try not to get in so much trouble in the future.”  Damn it.

Dorian escorted me into Solas’ atrium, Solas hot on our heels.  “What, precisely, my dove, did you do this morning?”

“Not much.  I woke up a little early and discussed art ethics a bit.  After that, I had practice and breakfast with the Chargers.  Then I chatted at Josie and said goodbye to Cyrren and his attendants.  Finally, the Inquisitor brought me here.”

“Why do I get the impression that this list is much like your list of magical skills?”

“I have no idea of what you speak, amicus.”

“I can’t wait to see you in Halamshiral.”

“Ugh.”

Solas had been quiet so far, but now he interrupted.  “We are speaking of the incident this morning?”

“What incident?”

“Do we need to get Bull involved, Dove?”

“Fine.  I accidently broke my hand this morning.  Renee fixed it.  Everything’s fine.  I learned I am not supposed to attempt to punch bone, and should use an open hand.”  I looked at Solas.  “Why does her magic feel so very different?  Jittery-itchy-pokey instead of the cooling blue.”

He didn’t answer me, gently lifting the hand that still ached.  I’m not sure how he knew which it was.  He put his lips to my wrist.  “We will discuss it later.”

Dorian just huffed at me.  “In my opinion, you are a menace.”

“Oh hush, Dorian.”  I didn’t take my eyes from Solas.  “I’ve already agreed to two halfdays off, this afternoon and tomorrow afternoon, and no piano, guitar, or any other lessons such as with the Chargers that would involve my hands.”

Dorian’s eyebrows went up.  “And what miracle worker has wrung these concessions from you?”

“Renee.  She threatened to set it and wrap it for a month.”

That got a laugh out of him.

“Solas?”

He hadn’t released my hand.  “Yes?”

“There are no issues with me exploring, are there?”

“If you can get to it, ma’nehn, then you can see it.”

“I will remind you that you have said that.”

“This is like the other library?” Dorian queried.

“Yes, my love.”  Solas’ hand tightened briefly.  I turned to him.  “A grá?”

“I think the old chum is jealous, my dear.”

“He’s smarter than that, Dorian.  He knows that I will use my words, and that you have a special place, different than his.”  I kept my gaze on Solas, and we shared a small smile.  He may have been before, but he wasn’t now.

“Well, that’s lovely to hear.  Now, Solas drew the short straw, so he gets to be holed up with the Inquisitor explaining things magical all afternoon.  I have been horribly neglecting Alexius, and intend to do so for the rest of the day.  So what will you and I be doing, dove?”

“Exploring.”  Solas released my hand, and I was allowed to do a bit of paperwork and eat lunch.  

Halfway through lunch, Halton stole my pen.  “Renee claims healer’s privilege.  You are not permitted to work after the noon bell.”  I’d promised, so I just nodded and put things away.

I led Dorian toward the soldiers’ barracks.  “Dove, are you certain you wish to go here?”

“Yes.  I have learned something new, and wish to explore it.”  My hand was still very sore.  “I may need your help to open it.”

The Lieutenant on duty just waved me through.  He’d seen me with Cullen several times, and Dorian was here regularly.  I went to the far wall, counted up eight stones, and grumbled to myself.  I was going to need Dorian’s help after all, and not because I was hurt, but because I was flippin’ short.  “Love, could you push this block in for me?”  I could reach it, but had no leverage to move it.  He set his hand to it and nothing happened.

He looked down at me.  “Now what?”  I counted up and over again.  It was the right block.  But perhaps…

“Could you move over one flagstone?  Stand on this one, and push the block.”

This time it depressed a bare half inch, and a slight click was heard.  Dorian’s brow went up.  “How did you learn of this?” he asked as the wall swung back to reveal stairs.

“Do you really want me to tell you, love?”  The lieutenant was staring at us.  I waved at him.  Pushing Dorian, I turned and shut the wall behind us.  (After noticing the latch.  I’m not STUPID.)

The stairs plunged into darkness, and Dorian created light.  This place had obviously not seen feet in a while.  Not even elven toes were in the dust.  I don’t see why he would hide his tracks in here, so the likelihood is that he hasn’t looked here or doesn’t know about it.  Dorian pulled out a handkerchief and delicately sneezed.  “I think I do, actually.”

“Some of us have discovered that spirits know things.  And love telling you if you ask.  They’re worse gossips than debutantes being presented at court.”

“You spoke to a spirit, and it told you about this?”

“Oh, yes.  And Valor and Fortitude are working on the Skyhold Defenses Improvement Plan for me.  I’m not precisely up on the latest and greatest in ancient castle design.”

“And to think, I left my flask next to my chair.  What could she possibly get up to in Skyhold, I said.  Well, it appears that she is asking spirits to help improve Skyhold’s defenses, Dorian.  What else would she do?”

“Don’t be snide.  They can see the battles past and present, and know what has worked or failed before.”  The stairs led down to another room, with halls going off in multiple directions.  The room itself wasn’t overly large, and had what looked like the remnants of old tables.  There were metal bits against the walls, possibly old arms and armor.  I turned in circles, counting hallways, and smiled.  “The belly of the spider.  We’ve reached the belly of the spider, love.”

“You’re speaking in riddles again.”

“Eight watchtowers.”

“Seven.”

“Eight, my darling Altus.  And it’s been so difficult for the Inquisition to get in and out.  Ropes or ladders to the tops.”

“Yes…”

“Because they don’t open to the world out there, but right here.  Maybe.  Let’s check.”

I moved toward a hallway and Dorian pulled me back, still with his hankie over his nose.  “Perhaps we should wait.  Soldiers, pointy swords?  They are useful, darling.”

“I think we’re okay.  No one else has been down here for a very long time.”  I started off down the hallway again, and Dorian followed me with a sigh.  “I just need to make sure I’m right, love.  It would make everyone’s life easier if the soldiers didn’t have to brave the cold, and could get information back more quickly.”

“Lead on, Dove.  Let us sweep every bit of dust with the once-beautiful gown instead of changing or letting someone else have a chance.”  Well, shit.

I looked down, and he was right.  I was covered in dust.  There were streaks across my middle like I’d touched something and wiped my fingers.  The furry hem was horrifyingly dirty.  The bottoms of my sleeves, the same.  “Leorah’s going to kill me.  We had better get back.  I’m sure Cullen has men and women who would love to investigate this place.”  I sighed.

“That you found a new space is amazing.”

“And I can’t remember how to get into the secret passages in the walls.  Fortitude’s guarding the plans for me.”

“Of course it is.  Perhaps tonight you can ask it?”

“Possibly.”

“I… I was being facetious.”

“Oh.  Sorry.”  We’d gotten back to the main room.  There were strange noises from the stairs.  

Dorian strode purposefully up the stairs toward the door, magelight floating with him.  He easily worked the latch, pulling the door in.  “Why hello, Commander.  To what do I owe this pleasure?”

Cullen peered around him and spotted me.  “Of course.”  Well, THAT tone was unnecessary.

“Cullen!  I think I found the easy way into the outlying watchtowers.  Perhaps.  The belly of the spider.  The legs should reach the towers.”

He snagged a torch from somewhere and came down the stairs. “What do you mean, Chrissy?  Do you know that my Lieutenant was frantic?  He said the wall swallowed you!”

“Poetic, but idiotic.  Walls don’t eat people in the waking world.  Not here, at least.”

He shuddered.  “Let’s not talk about that.”

“I’m sorry.”

He ignored me, looking around the room at the halls.  “Eight.  Belly of the spider.  I’m starting to understand.  Watchtowers, you said?”

“I think so.”

“How did you know of the door?”

“I dreamed it.”  He just nodded.  “I’ll get some people down here to clean.”

“No.  I’ll take care of it.  You head back up, Lady.  You should probably bathe.  Take Dorian with you.”

I snapped to attention.  “Yes, sir,” with a cheeky American salute.  

“Don’t… Don’t do that.  Especially not in a dress.”

From the stairwell I heard yet ANOTHER voice.  Varric.  Nothing goes on around here without him noticing.  Of course he investigated.  “Getting in trouble again, Princess?”

“Didn’t we talk about that?”

“Yep.  You talked.  I listened and ignored you.  Why is it that whenever something odd is happening, either you or the Inquisitor will be at the middle of it?  You know you’re filthy, right?”

“So I’ve been told.  By THREE people now.”

“What’d you find?”

“Dust.”  He glowered.  “Come on, Storyteller.  You and Dorian can ease the Commander’s mind by getting me out of here until he can have a mason look at the structure.”

Cullen followed us up the stairs.  The door shut behind him, and he let out an actual “Fuck!” followed by a glance at me and a quieter “excuse me”.  He sighed.  “Care to explain how one opens the door?”

“Stand on that flagstone and push in the eighth block up, third block over.”

“Thank you.”

Varric peppered me with questions as we left.  I answered most of them.  Dorian had decided that we would be using the main baths, so we could both bathe at the same time.  It was already dusk.  Philomena was in the courtyard for something or other and ran off as soon as she saw us enter the bathing tower level.  

The public baths felt wonderful, but my hand started throbbing badly again.  Probably from the heat.  I think Renee knit the bones and left it at that.  Fresh clothing magically showed up during the soak.  Briri did, as well.  She makes it seem so NORMAL to have another person just start washing your hair.  I’m not quite sure how she does it.  It’d be a neat skill to have.

I ate in the Pillow Palace with Gunny and Michael and my kids.  Tweedles, Daniel, and three teens.  Michael is moving under his own power, and insisted on coming down here for his first field trip.  I took a look at him, and the truncated tubes I’d seen had been… repaired?  They weren’t crimped at the ends.  He would never be a mage, but he was more than a human.  I would have to thank Solas. Gun asked my permission to move Michael in with him, in with Ethelathe.  “Please, my lady?”

“As Andrew once vouched for you, Gunny, you can vouch for him.  There are now three, again.  Should I be worried?”  I know he knew what I meant.  

“It won’t happen.”  I nodded.  Michael looked confused, but I kissed his cheek and bid him welcome to Ethelathe.  It was strange.  I FELT Ethelathe absorb him.  He was now part of the whole.  Something was stirred up and settled, larger.  It was an odd feeling.

Playtime, Songtime, kisses and cuddles.  Daniel insists he’s past kisses, but he seems to like that I kiss him anyway.  The tweedles are still just babies to me, but they tell me they will be seven on the twenty-sixth of Haring.  They’re big boys now.  Because there’s no November, they’re going to share their birthday with Daniel.  I halfway think they’ve picked a random day among them.  I don’t think the tweedles are twins of any kind.  They look nothing alike.  But if it makes them happy, I will pretend not to notice.  I moved Irusana to their room for the night.  Just in case.

I asked Dorian if he was joining me for bedtime, and he’d reddened again.  “How about this, love.  You let me know if you want me to be company.  I’ll assume you’re busy otherwise.”

“You don’t mind?”

“As long as you are okay, I don’t mind.  If I find you are sleeping alone and having nightmares and sweats, I will be irate.”  

He hugged me.  “I promise that is not what’s going on.”

“Be nice to Bull.”

“Hush, now.  You should see if certain hobos are lonely.”

I smiled.  “I fully intend to.”  He left me, and I snagged a nightgown.  The one that slips off my shoulders easily.  Wrapped myself in my robe, grabbed my stuff, and went up to Solas' room.  I was about to knock when his door opened.  He was obviously surprised to see me.  “I was-”

It took him a bare moment.  He reached both hands to my face, pulling my lips to his for a long moment.  “My bed, asha, if you were going to ask where I would like you to sleep.  I was on my way to you.”

“You shouldn’t always be the one asking, mo chuisle.  It was my turn.”

“Of your own free will.”  He opened the door wider.

“Why do you say that every time you invite me?”

“Come in, asha, and then I might answer.”  I stepped inside.  “And I might not.”

“Solas.”

“Perhaps it is a ritual of some kind?”

“Is it?”

“Of some kind, yes.”  He led me to the rocking chair, putting the lap desk on my lap.  And I’m journalling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to ComaVampure.
> 
> Also, a huge thank you to SpellWeaver. She helps me clarify lore, looks up fun bits of information like "how big is a Pygmy hippopotamus", and generally functions as a sounding board. This fic would be poorer without her.


	136. Day 39, 19 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas lessons again, something weird with Lendon, Sky Watcher, and screwing up with Viv and Josie, being rescued by Dorian.

###  **Skyhold, Day 39, 19 August, 9:41**

My journalling done, I put the desk to the side.  He just watches me, sometimes.  He was watching me then.  Then he held out a hand.  “We need to talk, Emily Lynne.”  I admit I felt a flash of panic.  I had no idea what he wanted to talk about.  He frowned when he saw it.  “You are safe with me.  Please tell me we aren’t back that far.”

“Of course I know I’m safe with you.”

“Please, come here.”  I slid onto the bed, and he pulled me to him.  “Three things, ma’nehn.”

“Oh?”

“Barriers.  Anytime you open the door to an unknown, or even if known.  Your safety is important to me, Vhenan.”

“I’ll try to remember.”

“Try hard, please.  Your people and I would be distressed to find you seriously hurt.  Magic cannot fix everything.”  There was a tone to the last statement I couldn’t identify.  His eyes were serious as I raised mine to his.

“I will, Solas.  Please remember that I have had magic for six months out of over forty years.  It isn’t something I think of to do in many situations.”

“I do forget that, on occasion.  Next…”  He picked up my hand, the one that still throbbed, and kissed the wrist.  “Have you learned, ma’lath?”

“Learned?”

“Not to do things which cause you hurt.  Learn to punch before trying?”

“I did learn.  Zathras taught me.”

“Considering he broke himself upon your shield, I am more convinced of his incompetence.  Perhaps you should consider relearning this particular skill?”

I sighed.  “Yes.  I have figured that out.”

“Well, then…”  Cooling blue flowed up my arm to my hand, soothing the ache that had been left.  “Healed, it was, enough.  But not thoroughly.  The bones but not the flesh.  Is that better?”

Incredibly so.  “Maybe.”  I smirked at him.

“Why is it so hard for you to say Vin, Solas?”

“A question for a question?”

“Not right now.  Lastly.”  He pulled me in for a kiss.  “I do not expect anything from you.  We are we by choice, for so long as we choose.  There is no duty, no requirements, on any side.  If someone tries to say otherwise, you know better.”  That sounded serious, so I gently corrected him.  It seemed important.

“Not quite, a grá.”  He nipped my chin.  “There are restrictions.  You’ve requested truthfulness.  You also have exclusive access to any offered kisses.  Chaste affection for friends and children excepted.”

“Hmmm.”  He did interesting things to my neck before he continued.  “You ringed me in restrictions, upon the battlements and elsewhere.  I admit, they do not chafe as they once did.  And you’ve released many.”

“It seemed safe to be in the fade with you again.”

“You have a unique place in my life.  It is not easily defined.  Others will try to define it and get it wrong.”

“I will not blame you if someone else gets a wrong idea in their head.  So long as you grant me the same courtesy.”

“Then the business portion of our evening is concluded.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt myself, Solas.  Or worry you.”

He pulled me closer.  “You know me so well.  I love this gown.  It may be a favorite.  Second to the lace.”  He slipped the sleeve off one shoulder as he spoke, and kissed the bared skin when he finished.

“I might have considered that before wearing it.”  We shared a heated look, and the evening became much more intimate. Anyway.

I spent most of the evening after we slept in memories and music.  I only spent a little time with the wisps, practicing getting them to sing.  Emotionally wracking, but so very lovely.  It was disconcerting to wake up when it was still dark.  Sometimes I just can’t sleep.  

Our favorite Hobo has a window, though.  He didn’t stir when I slipped out of bed.  I pulled my robe on and sat in the sill, reading for a while.  Castle windows aren’t like house windows.  The sill is the size of a couch, or more.  The walls here were easily two and a half or three feet wide.  I was going to have to get a cushion.  This one could be a reading nook.

It only seems to precipitate at night and early morning.  Except for today, I suppose.  I'm going to have to ask about that.  Little white flakes floated down as I looked out.  It was coming up on dawn, and people were already moving about.  Soldiers on the walls, people moving here and there.  Not as busy as the day, of course, but it’s just easier to get some things done with less people about.  

I was surprised, though, when I saw Gell Lendon moving about.  I know it was him, even from afar.  He’s hard to miss.  And the Orlesian mask all of a sudden?  Yeah, not fooling anyone.  I watched him cross the courtyard and put something small and shiny in a pile of cloth on one of the merchant stands.  He looked around carefully before he did so, to see if anyone was watching.  But he didn’t look up here.  As he removed his hand, I put a nice tight impermeable barrier around the pile in question.  Whatever he put in there will be staying.

Leliana needed to know about this.  I moved back into the room, putting down the book.  I almost hated to disturb him, but he would have been unhappy if I’d left without letting him know.  Plus, I’m fairly certain whatever he’s got around his room would wake him anyway.

I leaned down next to his ear and whispered, “I’ll be back, mo chroí.”  His eyes fluttered, but didn’t open.  I kissed his cheek and went to leave and his hand caught me.

“Where are you going?”

“To see Leliana.  I have to go _now_ , though.”

“I will be right behind you, ma’lath.  You are not supposed to wander alone.”

“Hurry, then, or you’ll miss it entirely.”

I left, wrapped in my robe.  As I reached the rotunda, however, Leliana was coming down the stairs.  “Chrysopal.  Why are you out and about?”

“I was looking for you, actually.”

A smirk flirted at the corner of her mouth.  “I should have known.”

“You saw him too?”

“He was watched.”

“I isolated the pile he stuck his hand in.  Shall I release it now, or wait?”

“Isolated how?”

“A barrier, of sorts.”

“Where is your guard?”

“If they can’t find me, neither can anyone else, hopefully.”

“You saw this from Solas’ window?”

“Obviously.  If whoever is there to get whatever he left hits that barrier, all semblance of secrecy is gone.”  A hand snaked around my waist.  “Hello, Solas.”

“I can vouch for her whereabouts, if required, Leliana.”

“It is not.  She was seen reading there.  Let’s see what our guest has left.”  She started off.

Solas pulled me back against him a moment.  “Are you wearing anything under this robe, Haselan?”

“I’m always naked under my clothes, Grohiik,” I responded very softly, so only he would hear me.  I glanced up at him through my lashes.  “Always.  But at this very moment, I am wearing only my robe.”

“You are a cruel woman,” he groaned quietly.  He tightened the belt of my robe a bit, and escorted me after Leliana.

We wended down to the edge of the market area, and the Nightingale went directly to the stall in question.  I was going to continue into the market, but Solas pulled me back.  He kept us in the shadows.  Leliana put her hand on several piles until her hand rested above one.  Then she nodded at me.  I released the barrier, and she slipped her hand into the pile.

She pulled out a piece of paper and some coins.  She slipped the coins and another piece of paper into the same spot, pocketing the first paper.  She then walked back toward the stairs.  As she passed us, she said, “Lessons with Vivienne have been exempted from Healer’s Privilege.  Show up, or we will send the Chargers hunting you, Chrysopal.  Noisily.  Second bell.”  Damn it.  How the hell did she know?

Solas shook behind me with what I’m sure was silent laughter.  Ass.  I elbowed him behind me, and it made no difference.  He just pulled me further into the shadows.  “Does this count as public?” He’d stopped laughing, and was murmuring in my ear.

“Yes, Solas.”

“A pity.”  He kissed under my ear.  “Perhaps another time.”

“I need to get dressed.  And you are a very bad man.”  He escorted me down to my room, smiling a strange secretive smile.  It was probably four-ish.  Maybe.  But I dressed in leggings and a plain working dress.  Briri will reoutfit me if I need it.

I had a good half of the pile on my desk finished before Halton even stumbled out of the door to Ethelathe’s main quarters.  He was surprised to see me.  “You’re up early.”

“I couldn’t sleep.  I’ve been up a while.”

“Renee won’t be happy.”

“She said two hours of paperwork.  I’m almost done.”

Halton just looked at me.  Why is everyone surprised when I do what I say?  In any case, I went up the the Chargers for breakfast, just so they’d know I wasn’t hiding or something.  They’re still overwhelming sometimes, but they’ve learned to give me space.

After that, I went out to look over the farms.  The farmers had started seedlings in the areas with the barriers.  The smells in there were earthy and pleasant.  The snow melted as it came through the barrier, making a light mist, surprising warm.  Got some information on what will and won’t grow in this climate, and what they think might be able to be cultivated in these little areas.  I took notes, because I hadn’t heard of some of the plants they were talking about.

I visited Drummer on the way back, stopping for a quick ride.  Geth and Jos were both busy, so one of the other stabledudes got Drummer ready.  Because apparently I’m not allowed.  By the time I was ready to mount, Gara and Elias were ready to go on horses.  Twenty minutes out, twenty back.  Approximately.  And chitchat.  

Elias was dating a new young man.  Gratia’s history.  This man goes through lovers like tissues.  But no one seems upset, so whatever.  I asked Gara if Andrew had grovelled enough, and she took a moment to recall what I was talking about, then turned red.  Gara.  Turned red.  I was surprised enough that I LOOKED at her.  Just to see if she’d stopped taking the tea.  Shit.  TEA.  I knew what I was drinking with lunch.  SOOO not ready.  If it’s even possible.  It may not be.

My weaver and clothier arrived near lunchtime.  I stuck them up in one of the tower rooms for now.  Eadras and I are going to have to get together to figure out sleeping arrangements now that we have more beds.

I was coming out, not paying attention, when I ran smack dab into Sky Watcher.  I immediately said excuse me, of course, because Momma raised me right.  And then I looked up at him.  And Up.  And up.  I think he’s as tall as Bull.  Oh my god.  “You meant no harm,” he rumbled.

“Armund.  Pleased to meet you.”

“Your people set up my room here.  It was better than I expected.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“You are smaller than I expected.”

“Expected?”

He squatted.  “You are larger on the other side.”  I think he was squatting to be polite.  I didn’t know what to say, so I kept my mouth shut.  “It’s nice to see someone who doesn’t prattle.  You smell of growing things in winter.  She was right.”  He waited for some sort of response, but I still had no clue what to say.  “You aren’t going to ask who?”

“The Lady of the Skies.  You sought me out?”

“I wanted to see you.  Tiny, on the outside.”

“If you say so.”

“Your hair will not stay the color of the earth.  Not anymore.  There will always be white, streaked within.”

“I know.  But thank you for telling me.”

“A woman who knows the value of silence is a rare thing.”

I looked at him, tilting my head to the side.  “When you are visiting Stone Bear Hold, Thane Sun-Hair may just want to keep you a while.  Watch out for knotted ropes.”  

He laughed.  “And so I shall.  No woman is worth those ties quite yet.”  I just smiled, and he stilled, smiling in return.

“Why did you want to see me?”

“To see if you match.”

“Do I?”

“I think you do.  Enjoy your day, little one.”  He must have been waiting for me, because he stood and strode in the other direction.  An odd encounter, and it still doesn’t make sense in my mind.

I went back downstairs, and Halton took notes regarding a bunch of different letters and papers.  I wasn’t touching them, so it didn’t make him unhappy.  He’ll have the responses worked up for my signature soon.  I asked him if he’d made any decisions about a scribe yet.  I’d authorized it, after all.  “Me?”

“The scribe is your assistant, Halton.  I’ve enough with you, Eadras, and whomever Leliana produces for Skyhold side.”

“You’ve forgotten Tarvin and Cyrren.”

I looked at him.  “What do you mean?”

“Tarvin’s been corresponding.  You knew, Lady.”

“I didn’t quite realize.”  That made me think.  It was a bit of an unnerving thought.  A hand showed up on my shoulder.  I looked.  Zatlan.  I put my hand over his.  “Yes?”

He smiled.  “You may not have realized, but you said it.  You said Eadras answers to you, as will any other keepers under your hand.  Speaking of hands, Eadras sent me over with these.”  He held up some pretty lace gloves, without fingertips.  They did not go with my plain dress.  I took them anyway.  “You may want to change, after lunch, so you match the gloves.”

“You just want me to change into something else.”

“For lessons with Vivienne and Lady Montilyet, yes, we do.  Are the gloves a good inducement?”

I reached up to his head and pulled it down to mine, kissing his temple.  He needed that reassurance.  I’m not sure how I knew.  I hadn’t checked my threads at all.  “Yes.  I will change, after lunch.  Please send me a messenger when it’s almost second bell.  I may be resting.”  Thinking about it, Zatlan is one of those who requires touch more often.  I’ll have to remember to spend extra time with him.  He bowed slightly and left.

Lunch was leftover roast beast sandwiches with gravy.  No wonder Zat didn’t want me to change before I ate.  The sandwich may have dripped.  Sometimes boobs suck.  Just a shelf to catch everything.  Briri brought me my tea, as I asked.  It tasted a bit- Well it didn’t taste GOOD, but what do I know about contraceptive tea?  It didn’t taste awful.  It unsettled my stomach, but not much.

I changed into something a little frothier, and meandered up toward Dorian.  I waved at Solas as I went by.  Something shivered deliciously over my personal barriers.  I stopped, and turned.  “Did you want something?”

“A moment of your time.”

“Just one?”

“It is not playtime, ma’lath.  Wards.  Would you like to start with wards?  The runic circles are all well and good, but have nothing to do with wards, for you.”

“I have to do lessons with Vivienne and Josie.”

He smiled.  “After that, if there is time, or another day.  Would you like to?”

I considered.  “This is something Dorian and the others can’t teach me.  This is what you mean.  They use the runic circles, which are useless for this.  For me.”  

He nodded gravely, holding my eyes.  I felt a hand stroke my cheek, then cup it.  He smiled from across the room, his lips curving slowly.  “We can start whenever you have time.”  I touched my cheek, and there was nothing there, though I could feel the sensation.

“That’s cheating.”  Fingers made distracting circles on my jawbone.  “Solas!”

“Yes?  There is nothing in the rules, ma’nehn.”

“I thought it wasn’t playtime?”

“It wasn’t.  Then.”  His eyes darkened.  

“Solas, we’re in public.”

“I am nowhere near you.  If you can keep your composure…”  A finger drew across my lips.

“Faolan, not right now!” I hissed.

The smile returned.  “I did tell you I have much to show you.”  Well, he had, but I hadn’t expected THAT.  And then I got a little worried.  If anyone could do that....  He saw my concern, and deduced the reason.  “It requires a connection like ours, da’asha.  Your shields would prevent it, otherwise, unless you allowed it.”  That made me feel better.

I finally headed up to Dorian.  He was in conference with Helisma of all people.  Something about terror talons and his horror spells.  I listened, trying to memorize as much as I could before a messenger came running up.  Drat.  Lessons time.

It actually wasn’t lessons so much as fittings.  Leorah was up there, CHATTING with Vivienne, and she pinned bits of fabric around and over and wherever.  It had no rhyme nor reason that I could deduce.  I was almost superfluous as the two talked of color and style.  

Vivienne wholeheartedly approved of Leorah dressing me in a way unlike the style in Orlais.  She and Josie were already planning “at homes” and a dinner party and things like that for the week or so we were going to be in Halamshiral.  They were going to “launch” me into society.  Joy.  It’s a good thing I’ve read so many bodice-ripper romances.  At least I have a general idea of the required manners and am quite fluent in the terminologies involved.

I had thought it would be more lessons like the who’s who before, but this was more chatting over a drink.  A light white wine.  I know nothing about wines.  I mentioned that, and they lost their shit.  Politely.  We moved into foods, and discussed our favorite preparations.  I fucked up.  I’d not been watching their reactions, I’d been describing.  I like talking about food.  Fucking rookie mistake.  I know better than that.

Most of my preferences, for food and drink, contain what Josie says are sometimes considered exotic items.  Oranges and other citrus are from Antiva.  Banana, pineapple, and coconut are found in the northern portions of Rivain and in Par Vollen.  Cinnamon, ginger, persimmons in Nevarra.  Pomegranate, soy sauce.  Cloved ham, maple syrup, melons.  Kumquats and chocolate.  Found in and around the Tevinter Imperium.  Quinoa.

That I even knew some of these things exist made Vivienne raise a brow.  I shut up after the reaction to me talking about quinoa.  Apparently quinoa is a very rare and expensive grain, brought in from the Donarks or farther.  Viv actually set her glass down in surprise.  She’d never tasted quinoa.  It was reserved for the finest tables, and even then only rarely had.  That I’d mentioned three different ways to eat it…  

Josie looked at me with pursed lips.  “Is there any chance that some relative is going to be upset you are missing and come after the Inquisition?”

“None, Lady Montilyet.  There is no one left, and they couldn’t get here even if there were.”

“Varric has taken to calling you Princess as well as Cuddles.  Is there something we should know?”

“Nothing.”  She looked sceptical.  “There is no elven royalty in Thedas, Josie.  You know this.  No elven nobility.  No bans, no lords, no knights.  None of the elves are represented in that way.  We’re the ones scrubbing the muck and begging for scraps.  Our culture destroyed, our people enslaved or near to.  Perhaps I just worked in the kitchens somewhere.  Maybe I was a scullery maid who licked the pot.  A serving girl who snuck a bite.  Don’t worry.  I won’t mention it again.”  There was a pause as they both looked at me expectantly for a moment.  “What?”

“You left out the only reasonable option, my dear.”  Vivienne was examining her fingernails.

“I did?”

“The only reasonable option was that you were lying about having tasted it.  There are no elves involved in creating dishes with ingredients that expensive.  And if those foods were served, no elf would be in sniffing distance, even of the leavings on the plates.  No elven serving girl would dare sneak a bite.  Not in Orlais.”

“Nor in Antiva.”

I smiled sweetly.  “Are lessons finished for today?”  I drained my glass.  They were looking at me, and I was getting more and more uncomfortable.  Garalen, who had been leaning against the wall, stood. Dorian showed up with Gunny a few moments later.

“Dove, why are you sitting so slouched?  Your mother would be very displeased.”  That, thank goodness, broke the tension.  Dorian sat down on the couch next to me and urbanely snagged another glass, pouring more wine for us both.  “Sorry I’m late.  A little thing I had to do. Where were we?”

The talk went back to more general food-related information.  We discussed differences in table manners in the various kingdoms, for example.  Interestingly, Fereldens and Orlesians eat in the Continental style, but the northern countries use what we’d call American style.  It all has to do with which hand the fork is in.  And they were pleased and disturbed that I knew both methods.

We had finger foods for dinner, still up talking manners.  I’m not sure if I passed or failed or something else, but I was VERY glad to get out of there.  Dorian was told that I’d talk to him later, or tomorrow.  I had time before songtime, so I went back to the atrium.  Solas was nowhere to be seen, but the place smelled of old books.  It was comforting, and helped calm me a bit. 

Songtime was perfectly normal.  The human population of Ethelathe is heading for the tavern and such again, but most of the elves still attend.  It reminded me that I needed to sing for Hope tonight.

The littles told me that I’d missed a great day at school.  They spent the “whole day” outside.  Yes, I know better.  It was too cold for that.  But they had fun, playing in the falling snow.  It didn’t stick, but it was pretty.  They were learning weather.  Skyhold might not be the best place for weather lessons.

When I went back to my own room, I realized that I’d left my journal, my pen, and my nightgown in Solas’ rooms.  I was about to go get them, but he showed up, my things in his arms.  I can’t believe I left all that stuff behind.  I really need to remember how to pick up after myself.


	137. Day 40, 20 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party in the fade, Court Martials, Renee wants kids

###  **Skyhold, Day 40, 20 August, 9:41**

I’m glad Solas brought me my papers.  I wrote last night leaned against him.  He spent most of the time playing with my hair.  When I finally set my journal aside, he tilted my head up.  “You, ma’haselan’udh, are exhausted.”  A finger gently ran under one eye.  “Your eyes look bruised.”

“Sorry?”

“You are not eating well, either.”

“You are not my keeper, Grohiik.”

“I never said I was.  I am merely concerned for your well-being.”

“I had a half-day off just today.”

“Except for lessons, both magic and otherwise, into the evening.”

“There were no magic lessons.”

“Helisma disagrees.  She is the one who believes your efficiency may be compromised.”

“You spoke with a Tranquil?”

“Why so surprised?”

“No particular reason.”  I mean, in game he considered all of us Tranquil, I suppose.

“Another time, then.”  He picked me up.  “Bedtime, my tired little joy.” I was tucked into bed against his side, clothes on so he wouldn’t be tempted to keep me awake.  He told me he’d see me toward the end of the evening, if I wished, and I quickly fell asleep.

Hope was waiting for me when I got to the fade.  “Fortitude said it would be here later.  Something about forgetting the way?”

“It’s guarding some plans of Tarasyl'an Te'las that includes the halls in the walls.  Valor was pretty upset that I couldn’t read the language it could write in.”

“You haven’t been taught yet.”

I just smiled.  “You want something, my Hope.  What is it?”  Not quite sure why I said “my” Hope, but it slipped out.  It nearly purred at that, pleased, and sort of rubbed against me?  Odd behavior, so I checked to make certain, but it was actually my Hope.

“A song, my lady.  A song in the fade.”

“Of course.”  I took its hand and we meandered out into the fade.  I looked about the pillow palace and spotted my guitar.  Grabbing it, I moved to Hope’s nook.  I can’t explain that, actually.  It was a two steps and we’re somewhere completely different thing.  Time and space are different there.

In any case, I sang Lee Ann Womack’s I Hope You Dance.  I did change “God forbid love ever” to “and may love never”.  I really didn’t want to answer “which god” questions.  As before, a song in the fade, take what you will, with no intent to change or alter anything.  By the end of the song, Hope was sitting on the ground with its head on my knee.  It was smiling.  Others had shown up, too.

Valor and Fortitude had showed back up, and Fortitude let me take a closer look at the “drawings” they had.  Valor grudgingly used ~~her~~  it's words to tell me how to get into the wall spaces.  (Over-)Confidence and (A little Annoyed) Rage were playing some dice game in the corner.  Don’t ask me how there was a corner in the forest.  It just is, okay?  Shyness was sitting on a stump just enjoying being in a group without having to interact.  Wisps floated about.  Contentment, Patience, and several new spirits were gossiping.

It was like a party, really, but with no food and weird music.  I can’t even explain it.  We had several new people I was introduced to, as well.  Giddy, Amused, Curiosity, Dismay, and Concern.  More, at the edges of whatever this was, that weren’t introduced.  The only truly odd thing I saw was Dismay and Patience kind of passing their… limbs? Tentacles?  Appendages? Anyway, passing their whatevers through each other’s with INTERESTING looks on their faces.  Sort of faces.  They’re not exactly hominid.

Anyway, that was the scene when Solas showed up.  I’m not sure why, but everyone panicked.  Spirits went running in every direction, wisps scattered.  If there’d been windows, spirits would have been diving out.  They acted like a teenager’s party when the parents came home unexpectedly.  Shyness hid behind me.  Fortitude and Valor stepped in front of me.  Hope, and Contentment stood next to me.  I couldn’t help it.  I was giggling.  It was the funniest thing ever.  OMG Dad’s home!  Panic!  Kermitflail!  LOL.

Solas watched the display, a smooth mask over his face.  I tried to move around Valor, but it pushed me back behind it.  I pushed back.  “I don’t need you to defend me right now.  Not from him.”  I just knew that mask was hiding amusement.  Not sure how.  Valor bowed to me slightly and stepped out of the way.  Shyness moved behind Contentment.  Fortitude watched me a long moment before it moved.

“I leave you alone for a few days, Chrysopal, and you do this.  You are ever interesting.”  He held out his hand, and I placed mine in it. Holding my eyes, he lifted my hand and placed a kiss on my wrist.

“Not here, a grá.  Let us leave Hope its space.”

“Its space?”

“Yes.”

He nodded.  I bid farewell to all my peeps.  Contentment smirked as Solas strolled me away.  When we were a bit away, he picked me up for a long hug, dropping his head next to mine.  I’m fairly sure we were in his space after that point.  It smelled like his.  “Did you have fun?” he asked.

“Perhaps.”

He grumbled.  “Never can you say yes. Vin, Solas. So easy.”

“It’s your own fault.  I took a quite sudden nap one afternoon by saying yes.”

“Hmmm.”  Drat the man for humming against my skin.  “Someday, soon, I intend to ravish you in the fade.  When your eyes no longer look bruised.  Now, rest, ma’lath.  Plan and plot another day.”

“Wasn’t plotting, just playing.”

“Fascinating that you acquire bodyguards even in the fade.  Do you not realize what they did?”

“They just had a party.  Of sorts.  Kinda.  It was strange, really.  But fun.”

“You do not.  Curious.”

“What’d I miss?”

“Perhaps another time.”  We relaxed in his space.  It wasn't long before I felt the tug of wakefulness.  In HIS space?  Strange.  He held me tighter a moment, then let go.  I get the feeling he could have kept me asleep if he had wanted. Not that I think he was considering it, or anything.  Just depths to his abilities.  He got brownie points for the fact that he didn’t want me to go and let me wake up anyway.  

I woke and laid in bed a few minutes.  I had the whole day off. Woohoo.  I had no idea what to do.  Halton had cleared my desk yesterday afternoon.  Nothing on it.  It is so aggravating to have a cleared schedule.  Save for lessons with Vivienne in the afternoon, I suppose.  So I worked out my own schedule.  

It’s odd to me that I can leave the bed and such without Solas noticing now.  Perhaps he’s used to me?  Seems like something out of character.  That or he’s actually sleeping instead of meditating, and is confident I won’t try to hurt him?  Dunno.  In any case, I got up, and he didn’t stir.  

He didn’t get up until I was almost finished with Gretel Jr.’s scarf set.  (I can never remember her name.)  Doesn’t take long to whip one of those up.  Especially if you cheat.  I might have been cheating.  It’s just barriering with yarn, really.  I can barrier faster than I can hand-crochet.  And scarf/hat/mitten sets are so cute.  He just watched me finish the yarn work, smirking.  “New talents?”

“Different applications of existing talents.”

“The most complex magic is often merely layering of less complex magic or applying knowledge in a unique fashion.  You seem to grasp this instinctively.”

“Not doing anything complex.  Housekeeping magic.  Things apprentices do.  Emulating Mrs. Weasley.”

“Mrs. Weasley?”

“Nevermind.  Another book.  Series, actually.”

“How many books have you read?”

“In my life?”

“Yes.”

“At least ten thousand.  Probably more.  I used to devour Harlequins in an hour or two for fun.  Fantasy, sci-fi, westerns, regencies, alternative history, faerie tales, steampunk, paranormals…  and I’m not including research tomes, because you don’t really read those cover to cover.”

He was flummoxed.  You could tell he latched on to the first one out of a need to stay in control of the conversation.  Love doing that to him.  “Harlequins?  Jesters?”

“Books.  Honestly, romance novels.  About fifty thousand words each.  Not very long.  Something to destress at the end of a day.  I really miss my selection of books.  And the libraries.  I’m halfway tempted to start writing just to have something I want to read available.”

“You read that much.  In forty years.  Less, because you were not likely to be reading at two.”

“Yes.  And I couldn’t read until I was three and a half.  Not very good at it until five.”

“Have you eaten yet?”  Odd segue.  Guess the conversation is over.

“I’m not all that hungry.”

“Because you are fadeworking, ma’lath.”  He came close, placing two fingers on my cheek, holding my eyes.  “Eat something, please?”

“Don’t push, Solas.”  But I cupped his cheek, running my thumb along the bone.  “Briri isn’t even in yet.”

“She was letting you sleep in.”   Maybe a minute later, she came bustling in, and he smirked, kissing my wrist before leaving.  Ass.

As Briri got me set up for the day, I asked the time.  Eight!  I mean, I’d been up a while, but I had thought it earlier.  I refused the primping, and ended up in a “compromise” dress.  Fancier than I wanted, less fancy than Briri and Leorah wanted.  And I wore the matching shoes, because I fully intended to explore in the walls.  Not that I was telling Briri that.

Well, I headed out to the kitchens and was plied with oatmeal with dried fruit, apple not raisins.  After the conversation yesterday, I’m wondering just how rare dried fruit is.  I can see dried apples being fairly common, and pears and cherries, maybe.  Grapes aren’t usually grown in places this cold and dry, though, right?  And I know I’ve had peaches since I’ve been here.  How rare must those be here in the mountains?  Ugh.  I’m not changing what I eat.  They can live with it.  I just won’t talk about it in public.

I was shooed out of the stables with no riding.  Frikkin’ Renee.  She’s lucky I adore her.  Up at the Tavern, the Chargers were out and about, too busy for me today.  I bugged Sera for a bit, but she’s in a mood.  Doesn’t want to go to Halamshiral, and is having to go anyway.  I feel ya, Sera.  Anyway, she’s prepping “fun stuff, don’t worry your head”.  Whatever it is involves pottery, some colorful powders, something that smells like eucalyptus or mint, and acorns.  I REALLY don’t want to know.

Cole is nowhere to be found, but that’s usual.  I thought about going on up, but decided that might be a bad idea.  I do not want to deal with the “walk in on bull in the buff” moment.  No clipboard, after all.  So I went back to the main hall, and was going to chat with Varric, but one of the messengers snagged me.

I was politely asked to head up to Cullen’s office.  When I got there, Inquisibutt, several soldiers, Major Yorin (the prison guard supervisor), Cullen, Gretel, Renee, Janet, and a few others were waiting.  Gunny shut the door behind us.  Sam ushered me to an empty chair next to Cullen’s desk and stood next to me.

Thedas does court martials like everyone else, I guess.  “What do you have to say for yourself?” is probably the second question asked of anyone. After “do you know why you are here?”  In any case, I got to listen to a couple of trained warriors try to explain why they attacked an unarmed drunk person over a two copper tankard of ale. Then they left him to die exposed to the cold.  And came back a couple times to beat on him again.  I learned the details of the several beatings he received.  Poor guy was an ass, but he didn’t deserve that.  Gretel was in tears.  She’d loved him once.

This took up my whole morning.  So much for my day off.  But anyway, as the punishment phase of the thing came into play, Sam took over.  They were part of HIS forces, and he wouldn’t tolerate such behavior.  He played a really good Bad Cop.  When he said that I had an alternative to the death and dismemberment he was proposing, they were eager to hear it.  

So, end result is Gretel is going to be getting a quarter of the wages of four individuals until the weregild is paid.  One quarter of the amount will be set aside for each of the children.  The girl will start with an impressive twelve gold dowry.  The boy, that’s enough to buy him into any profession he wants.  Of course, the girl could use hers for a profession, too.  

The soldiers have also sworn to do the things that a father is traditionally supposed to do.  Not the day to day things, the lifechange things.  Walk a daughter down the aisle, approve suitors, arrange apprenticeships, etc.  They have a tenday to work out who will be responsible for what duties.  Hell if I know what they all are.  Sam’s butted in and will handle it.  Insisted on handling it.

Renee and Janet ate lunch with me.  We went to the servant’s hall, and Janet loaded my plate with more than I really wanted.  When I protested, Renee added another slice of bread.  She held up another small slice of ham, eyeing me.  I shut up quick.  And they watched me eat most of it, until I was stuffed.

They're thinking about adopting children.  At least two, maybe three.  They both want them, but they don’t want to do the usual things you have to do to get them naturally.  And they would have been prevented from having any at all that they could keep in the circle.  They want to be parents as mage-talented people here?  Go for it.  That’s a GOOD thing in my book.  

Even better, to my mind, they want to adopt “older” children.  They’re thinking that there might be more kids that need them that aren’t babies or very young.  Maybe tweedle age.  I’m sure there are many orphaned children with all the war and blight and horrible stuff that’s gone on this age.  Maybe I can talk to that little village in the Hinterlands.  The Crossroads?  Hell if I know.  Bet they have mouths to feed they’d love to pass on.  Or Garvey and Pinetree.  Actually, I think I’ll butt out until asked to help.  

After I was stuffed to the gills, they let me go play with my littles for a while.  The Highever teens are doing much better in reading and figuring.  And they’re not griping so much.  Eadras gave me an update on their progress.  I’ll have to investigate how they’re doing in their afternoon jobs, too.  In any case, I passed out the scarf sets I made for the five little ones.  Checked on Isa and Mika.  They’re blossoming.  They’ve taken to relaxing together in the afternoons.  

I was chatting with them when Nolari came to get me for lessons.  Deportment.  How to stand up straight and walk up and down stairs.  I took ballet as a child and I was in the military.  I know about stand up straight.  Vivienne pulled me aside and started drilling me on faces and names again.  Evidently I don’t need deportment lessons.  And I am HORRIBLE at faces and names.  Well, not even faces.  MASKS and names.  Ugh.  After an hour I could remember, like, half of them.  Joy.

The rest of the evening went nicely, at least.  Dinner with random people, songtime, etc.  That determined person that was a few days away is still a few days away.  I have no idea who it is.  It’s a fairly strong connection for being unknown.  Not as strong as any that I’ve met in person, of course, but fairly strong.

I tucked the littles in.  Hugs and kisses.  A highlight of my day.  We need more kids if we’re to survive as a group.  Told stories and giggled.  Solas was standing there as I closed the door.  He likes to sneak up on me.  At least he’s not snatching hairsticks recently.  I’m journalling, and then we’re going to talk wards, I hope.  I never did get into the walls.  Darn it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is a big deal to my family. Sorry it took so long to update, but family trumps fanfic, guys. I should be back on track now, though.


	138. Day 41, 21 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be careful what you say, because sometimes they listen. Breakfast, a new member, Dorian and Bull may have done more than flirting, testing by Vivienne, and Solas marks his territory.

###  **Skyhold, Day 41, 21 August, 9:41**

“Is there a reason you are so very grumpy this evening?”  I just looked at him.  “You are, da’asha.”

“My day didn’t go the way I wanted it to.”

“Oh?”

“Nope.”

“What is that phrase you used.  Care to share?”

“The court martial was today.  Sam butted in and threatened death and dismemberment.  I can’t do anything about the way he treats his troops, I guess, but I had expected better.  And then masks and names and deportment lessons.  I am not good at memorizing the faces of strangers I’ve never met and stand up straight just fine.  I’m about sick of dealing with this.  They keep staring at me. They ask strange questions and become unhappy at the answers.  I don’t even want to go.”

He held out his arm to me and I joined him on the bed.  “I admit, I am quite glad you will be there.  It will be interesting to see what sorts of things human nobles find to do at these things.”

“Do you really think it will be so different?”

“No, but it will still be interesting.”

“Everything’s interesting to you.  It won’t be anything you haven’t seen before.”

“You know this?”

“Why do you always ask that?”

“You seem so certain.”

“Not yet, please?  I don’t want to have that fight yet.”

“Fight?”

“Possibly.”

“I will not be fighting with you.”

“Aw, darn.  Haven’t you ever heard of make up sex?”

“Of course, but we could skip the fight and move on to the making up…”

Anyway, the evening was a bit more intense after that.  He’s good at making up.  Very good at it.

In the fade, I was greeted by a bunch of spirits.  The Fadebros, Shyness, Hope, Contentment, Confidence and Rage, a couple others I met last night.  They wanted to know if I was okay.  It took a bit to get any kind of an answer, much less anything coherent.  Contentment was the least concerned.  “I told you she would be fine.”  

The others were carefully checking me over.  I’d walked off with a very dangerous person last night.  It wasn’t until someone grabbed my ass that I realized Ardor was among the spirits.  I grabbed its hand.  “No, darling.  Knock it off.  Never again.”

“A pity,” it smirked, but it bowed with a very graceful flair.  It was so very pretty.

I felt a tug on my thread to Solas.  It had been a while since we spent the evening together, and we’d made arrangements.  I invited him in, telling my people I was fine, but I had a date.  He watched, bemused, as they all trooped past him.  Contentment smiled at him, and he smiled back.  Ardor tried to kiss my hand, and I pulled it away.  “How many times must I say no, darling?”

“It is a different thing, every time, my lady.”

“Off with you.”

“Of course, my lady.” He bowed again, and poofed.

Solas walked up as the spirit left.  “That one is aggravating.”

“I already told it I had no interest in it in that way.  Especially not in the fade.”

“I see.  Your eyes are still bruised.”

“Someone’s been keeping me up late.”

“Complaining?”

“Of course not.”

We spent the evening together, cuddling, walking, conversation.  He’s more relaxed than he was.  Probably because he knows I know who he is.  He isn’t guarding his words quite so hard.  He left me alone in the morning, telling me he’d see me in a bit.  He had something to do.

I felt the tug of wakefulness not long after.  And got a very nice surprise.  Breakfast.  It was a kind of date porridge.  It’s really good.  And somehow he found fresh apricots.  And a hard-boiled egg each.  There were sliced tomatoes and a soft cheese and a flatbread.  He moved us to the floor and plied me with food.  “Is this why you left early, a grá?”

“Of course.  I wanted to acquire you a decent breakfast this morning.”

The early dawn light peeked in the window as we sat to eat, sharing food and talking.  We were basically full when we had a more serious conversation.  “I’ve only had hunayua once before.  It’s delicious.”

“Hunayua?”

“The date porridge.”

“Ah.  That’s not what I would have called it.”

“Oh?  And what is its name?”

He smiled.  “Hunayua.  I like the name.”

“What did it used to be called?”

He looked at me a long time.  When he spoke again, it was with sadness in his eyes.  “It doesn’t matter, Chrysopal.  No one but me would recognize the word.”

I scooted over to his side of the rug.  Picking up a slice of apricot, I held it up to his lips.  When he bit down, I spoke softly.  “I wouldn’t make wager on that, ma’fen.  You may be the most dangerous man in Thedas, but there are others.   There are at least a few very old souls wandering around, most significantly less dangerous.”  He grasped my wrist, keeping me in place.  There were questions in his eyes.  “You knew this already.  I’m not telling you anything you didn’t know.”

“How do you know?”

“It’s in my memories.”

“Choices and consequences.”

“Yes.”

“My choices.”

“Some of them.  Not so many, actually.  Most belong to Sam.  Some belong to others. Many are made already.  Upon the shoulders of three men hinged the world.  The Warden, The Champion, and the Inquisitor.  The past is what it is.”

“It is never too late.”

“Seeker Lambert would have agreed with you as he carved his bloody swath through anyone with mage talent.  The Order of Fiery Promise lingers in corners.  Thedas must be cleansed with fire and blood before paradise can be found.  There is always someone willing to destroy the world for his own vision of how it should be.  If only they could all agree on the form paradise takes, for one man’s paradise is another’s hell.”  He looked slightly uncomfortable at that, but I kept my eyes on the food.  “Thank you for breakfast.”

“You have a busy day today.”

“Every day, even my days off.  But I have practice today, with the Chargers.”

“Try not to be hit in the belly.”  He stood and held out a hand.  “I will handle the remnants, ma’asha.  We should get you to Briri.”  He stopped with me in the doorway, suddenly hauling me against him.  “I want you to look kissed,” he muttered at my lips.  “Let no man see you and not know you are taken.  Mine.  Please.”

I captured his bottom lip in my teeth a moment before responding.  “You want your mark on me.  Why are you feeling vulnerable, a grá?”

“Say yes, Haselan.  Vin, Solas.”  He slid his lips to my neck, nibbling. “So easy.”

He’s actually really good at that.  I gave in, being escorted out a few minutes later with swollen lips and flushed face.  And a fairly light hickey on my neck.  No one mentioned it all day, though I got smiles from many people.

Exercise clothing and Chargers.  Briri had everything ready for me.  Solas sat me on the edge of the bed and wrapped my feet again.  He didn’t precisely ask, but he obviously looked for objections.  He left without saying anything, but a smile played at his lips.

Foxtripper skipped the grabbing today, and he and Andrew and Krem banded together to “fix” the way I punch.  Positioning, force, aim.  And then they told me not to punch things at all.  Krem started showing me some strange open hand moves.  It wasn’t any sort of formal anything.  More like he was teaching me streetfighting techniques.  Foxtripper functioned as my opponent.  After the first few minutes, that damn anti-magic barrier went up.  Joy.

Anyway. I managed to avoid being hit in the belly.  I wasn’t hit at all.  After practice I refused breakfast, but enjoyed a cuppa.  It was probably nine in the morning when Dorian strode down the stairs adjusting his clothing.  I had to.  “Dorian!  Looking dashing, my love.”

He only lost his composure for a moment.  “Dove, you are a sight for sore eyes.  I was fancying a ride this afternoon.  Perhaps you’d like to join me?”

“If you’re feeling up to it.  I wouldn’t want you to overdo it.  Too much riding can become uncomfortable, after all.”

“As you get more practice riding, my dear, your muscles become accustomed to the exercise.  Give it time.”  Love playing with this man.  He has a wicked smile.

“I would love to join you, then.”

I returned to Briri and was redressed.  I told her I would be riding later, and she said that the dress was fine for that.  She did offer makeup to cover the love-bite, but I just smiled.  “I couldn’t do that to him after he specifically asked for a public statement.”  She curtsied slightly and put the subject away.

Halton had all my papers lined up for me, and new letters from Merrill and Tarvin.  I spent the rest of the morning reviewing, planning, and signing.  A couple things actually required the seal today.  I was arranging food, linens, and such for the Halamshiral visit, as well as our usual stuff.  

There are so many things we need in both places.  Turns out we’re taking our own servant people too, so I’ll have plenty of mine with us.  Josie was more annoyed by the caretaker’s antics than I thought.  However, that means there will be fewer to handle things here if something goes wrong.  Halton is going to have his own secretary, but this is getting too big for just him to handle.

I was also given warning that our luggage was going to be shipped ahead.  I won’t get to see my clothes before we got there.  I just know it.  Leorah sent a list of personnel to be approved.  Halton was staying, even though I asked him to come.  

Gethon was coming as Head of Stable.  Andrew, Garalen, Gunny, Michael, and Elias were coming “whether you want them to or not”.  Zatlan was going to function as my secretary.  Leorah was coming as one of my two lady’s maids.  Briri was the other.  Renee was intending to come as my personal healer.  Cara’s coming as a “companion”.  Two guys I didn’t know were “footmen”.  Joan was sending a young human lady as a chambermaid.  Cook was sending Hadrian again.  Way too many people, and I don’t even know if that’s it.

On the inquisition side we’re talking three housemaids, a scullery, another cook, footmen, and others.  They propose to hire temporary work for some of these positions, but I made sure that all the usual maids and valets were invited along for the ride.  This is going to be a nightmare.  

Anyway, finished a huge stack of paperwork and had just opened Tarvins letter when Isa stepped up to the desk with a tray in her hands.  I dropped the letter to help her, and she set it on my desk.  Food.  She joined me, and we consumed the sandwiches she’d brought.  Ham and thick cheese on rye.  

We talked about everything from babies to weather.  By the time plates were empty, she was talking about baby names.  It was difficult to keep my lip buttoned as she listed girl name after girl name.  “No boy names?”

“I just have this feeling it’s a girl.  Feren’s picking boy names.  He insists it’s a boy.”  That made me feel better.  I could feel the little guy.  Safe and content, with no real thoughts or feelings aside from that.

“I look forward to meeting the baby.”

She rubbed her belly.  “Only a few more months.  She’s so active already.”

“Well, if you ever want a break, even in the middle of the night, I love taking care of babies.  I even like them while they’re crying.”

“We’ll hold you to that.”

Dorian met me shortly after for our ride.  Josren had Drummer all tacked out.  He was reaching to lift me on when Dorian took over.  “I’ve got that, young man.”  Lifted into the saddle.  “You’ve learned to accept such help with grace, my dear.  It’s a nice improvement.”

“I gave up arguing when it made no real differences.”

“Bowing to the inevitable is a skill, dove.  Knowing when not to give in, as well.”

We enjoyed a nice ride.  Soon it would be too snowy to do this.  Exercising the animals would have to take place in the little paddock. I’d missed him.  I used to spend every night with him.  He carefully avoided all discussion of his romantic life and mine, just smiling and saying he was glad we were doing so well in that area.  He’d despaired of me.

He’d just lifted me down back at the stables where there was a pressure.  I can’t quite explain it.  My ears were popping, but nothing appeared to be changing.  The pressure increased.  Dorian was clutching his ears and saying something, but I couldn’t hear it.  The world had gone silent.  The pressure increased again, pushing at… something.

There was a loud POP, but it wasn’t a noise, it was a feeling.  And something pink and glittery and slimy dripped from a spot in the air.  The noises of the animals returned.  There was pain, not mine, but one of mine.  Fresh, vivid, and sharp.  It was ARDOR.  I yelled for Cole, while Josren and Dorian looked on in surprise.

I reached the slime on the ground.  “Darling, you have to choose. You have to pick something, or you won’t last.  Please, Darling, Choose something.”  I sent strength along its thread as the slime vibrated and undulated in my hands.  It tried to become larger, and the face I knew from the fade showed a moment in the glitter.  

“Hurts…” it burbled.

“Choose, my Darling.  Something to stabilize in for now.  It doesn’t have to be forever.  Just for now.”  It attempted to form the shape I’d seen in the fade, but it wasn’t enough of the stuff to make something that size.  I’d already gathered the slime into my arms, and it was getting firmer.  We were on the floor under a nugalope stall, and if I’d known how that would have affected things, I might have moved.  

Cole showed up as it firmed more.  He immediately knelt next to me.  “You don’t have to pick a gender, but it helps.”  His fingers reached out to the firming ectoplasm.  “What do you want from your form?”  I didn’t see or hear anything, but they seemed to be communicating somehow.  A moment or two later, a face, much like the creature looking on from the stall, emerged from the fadestuff.  “Fuzzy would help.”

Little horns, little hands, smooth body.  It, no HE, was a fricken nugalope.  A teeny, tiny, miniature nugalope.  The body was quite firm at this point.  Not like that.  Just like, solid.  Real.  And Cole cocked his head to the side.  “Ethelathe blue?  It’s your fur, Little Brother.”  Soft hair started growing.  Little ringlet and waves in a beautiful blue-green.  It was a miniature hairy nugalope.  HE.

Dorian was standing there in shock.  “Dove, what in the name of the Black Divine did I just witness?”

“Birth, my love.  Birth.”  Darling was still shaking, but solid.  It was tiny, really.  The size of a nug.  A young nug.  I rubbed my cheek on the little things’ head, scratching between its horns.  “I have you, Darling.  It’ll be okay.”  Every last molecule, from what I could tell, was taken up in its being.  The mess I’d made of my dress cuddling slime was entirely absent.

Cole’s smile was gentle.  “Rare, Chrissy.  Happy Birthday, Darling who was once Ardor.”

“Is he okay?”  Darling was still shaking.

“Not quite of this world, not quite of the fade, straddling the veil. You know, Chrysopal.  You can understand.”

“Yes, Cole.”

“Are you saying this… thing, this odd creature, is like Cole?”

“In a manner, my love.”  I looked up and spotted Josren’s scared face.  “Josren, my own, everything’s okay.”  I stood with Darling shivering in my arms.  “Would you like to meet an Ethelathian from the other side?”  I looked past him.  “Geth?  Would you?”

“You have people on the other side?”  Josren’s voice was timid.

“Are you getting hung up on meat again, Josren?  I don’t care about the meat.”  I glanced back at Dorian, and Cole was whispering to him.  I could leave him in those hands a moment. I had to handle my scared stablehands.  “Come here, please?  He won’t hurt you.”  

That sort of did the trick.  Spirits and Demons are It.  I was introducing a him.  “His name…”  I looked the mininugalope in the eyes.  “Darling?”  It rubbed its snout against my cheek.  It tried to make a sound, but it came out as a sibilant hiss.  “You have the wrong vocal chords.  You can fix the meat later, when you are stronger.”  I looked back up at my Stable guys.  “This is Darling.”

Josren stepped forward.  He stretched out a hand, and Darling burrowed away, under my arm.  Jos dropped the hand and softly murmured something in a language I don’t know.  “I will not fear you, and I will not harm you, little one,” he said in trade tongue.  

Geth, not one to be outdone, stepped up with similar sentiments.  “Welcome to the meat side, Darling.”  He glanced up at me.  “Should we be preparing for more?”

“Probably not.  Most have no interest in coming across.  Our world is solid and confusing and makes no sense.  Emotions are dull and pale, and magic is thin, so thin.  The world is malleable there, and emotions are much more malleable here.”

“Dove, much as I appreciate the fade interpretation, you have obligations this afternoon.  Perhaps you should let the little…  What IS that?”  His flask was out and open again.  Cole was hiding his smile behind his hand.

“Why Dorian, do you not recognize the miniature hairy nugalope?  They are very rare.  This is probably the only specimen ever seen in this part of Thedas.”

He took a deep breath.  “You know, everyone is going to want one, my dear.”

“That’s nice.”

“Should you leave Darling behind while you have your lessons, do you think?”

A new voice was heard.  “Somehow, Dorian, I doubt that will work.”  I smiled at Solas as he strode purposefully up to me.  “I seem to have missed it.”  He placed two fingers on my cheek, holding my eyes, and Darling tried to burrow under my arm.  “Advise your friend that there is nothing to fear from me at the moment.  Once again, ma’haselan’udh, you manage to wreak both miracles and havok without my presence.  Ever interesting.”

“I might be convinced to trade you, Solas.  Our little magelet seems to attract strange magic and it is quite unsettling.”

Solas looked down at Darling and his eyes narrowed.  “I knew that one was aggravating.”

“Be nice, a grá.  This one has will.  And he is _mine_.”  

Solas closed his eyes and sighed.  “So be it, Vhenan.”  Darling pulled his head from under my arm and looked between us.  I think it was surprised.  He.  He was surprised.  I’m not sure by what.

Left my stable guys with quick smooches, because they needed them.  Dorian gingerly reached out to touch Darling, but Darling burrowed farther into me.  Poor thing was confused and concerned.  I had warned it that this world wasn’t the same as the fade.  Him.  I warned him.  I really need some white out or something.  

Dorian didn’t stop, though, and touched Darling’s back before I could back up.  “He’s so soft!”

“He’s beautiful, too.  He makes wherever he is prettier, be it fade or real.”

Solas held out a hand.  “You are late for lessons.  Shall I accompany you?”  He and Dorian both went up to Vivienne’s Salon.  That’s what she calls it.  Darling stayed buried in my arm.  Cole followed us, probably to keep an eye on my newest little guy.  

“Excellent!  You have managed to bring Cole along.  We need to measure him as soon as possible.  Time is running out, you know.”  She paused, eyeing my Darling.  “Chrysopal, darling.  Where did you acquire a... hairy nug?”

“Hairy nugalope, actually.  Isn’t he adorable?  It took a little while for him to get here, but I’m glad he made it.  He followed me from home.”  His home, the fade, but I don’t have to tell her that.  Solas raised an eyebrow, and Dorian nearly choked.

“He likes it here.  It’s warm.”  Cole said it with a smile, and Solas’ eyes narrowed.

“I… see.”  Vivienne glanced around the room.  “Perhaps you will be less reticent later.”

I sat on the chaise, stroking Darling.  Solas told me he’d talk to me later, and departed.  Dorian sat down next to me.  A human servant, one of Vivienne’s, delivered three beautifully roasted artichokes and small cups of melted butter.  The smell was heavenly.

One was placed on the table in front of me.  “Thank you Vivienne, I’m famished.”

“Feel free to begin.  I need to show Dorian something.”  With that, she pulled out a book and conversed with him.  I pulled the plate closer and pulled off a single leaf.  Holding it by the point, I dipped the end into the butter and delicately pulled the meat out of its sheath.  They stayed in conference while I finished the leaves, pulling off the little ones and setting them aside.  Scraping off the choke, I cut the heart into smallish pieces and dipped them into the butter.  As I finished, leaving the choke and what was left of the leaves on the plate, Vivienne sat and gave the same treatment to hers, as did Dorian.

“I had wondered, my dear, if you had actually consumed one of these delicate vegetables.”

“I rarely lie, Vivienne.  It is too hard to keep track of the falsehoods.”

“So I see.  I assume that everything else was similarly accurate.”

“Everywhere I turn, tests and trials.  Poked and prodded and questioned.  Someday, perhaps I will test you in return.”

For some reason, that made Vivienne laugh.  “Of course you will, darling.  Everyone does.”  At least she believes in fairness.  She moved into more individuals and masks and names, and we passed a fairly pleasant hour.  Except for the names and masks.  She eased the annoyance this time by explaining her methods of creating the images.  By the end of the hour, she was naming someone, and I would create the mask or face. It’s easier to remember this way, actually.

I ate dinner with random Ethelathians and Cole.  Darling hadn’t left my lap or arms the whole time.  When Irusana stopped by in her rounds, she sniffed suspiciously at Darling.  I had expected that they wouldn’t get along, but after some mutual sniffing, ‘Sana curled into my lap next to him.

Oddly, no one really seemed to notice Darling.  As the others left, Cole murmured at me.  “He doesn’t want to be seen.”

“I should have known that.”

“You should feel pleased, daughter of Aine.  You have done what your foremother did.”

“Aine?”

“Drawing us across.”  He smirked.  “Varric always names people well.”

“I adore you, Cole, even when you’re being deliberately cryptic.”

“I know.”  Little shit.  He looked at Darling.  “The season is coming.”

“Cole?”  He put his hand on my shoulder.

“You’ll see.”  He ran his hand over Darling’s hair.  “Good night, little brother.”

Songtime was when Darling finally looked up.  A hundred throats singing the same song in a stone room has a certain feel to it.  His own face brightened while my people sang.  An almost humming sound came out of him, in tune, no less.  “Yes, Darling.  This is what I want for everyone.  This feeling right here.”

Darling reached up and put his little hand on my cheek.  “No, Darling.”  I moved his hand, but smiled.  “Yes, I know.  It was something different.  Let me lay down some rules.  My face is off limits, at least for now.  My hands, they still pain me sometimes.  Be careful.  The usual rule is use your words, but for now, you must ask.  I know full well you can ask without words.  I am me, there and here.  Be cautious.  I chose another, and if you do things that stress that bond, you will regret it.  You are small and delicate here, and I bested you in the fade.”

Darling snatched his hand back and relocated his head to the crook of my arm from my upper arm.  “Smart boy.  You have done a rare and difficult thing, and you have impressed me.  I greet you happily, my dear.  I’m glad you are you.”

Solas’ voice sounded next to my ear. “I am pleased with your words, ma’haselan, ma’lath.  I had concerns for a short time.”

“Do I seem so fickle to you?”

“Quite the opposite.  How is he?”  Darling pushed back further into my arm, watching Solas.

“Stop scaring him, Faolan.  This one learns.  He and Irusana get along surprisingly well.”

“This does not surprise me.  I will not share my bed with him.”

“Don’t worry, a grá, I have no intention of sharing my bed with any male but you or Dorian.”  I looked down.  “No pouting, Darling.  You were warned of the situation the first time we met.”

“Tuck in your littles, Chrysopal.  I will arrange comfort for your friend.”

“Be nice.”

“To whom?”  I just rolled my eyes at him.  Solas picked up a trembly Darling very gently.  “Even this touch is strange, I know.  The feel of the world around you is a constant pressure.  Be calm, newcomer.  It will get easier.”  He spoke as he pulled the nugalope into his chest, moving slowly and steadily.  I could barely hear him.

‘Sana protested the loss of her heater, and Solas picked her up, too.  He stopped, holding my eyes, still bent over. A phantom thumb brushed my bottom lip, and I shivered.  With a slow smile, he stood, and moved so I could do the same.  “Solas…”

“Kiss your children, Haselan, and then come kiss me.  You have wrapped too many in your webs today.”

That man should come with a fire extinguisher.  I know it was a show for Darling, to mark his territory, but I don’t care.  He took ‘Sana and Darling into my rooms.  Briri came out soon after, quickly moving to the door to the kitchens.  He probably sent her for something.

Daniel had noticed Darling, but assumed it was a cat, since he hadn’t gotten close.  The tweedles hadn’t noticed him at all.  I told Daniel that Darling was the newest member of Ethelathe, waking side, and he just accepted it.  The tweedles asked the obvious question.  “Because there are members in the fade, love.  If ever you are scared by something in a dream, tell them you know Chrissy, so they had better not hurt you.”

The tweedles looked confused, but accepted it.  Daniel nodded sagely.  “I already do.  They know you, because you sing songs in the fade.”

“It’s only fair.  I sing songs here, too.”  I don’t know how I’d get through life in Thedas without those boys.

Anyway, I went back to my rooms, and Solas gave me my pen with a steamy kiss.  He’s been playing with my hair almost the whole time I’ve been writing.  I guess we’re sleeping here tonight.

* * *

 

  With horns, of course, and that's not quite the right blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The arrival of Darling isn't outside of Canon. Spirits CAN come through. It's rare. It takes determination and will. There is at least Cole, and other examples are hinted at in ancient times and since.


	139. Day 42, 22 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinds of sleep, protecting Briri, making a decision about Curtis, Hawke returns (Which is NOT how I remember it going), setting up Jos and Cara.

###  **Skyhold, Day 42, 22 August, 9:41**

The instant I capped my pen, Solas tugged it out of my hand.  “Finished?”

“And if I said no?”

“I would remind you I requested truthfulness.”  He set the pen down on the little table.  I vanished the papers and put them with it.

“You’re in a strange mood, Solas.”

“Turn around, Haselan, so I may unwrap your feet.”

I eyed him.  He was in a very strange mood.  “I could probably manage it.”

“I would prefer you did not.”  I did turn, and he lifted my feet to his lap.  And then did nothing.

“Solas?”

“You called a desire spirit.”  He started unwrapping one of my feet.

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“You are ever interesting, ma’asha.  Darling said you are confusing, but that you feel safe.”

“Safe?  One of the first things I ever did was insult him.  And threaten him.  Spirits are weird.”

“You told him your heart was lost.”

“I see you had plenty of time to chat.”

“And that he wasn’t strong enough to interest you.”

“In depth, it appears.  What are you meandering toward, Faolan?”

“I don’t know.”  He started unwrapping the other foot.

“I met him in the fade, and we matched our wills.  It was a short contest.  I told him that I could find a place for him if he managed to come across, but that it wouldn’t be the place he was asking about.  I also gave him some useful advice.  I was in a good mood at the time.  Is there a problem?”

“Relax, Vhenan.  You are poised as if to try to escape.  No one is unhappy or displeased.”

“Then why…”

“Come here.”  He pulled me onto his lap.  “Somehow you gave a spirit the will to come across. HERE, ma’lath.  And to form its own shape, instead of attempt to steal one.”

“It wasn’t me, Solas.  He came across on his own.  I mean, I certainly didn’t expect him.  I have no doubt Contentment or even Shyness could, but Ardor was...”

“You did not have trouble with Ardor’s enticements.  You really have no idea.”  He shook his head.  “It will keep.  He is here, and he is in good hands.”

“Yours or mine?”

“Cole’s.”

“So how come the ectoplasm from the demons you have had to fight is that icky green color, and Darling dripped through the veil in sparkly pink?”

“Of all the questions, you ask that one.”  He laughed, cuddling me close.  “Fascinating.”

“In other words, you have no idea.  Why did he do it?”

“Because he is a desire spirit who craves affection, and he arrowed on the woman who invented hug days.  Bedtime, and remember that mental work is still work.  You need rest, ma’nehn.”

“I might let you keep me in bed.”

His eyes darkened.  “You are a temptress, and learn astonishingly quickly.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Tomorrow we will begin wards.  I spoke with Vivienne, and you are not required to attend the lesson.  You have mastered what she will be discussing with the girls.”  He tucked us into bed, and closed his eyes with a sigh.

“He’s not trapped in the bathroom with Irusana, is he?”

“No, da’asha.  Cole is tending him.  Unlike certain women, they do not need sleep right now.”

I was feeling a touch wicked.  “Am I keeping you awake, ancient one?  Do you need a nap?”

“I would suggest you rest, da’asha, because you will need it.”  He didn’t even open his eyes, but his fingers tightened.

“Promises, promises, mor’ishan.”

“Indeed.”  Ass.

Cards in the fade again.  Finally got up enough for a full hand.  Shyness, Contentment, and Amused.  Shyness was originally my partner, but got usurped by Contentment after the first game.  Apparently spirits have rank, of sorts, and Contentment outranks Shyness.  Others watched, and we chatted about the nature of dreams and memories, and the differences between them.  Sort of.  It’s hard to explain.  I was learning a lot.

Turns out cards in the fade aren’t quite like cards here.  The fade reflects emotions and memory, wants and will.  It’s entirely possible to draw exactly the card you _think_ you need every time.  This means that the game is incredibly more complicated, because everyone has the cards they think they need. It then becomes entirely a game of strategy and ability.  It’s EXHILARATING.  Love it.

Plus, the wisps try to help people cheat.  I mean, something about staying in the rules of the game, since we’re playing in my space, keeps us from messing with each other’s cards.  The wisps are able to see it all.  They’re not so intelligent, but they’re able to yes/no.  Like Bit in Tron, I guess.  So they can respond when someone wants information, after a fashion.

Anyway, we only got three games in before someone knocked.  Well, not knocked, but did generally ask permission to come in.  I pulled the thread, gently, because I didn’t want to walk over there.  He came striding in, smiling at us sitting around the kotatsu I’d plopped down.

They all got up when I did, oddly.  Contentment looped an arm around my shoulder from behind, pulling me in for a quick hug.  Solas’ eyes narrowed, but his face was otherwise unreadable.  It then grabbed my nerdychick knot and shook my head a little.  “I will see you.  Be pleasant.  Call if you have need.”  Shyness took a long hug, but didn’t say anything.  Amused just waved as they all left.  Contentment ushered the other spirits before it as it strode off.

Solas waved a hand and the wisps scattered off, as well.  I looked at him, cocking my head to the side.  “Wards?”

“Later, ma’asha.”  He picked me up, setting me on the table.  “I like this little thing.”  A quick kiss, for him, since our lips were nearly even.  When he finally pulled back, he asked, “What, precisely, is it?”

“A table.”  I smiled, and he just waited, that look in his eye.  “A kotatsu.  It’s a low table with a heat source underneath and insulation of some kind, usually a down filled blanket or futon or some such, to keep the heat around the legs.  Very effective at warming a person instead of a space.”

“And where did you see such a thing?”

“Japan.”

“Where’s that?”

“Back where I come from, Solas.  A country across the sea from where I come from, actually.  I lived there a time.”

“I see.  It is time to rest.  Once you used to respect the cycles your body requires.  Please?”

“Solas…”

“It worries me, ma’lath.  I could always talk to the others, Eadras and Garalen, Contentment and Fortitude, if needs be.”

“No one likes a tattletale.”

“Tattletale?”

“Nevermind.  Look, my body’s asleep, so I’m resting, right?”

“Not precisely.  You need the physical rest as well as the mental rest.  When you are active here, your body is paralyzed, but not resting.”

“Wait, I’m extending my REM sleep to play here?”

“REM?”

“Rapid Eye Movement.  The physical state when one is dreaming, where the eyes are the only thing able to move, and they move rapidly under the lids.”  I was pacing on top of the table and he pulled me down.

“Emily Lynne.”  I looked up at him.  “We are having terminology issues, but we are discussing the same thing.  You need the kind of sleep in which your body rests and your dreams lie fallow.”

“But it’s such a waste of time!  I have too much to do, Solas.  They need so much, and there is so much I need to learn, in both places.  I’m behind as it is.  Decades behind!”

“If you keep going as you are, you will spiral into melancholia and perhaps worse.  You solve nothing that way.”  He gathered me into his arms again.  “Rest.  Sleep deeply, now.  I will hold you, if you wish, while you do.  May I shape your space?”

I shrugged, and he took it as a yes.  Tall trees, thick leaves, the scents of a forest.  The floor was moss, and smelled sweet when he laid me down.  A few kisses, and he stroked his hands over my skin, my back, for a long time.  That part of the evening is fuzzy, like dreams used to be.  I slipped gently into wakefulness as I felt dawn coming.

“I feel you stir, ma’lath.”

“You are nearly always awake.  How?”

“I do not require as much rest as your much younger self.  You have a busy day today, ma’haselan’udh.”

“Busy?”

“Your schedule is full.  You have delegation to do.  Only another week before we leave for Halamshiral.  Lessons, at three.  With me.  Letters, messages, paperwork, planning, organizing.  Such a busy woman.”  He shook his head.

“I’m always busy.  I don’t know what to do with myself if there’s nothing going on.”

I traced his brow, and he kissed my wrist.  “You have time.  There is no need to put as much as possible in any one day.”

I was kissing him good morning when Briri bustled in.  She bobbed a curtsy, but I don’t think it was to me.  “There is not much time this morning.  I will return soon.  We have to get you ready for the day.  Please be finished by then, Miss.”

That set Solas off.  “Inan, ghila!” he snapped.  She froze, then darted out of the room.  

“Solas?  What’d you say?”

“I told her to begone.  Has she forgotten how to speak to you?”   He pulled my head to his chest. “Does she say these things? ”

I mean, Briri can be bossy, and she isn’t exactly fond of humans, but I have no idea why he was so upset.  She didn’t sound any different than any other day. “Solas, even you said I had a busy day.”

“I never wished...  I can replace her.  Say even one word, and she will be gone.”    

The way he said that worried me.  He didn’t sound like he meant fired.  He sounded like he meant dead.  “Solas…”

“What else have you been keeping from me?  That she would speak to you so, dismissively, and as if she ordered you.  You are not her underling, nor someone she should command.  You are no servant.  You are _no one’s_ slave.”

“Faolan.”  He looked at me.  “She’s fine.  We’re still working out our relationship.  Don’t do this.”

“If you have concerns, I will fix it.  She is not to command you.  She is not to disrespect you.  She is not to upset you.  She will not betray you, except to report your well-being to me as needed, or she _will_ regret it.”

“Be kind, a grá.”

He rolled me under him, and rumbled against my throat, “For you, Vhenan.  I will leave it be, for now, for you.”  He lifted his head, and his eyes...  He’s definitely stronger.  He lowered his lips to mine, gently plundering my mouth until I was nearly vibrating, and really wishing we had more time.  He then softly spoke. “If she harms you in any way, Emily Lynne, I will _not_ be kind.”  I’d never quite heard that tone from him, and I admit I was surprised at the venom in it.

I traced his eye socket, then his brow.  “I am here, Solas.  I’m safe.  Unhurt, and unbetrayed.”

He took a deep breath, obviously calming himself, rubbing his cheek against mine.  “So you are.”

“This isn’t about Briri.  What is it?”

He gathered me closer, if that’s possible, inhaling my scent.  “It is those closest to us that are the most dangerous to us.  There are stories about me.  I…”

He had trailed off.  I just held him.  “When you are ready to talk, I will listen, mor’ishan.  Ma’fen, ma’lath.  I do not think you put her here to hurt me.  Now, I have to get dressed and get out to the stables.  I’m hoping to ride Drummer before defense practice.”  

He reluctantly released me, and Briri came creeping in a moment later.  He watched her, unblinking, as she became more and more uncomfortable.  I think he is feeling how I would feel if Zatlan or Garalen did something I was ashamed of, if I can interpret from what’s bleeding into our connection properly.  They represent me, in many ways, as she might represent him.  “Solas, why don’t you go get ready for your day while I get ready for mine.  Okay?”

He refocused on me.  “Because you ask.”  He smoothly slipped out of the bed, fully dressed, and strode past her.  

The instant he shut the door too softly behind him, she started apologizing.  I just held up a hand.  She stopped.  I watched her a moment, myself, pondering my words.  “I don’t know what you think he and I are to each other, but you act like something about it is a job.  This upsets me and angers him.  You know this isn’t smart, Briri.”

“It won’t happen again.”  I sighed, and had her sit down with me.  I laid a few new ground rules.  And put Leorah officially over her.  I can’t get rid of her, for her own safety.  No one should die just because they annoyed the wrong person.  I can, however, work to adjust her attitude.  She’s already better on the meat thing, so we’ll just build on that.  I can ensure that she’s not the person handling mornings.  There are plenty of people that need work, so I guess I’ll just acquire another maid.  She got me dressed, in regular clothes because that’s what Foxtripper told Leorah he wanted, and I headed out.  

Irusana was thrilled to play in the flurries on the way to the stable.  I’m actually becoming a bit concerned about how we’re going to get to Halamshiral and back in this sort of weather in the mountains.  Is the way to Skyhold going to be impassible over the winter months?  I mean, it’s only August and we’re already getting snow?

Josren and Geth had drummer ready, but I was sent to ride in the paddock.  Geth was waiting for me and lifted me down.  I tended Drummer and fed him a carrot.  Geth was hovering.  “What is it?”

It took a lot of dithering for him to get to the point.  He was “sort of seeing” a young lady named Aeslinna.  He kept looking at me like he was expecting something.  “Well, I hope you do well together.”  I smiled.  He looked confused.  “Problem?”

“Of course not.”  I touched his thread and he was disappointed.

“Geth, I’m not going to be upset, because I’m glad you found someone, even if it’s just for a while.”  He looked sheepish at that one.

Josren was watching out the stable door.  I came up behind him, and Cara was moving through the market.  When I moved around him, the longing in his eyes was almost painful.  “Josren.”  He jumped.  “Join me for dinner tonight.  I would prefer to eat with people I know for a change.”

“I’m not on today’s schedule, Lady.”

“Hang the schedule.  I’m eating in the pillow palace.  Be there.”  He sketched a bow, murmuring agreement.  He disappeared into the stables again and I found Cara.  I gave her the same instructions.  I went back in to my desk to talk to Halton, having him delay everyone else for a day.  He agreed, then shooed me back to the Chargers.

Michael was there with Foxtripper and Andrew.  “He needs to know what your capabilities are,” was what Andrew said when I quirked a brow at him.  “He’ll be one of your guards.”

“How many guards do I need?  The three of you, Gara and Elias, Liam, Cullen’s dude, Sam’s people, and the Bookends.  That’s way too many.”

“No, it’s not.”  I tried to argue with him, but he and Michael did the cross your arms and ignore people thing.  Damn it.  

Anyway, young Curtis showed for lessons, without his entourage.  Foxtripper was obviously expecting him.  I admit, I’ve been kind of neglecting the boy.  After lessons, I invited him to take lessons with the rest of Ethelathe.  He was a bit startled.  After all, he could read and write.  “Wonderful.  Then you can help those not as good at is as you are.”

“Mother’s expecting me.”

“Very well.  Do me a favor, Curtis.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t eat anything not given to you by one of my elves.”

He smiled.  “I already don’t.”

“I think you might be going home with more servants than you arrived with.  I will have to check.”

He stood still a moment, then bowed to me.  A full formal bow, his leg forward and his back level with the ground.  He paused there a long moment, then stood.  I wasn’t sure what to do, so I held out a hand to him.  He grasped it and kissed the knuckles.  “I would be grateful.  Anything would help.”  Weird boy.

“I take care of my own, Curtis.  For so long as they remain mine.”

“I understand.  I won’t fail.”  Another short bow, and he left.  Michael and Andrew and Foxtripper just looked at me, matching hooded looks on their faces.

I ignored them, heading into the tavern for my breakfast and coffee.  Cole came down with my Darling, and I introduced him to Lisa.  He made this appealing sound as he leaned into the caress she gave his horns.  He was obviously pleased that she was thrilled over him.  I can’t wait until Leliana meets him.  

I took Darling with me back to my desk.  He is so soft, you can’t help but stroke his hair.  It’s very relaxing.  Calming.  Tomorrow I had to take the weaver and clothier to Treepine.  Their home was ready.  Hopefully it would go as well as the Garvey trip.  The cartwright there had more work than he could handle, and the Blacksmith was enjoying much elevated prices, because we have a Dwarven smith at Skyhold.  That raises the perceived quality of any smith or work.  Got to love Enborr.

I found Eadras teaching the littles.  Pulling him aside, I asked if we had a valet-trained older male.  I also snagged my bangadoodle teens.  They were quite firmly mine.  “You guys can read and write, now.  Figure.”  I got agreement and nods.  “I need to talk to you guys.”

That firmed their spines.  “Lord Curtis Lendon is probably going to be going back to Edgehall soon.  I need people, MY people, to go with him.  Keep an eye on him.”

They looked at each other, and the leader asked the obvious question.  “Why?”

“Because the seat of Edgehall can be said to claim the Frostbacks.  And I want them.  Let him claim the Frostbacks, as I’ve claimed him.”  Eadras just looked on quietly.

“You think he can get it?”  The elvenborn asked that.

“With our help?  We shall have to see how good you are, shan’t we.”

“What will we be doing?”

“Watching his food made, caring for his personal needs, but reporting to me, not him.  Treat him as you would Eadras or Tarvin.  Be invisible but always there, furthering my goals.  You will write me once a week, and more often if the situation becomes problematic.  Can you do that?”  They went into a huddle, whispering and murmuring.  I don’t think they realized I caught every word, but they weren’t saying anything I didn’t approve of.  I was not surprised when they came back with an affirmative answer.

“Go to him, and tell him that I sent you.  Then tell me how he reacts, later.”

I sat down to my desk as they left, and got my actual work done.  The letter from Tarvin was shock that I had sent so much.  Gushing about it.  It made me feel bad I hadn’t done it sooner.  I hadn’t known sooner, though.  He also gave me an update on his people.  He’d found out Tatiana Cousland had a preference for fennec fur, so the slippers and wraparound pillow I was sending would be perfect.  

Merrill’s letter was similar.  She hadn’t expected the amount of leather I’d sent.  She hadn’t expected any at all.  It was going to come in handy, though, because they’d limited how much the elves could bring in.  Since they thought elves were incompetent, they assumed that they were stealing instead of hunting.  They’d let one or two pelts in per hunter, but if they came back with more, the rest was confiscated.  I hope she didn’t actually believe that.

I finished more schedules and such.  Sam was kicking all the nobles out while we were gone.  Skyhold was going on lockdown.  I’m not entirely sure why.  I was surprised when Varric came down.

“Hey, Princess.”  I rolled my eyes.  “Hawke’s back.”

That’s not how it went in my memories.  They met at the Western Approach.  “Stroud?”

“He’s here, too.”

“What’s wrong?”

“They’re pretty upset.  Stroud looks haunted.”  My hand must have tightened in Darling’s fur, because he squeaked.  Varric noticed him for the first time.  “What the fuck is that?”

“A miniature hairy nugalope.”

“That’s… That _thing_ is not normal.”

“He is so normal.”  I raised my chin.  “He followed me from home, at great danger to himself.  He deserves better than insults.”  I cuddled Darling close.

Varric is a smart one.  He moved closer.  “Followed you from home.  Are there more like him wherever he comes from?”

“A few.  Not many.  He’s stronger than most, and more loyal.”  Darling rubbed his snout against my shoulder at that.

“May I touch it?”

“Him, Son of Garen.  You may.”

I let Varric and Darling get acquainted.  The soft fur worked on Varric, too. I transferred Darling to his arms as we went up to see Hawke and company.  They were exhausted.  Stroud’s eyes were full of too much knowledge.  Hawke was unhappy.  I thought about what I knew of Hawke.  I bet he pacified most of the Western Approach.  There’s probably the rifts, the dragon, the silent ruins, and Adamant left.  

Hawke had claimed Griffin Wing Keep for the inquisitor.  They had come back while the sulphur pools were being handled.  Stroud had seen what was happening to his fellow wardens, and needed Sam to come fix it.  I told them that Sam’d been waylaid first by the Dales, and then by Celene and Gaspard.  Hawke SPIT on my FLOOR.  Ewwww.  

My face must have given it away.  A human servant came over and dropped, cleaning the spot.  I thanked her, and she blushed.  I pulled her aside and asked her to make sure Joan was aware that my guests would need a room, two if possible. In any case, I ate lunch with the guys, having a pleasant conversation, and shooed them off to bathe.

Too much to do, so claimed Darling back from Varric and went back down to my desk. I was mostly done with everything Halton had put on my desk and was in the middle of dictating a letter to Fairbanks when the boy smirked, standing.  “I’ve got to go.  I’ll be back in a bit.  You don’t mind, do you Chrissy?”  I blinked at him, and he set the paper down and left quickly.  Odd.

I sighed and sat, left alone in Ethelathe Hall.  The boys were off with Feren.  The ladies had gone up to Josie a while ago.  Zatlan had dragooned Eadras into taking Uncle Alex to the bath house.  I reached for the letter and my hair fell.  It made me smile.  “You just can’t resist, can you.”

“Oh, I could.  I don’t want to.”  I hadn’t turned my head.  Lips touched my skin, trailing along my neck.  “Lessons, ma’haselan’udh.  Come with me.”

“That’s one that hasn’t happened yet.”

“Give me time, ma’lath.”

“Wards?”

“Wards.”  He picked Darling up out of my lap.  Darling made the squeaking sound.  “My time, Darling.  Play with Irusana, or find another lap.”  Cole showed up, and I greeted him as he cuddled Darling.  He likes Darling much more than the stuffed creatures I used to get for him.  

“I really do.”

“Do what?”

“Nevermind, a grá.”  I gave Cole a kiss on the cheek, kissed Darling between the horns, and took Solas’ proffered arm.  The next couple hours were a pleasant time where I showed what, precisely, I could see.  Taffy and swirls, spikes and eyes, snares and teeth.  What I could see and what a mage of this time would see are not the same things, not really.  Solas had remember what I had asked, about returning things to their original state, first.  So that’s what he started showing me.  

I was actually tired by the time I got back for dinner.  Solas chose to eat with us, though he didn’t eat much.  Josren and Cara barely looked at each other.  At least, not when they thought each other were looking.  The longing glances were incredibly cute.  “Cara.”

“Yes?”

“Can you ride?”

“Horses?”

“Yes.  Horses.”

“No.”

“Josren?”

“Yes, lady?”

“Can you fix that for me?”  They both turned bright red.

“As you wish.”

“Cara, I’ll be seeing you in the stables tomorrow morning, then, won’t I?”

“Of course, lady.”  Now they were sharing bewildered glances instead of sneaking looks.  Improvement.

Solas moved extra slices of meat and vegetables from his plate to mine.  “Eat, Chrysopal.  You took barely enough to feed Darling.”  I glared at him a moment.

Cara butted in.  “Please?  We’re all worried.  You tell us to eat more all the time, and yet you do not.  As much as the person next to you, you said to Cyrren.  Not less.”  Damn it.  Those are my words.

Songtime, cuddles with my littles, a short discussion with the Highever Teens.  Curtis had included them in his household immediately.  Beautiful.  Briri arranged a bath and a nightgown and “wandering” clothing.  And slippers.  Solas led me off to his room, and is drying my hair in his fingers.  There was a new cushion that fitted the windowsill.  We sat there, watching the flakes fall.  I’m writing, and he’s occasionally kissing my neck as he plays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spellweaver is MEAN. She makes me change things. To things that make more sense. So mean.


	140. Day 43, 23 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contentment is beyond bossy, a trip to a village, and finding that determined thread.

###  **Skyhold, Day 43, 23 August, 9:41**

I finished writing last night and set everything aside.  My hair was still damp, oddly.  “I think I could figure out the dry things trick you and Dorian do.”

“I am quite sure you could.  But you do not need to.  And it is not in my best interests that you learn it.”

“Oh?  I suppose I could be convinced to refrain for now.  So what are you reading this evening?”

“Nothing.”  What?

“Nothing?”

“Precisely.”

“Okay, so what are you doing?”  I realized too late I’d asked the wrong question.

“Finger-combing your hair.  Can you not tell?”

“Funny.”

“Watch the snow with me.  Then come to bed.  No studying, no planning, no organizing.”

“Did Eadras get to you?”

“Get to me?”

“He told me to relax and enjoy the weather for a change just this morning.”

“No.  Hush now.”  He pulled me more snugly against him and we watched the snow fall.  I massaged his fingers and hands, and he made the best little noises.  His calves are rather sensitive, too, and so tense recently.  Chatter and calm, touch and relaxation.  And maybe sneaking in a little bit of chaos theory.  The butterfly effect is a wonderful conversation piece.  We’re still working on timestreams and ethics surrounding altering reality.  I must have fallen asleep there, because I don’t remember us going to bed.

The fade was a quiet place.  I drifted through surprisingly empty spaces for a while.  Contentment met up with me after a much shorter wait than usual.  It looked at me for a long time.  “I have been advised that you are mostly meat, and have the requirements associated with that.  Is that the case?”

“Yes?”

“You are required to consume formerly living things regularly, eliminate that which you do not process, and have periods of rest for your spirit and your physical being.  You cannot be confined without access to the wind for even short periods.”  It was ticking things off on its fingers.

I had no idea where it was going with this.  “Again, yes.”

“You have been remaining active in the fade for significant periods of time.”

“You know this, Contentment.”

“You should have been behaving as other mages do.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are more delicate than I knew.  I apologize, Chrysopal.”

“For what?”

It reached for my face, stroking my hair back gently.  “Two things.  For encouraging you, helping you, to stay and talk with us when you should have been visiting in small pieces.”

“I like talking with you all.  I learn, and make friends, and explore.  But you said for two things.  What is the second thing you are apologizing for?

“For this.”  It moved fast, wrapping itself around me.  When next I was aware, predawn light was filtering through the window.

Solas was stroking my face.  “Please, Sulahn’nehn, open your eyes.”  I looked up at him, stretching contentedly, before his tone penetrated.  Our eyes met, his very concerned.  Orange spicy flowed through me.  He pulled me closer and let out a relieved breath.  “This was not my doing, Chrysopal.  I swear it.”  I felt that ring, somewhere inside.

“What wasn’t?  What happened?  Is something wrong?”

“I do not know for certain, but Contentment told me that you were its meatperson, and meatpeople had meat weaknesses.  I would have had to do injury to get closer to you.  So I woke you from this side.”

“I believe you, mo chuisle, but I find the timing strange.  So who told Contentment what?”

“I have no way of knowing that.  I did not say anything, nor did I tell another with the thought that one of yours would interfere in your well being.”  He sounded distinctly put out.

That convinced me more than even the bell tone clarity of his words.  “You had plans for the morning in the fade, and Contentment interfered.”

“Perhaps.”  Surliness.  I just smiled.  I was feeling better than I had in a long while.

“How long have you and Contentment known each other?”

He smoothed my brow and traced my eye socket.  “A very long time, ma’lath.”

“I thought so.”

“Did you?”

“So how long did you spend arguing over whose meat-person I was?”

He ran a finger under my eye.  “You belong to yourself.”

“I know that.  How long?”

He sighed.  “Too long.  Contentment is difficult to shift.  Nearly as stubborn as you are.”

“Just doesn’t bother to change its stance.  Matter settled, to its mind.  Why bother arguing if nothing is going to change?”

“I see why it likes you.”

I didn’t really want to discuss Contentment.  That is one spirit or demon or whatever that makes little sense to me.  It’s not mine like Ethelathe mine, but more attached like Solas, but not really.  Sort of halfway between. Not like it looks to me to protect it, like Shyness, nor has chosen to swear to me like Hope.  Like it chose me… Something.  It’s not romantic or anything.  Like Zatlan, maybe, but without the connectivity?  I can’t explain it.  So I changed the subject.  “I’m going up to Treepine today.  Want to come?”

“I must regretfully decline.  I have things to do before we leave.  Speaking of which, choose a staff before we leave.  The Altus and I are of one mind on this.  He claims he already instructed you to select a new staff, and you have delayed.  Lessons will continue, and you need to have a weapon.”

“Fine.  I’ll talk to Harritt before I go.”

“Before you go to Treepine.”  Damn it.

“Fine,” I huffed.  He just eyed me and waited.  “Before I go to Treepine, I will talk to Harritt.”  I smiled at him.  He knew, you could see it, that he made a mistake, but he wasn’t sure where.  It’s nice to see him dropping a thread for a change.  I never told him what I’d talk to Harritt about.

Leorah was waiting for us when Solas walked me back to my room.  She took my robe, smiling.  We chatted lightly as Solas looked around for Briri.  Leorah’s pretty saavy.  “Briri will be in shortly to do your hair, sweetie.  Let’s get you dressed.”

Solas lifted my wrist as Leorah gathered the things she’d need.  A small smirk on his face, he touched his lips to just below the aquamarine.  He knew I’d arranged for Briri to not wake us anymore, but made sure she still had her designated work.  “I will see you later, ma’sulahn’nehn.”  He left before I responded.

Briri arrived with a small bowl of cubed cheeses, breads, and ham.  So not fair.  So while I was dressed and tied and coiffed, I munched.  I have a horrible habit of snacking on finger foods.  Leorah left after putting a pair of shoes in my lap.  They matched the dress.  “Wear them, Chrissy, please?”  By the time Briri had my hair up in its braided whatever, the bowl was empty.  Briri looked mighty pleased with herself.

I talked with Harrit a bit after I was dressed, and played with Dagna, too.  She measured my hands, and my forehead, for some reason.  No clue.  Anyway, I was nice to Solas and Dorian.  I snagged an ice staff.  A pretty white thing.  I put it in the staff stand near my desk.

I got ready to go.  Gunny was under the weather, so he’d sent Michael in his place.  I could feel him.  Uncomfortable, stretched tight, but not pain, and not danger.  He just needed solitude this morning to cope.  Michael was doing well, and looks dashing in his armor.  He’d added a sash in Ethelathe blue around his waist, ends dangling to mid-thigh.  Elias was coming as well, and was wearing a matching sash over his own leathers.  Leorah must be getting to them.

I’d stopped off at the Chargers before I left to tell them I was busy.  Lisa’s scar looks much, much better.  If it keeps going this way, she might not have much of one left.  I warned her she should consider easing back on the usage of the salve, if she wanted to keep it.  I gathered Darling from Cole.  My little guy was coming with me.  And apparently so was Cole.  Two laborers who can ride, as well, to help carry things.

In any case, the weaver and clothier I’d had stashed up in the tower were being set up in their cottage in Treepine.  They had their wagon and their mule, and I’d made sure they had enough food for a couple weeks.  They already had enough blankets and furniture and stuff.  It took almost two hours to get there.  Darling stayed in my lap the whole time, but didn’t seem distressed as long as we were in physical contact.

This visit was different.  We didn’t come on Treepine’s market day.  Deliberately so, actually.  The market days here weren’t cheerful this time of year.  Unless we had desirable goods, we’d get a bad reception. Seggrit hadn’t gotten the micah for windows or the shipment of whale oil that he was waiting on, so attending their market day would have to wait.  

The cottage was small, but looked cute.  There was an attached stable, large enough for the mule.  I scandalized everyone by sweeping the floor with the broom in the corner.  I had to tell the weaver that she could decide where the furniture went.  She kept trying to defer to me.  Not that there’s a whole lot of choices involved in a small two-room cottage.  The outhouse was fifty feet away out a smaller back door.

At least the chimney was in good working order and the roof was new.  Apparently my idea of “move in ready” and Thedasian ideas regarding “move in ready” are quite different.  They think sturdy walls, no holes, chimney’s clean, good to go.  I’m thinking clean, in good repair, no flipping cracks in the floor big enough to catch a foot in.  Damn it.  I’d have to get Zatlan to either come out or send someone to fix this.  He’s got mad carpentry skills.

You know, I got the weaver and clothier’s names, but I have met so many people in the last months that I just can’t keep them all straight.  And of course, moving my people in caught the attention of the neighbors, so I met a bazillion and a half more.  My guards have decided that I’m not allowed to shake hands with people.  Actually, I’m not allowed to touch strangers.

So I met the neighbors.  I’d corresponded with the mayor.  Forget her name, too.  She was full of questions we’d already discussed in writing.  It’s getting to the point I’m going to need someone standing next to me just taking notes.  An aide of some kind.  “Krem would call it aide-de-camp.  Yeoman?”

“Hello Cole.”

“The woman said I wasn’t allowed to be in there.”

“It’s not nice to go into people’s houses without permission.”

“Farah doesn’t mind.”  That was her name.  The weaver.

“Farah’s ours, Cole.”

“Then you need to claim the rest.”

“It’s not that simple.”

He sighed.  “Meat is complicated.”

“You understand better than Fortitude.  It’s still stuck on the whole elimination concept.  Actually asked me to have everyone refrain from elimination during times of siege.”

“Perhaps if you explain?”

“Cole, dear, I have.  It doesn’t have the frame of reference needed.”

“Things are simpler across.  And more complicated.  Both, at the same time.”

“Too true.”  Some more complicated than others.

“Contentment likes you.”

“I just don’t understand.  I’m trying.”

“It’s not to understand.  It is or it isn’t.  You said it.  If you try to figure out what you are allowed to feel, then you will decide what you feel is wrong.  It isn’t wrong.  It just is.”

“That was a private conversation, Cole.”

“I’m sorry.  Can you explain why you like me?”

That gave me pause.  “Thank you, dear.  You are the best fade-to-meat translator ever.”  He just smiled and confiscated Darling.  Not two minutes later, another villager came up to take a gander at the kerfuffle.  He always seems to know.

Anyway, we’d brought cold lunch, so we ate at the appropriate time, and then headed back.  I gave Farah the “password”, just in case.  I had discovered with Gara if they mispronounced it, but still meant me, it worked properly.  So, emih, leeli, nah it is.  The trip back was going a lot faster than the other way.  No wagons, no old mule.

We were just above the treeline when an elf in white stood up.  He was keeping his hands quite widely spread, grinning.  He had white vallaslin, but it wasn’t Mythal or Sylaise, so I have no clue who it was.  I never played with any other vallaslin in game.  Actually, it wasn’t Andruil, either, because that one kind of looks like your face is caught in a bow and arrow.

Elias and Michael brought their horses in very close to Drummer.  Cole’s horse was suddenly riderless.  More elven faces stood out from rocks and up from the ground.  I heard a female voice.  “We don’t mean you any harm, Ethelathun.  Quite the contrary.”

“That’s good to know.”  A woman dressed in brown, one I recognized from the wikia, stepped into my view.  “Well met, Alora.”

Her eyebrow twitched, but she didn’t otherwise react to that.  She was standing on the ground, so I handed Darling to Elias and shoved Michael back enough that I could dismount.  They dismounted as well, staying close.  There were no weapons in sight, not from anyone.  Well, I mean there were sheaths and such, but no one had a weapon OUT.

“You know of me?”

“You want to reclaim the treasures in the Dales.  You’re the only one who isn’t focused on the past, but wants to build a future.  An elven future, for elven people, not a future in which elves are completely subsumed into other cultures.  Safety, home, sanctuary, a place for us.”  This was the determined thread I’d felt.  “I don’t judge people by the meat they wear, Alora, so there will be humans.  There will be vashoth.  There will be dwarves.  But mostly, they will be elves.”

“Where did you…”

“Your face is known to me.  It’s complicated.  I’m sorry.  Lots of people call me creepy because I do that sometimes.”

“You’re dressed like a human noble.”

“Leorah would be very upset to hear you say that.  Her designs come from her own head, and she is an elf.  Also, have you considered how useful it might be to push them, at the level of the fade, into thinking that I am not what they think I am?”

Michael was still looking around.  In a low tone, he said, “My lady, there’s a lot of them.”

“That’s nice.”

“A whole lot.”

“Not enough, Michael.  Calm yourself.  Alora isn’t here to hurt us, or the first contact would have been an arrow aimed at my throat.”  I hadn’t taken my eyes from her.  She smiled at that.

“Is what they say true?  Did you force the Vallasdahlen to bloom?”

“That is what they tell me.  I just thought it looked tired, empty.  It needed filling, so I filled it.”  I shrugged.  “It wasn’t much of an improvement.  They’re too sad to dream.”

“We saw the fire.”  I waited.  “It cries.”  She was trying to get a reaction.  I wasn’t sure what she wanted.  “Who were they, the ones it cries for?”

“My friends.  My chosen family, destroyed as Haven was destroyed.  Those who have died in defense of me and mine.  Those that I miss, that should be missed.”

She cocked her head to the side.  “You aren’t asking any questions.”

“You’re already one of us, if you want to be.  I don’t need to.  You are the determined one that has been moving steadily toward Skyhold.”

“So the rumors are true.”

“Did you bring them all?  I don’t have beds for a hundred fifty.”

Her eyes narrowed.  “I brought twenty.”

“Lovely.  I have beds for twenty.  Zatlan just got the bunks up in the second tower room.  Would you like to visit?”

Cole appeared beside me.  “There are twenty three, and Alora.”

“That’s cool.  I can put them up for a bit.  Thank you, Cole.”  He picked up Darling, who was visibly shaking.  “Is Darling cold?  Oh, baby I’m sorry.”  I pulled Darling out of his hands, forgetting Alora and her men for the moment.

“What is that?”  The tone was shock/surprise.

“It’s a miniature hairy nugalope.  Very rare.  Rarer than halla, actually.”  I cuddled my shivering Darling.  He made that appealing squeaking noise.  Her eyes rose, curiosity on her face.  “Darling, can she pet you?”  He rubbed his snout on my shoulder.  “Would you like to?”  I moved out towards Alora.  “Plant your feet, Michael.”  Elias hadn’t moved, I hadn’t looked back at either of them.  He’d ask me how I knew later, but I’m not going to tell him that tin cans creak.  I just smiled at him and patted his cheek.  But in the moment, I basically ignored him.

“Yes, Lady.”  The tone was resigned.

Alora took a few steps toward me.  She carefully reached out a hand.  Darling is incredibly soft.  Like cashmere.  Her face reflected that when she touched him.  “Why don’t you come back to Skyhold, Alora?  Bring your guys.  Meet my family.  Scandalize the Lendons and the nobles of Orlais and Ferelden.  I’m keeping the little Lendon, though, so be nice to him.”

“Can I kill the big one?”

“Oh, Alora, you can do anything to _him_ you want.  Just don’t get caught, and don’t get blood on my nice white walls.  Preferably away from Skyhold.  That one asked me whether any of my elves _belonged_ to Edgehall.”

She smiled, just a bit too wide.  Excellent.  Something in me was stretching, toward her, toward the group.  I reined it in.  I don’t know what it was, and it wouldn’t have hurt them, but I want to say it was too soon?  She watched me for a long moment.  “I think I would like to meet your family.”

“Welcome aboard, Alora.  And the rest of you.”  She raised a hand, and they all sort of came up.  I was introduced to a bunch of people, most with vallaslin.  All, I’m told, were Dalish or formerly Dalish.  Elias and Michael were on edge, but Cole was calm.  Alora had Darling in her arms.  

The trip which had taken two hours with the wagon took three with twenty people on foot.  About twenty minutes out, we met some of the Chargers.  I was late, so they came looking.  Krem, Foxtripper, Stitches, one of the two-handed wielders, and Dalish.  Lucky me.  Krem and Alora knew each other.  After they determined that neither was a threat to the other in some sort of complicated codespeak that sounded almost like normal language, Krem addressed me.  “What, the Chargers weren’t enough, so you had to go get our competition?”

“Sorry, Krem.  Alora’s prettier.”  She didn’t react to that.  Neither did any of her men.  I say men, but six of them were women.

“Chief is worried.  Your second-favorite vint is, too.  They sent us to look for you.”

“Ugh.  Dorian would have known I was fine if he’d just thought about it a second.  Thanks for coming out.”

“Just glad you’re alright.  Wouldn’t have been pretty if you hadn’t been.  Can’t have the Chief dripping from Vint tears.”

“You going to cry on him?”

“I meant the altus.”

“Oh.  Sorry.”

In any case, we got back a lot later than we’d expected to.  As we moved into the courtyard, Alora’s people spread out a bit in a fan shape ahead of us.  Everything stopped as twenty dalish elves glided silently through the grass.  “Alora.  You’re scaring people.”  She ignored me.  

Dorian came jogging out of the tavern, but stopped when he saw what was going on.  Smart guy.  There were a tense few moments while everyone watched each other.  It was Zatlan, wonderful Zatlan, who came to the rescue.  He just came strolling through the line like they were friends already.  “Lady, the tower room has been cleaned from when Cyrren of Redcliffe was here.  Would your guests prefer there or somewhere else?”

“That’ll probably be fine.  Is dinner almost ready?”

“Halton informs me that you have been invited up to the main hall again.  He sent a refusal for you.”

“Thank you.  How upset was Vivienne when I didn’t get back?”

“Her eyebrow twitched twice.”

“Joy.  I’ll have to do something nice for her.  Alright everyone, we’ve all sniffed each other’s butts enough.  Let’s go scandalize Cook by trooping through the kitchen.”  I bid the Chargers goodbye.  With hugs, because they insisted.  The regular talking had relaxed people a bit, and the new elves followed us to the kitchen door.  Alora’s team kept their fronts to the random people about.  Which oddly meant they turned their backs to me.  Not what I’d expected.

At least these Dalish were used to dealing with non-dalish people.  They warmed up quickly.  We didn’t pull in the littles, not yet.  Mika and Isa showed up.  That got some looks.  Then Jailyn arrived.  “I see you’re here.”

“I didn’t believe you.”  

I looked between the two of them, then took that second step.  They knew each other.  Well.  Very well.  I looked between them.  Their faces were just enough alike to be cousins.  “Jailyn, you didn’t tell me you were related to her.”

“She’s my aunt.”

“She said she wanted to meet my family.”  I turned to Alora.  “I’m glad you met yours.”  Dinner was brought in, and everyone sat in the pillow palace to eat.  A few were worried or uncomfortable, so they ate in the dining hall, so I guess not EVERYONE, but most everyone.  My boys ate with me.  They’d not been worried at all.

Dinner was over and cleaned up when Dorian and Solas arrived.  I’d missed staff practice, and lessons with Vivienne, and wards.  They both stayed for songtime.  Elias had gone off once we  got back, but Michael was still right next to me.  I pulled him down by the neck of the metal suit he wore.  “Relax,  it’ll be okay.”  I kissed his temple.  It didn’t help very much.  

So I spent the rest of songtime in an interesting situation.  I was sitting in Dorian’s lap, because he insisted I was sharing my chair.  Solas was standing next to me, tracing the fingers of the hand he claimed.  Michael leaned on the wall behind us, watching everything.  It wasn’t until later that I realized that most of my guard was holding up walls, too.

That was an eyeful.  The Dalish knew my song.  How far had this gone?  I mean, I can kind of understand Redcliffe.  But a Dalish mercenary band?  And of course the pillow palace was stuffed with people.  Even Sam made it down this time, leaning on the edge of my desk.

Zatlan ushered Alora and company to the room, with their permission.  I tucked in my babies.  Cole stole Darling from Alora again.  I swear that nugalope hasn’t walked a step since he formed.  Going to have to fix that.  I waited for Zatlan to come back and hugged him.  Thanked him.  He’s amazing. The only thing he said in response was “anything for you.”  Back home, when a guy said that, it was to a lover.  This was different.  Very different.

Briri was waiting in my rooms to help me change.  She was reaching to undo my hair when Solas cleared his throat from the doorway.  I smiled at her and shooed her off.  “A busy day, haselan.  Yet more trapped in your web.”

“I didn’t do anything.”  He handed me my papers and pen, and is undoing my hair as I write.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fade-to-meat translation is all the doing of Veganstein. I love the phrase, and think it's perfect for what Cole does.
> 
> Alora and her Mercenary band is CANON. Her opinions on what the elves should be doing, where they should be going, etc. The ones Chrissy spouted? Canon. From the Core Rulebook, Dragon age RPG. And for the lady herself? http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Alora Even her being related to a "party member" is in canon. There's so much in depth lore in DA. I LOVE IT!


	141. Day 44, 24 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose petals, a challenge, fade issues, Andrew, making Dorian laugh, Eclipses, and preparations to leave.

###  **Skyhold, Day 44, 24 August, 9:41**

For once, Solas took longer than I did.  I was finished with my writing before he finished with my hair.  I went to put my stuff in my desk and he pulled me back.  Taking my things, he set them on the floor and produced a single orange rose.  “Hold this.”

I held it as he finished my hair, finally able to run his hands from scalp to ends without snagging.  “I interrupted your evening routine for a reason, ma’sulahn’nehn.”  He plucked a single petal from the rose in my hands.  “I made you a promise.”  He slid the petal along my cheek.  “Please, remove your gown.  Let me gift you this.”

“Gift me what?”

“You’ll see.”  I stood, and he helped me with the laces.  I let the dress fall, and stood before him in smalls.  He kept his eyes on mine after a brief appreciative sweep down and back up.  He handed me back the flower.  “Hold this.”  There was an intent look on his face.

Magic rose in the air.  Not the usual blue or orange, nor even the clear unseeable.  This was a soft green.  I watched in awe as the magic and his fingers stretched the petal into strands.  Thread.  As one petal ended, he added another, and another.  As he worked, the strands twined around themselves, and me.  The last petal in his hand, he stepped back three steps and smiled.

“Walk to me, Emily Lynne.”  I didn’t know why he wanted me to do that, until I did.  I can’t even explain the sensation against my skin.  Softer than silk, but clung and rubbed in a very distracting manner.  It must have shown on my face, because he chuckled low.  “Precisely, ma’lath.  You should never wear anything else next to your skin, if it puts that heated look on your face.”  

He moved his finger in a circle, and I twirled for him.  It sent the skirt out farther than I expected, considering he’d used a single rose to make the gown.  When I came back to face him, the fabric brushed my legs like the rose petal had my cheek.  

He spun the last petal in his hand into a lacy set of smalls.  “Do you dare?” Asshole.  Of course I dared.  Like I could say no when he was smirking at me.  I snatched them and exchanged the ones I was wearing for the ones he’d created.  

The cheeky ass handed me a book, and opened one on the table, turning his attention to it.  I watched him for a moment.  He lifted his eyes.  “Problem?”

I tweaked at him.  “You handed me the wrong book.  Other than that?  Not right now.”  He controlled his expression after a moment.  I got the book I was in the middle of and sat down to read.  No studying.  Well, not magic.  I returned to _Architectural History of Orlais, Volume 1_ by Elodie Ferrneau.  Know thine enemy and all that.

It’s actually pretty gripping.  The Valmonts are into some freaky shit.  Ghosts and goblins and wee beasties under the bed, a fixation on elves, which certainly explains certain things about Briala, and some odd beliefs about elven magic.  They supposedly even have their own Lady Elizabeth Bathory.  Not that name, of course, but Florienne is rumored to bathe in the blood of Elven virgins to keep her youth.  Someone made notes in the margin.  

But they don’t practice blood magic or anything, oh no.  No magic, no blood, not them.  Uh huh.  Florienne’s just friends with coryphace and the Venatori for shits and giggles.

Most of the book is about architecture, but in a strange fashion.  It details the hidden passages, and the reasons.  It’s a heady blend of rumor, intrigue, and the architectural quirks that make it happen.  Now I know why the secrets carried in the Halamshiral palace.  Certain spots were designed to be listening spots.  Had none of the guests realized, or read this book?

“I have never been quite so effectively ignored.”  A hand dropped to the pages, jolting me out of my thoughts.  I looked up, and he was surprisingly close.  His eyes inches from mine.  Close enough that I was startled into an exclamation.

“You, da’asha, were no longer aware of my, or anyone else’s presence.”

“Sorry.  I was reading.  Did you need something?”

“Bedtime.”  He tugged the book from my hand.  Setting it down, he ran his hand along my covered thigh.  This fabric.  Oh my god.  The scent of roses filled the air when it moved, and it whispered against the skin.  He laughed softly.  “Maleva somniar, ma’sulahn’nehn.  It’s time to dream.”  

He stripped his tunic off, but left his pants.  As he tucked us into bed, I stole a few kisses.  I thought I was getting somewhere, but after a few moments, he pulled back.  “Oh, no, ma’asha.  Not this evening.”  He stroked his hands up and down my sides.  “I want you to wear this tonight.  All night.  Anticipation, ma’lath.  Be patient, and the rewards are worth it.”

I slid my leg up his.  “Patience, ma’fen?”  I nibbled the spot under his jaw that made him shiver.  “It works for two.  Be warned.  Are you certain?”  I rubbed my chest on his, in the gown he’d created.  Goosebumps broke out over his skin.

He captured my lips for a long moment, intensely and thoroughly.  “Temptress.  I am certain.”  His tone was breathy.

“You don’t sound certain.”

He made a rough noise.  “Sleep, asha.”

“So be it.”  I felt those words ring, and his startled eyes met mine.  I just smiled.

“Asha…”

“Too late, ma’lath.  Sleep, ishan.”  I lay back and closed my eyes.  I could feel his gaze on me a long moment, but he curled up with me without further words.

The fade was quiet.  Concern was there, along with Shyness.  Two fear spirits.  I’m not sure why they’re both here.  Hope showed up a few minutes later, and I found out.  Cards.  Apparently cards in the fade is now a thing.  There were few wisps about.  I asked about that and was told that they’d be back during the third cycle.  

“Third cycle?”

Concern answered.  “Most mages have five or six times that they are active in the night.  Your friends will return after the third.”  It looked at me.  “It is to be a reward, to spend time with Valor, who has news.  To traipse the fade with Contentment, who wishes to discuss something.  Two cycles.  Then the last is reserved for Pride, should he wish.”  It was matter of fact about it.  It had already been decided.

Hope touched my hand.  “Be calm, Chrysopal.  I am here the whole night.”

“What is going on?”

“Compassion spoke to Contentment.  Contentment spoke to Fortitude.  Fortitude spoke to someone named Andrew last sleep.  We are told you have ‘no fucking off switch’?  So we spoke to The Dwarf.”

“The Dwarf?”

“Yes.  You are not a golem, so you don’t have a control rod or an off switch.  We have to use our words.  So we are.”  It sat back, pleased with itself. Lovely.  I didn’t feel like arguing today.  I just don’t have the energy.  Too much going on.  So I went along for the time being. I’ll fix these little issues later.

“I’ll let you all get away with this.  Today.  But I do not agree to anything beyond my next waking.”  

Hope patted my cheek. “Of course you don’t. We’re just not going to help you stay, that’s all.  You are welcome to stay as long as you like.”

They were mean.  After a while I felt a sensation I hadn’t felt in a long time.  It wasn’t waking, but I was slipping from my dreamspace.  The next time I knew in the fade, my partners had changed.  OverConfidence and Patience had joined Hope in my space.  Ugh.  

Finally after another slip, Valor was waiting.  It bowed, offering its arm.  We strolled through Skyhold, and it pointed out several new things.  And it told me it wouldn’t give me any more secrets until I’d explored the ones I had.  I hadn’t gone in the walls yet.  I admit, it was right.  

I had expected another slip, but Contentment strode up to me.  It bowed, and claimed my hand.  I wasn’t thrilled, but I went along.  “What, precisely, did you do to me last night, Contentment?”

It stopped, turning to look at me.  “I took care of you.  Acquired for you what you needed, and protected you while you needed.”

“Did you not consider asking?”

“I considered it.”  It started walking again.  “You would have behaved as a small child, refusing that which was good for it due to stubbornness.”

“I am not a child.  When things are explained to me, I make appropriate judgement calls.”

“You hadn’t changed your habits.”

“I had only found out about requiring different patterns the night before.  I wasn’t given the chance.”

“Were you going to allow the rest times?”

“I was, actually.  Solas explained the problem, and settled me the night before last.”

“I will attempt to remember you require choice.”

“Thank you.”

“I could have kept you, wrapped in myself, until your meat rotted away, and released you instead.”

I gave it a hug.  “Too bad you didn’t think of that possibility until after you’d released me, and even then rejected it.”

“Too much work, keeping someone like you contained.”  It kept its arms about me.

“I love you right back, Contentment.  You have a place in my heart.”

“But not that place.”

“No.”

“Good.”  It nodded.  “Shall we annoy Pride?”  I arched a brow, and not in the good way.  “I suppose not.”  It still had its arms about me when Solas strolled in.  His stride was deceptive.

“Contentment.  Chrysopal.”  He held out a hand, perfectly still, meeting my eyes.  This was far more important to him than he let on.  I slipped out of Contentment’s grasp and stepped to him, placing my hand immediately in his.  His posture relaxed immediately.  He wrapped me in his own arms, and I barely had time to bid a smirking Contentment adieu when he lifted me and we were gone.  There are some power dynamics going on there I am unaware of.  And I’m fairly sure they’re not going to tell me.  I’m just glad they’re at least amicable.

Solas started a conversation on staff grips and the differences between them after he made a large beanbag-like thing for us to relax on.  With occasional kisses and caresses.  I could feel that dawn was arriving.  “Again and again, Solas.”

“Always, asha.”  He set his lips to mine, and we spent a while waiting for the dawn.  He pulled back, tracing my eyes.  “The bruises fade, ma’lath,” he warned.

“Patience is a wonderful thing, a grá.  Do you have enough?” I was deliberately pricking his pride.

“As much as I need.”

“We shall see, shan’t we.  We leave for Halamshiral in two days. Less, now.”

“Hmmm.  All you will have to do is ask, ma’nehn, and I will provide.  Or wait until we get there.”

“The same goes for you, mor’ishan.  I have things I want to try.”  I kissed his jawline, rubbing my lip against it.  “Things I have not done in a long time, and things I have never done.  I might want to try them with you.”  He inhaled sharply, and I pulled back to see his face.  “But you must ask.  Or wait until Halamshiral.”

His eyes had darkened, a deep purple.  “I think I will wait.”

“Hmmm.  I’ll add this one thing, ma’lath.  I like this rose fabric.  Does it wash well?”

“No.  It disintegrates quickly in water.”

“Darn, because I had hoped to continue wearing these smalls you have created.”

“I can make more.  As many as you wish.”  He smiled a slow smile, so I had to add something.

“Any day you wear smalls of this material, so will I.  I will wear the things you make for me against my skin, ma’lath, every day.  Every night.  And only you will know how it affects me.  So long as it is both of us.”

“Do we have rules?”

“Always.  No magic.  Any touching must be done with the physical body or the spirit in the fade.  None of this not-there fingers.  And nothing people will notice if we aren’t alone.”

“A pity.  You will sleep next to me, every night.  I do not care about anyone else in the tent, in the room, in the bed.  I will not allow you to give in there. We will find a quiet place.”

“You might be the one giving in.”

“Doubtful.  The game ends the moment you say please, Solas.  For any reason.”

“Or you say please, Chrysopal, to me.  Or Chrissy, or Emily Lynne, Solas.  For any reason.”

“I am adding Fen’Harel, tricky one.”

“That’s fine.  Whoever uses magic for this purpose first, loses.  One more kiss, to seal the bargain.”  I captured his lips in mine, and slipped out of the fade.  He followed me, quickly, and made a very nice attempt to convince me to ask, but it was not enough.  One cannot give in right after the bargain is struck, now can one?

Leorah knocked and came in after a few moments.  She said nothing about Solas in my bed, or the gown I still wore.  She did eye it, but with approval, as she held up a robe for me.  It would have been rude not to put my arms in.  Solas just lay there and watched her brush my hair.  

Things were gathered, and I prepared to get dressed.  Solas slipped the cotton smalls from the top of the pile, and left something in their place.  He brushed a thumb over my lip, and left, collecting his tunic as he went.  “We shall match, Chrysopal, next to the skin.”

“What was that about?”

“A private matter.”

Leorah’s a smart cookie.  She let the matter drop, but smiled.  Dressed and braided.  A looser gown, because I had screaming practice again.  Ugh.  At least that meant I could eat and caffeinate first.  Briri was put to work brushing Irusana.  Who lets her.  I don’t understand that.  I’ve never had a cat that likes being brushed before.

Andrew was waiting just outside my door.  He didn’t feel unhappy or anything, just focused.  “You cheated, Chrissy.”

“What?”  I don’t cheat.

“You had two days for every one of ours.  You’ve been treating bedtime like study time.”

“What would give you that idea?”

“Walk with me, my lady.”

“Andrew?”  He half-pulled me all the way behind the stables before he said anything else.

“I was visited, Chrissy. _Visited_.  By Name.  Because I am one of the ones they can see clearly?  You have gone beyond what I can even comprehend.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I was told I was safe because I was yours.  In my sleep.  By a big-ass demon.  Who was complaining that you didn’t rest.  IN THE FADE, Chrissy.”

“You told the SPIRIT of Fortitude that I had no fucking off switch, Andrew.  They ganged up on me.  I was confined basically to my room all night.”

“Good.  Damn it, Chrissy, you can’t gather everyone and everything!”

“I’m not.  I’m not, Andrew.  I’m not really gathering anything.  I just wanted to understand, and asked questions.  They like it when you ask questions.  And who better to understand castles and walls than Fortitude?  And battles are Valor’s domain, right?  

I don’t have any experience with  this stuff.  So I asked experts.  Ones who can see into the past, into what works and has worked before.  I need them to find an escape route for my littles.  The holes in the defenses.  The way into the walls.  They’re just people, Andrew.”

“I’ve seen Darling.  How did you do that?”

“I didn’t.  He did.  He pushed through on his own.”  He sighed.  “Home, quiet.  No ups. No downs.  No shocks and no surprises.  Enough to eat, everything you need, not everything you want.  I can get it for you, Andrew.  I will understand if you grasp it with both hands and run.”

“Knock it off, Chrissy.  I’m not running, I’m yelling at my friend for failing to take care of herself.  And the spirits in the fade have decided that I’m the one to complain to, just like here!  So I have all your “meat” people, and now the spirits are going to be parading through my dreams griping about you not eating and sleeping, too.  Any other surprises?  A dragon going to swoop down and whine that you itch in the back of her skull?  Should I be expecting a visit from an irate darkspawn because you forgot to wear shoes again?”

“Andrew, keep your voice down, please.  I’ve never met a dragon.  I don’t know any darkspawn, and I don’t want to.  They feel wrong, bad, dangerous.  I have no interest in dealing with them at all.”  He made a frustrated noise.

“Don’t you dare try to fix them.”

“Certainly not today.  I have screaming practice.”

“Chrissy, I am NOT KIDDING.”

“Andrew.”  I put my hand on his arm.

He responded in a surly tone.  “What?”

I sighed.  “I’m sorry Fade Ethelathe bothered you.  I will tell them to leave you alone in the future.  I have no intention of dealing with or befriending or fixing darkspawn.  That is beyond my ability to deal with.  If a dragon decided to talk to me, I would be polite and chat right back at it, because I don’t want to get eaten.  I don’t know what that would mean.  If a spirit attacked me or mine on any side of the veil, be it demon or not, I would defend us to the best of my ability.  I will attempt to remember shoes.  I have been remembering to eat, with help.  I’ve been sat on about sleeping, and understand the risks.  I’ll be more careful.”

“Jesus, Chrissy.  What am I going to do with you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t make them stop telling me.  I might as well get used to it, I guess.  I’d rather know.  Just, behave, okay?”  He pulled me into a hug.  “Come on, Etheling.  Let’s get to screaming before you claim the deep roads, too.”

“I haven’t been THERE yet.”

“No.”

“But Andrew…”

“No, Chrissy.”

“You’re no fun.”

“That’s not what Gara says.”

“Ewwww.  I did NOT need to know that.”

Screaming practice went well.  Krem and Dalish were on hand, and Bull showed up, too.  A few others.  I was quite surprised to see my seven girls. And their respective Hessarians.  I managed to slip out after about half an hour.  My screaming practice was over.  Bull snagged me for a quick hug as I left.  “The vint’s asleep.  Feel free to wake him up.”

Andrew escorted me to the tavern and I got breakfast.  Two cups of coffee and I was off to get Darling from Cole.  I bugged Dorian, waking him up by dishing the dirt on my little wager with Solas.  I didn’t mention the smalls, of course, or the fabric creation.  Just the no nookie until someone cracks and asks.  Dorian is of the opinion that I will have no trouble with this one, if there is no magic permitted.

We were still chatting on Bull’s bed (but on a different topic) when Bull came back.  “Not sporting, Chrissy.”

“What?”

“You can’t just climb in a man’s bed without permission.”

“I didn’t.  I hopped.”  I stuck my tongue out at him.

“You shouldn’t stick your tongue out unless you intend to use it.”

“I do intend to use it.  Just not on you.”  Dorian huffed at that, and covered his mouth.  Bull arched his good brow at him, and my peacock lost it. I don’t think I’ve seen him laugh like that in weeks.  Dorian laughed until he could barely breathe.  “On that note, Bull, Dorian, I think I’ll take my leave.”  I gathered Darling and headed out.

I finally got down to Halton.  He had stacks of things waiting for my signature.  Stuff that he’d been working up.  I was going to be gone a whole month, or nearly so.  At least this time I wouldn’t be without correspondence.  Food showed up on my desk, and I munched as I wrote.  Plans and details, delegation, etc.

Alora was talking to my littles for most of the morning, with a few side conversations with me.  The dalish really like kids.  Dwarves probably do too, now that I think about it.  I told her that I had to leave for Halamshiral the next morning.  She just nodded.  I told her she was welcome to stay as long as she liked, and she nodded.  I gave her my attention.

“I intend to return.”

“You’re welcome here.”

“I will be leaving.  I’ll leave two here.  Two will be going with you.”

What?  “Why?”

She studied me.  “They want to see Halamshiral.  Will you refuse them?”

I sighed.  “No.  I will not refuse them.”

“They will stay with you.  I have spoken to Garalen.”  

I would have probed this arrangement more, but Joan came tearing down the stairs.  “My lady, my lady, the moon is eating the sun!”

It took me a moment to realize what she was talking about.  An eclipse. I went with her, because she was frantic, accompanied by Alora.  Up through the main hall, people were panicking, crying about demons eating the sun.  Mostly the idiot Orlesians.  Ugh.  Fereldens are more sensible.  

I stepped out of the doors, mainly because the place was so full.  Far more room on the dais.  Vivienne was above, standing in the window.  Of course the mages understood.  Skywatcher was on top of his tower, hammer held to the sky.  His lips were moving, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying.

Someone came up behind me.  “You know what that is.”  He spoke low, close to my ear.

“An Eclipse, Solas.”

“Do you know what causes it?”

“Legend or science?”

“Science.”

He bent his head close to hear my answer.  “The moon is passing between the sun and where we stand.”

“Hmmm.  And the legend?”

“There are so many.”

“Name one.”  A finger traced the edge of my gown on the shoulder.  Completely innocent.  Right.

“The Vikings have a legend that the sun is ball chased by wolves.  Sometimes one catches the ball, but soon they’ll let go, and start the game again.”  I’d forgotten Alora was with me, and I looked up to see her eyes on me, measuring.

Sam also joined us on the dais, as well as Leliana and Josie.  Cullen watched from his doorway.  Other faces peered out.  Many were scared, but eclipses are a known phenomenon. No one was dumb enough to be looking up.  “Josie, do you have any paper?”

“Of course.”

“Can I have two sheets, please?”  She handed me the pages, and I set one on the ground.  The other I poked a hole in using the tip of my knife.  I set it flat in the air, maneuvering it until I got a good view of the eclipse on the ground.  No one said anything, but we all watched the ground instead of the sky until the darkness was complete.  

It was not pitch black, but definitely dark.  SOMEONE took the opportunity to nuzzle my ear.  “Darkness, ma’lath.  The game begins.”  Barely audible.  

“Hmmm.”

Then we looked up.  It wasn’t even two minutes before the sun began reappearing.  Everyone went back to what they were doing.  Some final preparations.  Turns out most of the servants  went off with the trunks and things a few days ago.  I hadn’t realized.  Isn’t that awful?  It wasn’t until then that I noticed that I hadn’t seen my bookends in a while.

Vivienne came down to my desk after the eclipse.  I was supremely busy, so we compromised.  I kept signing things.  She relaxed in one of my chairs and tossed out names.  I created pictures of the person.  I got most of them right, but she shook her head.  “You must be flawless.  I will loan you Katherine.  She is an excellent personal assistant, and will handle this.  We will also be continuing to practice.”

Dinner showed up, and Leorah and Briri bustled in and out of my room, carrying things like my pillows and books.  No clue what they’re up to.  Vivienne departed to the main hall for her evening meal.  The kiddos bounced about, unable to sit still.  Eadras and Alex were my companions.  I admonished them to take care of each other while I was gone.

Curtis showed up before songtime.  He was introduced to a nice human man Eadras had found.  One with valet experience.  And firmly mine.  Four Ethelathians going with Curtis.  “Their safety is your responsibility, Young Lord Lendon.  I’m trusting you.”

“I won’t fail you.  I will do everything in my power.”  I straightened his collar.  He smiled, and dared to kiss my cheek.  “Mama is waiting for me.  We have to leave in the morning.  My uncle is quite irate.”

“Nothing except from the hands of my elves.”

“Yes, my lady.  Little Princess, Master Tethras calls you.”

“It’s an endearment I will tolerate from HIM, Curtis.”

“Yes, Ethelathun.”  Smart boy, but I’m leary of that mischievous glint in his eye.

Songtime was fun.  I got extra cuddles from my littles, felt Mika’s baby move, got a squinch from Adan.  He’d come down to say hello, goodbye, have fun, etc.  And gripe that I’d not visited in a while.  

Darling had spent the entire afternoon in my lap, and after songtime I set him on the desk.  “You need to learn to walk, my Darling.  Control over your meat is important.  We can’t carry you all the time.  I’m going to have to leave you with my littles.  For your own health.”  But then he whined, and it was so cute, and I gave in.  Yes, he’s coming with me.  I’m a sucker.  Sue me.  I’ll make him walk and stuff later.

Cole picked him up off the desk and kissed my cheek goodnight.  “The Chargers are packing the wagons.  Grim insisted.  Why do they call him Grim?  He’s always laughing at us on the inside.”

“I have no idea.”

“Yes, you do, but you don’t want to tell me.”

“Yes, I do, and I don’t want to talk about it.  See you in the morning, Cole.”

“He waits in his rooms, to see if you will come to him.”

“Thank you.”

I slipped into the peach nightgown with the lace, with Briri’s help.  Wearing a robe, and carrying my journal, I went up to Solas’ room.  I knocked instead of touching his thread.  Wouldn’t want to accidentally break the rules.  A few minutes later he opened the door, obviously not expecting me.  “Can I come in?  Stay?  Or should I return to my rooms?”

“Stay.”  So I am.


	142. Day 1, 25 August, 9:41, Off to Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perfume, Fade!Ethelathe is irritated, Everyone is leaving, Leliana loves Darling, a revelation about our size, and Vivienne puts her hand into my magic lessons.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 1, 25 August, 9:41**

He had been busy with other things, so it took him until after I wrote and we settled down to realize that the smell he was detecting was my new scented unguent.  Solid perfume.  Seggritt’d found it for me. Leorah had requested he find something.  I hope he found it and didn’t commission it.  It’s a blend of vanilla, wood resins, cinnamon, and some sort of musk.  She gave it to me this evening.  I love it.

Anyway, we were laying in bed when he buried his head in my neck, inhaling deeply.  “It’s you.  What have you done?”  He’d been moving and sniffing things all evening as he packed, and I hadn’t said a word.  If he’d gotten closer to me, the game would have been up, but he’d let me journal without distraction.  Oops.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Chrysopal, what is this scent?”  He rubbed his cheek against mine as he said it.  He was obviously not displeased, despite the grumble to his voice.

“Seggrit found me a perfume.  It’s customary, isn’t it?  To wear a scent?  I halfway think he commissioned it.”

“You smell amazing. Like a [he said something here I didn’t catch] in a brand new library, but somehow sultry.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“Cruel woman,” he breathed in my ear.

“Problem?”  I wrapped my arms around him and nipped his chin.  

“You wore my favorite gown, and smell like this...” He groaned, sucking the skin of my neck into his mouth.  

I slid a single leg to his hip, and he made that frustrated noise I like.  “Anytime you want to ask, mo chroí…”

“No.  Not yet.  It has been less than a full day.  But I see the game you play, ma’lath.”  I had been playing with his neck as he spoke.  “I will not be the one giving in.”  He shivered as he said it.  Must have hit on something sensitive.  Oops again.  

He turned me so I was facing away from him, and pulled me close.  “We have to rest for tomorrow.  It will be a long day.”  He said that, and then he did some mild playing of his own.  Luckily he was leaving my ears alone.  For now.  As it was, I went to sleep aching.  In a good way.  And it took him way too long to settle for his meditations.

I got to play alone in my space for a while.  First time I’ve been alone in a long time, now that I think about it.  I changed what I was wearing because I remembered that Solas would have requested that.  Easy as thought.  I entertained myself with music, the kind that wouldn’t work on Thedas.  Can you imagine the reaction to heavy metal?  I’m just picturing the prunefaces of the 1950’s parents over the new-fangled rock and roll.

In any case, it was three cycles in before I saw even wisps.  I had to venture out to Hope’s little overlook during the fourth.  They were there.  Lots of them.  “Did I miss the memo?”

“Memo?”  Concern was the one who asked.

“Never mind.  Should I leave?”

“Of course not.”  Hope cleared a spot for me.  “We were just discussing things.  How long will you be gone, hon?”

“I’m not sure.  About a month.”

“You didn’t warn us.”

“I didn’t know I should.  I’m sorry?”

“No, no.  We’re just working things out.”

Rage didn’t agree.  “Well, you SHOULD have said something.  As soon as you knew!”

“I apologize, Rage.  I should have told you.”

“Damn right you should have.”

“Wait, working what out?”

Amused interjected.  “Never mind.  Contentment has some things to ask you.”

Contentment had come up behind me, and gently pulled me away.  “When did they put you in charge, Contentment?”

“I am the strongest.”

“Strongest.”

“Yes.”

“Is this something I should be concerned about?”

“Why would I say anything other than no?”

“Lying takes more effort than telling the truth.”

It eyed me.  “Point.  There is concern to be had, but not between you and I.  I have already said you are safe from me.”

“Leave Hope alone.”

It looked startled.  “You would protect it?”

“Hope is mine, sworn to me.  Leave it alone.  The space it claims is also mine to protect.”

“I see.  So be it.  No one else you would protect?”  The tone was sly.

“You won’t bother with those not close in strength below you, because it’s boring.  You will dash yourself against those few with more.  He is not nearly so helpless as he plays.  I would be displeased if you got hurt.”

“Hmmph.”

“Contentment.”

“Yes, little one?”

“I offer a quote.”

“For what?”

“Freely.”

It grew wary.  “Why would you do that?”

“Because I want you to hear this.”

“I will hear it.”

“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man. A man named Rothfuss said it once.”

“You think him gentle.”

“I know him to be so.”

“You are the only person I know who thinks so.”

“You do not know everyone.”  Contentment’s face showed wariness, for the first time.  “Precisely.  Now, I was told you have questions?”

“Where will you be?”

“I do not know.  Somewhere in the city of Halamshiral.”

“Who will be with you?”

“Some of mine, some I don’t know.”

“You are not being forthcoming.”

“My bodyguard, my ladies maid, Leorah, Cara, Zatlan, various others.  People I know and don’t know.  I’m not trying to hold back.”

“He’s not going.”

“He’s going with the Inquisitor.  Going, but not with me, technically.”

“Hmmm.  Valor will go.  Fortitude.  Hope won’t stay, so you will see it.  Shyness is staying here, to look after the little boy.  We will guard your dreams.  Rage may go with us.  It is undecided.”

“Okay…”

“I will watch you, and watch over you.  It was said.”

I sighed.  “Fine.  But be nice.”

“I am always nice.”  It looked at me.  “You keep offering him contentment.  I am pleased he refuses.”

“Someday it may be too much, but I don’t want my problems to affect him without his permission.”

“You tempt him, as one of us would.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are just as much ours as theirs.”

“Oh, Contentment.  I belong to me.  Period.  I share my time with you all, but I belong to me.”

It said nothing, just delivering me to what seemed to be a random spot.  An open field, nothing there.  “Good evening, Chrysopal.  Enjoy the rest of it.”  And poofed.  It was only after it left that I realized the field was of meadowsweet.

Solas did appear, shortly thereafter, but he was scrupulously polite.  No innuendo, no little touches.  There was a gentle kiss when he greeted me, but nothing after that.  Perhaps he’s just trying a different tactic.  He was never more than a few inches from me while we talked.  About selective breeding and domesticating animals, of all things.  In any case, I awoke in his arms not long later.

Someone was knocking at the door.  Solas spoke in my ear.  “The knocker-up.”  The door banged again, and then it was quiet.  He leaned over me, exchanging his breath with mine.  He inhaled deeply as I breathed out, less than half an inch from my lips, then returned it to me, warm and damp.  His head dipped not quite far enough to touch his lips to mine.  I must have made a noise when he pulled back without kissing me.  “You have only to tell me of your need, Emily Lynne, and I will provide.  Please, Solas, and my lips are yours.”  He whispered near my ear, lips brushing it every third word.  Asshole.

I’m fairly sure my voice was not steady.  “I don’t think so, mor’ishan.  I have attended my own needs for many years.”

“Hmmm.”  He hummed it against my neck.  “Can I watch?”

“Solas!”

He chuckled and rolled away from me, standing up and stretching.  He glanced back at me.  “Is that a no?”

“I don’t know.  You could always ask properly.”

“Grab your robe, haselan.  Let’s get you to Leorah.”

“Can I leave my journal here?”

“It is better to keep all your memories in the same place.  I would prefer they collect somewhere else, Sulahn’nehn.”

“Fine.  Be that way.”

He just watched me with that irritating smirk.  Arrogant ass.

I got back to my denuded room.  Pillows and blankets missing, Irusana’s things gone.  Leorah had riding clothing out.  That calf-length swirly skirt thing and leggings.  I put on my own undies.  By the time I got out of Ethelathe Hall, I’d been hugged by a hundred people, plied with food, and handed the staff.  The staff I had snatched and put in the staff stand was actually the Ice Staff that had been made for me.  They’d put it so it would be the one I’d ‘randomly’ grab.  I’m not sure I like being that predictable.

Turns out Wulfgang is coming, too.  Not quite sure why, and he won’t tell me.  Says it’s none of my business, but he’ll be keeping both eyes on me, because that’s what uncles do.  So I have one of my forge uncles with me.  Seggrit is sending one of his guys, Baxter.  I’m under strict instructions not to attempt to buy anything.  This dude will do all my purchasing.

Anyway, despite the large amount of stuff that left a few days ago, we still have three full wagons of people and stuff.  Dennett had found harts for the two Dalish coming with me.  I saw Alora talking with Neria (from multiplayer) before she came down from the battlements.  They were leaving at the same time we were.

Curtis bid me a quiet goodbye, and ensconced my people in with his.  I don’t even think PseudoArl Lendon noticed.  Sam held up our group until he was sure every last visiting noble, hanger on, servant, animal, and everything else had vacated the premises.  Which means it was nearly lunchtime when we got moving, and Cook had kindly handed out cheesy bread for us to eat as we got moving.  Alora’s little group would travel with us a ways.  She also told me she’d see me “sooner than you expect, always”.  Whatever that means to her, but it’ll be nice.  Sometimes people just click, you know?

Geth had all our mounts managed.  He quietly advised me that I’d be on the sidesaddle for the last day or two of travel.  Joy.  Gunny, Michael, and Andrew were wearing blue sashes.  Gara and Elias were in matching armor, with identical sashes.  And that’s when I twigged it was a thing.

Renee, Leorah, Briri, a young woman I’d had dinner with, Eliza (?!), Hadrian, and Cara were all ensconced in one of the wagons.  I didn’t get a chance to see Dorian or Bull or the others.  At least the Chargers came back to see me.  I got hugs and all that, even from Dalish.

Cole showed up shortly before we left, Darling in his arms.  I took him, gratefully.  And that was when Leliana saw him.  She immediately rode over to where I was sitting Drummer.  “What is that absolutely ADORABLE little thing?”

I smiled at her.  “My Darling is a rare miniature hairy nugalope.”  I let my voice turn sly.  “Want to pet him?”  

She had avarice in her eyes, but was cautious.  “Is it safe?”

“Perfectly.  He won’t hurt you.”

“I heard something disturbing.”

“So many people hung up on the form meat takes.”  She pondered a long moment, but I could see she really wanted to touch him.  “Want to hold him?”

She pretended to debate, but she held out her arms after just a moment.  I have never heard her make those noises.  She petted and cooed, praising and snuggling.  Cole looked at me.  “I’m not sure we should tell her.”

“She knows as much as she wants to.”

“She does.”

Long story short, she rode most of the day with Darling in her arms, squeeing about him being just the most beautiful little nugalope she’d ever seen.  She hand-fed him lunch, which he actually ate.  And dinner.  A good thing, because if he wants enough bulk to shift shape, he’s going to need food.  It is simultaneously creepy and adorable to hear her cooing at him.  I may have competition for his affections, if her telling him he’s just GOT to meet her schmooples is any indication.  I didn’t actually get him back until after dinner.

Since about a quarter of us were walking, the pace was very slow.  Now I see why they left so early.  A full four days before I had expected to.  It wasn’t until we stopped for the day that I got to see who was actually with us.  The Lendon party had gone in a different direction.  Alora and her people melted away as soon as we hit the tree line.  Save those two that are staying with us.  She was the last one I saw, raising a hand to me as she leaned against a tree, then ducking behind it with a smile.  I really like that woman.

I finally caught up to Dorian.  “You didn’t even say hello this morning.”

“Hello, my dove.  I’m glad to see you wearing boots.”  He gave me a quick hug.

“They don’t pinch, so I’ll wear them for a while.”

“Joy.  That means I’m going to have to check your feet daily.  You tend to ride barefoot.  Dinner should be ready soon.  Don’t wander far.”

“I won’t.”  Like I could go anywhere with three templars, two assassins, and two dalish archers watching me.  At least the bookends, Liam, and Cullen’s dude Walter weren’t around.  

The snow was still falling lightly.  Honestly, I’m pretty worried about getting trapped either in or out of Skyhold.  Is the pass functional in winter?  I really can’t remember.  Snowbound at Skyhold would probably not be as much fun as it sounds like.

A voice in my ear shortly after said “walk with me.”  It was polite, an actual request, not like the curt words he’s used in the past that were thinly veiled orders.

“I could ask you to say please.”

“You could.”  I went with him, and we strolled to the edge of the clearing.  Once there, he pulled me behind a tree.  Both hands palmed my rear and pulled me against him.  “You are still wearing that scent.”  He stole a kiss.  And gave it back with interest.

“No one has asked me to stop.  So easy to say please, Chrissy.”  I was tweaking at him, using his words.

“Hmmm.  I am certain.  But you are assuming I want you to stop wearing the scent.”  He licked my pulse.  “I do not.”  He smoothed cooling blue over my face and neck.  “I like you smelling like one of my favorite desserts.  Remember you sleep next to me.  I don’t care what anyone else says or does or wants.”  He lifted my wrist to his lips, eyes on mine, then escorted me back to everyone else.

Wulfgang pulled me aside with Leorah and Renee before I ate.  “Make sure you only eat what we give you, little bit.”  Leorah nodded, agreeing with him. 

“Is there something I’m not being told?”

Leorah smiled at me.  “No, sweetheart, not really.  But with our size now, we can’t afford to lose you.”

“Our size?”

“Halton puts the tally of Ethelathe at over two thousand, mostly elves, Chrissy.  That’s a scary number.  We don’t want to take any chances.  Alright?”

“Where are we getting two thousand?  There’s not that many.  There can’t be.”

“Cyrren’s group.  Tarvin’s group.  The ones at Skyhold, the ones in the valley below.  Alora and hers.  Aedan’s group.  The individuals.  A quarter of the apostate mages.  A significant portion of the remaining Inquisition Templars.  The children.  The healer’s tent.  We have the numbers.  And no, we are not just counting noses at Skyhold.  Not everyone is one of us.”

“Aedan’s group?”

“He sent a letter joining up.”

“I didn’t see it.”

“I’m sure it will be included in the reports.”  I just nodded, kind of dazed.

“And the armorers, too, Chrissy.  We’re in that number.”

I needed to sit down.  I must have looked it, because Elias immediately ushered me to one of the sitting logs.  Gunther showed up barely a minute later, concerned.  Leorah explained that she’d told me our numbers.  No wonder I need another assistant.  Or two.  Or three.  The usual formula is something like three Human Resources professionals for every two to three hundred people.  I should have twenty.  TWENTY.  Maybe as many as thirty.  And I would have to look at my manager to people ratio.  Later.  “I need another assistant.  Or three.”

“Finally.”  Zatlan behind me.  “We’ll help you look.  We knew you would be reasonable when you realized the situation.”

Leorah looked at me measuringly.  “We’re also going to have to discuss your hair.  The brown is fine.  The white streaks are fine.  The odd line two inches out where it changes from one to the other?  Not so much.”

“I’ll fix it before we get there.  I have an idea or two I want to run past you anyway.”

Eliza (one of my original human ladies) gathered us up for dinner when it was ready.  Someone had put the tents up while I was talking with Gunny, Zat, and Leorah.  Garalen and Andrew were nowhere to be seen.

Vivienne sought me after dinner.  She introduced me to Katherine.  The woman who was going to assist me.  She seems nice.  Genuinely excited.  Vivienne also wanted to do some magical training.  

Michael and Gunther joined us as we walked a bit.  “I am so pleased that you surround yourself with Templars, my dear.  It speaks to your sincerity.  It also reassures when dealing with your little blue demon.”

“Not a demon.  That it came through on its own was witnessed by at least four people.”

“Which is why I do not suspect it of being an abomination, darling.  However, it has made me realize that no one has discussed the summoning of spirits and demons with you.  It isn’t on the list of finished or in progress subjects.  You are lucky that one was small and weak.  Barely more than a wisp.”  I wasn’t going to enlighten her.

“I’ve read the apprentice books.  Most of the rituals seem to be for binding the poor thing to your will.  I can understand a geas against harm, but wrapping it like that.  It seems cruel, and I will not tolerate chaining a slave, no matter the meat or no.”

“I had assumed so.  However, there is another school of thought, Chrysopal.  Benevolent spirits can be confined in a space and invited.  They will be free to leave, back to the fade, but not escape.”

“You can teach me this.”

“I can.  And I have already decided to do so.  I warn you that I have placed a small wager on the speed of your mastery of this concept.  We shall have to see whether I win, hmmm?”

“Did you wager for or against?”

“That, I shan’t tell you.  But I believe you can master the material, regardless of speed.  Your interactions with the demon and your little spirit nug demonstrate that.”  

With that, she sat down with me and drilled me on the information I’d culled from the books I’d read.  “Well, despite the fact that you are abysmal at offensive magics, you appear to grasp the less aggressive types rather well.  Tomorrow you will have staff practice with Dorian.  The day after, we will be summoning something.”  Joy.

“Someone.”

“If you like.”  She left me after that, air kisses and a smile.  I’m starting to think that she likes me.  Or can at least convincingly fake it.

Our brightly colored tents were up and ready.  And there were cots as well as bedrolls.  The double-wide cot I’d used when hurt was back.  Michael, Elias, Leorah, Briri, Gunther, Solas, and I were all sharing one tent.  It wouldn’t be as crowded as it sounds.  The military three were going to be taking watches.  And this tent is definitely big enough for at least two more.

Dorian tried to insist on sharing my tent as well, because “your tent, my dove, will be warm.”  He had a wicked gleam in his eyes, too.  I just know this insistence has something to do with my little contest with Solas.  He was refused.  “Bull won’t fit, and I know that if you stay here, he’ll show up.  Cuddle with him if you require warmth.”

“Oh, very well.  But you must absolutely keep me informed.”  A kiss to the cheek and he was off.

Songtime was nice.  Leliana had not heard us singing since the early days of Skyhold.  "You still do this."

"Every night. And we end with one song."

"Is this some sort of religious thing?"

"Nope.  Just an us thing.  It keeps us focused.  Centered.  Grounded."

She watched as we sang.  Blowing in the wind.  A few little campfire tunes.  We shall overcome.  A short evening.  

I retired to the tent I'd been told was mine.  Octagonal and brightly colored, mostly Blue.  Sam was in another large tent, mostly green and red for the Inquisition and Chantry.  Briri asked if I wanted a nightgown.  “Most travelers try to dirty as little as possible.”  She laid my clothing over a chest for tomorrow after shaking it out and brushing it.

“I’ll just stay in smalls, I guess.”  I'm sure Solas wouldn't mind.  Much.  She did have a robe for me.  So I’m journaling.  We’re barely five hours of walking away from Skyhold.  This is going to be a LONG trip.  Ugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, Spellweaver and Comavampure helped with so much research. It doesn't seem like it, but there's a whole lot more in the background than we realize. Times, dates, moon phases, events, what's normal. So much.
> 
> Also, Chrissy refused Dorian her bed. If he'd actually wanted to sleep in her bed, Solas would have had to deal with a third. Just that simple. It's only because he was playing that she said no. He's perfectly content, and hadn't really wanted to be there anyway. He was teasing, because he has his own sweetie to cuddle with now.


	143. Day 2, 26 August, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little playtime, far too many serious talks, Darling's a little shit, and poking at Solas.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 2, 26 August, 9:41**

Solas came to bed rather late.  I was already drowsing when he slid under the blankets.  He reached for me, and let out a groaning curse I hadn’t heard and can’t translate when his fingers touched bare skin.  Quietly.  I felt something shimmer, but didn’t process at the time.  He wrapped his arms around my bare torso, yanking me firmly against him.  “Someday you will go too far.”  It was normal volume, no concession to the people around us. 

“Solas!”

“You sought me out once for just this skill.”  That’s when I finally realized he’d put up some sort of soundproof bubble.

I just smiled.  In a deliberately husky tone, I prodded at him.  “So I could scream for you and no one would hear me.”

“Hmmm.  No one but me.  Would you like me to make you scream again?  Two little words, da’asha.”  Asshole doesn’t play fair.  Or too fair.  Something.  Because he is not supposed to be humming against my skin.  “Oh, but we are far too public for that.  Someone might see…”  He practically purred it as he stroked my skin.

“I was just trying to be nice.  You did once tell me you had wanted to see what I wore to bed while traveling.”  He stilled.  

“All those nights you spent with me in the fade.  This is what was gracing your body?”

“You hadn’t even gotten a kiss, and yet a few feet away I lay half-naked.  Alone, and yet still in your arms.  If only you’d known.  I wore my clothing on the boat, just in case, but other than that...”

It was suddenly pitch black.  He had made sure no one could see us or hear us, and took full advantage of that fact.  He kept his hands above the waist, and he still had me biting back words I didn’t want to say.  This guy has some serious skills.  At the end of his teasing, I made an embarrassingly needy noise, and he just chuckled.  And the asshole said, “Until tomorrow.  Rest, Chrissy.  You’re going to need it.”  He didn’t even ask if I wanted to ask, just left me aching.

The darkness lifted, and noises from outside the bed intruded again.  I curled onto his side, my head on his shoulder.  “Someday, you will pay.”

“We shall certainly see, shall we not?  We both know who started this game.”

“Yes.  You.”

He chuckled again.  “I certainly did.”  Which gave me pause.  I hadn’t thought he realized it was his ‘patience’ that started it.  Which means that I needed to surprise him somehow.

In any case, we didn’t end up meeting in the fade last night.  I was left to my own devices, aside from Valor and Fortitude.  They strolled in at some point just to let me know it was a “pretty area”.  Nothing there they couldn’t handle.  I think I’m getting aggravated very easily, because while it didn’t bother me much at the time, it sticks in my craw a bit now.  I do not need bodyguards in the fade.

Solas was gone when I awoke.  Everyone was gone, and I was alone in the tent.  Surprisingly rested.  The sun was up.  That was all fine.  But I was dressed.  In the dress from yesterday.  My leggings were across the bottom of the bed.  I smiled and slid them on.  Leorah bustled in not a moment later.  “I’m glad you’re awake.  It’s time to strike the tents, Chrysopal.”

I got up quickly.  To her chagrin, I helped break down the double-size cot I’d been sleeping on.  It goes a lot faster folding things with two.  She looked like she wanted to say something.  “What is it, Leorah.”

“You should have woken us.”

“When?”

“When you went walking.”

“I didn’t go walking.”

“You were dressed this morning.”  She gestured at my clothing.  “That usually means you went walking.”

“Not that I know of.” I debated for a moment.  “It’s possible that Solas dressed me before he left.  He’s a bit protective, and he’s done it before.”

She smiled.  “Not too much.  He didn’t say a single word about being in a tent with so many.”

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing.  And he knows you guys wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Coffee is by the fire, hon.  And breakfast.  Get to going.”  She handed me my boots and made shooing motions as some of the burly porter type people showed up to strike the tents.

Sera was the only other person I knew near the food.  So many people in this group.  “I don’t understand how you can drink that stuff.  Nasty, innit?”

“It’s an acquired taste, I suppose.  It certainly keeps you going when you have to be up late.  Or if you were up late, and need to be awake early.  Caffeine.  Wonderful stuff.”

“Must be a weirdie thing.”

“Never going to live that down, am I.”

“Nope.”  She got up, but she did smile.

Gunny sat down.  “I’m surprised you aren’t rushing from place to place.”

“Too many unfamiliar people.”

“You okay?”

“Of course.  Just a bit overwhelmed.”

“We’ve got your back.”

“I know, Gun.  Believe me I know.  And I’ve got your front.”

It took him a moment.  “Oh, no.  You’re not going to stand between me and danger.”

“Of course not.  I’d never just stand there.”

“Chrissy…”

“Don’t ask what I can’t give, Gunther.”  

He sighed.  “Alright.  I’ll handle the fighting with swords, you handle the words.  Deal?”

“I’ll try.”

We were getting a really late start, from what I can tell.  Maybe because we have so many people?  Or that they’re civilians?  Most ended up riding in the wagons today, so we went faster, but it was still a comparative snail’s pace.

It hadn’t snowed more during the night, but it started up again about midmorning.  I can’t warm them while we’re moving.  At least they’re all bundled up in furs and warm clothing.  None of them have anything threadbare or overly patched. 

I, to my chagrin, had been bundled up in my fur cape again.  Briri showed up shortly after it started snowing and draped it around me.  It’s warm, and pretty.  And she gave me matching fur-lined leather gloves.  And a hat.  And a scarf.  And I’m not overly affected by the cold.  But it makes them feel better to have me dressed warmly.  

When we stopped for lunch, Sam was the one who lifted me down.  “How come I have to specifically ask for my favorite little elf to spend time with me?  Are there dancing bears or something else back here with the luggage that fascinate you?”

“Did you want dancing bears?”

“NO.  Don’t do that.” His eyes had gone wide.

Iron Bull overheard, and tossed his hat into the ring.  “What about dancing girls?  I like dancing girls.”

I turned my head to him, narrowing my eyes.  “Perhaps later.  I will have to see what I can do.”

“Uh…  That’s not necessary.”

“Too late, my friend.”  Sam muttered it.

“In any case, I just don’t want to intrude on the Inquisitor.  I’d feel fine bugging my little brother Sam, but that Inquisitor dude.  Did you know he’s twice my size and has this huge sword?”

“I’d heard.  Doesn’t sound very nice, either.  Scares everyone with that glowing hand of his.”

“Precisely.  Perhaps you ought to hang back here with the rest of us normal people.”

Sam laughed.  “You are not what I would term normal, Cuddles.”

“What is it with everyone stealing Varric’s nickname?”

“Walk with me.”

“Of course.”

He strolled around as they set up lunch.  It was a two hour break so people could warm up from the cold.  Sera was shaping the fletching on her arrows with a knife.  Dorian, Vivienne, and Solas were in a fairly friendly argument about ambient magic contamination of a wall of fire.  Varric and Blackwall were hanging out with the soldiers, telling jokes.  Cassandra and Cullen were using each other as pells while my Templars and some soldiers shouted encouragement.  

Leliana and Josie were playing with Darling, which made me smile.  Leliana was trying to “walk” him.  As in, encouraging him to “go”.  I couldn’t hide my smirk.  He looked so uncomfortable.  I noticed that Cole was NOT saving him. Darling wasn’t calling for me to rescue him, even though he saw me, either.  So I let it be.

My elves and humans were everywhere, getting everything done quickly and efficiently.  Food, a quick camp, warming braziers.  Cara, Leorah, and Briri were huddled together.  Lord knows what that triad will manage.  Iron Bull was drawing rude pictures in the snow, and “explaining” things to Cole.  Oh dear.  

I went to pull that way, and Sam didn’t let go.  “Not now.  He’ll be fine.”

“What do you want, Sam?”

“I want you to be creepy.”

Lovely.  “There are rumors and information just floating by, basically.  Leliana will need them.”

“Floating?”

“You’ll hear them, or people will leave letters about, and so on.”

“Ah.  That’s not what I meant.  Not yet, anyway.” He sighed heavily. “Chrissy, this is supposed to end a civil war in Orlais.  A peace thing.  The last peace thing I got dragged to blew up.”  He looked at his hand.

“Oh, Sam.”  We’d gotten past the trees, where nobody could see us.  I turned to him.  “You need a hug, dude.”  He sat on a fallen log, and wrapped his arms around my middle.  It put his head even with my chest, the top just under my chin.  I hugged him to me like I would a child.

“I can’t see everyone die again, Chrissy.  I can’t.  Before they were acquaintances.  I barely knew them.  What if something happens to Josie?  Varric?  The rest of them?  And Leliana.  Maker’s breath, Chrissy, I never want to see Leliana like that.”

“This one won’t blow up like the breach.  It won’t.  It’s not strange magic.  It’s political intrigue.  Personal.  In nothing I’ve seen does more than that happen.  You’re a match for this.  Have you talked to Josie about this?”

“No.  I can’t do that to her.  She threw up when she saw the report on Redcliffe, Chrissy.  The red lyrium future.  We have to stop it.  How do I stop it?”

“You stop it.  You do.  But you have choices.  So many choices.  From what door to open to how many secrets you find.  Who lives, who dies, who is left standing to rule.”

“Fighting, death?”

“Always.”  I tilted his head up, catching his eyes with mine.  “The world rests on you.  I will ease what burden I can, but it rests on you.  I believe you can do this.”

“Was I chosen, somehow?”

“I don’t know, hon.  I really don’t. I like your Andraste, Samuel Trevelyan.  Most Andrastians are terrible.  Your god is a mystery to me.  Joan of Arc gone mad in an upside down world. Everyone chants her words but no one LISTENS to them.”

“If you hadn’t been invited, I’d have dragged you along with me anyway.”

“I know you’d have tried.”

“We’re going to have to talk soon.”

“Because right now we’re just making nugalope noises at each other.”

“I’m serious, Chrissy.”

“Let’s enjoy the trip, for now.  We can talk after.”

“It can’t wait that long.  But it can wait until we get settled in Halamshiral.”

Well, damn.  “Fine,” I sighed.  “How long is it going to take to get there?”

“Another five or six days.”

“Are there any hot springs around here?  I know the dwarves are set up near lava, which means there should be, but who knows.  I never studied Thedas geography in school.”

“There might be.”

“We’ll have to come back someday when we have time, then.  Let’s get back to the others before you find yourself a red lion snack.”

Gara stood up from a tree, causing me to jump at the unexpected movement.  I hadn’t noticed her there, but Sam wasn’t surprised.  Maybe he had noticed.  I was gratified when he jerked as one of the Dalish stepped out on the other side of us.  The words ‘Shit, where’d YOU come from’ were heard.  And the Dalish guy smiled at me, no teeth, because for some reason he hadn’t startled me at all.  

Anyway, we four went back to the rest, consumed food, and got everything packed back up.  The snow is actually pretty thick, except on the “road” itself.  Basically a wagon trail, but it does seem odd that it’s the only thing not frozen.  I’m told the snow will ease in another few miles.

Geth threw me back up on Drummer with a grin, then handed me Darling.  “Cole said that he doesn’t want to play with them right now.  He wants to rest.”

“Well, then that’s what we’ll do.”  I looked down at the tiny nugalope.  “Don’t worry.  I’ll explain whatever you like after we figure out a better way to communicate.  I’ll have to ask Solas about increasing your mass so you can fix or change your form if possible and desired.”  He nodded, and snuggled down in my lap.

Ten minutes later, Raindrop showed up next to me.  Solas reached out and lifted Darling.  “You, da’asha, are so innocent, sometimes.”  I must have looked as confused as I felt.  “Keep him in your arms, ma’nehn.  Please.  Think of who and what you had curled where.”  It took but a moment.  

Darling had snuggled down right between my thighs, head fully across the crease of my hip.  If he’d been the usual animal, that’d have been okay.  I’ve had dogs and cats do similar things.  But this was a DESIRE DEMON.  A fully conscious adult being stuck in a little bitty body that got him all sorts of attention.  And I fell for it.  I eyed the little shit, and he was wearing a smug look.

“Oh, I think he should probably ride in the wagons for a while.  They have blankets and such to keep him warm.  Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.”  Solas rode with me to the wagons and handed him off to Cara.  I asked her to find a nice cozy spot, but that he needed to learn to be by himself.  “Don’t abandon him, but don’t let him sit on you, either.”  Darling gave me a mournful look.  I shook my finger at him.  “Don’t even start.  You knew better.  You will get another chance to behave tomorrow.”

Solas stretched his hand toward me after we rode away from the wagon.  Two fingers rested on my cheek before he cupped it and let his hand fall away.  “You are so…”  He sighed in exasperation.  “It warms my heart to see the trust you put in others, even as it stops it with fear.”

“It doesn’t cost more to be optimistic, Solas.  I’ve done the cynical think-the-worst thing.  I’m happier this way.  I  _ work  _ at being this way.”

He arched a brow as we moved toward the front.  I’d promised Sam I’d join them.  “Work at it?”

“Yes.  Do you think it’s easy?”

“To be naive about the world?”

“I refuse to give a small segment of the population that kind of power over my mood. That’s not naivete.”

“Ever interesting, ma’asha,” he murmured as we caught up with the rest.

“Am not.”  He just smirked.

After we stopped for the night, Dorian pulled me aside for staff practice as Vivienne had warned.  It’s been way too long since I practiced.  My muscles are extremely sore right now.  He also muttered something about how I just HAD to choose an ICE staff in the middle of a winter as cold as Maferath’s frigid backside.  He did reassure me that he was staying “plenty” warm at night.

When the dinner bell rang, I joined my elves.  And the rest.  Being among _ us _ again.  I can’t even explain how being among a small-ish group of just us feels.  It’s home, and safe, and caring, and a feeling of completeness.  We shall overcome just ices the cake, you know?

Cara and Briri bundled us all off to bed.  Tomorrow we should actually break out of the snow completely and move from winter to fall.  And then the going will get faster.  Thank god.  This snail’s pace is a killer.  We’ll be stopping in the town in Gherlen’s pass tomorrow.  Probably camp outside it for the night.  Half the camp’s going to be toasty by bedtime.  I can just see it.


	144. Day 3, 27 August, 9:41, Gherlen's Pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking with laughter, a chat with one of the Dalish, the smell of lyrium, and the instructions of a brother. And putting an elven god to sleep with a backrub.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 3, 27 August, 9:41, Gherlen's Pass  
**

I went to sleep alone.  Solas didn’t come in until it was past full dark.  I woke when he climbed into bed.  “Solas?”

“Shhh.  Go back to sleep.  Everything is fine.”  He curled me into him with a kiss on the brow and I drifted back off.

I don’t remember much about the fade, oddly.  Someone telling me to rest, because I had a busy day tomorrow, and that they’d answer any invitations I issued.  I’m not sure.  I had a night like I would have had on earth, after that.  Like my dreams were separate from me, for the first time in months. I felt like I was held, though.  It’s unclear, but there were more than two arms.  Whoever it was that held me in the fade seemed worried.

I awoke early, shortly after dawn, and well rested.  There was movement outside the tent, but Leorah and them were still asleep.  Solas hadn’t moved, but I knew he was meditating, not sleeping.  That was born out when I went to get up.  His arm tightened.  “Always are you leaving me.”  Quietly.

“You’re a big boy.  You can be by yourself sometimes.”  I was equally quiet.

“Yes.”  His arm didn’t loosen, though.  I mean, I could get up, he wasn’t trapping me or anything. 

“Do you really want a clinging, simpering female hanging about?”  I fluttered my lashes and put a pout on my face.  I put a touch of whine in my voice, too.  He watched me, perplexed, so I smiled my vacant smile.

He shuddered.  “Please do not.  I do not know how you do that.” 

“Training.”

“Training?  To act… Less?”

“Yes.  Don’t worry about it, mor’ishan.”  I went to sit up, and he put me under him in that thing he does.

He brushed my hair back from my face.  “Do you feel the need to do such around me?”

“Do you really think I’d answer that in any way but no, considering what you just did?”  I was smiling at him, though. 

He smiled back and gently nipped my chin.  “Yes, you would.  You have no problems yelling at me when you think I deserve it.  Shrieking, even.”

“Then you have your answer.  And I do not shriek.”

He chuckled.  “So I do.” He ignored the do not shriek part.  “So why training?”

“It’s a woman thing.  An elven thing, too, I suppose.  To avert danger.  Compliant and small, a delicate, fragile thing, so the other can feel protective and magnanimous instead of threatened.  It’s usually only used in public spaces and around men you don’t know well enough to anticipate.  Unless you’re trying to commit suicide by dude or whatever.  Men can become violent if denied the decoration of a female smile.  Or the deference of someone they consider beneath them.”

“So you pretend to be weak, to survive.”

“That’s one way to look at it.”

He glanced over at the other side of the tent to make sure they weren’t awake.  Lowering his lips to mine, he kissed me breathless.  “You are beneath no one.”

I had to.  I put my fingers between our mouths.  “Ummm, Solas?”

He drew back.  “Yes?”

“I’m kind of under you.”  His brows drew together, and he looked down at me a moment.  Then light dawned, and he started laughing.  Enough to wake the people in the tent, poor things.  It took him way too long to get himself under control.  Probably a full minute.  Regrettably, though, it meant everyone was now awake.

Anyway, we got up.  There were grumblings and grins all around.  Solas went off to do what he does.  The Templar people sealed themselves in their tin cans.  

Leorah dug in a trunk for my clothes this time.  An actual dress, no leggings.  Frickin’ stockings.  At least it was serviceable with sleeves that didn’t fall too far.  With undersleeves that were snug to the wrist in the ubiquitous blue/green.  The rest of the thing was grey.  And damn, the woman is strong.  I swear I could barely breathe she laced everything so tight.

I had kind of been looking forward to travel food.  You know, porridge?  But nope.  I got bread and cheese and bacon.   I mean, bacon’s nice, but…  Anyway.  Camp was packed quickly.  They just cooled the pans in the snow.  Handy that.

I was shooed away by Hadrian.  I’m not allowed to “help in the kitchen”.  Cook’s orders.  Leorah, Cara, and Briri were doing things around the tents, and were busy.  I was also shooed away from the mounts.  Geth at least smiled when he told me he’d bring me Drummer when it was time.  I snagged Darling, who’d bunked with Gethon.  I did get a quick cuddle from Geth before I left the area, which made me feel better.

I stood at the edge of the encampment petting Darling.  He and I had a short chat about manners, and were friends again.  Truthfully, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable.  Everyone was busy, I had nothing to do, and no one would let me work.  A quiet step beside me.  I looked and one of the Dalish was standing there.  He just watched the people scurrying from place to place with me for a few minutes.

“Aneth Ara.  My name is Castien, Keeper.”

“Greetings to you, too.  I am called Chrysopal, Hunter.”

“I do not understand why we are traveling.”

“I’m traveling because the Inquisitor needs me.”

“That simple?”

“At least for me.  I would prefer to be home at Tarasyl’an Te’las.  Why are you traveling?”

“Because you are.  Like the others.”  I didn’t know what to say to that, so I kept my mouth shut.  Blurting gets me in too much trouble.  He turned his head to look at me.  “You want the broken places.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

It just popped out of my mouth.  I’m not sure why I said it.  “Because they are where the magic lives and breathes.  The past and the future.”  He didn’t say anything else, just calmly turned his head back to the scene before us.  We just stood there for probably fifteen minutes in silence.  “I say I want these places.  I don’t want to own them, exactly, Castien.  I feel, somehow, that I’m going to need them for something.  It’s developed over time.”

He turned his head to me.  “Those feelings are important.  Not many listen.  They’re ready for you.”  He gestured for me to move, and followed when I did.  He was right.  They’d started looking about for me.  Not Gara, Gun, or Andrew.  Or Elias.  But others appeared to be.  Dorian was just smirking and looking in my direction.  They had not been searching.  Just looking about.  They spotted us when we moved.

“Interesting skill, that.”  I was rewarded with a close-mouthed smile and a miniscule bow of the head.  It’s probably another quirk.  Notice-me-not, including companions.  I wonder if it only works against a forest backdrop.

Geth snagged Darling from me.  Dorian lifted me onto Drummer.  Side-frickin’-saddle.  Then Geth put Darling in a BASKET hanging from the off-side.  I looked over at Solas, and just knew it was his doing.  The smirk gave it away as he got Raindrop moving.  I could pet Darling easily, but he wasn’t in my lap, and he wasn’t limiting my arm movement.  And the basket was lined and had cushioning.

Dorian kept his mare next to me.  He’d missed me as much as I missed him.  The morning was spent in idle banter and esoteric theory and laughter.  He told me that Vivienne was probably a good place to start with official summoning strategies.  She had all the minute details down perfectly.  He also complimented me on the color of my dress.  “You look like a dove, my dove.  The shade is perfect, and I adore the undersleeves.  A splash of color when you move.  Leorah is a genius.  Perhaps you could get her to dress your hobo lover?”

“Perhaps when you convince your swarthy companion to wear shirts, Amicus.”  We smiled at each other, in complete accord.

“And ruin a perfectly good view?  Perish the thought.”

“If it helps, I’m fairly sure he will not be in his regular clothes at the Halamshiral events.”

“Hmmm.  Less, or more?”

I couldn’t help a snicker.  “Probably depends on the time and location.”

“Has he caved, dearest?”

“Of course not, but I don’t expect him to.  Far too much pride to be the one to say please.  So I intend to say it.  At the most inopportune time.”

“My Dove, you are a delicious treasure.  And I shan’t breathe a word.”

We kept going after I thought we would have stopped for lunch, and found out why.  We were only another hour or so from the small town in Gherlen’s Pass.  The going would be much easier once we reached it.  I’d made sure that anyone who was getting tired got time on the wagons, and Sam had ensured that anyone who could ride had a mount.  We weren’t as tired as we could be, and no one was sporting blisters or anything more dangerous.  I hadn’t seen much of Renee and Janet, because they’d been riding with the soldiers, but we waved.  

As we came around a curve, the… unique scent of stale ale and rancid oil mixed with an odd minty vicks vaporub smell assaulted my nose.  My stomach rolled.  Dorian inhaled deeply, smiling.  His smile faded as he looked at me.  “Are you alright?”

“I’ll be fine.” He didn’t look convinced.  “I’ll be fine, love.  Don’t worry about me.”

“You’ve gone pale.”

“I do NOT wish to discuss it.”

“Chrissy.”  Darling had stood in his basket, and put his hands on my thigh.  He made squeaking noises as Dorian continued.  “What do you need, darling?”  He was talking to me, not the mininugalope.

I reached over to soothe Darling.  “I don’t know.  I don’t know, Dorian.”  We’d still been moving.  The wind wafted the smell away, and my stomach settled.  “It’s gone.  That horrid smell.”

“Horrid smell?”  He understood before I did.  “Kaffas.  Stay here.”  He pulled Drummer to a stop by his horns, which did not please the Hart.  “Don’t move, dove.  Promise me.”

“I’ll stay here until you return, or for half an hour, unless an emergency arises.”  He nodded and moved forward in the group.  It was maybe a minute later when I put the mint smell and the nausea together and figured out what was going on.

I gently touched Gunny’s thread.  He showed up moments later.  “Yes, my lady?”  

“Can I see your face, please?”

He removed his helmet.  “I’ll be okay.  It’s not that bad.”  He was sweating, but did feel okay from what I could tell.

“Michael?”

“I’ll find out.”

“Thanks, Gun.”  He smiled and moved off.

The wagons stopped where I was.  Gethon was the driver.  “What’s up, Etheling?”

“I don’t know.  Dorian asked me to wait here.”

He waited with me, and we chatted a bit.  He was still seeing the same girl.  She was wonderful.  Darling whined, and poked his nose toward Geth.  I lifted him and asked if Geth would mind watching him for a bit.  They seem to get on well.  Geth dropped the reins and collected my little guy.  I think Darling wanted to be around Geth thinking about his girl.

Probably a total of twenty minutes from when Dorian stopped me, all nine Templars - not just my three, Cullen, Dorian, Solas, Vivienne, Renee, Janet, three mages I didn’t know, and Sam showed up.  And he started talking.  He hemmed and hawed and skirted around what was going on and why we were all to stay in one little group before Cullen cut through the bullshit.  “Anyone who can sense or use lyrium is to stick together toward the back, does that cover it?”

“Yeah, that’s… yeah.  There’s lyrium spills in places, and we don’t want anything bad to happen.  If any of you starts feeling weird, or aggressive, or sleepy, or whatever it is that lyrium does, just let the others know.  I assume that you all know how to handle each other.   We’re no more than an hour out.”  He looked at Cullen.  “How far away should we make camp?”

“Fifteen minutes, downwind.  At most.  Five is probably enough.”

“Alright then.  Situation handled.”  Sam nodded at Cullen.

Cullen put on his big voice.  “MOVE OUT!”

Sam rode next to me for a little while after the meeting.  We had a little space to talk without spreading our business everywhere.  “You have shoes on?”

“Define shoes.”  I smiled as I said it.

He smiled back.  “Things you put on your feet to protect them when walking.”

“I’m wearing the boots you got me in Highever.”

“Ah. Good.  Don’t wander without them, hon.  Last thing I want is for you to slip into the fade unexpectedly.  Those fancy little slippers are cute, but fairly useless out here.”

“Don’t I know it.  How’s everyone doing up front?”

“Sera and Blackwall are comparing lengths again.  She insists that other lengths are far more important than what might be obvious.  My words, not hers.  Fingers, noses, forearm length, the width of the left knee?  They’re measuring things, Chrissy.  I just can’t even describe it.  I really don’t want to know more than I know.  I’d actually prefer to know less.  And talking about how to eat a peach.  REALLY don’t want to know, Chrissy.”  I’d opened my mouth to explain that one, but shut it again.  “Other than that, boring.  I have to stay here tomorrow, so we can talk to the Carta about something.  You be careful, and stay with the group.  Got it?”

“Yes.  You lecturing everyone or just me?”

“Everyone, but especially you.  I won’t ask you to stay in the camp, but don’t go meandering.  This is a harsh town as well as a major route.  There could be anyone here.  Keep your people close, for their safety.  Some might see someone like Cara as a tempting morsel.  I don’t want that.”

“Thank you, Sam.  I’ll make sure that we know to stay in groups or at camp with others.  Preferably humans, I suppose.  Hey, Sam?”

“What?”

I lowered my voice so he had to lean toward me to hear.  “Blame me.  If someone gripes about this, blame me.  Delicate little sister can’t handle things after last trip.  Stupid little knife-ear afraid of lyrium.  Whatever.  It spares Cullen and my guys.  And keeps their secrets.  Please?”

He looked at me soberly.  Something in my expression must have convinced him.  “Alright.  I’ll do it your way.  For now.”  He pulled my braid toward him, my head following, because really, if your hair gets pulled, there you go.  I mean, he was careful, but still.  He leaned closer and kissed my temple, telling me I’m not allowed to call myself a knife-ear.  And brothers are allowed to pull hair.  He gave my braid a yank before letting go. 

“Are not!” I returned, but he was already riding off.

“Too late, Chrysopal!”  Butt.

Of the six other templars, only one was displaying any discomfort as we moved toward the smell and presence of lyrium again.  None of the mages seemed to have any issue, except me.  So a total of six of us annoyed the others by having issues. Although I guess that was a third of us. 

Minor, honestly.  It never progressed past nausea for me, thank goodness.  Gunny was swallowing firmly.  Cullen bent enough to rub his forehead once, but that was all, despite his sickly pallor.  Andrew wasn’t affected much at all.  Michael was shaking.  The other templar was sweating profusely, and looked around like something was about to bite him.  


Cullen had Michael and that other guy moved to a wagon.  So much for keeping it a secret, but I don’t think the Templars are going to rat one of their own out, and my people will stay quiet.  Dorian, Solas, and Viv won’t say anything.  Only have to worry about three unknown mages.  Though I think Vivienne will handle it.

We weren’t being affected by lyrium itself.  At least, I don’t think so.  We hadn’t come anywhere near it.  But the Templars smelled it, and it activated cravings.  Like standing with smokers after you’ve quit.  Mine was just my body remembering the last time I had lyrium, I think.  It wasn’t a fun time.

In any case, my stomach settled by the time we reached the actual place.  It was a collection of shacks and wooden buildings stacked against each other.  Dirty streets, stale smells, filthy men.  Dwarves everywhere, which perked me right up.  Maybe I could find a few people for Ethelathe.  I need more types of faces.  No Vashoth, though.  Pity.

Anyway, we had traveled through lunch, and continued through the little town, too.  The gates of Orzammar are HUGE.  Bigger than they looked in Origins.  Not sure why dwarves need dragon-sized gates.  And I’m not sure I want to know.  We were a good five minutes out of town when Cullen called a halt next to a crystal clear pool of water fed by a stream.  Too fast-moving to be completely frozen, the pool had a circle of thin ice spinning in the middle.  

We’d barely stopped when people sprung into action.  The clearing was a bustle of activity before I could even get off Drummer.  And don’t even ask about how I got off Drummer.  Let’s just say that sitting side saddle for hours is not conducive to a graceful dismount.  At least I didn’t fall.  Camp was up in record time.

We’d missed lunch, so they started cooking fairly quickly.  Dorian came up to where I was directing the covering of the wagon Michael was in.  They’re still not doing well.  Renee says Michael will be fine, but needs to stay out of town.  She and Janet will stay in the wagon with him.  The other guy should be okay as long as he has room and no one crowds him.  


My dear Amicus came by to inform me that Vivienne has chosen to delay our appointment a day or two.  “It is not the wisest to attempt anything when you are at less than your best.”  Or so he claimed she said.

Dinner was early.  I am so glad I brought my yarn.  Gave me something to do, since apparently I’m a delicate flower who has to be protected from dish pan hands.  "Think of your IMAGE, my lady.  You represent US."  Ugh.  At least there is less chill in the air.  I can't see my breath.   


Briri had to work to get me out of the dress. Note to self, if I ever need someone restrained, get Leorah.  Woman apparently has experience.  I took my first truly full breath of the day.  Cara had delivered a chemise of some kind. Probably the underthing for my dress tomorrow.  It makes a good nightgown.

Solas brushed out my hair, shooing Briri with a look.  A bunch of mine had run off to the tavern after songtime, so Solas and I had the tent to ourselves.  So I showed him exactly how well I can massage a man’s back.  The man in question was breathing deeply and never noticed when I stopped and climbed in bed.  He was incredibly tense.  Not anymore.  I think I win this round.  I pulled the covers over us and I’m writing. Bedtime next.


	145. Day 4, 28 August, 9:41, Gherlen’s Pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More tests in the fade, teased by Dorian, Conversations with Leliana, and fixing my hair.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 4, 28 August, 9:41, Gherlen’s Pass**

I slipped into the fade easily.  It was…  Closer?  I want to say the fade was closer.  Which makes no real sense, but there it is.  Maybe it’s the lyrium spills or something.  In any case, Hope met me in my third sleep cycle.  We’re sort of settling into a rhythm.  If I rest properly for two sleep cycles, they’ll start bugging me in the third.  Sometimes for the rest of the night, sometimes not.

Anyway, Hope and I had a bit of fun comparing the gates from three hundred years ago to the gates of today.  In the fade, the place is riddled with little pools.  It carefully steered me around them.  Apparently I’m not ready.  Whatever that means.  But Hope hastened to reassure me that I’m “doing well, just not yet.”  And claims that saying anything else might change things, so it’s just going to hope for the best.  Lovely.

You know, despite that, I’m more inclined to listen to a “I can’t tell you or it’ll change things” than the stuff meat Ethelathe pulls.  Spirits are far more straightforward.  Unless there’s a spirit of sneaky I haven’t met yet.  There probably is.

Fortitude joined us as well, a bit further on.  It says Valor is trying to figure out if we can somehow set up ambush points along the path we took to get here.  Valor did say that there were a few places where my screaming lessons could become a weapon in there.  Avalanches are bad.  I shuddered, even in the fade.  I remember Haven.

With Hope and Fortitude at my sides, we ventured farther.  There are few types of spirits here.  Not for any reason other than the depravity of man.  Dwarves are generally beyond their reach, and the Templars have long kept mages away.  The humans that remain attract only the lowest emotions.  Fear, desperation, greed.  

Beyond the tiny shacks and ramshackle huts, more of the little pools appeared.  I saw perhaps twenty in all.  No bigger than cereal bowls, some as small as a few drops.  And each one I was carefully steered around.  Even lifted over.  Fortitude seemed to have a destination in mind.  The scenery reflected silvery stone in random patterns, and I had no clue where we were.  We crested a greyblue hill, and before me was something I hadn’t yet seen.  It was green, and grey.  Wispy and solid.  Eddies and swirls, tides and waves.

I looked at Hope.  “Memories?”  

Fortitude answered.  “So you can see it.”

“Where are we?”

“At the edge, and the middle.”  I looked up, and the black city was small in the distance.

“Why are we here?”

“To see if you can see it.”

“Yes, Fortitude.  I can see the sea of memories.  Were you one of the ones that led the Fade-touched magister?”  I was curious.

It ignored my question.  “It is likely that everything you ever wished to know is there, somewhere.  Mixed up with everything else.”  Something about its tone gave me pause.

“Interesting.”

“You could find the answer to any question about nearly anything in there.  It would possibly take time, but we have that.”  It waited, expectantly.

“Tests again?”

The eyeslit of the half-helm gleamed.  “Yes.”  It bowed slightly.

“Will we ever be done with testing?”

“Eventually.  Perhaps.  What gave it away?”

“Your tone, the unexpected surroundings, and you said we.”

“We are here, why would I not say we?”  It sounded confused.

“It was the context.”

“You’re not going to explain.”

“No.  How do I explain a tingle of my fingers, a ghost of idea, a whisper of wariness?”

“A sensation, and you just know.”

“Suspect, not know.”  We stood there for a while, watching the waves.  Every so often the spray would reach us, and I’d remember something from someone else’s memories.  A single shining instant of someone and somewhen I didn’t know.

Hope smiled at me.  “I’m proud of you, my own.”  I didn’t quite understand what it meant.  “You see that they are not yours.  It’s easy to get pulled into someone else.  Subsumed.”

A hand snaked around my waist in Solas’ usual fashion, and I was pulled against a chest with familiar form, but the wrong scent.  Solas’ voice, but not Solas, spoke.  “What an interesting spot, da’len.”

“If you like your hand, Contentment, remove it from my person.”  The other hand immediately stopped brushing against my hip and I was released.  Turning to it, I did not smile.  “Never again, Contentment.  Now, greet me properly.”  This time I was enfolded in its arms as it melted from Solas’ form back to its own.  I was still in its arms, enjoying a cuddle with my friend, when I heard a familiar chuckle.

Peeking out beyond Contentment, I spotted the real Solas, tugging his gloves more firmly onto his fingers.  “I told you, my friend.  You would not fool her.”  His tone was pleasant, but barely.

“That you did.”  I kissed Contentment’s cheek as it spoke because I knew it would annoy Solas, then ducked under its arms.

“Did you need something, Solas?”

“Time, Chrysopal.  Say goodbye to your friends?”  I did so, brushing my hand against Fortitude’s shoulder.  Cupping Hope’s cheek.  Little gestures of affection.  Contentment was pleased about something.  When I stepped away from them, Solas wrapped his arms about me.  I was lifted, he stepped, and we were somewhere else.  Back on the Storm Coast, a salty ocean before us, a strangely shaped couch in front of it.

“I’ve seen this scene before, a grá.”

“Yes.  You have.”

“Solas?  Is everything okay?”

He leaned down and captured my lips.  It was a few minutes before he raised his head.  “I did not get a good night kiss.”

“You didn’t ask for one.”

“I’m asking now.”

“You just got one.”

“It’s not enough.”  He bore me back onto the couch, and we spent the next however long wrapped in each other.  I felt myself slip out of his arms and out of the fade too soon.

I woke with Solas wrapped around me.  His eyes opened.  He was going to speak when he realized that there was movement.  People were already stirring.  Preparing for the day.  I noticed the moment he realized he was dressed and wearing his jawbone.  A soft look on his face, and he placed his fingers on my cheek.  I cupped his with my palm for a moment, and then we both got up to start the day.

That was when I realized that the underdress I’d worn to bed matched the dress I’d changed the color of.  A deep aquamarine now, Leorah was laying it across the trunk, along with my highever boots and stockings.  I was looking at the growing pile of stuff I’d be wearing.  Underthings for over the chemise, dress over that, garter, stockings, socks, coat, hat, gloves, etc. when Solas placed a lovely white set of smalls and something else on the pile, smiling at Leorah.  I’d felt him working, but hadn’t put it together.

As he left, he kissed my cheek.  “We will match, against the skin.  If you can handle it, ma’lath.  Merely say Please, Solas, and we shall both change our clothing.”  His tone was gloating, and I could practically hear his internal evil grin as he walked out the door straight-faced.  Ass.

Anyway, I did change to the smalls and some sort of lacy thing that looked similar to a tank top with cap sleeves.  They smelled of orange blossoms.  Slightly spicy and fresh, with a creamy floral scent that is somehow earthy as well.  Lovely smell.  It smells like morning sex on crisp freshly washed sheets.  Cinched against my skin, softness incarnate.  

Solas really is an ass.  After about half an hour I learned they tingle against the skin, too.  I wasn’t so much affected down below, because things are kind of tucked in.  This was against my nipples, though.  A distracting sensation.  And no, I did NOT give in.  I just remembered what of his was touching this stuff and smiled.

Dressed again in relative not-too-fancy, properly coiffed, I tried to help with things again and was rebuffed.  Nothing anyone would allow me to help with.  The camp was staying in place, so there wasn’t much to do, anyway.  Sam’d told Leliana to keep the birds to a minimum until we got to the villa, so there wasn’t really even any paperwork.  Cara had Darling, so I couldn’t even play with him.

I sat down with my breakfast a bit late.  (PORRIDGE AT LAST!)  Baxter came up with some papers.  We discussed what was likely available in the shantytown and what, if anything, I thought I might need.  That took about half an hour.  He wandered off with an odd list.  I was not invited to come with him.

I would never have guessed that this is the place to get “runic bases” for cheap.  Or  actual runes.  For some reason I thought those would come from the mages.  Tranquil.  But the reason they make mages Tranquil is sometimes to have semi-dwarf slaves to work with lyrium.  

A thread I dropped.  I’ve been avoiding the mages, and by extension the tranquil, aside from Helisma.  I’d let my dealings with Fiona allow me to ignore the rest of them.  That’s not fair to them.  Fiona is not all mages, and shouldn’t be allowed to be a gatekeeper for them.

I guess I was melancholy when I heard Leorah speak.  “Hon, I was hoping you could do me a favor.”

“Name it.”

“Can you do handwork?”

“What kind?  I suck at knitting.”

“Oh, I meant embroidery.  I need to get these pillowcases done before we reach the villa.  It’s just satin filling.  I’ve done most of the linework.  Just the last one needs to be finished, but they’re all supposed to be identical.”

“Plain, long-and-short, or padded?”

“Padded for the flowers, please, and plain or long-and-short for the leaves.”

“Shading?”

“If you like.  Just keep it fairly simple.”  She handed me her embroidery hoop and four pillowcases, as well as her thread basket.  Finally, I thought.  Something to do.  “Where do you want to work?”  I looked about and spotted a sitting log near a tree at the edge of camp.  

I pointed.  A minute later there was a rug in front of the log and a cushion on it.  The tree was close enough to lean back on.  Nice and comfy.  I kicked off my boots and got to work.  I crossed my feet, and sang a bit as I worked.

The morning passed quickly.  When next I paid attention, it was nearing midday.  My favorite altus gracefully plopped down next to me.  “You’re late, dove.”

“Late?  For what?”

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“Embroidery.  Leorah needed some help.”

“You can embroider?  I thought you said you were abysmal at sewing.”

“Well, making clothes.”

“But the domestic arts are not foreign to you.”

“Of course not.  Grandma would have disowned me.”

“So you can do everything but sew?”

“I just don’t sew because I’m bad at putting the pieces together by hand.  They come out wrong.  An arm longer than the other, seams uneven.  If I had the tools from back home, I’d be fine, but I don’t.”

“You are quite the surprise.  What else can you do?”

“I can cook and clean.  I’m okay at mending.  Darning socks is fun.  Crochet is a favorite.  I’m bad at knitting, at least with needles.  Embroidery and cross-stitch, handweaving and tatting I’m okay at.  Why?”

“You’re embroidering.”  His mustache twitched.

“We already covered this.”

“Sitting here, legs crossed at the ankles, humming, and embroidering.”

I was starting to get irritated by his mirth.  I sighed.  “Is there something funny about me being able to do something useful?”

“No, no, not at all.  I just never expected to see you so… genteelly domestic.  You would look at home in mother’s drawing room, dearest.  Next you’ll be crocheting little booties and sweaters.”

I narrowed my eyes at him.  “I already am.  Isa’s due in a month.  Mika in two.”

“Nevermind, my dove.  The inquisitor is taking us to lunch at the tavern.  He has some business in town.”

“Oh!  Have fun, love.  We’ll be here when you get back.”

“Oh, no.  You’re coming.”  He snatched my embroidery right out of my hands, dropping it in the basket.

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Dorian!”  Sam’s voice.  “Is she objecting?”

“Yes.  She seems to think she should be sitting back at camp embroidering.”

“Told you.”  I hadn’t even gotten to turn around fully when I was scooped up by Sam.  He’d come up on the other side as I argued with Dorian.  I was summarily deposited in Solas’ arms.  “You grab yours, I’ll grab mine.”  He grinned at the jerk elf.  Who did NOT put me down.  

Poor Josie was not expecting Sam to grab her and swing her over his shoulder.  She was arguing about paperwork, as in, she had way too much to do to go off galavanting.  She squealed rather loudly as she went through the air.  And he pinched her on the rear for it.  “Hush, darling.”

“Sam…”  I tried to get his attention.

“Hush.”  He responded.

Iron Bull stepped up to Dorian.  “Oh, no, don’t you dare.”  Iron Bull didn’t say anything at first, just waited.  “Oh, fine.”  

“At least you’ll enjoy the view.”  He smirked as Dorian waited expectantly.  “Maybe later.”  Dor’s jaw fell open for just a moment before he recovered himself.

Blackwall and Varric guffawed behind us.  Sera took a step closer to Vivienne.  It looked like she was hiding something in her hand.  On her hand?  It was shiny, at least.  Vivienne looked at her.  “Do not touch me.”

So of course Sera stuck her slimy finger in the air maybe an inch from Vivienne.  “I’m not touching you,” she sang.

“You have to wonder, Sera.  How far out is a mage’s aura?  If you were touching it, would it affect you?  Elves are purportedly more sensitive to such things.  Even elves who pretend not to be elves.”

“You’re not right.  NOT.  RIGHT.”

“Of course, darling.  Whatever you say.”  If I hadn’t seen the teasing glint in her eye, I’d never have believed it.  “Skitter, skitter.”

“SHUT IT!”

Solas shifted me as everyone started going.  

I tried again.  “Sam!  I need to-”

He cut me off.  “There’s nothing you can say that I want to hear right now.  You’re coming.”  Well, on his head be it.

Elias and one of the Dalish, not Castien but the other one, started trailing us.  I looked at Solas.  “If you throw me over your shoulder I will vomit on your ass.”

“I shall not.”

“Good.  Put me down?”

“Two words, da’asha.  Please, Solas.  Two words, and you can have anything you like.”  He purred it in my ear.

“Anything?”

A corner of his mouth smiled.  “Within reason.”

“Incredibly tempting, a grá.  But I don’t think your idea of reasonable and mine are the same.”

“Oh?”

“A topic for another time.  I am not a sack of potatoes.”

“I would not be carrying a sack of potatoes.”

“Aggravating man.”

“Infuriating, stubborn woman.”

Over the noise I heard “try it, and I will stab more than a book.”

“Promises, promises.”

“It is not a promise.”

“If you say so, seeker.”  And she made that noise.  I couldn’t help but giggle.

I sobered.  “Solas, you might want to wait a minute or two and let me do something before we get too far.”

“You heard the inquisitor.  There is nothing you can say that will change where you are going.  Or when.”  His voice lowered again, to near inaudibility.  “Unless you wish to ask nicely.”

I just arched a brow, and spoke evenly in return.  “I will remind you that you said that in about ten minutes.”

That stopped him.  You could see his mind work.  He took not one more step before querying, “What do you need to do?”

“Put my boots back on.”  Elven is such a liquid, beautiful language.  Especially when someone is cursing in it under his breath.  So he hauled me back to my sitting spot, to the laughter of Dorian, who walked with us.  Solas deposited me back on the log and slipped my boots on my feet.  “Now may I walk?”

“No.”  So grumpy.  But he let me walk anyway, capturing my hand on his arm.  I threaded my other through Dorian’s, and off we went.  The shanty town was only a fifteen minute trek.  The smell wasn't quite as bad this time.  Even Cullen looked less tense.  Plenty of stale beer and unwashed masses, but less minty.  The huge gates were shut.  Perhaps that was why.

I glanced at the gates, and Cassandra answered the question I was thinking.  “The gates are open for two hours in the morning, and three in the afternoon.  They do not trust surfacers.”

We trooped up to a building that listed slightly to the left.  I heard Blackwall saying something about it being appropriate that the tavern looked drunk.  It was scrupulously clean on the inside, though.  The floors practically gleamed, and the dishes were spotless.  Sam had heard incredible things about the food here, and wanted to check it out.  The prospects of good food went up considerably based on the look of the place, and the smells were mouthwatering.

I wasn’t having as many of the grayness/dullness issues I’d had last trip.  I mean, it wasn’t as vibrant as Skyhold, but nowhere aside from the sea is.  And the stew the barman put in front of us looked amazing.  I was about to dig in when my bowl slid to the left, and another was shoved in its place.  Elias picked up my bowl and wandered back down to his spot with a cheeky grin, already taking a bite.  It was too late to argue, but I’d talk about it later.

Lunch and conversation were both lovely.  Leliana was quiet, but smiled and watched.  Afterwards, Sam and the others started discussing strategy.  He was sending his army ahead to the Western Approach.  They should catch up together about the same time.  He’d be leaving for the Approach himself directly after returning the rest of us to Skyhold.  Honestly, I didn’t want to get embroiled in that discussion, so I excused myself to window shop a bit.

Elias and Revis (he introduced himself) followed me.  I spotted Baxter in the stalls.  He told me that if I saw anything I wanted, I should let him know.  I was fingering a ring velvet cloth when I heard a whisper.  “Psst.  Psst.”  I figured they weren’t talking to me, at first, but then it went to “Psst, Lady.  Lady!”  Whispered shouting.  Truly.

Revis disappeared, and Elias stepped next to me as I moved to investigate.  Neither said not to, or indicated so in any way.  In a dirty, cramped alleyway entrance was a similarly dirty dwarf in what I think was a Carta uniform.  “It’s Lady Trevelyan, right?  Heart-sister to the Inquisitor?”

“Some call me that.”

“I need you to tell him something.  Give him something, actually.  A letter.  I had a buddy who wanted peace, and the Inquisitor’s givin’ it to him.  Late, sure, but it’s what my buddy Cadash would have wanted.”  And then I knew who this was.  Lantos.  From when there’s a dwarf inky.  Which made my heart hurt.  That means that the Wycome thing is going to happen.  Or has happened.  The Valo-Kas are real.

“I’ll take the message to him.  It’ll have to go through the Nightingale.”

“THAT one.  Fine.  But he better hurry.  Time’s running out.”  He held out a rolled parchment, tied with a red ribbon.  Elias grabbed it.  The man turned away, and didn’t respond when I tried to quietly call him back.  Revis melted back into reality against the wall of alley and joined us again as we walked toward the tavern.

Elias handled the tell-the-Nightingale part.  He handed her the rolled parchment.  Pulling the ribbon, she unrolled it, scanning whatever was inside.  Glancing up at me, she moved to where I was sitting.  “A dwarf.  He just called you over and handed you this?”

“Not quite.  He called for Lady Trevelyan, named me Heart-sister to the Inquisitor, mentioned he had a deceased friend named Cadash who had wanted peace, and said time’s running out.”

“You have read this?”

“No.  I came straight here.  I haven’t even touched it.  Elias took it from him.”

“I see.”

“I’m not hiding anything.  I didn’t read it.”

“But you know more than you are saying.”

I sighed.  “I can guess, but I don’t know for certain, Nightingale.”

“Walk with me.”  It wasn’t quite an order, but it would have been followed by one.  She didn’t mention my two guards as we started walking toward the camp.  Halfway there, she stopped, leaning against a tree.  “The rest, what you guess, what you know.”

“I think it was Lantos.  Who the Inquisitor is, it could have been others.  A dwarf, a vashoth, and an elf.  Male or female.  Mage, rogue, warrior.  It wavered, changed, from one time to another, depending on the viewer’s choices.”

“Who is this Lantos?”  She ignored the Inquisitor thing.

“A friend of Inquisitor Cadash, if that person was the one.”  She narrowed her eyes.

“A dwarven Inquisitor?”

“If a dwarf had been bearing the mark, yes.  A dwarven Herald, yes.  A dwarven inquisitor.  On his or her shoulders would the world rest.  His or her choices the lynchpin of survival.”

“Vashoth, you said?”

“A member of the Valo-Kas.  The mercenary company you hired.”

“An elf?  Is that why you are here?”

“No.  I have nothing to do with it.  My being here is…  It is not where I would have chosen to be, for all that the scenery is pleasant and the people are generally kind.  Dreams within dreams, and you can never wake up.  Even if you did, where would you go?  You are changed, and more, and less.  Fading memories the most important asset you have, and no way to refresh them.”

“We have treated you kindly.”

“You have.  Don’t mind me.”

“So who would have been the elf?”

“First to Clan Lavellan.”  Leliana’s eyes were stormy.  “I’m just an elf, Leliana.  A nobody.”

“Not anymore.”

“Not my doing.  My throat is bared to your knife, Nightingale.  Do what you will.”  That startled her.  A slight change in the shape of her eyes.  Elias stilled, naked shock on his face.  I meant it, too.  Sometimes I’m sick of being the primped and propped up doll.  Things attributed to me that I never did.  Names and titles that aren’t mine.

“Go back to camp, Chrysopal.  I’ll tell Sam where you went, and give him this.”

“Leliana.”

“Yes?”

“I’m worried about Clan Lavellan.  If this is truly from Lantos, then the others will be real, too.  Were real.  Are real?  There is a very specific order in which you advisors have to work to keep Clan Lavellan alive.  If they are still alive.  If that order is not followed, the entire clan will be annihilated.”

“And how shall we do anything about that?”

“I don’t know.  Originally they would send a letter inquiring to Lavellan’s status, prisoner or otherwise.  With the First dead, who knows.  They won’t contact you at all.”

“I could have Josephine sent a letter, via messenger.”

“The answering letter if you or Josephine answers the first letter praises an elven scribe sent to talk to them.  Perhaps to inform them of Lavellan’s death?  If the Inquisitor wants.  If Cullen sends contact, the clan is scared and tries to defend itself from armed invaders.  The Inquisition destroys it instead of the Duke.”

“Are you part of this clan?”

“No.  I have told you, I am from nowhere near here.  I woke up in the healer’s tent after Wintersend.”

“From Virginia.  Wherever that is.  And there are no nobles there because you elect your leaders.”  She sighed.  “You are so wary of me.”

I glanced at Revis and Elias.  They were fairly far away, giving us privacy.  “You are probably the most dangerous woman born in the last hundred years, Leliana.  You traveled with the Warden.  Fought Darkspawn like one.  Have your finger on everything in Thedas.  The first time I met your gaze it promised death.  I hadn’t dropped mine fast enough.  I wasn’t good enough to keep your eyes off me.”  I stopped.  I was blurting again.  “I’m sorry.”

“I had already been looking for you.  You displayed unusual knowledge.”

“A mistake.  I had only been here a few days.  I didn’t know what I shouldn’t know.  And then it was too late.”

“You’re very calm about that.”

“What good does it do to get worked up?  I just have to get as much accomplished as I can in the time I have.  If not you, someone else, I’m sure.  You’ve made sure my face is recognizable.  Plastered it all over Thedas.”

“We should have asked.”

“Ask the stupid little knife ear if you can use her face and name?  What a shocking idea.  Nah, it’s just an elf.  Doesn’t actually matter if we get her permission to paint a target on her back.  It’s not like she’s a _person_.  Congratulations, Leliana.  You managed to treat an elf like less of a person than the Tevinter Altus.  But better my back than someone else’s.”

“Your back is protected, Chrysopal.”  She stood from the tree, walking back toward the town with the parchment in her hand.  “For now.”

Revis and Elias walked with me back to camp.  I sought out Leorah.  It was time to do something about my hair.  “I need to talk to you about colors.”

“What about them, Hon?”

“What colors are my clothing for Halamshiral?  I have to fix my hair, and I have an idea.”

We went together to my trunks.  She started pulling swatches as well as gathering hair tools.  I was presented with small cloth swatches of varying colors.  Blues and greens, purples and creams.  Some few reds and browns.  “These are the colors that we used.  Now, what did you want to do with your hair?  The line is unsightly.”

“My plan is to cut it all off and grow it anew.  And then to do something interesting with these colors.  Hidden.  You’ll see.  Can you cut it, above the line, and we’ll go from there?”  She seemed a bit nervous, but she did cut it, fairly close to the scalp.  I gathered up every last strand and put them on the brazier.  The smell of burnt hair filled the tent, but it’s better than leaving it about.

I set my will to growing hair, and it grew.  Leorah trimmed the ends so it was a straight line at my waist.  Not quite as long as it was.  She then held up a mirror as I went to work on the rest of it.  Hidden Galaxy hair in the provided colors.  I’ll match my clothing.  I made sure all the trimmings were consigned to the fire.  Leorah smiled as she pulled the top layer of my hair aside.

“Lovely.  And only visible when you want it visible.”

“I always admired such hair, but never had the guts to do it before.  This seems like the perfect opportunity.”

“I can’t picture you timid.”

“You’d be surprised.  Going against social expectations has a cost.  But here, there are no expectations.  Or the expectations are so widely different that nothing is completely unexpected, I suppose.”

We got dinner up as Inquisibabe and his group came back.  I was actually allowed to help this time, if only because I told Hadrian that I’d stand and watch if he didn’t let me help.  If there’s anything more annoying than being pestered in a kitchen, it’s being watched.  We had roast venison.  Delish.  

No one mentioned my hair.  I heard Sera humming, but I’m not going to mention she was humming our song, IN TUNE.  It’d piss her off.  After songtime, I got undressed, finally removing the tank top thing after Leorah unlaced the corset thing.  It had become unnoticeable after a while, but on removal of the corset the tingling started anew.  That thoroughgoing JERK.

I watched Garalen and Andrew canoodling for a while.  They were rather wrapped in themselves at the edge of the clearing.  That’s basically what they’ve been doing most of the down time.  Maybe I’ll be able to welcome an Andrew Junior in a year.  Or a mini-Garalen.  I slipped into that other way of looking, and there’s no little spark.  Not yet, at least.

My people are doing well.  Those I know and those I don’t.  Off to the east, there was more pain and tiredness than south at Skyhold, but nothing sharp or widespread.  People are fairly calm.  They sang, campfire songs and Ethelathe songs.  Even over the horizon I could feel the strands of Ethelathe coming together.  

I was still looking about when something bright entered the edge of my vision and retreated.  A familiar arm slipped around my waist.  “It occurs to me I’ve never SEEN you, Solas.  Except once, a long time ago.  You were a very bright spot then.”  I blinked, and my sight returned to normal.

“Deliberately so, ma’lath.  Someday, perhaps, but not yet.”

“You have SEEN me.  It doesn’t seem fair.”

“You, ma’haselan’udh, are akin to the brightest thing in the skies.  A comet among pinprick stars.”

“I don’t like these underthings.  Is it time to change yet?”

“If you wish.”  I looked up and his eyes glinted down at me.  “Do you need assistance?”

“Somehow I doubt I’d get a lot done if you were helping.”

“Afraid?”

“No.  I have to check on Michael before bed.  Thank you, Solas, for whatever you did for him.”

“It was a small thing I was glad to do.”  We stood in darkness, so he kissed my neck.  “I will brush your hair when you return.”

I did go check Michael.  He’s fine again.  Griping about Renee keeping him.  We’ll be continuing along tomorrow, so he can deal with one more night.  Yes, I told him that, but I put it nicely.  

When I returned to the tent, Solas was waiting.  I removed the underthings with his “help”.  Which was more like interference.  When we sat down, he pulled my hair to the side.  And stopped.  “What have you done to your hair?”

“Is it that horrible?”

“It’s lovely.  A hidden treasure only a lover would find.  Unless you chose to display it.  Was this for me?”

“It was for me.  Something I didn’t have the guts to do back where I came from, but that I wanted to do.  That you like it is a nice bonus, though.”

He finished brushing my hair, and he’s watching me write again.  But he is keeping his hand in my hair, and is very distracting.

 

 

* * *

 

Her hair has some white streaks through it, and it's a bit browner, but this is basically what she's done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Thanks to KrisG for the orange blossoms)


	146. Day 5, 29 August, 9:41, Moving again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fade Rage, Andrew news, Cole gets to the heart of the issue, Vivienne, and other little snippets. A quiet day.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 5, 29 August, 9:41, Moving again**

As soon as I set my pen aside, Solas pulled me down next to him.  The other side of the tent had quieted already.  “I will need to talk to you.”  He said it quietly, brushing my hair back from my face.  He kept his eyes on mine.

“You’re not talking now?”

“I am composing my thoughts, making observations.  Introspecting.”

“On what subject?

“You, Vhenan.”

“Me?”  That didn’t sound so good.

“Yes.  Kiss me goodnight, while we are private.”

“Solas, you’re worrying me.  I’m listening now...”

“There is no cause to worry.”  He tilted my chin up.  “There is no cause to worry, Chrysopal.  I am observing how some treat others, that is all.  I would like to talk with you about it, eventually.”

“I would probably be willing.”

“I have not gotten a kiss yet.”

“You’ve gotten lots of them.  More than any other person in the last ten years save my daughter.”

“Chrysopal.”

“You neglected the first word, grohiik.  Please.”

“It will not be that easy, da’asha.”  We spent a tolerable few minutes in less verbal communication before tucking ourselves into bed.  Nothing that I would be ashamed to be seen doing.  His breathing evened, but didn’t deepen, as I slipped into the fade.

After my usual two cycles, I was visited by A Little Annoyed.  Sorry, Rage.  It was more than A Little Annoyed today.  It paced back and forth in front of me.  “Dude, you’re making me dizzy.  What’s crawled up your butt?”

“Excuse me?”

“Nevermind.  What has you agitated?”

“You spoke with the bright one about summoning.  I will NOT be summoned.”

“Of course not.  I intend only to invite.  Stay, or go, at your own will.  If you can.”

“You are sneaky.  You are all sneaky.  It is the way of those with power.  You will not trap me.”  It got warmer, and the fade quivered.

“Rage.”  It continued to pace.  “RAGE!”

“WHAT!”

“What in the world would I want with an annoyed rage spirit confined in close quarters with me or those I care about?  That sounds like the stupidest thing ever.”

“Weapons of war.”

“Only if you wish to be.”  I looked up at it.  “Destroying things eases the anger.  It’s therapeutic.  If you had a target, something you knew needed to be destroyed…  Perhaps protecting something by venting upon that thing, that person…”  The wisps in the area were moving rapidly, and the fade undulated oddly.  “Your choice, my friend.  Always.  I would not take that from you.  And I will defend you, if necessary.”

“I am not a child!”

“Your point?  You and I both know you are not a child.”  It went to reach for me, and I stepped back.  I’m no fool.  A pissed off rage demon is not a toy.  “I will defend myself.”

That stopped it.  “If you summon me, I will kill you.”

“If I invite you, it will not be to trap you.  If you’re capable, and choose to come across for a visit, we could have tea in the Chantry garden.”  It was still glowering.  “But hurting any of mine will cause you pain, Rage.  I promise that.”  

Its eyes burned hot.  “If I am invited, I might come. If you trap me, I will destroy until I am spent.”

“I am warned, Rage.  I hear you.  I will not defend anyone who traps you, even if they are mine.”  My words hung in the air, waiting for it to accept them.  Nodding curtly, it glided away, and I took a deep breath.  The words settled into the fade, remembered, but not quite what an oath feels like.  I think.  Spirits are intense as hell, you know?  The wisps settled as the churning fade calmed.  

I definitely came out second best in that exchange.  I woke up, hands shaking in the real.  Adrenaline, fight or flight.  I needed to walk.  Slipping out of bed (without alerting Solas!), I tiptoed to the tent flap.  The night beckoned, stars and moons, cool breezes and untamed places.  But I was good.  I stayed in the camp.

Minutes into pacing the camp, Michael joined me.  He didn’t say anything.  We walked for probably an hour before I was calmer.  And strangely tingly in my fingers.  At some point, Cullen had joined us as well.  No one had said a word, we just wandered.  After I stopped, for just a moment, Michael escorted me back to my tent.  He lifted the flap, bowing slightly.

“Good night, lady.  Pleasant dreams, this time.”  Barely a whisper of sound.  Solas was waiting, eyes shining in the dark.  I curled into his offered arms.  There were no more dreams.  I slipped into an empty fade, cocooned in darkness, wrapped in mists.  And woke when the others stirred.

I was tied into a plain rust colored dress.  The fabric had this interesting swirl pattern in the weaving.  The sleeves were taut to the wrist, thank goodness.  There was a cream-colored coat to go over it with black fur edging.  New clothes.  Joy.  Leorah was quietly pleased as she dressed her personal doll.  At least it wasn’t embroidered and frilly.  All because we were going to “reach Orlais” today.  

Leorah actually giggled when I put up my hair.  We’ll see if someone can resist the hairsticks today.  When I asked her why she laughed, she just shook her head.  “Your hair is like you, now.  It seems to be one way, but underneath is completely surprising.”  I’m not sure if that was a compliment or not.

Anyway, we got underway after breakfast.  Sam was still arguing with a dwarf as we left.  Wulfgang rode up next to me.  “Are you ready for Orlais?”

“No.  I have no desire to be here.”

“Well, you look nice, Bit.  I’ve never realized how much clothing is like armor.  Social armor.”

“It certainly is.  And makeup is the hidden mask, for all it is obvious.”

“We made that armor, Bit.  It’s ready.  The one that looks like leather leaves.”  He smiled, then slyly added, “or feathers.”  I was surprised, honestly.  That was really fast, and I told him so.  “It’s why I’m here, to make final adjustments when the wearer shows up.”

“It’s with us?”

“Yep.”

“Why do you think the potential wearer is going to show up?”

“Because he introduced himself around, hon.  You’ve got something he wants for himself and his guys.”

“I’m not sure of that.”

“Don’t worry.  You’ll see.”

We spent the morning chatting about inconsequentials.  Andrew joined us after a bit, smiling.  Grinning ear to ear.  Dark hickeys under his jaw and down his neck.  Really dark.  He was happier than I’d seen him in a while.  “What?”  He just kept grinning.  Honestly, the last time he grinned this much was the day he left me in the Chantry when he asked about keeping one’s word.  Which triggered a thought. “Did she say yes?”  He turned bright red. “She did!  Really?  When!”

He hemmed and hawed about things before letting it slip that he asked her in the middle of a “personal moment”.  Between yesses for other reasons.  Not only that, apparently she’s tossing the tea.  And so is he.  Looking forward to those babies.  If there are babies.  And the fateful day is Summerday.  Guess he finally managed to grovel enough.  Or con her.  However their relationship works.  But it’s adorable.  And she made him tell me.

Now that we were in the pass, things went more smoothly.  It was still slow going, but not as bad as it had been.  It helps that it’s early in the season.  It doesn’t help that it started snowing around noon.  The cold makes the air heavy and sluggish.  Real work, sometimes, to breath properly.

It was lunchtime when we finally got to the point where vistas were available.  I guess the Orlais side of the Frostbacks is different.  On the last trip we could see out almost right away, but it was summer.  Regrettably, I discovered that the world was still dim.  The things close it wasn’t so obvious, but the land in the distance was dull and colorless.  And others raved about the view.

We actually stopped for lunch and resting the animals (and people) at an overlook spot.  I spent too much time near the ledge, looking out.  The fade rippled near me.  “Hello, Cole.  I haven’t seen you during the trip.”

“I wasn’t where you were looking.”  Which made me smile.  “The view is different with different eyes.”  He was holding Darling, who watched the view with us.

“What do you see?”

“Too much color, and not enough.  She knew one of her line would return here.”

“Who?”

“You know, Daughter of Aine.”

“I didn’t know she had ever been here.”

“She hadn’t.  Your growl is very small.”

“I know.  It’s exhausting to push at them.  Is it important enough?  I never know.”

“Start saying yes when you want to say no, and you will forget how to say no.”

“Have I already started?  Never mind.  Of course I have.”

“It is easy to say yes.  Easier to say nothing.  If I complain, she might think it’s her work.  Trying not to hurt them, and you hurt you.”  His voice changed on the last sentence.  We stood there for a bit.  He produced a biscuit wrapped in a napkin, offering it to me.

I took it, and he smiled sweetly.  “I love you, too, Cole.”

“I know.”  Darling made that noise, and he added, “She loves you too.  Not that place, little brother.”

We got moving again and stopped mid-afternoon at a nearly frozen waterfall and stream.  No pool.  I helped handle the animals after glaring at Gethon.  He spread his hands and kept his mouth shut.  I tended Drummer and a few others before I was called elsewhere by Vivienne.

She led me farther afield, away from everyone by a good few minutes.  The camp and its people were no longer in sight or hearing by the time she stopped.  “Your studies, my dear, have been woefully neglected in a few key areas.”

“If you say so.”

“And so I do.  Have you the ability to create a runic circle?  We shall start with protection.  Begin.”  She waved a hand, gesturing at a clean patch of snow.  I arched an eyebrow at her.  “Are you incapable?”

“I have no idea, but I am not your apprentice or your servant.”

“Certainly not.”  She cocked her head very slightly to the side for a moment, straightening again.  “I see.”  She stood in the snow and beckoned me to join her.  “Your attitude gives it away, darling.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I’m quite sure.”  From there, she spoke far more eloquently, and without commanding.  A quick but intense review of runes, runic circles, and protection methods, to start.  Then drawing a circle, one delineating a space, not allowing passage.  Vivienne watched carefully, studying my work.

She looked at it from every angle.  “Adequate.  I see no errors serious enough to interfere with our progress.  Now, Chrysopal, consider who and what you wish to speak to, and summon… Invite… them to take position in the circle.”  

She discussed the methodology, the geas, the limitations and restrictions.  Had me repeat instructions and words until she was certain I knew them properly.  Then she stood well back.  Several days of conversation, weeks of reading and studying, focusing on one moment.  I knew this was a test.

I was already murmuring the words when I stepped into the circle.  Not what my instructor had expected, but she kept absolutely still.  She hadn’t forbidden it.  She only said choose a spot and do not move from it.  I did feel something go up around the circle, outside it.  A barrier, perhaps.  I brought my magic to bear, and invited my Hope to visit.  I figured it was better to call someone recognizable to an Andrastian as a spirit.

Hope showed up almost immediately, white and wispy, but firm in shape.  A hooded female.  Its voice from far away greeted me.  “This place.  So still, solid.  How do you stand this?”

“There is change here, too, Hope.  It is just much slower, harder to see.”  It reached its hand to me and mine ghosted through it.  “Well done, my Lady.”  Vivienne caught that.  I could tell by her face.  “When you call, I will come.  If you need me.  But it is not pleasant here.  Farewell.”  The form faded, and there was an almost pop as it fled back to the fade.  

I released the magic that delineating the space.  Vivienne was watching me steadily as I stepped back out of the circle.  “You have done this before.”

“I have not.”

“Why did you enter the circle?”

“Because it is not fair to confine them while I remain free.”

“You knew that spirit.”

“I’ve met many while I sleep.  Some nice, some not.  All dangerous, and to be treated with care.”

“I am gratified that you understand the danger.”

“Most don’t wish to cross.  The waking world is too solid, immutable.  They are as uncomfortable here as meat people are in the fade.”

“Dorian is concerned about my instructing you.  You do not learn as others, he says.  Like a butterfly, alighting on a topic and flitting to another, only to alight again at a later time.  Heavier, then.  With larger knowledge.  He believes I am inflexible.”

“He’s protective.  I don’t think you are as inflexible as they do.  I don’t know.  You rose so quickly.  A prodigy in your time.”

“As you seem to be.  You learn nearly as quickly as I.”

“I have…  stories.  Ways and means and descriptions of magic from a thousand throats.  When you have an idea of what can be done, has been done, it’s just a matter of figuring out how, and focusing your will.”

She reached out and adjusted my collar, without smiling.  “Precisely.  When one knows the heights a person may reach, one need only reach for them, and explore the length of one’s reach.  You are rumpled, my dear.  Perhaps you ought to seek your lady's maid to be repaired before dinner.”  We walked back in silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.

She’s wrong, though.  If you know the heights a person has reached, you try to reach past them, not stretch toward them.  If you think you know how high a person may reach, then you put limits on yourself.  Reach for stars, instead of mountaintops.  You may not get there, but you may get farther than you think.

We parted at the edge of camp.  I leaned against a tree to watch the doings.  I wasn’t going to get “repaired”.  We were just in camp, after all.  A slight jingle of a bell was my only warning.  My hair didn’t come down, which I was expecting at that point.  I stiffened as a familiar hand slid over my rear, squeezing lightly.

“Solas!” I hissed.

A quiet voice, barely audible.  “Maintain your composure, Emily Lynne.  Unless you wish everyone to notice.”  His hand slid up my back, gently gripping my neck.  Lightly moving his thumb against against my nape.

“Solas, what are you doing?”

‘Touching.  You could ask me to stop.”  I turned around, putting my other shoulder against the tree.  “Pity.  I was enjoying myself.”  He had a shoulder against the back of the tree, facing me.  His index finger traced my jaw.

“You could ask me to turn back around.”

“I could play with the charms currently presented.”

“Is there something you want, Faolan?”  He smirked at that.

“Many things, ma’sulahn’nehn’udh.  But they will wait for a more private time.”  His hand ghosted gently down my arm, lifting my wrist to his lips.  Our eyes trapped each other as he placed a kiss next the aquamarine I wore.

“Knock it off you two.  Cuddles, come here and settle this.”  Varric called out from where they were cooking.  I smiled at Solas and he released my wrist.  As I walked up, Varric handed me two slices of hard cheese.  “Which one of these should Hadrian use with the roasted nug?”

I held them both in my hands.  Both were slightly squishy, no mold, not dried.  They were more strongly scented than usual, I suppose.  “You expect me to pick a cheese?  Seriously?”

“Now, Princess, did I say that?”

“You certainly implied it.”

“How about this.  Which one tastes better?”

I took a small bite of each.  “Honestly, they taste the same, Varric.  I can’t tell a difference.”

“Elves.  No palate.  Any fool can tell that this one has a smokier flavor.”

“Good thing I can’t tell, then.  I wouldn’t want to be a fool.”  He glowered a moment.  “Words have meanings, Storyteller.  You should know this.”

“Dorian!”  He snagged the pieces from me.  “You have an appreciation for finer things…”  He went through his spiel with Dorian.  

Dorian sampled each, and raised a brow.  “Why must we choose?  Those who prefer smoky flavors should use this one-” he held up one, “and those who prefer sweeter ones should use the other.”

“Finally, a man with some sense!  The little elf here couldn’t detect a difference.”

“She has trouble with flavors outside of Skyhold, Varric.”  That startled me.  “Did you think I didn’t know, my dove?”

“I didn’t think anyone knew.”

He considered saying more, but didn’t.  “Some of us, my darling.”

Dinner was roasted nugs, cheese, mashed turnips.  It was alright.  I have no idea which cheese I got.  I sat with my own people.  They are far less likely to deal out uncomfortable things.  They don’t pry or see what is hidden.  Today is apparently look into Chrissy day.  My soul should not be so easily laid bare.

Anyway, in the middle of dinner, my hair fell.  That ass.  A moment later he was across the camp, holding something between his fingers.  I shook my head and rolled my eyes at him.

I cuddled with Darling during songtime, sitting next to Cara and Garalen.  Garalen was as giddy as Andrew, which is a fabulous thing.  She was grinning.  When I tweaked at her, she didn’t even react, too happy.  We exchanged hugs and I congratulated her on her promising.

Bedtime was quiet.  It’s like we realized we needed to be circumspect now that we’d crossed into Orlais.  I was bundled into bed fairly early, along with the rest of Ethelathe.  Michael is back in our tent, thank goodness.  He’s been released from Renee’s eye.  I managed to convince Briri that I didn’t need the cot, so I’m in a doublewide bedroll setup.  It’s kind of cute.  One less thing to dismantle in the morning.  

We should be completely out of the snow by the end of the day tomorrow.  The lowlands are supposedly warmer, with the leaves just turning in some places.  Then one more day to Halamshiral.

* * *


	147. Day 6, 30 August, 9:41, On the Imperial Highway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Messenger, Korcari wildflowers (Andraste's Grace), Leliana, Dorian. Conversations and confrontations, dares and instructions. Some people worry too much. And I think our little game is getting to Solas.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 6, 30 August, 9:41, Moving again**

Solas came to bed very late, waking me as he slid under the blankets.  “Where do you go so late, ma’lath?”  I don’t know why I asked.  I was half asleep.

“Meetings with the Inquisitor and the others.  Planning, strategy.”  He spoke as he tormented the sensitive spot behind my ear. “I would rather be here, but it must be done.  For his age, Cullen is surprisingly good at it.”

“How it must chafe to bite your tongue.”

“I am content to leave it to others.  That way I have more time to bite your tongue.”  He put actions to words, tangling his tongue with mine.  It was a long moment before I realized we were not in private.  When I pulled back, he chuckled wickedly.  “They sleep, but I like that you were so distracted.”  He brought his lips back almost to mine, then stopped.  “Meet me in the fade, haselan.”

“You could say please.  So easy.”  I was going to say yes.  We had agreed that two nights a week were ours in the fade.  It was time again.

“If you do not wish…”

“Sleep, mo chroí.  With me, near me, in my dreams…”  I was drifting off as I said it, and I didn’t understand his response.  Words I didn’t know, but I knew I would see him.  The fade was intense, and I nearly gave in too soon.  We moved into other discussions as we cycled through the night.  Strangely, we talked about hygiene and disease management.  Handwashing and soap and the concept of germs.  He knew of the organisms.  I shouldn’t have been surprised.  And neither should he have.  I guess we were both guilty of the same mistake.

I woke unexpectedly after the fourth cycle.  This time Solas touched my cheek as I thought about getting up and walking.  “Let me.”  He gently turned my face to him as he spoke.

“Let you what?”

“You need rest, Vhenan.  Not to walk the night.  It worries them when you do so, more than you realize.  Allow me to put you to sleep.  You will wake with the dawn.”

“I don’t know why I’m so restless.”

“I have a few thoughts on the matter, but nothing certain.  Let me, Chrysopal.”  I nodded, and slipped back into dreams as he kissed my forehead.

With the dawn, as he’d promised, I woke.  I may have run my hand up his thigh and across his hip as I sat up.  Lightly grazing his leggings with my nails. Just a little bit naughty.  “Someday you will push too far.”

I hummed lightly.  “You keep saying that, Solas.  But you just have to say Please, Chrissy, instead.”

He’s fast.  Incredibly fast.  And so careful not to hurt.  He suddenly reached out, grasped me firmly.  An arm around my ribs, his fingers around my throat, thumb under my chin.  He pulled me to him before I could blink.  His lips to my ear, my body trapped against him.  “You will push too far, and then, we will play, ma’lath.  I will subsume you in me, and subsume myself in you.  You will scream my name to the sky, Vhenan, with no care who or what may hear.  All of Thedas could be staring, and you _will not care_.”  Goosebumps raised on my skin.  He was practically growling.

I took a moment too long to respond, and we both knew it.  “Perhaps it is you who will scream to the sky, mo chuisle.”

He released me, an almost-smile on his face.  “It is possible.”  His voice was infuriatingly calm.  “Come here, Chrysopal, of your own will, and lay beside me?  It is early to get out of bed.”

“I don’t think I’m the one who will push too far, a chuisle mo chroí.”  But I lay back down, my head on his shoulder.

He ran a hand through my hair.  “Is that a bad thing?”

“I have no idea.”

We lay like that, awake but relaxing, until the others began to stir.  We cleaned up our own sleeping place before anyone else could, smiling at each other.  I was not going to tell him that parts of me were still swollen and achy.  Wearing the same clothes as yesterday, hair back up, I faced Orlais.

I had my favorite breakfast, in honor of hug day.  Hadrian supervised this morning.  He’s still not one of mine, but he likes working for me.  There’s a different feel to it.  The connection thread, I mean.  I can feel him, but mostly through Cook.  He is usually a fantastic chef, but the oatmeal didn't taste right.  No else seemed to notice.  I gave my leftovers to Elias, telling him it didn’t taste right.  He ate with gusto.  Tasted fine. That man will eat just about anything.  Constantly hungry.  No ill effects, obviously.  All of mine snagged a squinch before breakfast was over.  I think everyone else forgot.  I ended up getting them at dinner.

We got moving. Frickin’ side saddle, with Darling in his basket.  The air as we came out of the foothills was thick.  Viscous, somehow.  It was warmer, with crisp leaves under hooves and fairly vivid colors in the trees.  Stones of the Imperial Highway made travel easy.  Everyone was shedding their heavy gear for lighter stuff, or even just removing a layer or four.

I checked on all mine midmorning.  Warm, content, weary of the traveling.  Excited, some.  Nervous, some.  We were all glad to be out of the mountains.  Nothing more than minor aches and pains, no true fear.  I should have looked at Solas, but I didn’t think of it at the time.  My Templars were fine.

The Dalish connection was strange.  I want to say they were curved?  Firm, solid, leaning toward Alora’s firm thread before returning in my direction.  Hers is much like Garalen’s, and kind of like Andrew’s.  A steel cable, but not sworn in the same way.  And I’ve known her two days in person.  It’s very odd.

I was riding up with the Inquisitor and the others later in the morning when a red cloth suddenly unfurled in the trees to the side of the road.  A hooded figure beside it.  The Inquisitor halted the group, pretty far back.  I could HEAR the figure, somehow.  Ripples in the fade, like Cole, and not like Cole.  Not the song of lyrium, even red lyrium, but something.  Then he lisped.  “You are the Inquisitor?”  The shadow turned its face to Sam, and I knew. It was the Messenger.  The sane(ish) darkspawn the Warden can free.  Darkspawn Robin Hood.

I was thankfully right next to Blackwall.  Sam was inching his horse toward the figure, and Cassandra and Cullen were spreading to the sides, flanking him.  As the rest of the inner circle moved, I snagged Blackwall’s reins and hissed at him.  “Warn Sam to stay back.”

He said nothing, just looked at me, startled.  I don’t often speak to him, and I’ve never accosted him like this.  I kept my voice WAY down.  “Damn you, WARDEN Blackwall, warn him to stay BACK.  It is the Messenger.”  There was no recognition of the name, but he obviously heard me stress warden.

That lit a fire under his ass, but his eyes promised questions.  “Inquisitor, stay back!  All of you, now.  Give the Messenger a wide berth.”  I’d released his reins and sat properly by the time the others looked at Blackwall.  But they stopped.

Sam looked back to the figure.  “I am.  You are a messenger?”

“I was once.  I was the first.  Once.  I am bringing to you a message, my message, not from another.  It is a warning.  The mages of red, the ones that hear the Song, Venatori you call them.  They wait for you.  This gift, I offer.  No other.  It is at the place of rest, where the fires are lit.  Behind the trees, hidden, they wait to kill you.  A score, no more.  No less.”

The Messenger stayed back in the trees, hooded and hidden.  Sam debated with himself.  “Thank you, Ser, for the warning.  I appreciate it.”

Cole was heard.  I think he was talking to Sam.  “He wants to help.  He _is helping_.”

“It’s alright, Kid.  Nobody’s going to kill the messenger.”  Cole’s agitation settled when Varric spoke.

“No, you won’t.”

“Exactly.  It’s an overdone plot device.  Way too villainous for our Inquisitor.”

The Messenger spoke again.  “They watch the road. Ahead.  They know you will camp.”

Sam went to move his horse toward the trees, trying to get a look.  Blackwall stepped up without further nudging.  “Stay BACK, Inquisitor.”

Sam looked back at Blackwall, and the figure furled the red cloth again.  When Sam looked back toward the trees, the figure had melted away.  I looked about for Alora’s Dalish, and only Revis could be seen.

Sam pulled the inner circle aside to discuss plans, I assume.  The rest of us milled about.I hopped off Drummer and went to Renee.  “Do we have any Andraste’s Grace?”

“Of course.”

“Can I have some?”

“Of course.  May I ask what for?”

“Tea?  Maybe?  Ointment?  I’m not sure?”

“You want that nasty Ferelden tea they feed kids?”  That perked my ears.  Not literally.  Elven ears don’t move like that.  At least, mine don’t.  Ferelden, despite the blight, didn’t have, DOESN’T have the reputation for tainted places.  The Hinterlands are blooming, not destroyed, despite the darkspawn blood spilled.  There’s no trail of tainted towns and villages across the land like from the 4th Blight in Antiva or the 3rd in Orlais.  “That tea they stole from the Chasind?”

“Yes.  That tea.  You have a recipe?”

“Sure, but why?”

“Don’t worry about it.  But we’re having a tea break today.  All of us, Renee.  You too.  I don’t ask much.  Two ounces of tea?  Per person.”

“I’ll talk to Hadrian.”

“I’ll need a batch as soon as possible.  I think we’ll be stopping for lunch here.”

“Here?  But there’s a wayspot a mile or two up!”  She’d been digging in a backpack, and she turned to me, dried flowers in her hand.  I don’t know what she saw in my face.  “Chrissy, I’ll make the tea.  Right away.  It’ll be fine, okay?”  She hugged me, unasked.  “Someday, perhaps, you will tell me what that tea does.”

“I don’t know.  Not for certain.”  She shooed me off.

I looked about for Castien again.  He was walking toward us.  I went to meet him.  “How close did you get to him?”

“Not close.  A thousand feet, no less.”  I breathed a sigh of relief at that.  “You knew.”

‘Everyone always says that.  I’m asking everyone to drink the tea Renee is making, just in case.”  I had just finished saying that when Inquisibutt and company went riding off.  I guess whatever plan they had didn’t involve us.  I must have been distracted, for Castien put a hand on my shoulder.  It startled me.

“You were gazing into the distance, but seeing nothing, Chrysopal.  Get your head out of the fade, Ethelathun.”  

Josie started getting the temporary camp set up.  I didn’t interfere.  Besides, I did it yesterday.  I got Darling and checked on everyone real quick.  Castien followed me.  He waited until I was basically left alone again before repeating himself.  “You knew.”

I sighed.  “Stubborn, aren’t you.”

“Persistent.”

“I knew.  And now you do.  But don’t tell on him.  He’s trying to help.”

“How?”

“It’s a long story.  Too long, now.”

“She knows you know things, doesn’t she.”

“Alora.  I didn’t even have to tell her.”  I patted his cheek, to his shock, but he started the touching.  “Drink your tea, when it is ready.  I intend you return to her in the same condition as when you left her side.”  He eyed me a long moment, then inclined his head slightly.  Agreement.

Honestly, the Ferelden tea isn’t THAT bad.  A little honey goes a long way toward making it palatable.  We dished it out in wooden cups, keeping enough back for the inner circle.  I spotted Leliana talking to Renee, who gestured at me.  And Leliana started walking toward me.  Crap.

“Chrysopal.”

“Leliana.”

“Not Nightingale?”

“I didn’t feel like you were about to interrogate.  Was I wrong?”

“No.  Not wrong.  What is this tea you want everyone to drink?”

“I’m told that Fereldens feed it to their children.”

“In place of wine, yes.  How did you know?”

“I didn’t.  I just asked if we had the flower.  Renee knew about the tea.”

“It is hug day.”

“It is.”

“Did you know, you have offered a hug to every single member of the Inquisition, except me?”

“Not every member.  I haven’t hugged most of the Orlesians.”

“I see.  My mother was Ferelden, you know.  I’ve always considered myself one.”  That felt like an olive branch.

“Leliana, I had assumed you would not wish to be touched by someone like me.  You are very devout in your beliefs.”  I tilted my head to the side.  “Would you like a hug?”

“A small one.  And then I shall steal your little Darling from you for a while.”

“Ah, the real reason you came over.”  I looked down at Darling.  “That sound good?”  He squeaked in response. I handed him over, receiving a tiny hug in return.

Leliana cuddled him a moment, then turned her attention back to me.  “I have no issues with elves, Chrysopal.”

“I’m odd, even for an elf, Leliana.  I have to be cautious.”

“I like your hair.  Leorah has outfitted us all, beautifully.  I can’t wait to see what she’s created for you.”

“Me too.  Probably frilly and impractical, but it is Orlais, after all.”

“I never intended to make you an enemy.”

“Well, I’m glad, because if you had, you were awful at it.”  And for the first time, I heard the girlish laugh from Origins in real life.  We said some polite goodbyes and she strode off, Darling in her arms.

Josephine came up next.  “The setup is finished.  Water, cloth, all the usual things.  Now we wait.”

“We do.”

“You hurt her feelings.”

“Who?”

“Leliana.”

“When?”  I turned to her, surprised.  “I have never been anything less than respectful to her.”

“In Gherlen’s pass.  She was quite upset.”

I looked over at where Leliana was petting Darling and talking with Cullen.  “I was honest with her.  I wasn’t trying to hurt her.”  I wouldn’t say it, but seriously?  She did use me.  Knowingly and deliberately.  “And it was nothing I hadn’t said before.  To you, as well.”

“She is more sensitive than she appears.”

“I won’t apologize for telling the truth.  But perhaps I could have phrased it more carefully.”

“It’s hug day.”  We exchanged hugs, and we both sat back to wait for our men.

They came back maybe an hour later.  The animals were tended, the food ready, everyone else had eaten by the time they returned.  They have learned.  Or been spoiled.  As I heated all the water, they dispersed to appropriate spots.  Sera and Blackwall helped each other.  Cassandra was chatting with Vivienne and Cullen as she and Varric wiped off the blood.  Sam came straight to Josie.  Bull, Dorian, Cole, and Solas came to me.

Dorian had not a speck on him.  Bull was drenched.  They took care of each other after checking in.  Bull snagged two buckets, grinning as he followed Dorian.  I’d turned back to the other two when I heard “Kaffas, I was NOT DIRTY, you savage.  You’ve ruined this entire outfit!”

“You look better out of it anyway.”

Cole smiled that sweet smile he has.  I smiled back.  He reached out and hugged me.  Covered in semi-drying blood splatter.  “It’s hug day.  I like hug day.”

“You…  You…”

“I know.  But you love me anyway.”  And the little shit was GONE.  

Solas smirked at me.  “It seems you have a little something…”  He ran a thumb over my cheek.  “There.  And several other places.”

“Not a word.”

“I would never consider it.  Would you like some assistance, lacking a mirror?”

“How come you don’t have a speck on you either?”

“It is difficult to splatter blood from so far away.  They were concentrating on Iron Bull, mostly.  If I may?”  He held up the cloth.  I just sighed.  “It appears there is no damage to your clothing.”  His voice lowered.  “A pity.”

“Solas…”

“It is only midday.  Your hair shines in the sun, your cheeks are rosy, and-” His eyes narrowed.  “You are breathing heavily.  Have you been running?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.  They’d chase me down and sit on me if I tried.”

“Headaches.  You have mentioned them.  Lack of appetite.  Waking at night.  Mood changes.”  He pulled me close to him.  “You will need to rest.  You are being too active.”

I pulled back a bit.  “I’m not doing anything, Solas.  What are you talking about?  There are people watching us!”

He muttered to himself a moment, hunting the right words.  “Valley sickness.  I do not know what it is called in Trade.  If I could, I would pull you back up the mountain a ways, but we cannot.  Is breathing difficult?  Like the air is heavy?”

“Yes, but it’s fine.  It’s no big deal, really.”

“May I?”

“What?”

“Look.”  He pulled me closer, hand on my cheek.

“I suppose?”  Cooling blue flowed, and I didn’t feel any changes.

“Your lungs are clear.  Tell someone, Renee, myself, if you start coughing.  Even light coughing.  Even once, Chrysopal.  And you must rest.  Get used to the altitude.  Perhaps in the wagon?”

“Absolutely not.  I’m already riding frickin’ sidesaddle.  I’m not going to lay about in the wagon like some useless…”  I took a small breath.  “No, Solas.  Don’t look at me like that.  I’m not just being stubborn!”

“I took your breathiness for flirting.”

“It was.”

“It was not.”

“Perhaps it is merely your proximity that makes it hard to breath, Faolan.”  His eyes darkened.

“If only that were the reason.  However, your mild symptoms are not a hindrance to our game.”

“You still haven’t let go of me.”

“Are you sure you want me to let go instead of pull you close?”

“We are in public, Solas.  People can see us!”

He smiled as he uncurled his arm from around me.  “They see a man being attentive to a beautiful woman, no more.  I have said I will not embarrass you.”  By now the others were unpacking camp, having eaten quickly.

He escorted me back to Garalen, who was next to Drummer on her mare.  Lifted into place, he proceeded to ignore me, talking to her.  “Watch her for coughing and dizziness.”  She lifted a brow in surprise, but didn’t say anything.  He just turned and walked away, not expecting a reply.

“He can’t tell you what to do.”

“Why did he tell me that?”

“He thinks I’m sick.  Valley sickness, whatever that is.”

“I’ll find out.”

We passed the next camping spot.  It was bloody, but there were no bodies.  I have no idea where they put them.  The rest of the day was uneventful.  We made good time in the afternoon.  We passed through and near so many villages.  They’re like boils on the serpent of the Imperial Highway.

The cavalcade stopped at a rest area with a fairly large tiled pool.  Fairly.  This thing was huge.  The tiles were cracked, and some were missing.  Obviously old.  But the little stream that fed it ran clear.  It would be cold, but we could bathe.  Dorian stood next to me as I looked at it.  “Almost like home, my dove.  If home had a disgruntled mason attack it with hammer and chisel.  And then let the dracolisks stampede through.”

“It’s been days since I’ve had a bath.”

“That water will be nearly frigid, darling.”

“My love, have you forgotten that we are mages?”

He sighed.  “You wish to warm the entire pool?”

“And the tiles under it, of course.”

“Of course, she says.  Why not warm the stones beneath our feet and the bedding in our tents, as well?”

“If you think you can manage it.  I’m not sure you can actually do that.  You are only one man, after all.”

“Have you no faith in me?”

“I wouldn’t want to tax your resources.  But it would be nice to reach Halamshiral clean.”

“Why do I have the feeling that you could do this yourself, dove?”

“I probably could.  A certain Altus I know has been teaching me the magics of hearth and home.”

“I have _not_!  They are apprentice skills.  Necessary steps for learning more advanced magics.”

“Dorian, darling, you taught me how to make soapy water for cleaning.  How is that not hearth and home?”

“It just isn’t.  No Pavus would be doing hearth magic.  My father would have had a-” He stopped abruptly.

“I’m sorry.”  I wrapped my arms around him.  “Have it your way.  Not hearth and home.  It’s only hearth and home when I do it.”  His arms came about me and I felt his cheek on my hair.  “For you it is manly apprentice work.”

“Very manly.  I am a perfect specimen of manhood.  As you well know.”  He was steady again.  “It occurs to me that I know you could do this.  A certain tower in Sahrnia comes to mind.”  I didn’t say anything.  “Is there some reason you don’t wish to do this yourself?”

“I didn’t say that.  I can do it.  If you don’t want to.”  It was just after dusk.  I figured it had to be done soon.  I took a shallow breath.

“Stop.”

“What?”

“I will do this.  You are supposed to be resting.  I had only been teasing.”

There may have been a slight snarl in my voice when I said, “Solas.”

“Indeed.  In fact, a nice warm bath would likely do you good.  He described it as going from the Hundred Pillars to Perivantium.  The people there have stories of frothy-mouthed climbers.  He is right to be worried.”

“He’s a tattle-taling blabbermouth.”

I felt magic swirl through the air, vivid and crisp, and the pool started steaming.  The air was suddenly warm.  The stones under my toes were reacting to a summer day in the sun.  “That may be, but I do believe he’s _your…_  what did you call him?  A blabbermouth?  Interesting phrase.  I shall have to remember it.  Now be a dear and get your bathing things.  I’ll let the others know what we’ve done.”  

He looked so debonnaire doing this, I almost missed the slight tremor in his hand.  I opened my SELF, to refill him as I’ve done so many times, and a hand landed on my shoulder.  “Well done, Dorian.”  Before I could do anything, the wisps of glowy dust flowed into my peacock. I was startled out of mage sight.  I had never seen anything quite like that.  Even when we were closing the breach.  Smoothly done, like the bits of magic were ants marching toward Dorian.  Solas continued.  “It would be nice to enjoy a leisurely bath before arriving in the city tomorrow.”

Dorian smiled.  “It was indeed well done.  And it was our little mageling’s idea.  Thank you, darling, for your care once again.”  He'd directed that last to me.

I opened my mouth to tell him it wasn’t me, and the hand tightened, just a hair.  I glanced up at Solas, and his face was smooth and pleasant.  I looked back at Dorian.  “It was something you needed.”  The hand on my shoulder relaxed, thumb stroking my neck.

“Solas, I was just sending her to get her bathing things.  I’ll let the others know that the pool is open.  It appears to be big enough that we could all get in, and the horses.”

“I shall escort her to her maids, then.”  He led me off in the direction of the tents.  My big caravan tent was nowhere to be seen.  We didn’t discuss what he'd done for Dorian. 

When I came back, people were getting ready for the pool.  Hug day was mentioned.  Hugs were given and received, even those who were undressed.  I was squished by Sam.  Bull was far more careful than usual, damn it.  All the inner circle.  Even Blackwall.  He rumbled that we were going to have to "get to know each other" soon.  Various scouts and soldiers.  Some of mine came back for seconds.  Alora's two Dalish watched, bemused.

In any case, by the time everything and everyone was gathered, put up, hugged, and sorted, half the caravan was in the pool.  Most still in smalls, but a few brave souls baring it all. Dinner was sandwiches from travel bread and the last of the nug meat.  Lots of people ate in the pool itself.  I was not one of them.  Something about the idea is just icky.  I mean, I won’t criticize others, but I just can’t see myself eating food that has soapy water on it.

It wasn’t until after I ate that I went in the pool.  And was immediately attacked by Briri and Leorah and soap.  (I may have attacked back.)  After we were all clean, we stayed in the water.  Girls on one side, boys on the other, of course.  It started to cool, the tiles succumbing to the fresh flow from icy stream.  The air cooler as the stone cooled in the darkening night.  I stood to get out, glancing over at Solas, who was relaxing.

He raised a brow, and glanced at the steps I’d vacated.  I wrinkled my nose and glanced at the stream.  I should have known better.  I was fairly far away, but I saw the bare glint in his eye.  It could have been a trick of the light, or typical elven reaction to light, but I know better.  And the stream started coming in very warm.  Hot tub warm.  Hot enough to turn skin red, but not enough to burn.  Steam filled the air, except where I was.  My air was clear, easier to breathe.  He won that round.  I sat back down.

My fingers were pruned by the time the water started to cool again.  I was quite relaxed, too.  It was getting late.  Songtime had come and gone.  Leorah bundled me into a towel and robe as I made my way to my tent.  I was told it wasn’t for any reason but that I was at less than my best health-wise.

I was pulled and prodded into a chemise, probably for whatever dress I’m wearing tomorrow, and brushed my own hair.  I was writing when Solas arrived.  We were in two-man tents, due to the limited space.  I was only sharing with him.  I’m not sure where the others were.  Tents, obviously, but there was a forest of them.

“I have you all to myself tonight.”

“You knew ahead of time.”

“I did.  Are you going to say please, ma’lath?”

“Not tonight.”

“We shall see.”  He crawled over to where I was sitting.  I had reapplied my perfume.  “Oh, I love this scent.” He nearly groaned it, smelling my neck.

“I need to write.”

“Hmmm.  Don’t let me stop you.”  He’s being good.  Drying my hair, actually, as I finish this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are going into headcanon territory a little, but nothing that is contradictory to canon. Korcari wildflowers were used to "cure" the blight in a mabari in origins, and the kennel keeper heard it from the Chasind. The same model was used for Andraste's Grace flowers, which you can gift to Leliana. She tells you that her Ferelden mother always smelled of them. 
> 
> The headcanon comes in that the Hinterlands, Ferelden, is mostly recovered from the blight, ten years after it is done. There aren't horror stories of blighted villages, or large swathes of tainted zombies. Sure, there are probably some, but nothing like what we could have expected. Why? Well, I figure the flower is the reason, based on the Mabari thing. 
> 
> So Spellweaver, Comavampure, and I chatted, coming up with an appropriate reason that they use the flower, but don't know that they're protecting themselves. They feed the tea to children instead of ale or wine at meals. Ferelden people don't know WHY, really, it's just the way they've done it for a long, long time. Since before the Orlesian Occupation. It's tradition. Ferelden people like tradition.
> 
> The why is the resistance to the taint. Not the blight itself, the taint. It's harder to catch it, but not impossible. Vitamin C on crack. Of course a flower known as Andraste's Grace has to have amazing properties.
> 
> The messenger is Canon. http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/The_Messenger_(Awakening) "a helpful hooded traveler with a slight lisp who aids those it comes by. Isolated incidents of the taint also occur in the areas it visits, though the traveler and said incidents are never connected. "


	148. Day 7, 1 Kingsway, 9:41, Reaching Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dressed up, Darling Dorian, chatting with Varric, Reaching Halamshiral, Dinner with a Duke, and

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 7, 1 Kingsway, 9:41, Reaching Halamshiral**

How does he know the instant I’m finished writing?  Even before I finished the last word, he’d moved.  He went from gently playing with my hair to grabbing a fistful and licking my neck in the space of a heartbeat.  

“Put it away,” he groaned against my neck.  I set my papers and pen aside.  He spent the next however long tormenting the crap out of me.  Kissing me breathless, stroking things that shouldn’t be stroked in public.  I admit, I was almost as bad as he was.  Seriously, was ready to give in that minute, but I stuck to the plan.

In any case, the fade was fun.  I spent the first few cycles in the past.  MY past.  I’m not sure why my own memories surfaced today.  In any case, I escaped to play cards with my fade ethelathe for a bit.  Valor and Fortitude were introduced to Go Fish.  And loved it.  I am not sure why they are so fascinated with basic card games.  Especially since it doesn’t work like in the meat world.  You always get the cards you expect.  

I did get an answer on why they came.  They don’t trust the spirits around the Orlesian people.  Not “Orlesian spirits”.  Apparently that’s not how it works.  Anyway, they don’t want the spirits native to Orlais to consider me a snack, so they’re coming along.

I woke held surprisingly tightly in Solas’ arms.  His hips were flush against mine, and at least parts of him were awake.  I may have mentioned I’m a bitch?  I tensed my rear.  He groaned under his breath.  I leaned back just a bit so my mouth was nearer his ear as I did it again.  “Please, Chrissy, is all I need to hear.”

“Cruel woman.”

“But what a nice way to wake up.”

“Maybe for you, yes.”  He kissed me good morning, a fairly chaste thing.  We could hear others stirring.  Someone rapped at the tent pole and I pulled back the flap.

It was still a bit dark out.  “It’s not even morning, Leorah.”

“We have more preparations this morning, hon.  We’re reaching Halamshiral today, and you have to make an impression.  You represent us, Ethelathun, and you must shine.  Besides, you are already awake.”

“I will see to the night things, Chrysopal.  Go with your maid.”  Way to go, Solas.  NOT.

“Fine.  But I’m grumpy.  I need coffee.  Coffee helps me person.  It’s hard to person without coffee.”

“That’s on the list, hon.”

I was stripped of the chemise I had thought would be an underthing for the dress today.  Clothing I’d never seen before, in an unusual style, was draped over a folding table.  The skirt looked like veiny flower petals.  The dress was sleeveless, but had an overbodice that looked like a stem, almost.  There was a coat as well, that looked like leaves, but that was left for now.

Coffee showed up at the table, brought by Briri.  I drank it as she attacked my hair.  Some sort of complicated thing.  “I’ll repair it as necessary if we stop just before reaching the city, Miss.”  

All of mine were dressed very similarly.  Not to me, but to each other.  “Leorah, what have you done?”

“It wasn’t me.  Not really.  It was Sarel, Merrill, Eadras, Cyrren, Tarvin, and Aedan.  And Andrew and Gunther, of course.  We checked with Josie, and she thought it a good idea.”

“It looks like some sort of uniform.”

“It’s not.  Really it’s not.  We got together and figured we’d buy fabric in bulk.  You’ll notice that all the actual clothes are different.  Just made from the same few fabrics.  It’s cheaper to buy in bulk, after all.”  Why do I not quite buy that?  I can’t argue it, but I don’t think she’s telling me the whole story.

I made sure all of us stopped for breakfast.  Foolish me thought I was done at that point.  But then Cara pulled out little jars and pots, and Leorah pulled out decorative things.  I got my face painted on for me, being told not to move.  I was decorated with little ear cuffs, a necklace, and rings.  THREE of them.  One was a pretty ring with tiny silk roses on it.  I kept my aquamarine.  They tried to exchange it for some lacy thing.  So I have a lacy thing on only one wrist.  And finally, OVER the rings?  Gloves.

An idea bloomed in the back of my head.  These gloves were fastened by little silk buttons.  Leorah went to do them and I asked her not to.  “I want to ask someone else.”  She smiled.  The little table and chair were folded up and into a complicated steamer trunk.  My coat was unceremoniously crammed over my arms like we were suddenly in a hurry.  I remembered to thank the ladies for whatever it is they did to my face and stuff, and the dress was lovely, I have to admit.

I was about to turn away when Briri stopped me.  “One more thing, miss.”  She held up barefoot sandals!  I didn’t even know that was a thing in Thedas.  They had swirls and a petal pattern that matched the dress.  She and I shared a smile.  “I thought you might like these.  Just don’t tell HIM.  But please, watch where you step.”

“I will.  I love them.” We slipped them on my ankles, looping around my toe, and off I went.

Dorian spotted me, and raised his brow.  “Quite the statement, my dove.”  I must have looked confused.  “Never mind.  You look ravishing, and will be the envy of every woman.  I love what they’ve done with your eyes.”  I instinctively went to touch one and he grabbed my hand.  “Don’t smudge it, darling.  It’s perfect the way it is.  I’m glad the jewelry suits.  Your uncles will be pleased.”

“You knew about this?”

“Of course.  They needed to get fashion advice from somewhere.  Where better than from a flower of Tevinter?”  I just rolled my eyes.

“Alexius called you a fruit of Tevinter.”

Dorian froze.  “When did you speak to him?”

“I have never spoken to him. I had to pass him to get to someone who was in the prison.  He said several uninformed and unkind things about my place in your life.  I kept my word and ignored him. I admit, I laughed at him at one point.”

“I do believe that explains some strange comments he has made.  That you were an idiot, though attractive.  He implied that if my tastes had changed, I could do far better than you.”

“I’m sure you could, love.  Eventually.”  That made him laugh.

“The scion of House Pavus may have a few tricks up his sleeve in regards to politics.  Watch and learn, my dear, and feel free to hide behind me if the crowd becomes too much.”

“You’re telling me it’s showtime.”

“Smooth your face, guard your emotions.  Be a swan, instead of a dove, while here.  Calm and unruffled on the surface, but frenetically paddling underneath.  Did you realize your gloves are unbuttoned?  Is this a fashion statement?”

“Of course not.  I was planning to ask a certain someone to button them for me.”

“Oh ho!  Make sure you say please, dearest.  I can’t wait to watch this dance.”

I just smiled as I moved on.  As I reached Solas, he had his back turned to me.  “Solas?”

“Yes, Hasel-”  He had turned around as he spoke and stopped mid-word.  He reached out and traced one of the ear cuffs.  “You are very daring.”

“They’re not pierced.  Not yet.”

“Hmmm.  You might come to regret piercing them.”  His tone was saying the opposite.  “Good morning.  Was there something you wanted, Chrysopal?”

I nearly purred at him.  “Vin, Solas.”  

He inhaled sharply, and his eyes darkened.  “You.”

“Yes?”

His eyes held mine.  “I will remember you said that.”  He went back to what he was doing, and I moved next to Raindrop.

I smiled at his profile, because he’d given me the perfect opportunity.  “Please, Solas, would you help me with my gloves?”

His hands stilled on the saddle he was messing with.  He didn’t say anything at first, closing his eyes.  I halfway expected him to groan, but there was silence.  When he finally turned toward me, I was a bit concerned I may have gone too far.  It was a long moment before he acquired my hand.  His nimble fingers handled the little buttons easily.  “In public, with many eyes. You play these games, ma’nehn?”

“Oh, yes.”

He stole the other hand, similarly doing it up.  “I will get you alone.”

“I’m sure.  We are sharing a villa in Halamshiral, the Inquisition and Ethelathe.”

“Cruel woman.”

I stepped closer to him.  “I think you have won our little game.”

“Have I?  I wonder.”  His eyes smiled suddenly, though his face remained smooth.  “If the game is over, so are the restrictions, ma’haselan’udh.  You may have miscalculated.”

“Are you planning on tormenting me all the way to Halamshiral?”  Chest to chest, I let some huskiness into my voice, flirting.  Honestly, I’d hoped so.

I’d expected a quite different response than what I got.  He frowned and put a hand to my cheek, then the back of my neck.  His face relaxed, but he’d lost the teasing.  “No, Haselan.”  He caught my eyes.  “But as soon as I have you alone in a quiet place, you will pay for the teasing you have done.”

To get a little of the lightness back, I got up on tiptoe and whispered.  “Does that mean I finally get my mouth on you?  I so want to try that in the flesh.”

He couldn’t quite hide his reaction.  “Perhaps.”

“Solas, I’m fine.  You’re acting like I’m going to keel over any second.”

“Chrysopal, do not underestimate this.”

“This happens every time I come down to Orlais.  Food is bland, views are boring, smells are less.  Tired, but can’t sleep well, and the air is heavy.  At least there won’t be the other issues this time.”

“Other issues?”

“Fingers of blood, calling.  Come to me.”

“You should not listen to that song.”  He put his finger under my chin, lifting my face to him.  “And this is only the second time you’ve left the mountains.”

“There will be more.”

I went to turn away, and he pulled me back.  “You know this?”

“Not for sure, but I have a feeling.”

“Not something you remember.”

“No.”

“Perhaps someday I will show you the beauty of the desert, then.  There are so many places.”

“That might be nice.”

He walked me over to Drummer, where Darling was already in his basket and Geth waited.  I checked the straps quickly.  Geth smiled in approval.  “I see I’ve made a horsewoman out of you.”

“This is a hart, Geth.”

“Details.”  But he continued smiling.  

Solas put me up on Drummer.  “Behave yourself.  Nothing strenuous.  You should consider the wagon, Chrysopal.”

“It was considered and rejected, Faolan.”

“Very well.  Be careful.  Alert someone if there is even one cough.”  I felt hands ghost up my sides, and a thumb brush my lips as he turned and strode away.  I really need to learn how to do that.

“What does he mean, even one cough, Chrissy?” Gethon asked it as he mounted up.

“He thinks I’m ill, and wants me to be careful.”

“Why does he think you’re ill?”

“He mentioned mood issues.”

“You are grumpy.”

“I’m wearing jewelry and makeup, primped and prodded.  Heading into Orlais to deal with nobles.  Of course I’m not in a good mood.”

“You look nice, if it helps.  The butterflies on your eyes are really interesting.”

“Butterflies?”

“Yep.  See you later.  I need to check on the draft horses.”

When you’re riding for hours, you have lots of conversations with lots of people.  I don’t think I’ve expressed that enough.  But generally only one or two will stick in your mind.  I talk to Varric all the time, but our conversations are pretty normal, usually.  He was weird, today.

He pulled his stubby horse up next to Drummer.  “I hate riding.”

“I think everyone knows that by now, Varric.  Is there anything physical or outdoorsy you do like?”

“Probably not.  You look good for a Princess, Cuddles.”  

“And how many Princesses have you known?”

“Just the one, your highness.”

“Hush, Son of Galen.  You know that’s not true.”

“I know you won’t admit it.  A Princess in Exile, perhaps?”

“You’d better not name the book that.  I am not the Grand Duchess of Russia.”

“The Grand Duchess.  You’re not the Grand Duchess.  Of… Russia?  Where is that?”

“Across the sea from home.”

“That’s so helpful, Cuddles.”

“It doesn’t matter.  I’m not a princess.  Period.”

“So you say.  I’ll think of something.”

“You’re making things worse.  I see your hand in this.  You’ve got to stop.”

“I haven’t done anything at all.  Whenever someone asks me, I tell them that you insist that you are not a noble of any country in Thedas.  You repeat it over and over, like a mantra.”

“Storyteller…”

“I back up your story every time!  You can’t get mad at me for that.  But Cuddles...”

I sighed wearily.  “What?”

“You should probably learn to slouch more if you want people to believe it.  And look down, too.”

“Slouching is bad for your back.”  We moved off the topic, thank goodness, after I implored him to find another story for me.  Something that didn’t end up with me having ANOTHER target on my back.  No matter what he says, I’m an American.  Was an American, I guess.  We don’t have nobility, in any case.  We have businesspeople and professional politicians.

We crested a small hill and could see the spires of Halamshiral.  From here, you could see the white center of the city, where the humans had claimed domain.  Around it were brown and cloth, and in some places the black of soot.  The fires Celene had set still marred the city.  It was surprisingly large, nearly as big as a modern town.

Cassandra pulled up next to me.  “Our accommodations are against the wall, Chrysopal.  You will be able to see your people from there.  We’ve also arranged for donations to the elven sections.  Food, clothing, blankets.  In your name.”

“Oh.”  Frack.  How am I supposed to argue that?  Briala’s going to be pissed, though.  “Thank you.  But why should I be up there when the others are down below?”

She didn’t have an answer for that.  She looked at me a moment, then Leliana chimed in behind me.  “You belong with us, Chrysopal.  You can do more standing next to us than down there.”

“Can I?”

Leliana actually touched my shoulder.  “Yes, Chrysopal.  You can.  From the wall you can see and be seen.  You can make a difference.”  She arched a brow.  “Same job same pay?  Revolutionary, Chrissy.”  She leaned down and stole Darling from his basket.  “Do you mind?”  

I looked at Darling, who was fine with it, then waved a hand in a welcoming gesture.  “If you like.”

I would have thought we’d push on through the usual lunchtime, but we set up a lunch camp in sight of the city.  It was probably only an hour or two away.  The inner circle disappeared and then reappeared in those horrible nutcracker outfits.  Ugh.  I thought we’d avoided those.  Admittedly, Blackwall looks kind of smashing in his.  And Solas is not in his spiky penis hat.

After a quick lunch we mounted up again.  This time, however, we seemed to split into two sections.  Andrew, Gunny, Garalen, and Revis took up positions around me.  It was really weird.  We kind of hung back as Sam moved forward.  Then Ethelathe gathered and followed, Zatlan in front.  He’d been nearly invisible the whole trip, but now he was front and center.

Renee and Janet barged their way in next to me.  “All the mages together, right?”  Janet smiled as she said it.

“Of course.”  And that made me think of something.  “Renee?”

“Yes?”

“Have you considered moving your grandkids to Skyhold?”

“They’re happy in Lydes, Chrissy.”

How do you argue with someone like her?  “They may be safer in Skyhold.  The Duchy is in dispute, after all.”

“They’re safe, Ethelathun.  But the offer is noted and appreciated.  I’m surprised you remembered, actually.”

“Of course I remember.  You never told me their names, but I know you have two grandkids, from your partner’s son.”

She looked wistful for a moment.  “I’ll always miss her, but I’m glad to have Janet in my life.”  Janet wasn’t upset or anything about it.  A part of someone’s heart always belongs to a deceased partner.

The caravan, in its two sections, was waved into the city by the Chevaliers at the gates.  One of them spoke with Sam a moment before passing us all through.  They kind of stared at me.  Must not have seen many elves who refuse to grovel.  I’m hella brave when surrounded by people with swords, aren’t I?  There is only one Chevalier I would consider turning my back on, though, and he is not here.  Not even a good man, just elf-born.

The place wasn’t as bad as I’d feared.  There wasn’t the smell of smoke left behind, at least.  We passed only one building that had any sign of charring.  The street was surprisingly empty.  Glittery eyes peered from behind shop “windows”.  Mostly openings in the walls.

The place had more color than I expected.  Cloth flapped in the wind, brilliant blues and reds and greens.  Down side streets you could see clothing on the lines.  Areas of greenery peeked between buildings.  I will say this place is better than the highway.  More color, more scent, more everything.  Not like Skyhold, but it seems that it may be the feet of the humans that solidifies the world.  Enforces their view of reality. In this elven place, it was more wibbley.

Zatlan rode up beside me.  “The residence is ready for us.  They have a small meal prepared and rooms allotted.  There will be baths ready for whenever we arrive.”

“Has someone told Josephine?”

“I’ll take care of it myself.”

“Thank you, Zatlan.  I appreciate it.”  He went to move forward.  “Zatlan, how many of the rooms are connecting rooms?”

“We took that into consideration, my lady.”  He smiled.

It was a little harder to get through the second set of gates.  Paperwork, questions, etc., but they didn’t speak to me.  Michael handled it.  He has a really good “you’re not good enough” tone to his voice when he wants to.  He told me he’s a fourth son of someone important, but didn’t tell me who it was.  So he has influence, ish, when he wants to.

The “residence” was a pretentious thing.  Way too many flourishes and furbelows.  A few can enhance a structure, but this made it fairly ugly.  I was INCREDIBLY pleased to be greeted by my people.  I didn’t know them personally, but I had met some of them on dinners.  The others, I just knew.  It’s a feeling.  I checked my threads to be sure, but they were mine.  It explains the calmness I felt.  It was far more like home than the last time I stayed in Orlais.

It was midafternoon as we got the mounts settled into their stalls.  Geth took a few to a hire stable, because we had more than the house could handle comfortably.  Refreshments were ready on a table.  Sam snagged a little sandwich and undid half his buttons first thing.  We all munched together, including the “servants”, and most people loosened clothing and so on.  The ones already here absconded with the baggages, swarming over the wagons and mounts.  Half the stuff, at least, was already here and ready.

When I finally was shown to a room, it was HUGE.  And had a connecting door, which I immediately locked.  There was another little room with two beds inside my room.  Cara and Briri put their bags inside.  There was not an attached toilet, but there was a tub in the room, waiting to be filled.  Leorah came in a moment later and opened yet another door that had been hidden in the wall.  There was a closet in there, with things hanging everywhere.

“How many clothes do I have?”

“Three day dresses, four tea dresses, three walking dresses, two morning dresses, night things, sleep things, some ball gowns and other formal outfits, a riding habit, a few other things.  And jewelry, accessories, shoes, and underthings to match.  It’s been SUCH FUN creating your collection.”  She was practically giddy about it.  I felt sucker punched.  What am I going to do with that much clothing?  And I can’t say anything because she’s so happy about it.

I’d taken off the coat at the door, handing it to Zatlan when he held out his hands for it.  Once we’d looked at the room, Leorah took off the overbodice and let me take a full breath.  “Can I take off the jewelry?”  She just shook her head and did something to the overbodice before tying me back into it.

She stepped back and looked at me.  “Much better.  Dinner is at eight, my lady, and we will need to change.  Duke Cyril is anxious to meet you.  He will be here around seven for Apéritifs.”  She must have seen the panic on my face.  “Oh, hon.  It’ll be okay.  The Inquisitor will be there, and the others.  You won’t be alone.”

I just sat down on the bed.  Showtime was coming too soon.  I had honestly thought I’d get a chance to breathe before getting started on the social whirl.  The official festivities don’t start until the sixth.  I guess the unofficial stuff had already begun.  Solas came through the door with a perfunctory knock and pulled me into his arms without saying a word.  Garalen and Andrew came through a minute later.  Leorah occupied herself with putting things away in the vanity.

Garalen spoke.  “Are you okay?”

“Fine.  Just fine.”  I didn’t lift my head from Solas’ chest.

“Care to try that again without a mouthful of shirt?”

I looked at her.  “I’ve been here five minutes and I have to go do the pretty with Duke Cyril.”  Solas tensed under my cheek.  “It’s an idiom, a grá.  It means do what’s expected, what people want you to do.”

“I see.”  His voice was extremely even.

Andrew sighed.  “Try to be nice, and don’t criticize their manners.  They don’t like that.”

I leaned away from Solas to look at him.  “Who does?  Wait, Vivienne’s and the Nightingale’s manners are okay-ish, what’s wrong with the rest?”

“You’ll see.”

“Lovely.”

Garalen had been eyeing us both, then turned to Andrew.  I’ve seen that look before, and so has he.  She stepped a little closer to him and almost cooed.  “You and I are going to have a conversation, tin man.”

He swallowed, but held his ground.  “I’m just a farm boy, Angel.  No secrets.”

“There better not be.”

“You know it all.”

Now wasn’t that interesting.  “All of it?” I pulled out of Solas’ arms completely, diverted.

Andrew turned red.  Garalen just smiled.  “Yes, Moadib.”

“Andrew!”

“I told her it was a book!”

Garalen smiled wider.  “As you said, the spice must flow.”

“Garalen.”

She stopped still.  “Yes, lady.”

“I am not a Kwisatch Haderach.  I would avoid that fate for me and mine.  I am not a Bene Gesserit.  Don’t make this worse.”

She searched my face for a moment, then bowed, fairly deeply.  “I understand, my lady.”  She stood.  “But you are no longer upset and panicky.”

You know what, she was right.  I wasn’t.  Defining what I was not had helped.  “Thank you, Gara.”

Solas lightly touched my shoulder.  “I will see you at dinner.”  I nodded at him, and he left.

I was left alone for about fifteen minutes, enough time to settle.  After that, a human woman I didn’t know and who was not one of mine knocked on the door.  She curtsied quickly, with a “Lady Theneras”.  She looked at a loss after that.

I couldn’t correct her.  Which was incredibly frustrating.  “Yes, my dear?”

“I am Genevre, the head housekeeper and caretaker, and would like to offer you a tour of the house.”

“Hmmm.”  I tilted my head as I touched Gunny’s thread.  He showed up with Zatlan not a minute later, still dressed in armor.  “I’d love a tour, thank you. Ah, Zatlan, Gunther.  I have already agreed to a quick tour, but you may come along to discuss any business you have.”  I just wanted not to be alone with the stranger.

I received the five dollar tour.  Too much history, too much minutia.  But I kept my face pleasant and nodded in all the right places.  I even asked a question or five.  When I asked about the servants that had been sent on ahead, she raved about their competence.  “Even the elves.”

I stopped at that one, turning to look at her.  Got to give her credit, she realized her words right away and apologized.  Zatlan informed me that I had other obligations after about twenty minutes, wonderful man.

I was bundled back to my room, and attacked with clothes and accoutrements.  Apparently we have a nature theme going on in my clothes.  I was put into a pretty green and blue thing with embroidered flowers in interesting patterns.  Different makeup, and I had to insist on washing my face instead of just wiping it off.  Different jewelry, and Briri put some in my hair as well.

I didn’t expect Duke Cyril to be on time, actually.  Fashionably late was a thing for the ball, after all.  However, as the bells from the chantry hit the seventh chime, there was a knock at the door.  I’d been waiting in the parlor with Sam and Dorian.  The others were still getting ready, I guess.

My Peacock held out an arm to me as someone came into the foyer.  I laid my hand atop it and we all went to greet our guest.   Zatlan took his cape, announcing him quite capably. The duke looked almost exactly like he had in Mark of the Assassin.  A little older, maybe.  “Ah, I see you are settling in well.  You must be the Ethelathun.  I’ve heard much about you.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Duke.”  He stiffened just a moment, but graciously took my hand when I offered it.  “You know the Inquisitor, Lord Samuel Trevelyan, I’m sure. My dear Lord Altus Dorian Pavus, have you met Duke Cyril de Montfort?”

Duke Cyril turned his attention to the gentlemen as Dorian oozed charm all over him.  We went back into the parlor to enjoy an aperitif.  It came out that Cyril had been the hand behind my invitation.  “If I had known that you, Trevelyan, were seeking an invitation, I would have done my best.  I understand you will be the guest of the Grand Duke.”  Sam oozed at him a bit, too.

Vivienne came traipsing down the stairs in elegant fashion as he did.  “My dear Duke Cyril, it is such a pleasure to see you again, your grace.”  While she chatted with him, the rest of us arrived.  Sera was wearing her usual outfit, and plopped on a chair spraddle legged.  Vivienne sighed.  “Charming, Sera, charming.”

Solas walked up to me, lifting my wrist to his lips.  “You look lovely this evening.”  Apparently he felt the need to mark his territory.  It certainly caught everyone’s attention.

“Thank you, a grá.”  We took a moment to smile at each other before returning our attention to the rest of the room.

Dorian piped up.  “Don’t mind them, dear chap.  I have no idea how they do it, but they leak lust-ridden devotion all over everything without even touching.”

Bull stepped up behind Dorian.  "Did you want me to leak on you?"

Dorian closed his eyes in exasperation.  "No, you hulking brute, I have no desire to be leaked upon."

Dinner was a light fare, nothing fancy.  No formal dining thing.  Finger foods and little plates.  No silverware, no fuss.  I wasn’t thinking when I set my wine glass on the air to eat.  Dorian smiled and did the same.  I have a feeling he did the same thing many a time.  I have to hand it to Cyril, though.  He didn’t even startle.  Barely a flicker of his eyes.

“Where did you say you were from, Ethelathun?”

“Oh, I didn’t.”  I smiled sweetly.  “But I am from Virginia.”

“I have never heard of it.  Is it in Ferelden?”

I just looked at him calmly.  I have to give him credit, he handles uncomfortable silences well.  After a full count of twenty, I responded pleasantly.  “No.  Before you continue interrogating me, the only home I currently claim is Skyhold.”

“My apologies, I had not intended to interrogate.”

I waved airily.  “Of course not.  I thank you for the invitation, by the way.”

“It was my pleasure.”  Apparently it was my turn to slime everything with compliments.  In any case, the evening went tolerably well.  We managed to bid the Duke adieu before ten.

I finally made it upstairs, and the weird part is that I think it took longer to get undressed and cleaned up than it did to get dressed and coiffed.  Briri had some real issues getting the jewelry out of my hair.  Cara was already asleep.  Finally she managed to get everything untangled and undone.

She shut the door to the little room and there stood Solas.  His eyes were definitely a bit glowy.  He practically PROWLED to me.  He set my pen and some paper on the vanity.  He trailed a hand up my arm.  “You have writing to do, ma’nehn.”  He leaned down next to my ear.  His lips brushed it as he spoke.  “And then, we have unfinished business, don’t we, Vhenan.”  The words were followed by a kiss on the side of my neck, and a light brush of his teeth against my tendon.  Goosebumps broke out on my skin and he chuckled.  He’s over on my bed, looking horribly relaxed.

* * *

 

Because her clothing might actually become relevant later...


	149. Day 8, 2 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath, an uncomfortable chat with Josie, Alora arrives, escape routes, and Sam.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 8, 2 Kingsway, 9:41**

I don’t think I slept more than an hour or two the whole night.  By the time early morning arrived we were pleasantly sore and achy in all sorts of places.  Love bites and teeth marks, they covered us both.  Finger sized bruises on my hips matched long lines down his back.  When I stirred, hands stroked over my skin.  “No more, Solas.  I’m done.”

His tongue slid over my ear before he spoke softly.  “I decide when you are done.  You decide when I’m done. That’s the way it works, ma’nehn.  We can feel each other, wants, needs, desires.  But you need rest, and healing, and I will provide.”  Where his hands stroked, cooling blue flowed.  My face, my neck, my arms, my ears.  My legs to the knee.  “You will wear my marks where they don’t show, ma’sulahn’nehn’udh.  Just as I will wear yours.”

“I can smell you on my skin.”

“You have no idea how that pleases me.  Take it easy today.  Do not be alone.  Please, my love.”

“I will make the effort.”

“Ladies get to sleep in, Chrysopal.  It’s expected.”  He kissed me, gently.  “Sleep, Emily Lynne, until you are rested or someone wakes you.”  There was no magic brought to bear, but I slipped back into sleep, deep and dreamless.

I woke to someone needing me.  Tugging on a thread, not urgent, quick and gone.  I don’t think it was on purpose.  The threads are so muddled here, I wasn’t sure who it was. “Leorah, my dear, I need clothes.”  I was mumbling.

She was bustling around the room, doing whatever it was that lady’s maids do.  “Of course.  Zatlan says you have nothing scheduled for today as of yet, so a simple morning dress will be appropriate.”  It only took about fifteen minutes to be dressed and brushed.  Her hand lingered a moment on a few bruises.  “Chrissy, are you?”

“I’m fine, Leorah.  I hope you have the opportunity to experience these sorts of bruises.  Zathras seems teachable.”  She blushed, and left me to Briri and Cara.  I left my hair in a single braid, then twirled it up with my invisisticks while Cara did something to my eyes.  She left the rest of my face alone.  The quick tug happened again.  Fleeting.  Too fleeting for more than a direction.

I found my way out into the gardens.  Various servants, mine and otherwise, dipped into curtsies and bows as I passed.  Since they grabbed my attention, I greeted and introduced myself to each and every one of them.  They seemed horrified, amused, and flustered by that.  In any case, I had barely stepped foot in the gardens when Josie stopped me.

“You haven’t broken your fast.  Would you care to join me?”  She was seated at a little white bistro set, with a teacup in front of her.  It was barely a moment later that a coffee set and a small tray of pastries appeared on the table.

Zatlan ushered me into the open seat, pouring my coffee and dosing it with cream and sugar.  I might have winced a tiny bit as I sat, and magically a cushion appeared as well.  I’m truly not sure how he’s managing to be right there every time something domestic needs managing.  I may be under-utilizing his abilities in Tarasyl’an Te’las.

I ate quickly, exchanging pleasantries with Josie.  I was mindful of what Dorian had said.  I was onstage any time I was in view of other people.  Too mindful, I supposed, because Josie asked if there was a reason I was so impersonal.  “Too many ears not mine, Josie.  I don’t know who they answer to, and they do answer to someone.”

“I see.  I hadn’t realized you were so aware of such things.”

I sighed.  “I was a nobody, and content to be so.  One of many, interchangeable.  And now I’m not.  Certain skills are needed to swim in this pond.”

“Pond?”  She tilted her head.  “Not ocean?  Sea?”

“I can’t see the sea from here.  I can only see a pond.  More of a fountain, really.”  

She turned her gaze to the decorative fish pond in the garden.  “I see.”  There was a touch of hurt in her voice.  She didn't understand.  I was being truthful.  This particular group.  They think they are great white sharks in the sea.  They are not.  I can't compete with those sharks.  They are piranha in a pond, tigerfish in the rivers.  Dangerous, sure, but not quite the apex predator.  Modern politics, where a knife to the ribs is no longer an option, is far harder.  I would be very out of my depth there.

“Josie.  Do you know the gardener over there?”  She looked and shook her head slightly.  “Neither do I.  Do you understand?”

She frowned a bare moment, glancing again at the human gardener.  “I just hadn’t expected it of you.”

“I keep track of the humans around me.  For my own safety.  Especially the Orlesians.  I was not trying to hurt you, evade you.  I was trying to help you understand what I was talking about.  I have trouble phrasing things, sometimes.”  I felt the tug again.  “Lady Montilyet, I must go.  I’m…  searching.”  We said quick goodbyes and I continued.  I followed the feeling to the edge of the gardens, where a short wall stood.  Maybe thirty inches tall.  I clambered to the top after looking out and not seeing anything, trying to get a better view.

A familiar feminine voice sounded.  “I leave you alone for just a week and you fall in the lap of luxury.  You’ve got them really agitated.  Calling you my lady and bowing and scraping to a rabbit.  You’re catching some attention.  If you wanted a target on your back, I could have just painted you one.”

“Alora?”  I looked down, and there she was.

“Know any other annoying women who’d just walk up to a wall and shout at you?”

“Too many.”

“Those assholes at the gates won’t let me in.  Fix it.”

I had a better idea.  “How many are you?  Let me check with Inquisibutt to see if you can camp in the garden.”

“I have three, including me, that would come.”

“Stay put!”

“Planting my rear!”

I nearly ran into Varric on my way back.  “Whoah, Cuddles.  What’s the hurry?”

“Need to chat at Sam real quick.”

“He’s not up yet, Princess.”

I turned to look at him.  “Did you know that there is a Thedasian princess with us, Storyteller?”

“So you admit it?”

“Princess Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena Pentaghast is seventy-eighth in line to the Nevarran throne, Son of Galen.”  He hid his reaction very well.

“Alright, Cuddles.  I’ll lay off for a while.  While we are here.”

“Thank you, Varric.”

“The Inquisitor is still asleep.”

“His choices are either wake up and talk to me or I’ll decide without him.  I’ll just go ask which he prefers.”

“You’re more dangerous than you look.”

“Thank you!  You say the sweetest things.”  I kissed him on the cheek and moved off.

Sam wasn’t still asleep.  He was up and about in the office on the main floor.  I stopped in the doorway.  “I want to let four to six people camp in the garden.”

“Why not the house?”  That could have sounded sarcastic, but I was pleased that he was only curious.

“I’ll offer it to them.  Thank you.”

“Who are they?”

“Dalish mercenaries.”

He sputtered.  “What?”

“You met Alora.  Don’t go all weird on the idea now.”

“Oh, her.  I don’t have a problem.  This place is half yours.  Put her in your half, gardens or otherwise.”

“Thanks Sam.”

I strode back to the gardens.  She was still hanging out.  “Hey!”  I called over the wall.

“Should I go around to the gates?” She shouted back.

“Do you trust me?”

“Maybe…  Why?”  She didn’t move as I climbed up on the wall and stepped down.  Magical stairs all the way to the ground, deliberately leaving them in place.  I turned to LOOK at what I’d made.  Still there.  Solid.  I pondered how to make it visible for them, and settled for cooling the air around the structure.  The droplets condensed out of the air, and then froze, little marks and waypoints of where the solid things are, without showing the solid thing at all.

“How brave are you, my friend?”

“If you can do it, we can.”  She was eyeing the structure warily.

“Step where the ice lives, stay close.”  Two others melted out of the walls, two males.  She probably has more men than women.  The women are probably managing the main camp.  “As far as I’m concerned, what I do in Halamshiral is none of the business of the Chevaliers.  Including who I invite to stay with me.”  My breath frosted in the air.

I’ll give her credit.  She put her foot on the first step, obviously not expecting it to be quite as solid as it was.  A few steps up, and the others started following.  I was the last on the ground when I saw a curtain twitch.  “Come out, come out, wherever you are, and meet the young lady who fell from a star...” I sang softly.  I was apparently in a very odd mood.  It’s Garalen’s fault.  She mentioned Tin Men yesterday.  Or maybe Solas’ fault.  Maybe.

I didn’t know it at the time, but Alora stopped on the staircase, turning to watch.  A little boy, by the look of the face and hair, peeked out the window again.  “Hello, little one.  I promise I will not harm you.”  He held my eyes a long moment, curious, before darting back behind the curtain.  “Goodbye, my new friend.  Stay safe.”

I climbed up the stairs behind Alora and her men.  As we hit the wall, Andrew was waiting for us.  He offered assistance to us all, but only I needed it.  I was the only one in long skirts.  “Your lover asked me to remind you that you are supposed to rest today as he left with the Inquisitor,” he shot at me as he lifted me down from the wall.  “Yet one more that looks me up when you have issues.  And don’t think I didn’t notice your lack of shoes.”

“It’s a human noble garden.  It’s so tame there’s not even the smallest stick to poke at my toes.”

“Fine.  But if we leave out the front or you go back down to the other areas, you put something on your feet.”  He stopped a moment.  “The SOLES of your feet, Chrissy.  Not those little things you got away with yesterday.”

“You’re no fun.”  

“That’s not what my fiance says.”

“TMI, dude.”  Revis and Castien came out at that point.  Alora was straight-faced, but I could tell she was giggling on the inside.

Anyway, I went to head towards the house and Andrew stopped me.  He turned me toward the wall, made a gesture, and arched a brow.  The staircase was still there.  I looked at him steadily.  He kind of gestured more firmly and I raised both my brows. He sighed.  “Fine, if that’s the way you want it, Etheling.”

“It is.”

Alora chimed in at that point.  “It’s an escape route only a few will know about, Templar.  You can’t keep the Ethelathun caged in a human place, even if it once was ours.”  Her voice was firm.  It was almost threatening, but wasn’t.  Not yet.

“Alora, this man is one of mine.  He wouldn’t cage me in that way.”

“I have no interest in caging her.”

She ignored him.  “Yours tighten the noose about your neck each day.  Good thing I come bearing knives.  Is there food?”

“Let’s invade the kitchen and find out.  After I find you rooms.”

“We’re camping in the garden.”

“Ah.  Well, then, rooms are handled.”

The bell of the chantry rang once.  And was silent.  It was already afternoon.  I had missed the chimes earlier.  Not sure how.  We did indeed investigate the kitchens, where Hadrian was working on an at-home dinner.  Lunch, I was told, was to be consumed alfresco in the courtyard.  The trays were already out.

I think introducing Alora to Garalen might have been a bad idea.  They got it in their heads that I needed to be resting shortly after whispering together against the wall.  My paperwork had arrived, so after lunch I was ensconced at a table in the parlor.

Merrill had written again, with some minor news.  I finally got to read the letter from Aedan of Greenfell.  He very politely asked to join our endeavors.  He said something I found interesting.  “The master of a garden is the one who plants the seeds, fertilizes the ground, waters and tends the young plants.  I see the seeds you plant.  We shall see how you tend them.”  Of course I wrote back granting him the umbrella of Ethelathe.  Cyrren had spoken for him.  Maybe someday I’d get out there to meet him.

I had letters from the mayors of Garvey and Treepine, too.  Garvey was complaining that they had three empty buildings just going to waste, falling down, after the last plague.  A veiled request for more “useful” people, I think.  Treepine just thanks us for the presence of the weaver.  It has been a big help, apparently.

A weeks worth of typical paperwork, too.  Schedules, disputes, requisitions, hiring, firing, etc.  I didn’t notice how late it was getting until Sam walked into my little office.  He snatched my pen up.  “The first day.  Really?”

“What?”  I blinked as I looked up.  Someone had lit the lamps and I hadn’t even noticed.  “What time is it?”

“Nearly seven.  You need to get ready for dinner.  Why are you still in your morning dress?”

“Because I didn’t go upstairs and we aren’t expecting visitors today.  I don’t intend to make unnecessary work for people.”

He sighed but let it go.  “Come on, sis.  Let’s get you up to Leorah.”  I looked around the room, and Elias was over on the couch reading.  He got up when Sam helped me to my feet.  I was stiff from sitting too long, and Inquisibutt noticed.  “You should make more time to ride, Chrissy”

“More time to ride?”

“I forgot you aren’t used to long journeys.  You might want to consider a hot bath.  We’ll push dinner back a half hour.  Next time I’ll bring the carriages.”

“Okay to the bath, but no to the carriages.”

“We’ll see.”  He escorted me to my rooms, leaving me at the door after asking Leorah to make sure I had a warm bath.  Apparently Sam is fooled by the outfits, too, and thinks I’m some wilting noble lady.

“Sam.”  He stopped and turned.  “Remember who I am and what I stand for.  I get the dirty work done, not just decorate your parlor.”

He strode back to me, then bowed shallowly.  It didn’t feel sarcastic.  “I don’t forget who you are, little sister, but something about you feels delicate recently.”  His hands cupped my shoulders gently as he spoke.  He was close enough I had to look up at him.  “Are you going to tell me why I worry?  Dorian says to trust my feelings on this matter, but won’t give me anything else.”  I took too long to respond.  “Well then, I will trust my gut and make sure you’re protected.”

“Sam-”

“No, Chrissy.  I’ve brought you back to Orlais, and there’s something about that which feels wrong.  I’m not letting what happened last time happen again.”

“I’m fine.  I’ll be fine.  Solas is watching my health.  The Templars, Ethelathe, and Alora’s guys are watching my back.”

“And so shall I.”  He hugged me.  “No arguing.  Take a bath, relax, and I’ll see you at dinner.  Wear something pretty for me.”

Leorah led me inside.  She’s getting used to me being a mage.  The bath was full, lacking only heat.  I trailed a hand in, heating it to steaming almost without thinking.  Looking back, I’m not sure that is a good thing.  

Manipulating the delicate energies of the fade should be done…  More deliberately?  I’m finding myself waving a hand to light a lamp or candle, mending a small rip with a thought.  Even rescenting a place or cleaning something.  There are no more wet spots in my life.  It doesn’t even tire me anymore to do these things.  Perhaps because it’s so everyday now.

I’ll admit, the bath did help.  Alora joined us for dinner, and had some interesting conversation with Bull.  They’ve apparently competed for the same contracts before.  I wore “something pretty”, something I’ve worn before in Orlais, but managed to avoid makeup and extraneous jewelry.  Songtime was conducted in the garden.  Not my doing.  But we have enough of Ethelathe here that we can’t just not do it.  Because it was late, we kept it quiet.  Three songs, Sound of Silence, Once We Were, and We Shall Overcome.

I’m in Solas’ room tonight.  He escorted me here after songtime, a determined look in his eye.  I’m not even dressed for bed yet, still wearing the dinner gown.  He seems to prefer me in his spaces.  His room’s a bit smaller, and doesn’t have the maids’ room or the closet.  It does have a small sitting area and a bookshelf.  We’re back to sitting on a couch in the evening, reading and writing.  He’s got my feet in his lap and is doing that thing to my toes, too.


	150. Day 9, 3 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chevaliers in the fade, Castien hears inaccurate rumors, the Duke returns, horrible accent, Zevran arrives, and helping Cole have a conversation at someone else.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 9, 3 Kingsway, 9:41**

Solas pulled me to him after I put my pen down.  Just pulled me across his lap using my feet as a handle.  My skirts ended up bunched up against his thigh, and the tops of my stockings were exposed.  “You brought me here without letting me get my nightclothes.”

“You won’t need them.”

“How will I get back to my room?”

“The only people who would see you are myself and Cole, should you so choose.  You have that skill.”

“Solas.”

His lips touched mine.  “Briri will bring Leorah in the morning.  If you need to leave before then...” He reached behind my head, plucked a petal from the flowers in the vase, and ran it up my cheek.  “Either we can create something, or you will wear something of mine.”  He trailed the petal up my leg.  “Something of mine.  My scent on your skin.”  Fingers worked the ribbons on my stockings, slipping them down my legs one at a time.  I was going to argue further, but I was distracted.

This place was a home at one point.  Several points.  Brilliant colors and memories smeared the walls in the fade.  Children’s laughter, servants’ intrigue, at least one murder.  But it wasn’t boring like last time.  And then I saw something else.

Spirits played in the hallways, emulating the games of humans.  Games in which elves were prey.  My anger and upset called to my Fade Ethelathe, I think, for all five who came with me showed up nearly instantly.  Hope wrapped its arms around me.  Contentment’s claws rested on my shoulder.  It was A Little Annoyed that showed why it was called Rage.  It bellowed, and it echoed in the halls.  “Choose a different game!”

The spirits acting out the assault stopped.  Something rumbled the area.  Not precisely an earthquake, because nothing moved?  But it was an instinctive feeling that something huge and dangerous was coming.  For some reason it didn’t make me afraid.  The spirits, though, stared a long moment at us, then backed away slowly.  Contentment chuckled darkly.  I think the huge dangerous thing was my friend.

“I think I’m starting to hate Orlais.”

“Do not allow that.”

I looked up at Contentment.  “What?”

“Hatred is the opposite of what you strive for.  Don’t fall into the trap.”

“The humans here...  I like humans, usually.  Used to be one.”

“You were never human, child of Aine.”

I stiffened.  “What do you know?”

“Many things, little one.  But I went looking after I made your acquaintance.  I know who you are, even if your Pride does not.  He hasn’t the strength to search where the answers lie right now.”

“It doesn’t work that way.  And if he wants to know, he should ask me.”

“It does here.  You do not understand, but you do not have to.  You lack the answers he seeks.”

“Contentment...”

It patted me on the fucking head.  “You are young.  Be patient.  I am looking forward to the day he figures it out.”

“Figures WHAT out?”

“It will be fun to see you figure it out, as well.”  And it poofed.  Ancient spirits are assholes, too.

On the next cycle, I tried to explore beyond the villa, but Valor and Fortitude stopped me.  We ended up playing cards in the orangery.  A new game.  War.  Valor about lost it.  “It’s RANDOM.  How can you call this game war?  And what is with claiming the other side’s cards?  You KILL them.”

“When an army charges a field, is it that organized? Armies are made of people, Valor, and people have strengths and weaknesses.  Skilled, unskilled, brave, fearful.  You can’t predict who will fight whom in the chaos.”  It grumbled a while over that one.  “And killing them wastes resources.  The farmer’s son doesn’t want to be there, unlike you.  But he is there, and hopefully he tries his best.”  The game dissolved at that point.

“There’s no honor in fighting farmer’s sons.”  Valor stood and paced.  I don’t think I should have said anything.  I fired up my mental ipod and played music that I liked.  Things I can’t remember in the waking world are easier in the fade.  The memories are closer, fuller, and complete.  Like a recording instead of a recollection.

Both Valor and Fortitude seemed to bask in the sounds.  It was “kind” of me to share the memories with them, especially when I pulled out Man o’ War songs.  Just a few.  Defender.  The Crown and the Ring.  Gods of War.  I closed my eyes, remembering.  BIG mistake.

When I opened my eyes, there were faces, helmets with gleaming eyes, sworls of black, similar beings at every window.  Standing there and staring.  Valor and Fortitude were standing, ready.  The music silenced mid-note.  It took a few breaths for me to calm.  If they’d wanted to harm me, I would have already been hurt.  They’d stayed outside the walls.

One strode through the wall to me.  A human-looking spirit wearing chevalier armor, it appeared fully male, but FELT agender.  It radiated self-assurance.  I didn’t dare back up.  “Drums of war.  You put songs on drums of war.”

“I did not intend to call you.”

“Another.”  It demanded, and that tone made something in me start smouldering.  Simmering.  Angry.

I lifted my chin.  I was likely glaring.  “The last songs were gifts, freely given, to those who are dear to me.  For what cause should I grant you the same gift?”

It seemed to swell.  “I want a song!”

“I see the spirits of Orlais suffer from the same lack of manners as the humans of Orlais.”  The spirit got taller, and took a step in my direction.  Valor stepped in front of me.  I gently pushed it aside.  “Are you going to hit me?”

Fortitude growled at that.  The Chevalier looking spirit stopped still.  “I would never consider it.”

“But my ears point, so I am nothing to Orlais, to the Chevaliers.  Less than nothing.  Even in Tevinter I would hold higher value.  Chevaliers hunt elves for sport, assaulting the women, testing the sharpness of their blades on the unarmed men.”

“They are LOST!”  Anguish in the tone.  It reverberated in the space.  “They have forgotten.”

“So you didn’t demand just because my ears point.”

If a spirit could blush, it would probably look like that.  “I had forgotten.  We had forgotten.  Once they were other than they are.  If it pleases you, I would request a song.”

“What are you called, Spirit?”

“I am Integrity.”

“I am Chrysopal.  The others, are they with you?”

“Some.  Some are not.”

“I won’t give you a war song.”  Its head fell slightly and its eyes closed.  “Why would I give integrity a taste of war?”  Its eyes opened, gleaming.  Not stupid, this one.  I closed my eyes again, tilting my head back.  I was safer giving it what it wanted.  A song.  The strains of grand ole opry rose.  Lori McKenna’s Always Stay Humble and Kind.

I opened my eyes, and they were all still standing there.  The spirit bowed slightly, a hand across its chest, and turned away, striding off.  Strangeness.  The others, the ones in the windows, were still staring.  Staring and staring.  I hate being stared at.  I get nervous and uncomfortable and if it goes on too long, afraid.  I willed myself awake.

The space next to me on the bed was empty.  And he talks about ME leaving.  At least the dress I’d been wearing had underthings.  How sad is it that I felt undressed in something I would have called very conservative just a year ago?  Covered almost to the ankles, with a higher neckline than clubbing outfits.  Only an inch of cleavage available.  Every time I turn around, another piece of me is changed or missing.

I was covered enough to walk the halls.  It was very early, but the first hints of predawn lit the sky.  Even the lower servants weren’t up yet, and a footman was going to be chastised later.  He was asleep on his stool at the entrance to the bedroom wing.  I was looking for the music room I’d been shown when something impinged on my senses.

“Hello, Castien.”  It’s weird that I know who someone is without checking sometimes.  Or know that it’s a stranger.

He melted out of the walls.  “This human place is very closed in.  Tame.”

“Keeping tabs on me?”  He looked confused for a moment.  Must be another earthism, but he figured it out a breath later.

“Until sunrise.”  I didn’t say anything else.  It would do no good, and I wasn’t in a safe place, anyway.  “Alora likes you.”

“Nice comment out of nowhere.”  I started moving again, looking for what I wanted.

“I do too.”

“Thank you.  I think you’re pleasant as well.”  Finally found it.  I investigated the music room for a while.  I feel comfortable there. And they have such beautiful instruments.  I have no experience with wind instruments, so I could only look.  The stringed instruments, there I have a shot.  I plucked a string on the gorgeous standing harp.

“A peaceful person is rare.  A peaceful leader more so.  So we will guard.”

“I’m not peaceful.  I advocate violence when there is cause.  I just don’t resort to it first.”

“We LISTEN, Etheling.  The woman who can hold a castle hostage without a single drop of blood spilling is dangerous.  And interesting.”

“Oh, heavens, not another interesting.”  I admit I rolled my eyes.

A baritone voice spoke.  “You are extremely interesting, ma’asha.  And you are not where I left you.”

“Perhaps I am not a package to be left laying about.”

“Come back to bed?”  Castien bowed slightly to me and left us alone.

“I’m not ready to return to the fade, Solas.”

“What happened?”  Instant concern.

“Nothing, really.  I just attract too much attention sometimes.”

“It is usually best to observe quietly, without being noticed.  Doing unusual things attracts attention.”

“I was just listening to music.”

“I see.”

“Don’t start.”

“Another time, then.”  He draped a cloak over my shoulders that I’d swear hadn’t been in his hands a moment before.  “Come, Chrysopal.  Certain social constructs should be followed in this place, odd though they may be.  Let us return you to Leorah and Briri.  Watch the sun rise through your own window, ma’haselan’udh.”

“I don’t like this place, but it is better than Val Royeaux.”  Apparently by “us” he’d meant him and Gunny, who was up and wearing clothing instead of armor.  Still wearing a sword, though.  Solas left me at the door, Gunny came in.

Today was a primp day.  Morning dress with long sleeves for an hour or two, and then I’d have to change into a day dress because people might stop by.  And then perhaps a walking dress, or a riding habit, depending on activities.  All with different accessories and so on.  Idiotic.  Truly.

In any case, I was a bit of a snot and took my breakfast to the stable.  Gethon regaled me with funny stories.  After that, Dorian and I practiced magic in the parlor.  Darling joined us for that.  He seems bigger now.  We’ll have to talk about vocal chords.  Sam went off somewhere to do Inquisitorial things, and took Varric, Solas, Sera, and Bull with him.  All the non-human members of the inner circle.  And I have my flippin’ bookends back, I found.  Three and Five.  Three WINKED at me, smiling, when I spotted them.

Duke Cyril dropped by in the late morning, interrupting lessons.  Dorian stayed in the connecting library, available, but unnoticed.  Zatlan provided pastries and tea.  The duke didn’t say much at first.  Just banal pleasantries as he watched me.  Then he came out with “you don’t titter at me.” Bzuh?

“No.”

“You haven’t flirted, not even a hint.”

“No.  Neither have you.”

“Most elven women flirt heavily.”

“Most elven women are trying to make sure someone doesn’t hurt them for being inattentive.  You are evaluating me, and don’t find me attractive.  I have no idea whether you are attractive or not, but your mask is elegant.”  Those masks don’t hide expressions well at all.  They’ve come to rely on them, and their expressions are unguarded beneath.  I saw his eyes widen in surprise.

His voice, when he spoke, was even, urbane, giving nothing away.  “You still haven’t asked me why.”

“Why you arranged an invitation?  I assume you or someone else intends to either humiliate me or use me to humiliate another.”

“Interesting.  I actually divested myself of an obligation in the most frustrating way possible for another person.”

“So the latter.”

“Where did they find you?  How long have they been training you to blend in?  You must have been a high ranking servant somewhere.  There’s no possible way they could have started from nothing.  How long has the Inquisition been planning this?”

“They did not find me.  They did not train me.  My mother would be aghast to hear you say such.  I have never been a servant to any house in Thedas.  Feel free to search.  I do believe I already told you I was from Virginia.  As to the Inquisition, you question the will of the Divine Justinia?  It was she who began the Inquisition.  I had no part of it.”

“You are the  _ Inquisitor’s sister _ , after all.”  His tone dripped irony.  He didn’t believe a word I said.

“And you are the  _ Empress’ cousin _ , but I do not assume that you are privy to all her doings.”

“Touché.”  He stood.  “Comport yourself this well, and I shall not be horribly ashamed to admit I presented you.”

“Just a little ashamed?”

“It will be well worth any potential embarrassment.  A bientot,  _ Lady Theneras _ .”  That last held more than a tinge of sarcasm.  Not friends.  Definitely not friends.  But I’m useful to him, for some reason, and so are the rumors.  I think he came back to see if the first time I had manners was a fluke.  Or perhaps to test different scenarios?

Dorian came back into the room after Zatlan showed the Duke out.  “Are you alright?”

“Dulce est desipere in loco.”  It is sweet, sometimes, to play the fool.  Dorian sighed and gave me a hug.  “Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.” I will find a way or make one.  Hannibal said it, once upon a time.

“My dove, your accent is terrible.”

“Sorry.  There are no native speakers left back home.”

“It’s a dead language?”  Shock on his face.

“It’s not dead.  It's in retirement, enjoying lucrative consulting positions in the scientific and medical communities. Other than that, it occasionally goes to church and has an interest in oral sex.”  A quote from somewhere, but I don’t know where.  His mustache twitched, and he smirked.

We returned to our lessons, until lunch.  A change of clothes, and lunch was spent with Alora and Garalen.  Seeing the crest on Duke Cyril’s carriage had made me remember something.  “Garalen, I need some advice.”

“What about?”

“A merchant named Ponchard de Lieux.  He has something I need to acquire, but he won’t sell it.”

“Alright.  What does he have, and why won’t he part with it?”

“He has the Pavus Amulet.  It’s worth a lot to him, if he can use it.  He wants to become part of the Celestine League, but he is lowborn.  I can’t give him that, so he wouldn’t consider giving it to me, I don’t think.”

A familiar voice.  “Perhaps, lovely one, you need only to ask, and someone might acquire it.”

“Zevran?  When did you come in?”

“I arrived this morning.  It was quite interesting providing all my papers.  I had more than usual this time.  My dear Leliana sent a letter of passage.”

“It’s a pleasure to see you.”

“It would be a pleasure to see you, too.”

“You are an incorrigible flirt.”

“Alas, it doesn’t seem to work on you, my dear.”

“I’m already spoken for.  Sit, eat.  Enjoy.”  He did.

“What was that name again, Chrysopal?”

“Ponchard de Lieux.”

“And what did you need?”

“The House Pavus Family Crest.  An Amulet.”

“Interesting.”

“Are you staying?”

“For a week or two, I believe.”

I caught his eye.  “Are you staying,Zevran?”

“There’s a good chance.  A very good chance.  Almost certain.”

“Wolfgang has something for you, then.  When you have a moment.”

His eyebrows went up.  “Who is this Wolfgang?”

“My uncle-by-choice, the smith.”

He asked more questions, but I told him to talk to Uncle Wulf.  After lunch I was hunted up by Leliana of all people.  She’d been listening, or something, to the conversation with the Duke.  I was closely questioned about his facial expressions, body language, and tone.  And she stole Darling again.

Cole appeared during the afternoon.  I handed him a croissant.  “Hello Cole.  I haven’t seen you lately.”

“So many hurts.  Small and large.  Pain in layers.  Ashes and ears, bones and fire.  Chevaliers and rats.  Do you need more hands?”

“More?”

“Like the six, not the one.  There are too many here.  Caution mixed with disgust.  It’d be like fucking a nug, anyway.”

“You’re more disjointed here.  Can I help?”

“You want to help.  Help.  They are still, silent.  Watching.  Promises and help they have, warned away.  Don’t get too close.  But the spirit remembers, and wonders.  The others dream, too, of fear and doubt.  The witch?  Which witch?  Which is which.”

“Cole, I adore you, but you’re not making sense to me.”

He looked at me.  “Two sets of ears.  One to hear and one to listen.”

“Oh!”  This message wasn’t for me.  “Alright Cole.  If you need a sounding board, I’m available.”

“But boards don’t make sounds.  Unless you break them.  Or hit them.  Fingers tapping, making it different, until it’s not a drum anymore.”

“Nevermind, dear.”

“I am dear.  And you are, too.”  He gave me a hug, and slipped off, looking down the hall before leaving.  I looked that way, and only saw a bit of leg slipping into another room.

Another flipping change of clothes, and dinner with Vivienne and the others.  Sam was still out with the non-human members of the inner circle.  Too many courses, too many changes of clothing.  Plans for tomorrow include a visit to one of Vivienne’s acquaintances.  It’s time to “do the rounds”.

Katherine, Vivienne’s secretary, spent about half an hour with me going over procedure and methodology.  What to do if I wanted her to remember something, how to indicate I needed a name, etc.  We’ve been over it before, but it’s a refresher before the big reveal.  I apparently have to be perfect.  Better than the rest if I wish to be taken in any way seriously.  Surprise surprise.

Songtime was in the gardens again.  This time, however, it was at Alora’s fire.  Tents, benches, it was fun.  Dorian joined us, as did Zevran.  A few more daring songs, this time.  Zevran knows some very dirty ditties.  Cara giggled the whole time.

I finally have a clean face.  No makeup.  I’m writing in bed.  Cara and Briri are bustling around doing something in the closet.  Darling has been moved to a basket in Cole’s room.  Cole says, in his own way, that they have conversations.  He’s teaching Darling how the meat world works.  Sam and the others still aren’t back.  It’s been a long day.


	151. Day 10, 4 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bamboo, Coffee in bed, visiting Bluestockings, a freaky teenager, tinikling, and maybe taking this breathing thing more seriously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm editing this because this is important. I have DELETED a comment on this chapter. I accept criticism, and will explain, and will engage. You don't like something? Tell me. Think somethings over a line? Feel free to share. I'm probably not going to change for you, but I will engage with you. What I will not tolerate is disparagement of religious beliefs. Not yours, not mine. Especially not mine. Not every religion is Christianity, or your brand of Christianity, and making fun of or disparaging beliefs you don't understand/like is not acceptable in my playground.
> 
> I have had it pointed out that the information I had put on Tinikling here was no longer here. I deleted it when I put this note regarding belief structures. For an example of Filipino Tinikling, this video is a good start: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TonQH9DjJT8

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 10, 4 Kingsway, 9:41**

I don’t know how long it was before I felt someone stroking my cheek.  “Invite me to your bed, ma’sulahn’nehn.”  I lifted the covers, I think, and he slid in with me, the smell of leather and old books.  And cognac.  He’d been doing magic, or was doing magic.  My dreams were sweet.  Memories in my own space, no visitors, no exploring.  

I woke while it was still dark.  Early, very early.  I slipped out of bed, out of the room.  Elias showed up as I wandered.  “It’s not a good sign when not even your lover can keep you from wandering the night, Chrissy.”

I belted my robe a little tighter, smiling at him.  “Perhaps I just tired him out?”

“It wouldn’t surprise me.”  He didn’t say much of anything else, just followed me about.  I found an interesting storage room off the kitchen.  Unusual ingredients.  And I thought eye of newt was a joke.  A crazy idea.  Crazy.  I'm considering it.  Practical magic is always the best time.

Anyway, after a bit of wandering the halls, I went out to the garden.  Stood on the wall and breathed in.  Still the smell of soot.  Still the smell of the unwashed.  But there was green here.  So much green, when you looked.  And not the tailored lawn to my back.  Trees, in the city.  BIG trees.  Healthy and strong.  Here, they still dream, and hope.  They FEEL.  At least some of them.  At least a little bit.

I went by the orangery, and spotted something I hadn’t noticed before.  Against the wall was ornamental bamboo!  Stalks and stalks of it, growing strong.  Several were long enough.  “Elias, how much do you think it would cost me to get two of those stalks?  Just two of the big ones.”

“I don’t know.  I’ll ask Baxter when he gets up.  Is there anything else you need?  Shall I ask about the paintings too?”

“Don’t be snide, Eli.  If I can get two of those, the height of two men each, I’ll show you what I want them for.”

“I look forward to it.”  He hooked an arm around my neck.  “Come on, you’ve wandered enough.  Back to bed with you.”

“How did you know?”

He shrugged.  “You aren’t as antsy.  More relaxed.  You wouldn’t have been able to sleep if I’d just sent you back to bed.”

“I’m leaking again.”

“I… Leaking?”

“You can feel my emotional state.”

“A little, but I’m supposed to.  Most don’t, I mean. It’s not like it’s everyone.  Just your guards and your close friends.”  He escorted me back to my room, arm still around my shoulder.   “Rest.  Canoodle with your lover.  Don’t come out before sunrise, okay?”

“Bossy.”

“Someone’s got to be.  Go on.”  I did.  Solas was still asleep, or so I thought.  I ensconced myself on the bed, and arms pulled me to him.  Nothing was said, and I was lulled back to sleep with a hand stroking my hair.

I woke to the smell of coffee.  Have I mentioned I adore Garalen?  I ignored the laughter of Ser Elvhen Glory under my head and reached past him for my mug.  Gara was laughing, too.  “No competition for coffee, Ser Solas.”

“Give me that mug, you.”

“Ah, ah, you know how this works.  Out of bed.”  She set the mug down on the dresser, out of my reach, as she wandered out of my sight.

My attention was caught by the man I was sprawled across.  I ran a finger around the collar of the sweater he still wore.  He smiled, a glint in his eye.  “You’d keep me in bed, not get me out of it, Faolan.  We both know it.”

“Still, it is competition for coffee.”  His breath ran over my ear, words nearly silent.  “So do you prefer your coffee warm?  Or we could wait until it is cold…”

“Evil man.  I have to do things with Vivienne this morning.  Play nice.”  I was not quiet, and heard a huff of laughter from elsewhere in the room.

My face flamed, and his look became smug.  “I thought you said you needed to get up?”

“Meanie.  Feels like one of us already is.”  I slid out of bed, reaching for my mug.  “And now both of us.”

He came up behind me, in control of his body once more.  “I should go.”  A quick kiss to my neck, and he murmured “I wouldn’t mind getting you out of bed, either.”

“We are not alone.”

“Which is why I’m leaving, ma’sulahn’nehn.  Don’t let the humans affect you today.”  He lifted my wrist to his lips, grazing his teeth against the sensitive skin.  “You are someone they won’t understand.  Offer them pity, for that lack, instead of hurt, ma’lath.”

“I’ll make the effort, a chuisle mo chroí.”

“What does that mean?”

“Pulse of my heart.  A chuisle mo chroí, amhrán de mo anam, Solas mo oíche.”

He inhaled deeply.  “Tell me what that means.”

“Pulse of my heart, song of my soul, light of my night.  Did you know that your name means light in my grandmother’s language?”

“The things you say in public, ma’nehn.”

“May I ask you something?”  I turned to see him.

He’d put my hand down, turned to leave, but at that he turned back.  “You may always ask.”

I lost my nerve.  When I had turned to look at him, Garalen, Leorah, Cara, and Briri were all in sight.  Not paying attention or anything, because we’d been quiet, but there.  He saw me note them, and smirked again.  “Another time.  When we are alone?”

“Whenever you wish.”  He strode out, nodding at my ladies.  I sipped my coffee.  Love watching him leave.  Those THIGHS.  It doesn’t help that I know he still has my teeth marks on his skin.  There’s something very primal about knowing your lover is marked as such.

In any case, by the time I was done with my coffee and the croissant with cream cheese filling they provided, my clothes were decided upon and ready.  So I was bundled and poked, prodded and primped and painted.  My hair was done up in a complicated knot that swirled with color.

I got to see the result in the mirror this time.  My eyes were pinks and blues to match the gown, with swirls drawn and gems glued to enhance the effect.  All my bits were covered to the collarbone and to the wrist.  Pastels for morning, I suppose.  The really cool thing was that it shimmered while I moved.  Not sure how that happened, because there was no smell/feel of magic.

It was only about nine in the morning when Vivienne came into the parlor I was using as a study.  “Are you ready, my dear Lady Theneras?”  I eyed her, but there were people about.  Probably listening.  I wish I knew what game they were playing with my life this time.

“Nearly so, Madame de Fer.”

I finished writing my sentence and rose.  Vivienne dipped her head slightly, and glided around me.  “Your Leorah is very talented.  Perhaps you would consider allowing her to do some work for me as well?”

“She can work for anyone she pleases, but she commands a very high price for her attention, Vivienne.”

“As is appropriate for your personal stylist, Chrysopal.”

Zatlan showed up with coat, gloves, shoes.  Thankfully he stayed behind to help.  Buttoning the gloves, holding the coat.  Vivienne was helped into her coat as well.  Andrew, Michael, and Gunther were dressed and polished.  “All three of you?”

Andrew just smiled.  “I can’t leave your safety on the streets to just the footmen, Etheling.  We, on the other hand, can protect you.”  He felt worried, despite his calm exterior.

“Andrew…”

“Not here, hon.  But we don’t forget.”

Dorian slipped into the room, as well.  He offered me a florid bow, a cheeky grin on his face.  “Are we gathering here for a reason?  I thought we had people to visit.  I so look forward to dazzling yet another group with my perfection.”

We climbed into a hired carriage, most of us.  My Templars rode.  We didn’t go far.  Maybe 5-10 minutes, max.  As I was handed back out of the carriage, I felt something.  A connection, sudden, firm.  Like it hadn’t existed, and now it reached out and grabbed, holding tight with a sense of desperation.  I looked in the direction of the feeling and there was a young elf.  A boy.  He couldn’t have been more than Iona’s age.  Well, maybe fourteen.  His mouth was open in surprise.  Or shock.  Eyes were wide, almost disbelieving.  Vivienne tried to move us past him, but I evaded her hand.

He wore livery.  Katharine told me he was one of the pages.  “Find out his employment situation.”  I took a step toward the young man and he freaked.  He dropped to his knees, forehead to the ground, and stayed that way.  What the ever loving fuck?  I stepped back, and Dorian stepped up next to me.

Andrew walked over and hauled the boy to his feet, dusting him off.  “Don’t do that.  She doesn’t like that.”  The kid stammered apologies until Andrew shushed him.

I eyed the kid.  “Come here, and tell me your name, young man.”

He was released, and stumbled over.  There was a light in his eyes that made me very uncomfortable.  As bad as Zatlan.  Worse than Zatlan.  “I am Ewan, Lady.”  His voice had a breathy tone.  “You’re really real.  Really really real.”

“Last I checked?”  I looked at Dorian, confused.

“Of course she’s real.  What else would she be?”  He inserted himself between the boy and me.  The kid murmured something, but I didn’t catch it over Dorian’s words.  “Dove, we’re going to be late.  Say goodbye to your new little friend.”

“Goodbye, Ewan.  Have a nice day.”  I tried to look back, but I was herded into the house to play nice with Vivienne’s friends.

Vivienne’s friend was, for want of a better term, a bluestocking.  The morning was spent listening to them speak about some novel they were reading.  Tearing apart the words for hidden meanings.  They were still very stuck, though.  They were talking about hidden things, but the things they were finding were in intent, whether something was metaphor or real.  The curtains were blue because the author was depressed when they wrote it.  No in depth discussion of psychology or the meanings behind the actions.  No discussion of why the author might have chosen that particular medium or phrase or whatever.

The ladies were very nice, but I hadn't read the book.  And I was bored out of my skull.  Dorian held my hand after a little while.  I smiled and listened, paying as much attention as I could to who held what view.  If these are the intellectuals outside of the mages, I fear for the human race.  It’s terrible.  And they think they’re so smart.

Then they moved to more a scientific discussion.  I had hopes, for a moment.  I hadn’t realized, I mean I knew, but it didn’t sink in, that we’d made that much progress in the last three hundred or so years on earth.  One lady started arguing about _how much_ faster a heavier object would fall.  I had to.  I did.  I went to stand, intending show them that an orange and a grape would land on the table at the same time.  Galileo’s famous dinner table demonstration.  Well, I was going to.  Dorian’s hand tightened on mine.  I caught his eyes and he just held them.  Fine.

Luckily, the at-home ended before lunch.  Two hours of mind-numbing “intellectual” discussion, but it was finally over.  I sweetly said goodbye to my hostess and the other guests, who marvelled at how “attentive” I’d been.  My “pretty” manners.  Like I was some sort of fucking pet Vivienne had brought by, trained to smile and nod.   I wanted to rip their hair out by the roots, but I behaved.

The wind, however, was blowing.  Huge gusts.  Skirts going every which way, hair ripped from coifs of a sudden.  But when I felt the wind start, I threw up a barrier.  The wind did nothing to me.  I stood there shaking hands and going through all the social motions as the ladies protected their appearances.  I was pleased to see that Vivienne and Dorian, as well, were unaffected by the winds.

As Michael lifted me into our carriage, Katharine handed me a note.  The boy was not contracted, and could be hired by anyone.  The usual length was two weeks, but shorter and longer timeframes would be considered.  He’d been day-hired by our hostess because she needed the extra hands for the salon.  It had an address and usual prices, as well.  I thanked her as we headed back to our rented villa.  I admit, I was still simmering over the idiot humans.

“Let it go, Dove.”

I looked at him.  “I will not.”

“It won’t change from you being angry right now.”

“It won’t change at all, will it.  That’s what makes me angry.  If I didn’t know some nice humans...”

“Horrible beasties, we are, dearest.”  He was grinning until he saw my face.  “Oh, darling.”

I didn’t say anything else.  Vivienne just looked concerned.  “You were perfect, my dear.  They will remember you with warmth and kindness.”

“The little rabbit that thinks it’s people?”

She kept her face smooth, but her eyes were sad.  “The trick with the wind was priceless.”

“It wasn’t my wind, but I’m not about to let it affect Briri’s work.”

“At least no one but me is going to think it may have been a magical wind.”

“It didn’t really smell like magic.  This place is brighter, but not drastically so.  Certainly not so much that magic drifts on the wind.  If magic it was, it was begun farther away, and the smell had faded.”

“You can smell magic?”  Vivienne’s tone was even, but curious.

“Sometimes.  It depends.”  The carriage had arrived back.  I smiled at her.  “Thank you for an interesting morning, Madame de Fer.”

“You are quite welcome, my dear.”

Gunny was waiting for me at the door of the carriage.  He handed down Vivienne and Dorian first.  Me, he picked up and cuddled.  “Come on, Chrissy.  Let’s get you food and changed,” he said as he set me down.

Zatlan met me at the door.  I handed the note to him.  “I think I need a page, Zatlan.  That one.”

“It shall be done.  Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.  A stressful morning.”  He opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again.  “Can we make sure rest times are built into my schedule?  Please?”  I could feel that he needed reassurance.  Maybe about my mental state, maybe not, but I put my hand to his cheek.  “I’m frustrated, annoyed, a little angry, but not hurt, my own.  I was treated well, generally.  But the humans here make assumptions.”

He put his hand over mine, closing his eyes.  “Thank you.  I will see about this Ewan.  I assume any parents or guardians as well?”

“Yes.  And convince him not to prostrate himself.  He’ll get his clothes dirty if he keeps that up.”  That got a smile as I pulled my hand free.

I ate lunch with Sam and the inner circle.  Sam pulled me aside afterwards to ask why I wanted the weird trees.  “I’ll pay for them, Sam.  I should have enough.  They’re just weird trees.”

“That’s not the point, Chrissy.”

“Dancing, Sam.  I want to dance, and those are perfect.”  His face was adorably confused.  Sera had apparently been listening and wanted to know how I’d dance with sticks twice as big as me.  “How much do you like your ankles?”

“Ankles?  What shit is that?”

“I need two people with a decent sense of rhythm.”  I smiled.  “Sam?”

“Fine…  I’ll get them for you.”  He sighed.

“Thanks, little brother.”  I stood up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek.

I was in the parlor with Alora, who was eyeing my stacks of papers, when Bull comes in, eight foot long bamboo poles on his shoulder.  “Where did you want these?”

“On the garden terrace, please.”

“What are those?” Alora’s tone was curious.

“You’ll see.  Think you can keep up?”

“I can do anything you can do, and I can do it better.”

“I can’t wait to see you glow, then.”

I headed out the door, and she followed me.  “Wait, you can GLOW?”

“Yep.”

“I’m going to have to see that.”

“Tonight, Alora.  I’ll show you tonight, if you wish.  I just need more dark than this.  Remind me.  Do you know if Thedas has Tequila?”

Bull heard that.  “Yep.  Dwarven Anderfels thing.  That’ll put hair on your chest.”

“I don’t want hair on my chest, Bull.”

“Stay away from the Tequila, then.”

Apparently me wanting these things is unusual.  So there were a lot of people on the patio when I got there.  Elias had one of the poles in the air.  It was nearly twice his height.  These things had to be eight foot.  I pulled his head down and told him what I needed him to do.  He moved over to Castien and murmured to him.  Isn’t that interesting.

So anyway, they got the poles set on the ground and sort of practiced against the flagstones.  Once they had a rhythm down, I hiked up my skirts to the knees.  Slipping off my shoes, I looked at Alora.  “Anything I can do, you said.”

“Alright.  Now what?”  She moved to stand next to me.

I set a foot between the moving poles and both guys lost their shit.  “What are you DOING?”  The poles clattered as they were dropped.

“You stopped.”  I caught Elias’ eye.  “Don’t you trust me?”

He eyed Castien, who also picked up the poles again.  Tinikling is apparently not a thing in at least this part of Thedas.  I caught Elias’ worried eyes as he started up again.  Castien was a few steps behind, but they got it together.  Step-step-out, step-step-out.  I’d missed fun things like this.

Alora got her ankle clipped maybe six steps in, and pulled away.  “Fenedhis, that smarts.”

“And they’re not even clacking all that loud.”

Sera stood up from the wall.  “I’ll try it.”

“Come on!”  Sera, apparently, is good at lots of things.  She got the hang of it quickly.  I hadn’t been doing it long, maybe five or six minutes, when my chest started feeling tight.  Hard to breathe.  I slipped back, letting Sera do it alone.  Alora got back into it, and then Bull got in.  He called it “instructive”.  Something about teaching footwork.  He got clapped on the ankle a few times, but didn’t stop.

I was leaning against the building, trying to catch my breath without looking like I was catching my breath, when Solas showed up.  Cole had called him, telling him I was having trouble. Tattletale.  “You have to take it easy, haselan’udh.  You are not yet used to the thicker air.”

“I have to be able to-”  He put a finger to my lips.

“You are so breathy I can barely understand you.  Just breathe for now.  It takes two weeks, or more, to acclimatize, when this happens.  It has only been one.  Give it time.”

Josie shrieked.  Apparently she’d tried and gotten her ankle smacked for it.  Bull and Sam had taken over the poles, and Elias was testing his skills.  They were going faster, the clacking louder.  I think Bull and Sam were trying to make sure caught ankles felt it.

I wish I could show them the music, but I can’t remember enough of it to play it.  They seemed to be having fun enough without.  The real surprise was Briri.  She didn’t even get clapped once.  Her face was flushed and she looked so happy.  Solas even smiled at her, which apparently means a lot to her.

“You should do that more often.”

“What is that?”

“Smile at your Briri.”

“She gets smiles enough.  I would never wish her to think I was flirting.”

“I think she knows you’re taken by now.”

“Taken?”

“Attached.  Not available.  At least, you had better not be.”

“Ah.  Definitely.”

The party broke up after a while, and Gun showed up to where I was leaning.  “I knew she shouldn’t be doing anything.  Is she safe to climb the stairs, or should one of us carry her?”

“SHE is standing RIGHT HERE.”

“Yeah, I know.  Hush.”

Solas cleared his throat.  “She should be fine on the stairs, but I see no reason she could not be carried.  If you think she is in danger of overdoing it.”

“Men.”  I huffed, and suppressed a cough.  That would never do.  I don’t think I fooled Solas, but Gunny was fine.  I did get ensconced in bed for a nap before dinner.  Cara cleaned off my face, putting the little gems away.  I think they’re just glass, honestly, but they glitter.  I hadn’t expected to, but I drifted off.

Garalen had arranged for my poles to be put in my room while I slept.  Not long, just a half hour, she said.  I hadn’t gotten my hair down, so it was a wreck.  Dinner, luckily, was a private affair, so I didn’t have to dress for it.  By which they mean get all fancied up.  So I just brushed everything out and put on something plain.

Songtime went well.  The really odd part was the pair of gleaming eyes over the wall.  I don’t think anyone else saw them, but someone, a _little_ someone, was using my invisible stairs.  When I beckoned, the eyes disappeared.  Ah well.

Renee showed up after the first song with a drink.  She put it in my hand and glared at me until I finished it.  It was obviously some sort of medicine, by the taste.  She gave me fruit juice with a smile afterward.  There’s a healer for you.  “What was that?”

“Something for your chest.”  I just looked at her.  She narrowed her eyes.  “You going to try to tell me you’re fine after this afternoon?”  I looked away.

She put her hand on my shoulder, comforting.  “If it helps, two of the soldiers are having the same symptoms.  Your young gentleman calls it valley sickness?  And Dorian affirms the danger.  We’re watching all of you closely.  Dorian says this happened to you last time, as well?  If your fingers or lips turn blue, or if you start coughing, tell someone immediately.  We may have to get you back up the mountain a bit, quickly.  One of the Skyhold servants has already been returned home, and is doing fine now.  The Inquisition should have picked a lower stronghold.”

Songtime continued, and we all meandered off to bed afterward.  Vivienne handed me a book on the theory of befriending spirits?  I didn’t even know that was a thing.  “Since you seem to have done so, you might wish to look into doing it safely.”

“Thank you, Vivienne.  I appreciate it.”

“I will give you two days before quizzing you on the contents, my dear.  Unless you think you need more time?”

“That should be fine.”

That means she’s read this.  And still worries about possession?  How interesting.  It was Solas’ turn to have me in his room, so that’s where I went once I was dressed for bed.  His door was closed.  For fun, I slid my fingers gently over his thread.  I may have been using techniques I should have refrained from...  The door opened quickly.  “You will push too far.”

“You always say that.”

He’s letting me write, but he’s watching me.  Again.  And I just remembered I never showed Alora that I can glow.


	152. Day 11, 5 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An altercation in the fade, an argument with Solas. Annoying mornings, and lovely afternoons. PANTS.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 11, 5 Kingsway, 9:41**

I finished my journalling and he was still watching me.  “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Watch me so carefully.”

“Expressions flit across your face, barely there.  Tiny movements of your lips, the tip of your tongue between your teeth.  The air shifts with your emotions.”

“I’m failing to guard my expressions.”  I felt like sighing, and found myself scanning the room before I did.  “I can’t afford to relax here.”

“They are barely there, as I said.  If I blinked, they would be missed.”  His thumb brushed my cheek, back and forth.

I tugged at his shoulder, putting his head in my lap.  Touch soothes more than others, it soothes me.  So I did.  Touch, I mean.  Stroking his face and head, the back of his neck.  I left his ears alone.  He let me do just that a long while, then tucked us into his bed.

I woke in the fade. Not where I expected to be in the fade.  I was not in the villa.  The walls were unfamiliar, strange.  Not quite square, not quite grey.  Just a little off, like a poor copy.  I found myself on a fairly elegant bed, fully dressed in something I didn’t own.  I scrambled off in a hurry, looking around.

The room was empty, it seemed, except for the phantom furniture.  A bed, a dresser, a mirror?  A little table with what looked like roses in a vase.  If roses had tentacles.  No door.  I looked in the mirror.  A human face looked back at me, superimposed on an elven face, blended somehow with more faces, more races.  More and more of them, like every possible being I could be in the multiverse.  I touched my face, and a thousand arms moved.

A thought crossed my mind, and I put my fingers to the surface of the mirror.  Firm, solid.  This one, right now, wasn’t a passageway.  I went around again, double-checking for doors, windows.  Even mouseholes.  Nothing.  I was in a solid room, as off-kilter as it was.  I tried to wake up, and DIDN’T.

My hands started to shake.  I kept myself calm, ish, but if it hadn’t been the fade, I would have been breathing heavily.  I went through the room again, looking for any way out.  Becoming more agitated.  I was investigating a morphing painting, hoping that one of the pictures was somehow a door when a voice spoke.  “You have arrived.”  I whirled around, putting space around me so I could move if necessary.  A spirit in chevalier armor.  My eyes narrowed.  I knew it.  ASS.  Ancient spirits are ASSES.

It took a step toward me.  Bed, dresser gone, fireplace, rugs, arrived.  I stepped back, slipping into a slight crouch like I’d been taught, and felt my staff form in my hand.  I was trapped, and a potential enemy with power enough to hurt me was coming toward me.  Integrity stopped still.  “Release me.”  I am not pleased with the shaky tone I had.

“Welcome to my domain, Lady.”

“Release.  Me.”  I moved my staff to a ready position.  That tone was firmer, more real.  Less fear. More anger.

“You would attack me?”

“I will NOT be your prisoner!”  I was finally steady.

“Prisoner?”

“LET ME OUT!”

“Calm down, my lady, calm-”  It took two steps toward me, catching me in its arms.  Looking back, it wasn’t doing anything to hurt me.  Not assaulting, not attacking, but not understanding, either.  It was treating me like a delicate hysterical woman, not like anything else.  However, I clouted it on the shoulder with my staff, because visions of an opera house swam in my head.  I don’t react well to being trapped, confined.  Grabbed.

“NO!”  I shoved the memory at it, as hard as I could.  THIS Chevalier would not touch me.  There would be no bruises, not this time. The fade is a reflection of emotion and memory.  Anger and fear swirled and I surged out of the fade, slamming into my body, sitting straight up.  Ending up kneeling, if I was to be honest.

Solas immediately reached for me, but I evaded his hands as I stood.  I needed to MOVE.  I paced rapidly in the small space.  After only a few minutes I slowed, arms wrapped around my middle.  I stared into the fire, stopping.  I’m ashamed that I flinched when a hand touched me.  “It’s me, ma’nehn.  Just me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What happened, Chrysopal?  Why do you shake so?”

“Nothing happened.  Not really.”

“Emily Lynne, ma’lath…”

“I’m sorry.”

“There is no need.”

“I have to go back.”

Solas turned white.  Seriously white.  His face became perfectly smooth.  “You said you can’t go back.  You wouldn’t want to.”

It took me a moment to understand.  “Back to the FADE.  Sleep?  I CAN’T go back to earth, and you know it!  And why.”  I know I was glaring at him.  I sighed, turning away from him, still with my arms wrapped around me.  “There is no place to go but here.  I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

I spread my metaphorical fingers over my threads, calming them.  Sending soothing feelings.  It was just a bad dream, after all.  I don’t even have to open my SELF to do this any more.  I don’t know if that’s good or bad.  I even tried to soothe Solas’ thread, but it wouldn’t soothe.  It was the only one that wouldn’t soothe.

“What happened.”  There was a hint of steel in the voice.  I’d never heard that before.

“Fucking Integrity doesn’t appear to have any, that’s what.  And I’m going to have to deal with it.”

“Do you need me to-”

“That would make it worse, Solas.  That’d really make me a scared little rabbit, wouldn’t it?  Going running to whichever big strong man I’m currently-”  I cut myself off.  “I’m sorry again.”

“Calm, Vhenan.”  He reached out to me again, and this time I didn’t flinch.  “You are agitated under the surface.  More than this.  What is wrong?”

“I don’t know.  It trapped me.  I was trapped in a little room in the fade that belonged to someone else, I’m trapped in Orlais, I’m trapped in the role I have to play for the next two weeks.  Part of that is _your_ fault.”

“Mine?”

“You told them I had a last name.  Elves don’t have last names.  You know that.  You don’t, the others don’t.  Clan names, guild names.  Me?  I’m different.  Again.  A hundred voices calling me by yet another name that’s not mine.  So many names, and none of them is me.  None of them me.  Just another face wearing someone else’s words, another mirror reflecting someone else’s dreams.  I hope you had fun setting me up.  I know Sam had fun with naming me Trevelyan.”

Steel hands grasped my waist and I found myself under him on the bed, wind nearly knocked out of me.  A barrier slammed down around us.  He was above me, so tense he nearly vibrated, eyes sparking wildly inside.  I didn’t feel in any way unsafe, surprisingly.  I felt safer than I had all evening.

“First thing, ma’lath, in this argument.”  I admit I was startled out of whatever mood had been spiralling worse.  His voice was way too soft.  “Do I have your attention?”  I didn’t say anything, but I didn’t move.  I’d never seen this side of him, and I was wary.  “Good.  I have never, at any point, made an effort to ‘set you up’, as you put it.  For anything.”

I opened my mouth to respond and he put two fingers across it.  He watched my eyes as he did so. “No.  I am not ready to hear your voice yet.”  He nearly growled it.  “Second thing.  I did not realize that these-”  His lips curled a moment, and then he took a breath.  “I did not realize that these people would hurt you for having another name.  That the name would hurt at all.”  He pushed his fingers against my lips, reiterating that he wanted me quiet.

“Lastly, I regret pushing at you when you were unsettled, scared.  I know better than most that cornered creatures lash out.”  He moved his fingers away from my lips slowly.  “Now it is your turn to speak.  Not yell, not berate, but speak.  Tell me why you are upset, what you think, feel.”

“I’m sor-”  His fingers crossed my lips again.

“I did not request an apology.  Do not apologize.  Talk to me.  Why are you so upset?”

“I don’t really know.  I’m frustrated.  Irritable.  I feel confined.  Trapped, exposed.  All at the same time.  I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

“How many names are you called now?  Not including endearments, Emily Lynne.”

“Chrysopal is mine.  Ethelathun, Lady Trevelyan, Lady Theneras, Etheling…  When I list them they aren’t so many.”

“Enumerating things can make them more manageable.”  He settled himself more firmly over me.  “Now, vhenan, I want a kiss.  You are calmer.  Then we will discuss what to do next.”  He lowered his head, brushing his lips against mine.  Soothing, not ardent or anything.  “You have to go back to the fade, you said.”

“I have to deal with Integrity, who doesn’t have any.”

“Shhh, your anger is rising again.  What happened?”

“I woke in the fade in strange clothing, a strange room.  There were no doors, windows, other exits.  Then it showed up.  Walked right through its wall.  When it came toward me I told it to let me out.  It grabbed me, telling me to calm down.  I hit it and I woke up.  I hadn’t been able to wake up before that.  I’d tried.”

“I see.  Hit it?  With what?”

“My staff.”

“You had your staff?”

“It came to my hand.”

A smirk flashed across his face and was gone.  “I see.  I can ensure that you have time to recover from your ordeal.  Until you are secure in yourself.  Without interference from others.”

I reached up to touch his face.  He sighed and leaned into my hand.  “No, Solas.  I have to do this on my own.  I can’t hide, even for a bit, or I lose the strides I have made.”  His lips kissed my wrist.  I pushed at him and he rolled to his back, off of me.  I took the opportunity to snuggle, and he in no way objected.

“If you need me, call me.”

“If I truly have need, you’re at the top of my list.”  Eventually I slipped back to sleep.  The fade was normal.  I was in the villa, where I expected to be.  With the people I expected to be with.  And the rest of the night was undisturbed by strangers.  I didn’t tell anyone else about what had happened.

I woke to sunlight in my face.  Alone in the room.  I meandered back to mine and was harnessed into a fancy dress.  Lovely, I admit.  I had visitors coming this morning, and a ride through the park was planned for the afternoon.  Dinner was to be informal, at least.  At least I had a few hours at lunch and a few hours in the afternoon for me things.

I did paperwork after breakfast.  Alora actually helped.  If she’s a spy, then I’m screwed, but I don’t think so.  She asked in depth questions, prodded my reasoning, made suggestions.  She has leadership skills I don’t, so I listened.  Didn’t always do what she wanted, but I listened.

Janet came by with another nasty potion and a glass pitcher of fruited water about an hour in.  Darling is definitely bigger.  Heavier in my lap.  I asked if he was eating, and he indicated he was.  A lot.  Apparently my little desire demon has a desire for food as well as cuddles.

Or he’s just trying to get bigger so he can change shape.  I’ve gotten a lot better at the pictures in light thing Vivienne taught me, so I ransacked my brain for pictures of mouth anatomy.  Throat anatomy.  Vocal chords.  Musculature of a human face, the skull.  I think I know more about the human body than I thought.  I kept the pictures on my lap, so the average person walking in wouldn’t see them.

Zatlan ushered a lovely young woman into my parlor midmorning.  I recognized her face from Vivienne’s tutoring.  Innocencia de Rougé-Bellière, the daughter of a minor noble.  I stood to greet her, and she dipped into a curtsy.  A bit of a surprise, and she just stayed there.  Alora just arched a brow at me.  Alora played with a dagger.  “You’re not supposed to stay down there long enough to sniff her crotch.  Or is that what you were going for?”

Lady De Rougé-Bellière stood straight up.  Her mask hid her expressions, but she was obviously sneering.  I routed that quickly.  “Good morning, my dear.  How do you do this fine day?”  As I spoke, two more ladies were escorted in.  An older one, Innocencia’s mother, an Antivan born named Tatiana.  The other was a lady I hadn’t met or seen before.  Both dipped very shallow curtsies, then stood.  I just nodded at them.

The ladies were introduced to me, but I don’t remember that one’s name.  We devolved into pleasantries, where they poked and prodded at my composure.  The masks are irritating, like talking to mannequins or paintings.  Very disconcerting.  If the body language wasn’t so obvious, it would be difficult to determine meaning.  And the masks aren’t as useful as they think they are.

I kept the conversation in acceptable lines, mostly by ignoring anything I found offensive or intrusive.  Then sweetly smiling if they were confused.  Josie came in about twenty minutes in, and greeted Tatiana as a friend.  The roomed warmed considerably at that point.

One of my human Ethelathians was apparently the designated maid today.  She brought in tea and little sandwiches.  Alora sat right down with us to chat and eat.  Josie included her in the conversation naturally.  The visitors, though, were still freaking out over the human servant serving my elven self.  Politely, but still.  It pissed off the servant.  I didn’t know her name.  After I had pointedly ignored any questions about it, she stood erect instead of the servant stoop.  “You have something to say, servant?”

“Yes.  This is my lady, and I will not serve any who disrespect her in any way.  That is my choice.”  It was said quietly and respectfully.  No issue could be taken with her tone.  She turned and curtsied.  “I will send in another, my lady, if you wish.”

I kept my face smooth, but stroked her thread.  She didn’t “feel” it, but you could tell she felt my approval.  “That’s perfectly alright…”  I remembered her name, “Frances.  I will handle the pouring and we can have someone pick up the tray later.”  She beamed that I had both backed her up and used her name, then left.

Darling, that darling, came ambling out behind the desk I was using.  Little blue hairy cute thing with horns.  I took a page out of Leliana’s book.  I cooed at him.  “Come here baby.  I want to show you off.”  He hesitated a moment, obviously not expecting that tone out of me.  I dropped the tone.  "Please?"  He saw that I was unhappy.

I lifted him to my lap and the girls cooed at him too.  “He’s so adorable!”  “What is it?”  “Where did you get it?”

“This, ladies, is the extremely rare miniature hairy nugalope.  He truly is adorable.  There are no others like him in Thedas.  Truly unique.”

“Where did you get it?”  Lady Tatiana repeated herself with a verbal sneer.

“My Darling came from home to this inhospitable climate.  And I adore him for it.”

“Hmmm.  How much would one of those be purchased for in your land?”

“Purchased?  You can’t purchase these, my lady.  You can only bond with them.  Darling is smarter than any other creature you might let adorn your lap.  Easily as smart as a Halla.”  Darling lifted his snout to look at me, miffed.  “Sorry dearest.  Smarter. He's my friend, not a possession..”

“Somehow I doubt that fuzzy thing is in any way intelligent. And Halla are nothing more than pretty deer. I don't understand the obsession."

“It doesn’t surprise me that someone like you wouldn’t understand the intricate bond between Darling and myself.”  I smiled again, as if oblivious to the potential insult in my words.  Tatiana had been looking for reasons to be offended, and had deliberately disparaged Darling.  This was not a good morning.

Josie smoothed everything over, again, and the rest of the visit went tolerably well.  I guess.  It was with a breath of relief that I saw them out of the door.  Josie also said farewell after saying she thought it was a good first contact.  Darling went off with Cole, who appeared the moment Josie left and gave me a hug.  Then Alora turned to me, eyes glinting.  “Let’s get you out of those fusty things and into some real clothes.”  Made my frickin’ day, I’m telling you.

We went out to her tent and she helped me out of the constricting thing I was wearing.  Then she handed me leather pants that laced up the sides (so they fit anyone!) and a billowy shirt.  Real clothes.  I hadn’t worn pants in forever.  We also washed my face.  Well, I washed my face.  Sort of.  If you consider magically removing the gunk washing.

“I have some sort of riding thing this afternoon.”

“Yep.  I put it on your schedule so they would actually let you do it.”  She also handed me some of my own slippers, leather.  She’d been planning it.  The rest of the day, until the bells tolled four, was spent meandering.  We skipped down the invisible stairs and wandered.  

Brightly colored market stalls and strange foods.  Smiles and happiness from the groups we met.  Here, they see humans rarely.  My face is the strange one.  I’m shorter than they are, and a bit more jiggly.  But they aren’t as emaciated as elsewhere.  Alora introduced me to a thousand names, a thousand faces, as just “my friend, Chrissy”.  Okay there weren’t that many, but it was wonderful.

I saw three venadahl, all healthy and strong.  Bits of cloth hung in the branches.  Children played beneath the bare limbs.  The elderly gossiped on the moss surrounding the trunk.  It was wonderful, except when a chevalier came through.  Then we scattered.  They walked through empty streets, silence in the air.  Afterwards, everyone returned to what they were doing.  Not any cessation of merriment.  Like everything hit pause, then everything restarted.

When the bells rang, she twined through the twisted alleyways back to my staircase.  “Up you go.  I have stuff, so I’ll see you later, for songtime.”  She stopped as she turned away.  “Can I bring friends?”

“Duh.  You better.”  She grinned at me, and then left.  I skipped up the stairs back to my burdens and duties.

Cara and Leorah bundled me back into fanciness for dinner, but I didn’t mind so much.  I was a bit lighter.  I got to sit with Dorian, and Frances was one of the servers.  I smiled at her, and she blushed and grinned.  Dorian leaned down after she left.  “Flirting with the staff?  I thought you were part of a mated pair?”

“No, you.  She stood up to some nobles this morning on my behalf.  Impressed the hell out of me.  Polite, well spoken, and did a mini-shunning, refusing them her service.  I was so very proud of her.”

“Interesting, my dove.  You do seem better this evening than last.”

“I am.  I’m not looking forward to bedtime, though.”

“Trouble in paradise, darling?”

“What?”

“Your bald hobo misbehaving?”

“Oh!  Not that I’m aware of.  I just have to deal with Integrity that isn’t on the other side.”

“Integrity that isn’t?”

“A spirit who isn’t very nice.  I’m going to have to smack it, I think.  I don’t like doing that. Especially since it is likely to hit back.

He blinked.  Like three times.  Then calmly reached out, acquiring his goblet of wine.  “Don’t like.”  He took a rather large, indecorous gulp.  “Do you often smack spirits about in the fade?”

“Only when they threaten.  And usually verbally.”

“Usually.”

“Yes.”

“Do you never do things the normal way?”

“Define normal, my love.  For what I am.  Your frame of reference is human.  This is me, darling.  Do I look human to you?”

“I didn’t mean it that way, Chrissy.  It was just a surprise.  Most mages hide, run, withstand spirits and demons.  You-”

Varric was on my other side, and was listening.  “I’ve been meaning to ask about that.  You aren’t human.”  He looked around the table, but Inquisibabe was at the other end, in an involved conversation with several of the inner circle.  Sera had skipped off after the first course was “icky”.  Cassandra and Leliana were in close discussions.  Everyone but us three were otherwise occupied.  “You don’t exactly look like the other elves, either.”

“Solas can confirm that he knows exactly what I am, having rebuilt me, as he says.”

“You’re good at that.”  He lowered his voice a bit, so we three leaned in to hear each other.  “I asked a friend of mine to find out who the queen of the fae was.”

“Oh, and did this friend learn anything of interest?”

“There are legends of faery queens.  Little bitty faeries.  With wings.  Other kinds that are bigger.  They say they’re children’s stories, but they’re really gruesome.”

“Faery tales are fabulous.”

“They’re not nice.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

“And to whom are they not nice?  The ones who follow very reasonable rules, act with respect, treat others with kindness… or those who do not?  Who rape, murder, invade others’ homes, betray alliances?”

“Yeah.  Exactly.”  He went back to eating.  Like he’d made some sort of point.  Strange dwarf.

Dorian just looked at him, looked at me.  “Dove?”

“I’ve been told I’m an elf here, Dorian.  You yourself said so.  I look like an elf.  I smell like an elf.  You know this. I have no wings, and I am not a queen.  But I’ve also been told I’m not a mage quite often, so there is that.”

That tickled him, and he smiled.  “What you are, my dove, is delightful.”

The rest of the evening was quiet.  Songtime was bigger.  Not in the gardens, but in the little courtyard at the bottom of the stairs.  Alora hadn’t told them how to get up here.  Not sure why.  But there they were, maybe twenty, with blankets and such, sitting on the cobbles.  Some wore vallaslin, and some did not.  I sat on the wall, legs dangling.

Just a few songs.  Then something from below I hadn’t heard.  An elvish song?  Something only from Halamshiral?  It thrummed and twined, multiple voices, a mix of trade and something else.  It sounded elvish.  Here they are, and here they will stay.  Halamshiral, the end of the journey.  I’d never heard it before.

We ended on We Shall Overcome, like usual.  But the elves here weren’t as into that as mine.  They seem more attuned to Blowing In The Wind, the Sound of Silence.  Things about enduring, not overcoming.  They are who they are.  They’ve found their home, and won’t leave.  I can respect that.  But the strains of We Shall Overcome still float over the city.  And they can change things in place, if they wish.

Solas escorted me to my rooms, and left.  He didn’t get back until I was almost done with this entry.  He looks displeased about something, but I don’t think it has anything to do with me.


	153. Day 12, 6 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wards for real, correspondence, Zevran, and dinner parties. A busy day.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 12, 6 Kingsway, 9:41**

Lessons after journalling, yay!  I kid, really.  Wards are interesting.  It’s like sculpting.  And I’m really bad at art.  Solas drilled me over and over on two wards in particular.  Keep-away and I See You.  No, that’s not what he called them.  But that’s what they are.  The eyes let you know when someone gets too close, and the sharp points make people not want to be near.

Most wards are actually for protection, and he’ll get to those.  I had to know these today, apparently.  I don’t know why.  I’ve got them around my doors and windows.  I can even detect Cole, who was kind enough to test my wards for me.  At Solas’ request.  Solas just looked so…  I can’t say he looked unhappy or worried, but he was definitely displeased.  And he won’t talk about it, just steered me back to practice.

In any case, I have two wards I’m okay at, because crash course.  I mean, we’d looked at them a little bit, but not like this.  Wards are less desireable in some ways because they’re set in place.  They make reality uncomfortable in a specific fashion in a particular spot.  To make you not want to be, look, explore THAT PLACE or provide a particular feeling, like of being watched, or trapped (those taffy pools), or something.  Barriers, in contrast, are more mobile and less permanent.  They require refreshing, or you have to power them somehow. They aren’t bending reality.  Exactly.

So now my temporary room is extremely spikey and looking at everyone.  I’m still not sure why this was important.  But Solas actually slept instead of meditating.  And I didn’t get to sleep until half past midnight.

One odd part is that the spikes are in the fade, too.  And the eyes.  Looking out, not in.  And in the fade, they blink and glance about.  Creepy as hell, but kind of cool.  Like I’ve fortified a small space for myself, and something’s watching over it.

The spikes don’t affect MY fade dudes, though.  They’re hanging out like they aren’t bothered at all.  The only thing:  there are like three wisps.  Did I somehow make the wisps into eyes, or did the eyes scare them away?

Weirdest thing of the evening:  Valor painted its fingernails.  It wanted to be pretty.  Most people would have taken off their helmets and done stuff to their hair or face (if Valor has a face), but it removed its gauntlet and painted its nails.   It does have hands, obviously.  I’m not sure if I should be worried about the effect Orlais is having on Valor or not.

Morning arrived too soon.  I haven’t seen Solas in the fade for almost a week.  I wonder what he’s up to.  He was gone when I awoke, but there was a sprig of meadowsweet on my pillow.

Leorah and Cara got me primped for the day.  Paperwork was actually on the schedule, then a walk in the park to be seen.  The first dinner party was this evening.  Sam and his advisors went to one, and I was stuck going to another.  I’m not part of the delegation, after all, and my place is different.  I’m here to be rubbed in someone’s face.  I still don’t know WHO, though.  Just that they had a hold on Duke Cyril.

My paperwork was mostly letters.  Tarvin, Sarel, and Cyrren had sent information and requests.  And some extra things to be sent around.  Halton’s handling that with Eustace’s help.  Tarvin has apparently sent some letters introducing me and Ethelathe to his “friend” in Amaranthine.  I’m getting a little leary of all these introductions.

I got a formal thank you note from Teryna Cousland.  She loves the pillow especially.  She’d never seen one in that shape.  Maybe that’s something else I should market.  Personal notes from Jack and Merrill, a really long letter from Laura.  She’s disappointed she won’t see me “this trip”, but tells me to be careful and “watch their eyes”.  Looks like she really is in training.

Lunch showed up as Katharine briefed me on what the customs were for walks in the park.  Nothing I hadn’t read in Victorian romances, really.  I’d have Cara, a footman, and one guard with me.  A Hessarian.  I didn’t know the face.

Gunny, though, refused to leave me in the care of a Hessarian guard, so he dressed up in surprisingly fancy clothing and went with me.  He’s had a bit of a distrust of them since the Opera Incident.  Gunther’s a superfluous son, he says, but he knows how it’s done.  I didn’t ask any questions due to the shadows in his eyes.  What kind of person lets their kid think that he’s extra and unwanted?  SO not cool.

We strolled for a good hour, our little group.  After a few minutes of silence, I had to start SOME sort of conversation.  “So how did your first few riding lessons go?”  And Cara turned crimson.  Oh-ho!  She confessed she was very interested in Josren.  She gushed about him for half the time.  And we talked about romance in general other than that.  All public-safe conversation, of course.  She was so adorable, blushing and giggling like that.

I spotted a familiar blonde head leaning against a tree in the park.  After he caught my eye, he slipped behind the tree in question.  I was curious about what Zevran wanted, so I nudged Gunther that way.

Behind the trees was a duck-pond, with a few strange-looking geese.  They had teeth?  On their beaks?  Don’t want to get too close to those, that’s for sure.  They were kind of pretty, but rather disconcerting.  There was no one bipedal about, though I could see a few nannies with obviously high-born children over on the other side.  If outfits were anything to go by.  And the whole elven woman in charge of multiple human children thing sort of gives it away, too.

Hits too close to home, in some ways.  Mammies are an unpleasant piece of American history.  One race considered less, but still, they’re good enough to watch the children.  To be mommy in most ways, until the child grows up enough to despise the person they once cuddled with and showed their accomplishments to.  Whose approval they sought.

“Ah, that would be the life.  Nothing to worry about other than taking care of children.  Food, a good bed.  Much better than almost anything else.  Maybe you have to suffer the master of the house, but at least you are warm, no?”

“That is true, Zevran.”  I turned to look at him.  “What did you need of me?”

“Need?  Nothing.  I do, however, intend to be serving this evening.  I would appreciate you not giving me away.”

“I will do my best.  Wait, you know that the Inquisitor will be at a different dinner, yes?  Are you sure you will be serving at mine?”

“I am.  I think I would know where I intend to be.”  We all started wandering the edge of the pond.  There was enough space in this part of the park to move freely and generally unobserved.  Zevran pulled me aside to walk.  The Hessarian stayed far enough to pretend he didn’t hear us talking.  Gunther went over and played with the children.

“I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“Do not be concerned, dear woman.  I took no offense.”

“Zevran, who do you think I should talk to about Ponchard de Lieux?”

“That depends, my dear.  What do you want done with him?”

“I want something he has, and he has to survive giving it to me.  Didn’t I tell you this already?”

“Perhaps.  Why do you need this thing, Chrysopal?”

“To heal a heart.”

“Yours?”

“No, Zevran.  Not mine.”

“Who is this Pavus?  A lover?  Your tall bald one?”

“Actually, no.  A dear friend.  Closer to me than I ever expected on such short acquaintance.”

“The tevinter mage, then.  Your Uncle, Wulfgang.  He is not an elf, and he is very robust for his age.”

“He’s a sweetie.”

“I would not have called him such.  However, he showed me the armor you had commissioned.  Made some adjustments.  I do not understand.”

“What’s to understand?  Are you so bad at accepting gifts?”  It’s not my fault that I’ve wanted to put Thranduil’s armor on Zevran.  Ever since I saw it.  I mean, a girl can look, right?

“But I have done nothing.”

“You walked with the Warden.  That’s enough.  That you are single-handedly managing the organization situation is remarkable, too.  But you needed something that says Shadow.”

“What is your interest in the Crows, Chrysopal?”

“None.  Have I ever asked you even one question about them, Zevran?  Have I ever intruded upon your personal or professional life?”

“Which is very unusual, you must understand.”

“Are we going to do this now?  Here?”

“No, no, of course not.  You answered every question I put to you, for days, even.  It was quite surprising, your patience.”  I sighed.  “And I have pushed too far. Let me escort you to your handsome companion.  Tell me, is he attached?”

“He’s not the attachment type, Zevran.  He prefers to sleep alone.  He would be uncomfortable at the attention.”

“I… see.”

He didn’t look like he saw, but hey, Gunny can take care of himself.  Zevran handed me off and we all meandered our way back to the house.  Leorah immediately tucked me into bed for a nap before dinner.  I was going to be up very late, she said.

The dinner party.  I don’t even know how it went.  Fair? Good? Awful? Who knows. We were all leaving at the same time, but Sam and the inner circle were headed off one way, and I was going another.  Alone, nearly.  Katharine was coming.  Michael was escorting me as my “plus one”.  Elias was coming as a footman.  That would give him an excuse to talk to the other “servants” and stay nearby just in case.  That’s it.  That’s all.

I was taken in a hired carriage to one of the mansions on the other side of the little human alienage.  As it pulled up, Michael picked up my hand.  “You can do this.  You’ve been doing this.”

“That doesn’t mean I like it.”

“I know.  But you will do fine.  They’re not going to like you, but you can make them acknowledge you.  Us.  Ethelathe.”  He was right.  I firmed my lips, took a deep breath, and nodded.  And he escorted me to the doors.

They opened at the first pull of the bell, and a tall human in formal clothing looked down his nose at me.  He sniffed, holding out his hand.  Katharine put my invitation in it.  “Lady Theneras né Trevelyan?”

I just lifted my chin.  He’d gotten it wrong.  Probably on purpose.  Katharine corrected him.  “Lady Chrysopal Theneras of Ethelathe, Lady of House Trevelyan, Most Honored Ethelathun, Chatelaine of Skyhold.”

He sniffed again.  I met his gaze and waited.  He bent first.  “Greetings, Lady Chrysopal.”  He bowed, looking like it hurt him.  He had to bow to at least the Lady of House Trevelyan.  “Welcome.”  I’m assuming he was a butler.  I nodded at him and Michael led me inside.

And that’s when Vivienne’s machinations bore its first fruit.  Brilliant woman.  The lady of the house was none other than Tatiana de Rougé-Bellière.  She’d been a sourpuss at our little at-home, but here she practically gushed.  “My dear Chrysopal, I’m so glad you could come to my little party!  Come, come, I’ll introduce everyone.”  And she did, bragging that she was the first lady I’d hosted in Orlais.  I was apparently someone people just HAD to meet.

Most were polite.  There were probably thirty there, with an equal mix of male and female.  I was the only non-human, and an oddity.  My lichtenberg scars drew gasps and way too many touches.  And questions.  Intrusive questions.  Several asked where I was from, which I answered that I was originally from Virginia, but lately called Skyhold home.

Dinner was a full eight courses, and I felt like a bug under glass.  They watched me eat, looking for flaws, I suppose.  The food was adequate, the setting opulent but uninspired.  It was the third course that Zevran was part of serving.  I didn’t “notice” him until Tatiana ran her hand over his rear end at the table and pointed his attractiveness out.  She spoke about him as if he were…  The words “a fine specimen” actually crossed her lips.  It took effort to keep my face smooth.  Based on the continued pushing of the subject, I succeeded.  He was the second person she'd done it to, but the first elf.  


“Oh, dear Chrysopal, don’t you agree?”

I looked him up and down, since I was supposed to.  Dabbing the napkin at my lips.  “He is a touch blond, dear lady.  I prefer red hair.  But I’m certain he is a smart and capable individual.  At least, he did not spill the soup.”

Her eyes narrowed a touch at being thwarted in her teasing, but her lips smiled.  His eyes danced in mirth.  “I’m sure he is.  Go on, back to your duties.”  Zevran sketched a quick bow and beat feet.  I didn’t see him the rest of the evening, but the other serving elves started being more careful with my portions.  There were two sauces that Michael and I received none of, oddly.  It was done in such a sly fashion I don’t think my fellow diners noticed.

After a chilled fruit dessert, we ladies excused ourselves to the parlor.  Well, Tatiana excused us to the parlor.  I finally got a chance to ask about her daughter, who wasn’t present.  She is “too young” to participate in such late entertainment.  After a very few minutes, we were joined by the gentlemen.  A few rounds of conversation, and the rest of the evening commenced.

Apparently there was to be dancing.  Funfun.  As the space was cleared and some human masked people settled with instruments, a gentleman walked up to me.  “Is this your first time at one of these little soirees, my dear?”

“My first with Lady de Rougé-Bellière, to be sure.  It’s quite entertaining.”

“Hmmm.  How long did it take?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“How long have you been in training to function in society?  Is this some sort of plot on Trevelyan’s part?”

“Oh, of course.  Lord and Lady Trevelyan decided ever so long ago that they needed to train up some random elven girl just in case someday the sky split in two and their son became the Inquisitor.  They are such visionaries, are they not?”

“You dare mock me?”

“Mock you?  Certainly not.  I thought you were having a jest.  Was I mistaken?”  I kept my face innocent.  Pleasant, just like a customer service representative.

Michael showed up a moment later, asking for a dance.  I managed to escape the man for a time. During the next set, though, I was again left alone, and the same man returned.  “You play a dangerous game, little rabbit.”  He reached out a finger and I moved just far enough that it would be TOO far to reach in society.  “Running?  I love a chase, especially with such unique prey.”

“Oh, I have no intention of running, nor of being prey.”

“You better run, little rabbit, before the big bad wolf catches you.” 

That made me actually smile, which seemed to surprise him.  “And you think  _ you  _ are the wolf?”  


I must have used my creepy smile, because he moved back a good six inches and swallowed.  “Perhaps.”

“How adorable.  Wolves, my dear Marquís, are quite the symbol to the elves.  Are you sure you want to claim to be one of our creatures?”

He stiffened at my words.  “Our creatures.  What interesting phrasing.”

A jovial but familiar voice came up behind me.  “Marigny, I see you’ve met my lovely friend.”  Duke Cyril stepped up next to me, joining the conversation.  “What’s this about wolves?”

I smiled genuinely at him.  We aren’t friends, but we are not enemies.  We are useful to each other.  “The Marquís believes himself the stuff of fairy stories and legends.  I look forward to the tales told of his deeds and bravery.  Do you know him well?”  Take that.  Didn’t refute it, but implied it hadn’t happened yet, and I was awaiting proof.

“Well enough.  How goes the evening, Marigny?”

“Very well, your grace.”  The man looked a bit more flustered now.  I suddenly look like I have connections.  Between Lady Rougé-Bellière, Duke Cyril, and Sam, I appear to be well-ensconced.  He made his apologies and moved off to ask a lady to dance.

The Duke had actually heard I played cards, and wanted me as a fourth for a game.  There was another lady, I can’t remember her name without seeing her face, and another gentleman.  They had to teach me the rules, but I was competent in a few hands, and took care not to beat them soundly.  I knew our modern games were variations and additions to previous games, but it seems that they are also more complicated in rule.  Just a natural progression, not any sort of issue with the original game.

We had pleasant conversation on general topics, the men mainly discussing horses, and the lady actually talking about running a household and its foibles with me.  I was found there about midnight by Elias.  “My lady, I am sorry to intrude, but your brother did request you leave at midnight.”

“Of course.  I’ll be right there, Elias.  Please let Michael know, as well.”  He bowed and left.  I bid everyone farewell, and Montefort helped me out of my chair.  He’d made me free of his titles, and he calls me Lady Chrissy.

All in all it was an interesting evening, if not always pleasant.  Stares, and being watched, and people being at once too familiar and incredibly formal.  Elias slipped my leafy coat over my shoulders and Michael got me back into the carriage after our goodbyes.  I was glad to be leaving.

I got back just before Sam.  I was being helped out of my coat when Sam stomped in, nearly running me over.  “Rough night?”

“No.  Aggravating.  Yours?”

“The same.  I’m tired of being touched and I’m about peopled out.”

“Touched?”  His voice was soft and outraged.

“It's okay, Inquisibutt.  Just my arms.  Such INTERESTING scars, you know.  I'm quite the oddity.”

The rest of them trooped in and I moved into the parlor.  I held out a hand to Dorian, who looked entirely too calm.  He didn’t feel calm.  He came over and gripped my fingers gently, offering a smile.  I smiled, just a small one, back.  “I hope your evening went well, my love.”

“Dove, Orlais is a hotbed of tribulation, but I have confidence we shall overcome.”  Awww.  My little heart melted.  His mustache twitched.  He’d done it on purpose.  “Now, I believe I’ve an appointment with a warm bed and a warmer pillow.  Good night.”  He released my hand, kissed my cheek, and strode off as I returned the words.

We all made our way to our rooms.  I did make sure to thank the guys and Katharine for coming with me.  And I really did enjoy the dance with Michael.  They just shooed me off to bed.  Solas caught up to me as I climbed the staircase, and we are ensconced in my room again.  Briri had waited up to help me undress, but I sent her to bed.  Gently. I can wash my face and all that, and this particular dress doesn’t need a maid.

I think I’m going to sleep in tomorrow.  Hopefully.  And maybe get to spend time with people.  My people.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, for those that don't know, Mass Effect Andromeda came out yesterday. I may be a bit distracted for a bit.


	154. Day 13, 7 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oddness from Contentment, an invitation, Dorian, Bull, At-homes and Balls, and Sam is on the other side.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 13, 7 Kingsway, 9:41**

I spent a pleasant time with Contentment in the first part of the evening, examining the different styles of architecture and why they worked.  It didn’t quite see the world as I do.  Gravity, pressure, all that, is far less important than the decorative way they fall together.  

Considering what I know of Vir Dirthara, the Shattered Library, that makes an odd sort of sense.  A nod to function and a focus on form?  When the magic was no longer holding up the form, the function was not there to save it.  Or something like that.

Anyway, we talked a lot about what could have been.  It “felt” like a lesson, but I am not sure what I learned.  Contentment seemed content, though.  That looks weird when I write it down.  Maybe pleased would be better.

It was during my second cycle that I felt one of mine needed me.  On the meat side.  Things aren’t as clear when the other is on opposite sides of the veil, so I didn’t have a good idea of what was going on.  I did know who it was.  Dorian.  I said farewell to fade ethelathe and woke myself up.  Solas’ eyes opened as I moved off the bed.  “I have to see to Dorian, a grá.”  He nodded, closing his eyes again, and I pulled on my robe.

On this side, I could feel the grief.  Dorian was staring out the window of the study, a glass of amber liquid in his hand.  “My love, what happened?”

He turned his head.  His eyes were reddened, but there were no tear tracks.  After a moment, he stared into his glass, swirling the alcohol.  I stayed quiet a bit, while he gathered himself.  Slipping up next to him, I put my hand in his free one.  A ghost of a smile, and he squeezed gently.  “Thank you, dearest.”

“Can I help?”

“You can’t help this.”  He stared back out the window.  “Felix is ill.  Very ill.  The brothers are tending him, but don’t think he will recover this time.”

“Oh, Dorian.  I’m so sorry.”

“He’s not going to make it this time, is he?”  He glanced up at me.

“I don’t know, hon.  I’d tell you if I did.”

“The worst part?  I fended off an insipid little viper as she batted overdone lashes through her mask at me.  Not a thing I could do, save ensure I didn’t react.”  He adopted a feminine tone.  “I’m sure you are just heartbroken over the news of your lover, my lord.  Young Alexius was such a handsome boy, once, we’re told.  It’s so very brave of you to stand with the Inquisition when I’m sure you wish to be home tending him.  Do you know how long he has left?”

“Which insipid little viper sharpened her claws on you, my love?”

I know he was upset, because he actually gave me her name.  Lady Louise de’Argent.  Granddaughter of the Comtesse de’Argent, who is closely allied with the Empress.

I’d call her a bitch but that’s a compliment in Ferelden.  I filed the name away.  She hurt one of mine.  Beyond that, she hurt Dorian, who accepted me for who I was the moment he met me.  I won’t do anything against her, not actively, but if I’m ever in a position to help her up…  I will stand there and watch her fall.  And I’m not sure how I feel about that.

I learned a lot about Felix over the next few hours.  He was smart, and caring.  A brilliant mathematician, his calculations had been invaluable for the projects that Dorian and Gereon had worked on.  It was Felix who had pointed out the issues with time magic and its repercussions.  Infinite variations and paradoxes.  Even before, Felix had been like a brother to Dorian.  Notes and sweets, a bent ear and a friend.  Someone to tease and play with, and care for, and be cared for.

That could explain why Dorian was just a touch snippy when an Inquisitor asks if Felix and he were together in game.  To ask that cheapens what they had, somehow.  Reducing a true friendship to something sordid.  Suggesting he’d canoodle with his benefactor’s child, under his benefactor’s roof.  Not a nice thing to imply about someone.

Other things I learned were more personal.  Felix had a strange sense of humor, finding the most irritating things funny.  He liked honey.  On everything.  His favorite color, his favorite song, his favorite story.  Dorian talked a long time, grieving.  Stories and anecdotes of a remarkable young man whose life was going to be way too short.  Probably why he’s far more calm later, talking to the inquisitor.  Not that he’s not calm now.  Too calm, really.

Anyway, I just held his hand, refilled his glass, and listened.  The clock chimed two in the distance before he was ready to be tucked into bed.  I left instructions with his valet (one of mine, but I’m sad to say I don’t know his name) to let him sleep in a bit, and have some strong, cooled meadowsweet leaf tea waiting for him when he woke.  And a jug of water.  The man had been waiting up for him.

I went back to my room and bed.  Back into warm arms, slipping gently back into the fade.  My spikes and eyes remain.  Rage paced back and forth, pissed off about an uprising going on.  No one was acting right.  I didn’t have the heart to tell it the uprising it was worried about happened over a hundred years ago.  I just told it I was being careful.

It seems the more complex a spirit is, the better sense it has of time.  Someone like Contentment has a very clear idea of what came first.  Rage, on the other hand, seems to exist in a place where all things are happening.  It is just now starting to realize that there could be an order to things.  That it could do something before, or after, something else.  I wouldn’t exactly compare it to a child, but I felt that same sort of pride as I watched it beginning to grasp that concept.  Becoming more complex.

It was toward the end of the evening, when I was saying my farewells, when something weird happened.  A spirit, really a very large wisp with a sort of face, came by my little fortification.  It hovered just outside the points, blinking.  Valor was the one who challenged it.  “Who be you, and what do you want?”

I didn’t hear the response the spirit gave, but Valor returned to me, and the spirit left.  “It was a messenger, lady.”

“From whom?”

“Integrity requests that you make time for it at your convenience.  It specifically invites you to visit, with your own guards and whatever else you think you need for your safety and well being.  We’re granted safe passage.  It names you the Holder of the Mountain.”

I glanced at Contentment, and it wouldn’t meet my eyes.  I had only intended to ask what that meant, but the reaction is interesting.  “Is there anything you might wish to tell me before I start asking questions, Contentment?”

“No.”

“Then how did I end up with my own mountain in the middle of your fief?”

“That is an extremely good question.”  It met my eyes, smirking.  “It certainly wasn’t my intent.  You grow on a person.”  I just arched a brow.  I’d been talking out my ass about its fief.  “You stole it.  Marked it, argued for it.  And held it.  And it’s not in the middle, but at the edge.”  It bowed slightly.  “Just don’t steal any more.”  It paused. “From me.  Feel free to steal from others.”

“I’ll try?”  Since I didn’t mean to steal anything the first time, I’m not sure how to refrain from stealing more.

It smiled at my confused look.  “Don’t worry about it, little one.  You didn’t take anything I didn’t allow.”

“If you say so.”

“Put it out of your mind.  It doesn’t really concern you, anyway.”  What?  The rest of fade Ethelathe was basically just laughing at me silently.  Not one looked inclined to explain.  Contentment did something I didn’t expect.  It kissed me on the forehead, and whispered “wake up”.  And damn it I did.

I woke cursing under my breath.  “Issues, da’asha?”  Solas murmured it from the other pillow.  He didn’t even bother to open his eyes.

“No.  Old people suck.”  I was grumpy.  Sue me.

“Oh?”

“Don’t start.”

“I seem to recall the opposite.”  He finally deigned to look at me.  Smirking.

“Funny.”

“Some reason you are irritated at old people?  I’m assuming that ‘suck’ is a negative thing in this context.”

“Hush.  Or I’ll class you with the old people.”

“Is your Tevinter Altus still in need?”

“Not immediate.”

“What does your schedule look like today?”

“Hell if I know.  I won’t find out until Zatlan and Leorah tell me.”  I was surprised that Leorah wasn’t up and about, actually.  She had actually been up and gone, and would return.

“You may wish to carve an hour or three for lessons over the next few days, Chrysopal.  Madame de Fer had something she wished to discuss about summoning, Dorian is becoming frustrated with the way you neglect staff training, and while your wards are effective albeit limited in scope, you have an extremely narrow understanding and a lack of finesse.”  The holier-than-thou snotty tone was back.

I rolled to face him.  “Seriously?”

“I would not jest about such things.”

‘Nevermind.  The likelihood of me having that kind of time available over this week is slim to none.  I’ll talk to Dorian since defense training is something Sam is on about as well, Vivienne can maybe have half an hour in a day or two, and you can either teach in the fade or be patient, Solas.”

His eyes were concerned and he rolled on his side to touch my cheek.  “You cannot neglect your training, ma’nehn.  And I wish to know why you are grumpy.”

“I’m a little busy doing meatspace issue management, Grohiik.  I’m not a danger to myself or others, so the magical training isn’t urgent, especially when I’m in an unsafe environment for experimentation.  There is no workroom here to contain any catastrophic mistakes.  I have to prioritize, and magic lessons are not on the critical list at the moment.  Even the staff training is less urgent, since I have guards and attendants.”  I tried to make sure my tone was not confrontational or irritated.  It wasn’t his fault I was frustrated and grumpy.  He was bringing up a legitimate concern, and I didn’t want him to bear the brunt of what Contentment’d earned.

“I see.  You have a point about the workroom, and I am pleased you understand its purpose.  I will let the matter rest, for now.”  He paused.  “If you had just been procrastinating, it would have been a different conversation.  You have put thought into your schedule.”

“I’ve also been told that I’m doing quite well for having been a mage less than a year.”

“I forget that.  Now, why are you grumpy?”

“A question for a question?”

“It is not playtime, ma’lath.”

“Fine,” I huffed.  “Contentment’s an ass, sometimes, and I have to make time to do the social nicety thing with Integrity.”

“Politics waking and sleeping.  Do you need me to go with you?”

“I think that would send the wrong message.  I have to do this on my own, or it’s not me doing it.  Forever they would look at me and see only you.”  I scooted closer, though.  “Can I call you if I need you?”

“Always.”  We got up after a few kisses and cuddles.  I was in a much better mood.  Garalen showed up with coffee after he left.  A long while after, really.  I had opportunity to take a bath all by myself for a change.  It was nice to relax with no one else about.  I got a little planning done.  Mental work, I suppose, but it was nagging at me.

I finally found out my schedule when Leorah came in.  Another at-home, at someone else’s home, in the late morning, and an “impromptu” ball in the evening after dinner.  Impromptu my ass.  Can you imagine someone deciding, oh, I’m going to invite a hundred people over tonight for drinking and dancing.  I don’t need to plan it or anything…  Yeah, not.

The at-home was with one of Josephine’s connections, and it was her, Cassandra, and myself on the invitation.  I got the impression that Vivienne was deliberately excluded this time.  After a few hours of paperwork and a light snack, we were taken off across the human quarter to yet another opulent home.

There’s really only so many nice things a person can say about a building that is nearly identical to the one next to it.  McMansions are totally a thing.  Every villa looks like the one before.  Anyway, I found three nice things to say to the Lady Roussanne, the hostess.  It helped that the interior was well done.

The Roussanne family is in grapes, as she likes to tell us every five minutes.  Truly a sweet woman, actually.  She glanced only once at my countenance and then completely ignored my differences.  Not the brightest bulb, but I think I like her.  Mostly.  The rest of the ladies did the same thing.  She must be pretty influential.  Cunning, even if she’s not brilliant.  You’ve got to admire a woman that uses what she has to the best of her abilities.

She’d excluded Sera and Vivienne from the invitation on purpose.  Vivienne, though an extremely powerful and influential woman that Lady Roussanne admires, is, after all, a member of the demi-monde, and should not be around her daughters.  Bad influence, you know.  Sera is “merely” landed gentry.  

(You’d think she’d be excluded from owning property? She inherited everything from her adoptive mother.  And was FULLY ADOPTED, not just a patron.  Sera’s actually on par with a noble’s bastard child.  More than a peasant, but less than noble, mostly.  Sera’s one of the rich knobs, despite what she says.  Lady Roussanne thinks she’s LOADED.  I know the wiki says Sera rejected the lands and funds, but what happened to them?  According to the matrons, they’re just keeping going, still belonging to her.  Whenever she wants them, she can go back.)

The fact that I have been “acknowledged” as a Lady Trevelyan classed me with Lady Montilyet and Princess Cassandra.  “Real Nobility”.  So she invited the individuals she perceived as in her social class and excluded those she perceived as beneath her notice.  The Orlesians are still not quite sure what to do about Ethelathe, though.  Or what it is.  That’s okay.  Most of the elves don’t get it, either.  Heck, I don’t get it half the time.

This at-home was much more interesting, in some ways, than the bluestocking one.  While this one was gossip, mostly, it was a real look into the influence the women have on what the men are doing.  The great game is a woman’s playground more than a man’s.  

Men seem to have prescribed roles, and it takes an incredible player to be permitted to change those roles, once assigned.  It’s hard for a chess nerd to join the jocks, sometimes.  It doesn’t help that a significant portion of the male noble population are Chevaliers, and are supposed to be shining examples of specific virtues.

Women’s roles are more fluid, changing more rapidly.  Women also rise and fall in standing more easily, outside official rank.  Just catching the eye of a man of a particular rank, dancing too close, smiling or being smiled at by one of the society matrons, these can all alter a woman’s perceived place drastically.  Who one marries and with whom one dallies.  Whether one dallies.  Ugh.  I’ll keep myself to myself.

I did get asked, again, where I got my training.  I gave my standard answer.  I learned what I know of manners from my family, especially my mother and grandmother.  I don’t know why they keep asking.  And keep being surprised by the response.  At least this time the lady in question appeared to actually believe me.  It was a very strange event.  I wasn’t stared at or touched weirdly or anything.  I kept waiting for the hammer to drop.

I spent lunchtime with Ethelathe.  It was nice to eat with people who felt like they were real instead of actors playing a part.  Baxter tells me that he’s made some nice deals, and we may go home with coin left.  Renee fed me more of whatever that nasty medicine was.  Uncle Wulfgang regaled me with his foibles from the day before.  One of the reasons he was here was to investigate the blacksmiths of Halamshiral.  He apparently decided to visit a farrier yesterday to further that goal.  An elven farrier.  The poor man had been torn between being polite and reticent, and talking shop with Wulf.  

“I just treated him like we treat Feren.  Meat don’t matter, little bit.  It’s the mind inside.”  He got the man’s attention, and met two more this morning.  He has a meeting with the elvish blacksmith guild (squee it’s a thing!) tomorrow.  I asked what he was up to, and he put a finger beside his nose and winked.  “Ethelathe business, dearie.  You signed it.  If you don’t remember, I sure ain’t telling.”  I’ve signed so many things.  I’m sure it seemed reasonable at the time, whatever it is.

I spent the afternoon in paperwork.  I got letters from my tweedles!  And the girls, and Daniel.  Eadras took time out of school to have them write.  The rest of my paperwork was abandoned to answer the children.  Devella, Riwen, and Sharis made the decision to join Ethelathe.  Like the others, I’ll ask them again when they’re eighteen, of course.  They’re not technically old enough to make the final decision right now, but it does mean I’m responsible for them at this point.  I’m going to have to tell Sam.

I took a walk in the gardens before getting ready.  Bull was out there, punching a tree.  Over and over, his knuckles bloody, saying things in a language I don’t understand.  Probably Qunlat.  “Bull, Bull!  Stop!”  I didn’t know why he was doing it, at the time.

He looked at me, and his eye was empty.  “One more.”  The tone was off.  He hit the tree again, shaking the red leaves to the ground.  When he looked at me again, he was back in his eye.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.  Don’t worry about it.”  He rolled his shoulders, shaking his head from side to side like he was loosening his muscles.

“It was easier last time, being treated like an animal, because you had the purpose you came with.”

“Yeeeeah, have I mentioned that it’s really weird when you do that?”

“Sorry.  You want I should leave you alone?”

“Nah.”  He draped a bloodied hand over my shoulder.

“You planning on cleaning those cuts?”

“Thinking I’d let the blood dry.  Really scare them.”

“That wouldn’t be good for Sam.  Or the Inquisition.”

“You’re getting really uptight.  LIVE a little, midget.  Who gives a shit if the aristocrats get nervous?”

“We need them, for now.  Need their money, their influence.  Most especially need an Orlais not at war with itself.  Josie could tell you better.”

“Not my fight.  Give me clear directions and an enemy and I’m a happy guy.  All this other shit…”

“Liar.  You love the intrigue.”

“And hitting things.  Really love hitting things.”

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.  I have my guys.  That’s all I need.”

“If that changes, if you need something else…”  I looked at him.  “I read something once.  The woman Ka-Shok, who would become mother of the T'sel, sat in the shade and wondered what the truth was.”

“Ka-shok? A woman named Ka-shok?”

“Just a woman.  In a far away land, either long ago, or not yet happened, or never has and never will.  The secrets of the multiverse aren’t mine to know.  Stories.  Just stories.  But some stories have help imbedded in them.  This story, I think could help you, if you needed such help.”

“I’m good, Midget.  But I’ll keep it in mind.”

“See you at the ball?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

I stopped in the library.  Solas is always in a study or library.  I shut the door and stole a few kisses, distracting from his books.  “Will you be dancing tonight?”

I’d kind of expected an immediate yes, considering the way he danced with me in private that time.  He loves to dance.  Instead, he was thinking long and hard.  Closing his eyes as his mind worked.  “Perhaps, ma’haselan’udh.”  HE looked disappointed.  My surprise must have shown on my face.  “It may be wiser to be more circumspect, for now, Vhenan.”

“I see.  Will you object to me dancing with others?”

“Certainly not.  I look forward to watching you.”  He lifted my wrist to his lips.  “But I am pleased you thought to ask.”

“I would prefer to dance with you.”

“That gratifies me, but does not change the situation.”  I sighed, and he kissed me gently.  “You must get ready.  Briri tells me that you will be eating in your rooms while you dress.”

“Someday, Solas, I hope.”

“If I have my way, yes.”  I don’t know what he saw, but he followed it with, “what’s wrong?”

“Not yet, Solas mo oíche.  Please?”

“Still secrets, on both sides.  But fewer, and fewer, as time passes.  I am content, for now.”  He dragged a thumb down my cheek.  “Our next talk, ma’lath, is coming.”

“I know.  I just don’t know the subject yet.”

“Go on, Briri awaits.”

I ended up dressed in a gown that wouldn’t look all that out of place in modern earth.  I was going to scandalize them.  My shoulders and arms were bare.  A strapless gown as we think of them.  I looked as if I was the stem of an upside down flower.  Petals of white limned in Ethelathe blue.  Jewelled (probably glass/paste, not real) butterflies in my hair, elaborate makeup across my face that imitated mask without being one.  Once again I wasn’t me, I was someone else.

I’d left my aquamarine behind in my room, because it didn’t look right on my gloved wrist.  Before we left, Solas sat me down in the parlor and pulled it out of a pocket.  I was surprised he had it.  “You forgot, Chrysopal.”  He reconfigured the chain and fastened it around my ankle, glancing at me for permission.  I had forgotten.

This time, at least, I was imbedded within the inquisition group.  We left together, arrived together.  I was definitely not dressed like the rest.  The receiving line was an interesting setup.  Names and faces, most of which I knew, the rest of which Katharine provided.  Sam and Josie did the pretty.  Vivienne did as well, rubbing their faces in her presence.  The rest of us didn’t play.  We hung back and ignored the group.

Cassandra has rank enough that they can’t argue with her.  Blackwall is purportedly a Warden, so has other rules.  Dorian’s blood is probably bluer than Celene’s, and like Cassandra can flout the rules.  Sera doesn’t give a fuck.  Iron Bull.  Well, they leave him alone unless they’re flirting.  Cullen isn’t comfortable, so hung with Leliana.  Leliana eyed everyone and they kept their distance, except for some ladies who immediately greeted her as a friend.

Solas seemed to be practically invisible, oddly.  No one really noticed him.  Cole was invisible, but hung near Sam, whispering in his ear.  They noticed me.  The expressions in their eyes gave them away.  Some didn’t care, some were scandalized, some were gleeful about my presence.  The reasons varied, I’m sure.  The fun part is when they laid eyes on beautiful Dorian, and the ladies would drool.  Not a chance, girls.  You just don’t have what it takes to keep his interest.

The Orlesians had this down to a science.  The matrons took up position on the seating to one side.  The young men and eligible bachelors visited them before asking the young women to dance.  The band would start the opening chords, the dancers would line up.  It’s almost sad, the synchronization, sometimes.  The ritualism of it.  Like they practice the same dance repeatedly, without any variation or individuality.  Lovely, though.

Sam took Josie out the second dance.  Dorian, love that he is, filled two slots on my dance card.  Including the first waltz.  Sera disappeared.  I think she was off spiking the punch.  I knew my role in this.  I went over to the matrons, greeting them individually by name.  By skipping the receiving line, I skipped all the hullabaloo about curtsying and stuff.  So we were all just hanging around.

Vivienne introduced me to several other gentlemen who were visiting their mothers and aunts, and the woman ensured my dance card began filling.  At least with so many eyes, the gentlemen were circumspect.  No unexpected grabbing, for example, and no uncomfortable questions.  It was really too noisy to speak much on the dance floor, but what was said was respectful and friendly.  Viv has some real clout here.  I don’t think that comes through in the games very well.

Dancing with Dorian is always a dream.  The Waltz was sublime, and apparently a surprise to the people around us.  Most of the Court dances are more like slow walks with turns.  The Pavanes, the Basse Dances.  Then you have the Guillards and Canarios, which are more lively, but still prescribed.  Dorian and my second dance was a Saltarello, which was lovely.  Country dances are more fun, and I think I danced every set.  At least I was no longer having difficulty breathing.

During a rest time, Josie hunted me up.  “You misled us about your dancing prowess.”  At least she didn’t say I lied.

“Actually, I arranged lessons, Josie.  I didn’t want to embarrass Sam.”

“You never once met with the dancing instructor.”

“Not yours, no.  Forgive me for saying this, Lady Montilyet, but I was not comfortable taking lessons from an Orlesian human in something that often includes touching that could be construed as intimate, such as dancing.”  A lovely young woman in servant garb offered me a glass of champagne.  “Miss, is there by any chance lemonade or another light punch?  Even sparkling water?  If you would direct me...”

Her eyes widened at my polite tone.  Dipping a slight curtsy, she answered.  “I will find you something, your ladyship.”

“Ethelathun, or Etheling, please, if you must use a title.  Thank you, miss.”

She arrived back quite quickly with an effervescent white grape punch.  “Your drink, Etheling.  Please, let us know if you need anything else.”  Josie and I had continued our conversation, but Josie was taken aback by how attentive the woman had been.  And again when the other servants came by to check on us.

Solas was behaving oddly.  He moved between holding up walls watching the doings, conversing with servants, and socializing with the curious nobles.  Perhaps this is how he builds his network.  He is quite charismatic, after all.  When he chooses to be.  We caught each others eyes a few times over the evening, sharing smiles.

There was only one minor incident, and it didn’t include me.  Vivienne has a thing for freezing people, it seems.  No one seemed surprised.  In this case, however, I feel she was justified.  The depth of her love for her paramour is obvious, at least to me.  Someone saw the headdress she wears and Bull’s horns.  They put two and two together and got something like thirty-eight.  She set them straight.  The hard way.

Bull didn’t even notice.  He was busy lifting heavy things to impress the girls.  That’s what HE did most of the evening.  Dorian was steaming by the time the night ended.  That’s a conversation I want to stay way away from.

Varric, to my everlasting joy, spent most of the evening signing autographs, WITH THE PEN.  And answering questions about it.  And telling people that it was an exclusive item that will only be offered to the most appropriate people.  He went a little far when he suggested that a person should write Halton if they wished to be considered for the waiting list, but I couldn’t say anything.

When one gentleman asked what the price would end up being, Varric got a look on his face.  “If you have to ask, you probably can’t afford it, my lord.  This is an exclusive item, and availability is quite limited.  Plainer, more functional versions will likely be offered in the future to those who require economising.  Would you prefer to be added to that waiting list?”  Damn, Varric, your tongue is a razor.  I swear that guy was bleeding as he left.

The ball ended at two.  I had a surprisingly good time.  I know I spent the evening under watchful eyes, though.  Blackwall moved one person away from me before I was greeted, and my dance partners were all approved.  I’m told it is appropriate, though, for Lord Trevelyan to have his companions look out for his sister.  It made my night much nicer.

As we left, the darkness did make me nervous.  Chevaliers.  It’s an unreasonable fear.  But once again my people came through.  Eyes gleamed in the darkness around the open carriage when we got moving.  Sam, who was riding, and several of the others, looked nervous.  I just smiled as Alora strode into the meager light.  She came right up to the carriage, stepping up.  “We’ve got this, Chrissy.”  

That made Bull laugh, and the rest of them relaxed.  Alora and people, hers and mine, escorted us the entire time it took to get back.  I was gratified to see the one armored patrol move to the side, looking less assured than usual, as we passed.  Sera leaned out the back of the carriage and shouted, “Take that, you gnarly gob!”  Whatever that means.

Alora went around the house when we arrived.  The others of hers went with her.  More than the three she brought up and the two with me.  Maybe twenty.  I’d bet they were heading back down the invisible stairs.  Zatlan was up and taking coats.  I put my hand to his cheek for a moment when he took mine.

I turned when Sam’s voice reached me.  “Can I talk to you?”  We went into the parlor, and he shut the door.  “You okay, Chrissy?”

“I’m alright.”  He looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn’t find the words.  “Gleaming eyes in the dark?”

“Yeah.  Gleaming eyes in the dark.  It shouldn’t bother me.”

“It’s common among nighthunting predators.  Wolves, felines, dragons…”  I paused a moment.  “And elves.  Your instincts are good, Sam.  They’ve kept you alive as a species.”

“I don’t like being nervous of elves, Chrissy.”

“I’m always nervous of humans, Sam.  I’m worried in ballrooms and homes.  You people are really dangerous.  We can’t let it stop us from looking for the good in other people, can we?  Should I be afraid of you?”

“Of course not.”

“Are you afraid of Sera?”

“No.”

“Alora?  Leorah?  Eadras? Solas?”

“No, Chrissy.”

“Garalen?”  He didn’t respond right away.  “Bad example.  Everyone’s scared of Garalen.  In any case, do you think maybe it’s actually a large-ish group of armed strangers, not a group of elves, that made you nervous?  Wouldn’t you have been nervous if you’ve been surrounded by armed chevaliers?  Unknown mages?  A human mercenary group?”

Something in him relaxed and he wrapped his arms around me.  “Thank you.  Thank you, Chrissy.”

“Anytime, Inquisibutt.”

“Get you to bed.  Morning will come early.  Your schedule is cleared until noon, sis.”

“You’re not the boss of me.”

He laughed.  “Actually, in Ostwick, I am.  You’re a sister.  It’s my job to protect you and your virtue.”

“Wow, you’re really bad at that.”

His face saddened.  A finger traced my scars on my arms.  “I know.  But I’m doing better.”

“Oh, Sam.  These aren’t your fault.”

“We will agree to disagree.”

“Will not.”

“Hush, you.  Go get your beau and settle in bed.  Sleep.”

I did.  Cara got my face undone, and Leorah managed to undo the dress.  Briri pulled the little jewelled butterflies out of my hair, but left it up.  I bundled into a nightgown and robe, and went to knock on Solas’ door.  He opened it before I could, pulling me in and kissing me breathless.  “Record your memories, and come to bed.  I can feel how tired you are, ma’nehn.”  He's taking my hair down as I write.

* * *

  Imagine walking through a dark street in an alienage, and this is what you see.  It's CANON.  

Sources: Dragon Age: The Masked Empire, pp. 186 and Dragon Age: The Stolen Throne pp. 71, 149.


	155. Day 14, 8 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleeping in, too many intense talks, an invitation, unusual anger and strangeness. A long, long day.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 14, 8 Kingsway, 9:41**

I think seeing me dance with so many others bothered Solas, despite his words.  At least, he was very attentive as soon as I capped the pen.  Very attentive.  We settled into sleep rather late, the predawn light just brushing the edges of the horizon.  Usually we settle into sleep on our respective sides, or nestled next to each other, but he didn’t want to let go.  I drifted off still laying across him, and woke the same way.  A dreamless sleep, this time.  I didn’t feel excluded from the fade or anything.  Maybe I was too tired to play in the fade.

The sun was high in the sky, half the day gone.  Probably didn’t help that we hadn’t gotten back to the house before three, and I’d not gone to sleep before four-thirty or so.  No one bustles in and out of Solas’ room, waking people.

Solas was asleep.  I’m seeing him sleeping more and more.  Trust maybe?  He looks so much less formidable that way.  Relaxed, younger.  The worry is missing, I think.  He has too many cares, too many things he’s carrying the weight of.  And not all of them are his fault.  How bad must things have been that he ripped reality in twain to try to fix it?  His intentions had been honorable.  It doesn’t change it, and he needs to fix it.  But he doesn’t need to be hated for it.

I traced the angles of his face.  A small smile graced his features as he slowly woke.  “I can hear you thinking.”

“Can not.”

“True.  But it conveys the meaning.”  He looked at my face and sighed.  “You are not ready to share your thoughts.  What is your schedule today?”

“Nothing before noon, according to Sam.  Beyond that, I have no idea.  I’m just a mushroom around here.”  I may be overusing that one, because he smirked.

“We should get you to your ladies.”

I sighed.  “If you insist.”

“You will do fine, Haselan.  You may just tangle all of Orlais in your threads.”

“I don’t think so.  I’m spending too much time with the wrong people.  I don’t want them, Solas.  Not them.”

“Oh?”

“I’m not going to discuss it, a grá.”

“More secrets.”

“Now?  Because I have a few questions of my own.”

“No, ma’lath.  Not now.  I apologize.  I am merely concerned.  You are becoming more and more aggravated here.”  There was a tone to his voice.

“I just want to go home.  I don’t like Orlais, I don’t feel safe here.  I don’t like being the trained bear, the curiosity, the oddity.  Everyone look at the weird-looking elf that thinks it’s people.  And I have to have a meeting in the Fade I’ve been avoiding.  That worries me, too.”

He didn’t say anything for a long moment.  “I do not..."  He tried again.  "Are...”  He stopped.  He wanted to ask something.  And didn’t know how.  “What are you looking for?”  That wasn’t the original question.  I knew he didn’t mean this second, but in general.

I cupped his cheek.  “Right now, I need information, Solas.  About this world, as it is.  These people, as they are.  What’s here, what’s not.  What works, what doesn’t.  A place to stand.  The ground keeps shifting, and I can’t keep up.  Until I have my feet under me, I don’t know what to look for.”  He had questions.  I could see it.

“You are as safe as can be expected, Emily Lynne.  Safer, in many ways.  As safe as we can make it.”  Back to the previous conversation.  Well, then.

“Who’s we?”

“Myself, your Guardian, the Inquisitor, your Templars.  Contentment.  Your people, and mine.”

“Yours?”

“Do you doubt it?  They keep their distance, but they are there.”

“Why do you tell me this?  Why now?”

He ran his hand through the colors in my hair.  “I love your hair, da’asha.”  I didn’t know what that had to do with anything, but he said it like it did.  “One less secret, and to ease your worry.  We are taking steps.  This will not happen again.”  That last bit was said as he ran a finger along the fractal lines over my arms.

“You and Sam.  Why are you both so worried of a sudden?”

“Threats have been made.”  My eyes flew to his.  “You knew this, Chrissy.  I am not telling you anything you did not know.”  My words.  And yes, I knew it was probable, but I hadn’t heard any specifics.

“It is not playtime, Faolan.”

“It is not yet noon, so it is, Haselan.”  I just rolled my eyes at him.  Snot.  I didn’t say it.  It wasn’t even eleven when he escorted me to my room.

My schedule had only a “small” dinner party, here, for a change.  I didn’t have to do anything until seven or so.  I wore a more functional day dress and put my braided hair up with sticks.  I intended to speak to Viv about the likelihood of stealing an hour or so, and then paperwork.  Maybe I’d take Eliza for a walk in the park with me.  I hadn’t actually seen Eliza since we arrived.  She’d spent the whole trip in the wagon, and then disappeared.

Vivienne was doing her own paperwork in the breakfast room.  Pacing as Katharine took notes and listed the topics.  She spotted me right away.  “Chrysopal.  You are up earlier than I expected.”

“I can return later, if you prefer.”

“Of course not, darling.”  She made a gesture and Katharine gathered the documents and left.  “I have been meaning to speak with you.  I know I committed to training on summoning - inviting - spirits, but this trip is far busier than I was expecting.  My other commitments are more time sensitive.  Would you mind too terribly, my dear, if we delayed further lessons for a week or so?”  Something about her face gave me pause.

“Certainly not, Vivienne.  I had intended to make that same request of you.”  I paused.  I didn’t know how much I could say.  She arched a brow at me, waiting, knowing I was trying to phrase something.  “Is everything…  Is there anything that you would request of me?”

Her eyes softened.  “There is nothing you can do for me at the moment, Chrysopal.  I do appreciate the offer.”  She paused now, unsure, which is unlike her.  “How much do you remember?”

She finally asked.  The inner circle knows since last trip that I have some limited insight.  “My recollection may be faulty.”

“Bastienne…”  She stopped.  “Duke Bastienne is feeling unwell.  He still intends to make it here for the Masquerade Ball.”  She looked at me.

“I hope he manages to make it.”  I really did.  Maybe it would be a thing that was different than the game.

Her face smoothed.  “I see.”  And thank goodness she did.  I’m glad she didn’t ask about his odds of survival.  “Thank you, Chrysopal.”

“I would prefer that I had more information for you.”  I took a breath and reverted the subject.  “So we will take up lessons again at some point after the Masquerade, yes?”

“Certainly.  I look forward to it.”

“As do I.”  I took my leave at that, waving Katharine back in.

Because I could, I invaded the kitchens.  Hadrian was overseeing prep work, chopping and such.  I would have volunteered to help, but I’m wearing stupid long sleeves.  Chopping vegetables is not really a good idea.  He spotted me and a few minutes later I was sat at a table, a sandwich of meat and cheese in front of me.  He’d sketched a bow, shocking the helpers.  “Eat, Etheling.  You are too skinny!”  I’m bigger around than probably any other elf, and I’m too skinny.

At least I wasn’t kicked out of the kitchen.  It was full of elves.  Mostly not mine.  Local hires, or servants of the house, I assume.  Best room in a house, aside from a music room.  Glorious smells.  I can’t wait for dinner.  Hadrian’s a genius.  He was responsible for the little quiches and the manicotti last time.

I left after eating, because I was a distraction.  Hadrian didn’t say that, of course.  He was welcoming.  But the staff was spending more time looking at me than doing their work.  I didn’t want to mess with the timeline for dinner, so I vacated the area.

I intended to go out to the gardens after that, but spotted Elias, Castien, and Revis tinikling.  They had a few of the elven stableguys involved, too, and Geth watched from the stable door with a smile.  I didn’t disturb them.  They’d stop if I went out there.  I wish it was six months ago.  I’d have been able to join without ruining their fun.

Something shimmered in my awareness, and skinny arms wrapped around my shoulders from behind.  “Hello, Cole.”  I leaned into his boney chest.  “You need to eat more.”  I looked up at him.  “You don’t have to stay looking as he did.”

“I like that you know.”

“I’m glad.  I can’t help it.  Cole, please?”

“I… might.”  He changed the subject.  “They don’t mean to hurt.”

“They aren’t hurting me.  They’re not thinking of me at all.”

“You lie to yourself, but no one else.  Why?”

“Sometimes.  It doesn’t matter.”

“Chrissy.  You have to sleep.”

“Integrity.”

“Worry?”

“Just a bit, yes.”

“Rage would be angry.”

“I can’t afford an incident.”

“Hope will keep it calm.”

“Because I can’t take Contentment.  How is my Darling?”

“The Nightingale has him.  He likes her.  She has nice smells.”

“Cole.  He shouldn’t be sniffing her crotch.”

“But she doesn’t mind!”

“She doesn’t understand, Cole.  He’s not playing fair with her.”

“But she knows!”

“Does she understand, though, Cole?  Really?”

“Probably not.”

“Until she does, he needs to behave.”

“Like the meat.  It’s hers, and she chooses.”

“Exactly.”

“I’ll tell him.  You are irritated, and would hurt him.”

“Alright.  You tell him.  He’d be upset if I did, you’re right.”

“I will eat something, Etheling.”

“What does that mean?”

He smiled sweetly, the little shit.  “You.”

“Cole…” But he was gone.

I went out the other doors, the ones away from the stable.  Alora’s fire was empty, and she wasn’t nearby.  Down the stairs, I think.  I’d catch up with her later.

I checked on my former Templars, and they were fine.  All four of them, because Cullen’s a Templar, too.  Gunny and Michael were practicing, sparring, in the courtyard.  I’m taken, but these are both fine specimens.  A girl is allowed to look.  Andrew and Garalen were arguing over colors.  I didn’t interrupt.  I think they’re doing planning for the wedding.  She wants blue, a particular one, and I didn’t hear what he wanted.

Cullen has a small sitting room as his workspace.  It’s actually pretty funny.  The lion of Ferelden in a very, very frilly floral room.  Doilies and lace and flowers everywhere except the table he’s working on.  Every single thing in the impressively beige room had embroidery or a cover or something making it fussy.

“Who put you in here, Cullen?”

“The Caretaker, Genevre.  I asked for a room where I could work in peace.  This is what I got.”  He was testy about it.  I could tell.

I hid my smile.  “No one bothers you here, I’m sure.”

“Well, aside from you.”

“My apologies.  Would you prefer I leave?”

“Did you need anything, Chrissy?”

“I was just checking on you.  Making sure you’re okay.  You’re not one who likes much of the social whirl.”

“From what I see, neither do you.”

“I’m bad at it, and there are too many people.”

“You seem to be doing fine, but there are too many people.”

“Orlesians.”  We said it at the same time, and laughed together.

“Fussy, they are, in general.  The regular people are probably fine, but I haven’t met many of those.”

“Even the regular people are fussy, Chrissy.  Believe me.  They’re all fussy.”

“Why Cullen, I’m getting the impression that you don’t much care for Orlais.”

“Your powers of observation are remarkable.”  That cute little sarcastic half smile he has graced his face.

“Well, hopefully we won’t have to spend too much time doing the social thing.  You just have to get permission to march your armies across their lands without causing a war.”

He stiffened and looked at me.  Shitshitshit.  Me and my big mouth.  “Why do I need to march my armies across Orlais, Chrissy?”  Too soft.  He wasn’t my friend right then.  I mean, he was, but he was someone else, too.  Well, I don’t know, but it was like the Cullen I knew turned OFF and it was someone else standing there.  I had only a thin connection to this new Cullen.  The commander, maybe.  The other side of things.  The professional Templar?  I was pondering the change when he moved.

He took the steps to reach me, suddenly, and grasped my arm, shaking me slightly.  He didn’t hurt me, but I wasn’t going anywhere.  I was understandably shocked by this.  “Where will we be marching, Lady Chrysopal?  Why?  I need an answer.”  He was demanding, face a full foot from mine only because I am so much shorter.  Eyes boring into mine.

I wasn’t exactly afraid, but I wasn’t comfortable.  I’d never seen this side of him, and I don’t know what it was capable of.  I didn’t know if I was safe, so I answered, even though it may be too soon.  “Adamant.  You will lay siege to the Fortress of Adamant.  In the Western Approach.”  I didn’t dare look away.

“When?”  A small shake.  Still no pain.

“Soon.”

He eyed me.  “And where else?”

“The Arbor Wilds.  That’s all I know.  Let go of me, Commander.”  He was still looking at me. Staring at me like he’d stared at poor Jim in that first kiss scene with fem!quiz.  “Commander Rutherford, release my arm this instant.”  I put steel in my voice and his hand dropped.  Thank goodness.

“Most of my troops are in Ferelden.  DAMN IT!”  The big voice made me jump.  He paced the room while I watched.  I don’t think he realized he was between me and the door.  He turned toward me.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that.”  And that quickly, the other connection returned.  I felt it now.  One thread in another, like Zatlan had been at the beginning, but not quite.

He’d noticed me rubbing my arm.  He has a firm grip.  Like I said, he hadn’t hurt me.  The conversation would have gone very differently if he had.  “No, you shouldn’t have.”

He took a step toward me, and I took a step back.  Not taking chances, even with him.  He froze.  Noticed he was between me and the door, and stepped to the side.  “I wouldn’t hurt you, Chrissy.  I swear it.”  He lifted his hands, fingers spread.  Showing me he was unarmed.  Like he needed a weapon.  I’ve watched him train.  I know better.

Elias appeared in the doorway, Revis with him.  They put themselves between me and the Commander.  Elias was positioned so that I would have to move my head to see Cullen.  I didn’t.  “You didn’t hurt me, physically.  Not this time.  But I’m worried, truly worried, about next time, Cullen.  Would you have done that if my ears didn’t point?”

I could feel his mind work, interplay of emotions from the thread that had returned.  He was surprised, upset with himself, confused.  “I’m doubly sorry.  I think you’re right.  I would never have grabbed Lady Montilyet like that.  I wasn’t thinking, Etheling.”  Is Etheling replacing Ethelathun?

I was led to the door.  I didn’t know if that other Cullen was going to return, so I let Elias direct my movement.  He was the one who decided it was time for me to leave.  Cullen was not happy.  “Chrissy…”  His hand was reaching for me again.  Trying to grab me, to stop me from leaving?  I don’t think he realized it.

I stopped, staring at his hand.  He was positioned, about to take a step toward me.  Elias placed his hand on the hilt of a dagger.  Cullen looked at his own hand, then put it down.  I spoke, then.  Allowed to look at him, from between two sets of strong elven shoulders.  “I will forgive almost anything, ONCE, Cullen.”  He nodded.  “But I do need time to calm down and process.”

He stepped back, and bowed slightly.  Sadness in his eyes.  Falling back on formality.  I wasn’t ready to reassure him.  Revis and Elias bundled me out of there.

Out in the hall, after a few minutes of being herded away, I spoke.  “I’m sorry I interrupted your dancing, guys.”

Elias hooked an arm around my neck, hugging lightly, now that the tension was done.  “I’ll just hit your ankles extra hard next time.”

I sighed.  “You’ve never even come close to my ankles.”

Revis smiled.  “We’re better now.”  Revis’ eyes hardened.  “Is he a danger to you?”  Now I’d expect that kind of thing from Elias, but Revis?  That was a surprise.

“I don’t think so.  He just lost himself a moment.  A commander of troops, not a friend, grabbed my arm in there.”

“Different uniforms, and you thought you were interacting with one, but it was another.”

“Yeah.  That’s about the size of it.”

“Do you fear him?”

I gave that honest thought.  Even when he lost himself in the Commander, he hadn’t hurt me.  “I’m wary.  But not afraid.  He didn’t hurt me.  The Commander wanted information about troop movements.  Things I remember.  Regrettably, I gave them to him.  I am worried that because the tactic worked, it will be repeated.  That’s all.  I was trapped, not harmed.  The man is upset at his own actions.  I’ll have to talk with him.  Soon.”  A stray thought crossed my head.  “In all the times I’ve been grabbed, it has never once been a woman.  I wonder why that is?”

“Because women are more deadly.  That’s why.”  Elias said it gently.  “If a woman grabs your arm like that, you can expect to find claw marks and blood.”

Revis added his two cents.  “Not only that, a woman can eviscerate you with words.  Leave you bleeding on the floor from the sharp edge of her tongue.”

That made me smile.  Which relaxed something in them that had been tense.  They left me in the music room.  People were flitting here and there, dusting and polishing.  I was in the way.

I moved back to the parlor.  I had a pile of paperwork.  One stood out.  A small black scrollcase with golden lettering was set in front of the rest.  Addressed to “The Ætheling, Ethelathun, Chrysopal, and other names.”  No other writing on it.  I picked it up, turning it this way and that.

When I pulled the cap off and slid out the pages onto the desk, they were blank.  Odd.  A strange-looking gold coin, square, with a hole in it, landed on top of them.  I picked it up, and as my fingers brushed the parchment, color bloomed.  Pulling my hand back, with the coin, the color faded.

I reached out, picking up the first page.  The bright yellow parchment turned a brighter yellow, then faded to a pale cream as I held it.  Words, ink, became visible as the magic triggered.  It was a letter.  From the antiquarian.  More than that, it was an invitation.  I picked up the second sheet, and the page morphed into the finest translucent vellum.  Frosted glass under my fingers.  Formal language.  This was the official invite.  The letter was an introduction, and explained the contract.  And I know Xenon isn’t a mage.

I hadn’t realized that it was a contract.  But I was warned in the letter not to tell anyone about that.  The contract would be signed with a single tear, to be harvested on my first visit.  Better than blood, I suppose.  The price… The price would be nothing I would want to keep for myself, that held his interest and I controlled.  He guaranteed the safety of the price from the world, and the world from the price.  At some point in the future.  In exchange, I would have the run of his shop, and the wonders within.  Access to his library, even those books that weren’t for sale.

You know, what we see of the letter in DA2 was not like this.  It was curt, to the point.  This one was cajoling, tempting.  We don’t see the Inquisitor’s invitation at all, just hear they’ve been invited.  I sat down, still looking at the two pages.

I had set the pages down, them reverting to aged, yellowed parchment, when there was a knock at the door jam.  I knew it was Sam, without checking, without looking.  I was still looking at the sky.  Angry, with gray clouds.  The occasional rumble in the distance.  “It’s going to rain for our party, Sam.”

“It’s creepy when you do that.  How did you know it was me?”

I turned to him.  “I just know.  It’s new.”  He had a black cylinder in his hand.  His eyes fell to my desk, seeing a matching cylinder.  “Decisions, decisions.”

“Very much so.  How do you think he chooses?”

“I’m not certain.  But perhaps he’s old enough to see the patterns, to figure out who is in a key position.  I just don’t understand why one came to me.  You, I expected.”

“I see.”  He sat on one of the chairs.  “Your pages are blank.  Is that normal?”

“How would I know?  I had assumed yours were the same.”

“No.  Parchment and ink. It explained the procedure.  A one time invitation, and I could earn full privileges after we chat.”  Xenon had been more forthcoming with mine, I think.  Or maybe the approach is tailored to the individual.  Sam’s intensely curious, and would show up just because he wants to hear the second part.  Mine, it was the books.  Use of his library.  How can I turn that down?  “Chrissy?”

I must have looked pensive.  “Are you going?”

“I think so.  Not right now, of course.  I have to go to the Western Approach first.”

“And the Forbidden Oasis.  Don’t forget that one.”

“You will be going with us there.”

My eyes shot to his.  “What?  NO.”

“Yes.”  His tone was firm.

“Why do you do this?  Why won’t you let me stay home?”

“I need you there, Chrissy.”

“You don’t.  You don’t!  I wasn’t there.  I would have remembered me being there.  I was never anywhere!”

“You’re going.”  His voice told me the decision was final.

I felt like I was cracking.  I stood up, back straight, chin up, face smooth.  Angry.  Hurt.  Something deep within me froze, and bloomed.  It felt like something was swirling, spinning, a slow rotation.  Wrapping around me, pushing everything back from me.  Keeping me safe.  We stood in the eye, he and I.

Catching his gaze, holding it, I spoke.  Softly.  So very softly.  Just loud enough for the words to reach him.  “How will you get me there, if I don’t want to go?”   The french doors banged open, letting the wind in.  I could smell ozone in the air.  Thunder overhead crashed.  “Chains?  Bound and beaten, until I give in?  How do you intend to enforce your will upon me?”

He stood, slowly.  Cautiously.  “Chrissy?”

“Inquisitor.”  My tone was shards of ice, but I didn’t realize it at the time.

He winced.  “Don’t do this, little sister.  Come back, Chrissy.  I won’t hurt you.  I won’t chain you.  No matter what.  Put the avenging angel away, please, hon.  If you feel that strongly about not wanting to go-”

“You DIDN’T ASK.”  I snarled it.  “You DON’T KNOW if I want to go.  You decided for me.  INSTEAD of me.”

The brave man stepped right up to me.  Sorrow in his eyes, along his connection to me.  And a tinge of fear.  “I’m so sorry, honey.  I wanted you with me because it keeps me grounded.  Keeps me Sam.  Please, Chrissy.”  His hand dared to rest on my cheek.  He moved so very, very slowly.  Smart man kept his eyes on mine, gauging my reactions, how far he could go.  Not pushing me to lash out.  “I’m losing myself.  Piece by piece.  Will you please come back to me?  You can stay in Skyhold.  Leave, go somewhere else.  Wherever you want.  Just come back?”  Truth, but not all of it.  He was holding something back.

“I will not be ordered.  And I am not your pet oracle.”

“No, darling.  You will be asked.  I promise.”  He meant it.  My anger eased, tiredness following in its wake.  A lot of tiredness.  Rain fell.  Someone was pushing through the spiral, moving with it.  I felt it.  Calm.  Solas.

His voice.  “Inquisitor.”

“Solas.  She’s…  Can you help?”  There was a tone to his voice, a tinge of worry.  He removed his eyes from mine and it hurt me.  Ignoring me just because a man walked in?  His eyes snapped back to my face.  “I…”

I turned my face to the elven mage.   His eyes were intense, and he was not afraid of me.  Not the slightest.  “ _Come here, my heart._ ”  A hand held out, liquid tones, a soothing voice.  I didn’t know what the words meant, not exactly, but I knew what HE meant when he continued.  “ _Come to me, and I will protect you._ ”  It throbbed with something, soothing me and peaking my curiosity.  Distracting me.  “ _You are safe, with me._ ”

I didn’t decide to do it.  But I found myself reaching for him, and he enfolded me in his arms.  The swirling around me collapsed, and I shivered at the sensation.  Not something I can describe very well.  Like putting your own cold hand in your armpit.  Conflicting sensation, but all you.  When next he spoke, it was to Sam.  “What happened, Inquisitor.”

“I told her she was going to the Forbidden Oasis with us.  I should have asked.  She objected, and I reacted poorly.  I don’t know what happened after that.  Her eyes, Solas, and her face.  So cold.  She wasn’t the Chrissy we know.”

“She scared you.”

“In that moment, she was someone I didn’t know, and she was considering striking me down.”

“Was not.”  I mumbled it into Solas’ chest.  I was so very tired, and I was calm again.  And getting embarrassed.  “It was mostly Cullen.”  The french doors shut.  I looked up, and Garalen stood there.  Keeping everyone out.  Gunther stood in the door to the hallway, his back to me.

It was Sam that responded.  “What did Cullen do?”  His tone was cautious.  A hand stroked down my braid, soothing. Keeping me calm.

“Grabbed my arm, demanded information.  He forgot.  And then so did you, and something cracked.”  I closed my eyes.  “I’m sorry.  I’m not good company today.”

“Chrissy, what happened?”

Solas answered.  I didn’t know.  “Unlike the other elves you know, Inquisitor, she is not tame.  You are used to a garden, tended.  She is a forest, wild, with dark spaces and light.”

Sam sighed.  “My friend once told me that elves were not as tame as they seem to be, and he hoped I never saw the fury beneath.”

“His composure hid the rage of a people.”  It just came out.  I don’t know where it came from.

Sam sucked in a breath.  “He said that.  Exactly that.”

Solas mused.  “Not as tame as they appear.  Interesting.  Your friend.  Can I meet him?”

“Celene had him killed, along with a thousand others, men, women, children, when she set fire to Halamshiral last year.  He had been visiting his betrothed.  They both perished in the flames.”  I lifted my head.  There was hate, pure hate, in Sam’s voice.  “I will not allow Orlais to take another friend from me, Chrissy.”  He looked at his hand.  “Perhaps demons are what they deserve.”  His voice was still hard.

“NO, Sam.”  It burst out of me.  Solas held me tighter, turning me back to his chest.

“Would you really consign the servants, the elves, the peasants, to such a fate, Inquisitor?”

Sam sighed.  “No, I suppose not.”

Then hell broke loose in another direction.  Uncle Wulf came running up to the door.  “Move, boy!” he shot at Gunny, who did so.  “Chrissy, the stables.  You have to come.”  He was panting.  I grabbed Solas’ hand as I headed that direction, Sam following.

Gethon was holding a pitchfork, aiming at human lad.  “Geth!”  He turned his head, and oh shit.  Geth wasn’t quite in there.  I kept my eyes on his.  “Put it down, Gethon.  Please.”  It dipped, just a bit.

“He…  He…  I won’t…”

“Hush, my own.  Put it down, for me.”  It dipped more.  “Come here, Gethon.”  I held out a hand.  “The human doesn’t matter.  I will find out what is going on.”  He wavered.  The tines hit the ground, but he didn’t put it down.  Solas had his hand on my back, and I could feel… something.  I was less tired.  “Come here, Geth.”

Gethon dropped the pitchfork, finally.  He slowly took two steps toward me, then sank to his knees, dropping his head.  I looked back at Sam as Geth's arms came around my waist.  “What’s going on?  Cullen nearly attacks me.  I nearly attack you.  You speak of killing an entire nation.  Gethon is _fighting_.  What is this?” I kept a hand on Gethon.

“We’ll find out.”  Sam saw the problems, too.  Thank god.  “Get all of yours, Chrissy.  Let’s get all of us in one place.  Then we’ll sort this.”  He strode off.

“The ballroom.  We’ll be in there.”  Sam’s hand went up in acknowledgement.  He was focused.  I had my fingers in Geth’s hair.  He was trembling under my hand.  I looked at Solas, concerned.  “Venatori?  Or Xenon?”

“Xenon?”

“I received an invitation today, and so did Sam, to the Black Emporium.”

“Are you calm now, da’asha?”

“I think so.”

“Call me, immediately, if that changes.  I will go with the Inquisitor.  He is the bigger danger, at the moment.”  Thunder rolled ahead, and the skies opened again.  The rain soaking us all.

“Wulfgang?”

“Yeah, little bit?”

“Will you help me get everyone to the ballroom?  And blankets and pillows and such?”

“Of course.  Just Ethelathe?”

“Everyone.  I think we need everyone.  Let Sam handle the Hessarians.”

I then turned my attention to Gethon, who was shivering.  I wrapped my arms around him, and he started sobbing.  I don’t know what happened, and he still won’t talk about it.  The other guy was no more coherent.  It’s like they didn’t know why they were fighting.

I got them calm enough to move, and we relocated to the ballroom.  All of us.  Once there I strummed my threads.  Just the ones nearby.  Calling them to me.  I didn’t know if it would work, but it couldn’t hurt.  They trickled in, ones and twos and threes, mine, not-mine, Skyhold, Ethelathe, Orlais.  I greeted them with hugs and comfort.  Mine and not mine.

There were some signs of violence.  A few bruised eyes, bloodied noses.  None from my elves, thank goodness.  The Orlesians, mostly.  And Baxter.  Seggritt’s assistant.  I looked him over, but he was fine.  Zatlan hovered close, as did Cara.  They were scared, kind of, and needed to be near.

Dorian and Bull came in arguing.  I told them to knock it off, something was wrong.  I explained the day, quietly.  Bull sneered, because he figured it was the Venatori.  Dorian confirmed that Xenon wouldn’t do such a thing, in his knowledge.

Leliana and Josie weren’t speaking to each other.  Cassandra had a handprint on her cheek.  She wouldn’t discuss it, but based on the way Varric looked at it, it wasn’t him.  He doesn’t like her much, but he won’t tolerate anyone abusing her.  Varric and Sera had to be parted every few minutes.  The handprint wasn’t small enough to be Sera’s, though.  Blackwall just simmered in a corner.  After we all congregated, we waited, with everyone stopping the mild arguments that kept breaking out over the littlest things.

Sam had snagged Vivienne, who was the one who found it.  Some sort of stone doll with angry eyes, inscribed with lyrium runes, was in a package that had been delivered just before noon.  I didn’t get a look at it.  She wrapped the idol in three layers of silk cloth, and then put it in a jeweled box.  The instant she closed the lid, something eased.  Like Whoah, from barely keeping not-angry, to instant confusion.

There were a lot of apologies, and hugs, and such.  Tears and forgiveness.  Sam told me we’d all discuss it later, and to get things ready for the dinner.  Someone was expecting us to be in disarray, and we couldn’t allow that.

We sent the bedding and pillows back to their rooms, returning the villa to a usable state.  One of the maids had dumped most of the spare candles in the kitchen fireplace in a fit of pique.  The wax had to be scraped up, and dinner will be lit by magelight.  There were other small cleanup issues.  At least I could be fairly certain that this was aimed at the Inquisition, not Ethelathe.

Leorah, Cara, and Briri ushered me back to my rooms.  Garalen didn’t leave my side.  Andrew stayed in the room as well, with his back turned.  He wasn’t going to leave her or me alone.  Neither would speak about what happened, but she watched him like a woman who knew she was loved, so I wasn’t too concerned.

Dinner was in a few hours, and I had to get ready.  A bath, which I heated.  Way too much makeup, but nothing around my mouth.  Eating, you know.  Paint on my nails, feet and fingers.  In black.  I was put in cream, but it looked like black branches all over it.  Much like the lines on my arms, branching and forking.

I was waiting in the parlor as the others trickled in.  Dorian was absolutely gorgeous, as usual.  Outshone almost everyone in pure beauty and style.  Bull was coaxed into a white tie-together shirt.  Didn’t have to go over the horns, and the billowy arms made him look surprisingly yummy.  I think I caught Dorian drooling more than once.  Cullen was in another nutcracker suit.  I guess he likes the style.  At least it had far darker pants.  He looked incredible in it, really.  I just don't like the style.

Cassandra was in a nutcracker-style jacket and pants, as well, but the jacket reached the floor in back, hinting at being a dress without actually being a dress.  Josie looked like a princess in cream and pink, hair and face dolled up, wide skirts and jewels.  Leliana was in a dress as well, or so it appeared until she walked.  Split skirts.  Sneaky.

Sera was in an outfit shaped like her old one, but of much finer material.  No plaidweave.  Blackwall and Varric were in matching finery, chest hair exposed at the throat.  Vivienne always looks good.  Sam was dressed to the nines as Lord Trevelyan, a rare sight.  And Solas.  Oh, my.  He was dressed much like Neo from the Matrix.  No buttons, just black toggles.  Maybe more like a Catholic priest, without the white collar at his throat.  Black pants beneath.  He worked his way through the others before greeting me.  No touching. He touched me with nothing but his gaze the entire evening.

It was the first time I'd really gotten a chance to see everyone in their glad rags.  It impressed me, and our guests were properly in awe of the inner circle's magnificence.  Beautiful and deadly men and women.  After the day, the dinner was boring.  We all watched our guests carefully.  No one, however, seemed surprised or taken off guard by our composure.  A few were a bit freaked by the mage lights and such, but no one admitted it.  Drinks, cards, a little dancing and conversation.  I was asked, twice, but told both gentlemen that I was not dancing that evening.

Dorian and I paired up against a minor Count and his untitled cousin, beating them roundly at the card game du jour.  Bull was flirting with some ladies in a corner, steaming my Dorian no end.  The steam stopped suddenly when I asked if he’d ever requested Bull not flirt with others.  Apparently not, based on his sheepish reaction.

We finally got the random people out of the house.  We bid each other good night as we headed up the stairs.  I went for my room, but Solas grabbed me around the waist and bustled me into his.  Still in my clothing, still in my makeup.  I ended up against the wall, kissed breathless.  “I have been wanting to do that since this afternoon.  You have no idea, ma’nehn, ma’sulahn’nehn.  Ma’asha.  No idea what seeing you like that does to me.”  He reared back, and sat me on the couch, handing me paper and my pen.  “Be quick, ma’lath.”  Mine mine mine.  Very possessive today, he is.


	156. Day 15, 9 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unpleasant meeting in the fade, training with Dorian, an afternoon at the museum.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 15, 9 Kingsway, 9:41**

Last night Solas told me he’d had his own moment of irrational urges.  He controls himself better than I do, obviously.  He also admitted that Sam belongs to him as much as he belongs to me.  A powerful statement.  It was all revealed during an extremely intense intimate moment.  That man looms large on the scoville scale.

After we calmed, I slipped into the fade.  I couldn’t put off the meeting any more.  I stood in my haven of spikes and eyes taking deep breaths.  (Isn’t it weird that I made my spikes and stuff in my room, but I still wake up in it when I’m in Solas’ room?)  Yes, I know it’s not really breathing in the fade, but it is still calming.  Once I felt secure enough in myself, I asked Rage and Hope to come with me.  Cole’s a good judge of character, and I trust him.

Contentment lifted a brow at me, and I rolled my eyes at it.  “You know I can’t take you.”

“I know.  Integrity would forever associate you with me, not as yourself.”

“Yes.”  It wrapped its arms around me for a moment.

“Be careful.  Call and be damned the consequences, little one.  I will come.”

“If I need you, you are on the list.”

“Don’t hesitate.  Call us all.”

“I don’t think it wants to hurt me.  I may have acted irrationally.”

“Don’t.  Trust in yourself, your reactions.  And next time, CALL.”

“You sound like my father.”

“Then listen.”

Rage and Hope started leading me off, and Fortitude stepped with us.  I looked at it.

It looked at me, crossing its arms.  I know that look.  “You should be named stubborn.”

“No.  Maybe another time.”  Which was seriously not anything I’d expected to hear.  They took advantage of my surprise and just kept going, me in tow.

Three steps in I found myself in the Spring Meadow gown.  I must have believed Varric when he told me I wore it as armor.  Armor it is, today.  I touched my face and found the golden half-mask as well.  I didn’t stop walking.  Truthfully, I felt better in it.  Varric calling it armor made it so, in a way.

I assumed my fade friends knew where they were going. Oops.  However, logic is a thing, so I steered us to the Chevalier headquarters building.  I’d seen it, had it pointed out, but never been inside.  The gates were bigger and askew, somehow.  The building loomed larger than it did in the meat world.  It wasn’t exactly the same shape, but it was obviously the same place.  Frikkin’ Beetlejuice world.

The Winter Palace was smaller than this place.  I’m not sure what that means in regards to how Orlais works.  Though I have some inkling.  The chevaliers are above the law, after all.  I stood too long in front of the gates, and they opened without us ringing or knocking or anything.

The doors to the building also opened, and Integrity stood there, full armor, full helm.  It removed its helm to reveal a toothy blonde pretty boy face.  An apparently genuine cocky grin, too.  Surprisingly well done.  “Welcome, Ethelathun.”  He thought he was charming, I’m sure.  “You are a very difficult person to get to know.”

“Thank you for the welcome, Integrity.”  This was its domain, so I had to make nice.  “I apologize if I injured you in any way before.  I don’t react well to being trapped or confined.  I was scared and angry.”  I still hadn’t moved within the gates.

“Not even a scratch, though I was impressed with the attempt.  Please, do come in.  You are invited to stay as long as you like, and not a moment longer.  You may leave at any point.”

It held out a hand.  I’m not foolish enough to forget this is not a man, but a spirit.   A powerful one, if this is its fief.  I’m not sure how reliable its statements were, but I had no real choice, did I.  I stepped forward and placed my hand upon its outstretched one.  We made small talk, get to know you chitchat as it escorted me inside.  Oddly, it spoke of the weather.  There are no clouds, no weather here in the fade.  It seemed disconcerted, but only momentarily, when I deviated from the script in its head.

After a tour of its headquarters, in which it showed me empty rooms and strange-shaped closets, and it stopped at a balcony overlooking a large ballroom full of spirits.  Spinning and dancing, emulating the grand game, from what I could understand.  Riotous color, outlandish outfits.  They didn’t acknowledge our presence.  Hope and Rage had stayed with me through the tour, and Fortitude made sure the exit was clear.

Integrity leaned on the balcony railing.  “You have been to Orlais before.”

“Once.  The one who bears the anchor requests, and I oblige.”

“That one.”

“That one, yes.”

“What does he plan for Orlais?  Will he seal the holes that steal my people?”

“He does what he can.  He has sealed many rifts.  Is there one in particular that worries you?  I can try to point him at it.  He may listen.”

“To the west, mon cher.  There are many there.  They are pulled through and lost.”

I ignored the endearment.  “He intends to go to the Western Approach next, Integrity.  He was waylaid by the Empress for this ball.  Someone has to pacify the civil war in Orlais, and he is uniquely suited to it.  Powerful, and neutral.”

“And will he close the rifts along the way?”

“He is the type to do so, but I do not control him.”

“What is your role in this?”

“I don’t have one, so far as I know.  The fate of the world rests on the shoulders of three men.  Warden, Champion, Inquisitor.”

For some reason that made it laugh.  “You believe this.”

“Yes.”  I waited to be told the joke.

Its laughter subsided.  It had caught my enforced patience.  “My apologies.  You credit too few, ma petit enfant.”  Swaggering tone, like it was pulling something over on me.  I didn’t say anything, but I am not a little baby.  And I do not belong to it.  I might, MIGHT, accept that from Contentment.  I did, however, allow my eyes to narrow just a bit, to show annoyance.  It noticed, and its tone was more careful when it continued.  “There are at least seven, and perhaps nine.  Not all are men.  Do you not consider anyone who moves in the fade?”

“I have only sure knowledge of those three.  Feel free to add to my list.”

“The Wolf, the Dragon, the Wanderer From Afar, and the Dwarf, at a minimum.”

“I think I may recognize two or three of those.  Where did you get this information?”

Integrity glanced up at the “sky” in the fade.  “It grows late.  Contentment will be worried.”  An abrupt change of subject.  It paused and looked at me.  “I apologize for those who wear this armor.  They have forgotten that they are supposed to defend the weak and the helpless.”

“Have you mentioned that to them in their dreams?  Subliminal messaging in the ones who cannot understand or remember consciously what they see and do here?  A reminder of what they should be?”

It laughed again.  “They don’t remember their dreams.”

“Does that mean they aren’t affected by them?”

Integrity became as still as a statue.  “You ask the most interesting questions.”

“I know the meat world affects the fade.  It would make sense for the fade to affect the meat world.”

Its eyes watched me.  Just a bit off, turned a bit too far in its head.  A subtle reminder that it was playing a man, not actually one.  Possibly playing at being nice, and not actually nice.  Contentment said trust myself.  My gut said this being had tried to capture me, and was still considering it.  I just don’t know why.  “You think dreams can affect them as much as memories affect us.”

“I’m glad you don’t ask about belief.”

“You believe it as well, or you would not have mentioned it.”  I shrugged.  Maybe I did, but if so, it wasn’t a strongly held belief.  “Come back, Ethelathun.  You may walk my paths unmolested.  For now.”  The voice had hardened on those last two words.  Joy.  Temporary amnesty, and I wouldn’t necessarily know when it was retracted.

It tilted its head to the side for a moment.  “If any of mine molests you in any way, at any point, past or future, I will stop it.  Permanently.”  That was weird, because I felt that settle.  Was it saying that only it might molest me in the future?  I don’t understand this Integrity well at all.  Much like Contentment, I suppose.

Integrity crossed its arms suddenly.  I had barely blinked when Hope, Rage, Fortitude, and I found ourselves back within my spikes and eyes.  No goodbye.  Not really.  Contentment reached for me moments later.  It lifted a digit, tilting up my chin moments later.  “Who are you?”

“I am me, Contentment.  And no one else, so far as I know.”

Its eyes narrowed, and that tangy orange rolled up from my feet over my body.  “So you are.”  I’d only felt that magic from Solas.  It was very strange to feel it from anyone else.  “Integrity kept you through your cycles.”  It looked up at Hope and Rage, who were pacing or floating or slithering or whatever it is they do back and forth.  “Did she cycle?”

Hope sort of fluttered, unwilling to answer.  Rage snarled at it.  “NO.  Put her to rest, Contentment.  We can’t afford her to be weakened by an enemy.  Please, lord.”  Lord?

I was shifting my vision to peruse thread when I heard a murmured voice. “Not without telling you, on my word.  For your safety, little one, sleep.” And everything turned off.  So much for giving me choice.  Probably thought it gave me enough time to object.

My eyes opened to bright sunlight.  It was surprisingly late.  At least nine.  Solas was not in bed, and I was wearing a nightgown.  Actually, once I looked, I was in MY bed, and it wasn’t a nightgown.  One of Solas’ sweaters.  I hadn’t been wearing anything when I went to sleep.  In HIS bed.  What the hell?

“My morning dove has turned to a slugabed, I see.”

“Dorian?”  Looking around, he was in a chair across the room, reading.  At least he had a book open.

“No other.  I am, after all, your favorite Tevinter.”  He smoothly rose.  “Now, are we done laying about?”

“What time is it?”

“Long past when I expected you up, darling.  And you wouldn’t wake.”  He had come over to me as he spoke, and then tapped me on the nose.  “Staff practice, and I won’t take no for an answer.  Your hobo says that you are now considering staves part of your repertoire of self-defense unconsciously.  We must hone what you have, my dove.”

“Uh, okay?  But can I have coffee first?”

He laughed.  “Not food?”  He sobered when I didn’t ask for food.  I’d just woken up?  Who eats when they’re not even out of bed?  I could see the wheels turning in his head, and then his eyes narrowed just a hair.  He didn’t say what he was thinking, though, whatever it was.  But he was tinged displeased, something to do with me but not anything I did.  Or something.  That is so weird.

“My love?”

He just sighed.  “I had thought you might get Solas out of the horrid hobo outfit, not start wearing it yourself.  Come now.  Up.”

I clambered out of bed and smiled.  There was no Leorah, no Briri.  So I hunted in my drawers.  And nothing but underthings.  Fancy underthings.  The closet had dresses.  Frothy confections and sedate gowns.  A few working outfits.  My eye came to rest on the flowy tunic-like dress I could wear with leggings.  “Be right out,” I told Dorian, and was dressed a few moments later.  Someone had rolled up the laced up pants Alora’d given me and tossed them in a corner.

When I came back out, moments later, because this is the easiest dress ever, and I love it, Dorian had my staff.  “Have you even swung this thing, Chrissy?”

“I don’t remember.”

“We’ll get your coffee and your breakfast before we begin.”  He snagged a bit of bread and egg himself, so I guess I wasn’t the only one.  Zatlan provided me my schedule while I ate.  I got to visit the museum this afternoon, oh joy.  At least I had the evening off, and tomorrow as well.  Unless someone drops in for a visit.

After munchies, Dorian took me to the ballroom.  We got started, him making little corrections to my stance, my technique.  This staff swung a touch differently than the last.  After a half hour of the things we had been doing before, but this time with my ice staff, he stopped me.  “Suppose, dove, you wished to freeze your opponent solid.”

Sometimes I’m pretty dense, because I did the same thing I always do when I want something frozen.  The temperature dropped, and clinking sounds were heard as the water in the air froze.  Dorian’s teeth chattered as he shivered.  “N-n-not wh-what I mean-n-nt.”

I warmed the room back up and him a bit more.  “Sorry, love.  I wasn’t thinking.”  He was just looking at me.  Trying to find words.

“You froze the ballroom.”

“Just a little bit.  It’s the opposite of heat, you know.  Speed things up, and the air gets warmer.  Slow it down, make it sleepy, and it gets cooler.  I suppose I should have moved the water around you and just froze everything there?”

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Do not ever do that to me.”  He shuddered.  “I dread to think of how cold that would be.”

“You did want things frozen.”

“Darling, we’re STAFF training.  Did you possibly think that this was a thing the staff could do?”

“Not really.  Staves do that?  I always thought it was something a mage did himself when I was watching.”

“Yes, they do.  If you do it right.  But that can wait.  How large a room could you freeze, do you think?”

“I don’t know.”

“Could you make this room so cold the frost grew on the windows?”

“Probably.  I’d have to cool it slower because of the fractal nature of frost and the way it forms from the water condensed on the glass…”  I was gathering myself to do just that when he stopped me.

“Not yet, Chrissy.  Could you warm this room so much that someone would sweat?”

Something tinged my awareness.  “Absolutely.  I’m fairly sure I could warm this room enough that an Antivan would experience heatstroke.”

A new voice.  Well, not new, just Zevran.  “Ah, you knew I was here.  Some day you will have to tell me how you do that.”

“Perhaps.”

Dorian was looking at me.  “What, precisely, is heat stroke?”

I felt the smirk on my face.  “A horrible way to die.  Headache, nausea, high fever, hallucinations, coma, death.  Baking the water out of a person.  It’s when a body can’t cool itself effectively.  Zevran, are you spying on me?”

“I spoke to the lovely Garalen, and she asked me to watch over you for an afternoon while she did-” he flipped a hand in the air, “something.  I didn’t ask what, and it is certainly no hardship to watch a lovely young woman such as yourself.”

Dorian made a choking noise.  “Not one word, Altus.  If he hasn’t figured it out, we’re not telling him.”

“A private joke, of sorts?”

“Not precisely, Zevran.  Perhaps more a test of observation skills.  Dorian, we can continue this discussion later, alright?”  I wasn’t ready to discuss this sort of thing in front of Zevran.  Plain staff work followed, and then lunch.  Dorian went off to do his own thing after that.

Then dressed up and coiffed by the ladies, I headed out to the museum.  I was handed a pair of SUNGLASSES by Zatlan.  The spectacle lenses were pink.  I was literally wearing rose-colored glasses.  No one understood my giggles.

The afternoon passed fairly calmly.  Zevran walked next to me as I perused the offerings.  Revis was around there somewhere, too.  The museum was apparently more a place to be seen than a place of learning.  I strolled, viewing the exhibits.  A man with a bucket and a mop caught my attention.  The tip of one ear had been cut off.

I quietly addressed Zevran.  “Why is that man’s ear docked?”

“Ah, you have not encountered this?  One of two things, Etheling.  Either the man has committed a crime, or he was caught by chevaliers.”  My lips pressed together.  I could feel them.  “There is nothing you can do for him right now, and calling attention to him would make the situation worse.”  I gave him a short nod, and let it go.  I’ll be looking into it, though.

As the afternoon progressed and my visit came to an end, I spotted a little head of black hair poring over the plaque next to a helmet on a pedestal.  He had an open book in his hand, and was comparing the information.  Something about that caught my attention.  I steered that way, but stopped when Morrigan, in the flesh, entered my view.  I stayed back, and watched her speak to him gravely.  They spoke quietly together, and then she started off.

Kieran, for that was who the black haired child was, went to follow her.  He paused, midstep.  He put his foot back down and turned his head.  His eyes caught mine.  Old eyes.  Very old.  He lowered his head to me.  I made the same gesture at the same time, and we both smiled.  Then the youngling went off to follow his mother.

She stopped, looking back for him.  When he caught up to her, she placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him.  A beautiful, loving, caring smile.  This was a mother who loved her son.  I know we assume that in game, but to see it.  She’s not distant from him, for all they seem reserved.  I’d wager there are more kisses and cuddles in that household than she’d ever admit to.

I watched them leave.  Zevran spoke in a low voice.  “You know Morrigan?”

“No.  I’ve never met her.”

“I see.”

“She didn’t acknowledge you.”

“She didn’t see me.”

“I see.”

“Now that is not nice, Etheling, using my words.”

“It’s my way.  I’ll try to refrain.”

“Let’s get you back.  I’m sure you are tired.”

The evening passed fairly quickly.  I got a chance to read, to do some paperwork.  Actually participated in songtime for the first time in ages.  I missed it, and was glad to get back to it.  Dorian told me that he would be remembering to have that chat with me as I went up to my room.  Solas was already in there, and he’s reading on the bed while I write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. Sorry for the long delay. There are some difficult things in my life right now. I'm still all up in this, so don't worry.


	157. Day 16, 10 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serious discussions with Solas and Garalen, Putting my foot down, listening to Cara, Margaritas and house spelunking. A fairly quiet day.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 16, 10 Kingsway, 9:41**

How does he always know I’m done almost before I do?  Before I stop moving the pen, before I finish my last thought?  I have no idea, but he does.  I hadn’t been paying attention to him, and jumped three feet when his arms came around me.  Which made him chuckle.  Drat the man.

We sat cuddled up together, watching the sky, and he traced the edge of my ear, making me shiver. “Did you enjoy your trip to the museum?”

“As much as I expected to, yes.  Learning a little about-”  I shut up for a moment, because I nearly said Europe.  Sometimes I get tired of living in warped history.  “Foreign cultures and how they view the world is always interesting.”

“Should I ask about that pause?”

“You can stop in the middle of sentences and I can’t?”

“And yet you do not ask about the pauses.”

“I don’t.  Should I?”

“Sometimes I think you have no curiosity about me at all.”

“I don’t want to pry.”

“Because you think then I would pry.”  I just sighed.  “Yes, haselan’udh, now.”

“Fine.  What do you want to know, Solas?”

That flummoxed him.  “So many things.”  He was thoughtful a few minutes, obviously trying to phrase something.

I interrupted his thoughts after a bit.   “You can’t exactly articulate the questions, right?  Even though so much curiosity is percolating in your head?”

“I see.”  I just nodded.  Now he understands.  “When you have a question, da’asha, you may ask.  I may not answer, but you may ask.”

“That goes both ways, mor’ishan.”  Which made him smile.  I brushed my fingers over his jaw.  “It has been too long since I saw you in the fade, Blaud.”  I tilted my head to the side a little, making it a question.

His smile fell a little.  “Not tonight, Chrysopal, regrettably.  I have-”  He took a breath.  “My evening is already occupied.  But perhaps tomorrow?  I can resched-”  He shut his mouth.

I traced his bottom lip.  “I know you are doing political things, on both sides of the veil.  I am being very calm about that, and making effort not to intrude.”

He brushed my hair back from my face.  “Tell me one thing that you hold back from me.”

“About anything?”

“In regards to me and my doings.”

“How very self-centered.”

“Please?”

I sighed.  Something fairly innocuous, then.  “At the end, after the final battle-”

He interrupted.  “Final battle?”

I lost my nerve.  “Nevermind.  I shouldn’t anyway.”

He lifted my face to his, kissing my lips.  “I will listen, Emily Lynne.  Finish your thought.  I asked, and should not have interrupted.”

“I don’t know.  I don’t know if I should say anything.  They’re your choices, and I have no right.”

“Then choose something else.”

I rested my cheek against his shoulder.  “I can’t look at the sky after the rain here.”  It just came out.

“Why is that?”

“Because the rainbows are upside down, and it makes me afraid, just a little.  And I don’t know why it makes me afraid.  It’s less now than the first time I saw it.  I guess I’m getting used to it.”

“Upside down.”

“Red on the bottom.  It was at the top on my Earth.  My first thought was...”  I trailed off.

“Emily Lynne, please.”

“This was the first time it rained at Skyhold.  A while ago.” He leaned closer, with somber eyes.  He didn’t say anything, but waited.  “I thought you had broken the sky, but I don’t know if that’s true.”

“That was your first thought.”

“Yes.”  He laid back, throwing an arm over his eyes.  “Solas, you asked me.”

“I did.”

I glanced over at him.  “Were the rainbows always red on the bottom here?”

He sighed.  “No, <unfamiliar word I didn’t catch>.  They were not.”

He didn’t say anything else, and didn’t look at me.  I’m not sure whether I want to know what he called me.  “I knew I should have kept my big mouth shut.”  I went to get up, assuming he would prefer I make myself scarce for a bit.  The man moves incredibly fast when he wants to.  I’d only gotten a step away when I was hauled back against his chest.

“Going somewhere?  Or running?”

“I-”

“Come back to bed.”

“I thought-”

“That I was upset, specifically at you.  I am not.”  We laid back down, and I played with the fingers of one of his hands, my back pressed against his chest as he played with my hair.  “If you run, I will assume you want me to chase.  Your words, vhenan.”

“Let’s sleep, Solas.  No more pressing questions.  I’m under enough stress right now, okay?”

“Let me help you sleep.”  I could hear some tone to his voice, but I wasn’t facing him.

“I’m looking forward to tomorrow.  Nothing on the schedule unless someone pops by.  No one to push and pull.  It’ll be nice to have time to myself.  Be able to smile if I want to.  Maybe I’ll grab Alora and head down into the city.  Or visit another museum.  I bet the local shops have cheesecake, too.  Do you think I’ll have time to visit the other Venedahl?  It might be nice before-”

“Emily Lynne.”

“Yes, Solas?”

“Hush.”  His lips brushed my ear as he spoke.  I went to say something else, and he brushed two fingers against my mouth.  They dragged along my bottom lip, distracting me.  “Shhh.  Let me help you relax, Vhenan.”  I’d thought he had been talking about magically, but he stripped me out of my nightgown.  He started at my toes, and I fell asleep while he was working on my back.  Returning a favor I did him a few days back, I suppose.

I spent my time in the fade playing cards and discussing my “firm” barriers and how to expand their application.  With practicals.  Contentment and Fortitude say that they’re “force fields”.  Which seems really sci fi for a medieval world.  The evening passed quietly, cycling in and out.

I woke early, but rested.  Solas was gone, again.  I should be used to that.  My hair was braided, in the simple braid I used to favor.  Leorah was moving about quietly.  I watched her for a bit.  It’s amazing how much they do with me asleep a few feet away.

Garalen came in.  She and Leorah held a quiet consultation I couldn’t decipher.  It was in English, but it was so quiet that I only caught a syllable here and there.  When I went to slip out of bed, they realized I was up.  Leorah dipped that silly quick curtsy and smiled.

“Good morning!  You look rested, dearest.”

“You are up early.  How do you guys manage?”

“We aren’t up entertaining guests to all hours.  Let’s get you dressed.”

Garalen added that she was poked this morning, and didn’t feel like going back to sleep just to get poked again.  “I needed some other types of exercise.  It’s been fun, but I need a break.  That man.”  She smiled.  “I’m fairly sure you know exactly what I’m talking about.”  Such a sly tone.

“Not as of yet, but I’m not ruling out the possibility.”  That made Leorah laugh.

Garalen went to answer a knock at the door.  It was food.  For three, thank goodness.  While we gossiped about our gentlemen (because Leorah and Zathras are definitely an item), I took the opportunity to take a quick look at my Garalen.  Still one spark.  I would really like to see a baby Garadrew, but apparently not yet.  At least I know they’re not doing anything to prevent it, so I can dream about it.

After we ate, I sipped my coffee and Leorah started going on about how I had a busy day today.  “I’d better not.  It’s my day off.  Sam very carefully made sure I didn’t have anything planned for today.  And you know how testy he gets when I work on my days off.”

She didn’t say anything for a bit.  “There were a few little things…  They didn’t fit anywhere else.”  Her tone was a bit tentative.

“What few little things?”

“Well…”

“Leorah?”

“Why don’t we just let the day be what the day is?”

“What have you done?”

“Nothing.  Let’s just get you dressed.  Just one little meeting, with someone important.”  Even Garalen had tensed up a little.  Leorah disappeared into the closet and bustled about for a bit.  She came out with this admittedly pretty white fluffy thing.  That dragged the floor even in her arms.

“Hold that up a moment?”  Maybe it was the day.  Maybe I was just ticked.  But this thing had a TRAIN.  Like three feet of drag along the ground.  And it was white.  Way to make sure I did NOTHING on my day off.  “What are you doing, Leorah?”

“I’m not sure what you mean?”

“I can’t do anything in that dress.”

“But you’d be so beautiful in it.”

“Leorah.”

“You could spend the day in the music room.  Practice magic with Lord Pavus.  And you would be here if that person came by.”

“That person?”

“Well, she’s interested in us.  What we want, what we do.  Who we are.  She might want it for herself!  And she holds most of the elves here, like Cyrren in Redcliffe.  She’s been sending notes.  Zatlan said it couldn’t hurt to be ready for her to drop by.”  Briala.  I don’t think so.

“I have no intention of speaking to her right now.  Certainly not as a supplicant waiting about for her to deign to greet me.  She wants to change Orlesian society to include elves.  Subsume us into their ways.  Abandon everything we are or could be to stagnate in Orlais.”

“You know who she is?”  Something that had been tensing in me eased.  Leorah didn’t know.  She hadn’t done this on purpose.  Then my heart stuttered.  I’d been so focussed on Leorah I hadn’t noticed Garalen.  She’d moved behind Leorah, knife out.  When whatever it was eased in me, she slid the knife back into its sheath.

I was silent for a few moments, looking at them both.  Leorah was confused, and didn’t notice Gara behind her.  Gara was… Intense.  Waiting.  I needed to get Leorah out of here for a bit, so I can breathe.  And there was no way I was putting that thing on.  “Leorah, I’m not wearing that dress today.  Maybe not ever.  White trains are for weddings, not every day.  Or even fancy days.  I want pants and a tunic.  As fancy as you like, but I insist on pants.”

“I didn’t bring any of those.”  She’d twigged to the fact that something was going on.  I can’t describe the expression on her face, but she looked worried/unhappy.

“Then find me something you’re willing for me to be seen in.  But it will be pants.”  I strode to the door of the room and opened it.  She left in a hurry, and Gara and I both watched her go.  I’m not sure how I feel about the curtsy before she left.

Garalen looked at me as I shut the door.  “If she had betrayed you, it would have been done.  Whether you wanted it or not, Chrissy.  I would take that stain to keep you safe.  She’s too close to do otherwise.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

“I know.  But, Chrissy?”  She put her hand on my shoulder.  “You aren’t screaming at me to never do it again.  You know I’m right.  You can’t afford that.  It is what I am here to do.  Not protect you from outsiders, though I will.  I am here to protect you from those who are close to you.  I am your Guardian, with all that entails.”

I was still looking at her.  I put up a barrier around us.  Silent and secret, and impenetrable.  Nothing was getting in or out of this room.  “It’s time, Garalen.”  I sat on the padded bench at the end of the bed and patted the space next to me.

She wasn’t even wary.  Which relieved me.  “It’s complicated.  I was always a big girl, especially to the Dalish.  Stocky and broad.  I was laughed at a bit by the other children.  Called names.  Asked if I was a human.”

I reached out and took her hand.  “If you need to wait…  Or if you want to skip these bits…”

“No, my lady.”  She continued, standing and pacing.  “When it came time to choose a vallaslin, to begin the preparations to become an adult, my keeper wouldn’t do it.  I wasn’t elf enough to deserve it.  I’m too tall, too odd-looking.  That was fine, because none of the choices appealed to me anyway.  But it meant I couldn’t stay.  I was sixteen.”

“Oh, honey.”

“The hahren had always been nice to me.  She told me about a group that might be a good fit.  They were bodyguards and defenders, who took in those who didn’t fit and let them find their place.  But I could never come back.  Most of the time, that place was with one of the gods that they don’t talk about.  Other times, with a person who calls us.  Since none of the creators fit me, she handed me an odd token, and told me to follow it.  I did.  It tingled in my hand when I was going the right way, and got hot when wasn’t.  It led me right to the place.”

She smiled.  “For the first time, I found myself accepted.  They taught me things I hadn’t even dreamed of.  I learned so much about who we are and what our history entails.  We were sent out into the world to be sure of our choices.  To perform little missions and details to get a sense of where we wanted to be.  You were my fourth of seven.”

She waited for some sort of input.  “Did you kill the others?”

“One of them.  I left the other ones when the mission was over.”

“What was your job regarding me?”

“I was supposed to observe.”  She smiled.  “And keep you alive while I determined your identity and background, unless you were a threat to us.  I was to meet a contact, a higher up in a brother group that was doing the same sort of thing with the Inquisitor, but the Inquisitor and my contact were out in the Hinterlands.  I couldn’t report to him, and never got the chance.  Not until after I chose.”

“Why?”

“I saw what you were doing.  You went about changing things like it was your right to do so.  You fully expect people to listen to what you say, even though you’re an elf.  And then, you stood up from the Templars’ attack.

"I had believed you would die in that moment.  But you stood, and smiled a strange sad smile.  I knew that you were in pain, and you never said a word.  And you said not one word about revenge, either.  Eventually, I figured I had to handle your safety and enact revenge, because you don’t defend yourself.  You don’t have that piece.”

She took another deep breath.  “I was that missing piece.  I found where I was truly needed.  My place.  By the time the contact returned, I would tell him nothing.  And when he tried to pull rank on a Syndic, I told him I wasn’t one anymore.  I was a Guardian.  His eyes got far away for a moment, much like yours do.  And he said ‘Guard her well’.  Practically growled it.”

“Your contact was Solas.”

“Yes.  I was worried about it for a while.  But I had no right to interfere because he never tried to hurt you.”

“I didn’t like him much at first.  You didn’t either, though.”

“I was worried.  Then he swore that he’d hold you closer than a Guardian would.  We were out in the Dales.”  I coughed a moment on a swallow of coffee that went down the wrong pipe.  “I know.  Considering you guys share a bed now, I find that interesting.  He didn’t mean it like that, though.  I don’t think.”  Oh, he’d totally meant that.  He never says anything important without at least two meanings.

“Is that why he healed me?”

She smiled.  “Nothing in any oath I heard said anything about healing. That was all him.  I think that if he could choose again, he would choose you.  Like I did.”  She didn’t know who he was!  She just thought he was a higher up in a similar organization.  It explained his power and knowledge and outlook, to her mind.  That’s really fucking smart on his part.  And Hella conniving.

Garalen talked more.  One of the reasons she was surprised by Ethelathe is that Jailyn had invited her in before she even knew anything about her.  And then I just accepted her presence without prying or anything.  It was creepy in some ways, because even when she arrived at The Refuge, she’d had to give them the token to be allowed in.  She had to know a password to get back in.  She looked at me warily for a moment, but I didn’t ask.  I played trespasser, after all.

“I thought you were really naive, Chrissy.  But now I think you do it on purpose.”  I smiled.  “That smile is creepy.  You definitely do it on purpose.”

“Garalen, I would really prefer that you refrain from killing people without sanction unless someone is actively attacking.”

Bitch patted my cheek.  “I know you would, Ethelathun.  I know.  It’s too late, though.  You’re stuck with me.”  She was way too pleased about that.

A few more minutes of talking and I released the barrier.  Leorah still hadn't returned.  I checked her thread, worried that I’d scared her off, but she was fine.  She was concentrating on something.  Probably altering something real quick.  It was still early enough that I just pulled on my robe.

Gara and I went to the parlor I’d claimed.  I read for a bit, waiting for Leorah.  I also plotted a little bit.  I wanted to explore a little.  I’d only really seen about half the rooms, and so many of them had everything swathed in fabric.  Considering the antique things in this place, I was willing to wager I would come across something interesting.

Leorah found me about nine with a tunic and pants.  We went back to my room to change, meeting Cara there.  The pants were about an inch too long, but had obviously been quickly hemmed.  Quality work, just quick.  I wondered whose pants she’d altered for a moment, but dismissed the thought.  The tunic was obviously something she’d held in reserve.  In fact, I think it was one of the ones from back in Haven with the embroidery filled in and finished.

I thanked her.  She looked like she wanted to say something, but she ultimately just bid her farewells and left.  I checked our connection, and it hadn’t changed.  She’s just upset, mostly because I was upset, if I read it right.  Cara watched this second exchange.  When I met Cara’s eyes, she considered saying something, too.  When she finally spoke after I pulled on some sandals, I gave her my full attention.  “You have the right to choose, too.  Sometimes we forget.”

“I’ll be honest, Cara.  I’ve been feeling trapped.  You won’t be able to keep me here if I decide to leave.  I love you guys, but sometimes...”  I can’t even articulate it.  I don’t know.

“I’ll tell Grandfather.  He’ll fix it.”

“I’m not at that point yet.  And maybe it’s a reaction to Orlais, too.  But I won’t tolerate a cage, no matter how pretty.  And the fancier and fancier clothes are a cage, Cara.  Things I can’t do anything but look pretty in are a cage.”

She nodded.  “We’ve been using your own nature against you.  I’m sorry.  It’s just that...”

“Yes?”

“I got teased for being chubby yesterday.”

“Who did that?”  She had fleshed out, but she was nowhere close to what I would consider chubby.  She just had a bit of boobage and wasn’t gaunt.  “Give me a name.”

“It was nice teasing, Chrissy.  But I didn’t even know elves could be chubby.”

“Now you do.”

“Now we all do.”

“Cara, do you have a point?”

“Not really.  Enjoy your day.”  She smiled and wandered out.

I got a chance to see Inquisibabe and the inner circle and the advisors off to some lunch thing.  I was glad not to be going.  But it also meant I had the place to myself.  Well, except for all the rest of us.  But the big fish are gone.

I jaunted out to Alora’s camp.  There were little flurries of snow on the wind, and she kept brushing them away as she spoke to her men.  I stayed back far enough that I couldn’t hear her all that well.  She noticed me almost right away, and waved me closer.  Which makes me like/trust her a bit more.  She didn’t hide what she was doing.

What she was doing was planning ways to get into and out of the main city.  Into this little enclave, and outside the city walls, from the elven areas.  “Just in case.”  To get people out, in case of fire.

“How many staircases do you need, Alora?”  She looked at me sharply.  “And where?  I can leave four or five at most.  More than that would be bad on several levels.”

She gave it real thought for a couple minutes, looking at the sky.  “I think we can’t have any staircases, Chrissy.  Not even the one we currently have.  If they were discovered, it would make everything worse.”  She didn’t look happy about her own advice.

“I wanted to invite you to explore this heap.”

“Why would I want to explore a human mansion?”  There was a hint of sneer in her voice.

I arched a brow.  “Because humans are known for looting things and then, when it doesn’t fit whatever aesthetic, tossing the items in a closet somewhere.  We probably won’t be able to take them, but we could at least let you examine them.  If we find anything.  Feel like spelunking in storage rooms now?”

Her eyes had lit up.  I guess she’d never considered exploring human places for elven artifacts.  I heard a choking sound behind me.  When I looked, Gara was trying not to laugh.  The two women looked at each other.  “What?”

“Nevermind, Chrissy.  Let’s get moving.”

“I need alcohol first, though.  It’s not midnight, but want some margaritas?  I saw the ingredients.”  I think they followed me out of curiosity.  I raided the liquor cabinet, glad to find curacao triple sec and tequila.  It was well stocked.  Salt and lime juice.  Everything was fine until I froze the drinks while stirring.  Slushy is how frozen margaritas should be!

I admit, I always mutter the rhyme from Practical Magic when making margaritas.  So when the drinks started freezing, the ladies started staring.  Alora might have taken a teeny tiny step back.  And I probably should have closed the door on the stillroom.  But hey, I like housekeeping magic.

I handed both Gara and Alora frosty glasses and took a sip of my own.  Alora was the first to step up.  She cautiously took a small sip, then looked at me in surprise.  “This is really good!  It doesn’t have any kick at all, though.”

“It sneaks up on you.”  Garalen sipped hers without comment as we walked off.

I just started opening doors that hadn’t been opened.  Everything was covered in sheets and so on, so we looked under and in things.  Alora found the first elven thing.  A piece of broken pottery, with swirls and dots.  Maybe writing.  She about lost it when she found several more.  She spent a good ten minutes trying to figure out if they were all from the same pot.

More little things were found in cabinets and chests.  A finger from a gauntlet, a dented helmet, a broken bit of masonry with designs.  Alora was thrilled.  I was glad she was happy with the bits and pieces of the dead she found.  We didn’t take anything at that point.  I could see her memorizing every aspect of her history, though.

I was pleasantly floaty when Garalen exchanged her glass for mine.  I didn’t notice at the time, of course.  The rest of the afternoon is lost in giggles and so on, until I spotted the mirror.  It throbbed at me.  “Hey guys, do you feel that?”

Garalen kept getting her feet in my way as we went toward the wall.  I tried to pull down the heavy cloth on the thing, but didn’t really get anywhere.  It took both of them to get the covering off.  I stared at the mirror on the wall.  It was plain silvered glass, or at least it seemed so, but the Halla around the edges and the pleasant tingle gave it away.

I think every major house probably has one of these somewhere, in Tevinter and here.  Probably in Ferelden and Nevarra and everywhere else, too.  But neither Alora or Garalen seemed to realize why I was staring at the mirror.  I sat in a dusty chair that conveniently faced it.

“Alora, I don’t know if I can trust you.  Can I trust you?”

“Probably.  Unless you do something stupid.”  She seemed kind of curious.  Both of her.  I was a bit toasty by that point.  She was slurring a bit, too. Garalen was fine, the brat.

“Well, piss.  I’m always doing something fucking stupid.” They were a bit surprised at my language.  “I’m a grownup.  I’m allowed to curse, damn it.  You don’t have to look so shocked.  I know all the words.”

“Why are you staring at the mirror?”

“Because the mirror isn’t a mirror.  It’s a door, and a window, and a telephone.  Mirror mirror on the wall.”  They both looked confused.  “Eluvian, darlings.  A major find, and trapped here where it is of no use to anyone.  Where was it originally, and where does it go.  Do I dare?”

“No one knows the passwords, Chrissy.”

“That’s not true.  Secrets in secrets.  Someone knows, and doesn’t know another knows.  Not today.  As plain as the nose on your face, she’ll know I know, and he won’t, but not how.  I’m drunk and might mess things up.  Erised stra ehru oy, a grá.  Do I give it to you?  Or do I keep my mouth shut?  And what if you ask?”

Alora perched on the chair with me, wobbling as bad as I did.  “What language was that?”

“That would be telling.  Not Elven, not elven.  I can’t speak elven.  At least not much.  I should button my lip.”

Gara piped up.  “You’re going to be so mad at yourself in a few hours, Chrissy.”

“I’m way too drunk for one drink.”

“That’s because you had two.”

“And no lunch.  Shame on me.  Cover it, please, Gara?”  She did, and we stumbled to another room, laughing.  We went back to hunting pottery shards and bits and baubles.  Alora pocketed an elven ring and a few other small things.  I didn’t say anything.  We had a blast.

The inquisitor and everyone else is still out.  I sobered, we ate, songtime happened, life continues.  Bedtime, I suppose.  I’m just going to lay here on his couch and wait for him.  Or sleep.  Sleep might be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This super long chapter stuff has got to stop. Ugh.


	158. Day 17, 11 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much Solas, choices and offers, accidentally upsetting my page, tea, and dancing.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 17, 11 Kingsway, 9:41**

I felt my book pulled out of my hands.  Solas had stolen it.  I opened my eyes and his face was inches from mine.  “I believe I told you that my bed waits for you, whether I am in it or not.”

“Hmmm.  I was reading.”

“I see.”

“What time is it?”

“Halfway to morning, long after midnight.”

“How odd.  I didn’t dream at all.”

“Not on the couch, no.”  He picked me up and carried me to the bed.  “I have thought of a question.”

“Now?”

“Can I not ask?”

“Ask away, mor’ishan.”

“You seem disconcerted by the clothing you wear.  How much clothing did you have in your homeland?”

“It’s not the total amount, really.  I had enough clothing that I could probably go a month without wearing anything twice.”  His eyebrow raised.  “Hush.  It doesn’t mean what they would assume it means.”

He just kept quiet, watching.  It’s  a good tactic, and I don’t generally fall into it, but I chose to continue this time.  “It’s the kinds, the sheer quantity of single-purpose items.  The number worn at once.  A dozen kinds of underthings and skirts and long sleeves and petticoats and stockings and socks, but this one must go with that one and only that one.

“I used to wear undies, bra, pants, shirt.  Socks and shoes.  Maybe a coat or sweater.  That’s all.  Maybe a skirt and pantyhose instead of undies and pants.  Different fabrics, too.  Stretchy and soft, not scratchy and stiff.  Even a dress was a dress and bra and pantyhose.  And I could put it all on all by myself in less than five minutes.”

“So it’s the fussiness you object to?  You seem familiar with the clothing itself.”

“It’s like dressing in costume for a RenFaire.  The clothing is dress up, playing, and now I have to do it every day.  And it’s being set apart, I guess.  No one else is wearing the fancy things I am.  Not even the Thedasian nobles.  I’m being childish, aren’t I.”

“I did not ask for any other reason than curiosity.  Perhaps at some point you will explain pantyhose and RenFaire.”  His thumb brushed my bottom lip.  “We have not had a night in the fade for too long, ma’sulahn’nehn.  Join me this morning, for the little time we have left.”

We spent a very few hours together in the fade.  The main topic ended up being the difference between science and magic.  He’s very insistent that there is a vast difference between them.  I invited him to spend some time with me in my memories - on another night - for a demonstration.

I’ll show him what I meant.  Doors that open as you approach.  Modern gas stoves.  Even light switches or television, air conditioning, photovoltaic windows, and so on.  I didn’t give him that kind of detail.  He was surprised, and pleased, that I would offer, but didn’t say yes.  He would have to consider carefully before he agreed.  I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

When I woke, I went to get up and he pulled me back.  “Leaving so soon?”

I just turned in his arms and smiled.  “You are such a cuddler.  No one would ever believe it of you.”

“You do.  Perhaps they might.”

“I wouldn’t want to ruin your image.”

“There are others that know I prefer you close to me.”

“I was teasing, a grá.  I need to get up.  I have to do paperwork today.  And I expect that someone or other will show up for a morning visit.”

“You have an afternoon tea to attend and a ball this evening, as well.”

“Ugh.  Balls mean dancing, mor’ishan.”

His voice was sardonic.  “How surprising.”

“You miss my meaning, Blaud.  I intend to dance.”

“I see.”

“Only with people who ask, of course.”

His eyes were stormy, but not glowy.  He wasn’t happy about the idea.  “I see.”

“I won’t dance every dance, okay?”

He sighed.  “Dance, ma’nehn.  Every one, if you wish.  I will watch.”

“You could always dance.”

“Not yet.  If I dance with you, I will be expected to ask others to dance.”  I stroked his eyebrow and he sighed again.  “I cannot be seen dancing with the Orlesian nobles, Chrissy.”

“I see.”  I arched a brow.

His mouth firmed.  “It is expected of you.  You _must_ be seen dancing with the Orlesian nobles.  You are female, and so cannot say no too often without causing offense.  Dance.  Be seen, Chrissy, because it is more important than even you realize.”  That statement made me wary.  I’m not sure what to think of it.

My face must have shown my thoughts.  His voice gentled and he brushed my cheek with his thumb.  “Everything is alright.  Go get dressed, ma’lath. Enjoy your morning.  There is no reason for you to be concerned.”

I considered asking questions, but decided just to let it go.  He won’t do anything to hurt me.  “Without even a kiss to fortify me against the day?”

His face relaxed. “You truly are a joy,” he murmured as his mouth touched mine.  A few kisses later, he bustled me out the door.

When I got back to my room, Leorah and Cara were both waiting for me.  There were three dresses laid out on the bed.  Leorah piped up.  “These are what we have for morning attire.  We have to put out a certain image, especially in Orlais.  Which one would you prefer this morning, Chrissy?”  That was a pleasant surprise.

I looked at the dresses.  Basically the same, really.  But it was an important step.  I picked one at random.  Some part of me thinks I should be more deliberate about it, but really?  They’re the same.  But I was being allowed to choose.  I was given choice for every outfit, today, actually.

I caught Cara’s eye.  “You’re wasted on the children, I think.  Do you like being responsible for the kids or do you have other ambitions?”

She smiled.  “I have other ambitions.  I want to be like Katharine.”

“I see.  You like organizing someone.”  Her smile widened.  “A personal assistant.  Eadras’?  Cyrren’s?  Someone else?”

“Yours.  Halton is great, but you need more.  He’s mostly handling Skyhold matters.  Ethelathe is grown large, too large for him to handle both.”

Something I’d have to think about.  “Tarasyl'an Te'las.  I suppose it needs a steward more than an absent Chatelaine.  What would you be handling?”

“Everything not handled by anyone else.  Taking notes, remembering details.  Correspondence, where necessary.  Grandfather can’t run the elves of Skyhold and be your go-between to the alienages.  I can be that, too.”  She was telling the truth, but not all of it.  She was probably wanting to keep me from leaving, too.

“I’ll think about it.”

Leorah spoke, too.  “Your page will be arriving shortly.  We don’t want to embarrass the boy.”

“My page?”  I had no clue.

Her face looked as confused as I felt.  “You did ask for Ewan, didn’t you?”

It took a moment.  “Ewan.  He’s the lad that was practically genuflecting at that one lady’s house.”

She blinked at that, but nodded.  “He and his parents are asking about long-term contracts.”

“I need to meet them first.”

We got me dressed in one of the gowns, and Ewan showed up a few minutes later, carrying a pair of slippers.  “I got them fixed, Miss Leorah.”  He spotted me and promptly dropped them.  Then turned red as he picked them up, frantically apologizing.

“Ewan.  It’s fine.  Shoes don’t break easily.  Just be more careful when it’s goblets, okay?”  The young man nearly nodded his head off and fled. I didn’t even get a good look at him, but he looked unhappy.  The connection between us throbbed.  He was scared he’d done something wrong.  I was regretting my teasing tone.

I tried something new.  I made the sideways slip to see my threads.  The young man was firm, still.  I went over my people.  More of them, and a few have left, I think.  Much wispiness, but not so much around here.  Alora, there was still something reaching for her.  And something about her was reaching back.  Beyond the threads.  I don’t know.  It's still too soon.  But that’s not what I was trying to do.

I knew I could call Zatlan to me.  Could I call him to someone else?  I sort of steered and curved his thread until it brushed Ewan’s.  I can’t explain.  It was kind of like back in Haven, when I went LOOKING at the bright spots, and had to thin my SELF to move away from Solas?  A little?  But with someone ELSE?  Anyway, it’s a good thing I was sitting for Cara to do my face, because I did something and could feel that I’d expended energy.  Somehow.  At least I wasn’t dizzy.

I spent the morning with Josie in the sitting room.  Reading, paperwork, and handwork, and several ladies came by to visit.  I was mostly ignored, but they were pleasant and the conversation was general.  Now that everyone had seen the weird elf, I wasn’t the curiosity.  Which is a good thing, in my book.  Now if we could just go home...

Of course, all that changed when Darling moved from leaning against me to my lap.  They’d thought he was a pillow or something, I guess.  Or something stuffed?  I mean, why would they not think he was a real thing I was petting?  Lots of “what is that” and alternatively, cooing.  I told them he had followed me from home, my standard answer.  And then had to go into the I’m from Virginia spiel.  Luckily they didn’t try to touch or pet without permission.  He was nervous enough as it was.

The afternoon tea was a little less fun.  Changing clothes and all dolled up.  I did get my first glimpse of the inside of the Winter Palace, since we were visiting someone with apartments there.  And the feel.  Oh god.  When the book said that Celene’s ancestor thought the place was an “elven magical nexus”, I dismissed it as balderdash.  But there’s… Something.  And I didn’t feel anything until the doors closed behind our little group.

Not an elven magical nexus, I’m sure, but there is a feel that something hides here.  Someone?  Probably not.  Or there is a store of magic?  Perhaps it could be the sheer number of artifacts that are likely wallowing in unused rooms.  I don’t know.  I’m not sure I want to.  It’s not entirely comfortable, but not unpleasant.  Nothing like lyrium, so I’ll deal.

In any case, Sam and the advisors were all invited to afternoon tea with me as an also-ran on the invitation.  A “nice” lady named Duchess Nicole de Val Montaigne spent the whole time regaling Cullen with the things he should be doing to make recompense for the Templars’ destruction.  She named monuments and bridges and statues that had fallen prey to the Red Templars’ march across Orlais.

“You were a Templar, of course, so I’m sure that you would be far more inclined to do something about this.  The Inquisition is in a unique position to restore the damage done.”  She sat way too close to him, leaning closer.  He spent the entire conversation scooting further and being chased.  Eventually he told her that she should probably write to Josephine about it, so we had a record of what was needed.

The rest of the afternoon passed quietly.  We got back to the place we were renting about four.  I got to spend an hour or two with Varric discussing marketing strategies and diversification.  I adore discussing economic theory with him.  He’s so incredibly conservative, believing that the government must firmly guide the invisible hand.  Well, the Carta.  And I’m more a laissez-faire economist.  Let the invisible hand be, as it is the best equalizer.  He knows the markets around here far better than I ever could, though.

He thinks the colored glasses will be a hit here in Orlais, especially if we find a way to incorporate the lenses into the masks themselves.  Anything these people can do to decorate themselves or make themselves stand out, after all.  Colors and makeup, masks and fancy clothes.  Anything to stand out.  Ugh.  And I’m right here doing the same damn thing, but to blend in.

Leliana pulled me aside after dinner.  First, she stole Darling.  Again.  And second, she wanted me to keep my eyes peeled for anything “interesting” going on at this ball.  She looked at me a long moment.  “We received thanks and compliments on the scribe we sent to report Lavellan’s death.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“You said things had to be done in a specific order.”

I took a deep breath.  Honestly, nothing I have done so far has been very spoilery.  Even the things I’ve been telling Sam were just alerting him to choices and situations, not telling him how to handle them.  Except for Loranil, I guess.  This is different.  This is me stepping into Inkyshoes for missions that don’t exist for this inky.  Forcing things.  The Nightingale didn’t take her eyes from me.

“Shouldn’t Sam be making this decision?”

“He did.  He said ‘Let Chrissy handle this one.  It’s about elves, and it matters to her.’”

Fuck me sideways.  I took another deep breath.  Darling reached for me and Leliana handed him back.  His snout rubbed against my neck as I cuddled him, and he made little soothing noises.  “You have to handle this next bit.  I don’t remember exactly what you do, but of the three advisors, your method is best.  Then for the next one, Josephine.  Then you again.  Then Cullen sends soldiers to protect Clan Lavellan.  It’s the only way they survive that I remember, if everything goes the way I remember.”  The die is cast.

Sam and the others were headed in other directions, attending three different soirees.  I was going to be attending Duke Genelle’s get together with Dorian and Blackwall.  Gunny and Michael were again in their armor with the blue sashes.  I was going in a hired carriage.  Can’t be riding or anything.

We were a bit late for the ball, which is a good thing, I guess.  Michael gently lifted my chin and met my eyes when he set me down on the ground.  “Only a few more days, Chrissy.”  I nodded in response.  Game face on, deep breath taken.

We were actually announced this time.  Dorian rolled his eyes at the introductions.  Poor Blackwall was obviously uncomfortable.  I was just introduced as the Inquisitor’s sister, and then “Lady Theneras”.  I mean really, if it was to have a title, it should be Trevelyan, right?

I got a surprise at the ball, actually.  Pepe Le Pew was introduced to me by Lady Roussanne.  Comte Pierre of Halamshiral.  Oh shit.  He’s like, the guy in charge of Halamshiral!  And I called him after the skunk.  We exchanged chitchat and he invited me to call him by his nickname, Pepe.  He actually chuckled at my face.  I’d lost my composure for a moment.

“Yes, my dear, I recognize you.  You are still lovely.  The scars are new.  I am sorry you were hurt.”

“I should have been more careful.  I did regret it.”

“It is almost nothing.  Dance with me to make it up to me.”  Such an accomplished flirt.  He danced well, and I danced two dances with him.  Not in a row.  Dorian claimed me for a couple himself.  Blackwall didn’t dance, nor did Michael.  Gunny likes the country dances.  Dorian and I did the Cross-step Ländler.  It was a blast.

When I was resting, taking the air on the patio, a familiar voice whispered out of the darkness.  “Chrysopal, when you get back to the villa, I have something for you.  In the morning, little one.”  He melted out of the shadows, wearing the armor I’d commissioned.  A slight dip of his head and a cheeky smirk, and he disappeared again.  How odd.  I don’t know why he sought me here.  Or what he’s got.  Gunny bustled me back inside shortly thereafter.

The rest of the evening was interesting.  The elven servants were sweet to me.  The Ladies were kind.  The Noblemen were a mixed bag.  I only got pinched once, though, at least.  They grow bolder as the revelry progresses.  I begin to understand Cullen’s irritation, as well.

The highlight of the evening was when Lord Basile Maron started spewing anti-Inquisition crap.  Practically yelling that we'd kidnapped his daughter.  It was glorious when she showed up.  Full Inquisition armor, with three Inquisition attendants.  The lord was sputtering when she challenged him to a duel.  He wasn't going to cross blades with his own daughter.  The Lady Ducette certainly won that meeting.  Basile was basically ignored the rest of the night, and everyone wanted to chat with Ducette.

In any case, I was glad to get back to a semi-safe space.  Face is clean, and I’m freshly bathed.  I just couldn’t take the makeup any more.  Briri was a sweetheart and had a bath ready for me when I got to my room.  A little magic and it’s warm.  I don’t know when or if Solas is coming to bed, so I’m going to finish this and sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I have a family member in and out of ICU over the last month. I've been very busy and distracted. I'm very sorry for the delays, but there's a lot going on.


	159. Day 18, 12 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strange dreams, convenient opportunities, Zevran and Ponchard, Dorian, and Dinner parties.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 18, 12 Kingsway, 9:41**

I’m starting to understand that Contentment is bigger than it seems.  That doesn’t explain it right.  It’s only showing bits of itself?  And it COULD be bigger?  I still need that eraser.  Whiteout.  Whatever.  I’m wondering if I just perceive what I want to perceive.  The really odd part?  I’m starting to believe that Hope is larger still.  Maybe?  I can’t articulate this well.

Anyway, I was left in old memories and earth dreams for a while, before my Fadethelathe found me.  Contentment steered the conversation right back to form versus function in regards to buildings and public works.  The others chimed right in, as well.  Spirits are very opinionated about the oddest things. It wasn't until a bit later that I realized they considered Eluvians in their public network, and sometimes in place of stairs. They're integral! I asked Hope to remind me at some point to ask about Eluvians in more detail, and it just smiled.

Rage had interesting things to say about gravity.  Something I heard a physicist say once, so it caught my attention.  Gravity is the weakest and most consistent force.  But how did it know that?  When I asked, it gave the equivalent of a shrug.  “It’s a memory.”

Hope and I meandered while Valor and Fortitude stood guard, picking flowers and watching them bleed.  Plucking petals and watching them weep on the wind.  Such is this Halamshiral, that even the simplest happiness is tainted with pain.

No, it doesn’t make sense.  Not really.  Because the flowers were paper, then real, then the tentacled roses, then other things.  Sunlight dripped from the sky in fat round globules descending slowly through the silver air, and still the Black City hovered in the distance.  Wisps floated and hummed off key, even when the notes were correct.  

Everything is fluid, changing.  Nothing stays the same, save one thing.  The one constant in the fade, always in sight, even in earth dream and memory, is the City of Black.  I mean, it made sense at the time, but it doesn’t make sense now.  It’s something I need to remember, but I don’t remember why.  But it’s important.

When I woke, I was still in the half-asleep state, the threshold consciousness stage.  It was as if the fade was over and under and around the waking world.  I was nearly blinded by the brilliant color and overwhelmed by intense fragrance.  I inhaled deeply, smelling strains of breakfast, mouthwatering bread, bacon.  Less pleasant things, the distant privies, the horses in the stables.  The haze on reality was lifted.  Things looked RIGHT, for a change, and everything made sense.

A hand slid down my arm, and I heard a shimmering baritone purr.  “Hmmm, good morning.”  It startled me back into the dull waking world.  The smells, the color, gone in a rush, almost like a hangover must feel.  A stuffed up nose and generally achy head, combined with a heavy sense of loss.

“Oh, it’s gone.  It’s gone.”  It almost came out a wail, but I controlled myself.  It was like I was back at Skyhold, back on the sea, for just a moment.  Better than Skyhold.  Better than the sea.  Like home, back on the Blue Ridge.  I had been hungry, actually hungry, mouth watering over the smells of breakfast.

The colors have always been more intense in dreams, but now I feel the loss of that color.  The world is like color at twilight again, there but washed out.  I hate Orlais.  I think I said that out loud.  He said words I didn’t recognize on a sigh as he tucked me into his arms.  I don’t even know when he came to bed, but I was glad he was there.  I let him comfort me for too long.

Anyway.  After a few minutes, I pulled myself together.  I can’t wallow.  Too much to do, too many people need me to adult.  Sometimes I hate adulting.  So I got up.  Solas kept his fingers twined in mine as I stood.  “You should probably tighten your personal shielding again, vhenan.  Things are bleeding through.”

“Thank you.”  I met his eyes and there was sympathy there.  I redid the weave of my shielding, and that sense of relief returned.  Apparently it wasn’t just bleeding through one way.

Cara and Briri were handling my morning today.  Solas left as they came back to the room.  I selected one of the day dresses, because I’m supposed to go stroll in the park today.  I have a formal dinner this evening, as well, which Leorah will be dressing me for.  Apparently the little dinner parties I’ve been going to weren’t “formal”.

Cara did ask that I let Leorah select my outfit for the evening, and I agreed.  Cara grinned from ear to ear.  Makeup, jewelry, fancy hair, forty three layers of heavy cloth (I’m exaggerating, but not much) and I was finally released into the wild.

Breakfast was actually fresh croissants, bacon carbonata, and milk soup.  It was pretty good, I guess.  I think I was still grumpy over my wakeup.  At least it wasn’t horrifyingly salty, which milk soup can be.

Josie put her hand on my arm as we ate.  “Are you alright?  You look irritated.”

I smoothed my countenance.  “I’m sorry.  I should have been more careful.  I won’t slip again.”

“That’s not necessary, Chrysopal.  It wasn’t a criticism.”

“I can’t afford to slip, Josie.  My ears point.  I appreciate the reminder.”

She looked at me a long time before we discussed innocuous things.  We worked together for the morning.  Schedules, plans, so on.  The business of the Inquisition and Skyhold doesn’t stop because we have to play with these nobles.  She’s considering methods of self-support for the movement.

They’re in negotiation over creating a new merchant consortium.  That made me think of Ponchard de Lieux, especially after Zevran’s oddness last night.  Josie asked if I had any ideas or anyone I would prefer or reject. She understands that we don't do business with certain merchants. I mentioned fairly casually that I knew of someone that might be interested in such a thing, especially if he could be fairly high up in it.  “I didn’t know you knew any merchant families.”

“Not personally, really.  Just reputations.  And perhaps some of what a few might want.  Would you like me to get in contact with him?”

“Certainly.  If you think it might be appropriate.  Could he do the job?”

“Yes.  But let me speak to someone before I answer any further questions.  He may not be interested, or may not be a good fit in other ways.  Skyhold does require a particular outlook, after all.”  I needed to talk to Zevran first.

We continued with our respective papers, working together and separately for a few hours.  It’s amazing how much paperwork is just never mentioned in the game.  You see the letters in the war missions and so on, but those are the last letter of a long chain, based on what I’m seeing now.

Leliana even joined us for a short while.  Letters in and out, consultations about numbers and plans.  The windows were left open for a while, birds in and out.  I’m not sure how they know to come directly to her.  It’s odd.  They’re not like homing pigeons.  They’re actually listening to instructions and then going off.

It was about eleven or so when Sam came wandering in.  “So this is where all my ladies are hiding.”  Leliana arched a brow at him.  “You count, too.”

“Aren’t you leaving out Sera, Cassandra, and Vivienne, in that case?”  Leliana was smirking, just slightly.

“Nope.  Sera’d make me eat those words, and Vivienne would look at me in that tone of voice she has.”

Josie chimed in.  “I see you didn’t say anything about Cassandra.”

“I’d like to keep my head today.”  It’s nice to see that I’m not the only one that teases Sam.  He leaned over and kissed Josie on the cheek, and she turned pink.

I spotted a blond head in the window, and he crooked his finger at me.  “On that note, dearies, I should probably go see about something.”  I started stacking my papers, and Leliana told me to tell him to come to see her when I was done talking.  She must have seen him as well.

I delivered my paperwork to my room, and Revis caught up with me there.  He admonished me for abandoning him.  I told him to keep up or get left behind.  I was pleased that he took it as the joke it was, and smiled.  I’m starting to like the Dalish.  At least these Dalish.  He followed as I went hunting for Zevran.

Zev was waiting near the gates to the main street.  I hadn’t realized I was going somewhere, but he just tossed a cloak over my shoulders and said “Shall we?”  Revis was just as surprised as I was.

I glanced back at the door to the house and Zatlan stood there, smiling and giving a small wave and nod.  I relaxed a bit at that.  Zat would run interference.  With luck, Sam and the others wouldn’t even know I’d left.

We followed the fence and ended up in an alleyway between two estates.  It was dirty and had a modicum of stench to it.  Not too bad, thank goodness.  Zevran grinned the whole time.  “Will this be your first adventure, little Chrissy?”

“Define adventure?”

For some reason that made him laugh.  He sobered quickly.  “You just wandered off with a known criminal and truly exceptional assassin, and you seem very relaxed about it.”

“If you’re going to kill me, hiding in my room is the worst thing I could do.”

“This is true.  Being alone while hunted is a poor tactical move.”

“Where are we going?”

“To see a man.”

“De Lieux?”

“Ah, you are as smart as I am handsome.  I have set up a meeting.  The man wishes to see you.”

“Why?”

“Because you are the inquisitor’s sister, of course, and the Etheling.  An extremely beautiful woman, besides.  It could have something to do with being tied up and gagged at the time.  People do tend to become compliant in those circumstances.”

“Gagged?  What have you done?”

“Done?  Why, nothing.  He is quite safe, free to move, and properly appreciative of it.”

I didn’t know what to say to that.  He led me to the underbelly of the human enclave.  I hadn’t expected to see humans living in squalor.  Not total squalor, I suppose.  It wasn’t as bad as the Val Royeaux alienage, but it was worse than the elven part of Halamshiral.

There are dirty back rooms everywhere, I suppose.  I never really did the dive bar thing, even when I was in the service.  I preferred the country line dance places and the irish pubs with live music.  The ambience is amazing.  It’s scuffed and pockmarked and desperate, hidden under seediness.  Zevran inhaled deeply, and turned with a grin.  “Smells a bit like home.”

“If you say so.”

“And so I do.  Come, my dear.  We will be keeping our host waiting.”

Zevran went right to the back of the grungy tavern and pushed open an ill-fitting door.  I heard giggling inside. “Lovelies, we need to spend time with your playmate.  A few minutes, no more.”

A chorus of yes, and okay, and other affirmatives were heard.  Four ladies of the evening trooped out of the room.  I smiled at them.  Fairly pretty, and people need to make a living, after all.  Me smiling seemed to startle them.  I’m not sure why.  “We won’t take long, ladies.  I’m sorry to interrupt your craft.”

“Our CRAFT she calls it.”  The tallest one sneered at me.

“Unless you’re trying to claim there is no skill involved.”  I lifted my chin slightly.  Another one elbowed the first one and they headed for the bar.

I stepped into the back room.  It was cleaner than I’d expected.  A man in orlesian clothing, but lacking a mask and covered in lipstick smears and the like was seated on a chair in the room.  “Well well, you really do know the Inquisitor’s ‘sister’, don’t you, assassin.”  He used air quotes and everything.

“Of a certainty.  And I have brought her here.”

De Lieux turned to me.  “So what have you to offer?  He seems to think you would prefer me alive, despite his touted skill at killing.”

I just looked at him.  I wasn’t prepared for this, and had to think.  He slouched a bit in his chair, sure he had the upper hand.  “He is perhaps a bit hasty saying I _prefer_ you alive.  However, I see no need for killing at the moment.”  That got him.  He sat up straighter.  “I know some of what you want.  I can’t get you into the Celestine League.”

“Your brother…”

“Probably can, yes.  But why should I ask him?”

“Because you want the Pavus Birthright.”

“Ah, but I don’t NEED it.  Nothing changes for me if I don’t get it.  You, on the other hand, need a good reputation if you are to ever be considered.”

“I have the best reputation.  Better than most in the Celestine League.”

“Do you?  Because while I can’t improve your reputation, I’m fairly certain I could ruin it.”

“I don’t see how.”

“For starters, I can mention where I see you.”

“It is no big thing to conduct business in these rooms.”

“Oh, of course not.  Not at all.  But combine that with the substandard goods that Skyhold has had to deal with…  I can’t blame that on you, of course.  I have no idea who it might be.  But I did meet with you to discuss it.”

“No one is going to believe you.”

“Perhaps not, but they will mention it.  And any chance you have to join the Celestine League disappears.  However, if you are helpful, I can honestly say that you might be looking into the issue of substandard goods, because you heard that one of the merchants is cheating the Inquisition.  I heard just this morning that the Inquisition is considering setting up a new consortium.  I wonder if you would prefer to be a little fish in an algae encrusted pond, or the first carp in a new pool.”

“You can’t get me that.”

“Once again, I just heard this morning, and was asked by the Lady Montilyet if you could do the job.  You wouldn’t be the top wolf, of course.  You do not yet have the experience.  But a significant position is possible, and there could be room to grow.  I can guarantee a favorable eye from Ethelathe, should you want it.  At least until you do something to deserve revoking it.”

He looked thoughtful.  “One, or the other, elf.  A membership in the Celestine League, or a prime position in the new consortium.  AND the favorable eye.”

“Oh, no, human.   I intend to set a favorable eye only on those within the new consortium or put up for it.  And the Celestine League is certainly not in my good graces at the moment.  Ethelathe, Skyhold, supports the Inquisition, fully and completely.”

“The Inquisition spreads like a blight.”

“Like a blanket of new growth after a fire.  A new start.  And I’ll thank you not to disparage it again.”  I smiled.  “Consider that your only warning.”  I meant it, too.

The Inquisition, despite its problems, is headed by people I care about, and without it, I don’t know what would happen to the world.  It took the tainted wardens to stop Corypheus last time, and they are his, now.  I continued, “let me know if you want me to put your name forward.  You have five minutes to decide to exchange the Pavus Birthright for that recommendation and its perks.  Or not.”

It’s really fucking convenient that the consortium information crossed my desk the same day Zevran takes me to see de Lieux.  I considered the implications of that while I waited.  Zevran just leaned against the wall with a smirk.  Someone’s manipulating things.  I don’t think it’s Zev, honestly.  An invisible hand.  So I’m looking at a major player.  And someone who wants me to succeed at this for some reason.  I just have to figure out who’s pulling the strings.

“If I do well in the new consortium, the Celestine League may invite me on their own.”

“This is always possible.”

“You can guarantee me a seat?”

“No.  But I can put your name forward.  Since my opinion is being asked, it will likely be heeded.”

“And if I do not agree, you will ruin my chances.”

“I don’t have that power.”

“Bullshit.”

“Language, dear Ponchard.”

“You’re a right little bitch, aren’t you.”

“Why thank you.  That’s a compliment in Ferelden.  And you’re running out of time.  I’m getting bored.”

“Fine.  Put my name up.”

“As soon as I get the Birthright.”

He cursed under his breath.  “You’ll get it.  Today.”

“And when you come by in person to drop it off, I can introduce you to Lady Montilyet.”  I think he had forgotten that he wasn’t wearing a mask, because he hadn’t guarded his expression at all, just his tone.  “I’ll see you this afternoon, then.  Do you need directions?”

“Everyone knows where the Inquisitor is staying,” he sneered.

“Then you won’t have any problem finding me.”  I headed for the door.  

Zevran and Revis didn’t say anything as we left.  Neither did de Lieux. I was taken back a different way than I’d been brought.  I don’t think it was to confuse me.  As we walked, I glanced at Zevran’s profile.  “Why?”

“I have only ever heard you ask for one thing, my dear Etheling, and yet you shower those around you with gifts.  Affection, protection.  Armor.  You open your home, offer it to people you have never even met.  That is quite dangerous, you should know.”

“I’ve asked for things.”

“Only one, that I’ve heard.  And you did not even ask it of me.  I was terribly heartbroken, you understand.”

“You’re cute, but I trust Garalen with both my life and my death.”

“I knew you found me attractive.  Are you ready to abandon your bald lover?”

That made me laugh.  “Sorry, Zevran.”

“You shall let me know, of course, should you change your mind.”

“You’re on the list.”  I smiled.  That made him laugh.  He’s not serious about the flirting.  I mean, he’d probably take me up on a romp if I offered, but nothing else.  The conversation was more innocuous as we returned to the house.  “Leliana wants to see you.”

“I’ll go talk to her.”

I brushed snowflakes off his shoulder.  “You should probably go warm up first, Zevran.  Perhaps get some food in you?”

“I do not need a mother, Etheling, but I will take your suggestions under advisement.”

Zatlan waited until Zev left before he took my cloak and gloves.  “Your lunch is waiting for you, my lady.  You should eat.”

“What is lunch?”

“Soup and a toasted cheese sandwich.  Renee did something to the plate, so it should still be hot.”

“Renee.”

He smiled.  “Yes.  Off with you now.”  I smiled back as he made shooing motions, and sought lunch.

Afterward I cancelled my park time.  The snow was coming down fairly steadily.  Rain just a few days ago, snow today.  It’s definitely early winter.  I worked more on the spring estimates and the area coordination.

Highever is farther north, so should be just entering winter, just like here.  The humans already raided their harvest, so they should be okay with the things I sent.  Redcliffe was shockingly well-set.  Gwaren is still in the last gasp of fall, but they should make it through the winter so long as the humans don’t raid their stores again.  Skyhold is in excellent shape.  I’d been working on that one the longest.  Winter in the mountains is no joke.

I’d have to ask Alora how her band is doing for the winter.  With less than two hundred, I could probably just absorb them into Skyhold if necessary.  I’ll have to inquire about Sabrae and Kirkwall.  And find out what's going on with Denerim and Alamar.  Lothering has also sent the first tentative query.  We're growing fast.

Sabrae will probably be reticent, but they’ve not refused the little things I’ve already sent.  Merrill is more cunning than she seems, using that innocent face to hide a brilliant mind.  She’s naive by choice, and I can respect that.  She’ll take advantage of help if offered, with a smiling heart.

Josie finally sat back and groaned, stretching her back.  “Too much sitting?”

“So many letters.  It’s as if everyone in Thedas needs to speak to me personally.”

“Sounds like I’m not the only one who needs another secretary.”

Her mouth dropped, and then curved in a smile.  “You may have a point.  I shall look into it.”

I looked out the window at the falling snow.  “I had thought to have a visitor, Josie, and introduce you to him, but it seems he’s changed his mind.  The afternoon is nearly over.”

“We still have time.  Perhaps your guest will show.”

It was another hour before that happened.  Almost five, nearing the time I’d have to get ready for the evening.  Zatlan showed up at the door.  “You have a visitor, my lady.”

“I’ll be right there, my own.”  I set the pen down.  Zatlan hadn’t left, reaching a hand to help me out of the chair.  I took it, letting his strength make the standing easier.

“You sat too long.  Take better care, or I will be forced to tell, Chrissy.  Your needs before your wants.”

It was, as I had suspected, de Lieux.  He was dressed much more nicely, wearing a polished mask and an elegant cape.  He’d been left idling in the entryway, and was looking over the appointments.  “You live well, dear lady.”  He bowed, not quite insolent.

“It will do, while in Halamshiral.”  I nodded my head to him, briefly, and gestured toward the parlor.

“I come bearing gifts.  I had hoped to cajole you into looking upon me with favor.”  He laid a gilt box on the coffee table.  “Please, open it.”  Oddly, I could feel that something was in there.  It pulsed, like a heartbeat.  Thump, thump, thump.  There came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton.  Poe, my old love, stilling my heart.  Oh, this was a very valuable thing.  I don’t think Ponchard realized how valuable the thing he’d held was.

I smiled gently, and lifted the cover.  Within the box was an amulet.  How very appropriate.  It was bornite, not gold.  Had to be bornite.  The metal tarnished to iridescent blues and vivid purples.  Sometimes called peacock copper.  The large gem set in the middle was more.  It pulsed lightly, a polished obsidian ring with a labradorite set within.  Gaudily shaped, but it seems gaudy is a good thing around here.

“Zatlan, would you please arrange a late tea and invite the Lady Montilyet to join us?”  He bowed and left as I replaced the lid.  It may not be the correct item, but I’m betting it is.  He has no real use for it, except as leverage.

In any case, Josie was delighted to meet him.  They gushed over each other.  I mentioned that this was the merchant I’d been talking about earlier, and she grew positively gregarious.  I sat back and let her maneuver him exactly where she wanted him before closing the trap.  She’s amazing to watch.  He’ll be coming back to sign things on the sixteenth, the rest day before we leave.

He caught my eye before he left, nodding.  I’d fulfilled my end, and it would be lucrative enough to appease him.  It was too easy.  The feeling that another hand or more was in this is unshakeable.

In any case, we were dressed and coiffed and primped and prodded.  I ended up in a near-black gown with a skirt that fell straight to the floor.  It was draped about with wine velvet, and had accents of gold.  My hair was done so that the wine portions were on display.

As soon as I was ready, I snagged the gilt box and knocked on Dorian’s door.  He was surprised to see me.  “Darling, I have something for you.”

“Oh?  Do come in, darling.  What is this thing?”

I swept into the room.  Dorian’s valet bowed slightly when I smiled, and left.  I set the box down and straightened Dorian’s collar slightly.  Opening the box, I kept the tissue over the amulet.  “Close your eyes and bend down a bit so I can reach you, love.”  I slipped the iridescent chain over his head and kissed his cheek carefully.  It wouldn’t do to smudge my makeup.  “There you go,” I said as I stepped back.

His eyes opened, and his hands shook as he lifted it.  He took a stuttering breath.  “Dove, how did…”  The pulsing, that lingering heartbeat, stilled in contact with his skin.

“Have I mentioned that I adore you?  You are my dearest friend, my brother, my teacher, a piece of my heart.  I wasn’t sure it was the right one.  I’m glad it was.”

He wrapped me in his arms.  “I don’t know how you knew.”  He pulled back, and I could feel worry setting in.  “What have you done?  How did you...”

“I made a deal.  It’s not too bad.”

“You can’t-”  I tapped his cheek gently.

“It’s rude to ask the price of gifts.”

“Chrysopal.”  He tucked the amulet under his clothing next to his skin.  He put a finger under my chin, lifting my face.  “I need to know. Is this something that will hurt you?  I never even hinted about this.  I feel I owe you.  A debt.  How can I repay this?  The thought of you dealing with that putrid…”  I put fingers on his lips.

“I don’t think so.  Not physically.  I just put an opportunist in the way of an opportunity.”  He sighed, and I lowered my hand.  “I don’t ask where you got Irusana, or if I am indebted to you because of her.  I don’t question where you get the books with which you litter my room.  It’s a gesture of love, no more, no less, and no one else matters.”

He hugged me again.  “You are a treasure.  I should learn how to properly accept gifts, instead of being an ass.”

“I should go.  Sam’s waiting for me downstairs, I’m sure.”

“Allow me?”  He held out his arm with a smile.

“Always.”  And I placed my hand upon his sleeve.

At least the whole group was going this time.  A bunch of truly drool-worthy men and women.  The rest of the evening went fairly well.  The House was opulent.  The company masked and bored. I was complimented extravagantly on my clothing, makeup, personality, and oddly, height.

I was seated between two handsy Orlesian men.  Vivienne was in much the same predicament.  When I felt a strange magic form around her, I felt more comfortable doing something myself.  I was thinking carefully about what I could do, the Comte next to me tried to put his hand on my thigh.  I heard more than felt a spark, and the man retracted his hand, shaking it under the table.

I glanced up, scanning the table, and found Dorian looking at me.  He lifted his glass and took a sip, holding my gaze.  By the time the roast duck course came, the men had all but given up touching.  Our conversations never mentioned it at all.  They did keep looking at Vivienne, but she had no idea, I’m sure.

The best part of the evening?  The dessert course.  Cheesecake.  With a pear compote.  Vanilla, cinnamon.  And a sparkling spumanti for the finish.  It was amazing.  And I was just a hair naughty.  I caught Solas’ eyes as I dragged the spoon over my tongue.  He got even, phantom teeth nipping my ear.

The ladies retired to the drawing room, and we were joined nearly immediately by the gentlemen.  Honestly, the Marquis and Marquise were so cute.  Devoted to each other, still newlywed.  Always looking at each other.  Never touching, really.  Just staying close to each other.

As the evening drew to a close, the gregarious members of our group had succeeded in charming the company.  Sam is always friendly, and just provocative enough to appeal to Orlesian sensibilities.  Leliana is in her element, of course.  Dorian acquires a harem wherever he goes.  He’s lucky Bull isn’t a jealous man.  Vivienne has her own sycophants.  Solas was once again talking with servants.

I stuck to cards with the ladies and gentlemen.  Entertaining, and we talked about all sorts of innocuous things.  Weather, crops, wine futures, goats vs. cows for milk production per acre.  I’m actually getting quite the education.

Varric.  Oh, Varric.  He is starting to become a little irritated with how popular he is.  Signing and greeting, and talking up the pen.  Everyone has read his books, which he finds interesting, since his distributor said this wasn’t a good market for his work.

I was glad to leave when it was time.  While watching them all work their mojo over the nobles is fascinating, I was tired.  It was Sam who noticed Josie flagging.  He encouraged everyone to bid their adieus.  Nearly midnight, and there hadn’t even been dancing.

Solas handed me into the carriage.  The first time he’d touched me all evening.  With his physical body.  Dorian tucked me close next to him.  I may have dozed on the way back.  Too much wine, most likely.

When we got back to the rented house, it took way too long for me to get the makeup off and everything.  I had to apologize to Cara twice for yawning nearly in her face.  The velvet dress was brushed and hung as I started writing this.  Solas is waiting with a hairbrush for me to cap my pen.  I’m not sure I’ll stay up long enough for him to finish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are still not going well, but I'm trucking along. Hope you enjoy this!
> 
> For people who like MCIT fics, my friend Spellweaver has started one right here on AO3: [Full Disclosure](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10860093/chapters/24118926). It will be the slowest of slow burns, and a less common pairing. And she's a Qunari!


	160. Day 19, 13 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evasions and lessons from an unexpected sources, Ewan again, philosophy with Bull

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 19, 13 Kingsway, 9:41**

I hadn’t quite realized how many stupid little hairpins were used until Solas was taking them out.  And even then, when he ran the brush through two more fell to the floor.  I went to reach down for them and he pulled me back.  “Let Briri get them.  She already laments that you never let her do anything.”

“She’s talking to you about me?”

“She is not.  She’s gossiping with the others.  It gets back to me, though.”

“Is that so.”

“Your life is intensely interesting to others, ma’asha.  They talk about you.”

“I don’t see why.  I’m just another pawn in someone else’s game.”

His hands stilled.  “That is decidedly not true.  Why would you say that?”

“Because it was brought home to me today that someone else is pulling the strings, even when I don’t realize it.”  I turned my face to him.  “Was it you, a grá?”

“I have done nothing to hinder you in any way, vhenan.”  He told me truth, not a flicker in the air.

“Have you helped?”

“I have helped you in many ways, just as you have helped me.  Is there something specific?”  He looked at my face and didn’t give me a chance to continue.  He dropped the brush on the padded bench and pulled me against him.  Looking back, I think he was changing the subject.  It worked.

“It will be alright.  Be seen, da’asha.  Dance with the nobles.  Continue to expect your place to be there.  Claim space and respect as your rightful due.  You have no idea what it means that you are striding boldly and openly instead of scheming and conspiring to be among them.”  There was something in his tone that I still don’t understand.

“I want my place to be back at home, not flitting about Orlais.”

He didn’t answer for a long moment.  “There is beauty in the desert.”

Interesting segue.  “That’s twice, ma’lath.”

“I know.”  He kissed the side of my neck.  “You could come with us.  It would please the Inquisitor.  It would please me.  You might enjoy it.”

“I have so much to do, Solas.”

“Leaders have conducted their business from the field for ages, Chrysopal.  You have become adept at it.”  He was going to say more, but shut his mouth.

“Maybe.”

“I only ask you consider it.”

“Don’t push.  I’m tired.  I’ll end up saying no just because of that if you push.”

“And your dignity would not allow you to change it.”

“That’s just a mild word for conceit.”

“But a pleasant one.”  There was a smile in his voice.  “Surely you understand the nuance of synonym.  One thing I like about this language is that it has so many words that mean nearly the same thing, but not quite.”  I would have loved to engage, but I yawned.  “Erash da’nehn.”  There was a smile to his tone.

“Hmmm?”

“Listen, ma’lath.”  He murmured it as he brought my head to his shoulder.  “Listen to the words.  Feel them.  Erash da’nehn.  Let them flow through you, sink into you.”  He said it again, slowly.  Then again, over and over, humming against my ear, until the words started to have meaning.  I was drifting, close to sleep, warm and content.  “Yes, you know this.  Erash < _little joy._ >  < _Sleepy little joy._ >”

“Sleepy.”

His arms tightened.  “ _Vin ma’lath_ .   < _Yes, yes, my love._ >”  There was quiet joy in his voice.  He sighed contentedly.  “< _Thank you._ >”  I don’t think he was talking to me with that last ma serannas.

“Why are you so rarely sleepy, Solas?  You only truly sleep about once a week, meditating the rest.”

“Because I have slept a great deal, Chrissy.  A body needs only so much, after all.  But the young, the untrained, and the world-weary need more.”

“If you say so.”

“Enough of lessons.  Bedtime.”  We slipped under the covers.

“Fade cuddles?”

He groaned.  “You ask this today, when I have obligations.  Not this evening, da’asha.”  I opened my eyes to him.  “Soon, Chrissy.  I have too many things to do this night.”  He brushed my cheeks with his thumbs, having brought his hands to my face.  “I intend, need, to hold you in the fade.  Just a little longer, and my nights will be yours for a time.”

“After Orlais.”

“Perhaps.”

“Yet another thing Orlais steals from me.  Dream deep, Solas.”

“For every dream precedes the goal.  What do you dream, Chrysopal?” I was barely awake.  I don’t know what he was trying to do.  I didn’t deliberately evade.

“Coffee.  And cheesecake.”  That made him chuckle, and we settled into sleep.  Sleep for me, at least.

I slipped into the fade, “awaking” in my haven of spikes and eyes.  Five more nights in this place. I would need to remember to smooth away the wards.  I wonder if I need to do it from that side?  It would be very rude to just leave them.  Not a nice thing to antagonize Integrity.

That thought made me remember that Integrity had asked me to visit.  “Come back,” it had said.  It would be better to do so than not.  I found myself done up like I’d spent the evening.  The unconscious mind is an interesting thing.  I looked about, but none of my fadethelathe were around.  It was only the first cycle, and they often left me alone for the first two or three.

It had said I was not to be molested, so I decided to head out without them.  I’ve not explored the fade alone since my last trip to Orlais, now that I think on it.  I think I got lost wandering along winding paths among trees and pillars of stone (The buildings were there too.  Kind of.  Would be there?)  It was my intent to seek out Integrity, which may have affected things.

I was too busy watching the blue light trickling through the trees to pay attention to where I was going.  It was pretty.  Sue me.  “How did you find this place?”  Integrity’s voice, from behind me.

“Uhm…  I just followed the path.”  I turned, and it was still wearing a man’s shape, the one I’d seen before.  I admit I was a bit wary, but its voice had been curious, not censorious.

“Walk with me.”  It held out an arm.  It wasn’t quite an order, but it was definitely a demand.  I looked at it and waited.  “Please.”  I placed my hand on the outstretched arm.  “You came back?”

“You did ask me to.  And said I could walk your paths.”

“So I did.  I admit, I hadn’t expected you to do so.  So wary, yet bold.  Constant, beyond expectation, yet ever-changing.  Your dreams have boxes with locks where your word is kept, and you dance around them without breaking them.  It is interesting.”

“I’m so pleased I entertain you.”

“Everyone who dreams entertains.  Themselves, others.”

“You sound different this time.  Not your voice, but your phrasing.”

“It hurts, putting things out of order.  But I tried.”  Well, shit.  “It didn’t help.”

“I would never expect someone to put themselves in pain to phrase things easier for me.  Maybe that effort to be unlike yourself communicated itself.  I was very on edge.  This time, not so much.”

“Still wary.  Slow to trust, but giving the appearance of trust.  You like my forest.”

“I do.  It’s very pretty.”

“A memory from long ago, plucked from the mind of a dying chevalier as he dreamed of home.”

“Peaceful, and sad.”

“Joy, and longing.”

“One does not exclude the other.”

That made him stop, making me stop as well.  “That is a true belief.  I hadn’t realized.  Come with me.”  It took three steps, me in tow.  The world sped by.  Not the world.  The images in the fade.  “What do you see?”

I was standing in a veritable cloud of glowy dust, but there was solid rock under my feet, and the black city in the sky.  “Magic?  I’m not sure.  Glowy dust, the stuff I manipulate to direct my magic.  I almost thought it was just my mental image.”

“It is.  Show me something.  The first thing you think of.”

It’s hard to think of something when someone says think of something.  My brain sort of swirled in a thousand directions, so I just let that be seen.  Sort of attached my thoughts to the glowy dust and let it go?  When finally something coalesced, it appeared outside myself, too.  My daughter, playing in the rain.  I blanked it quickly, my whole being tinged with pain for a long moment.

“It was not an exercise intended to cause pain.  Shall I call one of your attendants?”

I know I don’t have to breath in the fade, but I took a deep breath.  It calms.  “That’s not necessary, Integrity.  I’m sorry I inflicted that on you.”

“It merely makes you more interesting.  Who was the child?”

“My daughter.”

“You have a child?”

“I did, before the breach.  I still do, maybe.  It depends on perspective.  A mother, and a grandmother, besides.”

“You are a cradle.”

“I’m sorry?”

“No chevalier should break a cradle.”  It wasn’t looking at me.

I took a step from it.  “You intended to break me?”

“I did not.”

I narrowed my eyes.  It still wasn’t looking at me.  “Chevaliers break ‘cradles’ all the time.  It apparently doesn’t count if the cradle has pointy ears.”

It GROWLED!  “Show me.  If it is true.”  Its face glowed, and streaks of blue skated across its countenance, like Anders in DA2.

I took another step back.  “I’ve only heard it.  Ask your own spirits.  They mirror the games Chevaliers play.”

“If I find you lie…”  Its tone was NOT pleasant.

I raised my chin.  “Look for yourself.  It’s not a hidden thing.”  I meant it should look at what his own spirits were doing.

It gentled its voice.  “Show me where you heard it.”  A beat, then another.  “Please, petit litune.”

Gently, I called to mind the day I met Iona.  The memory floated around us, and I was taken back.  The fade rippled with anger when I met her, when I realized what had happened.  It fluttered with aggravation when I couldn’t get Solas to pay attention.

The people in my memory looked a touch odd, too.  There were more people there than I remember, but most of them were hazy, dull.  The ones I interacted with were firmer.  Some were somehow lit from within.  Mostly the elves, Sam, and Dorian.  And Solas.  Iona glowed softly, for example.  Her mother, not so much.

Iona’s father shone brighter, a great deal brighter.  Which made me wonder if the arrow he’d taken wasn’t so random, if he’d been targeted as a potential magical threat.  And the scene played itself, without my bidding.  A flash of a man, neck sprouting feathers, and red-armored fingers of throbbing blood… It disappeared.

“Enough.”  Its eyes held sympathy, and it patted my hand.  Somehow it had gotten very close again, but I didn’t feel threatened or crowded.  It continued speaking.  “A new cradle, freshly lacquered.”  It rolled back the scene to her face with a gesture, staring.  “More.  Her story.”

“She recovered.  She lives.  And she still dreams.”  Snippets of my interactions with her flowed.  He paused it again when she saw the ring.  I realized then that it had a chevalier crest on it.

“You were the hand of vengeance.”

“Justice, by the hand of Garalen and Cole, who was once Compassion.”

“You don’t recognize your own hands.  Interesting.  Come once again, mon petit esprit, before you leave.  Fais de beaux rêves.”  It covered my hand on its arm, then lifted it to its lips.  It kissed the air above my hand, and everything moved.  The fade rolled and undulated, and I stood back in my haven of spikes and eyes.  For some reason I was very tired, even in the fade.

My guys were there this time.  Rage yelled about me going places without it.  I just let it.  Contentment held me and rocked.  “You were not quite yet ready for that lesson.”

Hope chimed in with “I had wanted to deliver it.”

“What lesson?”

“Don’t worry about it.”  Hope did something, gesturing in a complicated fashion over me.  “You are unharmed, if a bit stretched.  You will be sore.”

“It wants me to come back, once more.”

Contentment took up the thread.  “Be sure.  That would be three.”

“Should I be concerned?”

“Only if you do not wish to be seen as its ally.”

“Contentment, would it be a bad thing?”

“I will not object.  It’s too prissy.  You poke at it and make it remember when it was less of a- You would call it a stuffed shirt?  Really?  What would it be stuffed with?  That’s not nice, little one.”

“I need to tighten my shielding again, I see.”

It smiled, a cheshire cat grin.  “You wish to place barriers between us?”

“Yes.”

“Good.  You should.”

“What does fey-doo-bow-rave mean?”

“Sweet dreams.”

“Oh.”

“Yes.”

Hope brushed its fingerbones across my face.  “Time has passed without you, and now the night is done.  You must wake, my lady.”  The spirits, unlike the meat people, don’t often touch.  I’m starting to think that’s how I got through Ardor so easily.  Contentment is the only one who cuddles, and it’s a sloth demon.  It would make sense that it would cuddle like that.  Integrity, too, seems to court touching.  That we are ourselves after touching seems significant to them.

“I don’t get enough time with you.”

“More than any other from across the veil.”  Which made me smile.  “We watch, waking and sleeping.  Be careful until you recover.  You are stretched, weakened.”  Concern swirled in my space.

“I will.”

My eyes opened in the dull waking world.  I ached again.  No playing today.  I had the distinct urge to roll over and slip back into the fade.  I was putting actions to thought when I heard Solas chuckle.  I closed my eyes and ignored him.  “Not today, ma’asha.  You have too much to do.  Up, Vhenan.”

I sighed.  “I ache.”

“I have been advised.”  His voice was wry.  “Call me if you have need.”  He completely ignored my request to tell me who told him, admonishing me to be careful, and left with a quick kiss.

I guess Solas leaving is some sort of signal, because Cara and Leorah bustled in.  Leorah threw the curtains open.  Ugh.  Apparently I’d been allowed to sleep in.  I was still laying there when Garalen arrived.  Carrying COFFEE.  Blessed woman.  The smell perked me up as the rest of reality hadn’t.  Even when faint, it permeates the air.

I let her get me up in exchange for the mug.  It’s testament to how far I’ve fallen that I didn’t even give a token protest when Leorah sat me at the vanity in a robe.  We discussed a few outfits and I chose a dress for the morning.  I had places to be this afternoon.  Dorian was taking me to the art gallery, so I would have to change.  Dinner would be at home, just us.  There were no balls, no dinners, no social requirements today.

Garalen and I decided to go for a ride.  Drummer was probably as cooped up as I was.  Gunther and Andrew were informed, and they quickly showed up to go with us.  I’m not sure who tattled.  It was a short ride, maybe an hour, but I felt better afterwards.  We didn’t really see anyone of note, and the streets were not nearly as full as I’d expected.  Probably because it was Tuesday.  Hmmm.  Tuesday the 13th.  Perhaps that is why most people stayed home or were seen in groups.

When we got back, young Ewan was waiting.  The boy was so cute, bouncing from foot to foot, holding a silver platter.  Zatlan came up behind him as I rode up, putting his hand on the boy’s shoulder.  The young man stilled, regaining his dignity.  His face smoothed, and he waited patiently for me to come up.

Gunny waved Geth away as he came up, taking up position to lift me down.  Geth took Drummer’s halter instead.  I had been intending to groom Drummer, but Geth led him off with a small smile.  Gunny kept ahold of me, not letting me go with.  “Your page, my lady.”

I huffed at him, but he was right.  I pleasantly greeted Ewan.  His tray had a single card on it.  As I reached for the card, smiling, he fumbled the tray.  Card and tray both landed in the drive.  He stood stock still, possibly because Zatlan’s hand was still there.  I could feel how upset he was.

After the last time we spoke, I decided to remain serious.  I ignored the lost tray.  “What did the message say, Ewan?”

He took a moment to compose himself.  He shot a quick glance at Zatlan, and then spoke.  “His Grace, the Duke Cyril de Montforte, regrets that you were unavailable to him during his visit.  He requests that you consider joining him for lunch on the morrow, when he is hosting an impromptu get together for his close friends.  He did specify close, Ethelathun.”

“Thank you, Ewan.  That was very well done.  Could you please deliver the tray to whomever would be responsible for polishing it, and arrange for the note to be put with my other papers?”  The sense of relief he felt was huge.  He bowed, then bowed again, pulling away from Zatlan as he knelt to acquire the dropped things.  “Zatlan, my own.  Thank you.”

Andrew and Garalen had already moved off.  Gunny escorted me inside as Zatlan opened the doors.  Ewan went tearing off, and Zat cleared his throat.  The boy slowed, going mach two instead of mach ten.  “He’s young, Chrissy, but he’s in awe of you.”

“I really don’t know why.  He’s been like that since before I met him.”

Gunny gave me a quick hug.  “Let me know if you need to leave again before your trip.”

“Alright, Gun.  Have fun.”

“Have to tend my gear and get in some sword practice before I get rusty.”

I turned back to Zatlan, who was waiting patiently.  “Ewan was shivering outside.  Do we have anything appropriate for him to wear?”

“I’ll handle it.  What did you do?”

“What do you mean?”

“I knew you needed me, but I was drawn to the boy.  He was in tears, expecting to be beaten, or worse.”

“And if I had gone to him, he would have been more upset.  I tried something new.  I’m glad it worked.”

“It did.  I have to know, did you somehow tie us together?”

“I just brushed you together, once.”  I checked my threads.  They were both straight and uncluttered.  “You are not tied together.”

“Thank you.  He’s a good boy, eager to please.”

“He’s fine.”

“He’s clumsy.”

“Boys his age often are.  I’m keeping him, if he wants kept.”  My voice may have hardened.

Zatlan bowed slightly.  “I figured as much. Enjoy your morning.  Lunch will be at noon.”

“Thank you.”

We had a communal lunch.  First time I’d gotten a chance to talk to Sera in a while.  She was up on ALL the gossip.  Blackwall is looking at me again.  Looks like he might finally be getting up the nerve to question me about the incident on the way here.  Bull, though.  I don’t know why he keeps looking at me.

I’d find out, though.  After I’d changed, I met Dorian in the front foyer.  Zatlan was helping me into the coat I don’t need when Bull arrived.  Oddly, he was wearing an ethelathe blue sash.  Dorian couldn’t even keep a straight face.  “Is that the fiction we’re going with?  I was jesting when I suggested it.”

“It’s a good idea.” Bull shrugged.  “Better than dressing like a Tevinter fop.”  He smirked as he said it, playing.

“I’ll have you know I am not, and have never been, a fop.  I, you savage, am a genuine original.”

“Chrissy, you see anything scary, you just get behind me.  I’m looking forward to smashing SOMETHING.”

The three of us bundled into one of the carriages.  Dorian’s hand threaded in mine.  He hasn’t held my hand for a long time.  What I didn’t expect was for Bull to grab the other one.  Bull didn’t hold it, exactly, but he looked at it.  “Why do people put this shit on their fingernails?”

“Because the lady’s maid says so.”  That made him laugh.

We strolled leisurely through the halls.  The paintings and statues were very interesting.  Scenes and places and people I’d never heard of.  “Queen Madrigal in the Forest” was a pretty gruesome one.  Lots of Andraste.  Lots of Human Shartan.  Random women were a popular theme, as were lakes.

The funny part is that the statues had been masked.  Not that the statues included masks, but that they were wearing removable ones.  Even the naked statues.  Like the fig leaves once put on the naked statues by the pope, I think.  Faces are far more intimate here.

I was led into the gardens.  Dorian and Bull exchanged a look, and my Altus meandered off.  Bull and I continued to a pretty fountain in the middle of a courtyard.  He started walking around and around the fountain.  “What is it?”

“Who was Ka-shok?”

“I don’t know.  It was a story.”

“Dorian says that we were stories, too.  And we’re real.”

“I didn’t know that at the time.”

“So this Ka-shok could be real?”

“I can’t really answer that, Bull.  Anything is possible.”

“She searched for truth.”

“That’s what I read.”

“Looked through the past to see what was real.”

“Yes.”

“That’s fucking creepy.”

“Okay.”

“So what is this T’sel?”

“A philosophy of thought.  It isn’t a religion, Bull.  It’s guidance.”

“Alright.  Show me.”

“There are five paths.  A person is at one of five points on each path.  All the paths at once, not any particular path.  And no one but you, when you are honest with yourself, will know where you are on any particular path.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I’m going to use magic, Bull.”  He eyed me, but didn’t say no.  “John Dalmas created a world in his book that showed me the matrix of the T’sel.  Five rows.  Five columns.  The rows are from lesser to greater, fight, work, compete, study, play.  The columns are the paths.  Fun, knowledge, games, job, war.”

The matrix shimmered into the air.  “I’m not an expert on this, Bull.  I’m not a teacher.  It just makes sense in my head.  You start at fight, on all the paths.  When someone is born, they fight for breath, for food, for intellectual stimulation.  For space.  As a child grows, they move up, or down, on a path.  Being at fight is not a bad thing, Bull.  It just is.

“It changes as a person changes.  For knowledge, fight could be preventing others from acquiring knowledge, or preventing oneself from learning.  Work could be forcing yourself to learn, for your own reasons, but not truly wanting to or enjoying it.  Compete would be against another, for more knowledge, or for grades of some kind.  Ranking of some kind.  Study would be making the choice to learn for a reason, for the gain of knowledge.  Play at knowledge would be learning for fun.  Random things, for no particular reason.”

“I see.  You fluctuate between study and play at knowledge.”

“It doesn’t matter, and only I can say where I am on any particular path.  And only you can define you.  There is a preference for play levels, generally, in preferred paths.  Playing at something often is what shows true mastery.”

“Hey, it says here that War and Play have no preference for winning.”

“When you’re just enjoying the fight, matching your strength, perfecting your moves, does it matter if you win or lose?  Or is the fight just as much fun either way?”

“Well, yeah, but I still want to be here at the end.”

“Okay.”

“This shit doesn’t make sense.”

“Sorry.  It was just…  It seemed like it would help.”  I moved a hand and the matrix started to fade.

“Hey, put that back!”  I did.  

“Bull, this is a guide, a personal guide.  Only you can figure out where you are as opposed to where you should be, and only if you are honest with yourself.”

He waved me away.  I wandered around the sleeping garden.  The topiaries still held their shape, but looked strange with little bits of ice clinging to the leaves.  I meandered farther, following a stone path through formal gardens.  It was peaceful.  Quiet.  We’d only met something like ten other visitors to The Gallery.

For the first time in a long time, I was completely alone.  There was winter crispness in the air, mild, without the usual bite.  I was crossing a little decorative bridge, trailing a hand on the fencing, when I heard a twang.  Dorian’s lessons came in extremely handy.  I got the barrier up a split second before the arrow hit.

Whirling, I couldn’t see any sign of the assailant.  I lifted my stupid skirts and went running for Bull.  It caught his attention when I came tearing into the courtyard.  There were several twangs, so I didn’t drop the barrier.  I blanked the matrix as I drew close.  “Inside!”

Don’t ever underestimate that man.  He didn’t need to be told anything.  He snagged me and hauled ass.  Another arrow sprouted in the courtyard.  “I just can’t take you anywhere.”  I rolled my eyes at him.

Dorian strolled up.  “Issues?”

I was still two feet off the ground.  And didn’t get any closer to it.  “Arrows.”

“Oh, dear.  Perhaps we should get her home, then.”  He looked at Bull.  “Did you finish your chat?”

“Yeah.  Chrissy, can you put that on paper for me?  I think I’ve got it memorized, but I need to be sure.”

“Of course.  Can you put me down, please?”  He ignored me.

“Barrier, dove, and we’ll get you out of here.”  They were both remarkably calm about this, and that kept me calm.  Dorian must have noted my expression.  “It never does any good, darling.  The plebeians will always try to hurt those who prove themselves out of jealousy, and the praetors will always push them down out of fear.  Always, always, the worthy are stuck between.”

Bull kept a close eye out of the carriage as we headed back.  About halfway there, Garalen came up on horseback.  She wasn’t racing toward us, but was definitely coming for me.  She merely turned the horse and rode back beside us without a word.

I think I managed to keep it mostly under wraps.  Gunther and Elias were the only ones waiting for us in the courtyard.  Elias handed Dorian out of the carriage with a smirk, then said “give her to me” to Bull.  And he did.

Elias carried me inside, over my objections, telling me to hush.  As he got me in the door, Solas came down the stairs.  Magic flowed over me, then brushed stretched places.  Solas frowned a moment, and I felt fingers on my cheek.  “You can put me down now, Elias.”

He waited until the door closed before he set me on my feet.  They proceeded to take my coat and gloves like nothing had happened.  Zatlan made smalltalk.  Dorian joked about arrows not being the proper way to wear feathers.  Bull was still thoughtful.  Solas waited.

The other occupants of the foyer found other things to do, leaving through various doors.  Dorian put a kiss on my cheek before leaving, thanking me for a pleasant afternoon.  Solas lifted my hand and brushed my wrist with his lips, holding my eyes.  “What did you do to yourself?”

“Nothing.  I didn’t fire the arrows, and I wasn’t hit by them.”

His hand tightened, then relaxed.  “I mean your SELF, da’asha.  What have you done?”

“Lessons in the fade, mor’ishan.  Integrity is a difficult teacher.”  He didn’t like that, but he didn’t say anything else.  He noticed that I hadn't told him what aggravated the ache.  He's probably going to ask when I'm done writing.

The rest of the time before dinner, I was ensconced in the study.  A nice stuffed chair, a book, a glass of fruit juice, and a blanket showed up shortly after I got there.  After I was situated, Solas went back to the desk, perusing whatever he was perusing.  The one time I tried to get up, he lifted his eyes and his lips firmed.  He returned to his papers when I settled back.

Dinner was nice.  We ate buffet style, and included most of the “servant” people.  Dorian was kind enough to share that I’d been shot at, the rat.  So I had to reassure people repeatedly that I was perfectly fine.  And I was.  For some reason, getting arrows shot at me didn’t really bother me that much.  Wulfgang griped for probably ten minutes about it, and Renee looked me over twice.  Most of the rest of them left me alone after a small reassurance.  I was obviously alright, after all.

In any case, I finally have all the gunk off my face.  I got a full bath in a real tub, not those little hip-bath things.  It took three men to haul to my room.  I think it was cast iron.  Anyway, I let Briri wash my hair.  I say let, but the woman is magic.  I really don’t know how she knows just how far to push in this.  And we got the paint off my nails.

She bundled me up in a nightgown, robe, and a matching pair of slippers and bustled me across the hall to Solas’ room.  Apparently I’m sleeping here tonight.

* * *

 

John Dalmas wrote a series called "The Regiment", which had the matrix of T'sel as a major underpinning.  It affected me deeply, though I don't precisely follow/believe/whatever.  I present it here as HIS work, which has inspired me on numerous levels.  I recommend his novels to anyone who will listen.


	161. Day 20, 14 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lessons from spirits and magic itself. A fraught lunch.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 20, 14 Kingsway, 9:41**

When I capped my pen, I was pulled across his lap, papers actually scattering to the floor.

“Solas!”

He didn’t move, but the papers swirled.  They stacked themselves neatly on the table.  “You must be more cautious, ma’haselan.  I would prefer you unhurt.”

“I didn’t even get hit.  The person wasn’t trying all that hard.”

“Arrows are not a concern.  That you stretched to barrier is.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to let it HIT me.”

“No, of course not.”  Solas just sighed.  “I have a request.”

“What?”

“Stay with your guards?  Iron Bull stated you wandered in the garden.  I understand he was thinking, but you abandoned your protection.”

“I am my own protection.”

“Not while you ache, da’asha.  Stay with your guards?”

I sighed, leaning against him.  “I don’t even know what I did this time.  It doesn’t even seem real.  I mean, who has arrows actually coming at them?  My brain can’t even wrap around it.  I haven’t gotten into any trouble recently at all.”

He slid his hand up to my neck, easing us down on the couch.  “Haselan’udh.  Stay with your guards?”

“Fine.”  I looked at him through my lashes.  “Vin, Solas.”  He loomed closer.  “While I am achy.”

His cheek on mine, then brow to brow.  “One day, you will-”

“Push too far.  Have you considered I’m actively looking for that line?  I may be curious.”

“Hmmm.  Curiosity killed the cat.”  Fucking tease, he pulled back just a hair.

“Satisfaction brought it back.”

He lifted his head.  “What?”  So much for the amorous mood.

“The rest of the aphorism.  Satisfaction brought it back.”

“You-”

“Aggravating woman.  You’ve said this before.”

I went to sit up, and he pulled me back to him, kissing my temple.  “Bed then.  You are tired.”

“Am not.”

“This is not an insurmountable problem.  I can arrange tired.”

Things got a little more interesting after that.

The fade was full of wisps last night.  I couldn’t swing an arm without hitting three.  Bouncy things, too, swirling around me.  I’m not sure why, but Valor found it funny.  Rage found it annoying, and I discovered that some spirits will ingest wisps.  If ingest is the right word.  And it causes hiccuping.  So I had a hiccuping rage spirit getting more and more aggravated as we became more and more amused by its irritation at its own hiccups.

The really interesting part was that the wisps would arrive, meander about, and leave.  A few bigger wisps would chirp or make noise on occasion.  Like they wanted my attention, which I gave.  Then they’d be off.  There were a couple larger beings that stayed at the edge of my vision, but wouldn’t come out to play.

As a difference, I was attended by my Fadethelathe for the first four cycles of the evening, and left to earth dreams for the last two.  Apparently I am fascinatingly unpredictable, and do things like wander off to visit rulers while they’re not looking.  Honestly, I’m not sure what they expect.

I know I’m Rage’s first “meat friend”.  It claims I act nothing like the “other visitors”.  When I pressed for details, I was told that most people who can see the fade and pay attention in dreams are at the same time terrified and angry, feeling trapped and wary and seeing enemies everywhere.  So of course they get them. The ones who can’t see and pay attention were mainly just fun to watch.

It was Fortitude that actually gave me the real wake up call.  I mean, I knew that there were some spirits that just wanted to get to the other side.  But there are hordes of humans that are terrifyingly curious about the fade and are desperately trying to get here.

Normal humans, too, not just mages.  Horrible people doing horrible things to get enough energy to cross, even a little.  Washing towns in blood, bathing in it, drinking it, spraying it in the air.  Committing atrocities or assaulting the veil directly.  Believing that they will somehow be more, because they have done so.  More powerful, more beautiful, more influential.  And when they aren’t, when they can’t make sense of the carnival world (my words, not Fort’s), they go insane.  Just like spirits when they reach the meat world and can’t process.

Sometimes spirits and meat people will make deals, too.  Find that more among the Chasind, Rivaini, and Avvar.  And Spirit Healers, oddly.  Shared time, instruction, love, all with fade and non-fade attributes.  Honestly, it was like I was getting a primer on “interaction with Spirits, doing it WRONG”.  Tidbits of how different societies peacefully and safely interact, and how some do not.

Very few mages, much less normal humans or elves, consider spirits thinking beings. Even fewer ever consider not imposing or trying to impose their will.  It’s like abominations are abusive relationships?  Things going wrong, and not letting go?  Or perhaps not even abusive, but just gone wrong.  And the people on the meat side blame the spirits, and the spirits completely blame the meatpeople.

Contentment changed the subject shortly thereafter.  Normal conversation.  Ish.  Well, normal for spirits?  How things have gone recently.  Things they’ve seen and learned.  People they’ve met.  Mortals they’ve “visited”.  Memories that have been drawn or sent, dreams that have been observed.  All while the wisps were watching.  And weren’t there some interesting bits of gossip.  I was going to have to send a note to the Nightingale.

When I awoke, I scrambled over to my paper right away.  May have scrambled over legs in the process.  I wrote down the things I had learned that would help Leliana.  I heard a chuckle behind me.  “Hush, you.  I have to write it down before I forget.”

“What are you writing?”

“Gossip.  What else would I be writing?”

“I believe that is the fastest you have ever tried to leave my bed.”

“I do believe I succeeded in leaving the bed.  Were you trying to stop me?  Should I be making effort to move more quickly next time, or should I be coming back?”

“Coming back.”

I did.  It turned out that he wanted to check me over.  Which he did, after a few cuddles.  Orange, as well as blue.  He’s doing that more often, the orange.  He was concerned, especially with my schedule today, that I was still under par.  I was, but not nearly as much as before.  He had the oddest look of consternation on his face.  “Something wrong?”

“No, of course not.  Just unexpected.”

“Care to share?”

“Not today.”  I smiled at him.

I went to get up, and he pulled me back, tracing my eyesocket.  “Solas?”

“Every day, you surprise me.”

“What’d I do?”

“It is not what you do, ma’haselan.”

“I’m just me.”

“Soon, I want time, Emily Lynne.  A week or more.”  Odd segue.

“Define soon.”

“Within a month or two.”

“Why?”

“I have to have a reason?”

“Fade or Waking?”

“I have to choose?”

“We’ll see, Faolan.  I have to catch up from this trip before I can neglect Ethelathe again.”

“Ethelathe.”

“Don’t start, Grohiik.  They are mine, and I must care for them.”

He sighed.  “I understand.”  He reached out a hand, cupping my jaw.  “I do, more than you realize.”

We got up, facing the day.   I was bundled back to my own room.  The morning would be left to paperwork and planning, but I had that lunch with Duke Cyril, and there was an evening entertainment.  The Masque was tomorrow.  Nearing crunch time.  And then I can go home.

I had a letter from Jack.  Not so unusual, really, but he mentioned that he’s sending a few people my way.  “Be nice to them, for me.  They didn’t take to the sea.”

I have a housemaid who has been caught stealing for the third time.  They’re holding her in the interior cells at Skyhold until I get back.  She already been through the rehabilitative punishments I put in place.  Honestly, I’m not quite sure what to do now.  I can’t keep someone who is stealing from visiting nobles.  She could endanger Ethelathe and the Inquisition, risking everything, whether she stays or goes.  I’m going to have to think on this.

Everything else was routine.  Planning and so on, the first winter crop from the cliff-edge greenhouses, four more elves settled in Garvey, and two more in Treepine.  I sente a note to Eadras to slow down the migration a little.  We didn’t want to overwhelm either village, and we didn’t want to startle them into rejecting us.

Seggrit got the market day things set up, too.  Four different villages will now meet in front of the Barbican every month to trade.  The smaller market days will still happen, of course.  They’ll be village markets, though, and the others will be less likely to attend.

Ewan came in and bowed. “My lady, it is time to dress.”  Sneaky Zatlan.  And Leorah.  They KNOW I won’t argue with the boy.

“Thank you, Ewan.”  He stood, but didn’t move.  “Is there something else?”

“No, lady.  I was instructed to wait and accompany you to your room.”  God damn it.

“I see.   And you will stand there until I do so.”  I probably had a wilted tone.  I was resigned to it.

He paled.  “Those are my instructions.”  There was a quaver to his voice.

I sighed.  “I will not hurt you, child.  You’re safe, as safe as I can make it.”

He looked confused.  “Lady?”

“It doesn’t matter.  Nevermind.”  I let him walk me to my room.  He opened the door for me, and then bowed as he left.  Sweet child.  Really skittish. I can’t wait to ensconce him with Daniel and the Tweedles.  I’m going to have to talk to his parents.

Anyway, I was dressed in an odd dress.  Almost skin color.  Nearly transparent hella long sleeves.  Embroidered branches and vivid blue birds.  It dragged the ground.  I looked at Leorah.  She looked at me, then said one word.  “Please?”

I closed my eyes and took a breath.  It wasn’t anything like anyone else was wearing, like several of the others.  It was gorgeous, that’s true too.  But it was going to scandalize Orlais.  Or set a new fashion.  “Let’s see the rest.”  Jewelry, makeup.  Little pasted jewels.  Glitter dust over my chest.  The final effect was unusual.  “Leorah, darling.  I will wear this.  Today.  I’m concerned about what you have planned for tomorrow.”  I held her eyes.

“It’s more traditional.  I stayed within the court rules.  I promise, Etheling, that you will be wearing something completely proper.”

“I’ll trust you on this.  I can’t afford to embarrass the Inquisition or Ethelathe tomorrow.”

“I would never do that.”

I laid a gloved hand on her shoulder.  “Thank you.”

“Get out there and charm the hell out of them.  Or scare them.  Make them see us.”  I just rolled my eyes.

As I walked down, I felt a jolt of shock from a certain someone.  I leaned in the doorway of the study for a moment, catching his eyes.  He raised one brow, sweeping the dress with his eyes, and something relaxed in him.  I just knew that he’d needed to see the dress on me.  Probably because it’s the same color, nearly, as my skin.  I waved, wiggling my fingers at him.  I turned to leave, and his arm snaked around my waist.  My back was suddenly yanked against his chest.  “How did you get from behind the desk to behind me that fast?!”

“Fadestepping.”  He said it on a chuckle.  “Someday I will teach you.  Or your Altus will.  Be careful.  You are a vision.”

“That’s not always a good thing.”

“No, it is not.  Which is why I say be careful.”

“I will do my best.  Enjoy your afternoon.”  He released me, then pulled me back, sliding his fingers along the earcuffs.  “I haven’t pierced them.”  His hands fell away.  “Yet.”  I heard his intake of breath as I continued out to the Entryway.  He’s really touchy today.  And yesterday.  I’m not sure why.

Elias and Michael were my duty guards.  Garalen was getting agitated over security tomorrow, and couldn’t get away from the blueprints and plans to go with.  The Duke’s carriage arrived, and I was handed in.  To my shock, a certain elf was sitting in it.

Fucking Briala.  I admit, the first thing I did was barrier.  I did get myself together quickly, and smiled sweetly at her.  Her eyes narrowed slightly behind the mask, but she didn’t give any other indication that I’d somehow annoyed her.

Sometimes it’s a waiting game.  We hadn’t been introduced, so it would have been improper for me to say anything to her.  I know that at this point, she’s technically an ambassador.  I can’t be the first person to say something, or Josie’s work would go out the window.  So I settled down to enjoy the ride to Duke Cyril’s mansion.

I’d kind of hoped I was wrong about her, honestly.  I mean, I read the Masked Empire, and know what happened, generally.  But somehow, I thought maybe it would be different because she would perceive me as an elf.  I was mistaken.

“So you’re Chrissy.”  I put my pleasant look on my face and smiled at her again.  I don’t think that’s how she expected me to react.  “Aren’t you going to say something?”

I touched Michael’s thread.  The carriage stopped a moment later, and he showed up.  “Yes, my lady?”

“Could you please introduce this person to me?  She would like to converse.”  I wasn’t being mean.  I had to maintain who I was, and she’d used a diminutive right away.  I didn’t go around calling her Bribri.

“Ethelathun, this is the Ambassador from the Orlesian elven contingent, Briala.”

“Thank you, Michael.”

“Of course.”  He smirked as he turned away from Briala, hopping down.  I don’t know if she caught it.  The carriage started moving again right away.

“Good morning, Ambassador Briala.  You may call me Chrysopal, if you wish.  How is your day?”

“My day is going perfectly well.  Yours?”  I waited.  I’d done her the courtesy of using her name.  I thought she was good at the game?  “How was your day, Miss Chrysopal?”

“A touch long already, but that was to be expected.”

“Who are you?”  I truly hadn’t expected such bluntness.

“I’m not sure I understand?”

“You sent blankets and food to the elves.”

“Did I?  I’m sure it seemed only polite.  They are some of our hosts, after all.  Should something else have been sent?  I was several times told that giving coin would only cause strife.”  Cassandra had sent the stuff, not me, but it was in my name.  She’d’ve known what was appropriate.  She’s stopped me from sending money places a few times now.

She gathered herself.  I think she’s been spending too much time away from the heavy hitters.  I know she’s got her game back before tomorrow.  Unless things are strange.  “You have an interesting accent.  I can’t quite place it.”

“I get that a lot.  Your Orlesian accents are quite interesting as well.”

She didn’t say anything else on the drive.  Shocker.  But she watched me.

Michael offered a hand to her as she exited the carriage, but she ignored him.  He lifted me down.  I could see his face.  “Be cautious, Etheling.”  He was talking about her.  Everyone knows who she is, I suppose.  It’s part of her protection to be well-known.

We were both greeted by name and titles, properly, at the door.  Duke Cyril is wonderful that way.  We were still in the entry hall when Comte Pierre, Pepe le Pew, arrived.  He greeted Briala politely, then bent his mask over my hand.  I’m a “vision” of morning, and enhance anywhere I show up.  He was being flowery again.

Michael took up a position next to the door.  Elias, I think, had gone around to the “elves” entrance.  That there even is such a thing annoys me, but he probably wanted to get a chat in with the servants.

Pepe escorted me into the main hall, where everyone was milling about.  It was odd.  I’d expected more people.  Duke Cyril was there, and obviously Briala and Pepe, and several others I didn’t know.  Lady Rousanne was there, too.  She’s in grapes, she told me again.

Duke Cyril introduced several people to me.  That says something, actually.  That he introduced THEM to ME, I mean.  He was affirming my rank, for some reason.  You introduce lower ranking people to higher ranking people.

Lunch was interesting.  There was one stewpot.  This is obviously a fraught company, despite the cheeriness.  The human servant stirred the entire pot vigorously in front of us.  To show that there wasn’t one special spot, I think.  There’s no way I’m eating anything.  Or touching anything to my lips that hasn’t been cleaned.  Anything here could be poison.

I was thinking about that, smiling and nodding at something the minor lord next to me was saying, when I heard the sighing.  “You can check.  You would know.”  It wasn’t coming from anyone here.  It was bell-tone, music.  Barely heard.  Nothing like lyrium song, red or blue.  It tingled sweetly, like being too full after doing my breathing.

I was probably the only mage there, so I took a chance that Dorian would gripe at me about.  I opened myself just a bit, using the overlay on the world to look at things.  The connections between these people were…  I can’t even describe.  Sickly green shot with fire-red.  Golden and pure, like most of mine.  Silvery.  Thin, thick.  Different strands going different places.

Cyril HATES Briala.  Lady Roussane and Pepe are friends, even though they are pointedly ignoring each other.  Perhaps lovers.  Briala and Pepe have that silver strand.  Harold had a strand like that.  I wonder if that means that Pepe and Briala have an adversarial relationship that doesn’t involve hate?  

Anyway, beyond that, the whispers hinted that I could look at the table.  Just look, it said, you’ll see.  And shockingly, I did.  There were three spoons that were somehow wrong.  Pepe’s was a little wrong.  Next to him there was another man, a comte, whose spoon was very very wrong.  On the other side of the Comte was Lady Sharisse.  Her spoon was also a tiny bit wrong.  Less than Pepe’s.  Perhaps they intended to indicate some sort of illness?  I had no doubt that the Comte was going to die.  And I couldn’t say anything.

I didn’t touch my food.  Not really.  I took spoonfuls, moved them around, but never actually touched them to my lips.  Enjoyed a glass of wine handed to me by an elven servant who looked suspiciously like Elias.  Conversation ebbed and flowed, around topics dangerous and mundane.  I took mental notes, cursing myself for not bringing Katharine.

After the food, we played cards.  I think Duke Cyril just loves playing cards.  And they introduced me to Diamondback.  Can you believe I’d been here nine months and never played Diamondback?  Easiest game ever.  With two players, there are only fifteen cards in play!  With four, they only had thirty three cards.  It’s like Blackjack, but so much easier.  I can easily keep track of practically half a deck.  Heck, I could count those cards on my fingers and toes, just about.

I actually wagered coin.  And won.  No bluffing required, just keeping track of when to keep going and when to fold.  I was good.  I kept my winning small, and made sure to lose appropriately.  I came away ahead about fifteen gold.  Small enough winnings.  I noticed that Briala was fairly good, as well.  So she can count, too.  Indicates a logical mind.  And she kept just as close tabs on me.

The afternoon drew to an end, and we dispersed.  Briala caught me alone for a scant minute before we left.  “I won’t let you be competition.”

I turned to her.  “A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.”  I looked her in the eye.  “He bought you the chance to bloom.  I hope you take it.”  It was the last thing I said to her.  She didn’t respond quickly enough to keep me there.  Am I a bad person because I enjoyed the split second of expression on her face? Shock, and regrettably, a flicker of fear and anger.

I left after that.  I got to ride in a carriage all by myself.  Thinking about it, Cyril was probably warning me that Briala would be there with his “close” friends phrasing.

Anyway, first thing I did when I got back to the house was seek out Varric and gripe that he had never taught me Diamondback.  He just kept blinking and looking away from me.  “What?”

“You realize your dress looks like it’s missing in places, don’t you?”

“Oh please, it’s just peach.  Lady Roussane is planning one like it for next season.”

“Why does that not make me feel any better.  I never expected you to corrupt Orlais instead of the other way around.”

I huffed at him before leaving to write down everything I remembered.  Including that the Comte, Pepe, and Sharisse were probably going to come down with something.  I’d bet they weren’t going to be at the ball tomorrow night.

I handed the sealed note to Ewan, who’d shown up as I wrote.  “Please deliver this to the Nightingale.”  He took off at a jog. “Dignity, Ewan.”  He slowed.  A fraction.  I just shook my head as I went to upstairs.

I went hunting Cole.  I felt him ripple near the storage rooms I’d been spelunking in.  “Cole?”

“It whispers.”  He actually startled me, because he whispered it in my ear.

“Something does, yes.”

He tilted his head, catching my eye for a moment.  Unusual for him.  “Spells murmur, music, what could be, what might be.  Dreams and possibilities.”

“Magic teaching magic, and I saw death and illness.”

“You should listen.”

“I did.”

“Putrid green, hatred, but still he smiles.  Red of fury, but his eyes stay kind.  Dangerous, those with three faces instead of two.  But you aren’t the target.”

“Cyril does seem to dislike her.”

“I like that you understand.  I have to tell.”

“Tell what?”

“You didn’t eat.”

“It wasn’t safe!”

“I know, but I promised.”  He paused.  “The magic doesn’t lie, but it doesn’t always tell the truth.”

“I understand, Cole.”

“I know.”  And he was gone.

Honestly, a nice safe ball with all of the companions was a pleasant evening.  I ended up telling Dorian what I’d seen with the spoons and he sighed wistfully.  “So much like home.  There was rarely a night without at least ONE attempt.  Orlesians are lazy in comparison.”

I danced every dance.  Never more than two with any gentleman, and waltzed with Dorian and Sam only.  Sera spiked the punch.  I saw it.  We finally left around two-thirty.

I’m so glad to get all that gunk off my face.  The glue for the little jewels is starting to be itchy, for one.  The stuff is heavy, for two.  Briri took the clips out of my hair, but didn’t mess with it further.  Solas is taking it down while I write.

Tomorrow is the Masque.  I hope Sam’s up for it.

* * *

Because someone will ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://cherith.tumblr.com/post/16727477181/meta-dragon-age-diamondback


	162. Day 21, 15 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Masque. Thank goodness I'm a bit player. Solas, Hug day, Alora and requests, clothing and plots, and Sam veers away from what I remember, but not what I could remember.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 21, 15 Kingsway, 9:41**

“Cole says you did not eat lunch.”

“It wasn’t safe.”  I capped my pen.  “How do you know I’m done even before I do sometimes?”

“Body language, to a significant degree.  Other clues.  You are not distracting me.  You did not eat dinner, either.”  Fingers trailed along my neck, threaded through my hair.

“I wasn’t hungry.  I take it Cole is tattling to more than just Dorian?”

“But you are now.”  He ignored the second half of my statement.

“Doesn’t matter. If I went down to the kitchens, it would disrupt the routine.  Panic and mayhem, all because I dared to want a sandwich.”  I sighed.

His hand ghosted up my throat, and he murmured against my ear.  “It is their duty, sulahn’nehn.”

I tilted my head to give him better access, and felt him smile against my neck.  “Hadrian would insist on cooking something.  The assistants would ply me with fruit or something to get me to wait.  I’d be stared at and tittered over, petted and curtsied to.  Everyone would be up late, and they have to be up early tomorrow.”

“I see.  And how would Hadrian feel to know you would rather do yourself harm than allow him to make you a meal?”

“I’m not harming myself.  Breakfast will come soon enough.”

“Why do you not eat?”

“I eat.”  He didn’t respond.  “I do, Blaud, truly.  Besides, have you ever tried to eat squished into a corset and stomacher?  There’s no room for food.”

“You are not wearing such confining clothing now.”

“And we’re back where we started.  I’m not going to the kitchens.”  There was a knock at the door. “Solas, what did you do?”

“I?  I did nothing.”  He rose and let Briri in.  She set a tray on the small table and then curtsied before she slipped into her and Cara’s little room.

“Nothing?”

“I have been here with you.”  He lifted the cover and revealed bread, cheese, and fruit.  “But you could eat without going to the kitchens.”  Leaning over me, he selected a slice of pear and held it up to my lips.  I’m no fool.  I opened my lips and let him feed it to me.  He was right, after all.  I was hungry.

I went to reach for another tidbit, and the tray slid away from my hand.  “Solas mo oíche…”

“Allow me.”  He held up a small cube of bread.

“Why do you wish to feed me?”

“Is it so wrong?”

“It is certainly odd-” He popped the bite into my mouth, and I had to chew.

He sat, pulling me onto his lap again as he fed me another bite.  “Perhaps I want to.”  I let him.  Little kisses between bites on occasion.  He murmured something I didn’t catch when a pear slice dripped, catching the droplet with his tongue.  I knew it was deliberate when he rubbed the next slice against my lips before letting me have a bite.

It didn’t go any further, though.  Kisses, cuddles, and tidbits of food, then bed.  Sleep.  He wrapped his arm tightly around me, like he was worried I’d escape.  “Solas.”

“Yes?”

“I’m not going anywhere, okay?”  He didn’t say anything, and his arm loosened, but he didn’t let go.  I think it was an artifact of me dancing with others.  I knew it, actually, but I don’t know how.  Honestly, if I saw him dancing with every available female, I might be a little possessive, too.  But he specifically asked me to dance, for his own reasons.  I had to ask.  “Do you want me to refrain from dancing, a grá?”

“No.  It is important that you dance.”

“If you’re sure.  Am I going to regret going along with your machinations?”

“This will not harm anything or anyone you have claimed.”

“Will you tell me why?”

“Does it matter?  You like dancing.”

“I’m starting to worry you’re using me, too.”

“No, ma’lath.  I am not.  Do you not trust me?”

“More than most.  Far more.  You won’t deliberately hurt me.”

“Sleep, vhenan.  Your eyes are bruised.”  I thought about asking him, but didn’t.  He answered anyway.  “Not this evening.  I cannot.”

“I miss you.”  He didn’t say anything else, just held me close.

The fade was as the fade is.  Lessons don’t stop when spirits decide to tutor.  And I thought Vivienne was a harsh taskmistress.  The fade whispers possibilities.  This is new.  Why is magic whispering now?  I didn’t ask.  But I was answered.  “Because you have learned to listen.”

“What?”

Hope continued.  “I can feel your frustration, little one.  You learn.  Things change, because you have changed.  Children learn and grow.”

“Am I a child?”

“Some moments.”

“I suppose I think like that as well. It depends on the moment and the feeling.  I just feel like I’m missing something.”

“Are you?”  Hope’s teeth grew and gleamed.  “I hope you find it.”

I have enough for a bridge game in the fade, now.  Hope, Fortitude, and Contentment have consented to bridge.  It’s actually much harder in the fade.  You get the cards you think you need, after all.  I lost.  I loved it.

There’s something about the flickering pillars of stone that is oddly comforting.  Things are so much easier, too, in some ways.  Plopping on air, tables of some unnamed glittery substance, cards just materializing, unseen hands dealing.  It was fun.

I found myself humming along to the music I could hear.  Well, not precisely music.  You know how something can have a pitch?  Like harmonizing to the vacuum cleaner, or the leaf blower, or the Air conditioner.  A constant drone, a single note or chord, spiraling around a key, and you can wrap a melody around it?

Anyway, I was quite surprised when Contentment snagged my hand and rubbed it against its cheek.  A humming noise, almost a purr, came from it.  In fact, the whole group was generally pleased/happy/content.  Rage was just pleasantly simmering.  Fortitude felt like safety behind sturdy walls.  Valor felt like it had won a battle, somehow.  It all felt sort of like the one room back in Haven.  All of us together, just that, no unwanted pain, no unexpected upset.

No expectations at all, just acceptance of the instant and the feeling.  It was like we were outside of time, suspended in a bubble of comfort and sanity.  I was surprised when I was pulled out of it.  I awoke in bed, refreshed.  VERY refreshed.  Like I’d slept for days, instead of a night.

I didn’t open my eyes.  I just lay there, relaxing.  Smells were muted, but there.  A warm body next to me.  Feeling the breath move in and out of my lungs.  Centered in reality.  A dim reality, but still real.  For all that I hate Orlais, I learn a lot.  The clear separation between is apparent here.

“I can nearly hear you ruminate, and you feel rested, ma’haselan.  What do you plot?”

“No plot.  I still have to survive everyone else’s plotting.”

“Oh?  And who do you see as the plotters?”

“You, Leliana.”  I smiled.  “Enchantment and mothers.  Queen Asha, who tamed them, down through the ages.  Orlais, Tevinter, Antiva.  The Qun.  Kings and slaves.  Even Ethelathe plots and spins.  So many plots within plots.  Easier to say who does not plot.”  I opened my eyes to find his on me.

His face was serious.  His hand cupped my cheek, and he spoke softly.  “Come all the way back, Emily Lynne.  Awaken fully.  You must greet the day.”

“Must I?  I could stay here.”  I slid my toe up his calf, wrapped my leg around his hip.  “You could stay with me.  Let the world fall away for but a moment.”

He groaned, pulling me to him.  “Temptress.”  He put his forehead to mine.  “We cannot.  The inquisitor-”

“Damn the man.  Kiss me.”

For a few long moments, he did so.  Expertly.  Laying his length atop mine until both of us groaned.  Then he pulled back.  The ass.  “We cannot, ma’nehn.  Much as I might wish otherwise.”

I sighed.  “Plots and machinations.  I just want to go home.”

“Soon, my love.”

“Not soon enough.”  But we got up, and he dressed, snagging his staff.  He strode from the room, lips still swollen, marked as mine.  It was gratifying that he stopped in the doorway and glanced back.  I could feel his frustration.  I smiled at him, rubbing my own swollen lips with one finger.  His hand clenched on the doorjam a moment.  “You cannot complain about lack of attention, Solas.  You are the one leaving.”

That may have been a touch too far.  His eyes sparked, and something intense crossed his face.  “Do not start something you are not yet ready to finish, ma’nehn.”  I was suddenly accosted by phantoms.  A tongue up the side of my neck, hands and lips in interesting places, warm breath at the tip of my ear.  As I took a gasping breath, shaking, it stopped.

His eyes held mine as a single finger slid across my lips, where I’d done so.  One corner of his lips lifted when he saw my hand tremble.  Turning, he left, crossing the hall swiftly.  He could have stayed, at least for a little while.  But I must remember to be more careful when pulling the wolf’s tail.

It was a few minutes later when Briri came into the room.  After a quick hug (I’d forgotten hug day!), I was dressed for the morning, allowed to wander.  Darling was sitting in front of the door when I opened it.  Waiting.  I was surprised when I lifted him.  He was bigger, heavier.  Maybe as much as four pounds.  “Someone has been eating, haven’t you, my little Darling?”

He rubbed his snout against my shoulder, making that appealing squeak noise.  Stroking his horns, I looked about for Cole or Leliana, because Darling doesn’t generally like to walk much.  Nothing.  “Did you come over here on your own, baby?”

He squeaked again, settling into the crook of my arm.  His eyes closed, and he chirruped softly.  I moved off to the parlor where my temporary office is.  I only got a bit of paperwork in, mostly about herbs in pots.  Halton phrased it very, very carefully.  Would it be possible to find some sort of natural light, to grow things, in rooms without windows?  I’m going to have to think about this one.

I fed Darling tidbits from my own plate after breakfast was thunked on the desk by Garalen.  She scowled at me.  “What?”  Flicking her fingers at me, she admonished me to eat.

Leliana dropped by, as well.  She sat, easing herself gracefully to one of the couches.  “I got your note.”

“That’s good.”

“Both of them.”  I just arched my brow at her.  She was reclining.  “I understand the sources for one.  Where did you get the information for the other?”

“I was at the Duke’s luncheon.”

“Funny.  The other one.”

“Dreams.  They may not be accurate.  I did say that in the note.”

“I have a small request, Chrysopal.”

“You want me to keep my eyes and ears open at the ball this evening.”

“Yes.  Starting this afternoon.  There’s the gathering, the buffet, then the Masque itself.”

“What time?”

“We’ll be arriving around five.  I’ve been told you spent time reading up on the Winter Palace.”

“Yes.”

She tilted her head.  “You aren’t being very forthcoming.”

“I already gave you what I have.”

“But you could have some sort of insight?”

Big Sigh.  “Leliana.  I don’t.  I know that there are secrets to find, and some are written, some audible, overheard.  I don’t know what they are.  I’ll keep my eyes and ears out, and give you anything I find, but I don’t know what I will find.”

“How will he do?”

“That’s up to him.  He has to court the court, we all know this.  He only gets one shot, and if he fails...”  I could remember that failure epilogue slide.  There’s no save and reload here.  “If he fails, Orlais falls, and Corypheus wins.  But you already knew that.”

“Yes.”

“His advantage is that he is one of them.  A noble human male.  It gives him an edge.”

She narrowed her eyes.  “It would be harder with an inquisitor of another race?”

“Do you doubt it?”

“No, not at all.”  She stood.  “Stay close to one of us today, Chrysopal.  In view.”

“Am I in danger?”

“Did you think otherwise?”

“I had hoped.”  I looked at her.  “It’s hug day, you know.  Would you like one?”

A genuine smile.  I stood and offered the arm that didn’t have Darling in it to her.  A quick squinch, and she was off.

I put the paperwork away.  It was hug day, and I had limited time to get all of mine.  Alora was in the gardens, giving some sort of instructions to about fifteen people, including Castien and Revis.  They quieted when I came up.  “Good morning.”

Alora looped an arm around my waist, a friend.  “You seem less stretched today.”

“I am.  I woke rested and ready to face whatever comes.  What’s going on?”

“Nothing to do with you. Or the idiot humans.  Don’t worry about it.”  I held her eyes.  “Promise.  It’s company business.  We’ll be leaving, probably tonight.  While everyone is distracted.”

A thought occurred to me.  “Would you be willing to consider a favor?”

“I’ll consider anything.  I may laugh at you, though.”

“Remember that mirror?”

“The El-” I cut her off.

“Yes.”

“What about it?”

“I can’t take it with me while I travel with the Inquisitor and his people.”

“And you want it.”  I nodded.  “Can you use it?”

We’d been walking away from her guys as we spoke.  “I think so.  Maybe?  But to leave it here…”

“Good point.  And you don’t want them to know you’ve taken it.”

“NONE of them.  Not even Ethelathe, generally.”

“Not even Ethelathe?”

“Just a few of us.  It’s a dangerous thing.”

“Especially if you can use it.”

“I don’t know for sure if I can, but it whispers, hums against my skin.”  I could remember that sensation, feel it even now as it pinged on my senses from across the estate.  I heard a sharp noise.  She had snapped her fingers in front of my face, getting my attention.  “What?”

“You were gone for a moment.  Stay focused, Etheling.”

“Hug day.”

“Yes.  And I will steal your mirror.  And the long poles.”

“I knew you’d like Tinikling.”

“Rematch at Tarasyl’an Tel’as.”

“You got it.”  I got hugs from her, and the rest of her people.  At least the ones I knew.  Most of them.  Only two seemed unsure.  They got smiles.

I made my way to the stables, where Wolfgang and Geth and the others liked to hang.  I cuddled for a little bit, and ended up leaving Darling with Geth.  I was slacking.  I knew I was slacking.  But I just couldn’t stress about the evening, somehow.  Things would happen the way they happened, and not much I did now could affect it.

I braved the kitchens, and was plied with food.  I ended up hugging several elves that weren’t even mine, because they wanted hugs.  That made me smile.  A lot.  The odd thing is there were more people in the kitchens than I had thought.  And less haziness.  Not a lot more, but the room was more crowded than it had been.

I got most everyone else when I was summoned to get dressed.  That was an ordeal.  Pantalets instead of smalls, chemise, stockings, stays… And Leorah pulled those tighter than usual.  I wouldn’t have bad posture today, that’s for sure.  She added a rope-stiffened farthingale and a roll of padding around my waist.

Sera, of all people, came wandering into my rooms at that point.  “Looks uncomfortable.”  She took a bite of the plum in her hand.  “So it’s hug day.  No hugging the knobs, right?”

“Well, some of them, maybe.”

“Weirdie.  How’d you get stuck in that?”

Leorah popped her head up.  “She has to present an image, and she’s a distraction.”

“Did you want something, Sera?”

“Yep.  And they’re not getting me in that crap just because you gave in.  I had enough of that.  Not going to happen.”

Leorah chimed in.  “You obviously haven’t gone to your own room yet.”  She smiled at her.  “Why don’t you take a look, and if there’s an issue, we can talk about it then.”

Sera’s eyes lit up.  “You didn’t stick me in that stuff?”

Leorah turned serious.  “There’s a skirt.  But it has to be there.  To hide your bow.”

“I knew you were a good ‘un.  Even if you are an elfy elf.”

“Only elfy sometimes.  Mostly just meat.”

That made me smile.  So I added my own two cents.  “Ears are just parts.”

“Not going to talk about that.  I’m gonna look in my room.”  She addressed Leorah again.  “If that thing looks too… too ANYTHING, I’m going to be back here.  WITH ARROWS.”

“Promise?”

“You’re not right in the head.”

“Says you.”  I hadn’t realized Sera and Leorah were close like that.  Not like lovers, but they’re obviously friends.  I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me.

“Sera?”

“Yeah, Chrissy?”

“Do you want a hug?”

“Sure.”  She hugged me, and Leorah, and strolled out.  “Weirdie.”  I’m starting to think that’s her nickname for me.

Anyway, the ordeal continued.  An underbodice over the stays, in a pale cream.  With funky frond/feather stuff around my neck.  An embroidered partlet to cover most of my chest so the girls aren’t quite so on display.  A petticoat.  Then the skirt, then the bodice, in Ethelathe blue velvet.  Then the sleeves were fastened, dripping to the floor.  I was swimming in fabric.  “Seriously, Leorah?”

“You’re wearing less than most ladies will be.  I left off the stomacher and didn’t put you in panniers.  You won’t have the huge hip profile of some.  It doesn’t work with your frame anyway.  You should see what Lady Montilyet got stuck with.”  Joy.

The others were there by that point.  Cara was taking the front, doing my face.  Briri was doing hair.  I just sat there.

In any case, at least I’d be warm?  The really good part was the eye candy that waited for me in the parlor.  Cullen was in a much snazzier version of the nutcracker outfit.  Crisp and clean, with finer fabric and pure black trousers underneath.  Medals and awards decorated his chest.  That thing enhances his shoulders something fierce.  Oh my god.

Blackwall was in something longer, and open over his shirt in front.  Brass toggles and shiny.  Still very very military.  They were all very very military.  Dorian was in something a bit different.  More fashionable.  Still a bit of military flair, but definitely his own stamp on it.  And both his shoulders were covered.  Bull was in a flowy shirt and trousers.  Buckles and straps everywhere.

Leliana was in a slim skirt (relatively), with the enhanced nutcracker top.  Vivienne was the height of fashion, her own brand, but still with buckles and military pauldrons.  Cassandra was in pants with a peace-bonded sword.  She’s royalty, so she can do that.  Sneaky.  Her flared jacket brushed the floor in back, mimicking the feel of a skirt.  Cole was in basically the exact same thing that asshole at the party where Vivienne meets the Inquisitor was wearing, but with a military-ish red vest instead of the gold.

Sera was in a cool outfit.  The “pusbucket” skirt was detachable, and there was room for her bow strapped to her back under the thing. Solas.  I can’t even.  I need to fan myself as it is.  They like putting him in the clerical collar, and on him it looks amazing.  Varric was better, though.  Almost a swashbuckler look, with open throat and high boots.

After we’d all gathered, Sam made his appearance.  Full on Disney Prince, really.  Way too much gold on his red.  Cole would compete with him for that hat, too.  A huge frothy feather anointed the top of it.  Lace at his throat, major makeup.

And then Josie appeared at the top of the stairs.  Oh, my.  She was perfect for the era.  Wide pannier hips, frothy lace, a deep red bodice and snow white skirts.  Hair done up large, dripping with jewels.  She descended in a very stately manner, then grinned.  “Where’s my daggers?” Sam asked, and walked right over to her LIFTING HER SKIRT.

She squealed, but it wasn’t a panicked one.  Turns out the wide skirt making her hips huge was cover.  Tied to her waist were bundles.  Weapons, arrows.  Blackwalls shield was hanging in front, Cassandra’s shield in back.  Bianca was hanging there, as well as Blackwall’s hammer and Sam’s daggers.  Cole was going to carry the staves and Bull’s greataxe.  I’d wondered how they got their weapons in.  I’m surprised she can walk, much less that gracefully.

Once we were all gathered, we were given our orders.  Leliana would be stationed near the doors.  Any information or gossip was to come directly to her.  Despite everything, we’d gotten very little to go on so far.  It was like planning a battle, done last minute.  I mean, obviously not, but only telling US last minute.

Solas was designated to chat to any elves he could find.  Sera was going to canvas the other servants.  Bull was supposed to flex and listen, catching attention and letting them think he was stupid.  Cole would flit about, listening and learning.  Dorian was sent out into the sun.  “You keep the people in the garden distracted.  I may have to climb the trellises.  Entertain them with stories of Tevinter, if you like.  They’ll lap it up like mother’s milk.”

“But of course.”

Cassandra, Vivienne, and Cullen were instructed to mingle.  Cullen’s face fell.  Poor man.  Varric was going to signing autographs and talking to that set.  Blackwall was to engage the military sorts.  Josie would associate with the nobles.  Sam would move about.  When they needed something, he would snag some close companions and get it done.  They intended to spread out and search the palace thoroughly.

I was supposed to meander.  Catch attention, dance, distract.  Keep Duke Cyril occupied.  I was told to stay in view of one of them every second.  Listen to gossip, and report to Leliana at least every forty-five minutes.  Sam snagged my attention.  “I need you to be a glittery butterfly tonight.  Catch the eye, keep them off me, okay?”

I took a deep breath.  “Alright.”

“Whatever it takes?”

“No.”

“Within reason, of course, sis.  Some things I would never want you to do.”

“I can do within reason.”

We piled into the coaches.  Josephine ended up standing.  Can’t exactly sit with a shield up your butt.  It wasn’t a long trip at all, so it wasn’t a large deal.  We kind of had to sit, to make room for her.  And there was a dagger poking my leg the whole time.  Thank goodness for the multiple layers of fabric.  And sheaths, of course.

We pulled up toward the gates, some of a long line of carriages and phaetons.  It took longer to reach the disembarkation point than it took to get there.  Chevaliers handed out ladies and gentlemen alike.

Sam, Josie, and several others went in before they stopped Vivienne.  “We’ll need to search you, Madame de Fer.”

“Is that so?  And with what do you intend to search?”  That flummoxed the man.  The Chevalier stepped back, and his eyes lit on me.  Damn it.  “Are you really going to attempt to grope every female person in this group?  I notice you did not attempt the woman on the Inquisitor’s arm, nor the men.”

In any case, we managed to escape with nothing too embarrassing happening.  Thank goodness for Vivienne.  She verbally abraded him, exceedingly politely.  I wish I could have taken notes.  It was a thing of beauty.

Sam spent a few minutes speaking to Gaspard in private.  The rest of us spread into the gardens.  Meandering, talking.  I was pleased to see Sam strolling about talking to people a little later.  He did find the little silver ring, returning it to the lady.  It wasn’t just him, though.  Everyone seemed to be looking for things.  I just moved to the places I could hear.  The book was clear on where to stand.

Lord Gratton was apparently seen sneaking out of an upper story window of Comtesse Jeannevre’s estate.  Probably her granddaughter’s room.  Le gasp.  So and so was seeing so and so.  Comte jerkface was pushing x agenda.  I strolled over to Leliana about a half hour in and let her know.

This is where all the prelim work came in very handy.  Lady Rousanne and her coterie was over to the left.  Vivienne’s bluestockings were on one of the patios.  Lady de Rougé-Bellière and her little group were wandering the gardens.  Duke Cyril was relaxing on one of the benches near the stone lions with some other gentlemen.  I moved from group to group saying hello.

It was the Duke that handed me a glass of champagne from a random servant’s tray.  I let my SELF out for just a moment.  It looked okay, so I sipped.  Good stuff, actually.  I took it VERY slow.

After an hour or so, the main doors opened.  People strolled in, unhurriedly.  An arm appeared next to me.  I looked up to see a familiar face, but not one I wanted to see.  “Marquis Marigny.  How is your day today?”

“Lady Theneras.  You seem to be missing your escort.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m missing him.”

His lips opened a bit wider than they should for a smirk, and his tongue made a tiny appearance between his teeth.  I think he’s used to a full mask, and he’s wearing a half mask.  “Still rejecting my arm?”

“Does it have to come attached to you?”

“Allow me to escort you, until your usual escort arrives.”  He made a big show of looking about.  “Unless you are afraid?”

I put my hand on his sleeve.  “What is your fascination with irritating me?”

“Perhaps someday I shall tell you.”

“I’m hopefully not going to be here that long.”

Marigny led me inside.  “I intend to claim the first dance, my dear.” He did, too. Later. Beat out Dorian and some Marquis, as well.

“With whom?”

“You, Lady Theneras, are fun.  It’s a dangerous thing, to be interesting.”

“I’m boring.  The Inquisitor and the Inquisition are interesting.”

“A bientot.”

“Not if I see you first.”  That made him chuckle.  Who the hell is that guy?  I just know he’s one of Cyril’s companions.  In any case, everyone found their places.  They gave their names to the herald so they could be announced.

It sort of went in rank-ish order. Florianne, followed by Gaspard, isn’t that interesting.  So Sam and company was introduced then.  And it takes a lot to NOT giggle when I heard “Ballsytch of Korse”.  I followed a bit later, right after Duke Cyril.  Introduced as Lady Trevelyan, and didn’t get a private word.  Thank goodness.  I was just one face among many, and Lady Trevelyan didn’t stand out at all.  Though she did notice the ears, she was too busy, really, to say anything.

It didn’t take long before I had to start playing my part.  Greeting people in the garden, chatting with Dorian, tinkling laughter to catch the ear.  Between the both of us, Sam was able to climb up the trellis and head off, apparently unnoticed.  We shared a smile, and I left.

A few minutes later, I saw Sam, Sera, Cassandra, and Vivienne slip off.  Josephine met them at the door to I think the servant’s quarters.  I don’t know.  One of the places.

I hung out with Bull for a bit.  I didn’t get anything from the buffet.  I moved off, because I wanted to see the krogan head.  A few minutes later, a servant showed up with a plate.  Filled plate.  The young woman who brought it smiled.  “I am told that spiders need to eat, my lady.  And I should deliver that phrase and this plate.  It’s safe to eat, on my life.”

I looked around and didn’t see him at all.  “Tell him thank you for me?  Please?”

The woman curtsied!  “Of course.”

“And thank you, as well.  I will remember you.”

Most of the rest of the early evening was pleasant.  I found a few coins, and passed them to Sam.  Dorian was holding court in the gardens.  Young men and women flocked around him in their bright plumage.  Each one trying to catch his eye.  Cullen was pinched not just once but many times, poor man.  Several times I was called on to distract someone, or to soothe someone.  Josie was doing the same, but she’s better at it.

I was standing against a corner when I heard Briala’s voice.  “I see you came.”

“One does not say no to the Empress of Orlais, I’m told.”

“No, one does not.  I’ve never heard of you, before the breach.”

“You are quite correct.  You never did.  Isn’t that interesting?”

“You never existed before then.  No one has ever heard of you.”

“Really?  I was a child, then a woman.  Just because I wasn’t famous doesn’t mean I didn’t exist.  I hope your evening goes well.”

“There are rumors about you.”

“Of course there are.  There are rumors about everyone and everything.  Good Evening, Ambassador.”  I went to move away and she hissed at me.

“You may want to reconsider walking away from me like that.”  The incredibly haughty tone rubbed me the wrong way.  I don’t take it from elven deities, I’m sure as hell not taking it from her.

I turned back to her.  “Oh?” Normal volume, then very, very quietly, I asked, “Should I bow to you before I go?  Curtsy deeply to... what were you to the Empress?  There are so many rumors.”

“You… You are no one.” Briala shot at me, nearly silently.  Sounding bored.  “Nothing, with no history.  You have no idea what it takes.”

Something murmured, tickling my memory, shifting my mood.  I spoke before I thought as the sensation wrapped around me.  “And then...  Take my cloak, and the old mask… hide your ears… go to the Dalish... she was impersonating her mother’s voice...”  Briala paled.  “Halamshiral burned, my dear, while you…  Orders are to treat you gently.”

“Where is he?”  Her voice was demanding, but nearly silent.

That woke me, the tendrils subsiding.  “Who?”

“Felassan.  I have looked, and you...”  Her eyes narrowed.  “You know.”

She wasn’t connected to me, but I could feel… Something.  This was important, on some level.  I didn’t bother to bargain.  This needed to be released.  The tendrils slid over my skin, pleased.  “He has fallen, and no longer walks among us.”

“You lie!”

“I wouldn’t be so absolutely certain, were I you.  Our deeds come back to haunt us.  Perhaps he was protecting you.”

“You make no sense.  Did you know him?”

“I knew him better than many.  His life was shared, an open book.  A tale of this Masked Empire.”  That made me smile.  Looking back, I really don’t know what came over me.  It was truly strange.

“You don’t make any sense.”  She was wrong.  I made perfect sense.

“You repeat yourself, Ambassador.  Was there something you needed?”  What the hell was wrong with me?

“There is something odd about you.”

“My apologies.  I’ve often been told this.  I meant no harm.”  I could feel the tendrils depart, and the whispers quieted.  Still there, but not so loud.

“Who are you?”

“I am Chrysopal, Ambassador.  The titles the humans use have no meaning for me.”

“What about the ones the elves use.  Ethelathun.”  She didn’t spit it.

“I didn’t name myself.  Why does it offend you so?”

“I expect you to leave with the Inquisition.”

“Of course.  Why wouldn’t I?”  That threw her for a loop.  “Orlais is an interesting place, Ambassador Briala, but I prefer the mountains of home.”  You know, I really do miss the Blue Ridge.

“I’d give them to you if you stop meddling.”

“They’re not yours to give.  But I am not responsible for what my brother does.”

“Elfblooded bastard.”

“No.  He is human.  Our bond is not one of blood.”

“Perhaps I meant you.”

“My parents were married.  It has been a fascinating conversation, but you have places you need to be.  And you probably don’t want people to notice us talking for too long.  Remember me, when whatever happens, happens.”  I smiled, and we both moved away.  Neither of us really won that, but I gave away so much.  Looking back, I don’t understand what happened.

I did my part for the rest of the evening.  Dancing and laughing, listening and reporting.  Watched Sam get sliced and diced verbally by Morrigan, who was not thrilled to be loaned out like a handkerchief.  Never more than half an hour or so without checking in, and never out of sight of one of the companions.  And not a single word with Solas.

When crunch time came, it had an unfamiliar shape.  Sam did something I’d never seen in game.  He let Florienne kill the Empress.  Shocked silence filled the hall, followed by screams.  I caught Sam’s eyes, and his face hardened.  No regret, not even a smidge.  He’d relished the chance to let her die.  His thread… He was PLEASED.  Satisfied.  It was nauseating, and I had to sit down. Florienne was detained, then they sequestered themselves away as the elven servants removed the meat and sopped up the blood.

A young lady I’d met earlier offered me her fan.  I refused, but she waved it at me.  I must not have looked good.  Blood on the floor is not a huge deal, it seems.  Within minutes, the orchestra started again.  Dorian claimed me for a last dance, and did his best to console.

Honestly, I’m a little worried.  I always made them work together.  Every time.  All three of them.  It just seems the best idea, right?  Force everyone to work together for the sake of them all?  I mean, these are possibilities, but to stand there and watch the woman die?  Sam is more ruthless than I had hoped.  

When Emperor Gaspard came out and made Briala a Marquis, I knew what had gone down.  I’m not surprised that Sam arranged for Briala to come out ahead.  He would want an elven perspective involved.  But to make her the puppet master.  That’s dangerous.  And he risks Ferelden.  And Skyhold.  Gaspard is a conqueror.  This is not how it’s supposed to be.

I was back sitting on a couch in the library when a familiar hand appeared.  “Dance with me.”

“Solas?  I wasn’t aware you danced in public.”

He didn’t respond, just kept his hand out.  When I placed mine in it, he helped me up.  “You are distraught.”

“Not distraught.  Just adrift.”

“Dare I ask?”

“Not here.  Not now.  It’s nothing.  It changes nothing.  Not really.”

He led me to a small balcony, closing the curtained glass behind us.  We were alone, unseen.  Strains of music floated. His hand cupped my cheek, and mine his, then he pulled me into his arms.  Similar to a waltz, the same beat, but with a twist I can’t explain  I mean, I could do the steps, and he’s a wonderful lead, but the dance was… not quite what I recognized.

It was a tiny balcony, with barely any room.  He caught my eye.  “Let us see, ma’nehn.”  The next step was about three inches above the balcony floor, and the next a little higher.  He knew I could do this.  He’d seen it, in the fade.  He’d seen me plop on air, and stand on invisible floors.  And to do this, like this, to have someone just know you could keep up, even as we went.

It was amazing.   Dancing above the gardens, until the strains faded.  Nothing and no one below us, and nothing to stop us.  “It has been too long.”  We’d stopped on the railing.  He hopped down, lifting his arms to collect me.

“It’s my first time.”

“It will not be the last.”

“I hope not.  Thank you for making sure I could trust at least some food.”

“I can’t have you weak.  I have plans for you.”

We came back inside.  Josephine was going to soothe Sam, who was on the balcony on the other side.  Bull was teasing Dorian.  Sera had a bunch of red scarves hanging from the waist of her skirt.  After not much more time, we piled into the carriages.

Ewan was asleep on a footstool just inside the door.  He didn’t even wake as we tromped in.  “Zatlan?”

“He insisted.”

I woke him and sent him to bed, poor thing.  All three of my wardrobe managers were waiting.  It took way too long to get the gunk off my face.  I complimented them on how it had held up.  The hair, the outfit, everything.  I told Leorah I loved the dress.  I did.  It was more comfortable than I had expected.   The corset, not so much.  But that’s to be expected.

Solas is waiting for me.  We’re going to be sleeping in his room tonight.  And I’m under strict instructions to stay in bed late.  Briri is going to bring a tray for breakfast.


	163. Day 22, 16 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day of rest, mostly. Feeling Solas' anger, philosophy and physics with Fortitude, and a gentle day.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 22, 16 Kingsway, 9:41**

It wasn’t that bad.  I mean, seriously, women have been doing things to fit in and be beautiful since the beginning of time.  Slightly bruised ribs and a few pokes from a corset when you’ve been DANCING are nothing.  I’ve had worse problems from new shoes.  While everything was still compressed, it was sort of numb.  Not so much after it was removed, but he blew it way out of proportion.

You’d think I had horrible wounds the way Solas reacted.  If it hadn't been a new corset, not even the minor bruising and scratches he saw would have appeared.  He’d swept me into a hug when he opened his door, and apparently I flinched.  It was bare moments later I found myself half naked, with him carefully examining my flesh.  His mouth was a straight line.

“No more, Haselan.  I do not understand why you allow this.”

“Allow what?”

“Why would you let them harm you?  Why did you not tell me you were hurting?  How did you hide this from me?”

“They aren’t harming me, a grá.  But the Masque required a certain level of dress.  Court rules and so on, or so I am told.”  I put my hand to his cheek, and he stood, meeting my eyes.  “It didn’t hurt until it came off.”

He looked at me a long while before responding.  “I did not see Sera in such confining clothing.”

“Ah, but you did see Josie in it.  I’d wager she has more bruises than I do.  I gave her some of my salve the other day because of just this problem.”

“A matter of rank, then.”  I just shrugged.  I didn’t fool him.  “I will be healing this.”  His voice was firm.  I just nodded.  Blue slid over and under my ribs, fading the ache.  The abrasions at my sides disappeared.  “We need to talk about this.”

“What?”

“That they dismiss you.  Harm you.”  The room was gently spinning.  I must have drank more than I thought.

‘I’m used to it.  You all do it.”

His hands stilled on my skin.  “Even me.”

“Sometimes.  I’m sure I do it to people, too.  I’m used to it, like I said.”

“The shoes.  The lessons.”

“The fact that I am here in Halamshiral.”

“We may be trying to protect you.”

“Yeah, I know.  Don’t worry about it.  Unless it’s important, why sweat the small stuff?  I just have to keep reminding myself of that.”

“Sweat… the small stuff?”

“It means why worry about the little things?”

“Because little things add up to big things.  Ethelathe is a big thing made up of many small things, is it not?”

I turned in his arms to look up at him again.  “A network of families and friends.  A small non-profit.  Well, medium non-profit.”

“Non-profit.”

I sighed, pulling away and sitting on the bed.  I was tired, ready for sleep.  “An entity that isn’t trying to make more money than it uses, usually organized for the improvement of a situation or the welfare of a group.  The ASPCA back home uses every dime it gets to take care of abandoned or mistreated animals, for example.  St. Jude’s is a children’s hospital where no one ever has to pay for medical care for their babies.”  I looked up at him, and there was no recognition on his face.  Oh, he understood non-profit, but I was babbling in Earthling again.  “I’m sorry.”

“No, Emily Lynne.  You are intensely interesting.  Do not apologize.”

“Dream with me.”

“Again you ask when I cannot.”

“I’m nearly ready to give up asking.”

He sat next to me, capturing my hand and lifting it to his own cheek.  “I believe I understand what is going on.”

“Oh?”

“You have stopped asking for pants, da’asha.  You have stopped asking for time.  They made you cajole until you were exhausted.  You have become resigned to your lot, as you see it.”

“It doesn’t make any difference anyway.  A thousand years from now I will be nothing more than a flash of memory in a vast ocean, and everything I’ve done will be twisted beyond recognition or forgotten.”

His eyes narrowed.  Something about our conversation was making him upset, bordering on something else.  Not angry.  Pissed off about something a little bit, maybe, and frustrated to boot, but it was too complex to be called angry.  I could feel it bleeding through.  But it didn’t feel like he was mad at me.  He nibbled my wrist very gently, rubbing his lips and teeth against the sensitive skin.  “It makes a difference.  I cannot see you tonight, but tomorrow, you will find me in your dreams.”

“Can I put my nightgown back on now?”

He laughed low, barely more than a chuckle, and didn’t answer.  “Ma’haselan?”

“Yes, Faolan?”

He laid us both down.  “I miss you as well.  Now, ma’sulahn’nehn’udh,” he whispered in my ear, “sleep.”  My eyes closed and the fade swelled up to claim me, the ass.  And I didn’t get my nightgown on.  Or a kiss.

Thinking back, I guess I had another chat with him about the ethics of changing things and the limited control we have long term.  Ripples in the stream.  It was unintentional, but it may be a good thing.

The fade was still quiet and comfortable.  Wisps and my own.  Walking through history next to Rage makes much sense here.  People do horrible things to people.  Hope was busy somewhere, and Contentment looked me over carefully at the end of the evening, pleased about something.  Who the hell knows.  Something is still poking the back of my brain about it, though.  It’ll come to me eventually.

Fortitude about blew my mind, though, during one of our random conversations.  “It’s still the same little bits.  What you call them shouldn’t matter.  Steam is fearful, and ice stands firm, stubborn.  Water flows, happy when gentle and angry when fast.  It’s all the same.”

That struck me as odd.  “Solid air that isn’t solid.  Walking on water, until you drown.  Atoms are atoms, but how close they are matters...”

“Why?”

“Density.  And heat.  Density doesn’t work like that?”

“Why not?”  It wasn’t being a little shit.  It was honestly curious.

“I don’t know.  It’s the way I was told it works.”

“So?”  Did I only believe it because I’d been told?

“The building blocks of physics…”  But it made me think of the Quantum Foam theories…  Black holes creating reality by being perfectly void of space because gravity was too great, and frothing at the edges.  Positive and negative, virtual particles on opposite sides of the event horizon, becoming real.

John Wheeler was a true genius.  I don’t know the math, though.  Do I need the math?  I’m starting to think I may not need the math, here.  Where observation changes everything, and mages are expert observers, so long as they truly believe that anything can happen.  Photons, light, creating mass…  And then sound…  Phonons, the natural vibration of photon waves and particles, creating the mechanical energy of-

“But you move the little bits around?”  What?

I didn’t answer it, blinking in confusion for a moment, losing my train of thought.  Then I just waved a hand.  I was too busy thinking.  But one of the things I like about spirits is that it is okay with that.  Most people would have been bugging me for a response, interrupting the thought process, trying to continue the conversation.  Sometimes your brain just needs to work.  I was still pondering the philosophy of physics when I felt the tug of wakefulness.  And now I remember what that thought was.  It’s been bugging me all day.

Turns out what woke me was Briri knocking on the door.  She’d brought breakfast.  I was alone in the room, and wearing my nightgown.  Sunlight streamed in through the windows.  She stepped through the doorway surprisingly slowly, like she was pushing through something.  She didn’t appear to notice.

Porridge.  I’m not surprised.  Everyone knows I prefer porridge by now.  They may think it’s weird, but they know.  This time it was stip.  Buckwheat with bacon.  And a fruit syrup.  Leave me alone.  It’s good for you.

“I have bad news, miss.”

“I have to get dressed up because some random noble human wants to visit.”  The look of shock on her face was priceless.  No, I’m not reading her mind.  It just makes sense.  “And let me guess, Inquisibabe’s unhappy about it.”  She closed her mouth, looking at me.  “It’s just logical, Briri.”

She dipped a curtsey.  “When you have eaten, Lady, please come to your room so your ladies can help you select your gown.”

That surprised me.  “Lady again?  I thought we went over that?”

“Yes, miss.  I forgot myself a moment.  How did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“You knew.”

“Nope.  I guessed.  There wouldn’t be much today that would be bad news.  Unless you’re going to tell me we’re not leaving for a week, which would be worse.”

“Three days, I think.  I’ll ask Zatlan to find out.”

“And I’d like to go riding this afternoon, weather permitting.”  We went over a few little schedule things, and she left the room, leaving me to eat in peace.

I stacked my dishes neatly, heading for my own room.  The human woman, Genevre, spotted me as she came down the hallway.  “Slattern!  What are you thinking!  Get yourself to the kitchens immediately, and get dressed!  You’ll be out before the cock crows twice, I promise you that.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, you stupid little-”

A voice was heard from behind me.  “A stupid little what?”

“Your Lordship!”

“Exactly what did you call my sister?”  The woman turned red, then white, then turned and stalked away.  Not another word was said.

“Hello, Inquisibabe.”  He grabbed the tray and set it on a sidetable.  “What’s up?”

“I was just stopping by to see if you were awake.  Some ass named Marquis Wiscotte needs to be introduced to the Council of Heralds, and they decided that HERE is the best place.  Put something pretty on, please?”

“For you, Sam.  Have you seen Dorian this morning?”

“He’s still lazing in bed.”

In my own room, I got to select a day dress.  The underthing requirements for those dresses are much less confining.  Is it sad that I’m appreciating just one petticoat and no farthingale?  Leorah’s creations away from the eye of the court are much better.  Even with the sleeves.

Luckily, I didn’t have to meet anyone.  I mean, we were all introduced around, but I left for the music room.  Dorian found me there, and we played with levitating liquid spheres around.  Magic lessons with Dorian are hella fun.

It’s harder than it sounds.  He does it differently than I do.  He speaks of fishbowls without the glass, but I had to wrap my head around the weightlessness of space to pull it off.  Surface tension and minimizing potential energy took me the rest of the way.  That’s why water drops are round, after all.

I caught Cara and Gethon chatting in the stables after I changed for riding.  She’s asking some pretty in-depth questions about our Josren.  Geth just smirked the whole time.  He knows what’s going on.

The rest of the day passed fairly smoothly.  Alora had left while we were at the Masque.  The manicured lawn looked bare without her tents, and there was no trace that she was ever there.  I had been worried that she took Castien and Revis with her, but they showed up toward late afternoon.  I was reminded, kindly, to remove the staircase I’d left.

I would have.  Honest.  But there were children sitting on the bottom steps.  And they were jumping ropes in the little alleyway.  So I just let all but the bottom three steps go.  And made them narrower, so that it would be harder for a Chevalier to find by accident.  Nothing the kids noticed.

There was… something at the edges of the alley at first.  As I focused my eyes, it shaped itself into women.  Elven women, watching the littles at play.  Three of them.  Not quite there?  Like when I first met Mika and them, I guess.  Hazy, blurred, just that little bit.  Not even gossiping amongst themselves.  No smiles.  It made me sad to see.

I finally got to participate in songtime again.  Michael was up and about.  He’d been a bit under the weather while we were here.  Garalen and Andrew were cuddling over under one of the trees.  Not too many.  Just a few of us, the ones from Skyhold, and our extras.  Zevran, too.  Don’t know where he came from, but he was sitting with Cara.  Not flirting or anything, just sitting and talking.

Wulfgang, Leorah, Renee, and Janet sat with me.  They've had interesting weeks as well.  Wulf has been in close conference with several smiths of varying types.  Chatting up the local guilds.  Leorah, when not with me, has been dealing with local guilds, too.  Not sure what they're up to.  Renee and Janet have mostly been enjoying a break.  They've worked with a "real doctor", but they don't have many kind things to say about the man.

Ewan has become quite comfortable, and I met his parents.  Not his “manager”.  That’s a human.  I’m taking them anyway.  They’re not slaves, after all.  And Ewan’s mother said they don’t do “contracts” with elves.  They were working for FOOD for heaven's sake.  Not cool.  Ewan’s dad was a gruff man who didn’t much like people.  He much preferred to work with pigeons, of all things.  I’m a bad person.  He told me his name, but it sort of sounded like Bert, and now I have no idea what his real name is.

I slid into fresh clean sheets.  It’s the small pleasures, sometimes.  Crisp sheets are totally a guilty pleasure.  I’m writing in bed.  Certain People aren’t here.  Haven’t seen him all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Physics, for those who wonder (Thank Comavampure for the idea to give you these):  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phonon  
> https://www.sciencealert.com/stephen-hawking-just-published-new-solution-to-the-black-hole-information-paradox  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wave%E2%80%93particle_duality  
> https://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/2015/31dec_quantumfoam


	164. Day 23, 17 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annoying boyfriends, cryptic Seras, Visiting with friends, a lazy day.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 23, 17 Kingsway, 9:41**

I fell asleep alone, for the first time in a long time.  Not even an Irusana to keep me company.  I spent a cycle or two in memories and cards before I felt something tugging at me.  The first thing I noticed on waking was lips against my cheek, sliding to my jaw.  When my lashes fluttered open, amethyst eyes met mine.

“You left your papers on the bed.”

“Hmmm.  There wasn’t any reason to move them.”

“Now there is.”

I looked over, and he’d already moved them.  “Too late.”

“I like you this way, all warm and flushed from sleep.”

“Someone told me I’d see them in my dreams, but I haven’t.”

“Perhaps I meant in a waking dream.  Did you have a relaxing day, da’asha?”

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he rubbed his cheek against mine.  “It was alright.  Lessons with Dorian, and I’ve decided to steal Ewan and his family.”

“Steal?”

“Well, not exactly, but not far from it.”  He hummed against my ear, slipping an arm under my back and running his other hand under the coverlet.  “You’re in a good mood.”  He inched the nightgown up my leg until he could touch skin.

“Indeed.”  I nipped his jaw for that.  “Dream with me, ma’lath, waking and sleeping.”

“Which to do first…”

“Whichever you like.”  

“Why are you so pleased?”

“Because I have the rest of the night with you, ma’asha, and tomorrow, if you wish.  That which kept me away from you is no longer a barrier.  What is left requires a tincture of time.  My nights are yours, for the moment.”  

“Then I should take advantage,  before they are taken away again.”   I would like to point out that he is VERY distracting, and it turns out we did waking things first.  Several times.

When I finally got to sleep again, at a far later time than usual, Fadethelathe was waiting.  We were going to play cards, or so I thought.  He very rarely shows up in the first cycles of an evening, usually wanting the last cycle before I wake.  So color me surprised when I felt him approaching through the sparkling pillars before I even got the cards made.

It was like a repeat of that day when he interrupted tea with Josie.  Everyone started saying goodbye, even Contentment.  Contentment had a bit of a smirk going as it left.  Solas waved a hand and the wisps followed them.  Except one.  A hint of stubborn.  He narrowed his eyes and the last one skedaddled.

I couldn’t help giggling.  “Apparently not everyone falls prey to your charms.”

His brow lifted.  “It seems that enough do.”

“You are earlier than usual.  Do you have reason?”

“You are not lingering in your dream spaces.  Do you have reason?”

I couldn’t help it.  I answered his question.  Barely.  “Yes.  And you?”  I love poking at him.

His eyes showed his reaction, but he said nothing.  Holding out a hand, challenge in the set of his jaw.  Trust him, or no.  Always tests, on his side or mine.  And he had a reason.

The moment I touched his fingers, we were somewhere else.  Deciduous forest, along a quiet brook.  We strolled, talking about nothing in particular, for the whole first cycle.  The second cycle I was in his arms when I realized I was in the fade.  I don’t know how he does that.

He looked at me carefully, then asked the oddest question.  “Where is your Zatlan, at this very moment?”

I was surprised enough to check.  I turned in his arms, looking off in a direction.  He released me, sort of ushering me forward.  The thread was odd.  It didn’t dead end close to me, but it also didn’t go anywhere?  But I could follow it to an endpoint.  And the endpoint felt… odd.  I know I’m using that word a lot, but seriously, it was.

I sort of reached out toward the end of his thread I could see/feel.  An image started to form.  Not precisely.  A feeling, of okay, not-quite-happy but pleased and not sad, normal/existing, with a hint of humor.  A new appearance to the fade sort of superimposed itself, and I got a brief glimpse of something.  A hazy moment of a small child getting his nose tweaked by an unknown older elven woman, both smiling.  It was intimate, and I shouldn’t have seen it.  I think it was his mother.

It startled me back, and the image faded before it fully formed.  I pulled my hand back, placing it behind my back, safely away from him.  “Don’t do that!”

“I did nothing.”  That supercilious tone was back.

“Bullshit.”  His eyebrows rose at my vehemence.

“You can lead a Halla to the pool, but not force it to drink.”

“Aphorisms abound.  You’re hilarious.  What was that?”

I was irrationally angry.  I know I was.  His tone/feel in return was concerned.  “The first step.  No more.”

“It was RUDE.  If I’d known, I’d never…”

His hand met the back of my neck, rubbing lightly.  “Your objection is over the manners of detecting his presence?”

“Agency.  He didn’t give me permission.  He would be upset.”

“You did not...”  He looked confused a bare moment, then a look/feel I couldn’t identify flashed across his being and was gone.  Surprise, maybe?  Pleased?  A mixture?  If I hadn’t been looking at him for micro expressions, I’d have missed it.  “But he is yours, sworn to you.”

“Doesn’t make it right.”

“I see.”  His eyes were intense.  “I did not expect...  should have, even so-”  He cut himself off.  That he let me hear him ruminate, a trust, in return for something?  He lifted my wrist to his lips, brushing them over it, back and forth.  “Always interesting,” he mused.  “There is no harm done.  Come, ma’haselan.”  He led me away from the spot.

I allowed myself to cycle, returning somehow back to his arms, in a new place or time. I don’t know how he managed that. The next cycle was far less fraught.  Playtime and smiles, history and philosophy.  Glittering canyons, odd buildings, busy spirits.  Green skies and the black city in the distance.  Occasional cuddles.  Every so often he looked at me oddly, but he’s weird like that.

I introduced him to Hex, even though I’m fairly horrible at it.  He isn’t.  Took to it amazingly quickly, and agreed with John Nash’s assessment that any symmetrical board gives an advantage to the first player to move.  We spent the last cycle exchanging pieces in the captured areas for kisses.  That was a bit of a disincentive, though.  Turned the game into one I preferred losing, so I would have more pieces for which to exchange kisses.  It’s much nicer to let someone capture board space with multiple pieces if you get a reward or five.

The game stopped midmove, and he looked at me.  “Again, ma’sulahn’nehn, and again.”

“You’ve been getting plenty of kisses.”

“So I have.”  The board disappeared, and he pulled me to him.  “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Greedy.”

“Taking my due.  And giving you yours, ma’nehn.”

“My due?  I don’t have anything due me.”

He considered saying something and decided against it.  “Spend the day with me.”  We woke, tangled together.  A hand traced my cheek.  “Well?”

“Solas, I have things to do today.  My day off…”

“Will be spent travelling.  Half a day.”

“If I get everything done, I’ll give you the evening.”

“Define give.”

“Using my own words?  Very well.  If I complete the paperwork I need to do and tend the people I need to tend, my time from dinner to midnight will be yours to direct, barring emergencies.  I will need to approve any individual activity, but won’t suggest anything or let another usurp without serious cause.  Good enough?”

“Barely tolerable.”

The sun was streaming in.  I’d slept in yet again.  “I’m getting lazy.  I should have been up by now, mo chuisle.”  Honestly it was the most peaceful I’d felt in a while.  My people were farther away, giving me space.  What shocked me was when I heard another voice in the room.  Leorah was admonishing me that it was time to get up.  I hadn’t felt her.

I couldn’t feel her, not like I usually could.  I glanced at her.  She was smiling, eyes crinkled.  Did she not even feel that she was missing?  They were all missing.  Everyone but Zatlan, Eadras, Gunny, Hope, Renee, Garalen, Andrew, and oddly, Michael.  I sat up suddenly, and her eyes narrowed, pulling down at the sides, while her mouth frowned.

“Shhh, ma’asha.”  My eyes flew to his.  “There is nothing wrong.”  Something changed, I could feel them trickling back, like the strands woke up.  Leorah was concerned.  No one else had noticed, it seems.  How could they not have noticed?  How could I not have noticed?

I swivelled my head to the hobo apostate.  “What did you do?”

Silence surrounded the room.  Leorah’s brow furrowed, but she discretely left.  “I wrapped you, sheilds and all, in my own shields.  You had let yours slip, badly, and we were busy.  I added another layer of protection.  Let you relax a moment.  Kept you close to me.”

“You neglected a step.”

“I can see.  I will ask, in the future, Emily Lynne.  I did not intend you distress.”  I just looked at him.  “I will ask.  I will not isolate you from your people.”  I could feel the belltones of his meaning.  He understood.

“Is it safe to include me within your own shielding?”

“You worry for me.”  He tilted my chin up.  “It was safe.”  A knock at the door.  Apparently the silence was only for sound going out.

“NOW they learn to knock.”  It made him smile, and the silence fell.  “Come in!”  Solas slipped out of bed.  He was dressed by the time Leorah came all the way back in.  He slipped out before the door closed again.

“Everything okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You two have never argued before.”

That made me laugh.  “We have, actually.  It’s usually kept quieter.”

“Oh.  I see.”  I climbed out of bed and chose a morning dress from the selection.  Cara and Leorah and I gossiped and stuff as they got me dressed.

“Leorah.”

“Yes?”

“I’m giving you fair warning.  The stuff for Orlais is beautiful, but I will only wear it in Orlais.  I prefer the things in Skyhold.  The ones I can put on myself?”

“We know, hon.  I’ve pushed you pretty far.”  She squatted in front of me as Cara sat me in the chair.  “We needed a face, and you have the Herald of Andraste’s protection and no fear of humans.  You said it yourself.  A blanket of new leaves, and the leaves will have this shape.  We’re still down, but we don’t have the boot on our head in the inquisition.  There’s hope.”  I’m not sure what was on my face, because she followed up with, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Not really.  There are choices to be made, that’s all.  Always choices.  And they’re not made yet.”

She stood, dusting her hands together.  “Well, I’ve made mine.  That’s good enough for me.  Let’s get your face on.”

I spent a couple hours doing paperwork.  My job seems to have expanded, and really narrowed, at the same time.  I’m handling the servant class everywhere the Inquisition has them.  Caer Bronach needs more cloth of varying kinds.  A chimneysweep was disciplined for theft.  As well, the boot boy is underperforming, having discovered elfroot.  Ugh.  I sent a letter back to Charter suggesting a response to the bootboy, and one to Skyhold to have Halton and Morris arrange cloth.  I left the theft alone.  Charter’s got it.

I got a letter from Baron Edouard Desjardins handed to me from Josie, as well, with status updates on Suledin.  Not Inquisition stuff.  Servant stuff.  Apparently it’s my fault they aren’t doing proper jobs way over there.  The letter wasn’t to me.  It didn’t even mention me.

“Chambermaid is eating for two, should be dismissed.  Request more moral servants.  Surely somewhere there’s an elf that can keep her legs shut.  Or at least won’t squeal when poked.”  Ugh.  Somehow I’d not expected people to want pregnant people fired.  It never came up like that at Tarasyl’an Te’las.

Thinking back, a chambermaid getting in the family way would have been a reason in even Edwardian times.  With rare exceptions, such as the woman was married to the head butler or something.  And most of the babies…  I looked at Josie.  “Is he planning on supporting his child?”

She turned a bright red.  She stammered a bit in her reply.  “I’m sure he would never have done such a thing.”  I arched a brow.  “Baron Desjardins is a fine upstanding nobleman.”

“So what do you think should happen to the woman who has somehow become pregnant all by herself, despite the fact that he claims she ‘squeals when poked’?”

She took me seriously, and her eyes filled with pity and sadness.  “That is up to you, of course.  I’m sure you know what to do.”

“What I would do.  I can’t.  It would ruin everything.”  I turned to Ewan, who is always about.  “Can you find me Zatlan, please, Ewan?”

“Of course, Etheling.”  While the boy was gone, I sat down.  I checked over my threads, but if one of them is her, I have no way to know.  I’ve never met her.

I was drawn back to full reality when Josie cleared her throat.  “Wouldn’t a chambermaid be a little people?”  I raised my eyes to hers.  And realized what she was saying.  We shared a small smile.

I stood, and was leaving the room as Zatlan and Ewan came up.  “Zatlan.”

“Yes?”

“Can you please find out how old the chambermaid in Suledin is, and what her situation is?  I’m bringing her back to Skyhold, if it seems feasible.”

“Of course.”

I smiled up at him.  “Thank you.  You have no idea how big a help you’ve been.”  He didn’t respond except to smile back.  I put my hand on Ewan’s shoulder and thanked him as well, then went hunting Sera.

Sera is always busy doing something.  Planning, practicing, plotting or playing.  Very busy.  I watched her at the table she was at.  She was cutting something with her dagger.  Something small.  “I know you’re there, right?  Quit staring.”

“I didn’t want to interrupt, so I was waiting.  I didn’t mean to stare.”

She put the dagger down and turned in her seat.  She was smiling at me.  “So what’s up?  You need something, I can tell.  That hungry look.  What, can’t do it yourself?”

“I don’t know.”

“So talk.”  She gestured to the other bench, and I did.

“I’m going to be trying to bring a chambermaid to Skyhold.”

“So?  Yer allowed, right?  Hiring and firing of servants.  That’s you.”

“Apparently the nobleman who runs Suledin keep wants her replaced with a non-pregnant version who would “keep her legs shut” or at least not “squeal” while being “poked”.  I can’t touch him, because he’s important to the Inquisition.  And I have no proof it’s him, I suppose.  So I’m just whining, and angry, and it has nowhere to go.”

“Yep, that’s how life works.  Shitty, innit.”

“Yeah.  Is it too late to quit?”

“Won’t matter.  Quit or don’t, it’s still your fault.”

“What is?”

“Everything.  That’s how it works.”

“But I didn’t do anything!”

“What’s doing shit got to do with it?”

I took a deep breath.  I’d forgotten that Sera is just as insightful as Cole, in a different way.  The inquisitor will always be the Herald, no matter what they say.  And I will always either not be remembered at all, or be demonized as the uppity elf.  “I was idealistic when I got here.  Thought I could change it.  Still am, I guess.  But it’s only at Skyhold, isn’t it.  Only while Sam is looking.  Everywhere else is untouched.”

“Haven’t needed to punish you.  That’s good, right?”

“Yes, I suppose so.  Do me a small favor.  If you find reason to punish me, tell me?  So at least I know why.  And maybe can fix it.”

“Huh.  I’ll think about it.”  I stood to leave.  She turned her attention back to the odd stuff she was working on.  Looked like she was getting fletching ready.  Cutting feathers into shape.

“Can I get something for you?  A drink, or whatever?”

“Got my own arms.”  She grumbled it.

“Of course.  Sorry.”  I was just heading for the kitchen.  Thought I’d ask if she needed anything.  It’s polite, you know?  She just waved.  I didn’t understand why she was sitting with her back directly to the door.  Making herself bait?  I decided to ask.  “Who are you trying to catch?”

That made her laugh.  “Knew you were smart.  Off with you.”  Okay… apparently none of my business.

The kitchen was busy.  Very busy.  Hadrian was calling out instructions here and there.  “Chrissy!  Don’t have time today.  You’ll have to take your meal with everyone else.”

“Got it.  Can I help?”

“Of course not.  Out.  Shoo!  I’ll send someone with that juice you like.”

I just raised my hands and backed up.  Into someone.  “Damn it, I’m in the way everywhere!”

“Not with me.”  Dorian’s dulcet tones.  “Were you kicked out of the kitchen?”

“Yep.”

“Then I shan’t bother attempting it.  Shall we lunch with the others?  I’m told today should be a rest day for you.  Cole says you feel stretched.”

“I feel fine.  Don’t listen to him.”

“You said you were fine in Sahrnia, too.”  He smiled, though.  We filled up on little chopped meat salad sandwiches and dressed radishes.  I don’t ask what the meats are.  Too many times I’ve been answered with something I didn’t normally eat back home.  Beef cheeks, bird neck, tongue, calf’s brains, headcheese.  I’ve learned not to ask.

“Dorian.”

“Yes, dove?”

“When do I get to go back to Skyhold?  I’m ready to be done and hide away in my cave for a while.”

“A few more days, at most.  We’ll be leaving soon.”

“So what am I learning today?”

“I have no idea.  I’m still getting around your concept of gravity being the weakest and most powerful physical force.  The odd thing is that I haven’t been able to prove it incorrect.  Not yet.”

“Let me know if you do.  That would be very interesting.  It could mean that my world worked that way because we believed it did.  Which would completely change the possibilities around here.  Because if gravity doesn’t apply, we just think it does-”

“Giving away secrets, ma’nehn?”

“Secrets?  Nope.  No such thing.  No one keeps a secret, unless they’re the only one with the secret.”  A song wafted through my head, but I shook it off.  Nobody needs me singing that one.  They’d run me through.  Both of them looked worried a moment.

“Are you alright?”

“Of course, love.  I just had a stray thought.”

Solas just watched me, curious but not asking.  “Have you finished your paperwork?”

“Basically.  Enough, at least.  I’m going to spend the afternoon poking about.”

“Visiting, I know.”

“Yep.”

“Visit everyone, da’asha.”  He held my eyes with my own.

“I will, Mor’ishan.”  I looked at him.  “Is this a need?  Should I make my visits short?”

“A need, yes.  But not mine.  Visit as long as you like.”  He turned on a heel and strode off.

“You two are fascinating to watch.  Such suppressed… something.  I can almost feel it in the air.”

“That doesn’t surprise me, Dorian.  So, what did you need from me about how I think of gravity?  Your tone earlier suggested you had questions.”

“Indeed I do.”  We spent the rest of lunch and an hour afterword with him prying at my limited knowledge of how gravity works.  I’m not sure if I know more or less than I thought.  I’m not a physicist, after all.  I only have the basics and some really dimly grasped esoteric concepts.  Music and numbers, and none of that advanced calculus.  More than two derivatives breaks my head.

I ended up spending most of the afternoon in the stables.  After getting changed, of course.  Geth and Elias let me play at being a stablehand.  I am WOEFULLY out of shape.  I could spend all day doing this stuff in Haven, but an hour or two here and I’m sore and tired.  I can’t decide if it’s a lazy thing or a magic thing.  Either way, I obviously need more exercise.

Renee and Janet are looking forward to going back, too.  They told me they had some things to discuss with me.  With how hesitant they were about it, I’m not sure what to think.  They want to set up an appointment.  This makes me uncomfortable, nervous.  But there’s nothing I can do about it.

The person who looks tickled pink is Wulfgang.  He’s got a few contracts sewn up, I think.  Not for goods, which he says wouldn’t pay the actual craftsman, but for an exchange of ideas and such.  I should expect “foreign” visitors to be coming to the forge every so often.

“Foreign?”

“Not Ethelathe.  Not ours.”  I tilted my head, looking at him.  “They don’t want to be, bit.  They have another way.”  So he had asked them.  “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Why would I mind?”

He blinked.  “Well, I don’t rightly know.”

I joined Garalen for a short while.  The three Ethelathe templars were out with the others, practicing.  With Cullen, no less.  I just waved and let them be.  Gara had her eyes fixed on her dude.  I left fairly quickly.  Tin cans with swords aren’t nearly as much fun to watch as grappling practice.

I looked about for Eliza, and I still haven’t seen her since we arrived.  She’s not in distress.  Her thread’s a lovely golden color.  It’s strong, a full thread.  Not a cable or anything.  But she’s always somewhere else.  Not far, but not here.

As it came up on dinner, Ewan was being my yarn assistant.  After a bit of use, skeins are far more unwieldy than balls.  So we were balling yarns.  He was terrifyingly happy about it, grinning and talking a mile a minute about everything under the sun.  He’s good at sorting thread, too, getting the basket well organized before we leave.  When Darling’s not curled in it.

I asked him how old he was.  I had been assuming thirteen or so, but turns out he’s eleven.  Only three years older than Daniel.  Zatlan has already arranged for Ewan and his family to come out to Skyhold.  It’s probably going to piss off Ewan’s “manager”, but oh well.

Another change of clothing and I ate dinner with the other people forced to dress up for dinner.  I wonder how many of them actually like dressing up?  Dorian, sometimes.  Vivienne maybe.  Sera is back in her plaidweave, but she makes it look good.  Solas and Varric are back in their regular clothing.  Sam’s still all dressed up, though.  And Josie.  Makeup and all, both of them.  Wearing the same shade of lipstick.  Convenient, that.

As dinner ended and drinks were served, Solas caught my eye.  His brow arched.  I excused myself, to a smirk from Dorian.  And Sam.  I rolled my eyes at Sam.  Cole appeared just long enough to steal Darling from me.  That nuglet, now that he’s discovered food, seems to adore it.  I might be prone to feeding him from my own plate, but you didn’t hear me say that.

I had expected something different, for the evening.  Solas had gathered my papers, still organized, and put them in the study he was using.  Sat me on a couch, handed me a lapdesk and my pen, and just smiled, picking up a book.

There was a scent in the air.  Something I couldn’t identify, but it seemed to help concentration.  He’d sat on the other side, using an actual bookstand.  His long legs ended up on the couch next to me.  I pulled mine up in the legs-to-the-side thing we women tend to do.  The evening was quiet, domestic. Comfortable.  Like our evenings at Skyhold, the sneak.  

I’m grateful to him, because I think I’ve figured out how to turn the still painting with light Vivienne taught me into the moving holograms the books describe in Tevinter.  Maybe.  And with practice, they could appear solid, even perhaps from up close.  True holodeck stuff.  If I’m right.

Briri came to get me, us, fairly late in the evening.  I was quickly bathed.  I say that because I’d not expected to be attacked in the tub and be finished before I began.  Quickest bath ever, seriously.  Dressed for bed, we’re in his room.  I told him that I have to see Integrity either today or tomorrow, and he understands.  He’s distracting me, so I have to find out if the wolf has any more ticklish spots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to add the song wafting through her head! I'm sorry. Here it is:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5p-uspcgRY


	165. Day 24, 18 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much time with Solas, meetings with Integrity, Valor, oddness waking and sleeping, refusing alliances and meeting Kieran

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 24, 18 Kingsway, 9:41**

I didn’t find out if Solas was ticklish anywhere else.  It turns out that when you rub his toes and arches, his eyes close and he turns to putty.  Since that is a good thing to encourage, I didn’t try to tickle him.  I think it’s interesting that he even allows me to see him so relaxed.  In any case, after about twenty minutes, I had to stop when my left thumb cramped.

I think he keeps close tabs on my physical and emotional state.  Particularly outside of Skyhold.  Nothing intrusive.  But he immediately captured the hand and started gently rubbing the exact spot.  I could block him if I wanted.  I don’t bother right now.

I’m developing a sense of the same thing, but it may be related to training, as well.  It’s much easier with Ethelathe.  Everything they feel is right on the surface, obvious.  Sam’s a little harder, but not a whole lot.  Solas and Dorian are more difficult. Solas more than Dorian.  That difference, for some reason, made me think of the tranquil.  And how they react to being restored.  

“What are you contemplating so hard as to knot your brow, vhenan?”

“The ability of emotions to overwhelm those that aren’t prepared.”

“A heavy subject for what is supposed to be a relaxing evening, Emily Lynne.”

“I don’t always control the tangents my mind wanders.”

“It was not a criticism.  What brought on the subject?”  He pulled me into his lap with the hand he held.

“It was a meander, really.  From place to place, ending on the tranquil.”

“You are being evasive.  Is there a reason?”  Fingers made little circles where my neck meets my shoulders.

“I don’t know.  Maybe.  I’m still not sure of so many things.”

“Talk to me, Haselan.  Wrap me up in your words.”

“I was considering the tranquil, and their restoration, and how they react, and it made me concerned for everyone else, too.  Being overwhelmed by emotion could drive someone mad, or make them violent.”

“Why would you worry about everyone else?”

“You must believe me completely stupid, a grá.”

“I do not.”

“Then don’t ask questions you either know the answer to or know I won’t answer.”

“You assume I know these things.”  He was calm, and rather smug.

“Am I wrong?”

“Your answers and mine may be different.”

“I suppose that’s possible.  I’m still not answering.”

“Not yet.  For what do you wait?  What have I done, or not done, ma’lath?”

“Time, Solas.  It’s just time.  Choices, I told you, as yet unmade.  Threads not in place, things I might change by accident if I say too much.  I’m not supposed to BE here.  Or maybe I am.  Or maybe I’ve already changed things, and this new timeline will…” I trailed off.

“Da’asha?”

“It’s not important.  What’s done is done.  The ones going will go.  The ones returning will return.  The ones left behind will wait and worry, hoping and praying, if they pray.  Time is growing ever shorter, and still ever longer.”

“Ripples in the stream?”

“Yes, and no, and maybe.  And you are so easy to talk to.  So easy to slip, and say too much.”  He just stroked my cheek.  “I know you won’t hurt me.  Not on purpose, at the very least.”

“At least there is that.”

“Things move more quickly now, and crisis points are coming.”

“And you don’t know what choices will be made.  Have you considered telling people what their choices are, warning them?”

“Take away their agency?  Force them to interpret a situation the way I would?  Just the way I described something would change they way it was viewed.  If I present choices to ponder, I limit their thinking.  I’ve already done this too much.”

“I have a question.”

“I may not answer.”

“I understand.”  I looked up at him.  “How much do you remember of the future?”

“Not enough.  Too much.  And I could be wrong.  I’ve already seen things I never saw before.”

“The last date you know.”

“What are we doing until midnight?”

“Changing the subject?"

“Yes.”

“I can think of many things to do.  This one most of all.”

“This one?”  I didn’t understand.  Do now, but didn’t at the time.

“The talking, touching, kisses and hugs.  Your hand in mine.  Your hair, splayed across us both like a blanket.”  

“The beat of your heart under my ear.  It thumps, slowly and deliberately.”

“Precisely.  Take time now, for you still have to be political later.”  He’s making himself an oasis of sanity in a mad desert.  A retreat, where I am…  I don’t know.  Challenged and coddled.  Given room to grow instead of hemmed in.  Dared to do more.

Vhenan breaks to people’s place or person’s place. Ma vhenan.  It could literally mean the place for my being.  My center.  My heart.  Even a kind of home.  I begin to understand the complexity of the language.  So much is more a feeling than a word.  He is becoming, has become that, in many ways.  


We fell asleep, both of us, sprawled on the couch in his room.  Dreamless and deep.  We moved to the bed later.  Probably around midnight, if I had to guess.  Once there, I did dream, and kept my word.  


Valor chose to accompany me this time.  They’re not nearly as bad as the meat side, but we are in foreign territory.  Integrity wasn’t hard to find.  It was apparently practicing swordwork with other spirits.  In armor.  That armor makes me nervous, but I’m not letting that stop me.

I leaned on the surprisingly spongy wall, then stood again rather quickly.  The wall had... licked me?  Then shivered.  Uh, no.  I told it I wouldn’t lean on it again without permission.  Hopefully that resolves that.  Valor didn’t react.  It was watching the sparring spirits.

I know Integrity noticed me, but it didn’t stop what it was doing.  A little while later, I was ushered by a spirit that looked much like a human woman to a bench and invited to sit.  With suckers on the ends of her fingers.  It felt like hospitality.  Comfort and welcome with a dose of happy.  Maybe pleased would be a better word than happy.

Valor stood behind me, laying its gauntlets on the bench beside me.  It was staring, watching.  Practically quivering.  “You could join them, if they would allow it.”

It placed its painted talons on my shoulders from behind.  “No.”  I could have sworn it used to have fingernails.  I looked up at it.  “Don’t worry.  Small changes, playing with form.  Talons are effective weapons.”  This time I had felt the comforting return before it used its words.

When the bout was over, there was none of the usual things I expected.  No towels or sweat, stretching, backslapping camaraderie.  The swords were sheathed and disappeared.  A nod at its opponent, and Integrity strode toward me.

“You came.”

“I said I would.”

It sketched a short bow, and I responded with a shallow curtsy.  I took the arm it offered with a smile.  It strolled about with me, Valor following.  No conversation, at first.  A few minutes later, we were in a manicured lawn, along a path.  No real transition.  “You do not seem wary that I will attempt to possess you.”

“You don’t want over to the meat side.  You’d hate it there.”

“I would.”  It just kept looking at me.  Spirit in the form of a man.  “You like it here.”

“It’s alright.  Better than the meat side, in places.  Makes more sense, sometimes, and less others.”  A tree, a venadahl, but not noticeably a vallasdahlen, rose in front of me.  It looked precisely like the one in the Val Royeaux alienage.  The first root awaited my feet.  An invitation.  I climbed.  This tree didn’t feel like a spirit, just a thing.  With a shape, but not a feel.  As real as the pillars of glittering stone, less real than the spirits.

Stepping along the roots, like I did then.  Calming, the motions.  The repetition.  The fade felt more like home than the meat side of Orlais, in many ways. Integrity just watched for a while, I don’t know how long.  “I see why.  You could stay.”

“Stay where?”

“Wherever you like.  Share with me your dreams, your memories.  You hold uniqueness, mon trésor.  Things that can be found nowhere else.  One of a very few with outside memories.”

“And what would happen to my meat while I stayed here?”

“It would wither, eventually.  Everything you are would be absorbed by the fade.  You would be greater than you can imagine.  Larger and more.”

I stopped, watching it.  Valor was absolutely still, concerned and ready.  “I will share, Integrity, but I have to go back.  I won’t stay.  What thing would you like to see?”

“Something I have never seen before.  Surprise me.”  A commanding voice.  I raised a brow.  “Please.”

I had to think.  Time has little meaning here, so I took as much as I needed.  I decided on a trip to the zoo.  I’ve never heard of camels or kangaroos in Thedas lore.  Pangolins, birds of paradise.  Zebra and emu.  I took a deep breath, closing my eyes to concentrate, remembering.  Filtering my consciousness into the fade writ large.

For the rest of the morning, I took Integrity and Valor through an amalgam of zoos I’ve visited.  I showed them the creatures I found interesting, and the information about “regular” creatures that was unusual.  Integrity was fascinated by ring-tailed lemurs.  I talked about raccoons and red pandas, too, but it had never heard of either.  Raccoons are probably called something different in French.

We were in the reptile exhibit, discussing geckos (which are super adorable), when a certain someone strode through the door.  Then stopped and looked at it as it closed behind him. Automatic doors, like on nearly every business, opening as you approach and sensing when you are done.  Violet eyes turned to mine and his eyebrow raised.  “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, mor’ishan.  But it isn't.”

Integrity said not a word as it watched Solas approach.  Solas kept his eyes on Integrity as he spoke to me.  “It is growing late, Chrysopal.  You should consider waking.  The Inquisitor is concerned again.”

“How late?”

“It is already past ten.”

Integrity spoke.  “The tour is not finished.”

“You have seen something new, Integrity.  That was all I promised.”

“Leave this here.  Give me this, to explore.”

“In exchange for?”

Neither Solas or Valor said anything.  Solas watched Integrity.  Something in the set of his hips told me he was prepared for anything.  Integrity looked at me.  It didn’t look or feel upset or angry or anything.  It was waiting, for something.  Then it moved, smoothing a strand of my hair.  “A boon.  A single boon.  Within reason.  What would you ask?”

“I don’t know yet.  But I will leave this here for that boon.”

“Return to ask me.”

“Integrity.”  My voice might have sighed a small amount.

It crossed its arms.  “Mon trésor, I will grant you time to think, but the request will be made spirit to spirit, or it will not be made.”

“I don’t know how to leave it here, and I don’t want to lose access to it.”

Three voices chimed.  “I will show you.”  Which made me roll my eyes.

Solas wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me to him, face to face.  Well, face to chest.  I’m not sure when he got that close.  I looked up at him, but he was looking at the others, grim.  He finally looked down at me, and his face softened.  “Watch, ma’haselan’udh.”  The term slid through me for some reason, wrapped around me.  “You have a need, and I will provide.”  He stressed the “I”.  I nodded at him.

His fingers trailed my cheek, then asked softly if I was ready.  Holding my eyes with his own.  Before I could answer, there was a sensation of jointness.  Like he was delicately touching just inside my shields?  I allowed his metaphysical hand to guide me.

We reached out, and I touched the memory, pushing it to double itself, mimicking what I felt from Solas.  I could see it, feel it.  Like a cell splitting.  Replicating itself, organically.  Not with my eyes, exactly, for they were still locked on his.  But the result was that what I’d placed in the fade was separate from what was in my head.  And the two matched.  We carefully looked them both over, then released the one on the outside to the fade.  Like cutting a cord.  Almost like a pensieve, but only removing a copy, not the memory itself.

Integrity’s voice behind me said, “Done, then.”  The spell was broken with the bell tone of the statement.  A bargain, struck.  The zoo wavered, and held.  Integrity nodded in satisfaction.  “Return, litune, when you know what it is that you wish of me.  Within reason.”

I went to turn my head, but Solas gently cupped my cheek.  Keeping me facing him.  “Solas?”

“We will be leaving now.  And we need to talk.”  Well, shit.

“Valor, please give my goodbyes to the others?”

“Of course.”  It poofed.  I really want to know how it does that.  How they do it.  It was suddenly much farther away.

I was about to say goodbye to Integrity when I was suddenly awake.  Orange flowed from my toes up, rapidly.  I opened my eyes to see Sam.  Solas was sitting in the chair next to the bed.  “Sam?”

“Hey, sleepyhead.  I need you up and about.  People are coming.”

“Me?”

“Get dressed.  The Marquis Marigny is bringing the lady Morrigan by to finalize our travel arrangements.”

“Do I have to deal with him again?”

“I don’t know what to tell you.  He…”  Sam’s voice trailed off.  Something was wrong.

“He... what.  What, Sam?”

“He’s requesting my permission to court you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Not on his own behalf, of course.”

“Oh, of course.  And which of his servants, slaves, or animals does he see me breeding with?”  I may have been a bit snappish.

“It’s not like that.  He’s considering you for his third son.”

I don’t think so.  I reacted, spoke without thought.  “Not just no, but hell fucking no.”

“Chrissy?”  He was shocked, but I felt satisfaction from certain other people.

“Was I unclear?”

“It would be an advant-” I cut him off. 

“NO, Inquisitor.  I promise you one thing.  If you sell me to this man, neither he nor his third son will survive the night.”

“I wouldn’t sell you!  It’s not like that.”

“Oh?”  I slid from the bed.  I noticed I was already in a robe, and glanced at Solas.  Solas’ eyes were hooded.  He seemed to have slipped from the awareness of the others in the room.  Now I know why he was so outwardly possessive in the fade.  He must have known.  “Exactly what is it like?”

“He just wants to spend time with you, have his son spend time with you.  You could stay here in Halamshiral, as his guest.”

I stood there, watching him.  “And do what?”  That caught him off guard.  “Spy on him?  Because you realize that the man is maybe thirty-five, and his son is likely a child.  Tell me you didn’t already say yes to this.”

“No. On my honor, Chrissy, I did not.  I only said I’d present the idea before he arrived.”  I waited.  “I didn’t think it was a good idea, but I have to present the opportunity.  You could do so much here.”

“I can do nothing here.  Nothing that is not already being done, effectively and well, by another.”  Just because I don’t like her doesn’t mean she isn’t good at what she does.  She will steer Orlais in ways amenable to the elves here.  It's just not my way.  “I want to go home.  Why do you never just let me go home?”

Sam pulled me gently to him, sighing.  “I hadn’t intended on discussing this right away, and not like this.  I am glad you don’t want to stay in Orlais.”  Thank god he meant it.  I could feel his sincerity.  “We’re taking you home, soon.  Go get dressed.  Something pretty.”

“It’s all pretty.”

We were okay, again.  He escorted me to my room.  Others followed.  I’d been so focused on Sam I hadn’t noticed Gara and Gunny.  They both moved into my room with me, leaving Inquisibutt outside.  Gunny was feeling fine.  Happy, for some reason.  I'll have to ask him later.  


Solas also came in, leaning in a corner.  Most of my clothes were already packed, as was the makeup and most of the jewelry.  I was dressed in one of the old dresses, the one that looked like a sky at sunset.  This one was in the style Leorah had created.  The one that made Solas exchange footwraps for tunics.  I couldn’t help the smile.  Briri went to lift her hands to my hair, and dropped them, looking behind her.  She brushed it through and left it.

As I looked in the mirror, I felt lips against mine.  I put my fingers to the nothing there as Solas slipped out.  I got out of the room just in time for a quick lunch.  I’d not even finished five bites when people arrived.  I put my hair up with invisisticks as I strode toward the front hall.  I faltered when a familiar dwarven voice said, “welcome back, Cuddles.”

That was probably the best thing to hear ever.  I’d been slipping from myself, and knew it.  It stopped me, and I turned to look at him.  He was leaning in the doorway, looking at his nails.  “It’s good to be permitted to be myself again, Varric.”

“C’mon, princess.  Let’s get moving.  You can be creepy at our guests.”  This time, not even him calling me creepy bothered me.

“Absolutely, Lord Tethras.”  He and I moved to the entrance together.

The Marquis Marigny was there, as was Morrigan and her son.  Morrigan glanced over at Varric and me, and you could see her dismiss us as unimportant.  Marigny came over and attempted to slobber on my hand. I snatched it away.  My time of being gentle and polite about this grabbing of my hands is done.  At least with him.  They still sometimes hurt, and being grabbed and twisted does NOT help.  The shock in his body language was glorious.  “Good Afternoon, Marquis.”

“Good afternoon, Lady Theneras.”

“Theneras now, instead of Trevelyan?”  The others moved into the parlor.

He paused before answering.  “Trevelyan, then.”

“It makes no difference.”

“So you have interest in changing it.  I thought you might.”  Smug bastard.

“I have no such interest.  My hand is mine to bestow, not the Inquisitor’s.  There is no advantage in your suit.”

“Be careful, little rabbit.”

“You think you will scare me.  I have looked the wolf in the eye, my lord, and you are not him.”

“I can make you fear.”

“Thunder is just a noise.  Are we finished here?”

“You will lose everything.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time.  Haven’t you read history?”  That finally shut him up.  I dipped my head to him and proceeded into the parlor.  Zatlan practically glowed, pleased as punch, but I’m not sure why.  I probably just undid every stride forward I might possibly have made here, and then some.  I just…  I couldn’t.  Not today.  Not again.

In the parlor I was introduced by Sam as his sister.  Morrigan’s just like in game.  She’s haughty, arrogant.  Probably becomes nicer once you get to know her.  Like Vivienne, honestly.  Those two are peas in a pod, which explains why they don’t much like each other.

Makes me wonder what Vivienne’s ancestry is, though.  Wycombe, yes, but before that.  Her family roots.  How much you want to bet that she’s one of Asha’s descendants?  Though I suppose that’s like saying Charlemagne or Ghengis Khan.  Everyone’s related to Asha.

Leliana looks displeased.  The cant of her eyes.  Oh, she’s pleasant, her game face on.  For some reason I thought she got along with Morrigan.  Perhaps I was mistaken.  Origins isn’t nearly as clear in my mind.  Too many choices, and I don’t know which were made.

Kieran was shooed out to the library.  I wasn’t needed, not for this, so I followed.  The boy is nearly as tall as I am.  Nearly.  Hell, we're eye to eye, almost.  I had no intention of intruding on him, but I was curious.  I admit it.  It was still a surprise when he spoke first.  “Greetings, cousin.”  Cousin?  I filed it away to think about later.

“Hello, Kieran.”  Might as well dispense with the introductions.  "You can call me Chrissy, if you like."  


“I saw you, in the museum.”

“And I you.  Is that a bad thing?”

“I don’t think so.  Mother told me about the Inquisitor, but she doesn’t know about you.”

“Or Solas, probably.”

“No, she knows all the names of the Inquisitor’s companions.”

“I have a page your age.  And foster sons, eight and six.  There will be children to play with at Skyhold, so long as your mother approves.

“Mother wouldn’t mind.”

“Please, be kind to Daniel, because he is trapped in the wrong world.”

“You know about me.”

“Does that bother you?”

“No.  Does it bother you?”

“That I know about you?  No.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“I am concerned about what you know of me.”

“You don’t quite fit, but it’s getting better.  And worse.  Your blood is older than you understand.”

“And ears are parts.  You sound like Cole.”  That made him smile, but I don’t know if he knows who Cole is.  “Do you like sweets, Kieran?”

“Yes, but I am not supposed to have them before dinner.  They would spoil my appetite.”

“Well then, let’s ask your mother if you may visit the kitchens for a snack that isn’t sweet.  Hadrian is quite used to oddness by now.”

Morrigan gave her son permission, and basically ignored me.  I don’t know if she’s doing so because I’m not important in her worldview or if she’s just busy with other things.  I showed Kieran the kitchens, set him up with Ewan, and introduced him about.  The oddest thing was how he reacted to the Templars.  He shivered, then it stopped.  However, he was very polite.  I’d be willing to wager this child knows exactly which three templars are mine, and how mine they are.

It made me LOOK.  This child, he is brighter than anyone else I’ve seen, save perhaps Solas.  But he’s like two spots, not one.  Not quite right.  One spot, made of two?  Like putting a smaller yellow spot on a larger blue spot.  In the middle, obscuring the yellow, is green.  His blue overflows, but the yellow is hidden.  Forget it.  That doesn’t even make much sense to me.  And those aren’t the right colors anyway.

I would have taken him outside, but the wind was blowing and snow was falling.  I don’t know how well he handles temperature yet, and was certainly not going to suggest that Ewan go play in the snow with the clothing he has.  So indoor games for a while, then back to the parlor.  The meeting was winding down.

Marigny was already gone.  Morrigan was escorted back to the palace by Blackwall.  I’d expected her to put up an objection, but she didn’t.  Truthfully, I was tired by that time.  I’m not entirely sure why.

I yawned through dinner, to Dorian’s great amusement.  The really sad part was despite me getting up past ten, I don’t remember leaving the parlor.  Garalen says I walked, but I must have been half asleep.

She’s arguing with Andrew again.  About flowers.  I can’t even.  At least we’re not in bridezilla territory.  Though in this case, it just might be groomzilla.

I just realized something.  I’m not sore in any way from when Solas was teaching me to duplicate a memory.  Tired, sure, but nowhere close to how I’d usually feel.  Isn’t that odd?  I did something new, learned something new, but don’t have to pay for it?  It makes me wonder when the cost will hit.


	166. Day 25, 19 Kingsway, 9:41, Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fade strangeness, goodbyes, and a relaxing day. Finishing up and getting ready to go home.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 25, 19 Kingsway, 9:41**

Solas came to bed late again.  I woke as he slid in next to me.  He’d been up late, working with Sam and information they’d gotten from Morrigan.  “She will be coming back to Teras’ylan Te’las, < _my heart >."_

“I know.  Her son will be coming, too.  Be nice to him, a grá.”

He slid his hand over my cheek.  “Are you bargaining, ma’lath?”

“Do I need to?”  I raised my eyes to his.

“I think so, this time.”  His face was unexpectedly somber.

I pushed up on my elbow.  “Solas?  What’s wrong?”  He didn’t feel unhappy or anything.  More determined, with a hint of worry.

“Nothing is wrong, Emily Lynne.  But I will bargain.”

“What do you want?”

“Stay in your dreamspace the rest of the night.”  Which seemed an odd request.  He continued.  “Do not wander, do not visit anyone, do nothing to draw attention this one night.”

“In exchange, you will treat the boy well?”

“I will.”  I got the feeling that he wouldn’t treat the boy poorly anyway.  He’d never mistreated any child to my knowledge, and even was kind to the Tweedles when they got him wet and messy.

“What is going on, Grohiik?”

“Promise me.”

“I will stay in my dreamspace tonight, and not wander the fade.”

“No matter what you feel or hear, da’asha.  Promise.”

I was a little worried at that point, but I promised him.  “Because it is something you want, not because of a bargain, a grá.  I trust you not to mistreat the child, bargain or no.”  I slid my fingers over his brow.  “Be careful, please, because I would be displeased if you were hurt.”

“Ever are you interesting.”  He ran his teeth gently over my wrist.  “Thank you.”  His eyes sharpened.  “Do not interfere.”

“I won’t pretend to understand what’s going on, but I have already promised to stay in my dreamspace, Solas.”

“And we both know that your personal presence is not the only way to interfere.”

“Done then, but I want a question.”

“Answered fully and completely?”

“Precisely.”

“Ask your question.”

I kissed his lips.  “I’ll have to think on it.  Good night, Faolan.  Be careful.”  

He kissed me back, capturing my tongue.  Wandering hands stroked my sides.  I’m not sure how long it was, but I was throbbing, breathless, when he pulled back.  And the ass stopped.  He settled me at his side with a smirk.  I may have grumbled at him.  “Sleep, asha.”  I closed my eyes, and felt him settle to meditate.

I kept my word, and played with my Fadethelathe in my own space.  A comfortable family room with no roof, complete with lava-proof chair for Rage, sunlight streaming in the curtained windows with a single moon in the starry sky overhead.  It’s mine.  It doesn’t have to make sense.

Valor and Fortitude were sparring.  Close quarters fighting with elbows and gauntlets.  Contentment kept looking at my knick knacks.  Just random things.  I mean, everyone has random crap on shelves and stuff, right?  It didn’t ask any questions, just looked at me every so often.  Rage was pounding a puzzle into place.  One of the thousand piece ones, I think.  I wasn’t really focusing on it, so my memory must have been clearer than I know because it had a complete picture.  A waterwheel mill with flowers.  Odd.

Hope and I spent time chatting and practicing… You know, I can’t remember what we were doing? I know it started as passing one thing through another, which makes sense because some astronomically high percentage of atoms are empty space, but we moved on from there and…  It’s gone.

At some point during the night, Solas became very angry, and then cut off completely.  Everyone else was okay.  I’m starting to notice when mine are sleeping, by the direction their threads point.  That’s not exactly right, but I can’t explain it better.

I checked everyone else when it happened just in case.  Sam was fine.  So were the rest of them.  I mean, Uncle Alex and Eadras are very sore, but beyond that, nothing but minor aches and pains and small irritations.  Elias was busier than expected.  I quickly removed my metaphorical fingers from that one.  Definitely don't want to intrude on a romantic evening.

At some point, something strange happened.  There was flickering, wavering, flowing over everything, and it took effort to maintain my little haven.  A lot of effort.  The moon kept trying to shift to green or black, the sunlight to red, walls bending, furniture melting, but I didn’t allow it.  My stubborn coming out, I guess.  A few heartbeats, that’s how long it took to ride the whatever it was that flowed through everything.

Then a heartbeat later, I had to hold fast, again.  This time, I let it slide as the whatever passed, then restored.  I don’t know how many times it happened, but not more than four or five, and it got easier each time.  Concentric circles, maybe?  Like ripples?  The bigger one, then smaller and smaller until they’re gone?  Aftershocks?  Honestly, I was exhausted when it was done.  Not magically.  I refill so fast here I could probably do just about anything.  Mentally.  The strain of focusing that much on what was supposed to be here, what I wanted to be here.

When it was over, everything was still in place.  Even the pieces of the puzzle hadn’t shifted. They were staring at me, all of them.  Rage’s long fingers were paused above the puzzle.  Valor and Fortitude were no longer attacking each other.  Hope cocked its head to the side.  Contentment suddenly started laughing.  It plopped down and snagged me in a cuddle.  “Not that anyone minds, little one, but why were you so insistent on keeping this piece intact?  It is nearly your cycle time.  It would fade in a bit anyway.”

“Because it is part of me, and I choose how it looks.”

“Even under duress, I see.”

“I don’t like things messing with my space without permission.  I have little enough.”

“I understand.”  It didn’t let go, though.  I slid the room to a more general thing.  No tchotchkes, no extraneous crap.  The walls and sunlight were released.  I kept the seating in use and the single moon.  “If you were going to let it go anyway, why hold so tight?”

“It’s MINE, Contentment.  I choose what is in my own head.  No random whatever gets to change what I put in my space.  MY space.”

“Random whatever?”

“Yes.”

“You kept it only because something tried to change it.  Fascinating.”

“Oh heavens, not again.”  That made Hope curl up next to us, too.  Smiling hugely.  Strange spirits.  Everyone else just resumed what they were doing, but they were all inordinately pleased/surprised.  Just because I maintained my internal thoughts?  It's not like I forced my view on the fade itself.  Just my dreamspace.  It’s my mind.  The fade can do as it wishes.

I slipped from the fade not much after that, to a pounding headache.  Solas was still in a meditative state, still as a statue.  Even his chest did not rise and fall, at least not while I watched.  But I knew he was there, felt him there, so no worries.

I slid from the bed, careful not to disturb him.  Pulled on a robe for my hunt for meadowsweet tea.  The sun was just cresting the horizon and I had to shield my eyes.  My head throbbed.

Zatlan met me on my way to the kitchens, a mug in hand.  Not coffee.  “How did you know?”  I spoke quietly.

He spoke quietly in turn.  “Your Gunther told me the itching in the back of my head would be you.  Surprise surprise, my chosen lady.  It was.”  He handed me the mug.  “Drink, Etheling.”

He was smirking.  Ass.  I pulled his head down and kissed his temple in thanks.  Something in him relaxed.  He’d been worried he’d gone too far.  At least he considers such things.  One reason I’d probably let him get away with a lot more than some others.

Gunther strode up as I took a sip.  “Ah, someone got it already.”

“Is this some sort of conspiracy?”

Gunny pushed my hair back behind my ear.  “Quit doing things that make you hurt.  What’d you do now?  Fall out of bed?”

“No.  Odd dreams.”

“That’s never good, hon.”

“I hid in my own dreamspace.  Definitely don’t want to know.”

Honestly, I would have expected the mages to have issues, but not one other came looking for analgesics.  You know who did?  Sera.  Sera came out of the kitchens, a mug of her own in her hand.  I opened my mouth to speak and she cut me off.  “Not One Word, miss Elfybritches.  Nothin’ happened, nothin’ there, doesn’t exist.”  I was going to respond, and she said “shut it” and walked off.  I might have believed her if she wasn’t rubbing her temple.

I got gunnycuddles for a little while in the parlor.  He felt stretched, tight.  No shakes this morning, but I think he probably had a nightmare night, unrelated to whatever was going on in the fade.  I shared my mug with him, too.  It helped both of us.

Leorah found us in the parlor a little later.  I was handed clothes!  Like, actually allowed to put them on myself.  Needed a little help with the ties, because they were at my back, but other than that, I did it myself.  Briri brushed my hair.  Solas had already vacated my room.  I let Briri put in a braid, then wound it up and secured it myself.  I should not be so happy about this.

Anyway, I dismissed the paperwork thing and went to the conservatory.  They had instruments, and I had barely been in there.  I was picking a tune on what I think is a form of lute when Varric walked in.  “Now I know you’re back.”

“Hello Storyteller.”  I felt back, if that makes sense.

“Hate to break it to you, Cuddles, but there’s someone to see you.”

“Who wants to visit me?”

“How should I know?  All those humans look alike to me.”  He was obviously joking around, so I just smiled.

“Well, does the human have boobs?”

“Nope.  Definitely not a boob-human.  Anyway, I got here before Zatlan could.”

“Thank you.”

“C’mon, I’ll walk you over there.”

He did.  Duke Cyril was waiting in the parlor, sipping a cup of something.  But I wanted to strangle Varric a minute later when he left me.  Not because he left me, but because the little shit said “Sing out if you need me, Princess.”  The Duke’s cup paused ever so briefly on the way to his lips.  I considered saying something, but figured that no matter what I said, the Duke wouldn’t believe me.

“Duke Cyril.  To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I wanted to compliment you.  You did not horrifically embarrass me.  There could have been far more drama, and somehow your little group managed to keep everything fairly low key.”

“I’m quite sure that the upstart knife-ear was not the most tale-worthy thing to happen.  Empresses being murdered does tend to make such things less relevant.”  He hadn’t expected my plain speaking, but parried well.

“Quite right.  Regardless, I was not ashamed to have been responsible for your invitation.  I’m sure His Imperial Majesty is likewise gratified at his choice of guests.”  His eyes flicked over my shoulder as he said it.  I don’t know if it was deliberate.

I didn’t even turn.  “Good morning, brother dear.  How did you sleep?”

“Quite well, darling sister.  Are you entertaining so early?”

The duke interjected as Sam ushered me to sit.  “I just stopped by to have a few words with your delightful relative, Inquisitor.  How have you fared since the Masque?”

“Quite well, your grace.  And you?”

“I’m looking forward to watching the winds of change blow across Thedas.  Emperor Gaspard will be very different from his predecessor.”

“His Imperial Majesty is an honorable man.”

“He embodies the virtues of the Chevaliers.”  I kept my face clear at that.  I had anticipated someone saying something along those lines.

Sam joined us for a while.  A bit more minor chitchat, and the Duke was on his way.  Regrettably, he wasn’t the last visitor of the day.  Lady Roussanne and her daughter, the bluestockings, random matrons.  Everyone seemed to come by to bid their adieus to someone.

I ended up exchanging platitudes with way too many people.  If any were shocked by my plainer dress and hair, or the lack of makeup or mask, they didn’t say anything.  A few were taken aback by it, though.  Not much, not enough to let anything out, but just enough of a slip to be noticeable.  I was in no mood, though.  I kind of wanted someone to say something.

I received a short note from Comte Pierre.  He’d been ill, but he hoped that I’d gotten through the murder ball unhurt.  Is that what they’re calling it now?  In any case, I’m glad he was going to be alright.  Something he ate, they think.  I sent a short note back in turn saying I’d survived the Danse Macabre safe and sound.  I was assured Ewan would be perfectly fine delivering it, so I let him.  He returned in good time, unharmed.

Finally after a light tea (too many visitors to break for lunch), I was snagged by Baxter.  Yet another I hadn’t seen very much during this trip.  At least since we arrived.  We went over the lists of things we were supposed to purchase.  We had everything, plus some.  A little bit more pricey than expected, but within tolerance.  Most of it would be forwarded on to Skyhold, but some was coming with us.

Vivienne had handled some subtle and not so subtle barbs about her lover not showing up.  Everything from insinuation that he knew about what the Inquisitor would or would not do to speculation that he no longer wished to spend time with Vivienne herself.  She bore it all with aplomb.  I think, though I don’t know, that as long as they were speculating on politics and relationship statuses, they weren’t speculating on his health.  That was what mattered to her.  If I’m right.

“I’m sure that the Inquisitor would let you go to him, Vivienne.”

“I know that, dearling.  It would serve no purpose at this point.  Soon, perhaps.”

“Please let me know if I can do anything.”

“It’s kind of you to offer, but I am quite fine.”

“Of course.”

Hadrian was busy supervising the packing of the things in the kitchen that were ours.  Geth was doing the same in the stables.  I didn’t check, but assumed Leorah was doing the same to our personal stuff.  No one has said, but we must be leaving tomorrow.  Solas did say we’d be travelling on my day off.

Andrew watched me playing in the music room later in the afternoon.  We chatted and joked about.  I’ve missed him.  He has a different feel than others, and will oppose me if I need it.  He wandered off as the sun started setting.  I was perfectly safe in the house, after all.

I was fussing with the piano, trying to remember the fingerings for something, when my hair fell.  I’d barely taken a breath when a hand gently grasped my neck and tilted my head.  I’m glad he pulled the trick with my hair first, because otherwise I might have panicked.

Lips met my collarbone, and I shivered.  He chuckled low, and took the opportunity to torment me.  Lips and teeth and tongue over my skin.  Warm breath in my ear.  This guy.  Hell, he should be bottled and sold.  I was somehow on the floor, exchanging kisses, flushed and not paying attention at all, when Michael opened the hall door and came in.  And immediately left, apologizing profusely for interrupting.  Which of course ruined the mood.

I shoved at Solas.  “You are so sneaky.  How in the world did we end up on the floor?”

Asshole smirked at me.  “Hmmm.  Perhaps I should show you.”

“I think he was coming in to tell me about dinner.”  It was hard to concentrate with him resuming nuzzling at my neck.

“That was the original reason I came in, as well.  But, ma'nehn, we’re going to be late to dinner.”  His lips caressed my shoulder as he spoke.

"We are?"

"Yes."  He moved then to recapture my mouth.  Uhmmm.  So, we were late to dinner, but not by too much.  Kisses and cuddles and teasing, but that was all.  Damn it.  I showed up at the table barely repaired and looking thoroughly kissed, I’m sure.  With my hair down. Solas looked cool as a cucumber and untouched.  Ass.

Darling sat on my feet, and whined piteously.  I immediately deposited him in my lap, and he made a humming noise.  Solas removed him and placed him on a chair next to me.  Poor thing squeaked at him, annoyed.  The mage and the spirit locked eyes for a bare moment.  I’m not sure what happened, but Darling shut up and curled up.

I still fed him bits from my plate.  Probably a quarter of my food, actually.  Cole meandered by, snagging a small piece of flavored bread from my napkin.  He looked at it, curious, then popped it in his mouth.  He chewed thoughtfully, then swallowed.  He didn't seem to be doing anything other than exploring taste and texture.  Smiling, he then picked up Darling.  “Too much is as bad as not enough.  You should stop now, little brother.”  They were both gone an instant later.

I had thought that we would head to bed together, but no.  Sam pulled Solas aside just before that would have happened.  Something about rifts and the shards.  So I’m writing, and then I’m going to settle with the copy of Legends of Ferelden that Dorian put in my pile.


	167. Day 26, 20 Kingsway, 9:41, Leaving Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving, in a much smaller group. Remembering lessons. Defending my own, as it should be.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 26, 20 Kingsway, 9:41**

I fell asleep before anyone came to my room.  Sucks for him.  Anyway, Fadethelathe left me alone in my own memories for most of the night.  It was only near morning that Contentment intruded.  Oddly cautiously, actually.  But it wanted to remind me to fix the spikes and eyes before I left.

Apparently leaving my wards and such around here would be rude.  And I learned that you can indeed remove wards from fadeside.  Contentment suggested I try it.  I hadn’t expected it to work.  I got a squinch before it left me for the evening.

When I woke, I was still alone in the bed, and took a moment to check.  The wards were gone from the meatside, too.  Maybe that particular layer is shared?  Or is in the veil somehow?  I don’t know, but I’m fairly certain that it’s not supposed to work that way.

Someone, probably Leorah, had left out the rust-colored travelling dress and the associated coat and accoutrements.  I’d have to wear foundation garments, but nothing like the night of the Masque.  And I know I can ride in it.  I have a feeling that I have a new standard for “overdone”.  Which sucks, in some ways.

I’d barely started trying to figure out all the laces when Leorah showed up.  She helped me into the clothing and then sat me down at the vanity.  She was in an odd mood.  Hopeful and quiet and anxious/worried.  And something under.  Anger?  I put my hand over hers on my shoulder.  “Leorah, are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Chrissy.”  I caught her eyes in the mirror.  She was lying to me.  She must have noticed that I knew.  “Okay, I’m not fine, but I will be.  I don’t much like Orlais.”

“What happened.”

“Nothing, not really.  It’s really nothing.”

“You’re still lying to me.”

“Okay, okay.  It’s just that I’m used to things being the way you’ve put them, and they’re not like that here.”

“What happened?”

“I would never have been ordered to scrub scuff marks off the floor back at Skyhold.”

“I see.  Who ordered you?”

“That lady in charge.”

“She is not in charge of my people.  Did you do it?”  She looked down.  I didn’t like her hiding her eyes from me, wary and nervous.  “Look at me, Leorah.”

She met my eyes in the mirror again.  “I… Should I have?  I told her no, and walked away.  She threatened to have me whipped.”

“And you told her to come to me?”

“I…”  I waited for her to continue.  It took a few moments.  I think she was expecting me to be angry at her.  I loosened my shields around her thread, and she started to relax.  I don’t think they feel me like I feel them, but they aren’t completely oblivious, either.  “I didn’t say anything other than no.”

“That’s good.”  I kept my voice even and soothing.  “There was no reason you had to say anything else. I’ll handle it from here.”  I didn’t expect her to become more nervous.  Maybe my voice was too soothing or something.  In any case, she put my hair back in something simple-looking, but put some gold-looking leaves and such as hairpins.  Normally Briri does my hair, but Leorah seemed to need to mess with things.

When she left, I pondered for a while.  I couldn’t let the threat to whip her slide. I slipped my feet into the slippers that matched the dress.  She’d ordered one of mine around, and threatened to hurt her.  I think I got more upset as I pondered it.

Leorah was the first.  She was my first charge, my first care.  The catalyst.  But above everything else, she was MINE.  She knew where I fit, and made her choice.  She wasn’t sworn to me.  Yet, somehow she was nearly as close.  The threat to her was unacceptable.

There was a knock at the door.  “Entrez, s’il vous plait.”  That was a bad choice, because Ewan came in speaking rapid-fire French and carrying a tray.  “Sweetheart, I didn’t understand any of that.”

To his credit, he just switched languages and continued.  “Your breakfast, and coffee, my lady.”  He looked down at the tray as he set it on the vanity.  “Are you sure you want oatmeal?  I can go back and get you eggs.”

“I adore oatmeal.  As long as it doesn’t have raisins.”  I peered into the bowl.

“Oh, no, my lady.  It’s apples today.”

“Have you eaten, Ewan?”

“Yes, my lady.  I had oatmeal, too.”  If I tell him to stop the my lady crap, he will get upset, and he won’t understand.

I sighed.  “Would you do me a favor, kiddo?”

“Anything.”  He bowed.  Damnit.

“Find me Elias, Revis, Castien, and Garalen?”  He didn’t even say yes.  He just ran off.  Kids.  Sometimes you wish you could plug them into the walls and power the world with their energy.

I finished my coffee and most of the rest of it.  I didn’t want another incident, so I left the tray where it was, as Sam had asked.  Someone else would get it.  I opened the door to leave, and was face to face with the people I’d asked for.  They’d been waiting for me.  My templars had come along, too.

Seven people.  “Dudes, I think seven people is a bit overkill for what I have in mind.”

Andrew, sweet ass that he is, just smirked.  “I doubt it.  We’re coming.”

“Don’t get in my way.”  He just kept smirking.

In any case, I traipsed with my stupid-large entourage over to Madam Genevre’s office.  My fingers tapped at the door.  There was movement in the office.  A few minutes later, the door remained unopened.  I knew she was there.  I unfocused my eyes in that way, and it was her in there.  Her scent, her spot.  The feel of her in the world.

I tried the door, but it was locked.  “Madame Genevre, we need to talk.”  I spoke as I knocked again.

“Want me to bust it down?”

“No, Michael.  I don’t want to damage this house.  It was a real home, once, with children and laughter.  The memories linger.”  You know, I like hanging around Templars, I think.  They don’t even blink twice at stuff like that, but all three of the elven guys with me reacted.  Garalen, bless her, didn’t look surprised at all.

“Madame?”

“Go away, knife-eared bitch!”  Oh, no she didn’t.

I’d been having talks recently.  There’s so much space in atoms, in the building blocks of reality.  And I now remember what Hope had me doing.  So easy, when you have the concept down, but hard, to keep yourself intact.  Harder still to keep the material you pass through intact.  It’s obvious only after someone explains it, I suppose.

I gathered my will and fixed the image of myself in my own mind.  Held the stuff I was made of, the stuff I was wearing, in place, contained.  And separate.  Vibrating, somehow.  Out of phase?  My fingers stretched again to the door.  Another little twist of my will, and Andrew stiffened as my fingertips passed through the door.  Just a bit, and I pulled my hand back.  My fingers were intact, the door intact.  Everything as it should be.

I reached out again.  “Chrissy, I can break it down.”  There was something in his tone.  “You don’t have to do this.”

I looked at him.  He was pale.  Gunny and Michael as well.  Shock, not fear.  Revis and Castien were confused, dim around my edges.  Garalen was calm, and Elias smug.  “I know, Andrew.  But this is a lesson.”  My hands pushed through the empty spaces, slipping through the door like it wasn’t exactly there, to gasps behind me.  I was breathing deeply.  It was difficult, like pushing through jello, with a tingle, tickle, slight pain if I went too fast or slow.

As my elbows hit air, she screamed.  I paid it no mind.  If I stopped now, if I faltered, I would lose my arms.  I stepped forward slowly, closing my eyes to concentrate.  Three steps, no more.

I opened my eyes as I reached behind myself to unlock the door.  Her SELF overlaid over her appearance, a frail fragile thing.  Not even a flicker of magic, a normal human, couldn’t hear the beauty of the world.  It made me sad.  She had backed up against the bookcases behind her table, as if the knowledge contained therein would protect her.  It was odd, because she was in no danger.

The templars and elves with me practically slithered into the room as I moved to the center of her office.  Bright spots and dim, determined and connected.  Wary, yet trusting that I would not steer them wrong.  Two a little freaked out, two very smug now.  Three between.

The door slammed closed behind them.  I closed the curtains with a gesture.  She already had an oil lamp going, so light enough.  Her eyes flicked from elf to elf, then settled back on me.  My mouth shaped words.  “Knife ear?”  I was still focusing on keeping me together.

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t know.  I’m so sorry.”  She was lying.  She knew who was knocking, and she knew who I was.

I needed to make the conversation swift.  I was steadily getting more and more tired.  I’d used too much of the ambient dust, too little left.  I think bits of me were trying to escape, and I was having trouble holding on to them.  “I will forgive anything once.  I am here to talk about my camerist and your threat to have her whipped.” Her mouth worked, but no sounds came out.  I tilted my head to the side and smiled.  “I wish to make clear one thing.  A threat to any member of Ethelathe is one against me.  Are you trying to threaten me?”

She still didn’t speak.  Her eyes were going white.  “No.  Never.  The Inquisitor’s-”

“Forget the Inquisitor.”  I took a step forward, and she flinched.  “You are dealing with me.  Leorah is under MY hand.”  My voice might have been a little harsh.  “I give you fair warning.  This one.  And only this one.  When you deal with Ethelathe, you face me.”  I turned to stride to the door, and realized it was dark enough that the elven eyes of my companions practically glowed.  So that was why she was so scared.

As my hand touched the handle, I looked back at her.  “I will gift you this small tidbit.  The Emperor, Maker bless him, may be implementing new policies, as he is rumored to be a just and fair man.  He embodies the virtues of the Chevaliers, the Inquisitor says so.  He ennobled the Lady Briala, Marquis of the Dales, moments after taking up his mantle.  Makes one wonder, does it not?  Is the fate of elves changing in Orlais?  Mayhap one ought to be careful?  The Lady Briala’s reach is longer than mine, and she has the ear of his Imperial Majesty.  The elves of Halamshiral, of Orlais, are HERS to protect.”  I stepped through the door.  She was in no condition to respond anyway.

As soon as Michael shut the door behind us, Gunny picked me up.  I was still in odd space, seeing THEM superimposed over their bodies.  Garalen was gleeful.  Andrew was frustrated and worried.  Elias was still freakishly smug.  And really calm.  Revis and Castien, I can’t feel well enough to tell.  Their feelings were complicated, and not translating well.

Gun stepped into the nearest vacant room, depositing me on a couch.  His hands touched my face as he crouched, then knelt, in front of me.  An odd bit of reality intruding in the music.  “Hey now, my chosen lady.  Hold yourself together.”  Which made me blink.  I was holding myself together, wasn’t I?  I looked at my hands, and they seemed fine.  Not even a bit hazy, but feeling strange.

There’s something incredibly solid about my Gunther.  And it lends that solidity to the things around him.  And the people.  Like me.  “Hello Gunther.  I’m sorry I bothered you this morning.”

“Hush, you.  I think you’ll be needing a nap before we head out.”

“I don’t want to take a nap.”

“Somehow I don’t think you’re going to have much choice.”

I looked back at my hands.  I wasn’t having to hold so hard.  Things were settling where they used to be.  Back to believing I was solid after convincing myself that I was mostly insubstantial.  I put away my SELF, settling fully into reality’s vision.

It wasn’t for another minute or two that Gunther relaxed.  And then frowned. He lifted my hand, and Gara grabbed the other one, examining them.  They were fine, they just ached.  Sore/tingly, not actual pain.  I have no idea why.  The rest of me ached as well, but not quite as bad.

Elias had pulled Michael aside and was speaking to him in hushed tones.  The Templar looked a little unwell.  Revis and Castien had disappeared.  As we were sitting there, two inquisition soldiers came walking past the door.  One paused, looking in.  “Etheling, were you the woman who screamed?  Do you need us?”

“It wasn’t me.  We’re okay here.”  If a bit tired.  They moved on, probably checking on everyone else, too.

I could see the courtyard out the window.  There was a lot going on.  Packing, mostly, of the wagons.  “Are we leaving today, Gunny?”

“Probably around noon.  Or just after.  Most of the others will be starting out tomorrow.”

“Who’s staying?”

“Geth, most of the serving staff.  Some of us templars.  Wulf.”

“Some of you templars?”

“Not us three.”

“Leorah, Zatlan, Briri?”

“Yep.  Staying an extra day.  Ewan, too.”

“I should have asked who’s leaving today.”

“The Inquisitor and his lady, the Companions, the Commander, you, us, a few others.  Take a nap, sweetheart, and we’ll be off before you know it.”

“Not the Nightingale?”

The two soldiers passed the other direction, looking confused.  And glanced in warily as they passed.  I smiled at them, carefully, and they relaxed a hair.

Gunny sat on the couch and held up his arms.  I slid over and cuddled against him.  Like I was a child.  He was warm and safe, and I think I was drifting off, or maybe asleep, when I heard movement.  I must not have been all the way back, because I knew when Dorian walked into the room.

“Well, Dove, I hear you’re scaring the help, now.”

“Hmm.  Hello love, I learned something new.”  I didn’t bother to open my eyes.

“I heard that.  And such a lovely day for it, too.”  He sighed.  “Did you perhaps consider opening the door?”

I looked at him.  “It was locked.  And I had to speak to her about threatening Leorah.”

“She did what?”

“Precisely.  I just told her that if she threatened one of mine, she threatened me.”  I covered my mouth as I yawned.  “Is it time to get ready to go?”

“Everything is ready.  Will you be glad or displeased to know you will not have a lady’s maid for the trip back?”  Garalen cleared her throat.  “I see.  I stand corrected.”  He looked at me critically.  “Can you stand?”

“Of course.  I was taught as a small child.”

“How droll.  Can you ride?”

“Probably.”  I was feeling pretty much okay.  Not much dizzy, just tired.  I sat up, and Dorian captured my hand.

“Dove, this thing you have done…”  He looked at the hand he held.  “It wasn’t fadestepping.”

“Anything I have or know I will share with you, Dorian.”

“Vivienne has seen this skill.  She merely said you learn gratifyingly quickly.  Is this a southern thing?”

“No.  Maybe?  Probably not?  It has to do with the building blocks of reality.  The view regarding solidity?  Knowledge, belief, and will.”

“Hold that thought, for we will be discussing it as we travel, my darling magelet.”  He pulled me up with him, and I barely had a chance to say goodbye as we left the room.  And my people thought it was funny.  “Let’s get you to the Inquisitor.  He wanted to see you.  He knows nothing of this, darling.”

“It doesn’t affect him, and it could distract him from his purpose.  But I will ask him to leave a soldier or two to protect Skyhold’s servants.”

I did.  Sam and the rest were in conference.  We’d be leaving in an hour or two, at that point, and there was still planning to do.  Leliana was staying behind to do something. Nobody told me what. Morrigan and her son would be joining us at some point on the Imperial Highway. Many of their things were being bundled with ours for tomorrow.

As we were all standing about chatting, Solas moved behind me, placing a hand on my lower back.  In the space it took to take a breath, I wasn’t tired anymore.  His hand drifted away, and he returned to his position.  The meeting wound down, and we moved outside.  Geth had everything waiting.  The wagons were not ready to go, apparently leaving later with the others.

I got quick hugs from my people.  Briri accosted me with my Highever boots, snitching the slippers.  I am "not allowed" to ride without proper footwear.  Wulfgang told me not to do anything dangerous until he got home, tapping my nose.

Solas appeared again and lifted me up on Drummer.  “I missed it again, ma’lath.  You shall have to tell me what you did today.  Later, haselan.”

I raised a brow at him.  “I missed you last night.  And this morning.”

“And I you.”  Well, looks like I won’t get an explanation.  He tugged slightly at my clothing, and I bent down.  "We shall have to have a chat this evening.  Perhaps in the fade as well?"

The rest of the day was fairly normal.  There were far more people in the elven streets of Halamshiral on our way out than on our way in.  Elias was still smug, Gara gleeful.  Michael had calmed down, thank goodness, and the other two were fine.  I don’t know where Revis and Castien were, but they would show when they needed to be there.

I didn’t feel quite so bad about having my guards about when I saw Josephine.  Her mouth was in a straight line and she was being followed by Three and Five.  And another one.  Cullen thought it funny.

I thought they’d solved the Repose problem, but perhaps not.  Or perhaps, like Briri’s presence, a precedent was set, and is hard to undo.  And I suppose from some perspectives, the inner circle could be considered Sam’s guards.

Most of the afternoon was taken up with shocking Dorian.  That whole atom/molecule/space thing is a really big deal.  He’d thought that solid things were solid, and was severely unhappy when I shrugged.  “Maybe they are, to you.  I don’t know.”  Apparently that’s NOT how it works.  But it does, doesn’t it?

Varric pulled up to me, grumbling about saddle sores.  He asked way too many pressing questions about exactly what I’d done to upset the humans THIS time.  I gave him the bare bones.  I stepped into her office, told her that any threat to my people was a threat to me, and we left.  Three templars, four elves, and the Inquisitor’s sister would scare anyone.  “You know, either you are the most oblivious woman I’ve ever met, or just really, really good at understatement.”

“Why thank you, Storyteller.  That’s really sweet to say.”

“Which one?”  I smiled and rode up to bug the others.  “Cuddles!”

“Bye, Storyteller.”

I was still feeling strange even as the day progressed.  I was still upset, with nowhere for it to go.  The after effects of the journey through…  Oddly, my hands ached.  A large swathe of my skin on my left side ached.  Who knows.  If that woman touches one hair on Leorah’s head in the day or two they are left here, I’ll have Gara string her up by her entrails.  Okay, maybe not.  But the sentiment is there.  And I’m hella tempted.

We stopped for the night at a small campsite on the edge of the Imperial Highway.  There were far fewer of us.  Which was nice, because I got to cook with fire.  Well, help cook with fire.  Rabbit stew.  Sera’d snagged a brace as we went along, and the pack animals had various veggies and staples.

The only thing that was as expected was the sleeping arrangements.  I was in a little tent with Solas.  He kindly helped me out of the dress, and he’s toying with my hair again.  Gara told me she’d found some better things for me to wear for the journey home.  AFTER we leave Orlais.


	168. Day 27, 21 Kingsway, 9:41, On the Imperial Highway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pissed off Solas, and wakeup calls. Reality sucks. Otherwise a quiet day.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 27, 21 Kingsway, 9:41**

I had barely lifted the pen from paper when he snitched it with his free hand.  “We need to talk.”  His voice was firm.

“Now?”

“Yes.”

I set the papers aside, turning to him.  “Are you sure?”  I brought my face close to his.  Eye to eye.  Hey, if I can get out of a lecture, I’m going to try.  And he’s so easy to distract.  I nipped his chin lightly, then drizzled a few kisses along his jaw, draping my hands on his shoulders.  “Absolutely sure?”

I thought I’d succeeded when he captured my lips with a light groan.  A throatswabbing kiss, a hint of some need underneath.  He hauled me against him, and my side contacted him.  I couldn’t help the flinch.  And everything stopped.

The hand still in my hair fisted and pulled my head back suddenly.  His mood shifted, agitated.  His lips left mine, and I felt teeth on the tendon of my neck.  Not lightly, either.  Almost pain, and definite warning.  I’m no fool.  I froze.  The teeth removed themselves, and a gentle kiss replaced them for a moment.  “We need to talk, ma’haselan.  Now.”  There was something under his tone, and he was displeased.  Not angry, at least not at me.  But not happy with me.

I stayed silent, waiting.  Watching his very grim face.  He took my hand in his, and very meticulously went over it from the “seam” just above the elbow down.  Cooling blue, inching across my skin, under it.  Normally it skates rapidly, a quick check.  This was different.  Probing and aching, some pushing.  It felt both better, and worse, when he was done.  He then took the other hand and gave it the same treatment.

“I will not stand by while you rend yourself apart.  Tell me, Chrysopal.  Did you even check, even try, to find out what that door was made of?”

“I assu-”  Uh oh, NOW he was angry.

“Certainly you did.  Do you even know what substances you can and cannot pass through?  Do you know why things are easier or more difficult?  You are blissfully unaware of your limitations, and have no idea just how lucky you are that there was no METAL in the middle of that door.”  He released my hand, and wrapped his hand gently around my neck.  His face was…  I didn’t think I’d ever seen him that pissed in person before. In game, maybe, when Wisdom-

“Pay attention, ma’lath.”  His words were harsh, bit off.  I refocused on his face.  Mouth set, eyebrows drawn in, eyes narrowed.  Even in his anger, his thumb caressed my jaw soothingly.  I don’t think he realized that.

“I’m here, Solas mo oiche.”  I put my hand on his forearm, not trying to escape.  He eased me back, removing his hand to slide down my side.  Slowly, carefully, and flowing blue.  There was nothing sensual in the move.  Gentle, yes.  About a third of the way down, at the edge of where it ached, there was a sharp pain.  His hand lifted, and he began again from the bottom.  That same spot, there was pain, nowhere else.

“You are here, yes.  But if you continue pushing your limits without understanding the risks, the methods, the potential gains, will you still be?  Or will you find yourself in pieces, or trapped in the fade?  Passing into the void?  Subject to any number of unfortunate outcomes?  You are not a child.  Cease behaving with an adolescent’s recklessness.  Please, Vhenan.”  His forehead touched mine, eyes closing.  I’d hurt him.  “Let me teach you before you damage yourself beyond repair.”

“Solas.”  He didn’t respond to my words.  “Mor’ishan, I’m sorry.  Ir abelas.  I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t plan, I reacted instead of acted.  I let my own anger and arrogance get the better of me.  I had been taught something new, and didn’t consider potential consequences.”

His eyes opened, boring down.  “You did not consider anything.  You keep rushing.  Trying to put as much in a day as possible. What is it you fear?”

“I’m running out of time.  It’s moving too fast, and...  I have to slow it down before...  And I don’t know how!  There’s still so much... and I have to-”  I broke off, looking away.  How in the world did he get me to ramble on like that?  I didn’t feel anything from him magically.  He is too easy to talk to.  It’s been nearly a year.  If Trespasser happens on time, then we have at most a year before Cory reopens the breach and the “final battle” happens.  And we still have Adamant, the Arbor Wilds, Descent, and the Frostback Basin, and Forbidden Oasis, at least.  I looked back at him, and he was still watching me.

“This will hurt, Chrysopal.”  I had thought that he meant that the whatever would hurt, not that there would be a noise.  A high pitched whining, like the sound that fluorescent lights make, but louder.  My ears screamed at me until my eyes watered from the pain, and then it stopped.  I hadn’t even gotten my hands over my ears.

He slid that blue magic gently over the spot that had hurt sharply before, and there was nothing.  “You will learn to be more careful.”  I didn’t say anything at first, and he repeated himself, enunciating very clearly.

“Vin, Solas.”

“Again, Chrysopal.”

“I will learn, Solas.  I will try to restrain myself.”  He brushed fingers through my hair, waiting.  “I will, Faolan.”  He was still displeased, but no longer angry.  “What was that pain, a grá, and what was the noise?”

“You stole a piece of the door, da’asha, and it needed to be rendered into much smaller pieces, for your health.”

Well, shit.  But actually, looking back, kind of cool.  Breaking up things in the body with sound is a very new technology back on earth.  “Why do my arms and sides ache?”

“Now you ask.  Next time, perhaps you will remember to inquire prior to your actions, not after them.”  I let him pull me closer.  “It has only been three months, twelve weeks to the day, since I, we all, nearly lost you.  Would you be healed this well where you came from?”

Just a full-thickness skin graft would still only be halfway to healing, much less muscle grafting and tendon manufacturing.  And they’d have had to use cadaver bits, at the least, or donor pieces from either other people or other places in me.  The nerves would still be potentially growing, not even guaranteed to grow.  I could have lost use of my hands completely, and never got it back.  That's not even including the burn scars.  I sighed.  “No, I would not be doing well at all. I’m not even sure that it could have been done.”

“You cannot do this to me so often.”

“I was angry.  That woman threatened to whip my Leorah.”

“And you can never let such a thing pass, even if the woman would never get that opportunity?  What did you accomplish, ma’lath, except to put yourself in more danger?”

That made me think.  The woman was scared, but scared passes.  She’ll only remember that I walked through the door and threatened her.  Not that she threatened Leorah first.  If she even remembers me in the specific, instead of some elf mage.  I did nothing to improve the lot of elves, and nothing to improve the lot of mages.  I may have harmed both.

“I did learn something, actually.”  He waited.  “I learned that they won’t even try to stop me.  Just sit back and watch as I do whatever I wish.  That’s really scary, Solas.  Who will be the check on me?  I thought it would be Andrew, but he barely gave a token protest.”

“Perhaps, then, you will have to be the check on yourself.”

“The personal responsibility lecture.  I’ve heard this one.”  He felt confused a moment. “Not from you, mor’ishan.”

“I see.”  He changed the subject.  “You have not been practicing with your staff.  Dorian mentioned it.  And Vivienne will be addressing summoning again.”  His eyebrow rose.

“Inviting, not summoning.  Terminology is important.”

“Ah.  Cole mentioned something about tests in from both sides, but would not elaborate.”

“How long will you all be staying at Skyhold this time?”

“We won’t.  The current plan is to bring you and Josie as far as the watchtowers, and lead the army back to the Western Approach.”

“So many things not going the way I remember them.”

“Cole said something interesting.”

“You say that like it’s unusual.”

“Hush.  He said that you are not in your memories, and that you are concerned about cannons.”  I pressed my lips together tightly.  “I will not pry, vhenan, but if we are to face cannons, we should know.”

“Not that I’m aware of.”  That startled him, but he covered well.

“I am claiming your night, and morn.  No illicit lessons with spirits this time.  Perhaps, if you choose to behave, I will play Shattered Armies with you again.”  It took me a moment, but that was the card game he taught me, with nine colored suits on hexagonal cards.  He was finally relaxing.

“The lessons aren’t illicit, Solas.”

“We will agree to disagree.  And I will be having a discussion with Contentment.  You need to learn things in order, or at least some rational progression.  This bouncing about will eventually cause you to miss a step.  Again.”

The night passed, and we did play cards.  We were in his space, and in our tent.  Every time one of mine, or even the wisps, dropped by, he allowed a very short conversation, then shooed them off.  It was edging to morning when I scooted closer to him.  “Are you still mad at me, a chuisle mo chroí?”

“I was never mad at you, da’asha.”

“It grows late.”

“Does it?”

“Again and again, Solas.  Please?”  It was like I flipped a switch.  I was hauled under him, and our tongues entangled.  He bit at my bottom lip, stroked it with his tongue.  The man is smooth as hell, because I didn’t even notice when we slipped back into our bodies.

We were still necking, wrapped in each other, when I heard Gara call out a greeting.  Which shocked me, and I jumped.  Which made Solas laugh at me under his breath.  “When you have studied for as long as I have, perhaps you will be able to do the same.”

“Not fair.  You had a head start.”

“And you have a surprising amount of knowledge for your age.  But I expect you will catch up, given enough time.”

He helped me back into my clothes because I was still sore, and I left the tent to face the day.  Someone else had already gotten to the breakfast fire, so we were having sausages and bread.  Garalen handed me a brush and let me take care of things.  Everyone helped in breaking camp.  It was very nice.

The snow doesn’t seem to stick to the imperial highway much.  Perhaps it is a property of the stone.  I don’t know for sure.  It doesn’t look like granite.  Maybe it’s concrete.  That would be appropriate for the romanesque theme.

Sam brought his horse up next to Drummer about midmorning.  “Need to talk to you.”

“Alright.  Go ahead.”

“Remember back about a month ago when Josie said she’d look into Skyhold’s ownership?”

“Vaguely.  Why?”

“I can’t get it for you.  I tried.”

“I’m not surprised.  I do have pointy ears, and everyone assumes I’m an elf.”

“That’s part of it.  But part of it is that it doesn’t belong to Ferelden or Orlais.”

“Oh?”

“Both places seem to think it’s an Avvar stronghold.”

“I see.”

“But we did get something.”

“What’s that?”

“Non-aggression agreements.  For a hundred years.  They won’t attack Skyhold unless Skyhold attacks them.  Witnessed by Mother Giselle.  And as far as I’m concerned, until the Avvar show up and want their fort back, you have it.  And I have a occupy right for ten years for the Inquisition.”

“Thank you, Inquisibutt.”

“It’s the best I could do, midget.”

“Not you too!”

That made him laugh.  We talked about general things until we stopped for lunch.  I should have known I wouldn’t actually get Skyhold.  Like they’d actually get to hand it to someone who is for all intents and purposes an elf.  Oh, I'm sure they tried, but the world just didn't cooperate.  


Although knowing that it belongs to Avvar, I may still be able to get it.  But really, neither Ferelden nor Orlais would be willing to hand a major fortress over.  If either place could claim it, it would be quite the coup to be the ones housing the inquisition.  That was part of the issue with Haven, if I recall.  Someone thought they owned it, but they were Orlesian?

I remember something now about the Avvar holding the mountain reaches of the Frostbacks, but I’m not sure about the details.  It’s getting harder.  I can’t go back to the wiki and refresh, after all.

The afternoon was spent chatting with Andrew, Gunny, and Michael.  Andrew’s almost got Garalen convinced to marry him next month.  No one but Solas has even mentioned yesterday’s mess.  Garalen rode up and those two immediately got into a friendly argument over some random thing.  Something about clothes, but I don’t know.  I left them to it.  Michael and Gun escaped with me.  Not getting involved.  


Darling spent the whole day shivering in his basket, but didn’t want to cuddle with me.  I just kept warming his blankets.  When we stopped, NOT at the rest area with the pool, the little shit had no problem running around in the snow, getting it all caked in his fur.  I shook my head as I watched him play with Josie.

Cole rippled behind me, and I greeted him as he hugged me.  “You always know.”

“You often say that.”

“You show him you care.”

“The warming?”

“He didn’t want to cuddle.”

“He wasn’t actually cold, either, I figure.”

“Yes.”

“You tattled on me again.”

“Canon.  You should tell him.”

“Tell him what?  That I don’t know exactly what he’s going to do, or how he’ll do it, but the outcome could possibly be bad?  That he thinks he’s going to die alone?”

“That you worry about him, child of Aine.”  He was gone.  Little shit.  I felt him slip away into the fade that time.

Vivienne snagged me after we made camp.  “You have had a significant amount of time to peruse the books provided.  Let us see how well you have paid attention to them.”

Damn.  I’m glad I read them, and I’m really glad I’ve got a nearly eidetic memory.  She asked the strangest bits and pieces.  It really showed how much she knows about summoning and apprentice level magic, because she was asking from memory.  Everything she asked was something from the books she had given me, too.  And she didn’t even glance at them.  How did she do that?

After the very in-depth examination, she pronounced me “average”.  “I had expected better.  Perhaps you have not been spending as much time studying as you should?”

I kept a straight face with difficulty.  Solas is yelling at me about spending too much time studying, and Vivienne not enough.  Can’t please everyone, and Vivienne would not understand the things I am learning in the fade.  I don’t think.  She may.  She’s positively brilliant.

In any case, the evening was quiet.  I watched the stars.  No matter how dull the world is, the stars still shine.  Varric told some salacious horror stories, scandalizing Cassandra even as she asked for another.  Michael, Gunny, and Elias were dicing at the edge of camp with some of the soldiers and Sera.  The rest of us went to bed when it was time.

Solas is actually undressed this evening, and his chest glistens in the little light I have.  He’s not doing anything but watching me, and still manages to be distracting.  I'm going to investigate what he's planning for this evening.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit Krystylsky with the splinter.


	169. Day 28, 22 Kingsway, 9:41, Leaving the Highway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talks in the fade, pranks and questions, and meeting up with Morrigan and son.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 28, 22 Kingsway, 9:41**

Doing things after journalling seems to be slowing down.  I had fully expected something other than cuddles, considering his state of undress.  But no. “I need to feel your skin against mine, ma’haselan.”  He said that as he stripped me of the nightgown he’d helped me put on.  Pick an outfit, right?

So no funtimes.  Damnit.  He still seems just a bit on edge, and I fell asleep to him stroking the new skin.  I mean, not new, but most recent.  But it was such a small need.  How could I refuse him?

When I reached the fade, I did some exploring.  So many feet have trampled this place, but there is beauty just a few steps away.  A pretty little stone pavilion, overgrown with vines.  Invisible from the road itself.  I explored for a cycle, past and present, lovers and battles, and then sat and made plans.

Another cycle or two passed in thought and plot.  Land, I still need it.  The gradual takeover of the closer villages proceeds apace, with another family now ensconced in each.  A human one for Garvey, an elven one for Treepine.  Both families moved in last week.  And the foundation is laid for the next village to get their first.  Humans, this time, but mine.  Halton and Eadras are handling that.

I was sitting on the bench there an age or so ago.  It was a cool moonlit night, and I was doing calculations on the nice white marble when I was visited.  I brushed the charcoal off the marble, smudging it to illegibility.  Contentment stopped a good ten feet away, oddly.  “Should I return another time?”

Bzuh?  “Of course not?  Unless you don’t want to be here?”

It stepped up into the structure.  “A pleasant place to sit.  You chose a good time.”

“It’s pretty.  What’s wrong?”

“He thinks I put you in danger.”

“He’s an ass.”

“Conversations and lowered inhibitions, relaxation in tense situations.  The wrong impression.  But you are unhurt, and did not come to harm.”

I like that it separated the two.  Harm doesn’t have to be hurts.  “I’m not sure what you mean.  I’m fine.  I was a little overzealous with the head housekeeper, but other than that…”  I shrugged.

“The forced gathering you had been dreading, little one.  Where the Empress painted the floor red in the shadow of Chateau Lion?”

“The Winter Palace, and the masqued ball.  It was odd, that day.”  It bowed slightly.  “But I did feel better.”  I patted the bench.  “Join me?”

It did.  While it hummed a strange tune, I continued with what I was doing.  After a while, I moved to the issues I will be facing shortly.  It reached out and ran a thumb along my brow.  “Such a face.  You make me tired just watching you concentrate so hard.  Tell me.”

“I’m trying to figure out something.  Solas would object, most likely.  Still want to know?”

“I will listen, but promise no more than that.”

I plucked its thread in a way I knew was not flirtatious and not uncomfortable, and it smiled.  “These, Contentment, who was once Liveliness.  They connect me, and connect others.  How could I sever someone from all of us, not just from me?  Prevent any further connections from forming, unless and until the dangerous or unwanted behavior stops?  In this particular, I wish no harm to the person, but I can’t trust them with my own.  I don’t think it’s kleptomania.  They take only that which is valuable, can be concealed, and is resellable.”

“What are you thinking?”  It wasn’t arguing, but asking for clarification.

“There is a legend, from where I come from.  Several, actually.  In one, a man was banished, but marked that none may harm him.  In another, a woman was disbelieved no matter what she said.  A third was cursed that they would never sleep comfortably under a particular tribe’s roof.  There are more. Is something like this possible here?  I want to do something like that, I think.”

“You ask the wrong question, Chrysopal.”  I cocked my head to the side, looking at it.  It smiled.  “Anything is possible.  You should be asking is it practical, am I capable, what are the steps, how does it start.  What is the exact result you wish to see?  What are the risks? Is the result worth the effort?  But mostly, why bother?  Tell your people the names of the miscreants.  Write your letters, and trust them to see the danger.  Too much work, dearling, to do all that other.”

It leaned closer and continued more quietly.  “But I will explore the idea with you.  It sounds interesting.  I know someone who might like to discuss it.”  It then yawned and stretched, rather loudly.  I didn’t realize its joints could pop like that.  That any joints would pop in the fade.  “But not tonight.  I’m resting tonight.  Eventually.  I’m bored from being lectured by Pride.  He repeats himself.”

“Then I shall endeavor to be more interesting when I speak to you, Contentment.”

“Solas mo oiche!  I didn’t expect you this evening.”

“That seems apparent, considering you are already looking for instruction in yet another new area.”

“Nope.  Just an explanation of things already happening, and how to prevent them from happening.  And there’s no rush.”

“You fool no one, da’asha.”  He leaned over and went to tap my nose, but I caught his finger, less than gently.  That’s not something I will let him do with THAT expression on his face.  I am not a puppy to be chastised.  Love the expression of surprise on his face in return, but he was suddenly wary.  I flattened his hand against my cheek, and that something that had tensed in him relaxed.

“Are you two preparing to copulate?”

I blinked, looking at Contentment in surprise.  What a question to ask!  Solas turned an expressionless face to it before answering seriously.  “Not at this precise moment, no.”

“Pity.  It’s entertaining to watch copulation.  Seems a bit messy, oddly uncomfortable, and overly vigorous, but fascinating, nonetheless.  The noises alone could cause it to be mistaken for torture.  But the process is interesting.”

I chimed in on that one.  “Meat generally is.”  I glanced up at Solas.  “Right, Grohiik?”  He didn’t respond verbally, just pulled me off the bench as Contentment poofed.  And then I realized why Contentment was acting oddly.  I was still dressed in what I wore to bed.  Which was definitely not much.  I clothed myself with a thought and got a small smirk out of the bald one.

“Pity.”  One single kiss is all I got.  “I quite enjoyed that particular outfit.”

The rest of the night was taken up with quiet time with Solas.  I didn’t see more than three wisps all night, and the rest of my spirit friends left us quite alone.  Probably giving us time to copulate, though we didn’t.  We went back to one of the first lessons.  Looking deeply at a place, past and present, to see what has happened before, which I’d already done several times last night.  Searching out things that are interesting, or powerful.  Ah well.  It’s not hard, and I’ve always loved history.  At least he held my hand as we strolled about.

He did add to the lesson.  Finding the most compelling moment.  The sweetest, the scariest, the saddest.  It was like getting the wisps to sing.  Put yourself in that mindset or mood, and then sift through the memories that call you.  Harder, and emotionally wracking in some ways.  Easier, in that instead of searching by linear time, you are using emotional google.

“What do large numbers have to do with this?”  I was surprised that he knew it was a number.  “The shape of the word, the feel, tells me so, ma’nehn.”  Back to my joy.  He must be less upset with me.

“Nothing, Grohiik.  It’s a search engine…”  His face was quietly curious.  “You know, I can’t really explain it, but I’ll try.  Back on my Earth, a significant amount of information was available to everyone who could connect to it.  Google was a sort of…  Librarian?  Not a real one, but a mechanical-electrical creation with encoded instructions.  You told the program what you were looking for, and it gave you starting places for searching the web.”

“The web?  I should have known, Haselan.”  A fallen log appeared nearby as we sifted time, and he invited me to sit.

“It’s not a real web, it’s a virtual web, connecting the information and writing of millions of people.  More.  If you’ve ever paid attention to the way dendrites in a brain connect-”

He interrupted.  “Please define dendrite.  It may be a terminology issue.”

I blinked.  “Uhm… You know the stuff the brain is made out of?”

“Of course.”

“It’s little bitty pieces that connect to each other?”

“I would say they organized themselves into a community, but yes.”

“Dendrites are the appendages that carry communication.  They kind of handshake, and transfer electricity, very small voltage.  Does that help?”

“Voltage?”

“Just… not very strong.  Weak enough that a large and complex multi-celled organism would be unaware of the lightning in any conscious fashion.”  He nodded, and threaded his hands through my hair.  “Anyway, you could access vast amounts of images, instructions, information.  Stories, fiction and nonfiction.  News, globally, down to a coupon for getting ten cents off a can of soup.  In various languages, from various cultures, through the web connections between the machines.  Some of it was crap, honestly, but a lot of it was pretty accurate.  The web connected to pages.  Like a book, I suppose, but on yet more machines.  The biggest book ever, with an absolutely amazing index.  The Google website could be considered a searchable index, sort of.”

He stroked my thread to him, and I shivered.  “I start to understand.  It sounds much like a dwarven golem, and locating their memories.  Perhaps on a grander scale.”

“It’s not like a real person is there, or former person, maybe.  I don’t know what they’d want to be called.”  He caught my eyes, but didn’t say anything.  “You use a computer, a console, a machine to access it.  Lacking any personality, just on/off, one/zero, raw information without the emotional content.  From anywhere you could reach the electrical signals.  WiFi and cables, a series of computers connected together over distance.  Communication devices connected over very narrow frequencies in very wide bands.”

“They took what they had, and proceeded to isolate it from the lingering emotional content?”  There was a tone to his words, but I couldn’t place it.  “You will have to show me this thing.  Someday.”

“I’m not sure about that.”

“Oh?”

“Anything put here in the fade stays here.  So much could go sideways if the wrong person accessed the wrong one of my memories.  For all the beauty of people, there are some horrible things in all of our histories.  Even the thing I-”  I stopped myself.   “The zoo was a deliberate amalgam of things I felt safe sharing publicly.  From multiple memories, stitched together to make a whole.”

His hand stilled in my hair a moment.  “I see.  When did you learn to do this?”

“I didn’t.  Not really.  It just seemed the thing to do?  I wanted to show this piece and that piece, so I sort of mashed them together?”

He pulled me against him in a hug, sighing.  He was very conflicted over something.  “Ever are you interesting, even when I might wish you less so.”

“What’d I do now?”

“It does not matter.  Walk with me again.”  I did, and the last few minutes of the night passed quickly.

I woke alone.  I noticed folded clothing at the end of the bedroll.  A more normal dress, with lace up sides and stupid sleeves.  But at least this one felt more casual than the stuff I’ve been wearing recently.  I really think my standards have been horribly skewed.  And I think Leorah did it on purpose.

I was shooed away from tearing down the tent.  Andrew and Michael did it instead.  Apparently if I’d not been wearing long-ass sleeves, they’d have let me help.  There was grinning and laughter.  Everyone was relaxing from Halamshiral.  It’d been hard on us all.

I was just finishing breakfast when a masculine yelp came from the Inquisitor’s tent.  I couldn’t help but smile.  Schadenfraude.  Usually when they dump water over him, it’s “room temperature”.  As in, it’s part of the water kept for drinking.  It’s generally warmer than the stream near here, especially this late in the year, because it’s kept next to the fire.  Not today.

Sera came tearing through the camp at speed, dropping the bucket as she went.  Sam emerged from his tent soaking wet and pulling ice chunks from his clothing.  And being quite vocal in his displeasure.  Sera, to his loud annoyance, was nowhere in sight.  My my, that boy knows a lot of bad words.

Maybe next time he won’t pretend to be asleep quite so hard.  There were quite a few giggles and guffaws out of the rest of us.  Sam’s not stupid.  He headed directly for the fire.  In this weather, he needed to dry quickly.  Cullen is the one who handed the inquisitor a cloth to mop up the water as he shivered.

Vivienne watched placidly, and glanced at his tent.  Josephine emerged from it.  Dry.  Warm.  Pleased about something.   Hmmmm.  I think someone recently realized other someones were shamming.  The lovely Lady Montilyet is no stranger to subterfuge and the game.

A forearm deposited itself on my head.  “I am not an armrest, Bull.”  He dropped his arm on my shoulders instead and gave me a quick hug.

“Awww, but you’re just the right height.  You don’t seem the least bit surprised by this.”  He was watching the commotion.

I shrugged.  “Should I be?”

“Dorian wants to get an hour of practice in before we head out.   He’s over there.”  Bull gestured off to the side.  Near where the little pavilion is, actually.

“Staff, I assume?”

“How would I know?”

I smacked his belly with my spoon, and he just laughed at me.  I was done eating anyway.  I handed him my bowl.  It’s so funny.  Almost anyone, if you try to hand something to them, will just take it from you.  “What am I supposed to do with this?”  I crooked a finger at him, and he leaned down, grumbling.  

I smooched his cheek.  “Don’t care.  See ya!”  He muttered a bit, but it was cheerful muttering.

While picking up my staff, Storyteller stopped me.  “Cuddles, ever hear the name Névtelen?”

That was an odd question.  It means anonymous or nameless, but in some slavic language.  Not slavic.  I don’t know.  That area of the world, though.  Up near Russia and Norway and stuff.  And it’s not a name.  I only know it means anonymous because I thought it was a pretty translation of the word, and was considering using it as a pen name once upon a time.

“Now isn’t that interesting.  Caught your attention right away.”

“Is it a name here?  I didn’t think it was.”

“Oh?  Then what is it?”

“Anonymous.”  Whatever I was expecting, it wasn’t for him to burst out laughing.

“That’s priceless, princess.”

“Why are you asking me?”

“Oh, no reason.  No reason at all.”  Well, shit.  Now I’m going to worry about it.  A few more shared words, and he wandered off to get his nugalope tricked out.

The requisite hour was spent with Dorian.  Just staff work, not magic.  At least he doesn’t seem irritated with me.  In fact, he seems pretty tickled that I did something to piss off both Vivienne and Solas at the same time.  “You should have seen them, dove.  All sour faces and pruned lips.  And having a surprisingly civil conversation.  You shall have to do such things more often.”

We chatted.  His social whirl and mine.  Gossip overheard in corners, not yet shared.  Childhood recollections of annoying our caretakers, from both of us.  I’ve missed him, and it was nice to catch up a little.  As everyone started mounting up, I got a hug.  It’s not hug day, so I’m not quite sure why both Dorian and Bull felt the need for a squinch.

I spent the day riding next to Solas.  Mostly quietly, enjoying the ride.  Snow drifted down in huge flakes, and he actually pulled up his hood.  He inhaled deeply at one point, and looked at me.  “Newfallen snow, and a tang of pine.  One of my favorite scents, ma’sulahn’nehn.”  I must have blushed or something, because he chuckled quietly.

Just as we were about to turn off the imperial highway towards Gherlen’s Pass, we were greeted by a solitary Kieran riding bareback on a lovely bay mare.  Well, she looked like a mare.  Shapeshifters are such fun.  But it was obvious that it was her, you know?  So I was surprised when Sam asked the boy where Morrigan was.

Kieran still had serious face on, and slid gracefully to the ground with his pack.  Morrigan shifted to her human shape.  “Right here, Lord Inquisitor.  I see no reason to unnecessarily burden myself with the care and feeding of an animal.  I assure you, we will have no difficulty keeping up.”

Greetings and (re)introductions followed.  Solas looped an arm around my waist while we exchanged platitudes and pleasantries.  I’m not sure why.   This time Sam included my templars and Garalen.  Morrigan’s eyes lingered a little longer on both Andrew and Michael, but not in any salacious way.  Kieran smiled at everyone, greeting those who spoke to him.

“Mother.”

“Yes, little man?”

“The Etheling said there would be children to play with at Skyhold.”

“I have no doubt.”

I’m not sure why he brought it up at that moment, but Morrigan smiled at me.  I wasn’t actually expecting that.  She always seemed so serious in Origins.  It wasn’t a forced-polite smile, but a genuine one, if small.  Possibly because I treated Kieran well?  I don’t know.

In any case, they joined up with us.  After we all had a cold snack of the last of the bread and some cheese, Morrigan took her horse form again, and Kieran clambered onboard.  Much less gracefully than his dismount.  I’ll have to see if she would like him to take riding lessons with Geth or Josren.  Or perhaps Dennett?  I don’t know if Dennett would do lessons.

We made camp near dusk.  We’re just in the mouth of Gherlen’s Pass.  The snow is falling fairly heavily, but this ground is well trampled.  I think Kieran’s pack must be some kind of bag of holding.  There was a surprisingly large amount of stuff in it.  A tent and sleeping furs, at the very least.  In a backpack.  Carried by a ten year old.  Totally Mary Poppins carpetbag territory.  


None of my business, though.  You know, it just occurred to me.  Sam has met Kieran at this point.  I thought the first time they met was at Skyhold, in the gardens.  There’s a whole bunch of odd dialogue with Old God Baby Kieran, and some fun stuff with Human Kieran, but it hinges on it being the first time the two meet.  Another thing not going as expected.

Anyway, I have the urge to cuddle, and certain people are distracting.  I have a hobo to kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Névtelen. You can blame Coma for it. You'll see. Eventually.


	170. Day 29, 23 Kingsway, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another talk with Solas, Valor's annoying sometimes, letting go of the tension, chats with Blackwall, and snowstorms.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 29, 23 Kingsway, 9:41**

I put my journal away and turned to Solas.  “You were distracting me on purpose.”

“And if I was?”

“Is there something you want?”

“Always, but there are far too many strangers about.”

“Solas…”

“Yes?”

“There are no strangers with us.  The closest are Morrigan and Kieran, and they are not actually strangers.”

He reached out and smoothed my hair.  “I do not think you consider anyone a stranger, vhenan.”

“Some.  What is a stranger but someone you haven’t met yet?  Once you meet them, then they are not strangers to you.”  He just shook his head as we settled.  His breathing deepened in that way he has, ready and alert, but calm.  Sliding into meditation.  He’s been sleeping a fair bit recently.  What made him choose this?  Morrigan and Kieran’s presence?

I lay there against his shoulder, looking up at him.  Watching his face as he relaxed his body.  His face only seems blank anymore.  The little twitches, tensions, give away his mood.  He’s not comfortable.  Maybe worried Kieran or Morrigan recognized him?

Anyway, enough of that.  If this trip was like the way out, I only had two or three days.  And I had to talk to him.  Maybe.  Warn him, about what was to come?  I don’t know.  He didn’t seem all that surprised in the fade when I was playing, except that he was actually there.  Almost giddy, for Solas, if I remember.  But he did say he never expected to be bodily in the fade or something like that.

“I can feel you worry.  Tell me, ma’sulahn’nehn, what troubles you.”

“I’m not sure what I should say.”  His eyes opened, deep violet shimmering in the dim light.

“Another warning.  Another friend?”  He’s brilliant, but he was only partially right.

“Will you answer a question?”

He looked at me a long time.  “Your reserve question, in exchange, if I choose to answer.  Ask the question.”  Was it that obvious?

“What exactly was the anchor supposed to do?”

He didn’t even blink, just held my eyes steadily.  “Choose a different question, vhenan.”  I was flummoxed.  There went my segue into Sam opening a rift at Adamant.  I traced designs on his shirt, watching my fingers.

“I’ll have to think.  Just… Nevermind.  It was a stupid idea anyway.  Good Night, mor’ishan.”  I put my head against his chest.

Fingers flowed through my hair and his voice resonated under my ear.  “This has you upset, Emily Lynne.  Why do you need this information?”  I felt the shimmer of a barrier, silence the only rune.  It sang with a single pure tone, without making any noise at all.

“Sometimes things…  I’m worried about Cole, mostly.  What comes next.  I’m just worried.”

“Is this something that the Inquisitor should know?”

“NO!”  I was too loud.  “No, Solas.  He can’t be told.  Nothing.”

“Surely he would-”

“It would change things, force things.  Or ruin things.  It has to be the way it is, and me saying something…  Too many things are already different.  I don’t know if that’s good or bad or something else, but he wasn’t supposed to meet Kieran yet.”  I sat up, hugging my knees.  “It was supposed to be in the garden.  Skyhold Gardens, outside the gazebo.  I thought you’d be scarier.  That’s what Kieran says to a human rogue.”

“What else does he say?”  His voice was smooth, enticing.  For just a moment, I almost answered him, and caught myself.

“Don’t pull that shit on me, Solas, or I’ll get even.”  Asshole.  I refuse to be manipulated like that.  I'm ignoring the times I've manipulated him.  Leave me alone.  Anyway, if I’d been looking at him, I bet I’d have seen a smirk.  “It doesn’t matter.  I hope it doesn’t matter.”

“What does this have to do with Cole?”

“When you all go out with Inquisibutt, you usually slip into two groups of four, going in different directions, yes?”

“Often, but not always.”

“So two people are left behind, or doing something else.”

“Often, but not always.”

“Funny.  Can one of those two be Cole?  Can he stay with the wounded instead of going out with Sam?  Or stay with me?”

“What happens to Cole?”

“Nothing.  He’s just going to be scared.  He comes to no harm I’m aware of.”

That made Solas sit up, and his hands settled on my shoulders.  “Chrissy.”

I sighed.  “Yes, a grá?”

“Exactly what is going to scare Cole?”

I can’t tell him that.  If he’s one of the ones to enter the fade, he has to be unaware of things ahead of time.  So I looked back at him for a moment and told him the truth.  “Terror.  I will say no more than that.”  I turned my head back to the slit in the tent.  A sliver of sky, a line of stars.

“Sulahn’nehn.”  I didn’t look at him.  “I will not pry, ma’lath.”  His hands pulled back gently, and I felt his chest behind me as his legs slipped outside mine.  “I will talk to the Inquisitor.  Perhaps something can be done.”  He wrapped his arms around me, surrounding me in his scent.

The barrier left just as Gunny knocked on the tent pole.  He didn’t give us even two seconds before he stuck his head in, eyeing us both.  He was agitated, just a little.  “You okay, Bit?”

I smiled at him.  “I’m okay.  Just worried about a few things, and talking them over.”  And I obviously need to tighten my shields.  Again.

“Don’t you dare.”

“What?”  I know I didn’t say that out loud.

“I want to know.  I told you that.  Or I’ll be all up in your business all the time.”

“Alright, alright.  I’ll leave you in the loop.”

“Good.  Sleep well.”

“I’ll try.”  I’ll have to ask why my shields keep loosening at some point.  It’s a really bad thing, especially since I don’t notice until I’m leaking too much.

“No pacing around here.  Too close to you know what.  By the end of the day tomorrow we’ll smell it, at least.”

“Okay, Gun.”

He left us alone, and Solas managed to get me off to sleep tucked into his side.  We didn’t discuss anything else.  I didn’t see him in the fade, either.  I spent the time with Valor and Fortitude, with a short visit from A Little Annoyed.  It has calmed, a bit, and is “patrolling”.  I don’t know why, and it won’t tell me.  I don’t know where Hope or Contentment went, either.

Valor was trying to show me something about something to do with what looked like a cross between a bola and a nunchuk, but I couldn’t quite grasp the concept.  I figured it might be better to start with small stuff like how to hold it, position it, maybe a demonstration, right? Perhaps instead of just “take this and throw it towards that”, but it didn’t think so.  It just chalked my inability up to meat weaknesses and my age.  After one attempt.  Everyone needs to actually practice things (except Sera and the bow, I guess).

Anyway.  Too _young_.  Right.  Prime of life, middle aged, nearing menopause if I were back on Earth.  Then it calls me too fucking young.  I am not a child.  Whatever.  When I asked if it was judging my age by the appearance of my meat, it backed away quickly and left me alone with a salute and bow.  Which didn’t actually put me in a better mood, because I am getting sick and tired of being…  Nevermind.  And I’m not even going to go into the assumption about meat weaknesses.

Fortitude came by very shortly after that.  I’m betting Valor went running to it to either complain about me or express some sort of worry.  Fortitude, at least, didn’t try to get me to practice anything.  It just hung about and we chatted about things.  Various things, small talk, minor day stuff.  Nothing pressing, and I was glad to just talk and walk with my friend.

Fortitude’s steadfastness did put me in a better mood.  It was a good thing for it, too, because hey, food.  I’m assuming.  I’m not sure why I was in such a horrible mood, but even thinking back to the exchange with Valor makes me feel upset.  It’s nothing I can quite pinpoint.

I woke early.  The sun hadn’t crested the horizon, but there was the predawn light.  I started to slip quietly out of bed, but was stopped by hard arms.  “Always, you are leaving my arms.”

“Not always, mo chuisle.”  I settled back against him for a bit.  “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”  He leaned over me, and I finally got the kisses I’ve been denied recently.  Then, as a nice surprise when we got up, Garalen handed me that swingy dress with leggings.  I love that thing.  It’s fun to wear.

The camp got up with dawn, and we started moving.  A quick breakfast of re-warmed bread and cheese was passed about.  Everyone was more cheerful today, the mood lifting a bit.  I think that’s what Sera was trying to do yesterday with her antics, but we needed another day away from the courts.

The flakes of snow were huge and fluffy.  I don’t know who started the snow fight during the midmorning break, but I got hit in the back of the head by JOSEPHINE.  Who immediately covered her mouth and blushed like that would get her out of retaliation.

I know I cheated, but I couldn’t resist.  The branches of the tree above her had lots of snow on them.  Until I made them move, just a little bit.  And the snow dumped.  She shrieked that I was cheating and took off for Sam.  She’s sneakier than she looks, because she immediately, covered in snow, threw herself into his arms.  Covering him with snow as well.

We were all covered in the fluffy stuff before it was over, even the templars and Hessarians.  Blackwall had it caked in his beard, having been pushed facefirst into a snowdrift.  Varric and Solas were the least affected of the companions.  I pelted Solas myself, and called him an old fuddy-duddy when he grumbled.  An exuberant kiss and he was all better.  Varric got one tiny fistful of snow in his shirt, and you’d think he’d been tortured.  We heard about that all day.  I’ll never tell him it was Cassandra who pegged him with that snowball.

Kieran was all in the middle of things, mostly with Andrew and Gunny, and Morrigan watched on idly.  They’re kid magnets on their bad days, so I wasn’t surprised.  Morrigan was the only one not to get involved at all.  Even Vivienne played a little bit before going over to have some sort of somber chat with Flemeth’s daughter.

Afterwards they warmed themselves by themselves by the fire, and Solas dried me off, to Dorian’s mirth.  They still won’t teach me.  The couple times I’ve tried this dry things thing, things have ended up scorched or ON FIRE.  So not fair.  How come I can warm air just fine, but not dry things?  You’d think one would be related to the other, right?

Gara had me sit down and rebraided my hair when it was done.  I’d made a mess of myself.  And I returned the favor, of course.  We all got put back together, but I think we had needed that outlet.  We were us again, instead of somber masks of flesh.

After the break, I ended up riding next to Blackwall.  “You know, I keep trying to have a conversation with you.  Somehow I always end up forgetting.  Why is that?”

“Why would I know this?”

“Hmmmm.”  There was silence for a long moment.  “Why did you do it?”

“Do what?”  I was confused, but I'd realized what he wanted to talk about before he spoke again.

“Tell me what to say.”

“Because you needed telling, Blackwall.  No other reason.  The warning had to come from you to be heeded.”

“That Castien fellow.”

“What about him?”

“He knew that the Messenger was a Darkspawn.”  He kept his voice down, and his phrasing was correct for the part he was playing, but he was really asking how I knew it was a Darkspawn.

I chose to answer the implied question, not the intended one.  “He was curious, so investigated.  Saw the Messenger’s face.”

“You’re as bad as Cole.”

“Me?  I’m answering exactly the questions you ask, and then some.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Why do you assume that?”

“Just tell me.”

I looked at him.  “It’s a wrong song, like red lyrium, but not the same.  It tingles on the skin, hovers in the back of the head.  And before you ask, no, I am not a warden.  It doesn't call me.”

“So you’re like Cole.”

“I am a born person, Blackwall.  I had a mother, a father, siblings, and a child, before the breach.  I am not spirit made flesh unless conception is the vehicle thereof.”

“That’s what I mean.  You speak in riddles.”

“That wasn’t a riddle, Blackwall.”

“So you know.”  His voice was flat.  Almost accusing.

“Do I?  Even if I knew something, it would be foolish to say so.  I won’t say anything about anyone, because it changes nothing.  You are the man you are, and that is the way it is.  The rest doesn’t matter.”

“Ugh.  Why can’t you just talk straight?”

“You’d have me be straight with you?  Here?  With prying ears and listening eyes?  Inquiring minds and flocks of ravens?”

“No.  No.  You’re right.  Thank you, milady, for the conversation.”

“You are quite welcome.  Perhaps we can speak again another time.”

“Perhaps.”

There weren't any smiles.  He wasn’t a happy man as he rode up toward the Inquisitor, but he wasn’t upset with me.  Fair enough, and handled.  Hopefully that chat doesn’t ever come up again.

Michael handled the first smell of lyrium in the air quite well.  My stomach rolled a little, but nothing serious.  Gunny barely reacted externally, but on the inside, his cravings fired up.  I had expected Sam to stop.  Dinner, overnight, something.  But no.  We rode past the shantytown and all the way to dusk.

As we dismounted to set up camp, Morrigan was doing… something.  And her son was copying her motions. Not a ritual.  More like she was smelling or tasting the air somehow.  Eyeing the sky.  She walked right up to the Inquisitor and had a chat with him.  The wind was up, but I didn’t know at the time what was going on.

Anyway, the larger tents were unpacked, and we were told to keep our mounts with us.  The wind was picking up, and one of the tents blew away.  Sam shouted something I didn’t hear, and the ones closer to him started looking at the rock around us.  It was Vivienne who found the cave entrance.

Big enough for all of us and the mounts, thank goodness.  The remaining tents and such were snagged before we lost them, too.  We slogged through driving snow the fairly small distance to the cave entrance.  The wind howled and thunder, of all things, was heard.  I have never before heard thunder in a snowstorm.

In any case, we got camp set up.  My templars and Gara watched the entrance warily, but didn’t say anything.  Madame de Fer strode boldly up to it, and gracefully lifted a hand.  The wind and flakes coming in stopped.  The sounds were slightly muted instead of roaring.

And Varric.  “You had to pick a stronghold in the mountains, didn’t you Inquisitor.  I’d have expected this of Hawke.”

Cassandra chimed in with “Perhaps this is divine providence.  How else would this cave have been right where we needed it?”

I went to Dorian, who was shivering uncontrollably, and just wrapped myself around him.  Heated the air, just the bit we were using.  Drastically increasing the temperature in a cave of unknown steadiness is probably a bad idea, so I kept it to just around us.  Truthfully, it was cold enough that I was feeling a touch chilled.  Definitely grateful for the warmer clothing that Leorah made, but still don't need a cloak.  This feels like light sweater weather, not huddle under the covers weather.  Once Dorian stopped shivering and the goosebumps were gone, I let him go.  And managed to convince him to let me go.  I got a gentle kiss on the top of my head and a thank you.

Dinner was surprisingly a stew.  A pretty good stew, with an amazing gravy.  Morrigan decided to cook, and she comes out with this.  One of Josie’s Hessarians had snagged some creature earlier in the day.  I don’t know what creature, because I, to the mirth of Andrew, have absolutely no idea what that thing was.

It’s not something I ever saw on earth, and he was laughing too hard to tell me.  It kind of looked like a rodent, but rodents don’t get that big.  They don’t.  I refuse to believe R.O.U.S’s are real.  No No No.  I can deal with mice, I can deal with rats.  This thing was the size of a possum.  Maybe a bit bigger.  With TEETH.  I refuse.  And they can't make me.

We set up braziers in the tents.  Solas and I are in a bigger one, and Gunny is on the other side of a center wall made of furs with Cole.  I warmed the tent with Michael, Cullen, Garalen, and Andrew, and the one with Dorian, Bull, Varric, and Blackwall.  Vivienne can handle the others, if necessary.

The wind is howling, and I’m worried about being in a cave.  Spiders, mostly.  I mean, I usually like spiders, and there are plenty of normal spiders here in Thedas.  However, I remember the spiders you find in caves.  They are not normal spiders.  They are monster spiders.  And they live where the veil is thin.  It’s not super thin here, but we’re close enough to the Shantytown and spilled lyrium that it’s not exactly even, either.

Anyway, I just heard Cole ask Gunny why the hair on his head is not the same color as the hair on his chest.  I had to giggle a moment.  I guess the carpet doesn’t match the drapes.  Not that it’s something people in Thedas worry about, and it’s entirely normal for that to happen.  Gun’s trying to respond carefully, and Solas is laughing silently behind my back.  Which makes writing a lot harder, since he’s my backrest at the moment.  I mean, I can tune out the hair thing, but shaking me about isn’t conducive to neatness.

Anyway, I hope this wind dies down.  Even muted through Vivienne’s very pretty Still/Silent barrier, it’s quite loud.  You know, when Solas creates a silence barrier, nothing goes in or out.  I’m going to have to look more closely at it next time he does it.  Maybe it’s in the fineness of the weave?  I thought Vivienne’s would be at least almost as good, but…  Maybe most of the effort was put into keeping the wind out.

In any case, it’s fine for now.  Time to blow the dust off this thing and head for bed.


	171. Day 30, 24 Kingsway, 9:41, Snowed In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snowed in and the hazards thereof, a short chat with Cole, a long day, some introspection, and working with Sam.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 30, 24 Kingsway, 9:41**

I had veiled my journal before he spoke.  “We will be stuck here a few days, ma’lath.  You cannot hide from lessons.”  He said it teasingly, not in any way that twanged wrong.

“Oh?  You might be surprised.  I’m sure I could.”

“Ah, but would you really wish to annoy so many of your instructors?”  That gave me pause.  I had four of them trapped with me in the cave.  “Even aside from your magical training, Iron Bull has mentioned that you have gone too long without defense lessons.”  Well, crap.  Make that five.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No, ma’nehn.  I am not.  We anticipate at least a day or two before the storm blows itself out.  Perhaps longer.  Perhaps you should not have allowed yourself to become the student of so many at once.”  I leaned my head back and licked his jaw.  “Do not.”

“Are you trying to order me not lick you?  Again?”  I asked it very quietly, brushing the side of his neck with my lips.  Stroking his skin with my cheek.  Might have been a bit sassy.  Love the grumbly noise.

He maneuvered his mouth to my ear.  “Asking, da’asha.  Just asking.  There are too many ears, and we are not alone.”

“But we do have some small semblance of privacy, so long as you remain quiet.  Hmmm.  I shall have to determine exactly when licking is acceptable.”  I grinned up at him.  “This will require experimentation.”

He did that thing where I go from leaning on him to flat on my back under him.  “Experiment away, ma’sulahn’nehn.  But be sure you are willing to accept the consequences.  I could always start experimenting with boundaries again myself.”  Fingernails gently scraped up my back.  The one on the ground.  Where hands weren’t.  Cheater.

“Promises, promises.”  He didn’t answer that.  I got a few kisses, and we curled up to the muted wailing of the wind.

The fade was quiet.  Far quieter than the storm.  So many things have happened in this cave.  Once upon a time, there was an altar here.  Fennec foxes were burnt alive, as offerings, then left for the Griffon Vultures.  Yes, that’s what they were saying.  Griffon Vultures.  Frostback Griffon Vultures.  That’s… I don’t know what to think about that.  Or how I knew what they were saying.  I didn’t recognize the language, but I knew.

For a little while, there was a small tribe of Avvar here.  Nothing is permanent for the Avvar, and they moved on after a while.  They came and went several times, actually, so this could be considered a “typical” settlement spot, maybe?  Or maybe only until the Shantytown in Gherlen’s pass was in place.  Time isn’t quite that precise in the fade.  Four cycles in and I didn’t see anyone but wisps and memories.  

Something was wrong, and was pulling me back into the waking world.  I opened my eyes to darkness and silence.  It took way too long to figure out why that unnerved me.  Silence.  There should be wind.  Loud enough to wail.  Even in the darkest, stormiest nights, the light reflected by one of the moons shines through.  Thedas is bright, even at night.  Except now.

A hand smoothed up my arm, soothing.  “Be calm, da’asha.  This is expected.”

“Expected?”

“The storm has covered the cave entrance.  We are sealed in, for now.  This is a good thing, for those who need more warmth.”

“Why aren’t the braziers lit?  The campfire?”  Something still seemed off, even with the explanation.  But I didn’t know what.

That made him sit up.  He was suddenly troubled, and was going to investigate.  “Ours is out because it is unnecessary.  Stay here.  Do not create light.”  I heard him grab his staff and slip out of the tent.

A few minutes later, at the most, firelight bloomed from the central campfire.  Enough to see, definitely, after the pitch black of before.  It danced across the tent.  I’m going to have to find out how Solas navigated in the darkness.  “Hello Cole.”  He was up and about.

“You always know.”

“Does it bother you?”

“No, Daughter of Aine”

I looked at him.  “Why don’t you use my name?”

“That is your name.  One of the yous that answers when called, but just for me.”

“You know, then.”

“It would hurt.  A name that calls, tugs, shreds.  Gifted to one and known by many, but not always a name.  You wouldn’t like it if I called you that.”

“You could call me Chrissy.”

“I could.”  I waited a moment, but he didn’t continue.  He wasn’t going to say it.  I just shrugged.  “Varric likes calling you princess, but you are still cuddles in his head.”  Cole suddenly gasped.  “It hurts!”

“Cole?”  He was gone.  I had to check, so I moved the tent flap and looked out.  Solas was crouching over a man on the ground.  Near the cave entrance.  He was mildly concerned, and running his hands over the person.  Mildly concerned.  The concern one has for a stranger.  Cole appeared next to him with furs, and they murmured at each other.

I was standing at the flap of the tent.  Really.  Egghead looked up, stopping what he was doing.  He locked eyes with me, then looked at my toes.  His eyes caught mine again and he waited.  So they were like a millimeter out of the tent.  Sitting in the tingling at the doorway.  Who cares?  I was in the tent.  Mostly.  We were like that only a moment.  Somehow I knew that he would do nothing else until I was all the way in the tent.  I scooted a very miniscule amount back, and he resumed taking care of the dude.

It looked like he was trying to move the man very, very gently.  He and Cole shifted him on top of the furs, and I could see that it was one of the Hessarians.  He was wearing far less then I would have thought he should be.  Magic shimmered and was brought to bear.  Gentle warmth, if I’m not mistaken.  I’m no fool.  If there was a Hessarian on the ground, half naked, and the fire out, that man was suffering from hypothermia.

As they worked, others came out.  The other Blade of Hessarian.  Sam, Sera.  They were shivering, and I could hear snippets of the conversation.  That’s when I noticed that Solas was shivering as well.  Shamming?  He didn’t seem to be feeling the cold.  The shivering stopped as quickly. Sam wanted to know what was going on, and caught on quickly.  The man was moved into Sam’s tent, and the brazier in there was built up.

During all this, I stayed in the doorway of my tent.  I would have been in the way.  Cassandra woke, as did Blackwall and Dorian.  They got some sort of hot soup/stew/broth/something going.  It was odd, really.  I had the advantage of seeing how the inner circle worked together.  They quite efficiently handled the issue.  Blackwall took over tending the fire, and Dorian hung little lights here and there where they needed them.  Sam’s actually really good at directing them without ordering and yelling.

It was probably an hour before Solas came back.  I was still in the tent opening.  I watch people sometimes.  Sue me.  You can learn so much by just observing.  The inner circle is a really cohesive unit.  They move with a smooth efficiency, seeming to understand where each team member is likely to go and do.  Anyway, Solas came back.

I didn’t move out of his way to let him in.  “Some reason I shouldn’t be leaving the tent?”

“Do you have on shoes, ma’lath?”

Well, shit.  “So if I had on shoes?”

“I would have asked a different question.”

“Such as?”  I wasn’t quite forgiving him yet.

He placed two fingers on my cheekbone.  “Do you know the dangers that lurk in dark caverns?  And do you think you are now ready to defend yourself from them?”

Fine.  “I see.”  I flattened his hand against my cheek, and he brushed my jaw with his thumb.  I let him stoop back into the tent.  “What happened?”

“The young man let the fire die out, to save fuel.  He then became cold enough to become disoriented, and behaved irrationally.  It was a poor decision, but one he should live to regret.  These conditions are not conducive to banked fires, much less dead ones.”

“Can I help?”

“Yes.  Stay here.  That would be a great help.”

“Funny.”

“You think I jest.  This one is not yours, Chrysopal.  Let the others handle him.”

“Back to sleep?”

“Whatever you desire.”

“You’re lucky I’m not taking you up on that, mor’ishan.”

I fell into earth dreams.  Which was nice.  I woke next to the smell of scorched flour.  I heard a loud, “Holy mother of green cheese, what are you DOING?”  I have rarely heard Varric talk like that.

Sera’s voice responded.  “What?  Cooking.  Can’t ya tell?”

“Move over, Buttercup.  I’ll take it from here.”  I had to know, so I slipped out of the furs and peeked out the tent.  Varric was gathering up charred pieces of something.

“Leave the loaves alone, they’re almost done!”

“I think these were finished awhile ago.  Why don’t you go look for water or something.  There might be some in the back of the cave.”

She grumbled, and Varric took over the cooking.  I turned to move back to my bed, and saw the strangest thing.  Gunny, my sleep-alone dude, was snugged up back to back to Cole.  Who was asleep.  They were both asleep.  I didn’t know Cole slept.

More pleasant smells filled the cave after a while.  Varric told me it was “pig mash”.  Whatever.  Looks like oatmeal.  Tastes like oatmeal.  Just another porridge.

Anyway, people got up.  It was still obviously dark.  Sam and Vivienne went over to examine the cave mouth.  Covered in snow, snug up against the barrier she put in place.  Blackwall and Cullen handled the mounts.

I consulted with Josie.  We have enough food to last us a good week.  That’s good news.  At least we won’t starve.  Bull says that the storm is still probably raging hard.  Just because we don’t see it or hear it in here doesn’t mean it stopped.  I had kind of thought it had, so that wasn’t so great news.

Then Bull told me he was bored.  Like this was my problem?  But it turned out it was, because Solas had been right.  Since I had nothing better to do, I could show him the forms Dalish and Foxtripper had been working with me on.  And Andrew, asshole extraordinaire, was kind enough to provide the anti-magic-ish sphere again.  So I got to beat myself up for Bull’s entertainment.

Most of the day was spent in maintenance and repair and such.  Mending, tending the weapons, evaluating the tack for issues.  Yarn.  Squee.  Garalen had been hiding YARN in one of the saddlebags.  So guess what I was doing.  I made Cole a scarf.  And little horn covers for Darling.

I found out Vivienne might have an amazing time-sense.  She said she could tell basically at any point what (general) time it is.  Mid-morning, noonish, whatever.  She’s not lying, and I doubt she made it up.  She just has that quirk?

Anyway, she pulled me aside for “late afternoon” lessons.  A new kind of containment circle.  I hadn’t seen it in the books.  This one, instead of confining a spirit/demon in the circle, was a circle of protection for me.  The runes and such are a little different, but it was much like an elemental circle.  I didn’t show her what I knew of calling the quarters.

She is so very thorough.  I was mentally exhausted by the time she called a halt.  Thank goodness Solas spent all that time going over runes with me.  And thank goodness I remembered what the TEXTBOOK meanings were.

“Your barriers are quite acceptable.  The circles used to summon, or as you say, invite, properly make use of barriers when created well.  The circle will then not be a circle, though still called so, but a sphere.  It would be foolish to think that mere magical drawings, even of salt, could contain a powerful entity.

“However, you may sometime find yourself in a situation where a normal barrier is not enough.  When surrounded by enemies, containing yourself in something more solid is an effective technique.  Again, Chrysopal.”  Fun fun.  I’d sort of been doing this kind of thing before, but she certainly refined it by the time we called it quits.  I’m going to have to practice.

The Hessarian was much better by the time dinner rolled around.  He’d been warmed, and by the grace of SOMEONE’S god, had no issues with frostbite.  He’d been lucky.

The in-between spaces of the day were spent cuddling.  Everyone was cuddling.  That’s what you do when you have only so much fuel and plenty of body heat to keep warm.  Well, they called it “huddling together”.  And Bull was a favorite cuddle partner for a lot of people.  Sera, especially.  Dorian alternated with me and Bull.  There was nothing…  It was just NORMAL.  People in a pile for warmth.  It was a thing.

I could have warmed them, probably.  I could easily warm the whole cave.  (I did warm my Dorian on occasion, but that’s different.)  But when the thought crossed my mind, I remembered what Contentment had said.  Is it practical?  Perhaps.  Is the result worth the work?  Maybe.  Do I know what the risks are?  I don’t.  This isn’t an emergency situation, and there is time to evaluate.  The Hessarian this morning, that would have been different.

Sure, it might be practical to some minds, and if we run out of charcoal, I might, but it’s not necessary right now.  And I still don’t know if warming the whole cave would affect the structure in some way.  What if I warmed it too rapidly, and something broke, fell, caved in?  I let them huddle.

We had the stew that had been cooking all day for dinner.  It was okay.  Smelled better than it tasted, but that happens sometimes.  Dishes were done in melted snow.  Vivienne took the barrier down.  We don’t exactly need it anymore.

I say dinner, but when you are in a dark cave, no natural light, time doesn’t feel the same.  We just kept going and doing until people were peckish, and that’s when we ate.  I suppose if we’d been too far off Vivienne would have said something.

Inquisibutt, Michael, and I handled the mounts this evening.  More straw on the ground, warm mash.  Is it sad that I was very glad Sam prefers horses instead of the more exotic mounts he has available?  I just don’t picture a dracolisk doing well in this situation.  The nugalope is having enough trouble, though the harts are alright.

Sam used the time to ask me some interesting questions.  Things like what I see as Skyhold’s role in the inquisition.  I had an answer for that one.

“Safe Harbor, Sam.  Until Corypheus is stopped, at the very least.  A place that someone can go to get away from the politics in Orlais, in Ferelden, in anywhere else.”  I looked at him.  “You claim it’s mine unless someone can take it.  I’ll tell you now, if you need it, if we need it, I will pull up that drawbridge. We can hold out at least until spring on what I have in stores right now.  The rest of the world can hang.”

He was taken aback.  I could see it.  Feel it.  “You?  Abandon everyone to their fate?”

“Maybe not everyone.  Not those that actually want help.  Or want to help.  But some of them? Some of them.”  I didn’t continue.

Sam reached out and pulled me into a one arm hug.  “You hate Orlais.”

“Not all of it.  Not everyone.”

I went back to brushing some dried sweat off of one of the pack horses as he spoke again.  “The fake smiles while they hold a dagger to your throat.”

“Yes.  I’m sorry.”

“No apologizing.”

“I’m supposed to comfort you, not the other way around.”

“That’s not how it works, and you know it.”

“I’m kind of glad we’re stuck in this cave.  There have been so many people, so many agendas, for so long.  No one can bother us here.  No one pushing us to hurry up or slow down or do something else.  I got to spend a very quiet day.  Honestly, I think the only thing that kept me from migraines this trip was Solas.”

“Yeah, me too.  But we can’t pull the drawbridge up.”

“Why not?”

“Because there are Inquisition that might need to get in.”

I turned to him.  “Baby brother, do you really think I need that drawbridge?”

“So it’s true.”

We each moved to another animal.  “What is?”

“Grand Enchanter Fiona said that it was fakery.  You can’t really do that.”

“You’re going to need to be more specific.”

“Walking on air.”

“Ah.  If you say so.”

“So can you?”

“You just said I can’t really do that.  Who am I to argue with the Grand Poobah Inquisibutt?”

He smiled wryly.  He had no clue what a grand poobah was, but he got the gist.  “Right.  Just answer the question.”

What the hell.  I needed to reach the top of this mule’s withers anyway.  I stepped up onto nothing, and continued my brushing.  He didn’t say anything at first.  “So she’s wrong.”

“I’m pretty sure Vivienne could manage it if she wanted.  I have an advantage in that your idea of the possible here in Thedas is different from mine.”  I stepped down.  “The Grand Enchanter is right to be cautious when things don’t match up to what is expected.”

We moved to less fraught subjects as we got the rest of the mounts managed.  Michael hadn’t said anything the whole exchange.  I think Sam had forgotten he was there, but I hadn’t.  It would be like forgetting your hand, or your elbow.  Of course it’s there.

When we finished, we went back to the biped area, toward the cave mouth.  “Too bad you can’t take a bath.  You smell like horse.”

“Would you prefer not to smell like horse, Sam?”

“Oh, Maker, yes.  Anything but horse.”  I smiled, and he cried “Wait!” but it was too late.  I know how to clean and make scents magically.  Dorian taught me.  So now Sam smells like flowers.  And is grumbly about it.  I wonder when he’ll realize he smells like Josie’s perfume.

Of course, I now smelled like my perfume as well.  Something Solas noticed right away, if the way he bent his head to brush his nose against my hair is any indication.  I may have scented my hair instead of my skin or something.

In any case, it’s been a long, but very nice day.  I’m going to have to get snowed in more often.


	172. Day 31, 25 Kingsway, 9:41, still snowed in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cultural differences, exploring, arachnids, unexpected depths to Andrew, and conversations with Morrigan.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 31, 25 Kingsway, 9:41**

The darkness is pretty complete when they bank the fire.  I thought it would be kept up, but no.  With the snow plugging the cave entrance, there is less cooling the air.  I always thought caves had a constant temperature, but if this one does, it’s really cold.  The fire is banked high, almost no heat coming from it.

The really weird part is that the cave seemed to be breathing.  Air movement back and forth, enough of a breeze that dust stirs up on occasion.  It worried me.  I sat in the doorway of the tent for a long time, watching.  It’s dark, but there is still some small light from somewhere.  Probably a neglected magelight?

People think of caves as holes in rock, and they are, but they’re much more, too.  Cracks and fissures, water, pebbles, stalactites and stalagmites and columns.  There are insects, and small critters.  Well, I didn’t see any small critters, but there was small critter evidence.

All the tents but Morrigan's are pretty close to the entrance.  She and Kieran are tucked into a crevice about halfway back on the left.  Does she know something we don’t?  Maybe it’s warmer or safer back there.  She and Kieran stayed basically in their tent all day yesterday.  And today, if truth be told.

They’re working over there, though.  I can feel it through the odd barrier-ish thing they have up.  It keeps the magic in, but not out?  I spent a lot of time looking at it today.  I think I could do it.  It’s much like the one that Andrew and I did together.

I guess I had been watching the darkness too long.  I’d long been done writing, but hadn’t veiled it.  My ruminations were cut short by the pages being pulled from my hand.  I jerked my head in the direction they went, but it was just Solas.

He wasn’t even looking at them.  His eyes stayed on mine as he blew on the pages and they faded from sight.  A tiny smirk at the edge of his mouth.  I had to tease him.  “Something you want?”

“Always.”  He tossed the invisible things he held to a corner, and did the same with the pen.  “Sleep, Vhenan.  You need rest.”

“I’m not all that tired.  We didn’t really do anything today.”

“Then come here.  My arms are empty.”  We slid between the furs, and despite my words, it wasn’t long before I was playing with my spirit friends.  Go Fish.  I’m not sure why they like that one so much, but they do.  I don’t know how long it was, but I felt the tug of wakefulness way too soon.

I probably wouldn’t have noticed, wouldn’t have woken, except it was, had been, dead quiet in the cavern.  Some movement from the animals, but no night noises or crackling fires or anything.  Until now.  There were noises.  OMG.  Noises.  Did they not know we could HEAR them?  Gara’s voice, going “Uh, uh, uh.”  And Andrew.  Low moans.  Oh my.  I could hear them PANTING.  It went on for, well, a significant portion of time.

And then I heard “Oh!  Oh My!” from a particularly ambassadorial voice.  And apparently they decided to include themselves in the depraved chorus.  There were chuckles and more noises, male and female, from at least four or five throats.

I was a bit shocked.  I mean, really?  There are children in the cavern!  The chest under my ear was silently shaking.

Cole must have felt my disquiet.  Words drifted from the other side of the tent.  “The warmth of a hand against her skin, the firm grasp of soft flesh.  Wetness tangling and tight grips.  He’s not hurting her.”

“Cole!  Shhh!” I hissed it.

“Let the kid talk.  It’s kinda hot.”  OMG, Bull.

“Warm, even in this cold.  The smell of sweat, and man.”

“COLE!”  Shout-whispering is a thing.  Little shit.

“Really.  I wonder who that might be.”  Bull was nearly purring, stretching out the first word.

“Savage.”  Dorian had fondness and snark lacing his voice.

“You like it.”  And there were more noises.  Joy.  Apparently Bull likes the sounds enough to evoke them from others.

I heard chuckles from a particular dwarf, too.  “Just keeping warm, kid.  I’ll explain when you’re older.”

A much quieter voice under my ear, humor threaded through it.  “Gutters, I see.  Did you know I can see your blush even in this dim?  You nearly glow with it.”

I looked toward my hand, and damn it, I was not glowing.  I smacked his chest.  It was way too loud.  Bull called out “Oh, baby!  Whoever did that, GOOD one.”

I was beyond embarrassed.  I know that historically, privacy wasn’t the common requirement that it was for me.  I do.  It’s been a running joke in Ethelathe, that I have such space and privacy requirements.  But to have it right in my face like that.  I should have known, understood, based on the shenanigans in Origins.  I mean, Zevran walks right through that one scene, and the companions are just hanging out in the backgrounds for others.

Asshole was still shaking quietly next to me, but it was suddenly silent.  Solas allowed his chuckles to take voice, and then asked “So, have they inspired you, ma’lath?”

“Solas!”

“That would be a yes, though you will not admit it.”  He kissed my temple.  A hand skimmed my side, and his lips found the tip of my ear.  I may have made some sort of squeak.  Too embarrassed to say anything.  He chuckled, stopping, and we settled down again in silence.  He was far too damn humored by this.  Still is.

“I’ll get even, a grá.”  I mumbled it from where I’d buried my face.

“Promises, promises.”  Ass.  Those are my words.

Anyway.  I had a lot of trouble looking people in the face today.  To their amusement, I’m sure.  I mean, I know their voices, right?  So I had a really good idea of who was doing what.  Or who.  Whatever.  Last night.  It’s probably been going on the whole time, right?  And I just missed it because of the sounds of things like patrolling and fires and late-night arguments and wildlife and stuff.  Or I was asleep.

Anyway, I slipped back into the fade, and earth-dreams.  Slightly salacious earth-dreams, but without the licentiousness.  I did not expect to end up in some kind of disconnected orgy or whatever that was.  At some point, I could feel arms and mirth.  Not laughing at me, but teasing.  I sank back into more normal earth dreams, soothed but not slaked.  Is it sad that I’m not sure who it was?  The scent of old books, but the leather was missing.

I didn’t wake until my tummy was gurgling.  Not sure what time it was, but I was alone in the bedroll.  I used to have a decent timesense in the fade.  At least, I was paying attention and figuring out when dawn was.  “What is that noise?”

“Hello Cole.  My stomach is growling.”

“Is it angry?”

“I don’t think so.  Just irritated that it’s empty.  I went too long without eating.”

“You should eat.  Why didn’t you eat?”  His voice went up, panicky, almost a squeal.  “Guts, gripping in the dark.”

“Cole?”  He was gone.

I crawled out of the furs.  I’d barely gotten out of the tent when the guy reappeared, holding a hunk of bread.  About the size of a large crouton.  “Eat.  You have to eat.  Please.”  He was upset, antsy.  I opened my mouth to say something and he shoved the piece of bread in.  He didn’t relax, bouncing from foot to foot.

I chewed and swallowed, so I could speak.  “Calm yourself, Cole.  Relax.”

“Shadows and darkness, dripping, dripping dripping, too weak to move, don’t leave me alone!”

“Oh, honey.”  I wrapped my arms around him.  Sometimes he makes my heart hurt.  “We’ll both get something to eat, and I can make light, okay?”  I put actions to words, and a small ball of dusky peach light fluttered to life above us.  “Is that better, Cole?”  He nodded a little.  “No one will be left alone like he was if I can fix it.”

His eyes were on the light.  “You call them, tend them, bask in the bits that you feel, and send them home, but you don’t see them.  Yes, better.”  He looked down.  “The rock bites.  It doesn’t want to, but it can’t help it.”

“I’ll put something on.”  I pulled on my shoes, and we got leftover dinner.  Cole ate only a few bites before leaving.

The cavern was still chilly, but it wasn’t that biting cold, according to Gunny.  It was the damp, dragging cold that seeps into muscle and bone.  Like a rainy autumn day, or a morning fog.  People were more active, not just huddling.

Sam and the companions and the advisors were poring over some maps spread over a taller rock.  Lots of arguing going on over there.  They apparently have a basic map of Adamant, and are planning the siege and attack.  Maybe not planning, but refining a plan?  Based on the arguments I’m deliberately not paying attention to.  No matter what they do, I know where Sam ends up.

Morrigan and Kieran were out of their tent, but not far.  They were reading a book together in front of it.  They didn’t appear inclined to chat at all.

I got bored.  Three Templars and a Guardian followed around behind me as I tended the fire and looked at the snow clogging the cave entrance.  It made me think of baby ducklings following after a mommy duck.  Which made me want to move them over obstacles.

The peachy globe followed me around the edge of the cave, putting a soft glow over things.  There was moss and lichen clinging to the walls.  It occurred to me that it would make better, warmer bedding.  I should have known better.  I really should.

I reached for the moss, or what I thought was moss, and it moved.  Moved.  The moss moved.  And I’m insanely curious.  Moving moss, right?  I wasn’t going to touch it with my hand at that point, but Eadras gave me a knife long ago.  Worst case, I could cut the moss off the wall, you know?  Take a closer look.  Investigate this thing.

Arachnids don’t bother me.  They really don’t.  Truly.  But when the tip of the knife touched the edge of the supposed moss, it broke.  A lot.  And scattered in multiple directions.  Not like two or three.  Like LOTS.  And they jump.  AT YOU.  Harvestmen are NOT supposed to jump.  They don’t jump on earth.

“Holy fuck what the hell?”  I may have been a bit loud as I jumped back.

Andrew covered my mouth playfully from behind.  He’s lucky I know him, because I didn’t react like I would have if he was someone else.  His scent, and that I could feel him.  “Tsk tsk, the children, Chrissy,” he chided, pulling his hand away again.  There might have been a look in my eye when I glanced up at Andrew, because he immediately divested me of my knife.  “Let’s not give in to temptation, now.  You’ve been nonviolent this long.”

Gunny was grinning, and Michael flat out laughing.  Garalen, though, was just putting her daggers away.  “Keep laughing it up, boys, and nonviolent may go right out the window.”  And damn it if that didn’t make Michael laugh louder.

Garalen smiled her creepy smile.  “If you need violence to strike him, perhaps you could leave that to me.”

“Now, now, Angel.  We’re just playing.”  He put his hands up.  He glanced at me, taking his eyes off Gara for just a moment.  “Call her off!”  He was joking around.  It was in his stance and voice.

“Well, I know who’s in charge between you, don’t I.”  I was teasing, but I didn’t expect the reaction.

Garalen faltered a moment, and Andrew did… something.  He spread his legs just a bit, settling into a very solid stance.  One corner of his mouth lifted, and his scent changed.  I swear, it changed.  He put his Montana drawl on.  “I bet you do.”  He didn’t say anything else, looking at Gara.  Then it stopped.  He looked sheepish for a bare moment.  “She is, of course.”  A lighthearted tone.  That was odd.  Gara just pursed her lips and didn’t say anything, putting away the dagger.

He was Andrew again.  Well well.  “You and I are going to have to talk, Andrew.”  Sometimes, people suddenly change the way they react to me.  Is that the kind of thing they see?

“Naw, probably not, Etheling.  No need.”  He looped an arm around my neck and pulled me in for a squinch.  Michael and Gunny were just watching.  Not wary.  They’re used to this, I guess.  “You already know.  Come on.  I know you’re dying to look at every rock and wall in this place.”

I caught a glint of what I thought were elven eyes watching us.  I swivelled my head in that direction.  It wasn’t where the companions and advisors were still arguing and plotting.  A raven-haired boy was watching us.  Somber.  The glint was gone.  Maybe I imagined it?  Morrigan was also looking at us, but she was observing, evaluating, making decisions.  The young man may have been doing the same, but he was also… something.  Something more he was doing, beyond what his mother was.

We went back to exploring the perimeter.  There was more evidence of small creatures and something that ate them, but I’m not sure how old the evidence was.  A pile of little bones doesn’t tell me anything.  A few crevices that were too small for any of us to explore dotted the walls.  A few went back far enough the light didn’t penetrate.  I considered sending the witchlight back there and decided against it.

One thing I saw no evidence of was the big spiders.  Thank goodness.  No large webbing, no dessicated husks, no unusual animal litter.  I wouldn’t know what else to look for.

There were a few places that had been firepits.  This place isn’t massive, but it’s big.  Big enough for a small Avvar tribe, if the memories are correct.  There was some rotted wood, pottery shards without distinctive markings.  The remains of a privy.  I stirred the detritus of years with the end of my staff.

The companions had been arguing a long time, so me and mine did the mounts.  Again.  The Hessarians were doing food.  The inquisition is more than willing to leave this to us servants when they’re busy, after all.  Regardless of whether they’ll admit they sometimes consider us servants.

We were finishing when a certain female apostate started strolling our way.  I let the others go ahead back to the main fire, with them expecting me to follow.  I watched her sway, loose-hipped, as she walked.  I wish I could walk like that.  She stopped a few steps away, crossing her arms.  “I’ll thank you to moderate your language around my son.”

“I’m sorry, Morrigan.  I was startled.  I don’t generally try to teach children those sorts of words.”

“Hmmm.  You are… Unusual.  For whatever you are.”

“Am I?  Most people seem to think I’m an elf.”

“Most people are incapable of understanding anything like your kind.”

“My kind?”

“Oh, yes.  Did you think no one would notice?”  I think she was prying, for some reason.  Trying to get me say something incriminating in some way?

“Notice what?  The ears are fairly prominent, after all.  That’s why they knock them off the statues.”

“Kieran told me he saw you in the Galerie des Légendes.”  Holy crap, that actually worked?  I didn’t expect her to be so easy to lead.

“He did.  I was escorted there by an old acquaintance of yours.”

“An acquaintance?”

“I believe that you were not precisely friends, though I may be mistaken.”

“Name this person, if you truly know someone.”

“Zevran.”

“Really?  In a museum?”

“Is it so surprising?”

“I have no idea.”

We looked at each other.  “What do you want with me, Morrigan?”

“You are the Chatelaine of Skyhold.”

“So they say.”

“It would be polite to get to know the lady of the castle.”

“And far more likely to get her to cast a favorable eye on any requests.”

“That is one consideration, of course.”

“I like your son, Kieran.  I’ve spent only a few minutes in his company, but he doesn’t prattle on like some might.”

“No, he wouldn’t.  He chooses his words carefully.”

“You have reason to be pleased.”

I nodded at her, and she nodded back.  As I went to move past her, she spoke again.  “You have not distracted me, Chrysopal.”

“I didn’t expect I had, Morrigan.  Another time, perhaps.”

“Perhaps.”  She returned to her son, and I moved to the fire.

Gara handed me a bowl as I walked up.  They all kind of looked at each other.  Andrew was the one who broached it.  “Is she a danger to you?”

“Of course.  As much as the Inquisitors, the Advisors, the Companions, and all of you.”

“Put that in farmboy, Chrissy.”

“At the moment, I’m useful.  I won’t worry too much until I am not.  For any of you.”  He didn’t like that, but I was feeling pissy from the convo with Morrigan.  He wasn’t taking it personally, though.  None of them were.  Like they assumed I wasn’t talking about them.

The planning session finally broke.  I mean, they’d taken small breaks all day, but they were done now.  Food was consumed, snow scraped from the entrance to put next to the fire for melting, and the fire banked.  Darkness in the cavern, not that it was all that light before.

Gunny pulled me aside right before we climbed into the tent.  “I don’t think of you as useful.”  So one of them caught it.  He crouched, staring right into my eyes.  “I am yours, lady.  Until the day I die.  And you are mine to protect.”

“I know, Gunny.  I’m sorry.  I was in a bit of a mood.”

“Well, stop that.”

“Why me?”

“Because it feels right.”

“Alright, Gunther.”  No clue how to argue with that kind of sincerity, but I still don’t understand.  Not really.

I think it’s funny that the guys all have to hunch over to get into the tent, but I can just walk in.  Even Sera has to duck her head a little.  It’s just Varric and me that can stroll in, head high.  Is it bad to be smug about that?  Especially after Cole got his hat stuck in the opening, and held it on his head as Solas untangled it from the tent.  The evening ended with smiles.

“Solas, do you think the storm has blown over?”

“Quite possibly.  At the latest, I would estimate tomorrow.  The Inquisitor is planning to dig the entrance then.”

“Dig?  Really?  Why not just melt the snow?”

“I am fairly certain that will be the result, Chrysopal.”  He pulled me next to him.  “You spoke a long time with the Orlesian Liaison.”

“So I did.”

He considered asking.  I could see it.  But he glanced around and decided to wait.  Instead, he reached out to where the pages had been tossed last night.  He didn’t do anything, nothing, except smirk.  The pages faded into reality as he brought them to me.

I was dreading hunting in the corner for where the pen'd been tossed.  I hate wandering about with my ass in the air searching for small objects.  I did that thing people do, where they say “accio pen” or whatever object.  Never expecting it to work, of course. When I was back on earth, it was a joke.  Someone would say Accio whatever, or stretch out for something while eyeing it intently, and then your kid would get you a pen, or your friend would toss you a soda.  And you’d say something about it magically appearing. Maybe that was just my friends and family.

Anyway, I slipped.  “Accio pen.”  The sad part?  Not a split second later, Cole was holding it out to me.

He smiled sweetly.  “See?  The Force works.”  Little shit.

Solas just looked between us.  “Force?”

“Nevermind, dear.”  I patted his cheek and settled in to write.  And he’s watching me, eyes hooded.  Uh-oh.


	173. Day 32, 26 Kingsway, 9:41, cavebound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talks, fights, melting and mending. Too much drama for one day. Night. Whatever.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 32, 26 Kingsway, 9:41**

I put my journal away neatly this time.  He took his hands out of my hair long enough for me to do so.  “You and I need to talk, Chrysopal.”

I looked up at him.  “About what?”

“Several things.  Not right now.  But soon.”

“You don’t have three things yet.”

That seemed to startle him.  “Ever are you interesting.  Why do you say that?”

“Isn’t that how it works?  So far at least.  You have two things, not three, so you wait.”

“Observant.  I do tend to wait until there are both more items and emotional distance from the problem.”

“That means it’ll be months before we talk, you know.”

“Months?”

“I never heard of a short siege.”

“I have.  You might be surprised.”

“How long do you anticipate this to take?”

“A month.  Perhaps two, at most.”  He pulled me closer, resting his chin on my shoulder.

“I’m going to miss you, Faolan.”

“You could come.  The Inquisitor would be pleased.”

“Solas…”  His lips met my ear.  “I am not going-  Solas!”

“Yes, ma’lath?”

“Humming?”

“You like the humming.”

“We are not alone, a grá.”

He removed his lips.  “Cole would ignore us, as would your Gunther.  I know I can keep you quiet...”  He chuckled suddenly, probably because I was already embarrassed.  “So be it.”

A reversion of subject was in order.  “The Inquisitor is not dragging me to Adamant.”

“Pity.  There has been a change in plan, because of this storm.”

“Oh?”

“We will be going to Skyhold with you.  The Inquisitor has decided to make sure his Orlesian Liaison is comfortably ensconced in the stronghold.”

“He doesn’t trust me to do it?”

“That is not it.  He also is planning something to do with you.  What have you done, Chrysopal?”

“Me?  Why do you think I did something?”

“The Inquisitor made a joke today.  He said he would have to behave himself or you would not allow him back in Skyhold.”

“I see.”

“Please, ma’haselan, tell me of this web you have woven.”

“There were conditions for me being dragged away from home.  For me being willing to meet with the movers and shakers of Orlais and guarding my tongue.  For once again leaving my littles and my friends.”

I love that he is brilliant.  “I see.  The price was control of your home.”  He understood right away that they hadn’t actually managed to give it to me.

“Pretty much.  I have my hand on it, and neither Ferelden nor Orlais can invade it while I do, for a century.  A safe place, as much as possible.”  I looked up at him through my lashes.  “It’s not like anyone else was using it.  The Inquisition walked into an empty fortress, after all.”

“I forget, sometimes, that you are sneaky.”  His voice was slightly flat.  Shit.

“I’m not sneaky.  I flat out told everyone who would listen that I was going to steal it.  I know you heard it more than once.”

“I had assumed you were jesting.  Be cautious that someone does not wrest it away.”  There was an undertone I couldn’t identify for sure.  Everything was muted from him.  Which told me all I really needed to know.

I sighed.  “Certain someones should probably consider that the Inquisition won’t last forever, and any claim I had would likely fade with their influence.  I’ll be homeless again, soon enough, don’t worry.”

His attitude shifted drastically.  There was regret and conciliation from him as he cuddled me closer.  “Possibly, ma’asha.  Or that influence could last.  It is conceivable the claim could be supported in other ways.  At least it is no longer a decrepit ruin.”

“At least.  Is it time for sleep?”

“Yes, I will stop discussing worrisome subjects.”  

“I appreciate it.”

“But it is not yet time for sleep.  Wards, ma’nehn.”  The next however long was spent in lessons.  Interspersed with occasional kisses.  It was a pleasant interlude between issues.

I was finally yawning and getting tired magically when the mounts started shrieking.  I have never before heard horses scream in terror, and I hope to never hear it again.  I was dumped from Solas’ lap as he took off.  The three men in my tent were gone in moments.

I went to follow them and nearly smacked into the back of Andrew.  He was in shirt and pants, but his sword was out and swaying lazily.  I watched the tip weave through the air a bare moment before Garalen pointed back into the tent.  I don’t know.  Maybe I’ve learned too many lessons, because I stepped back.

The cave was suddenly brightly lit, magic flying for a split second here, there, again.  Sickening wet thunk sounds.  More horses screaming.  Sounds of some sort of groaning growling followed by high pitched squeaking, and there was pain from Dorian.  I couldn’t see him, there was way too much flashing.  Lighting, ice, streaks of white, green, and blue.  Light exploding momentarily on various walls, then intense darkness.  Afterburn on my retinas kept me from understanding what I saw.

Scents of blood, ozone, shit, and a sharp unpleasant spicy tang was underlaid by more familiar smells.  The mages, working.  Mint, lyrium smell.  The cavern was hot, then cold, then tingling on the skin.  It reminded me of the itching back in Haven, almost.  Not quite.

One of the hobbled horses made it right in front of the tent, kicking though the banked fire.  Scattering embers, rearing, kicking out at nothing.  Andrew reached back and yanked me out of the tent as another mount barreled toward it.  I ended up pressed between him and the cave wall, unable to see what was going on.

Pain from Michael, and fierce joy.  Good pain, like muscles too long fallow, working again.  A bright flash.  Battle cries, from multiple throats.  Blackwall called out “I told that girl to stay out of the way!”

The sounds of battle died down after a time, but the mounts didn’t calm.  I don’t know how long.  A light soared into the air, illuminating the entire cavern.  I was allowed to face out again, but they didn’t let me away from the cave wall.

There was surprising carnage.  Over by Morrigan’s tent, there was a web of something shimmery, and a HUGE ASS SPIDER splayed across it.  Morrigan protecting her son, I’d bet.  The strands glimmered oddly, now that I think of it.  Like they weren’t entirely real?  Partially magic, partially silk?

The mounts were everywhere.  Standing and on the ground.  The companions started gathering them, calming them, and I was allowed out from the wall of flesh.  Barely.  There was a huge grin across Michael's face, and he was breathing hard.  As I watched the aftermath, I got my first glimpse of a deepstalker.

An unholy mashup of blood leech and raptor, that’s what they are.  And they smell.  Bull had three dangling from a hand, dripping blood and gore as he tossed them in the pile.  “I hate these damn things.”  Yeah, me too.  Now.

Josie was in much the same predicament as I was, confined behind two men.  One in armor.  She was chastising them, telling them to release her.  They ignored her.  Sam looked their way and made a hand gesture I didn’t recognize, and they finally stepped away.

They all looked pretty grim when I got a chance to look at them.  Blackwall was half-dragging Sera, who was being noisily grumpy about being able to walk.  The mounts were still not under control.  Gunther had two of them held to the side.  Cassandra was chasing another couple.  Varric was murmuring something to the nugalope.

I saw Sam walk up to a mule on the ground.  It was trying to get up and failing.  He sliced the creature’s neck.  It sunk to the ground, groaning, then going silent.  More blades flashed.  I couldn’t quite see which animals were put down, there were too many creatures milling about.  

Dorian came up to me.  Grim-faced.  “I’m sorry, Dove.”

He put a hand on my shoulder, and I focused on him.  “What?”

“Drummer, dear one.  We can’t heal a shattered leg, not here, and not well.  He would never have walked again.”

I expected to feel something, but I think I was still overwhelmed.  The copper scent of blood was filling the air.  The light was still high in the cavern.  Two tents were at least mangled.  I couldn’t see what the damage was, if any.  The fire had been scattered, a few embers here and there.  Pots and pans had clattered about, the water spilled.

There hadn’t been this kind of devastation in the Exalted Plains.  Or even when the bear attacked.  Those were the only other times something attacked a camp with me in it.  That was more organized.  Even the bear.  This huge mess wasn’t the deepstalkers.  It was panicking mounts.

I reached down and picked up a pot.  It wasn’t dented or cracked, thank goodness.  “Dove?”

I’d forgotten to respond to him.  “It’s okay.  We’ll muddle through, right?  I’ll just walk home.”  I was tired before the adrenaline hit, and more tired as it left.  He opened his mouth to say something, then shut it and returned to the others gathering animals.

They got the mounts left living confined to a small space away from everything.  On Varric’s say so, the mule Sam killed and the deepstalker bodies were pushed into the crevice the attack had emerged from.  “It will not stop them, Inquisitor, but it may delay them,” Solas called as a large rock rolled in front of one of the crevices as a makeshift gate.  Convenient to have a large boulder just about the right size available.

Varric countered it.  “I wouldn’t worry.  With that much meat available, they won’t bother us over here.  Just keep the light up.  They don’t like crowds, either.”

I had gathered the other pots by then, and scooped snow out of the pile blocking the entrance.  Away from the small splatters of blood near the bottom on the left.  The others also started putting the camp to rights.  The mangled tents weren’t torn up, just torn down.  It was trivial to reestablish them.  Bedding, scattered baggage, foodstuffs all collected and put away.

Kieran and Morrigan helped, too.  Gathering and replacing the stones around the firepit, to start.  Morrigan got the fire burning as well.  I didn’t see her turn back to a woman, but she did, and the strands over their tent were…  Well, I would say they were gone, but I don’t think they are, actually.  They’re not visible, and they’re not precisely invisible, but they’re not gone.

The smell of blood was suddenly gone, and the horses finally calmed all the way down.  Blessed Dorian.  I knew that was him.  Sera was recovered.  Healing potions are a thing, after all.  She just kept cursing the deepstalkers and muttering imprecations about stupid horses.

I was good.  I waited until Solas was out of my line of sight before I took a LOOK at Dorian. I didn’t want Solas to do whatever he’s done before to mask himself from me.  My Dorian was tired, but not horribly so.  Vivienne as well.  Morrigan.  I was trying to get a sense of her, because she’s odd, when her head jerked up, and her eyes met mine.

I wasn’t prying, or touching, or doing anything except looking at what was out and about.  I halfway expected her to be displeased, but a hint of a smirk crossed her face, and could see her shape the words “well, well.”  I shut it down, spinning the remnants of what I was doing into my shields.  Her eyes narrowed in thought, but she withdrew her attention.  I think I need to stay away from her for a while.

Anyway, we got the mounts that were left settled away from the carcasses they were field-dressing.  Sera’s actually really fast at that.  I don’t know how “fast” is considered “fast”, but Blackwall and Bull were raving about it.  Apparently you have to field-dress right away or wait like a week, or the meat gets all messed up somehow and “short”.  I have no clue what that means, but apparently it’s important.

It was really late, or maybe super early, when we finally got things squared away.  Fire going, shifts for watchers (even though Varric insisted that the deepstalkers were handled), tents and bedding restored.  We were all dragging.  The Hessarians were taking first watch.  I wasn’t allowed to take any, despite me offering.

Gunther hooked an arm around my neck and steered me to the tent we shared.  “Bed, lady.  You feel exhausted.”

“I am a bit tired.  You feel kind of tired yourself.”

“I fully intend to hit the furs.”

Solas showed up almost as soon as I layed down.  He slid in next to me, and we slept.

The fade was empty.  People off doing things, I guess.  I drifted in and out of dreams, memories.  I woke up to Cole shaking my foot.  “It’s not time to sleep anymore.  Vivienne wants you to help.  It is time to move snow.”

I got up, quickly.  Most of the companions were still in bed.  Solas and Vivienne being the exceptions I could see.  And Cassandra, doing something at the fire.  “There you are, my dear.  Solas has been telling me that warming things is almost second nature to you.  Perhaps you would be so kind as to melt some of this snow for us.”

That sounded reasonable, but Solas butted in.  “Perhaps after she has consumed her breakfast and put on her shoes, Vivienne.”

“Certainly.  There’s no urgency to this request.”  I couldn’t quite tell if she was being sarcastic or not.  She’s subtle.  But I chose to take her at her word.  Honestly, the sooner we could get out of here the better, but I at least needed to put shoes on.  I had already stubbed my toe.

It didn’t help that Cole whispered that the cave floor bites.  Again.  In any case, I snagged my shoes.  There wasn’t anything appetizing on for breakfast.  The copper blood smell was still lingering.  Much less than it was, thank you Dorian, but it was there.

Back at the cave mouth, Vivienne just quirked a brow at me.  I know she knows I can do the heating thing.  I didn’t know what she was looking for, but she was watching me carefully.  I just gently warmed the air next to the snow itself.

It melted, like those time lapse videos.  Dripping and flowing into tiny rivulets of water.  I watched, fascinated.  The snow developed pockmarks and slushy parts, dampening the floor.  The stone was apparently cold enough to freeze the liquid as it landed.

“Enough.”  Vivienne’s voice.  I’d been staring at the snow.  The crystals had grown larger in my sight, individual flakes smearing into each other as they melted.  I hadn’t expected her voice.

I blinked, and there was a wall in front of me.  Of snow.  I hadn’t made so much headway, really.  “Madame?”

Solas said nothing.  Her voice gentled.  “I had expected you to call fire, my dear.”

“Why?  Fire is only hot in places, and licks against a flake here, a flake there.  Any fire large enough to cause this large mass to melt would terrify the mounts, and they’re scared enough, I think.”

My hand was captured, and lips caressed my wrist.  “Well done, Chrysopal.  Your reasoning is sound.”  His voice stroked my spine.  I snuck a quick glance at him, but his face was bland.  Too bland.  Asshole.  The sensation stopped before I could decide if I actually wanted them to stop.

Vivienne was also smiling.  Well, as much smiling as she does.  It’s her eyes, not her face.  “I am pleased to hear you have put thought into this.  Why such a low temperature?  I am fairly sure you could melt the snow faster than that.”

“Well, I don’t know how deep the snow is, if there are any pockets of air, or how stable this cave is.”

“Varric assures me that the cave is stable.  He claims it has been used in the past to store goods of varying kinds.”

“Very well.  On your head be any consequences.”

“Of course, Darling.  That’s the way it works, after all.”  What works?  I didn’t spend any time trying to figure it out.  I merely turned the temperature near the snow up to eleven, as it were.  Sizzling sounds as rock heated, but the snow melted quickly.  I stepped back from the cloud of steam produced.

Minutes later, the expanse of rock floor was larger.  Icicles dripped down as the air cooled again, allowing the water to refreeze.  Fresh air.  Not a lot.  There was a gap about the size of a man’s head near the top of the cave mouth.  I closed my eyes to savor the scent of pine as the steam condensed again.  Have you ever thrown a bucket of hot water into the air in the depths of winter?  Yeah, the water droplets froze before they could hit the ground.  The tinkling sound echoed oddly.

Vivienne put her hand to the edge of the cave mouth.  “The rock is no longer artificially warm.  That was well done, Lady Theneras.”  I raised a brow at her over the title, and shot a look at the hobo apostate again.  He just smirked.  She pulled her fur coat closer about her shoulders.  “Let us move closer to the fire, now that we know the blizzard has ended.”

I looked up through the gap, and I could see stars.  Nighttime?  Somehow the days and nights must have gotten mixed.  I have no idea what day it really is.

The rest of the “day” was spent on domestic tasks.  I finished Solas’ hat.  If he’s not going to grow hair, he can wear a hat.  Yes, I told him that.  I also mended the talon rips in his tunic, and similar tears in Dorian’s shirt. I didn’t mention the rust colored stains, as obviously both of them were fine now.

After a very small nosh to eat, because we didn’t DO anything to make us hungry, we organized to leave.  Probably tomorrow, after we dig the rest of the way out.  No more warming, per our lovely Knight Enchanter.  The rest should be done properly.  I “passed”.  I’m not exactly sure what the test was testing, but okay.

Anyway, we’re back in the tent.  Solas is out in the cavern arguing with Garalen and Andrew about something.  Too low for me to eavesdrop.  The hissing words only sometimes make sense.  Not enough context to piece together the conversation, though.  I’m going to veil this thing and try to sleep.  I hope I get to see my fadebros tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snow melting - [cool video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBpPFDrL2n0)


	174. Day 33, 27 Kingsway, 9:41, Gherlen's Pass - I think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen conversations, walking in or on snow, wind and slipping, a short day.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 33, 27 Kingsway, 9:41**

I don’t remember any dreams.  That hasn’t happened in a long time.  I woke when the animals started moving about, making noise.  The spot next to me was empty.  There was no indication he’d been to bed at all.

I was dressed and getting ready to look for breakfast when there was a knock on the tent pole.  I was assuming it was Garalen, because she was intending to bring me something.  I called out for her to come in, and wasn’t expecting a curly head to appear.

“That’s a terrible idea.”  I didn’t mean to be scared, but you know, he’s REALLY big.  He took up the whole of the tent flap, and his armor just makes him bigger.  His smile in that moment looked more like a predator baring his teeth.  I stumbled back, out of his reach.  His hands never left the pole and flap.  He didn’t reach for me.  And still I was scared.  Is that what living in a circle is like, all the time?

A soft voice was heard behind him.  “Just firmly enough that she understands how delicate her position is.  If she doesn’t struggle there are no marks at all.  If she fights, she deserves the pain.”  Cullen turned white and pulled out of the tent.  Thank you Cole.  “It’s not nice to scare mages, Templar Cullen.”

“I am not a Templar any longer.”

“Sometimes you forget to remember.  An old shirt, stained, but soft.  Habits die hard.  Why is that?”

“I don’t know, Cole.”

Cole’s voice was louder, directed at me.  “You can come out.  He hasn’t forgotten anymore.”  I slipped my shoes on my feet.  Cullen had retreated a good few feet away.  I looked for Cole, but he was gone.

“My apologies, Lady Chrysopal, for scaring you.”  He stayed well back.

“You are very large, Commander.  And don’t always consider someone like me an actual person.”

“Why would you say that?”  Confusion laced his very being.  I could feel it from his thread and in his voice.

“At any time, any mage could become a monster, from the lowest apprentice to the most seasoned enchanters.  Mages cannot be treated like people.  They are not like you and me.  Your words, Commander.  I had once forgotten, but you made sure I remembered.”

“How did you?  Nevermind.  I… I don’t know what to say.  I thought that way, once.”

“Once?  Nineteen days ago, a Templar grabbed my arm.  Just hard enough to make very clear I could be hurt if I didn’t do exactly what the Templar wanted.”

“It was the idol.  The influence of that evil mag-”

I had to interrupt.  “That’s not true.”

“What?”

“That’s not how it works, Cullen.”  I took a deep breath.  “Sam could decide to leave a country to the demons.  Gethon would indeed kill to defend what he cares about.  And you still see mages as less, deep inside.  It’s a credit that all of us that we don’t do the hidden things in our darkest corners, but they are still part of us.”

“That idol…”

“Enhanced what was already there.  Blame the magic.”  I huffed a breath.  “It’s the excuse most of you use.  Don’t blame me.  It was that horrible magic, not me.”  I met his eyes.  “But the magic did not grab my arm and shake me.  That was the man, Commander.”

“I apologize, again, Chrysopal.”  He was apologizing, but he’d rejected my words.  He believed that the magic had made him do it.

I let it go.  “I know.  That doesn’t stop the fear.  I forgive you, if it matters.”

“But you’re still afraid.”

“Not right now.  But when you were blocking the exit...”

He wasn’t happy.  What was I supposed to do?  Pretend that he’s not three times my size and trained to kill me?  To his credit, though, he shook it off.  “I wanted to talk with you.  Would you walk with me?”

He held out his arm.  He felt like the commander, not the Templar.  I agreed, and placed my hand on his gauntlet.  We discussed the changes that Valor and Fortitude had suggested, not that he knew who had made the suggestion.  It took up a good half hour, at least.  He added that there were some other little changes he’d made to Skyhold.

“The belly of the spider, you called it.  Did I ever thank you for finding the way to the towers?”

“I don’t remember, but it doesn’t matter.”

“It’s been cleaned up.  There’s quite a bit of room down there.  Soldiers prefer barracks, so we cleared the towers except for the watches.”  He continued in the same vein, explaining the personnel movements and such.  I have no idea why he felt the need to advise me, but I took mental notes.

As we wrapped up our talk, he informed me that Belinda Darrow would be the person to go to while he was away.  If there was any issue with the soldiers, their treatment of the household staff, or anything else, I was to go to her.  She’d been told that I had full authority over the keep in everything but defense and troop management.

“Can I get that in writing, Cullen?”  He laughed aloud.  I didn’t laugh with him.  I was serious.

He cleared his throat, embarrassed.  “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you.”

It wasn’t until he’d bowed and left that I realized Garalen had been trailing behind him.  She’d been guarding us as the others packed up the camp.  Come hell or high water, we were apparently getting out today.

Garalen pointed me over to the fire. There was sizzling meat, enticing smells.  She snagged a bowl for me, and I ladled a bit of porridge.  She handed me a strip of meat wrapped around a twig, as well, snagging two for herself.

She didn’t say anything until I was about to take a bite.  “It’s lovely to get venison, even under these circumstances.”  She licked the juices off her fingers, obviously enjoying her meal.

My stomach dropped.  Venison?  I set the meat back on the rock with the other strips.  I wasn’t hungry after all.

“Chrissy?”  She looked at me with concern.

“I’m not hungry enough to eat him.  Not him.”

“Oh, honey, it’s just meat.”  She said the words, but I could tell she was a touch bewildered about the problem.

Maybe it’s a modern human thing.  I tried to explain.  “He was a friend.  I’m not hungry enough to eat a friend.  Nowhere near.”  I put the porridge back, too.  I had no further interest in food.

The companions and the others had gathered near the entrance, talking and doing things.  Josie and I were waved back.  Arg.  I caught Sam’s eye and arched a brow.  He got that stubborn look.  I crossed my arms and tapped a foot.  Josie merely picked up her pen and quite firmly said, “I wonder who I should invite to Skyhold next.  Perhaps Lady Adele Lescot?”  I have never seen a man backpedal so fast.  He made a welcoming gesture and we both walked up to the rest.  

Dorian was using his staff to judge the stability of the snowbank.  The opening near the top was slightly larger.  Easily the size of a man’s head and shoulders.  The sun was streaming in, almost visibly warm.

After a few minutes’ discussion, they got to work.  Hand shovels were utilized, and the snow was parted.  The opening was widened until three men could stand side by side.  But nothing, really, could be done about the fact that the snow was three feet plus on the ground.  Chest height on me and Varric.

Sam, Cassandra, and Blackwall did their best to barrel through the deep stuff, sort of making a staging area.  The sun was up, the sky was clear, the wind was harsh and cold.  Some places only a couple dozen feet away were swept to bare stone, and in others the drifts were as tall as I am.  Taller.

I do not understand this weather.  Maybe it’s because these mountains are a lot colder than the mountains in Virginia.  Maybe it’s how high they are?  I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t for four feet of snow here and frozen rock thirty feet away.  I stood back from the opening, and still the wind drove stinging bits of ice against my skin.

The fire was doused, the mounts packed with equipment.  Then people started strapping things to their feet.  Some had thick skis that were as tall as the armpit of a man.  Sam, Josie, Cassandra.  And the skiers were using just one pole?  I thought skiers used two?

Some had what I’m assuming are snowshoes?  They kind of looked like really weird football-shaped flat-ish mesh things.  Made of leather and maybe wicker?  Morrigan, Kieran, Iron Bull.  Blackwall.  I always used to picture snowshoes as tennis rackets without the handle.

Dorian stood next to me, capturing my hand.  “I don’t know how to use skis or snowshoes, Dorian.”  I slipped my arm around him, leaning against his side.

“I didn’t think the woman who walks on air would need them, my dove.”  Lightbulb moment.  Sometimes I am hella dense.  He apparently saw the lightbulb come on, because he chuckled good-naturedly at my expression.

As we headed out, the nugalope and Bull went first.  Nugalopes are good at snow-breaking where necessary.  It was reminiscent of the trip from Haven, but the snow then was hard-packed.  This stuff is really powdery.  Easy to move, really.  Not heavy at all.  Well, not much.

Anyway.  The only reaction I got to walking on the top of the snow was an arched brow from Vivienne.  I pointed at Dorian.  “It was his idea.”  She didn’t smother her smirk quite fast enough.  Nearly everyone else is on those pieces of equipment.  Even Kieran.  Sera, Cole, me. We were walking.

Slogging through snow is tiring, especially against the wind.  More than once Kieran had to be grabbed so he didn’t get blown over in a gust.  I may have lost my footing and gone tumbling a few times as well, until I made the surface I was using rough like the anti-slip stair things you can buy.  That didn’t stop it, but made traction easier.  The bigger, burlier people didn’t have as much issue.  Is it sad that I felt much better when Sera slipped sideways and let out a stream of curses?  Even Solas and Cole had issues.

There wasn’t much talk at all.  Any words the wind whipped away, reducing us to screaming to be heard.  Varric’s lips were moving the whole time, but he was probably just complaining.  Dorian stayed next to me the entire day.  He’s probably the only reason I'm not permanently encrusted with ice and still stuck in a snowdrift however many miles back.

We got started pretty late in the day, too, even though it was just after we got up.  We've obviously got something mixed about.  I don’t think we got very far from the cave before Sam called a halt, either.  For travel definitions of “very far”.  We’d probably gone at least a few miles, but I have no way to mark this.  I don’t even know which direction we should be going, other than generally “up”.  I’m about useless on this trip.  Don’t mind me, I’m maudlin.

Anyway.  The wind died, or was blocked by a peak or something, before we stopped to camp.  Not dusk, but not that far from it.  We put our tents up backed against a curve in the rock face.  Shelter, but not a cave.  The animals are tethered, fed, brushed dry.  Water was warmed for them, and we gave them a hot mash as well.  Morrigan did something interesting.  Skins, on poles, to make a portable fence-like thing?  To block the wind, and to corral the mounts.  The supplies were used to anchor them, and other methods I didn't quite understand.  Never seen anything like it, but it's ingenious.  Sort of like the hide walls around encampments of Forsworn in Skyrim?  


I skipped dinner.  Not interested.  Michael brought me some pan-bread right before I started writing.  He understands.  He didn’t say anything, but I can feel the sympathy from him.  I just didn't want what we were having.  Who we were having.  Apparently you either have to butcher and eat right away, or wait a while for the rigor mortis to go away if you don't.  "Hang for a week, at least.  Stupid tree or something.  We got shit to do, so it's right away."  So sayeth Sera.  Didn't know that.  


I won’t say it out loud to anyone, but I think we spent way too long in that cave.  Why didn’t we dig out sooner?  It wasn’t that hard.  Blizzards don’t last that long.  Not where I come from.  So why did Sam not even attempt to move the snow plug for so long?  They say mountain storms last four days.  I thought a blizzard was like a half-day thing.  My brains must have been scrambled not to ask about it when the decision was made.  It's too late now.  Maybe I'll get another opportunity later on in the winter.  


Dorian insisted that he is sharing a tent with me, so it’s Solas, Dorian, Bull, and I, and my templars and Gara are right next door.  Literally butted up against our tent on the left.  Bull and Solas will probably come in later, but I need to warm this thing again.  Dorian’s freezing, though he’s not said anything.  I just asked.  He’s “a little chilly” right now.  Right.

Without the wind, the animal noises have returned.  The aik-aik-gug-gug-gug of the ptarmigan.  (Learn something new every day…  That noise=ptarmigan.)  Is it impolitic to say it’s VERY annoying?  Howls and screams from the mountain cats.  Nothing close.  No wolves, which I think is strange, but hey, maybe not.  


I feel like I’m missing something from my day, but I don’t know what.  Something I should remember, something important, but not obvious.  Maybe I’ll remember later.  I'm going to see if I startle Dorian, because he's not seen me veil this thing in a while, and go from there.  Tired, but not exactly sleepy.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks galore to the MCIT crew, especially Maya, Coma, and Sspellweaver.


	175. Day 34, 28 Kingsway, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian finally asks about glowy dust and what it does. Thedasian books, lonely fades, trading mounts, and calm days.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 34, 28 Kingsway, 9:41**

Cuddles with Dorian.  I couldn’t have started my night better.  “So how are things progressing with your hobo, my dearest dove?”

“They’re progressing.  Sometimes I think I make him angry or upset, and he won’t show it.  We’re still working a lot of things out, and both of us have secrets.  But most of the time we’re pretty content.”

“Contentment, not passion?”  I don’t know what he saw when he looked at me, but he chuckled.  “I stand corrected.  Passion appears to be a non-issue.”

I shoved at his ribs.  “Hush, you.  I already know that you and your paramour have plenty of passion. You're NOISY. I didn't know you knew so much about the makers' body parts.”

“I am always surprised at your prudery.”

“I am not a prude.  I’m practically indecent back home.”

“I fear for your society.  They’ll never survive.”

“Oh, they survive fine.  Just because it's rude to talk about doesn't mean is isn't done. After all, we are a private people, who like our privacy in twos and threes, and sometimes fours.”

“Fours?”

“Usually twos, I admit.”

“Fours?” He sounded bewildered. I mean, I'd figured he'd know about it, despite his preferences, but maybe not.

“Dorian.  In case you didn’t know, most female people have an additional orifice.  We can accommodate more *ahem* participants.”

“I am quite aware.  I am merely surprised that YOU are.”

“Do you think me so naive?”

“I refuse to answer that.”  He gave me a hug.  “Now to other subjects, as the personal has been quite exhausted.”

“I’m not exhausted, are you exhausted?”

“Hush, Dove.  I have questions.  You can warm or cool so easily.”

“It’s basically the same thing, Dorian.”

“Ah, yes, that’s what I had questions about.  Madame de Fer said you heat things without actually creating any heat.”

“You knew that.”

“Of course.  You rub the glowy dust on the molecules and they speed up, producing their own heat.  But how do you cool it?”

“Stop the glowing stuff from rubbing against the molecules.  Kind of.  Not exactly.”

“How perfectly clear, as usual.”  But he was smiling, ribbing me gently.  

“Be nice, I’m trying.”  I’ve so missed having time with him.

“I was teasing, dove.  What exactly is the glowy dust?”

“I can only guess.  The essence of existence, maybe.  Wisps of Wisps?  Without enough, life wouldn’t be here.  Where there is less, life is less lively.  Things start drooping, wilting, dying.  We need the glowy dust as much as we need breath, just to be alive.  If I’m right.  I might not be.”

“How did you reach this conclusion?”

“Experimentation.”

“You’re running experiments?”  He was shocked.  Why would he be shocked?

“Not precisely.  Examining results of empirical, anecdotal, circumstantial evidence, not specifically scientific evidence from designed experiments.  But if I’m put in an area with little glowy dust, I am clumsy, have trouble even breathing.  If I use too much, I pass out until I refill enough.”

“We’ve already established you’re different than I am, darling.”

“Alright.  Three men and one woman, one of the men like me, died at the Temple of Sacred Ashes.”

“Many more than that.”

“But only four when were were sealing the breach, love.  Why do you think they died?”

“Magic is dangerous.  It happens, sometimes.”

“When you deplete everything in you, and there is nothing left to support your own life.”  I took a breath, looking full on at him.  “They had nothing left, brittle, empty husks, with the life completely gone.  I’ve looked at them, in my memories.  Even a dead body has life, Dorian, for a time.”

“Are you certain of your observations?”

I kept my voice low.  “Mostly.  In the Frostback Basin, life thrives, huge and lush, even in the cold, away from the sun.  In the cities, where life has been pruned away to make way for stone paths and buildings, there is far less.  Why would that be so? Does the life engender the magic, or the magic the life? Or are the two intertwined, what depletes one harms the other as well. There are other parallels, as well.”

He was silent too long. Choosing his words carefully. In the end, he didn't pursue the subject at all. I have a feeling we'll come back to it. “How do you know of the Frostback Basin?”  His voice was muted, nearly a whisper.

I matched his volume and tone. “Dorian.”  I can’t believe he asked that.

“I see.  So will you be coming with us there?  You know you will be asked.”

“Possibly.  I don’t know yet.  It will depend on other things.  I’m NOT going to investigate the earthquakes in the Storm Coast.  You guys can handle that all by yourselves.”

“We’ve kept that very hush-hush.  I should have realized you’d know.”

“The time of my knowing is drawing to a close, if it helps.  Nothing past nine forty-four.  Not much past nine forty-two.  Soon I will be useless to the Inquisitor.”

“You’re planning for that time.”

“Aren’t you?  When Corypheus is defeated, when things stabilize, do you anticipate hanging out in Skyhold doing nothing?”

“No, definitely not.  My father.  He’s been writing.  I haven’t yet written him back.”  I didn’t say anything, but sent comfort along his thread.  “Perhaps I should.”

“That’s up to you.  A seat in the magisterium might be something that you should prepare for, though.”

“You know this?”

“It’s a distinct possibility, not a guarantee, virim pulchrum.”

“Such things you say, dove.”

“But my accent is terrible.”

“Some things transcend accent.”  He kissed my hand, content.  He sobered.  “If you would speak prophesy, what would you say?”

“I don’t speak prophecy, Dorian.  I know bits of the past, none of the future.”  I didn’t have to elaborate.  He understood immediately, as he usually does.  

“A reversion of topic then, my dearest.  So what else can you do with this glowy dust?”

“Everything I do is with glowy dust, I suppose.”

“Everything?”

“I think so.  It moves in and out and around with breath and movement and want.  A thought or feeling brings more, or less, or different.”  I shifted my sight, looking at it.  “I wish you could see it.  A haze of gold across the world, swirling and chasing.  Encrusting everything from rock to saddles, clogging around people and places, resonating with emotion and song.  Sometimes it whispers, love, telling you what you might do, how you might do it.  It’s never truly quiet here, if you listen.  If it sits too long, trapped as some trap it, it itches at my skin, my very soul, feels wrong and odd as it cries to be free.  It’s so beautiful, when allowed to be free.”

I took a deep breath as he responded.  “I wish I saw what you see.  Heard what you hear.”  His voice shimmered in the air.

“You do, in some way.  You glow brightly, my love.  Swirls and whorls lick at your skin, dancing as you dream your spells.  That’s why you don’t itch.”  I shifted my mental state back to the solid world.  “I’m glad you don’t itch.  It would make bedtime uncomfortable.”

“We are going to have to speak about teachers soon, Chrissy.”

“Why?”

“Because Solas, Cole, and Vivienne are going to Adamant with the Inquisitor.  I will be visiting the Hissing Wastes with the Chargers, then joining them if feasible.  You will be left with Adan and Helisma, dearest.  That’s not sufficient for the months we’ll be gone.”

“What about Renee?”

“She’s going with the soldiers.”

“Ah.  And who are we planning to dragoon into teaching me?”

“You’ll see.  Hopefully two instructors, at least.  We’ll talk more about it later.”  He stretched and yawned.  “I think I’ll stay over here until the other two come in.  You’re warm, my dove.”

“Anytime, love.”

“I know.  And if you ever need my bed, it’s yours.  Goodnight.”  He settled in as I bid him sleep well, his head on my stomach as he used to do.  Soon after, he was making those cute noises we don’t call snoring.  I flipped open a book, and engrossed myself in reading, stroking his hair.  I like stroking hair.  He was asleep.  He wouldn’t have minded anyway.

“Moonlight on the Feast of Shadows” is enchanting.  Almost a sci fi feel, with the men getting the Male Gaze treatment for a change.  All those books I’ve had to read where some dude author lovingly describes the female form in poetic, if inaccurate, detail, are made up for by the firm thrusting buttocks of Ren and Marlowe.  Every single male person they meet is described in loving detail, from the cut of their trousers to the exact dimensions of their surprisingly muscular shoulders.  Varric would probably be displeased that I enjoy Lord Fleming’s work so much.

In futuristic books back home, we have technological marvels.  Food dispensers that appear to make nothing from something.  Weapons that shoot lasers.  Aliens and space travel.  Well, this thing has theoretical space travel and a colony on the moon, but it’s missing some of the things I expect.  It doesn’t play with alternative religions or governments, either.  Weird.

I heard only part of Bull’s first sentence.  “-nose in a book.  Bet you.”  I glanced up, blinking at the brightness when the tent flap opened.  “See?  Stuck in a book.  But you were right about the vint.”

“My nose isn’t in a book.  What are you talking about?”

“Do not concern yourself, ma’nehn.  Are you ready to sleep?”

“I suppose.”  At that point, Dorian let out another of those noises.  Which made me smile.  “Are we all piling in one bed, or are we moving our dear Lord Pavus?”

Solas and Bull looked at each other.  “Moving the Vint.” Came out of Bull’s mouth almost before I was done.

“I would prefer our bed free of extraneous people, Chrysopal.”

Bull disengaged my Altus and sort of drag/rolled him over to the other side of the tent, putting the wallhanging that split the tent back down when he was done.  Solas was squatting, like Bull had been.  Both too tall for the tent.  Is it bad of me that I’m glad I can stand in this thing?  Anyway, I had to do it.  “Extraneous?”

His slow smile was very interesting.  “Yes.”  His fingers caressed my cheek as he loomed over me.  “You are still rather skittish.”  We tucked into the furs, tangling our legs together.

“I’m not that skittish.”

“We have differing definitions of skittish, I see.  If there were no other beds, I would not object to sharing the blankets.”  He pulled that maneuver he does again, and his soundproof barrier shimmered into place.  “I will not share you, while we are we.”

“I have gotten the idea that you are a little possessive sometimes, Grohiik.”

“And you are not?  You hide it better, perhaps, but you fool no one.  A kiss, ma’nehn.  I have not gotten kisses in too long.”

“It’s been barely two days.  Perhaps we could meet in the fade?”

“Not in this place.  Soon.  They will not hear us, and they don’t see us.  Offer me your lips.”  I smiled as I lifted my face to his, and we spent the next however long wrapped in each other.  Nothing that I would have been ashamed about if someone had walked in, but we had needed that affirmation, I think.

I played in my own memories for the night.  No visitors.  I’m starting to get worried.  If I don’t see my Fadethelathe tonight, I’m going hunting them.

In any case, I refreshed my knowledge of a few things.  I’m still trying to figure out matches.  I know you have to bake white phosphorous to make red phosphorous, and then cover it with wax, but I don’t know where or how to get white phosphorous, or how to get the red phosphorous to stick to the wood.  I have to have something to get an income.  Soon.  I had hopes for the pens, but it’s taking a long time with those.  I need a steady income for us.  Seggrit's doing his best, amazingly well, really, but it's weighing on my mind.  Something that won't upset the delicate balance, but will still sell well.  


In some ways, the fade is like the hugest pensieve ever, when you want it to be.  Any memory can be pulled out and examined.  Not quite like a pensieve, I guess.  You can’t change the viewpoint to walk around like that.  Only if you have more than one person’s memories of an event can you do that, look at it from multiple eyes and perspectives.  My own memories are lonely, in that way.

We woke early.  I’m liking my travelling clothing.  None of the stupid long sleeves, and it’s easy to put on by myself.  If only I could have pants, but this is much better than what I wore in Orlais.  I was putting up my hair when I felt lips on the nape of my neck.  “There is something quite appealing about a woman’s bared neck.”  He inhaled deeply.  “I love the way you smell, da’asha.”

“Old books and leather?”

He smiled against my neck.  “A forest in winter.  I would not wish you to forget.”  I was reaching for my shoes when he pulled me back.  “Not today.  Allow me.”  He carefully wrapped my feet, including some sort of toe covering.  “This will slip less than your shoes.”

“Thank you, mor’ishan.”  Definitely more cuddly than usual today.  We were up before Dorian and Bull woke.

I got breakfast on since the guys were taking down the tent.  Porridge.  NO MEAT.  I mean, I don’t know which is the horse meat or the venison.  It’s just sort of brownish red.  I’m not a damn butcher.  So I didn’t cook any meat.  Porridge and the last of the dried fruit.  They can deal.

The wind was still low in the lee of the rock, but it had swept a large portion of the snow clean away overnight.  Bare rock, except in and around the nooks and crannies.  Snow piled up in corners and on ledges, but it wasn’t that deep stuff from before.  Mostly.  There were some spots that looked suspicious.  But it looked safe enough.

Enough that people started to mount up.  Most people.  I was at a loss, expecting to walk. But that wasn’t to be.  Garalen walked her horse up to me.  “You’ll be riding Brandy.”  I was familiar with Brandy, but I’d never expected to ride her.

“And who will you be riding?”

“Ginger.”

Okay…  “And so who will Andrew be riding?”

“NightStripe.”

“Why don’t I ride Nightstripe instead of all this musical chairs business?”

“Brandy can get you to safety on her own, if necessary.  Without you doing anything.  Nightstripe doesn’t have the training.”

“Garalen…”

“Just ride the horse, Ethelathun.  It would ease our minds.”

“Alright.”  So I ended up on Brandy.  She’s a sweetie, but very headstrong.  And loves Garalen to pieces, so moving more than a dozen feet from Gara was a statistical improbability.  Which Andrew and Michael found hilarious.

The entire group didn’t stop until midafternoon.  People were shivering by then.  Ridiculous.  We should have stopped earlier, to warm up.  People are going to get sick.  Cold weather may not cause illness, but it can lower your immune response to it, making it easier to get sick.  I had expected to reach the warm path today, but apparently not.  Unless we were off track due to the storm?

Well, there’s no convenient wall of stone today.  We tucked the tents in a circle among the shelter of the trees.  I say trees, but up this high they’re more like bushes sometimes.  Once again, Morrigan and Kieran pulled everything they needed out of Mary Poppins’ carpet bag and set up away from us.

The hide walls were put up around the mounts again.  Morrigan’s a sneaky bitch.  These aren’t just hides.  There’s something else to them, either design or magic.  Somehow they keep the area warmer.  They don’t itch, either.  It’s like they reflect the body heat of the animals back into the area instead of letting it escape, as well as blocking the wind.

Dinner was some sort of stew.  I stuck to the bread.  Pan bread is good on its own.  Gara brought me a fire-baked potato as well.  She may not understand, but she isn’t pushy about it.

It was after dinner that Dorian did something interesting.  He’d been talking with Sam and Vivienne, and I felt his magic whisper.  A dome above us, trapping the heat.  Warmth, safety.  Well well.  Not that I didn’t think he could do it, but it seems interesting that he did it now, not yesterday.  The snow in the dome began to melt.  It wasn’t warm, not really, but it wasn’t all that far below freezing anymore.  Perhaps he waited for Inquisibutts to ask?  It seems likely.

Solas is once again taking possession of my feet while I write.  Removing his wraps, massaging my toes.  He's really good at that.  It was an odd day.  Mostly an odd last night, really.  I’m looking forward to getting home.  Tomorrow, or the next day, perhaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virim pulchrum means Beautiful Man.
> 
> Edit: No, it doesn't. Please see the comments for details.


	176. Day 35, 29 Kingsway, 9:41, Almost Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homecoming in the fade, requests and gifts, Dorian chats, and Kieran.

###  **Halamshiral Trip, Day 35, 29 Kingsway, 9:41**

We went directly to sleep last night.  The fade welcomed me, for the first time in a while.  It felt like coming home.  We must be closer to Skyhold than I thought.

I opened my eyes to familiar landmarks.  The feel of the well at Garvey hummed at my senses.  Maybe we were coming in from the upper barbican instead of the lower.  Our placement feels right, for that.

The fade reflects the waking world a little more, with a hint of glittery green to the landscape.  Okay, a lot more.  If you weren’t paying attention, you’d just think this was a supersaturated regular place with a slight green filter.  Or check to see if you were wearing those polarized sunglasses or something.

I wandered barely a bit, and was thrilled to see some of my friends.  Not the ones that came with me.  (Over-)Confidence strode right up to me out of basically nowhere and wrapped me in its claws for a hug.  Its armored tail wrapped around my waist, oddly.  Uhm, did you know that prehensile tails can lift people?  I didn’t.  It set me down a moment later, hugging me again, and I gently pried the tail off as it spoke.

“You always return.  You miss me, and this place.  Mostly me.  You have new memories.  You will share?  Of course you will share.”  Such an arrogant tone.  Reminded me of someone else.  It had never touched me before, but I wasn’t surprised.  It was very certain it would be okay, and had no malice about it.  I think this one will eventually grow up into a pride demon, but it’s kind of cute.

It made me laugh.  Not laughing because something was funny, but just from pure joy.  Wisps were everywhere.  Tears and giggles, smiles and frowns.  A surly grunt, which I’d never seen before.  “Of course.  Most of the memories I share are shared here, because here is home.”

It repeated my words, nodding.  “Here is home.  Yes.  Here.  Not there.”  I smiled at it.  “Maybe there, too.  But mostly here.  There annoys you, and it tastes bad.  ”  I think that the spirits around here are straightforward because I unconsciously expect them to be.  I try not to expect anything, but that’s probably unrealistic.  Either that or they’re not actually straightforward, I just think they are.

I reunited with Curiosity and Concern, Dismay and Amused.  I didn’t see Patience, but it was probably waiting at its normal spot.  Shyness was probably too scared to come out this far.  They asked for the news, and I showed them bits and pieces of things that had happened at Halamshiral.

Amused loved the memories of Tinikling.  Dismay worried about the house spelunking.  Concern was bothered by Integrity and its antics.  Curiosity wanted to know everything, especially the moments where the magic overlayed the world.  The morning when things were right for two glorious seconds, and when the magic whispered what to do.  Confidence wanted to go with me to the Black Emporium, certain I’d be going soon.

They’d apparently forgotten I was supposed to cycle.  I admit, I was too caught up in the reunion to remember myself.  The whole night was spent with them, no breaks.  Wandering about and playing in my space alike.

The really interesting part was that they didn’t seem to have any sense of how long I was gone.  Not even a good idea of what happened before and after I left.  I was gone.  I returned.  I leave and return all the time.  I had new memories.  Every time I have new memories.  This was normal for them.  Confidence had more of a hint than the others.  It knew this time was DIFFERENT from the usual times, but not precisely why.

There was no association between the number and length of the memories and the length of time I’d been gone.  I mean, I guess I saw that with Rage, as it figured out the idea it could warn someone.  I’m very used to Contentment and Hope, who understand as well as I do what time is and how it ebbs and flows.  This brought home the very ephemerality of their existence.

I think it might be because of the way memories work.  They feed/consume emotions, and collect/acquire memories.  Maybe.  Anyway, I can think of any memory in basically any order.  There’s no timeline to it.

I could think of something from when I was ten, and then something else from when I was thirty, then another thing from my early twenties.  It makes no difference, really.  It’s just a memory.  Sorting them, laying them out in order, that’s something rarely done even when thinking about our memories.  We tend to sort by content and subject... And I’m writing that down somewhere else.  That feels important.

My friends shared some “new” memories with me, as well.  I’m not sure who they were from, or when they occurred, but the memory exchange was reciprocated.  Nothing that would make sense to put here, really.  Moments, or a few seconds here and there, versus entire scenes.

Feelings and snippets, glances at faces and places.  A man shoveling dirt and then wiping his brow.  A cat stretching.  More.  Much more.  Tiny moments that made my night.  That reciprocation feels significant, too.  This is going to sound strange, but it was like splashing in puddles.  That kind of feeling.

Anyway.  That was my night.  Most of it.  I could feel dawn approaching, along with someone else.  The wisps scattered and my friends said goodbye and left.  Not quite in a hurry, but with smirks.  The old wolf paused a bit away, waiting, but there was intent in his feel.  He wanted something.

I stroked his thread.  I’d expected him to walk in at that, but he did not.  I knew he was close, but didn’t know precisely where he was until lips touched my neck.  I stiffened in surprise, but only for a moment.  His scent and feel filtered through my senses rapidly.  I felt his mouth curve as I relaxed.  “Good evening, ma’asha.”

“Good morning, Solas.”  He slid his arms around my waist as I spoke.  “How was your evening?”

“Productive.  And yours?”  He hadn’t moved his face, and lifted my feet off the ground, swaying slightly.

“Enlightening.”  I reached back, stretching up to caress his neck.  “Something you want?”

“Yes, something I want.”  He set me down, but didn’t let me go.

I turned in his arms.  “What do you wish of me, Solas mo oíche?”

“Time, always.”

“What do you want, Solas.”  He was too serious.

“Come with us to the desert, Emily Lynne.”

“I’m not going to Adamant.”  I was about to say no, when he placed two fingers over my lips.

“There is more to the desert than Adamant.”

“Solas…”

He tilted up my chin.  “I will ask again another time.  If I ask now, you will say no.”

“You are very focused on this.  Why do you want me to visit the desert, Solas?”

“There is something I wish to show you there.  Since you will not say yes to my first request, perhaps my second?”

“Depends on your second request.”

“Again, and again.”

“Yes.”  There was something about the kiss that followed.  Urgent, almost aggressive.  I knew it was him, so I pulled back to look at him.  “What’s wrong, a grá?”

He put his forehead to mine, eyes closed.  “You have no idea, ma’lath.”

“Not if you don’t tell me.”

“It is of no moment.  A third request.”

“A third?  So many tonight.”

“Say yes, Emily Lynne.  Vin Solas.”

He waited, giving no clues.  I gave in.  I didn’t know what he wanted, but I said it.  “Vin, Solas.”

He moved his hands to my upper arms, kissing me again.  There was something brought to bear, magic twisting in the fade.  When he moved his hands back to my jaw, I could feel pressure still on my arms.  I pulled back, and his eyes…  He grows stronger still.  A cascade of sparks, not just a few.  And it wasn’t incidental this time.  Not something to notice in passing.  He kept his eyes locked on mine, face calm.  Deliberately letting me see?

His finger traced the edge of something hard on my arm, and I looked down at it.  “Wear them.”  Armbands of silver, inlaid with what looked like black star sapphires and black opals.  They were delicate, and beautiful.  They followed my scars, showing just where they should lay.  Blending, in a way, with the lines on my skin.  These could not have been made for another.

“Protection from fear and depression, warding off the anger of others.  Clarity of purpose and calm.”  I took a breath, needing to center myself.  “Where am I going that such a thing is important, Solas?”

“Wherever you go, they will serve you well.”  Snot.

“An answer that doesn’t actually answer.”  That made a corner of his mouth quirk up.  Then he lifted a brow, waiting.  “I will do my best to remember them.”  I didn’t have anything for him, and told him so.

“There is no need.  They are a gift, not an exchange.”  I thanked him, then kissed him.  He chuckled at me, amused.  And whispered, “wake up.”

I woke draped across his chest, and lay there, listening to his heart.  His hand ran up my arm, skimming over the bands.  Which made my eyes fly open.  “Solas?”

“Wear them.”  They were so light.  The band itself was no thicker than lace, and the gems thin slivers imbedded in the silver.  The silvery lines of my scars were traced by the delicate workmanship.  I was overwhelmed.  I’ve never been given a gift in the fade that appeared while awake before.

“I won’t promise, Solas.  But I will make an effort.”  My heart was aching, in that good way.  “They’re beautiful, so beautiful.”

“They almost match the woman.”  I opened my mouth to say thank you, and barely got the first fricative out before he kissed the words away.  “You have already thanked me.  Let us greet the day.”  We dressed, and left Dorian and Bull snoring on their side of the tent.

Breakfast was porridge, because I got to the fire first again.  It’s almost starting to be a competition between me and Sera.  I’m thinking she doesn’t like porridge all that much.

While the others were getting everything ready, Vivienne pulled me aside.  She didn’t react in any way to me sitting on air and hooking my feet around the rungs of the stool in my head.  I was questioned, in depth, on the summoning book she’d had me study.  Entirely different questions, but still delving into the minutia of the tome.  I’m glad I had gone back to it, for I earned a somber “excellent”.  She criticized nothing, this time, just said that one word and strode off.

I was back on Brandy today.  Solas came by and helped me onto the horse, running his hands over my arms as he did.  There was a flare of satisfaction from him as his hands skimmed the jewelry under my clothing.  I leaned down.  “I still want to play with your hair, mor’ishan.”

“We shall see.”

Dorian pulled up next to me as Solas went to ready Raindrop.  “You two need to remember there are children about.”

“We did nothing that could be construed as improper.”

“You practically vibrate with unresolved tension.”

“Oh, my love, it’s been resolved several times.  And will hopefully be resolved many more, but it’s been a long while.”  I was watching as the hobo in question vaulted gracefully to his mount’s saddle.  What the hell is wrong with me?  I shook my head and returned my attention to Dorian.  “I’m sorry.  You were saying?”

That made him chuckle.  “I stand corrected.  Perhaps you should let him know it’s been too long?”

“Don’t be an ass.  Do you see any privacy around here?”

Dorian and I chatted as Michael guarded my other side.  They think I don’t notice, but I do.  I just don’t object so much any more.  Today is apparently my day for magic theory questions.  Dorian and I spent all morning discussing theory.  His, and mine.  It was a good morning, because he only pulled his flask out once.

He wasn’t quite comfortable with the idea that time is a function of the mind.  I mean, it was something I was thinking about, so of course I discussed it.  He did agree that we rarely sort our memories by time.  “Consider, though, my dearest, that we sort everything else by time.  Knowing that this came before that is integral to functioning in the world.  Can you imagine not understanding that one must catch the rabbit before cooking it?”

He has some good points.  Considering that he’s studied time, broken it and put it back together, I listened.  The whole morning was spent on time and space, and what was real, what was not, and how to tell the difference.  “Chrissy, understanding time flow is one of the things that keeps one from being possessed.  A demon can’t change what has already occurred, no matter how you might wish it could.”

“I do agree.”  I had used that idea myself, a while back.  “I’m not saying that time can be changed, Dorian.  Not even that it should.  Only that our perception of time can be variable.  It seems to expand and contract based on the situation.  Did you ever sit, bored, in some classroom, while an instructor droned?  Did not the hour of class seem ever so much longer?  Yet when you were doing something fascinating, it seemed to pass incredibly quickly?”

We discussed that for another hour or two, until we stopped for lunch.  Amid much side-eying from Michael.  He wasn’t upset, but watchful.  Thinking.  Like he was internalizing the debate, and relating it to his own existence.

After the rest, we traveled for another two hours or so.  We stopped early.  If my senses are correct, we’re an hour or two out from Garvey.  Sam sent up a crow that had been languishing in a cage in the cart this whole time, poor thing.  It was probably incredibly grateful to be out of there.  I’m not sure why we stopped, though.  We could have made it home tonight.  We’re three hours away?  Four?  Or so?

Anyway, the air was crisp and clean.  After camp was established, there was daylight left.  It felt right, here on the mountain.  Not as right as those few moments, but much better than on the lands below.  I moved away from the others, finding a quiet, private, place.  I hadn’t done my yoga or breathing in so long.

I don’t know how long I was out there before I felt a presence.  “Mother thinks you are a puzzle.”

No shit.  I didn’t say it, though.  I opened my eyes to him, the world bright again, and him more so.  “Does your mother know where you are?”

“Yes.  I am wandering, observing the local flora and fauna.  I am to return by sunset, as this is unfamiliar territory.”

“So am I flora, or fauna?”

And he giggled like a child for the first time in my hearing.  “You’re funny.”  A young, carefree sound.

“Some think so.”  It made me smile, though.

“Do you feel better?”

“I do indeed, young sir.”

“You look better, too.  It smells nice up here.”

“You never answered my question.”

Wise eyes looked at me.  Was that surprise that I hadn’t been led?  His tone was serious again.  “You are neither flora nor fauna.  You live and breathe.”

“So do flora and fauna.”

“There are different kinds of life.”

“So I see.  So are you my kind or theirs, Kieran?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, it doesn’t much matter, does it?  We’re here, until we are not.”

“So we are.”  He cocked his head to the side.  “They will look for you, soon.”

“Care to walk with me?”  He hopped up, and we arrived in camp just as they started serving up dinner.  He ran off to his mother, notebook in hand.  A happy boy again, if reserved.  It made me miss my own children.  My daughter, yes, but also my Tweedles, and Daniel.  I’ve been away from them a long time.

The lot of us, save Morrigan and Kieran, hung around the fire after tending to the things that needed tending.  There wasn’t songtime, but we did share stories and jokes.  Snippets of funny, bits of gossip.  Things that had made the trip enjoyable, or bearable.  We’d done this in the cave, but it meant more up here.

Plans were shared with me, finally.  Three days to get Morrigan ensconced, then they’ll be heading out again, with full supplies.  I sat between Solas’ knees and he brushed my hair out while we all jabbered.  It wasn’t anything weird.  Josie sat with Sam, as usual.  Dorian sat close to, but not touching, Iron Bull.  Sera and Blackwall roughhoused and laughed, dragging Varric into it every few minutes.  Cassandra and Vivienne were having a private side-conversation.

Gunny and Michael were on the other side of the tent today.  Garalen had gone to bed early with Andrew in another tent.  There weren’t any noises, so either they were very quiet or they just needed some alone time.

I'm actually writing in front of the fire.  Everyone else, pretty much, has gone off to bed.  I love watching fire.  It’s pretty, and alive in a way.  Watching it dance, with motes and sparks going off.  Embers glowing in the dark.  I’m going to finish this up and watch the fire for a while.


	177. Day 1, 1 Harvestmere, 9:41, Arriving in Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Travel and memories, Darling talks, arriving home, changes and struggles, poor Josren, songtime for the first time in two weeks.

**Day 1, 1 Harvestmere, 9:41**

I was right.  We’d missed some time in that cave.  We were a day behind.  Which really sucks, in some ways.  Other things weren’t so great today, too.  But at least we made it back to Skyhold, and most of it was good.

Anyway, I went to bed after watching the fire die down.  And after Gunny got up to fetch me.  We’d been the last ones up, and just enjoying the time in our own private thoughts.  I’d put his head in my lap and stroked his face for who knows how long.  I’d have expected my lapwolf to be stiff after laying in the snow, but he was fine.  A bit disgruntled at Gunny, but fine.  He isn’t quite touch-starved anymore, but still likes being petted.

Going to sleep was a joy.  Fadethelathe had cards waiting, and we played for a good portion of the night.  Patience finally made it out to us.  Still no Shyness, but hopefully I’ll see it tonight.  The night passed too quickly, and I was not ready for morning.

Okay, you have to understand that this morning, we were filthy.  No bath in more than a week, with associated itchiness just from existing while dirty.  Actual dirt smeared our faces in places.  Dried sweat and crunchy socks.  Clothing was being reworn, and some of us were still covered in bits of blood splatter.  I mean, we wiped skin, but the clothing…  Not pretty.  We didn’t smell nice, or look fancy, or anything.

We got up a quick breakfast, packed camp, and headed out.  I had been right that we were going through Garvey.  As we approached the hamlet, we made quite the impression.  They ran and hid.  I guess Inquisition doesn’t come up this way very often.  Even my people were nowhere to be seen, until they recognized us.

I say us, but really, they recognized Andrew and Gunny.  Unbeknownst to me, those two were actively checking on my people in Garvey and Treepine.  They didn’t leave it up to Seggrit like I did.  Another thread I dropped.  I’m really bad at this taking care of people thing, I guess.  Glad I have friends to pick up the slack.

I was introduced to a human couple who kept nodding their heads really low when I said anything.  When I asked how they liked the town, I got mumbled responses that seemed positive.  The cartwright and blacksmith were more forthcoming, at least smiling.  The rest of the town mostly stared at the Inquisitor.  These four, however, kept looking at me.  Wholly uncomfortable, so I sort of shut up and tried to stay in the background.

Cole brought Darling by as the Templars shot the shit with the Garvey Ethelathians.  I hadn’t seen the blue fuzzball in days.  Honestly, I’m not sure how he got here, but it felt right, somehow.  The little nuglet was deposited in my arms and Cole wandered off.

You know, I wasn’t peopled out in Halamshiral, oddly.  I wasn’t peopled out on the road.  So how come I was irritated and overwhelmed in a small village?  So I did what I usually do.  I found something to climb on.  This time it was the well.  I trailed along the edge, watching the water.  It was cold.  Very cold.  Still, the well had liquid water inside, ice only the rim.  There wasn’t even a hint of ice on the water.

I sat down, trailing my hand in the cool but not cold water.  Darling curled up into my shoulder, making that appealing rumbly-squeak noise.  “I know.  We met here, didn’t we.  This was your place.”  I stroked his fur.

I nearly slipped when a low contralto murmured contentedly against my collarbone.  “It was.” The sound was felt more than heard.

“Darling?  You can TALK?”  He certainly shocked me out of my memories.  But no matter what I did, he said not another word.  I swear the smug little bastard was laughing at me.  And I’m not sure if I imagined him talking or not.

We didn’t stop long.  Enough to water the horses, take a deep breath.  An hour out, a hair more, until we were home.  It might have been longer, due to the snow, I guess.  I can’t even tell you how glad I was to reach Skyhold.  The white walls and blue roofs really do make it sort of blend in, but the bright red chantry flags destroy the effect.

Sam pulled up next to me and grinned.  “Race you.  Last one there has to eat with the nobles!”  Asshole.  He was gone before I could even really register what he said.  But something in the back of my head told me there weren’t any noble visitors right now.  We’d cleared Skyhold for the duration of Halamshiral, for security.  So the rest of us went at the usual pace down to the bridge.

Inquisibutt was waiting at the gate.  “You’re no fun.”  He jabbed his finger in the air as he said it.

I crooked mine at him until he leaned close.  “That’s not what Solas says.”  It tickled his funny bone and he roared with laughter.  We ended up riding across the bridge together, the others trailing behind.

As we reached the gate in the walls, I noticed the first change.  The walls went all the way up, with arrow slits like Fortitude had wanted.  I was thrilled, yet part of me was worried.  We never saw that in game.  A major change.

The portcullis was DOWN.  I don’t know why, but Sam called out “Ho, the castle!”  He’s never done such things before.  People went running hither and thither for no apparent reason, and the portcullis cranked up.

We finally made it into the courtyard, and were fairly swarmed with people.  Much like Fadethelathe, my meat people were out to greet me.  Others greeted the rest, of course, as well.  Imagine my shock when I realized that the people I’d taken with me had beaten me home.

Elias, of all people, grabbed me before anyone else could, lifting me off the horse and holding tight.  “We were worried until we got the crow!  We’ve been here since day before yesterday!”  After a very long hug, he handed me off to Mark and Gruff and the other uncles.  People made off with the horses as I was passed about.

My little ladies talked a mile a minute about lessons and arranging rooms for Morrigan and how thrilled they were to have me home.  Mika and Isa and a new girl were all moved into the head servants quarters with the little suites and the shared bath, and Mika was pleased that Seggrit had chosen to join her.  There was more room for the babies there, with the bigger spaces.

Marta and Philomena talked about the soldiers moving out of the towers.  The high ranking soldiers were moved to rooms in the barracks area, and then most of them left a week ago.  The upper servants had been spread to the rooms formerly taken by the high-ranking soldiers.  I got jabbered at and hugged and asked a ton of questions which I answered briefly.

The Chargers snagged hugs, too.  Krem took one look at me and told me I hadn’t been practicing.  Foxtripper patted me roughly on the shoulder.  Lisa’s scar was still there, but didn’t pucker as badly.  Dalish and Stitches and the rest.  I was an also-ran as they headed for Bull, though.

I finally ended up at Eadras, Zatlan, and Halton.  I had barely opened my mouth when Halton said “no paperwork today, it’s my day off, Chrissy.”  He patted my shoulder, smiling.  Which threw me for a loop, because I had thought it was MY day off.

Eadras enfolded me in his arms.  “We’ve missed you, da’len.”  I let myself out, just a little bit, to feel my people around me.  Home, and safe, and a feeling of wholeness, but something was off.  “Now, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings…”  I tensed, and he shushed me.  “I feel the need to say you are a very dirty da’len, and desperately need a bath.”

It made me smile.  “You mean I stink.”

“It is possible.”  He steered me away from my things, my saddlebags, Darling’s basket.  All of which disappeared somewhere.  I glanced around, and found everyone dispersing in different directions.  Elias and Zatlan kept pace with us as we went up to the main doors.

“Where are the kids?”

“They’re down in the lower camp for lessons.  They’ll be back soon.  I’m surprised they’re not already back, but Leorah runs a tight schedule.”

“Leorah?”  I was honestly confused.

It took him a moment.  “Oh.  OH!  No, different Leorah.  The governess you hired.”

“I hired a governess?”  I remember saying we needed one, but not actually hiring one.

“Well, you asked us to.”  Eadras was completely comfortable, so I wasn’t worried.

He left me at the doors, saying he’d see me when I was settled.  Halton went off through the atrium.  Zatlan stayed with me.  The main hall was surprisingly empty.  I’m used to seeing nobles milling about, being seen.  There were no strangers. The place was empty.

Someone had taken the opportunity to take all the old rugs out.  I’d grumbled several times that I didn’t have a chance to clean the nasty carpets because there were always people standing on them.  The new rugs were spotless.  Floor was scoured.  No food drips, no ink under Varric’s table.  The tables were clean.  Maybe even new, or at least refinished.  The walls were clean, soot scrubbed nearly gone.  The cobwebs in the corners were missing, even in the rafters.  All the things you can’t really do while hoity-toity folks stand about.

It smelled fresh.  Someone remembered the fennel vinegar.  There was even a hint of apple and a sort of vanilla-ish but not quite.  I inhaled deeply.  Maybe melilot?  Much better than the overperfumed and unwashed bodies that usually scented the place.  So much better.  This place was clean, neat, and smelled nice.

I heard a series of titters, and glanced up at the balcony.  A few of the housemaids looked really happy, but they blushed and left the room.  “Zatlan?”

“They wanted to see your reaction.”

“Okay.  Why?”  He just laughed, and we continued down through Josie’s door.  It wasn’t until we were going through that I realized they wanted to see if I liked their work.  “Zatlan, I’d like to write a personal note to each of the cleaning staff.  Can you arrange names and stationary?  Something nice.”

“Of course.  They would be delighted.”

“Look at this!  Just the smell being gone would have been amazing, but this!  They redid the tables.  The chandelier is polished.  Even the beams have been oiled.  I’m flabbergasted!”

Zatlan just grinned at me, and I heard chuckling behind me.  “What smell might that be?”

I shook my head, looking back at Josie and Sam.  “I’m not answering that.”

“It looks nice.  Your people do a good job.” There was something about his tone I didn't like.

“Actually, I will answer.  Unwashed human.” I smiled.  Josie caught the rebuke, but Sam didn't seem to.  Her eyes acknowledged it, but she didn't say anything.  Her irked look was enough.  If he's going to divide us, I'm going to point it out.  But I don’t want her aggravated.  “We should probably all seek a bath.”  That was a good enough apology for the ambassador, because the lines at her eyes relaxed.  And I figure she is going to handle the othering.

“You know dinner’s just after sunset, right?”

“Sure.  I’m sure Cook has it in hand, Sam.”

“You don’t understand.”  He grinned, inordinately pleased with himself.  He continued as we reached Josie’s office.  “I look forward to being invited to sit at YOUR upper table, dear sister.”  Perhaps he did understand the rebuke before, because that is SO NOT FAIR.

“Oh no!  That can’t be...”

He burst into laughter.  “What was that phrase?  Caught in your own web?”  He left Josie in her office with a smirk, then headed back up to his rooms.

Eadras met me at the bottom of the stairs, capturing my hand on his arm with a smile.  Like Zatlan, he calms when he’s got eyes on me.  Probably worried I’m either going to do something that needs grounding for, or going to run.

We moved into the room, and it was changed.  Again.  Still a pillow palace, but now there were hangings.  Gauzy, barely translucent things that partitioned off “rooms”in the large space.  My office was pretty much the same, but there was another little half-desk with a stool.  I couldn’t really see the rest at that point, what with the hangings.

I moved off to my door.  “I need to clean up.  Have you met Ewan?  He needs to be introduced…”

“Ewan has been placed with Daniel and the Tweedles for lessons, just like you requested.  He and his parents are already ensconced in one of the tower rooms.”  He paused.  “Ewan is unhappy that you might not want him as a page anymore.”

“Then the fact I still want him will relieve his mind.”

“It will.  I’ll get Briri for you.”

Garalen’s voice butted in.  “I’ll handle it.  She’s busy right now.”

He kissed me on the forehead before heading off.  “I have to check a few things anyway.  Enjoy your bath.”

The door shut behind me as I walked into my own room, and stopped still.  I was shocked.  I mean, they move things, sure.  But where was my couch?  The thing in front of me wasn’t my couch.  My bed wasn’t my bed.  It was something completely different, a monstrosity with mounds of pillows and all in Ethelathe blue.  I had a vanity, and my armoire was not only over in the corner, but I don’t think it was mine.

I was surprised enough that my first thought was that I was in the wrong room.  I took a step back, and Gara’s hands landed on my shoulders.  “I didn’t know.  I swear I didn’t know.”

“It smells wrong, feels wrong.  I’m not in here.  Where’s my room?  The bed? You took my bed?”  I didn’t sound so good at the time, but I was shocked by the change.

The walls were painted a soft cream, which is nice, I suppose, but I liked the bare stone.  The floor was covered in rugs I hadn’t knotted.  Where were the ones I’d made?  My afghan, with the pretty white shells?  The yarn I’d been hoarding, the pictures from the tweedles?  The horrible clay thing Daniel had made for me?  I tightened my shielding HARD as I swallowed.  “They wanted to do something nice, right?”

“Are you okay?”  The worry in her voice was painful.

I took several deep breaths.  It smelled fresh and clean and nothing like me, or Dorian, or Solas.  Like we’d never been there.  “Starting from scratch.  Again.  But this time they want fancy.”

“They wanted fancy before.  Let’s get a bath, Etheling.”

“Chrissy.  Right now, I need to be Chrissy.”

She opened the door to the bathing room.  “Come, Chrissy.  Let’s get the road dirt off.”

Even the bathroom was different.  My tub had been regrouted.  How did they get this all done in a month?  Irusana’s things were not here.  I hadn’t seen her at all.  “Irusana?”

“I’m sure she’s fine.”  We bathed.  I finished more quickly than Garalen wanted me to.  My usual soap was replaced with a fancy overfatted one.  Smelled nice.  Oils and powders were lined up on the edge.  Thick towels were stacked on the rack.  The bath did calm me, and was able to think instead of react.

There was nothing wrong.  I was being ungrateful, I know.  They’d been through all this effort.  I just had to find a few things, and it would be okay.  I needed my afghan.  The pictures.  My rugs.  I could handle the rest.  I had to keep reminding myself that it’s not mine.  This is normal.  They probably needed a new bed for someone, and my old one was handed down, because they made the new one for me.  RHIP and all.

After the bath, I investigated more closely.  The bed itself, sans the mountain of pillows, was actually lovely.  Whirls and sworls of vine and leaf wrapping around themselves into posts that ended shoulder high.  The effect was mostly done with paint, but there were rounded portions and grooves to enhance.  The design looked somehow familiar, teasing the back of my brain.  The new end table and the new armoire matched, as did the vanity.  The mirror was the same.

I ran my hand over the wood and felt better.  This was Zatlan’s work, among others, but it had his feel.  He’d made this for me, when all I’d asked of him was to help where he could.  They’d done amazing work, churning out furniture quickly and competently, so that every one of mine slept off the floor.  I could feel the effort and care he’d put into this.  He really had seen the vines of light.

The couch was an old frame, cleaned well, with new upholstery.  I can live with that.  Solas had complained several times that my little settee was uncomfortable.  We’ll have to see if he likes this one.  It’s still small, because otherwise I’d have no space at all.  Too small for a guard to sleep on.  Which means this was Ethelathe, trying to help.

I was startled out of my ruminations by the door shutting.  Garalen had a stack of folded cloth in her arms.  We got dressed.  Regular clothes!  I didn’t even mind the sleeves.  They only reached my knees.  Gara helped me lace the back of the dress, and I was in business.  Hair brushed and put up, and ready to face the rest of the day.  Didn’t even put on shoes.

I moved out of my room, and sat at my desk.  There were a few things on it, mostly notes about talking to some person or other.  A short stack of letters on one side.  As I reached for them, a male voice spoke.  “Excuse me, I’m sorry, but you can’t sit there.”  The tone was polite, at least.

“Why is that?”  Garalen had disappeared.

“It’s reserved for the Lady of Skyhold.”

“Ah.  Then there is no issue.”  I snagged the mail.  The poor man seemed flustered.

“You can’t open her mail, miss.”

Garalen was back, behind the guy.  “She is the only one who can. She’s the Ethelathun.”  He jumped and wheeled.  She didn’t look happy.

Turns out the guy was smart.  He turned back to me immediately.  “My apologies, my lady.”  And flipping bowed.

“You are Halton’s new assistant, the scribe, yes?”

“I am.”

“Then I am Chrissy, and I’d appreciate you not bow like that.”  I had an epiphany.  I knew how to make them stop.  Thank you Forrest Gump.  “It alerts watchers to which one is which.  Or do you wish to make me a target?”

“Never!”  Poor guy. He looked pretty freaked.

“I know this is Halton’s day off.  I’m assuming yours is tomorrow?”

“Yes, ma’am.”  I thought about asking his name, but he hadn’t offered it, and I didn’t want to freak him out any more.

I sighed.  “What do I have on the schedule today?”

“Some private correspondence, should you wish.  Everything else has been deferred for a few days to allow you to rest from your journey.”

He stood there, staring at me.  I smiled, but he still stood there.  “Are you okay?”

Garalen was still behind him.  “You can be done talking to her, if you want.  If you’re waiting for a dismissal, you’ll wait a long time.”  He moved over to the second small desk, and sat, glancing at us every so often.

Garalen looked at me.  I’d determined the letters could wait until later.  I’d written Jack while at Halamshiral, and his response was here.  Merrill had written again, and I was really going to have to think about what to say to her now that I had a new toy.  There were other letters, from other places.  I skimmed one, and it said that things were normal, and went on to describe what normal was.  Definitely not acceptable, but nothing I can solve right now.  I’d have to consult.

“What’s next?”  I slid the letters back to the corner.

“Lunch.”

“Alrighty.”  I stood up and was almost to the kitchen door when my littles came barrelling down the stairs.  Daniel stopped short of me, barely.  Don’t run into the person sort of reaction.

Then he recognized me.  As I put my arms out, he made this noise, and finished colliding.  I found myself picked up and squeezed tight.  His face was right in my neck.  He’d grown so much!  And had muscles!  “I missed you, Chrissy!”

“DANIEL!  Put that woman down!”  He nearly dropped me.

I shoved him behind me as I faced the woman coming out of the stairwell.  She was holding my Tweedles’ hands.  They tried to come to me, and she pulled them back.  I didn’t know her.  “Release my littles if you want to keep your hands.”  I don’t know why I said it, but she was keeping them confined, and it was a gut reaction.

A look of shock came across her face, and her hands unclenched.  Dee came right over, but Dum stayed with the woman.  Dee hugged me, tight, then pulled back.  “Chrissy, it’s okay.  That’s Leorah.  She’s our teacher.”

Daniel came around me and smiled at us both.  Dum patted this Leorah’s hand.  “You are Leorah?”

She was aware of who I was, I think.  At least now that she could see me.  “I am.  I didn’t want the children to knock you over.  They did that to Eadras just yesterday.”

I was irrationally upset, and it had nowhere to go.  Dum came over and gave me a hug.  “It’s okay.  She’s a good one, Chrissy.”  He liked her.  I unfocused in that way, watching the threads, moving that second step to see the other connections.  They adored her.  She was important to them, and they weren’t scared at all.  And she was one of my very shallow connections.

Other things teased at my consciousness as well.  What happened while I was gone?  Lots of them are unhappy, upset, worried.  I would have to investigate.

“Good afternoon, Leorah.  I’ve heard wonderful things about you.”

She relaxed a hair, but not completely.  “Thank you.  The children are delightful.”

“I very much adore them, and am rather protective.  I apologize for threatening you.”

There was something about her face.  “I can understand wanting to protect children.  I promise I am very careful with their safety.”  I tilted my head, watching her.  She’d lost someone.  Maybe more than one someone.  People she cared about.  A child?  I didn’t know her well enough to ask.

“You are welcome here, Leorah.  Thank you for taking care of my kids.”  I held out a hand to her, and she looked confused for a moment.  Daniel mouthed something at her, and she clasped it, raising it up and down once.  I smiled.  Daniel was working his wiles.

“It’s time for the children to eat, my lady.”  Ugh.  At least she hadn’t bowed or curtsied or anything.  “And then Daniel has lessons with Eric, and the Tweedles will be working on their sums.”

I knew Eric was a Templar, so Dan’s grin was unsurprising.  The other two groaned.  “Sums are important, guys.  How will you know how many goats you have if you can’t add the ones in different pastures?”

“But you just got home!”

“And you will see me tonight.  I brought a few things back for you, but only if I hear you’ve behaved.”

“We were good!”

“Then run along and listen to your governess.  I’ll see you at...”  I looked up at Leorah Two.  “Dinner?”

“Of course.  It will be arranged.”  I got a few more hugs, and she herded the kids off to the dining hall.

I turned to look back at Halton’s assistant, and the man stood and bowed.  Something about him was both familiar and strange.  A normal elf, and connected lightly, but something was different.  I narrowed my eyes at him.  Need to doublecheck this one.

I had hoped that at least the kitchens would be as I expected, but things were changed even there.  Less organized, and Hadrian was telling the girls what to do.  They weren’t used to his gruffness, so things weren’t going as well as they could.

My tie to Cook pulled at me.  Cook was on a stool, with her leg wrapped and on another.  She wasn’t in any pain.  How had I not known?  I went to her, giving polite smiles to the others.  “What happened, Cook?”

“Oh, it’s just a little twist.  I’ll be alright.”  Her voice was a touch groggy.  She didn’t hurt, but maybe because she was being medicated.  “Thank you for the meadowsweet tea recipe, my lady.  It’s been a dream.  Especially when the doctor mixed it up for me.”

She gripped my hand as we spoke.  “Just a little twist?  What happened?  Please tell me.”

“It was the stairs.  A mite slippery after an icy rain the other day.  Lost my footing.  It’s not broken.  I figure the healers can take a look after they get back.”

“Renee should have been back yesterday.”

“I’m sure she’s busy.  It’s just a little twist, according to the doctor.”

“I know the doctor is very good at what she does.  But can I take a look?  Please?”  I’m not a doctor, but I had first aid training.  When she nodded, we unwrapped the leg.  It was… not right, but I couldn’t say exactly how.  This was broken.  And set, I think.  Maybe set wrong?  But not obviously wrong.  “She said it was twisted?”

“Yep, and then twisted it back.  Put the foot back the right way.  She was so nice about it, told me not to worry.  She took such good care of me.”

I understood a moment later.  Medieval and Renaissance doctors on earth had gravediggers.  They could access cadavers, even if in secret.  There are no bodies here, because they cremate the dead.  Damn.  I’ve got to find a way to get this doctor some anatomy lessons.  Humors is okay, makes some sense.  Even works, sometimes.  Better than nothing, anyway, though bleeding someone is not the best idea.  This, though, is due to not understanding what goes where.

“How many days ago?”

“Oh, three, or four, or maybe five.  I’m not sure.”  She took another drink of whatever was in her cup.  Didn’t smell like alcohol.  I looked up at Hadrian, and his eyes were worried.

“Be more careful, Cook.  I’m sure you’ll be better soon.”  I patted her shoulder, and got up.

She didn’t let go of my hand.  “We missed you, girl.  There’s things...”  She released my fingers, and I smoothed her hair back into her bun.

“Things?”

“Never mind.  We’re alright, now.”

I went over to Hadrian on my way out.  He handed me a packed loaf end.  I didn’t pay attention to the filling.  “Will she die?”  His voice was husky.

“Unless something goes way wrong, the worst she’ll have will be difficulty walking and pain.”  I kept my voice low.  “I’ll ask the right people.  Don’t let her drink any healing potions for now.”

I stepped out the stone stairs.  Definitely slippery.  I was about to go back in to look for paper so I could start my lists when I spotted Cara coming out of the stables, crying.  I carefully made my way down, then over to her.  “What happened?”

“Nothing.  I was stupid, that’s all.”  She was practically snarling, but not really at me.  I touched her shoulder a moment, but she was too upset to be comforted.

“What can I do?”

“I just want to be left alone!”

“Then I offer my rooms.  No one will go in there.”  She headed off in that direction, but I don’t know if she ever went to my rooms.

I went to the stables, and found the cause.  There was a new stablehand, and that person was groping my Josren.  And Josren was NOT happy about it.  “Get your paws off him!”

That startled the man into lifting his head.  He’d been trying to maneuver a kiss.  “Wait your turn.  I won’t take long!”

Oh, hell no.  “You dare to touch him?”  I was not in a good place, remembering Cara’s devastated face, and then this.

He shoved Josren away.  “Oh come on, everyone knows he’s a free for all catamite.  I’m just one more.”  Something roiled through me, bubbling hot.  I saw red.  Actually saw red.  I didn’t know who this person was, but he was NOT MINE.

He hadn’t actually looked at me before this.  His eyes finally saw my ears and he sneered.  I knew that look, and I reached for his essence.  His supposedly not there magic, the bit that makes him him.  Fear flashed across the man’s face, and his hand went to his belt.

I never touched him.  Didn’t get the chance.  A moment later, two daggers decorated his left shoulder.  He looked down, surprised, as he stumbled.  Garalen walked calmly over to him.  She shoved him, and he landed on the floor.  “Someone forgot the first rule.”  Her booted foot pushed his face up. He reached out for her, pleading with a gesture, like she'd help him.  She glanced up behind me.  “Good work.”

I felt Elias touch my shoulder.  Josren was leaning up against the wall, unhappy and bewildered, curled in on himself in grief and shock.  I was still hotly angry.  “He’s lucky to be breathing.  Get him away from here, and get his name.  We’ll discuss this later.”

Elias flinched.  I wasn’t angry at him, so I tried to soothe him.  “Try not to get blood on the hay.  It’ll scare the horses and excite the dracolisk.”  I met his eyes.  “Feel free to stab him again if necessary.  The other shoulder looks available.”

I guess that was too far.  “Chrissy?”

My being was still bubbling with anger, and I didn’t answer him.  I reached a hand to Jos and he flinched from me.  He was afraid of me, in that moment.  He thought it was his fault.  “You are mine, and I will not hurt you.” I touched his face gently.  The man had not left any visible marks on the face, but there was some redness where he’d gripped the back of Josren’s neck tightly.  “He will never touch you again, or he will answer to me.”

Josren nodded, and then went to his room to compose himself.  I sent a messenger for Cara and met her outside the stables.  It gave me time to calm, so I was rational when I saw her.  I understand that she saw Josren in someone else’s arms and jumped to a conclusion that was natural for his earlier behavior.  But that wasn’t how it was now.  Probably shouldn’t have been then, but I’d failed him.  “Next time you see one of mine being attacked, I would appreciate it if you told me.”

She still had tear tracks going down her face.  “Attacked?”  Her attitude shifted remarkably quickly.  “Attacked?”  Her voice rose, worry and fear.

“Yes.”  I brought her into the stables.  The man was holding very still.  Garalen’s hand was gently tracing one of the daggers impaled in him as she spoke quietly.  Elias held his other arm up behind his back.  I don’t know what they were discussing so intently.  I didn’t care enough to find out.

Josren shared a room with Geth, so I knew where it was.  Garalen showed up as we reached the door, a pot of salve in her hand.  I snagged it, plopped it in Cara’s hand, and pointed to the door.  “Focus on his neck.  Then check him over for bruises.”  She went through the door, and I shut it behind her.  “And don’t come out until you’re pregnant, damn it!”

I felt the embarrassment from both of them, but whatever.  Garalen was hiding her face behind a hand.  I’ve kept my threads too tight.  I should have known something was wrong.  She looked at me.  “You okay?”

Flickers of unease from all sorts of directions, but nothing firm.  Not the integrated family I left, that’s for sure.  “Things have gone to hell around here, Gara.”

“We’ll find out what happened.”

It wasn’t like people were attacked or in danger.  It was like our cohesive unit was failing somehow.  Something was undermining the idea of sticking together.  I went up to the main hall next.  I needed to visit Harritt.  I spotted Sam, and he was grumpy.  “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.  Paperwork, lists of things to do.”

“Roast mutton for dinner, and they’re having mint peas as well as beets, so at least something nice is happening.”  He hates beets, but minted peas are a favorite.

“Am I invited to the upper table, or do I get to sit with the other visitors?”

“You’re not a visitor.  You have a lease.  So you better be up there.”

“Aw, darn.  Please?”

“If I have to sit at that table, then so do you.  You’ve been angling to get me up here for months.  This is your price.”  He just smirked at me.

I moved farther to Harritt’s undercroft.  I got a round of hugs again, and then queried the uncles.  “What’s going on?”

They looked at each other.  “What do you mean?”

“I came back to a fresh, clean Skyhold.  Wonderfully done, and I’m very pleased about the changes in the main hall.  But when did people become worried about seeking healing, and why are we on edge, worried, grumpy?”

Enborr sat heavily.  “I think I know, little bit.  We stopped doing songtime.  Just a bit at first, not paying attention to the time.  Eadras asked me why I hadn’t come in a while about a week ago.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know.  I think the last time was the middle of the month.  Hug day.”

I searched my memory.  It was probably two weeks ago the last time I did songtime myself.  Zevran was still around then, and Alora.  I hadn’t even considered it.  I was still thinking when Jailyn, Eliza, Joan, and a very round Mika came in.  Eadras, Gethon, and Leorah, my Leorah, followed soon after.  The first ones, the original Ethelathe.  Philomena, Marta, Gratia, Elias.

Jailyn was first.  “You feel it.”

“I do.  I’m not sure what ‘it’ is, though.”

Mika was rubbing her belly.  I could feel the baby.  Another little boy.  I smiled at her, and she held out her hand for mine.  I got baby kicks!

Anyway, we all pretty much hashed out that things started going sideways after we went more than three days without songtime.  Which is really scary.  And we defined songtime as when more than three people showed up, because Eadras, Josren, and some girl named Lydia showed up every night.  We also think that my not doing songtime and their not doing songtime are related, somehow.

But we’re putting a stop to it.  Songtime will happen tonight, and the head servants have agreed to continue it, even if no one but them shows up.  Harritt and Enbor, too, and they’ll drag Feren and Isa.  And I will be singing every night, here or away, unless it is unsafe to do so.

We hashed out a few other things, as well.  Plans and schemes, sort of.  The dealing with the thief has been delayed a week.  Rugs are going to be put on the stairs outside the kitchen and the main doors.  Dagna wants me to investigate artificial sunlight globes.  (That’s why Halton wrote asking.)  Hug day had been missed yesterday, so we were going to have a redo tomorrow.

I heard a bell chime, and was shooed off to dinner.  That was better.  I joked about with Sam and the companions.  Shoveled an extra slice of mutton onto Garalen’s plate.  Shared smiles with Dorian and Bull.  Exchanged heated glances with Solas.  Giggled with my kids.  I was glad there were no visitors.

Leliana was full of questions about the cave and the blizzard.  They’d come across the tail end of it, but they didn’t have too much trouble.  The winds were handled well by the wagons, and they stayed warm in the lee of a cliff.  It delayed them a good two days, and it took them half a day to dig out.

After dinner, I went down to the pillow palace.  They’d pulled the hangings back.  There were many more pillows.  I finally found Irusana under the piano.  She thoroughly ignored me, so I ignored her back.  I’d bribe her with chicken later, I figured.

Off to the side was something I’d never seen in Thedas.  A papasan chair.  I went over to it, touching it.  It was still against my skin.  Brand new, never sat in.  Waiting.  It was Daniel who told me it was supposed to be my chair.  Eadras who encouraged me to try it.  I curled my foot under my butt as I sat. It rocked!  A rocking papasan chair.  It was comfortable and cozy.  My yarn bag was put next to the base. But who knew what a papasan chair was? Was it another Thedosian, or a Dislocated?

Ewan arrived with his parents.  He’d brought the packages for everyone, with their help.  Quantities of ribbon and hairpins, bits and bobs.  Dice and games.  Some things for specific people, too.  A fine hammer for Feren, selected by Wulfgang.  A blown glass bowl for Jailyn.  Toys for the children.  Candies and salt chews.  Handmade things.  Everyone got something, as they showed up.  The coffers were a bit low, but we’d manage.

When the things were distributed and put away, I caught people’s attention.  “We faltered, and it’s my fault.”  I’d expected them to object, and they did.  I held a finger to my lips and they quieted.  “I forgot songtime while I was away.  I’m sorry.  It won’t happen again.  Every night it is safe to do so, I will sing.”

People looked at each other.  Ewan’s voice piped up.  “What’s songtime?”  His mother shushed him. Other voices started apologizing, claiming fault.  I didn't know them all, by any stretch.

Eadras started the singing, cutting off the self-recrimination.  A thedosian story song about getting home.  It was humorous and full of improbable misadventure.  As songtime continued, more people showed up.  My templars.  Cole.  Humans and elves.  A vashoth woman sat at the piano and idly ran her fingers over the keys as she listened.  Elven eyes gleamed in the candlelight from every corner, every wall.  The space was full.  I didn't see Josren or Cara.  They're busy.

Solas showed up, along with Dorian.  Dorian of course just wiggled his way into the chair next to me.  “This one’s big enough for three.  Like a strange bird’s nest.  Where did it come from?”

“I don’t know yet, but I need to find out.  Tomorrow is Hug Day Do-over, by the way.  The people here forgot yesterday.”

“How terrible.  They must all be tortured as punishment.  Shall I invite Sera to sing?”  I poked at him, and we shared smiles.

We Shall Overcome came from so many voices.  Multiple harmony, singing through the senses.  We aren’t all better, but it helped.  It helped a lot.  Helped us remember, I guess.  Even Irusana was affected, seeking my lap while we sang.  She got pets and ear rubs.

After songtime I went to tuck in my littles, but found them already being read to.  Leorah Two was smiling at them, reading to them.  Stroking Dee’s hair.  I watched as she leaned over and kissed Daniel’s forehead.  Something tightened in my chest, and I backed out of the room, blinking hard.

I slipped back to my changed rooms, where Briri waited to help me unlace the back of this dress.  It's nice to need help only for a minute instead of for every little thing.  Solas showed up just a moment ago.  I don’t know how I feel about this day.  Good things and bad things.  Lots of changes.  It wasn’t exactly what I wanted or expected, that’s for sure.


	178. Day 2, 2 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regaining control, using my words, Hug Day Do overs and kid cuddles.

**Day 2, 2 Harvestmere, 9:41**

I had been writing at the vanity.  Solas ran his hand over the wood, looking pensive.  “What is it, Solas?”

“The person who made this.  Who was it?”

“Zatlan.  I think.  It…”  I trailed off.  I mean, how do you explain it FEELS like Zatlan?  He just nodded.  He got it.  I think.

“The other items as well?  The bed?  The wardrobe?  The theme is continued.”

“Yes.”

He took his hand down.  “They are quite lovely.  Your Zatlan does pleasant work, ma’lath.”

“I know.”  He gathered up my papers and pen, stacking them neatly.  “I’m being ungrateful.  I know.  I’m trying.”

“I said nothing of the kind.”  His hands ran through my hair.

“It smells wrong.”

“The smell can be improved.”  He leaned down to my ear, inhaling deeply.  “Shall I tell you the smells I would prefer?”

I shrugged, thinking about things.  He kissed the side of my neck, then picked me up.  He sat on the couch with me, letting me curl up in his lap.  I could feel the vibrating of his emotion.  “Why are you displeased, a grá?”

“I am not displeased with you.”  We stayed like that a long while.  I suppose I was just grumping about.  “May I shape your space?”

I’d never heard those words outside the fade.  “What?”  He repeated himself.  “What would you do?”

“Nothing you would be upset about.  Nothing to harm you or yours.”

I was cautious.  I don't need licking walls around here or anything of the sort.  “So long as you are willing to undo things.”

“Where would you place your bed, ma’nehn?”  I blinked, still across him.  That seemed a non-sequitor.  “Rearrange the room.  Put things where you wish.  Every other place you stamp as your own.  Stamp this one.”

That made me think.  I got off him, examining the space.  I could exert control over this, change it how I wanted.  The pieces were fine, they felt safe.  The intrusion wasn’t.  This was something I needed to do.  He stood up, putting his hands on my shoulders from behind.  “Wherever you want it, we will put it.”

Once I made up my mind, things slid, moved, even floated to where I wanted.  The bed in the corner, stretching into the room.  The other pieces shifted around.  The couch slightly askew from the wall, the table not quite aligned with it.  Not rigid and squared, organic and homey, more natural and lived in.

I rolled up the rugs.  I wanted my own.  I changed the color of some of the pillows.  Ethalathe blue is pretty, but all blue is not comfortable.  A few peaches, a deep pink accent pillow in the middle.  Cream accents to match the walls.  Those I let alone, just deepening the cream a hair to nearly a fresh homemade butter color.

I narrowed my eyes at the furniture.  I could see them trying to move it back.  I let myself out a bit further, and fixed the objects to the floor.  Cement, and glue, and the idea of pegs, these things are not foreign to me.  And magic is just another way to make reality.  The furniture was going nowhere soon.  When I was finished, I felt very lethargic, exhausted in a way I haven’t been in a while.

It didn’t take long, and I turned to Solas.  He met my eyes, taking a deep breath.  Comfort wrapped around me, and he pulled me to him.  My ear on his chest.  His heartbeat was soothing.  I could feel how pleased he was with my actions.  “The smell is still wrong, blaud.”

A corner of his mouth quirked up.  “Then we can fix it.  What precisely is wrong, and how would you like it fixed?  Take this thing back from them.”  His hand toyed with a strand of hair, fingers stroked my neck, and his eyes glinted in the dim light.  The tired feeling was fading as he cupped my cheek, bringing my face to his.  Elven words murmured against my temple, and I knew them.  “< _Lay claim, my love_. >”

I shivered at the words.  Depth, multiple meanings.  I wasn’t going to delve the nuances.  “There is not enough Dorian in here, nor you.”

A flash of pique at the first one, quickly hidden.  He was annoyed I’d mentioned Dorian first.  Luckily he chose not to say anything.  I wasn’t up for any more strife.  “Even you have been washed away.”

I handwaved that.  “A minor detail, fixed with time.”  But I had some ideas about fixing the lack of him here.  He let me lead him to the bed.  “But the lack of you?  I have little time to fix before you leave me again.”  We handled the issue of scent rather effectively, after that.

My dreams were just dreams, no visitors and no studying.  Not even memories, really.  Old earth dreams, laying the mind fallow and allowing me to process.  I stayed within them, and didn’t change them.  Giving my SELF a rest.

I woke to someone knocking on the door.  I’d bolted it last night, because we were busy.  Too often I get interrupted.  I opened my eyes, still bleary.  “Ugh.  Can I quit and try again tomorrow?”

“You can.  Are you sure you wish to do this?”  A tongue licked up my ear.  “I can think of many things to keep you occupied.”  The door sounded again.  “But perhaps you ought to at least investigate the noise.”

I wrapped myself in the robe, rubbing my eyes.  Unbolting the door, there were a surprising amount of people there.  Garalen had her back to the doorjamb, deceptively relaxed.  Halton held a few papers.  Briri was standing there with an armful of clothing.  Ewan had a tray from the kitchens. Those I could all understand.  But they didn’t get the chance to talk first, because from the back of the pile I heard, “You’re late.”

“Late?”

Foxtripper elbowed his way closer.  “Yep.  Sun’s up, Midget.  Time to see what you’ve lost while galavanting around in the shitpile.”

Something about the way he said it made happy bloom.  “Give me half an hour to get dressed and fed, and I’ll be there.”

“Your coffee is waiting.”  He grumbled something else at the assembled group as he limped off.  I didn’t catch it.

“Two minutes, then you can come in.”  I slid back inside and shut the door, leaning against it.

“Not quitting?”

“Regrettably, no.  Too much to do, Grohiik.  Too many things.  I…  Can I talk to you later?  About one of mine?”

“I am always willing to talk.”  He was already dressed.  His face slid against my cheek.  “I think the couch still smells new.  We shall have to do something about that.”  His lips against my ear, he breathed, warmth and damp.  “Soon, ma’sulahn’nehn.”  He pulled back.  “If you have need, I will provide.”  I nodded as he slipped out the door.

Apparently that was the signal that everyone could come in.  Garalen planted her rear on the couch after noting the new positioning of the furniture.  I’m not sure why she was so fiercely satisfied.  Briri stopped short when she spotted the changes.  It’s probably wrong of me to be pleased.

Ewan just traipsed in and placed the tray on the little table.  I smiled at him.  He dipped into a bow, ignoring my state of dress.  “Is there anything else, Chrissy?”

“You have lessons with my other kids this morning, and I’d like you to spend the afternoon with either your parents or Zatlan.  Could you please ask him to find my pictures, my rugs, and especially my clay sculpture?  I need them back.”

“I’ll go right now!”  He lit off with the exuberance of the young.

Briri was still standing near the door.  “You can come in, Briri.”

That snapped her out of it.  She bustled in as usual, laying out my clothing.  First exercise clothing, but different.  There was the dress with the side laces for later, as well.  I wouldn’t even need help putting it on.  At least Leorah was taking me seriously about the stuff from Orlais only being used in Orlais.  Then Briri mentioned something about changing for dinner.

“Not today.  I have too much to do.”

“But miss, you will be at the upper table.”

I looked at her.  “It’s supposedly my table, yes?”

“So I was told?”

“Then it doesn’t matter what I wear.  I will set the standard for my table.”  She stood there a moment, blinking.  I think I was messing with her too much.  “Could you please find Irusana’s things and return them to the bathroom?  And when my rugs are returned, please lay them about as you see fit.”

“As you wish.”

“And Briri?  The others are no longer allowed in here without specific permission.  I’ll give you a list of allowed people later, but until then, no one but you and Ewan.”  Gara cleared her throat.  “Gara, you’ll be on the list I make up.”  That appeased her.

I didn’t need Briri’s help, but I let her give it.  The exercise clothing was not what I’d used before.  “Silk, Briri?”

“He said, I mean exactly what I say.  Tell her that.”

It took me a moment.  Silks would grace this skin.  It was thick, thicker than any silk I’d ever seen.  It wasn’t the stuff that fluttered and clung.  Still soft, but not as distracting against the skin.  Even more, it seemed to change color as it moved.  At once blue and green, shimmering from one to the other.

There was enough food on the tray for me and an army, so we three shared.  No coffee.  Damn it.  At least Briri was willing to eat with me.  She’s calming down, I guess.

Ewan is an amazing little guy.  He showed up just as I was about to grab the tray to take to Cook.  Much like Briri, he’s got the knack for being just unobtrusive enough.  He lifted tray from right between my hands with a smile, and was off before I could say anything.

Halton was at his desk.  I went to speak with him and he shooed me.  “The Chargers want you up at the tavern.  The papers will wait a bit.”  He paused.  “It’s good to have you back, my lady.”

“Chrissy, Halton.  I’m just Chrissy.”

“I know.  Off with you, don’t keep Foxtripper waiting.  Last thing we need is them to hunt for something again.”

That diverted me.  “Hunt for something?  What’d they look for?”

“The spotted kitten from the barn.  Anna was quite upset when she went missing.”

I think, but I’m not sure, that Anna is Gretel’s daughter.  Cook’s granddaughter.  “Did they find her?”

“She was in the hospital, sleeping in the clean bandages.  The doctor was quite irate.”

“Well, the place looks great for being tossed over.”  That made him smile, and I left.

Foxtripper had absolutely no mercy in him.  I got a huge lecture on not exercising, not practicing, not caring about my own safety.  “It’ll take up to three minutes for one of your guards to kill the aggressor.  And that’s after they get to you!  You have to stay alive that long.  Again, and this time, faster!”  And Andrew, the jerk, was putting up the magic dulling spheres.  I’m still not good in those.  Not quite tripping over my feet, but really?  Ugh.  I’m covered in bruises again, but at least they’re not from clothing.

When we were done, I got coffee and conversation.  They’d been in Orlais as well, even though we’d not seen them.  Talking to other mercenary bands, while Josie worked her magic among the nobles.  We have several more groups that have signed up with the Inquisition.  The events at Halamshiral shook everything up, and the Chargers took advantage of that.  Not something I remembered from the game, but it’s been so long.  Is it another change?  I don’t know.

I was going to go to the stables, but I remembered there was no Drummer waiting for me.  I meandered my way back to my rooms, checking on things on the way.  Uncle Enborr has asked me to check on Uncle Alex.  He’s slower than he used to be, and grumpy.  I showed up a few times today in the undercroft until I was told I was in the way.  Just between things, before dinner, and so on.  Alex is FINE and I need to quit trying to coddle him.  I didn’t let on how much him lying to me upset me.

After changing into my regular clothes, I made up a list of people allowed in my room.  A short list.  Gara, Gunny, Andrew, Elias.  Solas, Dorian, Briri, Ewan.  Eadras, Cara, and Leorah if I’m in there.  Everyone else needs permission.  Ahead of time.  Eleven people is still way too many, but at least it’s not hundreds.  I handed the list to Briri while she was laying out my rugs.  It’s weird, but I think she was happy I’d given her stuff to do.  Briri was going to get - her words - to do all the things she is supposed to, since the regular housemaids aren’t coming in.  “Also, nothing comes in or out without my knowledge and consent.  Not soaps, linens, furniture, books, anything.  Dorian can authorize books.”

“I understand.”  I’m securing my rooms.  I shouldn’t have to.  But there it is.

The rest of the morning was spent in the stillroom.  The herbs and such were a mess.  I got them reorganized, and the stock rotated.  I’m not sure who was handling things in my absence, but they are not good at it.  I’ll have to find out and designate someone else next time.  Renee had been with me, so maybe the doctor or one of the other mages.

Linens and such were in perfect order, as I’d thought they’d be.  Jailyn is very good at what she does.  Soap for a year was curing.  The second -third?- undercroft was a noxious place.  Hides in various stages of tanning.  I didn’t know it would smell so bad.  I literally had to hold a cloth over my nose and my eyes were tearing up.  There was such an intense ammonia smell.

I actually asked Garalen about it after we left and I got a few lungfuls of clean air.  “I thought they used brains and herbs.  What are they using, pure ammonia?”

“Maybe.  I don’t know that word.  When doing large batches, stale urine works better, faster, but it stinks.  They’ll be done in a week or two.”

“I don’t know how that smell isn’t percolating everywhere!”

She just shrugged.  “At least they’re doing many at once.  They must have finished the fall slaughter.”  I hadn’t even considered that.  All those little babies from when we moved in, the half-grown pigs, who knows what else.  Maybe even a cow.  I’m definitely not a farm girl.  I set it aside.  They can worry about all that, and you know, do their thing.  And I’m not petting any more babies.

Garalen put her hand on my shoulder.  “Chrissy?”

I’d been distracted in my thoughts.  “Sorry.  What’s next?”

“That’s not…”

“What is it, Gara?”

“Something’s wrong.  Really wrong, and you’re not sharing.  Why are you so upset?”

“The smell was terrible, and I may have coddled the dead animals they’re pickling in there.”  I wiped my eyes on the cloth I’d been using, leaning back against the wall.  Not looking at her.  They were still watering, and I think the smell burned my nosehair.

The misdirection didn’t work.  Either they’re all onto me, or she’s getting used to me.  She narrowed her eyes, the movement catching my peripheral vision.  “Zatlan is worried.”

“Why?”

“I should probably let him tell you.”

“If Zatlan is worried, I need to know.”

“He said something odd.  His gift made you sad, instead of pleased.”

“This is not the place to discuss this.”

“You haven’t hugged anyone today, and you said today was a Hug Day.”

I looked around.  There were people who were paying attention.  “I’m not discussing this here.  We need to find somewhere else.”

“Let’s get Zatlan, as well.”  I just let her start off.  I would have followed along, but she was having none of it.  She waited for me, troubled.

“Chill, Gara.  It’s not a big deal.”  She was behaving very oddly.  She stretched her arm sort of behind me, keeping me next to the wall and away from the people bustling to and fro.  “Is there something I should know?”

“Where are we going, Chrysopal?”

“Let’s see if my roof is still there.”  She nodded.  I’d taken Andrew there, so she had probably heard about it.  She gathered Zatlan along the way, and somehow Gunny ended up with us.

The wall was mostly restored, so going across was no big deal.  A table and chair had been moved there, and two metal mugs were rolled into a corner.  Leaves and other detritus littered the space.  I leaned against the upper roof portion, eyeing them.  This felt like an intervention.  I was only missing Eadras.

“Alright, guys.  Spill.”

Zatlan spoke first.  “I can redo them.  If you want.”  He was focused on his woodwork.

“I won’t let you touch them.  The only good thing about this is your furniture.”  He blinked, surprised.

“Then why?”

“Did you come back to the same sleeping space you left?”

“Of course.”

“Nobody moved your tools, hid the things you’ve made, took your keepsakes and gifts?”

“Why would they move my things?”  I could feel all of their confusion.

“Yeah.  Exactly.  Why would they?  I’ve given in on so many things.  I’m wearing dresses.  I’m playing nice with the nobles.  I don’t even object to you guys calling me my lady and bowing and shit anymore, because you seem to need it so bad.  I take defense lessons, riding practice, tests and poking.”

I sucked air in, shifting my being. Not enough to SEE, but opening a little.  The glowy stuff is so plentiful here.  I could feel their concern, their awkwardness.  The faster I cycled the glowy dust through my system, the more calm I felt.

“I want the gifts my littles gave me back.  The carving of me and Irusana.  The pictures.  That ugly clay sculpture.  My afghan.  I want to not feel like a stranger in my own room.  There wasn’t a trace of me left.  Nothing.”

Gunny reached out a hand, then let it drop.  “If you don’t like something, if you want something, you should use your words.  You said so.”

“Use my words?  Seriously?  How many times have I asked people not to call me my lady?  How many times have I asked for pants?  To stop bowing as I pass, alerting everyone with an axe to grind exactly who and what I am?  To treat others how they wish to be treated, like you would want to be treated?”

Gara shifted from foot to foot for a moment.  The first time I’ve seen her restless like that.  I lowered my voice a bit.  “The only way using your words works is if people actually LISTEN.  And apparently I’m not someone to be listened to except when it’s convenient.  A doll you can prop up and say see?  It’s her.  She’s the one.  How about the rest of you use your words instead of assuming!”

I took a deep breath.  “I’m sorry.  Of all the people I could be yelling at, it’s you guys here.  You’re not the ones I’m unhappy with.  Hell, you guys came home the same time I did.”  I glanced up at Zatlan.  “You won’t get that furniture back.  It’s mine now, and I fixed it so no one could take it.  Don’t even think about it.”  He looked startled at that.  “And no, I don’t read minds.”  I read emotions a bit.

Gunny leaned on the roof next to me, his side touching my shoulder.  There was a long moment of silence, from all of them.  Then he spoke.  “I get it.  We came home, and you didn’t get to.”

“Yeah.  I guess so.  So since I’m supposedly in charge, I’m going to have to do some thinking.”

Garalen stood up straight. “If you leave, I go with you.”  Zatlan echoed it.

“I’m not leaving.  Skyhold, according to the Inquisition, is mine.  Effectively mine, at least.  I’m staying right here for at least another year or two.”

An accented voice came from above me.  “So you did manage to steal it.”

Damn it.  “This was a private meeting, Zevran.”

“Then perhaps you should have locked the door, no?”  He jumped down to the roof space.  “At least you are good at shouting at a whisper.”  He didn’t come close to us, staying a good few feet away.

“Did you want something?”

“Not today.  Today is supposed to be a day of rest from our journeys.  Time with friends.  I did hear a rumor about hug days, of course.”

“Yes, today is supposed to be a hug day.”  I huffed it, I know.

Meeting was over anyway.  I was feeling guilty for venting at them.  The person I really needed to talk to was Eadras.  So I hugged Gunny first.  Garalen held tightly a long time.  Zatlan got a kiss on the temple, but shushed my attempt at apologizing.  Zev threw an arm over my shoulders for a minute.  “My dear Leliana would like to see you.  When you have time, of course.”

“I’ll make time.  If not today, then tomorrow.”

“I will let her know.”  I thanked him, and he hopped off the roof to the ground.  Looks like he’s not averse to playing with Skyhold magic.  The rest of us followed a bit later.

I started hugging people in the stable.  Josren and Cara were sitting starry eyed and entwined hands on a hay bale, and jumped up when they saw me.  Then Cara turned a deep red as I squeezed her shoulder.  Gethon and some of the others got hugs, too.  I didn’t ask about the guy yesterday.  If he’s alive, he’s in the prison, and I’ll deal with him later.

Isa was in the bathhouse, and she’s got a padded chair to sit on.  Mika was hanging out with Eustace and that crew now that running around with messages is uncomfortable.  Not sure exactly what the job is, but I don’t particularly care, either.  Philomena got her squinches in as well.  Renee and Janet got hugs, too.  I told Janet I needed to talk to her about misaligned bones, and she knew exactly what and who I was talking about.  I was going to talk to Solas, but Janet was there.

The forge guys of course got hugs.  They get them every day I drop by, not just hug days.  Forge cuddles are some of the best cuddles ever.  Enborr said he needed to talk to me about one of his journeymen when I got the chance.  Tavern people, Chargers, they got their hugs, too.

I didn’t see Solas as I hunted Dorian out. He, Cole, and Helisma were in talks over a list.  Helisma spotted me first.  “Yes, of course.  It is a hug day.  Improving morale and physical well-being through touch.”  She gave me a rather mechanical hug, but she offered it to me, before I got the chance.

Cole is usually up for hugs.  “They don’t mean to hurt.  They don’t understand.”

“I know, Cole.  It’s okay.” Dorian held me tight while I responded. I turned my attention to him.  “My room doesn’t smell like you anymore, love.”

“Then I shall absolutely have to visit.  Perhaps loan you my perfume?”

“I’d prefer the visit.  We’re always too busy recently.”

“Yes, and about to get busier.  Speaking of which, I would be delighted to claim an hour or so of your time, tomorrow.”

“Of course.  Anytime, even today, if you want.”

“Regrettably, dove, that doesn’t quite work.  Tomorrow afternoon is soon enough.  Wear something pretty.”  It’s all pretty, but I didn’t say that to him.

Sam and the advisors, and Cassandra, were holed up in the war room, so I didn’t snag them for hugs.  I did come out for Varric, who wants to talk to me tomorrow morning.  “Just going over the mail, Cuddles.  Nothing bad.”

It was late afternoon before Jailyn caught me with some household questions.  No, we are not dying all the linens Ethelathe blue.  White is far easier to clean.  Thank goodness she heaved a sigh of relief at that.

I checked on Cook and Hadrian and the others.  Cook is not really more coherent now than yesterday.  I found out why.  She’s high as a flipping kite.  Laudanum, in meadowsweet tea.  No wonder it’s good for pain.  Gretel and Hadrian are handling the kitchens.

I really need to talk to Solas about her leg.  It’s not hot, or red.  No streaks.  Just… Not exactly right.  Shifted a quarter inch to the left kind of thing.  She’d probably be fine even if I do nothing, but I want a third opinion.

I finally saw the kids at dinner again.  Those were the best snuggles of the day.  Dum looked at me.  “I missed you last night, Chrissy.  Did you forget about us?”

“No, sweetie, but your governess was reading to you.  I didn’t want to interrupt the story.”

“That’s silly!  The words will still be there after our kisses.”

“You know, you’re absolutely right.  You feel that way too, boys?”  Dee and Daniel nodded, adding their two cents.  Mostly that they always want hugs from me.  “Well then.  I won’t let storytime stop me again.”

Sam and the others didn’t make it out for dinner, so I let the girls up to the main table with me.  One thing about teenage girls, they’re exuberant enough to cover or relieve just about any brooding.  I was feeling better by the end of the day.

I got to read the rest of my letters before songtime, curled in the papasan chair.  No one else seems to use it, so yay me.  The highever teens are having a great time, but they’re worried.  There have been more and more “close calls” on Curtis.  All accidental, of course.  Things falling from the roof as he passes.  A soldier getting stung by a bee just as he released his arrow from the bow.  Practice blades being a little too sharpened for training.  I’m going to have to write back this time.

Nearly everyone showed up for songtime again, and I got to hug the people I missed.  I’m becoming cynical again, I suppose, because I’m wondering how long it will take to drop off this time.  Eadras pulled me aside as they sang.  He needs to talk to me tomorrow.  He was shockingly deferential, enough that I’m actually a bit worried.  Anyway, is there a schedule I don’t know about that blocked off today?  Halton said there wasn’t, so maybe it’s just everyone being nice and giving people time to rest.

I stopped at my desk after songtime and wrote a whole bunch of personal notes to the housekeeping staff.  I put a seal on each one, with the ring I was given.  It made me think that perhaps we need some sort of seal for Ethelathe, too.

Storytime was still in progress when I went to visit my boys.  I stood in the doorway a long moment, just watching.  The boys noticed me and started jabbering.  I got more information about their day in thirty seconds than I’d gotten all through dinner.  Leorah Two closed the book, a slip of paper in her place.  She was completely comfortable with me coming in.  I kissed and hugged and tucked, feeling better today than yesterday by far.

My biggest surprise of the day, though, was when I finally went back to my room.  My rugs were laid about.  That I’d expected, seeing Briri getting them organized earlier.  But my afghan was over the back of the couch.  She’d found it.  Or maybe it hadn’t actually been lost.  A pile of pictures lay under the horrible clay sculpture on the vanity.  A dented paper airplane graced the pile of books on the side table.  Irusana's things had been returned to the bathroom, and a few yarn balls from my bag were strewn about.  It looked not quite messy, and far more like mine.

“I tried to straighten the couch, but it wouldn’t move.”

“It won’t.  I like it where it is.”

“Of course, miss.”  She didn't comment further, just brushing the clothing and hanging it in the wardrobe.  Which was odd, because usually they bring stuff in every morning.

Nightgowns and writing, and kittens attacking toes.  Not so much a kitten anymore, I suppose.  She’s grown quite a bit.  I’ve been playing with her with laser lights and string while I write.  It’s time to head for bed, I suppose.  I’m going to read a bit to clear my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 15 of the explicit side covers this chapter's beginning in more detail.


	179. Day 3, 3 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talks, debts, surprises, and new teachers.

**Day 3, 3 Harvestmere, 9:41**

I hadn’t realized how much I missed having a plethora of books to read.  I was surprised to find that there were two books on the substance and function of the veil in my stack.  I left them alone for now, my eyes alighting on Ferelden: Folklore and History.  I’ve read other things by Sister Petrine, and she’s interesting.  Backs her shit up with documentation, and has actual indexes and reference sections.

I was startled when he pulled the book from my hands.  He was literally over me, his face close enough to kiss.  “You concentrate so hard.  What fascinates you so about this book?”

I let him take it, barely caring when he closed it without saving my place.  “I like myths and legends.  And parables and such.  If you can understand the mindset of a group, you can see what they consider good, normal, scary, bad.  Even if they’re completely made up, they mean something.”

The book was laid on the little table.  I’d thought we were going to discuss what I’d been reading.  His eyes were already a dark purple.  “Always, ma’sulahn’nehn, you are interesting.” He then bit my bottom lip gently.  His torso lowered, legs stretched to tangle with mine.  Now how can a girl argue with that?  We, uhm, proceeded to fix the scent problem with the couch, and went to bed.  We made extra sure his scent was going to linger there, as well.

I had barely closed my eyes when there was knock at the door.   Again?  I rolled over and glared at the ceiling.

“I bolted the door.”  There was way too much humor in his tone.  I grumbled at him, and he smirked.  It was dark, so I didn’t see it, but it was there.  Jerk.  “They knock, because they cannot get in.”

“What time is it?  I really need to bug Dagna about watches.”

“Watches?  I do not believe she handles the watch schedules, ma’nehn.”

“Handheld timekeeping devices.  There’s a distinct lack of accurate timekeeping around here.  Relying on approximates and bell chimes gets aggravating.”

“Ah.  Perhaps such timekeeping is unnecessary?”  The door sounded again, and I groaned.  “Shall I get that?”  He nuzzled at my neck, darkening the mark he’d left.  “You could quit.”

“I guess.  If you like.  And I can’t quit.  Not today.”

He rolled out of bed, and I got up.  I swear he wasn’t wearing pants in bed, but he was wearing them when he opened the door.  I got there a few steps behind him after pulling something on.  “Faolan?  Who is it?”

He stepped back, opening the door wider.  Sidestepping past him, Briri came in, arms full of fabric again.  She looked torn about something.  Like she wanted to curtsy, but didn’t dare.  I’m not sure if she wanted to curtsy to him, or to me.  At least she wasn’t afraid.  I smiled and waved her in.  “You brought me choices today!”

“I did, miss.  We have the blue, and the gray.  Which one would you like?”  She smiled back as Solas shut the door behind her.

“No exercise clothing?”

“It’s a normal clothes day.  Foxtripper wants you in your “stupid sleeves”.  Says if you’re gonna wear them, you’re going to use them.”  She paused.  “Oh, and he says no breakfast today, until afterwards.”

“Fantabulous.”

She looked at my neck.  “Hiding or flaunting?”

“Flaunting.”  A smooth baritone.  I hadn’t even opened my mouth.  He arched a brow, waiting for me to say something.

I shrugged.  “Flaunting.  Let’s go with the gray.  It’s Dorian’s favorite.”  I almost laughed at the look on Solas’ face.  Microexpressions.  If you blink, you miss it.  I smirked at him, and he glowered back.  He knew I was teasing.  A phantom kiss, and he was gone.  He’d left his tunic.  Damn it, I’d forgotten to talk to him about Ethel Cook again.

Briri hung the blue in my wardrobe!  Maybe Leorah’s finally listening.  Anyway, dressed, with the armbands under everything and the aquamarine around my ankle.  I put my hair up with my magic sticks, having to move Irusana every two seconds.  Everything I touched, she wanted to have.  The stranger in the mirror looks tired, circles under her eyes.

Foxtripper and Krem were waiting for me.  They were going to show me what to do if someone grabbed my sleeve.  Luckily with the long sleeves, I had options and the ability to move.  “Don’t think of it as he’s got you, Chrissy.  Think of it as you have him.  He’s on your sleeve, and you have control of it.”  At least I was doing it with plenty of dust about.

Breakfast and gossip with the Chargers, and a cup of coffee or three, and I ran off to talk to Eustace.  Too many things to enumerate here, but we finished up on soldiers and their kits.  The soldiers were few and far between now.  They’ve headed out in companies and battalions for the last two weeks.  The riverside was nearly empty.  Cullen was leaving this afternoon with a contingent of two companies.  Just one was being left behind, in the command of Belinda Darrow.  That’s a woman I need to make time to meet.

Liam was being a runner, getting last minute details on the supply situation.  He was going with.  Which made me a bit snarly.  I pulled him behind the hospital by his pauldron.  “You call me, if you need me.  If you even think you MIGHT need me.  You hear me?”  I gave him the password we’d cooked up.  Eh-mih lee-lih nah.  “You got it?”  He nodded, repeating the password.  His thread lit up golden, so that’s good.  “Even if you think I can’t help from Skyhold, you call.”

“I promise, my lady.  If I need you, I’ll use it.”

“Even from the Western Approach.  YOU CALL ME.  If you get hurt, and you haven’t called me, I’m going to be so mad at you.”  I was shaking him by the shoulder, but he had this little half-smile on his face.  Probably because he’s twice my size.

He shocked the hell out of me by dropping to his knee, holding both of my hands.  He was trying to relieve my mind, I think.  Making himself smaller?  “I promise, my lady.  I will obey where you would be obeyed.  Care where you would care.  Shun whoever you shun.”  Little shit was smirking at me.  He sobered.  “I follow where you lead.”  There wasn’t the sense I’d felt before, like when Zatlan swore to me.  The idea that something would grab hold, not let go.

There was, however, something sincere under the playful.  So small, but a hook into him.  Zatlan, Gunny, they’d bound themselves to me somehow.  This was different.  A pledge, but more breakable.  His words lingered, heard by the whispers around me.  Murmurs trying to tell me what I could do.  So many horrible things.  Wonderful things.  Just things.

My stomach dropped, and I swallowed.  The quiet prattle slid away as I ignored it.  It would have been easy, so easy to trap him.  Too easy.  I need to talk to Cole.

“Just come home safe, Liam.  That is all I want.”

“I shall strive to do my best.”

“Get up, now.  Come on.”  He stood, escorting me back to the Main Hall.  He left me at the door with a fist across his chest.

I strolled up to Varric.  “You wanted to talk to me, Storyteller.”

He shoved his plate back, nearly knocking over the fruit bowl.  “Sure did.  Got some papers you might want to see, Cuddles.”

I sat next to him on the bench, and reached out to snitch a bit of dried apricot.  He smacked my hand with the sheaf of papers he was holding.  “Hey!”

“That’s my lunch.”

“The whole bowl?”

He looked at me oddly.  “The plate.”

“I’m grabbing from the bowl.”

“Whatever.  I want the stuff on the plate.”

“Then why are you staring at it instead of eating it?”

“Never mind that.  I’ll get to it in a minute.”  We spent probably a half hour going over the patents we’d gotten. (Orlais, and Ferelden, and Rivain, of all places.  A few of the Free Marches, too.)  He explained that the Orzammar official stuff would take longer, but we could begin production now.  We weren’t competing with any of their products.

“We’ll have to start small.  We don’t have the manpower for this.  Maybe we can get a silversmith.”

He waved a hand, dumping the planning in my lap.  “The ink is the genius thing.”

“Oh?  The ink is Adan’s doing, you know.”

“Not that.  That the pen needs a special ink at all.  I tried refilling this thing with regular ink.”

“Oh.  That wouldn’t have worked so well.”

“It didn’t.  I had to get Gruff in the Armory to clean it out for me.”  I didn’t say anything.  “Right.  The ink Adan makes is good for dipping and for this new pen.”

“So it is.”  I infused my voice with surprise, just to play with him.

“Stop that.  What I mean is, we don’t need to worry about the pen so much.  People are going to copy the pen, you can’t stop that.  Don’t want to.  Copycats make the real thing worth more.  We need to lock up the ink.”

“You already sent out paperwork to do that.”

A smile bloomed across his face.  “Why, so I did.  And it just happens that there is a page, right there, that you need to read.”  He handed me a letter.  Orzammar had approved the ink!  The pen they were still deciding, but as far as the dwarves were concerned, the ink was all mine!  Well, Ethelathe.  And Adan, of course.  My name and Adan’s were the ones officially on the paperwork, which I hadn’t expected.  Adan would have been able to do it on  his own.  He knows the difference between a solution and a suspension.  It was just easier that I told him that he needed a solution, not a suspension.

Honestly, it made my day.  I smooched the dwarf and stole his papers to show Adan.  He laughed at me as I headed up to the alchemy lab.  Adan was busy, but he took a moment to read the document.  “It gives me credit, too, Adan.  I didn’t write the paperwork.”

He shrugged.  “You had the idea.  Who thinks about changing the ink?”

“You don’t mind?”

“It’s foolish to keep discoveries to yourself.  What happens when a big-ass hole in the sky kills everyone who knows?  What then?  This way, the formulas won’t get lost.”  He eyed me.  “What other little discoveries are locked up in that devious head of yours?”

“Hell, I don’t know.  My chemistry classes were a long time ago.  The only reason I knew about the ink is because I was playing with calligraphy once upon a time.  It didn’t stick.  Chicken scratches remain.”  I thought for a moment.  “You like fire and explosions.  Do you know anything about red phosphorus?”

“Phosphorus is white or yellow, Chrissy.”

“So it is, until you bake it in a hot oven for a bit.  Hotter than cake-baking, and longer, but less than lead melting?  I don’t know what units you use for heat.  Away from air so it doesn’t ignite.”

He blinked.  “Why red phosphorous?”

“It’s stable at room temperature, even at the height of summer in the tropics.”  I tossed that as I was leaving.  I owed it to him, since I got half-credit for the ink.  I won’t tell him that, though.  And if he figures out red phosphorus, I might be able to figure out matches.

Elias apparently had the late morning shift.  He hauled  me off to get food before he let me do anything else.  I hadn’t even gotten any paperwork done.  I stopped off at the stables to check on the numbers with Dennet.  He’s sending a bunch of horses back to the Hinterlands for the winter.  Not many remain, of course, but the dracolisks, both of them, need twice the space each.  He doesn’t want to send any dracolisks to his ranch for obvious reasons.

I went through the assembled soldiers as they gathered.  Hugs and admonishments to be careful. And double-hugs with Liam.  I got to the front, and came face to face with Cullen.  He kept just a hair further back from me than usual.  “Cullen, be careful out there.”

“Varric says I should ask you for advice.”

“You’re the Commander.  I’m not even in the armies.”

“The Inquisitor is headed to a Tevinter-era Tower the Warden and Hawke found.  You said Adamant Fortress.”

“Did I?”

“The Inquisitor is sending us to Western Orlais, just in case.  Half the army is camping on the edge of the sands.”

I have no idea why he was telling me all this.  “Okay.”

“He ordered the contingents in the Free Marches left in place.”

“Cullen…”

“Be nice to Darrow.”

“I will do my best.”  I knocked on his breastplate.  “We have our issues, but you don’t think you’re leaving for months without a hug, do you?”  He relaxed a bit, and carefully gave me a one-armed hug.  “Did you write it down, what I asked?”

“She’s got orders.  Written orders.”

“Thank you.”  We bid our goodbyes, and I went inside. I didn’t feel like watching them ride out, so I went up to the Atrium.

Once again, no Solas visible.  Sighing, I plopped in his chair.  I really needed to ask him about how to fix Cook’s leg.  A voice startled me.  “There you are, darling.  I’ll be ready in a bit.  Did you need something?”

“Not really.  Kind of.  I don’t know if you could help.”

“Come on up and we can talk while I get things ready.”  That peaked my curiosity, so I traipsed up the stairs.  “Now, what has you so pensive, my dove?”

“I need to know more about healing.  Cook’s leg broke, and I think the bones are improperly set.  Which can lead to major issues.  With the soft tissue swelling, I can’t tell for sure, and she’s in no condition to test it.  The doctor “twisted it back”, which could mean anything from a spiral fracture to a numb foot.  But should even a serious break be swelling several days later?”  I’d been looking out the window, and the silence made me turn to him.  He was looking at me, perplexed.  “What?”

“I think you underestimate yourself.  How do you know about this?”

“Cook told me.  They’re dosing her with poppy and meadowsweet, so she’s not the most coherent.”

“Which bones are these?”

I don’t know what they’re called.  “The ones below the knee?  The shin, and the other one?”

“Both?”

“I think so.”

“There is nothing sticking through the skin?”

“Not that I saw.”

“I’m not the best healer, but bones I know.  Necromancy, you understand.”

That made me smile.  “Could you maybe take a look?  Janet’s going to, but I’d like another opinion.”

He finished stacking some books and a few odds and ends, and put some papers in a folder.  “Opinions?  I can certainly hold forth on a plethora of topics.”  Brat.  I didn’t say it, but he smiled like he’d heard it before he continued.  “Now, Cole has called a friend here to help oversee your studies while I’m gone, but we don’t know how long it will take for him to get here.  In the meantime, we’ve agreed you need instruction.  The Inquisitor made a suggestion.”

“Who’s we?”

“Let’s take a walk, my dear.”

I tucked my hand in his arm, and we wandered out into the courtyard.  “Where are we going?”  My question was answered as we went right through the doors to the barracks area.  “The prison?”

“Yes.  Play nice, dove.”  We stopped in front of Gereon Alexius.  “Gereon.”

“Good afternoon, Dorian.  I see you brought her.  It’s so nice to see you again, little elf.”  I was surprised by the polite tone, but not so happy at the way he eyed the love bite on my collarbone. Sneering at me, without actually sneering, if that makes sense.

I turned my face to Dorian, saying nothing.  “Chrissy, are you going to say hello?”  I opened my mouth to do so, and a horrible feeling washed over me.  I had to talk to Dorian.

I tugged at his arm, pulling him a few steps away.  “You made me promise not to speak to him.  How can I deal with him if we can’t talk?”

He looked perplexed.  “But of course you can talk to him.  I wouldn’t expect you to keep silent with a teacher, Dove.”  That horrible feeling eased.  I mean, I take promises seriously, but that was weird.  Really weird.

We moved back to the cell.  “Good afternoon, Magister Alexius.”

There was surprise, hidden quickly.  “You have an unusual accent-”  He paused.  “Theneras?  Or something else?”

“Most people seem to call me Etheling recently.  Chrysopal works, as well.  Theneras was gifted, Trevelyan forced.  I prefer neither of those.”

“Etheling.  What does that mean, Chrysopal?”  It’s going to be interesting to fence with this guy.  I can tell.  If we end up fencing.

“I have no idea.”  I looked at his cell.  Fairly well appointed, books, a real bed.  I looked at Dorian.  “Is he required to remain here?”

“Unless he is accompanied by two templars.”

“I see.”  Alexius’ eyes narrowed.  I didn’t pay much attention, touching Andrew and Michael’s threads.  They weren’t occupied, and Michael was bored anyway.  Andrew’s never bored.  Gunny was busy doing something, so I left him be.  I returned my attention to Alexius, and he was watching me, a slight cant to his head.  “What?”

He turned his face to Dorian.  “You are sure about this?  She barely-”

Dorian put up a hand, cutting the man off.  He looked down at me.  “Dove, could you please sit down?”  I quirked a brow at him, but I knew what he wanted.  One glowystuff stool, coming right up.  As I settled my skirts, I heard “and now?”

“It’s certainly an interesting trick, my boy, but…  Fiona says she has little to no talent, enhanced by fakery and misdirection.”

“SHE is RIGHT HERE.”  I looked at Dorian.  “I don’t think this is going to work, love.  He can’t see me for my ears.”

Michael and Andrew showed up a moment later.  Michael got to me first.  “You needed me, my lady?”  He’d been called this way before.  Andrew didn’t look as sanguine about it.

“Yes, please.  I’d like to walk in the gardens with Magister Alexius, but he’s required to be attended by two Templars.  Would you mind walking with us?”  I included Andrew in that last.

Andrew looked Gereon over.  Then glanced at me.  “We’re going to talk, later.”

I huffed.  “Fine.  I’ll add one more talk to the list.”  I think it’s the first time I’ve called him that way.  He didn’t seem upset, though.

The sergeant with the keys was dragooned into opening the cell, and the “evil magister” was given forty bazillion warnings.  If it annoyed me, I’m sure it pissed him off.  Didn’t show it, though.  “Sergeant, leave the man alone.  He’s smart, he gets it.”

“Inquisitor’s orders.”

“Somehow I doubt Sam told you to berate one of the lords of Tevinter.”  I’ve been spending too much time around the soldiers, because he just grinned at me, telling me to run along and be careful.

The five of us wandered a while in the chantry garden.  Dorian was silent, waiting for something.  I followed his lead.  Alexius spent the first few minutes watching me before he spoke.  “Alright.  I admit I’m curious.”

He was speaking to me.  “About what?”

“Dorian tells me you are unusual.  Fiona tells me you are a charlatan.  You have at least some small talent, or Dorian wouldn’t have taken an interest in you.”

“Is there a question in there somewhere?”

He darted a glance to my Dorian before saying anything else.  “I’ve been told you have an understanding of light and sound, a talent for barriers, an odd outlook on magic, and an unusual learning style.”

What was I supposed to say?  He was looking at me expectantly.  I glanced at Dorian, who was staying right out of it.  “An unusual learning style?”

“That is the only thing you question?”

I wasn’t in the mood.  “I have only about another fifteen minutes before I have another meeting.  Can we stop the verbal fencing now?”

He stopped walking.  “Very well.  Show me something that makes you worth my time.”

“I don’t have anything that would convince you.”

“A barrier, then, since you have a talent for them.”

“What kind would you like?”

He glanced at Dorian, who smirked.  “Something to keep out the cold.”

“I don’t need a barrier to warm you.”

“I have no interest in being set on fire.”

That shocked me.  Had Dorian not shared that little tidbit?  I glanced at him, and he was pressing his lips together.  “Perhaps a barrier of silence?  And I will show you warmth, without fire.”  At Alexius’ gesture, I warmed the air around him.  Pushing the dust to move faster, until Alexius stood less stiffly.

“I’m definitely warmer.  Interesting, that you appear to be able to do this out of doors.  But the barrier?”  He’d barely gotten the words out when I wove it.  Silence, and because I’m a little shit sometimes, it was a FIRM barrier.  Solid, in this place.  He reached out to touch it.  His mouth moved, and we heard nothing.

When he made a slashing gesture, I released both spells.  “Very well.  I will expect to see you every day, for up to two hours, as Dorian asked.  As a favor to him.”

I looked at Dorian.  “Dove, please.  He can continue with the housekeeping magic, and perhaps a bit of the more entropic magics.”

“Is she seriously considering refusing me?”  The pure outrage in his voice!  This man has some pride.

However, I trusted Dorian.  If he said this is what he wanted, I’d give it a go.  “Magister Alexius, I do not like you.  I do not forget so easily.  But I don’t have to like you to learn from you.  If you are willing to teach someone who will not be your apprentice.  I can’t guarantee every day, though.  At least once every three.  I have other teachers, as well.”

I watched him debate.  “Then I will not be conducting lessons in the quarters provided me.”  The man has a very sardonic tone when he wishes.  


Andrew chimed in at that one.  “We’ll be at every lesson, Chrissy.”

That made me smile.  “Mornings and afternoons.  Soon you’ll be stuck the whole day with me, Andrew.”  I turned to Gereon.  “Done.”

We left it alone, pretty much, after that.  Andrew and Michael and Dorian took the Magister back to the prison, and I headed up to the aviary.  I had told Zevran that I would talk to Leliana today.

She was poring over papers on her table, a raven next to her.  “Don’t just stand there, come over here.”

“You wanted to talk to me?”

“Yes.  The clan Lavellan.  You said after the scribe, it was me, Josie, me, Cullen, yes?”

“I did.”

“Cullen believes his men should go now.  There are rumors of the nobles using red lyrium.”

“If you wish to kill the clan, sure.  I can’t stop the Inquisition from doing what it wants.  But if you are to keep the clan alive, you must do it in order.  Your way, or Josie’s way, Leliana.  Not his.”

She hummed noncommittally.  “I thought about what you said.  About the Carta, and the Valo-Kas.  I found the missing mercenaries.  They’d been imprisoned.  We freed them, and told Shokrakar that many died.  Can you believe they demanded payment for their work?”

“I can.  Did you pay them?”

Her mouth tilted.  “Yes.  And we’re going to use them.”  She laid out some papers.  “So, I thought I’d ask.”

“Shouldn’t the Inquisitor be doing this?”

“He’s busy with other things.  His family’s got him tied up in knots.  So...”

I looked at the papers.  Cullen’s idea had demons in it.  I remember they liked the demon one, so I picked it.  “Give them a challenge.”

She nodded.  Done with me.  Or so I had assumed. As I turned to go, she said “not yet.”  Shoving the papers aside, she did another in-depth questioning regarding the Masque, Orlais, and everything I could remember.  This time, she included Ponchard de Lieux in the  subjects.  I had no reason to hide anything, so I was honest about it.  He’d had something I wanted, and I told him I’d put his name in with Josie if he gave it to me.

I don’t know how long she asked, but it was near dark when she was done.  I swear that woman can pick up the slightest nuance, and squeeze potential meaning out of a sneeze.  Anyway, she noticed the dark, and we walked to the main hall for dinner.

I didn’t get even one paper from my desk read today.  After dinner and a few minor emergencies, we had songtime.  The vashoth woman comes every night.  I’m reliably informed this is Lydia.  The one Emborr wants to talk to me about.  I’m going to have to make time.

Sam made it, too.  He’s leaving day after next, and wanted to make sure I had notice.  Which is nice of him.  He looks a little ragged.  “You need a break, little brother.”

“Not yet.  I have to get to the Approach before the situation explodes.”

“I’ll keep the homefires going for you.”

“I know.  I appreciate it.”

Solas showed up while I tucked my littles in.  Leorah Two is incredibly placid.  It’s kind of eerie.  You know who I didn’t see all day?  Eadras.  Not until songtime, when I couldn’t talk to him.  I halfway think the man is avoiding me.

Halton let me know that I have got to sign some things tomorrow.  Time’s getting tight on a few items.  Looks like a paperwork morning.  I’m kind of looking forward to that.  Now I just need the Chargers to head out, and my mornings will be quiet and peaceful again.

Solas whisked me away to his room almost before I could grab my papers and pen, much less change.  So I am writing in the rocking chair while he reads.  Is it sad that his room feels more like home than mine?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 16 of the explicit side relates to this chapter.


	180. Day 4, 4 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talks with Solas, Talks with Eadras. Too many talks.

**Day 4, 4 Harvestmere, 9:41**

I stacked my papers neatly on his side table.  His brow arched.  “Not veiling them today?”

“Do I need to?”

“You do not.”  He watched me change, a quirk to his lips.

“You want something.”

He held out an arm, and I joined him on the bed.  Fingers traced my face, my skin.  “We need to talk.”

“Are you ready, so soon?  You have three things?”

“I do not.  Just one, that encompasses them all.”

“Lovely.  Let’s hear it, then.”  I admit, my tone may have been a bit grumbly.

“Calm, da’asha.”

I huffed at him.  “Just tell me, okay?”

“It is not a telling.  I have a question.”

“Let me hear the question.”

“Why are you unsure of your place?  You allow such liberties with your feelings, your space, allow yourself to be ordered and harmed.”

“Allow me a question in return.  Which place is mine?”

“Why do you ask this, da’asha?”

“I’m serious, Faolan.  What place is mine, not loaned, not able to be taken at any moment?  Chatelain of Skyhold.  A made-up place in a made-up world become real, that belongs to others.  How quickly could I be replaced?”  He just looked down at me, tracing my ear.  Looking back, it’s odd he didn’t say anything.  “Ethelathun.  Ethelathe.  I don’t even know what it means.  They’re mine, somehow, and I’m theirs.  Why can’t it be that simple?  So many things people do for the ones who care, and for whom they care.  But even there, they take my words and twist them to suit themselves.”

“Bruises, ma’lath.”

“And what should I have done?  No, I can’t wear the items that will mark me as of worth, that will help the Inquisition, because I’m a frail little girl who can’t handle a bit of discomfort for the greater good.  Right.  I noticed you wore what was necessary, and I don’t chastise you for it.  The Inquisition must succeed.”

“I see.  Do you want to know what Ethelathun means, Emily Lynne?  Are you ready for that?”  There was an undertone there I couldn’t identify, and his thread was still.  Nothing passing.

“Only if you want to tell me.”

“Ethelathe.  They think it means sanctuary.  And you, they call Sanctuary, to their mind.”

“What does it mean?”

“It can mean sanctuary, but I would translate it differently.  A state of safety, instead of a place.  They feel safe with you, and call you their refuge.  Where, Vhenan, do you find refuge, when so many seek it from you?”

“You won’t like the answer.”  He waited patiently.  “Right now, usually the fade.  No one there expects me to be anything other than me.  I don’t have to think twice about phrasing, worry about what to say.  Well, that’s not precisely true.  I am careful about what I share, even there, but they don’t ask for more than I offer.”

“You say use your words.”

“Oh, not you too.  I did use my words.  Do use my words.  Over and over I ask, cajole, and nothing happens.  Nothing changes.”

He shushed me, tracing fingers on my skin.  “It was not a criticism.  At what point do you take what you need, or find it elsewhere?  When do you exchange words for actions?”

“I don’t know.  I’m here, Solas.  And I will be here, for long enough.  There is nowhere else for me to go.  Nowhere else where I can take them with me.”

“Do you want to take them?”

“Little steps.  Smiles where once was fear.  Standing instead of stooping.  Here, that happens, but nowhere else.  The Inquisition spreads, but the blanket of new leaves is mostly a scattering of the old, strangling the new shoots.”

“You may not be ready for this conversation.  But at what point, ma’lath, will you say no more?”

I climbed out of his bed, out of his arms, and stood at the window.  Little flakes of snow.  I warmed individual ones, watching them melt to water.  Then freeze, and fall as little balls of ice.  Tinkles among the sighs and almost silent whispers of snow falling against snow.  He came up behind me.  “I have to talk to Eadras.”

“You are unhappy.”

“Better than I was.  But there has been a change.  And it will not change back.  I can’t reclaim what was lost.”

“An ending, and a new beginning.”

“Not quite.  Just a change.”

“If this change involves you refusing them, sometimes, then I will greatly approve.”

“And if it involves refusing you, as well?”

His whole being tensed.  Then relaxed.  “You are not trying to leave.”

“I am not.  But you reacted exactly as they do.  I express a refusal, and they think I’m leaving.  Is leaving so common here?”

“Come to bed.”

“Will you look at Ethel Cook’s leg?”

“A bargain struck, then.  I will look.”  He picked me up and put me back in his bed.

“So many reasons I am unsure, Solas.”

“Perhaps your place will feel more secure when you defend it.”

“With teeth and claw?  Swords and magic?  Death and blood?  Words don’t seem to work as they should.  Is it that I’m female?  That they call me elf?  That I’m short?  Tell me, darling.  Exactly how do YOU think I should be defending myself?”

He didn’t say anything, gathering me close.  Stroking my neck, my side.  “Calm, ma’sulahn’nehn.  It was nothing more than a suggestion.”

“Be warned.  I’m about ready to bite the next person with some suggestion about how I should act.”

That made him chuckle, not the reaction I was expecting.  “What was that phrase you used?  Where’s the down side?  Sleep, asha.”

“Will I see you?”  He sighed.  “I guess not.  Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”

The fadebros were hanging out with Patience.  I got another look at the instructions on how to get into the walls, and some beginners lessons in the strange alphabet they’d written in.  Letters, and the names of the letters.  And the “feel” of them.  Still no Shyness.  I opened my SELF to look for it, and it’s nearby, but not.  Patience insists that it’ll turn up.  Shocker.

Valor was kind enough to notice I’m taking defense lessons.  So I got to practice escaping holds and crap fadeside, too.  Joy of joys.

The night passed quickly.  I woke when the sky lightened.  Sunrises here are pretty.  Sunsets were prettier on earth, actually.  I read somewhere that air pollution makes sunsets prettier. Don’t know if it was truth or bluster.  There’s much less pollution here, that’s for sure.

I rose and dressed in yesterday’s gown.  I did barely anything in it, so it wasn’t dirty.  There were no visitors here to impress.  Solas was still asleep on the bed.  Since I know he’d be upset if I left without telling him, I stroked fingers down his nose, over his cheek.  When that didn’t work, I licked his ear.  And ended up under him before I could blink.

A few kisses, and I told him I had to go.  He grumbled and let me up.  “When we come back from the Western Approach, ma’lath, the Inquisitor has plans to visit the Frostback Basin.  Then returning to the Hissing Waste and the Oasis.”

“I’ll think about it, okay?”

“That is all I ask.”

I went back to last night’s conversation.  “When do you say enough is enough, Solas?  When do you decide to refuse the mantle pushed on you?  Do things for you, your way, ignoring the others?”

He closed his eyes, heart-pain on his thread.  “I waited too long.  Far too long.  I will not do so again.”  I leaned over him, about to apologize, and his eyes opened.  “Do not.  It is of no moment.”

I gathered my things and left.  Briri was puttering around my room, picking and dusting and brushing.  “Briri?”

“Miss!  I thought you would be out a bit longer.  I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.  But you were humming a lovely tune.”

She turned red.  “Thank you, miss.”

In any case, we got through the disagreement over my clothing.  I stayed in what I was wearing.  I was at the top of the stairs when Foxtripper nearly barreled into me.  Got a grin instead of a grump, so that was good.  Practice with the Chargers, porridge and coffee, and avoiding the stables.  Not ready to pick a new mount, though I got a message from Sam about that this morning.

The rest of the morning was filled with familiarity.  Paperwork, approvals, moving people around.  Halton introduced me to his scribe, Sorgan.  The man moved to bow, and stopped short.  “Apologies, Lady Chrissy.  I forgot.”  That got odd looks from Halton, but whatevs.

If I had thought things were easier with just Halton…  Sorgan had a bunch of letters, nearly identical, for me to look over and sign.  I watched him carefully, and he spoke truth when he said they all expressed the exact same sentiment, with small wording differences based on what the person wrote.  Form letters to various people, mostly.  “The Ethelathun was delighted to receive your letter” style crap.  They’d kept aside a few for me to answer personally.

Really strange ones, too.  I got a letter from a little girl in the Amaranthine alienage.  She was unhappy that she had to attend chantry school, but pleased that she’d gotten one of the little stuffies I’d been crocheting.  Her first new toy, never owned by anyone else.  And it kept the shouty people in her dreams away.  Oh god.

“Halton, what happens to new mages right now?  Before, they were taken from their families and put in circles.  What happens to them now?”

That stymied him.  “I will look into it.”

“Thank you.”  I set that letter aside to examine later.  Sorgan just kept supplying me with more things, until the morning was gone.  I finally finished up and stretched.  The kids were finishing up their morning, as well.

Ewan was released by Eadras and came running over.  “Is there anything you need me to do?”

“Tell Garalen it is lunchtime, and let Andrew know I am not visiting the Magister today.  Then eat, and do the things you are supposed to do in the afternoon.  I will call you if I need you.  Oh, and find out when the Inquisitor intends to leave tomorrow.  Ask the Lady Montilyet’s people.”

He bounced a bow, cutest thing ever, and ran off.  Someone needs to bottle that energy.  The Tweedles came bounding up right after him.  Babbling a mile a minute, explaining the difference between harts and halla.  The horns, and the color, and how intelligent they are.  Daniel came up with Darling in his arms, depositing the little blue demon on my desk.  I snagged them all and we went hunting food.  Lunch with my littles is a rare thing.

We really need some girls.  Children girls.  Boys are nice and all, and we have at least two more on the way, but boys don’t produce another generation.  They help, of course, but they’re not the seats of civilization.  I suppose I have my little ladies, but they’re really Orlesian.  Maybe Nolari and Iona.  Those two seem least likely to return to Val Royeaux.

Speaking of the little ladies, Josie has them working on subtlety in phrasing.  Saying something without offending, etc.  Not personally, of course, because we’ve only been back three days, but her people have been keeping up the lessons.  The girl gaggle joined us for the last bit of lunch.

Afternoons are for Ethelathe business.  And I had Ethelathe business.  After sending the girls off to Josie’s assistants and the boys off to Leorah Two, I returned to my room.

It was empty, but Garalen showed up with Elias not a minute later.  Her, I expected.  Elias chuckled at me.  He had a “duh” tone to his emotions.  Of course he’s here.  How could I expect otherwise?  I redid my hair, checked my armbands, my beryl-turned-aquamarine.  “I want everyone out of the pillow palace until I’m done talking to Eadras.”

I let them handle it while I brushed a tangled and whiny Darling.  When I got back out of my room, everyone was gone.  The doors were all shut.  Garalen was leaning against the wall near the stairs.  Elias took up position on the opposite corner of the rooms.  All the gauze hangings had been tied back, and the space was one large room again.

I tucked my leg under me and plopped into the papasan chair.  I touched Eadras’ thread.  He’s concerned, but not upset or angry.  Darling got horn scritches while we waited.

Eadras came down the stairs and Garalen let him in.  He eyed the empty room.  Didn’t say anything, not at first.  Man walked carefully toward me, stopping about five feet in front of the chair.  Something about the scene pleased him, but I’m not sure exactly what.  “You called, Chrysopal?”

“We need to talk, Eadras.”

“As you wish.  What do you wish to discuss?”

“I’m upset, hahren.”

“I know, da’len.  I’m sorry.  I did not expect them to remove your treasured things.  We just wanted to make the place nice for you.  All of us, not just me.”

“I am going to ask.  Precisely what do you expect of me?  Garalen expects to guard, and is surprised to be guarded in return.  Zatlan expects food, shelter, comfort, and fair treatment.  Gunther, his expectations are both simpler and more complex.  What do you expect?”

I think it was probably mean to put him on the spot like that.  “I…  I’m not precisely sure what you’re asking?”

“Ethelathe is your creation.  I’ve known that from the beginning.  Naming the thing made it conform to your image.  I’ve let the names do the same to me.  It has caused pain and heartache, and I won’t be doing it any more.  I will conform the name to me, or I will reject it.  Where did you see Ethelathe going?  What do you expect of me, as your lady?”

“Ethelathe was just us, my lady.”

“Chrysopal, not my lady.  I’m done with that from you.  For now.”  He paled, and a tinge of fear crossed his thread.  “You are in no danger from me, Eadras.  You will leave this room exactly as you arrived.”

“Chrysopal.  Ethelathun.  What do I expect?”  I’ll give him credit, he didn’t fidget, or give any sign he was nervous except for a large breath.  “I expect what every man expects?  Wonders and surprises follow you.  Change happens in your wake.  You make things seem possible.  Assume they are possible.  I want to be there, see it, be part of it.”

“And so you are.”  I reached out with my SELF and stroked his thread gently.  Not flirtatious or  uncomfortable.  Then I gripped it tightly, and he stiffened.  “I have expectations of you, as well.”

“Name them.  Anything, and everything, I have is yours.”

“I want you to LISTEN to me.  Not just the words you want to hear, but the ones I say.  Not just the words I say specifically to you, but the ones you know I’ve said and mean.  I don’t expect you to always agree, but I will be heard, and I will do things I choose to do.  If you have issue with the way I want things done, you will only have two options.  Use your words, Eadras, and tell me.  Convince me to change it, or live with it.  Or leave.  No more of this surprises, no more changes.  Not without talking them out ahead of time.  My heart can’t take this over and over.  Can you do that?”

“For you, Lady, I could fly.”

“I don’t want you to fly, Eadras.  I want you to listen and respond.”

“I hear you.  I can do that.”

“Then tell me what you want of an Ethelathun.  Of an Ethelathe.”

“We can change the world, Chrissy.  You can change the world.  Make them see us, make them hear us.”  The absolute fervor in his eyes was scary.  “You are like and unlike, something special.  Like the tales, the prophecies.”

“I see.  And what will you do if my changes make things worse instead of better?  What if I’m the evil one?”

“They won’t.  You aren’t.”

“I can’t guarantee that.”

“You’re not evil.”

“The most horrific evils are done by good people trying to do what they think is best.”

He moved closer, reaching for my hand.  I let him take it.  He lowered to his knees.  “Every time we have needed something, you’ve found a way to get it.  Even when you didn’t know what we needed.  Every time we’ve lost something, you’ve found it.  Sometimes changed, sometimes the same. Defend and protect, and give everything you have.  You inspire, know things.  Glow, like in the oldest stories.  Sing trees into bloom.”

“I have never sung trees into bloom.”

“The venadahl in Val Royeaux.”

“There was no singing involved.”

“They’re calling the tree Silence, after the song.”

“That wasn’t what happened!”

“Da’len, does it matter?  I am not the one telling these tales.”

“Eadras.”

“Anything.”

“We’ll start here.  I will wear the dresses when appropriate, but I want pants available to me.  Talk to Leorah and get it done.  She listens to you.”

“She listens to you.”

“You are a keeper under my hand, Eadras.  She will be under yours.  There’s going to be some changes.  Have you ever heard of the heap paradox?”

“What is a paradox?”

“It is when two contradictory things are simultaneously true.  If you have a heap of sand, Eadras, and you take away one grain, do you still have a heap?”

I could see his confusion.  “Of course.”

“What if I take another grain, and another.  When does it become something other than a heap?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t understand.”

“Too many grains, Eadras.  Pants, My Lady, lessons, death threats, Drummer and sleeves.  Grain after grain after grain.  I’m not sure when it became a heap, Eadras.  But it is a heap.  I’m going to take off a few grains.  But I have a sinking suspicion it will still be a heap.”

“If you say so.”

“So be it.  You wanted a lady.  Your lady.  The Ethelathun. What is the phrase?  Be careful what you wish, for you just might get it.  Is that what you want?  A face to the world, a keeper of keepers writ small?”

“We need that, Ethelathun.”

“Do you.  I hope you are right.  Very well.  Granted.”

He breathed a sigh of relief.  The man doesn’t understand.  He’s happy about this.  

“There will be no more groundings, Eadras.  No grandfatherly admonishments where we can be seen.  No more yelling.  We will present a united front.  So these are some new rules.  The first among them is from now on, you will not contradict me in public.  I will hear your advice in private, and we will be putting some procedures in place.  But if you want a face to the world, you will not undermine it.”  I gave a slight tug on his thread, and he gasped.  “Do you understand?”  He nodded rapidly until I released the thread.

I helped him to his feet as he actually thanked me.  He bowed before leaving.  Twice, damn it.  Sitting back in my chair, I didn’t get it.  Why would he be HAPPY?  I specifically said I was limiting his authority, making him treat me differently.  I still don’t get it.  I have a feeling that the implementation will hurt worse than the decree, though.  For him, I mean.

Honestly, by the time I was done, my head was pounding.  Elias disappeared and came back with some sweetened meadowsweet tea.  And I still had to get through dinner.

We released the room, and I meandered up to the atrium before dinner.  And got a shock.  I mean, I knew the plaster had to be placed and tinted in a very limited time, but this?  The Wicked Eyes panel was complete.  Wet, obviously, and the colors hadn’t deepened, but everything done but the drying.  Solas was out on his couch, covered in bits of plaster again.  I left him be.

Dinner was too damn noisy.  I get it.  It’s their last night.  Laughter and jokes and stuff.  But did they have to spend all that time shouting?  Anyway, Kieran and Morrigan showed up, for a little bit.  I think it was too noisy for them, too, because they left rather quickly.

The time between dinner and songtime was quiet.  I checked on Cook and found that all three of the mages I’d asked to look at her had done so.  Janet needed to look something up, she said.  Dorian did something to her leg. It didn’t look “off” anymore.  It was still unusable.  Solas came by, ran his hand over the calf, and told her it would heal acceptably well.  She even imitated his snotty tone.

Hadrian, on the other hand, pulled me aside.  He’d been told to stop giving her the stuff the doctor made, and stick to meadowsweet tea, unlaced.  Solas’ doing.  Dorian told him that she needed to give it time before testing the bone.  Janet hadn’t said anything except she’d be back again.

Cara was back for songtime, with Josren.  The other usuals, as well.  My forge guys, etc.  Even Sam came down.  Last night here and all.  Still looks tired.  I sent him to bed early, and told him to rest on the way as much as he could.  I’m going to have a chat with Contentment, if I can find it.  Sam’s not having nice dreams, if I had to guess.

Littles were put to bed, with kisses.  I interrupted story time again.  Leorah Two’s going to have to get used to it, I guess.

I’m back in my own room tonight.  Nightgowns, Irusana underfoot, Darling in my lap.  He’s been clingy since this afternoon.  Anyway, I’m heading for bed.  I’m willing to guess I have lessons to get to.  Briri’s already brushed my hair, and I have no idea where Solas is.  Probably still on the couch, asleep.


	181. Day 5, 5 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saying goodbye, conversations, magisters, and relatively boring days.

**Day 5, 5 Harvestmere, 9:41**

I don’t exactly know how late it was.  He didn’t say anything, but he wasn’t overly thrilled I was still awake and reading.  Taking notes.  No big thing, really.  But apparently I was supposed to be resting, and he’d been looking for me.  I blew a raspberry at him, and he just stood there a moment in shock before the humor reached him.  Totally worth it.  Anyway, I let him convince me to put all the stuff away and curl up for sleep.  No real conversation, not much in the way of kisses.  Le sigh.

We made up for it in the fade.  I opened my eyes in a grey and blue swirl of a place.  Calming, and somehow homey, even though there was nothing of home.  Softness to lay about in, but no form.  We spent the entire night together, getting our kisses and cuddles there.  Minus a few interruptions, of course.  The fade doesn’t have to make sense.  This was just for us.  It meant more than I can express, that time.

I’m very glad he didn’t ask me anything about their path.  He wanted to.  It was in the feel of him, and the way he went silent.  I just can’t tell him more than I have, you know?  He was too surprised in the game.  He didn’t know.  The moment came and went, maybe twice in the whole night.  What else might I change if I opened my mouth?  We didn’t discuss him leaving at all.

We did have one or two semi-serious conversations.  At one point, we talked about time again.  He keeps coming back to the idea of time as a stream or river.  He asks interesting questions, and seems to be fascinated by the idea.  Is this a novel concept?  I mean, there was some guy in ancient Greece, I think, that said you never step in the same river twice.  This is all kind of based on that.  But I don’t know when it became a common idea.  Science Fiction, I guess.  Whenever that started.

Fadethelathe popped in a few times, just to say hi.  Contentment showed up, bored.  It poked a bit, but left shortly after a private conversation with Solas.  Rage came storming in at one point, ranting about stubbed toes, of all things.  It doesn’t even have toes.  Others took a quick look, too.  Especially Amused.  It would come in, watch a bare moment, and leave.  And I didn’t cycle at all.

He slipped out of my arms with a little half-smile, leaving me alone for a moment.  I woke to the feel of his lips on mine.  I wrapped my arms around him as he deepened the kiss.  When I came up for breath, I moved my lips to his ear.  “I’m going to miss you, Solas.”

“And I you.”

There was something to the way he looked at me. “I can’t, Solas.  I have to get this place straightened out.  So much to do.  I wouldn’t have time to pack even if I wanted to go.”

“Is there a reason you resist?”

“I have little desire to be a camp follower, for one.  There is much to be done, and undone, here, for two.  I don’t know much of those places.  I am not useful there.”  For three.

“You would be, Haselan.  But done, and undone?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“It will be difficult to see you, from the Wastes.”

“I will do my best to be available.  Should I try seeking you?”

He tensed in my arms.  “Do not, please.  It is too easy to get lost on the wrong path.  I would not lose you that way.”

The knocker-up, or someone, tapped the door.  “That’s the alarm clock.”

“Alarm clock?”

“It’s a clock that will make noise at a specific time.”  He made no effort to get up.  “Solas?  You have to get ready?”

“Everything is ready.  I only have to saddle Raindrop, though that may be done by your stable people by the time I get there.”  We stayed, tangled together, for a while.  When there was another knock on the door, he sighed, and got up to answer it.  I climbed out after him.

Briri came in, another armful of clothing grazing the ground.  She smiled and bobbled a curtsy before putting things away.  “Good morning, miss.  We need to wear a dress today, but there will be pants within the next few days available to you.”

Solas arched a brow at that one.  I looked at him, and decided to answer the unspoken question.  “Eadras and I had a talk.”

“I see.”  He looked ready to leave.

“I will meet you in the staging yard?”

“You will.”

“Solas…”  He was acting strangely.

“Out.” He murmured it in Briri’s direction, but she reacted as if he’d shouted.  The instant the door shut, he had me back in his arms.  Just a hug.  A long hug.

“I will wait for you.”

“Here?”  It sounded like he was trying to get me to stay put.  Perhaps he could feel that this mission changed things.  Not between us, but in Thedas.  I’d already given him everything I could.  When he thinks back, he’ll see I asked him what the mark was supposed to be able to do.  It’s enough of a clue.

“It wouldn’t be a good idea to try to confine me to my rooms, Solas.”

“No, of course not.  Your studies…  Be careful.”

“On both sides of the veil.”

He left, and Briri came back in.  The normal morning began.  I dressed myself, but let her help me with my hair.  We were expecting a return of the noble brigade today or tomorrow, as well as the send off.  Funfun.

I wrote a few quick notes.  Things I could bury in saddlebags to be found later.  Armed with these, I went off to the staging area.  Little things, saying I missed people.  Sam and the others were still up in the main hall, so I slid the notes into the appropriate luggage.  My guys had managed to get all the baggage to the staging area just in time.

When the companions came down, we got them all set up.  There weren’t many people left, really.  Skyhold was remarkably empty of scouts and soldiers.  The mounts were saddled by the riders, and the bags hung on the pack animals.

I made my way through, as I usually do.  Sam hugged me long and hard after kissing his lady.  “I’m off to build a better world, Chrissy.”

“You can’t build a better world for people.  People have to build a better world for themselves.  Otherwise it’s just another cage, Sam.”

He looked surprised.  “It’s not a cage.  It’s a better life.”

“A spacious, gilded cage is still a cage, little brother.  Not everyone will want the life you envision for them.”  It struck me weirdly.  “You're not the one I expected to have this conversation with.”

“Oh?”

“Nope.  I thought it would be with someone else.  Maybe it still will be.”

Josie spoke.  “We’re bringing change across Thedas.  I hope it lasts.”  Josie, baby, you have no idea.

I smiled at both of them.  “I need to say goodbye to the others.  Be careful out there, Inquisibutt.”

I got goodbyes from Sera and Cassandra.  And a surprise noogie from Sera.  Varric was leaned against a wall, so I joined him when she released me.  He glanced sideways at me.  “Any advice?”

“Not this time, Storyteller.  You’re resolving a major subplot, but that resolution is going to point us toward the next step in the overarching story.”

“Is that so?  And what do you plan to get up to while we’re gone?”

“You’re the only one who asked.  I’m considering after.  For me and mine.”

“Yeah, you need to reign them in.  I miss my Cuddles.”  He yanked my braid.

“I’m getting my pants back.”

“So you’ll be wearing the pants in the family again?”  That made me laugh, but I didn’t answer him.  I gave him a hug and kept going.

Blackwall didn’t really want to be near me right now.  He’s still thinking, still spooked, but he was cordial.  Vivienne brushed snowflakes from my shoulder.  “I shall expect you to converse coherently on transmutation of energy by the time I return.  I have reserved a set of books in the library for you.”

“Yes ma’am.  I’ll do my best.”

“Focus on terminology and theory, not implementation.  You must understand the purpose and mechanisms behind the changes.”

“Be careful out there, Madam de Fer.”  I debated a moment, and added something else.  “At the end, Sera might need to be in the alt group.”

“Alt group?”

“The Inquisitor splits the party, with him and three, and another group with four.  Sera might be more comfortable in the second group, at the end.”

“I see.  I’m sure the Inquisitor will arrange things properly, my dear.”

“A word in his ear would not necessarily be amiss, if someone wished.”  Her eyes pierced mine a moment.  “I can’t, Vivienne.”

“Hmm.  We shall do our best to return safely.  Do not neglect your studies.  I should be quite disappointed.”  We bid goodbye.  She’s turned out to be a pretty good one.  I had a lot of preconceptions about these people.  They weren’t all correct.  Cullen isn’t a sweet fluff, Varric is far more conniving, and Vivienne is a marshmallow wrapped in steel.  But you’ll never hear me say that out loud.

Bull was giving last minute orders to the Chargers.  I wasn’t going to interrupt, but his arms are longer than I expected, and he snagged my neck.  He kept on talking, but pulled me to him for a quick hug.  When he was done with his orders, I was told to keep an eye on Dorian, and listen to my minders.  I just rolled my eyes at him, which made him laugh and pat my head.  He’s probably the only one that can get away with that.  Yes, I knew he was perfectly serious, but his idea of my minders is Foxtripper and Lisa, not Leorah and Eadras.

Which left Cole and Solas.  Cole blathered on about someone’s hose for a few minutes, but collected a hug between breaths as I arrived.  Solas listened to him, one hand caressing my face and hair, the other holding me against his side.  We’d gotten our kisses in earlier, and had made enough of a public statement.  We were both content just to be near.  The call to mount up wasn’t long after that.

Dorian and I watched the group leave from the dais.  It’s the only place you can really see but not be underfoot.  “It feels strange to watch them leave without me, Dove.”

“I’d bet.  You’ve got other duties, though.”

“Two more days, it looks like.  We’re waiting on some intelligence.”

“I hope it comes on time or early.”  I paused.  “Where are you sleeping tonight?”  If Bull was concerned, then Dorian might not be okay sleeping alone.

He looked at me.  Really looked.  “We’re both sleeping in my room, at a guess.  Unless you make other plans, of course.”  Sassy bastard.  “Don’t you have a castle to run, my dear?”

“Getting rid of me?”

“Never.  Off with you.”

When I got to my desk, Halton, the new guy Sorgan, and Eadras were waiting for me.  “What?”

I was handed a stack full of paperwork.  Just the stuff I had to catch up on, really.  I’d thought I’d caught up yesterday, but apparently not.  It only took an hour or two. Or three.  Until lunch, and a bit beyond.  Didn’t quite get finished, because of the visitors and the lessons.

I was alerted by Josie’s messenger that we had our first new visitor on the mountain.  “She requests you permit the portcullis be opened.”  Which was weird.

“If Templar Darrow believes they are not a threat, of course.  Allow her to make the call.”  And the girl was off at a run.  Teenagers.  Almost as bad as children.  I made my way upstairs after checking with Cook.  She’s feeling better, and says the doctor is astounded by her recovery.  Apparently the doctor doesn’t realize Cook was seen by multiple mages, because she’s crediting the recovery to application of cold compresses to “relieve the imbalance of the choleric humor.”  Fun.  Whatever makes her feel better, I guess.

Anyway, Cook is feeling much better, and is back in charge of her kitchen.  Not standing, walking, whatever, but definitely in charge again.  The helpers bring her their work to look over before proceeding with next steps.  She had the evening meal, including guests, all taken care of.  She’s using the meal plans we worked up ages ago. And mixing it up a little, I’m sure.

Hadrian caught my eye as I went to leave.  He was in the doorway to the kitchen sleeping quarters.  I stopped to look at him, because he was behaving oddly.  He bowed to me.  Hadrian.  Bowed to me.  I’m not precisely sure why.  I nodded at him, because he seemed to need some sort of acknowledgement, and returned to the pillow palace so I could head upstairs.

I got to the main hall just as the nobles arrived.  Introductions, floofy language, etc. etc.  They had a “present” for the inquisitor.  Of course she had to show up right away.  Looks like Florienne is going to spend several months languishing in a jail cell.  Her captors asked me to provide an “appropriate” room for “the Grand Duchess”.

“I’ll write to the Inquisitor right away to inquire where he would like her to be confined.”  Josie was incredibly amused by the determined but vacuous facade I put on.  I think I pissed off our guests, but they couldn’t point out anything I was doing “wrong”.  Anything I didn’t want to agree to, I just referred to the Inky.  Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do, after all?  I had them shown their rooms, and escaped.

Their arrival did mean that I had to show up for dinner in the main hall.  I’d kind of hoped that I’d get a day without Inky and without guests, but nope.  Now that we have people meandering about again, the show must go on.  Josephine is handling the fiddly bits, thank goodness.  I’m just making sure the food and the venue are good, and showing up.  Not that I want to show up.  Can’t throw Josie to the wolves without backup.

Before then, however, I got snagged by Dorian right outside the main hall.  “It’s time, dove.  You can’t avoid it forever.”

“Can too.”

“Now, darling, he’s not so terrible.”

“He tortured and killed hundreds of tranquil and others to look for shiny rocks to open a temple that isn’t to his god, attempted to enslave the southern mages down to the children, warped time, tried to destroy the world, succeeded - but the Inquisitor made it better with yet more time magic, and he’s not so terrible?  I’m not even getting into the attitudes on elves, southerners, and slavery in general.”

Dorian stopped in his tracks on the stairs.  I watched his face go through several emotions.  He took a moment to answer. “Well, yes, but he’s a very good mage, my dove.”

“And I should overlook all that and play nice?”

“He had the best of reasons, to his mind.”

“Save his son.  Let the rest of the world burn.  He should have payed more attention to First Enchanter Fiona.  She is the only one in living memory that has ever been cured of the taint, after all.  Instead, he tried to enslave the woman and listened to a deranged Conductor of Silence.”

“She what?”

“Didn’t you know?  It’s a primary reason why I will never allow Elias or Garalen to touch her.  She’s the hope of the future in many ways.  I don’t LIKE her, but she is a symbol of the possible.  I really wish we could get along.”

“Dove.”

“Yes, my love?”

“Please, for the love of everything we hold dear, never say that to Gereon.”  His voice was more somber than usual.

“I won’t.  For you.  And for her.”

“Come on, dove.”  We traipsed down to the prison wing.

My templars magically showed up as we went.  I bet Dorian called them.  All three.  “So what’s the lesson today?”  Andrew was grinning.

“I don’t know.  I’m a mushroom.”

“None of that, dove.  We’re going to continue with containment and manipulation of energy.”

“More globules of water.”  Joy.  “He’s not going to suck all the fun out of magic, is he?”

None of them said anything.  We collected a surly magister, and headed down to the deserted camp next to the water.  I didn’t actually do any magic all afternoon.  Man’s almost as bad as Vivienne, but significantly more surprised every time I know an answer.  And he didn’t ask ANYTHING about magic.  So much for continuing.

We started with basic math, expanded to algebra, and moved through very rudimentary geometric ideas.  He stopped at the basic calculations of trigonometry, sin and cosine and tangent.  We didn’t use many actual numbers, just a description of the methodology and formulas.   Next was classification of rock (which I apparently don’t understand at all, according to Thedosian ideals), reptiles vs. mammals, and other elementary science questions.

Based on his reactions, our ideas don’t quite match up, but I’m not horribly wrong, either.  The light was fading when we finally ceased meandering.  “Next time I will examine your basic control.  Be prepared, Chrysopal.”

“I don’t understand what you mean by basic control.  Control of what?”

“Interesting.  Control of your magic, Chrysopal.”

“Magic is a force outside of my control.  I only focus a bit of it to get the job done.”

“Then we will examine your ability to focus, as you put it.”  He turned to Dorian.  “I would like to speak with you this evening.”

“After dinner, I can be available.”

“Very well.  I suppose we must now confine me in my cell?  Chrysopal, have you considered an appropriate practice place?”

Okay, I’m mean.  “Usually I go out on the snowbanks outside the portcullis.  Far enough away that I won’t disturb Skyhold.”

“I… see.”

“Dove, perhaps you could consider some warmer place?  Something with walls, and a roof?”

“I think there are some tower rooms left somewhere.  Or I can investigate the walls.”

“The library?”

“I’m not showing him the library.”

“The Inquisition library, dearest.”  The magister’s eyebrow rose at that.  It was obviously deliberate, wanting clarification.  I ignored him.

“Oh.  Maybe.  Depends on what we’re doing.  I wouldn’t want to risk the books.”

I bid the magister good day, and we parted ways.  Gunny came with me, and the other two returned the man to his cell.  Dorian went off in a third direction, after apologizing for the non-lesson lesson.  Not in those words, of course, but he was not pleased with how things went down.  Nothing someone who didn’t know him well would notice.

Dinner was fun, even with the stuffed shirts.  This set apparently likes children, even elven children.  I did a quick nose-count of the under-ten set.  Ewan (though he’s eleven so I probably shouldn’t count him, but I will.  Sue me.)  Anyway, to continue.  The Tweedles, Daniel, Gretel’s two, Kieran, and several more I’m not familiar with.  All human, the ones I don’t know.

Nine under ten outside the soldiers and mages, without including Ewan and Kieran, because they’re ten and up.  That’s eleven, plus the seven girls, plus however many are in the mage tower and garrison.  I wonder if Stephen went with the soldiers?  Not that he’d care for me poking my nose in.

I was surprised to find Zevran at the table with us.  I somehow thought he’d left.  He made Leliana laugh, and was very good company.  Kieran seems to be getting along with my littles just fine.  His mother watches with a careful eye, but hasn’t interfered.  He, and she, spent a lot of time watching the head table at dinner.  Like they were evaluating how we acted without the Inquisitor around.

Songtime, and cuddles with the kiddos.  Snuggles with Darling.  I have no idea what he and Irusana did all day.  She’s become used to roaming free during the days, and only stays in my room at night.  Darling has his own basket, provided by Solas, in Cole’s room.  I don’t want him to get lonely, so I’ll find out if that’s something he wants to do while Cole’s gone.  Not tonight.  But maybe tomorrow.

Fewer people showed up to songtime, but that’s expected.  Things die down, people want to head for the tavern, whatever.  But we were still here.  I saw Garalen for the first time all day.  She’d been examining the defensive changes and talking to Templar Darrow.  Leorah’s been busy, so Cara’s been going through my closet.  She needs a moment of my time in the next few days to figure out what to keep and what not to.

Dorian, of course, plopped in my chair with me near the end.  “I’m utterly exhausted.  Are you joining me this evening?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Now how could I say no to such a pretty offer!”

“Dorian, I’m serious.  I’m okay on my own, if you prefer.  But I’m perfectly fine invading your bed, as well.  Or you invading mine.  My room needs more you in it.”

He held my hand for a while.  “I am perfectly capable of sleeping alone.  But my dove, my heater left this morning.  The cold is WRETCHED.  Please do not insist I live without a heater.”

It made me smile.  “Backup heater to the rescue.”

“Oh, thank goodness.  This place sinks into the bones.  How do you people stand it?”

I got ready for bed, and am writing at my desk.  I’ll head up to Dorian’s room in a bit.  Irusana’s chasing a dust bunny across the floor.  Eliza would be horrified.  I bet they haven’t moved the cushions and swept in here in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People have to build a world for people, otherwise it's just a cage. Idea/Paraphrase based on a quote from Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad. He was such a genius with words.
> 
> Sorry for the delay. Real life raises its ugly head, and viruses don't play nice. As someone recently said, sometimes it takes a while to make lemons into lemonade, and you don't always succeed. (Hi Rivera! *waves*)


	182. Day 6, 6 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thought experiments, decisions, government planning, and another chat with Eadras. Not a great day, but a stepping stone.

**Day 6, 6 Harvestmere, 9:41**

Dorian’s an angel.  We curled up back to back most of the night.  The fade was quiet, just small hellos from some of my friends as they went about their business.  I’d kind of expected a visit, but Solas didn’t show up.

I spent a bit of time exploring my connection to Hope.  Not touching it, or anything, just looking at it, comparing it to others.  I really want to figure out a way to isolate someone from my network.  Keep them out.  There are very subtle differences in the threads.

Gara and Hope are the strongest threads I have.  Like steel cable from a bridge or something.  Or the kevlar rope used for moorings.  Maybe Spectra lines, now that I think of it.  I think it would damage them to break it.  Or kill them.  Zatlan and Gunny are close, but they’d be okay, I think.  Eventually.  They’re more…  stretchy?  Most of my connections are light and while I wouldn’t say delicate, I don’t think they’re “sturdy” in the same way.  Then there are the almost-wispy connections, that I think I could easily break without affecting people much at all.

Andrew’s is odd.  It’s almost as strong as Gara’s, without the cable part.  It’s more flexible, not as “tight” but just as secure.  Gara’s is like a permanent fixture, in some ways, but Andrew’s looks layered, like he’s chosen on several occasions to reinforce it.  Elias, oddly, is very close in appearance/feel to Andrew’s.

I also went spelunking in my memories.  My social studies knowledge is not as extensive as I’d like.  We are too big to flail around without rules and structure.  There has to be a way to let every group run themselves within certain broad parameters.

I also started thinking about ways of modernizing a little bit.  I want a shower, honestly.  In hot water I don’t have to heat myself.  Electricity.  Radio.  Phonographs might be a thing?  Plus, something to fix the everpresent fishy smell from the “good” lamps.  I’m not even sure we have petroleum here.  No one has mentioned kerosene or tar.  Whale oil stinks far worse than paraffin oil.  I decided to send a letter to Jack.  He’d know if they seal ships with tar or tar paper here.

If they have tar, then they have oil.  Crude oil.  Which opens up a whole range of possibilities.  Like Kerosene.  I know how to distill kerosene.  And paraffin oil.  Biodiesel’s harder, and I don’t think Thedas actually has the ingredients I need.  And I don't remember the formula.

I don’t want to industrialize, the dwarves have that locked up.  I just want non-stinky lamp oil.  Or lightbulbs.  Or something!  I’m half tempted just to replace them all with witchlights and veilfire.  Or make people stick to candles.  But that has its own issues, primarily in heating this large hunk of rock.  Candles and magic just don’t put out the same heat.  Maybe I should talk to Dagna.

I spotted Dum shivering today.  In the pillow palace, during lessons.  Totally not cool.  So I warmed the place, but that’s not good enough.  I can’t warm it every twenty minutes, it’s not efficient, and what if I’m not here?  So we need something.  And if it’s this cold down here, I hate to think of the towers.  We have to somehow warm the stone.  Radiant heat, blah blah. I know, I’m beating this to death.  Next topic.

Anyway, I woke before the sun, but the sun is a tired thing as we head for winter.  Especially this far south.  Maybe I’m just used to different extremes, because this no daylight until almost eight and sunset at five thing sucks.  I woke long before Dorian.

I warmed the room for him, because that’s what I do.  It’s odd.  It almost feels like starting in his bed again is a new beginning at Terasyl’an Te’las.  I spent too long watching my friend.  I want him to lift the restriction regarding visiting Tevinter.  There’s so much I could potentially learn there.  I’d at least like the option to see the wonders without upsetting him.  Maybe we can bargain.  I don’t know.  

I upped the heat a little, and he sighed, relaxing a bit more.  Pretty pretty man.  I think Bull’s good for him.  I gathered my stuff and went to go down to my own room.  And the gods-bedamned bookends were back.  One on either side of Dorian’s door.  I was good.  I didn’t say anything.  Even when one of them leered at me.  I miss Three.  I don’t know these two.

They followed me down through to the pillow palace.  They seemed to be inclined to follow me into my room, but I shut the door in their faces.  They’re not on the access list.  Irusana was already out in the pillow palace, and there were two of my “Skyhold” dresses laying on the bed.  I really need to get a handle on my wardrobe.  I’m not sure if I have more or less clothing than I think, and honestly, I am fairly certain that either way I have too much.

My mistake, I’d missed practice with Foxtripper yesterday.  Apparently that has consequences.  So, Krem showed up just as I sat down to eat at my desk.  “You’re late.”

“What?”

“The men are about to start looking for you.  Stay here if you want.”  Asshole shrugged.  “We’ll have fun hunting you everywhere else.”  Crap.  Last thing I need is them tossing Skyhold.

“I’m going!”

Some of the Chargers were waiting outside when we got there.  “No, you are not using your particular skills on my castle.”

And Grim grunted at me.  I knew full well it was a “are you sure about that?” grunt.  So I glared at him.  Which made him smile.  Asshole.

Practice was harder today.  I got to play with sticks for a little bit.  Not staff slinging like mages do, but staff defending.  I mean, I’ve seen it, and played a bit a long time ago, but having the stick you’re holding hit full force by a trained professional jars the hell out of your hands.  Mine were aching badly after only two blocks.  Foxtripper tossed his quarterstaff to the side (much different from mage staves), and grabbed one of my hands.

He gave the hand a cursory look over, pressing the knuckles.  Ow, and knock it off.  He grabbed the other by the wrist, pulling it closer to him and examining it, before dropping both.  “This’ll wait another month.”  That was the only warning I got, and he grabbed my dress at the shoulder.  “Escape.”  Joy.  So back to evasion.  Intense evasion.  But he didn’t do anything that required my hands.

After practice and coffee, I sent messages up to Leliana and Mother Giselle.  I need to set an appointment to talk about some things with them.  Not together.  Two different conversations.  I think.  If I’ve already changed things, with Kieran, would it be possible to change other things?  And how bad would it make things?

I had a short meeting with Eustace, regarding the market that sets up outside Skyhold every so often.  He wants in.  I referred him to Seggrit, to his chagrin.  Hell, I don’t care.  But that particular project is Seggrit’s baby, and I’m not taking another role from him.

I sent a letter off to Jack asking about tar.  Read a letter from little Laura, and responded.  Correspondence hither, thither, and yon.  After a bit more paperwork, I made a decision.  It was time to talk about the future, instead of hemming and hawing about it.  I sent my page and various messengers for the original cast of Ethelathe, with a few additions.  It was time to shake things up a bit.  Maybe.

Halton I kept, Sorgan was sent off.  The first ones, the forge guys, and my Templars and sworn ones.  Even the littles three.  Darling and Irusana.  Cook leaning on Hadrian, helped into one of the chairs in front of my desk.  Dorian, though I hadn’t called him.  And Zevran, oddly.  Holding up a wall in the back.  I checked his thread, and it was a slim golden thing.  I don’t think he was there for Leliana.  Did he join up when I wasn’t looking?

I was sitting in the lovely papasan chair, finishing the scarf for Krem.  Garalen and Elias emulated the bookends, one on each side.  Darling cuddled next to me.  He’s starting to be a fixture, blending into the cushion itself.  He’s just so silky soft to stroke, and he loves it.

The others plopped on the numerous cushions, looking at me expectantly.  I tried to offer the chair to the pregnant ladies, but they sat in others.  Mika in my hot seat chair, and Isa on the piano bench.

When everyone arrived, I dropped the bomb on them.  I took a deep breath.  “Okay, we have about two months to figure out how to organize Ethelathe so it survives the Inquisition.  That means our own structure.  Our own communication.”  Gunny and Andrew shared an odd look as they all started talking.  I let it go for a minute, then I held up a hand for quiet, and got it.  “One at a time, guys.”

Gun spoke.  “Thought that was handled.”

Mark chimed in.  “What kind of structure are you thinking, bit?”

“An elected council.  Fixed laws.  Some form of organized leadership?”

Gethon had apparently also thought this was already handled.  “What’s wrong with the way it is now?”

“Nothing, I suppose.  But what happens if something happens to me, or Eadras, or Tarvin, or Cyrren, or Aedan?  How do we keep the shape the same with new players?  Do we want to?”

It was Zatlan who almost got it.  “Because we know the type of person you are, but we don’t know about your successor.  Or maybe your successor, but what about a hundred years from now?”

Not quite.  “I would like to set up a structure that can withstand a bad leader or three.  Elected members from every group or clan, an advisory council, a legal system. We have to work up some sort of official documentation.  Our communication, our laws, and our justice.  I’m also going to work on some means of filtering out bad candidates.”

Eadras asked the question I’d expected first.  “What do you mean by “survives the Inquisition”?  Is there something we should know?”

“I only meant that Inquisitions are temporary.  They serve a purpose and then are incorporated into something else or disbanded.  Do we want Ethelathe to die with it?”

“No.  But you are my lady, no other.”  His tone was insistent, demanding, even fervent.  Finality in that statement.  There were murmurs from others.  What is with their obsession with this?

I sighed.  I had no idea what to say to that fierceness in the moment.  I’m not sure what one has to do with the other.  “I hear your words, Eadras.”  I kept his eyes a moment, to make sure he knew I meant it.  He relaxed a hair.  Too soon, my dear Hahren.  “I’ll speak to you after the meeting.  Immediately after.”  Panic in his eyes.  Good.

I continued.  “In any case, we want some sort of representation, elected and not appointed, from each of the groups affiliated with us.  Their jobs will be to know what their people want and need, and advise us until we get everything in place.”

I think Philomena grokked what I was doing.  I’m trying to put myself out of a job.  She raised her eyebrows at me.  I could feel her disquiet, but she didn’t say anything.  “Does anyone have any suggestions for rules or laws?  Some things are definitely on the list.  Murder, assault, theft, etc. are bad.  Corypheus must be stopped.  We don’t lie to the Nightingale.”

Marta chimed in with “the spice must flow.”

“It must indeed.  And this has to be quiet.  We’re not taking over countries, not contesting the rule of others.  We’re just handling ourselves in their space.”

Gruff was the next one.  He very quietly spoke.  “I have suggestions.  I’ll write them down for you.”

“That’s a good idea.  Three days for you guys to think this over and write it down.  I’ll read them on my day off.  It’s time to make our rules official.”  There was a lot more chatter about what was going on and how to proceed.  It took a surprisingly long time to get everyone to realize “let’s put our heads together and figure out what we might do” didn’t mean “figure out everything to the minutest detail right now”.  I’m still not sure I succeeded, at that.

Honestly, I think this is only the second mass meeting I’ve called.  They’ve called them, but rarely me.  As they dispersed, my littles gave hugs.  Cara was taking them back to Leorah Two.  Zevran paused by my chair as they left.  “We must talk, Ethelathun.  When you have a moment, of course.”

“It won’t be today, Zevran.”  He just nodded and left.

My ladies stopped by a moment to chatter about ideas.  I got told them to write it all down.  I wonder if they realize they’re going to be voting, too.  It’s a new thought for me, but these people treat kids from about age ten as if they’re miniature adults.  Apprenticeships, jobs, behavior requirements.  Not the nobler kids, I guess, but the peasant class ones?  Yeah.  If they’re walking the walk, they’re going to be in on this.

A minute later, Zatlan handed me a plate full of lunch.  “Eat.  You skipped breakfast.”

“Not you, too.”

Jailyn came up.  “It was me, actually.  He’s delivering.”

“Oh.”  He popped a cheeky bow.  “Knock it off.”  I threw one of the chunks of bread at him.  He caught it with a grin and took a bite.  He walked off, super smug.  Brat.  I returned my attention to Jailyn.

“You’re serious about this.  You think we should be writing laws and giving people official spots.”

“Not yet, and maybe not official official, but eventually.  Anything with a thousand plus members needs some structure.  So we’re going to figure out what structure we need, preferably without making it too rigid.  Two months should be enough for the rest of them to weigh in, as well.”

Philomena hadn’t left.  “And then you will choose a council?”

“You guys, all of you, in every place, are going to pick the council.  Including the member from Ethelathe, eventually.  For now, Eadras has it.”  He was still standing there, next to my chair.  Waiting patiently, and slightly worried, though he relaxed a hair when I reaffirmed his position.

Jailyn took over.  “What if we don’t want a council?”

I blinked.  “What else would we have?”

“I don’t know.  But there’s kings and other rulers, the Rivaini wise women, keepers, and so on.  Maybe one of those would work.”

“Keepers work great on the small scale.  It’s scaling up that becomes a problem.”

“Keepers of Keepers.”

“Councils of Keepers?  It seems to work for the Dalish.”

She muttered something, but didn’t elaborate.  “I’d prefer a final authority.  Talking and talking and never getting anything done.  If they had someone in charge…”

“How would you choose that someone?  And how would you make them stay?  For how long?  We’re going to have to find the right people, like Zatlan said, or we’ll end up like before, with the boot on our necks.  New foot, same boot, bad.  How about you?  You’re good at organizing, anticipating needs, and communication.  Maybe we could put you in charge.”

Jailyn looked confounded a moment, her thread warbling somehow, then her face cleared, smile bloomed, her thread steadied with some sort of decision.  “We’ll find the right way, don’t worry, Chrissy.  Bait and lure, but don’t trap.  We’ll get it.”

Something about the way she said it worried me.  “What are you planning?”

“Nothing important right now, Chrissy.  Don’t worry about it.”  Lovely.  “My aunt told me to tell you she’s waiting for a reason.”

“Why would she wait for no reason?”

“Uhm…  I don’t know?”

I just smiled and shook my head.  She wasn’t up to playing.  “Waiting for a reason to show up, or she has a reason for waiting?”

“Has a reason for waiting.”

“Alrighty.”  I was unaccountably tired.  Not sure why.  And I still had to deal with Eadras.

They cleared out, and I gestured to Eadras to precede me into my rooms.  He didn’t say anything, just doing what I wanted. I pointed to the couch as I shut and bolted the door.  “Sit.”  He did.

He perched on the edge of the couch.  Nervous.  “Not even two whole days before you contradicted me in public, Eadras.”  He didn’t say anything, pressing his lips together and looking more worried.  I let myself out a bit, just a bit, to remain calm and centered.  To make sure I don’t push him farther than he could bear.  He’s old, and I really don’t want to cause a heart attack or something.

“Are you going to be able to do this?  Are you going to be able to let me actually steer Ethelathe in the direction I need it to go?  Or are you going to push it where you want it, with me as some doll propped up for the blame to settle on?”

He inhaled sharply.  “I’m sorry, my lady.”

“Chrysopal.”

“I’m sorry, Chrysopal.”

“That’s nice, but it doesn’t answer my questions.  Listen, and respond, Hahren.  Actually give me the respect you claim you have for me.  Are you going to be able to do this?”

“It never…  To give it to someone else.  You are the one, Chrysopal, that I will follow.  I don’t know.”

“And if Ethelathe is handed off to someone else, what will you do?”

“I will follow you.  You’re my lady, and I wouldn’t change that.”

“I’m just a woman, Eadras.  But I need you to help me.  I want Ethelathe to be able to survive a thousand years.  To learn, and grow, and change.  To be a haven against the bad things, and a sword defending the good ones.  I have to plan that for then, not just now.  And that means that we can’t be focusing on the person, but the position.  Or positions.  The future, beyond you and me.”

I could feel him thinking.  The fade whispered, past and possibility, suggestions and warnings.  I ignored it.  He took a deep breath.  “Chrysopal, will you sit with me?”  I sat on the little couch next to him.  “You think even bigger than I do, I think.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No, Ethelathun.  But it shames me.  You didn’t want this, did you.”

“I didn’t, and I found myself othered before I could blink.  Your doing, I think, but the others helped.  But it’s partly my fault that you shoved me up front.  I’m a busybody, and I’m bossy.  If it’s not getting done the way I want, I’m likely to poke my nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“Or do it yourself.  It’s a cute nose, da’len.  We don’t mind.”

“I can’t do this without you, Eadras, and it has to be done.  We’re too big to let it grow haphazardly.  If it’s not carefully planned, with a strong foundation and sturdy walls, the house will collapse.”

“You know this?”

“Empires rise and fall, and greed destroys them all.”

“What do you want?”

“Every small group handles themselves, and sends a representative to the next grouping.  Every alienage among us, every clan, every other group.  Even the humans, Eadras.  They select someone to speak for them.  Yearly, maybe, for a round of meetings and decisions.  A new person every so often.  And each individual votes for the head of government, every so often.  Has Andrew talked about checks and balances?”

“He has.  It makes a sort of sense.  It won’t matter, Chrissy.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s your face on the thing.”

“But in a hundred years, will it still be so?”

“Maybe.”  He didn’t sound sure.

“We can at least try it.  What have we lost, if it doesn’t work?  A latin phrase for you.  Imperium in Imperio.”

“Imperium?”

“The shadow government.  The hidden government.  The one of the people, not of the land.  Leave the fights over land to the greedy ones.  We will govern ourselves beneath them, enact our rituals, follow our beliefs.  Does it matter if the land is called Ferelden, or Orlais, or America?”

“Will it work?”

“No clue.  But I can guarantee it won’t work if we don’t at least try.”

We went back and forth a little more, but the end result was I have his support for anything I want.  And he’s going to try harder not to gainsay me in public.

That took up most of the afternoon, with dinner being just the last thing I needed.  Someone had let Florienne out to play in the hall.  After dinner, I pulled Josie aside.

“What is it, Chrysopal?”

“Is that woman a prisoner or a guest?”

“It is quite a convoluted situation.  Delicate.”

“If we can keep a former member of the ruling body of the Imperium penned up in his cell, a magister, we can do the same for the Empress’ murderer, a disgraced grand duchess.  One, or both, wouldn’t you think?”

“You wish to let Gereon Alexius into the main hall?”

“Not particularly, but do we really want to leave ourselves open to cries of favoritism?  I would suggest she stay in her cell until we hear from Sam on the matter.”

“I will consider it.”

“I will not be at the table, Josephine, until the matter is at least temporarily settled.  Both, or neither.  I don’t care which.”

“I see.  In that case, I will write to the Inquisitor immediately.”

“Thank you.”

Everyone was back for songtime.  Josren and Cara were cuddling on the piano bench when the qunari woman arrived.  She looked flummoxed for a moment, so I told her to feel free to use one of the chairs at my desk.  She startled at me talking to her, I’m not sure why, but she plopped her butt down, mumbling something I didn’t hear.

After songtime, I stole storytime from Leorah Two.  She was placid about it.  How is this woman so even tempered?  I’d have been furious if she came in and snitched it from me.  Anyway, I read them a story from the book they’re in the middle of, kissed them well, and sent them off to sleep.

I hadn’t expected Dorian to show up in my rooms, but he did.  A little bleary, because he was drinking with the Chargers as they went over the information they’d gotten.  In any case, he doesn’t want to sleep by himself, so I invited him to stay.  I’m going to miss the hell out of him when he leaves.  Probably the day after tomorrow.  And then, I will be all alone in my bed once more.

  
  
  


I… I almost wrote a goodnight to my daughter here.  My skin prickled, my eyes filled, and sweat broke out on my brow.  I’m blowing the dust off this thing, because I do not want to explore that.


	183. Day 7, 7 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations with Dorian. Twice. Uncles, Morrigan, Alexius. A fraught day, all day. Damn it.

**Day 7, 7 Harvestmere, 9:41**

The fade was fun.  And full.  I was playing with wisps again, watching them dance and warble.  We almost understand how to do the choir thing without me emotionally wracking myself.

I can get more than one note at a time with different memories of different emotions, but I still have to feel all of them to get the wisps to react.  Just not as... intensely?  Lightly, but fully?  I don’t have the words, I guess.  There’s something I’m missing, some connection or trigger or method to encourage them to react to the memories themselves.

Solas arrived more toward morning, probably an hour or two before I woke at most.  I don’t know why they scatter when he visits.  Thinking about it, it’s not just wisps, is it.  The spirits at that one party thing reacted the same way.  People on the meatside tend to give him space, too, not touching or bumping, even in crushes like the social whirl of Orlais.  Someday I’m going to have to get an answer.  Could it be related to that whole “may the Dread Wolf never catch your scent” thing?

Anyway, he stood at the edge of “my” space, as he once used to do.  Waiting.  I smiled at him, and he came up to me.  Fingers touching my cheek, then his whole hand cupped it.  He closed his eyes, and then wrapped his arms around me.  Intense worry?  Thinking about it, he may have felt my emotions going haywire.  That could explain it.

“Are you alright?”

“I am well enough.”  He squeezed lightly.  “It is of no moment.”

I wanted a plush couch and got one.  I don’t even really have to think about shaping my personal dreamspace anymore.  Anyway.  Usually we talk, random things, interesting tidbits.  Not so much this time.  He’s mildly grumpy about something, and didn’t want to talk about it.  It isn’t me.  He’s content with me.  Something else.  He’ll talk when he’s ready, I guess.  So I just pulled his head into my lap and stroked his face.

They haven’t gotten all that far.  Snow is a bitch to pack through, and it’s coming up on the “height of the season”.  Which shouldn’t be for a couple months, I’d thought.  But they haven’t even gotten to the pass.  Should get there tomorrow or the next day, and will be staying to meet with someone.  Something about Venatori smuggling on the Storm Coast.  I don’t remember anything about that, so maybe it’s just something that isn’t addressed in game?

The end of the evening happened too soon.  I woke up suddenly when Irusana plopped her butt on my face.  Probably dumped Solas out of dreamland, too.  But ‘Sana was highly displeased with me for ignoring the cat rule.  One must not move when one has a cat on you.  So sorry, kitty.  Claws on face bad, m’kay?

I was still groggy when Dorian touched my arm.  “Chrysopal.”  Odd, he doesn’t usually use my full moniker.

I rolled to look at him.  His eyes were open, searching my face.  He closed them again a moment, then took a deep breath.  Looking at me again.  “I don’t know how…”  He was concerned, agitated, despite his stillness.

“Something wrong, love?”

“I can’t tell you.  Please, be very careful.  The fade is not a toy.”

“Of course not.  No more than the meat side, at least.”

“Spirits, demons, they are dangerous.”

This was really bothering him.  “I do not forget that.  I also do not forget that you, Sam, any other person, could end my life with ease.  And likely will, at some point.  Though it’ll probably be Leliana or her agents.”

I was trying to soothe, but he got more tense.  “There are worse things than ending your life.”  He sighed.  “Everyone must face…”  He stopped.

It took me a long moment, but it hit me.  What must everyone, to his mind, face?  “It had better be in public, love, or I will make it very public.  Stone and buildings are fragile, and I will call all mine to witness.  On both sides, if necessary.”

He paled.  “Fragile?  You can call them?  All of them?  Both sides?  Both sides of what?”  His voice went up on the last few.

“Calm, love.  Did you think you were the only one?”

He sat up, head in his trembling hands.  “Don’t tell me these things when I am still asleep!”

I sat, too.  “What’s wrong?  Of course I can call them.  I mean, that’s how things work, right?”  Maybe?  “Don’t they?”  He lifted his head, looking at me yet again.  I could feel a frisson of fear.  “What have I done?”  I reached out, and he didn't evade me, took my hand.  Thank heavens.  “Dorian?”

“These… you call them threads.  You’ve shown them to me.  Helped me find my own.  Emotional connections…  You can summon with them?  ON BOTH SIDES?”  I couldn’t read his face, and his emotions were everywhere.

“I wouldn’t call it summoning.  Summoning implies they have no choice.”

“That’s how they knew.  We knew, and they knew, when you were attacked by the Chevalier.  They knew when…  When the Inquisitor received the letter saying that Ethelathe was coming for you, we assumed someone had written them.”  Ethelathe said they were coming for me?

“Dorian, you’re shaking.”

“No one told them.  They knew.  Just like we knew.  Who are you?”

“I don’t know what you mean?  You know who I am!”

He tightened his grip on my hand.  He wasn’t trying to hurt me, despite twisting my fingers.  “You’re not a demon.  Nor a spirit like Cole.  You speak of men and spirits as if they are no different.  You come from somewhere far away.  Through the fade, Chrissy.  Through time?  They don’t see it, but I do.  How did you do that?  Why here, us?  Who are you?”

That hurt.  A lot, actually.  Not my fingers so much as the questions.  I tried to pull my hand from him, but he didn’t let go.  He glanced at our hands, and loosened his grip.  Apology in his eyes.  For that, at least.   His voice hardened a fraction.  Not cold, just firm.  “You told me, and I heard, but I didn’t understand.  Chrysopal isn’t your name, is it.  Just as your face is not the same as before you came.  Varric said you were anonymous.  A very special anonymous.  What does he mean?”

I’m going to strangle me a dwarf.  “He’s got it wrong.  He does.  He’s adding two and two and getting five.  Chrysopal is what I’ve been called.  For a long time.  But no, it’s not the name I was gifted at birth.  Just as this isn’t quite my face.”  I was expecting anger, fear, hatred.  Something.

What I got was an apology.  He pulled me next to him, sighing.  He scooted us both so we were sitting against the headboard.  A finger traced the lines of scars on my arm before he put his hands in his lap.  “I’m sorry.  You expect me to reject you.  Even after everything.  Forgive me.”

Apparently he can feel emotion through the threads, too.  I pulled my knees up, wrapping my arms around them.  “I don’t understand what’s going on.”

“I can’t tell you, but I am worried for you.”

“Dorian, I adore you.  If you tell me to be wary, I will be.”

“Who are you, dove?”

“I’m just me.  I’m just an average woman.  I had a job, a family, a life.  Pulled here, somehow.  Magic is real, in ways I’ve never seen before outside of story.  I woke here with nothing, not even my own face.  And memories are fading, lost to time.  You know this.”  I took a breath.  “Nothing will be left, soon, but what Ethelathe, and the rest of you, have created of me.  Can you imagine waking up in a book you were in the middle of reading, love?”

“That’s how you know things.  You played a kind of game with images and choices.”

“I’ve told you this before.”

“I know.  Why don’t you use your name?”

“Names have power.  Someone using my name…  I know who they are, where they are, if they’re connected to me.  What they need.  If they want me to, and possibly if they don’t.  I pronounce it wrong and give it out as a password.”  I shrugged.  “It works, at least in testing.  It hasn’t been tried since rollout.”

“Rollout?”

“Uhm…  Moving from a controlled testing environment to the… It’s still in Alpha... That won’t make sense.”

“Like an experiment.  Just because it works in the lab doesn’t mean it works outside the lab.  Confounding factors and the like.”

I was relieved.  “Yes.”  He lifted the Pavus amulet he wore, looking into its depths.  “Dorian?”

“I won’t use it, Chrissy.  But may I have the honor of your name?”

“I’ve only told one other.  I mispronounce it on purpose.  Names are power, Dorian.  Even without magic, someone yelling your name makes you pay attention.  You can distract someone from a fight, stop them in their tracks, call, and malign.”

“Isn’t it the same with Chrysopal?  What am I saying.  Of course it’s not.  Nicknames are good, but the name your mother called you is better.”

“You can’t use it, Dorian.  Not unless you are in dire peril.  I will feel the need to drop everything and pay attention to you.  The only other person who uses it does so when he already has my full attention, so it isn’t quite the same.  It’s not as bad when it is mispronounced…”

“Dove, I won’t use it to call you.”

“Emily Lynne.”

“That’s a very nice name.”  He eyed me from the side.  “What’s the rest of it?”

“How do you know there’s more?”

“It’s obvious.  I half suspect you have as many names as Cassandra.”

“I don’t.  Emily Lynne Fitzgerald.  A perfectly normal name.”

“You have three names?”

“In my birth name.”

“How many names do you have?”

I nearly laughed.  “Too many.  Birth name, nicknames, confirmation names, married name, random titles…  Not titles like that.”  He’d smirked.  “Titles like job titles.  Military rank, and so on.  And the stuff I’ve had inflicted here, of course.”

“Oh?”

I sighed.  He wanted to know.  “Titles I used back then.  Miss, Ma’am, Petty Officer, Specialist, Missus, Director, Analyst.  Most were job titles.  We don’t use titles like you people do.” A deep breath, because that was wrong.  “I guess they don’t use titles like we do.”

“What is a confirmation name, dearest?”

“A name selected for religious ceremony in certain faiths.”

“More than one?”

“Do we have to talk about this?  I don’t question your belief in the Maker, do I?”

“Now you have me curious.”

“I’m not discussing my religious beliefs.  Suffice it to say they do not match anything in Thedas, but are also not contrary to anything I’ve found so far.”

“I see.”

“Why are we talking about this?”

“To avoid other discussions, of course.”

“I am careful in the fade.  Those friends are as dangerous as you here are.  Sometimes more, sometimes less.  But I don’t forget, and appreciate the warning.  One way or the other, Dorian, it will be public.”

“You warned me.  It’s only fair, after all.”  I may have grumbled at him.  “Well, it appears that we are both fully awake.  What do you say we relax in the bathhouse for an hour.  Perhaps a tray of cheese or fruit may appear, hmmm?”

“Are we okay?”

“We’ve never been okay, dove.  We’re excellent, enchanting, amazing, gorgeous, and nearly perfect, as you are well aware.”  Okay.  That made me smile.  Pomposity himself.

“Let’s take a bath.”

I let Irusana out when we left.  It was still very early, the knocker up about.  Garalen showed up by the time we reached the bottom of Cullen’s tower, as did Andrew.  They went in with us, but after smiles and some good-natured teasing closed curtains around another small pool.  They weren’t fooling anyone, though.

“Do you never go anywhere alone?”

“Not for a while.  Leliana needs to have me watched.  I’m still under suspicion, after all.”

Andrew obviously heard me.  “We watch you because you have no fucking off switch and don’t know when to quit!”

“Shut it, Andrew!”

“Make me!”

“Gara!  Shut his mouth, would you?”  I didn’t expect that to work, actually, but the next sound out of him was cut off.  And followed by low murmurs and kissing noises.  It made Dorian laugh.

Anyway, cheese, fruit, and bread were delivered by Zatlan.  He’d gotten a wardrobe upgrade.  A new shirt and vest, looking much warmer.  Maybe lambskin?  And linen for the shirt?  Anyway, he looked pretty spiffy, the cream of the shirt contrasting beautifully with the darker leather.  There was teal embroidery on the cuffs, and he had on one of those belt-scarf things in Ethelathe blue.  It was probably Ethelathe blue embroidery, too.

“You almost look like a pirate, Zatlan.”

“I’ve heard my lady is a sailor, so that fits.”  He winked at me.

The conversation was nice, and we stayed away from anything issuesome or work-related.  When I was ready to come out, Zatlan held out a huge towel for me, averting his eyes.  After I was wrapped, poor Dorian asked “what about me?” and Zatlan tossed him a towel.  Which made Dorian sputter when it landed on his head.

Whatever.  I was bundled back to my room to get dressed, and was greeted with a selection of clothing by none other than Leorah.  Pants, thank goodness.  And some tunics that I know had been in my wardrobe.  So they weren’t new!  One pair of pants was looser, nearly palazzo pants.  Flares?  Not bell bottoms.  Yoink.  Mine.  SO comfy.  And flowy.  I like flowy, I just get sick of pop-culture elven, you know?  And they’re black.  So they go with everything.  I was so excited I hugged her.

We also had a talk about the dresses I wouldn’t likely wear again, like the one I wore to the masque.  She’s going to use it to make outfits for my littles.  They’ll look so cute in in the velvet.  Several others would be cut down for some of the other younglings, and for the tweedles and Dan.

There’s no need to keep dresses I may never wear again, or which would not be appropriate to wear twice.  One skirt could probably be three shirts for a man.  So I will finally reduce my wardrobe.  I did make sure she isn’t touching the forest dress, or the sunset dress.  I love those.  And the swingy dress.

Leorah has registered a protest, but I told her that if I needed to attend another event, I’d need different dresses anyway.  Looks like everyone is getting a wardrobe upgrade.  And it’s all Zatlan’s fault, because he looked spiffy this morning.

So dressed, and bugged the Chargers for coffee.  Wrapped the scarf I’d made around Krem’s neck.  He’d needed one.  His old one was ratty and patched.  Managed to get out of practice, too.  I’d thought they were leaving tomorrow, but they’re leaving after noon, and spending the night in town a few hours out.  Dorian hadn’t told me.

When I got to my desk, Halton was waiting.  There was a stack of “suggestions” from the meeting yesterday.  I set them aside.  I sent off letters to Jack and a few others.

Jack had written asking how Lydia was settling in.  That’s the Vashoth woman.  I would have to check on her this afternoon.  He’s also bugging me about coming to visit him.  It’s only been a few months, but it’s not like either of us is running out of time.

Sorgan had another selection of letters for me to read.  Just a couple, from children.  One in Highever, and one from a “new settlement” on the edge of the Silent Plains.  Why is an Avvar child writing me?  S/he wants me to tell the Inquisitor they LIKE the Silent Plains?  I wrote a quick note to Sam and folded the letter up in it.  Maybe he knows what the hell is going on.

I was in the middle of organizing an exchange of goods between Redcliffe and Sabrae when Dorian stepped up to the desk.  And frowned.  “What is it, love?”

He didn’t say anything, but squatted down to touch some water that had spilled.  A strange expression on his face.  Except it shimmered when he touched it.  His body went rigid.  “Dorian?”  He didn’t respond.  I had jerked out of my chair, and was kneeling next to him, trying to get his attention, when he finally inhaled.

“What have you done?”

“Dorian, are you alright?  Please tell me you’re okay.”  I know I was fussing.  He fell back on his rump, brushing my hands aside.  I’d been checking for issues.  “A seizure?  Something else?  Tell me you’re alright!”

I’d ended up kneeling in the puddle.  He pulled me away from it.  “Don’t touch it!”

“Touch what?”

“What have you done, dove?”  He pulled at the drawer with the bulk of my journal in it.  It wouldn’t open.  I keep it locked.  He muttered, and it slid out.  And SLOSHED.  It wasn’t much, but I felt it more than saw or heard it.  “You can’t do this to me.  I’m leaving and you can’t do this.”

Sorgan was staring at us like we were crazy, which I can understand.  Halton apparently knew about this.  “It keeps dripping.  I keep people away from it.”

I was confused.  “Keep people away from what?  What’s dripping?”

Dorian was reaching again, then stopped.  “How did you manage this?”  He looked at Halton.  

“I promise, Lady, that I haven’t been prying.  It’s just that sometimes I touch it.  By accident, I mean.  I meant to tell you, and got distracted.”

Dorian stood.  “Come with me, both of you.”  To Sorgan, “keep everyone back.”  He took my arm and escorted me to my own rooms, Halton trailing behind.  The sounds from the pillow side of the hall had stopped, and Eadras appeared at the curtains’ edge.  “No worries, old chap.  We’ll handle this.”  The curtain dropped again as Dorian pushed me inside and closed the door behind us.

“Dove, you CANNOT enchant parchment without lyrium!  Are you trying to kill yourself?”

“What?”

“What were you thinking!”

“If you don’t start making sense, I’m going to smack you.  Are you mental?”

“I never imagined you would attempt-”

“DORIAN!”

“What?”  He’d been pacing, agitated, and stopped.  “Right.”  He took another deep breath.  “Let me guess.  You have no idea what you’ve been doing.  None.  Where is Varric when you need him.  Dagna.  She could explain it.  And probably arrange for…”

He trailed off, lost in thought.  I looked at Halton, who shrugged.  “What do you touch?”

“It’s not every time.  You have to actually be wanting to know, trying to understand, Chrissy.  It’s just another you thing, according to the others.”

Dorian jumped in again.  “Others?  The others know?”

“Not really.  I keep them away.  I thought she had a reason, and left it alone.  I was going to ask, though.”

“If someone doesn’t tell me what’s going on, I’m going to start knocking heads!”

“You’ve been using magic to journal.”  My peacock sighed.  “Relax, dove.  You’re glowing again.  Calm yourself.”  He reached out to me, hugging and stroking my hair.  After a few moments, “Better.  Now, shall we sit?  Halton, my good lad, would you please ask Dagna if she could come here, just for a moment, as soon as possible?”

Halton hightailed it out of my rooms, and Dorian sat on the couch, pulling me with him.  “I don’t think I’ve been using magic to Journal, love.  You’ve seen me.  I just use a pen, write in ink.”

“Quite.  Then how is this happening.”  He wasn’t asking, or refuting me.  He took me at my word and was thinking.  Closed his eyes, tilting his head back, tapping his fingers on the arm of the couch.  “How do you make your journal disappear again?”

“I wrap it in glowy stuff and want it to disappear, basically.  I call it veiling.  Works on people, too.”

“People.”

“Yep.  Lets me get about a bit without anyone noticing.  Handy, sometimes.  Talk to me Dorian.  What was that not-water?”

He sighed.  “You had a snowball fight.  You dumped snow on the Commander’s head.  A moment in time, only.”

That caught my attention.  “Memories don’t exist out of the fade.  You said so.”

“Memories should not exist out of the fade.  But we both know things don’t work properly around you.”

“You’re telling me my journal is dripping memories.”

“Possibly.  We can’t be sure, but very possibly.”

“Well, crap.  I’m not using magic to write.  I know I’m not.”

“You are.  I’ve seen you writing many a time.  But I’m wondering if it’s the veiling you do.  It should have occurred to me that wrapping something in the fade would affect it.”

The lightbulb dawned on me.  “Shit, Dorian.  You can’t know this.  You have to pretend you don’t know this.  I can’t change something so important!”

“Wait, what?”

Now I was pacing.  “Okay.  First thing’s first, no more veiling my journal.  Maybe I should quit journaling.  No, I can’t do that, I need to journal, it keeps me sane, leaves a record.  So I just can’t veil it.  That will fix the problem going forward.  But for now, I need a container.  It’s a pensieve in Harry Potter.”

“Who?”

I waved him away.  “A book series, but it could help.  Or…  D&d.  A thought bottle.  But how did the memories duplicate?”

“A thought bottle?”

“It’s metal, or maybe glass or crystal?  I can’t quite remember.  But it’s engraved with runes.  It can store memories, with a password or secret method to open.”

“We have memory crystals.  But they’re very rare.  Difficult to get.  Perhaps two in circulation in Tevinter.”

“Alright.  I’m going to work with Dagna on a pensieve or thought bottle.  Whichever she thinks is best, unless she has a better idea.  And I won’t be veiling my journal until we figure out how to contain any side effects, okay?”

“Dove, are you ever going to be boring?”

“I am not trying to be interesting!  Being interesting gets people killed.”

“You are not allowed to get yourself killed.  I am an Altus, and I will be listened to.  A man of power and influence.  As well as remarkably handsome and charming.”

“Yes, love.  You are the great and powerful Oz.  Never look behind the curtain.”

“What?”

“Never mind.  You are, as Alexius said, one of the finest fruits of Tevinter.  And I adore you.”

“Of course you do.  What’s not to adore?”

“Honestly, I’m surprised you’re not drinking.”

“I have to get on a horse, dove.  I can’t do that inebriated.  Nor can I do it as a blithering idiot, so please stop changing the rules of reality for a time, hmmm?”

There was a knock on the door.  “Enter!”

Halton peeked around the door.  “Dagna is in the middle of something, but she says she can talk to you sometime this week.  You don’t visit enough.  Her words, not mine.”

“Thank you, Halton.”

“Of course.”

He shut the door.  “Now I just have to figure out how much “water” any particular memory creates, and how to get it to move.  I wonder, if I lined the drawer in silver, would that make a difference?”

“Silver?  Why silver?”

“Oh, maybe not silver, then.”

“Wait for Dagna, my dear.  She will have a better idea.”

“You’re recovering quickly.”

“I’m becoming used to being shocked by you.  Now, it is nearly lunchtime, and I am positively famished.  Let us find food, shall we, and then you can see us all off.”

As we reached the door, I held him back.  “You can’t know this, Dorian.  Even if you do.  Please.”

“I know nothing.  But I will still need to be told everything you are doing to fix this thing I don’t know anything about.”

“I’m serious, Dorian.  You cannot, must not, inform the inquisitor about this.”

“The Inquisitor?  He’s not a mage, why would this affect him?”

“Dorian, there is so much I cannot, and will not say.  I’ve already changed too much by accident.  Any changes should be deliberate.”

He didn’t respond at first, just closed his eyes a moment.  “The things you say.”

“I’m going to miss you.”

“Well, I, for one, shall be glad to exist where people are predictable and normal.  It’ll be a nice change.”  He was teasing, thank goodness.

We did get lunch, and I did see off the Chargers.  A few support people were staying back.  Foxtripper was going.  “Practice, or you’ll regret it when I get back.”

“I will.”

“You’ll be starting on knives while I’m gone.  The Nightingale’s handling it.”

“What?”  He just grinned and mounted up.

I got smooches and cuddles from Dorian.  Hair messed up and cuddles from Krem.  Friendly greetings and partings all around.  It didn’t take long for them to go from just starting to get ready to gone.  So much faster than when the Inquisition heads out.  Honestly, the Sam takes half the morning to do what the Chargers managed in less than an hour.

Elias walked me back to my desk.  I could hear music, the piano.  It was a song from Mary Poppins!  Feed the birds.  No one was singing, but that Vashoth, Lydia, was playing.  Not expertly, but very well.  Better than me.  Every so often she’d pause, like she was remembering, then continue the song.  

Halton reminded me that I still have people sitting in jail.  I need to figure out the severance before the ninth.  Two days.  If nothing else, I’ll be severing her connection to me, if she has one.  Dorian had left a pile of books on my desk.  I didn’t notice earlier with the kerfluffle about the dripping.

Speaking of which, it seems that moving the journal around reabsorbed, or whatever, much of the puddle.  Even in the drawer.  No sloshing, but it was still there.  They?  I don’t know.  But apparently disturbing the primary media alleviates the disunity of the storage.  Reverts it to origin?  Like spooling a tape back into the cassette?

I didn’t want to deal with that, so I headed up to Emborr, Elias in tow.  This place is incredibly empty.  Sullivan’s band, Chargers, Soldiers, Scouts, and Companions are all gone.  I have a few lingering Templars around, and my own people.

And the random visiting nobles who can’t quit complaining about the cold.  “It is so frigid here!  Someone build up the fire!”  Like firewood comes easy at the top of a mountain.  At least I wasn’t going to have to eat with them again.  Or so I thought.

Anyway.  Emborr and the uncles and I had a long chat.  Apparently some of the apprentices have been messing with her.  She’s been having difficulty for a month or so.  They’ve put a stop to it, and moved her into the normal rooms instead of the apprentice quarters.

She’d arrived mere days after we left for Halamshiral.  I’d missed her by days.  I can’t imagine the kind of floundering she must have been doing.  At least she speaks trade.  And she made the papasan chair.  Emborr thinks she has a real talent, maybe even some kind of magic, for figuring out what metal is good for what.  How strong it is, whether it’ll hold up to the strain of a particular shape.  Sounds like something we can use around here.

I smooched the uncles, admonishing uncle Alex to stay warmer.  He was like ice, and his hand was shaking.  He’s over fifty, he reminded me.  He knows how to take care of himself.  “Well, then do it.”  He got an extra kiss.

Played with the littles for a half hour, because damn it, I’m the boss, right?  I can do that.  Gretel’s two, Dan, tweedles, and Kieran.  And more fraught conversations.  Morrigan was watching her son play.

She was watching me, so I disengaged and went over to her.  “Something you need, Morrigan?”

“Your Daniel is an interesting child, Chrysopal.”

“Is he now.”

“Kieran seems to like him.  They’ve become fast friends, even in just a week.  Young Ewan, as well.”

“That’s nice.”

“Do the other mage children never leave the tower?”

“They do.  Enchanter Fiona gives them more freedom than they had in the circles, certainly.  But it is cold, and they have studies.”

“He looks like you.”

“Who?”

“Young Daniel.”

“Don’t be absurd.  He looks nothing like me.”

“Hmmm.  Perhaps not.  I had wondered if he was a relation.”

“He’s mine, but he’s not my blood.  Kieran, however, looks very much like you.”

“Thank you.  I think he looks more like his father.”

“Leave Daniel alone, Morrigan.  Don’t play with him.”

“Are you afraid the Evil Chasind Witch will harm the boy?”

“No.  I would be surprised to see you attack any child.  But he needs careful handling.  And to be kept from Fiona’s claws.”

“You have issue with the First Enchanter?”

“She has issue with me.  I don’t want it to spill onto the child.  You can understand that.”

“I can.  I meant he looks completely normal, and yet quite odd.  A completely normal boy.  Then he does something, I’m not quite certain what, and he is transformed.  Then back again.  Like you.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

That made her laugh.  “You are wary of me. Why?”

“Because right now, you and Leliana are the most dangerous adults in Skyhold.”

That made her smile.  “You think the children are dangerous?”

“Some of them.”

Her smile fell.  “Kieran is not a danger to anyone.  He knows how to control himself.”

I smiled at her.  “I know that.  But that doesn’t mean he isn’t dangerous.  He’s brilliant, and powerful.  Even without magic.  People overlook him now, but that won’t last forever.  Humans kill what they fear.  Anything different, anything that scares or confuses or has a weakness.  It’s what they do.”

“Most humans, I agree.  The social niceties are still confusing.  Why bare ones teeth if one is not going to bite?”

“I have never quite understood that myself, even as I bared my teeth when required.”

We watched the children play in fairly companionable silence.  Honestly, it’s nice to hang around someone who doesn’t prattle.  We let the children play about an hour, and she pulled Kieran in for lessons.  Leorah Two glanced at me before calling in the others.  I bid my farewells as they headed for the stables.  I don’t know why they were going there.

After that, I decided to see the Archivist.  I found Darling in the library, curled in Dorian’s chair, as I went up.  Vivienne had left books, she said.  Might as well get started, right?  I also ran into Alexius, to my shock.

“It appears I have you to thank for my temporary release.”  The two templars attending him didn’t say anything.

“Excuse me?”

“I was told you brought the situation to the Lady Montilyet’s attention, so until a decision can be made by the Inquisitor, I will be permitted limited freedom.”

Damn, Josie works fast.  I figured they’d lock up the kingslayer, not release the magister.  And certainly didn’t figure less than a day.  “I’m glad for you.  I hope you don’t abuse the privilege.”

“Tomorrow, we shall see what you have learned under my apprentice, hmmm?”

“Perhaps.  I’ll have to check my schedule first.  I do have other instructors, and other priorities.  Good day, Magister Alexius.”

Man can’t take a hint.  “You need further instruction on materials, stone and metal.”

“Do I.  Maybe in a hundred years, someone will actually observe the ground, and determine the rock cycle.  Probably a man, and most likely a mage, because no one listens to anyone else.  Just because it changes too slowly for the human eye to see, doesn’t mean it doesn’t change.  Ask the dwarves.  They probably know already.”

His mouth flattened.  “Is that so.  Good day, Lady Theneras.”  He turned and strode away, his minders following.  Asshole.

Too much happened today.  I had to eat at the upper tables.  They’d let Alexius out.  Damn it.  He and Florienne are sharpening their wit on one another.  Two puppets of Corypheus.  Thank goodness for Templars.

Good thing:  Zevran sat between me and Leli.  He’s excellent company.  And good at not talking about fraught subjects at dinner.  I couldn’t take any more today.  He flirted and joked, and made dinner bearable, then escorted me down for songtime.

Darling’s getting heavy.  Irusana decided today she doesn’t like him, too.  So much for my nice comfy evening with one on each side.  She liked him just fine yesterday.  I asked him what he did, and I swear the damn thing grinned.  I don’t even want to know, probably.

Darling, for some reason, chose to stay with the boys after storytime and kisses.  Elias escorted me to my room, then sat on the couch, snagging one of the blankets.  “What are you doing?”

“Sleeping on the couch.  Unless you’re offering the bed?”

“What’s wrong with your bed?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why?”

He’d been playful, joking.  Not anymore.  “Because your nighttime guard isn’t here, and I don’t trust the Hessarians outside.  They’re new faces.”

“Elias…”

“I promise I won’t snore.  Once I’m more familiar with the new people, it’ll be better.  Garalen’s got tomorrow, and Gunther the next day.”

“I don’t-”

“Are you going to kick me out?”

I sighed.  “No.”

“Good.  Now let your ladies maid get you set up, and get some sleep, okay?”

“Is there anything I should know?”

“There’s been another threat or two.  Don’t worry, Chrissy.  We’ll handle it.”

Elias still doesn’t like Briri, I think.  He watches her, and it’s got no heat to it.  Well, no sexual heat.  There’s glimmers of anger.  I think it’s because she’s not mine.  Not even trying to be mine.  He bolted the door as she left.  Nearly caught her skirts in it, it was so quick.

I won’t be veiling this, for obvious reasons.  But it’s time to go to bed.  Why can’t I have a nice, boring day?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone.
> 
> Thank Spellweaver for the leaking and sloshing drawer.


	184. Day 8, 8 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pacing again, messages, birth plans, and persistent magisters.

**Day 8, 8 Harvestmere, 9:41**

I’m spoiled, I guess.  I really do prefer sleeping next to someone.  I tossed and turned instead of settling.  After probably a few hours, I got up.  Threw some clothes on.  It was nice to be able to reach into my wardrobe and pull out what I want to wear.  I like the woolen dress I changed, so I wore that.  And socks.  It’s cold enough that even I need a little insulation from the stone floors.

I thought I’d been quiet.  That Elias was asleep.  But he was calmly waiting at the door when I emerged from behind the wall.  Didn’t say anything, just held out my cape.  I let him settle it on my shoulders, because he wasn’t going to hand it to me.  He pulled on his own coat, and we stepped out.

I guess he knows me pretty well, because he led the way up through the main hall out to the walls.  It wasn’t as cold as it could be.  Skyhold again, I’d bet.  While it gets cold, it isn’t near so cold as it was on the trip back here.

Pacing the walls gave me time to think.  I’ve made decisions that changed things.  I have to assume it’s me, because I’m the only one not in my memories of the game.  So far, those changes have been accidental.  That can’t continue.  If I am to change things, it can’t be willy nilly.

I stopped to look over the mountains.  The green valley is still green.  Isn’t that strange?  It’s winter, or at least late fall, so where is the valley that it isn’t?  I turned to Elias.  “What do you see, over there?”

I didn't expect him to become cautious.  “Why do you want to know?”

“Because what I see and what others see is sometimes different.”

“You spend a lot of time looking over this side.”

“Not so much anymore.”

“It’s hazy sometimes.  A frozen valley when it’s clear.  It happens in the mountains.”  He shrugged.

“What does?”

“That mists and clouds cover things.  Sometimes, when the sun hits just right, I can almost think there’s more, but there never is.”  He looked at me.  “You see more.”

“Maybe I imagine it.”  I started walking again, and he followed, shivering.  “Okay, let’s go inside.  It’s too cold for pacing the walls.”

“If you need to walk, we walk.”

“I need sleep, and to talk to a couple people.”

“About the meeting?  It’s all anyone’s talking about.”

That caught my attention.  “What do they say?”

“It varies.  I’m freezing.  Can we go inside now?”  He hooked an arm around my neck.  “Can you do something about the cold?”

“I don’t know.  In the small, yes.  Out here?  What would I damage?  What needs the cold to reset its cycle?  I don’t even know if I have the ability to affect weather in the large scale.  Air is heavy, especially moist air.  And I haven’t been being careful enough.”

“Hmmm.”  He sounded smug.

“What was that for?”

“Don’t worry about it, oh wondrous leader.”

“For cryin’ out loud, don’t do that.”  But he was grinning, so I let it go.

We went back down through the courtyard.  People were snug in their beds.  Only a few soldiers lingered on the walls.  I considered warming them, but they seemed okay.  I did make the fires they walk past a little hotter.  Well, not really hotter.  The same hot, but larger radius of warmth.

The kitchen garden had been wintered, covered with straw.  I don’t know if anything’s left to dig up.  The sunken places at the edges of the fields were full of growing things, I know.  I’d gotten a report on how well the greenhouses were performing.  

I was going to stop to look more closely at the garden, but Elias tugged me on.  I guess the middle of the night is a bad time to do such things.  In any case, he helped us to hot water and chamomile in the kitchens.  And then all but shoved me back through the unfamiliar bookends into my room.  Guess he was ready for sleep, because he sent me back to bed and sat on the couch.

I still couldn’t sleep, so I ended up doing stuff I hadn’t done in a while.  Breathing exercises just to breathe, a little fat girl yoga.  The stretching relaxed me enough that I could eventually drop off.  I am woefully out of practice.  One kind of exercise doesn’t really prepare you for others.

When I was finally tired, I slipped gently into the fade.  Arms had been waiting for me, gathered me as I became conscious of my surroundings.  Couldn’t help but smile as I looked into violet eyes inches from mine.  “I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

He spoke after a lingering kiss.  “I wasn’t waiting long, but was becoming concerned.  What has you so restless, ma vhenan?”

“What has you so grumpy the last few nights?”

“Hmmm.  A question for a question?  Are we back to exchanges?”

“A grá, whatever made you think we left them?”

That made him smile.  “I had to stop an experiment before it was fully finished.  It was an… inopportune time for the journey to start.  I had miscalculated by less than twelve hours.  Disconcerting.”

“Did you get the data you needed?”

He rubbed his cheek on mine a moment.  “Most of it.  I believe I can extrapolate the remainder from the information I have.  And you?  Why are you restless?”

“Uncomfortable conversations with Dorian.  Waffling on which way to turn.  And someone let Florienne out to play with Magister Alexius, which can’t possibly be good.”

“Florienne?”  He spoke against my neck.  Being very distracting.

I pushed his head back, so I could think straight.  “She got dropped on us only hours after you guys left.  The timing was suspicious, to my mind.”

“Hmmmm.”  He’d maneuvered himself to the other side.  Drat the man.

“Solas.”

“Yes?”

“Humming?”

“You like the humming.  Two nights a week, ma’nehn, are ours.  Enough of others.”  The rest of the evening was spent rather occupied.  Not like, REALLY occupied.  We’re still not doing that in the fade.  Can you imagine Contentment or Rage popping in?  Or Amused?  I’d be mortified.  We spent time between kisses in more lessons on wards.  Practicing the two I knew, and playing with a few more.

Anyway.  I woke too soon to the heavenly scent of coffee.  I hadn’t heard anyone moving around.  I opened my eyes to a cuppa and bread and cheese on a tray.  Held by Briri.  “Good morning, Miss.”

Her voice was less chipper than usual.  “Briri?  Is everything okay?”

“Of course, miss.  It’s time to awaken.  The lady Nightingale sent a message that you must meet with your instructor this morning.”  She has a right to her private thoughts, so I didn’t ask.

“While her bite is far more deadly than her bark, she doesn’t pounce without cause.”

“Of course not, miss.”  I let it be.  I was still in my clothes, but I let her do something artful with my hair.

I discovered what had bothered her as I left.  A note, held to the door with a dagger, informing me I had practice at “eighth bell”.  You know, there’s very little consistency in how Thedasians talk about time.  We have weeks, sevendays, tendays.  At least the months are consistent.  Then we have bells, o’clocks, and general dawn/dusk/twilight kind of stuff.  Even “an hour past” some designated thing.  Really need a real clock.  The bells just aren’t cutting it.

I snagged the dagger, and the paper.  The dagger was interesting.  It had some sort of crest or seal on the end.  I didn’t recognize it.  The blade was a dark color, not black, but not shiny steel, either.  And sharp as hell, because I accidentally sliced the tip of my finger when I tested it.

“Briri, would you find me some leather to wrap this, please?  I’m curious about the owner.”  A moment later, she handed me a scrap.  I don’t know where it came from.  “I appreciate it.”

I checked on Cook as I snagged breakfast.  She’s been told she can “test” the leg in a few more days.  Without the poppy, her mind is much clearer.  The inattention, loopiness that had worried me so was completely absent.  She’s solidly back in control of her domain.  Still not allowed to cook for myself.

Garalen caught up with me as I went out the kitchen door.  The steps were iced over again.  There must have been precipitation after I went to sleep.  Or someone spilled when getting water from the well.  That one’s more likely.  Anyway, totally not cool.  And I’d put mats out!

Honestly, it hadn’t occurred to me until right then.  How come I could jump all over Skyhold without a scratch, but a little fall broke Cook’s leg?  Why didn’t Skyhold catch her?  I stopped walking as that thought struck me.

“What is it?”  Garalen’s no slouch.  She caught the change in my mood.

“Skyhold catches us when we fall.”

“I know.  It’s the strangest thing.”

“The strangest?”

She waggled her finger at me.  “Don’t start.  Why are we going this way, anyway?  Don’t you have to go to the aviary?”

I’d been on autopilot, heading for the stables.  “Yes.”  We turned around and headed back in.  When we were through the kitchen, I looked around the pillow palace.  Just Halton, so I waved.  “Gara, why didn’t Skyhold catch Cook?”

She shrugged.  “Magic is unpredictable.”

That isn’t true.  If you do the steps, and have the power, it performs as expected.  Or so I’ve always found.  I guess it does what you ask, not always what you intend.  That could make it seem unpredictable.  “It’s not.”

“If you say so.”  The conversation was apparently over.  Why did my “it’s not” make her uncomfortable?

We made our way up to Leliana’s domain, where a woman in green and brown leather was waiting for me.  We did the meet and greet thing first.  Then she looked me over, felt up my arms and legs, and tested my grip strength.  Then, oddly, she traced the lines on my arms, all the way up to the armband.  It was kind of creepy.

She kind of stopped, staring at them.  Then she told me that knives were never going to be my thing.  Tell me something I don’t know, right?  Anyway, she dropped me as a student then and there.  Thank heavens.  As I was leaving, she asked where I’d gotten the armband, and nodded when I told her it was a gift.  But it was very strange.

So, it looks like I’ve managed to drop horseback and weapons.  That should free up at least an hour a day.  When I got back to my desk, Lydia was playing the piano again.  I glanced at Halton, and he told me he’d given her permission to play in the morning.  Usually only a half hour or so, and during the time I’m normally at practice.

I can’t concentrate on paperwork while someone’s plunking away.  She’s good, but distracting.  I decided to let her have her time.  I went and checked on the mamas.

Isa’s still in the bathhouse.  She likes the job.  She gets to sit down, and it’s warm all year round.  Mika’s changed jobs a lot.  The one she’s doing now is spinning thread for Leorah.  Again, she likes it because she can sit.  They’re both about to pop, due next month or so.

I sat down with each of them and asked some delicate questions.  Did they understand childbirth and what was going to happen?  They’ve got a good idea.  Where, when, how do they want to go through labor?  They both want to give birth in their own rooms.  There are special birthing stools they generally use, and certain ritual behaviors.  This is apparently before the dead cockroach birthing position became popular among doctors. Lithotomy.  Ugh.

In any case, I did ask permission to help, if they wanted.  I got enthusiastic approval both times.  The men are not going to be there, from what I understand.  They’re not invited into “women’s mysteries”.  I guess I’ll see.

I did warn them that I’m going to be very overprotective.  Everyone will wash their hands at the door, or douse them in spirits.  My exact words were “they’ll wash in water, or I’ll wash them in fire.”  I’ve heard horror stories, read pregnancy books, about childbed fever and how it was caused.  Dirty birth attendants were a major vector.  That’s not happening to my little mommies if I can help it.

Paperwork builds, so I had a ton of it.  Bills for goods coming in, bills for goods going out, letters, agreements, information on varying things.  Lists and plans, signatures and shitcans.  And a detailed docket for tomorrow afternoon.

Three prisoners, not two as I had thought.  Josren’s attacker, the triple thief, and some merchant guy who was cheating the scale at the market.  Fabulous.  Seggrit wants his head on a pike, but honestly, he’d do the same thing if he thought he wouldn’t get caught.  Too bad, so sad.  I’m sending him to the dwarves.  They handle the weights and measures, and I’m not about to cross them.

Since I got Inquisition, Skyhold, and Ethelathe business basically caught up, I was able to head over to the tavern to find Zevran.  He was laughing with a woman who could only be Isabela.  She’s got quite the trademark outfit.  She’s got to be freezing.

I didn’t want to interrupt them, much as I’d like to meet Isabella.  That is one smoking hot woman.  Curves and jiggle, and sleek grace.  Darker than shown in game, almost a sepia brown tone to her skin.  A flawless face, and unmarked arms and legs, which is amazing considering the fighting she’s done.  Too bad I’m already attached.

I was curious, so I unfocused my eyes, and took that extra step to see my thread.  Sparkly gold dust everywhere, clinging, but I was more interested in threads.  Zevran has a very layered connection to our dear Admiral.  Not like Elias and Andrew, exactly.  It’s far more fragile and brittle.  But it is definitely something chosen repeatedly.

There are others, going off in different directions, stronger, thinner, and a few that were odd.  Differing colors, kind of.  There were several very angry ones.  I don’t think he’s friends with whoever that is.  There are so many threads, and it gets harder to keep everyone straight.  I left the tavern without disturbing them.

The afternoon was taken up in reading in Ethelathe Hall, since the kids were in the stables for lessons in riding and exploring the depth of the hay piles and such.  I ignored the summons sent by Alexius, because hell fucking no do I answer to him, and settled into the papasan chair with some books on transmutation of energy.  Fascinating stuff.  They believe there is something inherently different about the various magic types.

I don’t quite see it that way, but I have a different background.  They’re explaining things through the filter of their historic knowledge, and I don’t have that.  I can only translate their explanations, sort of.  To my mind, you speed things up or slow them down to create heat or cold.  Ice is just selecting water atoms to make cold.

Electricity, lightning, is the movement of electrons.  It’s that movement that generates heat from friction.  If you keep the medium cold, lower the resistance to the movement, then only the direct path will heat, because there is less friction.  So you don’t “turn” ice magic into lightning.  You release it through… 

Nevermind, mind went off.  It’s all interrelated, not so separate as they’re trying to make it out.  One thing relies on another.  Velocity, resistance, and potential energy and the mass and medium.

I’m bad.  She said to get down the theory, but of course the first thing I did was try it.  I had to make iced lightning.  I kept the potential energy low, so I only got a little zap a couple times while figuring it out, but electricity dancing through frozen water is not too hard.  Lightning in a frozen crystal ball.  I had to keep part of my attention on it or the lightning stopped, but it was a thing.

So of course that’s where the former magister found me, two random Templars in tow.  I’ve met them, but I don’t remember their names.  “Precisely what are you doing, Chrysopal?”

“Studying, Gereon.”  He stiffened at my use of his first name.  “I see they let you out to play.  Some reason you’re here?”

“You did not arrive at three.”

“I don’t respond to commands from prisoners, no matter how highly I regard their former apprentices.”

“I begin to think you do not respond to commands at all.  You are either very brave-”

“Or very foolish.  It’s been said.”  I vaporized the ball of ice, using the friction from the electricity to sublimate the water molecules to a puff of steam.  “I’m working on another teacher’s project.  What do you want?”

“Fiona is mistaken.  There is definitely talent.”

“Golly Gee, all that from an ice cube?”  His mouth compressed, but I continued.  “Was there something you needed, Magister Alexius, or…?”

Asshole can’t take a hint.  “Show me that ice you made.”

His tone pissed off more than me.  Garalen’s knife made a shushing sound as it cleared her sheath.  Interestingly, the Templars backed away from him.  Abandoning him?  “Not now, Gara.  Dorian likes him, despite everything.”  Halton and his assistant were watching, wide eyed.

We spent a few long moments watching each other before I closed the book and stood.  “I’d suggest a walk, but it’s cold.”

“There is the library.”  I kept my face blank in response.  “The Inquisition library, of course.”

“Why are you bothering me every day?  I told you I had other teachers, other responsibilities.”

“And yet the Inquisitor said I must allocate a block of time every afternoon for your use.”

“Lovely.  Can’t you go play I’m-better-than-you with the other mages or something?”

“Perhaps later.”  And I got an honest-to-god smirk.  At least I know why he’s bugging me.  The maker-bedamned inquisitor has spoken.

“What has Dorian put on the agenda?”

I’ll give the man credit.  He didn’t gloat or anything.  “Hydrodynamics.  Specifically, he wished to investigate the parallels you claim exist between fluids and gases.”

“I am not a physicist.”

“You are a woman.”  There was a large dollop of duh in that tone.  But then he tried to make nice.  I think.  “My son is a mathematician and a physicist.  Some of the words that Dorian claims you have said remind me of the things my son says.”

“You wonder if Dorian has confused the source?”  He nodded.  “I’m not an expert, Alexius.  I have general ideas and basic theory, and a good grasp of history.  Plus, things may not always work here the way I expect them to.”

“Oh?  Why is that?”

“Differences in gravity, chemical components of the environment, even the flora and fauna.”

“What do animals have to do with hydrodynamics?”

“I’m concerned primarily with changes in the viscosity of known fluids.  You know that air is less dense up high, denser below, yes?”

“Of course.”

“And fluids would also be more or less depending on location.”

“Go on.”

“How does that affect little things?  If water flows faster than I expect because conditions are different here, then everything I plan based on that expectation is off.  That’s why I try to be careful.”  I looked at my fingers.  Little lightning lines.  I did NOT look at the lingering puddle under my desk.  “Things don’t always react in ways I can predict.”

“I had expected you to be far more arrogant.  Most charlatans appear absolutely certain.”  Jerk.  “At least you understand caution.  First Enchanter Vivienne has you studying primal energy and summoning, yes?”

“Inviting, but she does.”

“Apostate Solas is working with barriers, wards, and glyphs.” I just raised a brow.  “Very well.  We will be discussing entropics and arcane magics.  Tomorrow.”

“I am busy tomorrow, and the next day.  The eleventh, Alexius.  I will leave my afternoon open.” 

“Very well.  You will leave me the whole afternoon, Chrysopal.”

“I will make effort, but I’m a busy woman.”

He stood.  “Do not be busy.” He left with a nod to me, Templars trailing.

I went back to reading, taking notes on what thedasians think about magic types and how they react.  Darling showed up shortly after that, settling in my lap to be stroked and petted.  It was calming.  Zatlan brought a mug of hot apple something or other and a smile before heading off again.  I must have been thirsty?  The rest of the afternoon flew by quickly.

Dinner was good.  Someone had hunted some larger animal in the hooved thing category I didn’t recognize, and Cook had roasted it.  Florienne and Alexius were at separate tables.  Leliana’s doing, probably.

My littles had had a blast in the stables, using play to figure out the best shape for a room full of straw, if one wanted to be most efficient.  For bales, it’s a rectangle, because bales are rectangles.  I had to smile at that.  Piles should be in circular rooms, or you get “a mess in the corners”.  Logical, to a certain extent, but I’m not sure they’re right.  You can stuff straw into rooms until the corners are full, I’d bet.

Tomorrow, they’re going to play with the soldiers that are left.  After Chantry services.  Which reminded me that I really need to talk to Mother Giselle.  That’s one thing I might change if I could.

Songtime was songtime.  People forget to show up sometimes, but it seems they’re coming in shifts.  Things are better, but still not back to where they were.  I need to figure out exactly what caused the breakdown.  Because if it was just me not being here, Ethelathe is never going to survive.  They can’t be doing it just because I do.

In any case, everything went fine.  Gara’s sleeping on the other half of my bed as soon as she gets back from whatever she had to do. Briri’s puttering about, tickled pink that no one comes in here anymore and I actually let her do the cleaning and such.  I have clothes, and I can pick them out myself.  I can give on a little dusting since she seems to want to do it so bad.

I made sure to shake my journal around in the drawer, keeping the little puddle to a minimum.  Nearly gone, actually.  And I’m not veiling this thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm over the flu. Mostly. Hopefully. My cough is almost gone, and I feel humanish again. Sorry for the delay, but those of you on discord know how bad it was.


	185. Day 9, 9 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding oddness, dress effects, judging and worrying, and probably going to far. And Darling is NOT sleeping with me.

**Day 9, 9 Harvestmere, 9:41**

Unlike the night before, I slipped right off to sleep shortly after Gara climbed into bed.  It really seems to be a company thing.  The kitten is great, but she now prefers sleeping at the bottom of the bed, instead of cuddling.  Not that I cuddle with Gara.

In the fade, Fortitude, who should really be known as Stubborn and a Half, showed up right away decided I was behind on my language lessons.  And was quite disappointed in me when I didn’t want to be taught “the easy way”.  No thank you.  If it’s anything like what Contentment pulled, I’ll pass.

So I spent some time in squiggles and dreams.  Fort says it’s written down the escape route for my littles, but will only give it to me when I can read it.  And when I’ve finally gotten into the walls.  Honestly, I’d forgotten about getting into the walls.

The next cycle was spent practicing wards.  I almost think I understand the “don’t notice me” thing on those doors I keep forgetting about.  There are at least two left.  I was practicing making something slick enough for notice to slide off it when some of my friends arrived.

Concern was first, followed by Hope.  Concern spoke.  “I can’t find it.  You worry, but it is near here and not.”

“Shyness?”

“Yes.”  It inhaled deeply, and then rubbed an antennae across its mandibles.  A clicking noise, similar to a typewriter, sounded.  It sounded agitated.  Perhaps worried or scared about its brother fear demon.

“Anyone else missing?”

“Yes.  None you know.”

“Lovely.”  Time for me to get looking.  I took the mental step to see my threads, sifting them to find Shyness.  I found it once before, after all.

It was stranger, this time.  Only a few steps along the way, and things went odd.  Escher world, but not right, even for that.  Something was in my way.  Like a wall of nothing, rising through my place.  A moat of smoke, and islands of brown beyond.

I touched the wall, and it shimmered under my hand.  Still solid, still there, but not there, somehow.  This place could be no more than a thousand or maybe fifteen hundred feet from my body.  Way too close.  Concern stepped back, pulling me with it.

“It’s alright, Concern.  I need to look.”  It didn’t let go, and made a distressed noise.  I stroked its warm fingers on my shoulders.  “I won’t go far, my own.  I just want to look at this thing.  My Shyness is beyond it.”

I wasn’t getting any sort of distress from Shyness.  It was fine, normal.  For a little fear spirit.  Concern released me, and I moved back to the wall of nothing.  It wasn’t a barrier, at least not as I weave them.  It wasn’t like the ones Andrew can make, either.

It almost seemed like a clear plasma screen.  Like you push your finger against it and rainbows flow as you move.  But there was no THERE to be there to push against.  It ran straight up and down, no curve I could detect.  Not a globe, apparently, like I had done.  The wall did curve away to the sides, perhaps a cylinder? Maybe like the one Solas had made so long ago?

I followed the curve of the wall, trailing my fingers along it.  It encapsulated a portion of my mountain, and I ended up in the spot I began.  I stepped just a bit farther to the side, figuratively, to take a closer look at this wall.

It wasn’t that I could see it, but it was no longer “nothing”.  I could feel something swirling in that small space between there and here.  Someone I didn’t know came to my side.  “You could break it.”  The voice slid down my spine. Not quite pleasant, but not unpleasant.

“I’m sure.”  I didn’t look at it.  I was busy examining the wall.

“I could help you.  Together we could free your domain from the strange creatures who built this.”  A soft claw brushed my cheek.

I grabbed the appendage. Hand and arm. Interesting. “Do not touch me without permission, spirit.”

“Apologies.”  The hand tried to retreat, but I still had hold of it.

“Do you think I need your help?”  I was unreasonably angry, and still hadn’t looked at it.

“Perhaps not.  But we…”

“There is no we.  There is never going to be a we.  I will take care of this wall if I decide I need to.”

“Your pride will be your downfall, little elf.”

“You’re probably right.  Either him or the Nightingale.  Or I’ll overstep somehow.”  I turned to look at it.  It looked like a perfectly normal human, save for the claws on its hands.  I don’t think it knew what to say to that.  I wasn’t sticking to the script in its head.  “But that isn’t really my decision, you know.  I can only be the best me I can.”

I patted its hand, and released it.  It pulled back, looking confused.  Why do I confuse spirits?  “Why don’t you run along and let me figure this out?  We can talk some other time.”

I spent the rest of that cycle examining the thing.  I think I have it.  It’s like templar work, none of what makes the fade real sandwiched between two solid sheets of magic, encapsulating a portion of the fade.  I just don’t know who, or to what purpose.  But with enough force hitting one spot, it would crack like a phone touchscreen. From there, it would become brittle.  If I’m right.  I’ll leave Shyness alone, just in case it did this for itself, but I’m keeping an eye on this.

The last cycle, I took a closer look at my threads.  I have to sort them.  One thing I seem to be able to do is partition them.  That’s not the right word.  Farm them out?  So they’re connected to me, but they “report” to another, and through that other, to me?

I only know this because of the new scribe, Sorgan.  He was new enough, the connection flexible enough, that I could align it with Halton.  It relieved a tiny bit of pressure.  That pressure flows through Halton, though not precisely.  I don’t know how to explain this, it was mostly an accident!  That which is from Sorgan is a subset of that which is Halton.  On the same line, but not the same person.  I can feel the difference, but at the same point.  It’s like Ewan.  I feel him, but he is filtered through Zatlan, despite the very strong connection he has with me.  That they did on their own.

Gara is an angel.  Really.  I don’t know how I’d get on without her.  I woke early, true, but to the smells of breakfast.  She had already gotten us a tray from Cook.  Porridge, with candied peaches, and thick sliced sausage and coffee.  And she’d rebolted the door behind her.

We chatted over breakfast, catching up since she’s been so busy elsewhere.  They’ve got everything regarding the wedding down except the celebrant and the date.  The Chantry is close enough to Episcopalian that Andrew wants a Chantry sister.  Gara wants nothing of the sort.  I made the suggestion of a dual ceremony, where she had her celebrant and Andrew had a Chantry representative, but she wasn’t exactly pleased with that.

“Gara, what about Mother Giselle?  She’s open minded enough to incorporate Dalish traditions in her doings, I believe.”

“You know this?”

“It is a different situation, in many ways.  There were special circumstances.  But we could ask.  It could solve your celebrant issue.”

She took a deep breath.  “What about you?”

“Of course I’ll be there.  I’ll even provide music, if you like.”

“No, Chrissy.  What about you?  You could do it.”

“Would that even be legal?”

She looked at me.  “No one in Ethelathe would question the validity of our marriage if you married us.”

“Gara.  You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“I don’t care.”

“If I were to do it...  You and Andrew are connected to me.  Separately.  If you ask me to do this, I... You could end up sealed to each other.  Less than Garalen, less than Andrew, and more than the two of you.  I don’t want to do that by accident.  It’s already difficult.  I sometimes have trouble not thinking of you two as one unit.  Marriages, they’re safer.  Much safer.”

She looked startled at that.  “You can bind us like that?”

“Maybe.  The connection is already there between you.  But you should probably go with the marriage, not what I might do to you.”  She fell silent.  “I can ask Mother Giselle if she’d be willing.”  A small nod, but she was thinking very hard.

I was pondering the choices in my wardrobe when Briri knocked.  She had another cup of coffee, and who am I to turn down a second cuppa?  She also brought in the white dress with black fractal lines.  “Today is an audience day, miss.  Perhaps a more formal gown?”

Gara started snickering behind her hand.  “Yes, Chrissy.  Let’s be more formal today.  I’ll let the others know.”

“Gara, don’t!”

She was already gone, the shit.  I sighed, because it was done.  I wrangled myself into the dress, and Briri and I twined up my hair.  She situated the mass, then pinned something I didn’t see across the back using my magisticks.  She assured me it wasn’t anything important, just a little decoration. Whatever.  I refused the face paint.  Ugh.  It stinks, you know?

The morning passed uneventfully.  Letters and reports, referring this person to that person, approving expenditures, looking over estimates.  Things handed to me as piles finished by either Sorgan or Halton.  Ethelathe is doing fairly well at this point.  We’re taking more in than we put out, goods and money-wise.  Our coffers increase.  I sent a nice note to Seggrit about the work he’s done on our behalf.  Got back a request for a raise about two seconds later.  I gave him one, but not even close to the extent he was asking.

Things got interesting at lunch.  Jailyn showed up with a sandwich and tea.  In an ethelathe blue woolen dress.  While I was eating that under her watchful eye, Zatlan showed up, dressed in his spiffiness.  Andrew, Gara, Michael, Gunny, and Elias showed up in nice tunics, with their ethelathe blue sashes.  My littles, all of them, showed up in velvet suits made from my masque dress.  Even Cook’s grandkids were sporting the color.  Anna had a kerchief and skirt, and the boy a vest.

Leorah and the others.  It was a sea of Ethelathe blue.  Some accents, some outfits.  The forge guys had sashes as belts.  Even Lydia was in a shirt of the color. The pregnant ladies had wraps.  Seggrit had fingerless gloves and a scarf.  Adan had a fluttery ribbon dangling from his belt.

And here I am in the middle, in white and black.  The only thing that could be considered Ethelathe colors was my aquamarine.  It was very odd.  And I totally blame Leorah. And Eadras.  I should have seen it coming.

The little ladies, thank goodness, were in pale colors, and a rainbow of them.  A bundle of pastel flowers in blues, pinks, and yellows.  The stable people were in browns, with embroidered blue patches stuck to their shirtsleeves.  I didn’t really understand why they were all here, at the time.  Zatlan held a hand out to me, and escorted me from my desk to the papasan chair.

Two templars that were not mine and several Inquisition soldiers brought three people down after some signal from Eadras.  I recognized one of the men as the one who had been forcing himself on Josren.  That’s when I realized what was going on.  Kinda dim, me.

Eadras leaned down to my ear, asking me who should go first.  I whispered back, “Bring me the cheating merchant.”

The man was practically shoved forward.  Seggrit came forward and smugly listed a bunch of stuff, basically all “he cheated at the weights”.  I felt around for a connection to this guy, but found nothing but the most tenuous of “I met them once” connections.  Probably because he was cheating us, but was from somewhere else.  He wasn’t mine.  That made me feel better about what I was going to do.

I let the man try to explain himself.  It was all a mistake, Seggrit and the “others” had it out for him.  Whatever.  I just sighed when he was done.  “The dwarves are the ones who handle weights, measures, and the quality of coin.”  Not stupid, this one, because his mouth dropped open.  “I’m sending you to Gherlen’s pass.  Let the Carta judge what is to become of you.”

The next one was the sexual assaulter.  Zatlan laid out the charges and so on.  Not everyone knew what he’d done, I guess.  “Have you learned your lesson?  Has a week in jail allowed you to think?”  He nodded, not speaking.  “If you so much as touch another person without permission, make them uncomfortable by invading their space by word or deed, I will be seeing you back here.  There will be no one left for a third chance.”

“I understand, my lady.”  I couldn’t correct him under all those eyes.  I was not his lady.  He hadn’t earned a spot yet.

“I expect you to apologize, to him, and anyone else you’ve wronged.  Am I clear?”  He was very respectful.  Nearly obsequious.  I just waved him off.

The woman was next, and it was this I’d agonized over.  What to do with an unrepentant thief?  In Orlais and Ferelden, they stick them in hanging cages and let them starve.  I couldn’t do that.  Nor could I remove her hand.  I also couldn’t leave her here to damage us or the Inquisition further.  Our reputation was at stake, and the  nobles would be watching.

“Mellie.  I’ve seen you before.  I thought we agreed that you weren’t going to take things that do not belong to you?”

“I didn’t MEAN to, my lady.  It just kind of happens.”  The air warps when people lie.

“Hmm.  And trying to sell the items just kind of happens as well?  You were caught trying to fence a jeweled ring belonging to a guest of the inquisition.  Again.”

“It was some hair combs last time, my lady.”

“And three gems pried from a necklace the time before.  All things you could only acquire by digging in a guest’s things.”  She went to speak again, but I held up my hand.  “You have harmed the reputation of Ethelathe and the Inquisition.  You have thrice stolen not that which was lying about like if you had a sickness, but that which you would have to search for.”  I raised my voice.  “Is there anyone here who will take responsibility for this woman?  Who will become her guardian?  Twine your fate with hers?”

I shifted my gaze, opening my self, when no one responded.  They murmured and shifted, but no one came forward.  Threads, to me, to others, from her.  But nothing stood out.  “Will anyone speak for her, ask clemency?”

I looked at Eadras, and he looked away.  I hadn’t actually expected that.  She’d worked as a housemaid, so I looked at Jailyn.  Jailyn didn’t even look at the woman, keeping her eyes on me.  Shook her head slightly.  Leorah, Joan, neither would step up.  I looked at the rest, and no one was willing to speak for her.

“I can’t allow you to stay here, Mellie.  You are a danger to us.”  She stood there, too smug.  I think she thought I was soft, complacent.  Do these people only understand violence?  I stood, and Garalen jerked from the wall she was on to come next to me.

Two steps found me at Mellie.  “I’m sorry.  But you are a danger to us.”  With that, I let my SELF reach for one of the threads to another maid.  I reached for her physical body with my hand, but stopped, pulling back.  “All of us.”  And my SELF broke that connection, as far from Mellie as possible.  That thread.  I turned my head to the other woman, watched her eyes become distant as she gazed on the prisoner.  Mellie stiffened as the thread recoiled.

One by one, I broke the fragile connections.  It was so very easy.  They were already frayed, delicate.  She’d presumed upon the relationships too often, or too hard.  I continued until the only connection left was to me. It didn’t take long.  She knew few people, and none well.  Was this place just a mark to her?  Had she no family?

I went back to my chair.  “One year.  We will have no contact with you for one year.  If at the end of that time you can tell me, to my face, that you have stolen NOTHING…  Then I will consider allowing you to start again.  You may keep the clothes on your back, a knapsack, and a cloak.”  I glanced at her feet.  “A pair of boots.  Food for three days.  These are the last things I will ever give you.  Because you are NOT mine.”  I took a deep breath, breaking the last connection.  “Now get out.”

That was where it got weird.  Mellie sort of… faded.  She wasn’t quite as real anymore.  A caricature of a woman, crying, sobbing something I didn’t quite catch as two soldiers carted her blurry self out.  A hole in the web of Ethelathe.  Exocytosis, the foreign body leaving our midst.  Being expelled.

What had I done?  I couldn’t feel her anymore.  It left a tiny ache in the place she’d once been, but that ache didn’t change in any way when I watched her.  The ache didn’t relate to her?  I had no urge to invite her back.  I put my seal on her paperwork as they removed her.  She was no longer welcome in Skyhold.  In Ethelathe.

Did the others feel that loss as I did?  No more than clipping a nail, if you cut too close.  My other threads, oddly, were stronger now.  I had just thrown a woman off the mountain in winter, and they approved?  Was it because I hadn’t had her killed?

It was Andrew that walked off with me.  I was in a bit of a daze.  Eadras dismissed the rest, ushering them back to work.  Andrew led me through to the hidden library.  “You okay?”

“Yeah, Andrew.  I’m okay.”

“You don’t look okay.  You’re kind of glowing.  You only do that when you’re upset.”  For a Templar, he was damn calm about that.

I took some calming breaths.  “You don’t know what I just did.”  I moved a pile of books and sat on the stool, holding the books in my lap.

He took them, putting them on the large desk as I rubbed at my face.  “I do.  Took out the trash.”

I raised my head from my hands, looking at him.  “I threw a woman out of Skyhold with the clothes on her back.”

“So?  You left her clothes.  Gave her shoes.  Haven’t you seen what people do to each other here?  Crows pecking the bones of the dead.  Men slaughtering each other over the smallest thing.  And you worry about sending a woman away with food?  You would have been within your rights to have her enslaved, or killed.”

“I could never do that. Kill her?  For stealing?  I just had to get her away, where she couldn’t hurt us anymore.”

“You probably should have killed her, hon.”

“What?  Why?”

“What are you going to do when she shows up in a year, and lies to us?”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.  We may not even be here in a year.  She may choose not to return.”

“I could go after her.  Send someone after her.  Gara wants to kill her for betraying your trust.  You don’t leave an enemy at your back, Chrissy.”

“No, Andrew.  She has this last chance.  I hurt her enough.”

“You didn’t do anything!”

How do you explain isolating a person from everyone they’ve ever known?  Throwing them into the world with no connections to anyone, past or present?  No family, no friends?  “Let it be, Andrew.  I have to live with what I’ve done, not anyone else.”

We heard Gara calling from the hall.  She was standing in the doorway, her eyes scanning nothing.  “You better show your face, Tin-man.”

“Shit.  Be right back.”

He walked through the opening to a startled gasp.  A whispered conversation.  I couldn’t hear the words, but it didn’t matter.  She was gesticulating toward me, well, the wall, so I went out to her.  Both of them immediately hushed when I reached the hall.  “Problem?”

“Nope.”  “Uh-uh.”  They both talked over each other.

“Okay fine.”  I looked at Gara.  “You didn’t warn me about the blue showing up everywhere.”

She grinned, the bitch.  “Wasn’t it beautiful?  Finally a real court, everyone in the house’s colors.”

Joy.  A real court.  I don't think so.  You'd think she'd react differently since she's dalish.  Do dalish dream of elven courts?  “You don’t think it might have been a bit much?”

Andrew put an arm around me, and Gara.  “Let’s go.  This is normal for us now, Chrissy.  Get used to it.  People in Ethelathe want to show that they’re in Ethelathe.”

Garalen nodded.  “It’s a family pride thing.”

“I wish Alora had made it here.  I’d have liked to talk to her.”

“She’ll be around soon, I’m sure.  She’s a busy woman.”

Zatlan came up with my tweedles and Daniel as we left the hall.  “You boys look marvelous.”

“Thanks Chrissy!  It’s fancy stuff, but it’s nice and warm.”

We smiled and chatted and I listened to their day as we sat in the pillow palace.  Leorah Two collected them a few minutes later.  I wondered for a moment which one would want to go off to Cyrren’s granddaughter.  I don’t think Aedan would approve Daniel.  Ah well, it’s a long way off.

Dinner in the main hall was different.  Maybe it was the way I was dressed, but the nobles were more respectful than usual.  I got curtseyed to by two noblewomen as I arrived.  The baron, can’t remember his name, bowed.  Dress effect maybe?  Who knows.

In any case, dinner was good.  Not overly spiced like some meals.  Don’t tell Cook, but sometimes a little bit of spice goes a long way.  You don’t have to brag about your wealth by slathering everything in cloves.  This time the sauce was delicate, and the poultry (cornish hen maybe?  quail?) was lightly seasoned with paprika and sage.  I miss the meat pies she used to make.  We don’t get those at the main table.

Songtime was full.  Everybody and their brother showed up, adorned in their fancy clothes.  It wasn’t quite a party, but someone had put out little cookies and dried fruits.  Socializing took over the singing, but we got our special songs in.  I admit, I retreated to my room with Gunny long before everyone else was done.

I pulled my own hair down, and something clattered to the floor.  Gun picked it up for me.  A delicate piece of jewelry, silver filigree with what might have been lapis lazuli.  It was the deep color of the ocean, or the sky at twilight, after the colors of dusk fade.  For wisdom?  This was not a piece I’d seen before, and was no cheap thing.

My jewelry box seems to be expanding, and I have to talk to Solas.  There is no doubt in my mind this is his doing.  And I need to talk about the silk underthings that have shown up, too.  There’s no way that they came from Leorah, because I know what’s been ordered.  Although I loved the garment he wove from flower petals.  Still.

Anyway, Gun kindly helped me out of the dress, because someone had to undo the back.  I really need to teach Leorah about zippers.  He played with Darling while I was brushing my hair.  And that’s when I realized Darling was in here.

Oh no.  HELL no.  Darling is not sleeping in my room.  That's just asking for trouble, and he knows I know it.  I had a short discussion with the guy, and gave him permission to sleep in the papasan chair.  Gun seemed very confused when I said “If you have objections, you can talk to me tomorrow.  Until then, OUT.”  I did give him a kiss between his horns and a cuddle before shooing him.

“Chrissy…”

“Don’t be fooled, Gun.  Darling can communicate just fine, when he wants to.”

“He’s just an animal, hon.”

“You’d be surprised.  Couch or bed?”

He elected to sleep on the couch.  Unless he’s freezing, he doesn’t much like sleeping with other people.  He leaned back and closed his eyes.  He's lightly snoring already, before I’ve even finished this.  I think Irusana’s ready for sleep, too.  She came out from under the bed after Darling left, and is curling around my feet, meowing.  I’m going to cover Gunther with a blanket and tuck myself in.


	186. Day 10, 10 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dizziness but organization, sleeping late and gossip, Tranquil and Tooth fairies.

**Day 10, 10 Harvestmere, 9:41**

I spent a few hours asleep, quiet earth dreams for a change.  And then I woke.  Not sure what woke me, but I was anxious and worried.  I ran my fingers over my primary threads in the darkness, but they were all quiescent.  The Inquisition party was fine.  The first ones, Ethelathe here, all fine.  That meant I had to filter the smaller and more distant threads, which would take much longer.

I climbed out of bed, and pulled on a random dress from my wardrobe.  And a pair of slippers (not the bedroom kind, the easy-to-put-on-shoes kind), since they were right next to the door.  Gun’s not as perceptive as Elias, I think.  Or sleeps harder.  I did consider getting him involved, but I just couldn’t.

He was still asleep, snoring gently, even after me digging for clothes.  Like so many of them, he looks younger, more carefree, in his repose.  It made me wonder for the first time how old he was.  Can you believe I have never actually asked?  Anyway, I wasn’t going to wake him to do it, so I slipped quietly out of my room.

This place is so incredibly empty.  I stood on the battlements a while, just looking.  A single sentry roamed back and forth in this section, pausing at the brazier on the wall every so often.  The fires in the valley that mirrored the stars are dark.  I hope that isn’t some sort of omen.  I don’t know what kind of losses will be had at Adamant.

I picked my way across to the hidden roof in the gleam of two moons.  It was sheltered from the wind.  And occupied.  Very occupied.  They didn’t notice me, but you’d think they’d find somewhere warmer, right?  So I left them be, whoever they were.  It’ll be nice to have babies around.

I wandered, looking for a spot to do this.  How do I not have a spot for this kind of stuff?  I usually use the main room, I guess, but I wasn’t comfortable with that for some reason.  Instead, I let myself out the gates with the little door, waving at the guard on duty.  She waved back.

I’d thought I got away with no one noticing, but fat chance, right?  As I was walking toward my “spot” outside Tarasyl’an Te’las, Garalen showed up with my blue capelet.  It got dropped on my shoulders from behind, which startled me.  “Even if you don’t need it, the others do.  And if you go without, so will they.  Especially the Tweedles.  We have enough trouble with Daniel not wanting to wear coats.”  Well shit.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”  I wasn’t quite paying full attention to her.  The knot in my belly had me still looking for a spot to do something.  Anything?

“You didn’t.  I was up.  Stuff.”

“Crap, I didn’t bring any candles or anything.”

“Do you need them?”

“I guess not.”  I reached the place I’d been on All Soul’s Day.  It was bare rock, which seemed strange, because there has been a lot of snow recently.

She must have thought the same thing.  “Never seen that before.  It’s a circle.”

“Guess it was waiting for me.”  I felt better as I set up my space.  “In or out.”  She once again chose in.  “Something’s wrong.  Somewhere.  Not one of the the first ones, and I have to sort things.”

She didn’t say anything, and I wasn’t looking at her for non-verbal responses.  She remained silent as I called the quarters, licks of colored flame to the four winds.  I plopped my butt down on air, reaching out for my threads again.

One by one, tasting and touching, looking for the source of my anxiety.  Sorting, too, because this one and that one were from over there, and this other from another place.  I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner, but I placed them in virtual yarn guides as I went.  Keeping people near each other together.  Organizing things.  Without twining people together.  I’d worry about what I’d done to Zatlan later.

The really sad part is that nearly every thread had some issue, unlike the happy people nearby.  Some hurt, physical or mental.  Fear, worry, despair.  I couldn’t help trying to soothe as I went.  I know someone just listening and commiserating makes me feel better.  Maybe it will for them, too.  A little extra energy to those who are sick or hurt, so they have reserves to get better.  They were mostly asleep, so I don’t know how effective it was.

Of course I found the problem that awakened me when I was almost out of threads.  To the SouthEast.  Edgehall.  And they were awake, and moving this way.  Curtis was hurt, but not seriously.  The Highever teens, whose names I can never remember, were worried.

I looped them together in one rung of my new guide.  One of the “closer” rungs, if that makes sense.  And sent them all a bit of energy down the thread.  It was getting harder.  Taking a deep breath was becoming difficult, somehow, and the world spun, but I hadn’t done anything but sit there.

I didn’t realize how tired I was until Garalen’s gloved hand touched my shoulder.  “I don’t know what you’re doing, hon, but it’s time to stop.”

It broke my concentration.  My sight slipped back to the waking world, and I fell off the thing I’d been sitting on.  Which made Gara laugh.  If there’d been snow in reach, I’d have thrown some at her.  “I’ll do the rest tomorrow, I guess.”

“It is tomorrow.”  She pointed to the east, where the colors of predawn began to paint the sky.  She put a hand down, and I grasped it, staggering to a standing position.  And nearly falling again as my head swam.

Gara was steadying me when I felt something along a very familiar thread.  Sort of concern-irritation.  Definitely a what the hell are you doing to yourself vibe.  I patted the thread, and left it alone.  He was not pleased at that, but he’s traveling, so he can stuff it.  He gave the thread a twitch.  Crap.  Not a pull or jerk or anything, though.  Looks like we’ll be talking later.

I released the quarters, dismissing my work space.  I LOOKED at the world around me.  The glowy dust was depleted.  Not so bad that anyone was in danger.  Just…  It was more like the road.  It needed time to recover, maybe.

Gara pulled me back to my room.  Gunny wasn’t there, but he didn’t feel unhappy or upset.  My kitten wanted out, so we let her roam the pillow palace.  I got tucked in, and fell asleep quickly.  No dreams that I remember.

I didn’t wake again until Briri came in.  I’d sort of expected her in the morning, you know?  But she didn’t wake me until almost noon.  “Are you alright, miss?”  There was an undertone to her voice I couldn’t identify.

I stretched and yawned before answering.  “I’m fine.  Went a little overboard, but I'm not hurt, and not stretched.  It’s my day off.  I’m allowed to sleep in.”  And that’s when she told me what time it was.  Eep.  I dressed with her help, because the laces were out of reach, and left my hair down.  

Jailyn brought by several meat pies as I sat at my desk.  “It’s your day off.  No working.”

“I just want to look over your suggestions for the structure of Ethelathe.”

“My aunt is coming.  She’ll bring a few of her men, and winter over.”

“Sounds good.  Do we need anything in particular for them?”

“She’s bringing an aravel, so…”

“She can park it in the courtyard for all I care.  Wherever she wants that’s not already occupied.”

We gossiped as we ate, sharing news and such things.  The pregnant ladies brought tea and joined us as we finished eating.  I got to giggle with everyone else at alien belly when the babies rolled and kicked.

I actually forgot I was supposed to be looking at the suggestions.  I went and visited various places.  Stopped by the kitchens and chatted with Cook.  We didn’t discuss her leg, but she’s getting around with a cane.  I thanked her for the meat pies, and bugged her again for the recipe.  “If I give it to you, I won’t have your favorite meal to treat you with!  Now shoo.  I’ve got to get dinner done.  Just a stew tonight.”

Spent a good forty minutes with Enborr and the others, catching up.  Another hour or more in talks with Dagna and Harritt.  He’s not happy with my staff, and confiscated it for reasons known only to him.  Says it’ll give him something to do, which seems weird.

My conversation with Dagna wended around vibration detection without sound, modifying harmonics one can’t hear, and metal fatigue.  I don’t know how we got to metal fatigue.  I’m starting to think Dagna may have the best clue about the veil of all the non-Solas people here.

Helisma and I sat and discussed what “fade-touched” means for animals from a practical standpoint.  It’s wildly variable.  Size (usually larger) and ability, color variations, deadlier or more friendly, even in the same species.

The more time I spend with Helisma, the more I think about Tranquil and what they are.  I realized that Tranquil aren’t actually completely lacking feelings.  They don’t show any.  That's different.  Trapped?  They don’t even know they’re there, maybe.  It was a troubling thought.  I remembered DA2, where the tranquil lady in charge of the store calmly asked Hawke not to steal, or she would be beaten.  If she hadn’t cared one way or the other, hadn't had an emotional reaction either to the result of a beating or the threat of a beating, then why would she have asked in those words?  There must be some sort of feeling.

If they have feelings, then what has been done to them?  Are they bottled up, and it somehow never actually reaches “them”?  Some sort of inflicted dissociative disorder?  And if you harm someone with such a disorder, don’t they have to reprocess and deal with it gradually as they’re treated? I’m not a psychologist.  I don’t know.  But if they forcibly do this, then torture and abuse and rape them while they are in this state…  I can’t imagine that not having an effect.

“You are crying.”  I blinked, because I hadn’t realized.

“I apologize.”  I wiped the one eye that had leaked, and we got back to the lessons.  She had moved on to the oddness of demon remains.  I hadn’t considered it, but she has gotten access to a microscope.  A rare and precious thing, and Josie and Eustace managed to get one from the dwarves.  I didn’t even know it was a thing here in Thedas. It was a pretty basic microscope, but it was very exciting to play with tools I generally understood.

In the bodies and other things left, Helisma informed me that nothing made sense.  When she looked at leaves or fur, it was all the same.  In the pieces of fade creatures, it wasn’t that way.  The pieces next to each other had different structures.  She showed me slides demonstrating what she meant.

She was right.  It was strange.  The long strands of muscle cells I recognized.  I've seen those.  But mixed in were something else.  Different shapes and stuff.  One type looked like tree trunks with a hole in the middle.  The nucleus?  Another group looked like little round balls of putty.  But why would they be in the same bit?  Shouldn’t they be more organized?  Tree trunk looking cells with themselves, and putty balls with putty balls?  Not interspersed with muscle cells.

Helisma and I worked rather late, until the candle in the scope guttered out, plunging us in darkness.  I created a ball of light, and she lit an oil lamp.  She was set to continue, reaching for another microscope candle, but I couldn't. Regrettably.  I had to go to dinner.

Dinner wasn’t too bad.  Leliana had apparently left with two scouts while I was asleep this morning.  It was just Josie and I to wrangle the visitors.  Too much focus on fashion.  Who cares about Orlesian fashion?  I was good, and kept my mouth shut.  The food was stew and fresh biscuits.  Delicious.

The Orlesian lady, whose name I can’t recall, was quite upset that she dripped gravy on her white skirt.  She almost frowned!  Sad, that.  Ugh.  You know who would be expert at the “grand game”?  Tranquil.  No expression unless they’re trying to emulate something.

When I met up with my littles after dinner, I got quite the surprise.  And fucked up, too.  Dee came running up, holding a little white something between his fingers.  “Chrissy!  Chrissy!  I lost a tooth!”

I oohed and ahhed and so on, as any good parent or parental figure should.  “Is this the FIRST tooth?”

“Yes!”  He was so excited, he was bouncing.

“Oooh, the tooth fairy pays DOUBLE for the first tooth.”

“Tooth fairy?”

Daniel piped in.  “Yeah!  You put your tooth under your pillow, and when you wake up, the tooth is gone!”

The tweedles looked at each other.  “What about the Fire Ceremony?” Dee asked.

I was confused.  “What fire ceremony?”

“Where you put your tooth in the fire?”

I had no idea what he was talking about, but it was too late to backtrack.  “Hmmmm.  Conflicting customs.  Give me a bit to figure this out, okay?”

Daniel was stubborn about it.  “I’m putting my teeth under the pillow.  I need money for my bakery.”

“Gotcha, Dan.  But Dee and Dum may feel differently.  And when you find things that are different, you should ask before making decisions.”

He is growing up so fast.  Daniel pondered a moment, tilting his head back and closing his eyes.  A behavior I’ve seen in Eadras, actually.  He brought his head back forward, looked me in the eyes, and nodded gravely.  “There could be reasons.  So we should find out.”

“Very diplomatic of you, my boy.  Let’s do.”

We went hunting Zatlan.  I figured he’d know.  He gave me a bit of a strange look for not knowing before explaining that the loss of baby teeth is a small rite of passage.  They consign the teeth to fire, to prevent them from being possessed.  To show that they won’t be susceptible to demons.

“What do teeth have to do with demons?”

He looked a little lost for a moment.  “I don’t really know.  They say that if you’re not possessed by the time the last baby tooth comes out, you’re safe.”

My skin felt clammy a moment, and I leaned against the wall.  “It’s a way to find those with the gift.  Another way to hunt our children.”  I said it very quietly, and I don’t think the tweedles heard.  Dee and Dum had moved away to a corner of the room, whispering to each other.  

Daniel’s face hardened.  “I’ll be giving my teeth to the tooth fairy, Chrissy.” I hugged him to me.  Boy's nearly as tall as me, and probably as heavy.  It made me think of my conversations with Helisma.  Fade-touched animals are usually, but not always, bigger.

Got a shock in the next moment.  Dee punched Dum, right in the mouth!  I freaked.  “Dee!  What are you doing!”  By the time I (and multiple other adults) got there, Dum was pulling a white chunk out of his bloody mouth, and laughing.  Stupid long sleeves came in handy as I dabbed at his split lip.

Dum was protesting.  “I ashed ‘im.  Nee-thed a toof!”  I’m not sure if it was my ministrations or the lost tooth and method that resulted in the garbled words.

“Dee!”  Now that the adults were involved, Dee was a bit more sober.  “We do not hit, even if they ask us.  Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Chrissy.”

“Dum.”  I put my hands on my hips.  “You asked your brother to hurt you.  That is not the way brothers should act.  He’s supposed to care for you, and you requested he go against that.”  His poor face was starting to swell.

“I’m sowwy.”

“I think you should both be apologizing to each other, not to me.”  I waved the other grownups off.  Zatlan stuck by, covering his mouth with his hand.  I spared him a glare as he made a suspicious choking noise.

“But the toof?”

“Teeth fall on their own.”

“We decided we wanted to do it together.”

I turned to the other miscreant.  “Do what?”

“Leave our teeth for the fairy.”

Leorah Two came running up with a cloth, handing it to me.  Then took a step back as I made a handful of ice and wrapped it.  I didn’t have time to address the hint of fear in her eyes.

I looked over Dum’s face.  No stitches required, and most of the blood was cleaned up easily.  The tooth gap was still bleeding.  “Hold that on your lip, young man, and we’ll talk about it after songtime.  I’m very unhappy with you two.  We do NOT hit.  Have you ever seen me hit anyone?”

“You’re a girl, Chrissy.”  Such incredulity from Dum.

“Shall I ask Garalen to have this chat with you?  Think she will be swayed by being called a girl?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Find your seats.  It’s almost songtime.”

Songtime went smoothly.  We shall, indeed, overcome.  If these people have anything to say about it.  Honestly, the whole thing felt better than it had in a very long time.

Afterward, I looked over Dum again.  He'd survive.  I was a bit concerned about infection, so Dum got the unpleasant experience of dousing a cut in alcohol.  And his first taste of whiskey, but that was incidental.  Leorah Two was quite upset, somehow thinking it was her fault for not paying attention.  And damn it, she's scared of me.  I'll deal with that some other time, too.

I tucked the boys in after a chat about how we treat each other in families.  We rinsed off both teeth and dried them before wrapping the teeth in bits of cloth and letting them be placed under the pillows.  During the course of songtime, Daniel had waxed poetic about the tooth fairy and the riches to be obtained, a tooth at a time.  He got a whole penny for his first tooth.  At least he set the bar.

I asked again if the children wanted to consign the teeth to the fire.  “By leaving your teeth for a fairy, you’re making a bargain, boys.  A witch or demon looking to harm you will find the fairy instead.  The tooth fairy can protect themselves and the teeth.  But remember.  Cheating on that bargain by using someone else’s teeth, or animal’s teeth, will make the fairy angry.  You never want to make a fairy angry, for then they will remove that protection.  The fire doesn’t care, and the tooth cannot be recovered.”

I know the boys haven’t been attending chantry services because elves aren’t generally welcome at the services.  New places, new traditions, I suppose.  They all three talked it over while I sat back and let them.  Tooth fairies it is.  So be it.  Who would have thought this was so incredibly controversial?

So I studied pretty late, summoning circles of varying types, a little bit of transmutation of energy theory from Thedosian perspectives.  I'm a bit worried about Curtis and my teen boys.  They're much closer.  Did they travel all day?  Should I send someone for them?  I sent glowy dust down the three threads, but it's going to bother me all night.  If they're not here by mid-morning, I'm going after them.  Sending someone after them.  Probably going after them, since I know I can find them.

Anyway, I slept all day, so I don't exactly expect to sleep well anyway.  And I have a feeling I will be visited by concerned wolves.  But now I have to go swap coins for teeth.  Hey, Cole says I’m a fairy, right?  Guess I’m the tooth fairy, starting today.  And yes, this tooth fairy will protect them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comavampure and Spellweaver were instrumental in deciding what Thedosians do with teeth. It harkens back to some of our own traditions on earth. We're all going in different directions with it, if they decide to include it in their own works, but we came up with the baseline idea together.


	187. Day 11, 11 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Passwords and mounting memories, Templar talks, and sanctuary.

**Day 11, 11 Harvestmere, 9:41**

When I left the room to be the tooth fairy, I had bookends at the door, one on each side.  Neither was One, Two, Three, or Five.  I still miss Three.  He was fun.  I held my finger to my lips.  “I’m not leaving this area.  I have to check on the children.”  The one on the left nodded, and they didn’t move from the spot when I went a few doors down.

The main door to the children’s area was shared with one of the servant’s halls.  I slipped to the small room the children shared and pulled the fade around me.  I hadn’t done it in a long time, and it felt strange for a moment before it settled.  The boys didn’t stir as I slipped copper coins under their pillows, confiscating the two teeth.

As I shut the door to their room again, something barreled into me.  Startled me into visibility.  Horrified but hushed noises from the hazy young woman.  She apologized quietly, but intently, clearer as my eyes adjusted.  Poor thing was petrified I would be angry at her.

I did my best to soothe, and retreated back to my room.  The teeth were deposited in a drawer in my jewelry box.  Later teeth I might dispose of, but first teeth are precious, a rite of passage.  That made my heart hurt a moment.  Someone probably went through my things back on earth.

What did they do with my daughter’s first tooth?  It was in a little silk bag in my jewelry box there.  My tools, my clothes, my treasured things.  The pearls I wore at my wedding.  I hope those went to my daughter.  My chest felt tight for a moment, and I blinked hard.  Silly to be upset about objects.

After reading a bit, I was lying bed, not quite tired, but not energetic either, when it happened.  Three of my threads lit up bright golden.  I wasn’t even LOOKING and I could see/hear/feel them.  Lit the room, lit my mind, desperation and pain and please and I-hope-this-works.  My highever boys.  They needed me.  Needed was a small word for the flood of feels that wrapped my soul.

I didn’t even get dressed.  I stepped back out of my room, grabbing my robe as I went.  I don’t know what got into me.  I pulled on Gara, Andrew, Zatlan.  They’d have to follow.  The bookends were traipsing behind me, asking questions, demanding answers, but I couldn’t pay attention, their words not making sense in my ears.

They didn’t understand at all.  Probably couldn’t.  They were not important in that moment.  One went to grab at me and I used what I’ve learned with Foxtripper to evade.  Didn’t even slow my stride.  I wasn’t doing it consciously, if that made sense.  I was focused on being called.  By desperation.  I also wasn’t exactly thinking.

I just kept walking, straight out of the stronghold, toward the call.  Thinking about it, I should probably find some way to dial it down, but at the time, it didn’t occur to me.  I wasn’t being reckless, though Gara would use that word later.  It was just the way things were.  They needed me, and didn’t have long.

As I walked past my circle and my practice spot, a new friend managed to distract me a moment.  She appeared in front of me, blocking my path.  When I moved to go around her, she moved with me,  Bowed, oddly, in that way horses do, when I stopped.  She turned again, looking at me, presenting her side.  Pretty red thing.  Who was I to argue.  I flung myself up onto her bare back, nightgown and robe, hair undone, and gripped her mane tightly.

One of the Hessarians almost managed to grab me, but the mare blocked her.  Gara and Andrew caught sight of me from the causeway.  The Hessarians somehow were yards behind us.  I have no idea how that happened.  Zatlan came running up to the others as the memory turned and ran toward my missing people.

I don’t think she has a name, this lady.  Nor does she seem to need one.  She ate the ground, cantering longer than I ever thought.  She seemed to follow the same thread I did, needing no direction, and no urging at all.  All I had to do was hold on.

If I hadn’t been following something other than sight, I might have missed them.  Probably seven figures, huddled together in the falling snow.  Clinging to each other for warmth.  Struggling to stay upright, because to lay down is to die in this weather.  On sighting them, I threw up Dorian’s dome around them.  Warming the space.  Slowly, slowly, and only a little, because they were blue, draped with ice.  I didn’t know their condition, and we couldn’t stay here.

The call ended as suddenly as it began.  Dark spots, afterburn, from the golden light gone.  Fierce joy, gratitude, and hope flooded from them now.  Four, not three, once I was seen.  They had listened, and hadn’t shared the password with Curtis or the others with them.

The mare careened to a stop, nearly sitting in her haste.  I climbed down, striding toward them.  My ladies and explanations tumbled over each other as I took a close look at the first boy I reached.  Cold, shivering, blood on him, but not his.  Exhausted and scared.  I ignored their words as I looked mine over, one after the next, hugs and care.  One had a black eye, brightly colored, recent, but not serious.  The third was tired and cold and sore, but also not hurt.

Curtis was last.  Bandaged, hurting even in the cold, and shivering terribly. Warm to the touch, which in this is really bad.  Dropping to his knees in the snow, he spoke only one word.  “Sanctuary.”  Pleaded it, before he fell silent, eyes down, breathing hard.  Shaking and bleeding from somewhere under his shirt.

“Granted.”  The relief he felt was immense.  All of them started talking, and I couldn’t understand what they were saying.  Too many voices going in different directions.  Hands from the new people touched my robe, my hand.  Their fingers were so cold.  They were so tired.  “Hush, kids.  We’ll figure it out later.  Can you walk?  If I keep you warm enough, can you continue?  It’s not far, I don’t think.”

The elf-born hesitated.  “I’m okay, but Curt here is pretty bad.  I don’t think he can keep going.”  The others nodded, the ones I don’t know, and mine.

I looked over the others.  “If you falter, say something.”  The pretty mare was still there, waiting.  I went back to her.  “Can I put my boy on you?  He’s hurt, and needs us.”  The mare bobbed her head, and I took that as a yes.  “Get Curtis up on my pretty lady here.  The rest of you stay close to me.  We’re going to have to walk.”

It wasn’t until then that I noticed that the mare didn’t sink in the snow.  She stepped on top of it, much like I did.  I encouraged them, warmed them, promised warm food and beds when we got home.  Grumbled about them leaving without proper gear.  One of the Highever boys dared to respond to that.  “Lady, are you in your nightgown?”

“Yes.  You needed.  I came.”  Awe on his face, and chagrin.  Poor kid.  “Don’t worry.  We’ll get it sorted.”

I continued to lead the mare with my hand on her withers.  Now, I was using Gara, Andrew, to find home.  They were moving toward me fairly rapidly.  When we finally met up, I was subject to admonishments and irritation, even as they gathered all the newcomers together.

They were a bit irate.  It’d taken them too long to acquire transportation, and I was out of sight when they finally did.  The Hessarian two were with them, grim-faced and a little angry, until they saw the ragtag group I was leading.  Zatlan had been a smart man, and had a spare horse.

Lady, for that’s what I’m calling her, refused to move further with Curtis, shrugging him off.  I’m not sure if she’s memory, or spirit, or some odd mixture of both, but she’s certainly opinionated.  We got him on a spare horse, the others picked up the worst off.  They were all gotten out of the snow, riding double.  Even Andrew and Garalen.  Lady nudged me, waiting.  I swung up, and we trooped home.

On the way back, we finally got the story.  Curtis had been attacked.  They’d bandaged him as best they could and headed for me.  Walked until they couldn’t walk anymore.  When they woke after a short rest, they were turned around.  They kept going up, hoping they were going the right direction.  They had been, generally.

I wonder if they were following threads, all unknowing?  But when the snow and dark came, and they were too cold, lost, and afraid, they called for me.  It was a last hurrah.  They hadn’t actually thought it would work.  And were glancing at me every so often in awe.  Which sucks, really.  Especially when Garalen is ticked at me.

I don’t know how long it took, really.  I did expect it to take longer to spot Skyhold in the snow and dark.  Josren and Cara were up and waiting at the gates.  And they weren’t alone.  Templar Darrow.  Lovely.  Cillian.  Didn’t expect him.  Hessarians, the ones for the girls.  Elias.  Okay, him I expected.  Eadras.  Crap.

Lady balked at the causeway, shying.  She did not want to go into Tarasyl’an Tel’as.  “I’ll be right in.”  They moved past me, and I slipped off her.  “Thank you.”  I stroked her nose, rubbed my face against her.  She snorted, but no air stirred my hair.  The mare faded under my hand, gone again, hopefully to rest.

I followed the group.  Darrow strode up.  “I need a healer for young lord Lendon and his attendants, Templar Darrow.  He’s hurt, and I’m concerned about frostbite as well.”  That pulled her up short, and whatever she was going to say kept behind her teeth.  She looked at a soldier, and he took off in the direction of the hospital.

“When you have a moment, I need to speak with you, Lady Trevelyan.”  Grim grim grim, despite the sweet lilt.  And suspicious, though she’d never admit it, after seeing Lady disappear.  *sigh*

“It’s Chrissy, and can it wait until daylight?  I’ll try to explain after we rest a bit.  I’m sorry they disturbed you.”  She agreed to that, since everyone was okay from what she could see.

We ensconced the group in the pillow palace.  Braziers were lit, the gauzy hangings tied back.  Bowls of warm water were brought for soaking feet and hands.  Stew was reheated and passed out with crusts of bread.  The shivering got worse, and I made everyone take off their clothes and wrap in the blankets Cara arranged.

One of the new ones, a girl, started crying.  A healer I didn’t know, but belonged here, went from person to person, checking fingers, noses, ears.  Plying them with some drink that made them rapidly drowsy.  Warming hurts, so I’m glad they’ll be sedated.

Cillian provided what is likely to be epsom salts or the equivalent.  No clue why he’s here.  He’s avoided us whenever possible, and doesn’t much like me.

I thanked Josren, and Cara, because they’d gotten the horses up and ready in record time.  And bedded back down, as well.  Cara said she’d have a list of what we needed for the new people within a day or two.  I think she's serious about stepping into the other assistant role.  Hell, why not.  I didn't say anything, just thanked her again.

Elias gently escorted me to my spot.  He wasn’t happy with me, but wasn’t exactly unhappy, either.  I planted my butt in my new chair.  I must have been more tired than I thought, because next thing I knew, I was in the fade.

I should have expected him to show up right away.  I hadn’t even fully formed when he strode in.  Didn’t wait, didn’t ask.  Irate, and worried.  His hand slid across my cheek, gently.  “Forgive the intrusion.  Let me look, ma’asha.”

“Look at what?”

“Vin, Solas.  This is what I want to hear.”

I sighed.  “Vin, Solas.”

The magic flowed, and I was fine.  I could see it in his face.  “What have you been doing, Emily Lynne?  You are not sleeping well.”

“I just got to bed late.  I had to make a little trip to get some of mine lost on the mountain today.”

“Two trips?”

“One, just now.”

“And yesterday, when you were so very tired?”

“Just checking on everyone.  Finding the problem.  It took a while to sort them.  Most of them.  I have to remember to finish that.”  He arched a brow and waited.  “What?”

He shook his head.  “I should be used to being flummoxed by you.  You need sleep.”

“I’m sleeping right now.”

“ You need the kind of sleep in which your body rests and your dreams lie fallow.”

“Then why are you prancing through my dreams?”

“I am not prancing.  You mistake me for Dorian.”

“Be nice.”

“Let me hold you, as I have before.”

“And shape my space?”

He pulled me in for a hug, stroking my hair.  “ _ <Trust, my little love.  Let yourself rest. _ >”

“Until morning?”

He lifted me, cradling me against his chest.  A few short steps later, and we were in the bedroom on the sea.  “< _ Until I wake, stay with me. _ >”  He was disgustingly pleased about something, and I didn’t realize until just now that he was not speaking English.  Trade.  Whatever.

So I rested, on a bed that felt made of clouds, in the fade.  Hazy and indistinct, everything muted and soft.  Relaxing as he stroked my hair.

I woke in my bed.  Stripped of my robe and slippers, in a different nightgown.  How’d I sleep through that?  Eadras was sitting in a chair nearby.  He had to have brought it in.  I eyed him warily.

“I’m not going to yell at you.  Calm yourself, da’len.”

“What time is it?”

“Does it matter?”

“I guess not.”

“It is not long after dawn.  They would have frozen to death.”

“Maybe.  Only because they’d stopped.  If they’d kept going, or made shelter?”

“But they did not.  Always, always, you perform miracles.”

“It’s not miracles, hahren.  It’s magic.  Just magic.  Miracles aren’t my department.”

“I will not argue with you.  Your lordling and his attendants are still in Ethelathe Hall.  A few may lose bits of fingers or toes.  The healer is unsure, and will have to wait to see the damage.”

“They are confined to the warm places.  Not to go outside until we know the extent of the issues.  And Curtis?  His other injuries?”

“He was stabbed in the shoulder, and a slice across his side that was festering, but not deep enough to reach his guts.”

“I assume the healer tended him as well?”

“Yes.  I need to ask, da’len.”

“Ask what?”

“The horse.”

“What about her?”  I arched a brow.  “Was there some issue?  Is she taking up precious supplies?”

“Did you summon her?  Was she a spirit?”

“She summoned herself.  A memory, I think.  Maybe more, but I was not focused on that at the time.  My attention was on the children.”  Children they are, even if no one else sees it.  Teenagers.  They did well, as far as I’m concerned.  “They did exactly as I told them to do.”

“Garalen is very upset.”

“I will speak to her.”

“Please do.”  He took a deep breath.  “I can’t ground you.  But I request, respectfully, that you stay where everyone can see you, and take it easy.  Today, at least.  Maybe tomorrow as well?”

“Why this time?”

“First, you were up all night with your rituals.  I don’t begrudge you your rituals, my lady.  But the next night you traipse around the mountain, in a nightgown, with a horse that doesn’t exist, to find people who we didn’t know were coming.”

“Okay.”

He paused.  “Okay?”

“I’ll take it easy, barring pressing reason.  Stay home.  Give the appearance of resting from my ordeal.”  He was surprised.  “I’m not unreasonable, Eadras.  I get it.  I’m not hurt, or anything like it, but they won’t know that.  It’ll ease everyone to see me not being scary for a while.”

“Thank you.”

“Now, I should get to the rest of the day.”

“You’ve only been asleep a few hours.  You could go back.”

“Nah.  If I do that, I’ll start mixing up my days and nights, and that would be bad.”

He called Briri, kissing my forehead goodbye.  I had gotten out of bed and was rummaging in my drawers when the door opened again.  “Briri, where are…”  It was Andrew.  And he was Not Pleased.

He leaned against the door, looking at me.  “So what happened this time?”

“They needed me.  Fear and pain and please.  I couldn’t not go.  I wasn’t even sure what I was doing until I was heading their direction.”

“They called you somehow?”

“The same way I called you, and more.  Ask Garalen about the password.”

“Next time, call me before you’re halfway down the mountain.  I don’t know how we found you.  You could have died, Chrissy.”

“I wasn’t in any real danger, Andrew.  I had to go.  But next time, I’ll try to wait for you, okay?”

“This is going to make it worse.”

“What is?”

“They prayed, they said, and you came.  A light out of the snow.”

“I wasn’t glowing!  And that’s not what happened.  They called me, like I called you.”

“You were, darling.  And your mare.  They’re going to Harrow you.  You know this.”

“I know.  I’m expecting it.”

“I’ll see what I can do to calm everyone down.  Please, you have got to slow down.”

“I have!  I’m not even sure if I’m doing more than going in circles.  Simpering at nobles and dancing at balls.  Useless, wasteful.  Nothing gets done!  No land, Andrew.  I have no land.”

“We’re standing on your land, my lady.  Skyhold and its surrounds.  Possession is nine-tenths of the law.”  Ass.  I sighed.  “I have to apologize to Garalen.”

“She’s pretty upset.  You didn’t wait for her, either.  Elias and Gun are unhappy you didn’t even call them.  Michael, too.”

“I’ll apologize to them, too.”

“And you’ll stay put for a few days?”

“I already told Eadras I’d take a few relax days.  I still need to read all the suggestions anyway.”

“I can tell you what they say without looking.”

“I’d rather read them, thanks.”

“Get dressed.  In something suitably girly, alright?”

“I’m sorry, Andrew.  I’ll try to do better.”

“Girly.  And sit in your chair or something where we can see you.”

“Fine.”  He let Garalen and Briri in, stepping into Ethelathe Hall.  “Gara.”

She held up a hand.  “It doesn’t matter.  But we will be watching you closer.  How in the world did you get all the way out on the mountain?  I’ve kicked the Hessarians off the guard roster.  They can watch doors and stuff, because it is QUITE obvious they can’t keep up with you.”

“I still need to-”

“No.  You are who you are.  I don’t want you to be any other way.  And I am your knife in the dark.”

There was a sharp intake of breath from Briri.  She looked from Gara to me and back.  “Not one word, Briri.”

“Yes miss.  I would never, miss.”  She curtsied twice.  Garalen stared at her.  “I swear.”  But she was very tense.  Not lying.  She wouldn’t say anything, but she needed to.

“Good thing Solas already knows.”

Something eased in her shoulders.  “I wouldn’t know anything about that, miss.”

Now I got the stare.  “Briri, find me something girly.  I’m taking an extra rest day or two.  Garalen, I know who he is, don’t worry.”

I should never had asked for girly.  After being plopped in a bath and scrubbed, I ended up primped and polished.  Nail paint, of all things.  Dressed in fur and sleeves and embroidered slippers and fancy hair. My chrysopal necklace from Dorian.  Briri has just been waiting to be given permission to doll me up.  I did put a halt to the makeup.  Yuck and no.

I visited a bit, easing minds.  Got introduced to the five people I didn’t know.  Got names for the Highever teens again, but I’ve forgotten them.  Again.  I remember when I’m looking at them!  Healer wants to move Curtis to the Hospital, but I put the kibosh on that.  In the pillow palace he stays.  I don’t want him seen quite yet, if I can help it.

Dee and Dum came out all excited.  The tooth fairy had left them money!  Andrew heard that and smiled, giving it the weight they felt it deserved.  He reaffirmed that they should remember the rules.  Teeth fall out on their own.  The fairy will forgive a mistake once, but to keep doing it wrong would mean she didn’t take any more teeth, and they wouldn’t get any more money.  Probably trying to prevent more mouth punches.

It made me wonder a few things.  He didn’t seem overly worried about demons, or magic, or any of the rest of it, despite being a Templar.  Was he just easygoing?  I’d have to ask at some point.  He was the least templar Templar, sort of, but that could be because he was also a mage.  Which reminded me that he and I had been neglecting lessons, too.  I wrote it down in my notes.

Halton was not surprised at all by my late-night doings.  It makes me wonder how many of my memories he’s touched.  At least the puddle is gone.  It must have been because it sat still for so long.  Maybe?

Cook provided finger foods, warm drinks, all the comfort edibles.  I spent the day reading recommendations.  They all amounted to the same thing.  All of them.  I’m not sure how they managed that, unless they were just waiting for me to reach the point where I asked.  Andrew’s an ass, and I know he did this.  They want me in charge, with elected advisors.  And a constitution.  But they’re using the term “constitutional monarchy”.  That’s a set of words I am fairly certain I haven’t put next to each other around anyone.

It was mid-afternoon when Josie braved the bowels of Skyhold.  I spent probably half an hour with her.  She was concerned about many things, and noticed that I didn’t answer the questions about how I found them.  She was worried about harboring a potential exile among other things, so I had to get the boy involved.

He explained that they would probably be saying he was dead.  He was supposed to be dead, and only having my guys had saved him.  They got to him before he could bleed out or the guy could come back and finish.  And brought him to sanctuary.  He bowed a little in my direction as he said that.

Josie eyed me at that one.  I just know she or Leli had someone translate the Elven.  But she behaved as if her fears were allayed, and wished the kids well.  Offered any assistance with their recovery she could arrange.

It was late afternoon when I was asked to meet with Templar Darrow.  Josie kindly lent us her office.  I think she didn’t want all the teens to hear the conversation.  Darrow wanted details.  What that “thing” was I was riding.  How I knew.  That sort of thing.

“Madame Vivienne has been tutoring me in the summoning arts, and Altus Dorian has been teaching me Tevinter magicks.  I use what I’ve learned, Templar Darrow.  As for knowing, I’m not entirely sure.  I was lying in bed, and then I knew.  They needed me.”  It was all truth.  Not quite the whole story, but enough.

“He told me you were strange.”  She shook her head.  “I’m to listen to you, in matters of the household.”

“It is my castle.  My brother gave it to me, as a present.  I trust the Inquisition in matters of defense.  Therefore I trust the Commander chose well in you.”  I stood.

“You trained with a Dalish Keeper?”

“No.”

“The circles?”

“No.”

“You are an apostate?”

“Templar Darrow, ALL mages are apostates.  There are no more circles.  There was this little war about that Sam had to step into, remember?”

I managed to keep it civil.  At least that was a good thing.  We all three were summoned to dinner.  Fereldan Noble newcomer…  I stopped in Josie’s door, looking back at the two women.  My respect for Darrow went way up in a split second.  “It’s Skyhold business, Lady Trevelyan.  I’m not a blabbermouth, you know.”  She might be worried about my soul, but she’s not letting that interfere with the rest.

“Thank you, Templar Darrow.”  She smiled in return.  I remembered, in that moment, that this is a woman who gushes over animals in game, and is filled with hope and happy.  Even with her mage companions, and the non-human ones.  I stepped back into the office.  “I’m sorry I was snippy.  I’m in a mood, and I hate being interrogated, especially about magic.”

“It’s all right.  Everyone gets a little snippy sometimes.  No harm done.”

After dinner, I went down for songtime.  I think everyone showed up, if only to look at our invalids.  It would be a while before they were up and active.  They’re still dopey, but it looks like they’re drinking meadowsweet, not poppy, right now.  I did verify they’d been fed and tended.

Honestly, I’m tired.  I was going to study a bit, but just playing laser tag with Irusana is making me yawn.  I’m heading for bed.


	188. Day 12, 12 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freaking my templar, unhappy revelations, and strange lessons with Alexius.

**Day 12, 12 Harvestmere, 9:41**

I dreamt of spiders and dragons and cheshire cats.  Floating smiles and human bats. “Well, well, well, what have we here”, “my brother’s come”, and “what do you fear?”  The cackle of Joker’s laugh, the silence and feel of the shadowy path.

I’m not sure if earth dreams or nightmares, or maybe regular nightmares don’t hold the fear they used to have.  Heroes and villains in earth fiction.  Wonder what the spirits made of that.

I woke early, no visitors in the fade.  You know, I thought the new couch was still too small to sleep upon, but I am obviously very mistaken.  Michael was asleep on it, in a mostly-sitting position.

His eyes opened when I moved about.  “I’m not on the list.  I know that, my lady.”

“It’s okay, Michael.  I don’t so much mind you.”  He wasn’t his usual content self.  “Should I be apologizing, hon?”

“You didn’t want me with you.  That hurts, some.”

“I wasn’t thinking straight.  I called for three, the closest three.”  He looked at the floor.  “Only one Templar.  In the back of my mind, I think of him as the one in charge, I think.  So he would call further down the chain of command.”  I went to him, sat down next to him.  “It wasn’t intended to be a slight.”

He took a long time to respond.  “Are you creating a new Templar sect, like you are creating a new…”  He waved a hand.  “Whatever this is?”

“I would never.  I’m not affiliated with the Chantry, you know.  I have no authority over you, not really.  Only that which you grant me.”

“You still think to call Templars when you are doing magic.”

“What you do is important, on several levels.  The way you organize, some of Templar habits, not so much, maybe.”

“What do you mean?”

I paused.  Was he ready for this?  Ready or not, he’d asked.  “You sure you want to know?”  He nodded, confused and curious.  “Absolutely positive?”

“Yes, Chrissy.”  Exasperation in his tone.  I eyed him.  “Come on, tell me.”

“On your head be it.  Have you ever had a mage lover in the circles?”

He got bashful.  “Well, there was this one girl.”

“Just one?”

“Well, I’m not a ladies man or anything…”

I smiled with him.  “So, what sorts of things did you do for your lovers?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you ever take one on a walk in the garden?  Or outside the tower?”

“At night, a few times, as a special treat.  Penny loved looking at the moons.  I remember the first time she saw them.  She cried, they were so beautiful.”

“She’d never seen them before?  Never been out of the tower?”

He thought.  “Well, she probably just didn’t remember.  She’d been brought in very young.”

“I see.  Too young to remember having seen the sky.  What else have you done.  Romantic gestures.”

“The normal stuff, you know?  An extra biscuit or serving, fruit or treats maybe, and if she was with me, the others wouldn’t bother her.  Warnings for things that would usually get punishments.”

“What kinds of punishments?”

“Oh, a day in solitary, food restriction.  Even a switching could be waived.”

“You’re not going to like this, Michael.”

“What?”

“What happened if she said no?”

“Why would she?”

“No one ever said no?”

“Of course not.”  Indignant?  Oh, I had to do something about that.

“Did anyone ever seem a little less into it than you did?”

“Well, most girls are reluctant at first.”

I controlled myself.  He hadn’t seen my hand clench.  “Really?  I see.  So you convinced her.  Them.”

“Well, there are perks to seeing a Templar, after all.”

“Precisely.  And what are the “perks” for rejecting one?”

“For rejecting one?  Of course not!  I would never punish them for not being interested.”

“Them.  So you’d never turn a blind eye, letting another Templar have his chance at convincing her?”

“I...  Nobody was getting hurt.  It’s a good thing to listen to templars.”

“Michael, when the relationship ends, the fresh air, the extra food, and the leniency are also taken away?”

“Well, I wouldn’t really…”

“And if you were rejected, another would step up, and if you were done, if she bored you or wasn’t sweet enough, she lost food, exercise, and was tortured or “switched” for minor infractions?”

“It’s not like you’re making it out to be!”

I smiled and changed tack, putting my hand on his trousered knee.  “Oh, it’s glad I am to hear that.”  Practically purring at him.   “You know, I am the Lady of Skyhold, now.  This is all my domain.”  I moved my hand up just a bare inch, tracing patterns with my fingers.  “Everyone and everything here is under my control.”  Looking up at him through my lashes.  “And sometimes being at the top can get… lonely.”  I leaned closer, voice breathy, flirtatious.  “The only reason you’re not heading for war right now is that I wanted you.”

He swallowed.  “Chrissy?”

“I heard Templars took vows, but obviously not the ones I should be concerned with.  So you’re… available?”

“I… I don’t think this is a good idea...”

“Hmmm.  Pity.  I had hoped to keep you here, away from war.  Safe, cared for.  As is appropriate to your rank.”  My free hand played with the curls next to his ear.  The other moved another inch up.  Nothing I wouldn’t do with Solas standing there.  I have a feeling he’d understand exactly what I was doing.

Michael was turning red, very uncomfortable, but didn’t dare move.  “I could do so much more for you here…  Help you… Soft beds, warm food, shelter from the cold.  Even political power, if I wished...”

Again, I heard the whispers around me.  Music caressing my skin.  I could make him fear me, obey me.  Cleave to me, and no other.  So easy, and they could tell me how.  “But you would prefer the company of the army?  I don’t ask much of you, you know.  Not much at all...”

Secret panic from his thread, but he sat perfectly still, breathing just a hair too fast.  “I…  Please don’t…”

I stood, shaking off the whispers, removing my hands from him.  “How many times did you say something similar to a mageling who dared not say no, my boy?”  My voice was no longer breathy and flirty.  It was hard as flint.

He was still sitting there, but starting to shake.  “But…  It wasn’t...”

I turned, stepping toward him, startling him into a nervous squeak.  “You are mine, Michael, but not in that way.  Never in that way, even should you wish it.  But the aegis of power is knowing when it is being used, even if you don’t wish it to be.

“You know, Andrew never had a lover among the mages. Gunther, the same.  IF I were to claim Templars, instead of just men who have held that profession, a lot of you would have much to answer for.  Kinloch hold, Kirkwall, Rivain.  The tranquil and the harrowings.  The subjugation of whole swaths of people.  Coercion, rape, torture and death.  Be glad it is the man I choose to hold dear, Michael.”

“I… have to report.  Can I?”

“You may go, of course.”  I held his eyes.  “This isn’t a prison.”

There were shadows in his eyes as he bowed to me, and he was still shaking.  His retreat through the door was a tad rapid, as well.  I’d pushed him hard.  Would he run?  Or would he learn?  This is because of Cullen, in some ways.  But not his fault.  The pain I inflicted on Michael was all my own doing.

I investigated my paperwork.  Halton had answers and documents ready.  I barely had to change anything.  The wording…  I shot a suspicious glance at him, but he was doing something else and didn’t notice.  Maybe he’s just learning how I phrase things.  I hope.

The latter half of the morning, I visited.  Adan, and more salve was made.  I’m corrupting his workshop with healing crap.  But he had an area ready for me to work, with the tools and ingredients I’d need.  I think he’s just blustering.  I kissed his cheek and he grumbled something about phosphorus and being too smart for my own good.  “You discovered red phosphorus, Adan?  That’s amazing.”

“You’re not funny.  How’d you know?”

“Chemistry, Adan, and history.  You may not be the first, after all.”

“Your name’s going on this.”

That sobered me.  “Please don’t.  I don’t want even more people wondering.  Don’t paint a target on me like that.”

“It doesn’t feel right.”

“Then designate part of the proceeds, if any, to Ethelathe.  We’ll use it to care for those who have less.”

“I might do that.”

Dagna and I chatted in the undercroft for a while.  I can’t tell her anything else about the silver arm, but she’s got this thing.  It’s a blob of silverish something, except when she applies current, both to it, and the environment.  “Just a teeny, tiny rune.  You wouldn’t even feel it if you touched it.  But it look what happens when I turn it on!”  She touched something, and the blob sort of oriented itself into a longish fingerish shape, then started twitching.

“Electromagnetism?”

“What?  Oh, sort of, maybe.  It’s not a magnet without the rune.”

“Does Sam know you’re working on this?”

“Not yet.  I don’t want to mention it until I know it might work.”

We worked together for a while, tweaking the amount of metal, the strength of the current, the power of the magnets.  Didn’t make any astounding breakthroughs, but it was fun, and we made progress.  We have time.  I keep reminding myself.  We do have time, for this.

I’m still concerned about Alex.  He feels very, very frail.  He’s getting winded after swinging a hammer a dozen times or less.  He’s been nauseated after meals, and his skin is somehow darker than before, despite spending his time indoors.  Munching on salt-chews, of all things.  Most humans don’t actually like them.  I don’t know what could be wrong, but there is something wrong.  Very wrong.  And his off hand trembles, as well.

After a quick lunch with my littles and Leorah Two, I went through the tallies of linens and herbs and so on real quick.  I saw Lydia walk softly to the piano.  She lifted the lid over the keys and ran her fingers along them.  She made no noise, like she was afraid to.

I went over to her.  “You can play, if you want.”

She jumped.  I guess I walked too quietly.  “I’m sorry.”

“Virginia, 2016.”

She glanced up at me, then back down at the keys.  “Tennessee, 2018.”

“Really?”  I was so excited.  Only two years after my departure!  “What happened after President Obama’s second term?  Please tell me.”

“Well, uhm.”  She shifted nervously.  “She just kinda left, I guess.  She works with charities and stuff, I think.”

“Barack Obama?”  I was confused.

“I don’t follow politics much, my lady.”  She looked over shyly.  “I think the first gentleman is running for a federal judgeship.”  She offered the information like she finally realized what I wanted or something.

“First Gentleman…  Barack Obama...”  My skin was feeling clammy again.

Lydia looked less sure.  “Are you... okay?  Did I say something wrong?”

“Of course not, Lydia.  It’s okay.  Why don’t you enjoy the piano.  I need to take a walk.”

My chest was tight, and it was hard to take a deep breath.  I slipped into the little library, leaning against the stacks.  A few minutes later, Andrew strolled in.  “Alright, what happened.”

“Nothing.”  He arched a brow.  “Nothing!  Lydia told me…”

“Did she hurt you?”

“She told me…  It was wrong.  The words were wrong.  Not my world, not my timeline.”  I looked up at him.  “Andrew, you push this parliament idea.  Constitutional Monarchy.  You had a President, not a Prime Minister, right?”

“Of course.”

“Not a King?”

“Well, technically, the Queen’s in charge, but she didn’t really have any say in what we do.”

“George Washington, the first president of the United States, right?” He nodded, but that sort of made the confusion worse.  “Okay…  What happened in the revolutionary war?”

“Well, we forced King George to acknowledge our rights.  He ratified the Act of Federation, making us a self-governing territory.”

Oh god.  “Formed a parliament?  Congress?”

“Congress.  What’s wrong?”

“We’re not from the same timeline.  I didn’t realize what happened.  We’re from two different timelines.  Similar, it seems, because we’ve talked about history.”

“Calm down, hon.  Breathe, Chrissy.”  I took a large gulp of air.  “Now let it out.”  As I breathed out, I started to talk.  “Shhh.  It doesn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t…”

“Ours, Chrissy.  You’re ours.  No matter where or when you came from.”

“I had thought…”

“Yeah, me too, for a long while.  It’s mostly the same, right?  You speak my language, know the books.  Star Wars and Dune.  Good enough for this farm boy, anyway.  Maybe you upper crusties need more?”  Not quite enough joke in that tone for me to feel comfortable.

“I’m not an upper crusty.”

“Etheling, when I left there, we had an old busted ‘60 dodge dart, a black and white tv, three mules, and an outhouse at home.  This place ain’t too much of a change, you know?  You had that fancy air conditioning, flush toilets, and Star Trek technology.”  He flashed me a wry grin.  “You don’t hide it very well.”

“I’m not-”

“I know.  I do, really.  You can’t have a title and be American, in your world or mine, and you weren’t a dirt farmer.”

“No, I was a suburbanite.”

“Thought so.  Lots of fancy houses and mowed lawns.  Not a dandelion in sight.  Doesn’t matter, does it?  What you were?  Only matters what you are now.”

“You sound like Sera.”

“Smart lady.  You should listen.”

“But I don’t want-”

“Chrissy.  Nothing you say will change what they say.  It makes no difference.  You came for them.  Saved them.”

“It was magic, Andrew.  Just magic.”

“Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him.  Calm now?”

“I guess.  When were you going to tell me you weren’t from my earth?”

“Wasn’t.  Didn’t matter.  Can’t go home, you said so.”  He shrugged.

“Ass.”

“Yep.  And Gara likes it.  Now let’s go.  She don’t like it when you hide in here away from her.”

“Fine.”

I finally got into the walls.  It wasn’t as exciting as I expected.  No hidden passageways between bedrooms.  Mostly servant use sort of stuff.  From the kitchen to the main hall, a lap around the library between floors, a tunnel to the baths.  Steps between floors, too.

In here, there were footprints.  Many.  Most from the aviary down through the baths.  Not quite as secret as I might have hoped, but interesting nonetheless.

I asked the woman in charge of the Aviary how long it would take to get a message to Kirkwall.  Two days.  Just two days.  “Can I send a letter to Merrill?”

“Of course.  Anyone you like.  I’ve orders, that I have to read your letters.”

“I know.  An army reads my letters before they go.  It doesn’t bother me much.”

I asked a messenger to have my page bring the letter I’d written Merrill this morning.  “Don’t be shocked if I come to visit” was the main gist.  No timeframe.  But I’m waiting patiently to explore that eluvian.  I’ve considered taking a look at Morrigan’s, but not yet.  We don’t know each other well enough yet.

I meandered through sewing and carpentry, greeting people.  Being seen.  Enjoying my time.  Making Eadras happy by chatting with random people.  Delivering little pots where they had been used up.

Spent a bit with the little ladies.  They’re still taking pretty intensive lessons with Josie in the afternoon.  She’s basically educating them on how to be ambassadors.  I don’t think they realize that.  Not telling them things.  Asking opinions, and explaining why it might not work, or why she’s doing something else.  And she’s using them as extra letter writers.  It’s good to see.  If they ever go back to Orlais, it’ll be a very useful skill.  If they stay, I’ll let them be ambassadors to my places.

I couldn’t ignore Alexius, either, so I visited him, too.  It was weird.  We didn’t even take a walk.

“Do you dare come in, Etheling?  Or does the evil magister scare you?”  His words were like before, but his tone was different.  I went in, because how could I not at that point.

He showed me a bunch of little pots, and asked if I recognized them.  Of course I did not. He seemed surprised I would admit that, but pleased, somehow.  Really wish I had a useable thread to this man, sometimes.  Anyway, I ended up in his cell playing with colorful powders.  He showed me me how to basically turn the powders into stained glass in the air.  Which was interesting.  Using breezes counter to each other and mental images.

The mess was huge by the time we were done, because the pictures just fall away when you stop the wind.  He’d completely lost the supercilious attitude while we played.  And objected to the term “playing”, by the by.

After a while, he stopped me.  “You’ve never done this before.”

“I said that.”

“Hmmm.  But you’ve done the bits.”

“Dorian showed me how to do breezes and wind.  The mental images make sense, because that’s how you have to do it with light, too.”

“Light?”

“Well, yes.”  I was a bit taken aback by his attitude.  Nothing I could put my finger on.

“Show me.”  I arched a brow at his tone.  If I’m not going to take it from Vivienne, I’m certainly not taking it from him.  “Chrysopal, please show me the images in light.”

He stepped back, eyes unfocusing in that way I’ve learned to recognize.  “Why are you doing that?”

“I would watch you work.  A teacher must evaluate.”  I eyed him warily.  “I have no intention of harming you, little Incaensor.”

“Don’t call me that.  Ever.”

He smiled.  “My apologies.  I retract the word.”  That took me aback.

“Why are you being so nice?”

“You are Dorian’s student, and he asked me to stand in loco.  I agreed.”  By his tone, that was that.

“You wish to see me paint with light.”  He nodded.  I very carefully used only the techniques shown to me by Vivienne.  No fractals and glowing and complex patterns of vines growing organically.

He watched, but seemed… disappointed.  “Exactly the way I expected.  Do you have no originality?  No joy in the magic?”

“I’m not sure how far I can trust you.”

“You shouldn’t trust me at all, Chrysopal.  You shouldn’t trust anyone.”

Something about his tone.  “You hurt my Dorian.”

“Your Dorian?  Interesting.  That wasn’t my intention.  I would never have harmed Dorian knowingly.  He is nearly as dear to me as my own child.  The only apprentice I have ever had.”

I didn’t smile.  But he had a point.  How could he teach if he didn’t know the starting point?  I took a step back, and a deep breath.  Light, I can do.  Colors, and designs.  Light flowing from hand, around the room.  Vines, and flowers, and little colorful images of wisps.  I went past that, this time, to blooming trees, green sparkly pillars, and starlit skies.

His eyes refocused on me.  “Better.  Now take it down.”  He watched something not me as I pulled everything back to my palm.  Back to my SELF.  “Interesting.”

“Heavens, not another interesting.  Why is everything I do interesting?”

“It does no good to be irritated.  Now.  Lesson over.  Drink water or tea, not ale or wine.  Eat a full dinner.  You will not feel hungry.  Do it anyway.  Off with you.  I have letters to write.”

That was disconcerting.  But I did get food, when it was time.  Strange afternoon.  I have no idea why he suddenly changed his tune.

Songtime went well.  Darling got cuddles.  People showed up, but Michael didn’t.  Gunny pulled me aside after songtime and asked what I did to upset him.  “That’s between him and me, Gun.  But he’s perfectly safe, and still mine, for as long as he wishes.  Does he..  Does he want to leave?”

“Nothing like that, I don’t think.  But he’s pretty torn up over some girl named Penny.”

“If he is willing, I’ll talk with him tomorrow.  Is there going to be someone on my couch every night?”

“Probably.”

“I could always sleep somewhere you can’t get to me.”

“Your guy said we could put chairs or something outside his room if that happened.”

“When’d you talk to him?”

“Right before he left.  We weren’t to bother his rooms, and there’s something nasty to prevent anyone but you going in.  But you’d be safe there.  We’ve talked about it, in case your room was compromised.  Andrew says there’s that other little hidden spot, too.”

I tucked in the littles, thanking Leorah Two.  She’d bathed and read and all those things while I had to do Skyhold/Ethelathe things.  We’re coming to terms, I think.  It’s just figuring out where we overlap, and who should do what when.

I moved my journal in here.  It’s pretty big.  I put it in a solid barrier tray, and shoved the whole thing under the bed.  I can’t find any evidence of a puddle left behind at my desk.  Irusana hissed at the tray for a minute, then the strange kitty curled up in it, comfy as can be.

Briri brushed out my hair.  She says she’s going to have to wash it tomorrow.  I can wash my own hair, right?  But she wants to do something to make it less likely to tangle.  Some kind of conditioner.

Kitty is no longer under the bed, and is chasing the pen.  Guess I’m done.  I’ll probably read a bit.  I have to get “Understanding Entropy” percolated through my brain before Vivienne comes back.


	189. Day 13, 13 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slow days and Harrowings, scripts to follow and scribes to investigate. A not-wonderful day, but good outcomes. Hopefully now they'll leave me alone.

**Day 13, 13 Harvestmere, 9:41**

So, I didn’t get any reading done.  I swear my eyes closed as soon as I hit my pillow.  My night was calm, playing Go Fish and the mental iPod.  Spirits popped in and out, and no fraught conversations.  I woke rested, to the smell of coffee.

Gara is still mean.  She wouldn’t give me my coffee until I was all the way out of bed.  At least she waited until I was partially caffeinated before dropping another thing on me.  “You can’t ignore your physical training, Chrissy.”

“Can so.”

“You’re supposed to be training with Heir, right?”

“Heir didn’t want me.  Dropped me before the first lesson started.”

That flummoxed her.  “Then I have to talk to some people.”

What?  “I’m sure that’s not necessary.”

She just smiled.  “Don’t worry about it.”  Damnit.

I got to pick out my own clothes.  Is it sad that now that I have pants available, I don’t so much mind the dresses?  Some of them are hella comfortable.  Or I’ve been trained like a puppy.  Could be both, I guess.

Now that I have more clothing in my wardrobe and chest, certain things are becoming clear.  I am Leorah’s dress up doll.  I think I have more clothes than just about anyone else.  Except maybe Josie.  She’s got lots of clothing.  And this is after getting rid of some of my fancier stuff.

Paperwork was pretty easy.  Normal stuff.  Shifts in duties now that the winter months are coming on us.  The ones who worked outside are going to work on inside repairs.  The women are moving into carding and spinning, and apparently cloth is woven during the late winter?  Everything has a schedule.  I’m lucky other people understand this, because it’s kind of weird to me.

Sorgan again had a random letter for me. I think he takes great pleasure in providing little sweet slices of outside life.  It also makes me wonder if they're keeping things back.  Is it wrong of me to worry?  This thing has gotten so big, I can’t keep track of it all.  Something in the way Sorgan watches me, as well.  His threads are uncluttered, though.  Nothing running off in strange directions, and his connection to me is stable.

Hell, I don’t know why I was suspicious all morning.  I was looking at people like Gunny and wondering why the hell they wanted this whole thing.  Eadras, who has been very careful with me the last two days.  Maybe I was just grumpy.  Or maybe I knew.  Who knows.

School has been moved elsewhere to accommodate the Highever teens and young lord Lendon.  I bothered him a bit this morning.  I sat down on a pillow next to his and looked over his hands.  They were all rewarmed, but I, and the healer, was concerned about frostbite.  His fingers were still swollen red sausages, but they weren’t yellow or grey.  And not blackened.  I don’t know much about frostbite, but I know black and grey are bad.  “How do you do this morning, Lady?”

“I’m fine, Curtis.  How are you?”

“I’m bored, Chrissy.”

“I’ll arrange for books.”  I looked him in the eye.  “It’s time for me to ask a hard question, Curtis.”

He swallowed.  “I will do my best to answer.”

“I sent four with you, Curt.  Where’s your valet?”

He was obviously surprised by the question.  “I thought you’d question me on what happened.”

“I know what happened.  Someone tried to kill you, and you escaped.  The details will come later.  But the valet?  He lives, still.  Is mine still.  But where is he?  Why is he not with you?”

“Uncle reassigned him soon after we got home.  He got a promotion.  We talked about it, and decided that having a man in the master bedroom couldn’t be a bad thing.  My uncle was thrilled to do it.  I think he intended it as a slight against you, not just me.”

“I see.  This was never mentioned in your letters.”  I cast my eye over the boys, and got a round of apologies.  They weren’t wrong in their line of thinking.  And I still have a man at Edgehall, in good position, no less.

“He’s planning on writing his “cousin” in Skyhold when the fuss dies down.”  I just nodded at that.  We’ll see what happens when it happens.  The others chimed in with other tidbits.  Thomas had arranged their fur cloaks and some little food.  They’d run out before I found them.  Sounds like the man needs an award or medal or something.  He, all of them, went above and beyond.

I looked over the others.  One of my boys has a greyish toe or two.  I don’t think that’s good, but at least they’re not black?  Their hands and feet are swollen, all of them.  Even the new few.  Well, one of them only had swollen feet.  And the swelling’s not horrible on a couple others.

The only girl was a scullery maid who decided running up the mountain in the middle of the night with Curt was better than what she was facing from the footmen.  She’s fifteen, and flinched at the look on my face.  I forcibly calmed myself before continuing to speak to her.

She’ll be taking lessons with Dee and Dum when she’s feeling better.  She can’t read or write.  What little math she knows is limited to counting and very basic addition and subtraction.  And has it in her head that elves are “too stupid” to learn to read.  I caught her eye and informed her that she’s very smart.  She got out of a bad situation and realizes what she doesn’t know.  She’s not quite mine, but leaning that way.

Lunch was fun.  The Tweedles and Dan and I invaded the kitchen after I snitched them from their nanny and Eadras.  Cook was finally testing the leg a bit.  She’s getting around with a cane that Zatlan made for her.  Love that man. I’ll have to do something nice for him  He’s always doing exactly what I’d ask him to do before I do so.

Anyway, we munched on a lovely lamb stew as we chatted menus for a bit.  I didn’t want to even think about which of the little lambs was in it.  Actually, it was probably from earlier, and not one of the ones we kept for breeding.  The menus were handled fairly rapidly, because winter fare is a bit different, what with the shorter days and less physical activity.  Mostly breads, less meat, vegetable and fruit for flavor.  Stews and soups are prominent.  The high table gets whatever’s been hunted, but still, it’s mostly bread and veggies and stuff.

Dan questioned her closely about butter as opposed to lard in pastries.  He’s still very set on having his own confectionary.  There was an in-depth discussion of the flavors different fats give things.  I didn’t even know that was a thing?  Like, beef tallow is a thing, and it has a flavor profile that is unpleasant in sweets.  I’d never even considered that people cooked with it.  I thought it was for candles.

Lard’s good in pies where you don’t want the flavors of butter interfering with the filling.  It apparently has a very bland taste that is nearly undetectable in other foods.  Even better is to mix fats for different flavors.  They went on, discussing duck and other fats, and how cold you have to keep them.  And how they affected baking at different temperatures, and stuff about hands.  It was all a bit beyond me, but Dan soaked it up.

I left those two to talk.  The tweedles and I went out to play with Elias.  Just tossing snowballs back and forth.  They were bundled up well, and we took Gretel’s two with us.  Snow is a constant thing now.  There’s not a lot on the ground within the walls, and it only seems to fall in the early morning, but it’s here.  They were rosy-cheeked and chilly-fingered by the time we went in.  I sent them all to Cook for a hot drink and divested myself of my own outer garments.

I was settling into my chair to do some reading when a templar I’d seen but didn’t know well showed up with two others.  The others weren’t templars, just soldiers, and hung by the stairs.  Anyway, the Templar stalked right up to me and grabbed my arm.  Hard.  I’d have bruises.  “Let’s go.”  He hauled me to my feet, spilling the book and my needlepoint.

I was in shock.  What is with Templars grabbing at me recently?  There was a bit of an uproar in the pillow palace.  The man had completely ignored the teenagers lying about the room.  The men behind my desk.  And apparently, Elias.

A dagger appeared at the man’s throat.  “Release the lady, and I’ll release you.”

Clangs and clatters came from the doorway, and the image surprised me.  Sorgan had a sword out, and was holding it quite competently on the two soldiers.  Smiling.  He was practically daring them to move.  Weapons had clattered to the floor.  I need to know more about the scribe.

Templars are stubborn, I suppose.  While he was deciding what to do, there was a bit more of a kerfluffle.  Halton had a frikkin’ crossbow.  Loaded.  Pointed in the same direction.  Someone’d apparently reached for a second weapon.  Two of my teenagers, one new, and one of the original three, had pulled knives.  Were holding them by the tips.  Ready to throw?  Where the hell did all the weapons come from?

A line of red dripped from the tip of Elias’ dagger down the Templar’s neck. The man let go of my arm, and the dagger left his neck.  I finally took a breath, stepping away.  I was being glared at by the templar, and had to ask.  “What’s going on?”  Elias stepped back, out of the man’s easy reach.

The templar turned his attention to Elias, hot under the collar.  “You’re a dead kn-”

“You better not.”  I interrupted him.  “I won’t tolerate that, and if something happens to Elias, I’m coming after you.”

He dropped the conversation, glaring at Elias.  He rubbed his neck.  There was only a little blood.  “You’re coming with me.”

I took another step back.  “Says who?”

The man cursed, and then muttered under his breath.  “This was easier in the circles.”

Well.  That said it all, really.  Warnings from Dorian and Andrew.  The time had come.  “Did you never consider asking?  Doing something other than grabbing?”

He blinked.  A few times.  Like he was remembering something.  “Would you come with us, please?”  It looked like it pained him to ask.

“I will.  As soon as Andrew gets here.  Just keep your mitts off me if you want to keep them.”  I rubbed at my arm.  It hurt, damn it.

“Andrew’s not your escort.  He won’t be coming.  Just get walking.”

I arched a brow.  “I’ll wait.”  The Templar cursed at me, but didn’t reach again.  No one had put away their weapons, either.

It wasn’t Andrew who came down looking for us a minute later, but another Templar I didn’t know well.  He looked at the scene, stalked over to the first man, and pulled him to the wall for a private chat.  I heard something about calm, and about sabotage and oaths.  The second guy was really displeased.

After the quick convo, the new guy walked up to me and held out a gauntleted hand.  “Etheling, may I please escort you to your next appointment?”

His tone was respectful and encouraging, unlike the previous guy who had seemed aggravated or angry.  “You may.”  I knew what was coming.  I placed my hand on the back of his, and we headed for the stairs.  Halton moved the crossbow to point at the first Templar, and Elias walked on the other side of me.

I waved a hand at the two soldiers and they fled up the stairs.  I looked back.  “Halton, dear, could you make sure their weapons get back to Templar Darrow and the armory?”

He didn’t look at me, but he was disgustingly cheerful in his “Of course!”

Sorgan had moved to the side, almost melting into the shadows.  “We need to talk, Sorgan.”

The Templar at my side stiffened when the man bowed and spoke.  “When you return, if you wish.”  Did the guy not see Sorgan standing there?  Even when he came down?

As we headed up the stairs, the Templar patted my hand, then laid his on top.  Trying to comfort.  “Now don’t you be worried.  Everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to.  Calm and quiet, and remember your training.  Are you okay?”

“I think the other guy bruised my arm, but I’m otherwise fine.”

“Ugh.  He’s from Kirkwall, like the Commander.  Things went strange, there.”

“I’ve heard.”

“Don’t pay him any mind.  Most of us aren’t so bad.”

“I know.”  I patted his hand in return.  “What you do is important, but so easy to get wrapped up in.  Everybody’s people, and it’s easy to forget that others aren’t less, just different.”

“Come on.  Let’s get you where you’re supposed to go.”  He led me to the prison.  I’d expected to go to the mage tower, so I glanced up at him.  He didn’t react, leading me right over to the barracks, or what I’d assumed were the barracks, on one side.  The smell of Lyrium was intense as we reached the door, and my stomach wasn’t happy.

There was a loud argument going on as we approached.  Alexius and Fiona.  Something about a couch.  “I knew you were backwards in the south, but just to let the best and brightest crack their skull on the floor?  Are you mad?  I agreed to this being indoors, but you don’t have any chairs for the spectators!  Do you expect them to recline on the floor as well?”

“There won’t be any spectators!”

“There will be!”  He stood straight, speaking like it pained him to have to explain to a child.  “Technically, _First Enchanter_ ,”  the sneer in his voice almost visible, “she is part of the Minrathous Circle.  You can’t have this unwitnessed.  Unless you wish this whole farce to be invalidated, and done properly elsewhere.  That would be quite the blow to your little college, wouldn’t it?”

Fiona noticed me at that point, and her gaze drew Alexius to look at me.  He walked up, glancing over my face.  “There you are.  As soon as the arrangements are finished, we shall get started.”

I’m a little shit.  “Get started with what?”

“You shall see, Chrysopal.  Have patience.”  He levelled a glare at Fiona.  Most of the contingent of templars was standing around the room.  Even Andrew was there, but he didn’t say anything.

Elias spoke up, to my surprise, in a challenging tone.  “She’s been injured by the Templar sent to get her.  Was this deliberate?”

My eyes flew to him.  I hadn’t expected him to do that at all.  Fiona’s brow drew in, as Alexius rounded on her.  “Indeed, are you attempting to sabotage this?”

Her chin lifted.  “I would never.”  There was a scraping sound as Andrew dragged in a little fainting couch.  He had apparently left with others, because several chairs were also brought in.  Two of the mages from the healing tents also arrived, as did several of the dining room staff.  They’d brought refreshments, in a rolling tray.  Nothing fancy, I guess.  Little slices of cheese and sausages, and several bottles of wine. The waitstaff arranged the carts and left after a wary glance around.

“Finally,” Alexius sighed, as he directed the arrangement of the additional furniture.  A glass of red showed up in his hand as he gave instructions.  He turned to me.  “How injured are you?  Has the Templar drawn blood?”

“Bruising, no more.”

“At least we will be able to continue.  Do be amenable, and sit on the edge of the couch.  Be calm, and relax.  Upset would be detrimental at the moment.  Trust in yourself.”

Several more people showed up.  A few scouts, “witnesses” for Leliana, were turned away.  Garalen was admitted, as were Cillian and Neria.  Those two are considered full mages, I guess. By the time everything was ready, I think every Templar was in the room, and a subset of the mages.  Fiona and Alexius, Cillian and Neria, a Qunari wearing a mask, people I recognized from the healing tent.  Glad this was a huge room.

I took the opportunity to look around, sitting on the edge of the couch as instructed.  A large inscribed circle in the center of the room, and a font of some kind with glowing lyrium.  A mirror behind it, oddly swirling blue, but it didn’t whisper like the eluvians do.  Didn’t feel right, somehow, but it wasn’t wrong in any way.  Magical, but not the kind I was expecting?

Templar Darrow walked up to me, and started pontificating about magic being a curse and a gift.  Demons are drawn to me blah blah blah.  I glanced at Andrew, and he shook his head, warning me to stay quiet.  Fiona moved forward as Darrow finished, and was cut right off by Alexius, who sat down next to me.  “This is why the Harrowing exists.  The Ritual sends you into the Fade, and there, you will face a demon, armed with only your will.”  Fiona was left looking much like a fish, her lines stolen.

He continued, gesturing toward the font.  “If you do not falter, you will prevail.  Every mage must be tested.  This is lyrium.  Remember that even in the land of dreams, your will is your own.”  He stood.  “Place your hand in the font, Chrysopal, and begin your trial.”

I reached up.  At least I wasn’t drinking it?  Some of the circle mages in the room started chanting something.  It wasn’t magic.  Maybe a prayer?  My hand slipped too easily into the pretty blue.

I watched as the lyrium flowed up my arm.  I felt a tingling on my hand, moving through me.  It was nothing like drinking that vial before.  A sense of filling, as the lyrium seeped out of the bowl onto my skin.  Alexius took a step back, eyes widening as the contents of the bowl slid up my arm, tracing the lines of my scars.  The world spun, slowly slowly, until I felt something soft behind me, and my eyes closed.

I woke standing.  I’d kind of been expecting something different.  Instead, the landscape of this little fadespace was identical to the space in Origins.  Even down to the statues and vases, and the mirror behind me.  I’m a little shit.  I waved.  I walked over to the statue that had the codex entry.  Nothing.  Damnit.

I was talking to myself, too.  But whatever.  I started down the hill, and a ball of energy came at me. A quick barrier, and I absorbed the energy into my shields.  “You knock that off.  I’m SO not in the mood.”

The large wisp didn’t respond, at first, sending another blast my way.  I stalked down toward it, fuming.  I was very annoyed, and I’m not sure why.  “Send one more, and you will no longer be welcome here, do you understand me?”  It flickered, confused a moment.  Wisps aren’t the brightest, but they’re not completely stupid, either.  “Got it?”

The little thing wafted away in a hurry.  I eyed the next one.  “Care to try me, or are you and your buddies going to get you gone?”  The line of wisps scattered as I traipsed down to the curve.

“Someone else thrown to the wolves…”  Oh god.  Seriously?  I let the rat continue, word for word in game.  “It isn’t right…”

“I know.  But that doesn’t change things, now does it.”

“You think you’re really here?  The only reason you look like that is because you think you do.  It’s always the same, but it’s not your fault.  You’re in the same boat I was, aren’t you.  Allow me to welcome you to the Fade.  You may call me… Mouse.”

“Hello, Mouse.  Cool speech, dude.  But Contentment already welcomed me to the fade.  Come here often?”

Mouse blinked.  “It’s fuzzy, that time before.  They wake you up in the middle of the night-”

“Actually, it’s mid-afternoon.  They pulled me out of my chair.  Are you coming or not?”

I think poor Mouse wasn’t quite ready for that.  “There’s something here, contained.”

“Yes, yes.  I must face the demon and return within a specific amount of time, probably less than fifteen minutes or so.  The longer I take, the more chance someone’ll slit my throat.  So are you coming?”  No need to let on that I know Mouse is Pride.

“Uh, okay?”

“Excellent.  Have you seen Shyness by any chance?”  I started walking again, following my thread to Shyness this time.  There was a large open space to the side, and a small one with a weapons rack.  An armored spirit standing there.  I sighed.  “No originality.  None.  Seriously?  You’d think they would come up with something new by now.  It’s been years!”

Mouse was confused.  “Years?”

“Nevermind, Mouse.  It wouldn’t make sense.”

I stopped in to see Valor.  Not my Valor.  “Hello, Valor.”

The spirit tilted its head to the side.  “Do I know you?”

“No.  But I have seen you.  Valor, and you find it unfair that unarmed mages are tested against demons.  Your purpose is to create the ultimate weapon of valor.  And no, I will not fight you.”

“I will not grant you a weapon until you prove your courage.”

“That’s okay.  You have to do you.”  I called a staff, and it formed in my hand.  “Would you be willing to check my staff for obvious flaws?”

Mouse was watching me oddly.  “Who are you?”

“I am me, and will remain so, dear Mouse.  As for what else I am, that is yet to be revealed.”

Valor listened, and then bowed.  “Lady, I will look.”  I handed it the staff.  “This weapon is quite adequate for your purpose.  Your strength is sufficient to the task.”

“Thank you, Valor.”  I paused.  “Are you here by choice, Spirit?”

“I do not object.  My purpose is fostered in these conditions.”

And that’s when a little fear spirit found me.  “Chrissy!”  It wrapped its arms and spiderlegs around my torso, hugging me close.  “I couldn’t find you.  I wasn’t scared.”

“Sounds like someone I know is growing up a little, Shyness.”  It ducked its head, bashful.  “Fear is nothing to be ashamed of, dear.  It keeps one safe.”

My eyes met Valor’s helm slit.  “How will one know when one needs Valor if one does not first feel the twinge of trepidation?”  I looked at Mouse.  “Are we continuing, or are you staying here?  We have a schedule to keep, after all.  You other two can come, if you wish.”

Shyness still had hold of me.  “Sweetheart, unless you’re planning on carrying me, you need to let go.”  It loosened it arms, and stepped back.  “Come on.  I have to meet the spirits in order, because these people seem to have no creativity.”

“Can we play cards?”

“Not right now.  If I take too long, they’ll kill me.”

“Oh.”

“Come on, everyone who is coming.”  I walked on, and more of the wisps came out of nowhere.  I barriered as Shyness lept, slashed at a wisp, and then INGESTED IT.  What is with spirits consuming wisps?  “Seriously?  Knock it OFF!”  The ground rumbled, and the fighting stopped.  That was freaky.  “Get lost.  Go do wisp things or I’ll turn you into a choir.  Don’t fuck with me right now.”  The wisps scattered gratifyingly quickly.

Further up the path was the expected demonic bear.  I’d kind of hoped it would have a different shape, at least.  Maybe my perceptions are affecting things.  At least this one started differently.  Not quite “on script”.  “I see you brought me a snack.”

Mouse shifted back to human form.  “He’s not going to help us.”

“You’re assuming things, Mouse.  Bad form.  Good afternoon, Spirit.”

“Hrmmm…  I’m not here to help you.  Surely you have better things to do than bother Sloth…  Wait...”

“Something unexpected?”  I smiled at it.

It tried to wrench things back on script.  “I tire of you already, whatever you are.”

“I am me, and anything else is yet to be discovered.  I was just being polite.  I think Mouse here would like to learn to be a bear.  Isn’t that right Mouse?”

“I… Don’t think he’s going to help us.”

“You’re repeating yourself, dearie.  He won’t teach me because he thinks I might be too attached to my form.”  I turned my attention back to the demon bear.  “Now, Sloth, if that is what you wish to be called, I can stand here quite a long while, badgering you, because time in the fade does not flow as it does elsewhere and you don't really feel like expending the energy to attack.  How quickly could I ask a thousand inane questions?  I believe it would take less than a minute, surely.  Shall I begin?”

“Mouse, I will be teaching you.  Immediately.”  That made me smile.  Mouse was still pretending to be timid, so I shoved him forward.

“But I don’t know if I want to be able to change.”

“Alright, but I guess that’ll leave me to face the demon waiting for me on my own.”

“I… Will learn.”

“Somehow I thought you might.”

I was surprised to see both Valor and Shyness following as well.  Mouse was in bear form and staying next to me.  As we traipsed back down the hill, there were the spirit puppies.  “No originality.  None.  It’s almost like this is a play, and I must keep to my lines.  Well, screw that."  I called hunks of meat to my hands, and tossed them off to the side.  The wolves went after the meat, shocker, and left us alone.  Mouse was eyeing me hard at this point.

“And so it comes to me at last.”  The Rage demon was apparently trying to get us back on-script.  I was a lot farther away than I’d expected to trigger that dialogue.  “Soon I shall see the land of the living with your eyes, creature.  You shall be mine, body and soul.”

“That’ll be hard to do.  But you look a little hot under the collar.  Would you like a puzzle?”  I created a thousand piece puzzle and a table.  “It’s probably not a good idea, actually.  You might get too frustrated…”

I went to wave my hand, and the demon yelled at me to stop.  “What is this thing?”

“It is a thing that frustrates mortals where I come from.  They get so angry they throw things, sometimes.”

It reached for the puzzle, growling when two pieces didn’t fit together.  I turned to Mouse.  “And now it’s to you.  You are the final test, are you not?”

“You could take me back with you.  We could find me another body, even one deceased.”

“No, Pride.”

“You know me?”  He grew into a pride demon, just like in Origins, but didn’t attack.  Thank goodness.

“This harrowing I’ve seen too many times.  Now, it’s time to remove the barrier from my mountain.”  Rounded barriers are like eggshells.  Hard to break from the outside, but very easy from the inside.  Setting my staff in the ground as a focus, I grabbed the magic of the barrier.  Sliced it, somehow, until it curled into a spiral much like a scroll.  I didn’t steal the energy, left it lay.

I kissed Shyness’ head.  “You can head home now.  I’ll see about cards when I get there, okay?”  It agreed and floated off.

“Your mountain?”

“Contentment and Integrity said so, and it seems to react that way.  You are not the first spirit I’ve dealt with.  I’m just not willing to put up with the bullshit anymore.  Be you, dude, not me.  Being me, or anyone else, would break you.  You’d gradually be less you, and not them, and warped.”

“You think to warn me of the dangers of possession?”

“For everyone.  Yes.”

The pride demon laughed, a full belly roll laugh.  “Never before has a mageling tried to warn ME of the dangers.  Back to your body with you.  Wake up!”

I did.  My head was lifted the moment I opened my eyes, and a foul-smelling something held to my lips.  “There, there, girl.  I know it can be scary, but you’re here, and awake.  Quickly done, and well.”

I still felt somehow full.  Exhausted, but energized.  I didn’t sip at the liquid, pulling my head back.  I was not so far gone.  My eyes met those of Alexius, and he smiled.  “It is not poison, girl.”  He took a long drink, then held it out to me again.  I cautiously took a sip, and despite its smell, it tasted surprisingly good.  “The demon laughed at being asked regarding your susceptibility.  Dorian’s challenger reacted the same way.”  

“I feel wrung out and full.”

“You will.”

Fiona came up.  “You drained the entire font!”

I ignored her.  “Am I free to go?”  I was looking at Alexius.

“Of course.  You have passed the Harrowing, and proven your will.”  Fiona went to open her mouth, and he made a slashing motion, rising to glare at her.  “She has passed, according to your own traditions.  If you take this further, I will be writing the Minrathous Circle, as well as the Inquisitor.”

I didn’t know what to say, but was spared anything else.  Gunny, sweet Gunny, picked me up from the couch.  “I know you can walk, my lady, but you do not have to.”

Honestly, I wasn’t so sure I could walk.  I was still feeling wobbley.  “What happens now?”

“The magister arranged for a small celebration.  It’s tradition, he says.”

“How long was I out?”

“Two or three minutes, no more.  Fastest harrowing I’ve ever witnessed, but not the fastest ever.  You were a bit of a lazeabout, weren’t you.”

“I had to argue with Sloth.”

The party was small.  Fiona and Alexius, a few others.  I was ensconced on one of Vivienne’s couches and plied with fruit.  Elias and Garalen stood over me.  It was from them I learned the purpose of the mirror.  Apparently they saw snippets of my doings.

“Even in the fade, Chrissy, you didn’t attack anything.  That’s going to hurt you, someday.”

“Possibly, Garalen, but I figured they were specifically summoned to play a part.  Why should I hurt them for that?”

“It was odd.  For a minute I thought you hugged a demon.”

“I did.  Shyness needed reassurance.  Sloth needed to be entertained then left alone.  Valor needed to examine the weapon.  Rage needed to vent.  Pride needed to remember wisdom.  The wisps need to remember their manners.  I’m a bit miffed at them.”

A baritone voice chuckled.  “Miffed at wisps.  You say the oddest things.”

“So I’ve been told, Ser Cillian.  To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Prickly as a hedgehog, but your clan claims you are sweet.”

“My clan?”

“Ethelathe.”

“Ah.  I suppose they are much like a clan.  A mixed clan.  Why are you being nice to me?”

His face was surprisingly unemotional.  “Who says I am?  I have a bit of curiosity about this clan which is not a clan, the keeper not a keeper.  And it costs nothing to be civil.”

“Can the questions wait?  I’m very tired, and don’t want to argue or guard.”

“Of course.  I believe congratulations are in order, though I do not quite understand why.”

“Me neither, so that makes two of us.  They,” I moved a hand to indicate Alexius talking with one of the healers, “seem to think the first time one encounters a demon in dreams is this harrowing.”

An actual smile from him.  “That seems odd, considering one must sleep, even in their towers.”

“Unless they somehow ward them, I suppose.  It could be done.”

“Hmmm.  Yes.  A cordial conversation, Ethelathun.  Enjoy your evening.”

I stayed put until songtime.  Kissed the kiddos, and I’m off for bed.  Stupidest.  Day.  Ever.  Harrowings.  Ugh.  Useless.  And I need to have a talk with Sorgan and Halton.  Both of them made themselves scarce this evening.


	190. Day 14, 14 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gunther's insightful. Solas is both weird and annoying. Scribes are more than scribes. Impending birthdays and Josie's revenge.

**Day 14, 14 Harvestmere, 9:41**

I settled in the evening with one of the books on the nature and structure of the veil that Dorian had left me.  Engrossing, but I don’t think it’s entirely right. The author pontificates about sight beyond sight and demon dreams blending to make the veil a barrier between realities.

The idea of layers that it goes on about, that makes sense.  I’ve seen it as layers of reality. He does go on about proper relaxation allowing someone to see more.  Special herbs. Hmm. Where I have I read that before. But of course, it doesn’t say WHICH herbs.

Gunny showed up at my door as I finished the second chapter, and ensconced himself on my couch.  “You knew.” He said as he leaned back, arms behind his head. He was relaxed.

I turned to him on my stool.  “Knew what?”

“The when was a surprise, but you didn’t flounder at all in there.”

I shrugged.  “If you say so.”

“You’ve been harrowed before?”  Gun’s smart.

“Not exactly.”

“Told them it was a waste of time.”

“They blew you off because you’re mine.”

“Yep.  You feel different, almost normal, until you do something, but you have too much control to be unharrowed.”

I ignored the almost normal part.  “For certain outlooks, perhaps. But maybe next time they’ll listen.  Why now, Gun?”

“Fiona wrote the Chantry.”

“Templars aren’t even under the Chantry anymore.  Neither are the mages.”

That made him laugh.  “One little fight, and you think everyone abandons ages of tradition?”

I guess I had thought that.  Religion trumps politics even in modern times.  “Dumb of me.”

“Nah.  So when’d you get harrowed?”

I smiled.  “Today.” He smiled back, waiting.  “Just today. The times before weren’t mine.”

“Times.  How many times?”

He was honestly curious, so I tried to answer.  “Maybe fifty? A hundred? All the same. Always the same.  I thought it would be different in person, but it wasn’t. The same space, everyone in the same places.  Even the words they said were the same. Is that on purpose?”

“I don’t know.  That’s the mages doing.  We’re just there to watch and wait.  The mirror was new to me, but Mike’s seen them before.  We just had the summoned demon who told us what was going on, usually.  Different circles have different things. That the demon laughed was interesting, though.”

“So who was my murderer in waiting?”

“Not gonna tell you that, bit.  Not the three of us.”

“That ass who came to get me?”

Gun got this extremely angry look on his face for a split second.  Searing down the thread until it cut off. “Not him, either. That magister made sure everything was on the up and up.  Surprised at that.” I could see him forcibly relax himself.

“Can’t pervert the craft.  Or caring about Dorian. Could be both.”

“Get your butt to bed.  You look exhausted.”

“I don’t feel tired.  Not really.”

“Do it anyway.”  He leaned his head back and closed his eyes with a slight smile.  Guess the conversation was over. And the shit knows he’s one of the few that can get away with that.

I did lay down, and was asleep almost before I closed my eyes.  I woke in the actual fade, instead of in my personal space, which was odd.  Usually I have to leave my space to get there. I slipped into my own dreaming, and Shyness was already waiting for me, cards in hand.  Valor and Contentment strolled up even as the table and chairs appeared. After the first hand, Shyness wandered off. It didn’t say why it was leaving.

Patience wandered in, and Valor produced the “notebook” I’d been working with before.  Patience continued the lessons in the strange written language. I remembered about half the alphabet, and it admonished me gently for not practicing my letters.  I could form them in the air from memory, but not with my hand, if that makes sense. Guess I’ll have to practice in the meat world.

They won’t teach me more than the sound/feel/look of the letters until I master them.  Something about how putting the letters in sequence creates feelings, and can disrupt the process of learning.  I don’t quite get it. An alphabet’s an alphabet, even depicting feelings and concepts attached, right?

I mean, it works for the Chinese.  I think. I only have one word of Chinese.  Hello. Ni hau. And I have no clue about the writing except that it is somewhat pictographic, and has thousands of characters.  I’ve been exposed to fifty or so in this language’s writing, and they’re not done yet.

At the end of that cycle, Contentment ran its hand over my hair, narrowing its eyes.  “What?” It just patted me on the shoulder, telling me it would be looked into. “What’s being looked into?”  It didn’t answer as it meandered off. The others bid rapid farewells, also not answering any questions.

Anyway, they left me alone the next cycle or two, and I did basically not a damn thing except roll with whatever my fallow mind created.  Oddness and bits of memory, constructs of the mind to process the waking reality. Music and light, just enjoying. I didn’t really expect to see anyone else. I was mistaken.

A hand stroked my thread.  I must have passed a while in personal dreams.  I beckoned him in, and he strode quickly to me. His grim face was surprising.  “Solas?” His fingers ghosted over my cheeks, my nose. “What’s wrong, mor’ishan?”

He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me to him in a secure hug, burying his face in my hair.  “You smell enchanting, da’asha. Did they harm you?”

“Define they.”

He pulled his head back, glowering.  “Contentment asked me to check you over, just in case they’d hurt you.  Just in case who hurt you?”

“I’m fine.”

“You cannot avoid the question forever.”

“Of course I can.”

“Emily Lynne, what has Contentment upset?”  Trying to get me to talk by using my name? It almost worked.  It also get my hackles up a bit.

I had a slightly annoyed tone when I responded.  “Why would I know this?”

He made a frustrated noise, then took a deep breath.  Bent his head, kissed my lips. “How was your day, ma’lath?”

“Busy, scary, and weird.”

“Oh?”

I took pity on him.  “I was harrowed today.  Stupid rite with even stupider rules that doesn’t prove anything.”  He’d gotten more and more tense as I spoke.

He didn’t say anything for a long time, and a moment later that orange magic flowed through me.  He leaned down to rub his cheek on mine. Still hadn’t set me down. “Describe this rite.” His voice was demanding, for all the gentleness of his hold.

“Excuse me?”

He cleared his throat, and moderated his tone, but his brow knit strangely.  The sensation from him was too fleeting to be sure of. Mild confusion or maybe chasing a stray thought?  Flavored with frustration of some kind. He let my toes touch the ground, but didn’t let go. “What does this harrowing consist of?”

I gave him a lingering kiss before I answered.  Probably should not have done that. “A delineated fade space with predetermined occupants following a set script.  And the means to drop one in it, I suppose.”

“What means, ma’asha?”  He licked up my ear.

“Solas!”  He hummed against my neck, murmuring his question again.  “Stop it.”

“Very well.”  He pulled back.  “Tell me.”

“Fiona is upset I drained the font, somehow.  They had me put my hand in some sort of lyrium solution, and I woke in the specific fade space designed.”

He sucked at my neck, sending chills down my spine.  A reward for answering? “Just one hand?” I didn’t respond. He rubbed his nose against mine. “Something you must hide and defend?”

“Not that I am aware of.”

He finally noticed my grumpy, and pulled back a little.  “May I shape your space?”

“I’d rather you-” He kept his eyes on mine, but stroked my ear with his fingers.  “Solas. I’d rather you didn’t.” He removed his fingers.

“I worry, ma’lath.  Assuage my concerns?”

I created a large plush beanbag type chair, and we settled on it.  “I’m fine.”

“They did not harm you.  You are certain.” His hand ghosted up my throat, thumb rubbing my jaw.  “How big was this font?”

I got a little angry.  “Knock it off, Solas! There was nothing in the Harrowing that hurt me at all.  I’m fine, it’s over, and you’re pissing me off!” I wasn’t expecting the response I got.

He sucked in a breath as he watched my face. Other parts of him were suddenly very happy to see me.  He leaned down and smiled against my cheek, inhaling deeply. “So I see. Indeed, I see. Consider the subject dropped.”

The turnabout struck me oddly.  “Solas?”

“Walk with me.  I won’t take you far, and will keep us to the safer paths.”  A coaxing tone I’d not heard before, and his fingers made little circles against my hip.  “Please. I will not seek further answers.” I was curious enough about the turnaround to agree.

That’s where the evening got strange.  We did walk paths, amid spirits who ignored our presence completely.  Glittering starlight underfoot, the black city in the distance. Winds and seas and floating colors.  Doorways that were and weren’t, places that once existed. Solid stone walkways and floating trees of lavender green.  He led me through them to mosaic floors. We danced forgotten dances in scented mists to music long lost, wisps swaying at the edges.  No lessons, no questions, just tidbits offered, and wonders shared.

I could feel the pull of morning as he led me “home”.  He left me at the “door” to my space, a sweet kiss on the inside of my wrist.  It was followed by a marauder’s throat-swabbing assault on my senses, until I was clinging to him, aching.  He released me, setting me gently on my feet. A half-bow, a half-smile, and he strode off, nearly swaggering again.  This will sound crazy, considering we share a bed on the regular, but it felt like a date. Almost like a first date.

I woke to Irusana running from one side of the room to the other.  Full speed. Clackety clackety because of course she avoided all the rugs.  Briri was muttering under her breath, but spoke sweetly when she gave instructions to someone.  I got up to find out what was going on and found Ewan carefully setting a covered tray down.

The boy bowed to me as soon as he was unladen.  “Good morning, Ewan. Good morning, Briri.” Gunther was missing from the couch.

Ewan’s sweet voice responded happily.  He was delighted to see me. He’s been so busy with lessons, Eadras and Zatlan, that we haven’t had much time to chat.  He’s settling in, his family loves the room they have. Only two other families! That made me blink, because he mentioned children I wasn’t aware of.  I have to talk to Eadras.

The morning managed to be pretty good.  I learned that people usually stay in one spot the whole winter.  Not like sitting in one place, but the details of “wintering over”.  I had that concept for mobile bands of people, like mercenary groups or Dalish or Avvar, but nobles are petitioning Josie to pass the winter here.  LOTS of nobles. And she’s asking me.

Sorgan was shockingly knowledgeable about these nobles.  “I’ve had to deal with their documentation most of my life,” he responded when I asked him how.  Not lying, but not precisely telling the truth.

“So when did you learn to so competently use a sword?”

“In my misspent youth, my lady.”  Again, not lying.

I threw a lure out.  “Try not to get blood on my nice white walls.”

He deliberately followed it.  “I was told.” He smiled, almost cocky.  “I will clean up any blood I spill.” A short bow, and he returned to the papers.  Well well. Looks like Zevran took me seriously.

Halton stayed silent through the whole exchange, but watched closely.  I brushed a hand over his shoulder, and he relaxed a bit. Didn’t even tense when I asked him why he had a crossbow near to hand.  “Because they,” and he waved a hand toward the kids and the teenagers in the pillow palace, “are in no condition to deal with hostile visitors.”  Well, that’s a good reason, actually, so I let it drop.

In any case, I approved three more noble families.  Two from Orlais, and one from Antiva. No small children, because it’s way too cold to drag kids up the mountain.  Twenty three people total. I think the Antivan family may be related to Josie. I remember the name Lord Nadovino from somewhere.

Maybe on a single woman, also Orlesian.  Need more information on her, like why she wants to come when she has wealth and a winter apartment in Halamshiral palace.  You’d think she’d want to try to catch the new emperor’s attention.

I spoke to Eadras about getting the rest of any elven children into school.  “Eadras, every single one of mine needs to be able to read, write, figure. Basics in geography and science.  We need that.”

“It will be done.”  Grrr.

“And what happened to the classes for the grownups who couldn’t read?  Are they still going on?”

He looked uncomfortable at that.  “People sort of stopped coming. The tavern is more interesting.”

“Then hold the lessons in the tavern, or have someone do so.  Heck, ask Maryden to sing the teaching songs randomly throughout the evening.  We can’t drop this. If they can’t read, they can be fooled, bound by contract and an X, to things they don’t understand.”

“Can I speak to you in private?”  He was watching my teens hanging around the pillows.

“Of course.”  I let him into my rooms and shut the door behind us.

“You really need a private audience chamber of some kind.”

Absolutely Not.  “This will do. What did you need?”

“They don’t ask elves to sign contracts.  That’s not something they do.”

I took a deep breath, because that can mean so many things, most of them bad.  I reached up on tiptoe and kissed Eadras’ cheek. “Don’t worry, hahren.” I smiled at him, and he tensed.  “They will. Oh, they will. One way, or another. Get it in writing, always in writing, signed and sealed, because while they argue words in the air, they can’t argue ink on paper.”

“Some think contracts with elves aren’t valid.”

“Some will have issues, then.  But I will look into that, as well.”  Note to self. Ask Fort about binding contracts.  It’d be the one to know.

It was nearly dinner time when I visited the baths.  Isa was distracted, turning colors, shifting in her seat.  I put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?” I didn’t mean to startle her.

“Of course, my lady.”  She tried to smile, leaning and rocking.  “My back hurts is all.”

“Your back?”

She rubbed her belly.  “I halfway think this one is kicking my backbone.”

“Cramping, tight then it gets better, but a couple times an hour?”

“Yes.  It’s been going on since lunch.”  She rubbed at the small of her back.

“Did you think you might be in labor?”

She stopped rubbing, confused.  “My belly doesn’t hurt. It’s not waves over my stomach.  It’s just my back. And aching below, because she’s pressing down.”

Oh dear.  “Isa, would you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Perhaps you might consider walking a bit to ease your back.  Get Feren to walk with you, in case your back starts cramping too badly and you need support.”

“A walk might help.”  She took a deep breath and I helped her stand.  Baby had definitely settled in the cradle if she could take that kind of breath.

“Leaning over onto a table and rocking your hips side to side could help, as well.  I’ll ask the midwife about your back, okay?” I figured she was in the very early stages of labor.  I’d had awful back labor with my girl, and hadn’t had the usual belly tightening sensation until the contractions were less than a few minutes apart.

I informed the midwife, a sweet looking older elf, that Isa might be just beginning labor.  “And just how might you know that, child?” I blinked. I haven’t been called child in a long time.  Da’len from Eadras doesn’t count. She didn’t intend any disrespect. She’s just that sort of mommy type person.

“I don’t.  But she’s uncomfortable and acting like she might be.  I think she’s having back labor, with contractions a couple times an hour.  Nothing serious and nothing urgent.”

The midwife’s whole face smiled, and her thread was happy happy.  This is a woman who loves what she does. “She did just finish restuffing her pillows and rearranging the rugs.  I’ll gather my things and be ready when the time comes. It will be hours yet before she’s ready for me.”

“I have traditions regarding childbirth, and Isa has agreed to them.  Water and soap at the door, and any who won’t wash with water or spirits, I’ll bathe in fire.  Babies should come home to clean.”

“I agree.  No one will touch the bairn or the mother without washing.”  I will have to remember to spend time with this woman. She has unsaid opinions about washing, and they seem to coincide with mine.  We shared a smile, and she went back to what she was doing.

Anyway, it’s not my baby.  So I was good, and went on to dinner instead of hovering over pregnant ladies being annoying.  Noble lady who nearly spilled on her dress a few days ago was “disgusted” by the fact we’re having stew again.  When her husband echoed the sentiment, mentioning loudly that he’d much prefer fresh meat, I stepped in.

“Lovely!  It’s so kind of you to hunt for the table!  I look forward to seeing what you bring in tomorrow.  It’s been so hard with my brother gone to get fresh game.”  I kept a smile in my voice and gratitude on my face.

Poor Josie.  She was only take back a moment, and began encouraging the other gentlemen to participate in the “afternoon hunt” tomorrow.  And some of the ladies, too. Fifteen fewer hoity toities tomorrow afternoon will be a break for my girls. They’re the ones currently dealing with a lot of the bullshit.  Josie even came up with some sort of prize for the best hunter. She knows what she’s doing.

After dinner, as I was about to head downstairs, she got even.  “Chrysopal, you will need to select a mount for the hunt tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“As the Lady of Skyhold, it falls to you to lead the hunt.  At least, you must ride with them. I’m quite sure the others will be willing to do the actual hunting.  Your particular squeamishness about taking a life has already been noted.”

I sighed.  “Protocols.  I stepped in it again, didn’t I.”

“Of course not.  They will need to know where you allow them to hunt, what game.  This is best done while you are in the party.”

“It’s going to be ptarmigans and nugs, isn’t it.  Anything else is too far away for an afternoon jaunt.”

“Remember to bundle up, Chrysopal.  You have to set an example, after all.  And please remember that magic is scary.”  Lady is frikkin’ scary when she’s cheerful like that.

“Is not.  Swords. Sharp pointy things.  Now those are scary.” She just smiled.  Fine. She wins. Looks like tomorrow I’m going hunting.  Joy of joys. And no, I was not muttering all the way down the stairs.  Just most of the way.

Songtime went smoothly.  Isa’s still restless, but she’s going to try to sleep.  I’m wondering now if I checked on her because I knew somehow.  I don’t check on people in person that often on random days.

Lydia’s back.  She’d stayed away yesterday and the day before.  I sent her some horn balm this morning, so she’d know I wasn’t mad at her.  Bull’s going to be pleased when he gets back, I hope, because I had it brought in for him.  He won’t miss a pot he never got.

Michael is not back.  I haven’t actually seen him since I hurt him, except at the Harrowing.  He still feels strong, and there’s no change I can feel in the connection.  He feels torn over something. Nothing I can really assist, so I left him alone.

Actually, all my threads feel better.  I put them in the guides, and they’re not pulling at me like they used to.  I hadn’t really noticed it before now, but I usually have to tighten my shields every day, but I’ve gone two without.  Even those further away still feel okay.

I ran my “fingers” over them, as I do.  I paused at one. He didn’t feel busy, or intently concentrating, or anything.  He was probably lounging around a camp somewhere. He wasn’t in battle, or I’d feel nothing at all.

So I’m a little shit.  I don’t know what he was doing, but when I let my magic trace along his thread to stroke the shape at the end, I could feel the shock/surprise.  A responding caress skated over my skin. I’m going to pay for that later, I’d bet.

Darling, the little snot, started giggling next to me.  Strange honky-wheezy noises, but I knew it for the laughter it was.  “I know, Darling. But it was fun.”

The midwife promised to come get me when it was time.  Apparently I do need to be there if at all possible, because I’m the fallback parent.  I “stand for” the child. So I’m not going to study tonight. I’m going to play with my kitty, snuff the candles, and get some rest.  After all, I have to go hunting tomorrow. Oh, Goody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. 17 of the Explicit Side has the fade date. Not explicit, mostly fluff.


	191. Day 15, 15 Harvestmere, 9:41  Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes learning something hurts
> 
> The first part of Harvestmere 15, 9:41.
> 
> Part 2 coming later.

**Day 15, 15 Harvestmere, 9:41  Part 1  
**

Sleep claimed me easily.  The fade was kind, and the wisps and I played in wild forests.  Tree roots created stairs up hills, and boughs canopied against the rain.  It occured to me to wonder if the trees had been encouraged to grow that way.  The roots were regular, low branches made seating, vines and moss made curtains.  I got lost in fall leaves, and woke too soon to a pounding on the door.

I was groggy.  There was no one on my couch, and the bolt done.  I didn’t remember doing that. Probably reflex. I’ve done it before with the locks at home on earth, locking them and setting the alarm on autopilot.  Anyway, I barriered and unbolted the thing. A teenage boy dressed as a messenger was standing there, holding a candle.

His eyes widened when he saw me, then dropped to the floor before coming back up.  “My lady, they’re calling for you.”

“Who is calling?”

“The women.”

“Thank you.  Give the clothing back to the person it belongs to and see Leorah for your own, if you have need.  I’ll want to see your placement request. Soon.”

He swallowed, poor boy, and dropped his eyes to the floor.  “Yes, my lady. I’m sorry my lady.” There was only chagrin and worry about being accepted over his rapidly firming thread.

As he turned to lead away, he paused.  “It’s okay, youngling. There’s no harm in your intent.  Just make sure you check in properly.”

A tinge of fear crossed his thread, and it shook as much as his hand.  “How’d you…”

“The clothes don’t fit you.”  I looked at him. “It wasn’t magic.”  He relaxed. “If you have a fear of magic and mages, you could be in the wrong place.”

That firmed his spine unexpectedly, and I heard the man he would become when he responded.  “No.” He faltered. “If that’s okay?”

I met his eyes a long moment, waiting to see if he’d squirm.  He didn’t. “Before you see Leorah, seek out Eadras. Tell him I said you were mine, and need a bed.”  It would give Ewan a break to have messengers of my own, if that is what this young man wanted.

“Yes, my lady.”

“It’s Chrissy.  Got it?”

“Yes, Chrissy.”

He turned away, and I heard a snicker from the pillows.  A pair of elven eyes gleamed from one of my teens. I just smiled at him and put my finger to my lips as I followed my new messenger.  I heard a quiet “told you she was bangadoodle” from behind me. Grrr. I should never have introduced Thedas to that thrice-damned song.

He led me to the proper door, and left me with a slight bow.  I knocked and waited. It took barely any time before the door opened and I was ushered in by Mika.  The door was closed firmly behind me as I heard the low moan from another room.

“How’s she doing?”

“The midwife says it is going well. A fast labor.”

“Mika.  How is Isa doing?”

“I don’t know.  My mother died giving birth to me.  I don’t know if this is what is supposed to happen.  She moans and cries. Kenna says there is pain, punishment from the Maker for turning from him, and women must endure without screaming so as not to offend him further.”

Another stifled moan was heard.  “Seriously? Bollocks.” She didn’t expect that.  “Why didn’t you tell me Kenna said these things?” I had confused her.  I took a deep breath. “It’s okay. I’ll have a chat with you later.” She nodded.  “Be calm, Mika. Pain happens, and it is what we do with it that matters. Now where is the place to wash?”

She pointed to a table I’d not paid attention to.  I used the soap liberally and went toward Isa and Feren’s room with wet arms, shaking the excess water off.  As I entered, I assessed what was going on. The midwife was finger-knitting, but obviously keeping a close eye on things.  Other women were sitting or standing about, waiting to be helpful. They went in and out, washing every time, as the night progressed.

Isa was standing, swaying back and forth.  Her eyes opened and she smiled at me. She was sweaty, her hair pulled back, but she was happy.  Well, as happy as a woman in labor can be, I suppose. “Hello Isa. You wanted me, and I am here.”  She held out her arms and I hugged her.

Honestly, labor-sitting is pretty boring.  I filled Isa’s cup with ice-chips, because I am uniquely qualified to do so.  She loved them. She was eating or drinking little bites, but it was very warm, and the ice helped.  There was low conversation, and it was obvious that things were progressing. I don’t know how long, but it was still early in the night when her movements changed.  I immediately checked her and the baby’s thread. Baby was scared, and Isa was tired and scared.

It was beautiful, really.  I’ve never attended someone else’s birth before.  Somehow I ended up being one of the ones she was leaning on as she sort of half-squatted and rocked at the same time.  Ass in the air, because that was what was comfortable, as we helped support her shoulders. There was a birthing stool with plenty of padding below, but she was hovered over it more than sitting on it.

As the midwife did something down below, Isa grabbed my hand hard.  “Is she okay?” The words were whispered so low I barely heard her.

“Your baby is experiencing something new, and scared, but the little one is fine right now.”  I kept my voice low and calm. Isa was fine, baby was fine, but the midwife felt upset. Extremely tense. I looked down at her, and she was paying close attention to Isa’s bottom side.  I passed my spot to Gara, and went to find out why the midwife was concerned.

I’d seen pictures of it.  The amniotic sac was bulging from Isa, water unbroken.  That didn’t explain the unhappiness from the midwife. It wouldn’t be prudent to talk to her about concerns in the moment, so I let it go.  Instead, I sent encouragement over the little guy’s thread, and Isa’s, and called softly to him.  Back to supporting Isa, holding her hand and wiping her face and neck with a cool cloth.

I kept up the encouragement to him and to her.  Nonsense words and platitudes and such, really.  Hush, it’s okay, relax, come out where you are loved, everything will be fine, women do this everyday.  Soothed their fears a little. The others also started including him as well, telling him he was safe.  I’d never considered that childbirth would be scary for the baby, but I probably should have.  They’ve never known anything else, and suddenly squish and change and so on. I had expected the midwife to do such, but she was so very quiet.  She had been praising and encouraging Isa, but that seemed to have stopped.

With another push, the water popped, and Kenna started praising again, less tense.  I didn’t think about it much in the moment, honestly, but I should have. The fluid was a clear-ish yellow-ish color, which was much better than the meconium green my daughter had.  It couldn’t have been more than two or three more pushes before the head was all the way out. Another two got the shoulders, and the little boy slid into the padding.

It was strange.  He was so scared and cold, and time seemed to move so slow.  He still had part of the amniotic sack over his face. He opened his mouth to take a breath, and the membrane was in the way.  But the words I was hearing made no sense to me. “I’m sorry, Isa. His face is covered. I’m so sorry.” The midwife hadn’t touched him after guiding him down, removing her hands from his little body.

Isa wailed, and the other women huddled with her, crying and holding her.  Luthias was on the padding, panicking, and I certainly don’t blame him. I’d told him he’d be safe and cared for.  I was too confused to move for too long. Then Kenna reached down, with tears in her eyes, and put her god damned hand over Luthias’ face, holding firmly.  I was already on edge after the last couple days, and reacted.

“Get your hand off him!”  I shoved her away, sending her sprawling.  Gara went from supporting a grieving Isa into fight mode.  There was a scuffle, but I didn’t register it. I grabbed the little boy from the floor and carefully pulled the membrane from his face, unwrapping it from his little ears.  “Breath, baby. We’re here. You’re safe. No one will hurt you.” I wrapped him in warmth and content, holding him safe. And he took a deep breath, a loud wail sounding.

Isa was crying, the women were crying, but all other sound stopped at that blessed cry.  With one arm, I pulled Isa to sit on the birthing stool. I basically had to shove the boy into her arms, she was so distraught.  As soon as she held him, her demeanor changed. She looked down at the newborn, and I saw the moment their eyes met. She stilled tears still on her cheeks and in her eyes.  She traced his little ear, his tiny nose, murmuring that he was so beautiful. Strong, just like his father.  Sighs and coos, and counting fingers and toes. It was a few minutes, and then she was putting him at the breast with plenty of advice.

This triggered more contractions, I think.  For the afterbirth. She moaned in pain as her belly cramped, but never stopped looking at her baby boy.  I looked up for the midwife, because I don’t know what the hell to do about this stuff, and Gara had her well-controlled, with a knife against her ribs and an arm around her throat.  I could feel Kenna. She was scared of me, of Gara. And shocked. Her emotions were all over the place. Her eyes were locked on the baby. “He lives.” There was confusion lacing her everything.  “But how?”

The other women were taking over, handling the afterbirth part, giving advice.  There were a few glances my direction, but I could tell they were deliberately keeping Isa unaware of what was going on.  I don’t think they knew what was going on. I certainly didn't, but they were trusting me.

I cocked my head at Gara, and she helpfully dragged Kenna out of the room after me.  We moved to another room, and I shut the door firmly. Gara hadn’t moved the blade from her captive’s side, and the arm on the throat had tightened enough that Kenna could no longer speak.

“You have about two seconds to explain to me why you were killing my godson.”  Her eyes grew wide, and she clawed at Gara’s arm, but Gara didn’t let up on her throat.  I glanced at Gara, and she was cold angry. Ice cold angry. I hadn’t felt it through my own anger.  “Let her speak.”

Words burst from Kenna’s mouth.  “I would never!”

“Bullshit!  You were holding his face, stopping him from breathing!”

There was confusion and fear from the woman.  “I don’t understand! Babies born like that die!  I was helping him, so he wouldn’t suffer!”

“Babies…”  Holy shit. They don’t remove the amniotic sacs from babyfaces.  “Why did you not just remove the membrane? As I did?”

“The Chantry says-”

Oh, hell no.  “Fuck the Chantry.”  She gasped. I almost apologized, but didn’t.  I glanced up at Gara again. “Do you understand this?”

Gara growled her words.  “Keepers are veiled at birth.”  It took a long moment for that to sink in.  Keepers were born in the caul. MAGES were born in the caul.  Even on earth, it’s called a veiled birth. And we have our own legends about magic and cauls.

“Put the blade away, Gara.”  She didn’t want to. “If we don’t get satisfactory answers, you can have her.”  The dagger left Kenna’s side, but not before a reddish stain started to spread. It was a small injury, and the blood didn’t spread very far.  I thought a moment about poison, but it was too late, if there was. Gara didn’t let go, and Kenna didn’t struggle.

I returned my attention to the midwife.  “You were born in an alienage?” She nodded, scared to pieces.  “You are Andrastian, and were trained by?”

“A Chantry sister.  A midwife.”

“A human midwife.”

“I was chosen after the last alienage midwife died.”

“How many children have you killed.”

“I… I haven’t!”

“HOW MANY?  How many frail little lives have you placed your hand on, pushing until they turn blue?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t know! It’s-”

“Too many.  It’s obviously too many.”

“They’re cursed, tormented!  It’s a mercy.”

“It is another way the Chantry hunts our children.”  Lightning flashed in the room, and thunder sounded. I took a deep breath, getting myself under control, as she flinched back from me.  Shaking. I felt along the baby’s thread. Soothed, he was, and sated. Drowsing and safe. “They used your hands.”

There was a knock against the door.  I went over, and opened it a hands width.  Mika’s face was in the gap. Worried and scared.  I watched her for several heartbeats, and caved. I moved back so she could enter.  “What is happening? We heard thunder.”

“Yes.  I am evaluating the midwife’s training.  Obviously something I should have done before today.  I will not allow you to face what Isa just faced.”

“Childbirth?”

“No.  The birth was fine.  Have a seat, and hush, please.”  She did, and I turned back to Kenna.  “You were trained by an Andrastian midwife.  Did she tell you it was a kindness to do as you tried to do?”

“Yes, my lady.”

“Gara, you have opinions on this.  What do you suggest? Retraining? She was not being deliberately evil, just an unknowing tool.  And we don’t have another midwife right now.”

Gara was still in that cold rage.  “I will watch her. And when she can be replaced, you will decide, Ethelathun.  This will not happen again.”

I felt for Kenna.  She was still mine, but less than she was.  Probably out of fear. “You have a chance, Kenna.  Your life relies on unlearning. And if my godson is damaged, your life is forfeit.  Do you understand?”

“Yes, by the Maker, please don’t hurt me.”

Gara let her go with a shove, and the woman ended up on her knees at my feet.  “Tend to Isa, and say nothing of what you tried to do. You had better pray to your Maker that they both recover fully from this.”

As she rose, still scared, I said one more thing.  “I will usually forgive anything once, Kenna. This, this came close to breaking that maxim.  You breathe because he breathes. You are still mine only because you did not know the use your Chantry masters put you to.  Get your side tended when you are done with Isa. Eadras will have potion you can use.”

Mika was still sitting there.  Eyes wide. Gara followed Kenna out the door, still ready to do whatever needed doing.  I watched the door close. Behind me, I heard “what just happened?”

“I learned something about the Chantry that makes me ill.”

“You’re shaking, Chrissy.  And glowing again.”

“My emotions are not under control.  Not yet.”

“Are you going to tell me what has you so upset?”

“I’m not, Mika.  It’s not a good story, and I don’t want it known by anyone who doesn’t already know.”

“I know how to keep a secret.”

“I’m sure you do.  But this is not a secret.  It’s a way of life for the Chantry that offends my very soul.  I’ll be in to check on Isa when I’m calm.” I left, heading towards the walls.  I needed to walk, to breathe.

Elias stepped next to me, startling me.  “You’re covered in something nasty.”

“Why thank you.  Such kind words.”

“You’re welcome.”  He put his hand on my arm and stopped me from walking.  “Baths. Why don’t you go to the baths? I’ll have someone get you fresh clothes, and make sure you are undisturbed.”

“I don’t know…”

There must have been something in my tone, because he came out with a curse.  “Chrissy? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.  I’m not hurt.  No one’s hurt.”

I lifted my foot to take a step, and he hauled me back, pulling me into his arms.  And damn it, I burst into tears, turning into one of those weepy watery women. I hate it when I do that.  And of course, Eadras showed up, and Gunny, and Andrew. All male people, and that didn’t help, either.

Gunny won whatever conversation they didn’t actually have, because I was removed from Elias.  Gun picked me up and took me to the bathhouse. Got right in the water with me, too, both in our clothes.  He didn’t ask any questions, and I didn’t talk to him about it.

It was after Briri came in with fresh clothing and towels and stuff that they asked if Isa was okay, and she was.  The baby is just fine. Gunther left me in Briri’s capable hands. “What happened, miss?”

“Don’t worry about it.  I’ll tell him when I’m ready.”

“That’s not why I was asking.”

“Doesn’t matter.  Your ears are his ears.”  Her hands stilled on the towel over my hair.  “It’s okay. You can’t help it.”

“My ears are my own.”

That gave me pause.  “It can’t get to him.  I’ll tell him myself if it becomes relevant.”  She didn’t say anything, just returned to rubbing.  “The Chantry indulges in infanticide.”

“I’m not surprised, my lady.  The humans-”

“They used the hands of elves.”

“By the dread wolf!”

“Not him.  He wouldn’t countenance that.  I can’t see him slaughtering children, though he may need to be reminded of that in the future.”

“Miss?”

“Nevermind.  Now you know.  And we shall see, shan’t we.”

I was bundled back to bed, and Gunny was waiting for me.  I guess I wasn’t going for a walk after all. Gunny did something unusual.  He climbed into bed with me. The man who doesn’t like company when he sleeps.  “I like your Maker, and your Andraste, but I hate your Chantry, Gunny.”

“I know, little bit. I know. It’ll pass. The Chantry isn’t so bad.”

“Not for a human.”

“Hush and sleep.  You have shit to do later.”


	192. Day 15, 15 Harvestmere, 9:41 Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby time, planning, and hunts. Morrigan and chess. Ears and favors. Oddness with Darling. Alora comes home. A very, very long day.

**Day 15, 15 Harvestmere, 9:41, continued**

I didn’t exactly sleep, but I did lay there.  Gunny let me up when the knocker-up came around.  I didn’t feel any better, but I was calm again, ish, and I suppose that’s all they needed.

I should have expected Darling to be waiting for me.  There were so many things I wanted that morning. He’d been laying next to the door, and I picked him up when he stretched toward me.  His little nuglet hand reached for my face, and then retreated. Good thing, because I think it would have pissed me off again. My fuse has been annoyingly short all day.  I’m surprised I kept my temper.

He and I went to see the new baby.  The pregnant household maid, I can’t remember her name, opened when I knocked.  Her eyes grew wide to see me, and she pulled back with a deep curtsy. Which was weird, because they mostly stopped that.  I just kind of smiled at her and moved to the wash table.

Isa’s room was restored, and she was in clean clothes on the bed.  Dozing, I think. She woke and lit up when she saw me. “Come meet him, my lady.”

She held him up to me, offering him, and who am I to refuse to hold a baby?  So, I set Darling on the bed, taking the little guy into my arms as I sat. Darling crawled into my lap.  I couldn’t help running my fingers over the baby’s cheeks, tracing the little ears. There were ribbons of Ethelathe blue tied around each of his wrists and ankles.  He was asleep still, so I couldn’t see his eyes.

“Why the ribbons?”

“To ward off demons.  The Chantry says to use red, but…”  She glanced at Gara, who was dozing in a chair.  “We thought this might be better.” I admit, I looked at Darling, who twisted his mouth in that “yeah, right” expression he has.  Definitely not effective, either way. Red ribbon at the bottom of the cradle was something I’d done myself. I guess this is the same sort of thing.  “Do you mind?”

“Of course not.  If anyone operating under Ethelathe colors fails to defend a youngling wearing them, they’ll answer to me.”

Darling was nuzzling at the little guy.  Much like a cat, he pushed himself up between me and the bub and laid his head on the baby’s chest.  I was a touch concerned for a moment, but a content sound came from them both. Darling must have felt my worry, because he looked back up at me.

I picked up a lock of his hair, holding it between my fingers.  “That goes for you, too.” He nodded slightly, and returned his head to the baby.  I guess it makes sense. Desire demons seem to want to give people what they desire, allay that nagging want.  Babies have very simple desires, and are easier to soothe. I’m going to have to think hard about that one.

No one mentioned the birth, or the events afterward.  Kenna wasn’t about. We talked about babies, and for the first time I felt comfortable talking about my daughter.  Little stories of her first few days.

Gunny cleared his throat, calling from the door.  He hadn’t set foot in Isa’s room, and had his back turned to us.  “The time of waiting is almost over. Bet there’s a very anxious young man pacing the forge right now, Chrissy.”

I don’t know what he meant, but I acknowledged him and turned back to the new mommy.  “What are you naming him, Isa?”

“Luthias.  Feren chose it.  He will be pleased at a son.”

“Are there any rituals you wish to follow?  I would like to present Luthias to Ethelathe as our newest member, if you wouldn’t mind.”

She hesitated, and I just waited.  “I want him presented to the Chantry.”  She said it all in a rush, expecting censure.

I didn’t give her any.  “Of course. When will that happen?”

“I… don’t know.  As soon as one complete Chant of Light has passed in the Grand Cathedral.”

I was confused, but rescued again by Gunny.  “They sing the Chant, over and over, unceasing.  When the child has lived long enough to hear the entire chant one time, beginning to end, you bring him to the Reverend Mothers for the blessing.”

“But the Naming.  Is that private, or…”  I trailed off. The women looked confused.  “So there is no naming ceremony? Would you mind if I announced his name?”

Isa was excited for me to do so.  Loud enough she woke Gara, too, who immediately jerked into a ready position, daggers out.  She looked around the room, sliding her daggers away as she relaxed.

“Alright.  I’ll do it at Songtime tonight, if that’s okay?” She nodded. “Then I’ll go get Feren and ease his mind.”  I handed little Luthias back to his mom. “Gara, you need to rest.” She stiffened. I firmed my voice. I wasn’t asking.

“Gara.  You are a credit, but it is time to take a break.”  She felt like she was under a lot of emotional stress, but I couldn’t find a clear source.  “You pull at me. Please take a half-day to rest. Is there someone you’d recommend to stay while you do so?”

“I’ll send someone in.”  She wasn’t happy I was sending her off, but she was very tired.  More than staying up all night would do, if she was sleeping hard enough she didn’t hear me come in.

“Sounds good.”  I kissed Isa’s cheek and Luthias’ forehead, and Gunny took me out to the forge.

Feren, the rest of the forge uncles, Gethon, Josren, Andrew, and many others were in the forge building.  Drinking and occasionally pacing, from what I could tell. “Good Morning.”

Everything stopped.  People stood, and anxious faces turned to me.  “The birth went well. Isa has a son.” There was a collective sigh of relief.  “You should go see them, Feren.” He started heading for the door, backslapping, congratulations, and general ribbing following him.

The other guys filtered out over a fairly short time as well, to spread the news.  And probably to sleep. Gethon put his arm across my shoulder as I stepped out, and froze.  He very carefully removed his arm, but kept pace with me. “Chrissy, may I suggest a ride?” His tone was cautious.

The careful twanged at one of my last nerves.  “Some reason you think I need to go for a ride?”

He swallowed.  “Perhaps to calm down?”

“Are you Andrastian, Gethon?”

He glanced at Gunny.  “That’s not a good question to ask when I’m standing next to a Templar.”

“I see.”  I sighed. “I have to ride this afternoon.  Some sort of hunt. You and Elias can join us.”  I paused. “As long as he’s not guarding my godson.  Then I suppose it’ll have to be someone else. Good enough?”  He nodded, still wary.

I did a quick tour.  All the women were busy.  I’m starting to realize I’m nearly devoid of female interaction.  I put women in charge on nearly every level, and that means I’m left with no regular female companions except Gara.  I have fewer men in Ethelathe, but somehow I end up surrounded by testosterone.

Anyway, that’s neither here nor there.  I had shit to do. Paperwork is always present, and they sent down plans for Satinalia.  In any case, there will be feasting. Guess we’ll have to look for something pretty big this afternoon.  I’m also going to fill the halls with greenery, and have myself a Yule log. It can go in Varric’s fireplace space.

After a few hours of figures and a decent start on the first draft of a constitution-style document, I wended my way out to the garden looking for Mother Giselle.  I smiled at those who were mine as I went. She wasn’t about, which was frustrating, but Morrigan was examining the chess table set up in the gazebo. I’d barely gotten into the courtyard when she called my name.  “Chrysopal. Do you play?”

“Sometimes.  I tend to queen lead and be protective of my pawns.  Strategy isn’t one of my strengths.”

“You can tell much about a person from the way they play.  Do you only speak of weaknesses?”

“I queen lead, and am protective of my pawns.  Some might consider that a strength.”

“Protecting pawns as a strength?”

“Pawns are important pieces, especially when they are in groups.  And in some variations, if you get a pawn to the other side of the board, it becomes a queen.  They tend to be underestimated.”

“So they do.  Queens and pawns alike, for one cannot tell the difference by appearance, it seems.  Did you come here to speak to me?”

“Not really.  I was kind of looking for Mother Giselle.  I thought she’d be in the garden. I remember her being in the garden.”

“She is doing whatever it is that Chantry Mothers do.” Her tone was dismissive.

“You are not Andrastian.”

“Whyever would I be?”

“No reason, I guess.”  Interactions with Morrigan are likely best kept brief when I’m growly.  “Have a nice day. Please say hello to your son for me.”

“Why?”

“I like him.”

She arched her brow.  “Oh?”

“If you don’t wish to pass on my hello, that is your prerogative.  Look, I’ve had a long day, and I’m not up to fighting weight. Can we just… not do this right now?”

She pursed her lips and went off in a new direction.  “I had heard a child was born. There are already rumors.”

I smiled.  “Luthias is such a pretty boy.  It’s nice to see the community growing.”  She just levelled a strange look at me. I think I missed something, but I have no clue what it was.

I skipped lunch.  Sue me. I was SO not in the mood.  I got found by my new messenger who got totally tongue-tied when I asked him his name.  Didn’t get it, because the boy just about sank into the floor in mortification. Teenagers.  Delivered the message that the hunting party was gathering soon. Turns out we have a person whose job it is to decide who hunts what and where, and he’ll be coming along to take point.  Thank goodness.

I changed into another outfit.  Briri had already pulled out the riding habit from Orlais, because it’s got split skirts.  She’s getting much better at figuring out what I want to wear before I do. She also bundled me up against cold I barely feel.  Because I’m an “example”. I hate it when they’re right.

Way too damn many people were gathering.  I’d thought fifteen, based on the voluntolds from last night.  Nope, more like double that. Plus. Each noble had a servant or two.  A small army to snag a few nugs and rams before the snow fell again. I’d also thought we’d all be mounted, but I don’t know how this all works.  There were only a dozen horses out and about, and Geth was bringing one my way as I came out the kitchen door.

“You didn’t choose, so I chose for you.”  I thanked him, and mounted up. Elias showed up, walking next to me.  Geth stayed as well. Both of them were coming with me.

Turns out the hunts are actually some kind of twisted contest for bravery and stuff.  The huntmaster divided the group into four smaller groups, first. Then, asking my permission, proceeded to give each group details on where to find game and what to hunt.  Ptarmigan, goat, something called a marmot, and any antlered deer with more than four points.

I had no clue what marmots or what deer points were.  Ser Griffin was kind enough to expound on the issue, to gruesome detail.  Points are actually points on the antlers, for one.

Marmots are some sort of big-ass gopher you have to wake up because it hibernates.  Totally not cool to wake up the poor thing just to kill it. And I can tell you way too much about how to properly remove the teeth and toes for “the alchemists”, because those parts are used to make an “Orlesian Snuff” that keeps you “ever watchful”.  Which doesn’t seem to mesh well with the hibernation thing, but what do I know. I refused the offer to try it.

Anyway, this human huntsman was interesting.  One of mine, though I’d never more than seen him around the barn with Geth and Jos before.  He laid out where everyone was supposed to go and looked at me for approval for every statement.  Waited for my nod before continuing. The nobles noticed, and were not overly pleased.

Strange hunting calls with horns were played and referenced.  They would broadcast a kill, and the squires and so on would come get it.  So the nobles don’t have to get their hands dirty. I admit, I tuned most of it out.  Not precisely interested, and my mind was busy planning legal systems and council requirements.

We only had something like three or four hours before dark, so off we went.  I didn’t converse much with the nobles, smiling and covering my face like the cold bothered me.  Some of the others were doing the same thing, so that was alright.

We kept pace with our group, staying a bit away.  The huntsman stayed with us. The two gentlemen grouped with us were good shots.  Over the course of an hour, they took down a ram and two rabbits with arrows. Each time, the horn calls went up, and their squires and attendants came rushing up to claim the kill.

When Ser Griffin commented that I had failed to even bring weapons, I just shrugged at him.  “I don’t use weapons. I’d be a danger to myself more than any other creature. Unless you count a staff.”

His eyes narrowed.  “What are you good for, if you can’t even hunt?”

“Estate management, good Ser.”  I smiled at him. “Planning and resource allocation.  I have few martial skills. I’ve never needed them.”

He snorted in disgust.  “Useless.” I’m not sure if the unspoken word at the end of that was woman, knife-ear, or both, but it was there.  He’d been rather nice until that moment, so I’m hoping it was woman.

The other guy, some Marquis or other, pulled up to him and leaned over, glancing at me.  I killed nothing, and had made it clear I would kill nothing. It didn’t sit well with them.  Mutterings just under what I could hear. Elias was more tense, and watched them a long while before relaxing again.

A bit later, one of the squires snuck round the scrub ahead, then came at it, yelling.  Hoping to scare the ptarmigan. It worked. Three birds came flying low, straight towards us.  One was flying in my general direction, several yards away. I gasped as pain exploded through my ear accompanied by a loud fluttery sound.

I fell from my horse, cupping my ear with my hand.  I’d thought the bird had somehow hit me, until I heard the laughter.  A smarmy french accent called out to me. “Better watch out. You shouldn’t get in the way of hunters,  _ my lady _ .”

Geth was pulling at my fingers.  I let go, and he hissed in anger.  My hand came away with blood, and my ear burned.  Something cloth was pressed to my hand. A handkerchief, which I immediately put to my ear.  “Oh dear, I hope I didn’t accidentally dock your ear. That would be unfortunate. My arrow, it went astray.”  No apology, and no remorse.

Elias actually growled, keeping himself between them and me.  I wasn’t thinking straight, or I’d have kept my mouth shut. “The famed Chevalier honor rears its head again.”

“Stupid little kn-”  He didn’t go any further, stopping himself before finishing the phrase.  Nearly turned purple with the effort, according to Geth.

His buddy, Ser Griffin, wasn’t quite as amused as he was.  “Where’s the glory in accidentally injuring an unarmed-” He didn’t get to finish his sentence.  The huntsman blew a complicated series, and the sound rang through my skull.

Griffin glared at the Marquis, stomping back to his horse as he spoke.  “They’ve called off the hunt! I wanted another ram or two. Damn foolish ponce.”  Apparently jokes are one thing, but Ser Griffin draws the line at interfering with his hunting.

My huntsman crouched near me as the noble gentlemen headed off, their hangers-on in tow.  “Are you hurt?” Geth moved my hand again, and the huntsman sighed. I never expected an ear to bleed like this.  I’ve been in worse pain as well, for sure, but it still hurt surprisingly badly for what it was.

“Get them back to Skyhold.”

“As you wish.”

They gathered the bird Griffin had downed, and started off, murmurs and whispers.  Elias smeared something that smelled like elfroot and the pain melted to a dull, pulsing ache.  Geth grabbed the horse. The three of us trailed behind. I finally thought of what I wanted to say.  “Marquis!”

He glanced back at me, and I looked at him steadily until he became uncomfortable.  “May you always get exactly what you deserve.” His lip started to curl in a sneer. I don’t know what possessed me to say the next thing.  “Sweet dreams.” He looked confused, but shook it off. Probably decided I was just crazy or whatever.

Geth and Elias didn’t say anything, but something was making them tense.  Other than my injury. Or not just the injury. Fuck. Last thing I needed was snarly friends.  Or boyfriends. Don't know why that was the first thing I considered. It made me think, though.  He's not the only one who keeps tabs, and he'll know I hurt.

“Well, now I need to pierce my ears.  I’d intended to wait, but circumstances demand.”  Utter shock on both male faces. “What?” I didn’t get a straight answer.  Geth just turned red when I asked, and Elias said he wasn’t saying a single word.

I guess ear wounds in elves are like head wounds back on earth.  A little nick and it pours blood. Pain but no real injury. Gethon’s handkerchief was ruined, but the bleeding stopped quickly enough.  It was barely visible by the time we got back about twenty minutes later.

Josie met me at the main doors.  She’s a bit of a fusser. She worried over the small nick on my ear, prattling on about how she’ll handle this.  “His wife is about to be very displeased with him. This behavior is completely unacceptable.” I’d felt the wound.  It was no more than a thin slice. A papercut. The arrow must have been very sharp.

“The hunt being cut short, or that he missed the bird he was supposedly aiming for?”

“He claimed he was aiming for the bird?”

“He gave that impression, at least.  His arrow, it went astray.” I may have adopted a snotty horrible French accent for that last bit.  Josie gets this look on her face, sometimes. I hope that look is never directed at me. I have a feeling that missing the bird can be far more damaging to a reputation than I expect.

The whispers surrounded me as I moved into the main hall after the others.  Snippets of song, matching my mood. Wolves asleep amidst the trees. Bats all aswaying in the breeze.  I was humming the eerie tune as I strode towards the door to Josie’s office. Space was made for me, strangers moving out of my path.  Dolly, Polly… It made me feel much better to see them shift away. Fearing all manner… I stopped on the stairs a moment. Fear can be a valuable friend.  I might just need to have a chat with someone.

I got a nice surprise when I reached the pillow palace.  Alora was sitting in the papasan chair. The only person besides Dorian that’s plopped in it without asking first.  She was chatting with Jailyn when she saw the bloodied handkerchief. “Fen’harel’s teeth, Chrissy! What’d you do?”

“Got in the way of an arrow.  It’s nothing.”

“You’re lucky ears don’t scar much.  You’ve got enough.” Her sharp eyes had found the source of the blood.

“I didn’t see an aravel.  You’re staying, right?”

“Wintering over.  The Aravel’s in the fields past the barn.”  I didn’t ask. I wanted to, but I didn’t. “It’s in the aravel.  You can see it later.” She smiled. I probably grinned ear to ear.  “Heard your clan has a new baby.”

“Yes.  And I need to talk to you about midwives.”

“Why?”

“I need a non-chantry midwife.  As soon as possible. I can guarantee wages, room, board, and work.”  Alora’s a smart cookie. She didn’t ask any further questions, didn’t comment.  Her face hardened, and she jerked her chin down once. Maybe she knows more about these issues than I do. “See you at the head table?”

“Turning everything on its ear, I see.  Explains the blood. I’ll be there.” She clapped me on the shoulder as she headed off.

Anyway, I washed off the horse smell, incinerating Gethon’s handkerchief while I was in there.  After I was bathed and redressed, I asked Briri if she knew if Zevran was about. She turned a bright pink.  Oh ho. Seems he’s making an impression on more than Marta and Philomena. “He’s probably in the tavern, miss.”  She left shortly after.

I sent a message with my darling little Ewan asking if Zevran’d mind meeting with me at his convenience, nothing important.  I specifically said there was nothing urgent. The boy and man showed up about fifteen minutes later. I had expected a note back, not a visit that soon.  “Invited to your rooms so soon? And your bald one has been gone a mere week. Did you change your mind?”

“No mind-changing here.  I just remember hearing somewhere that you know how to pierce ears.  Or was it tattoo someone? One of those two.”

“So you wish a tattoo?”  He grinned. “Of course. First, I must bathe you in a mixture of olives and rosewater.”  Well, apparently that’s a line he’s used a lot, not just on Alistair.

“I don’t think so.  I don’t want a tattoo.  I want to pierce my ears.  My hands aren’t steady enough to do it myself.  I was hoping that you knew someone who could do it.”

“A pity.  This is something I could do, yes.  Might I ask why you suddenly wish such adornment?”

“There needs to be a reason for my pain.”

“There appears to be a perfectly serviceable slice on your left ear, my dear.  In case you didn’t notice.”

“Why so there is!  Pity that is not a reason I want to give.”  I looked at him steadily. “Can you help me?”

“I can.  But what benefit would this give me?”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, turning away.  I have to remember that though my warden was in Zevran’s very good graces, I may not be as well considered.  Maybe we aren’t friends like I keep thinking we are. “I don’t know how much money I have. It’s probably not much.  I have jewelry from the Orlais trip. Mostly glass, I think. Small influence with the Inquisition and certain other groups, but I’m sure Leliana would be better for that.

“A fountain pen?  Sunglasses? Something’s probably worth your while.  I just need a name I can trust, someone with steady hands.  Surely that won’t cost so much?” I spoke mostly to myself, toward the end.

“Chrysopal.”  I turned back to him, and met his eyes.  They were concerned. His thread was tinged with regret, oddly.  I was in no mood to parse it. “Why do you wish to do this?”

I gave him truth, but only part of the answer.  How could I explain I needed another explanation for my ear pain?  Certain wolfie people were on the forefront of my mind, and this would be a three bird one stone situation.  “To get some of me back. Once upon a time, they were pierced, and if I did it again, the pain in my ear would be my choice.”

“Ah.  Someone healed you, and took your scars.  It is always better to see Antivan healers.  They understand that some marks are better left untouched.”  He left much unsaid in that response, but I could feel… Zevran understood.  More than my words, or his.

“I didn’t have a choice.  I was unconscious after the breach.”

“Do you have the rings to put in?”

“I have studs.  I mentioned that I might pierce them to Dorian, and he made sure there were some in the jewelry made for me.  I’ve never worn them, obviously.”

“Well then, I shall return.”

He did return, rather quickly, with a leather-bound tiny box.  In it were needles, awls, tiny bent steel rods, and some assorted oddly-shaped items.  Guess it’s a lockpicking kit? Maybe? I didn’t ask. He was surprisingly professional about the whole thing, even to acquiescing when I wanted to clean everything with alcohol.  Which fucking STINGS in ear holes, by the way.

We’d gotten three done on one side, and only one on the other, when Andrew pounded on my door.  “What the hell are you doing in there?”

“Come in!”

“Do you realize you have everyone on edge?  What the fuck, Chrissy?”

I was still slightly growly, and raised my chin.  “I didn’t realize I needed to clear my personal choices with you.”  My tone may have been a bit cool.

He sighed.  “That’s not it.  They’re already upset, and then you’re doing…”  He glanced over the vanity where the various needles and jewelry had been laid out.  “Are you doing some sort of acupuncture thing?”

“Just getting my ears pierced.”

Andrew glanced at Zevran and Ewan.  “She’s always like this. I swear it’s her life’s work to make my life difficult.”

“How’s Gara?  She was overtired this morning.”

“She’s fine.  You knew that.  I’ll calm everyone down.  Dinner’s in two hours. They’re serving the deer that Alora and her mercs brought in.”

“That should please the nobles.”

“I doubt it.  None of them got a buck.”

After that, the last two went quickly.  Three holes in each ear. Two in the lobe, one in the tip (that hurt more than the regular ones). I always wanted multiple piercings, but I’ve never had a job that didn’t have contrary expectations.  Studs and backings, and I could own the throbbing.

I looked at Zev in the mirror after I cleaned up the blood.  “Well?”

“I will think on it.  There are already many things between us, yes? I must decide.  Less, more, or  _ less. _ ”  His hand settled on my shoulder at the last one, stroking the velvet of my sleeve.  He had that little tilt to his lips. There wasn't even a tinge of flirtatiousness on his thread, just in his voice.  Maybe it's just normal for him to throw innuendo at every situation, even when he doesn't mean it.

“One of those is not an option.”

He patted my shoulder companionably.  “Alas. You do not know what you are missing.”

“Be reasonable. It’s harder to successfully negotiate after the service is performed.”

“I have no need of trinkets or baubles.  Perhaps I will request nothing at all?”

“And nugs will fly.”

That made him laugh.  “The last time you asked my help.  I thought it was something you wanted for yourself.  But it was not, according to Leliana. You gave a gift, instead.”

“No.  I recovered something lost.”

“For someone else.”  I just shrugged at him.  It was really none of his business.  He sobered, and continued. “This. It was something you wished to do.  For yourself, and no one else.”

“Mostly.  Why?”

“Mostly.  That is something.  I shall see you at dinner.  I hear you have a fascinating mercenary captain visiting.”  A few pleasantries and he took his leave.

For the hour before dinner, Ewan, the Tweedles, Daniel, Iona, Devella, Maya, Finaya, and I pulled out the bamboo poles and had a ton of fun tinikling.  Turns out one of my highever teens plays a mean guitar, and was lucky not to have issues with his fingers. We moved the pillows to the sides and played for a while.  Even Sorgan and Nanny Leorah got in on it.

I spent most of the time on the sidelines, avoiding the curious looks from the pointy-eared grownups.  I let the children’s joy wash over me, soothing some of the still spiky angry places. It was there that I felt a hand ghost up my throat, a tinge of humor in his thread when I startled.  Which was okay. The tinge of concern a moment later was not as welcome. I’m a little concerned that he can touch from a week away, but I think I started it. They’ve probably stopped for the night, if I had to guess.

I bundled the kids upstairs after checking in on Cook.  She’ll handle the teens, who still have difficulty walking.  And I still want them to stay where they are fairly hidden and protected.  I’m watching for fallout.

Dinner was surprisingly fun.  Not fun as in laughter, but fun as in “watch these random people flail over how to react.”  Alora plopped herself right next to me at the upper table. Her manners aren’t precisely Orlesian manners.  Or even Ferelden manners, so they got to deal with that. Venison. At least I know this venison wasn’t a friend.

The group was regaled with stories of the hunting the nobles did today.  Grandstanding and bluster and over exaggerations were obvious. Ser Griffin poked fun at the Marquis’ wide shot without ever mentioning that it brushed me.  This other lady bragged about getting a ram on her own, with a single spear. They had each assumed that another group had felled the deer… until they all put up their war stories and nothing matched.

Josie is the one that publicly thanked Alora for her contribution to the table.  It was fun to watch the fine meal turn to ashes in the noble teeth. Alora basically brushed it off, but fairly politely.  Then added that she was glad she could help “her friend Chrysopal” out.

People noticed the new jewelry, but no one said anything.  I get the impression that I could dress in ribbons and raw meat and these people would just let it go.  Chalk it up to me being strange. Especially Ethelathe.

Isa isn’t going to make it to songtime.  I was told she gets to rest for a whole week in her rooms.  The other women are taking up her duties, and her only job is to tend her son.  They delivered her a veritable feast of rich foods. Cheeses, meat in sauces, mashed potato with butter and cream.  My own Daniel made her what looked like gingersnaps drizzled in maple syrup.

Anyway, she passed Luthias off to me when she was done feeding him.  The dozing baby was warm and smelled wonderful in my arms. Feren and I were to take him for songtime while she napped.  Darling traipsed along behind me, as well. He’s bigger, the same size as Luthias, now. Maybe more. Seven or eight pounds?  I know he was smaller this morning, but no one else seems to realize.

I plopped down with Luthias in my chair, and Feren hovered close.  As did Revis, who came back with Alora. Settled right into his “spot” as a guard, I guess.  I made a short speech once everyone was gathered. Blah blah blessed with new member whatever flowery words and greetings.  Introduced them all to Isa’s son. I claimed no relation to him, but I think me standing there with him in my arms as I spoke meant something.

They didn’t come close, thank goodness, but were very pleased to be gifted his name.  Feren stood the while, a hugely proud papa. He returned Luthias to Isa, Darling trailing behind, before songtime properly started.

After he left, after the singing started and people were no longer paying attention to me, Alora asked the question I’d been waiting for.  “Why do you call him Isa’s son? Feren is obviously her partner.”

“I know who Luthias is related to.  I can only show that he was born of Isa, though.  He is Isa’s son. Anything else is based on trust.”

She looked at me oddly.  “You follow matriarchal lines?”

“For inheritance?  Certainly. Following patrilineality is an exercise in guesswork and trust.  Why make it complicated? Just have inheritance fall along knowable lines. Unless you have DNA testing I haven’t seen.”

“DNA?”

That flummoxed me.  I’d been letting my mouth run away with me again.  “Don’t mind me. It wouldn’t make sense. Too much magic here.  Just… I know who the mother is. We can SEE who the mother is, as the child emerges from the womb.  The father? That is the reason some men lock up their wives, prevent them from even the appearance of something that might compromise their male lines.  I don’t want that, and it doesn’t make sense.”

“You’d like Rivain.  Are you okay?”

“No, not really.  I need… I don’t know.  Time. Without crisis.”

“You’ve had a busy week.”

“Yeah.”

“Tuck in your kids, and get to bed.  I’ll watch this shit for you.”

Honestly, I am.  I kissed my kids, told them a revised version of CinderFella, and am finishing this.  I need sleep, and I need to get my emotions under control. I’ve been careful all day, but if the woman in the mirror is anything to go by, I look awful.  So I’m heading for bed. I’ll take a book with me. Transmutation of energy. Maybe I’ll get a page or two in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long to post. I had a death in the family after some intense issues, and we're still reeling from it. I'll be back up to speed soon. I hope you enjoy the second part of this day. Goodness, this turned really long. Hopefully the chapters will drop back a few thousand words, but a lot got covered.


	193. Day 16, 16 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lessons, waking and sleeping, Discussions with Alora, surprising Curtis, and Andrew's an ass.

**Day 16, 16 Harvestmere, 9:41**

I was too…  Well, too angry, annoyed, frustrated, to read.  I slipped into sleep and to no surprise was greeted by Rage.  I didn’t expect Concern, though. Rage was strangely calm. Its face was pleased, even smug.  Concern, oddly, was ticked. And I’m going to have to teach boundaries.

They have no sense of personal, in a way.  When I’m hurting, Cole knows, without much trying.  When I’m angry and scared, apparently these two know in the same way.  Rage gripped my face, tendrils sizzling against my skin, but no pain. It stared into my eyes a bare moment, my memories of the incident soaring to the forefront of my brain, then released me.  The lava swirled fast in its form, and I was angry, so angry remembering that smug asshole.

“It is your place.”

“The mountain?”

“Yes. Is there to be judgment?”

“So eager, Rage?”

“MINE!”  Its voice…  What was in those wisps it’s been eating?

“Don’t hurt him.”  I got glared at. “But if he should wake screaming…”  I looked at my fingernails. “I wouldn’t mind it if he were reminded of his manners.”  

Rage stilled, yet was somehow vibrating as its molten form went from red/orange to yellow going almost white in some places.  The heat pouring off it increased. I could see the marquis’ face in my memory. Heard him say “ Oh dear, I hope I didn’t accidentally dock your ear. That would be unfortunate.”   And Rage smiled at me.  For that shared moment, its outside matched my inside.

Then somehow the moment with Kenna swam before my eyes.  “And this one?”

“Leave her alone, for now.  She didn’t understand.”

“For now.”

Rage flowed off, faster than I’d ever seen it move, without saying anything else.  When it left, I felt… Better? The intense anger at the Marquis was gone. When I think on that moment now, I don’t get angry all over again.  It’s a shitty moment that made me angry at the time, but doesn’t make me angry now, though I can remember the anger. Which is strange.

Concern calmed after, and left.  Few words, and no real interaction.  Did Concern make sure Rage was there?  I don’t know.

The rest of the evening was in lessons.  Valor schooled me in defense, incorporating the staff in a manner different from what I’d been learning from Dorian.  “You must practice this, Lady. Often. In both places.” It explained that in this style, the staff was an extension of your own magic.

It didn’t matter what the staff could do, it mattered what you could do with the staff.  Ice could burn, because getting something cold enough will do that same damage. Fire could freeze, if you used it to steal the heat.  Lightning, poison… Any of them can mimic the effects of the others. And will, if you wish it.

Valor also reaffirmed the things I’ve been reading in Vivienne’s book list, and how I was thinking about them.  Elemental damage is not quite interchangeable, but it’s not as defined as people think it is. The books separate them quite heavily.  And by absorbing the backsplash into my shielding, or into a barrier, I could use the same energy to attack and defend.

I stopped at that.  “Can I absorb the spells thrown at me the same way?”

“It is not the same, but similar.  More practice is needed before you attempt such a thing.”

“I wish you could come visit so I could work my physical body.  My muscles won’t understand this movement, even though my brain does.”

It stilled, standing.  “I have danced with you before.”

“Would you object?  If I asked you to visit?”  It was full of yes. And didn’t say so.  It would come, but be unhappy. I proffered another option.  “The circle I made then. There?”

“There.  Or similar.  The other side.”  It shivered. “It’s wrong.  Solid, unnatural.”

“So something halfway?”

“As before.”

Patience admonished me for not practicing my letters, so I have to remember to do that.  I’m better than I was, and we’re playing with dots. Dots added to a letter completely changes the letter!  I mean, diacritic marks are all well and good, but they just changed a sixty-some letter alphabet into a three hundred plus letter alphabet!  And expect me to know it.

“Are you sure you wish me to teach this slow way?”

“I worry about the effect of the teaching.  Words and language are bound up in culture. It could change me, Patience.”

“I will send a message.”

“To whom?”

“It will be alright, Chrysopal.”

I woke to the smell of coffee and sausage.  Briri was waiting. “Eadras would like to speak to you, Miss.”

I had her let him in.  As he arrived, I preempted him.  “I fully intend to take it easy today.”

“Thank you.”  He’s not even surprised when I have a clue anymore, but he was very relieved.  “You are better?” He was at a loss for words a moment. “I don’t know how to say it, but you are less volatile today.”

“Is there a problem with me being volatile?  Some issue with me feeling strongly about being attacked?”  Something simmered below my calm. I can’t name it. I have no word for what I was feeling.  It wasn’t anger, wasn’t disappointment, wasn’t anything I could explain, but it was more and less and somewhat like them.  Some part of me felt that he should understand, and he did not, and that fact was somehow wrong.

He dropped to his knees.  “No, Lady. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I’m not upset.  I don’t know what I am.  Get off your knees, Hahren.  Why do you do that?”

“Did you know that even a year ago I would struggle to get to my knees and rise again?”  Not sure what one has to do with the other, but whatever.

All the normal morning things, including listening to Lydia pick tunes on  my piano. I polished my draft of the founding document a bit. I don’t know how well received it will be, but we have time to tweak it.

Curtis made his way over to my desk.  “I’m bored, Chrissy. Please, give me something to do.  I get why I can’t go upstairs, but let me do something!”  Perfect timing, really. These coincidences keep happening.

“Here, read this and tell me what you think.”

He eased himself into a chair and lifted the first page.  His eyes widened only a moment or two after starting to read.  I set a piece of scrap paper and a writing stick near him as I worked on a few letters.  I didn’t expect it to take him the rest of the morning to read. My handwriting isn’t that bad, you know?

He’d asked meanings of a few of the words and ended up sitting with Sorgan.  Alora snagged me for lunch at the tavern, and I left them to it. Also sitting at the upstairs table with us were Neria and Cillian.  They didn’t say much. Hello, how are you, hope you’re having a nice day. Then just… silence. Eating together. I tried smiling at them, but didn’t get much of a response.

They left after finishing their meals, and I sighed.  “I don’t think they like me.”

Alora leaned back.  “They don’t know you.  You’re weird, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.  I can’t help it.”

“Let them spend time with you, like today.  Little bits. So you’re not the scary unknown.”

“I’m not actually that good with people.  My people are different from regular people.  They’re easier, and make sense. Random people are strange, and I don’t understand their customs.”

“So do you understand Orlesian customs?”

“They put masks on naked statues.  I don’t get that. I mean, I can fake it pretty well, just responding to their reactions.  But they’re weird.”

“Fereldan?”

“What’s with the near worship of dogs?  And the fetishizing of fighting.”

“So what are the customs where you’re from?”

“Well, we don’t throw our gnawed bones on the floor.  Most people eat with a spoon, fork, and knife.” There’d been another clatter as a bone hit the floor below.  “I don’t know what to say. Everything’s different, but only a little bit. We’re a lot more private, and more polite.  Usually. Most conflicts are ended with words. When it escalates, it gets messy quickly, so we try to keep ourselves to ourselves.”

“Ended with words?”

“Knives and swords aren’t as commonplace.  Not for fighting. The weapons available are more deadly, and scarier.  More used to threaten, not use. We’re more like to use fists, thank goodness, if a casual argument spills over.  Compared to the way we were two hundred years ago, we’re pretty tame.”

“So, if I were to go to your house back where you come from, what would happen?”

“I don’t understand?”

“If I showed up at your door, how welcome would I be?”

“Well, Mom would be freaked out by all the weapons, but I’d invite you in if I knew you.  Offer you something to drink, sit and chat. Stuff like that. Stash you in the spare bedroom if you needed to stay for a bit.”  She seemed happy with that answer.

I got teased by the three support people left behind from the Chargers.  I haven’t visited. Honestly, I forgot. I was complimented on my earrings.  Just talking about my ears made them throb again.

Alora and I were going to investigate my new toy when the damn magister showed up.  Michael and Andrew with him. “It is the third day, Chrysopal. Time for a lesson, I do believe.”

“Can I put it off until tomorrow?  I have something else pressing.”

“You cannot dismiss your studies just because you have been harrowed by these Southern mages.”

“I’m not.  I am actually increasing them.  I believe I told you that you are not my only teacher.”

“Every third day.  You did say this. Pavus is already requesting an update.”

Alora patted my shoulder.  “It’s not going anywhere. Go learn.”  Bitch. I’d hoped for backup in getting out of it.

After she wandered off, I caught Michael’s eye.  “We okay?”

“Yeah.  We’re okay.  Sometimes you’re mean, though.”

“I know.”

“If we are done with the sentimental drivel, Chrysopal, perhaps we can move to somewhere less noisy?”

“There’s always your cell, Former Magister Alexius.”

His chin lifted slightly, but he didn’t mention the title.  “I think not. The library. I have had the Archivist pull a selection of tomes.  You have an aptitude for manipulation of light, but your technique is sloppy. Wasteful.”  We started heading that way. “You need not splash magic about like spilled wine, and your ability to reabsorb is inefficient.”

So, I spent the afternoon creating an image, then reabsorbing that image’s residual magic.  Is it weird that both sides of the veil are harping on the same thing? I was tired toward the end, but not depleted.  More like exercising a muscle I hadn’t used in a while. We had just ended the lesson, and I was about to leave, when he stopped me.  “You should be careful, little laetan.”

“I am not a laetan.”

“Regardless.  There are more of them than there are of us.  Just because they aren’t mages doesn’t mean they’re not dangerous.”

“I understand that, Alexius.”

“I hope you do.  Dorian would be quite displeased if I allowed something to happen to you.”  He flicked his fingers in a dismissal, but I was too worn out to care.

The next part of the afternoon was taken up in lessons with the little ladies.  Apparently they needed proof that an elven person could move the way Josie’s assistant was telling them to move.  As I walked in, I heard “there, you see? That is what I wish you to emulate. Your shoulders should remain straight even as you step to the side.  That way your writing surface does not bobble, and you do not splotch your ink.”

Just to mess with them, I sat down in one of the chairs behind the lady that was lecturing, winked, and slouched.  BADLY slouched. The girls giggled, and Nolari actually snorted from trying to laugh quietly. I was sitting properly by the time the lady turned around, but even Josie’s eyes were twinkling.

The lesson moved forward, and I was dismissed.  Politely, gently, and without any sense that I was unwanted.  This lady’s good. She made it seem like she knew I was busy, and was doing ME a favor by shooing me off.

When I got back down to the pillow palace, Halton, Eadras, Sorgan, and Curtis were all huddled over my desk, bits of paper strewn everywhere.  They didn’t notice me until I stepped up to the desk. “Gentlemen, is there an issue?”

They all looked up at me, then at each other.  Curtis cleared his throat. “This is… really different.  You asked me to… Once you said look, and figure out what else you think is normal that shouldn’t be.”  He took a deep breath. “If this worked, it would be… Do you think it would work?”

“Maybe.  If we wanted it to work?  It’s not perfect, and requires vigilance.  From everyone.”

“So, who would be the nobles?  There’s talk here about councils, but there are no details.”

I turned a sweet smile to him.  “What nobles?”

He sort of blinked.  Halton and Sorgan fell silent.  Eadras tilted his head a bit. “Then who would be in charge, da’len?”

“Whoever we, collective we, wanted.  I have ideas about that.”

“Ideas?”

“I’m working on ways to keep people honest.  Elections, choice, preventing graft. I don’t have the answer yet.  But in the infant stages, we may not need such measures.”

“This has never been done.”

“Are you sure?  Are you absolutely positive that in every world in every universe ever created by any Deity, this has never been done?”

“You say the strangest things.”  Eadras took a deep breath. “Why am I inclined to believe you?”

“Maybe we’ll make that belief a reality here.  Our own special magic.” They bundled up the papers and scraps.  Not much else was said, but they kept looking at each other, at me.  At the document. I slid the pages into the drawer that once held my journal, and turned the key.  “Dinnertime, gentlemen. You’ve been pouring over this for too long. Let your brains rest. Besides, it’s not finished yet.”

Dinner was some sort of thin sliced meat with bread, potato, and a thin sauce.  Vegetables and more sauces. Grains and sauces. Sauces out the ears. But the real treat was the dessert.  Daniel was practically bouncing in his chair, and I had to catch his eye to still him. MY littles follow the manners I expect.  None of this tossing bones and wiping greasy fingers on sleeves. My gran would spin in her grave if I allowed them to behave as even some of these nobles do.

Nutty cheesecake squares with different available toppings.  Raspberry sauce, strawberry sauce, a butterscotch, a toffee cream, pear compote, orange marmalade, every sauce… except chocolate.  It was beautiful. The squares were piled on a platter, ornately arranged. The sauces were in small jars. I admit, I was a pig. I had two squares.  But I was one of many.

After dinner, I congratulated Daniel on his culinary delight.  He demurred, but he was very pleased that I’d noticed. He’d spent hours in the kitchen with Cook making all the sauces.  And Cheesecake is a Sauce that you Bake! (He said it like that, with the caps and all.)

Leorah Two and I got them down to the pillow palace for SongTime.  Andrew was chatting with Gara and Halton. They hushed as we came close.  Andrew has a scary grin sometimes, and Gara looked like the cat that ate the canary.

But I didn’t have to wait long.  After we’d gathered, as everyone was sitting down, Andrew stepped up next to me with that evil smile.  “What are you doing?”

He leaned down, and quite quietly whispered.  “Every nation needs a motto, Chrissy.” He stood, shushing me when I tried to get more information.  He glanced at Gara.

She smiled, and raised her voice.  Recited from memory. “‘Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!’ cries she with silent lips.”  The air suddenly felt thick and heavy. The room was quiet. He had done something. I could feel it.

There was a long pause.  Andrew looked at the assembled.  I took a breath to say something, and he spoke before I got the chance.  “‘Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”

He had everyone’s attention.  There wasn’t even a pause before Lydia’s voice murmured the next line, the words floating in the silence.  “The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.” At least Andrew seemed surprised by her chiming in.

Andrew, the ass, turned to me, cocking his head to the side, lifting his brows.  Looked at me expectantly. I closed my eyes a moment. This was going to bite me, I just know it.  I sighed, and then firmed my voice. It’s what I’d basically been saying all along, I suppose. “Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me.  I lift my lamp beside the golden door.”

There seemed to be some need for a gesture.  They were listening, and caught between two moments, and something needed to end the interlude.  I lifted my hand, looking at it. Almost without conscious thought, a golden glow bloomed there.

Halton stepped up with an ornately carved wooden scrollcase, and bowed slightly as he presented it to me.  I opened it, forgetting the light in my hand, and it smeared over the wood. Gilt-edged paper with the poem on it.  In golden ink. Damn.

The light had been enough to get the others murmuring and chatting among themselves again.  We were doing “Ethelathe business” up front, based on what I could hear. They were mostly confused, but damn it so was I.

I pulled Andrew by the arm into my room, paper in hand.  Gara, surprise surprise, followed us, as did Eadras. As the door shut, I threw up a silence bubble.  “What are you thinking! Do you know how they’re going to take that?”

“Yep.”  Fucking Montana farm-boy hick accent dialed up to eleven.

I rounded on Eadras.  “Did you know about this?”

“No.  I admit we’d talked about some sort of motto or charge, but this is beyond anything I discussed.”  Not a waver.

I spun to Gara.  “You knew.”

“Yes.  It’s a poem.  It inspires. Andrew said it was your shared history.  I thought you’d be pleased?”

“It’s a excellent poem, it is.  But you!” I pointed at Andrew. “You did this on purpose.  They’re never going to let it go!”

“Chrissy, they were never going to let it go anyway.  At least this image is one you control. She with Silent Lips?  It has no preconceived meaning. It can be anything. And it’s something other than what they’ve been whispering in corners.”

“I want a democracy!”

“And this will help you get it.  I know Thedas better than you do.  This sets you aside, instead of on top.  You can get your prime ministers, your councils.  This they will understand.”

“Are you sure?”

“Give it time.  It’s just a poem, Chrissy.  Inspiration, not direction.”

“Why can’t I have one day where nothing changes?  I really want one day.”

“Let’s get back out there, Chrissy.”

We did go back out, and Songtime started.  Alora and Zev arrived late, missing the drama.  After, I tucked my kids in, read them a story, and went to my room. Andrew knocked.  When I opened it again, he grinned. “Wedding’s on the 30th. Just got to decide you or Mother Giselle.  Letting you know.” He sauntered off, whistling.

I need a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem, the idea that it should be used, was inspired by Library_Drone. I'm so glad they commented, because I'd been unable to find the comment that had tickled my brain. Thank you, dear reader, because it's inspired more than just this chapter.


	194. Day 17, 17 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talks at midnight, the music of screams, lessons and bruises.

**Day 17, 17 Harvestmere, 9:41**

I slept fitfully in the moments I slept, never deep enough to slip into the fade.  Too anxious, perhaps. I wasn’t getting any rest, so I got up. Somewhere on the other side of midnight.

The highever teens were sleeping, soft snores.  Curtis, too. I have to figure out what to do with them.  If nothing else, Curtis is trained in statescraft. The girl needs tutoring in reading, at the least.  The boys are capable, and should probably take lessons with a warrior of some kind. They’ve talked about it.  But I can’t keep them confined in this room much longer.

I’ve kept up with the healers, but they tell me it will be months before we know how severe the damage is. All we can really do is watch for infection, and wait.  I wish I’d studied anatomy more when I had the chance.

I turned and went up the stairs.  The main hall was empty, save for an almost-familiar woman scrubbing the tables.  She smiled at me as I passed, then ducked her head shyly. I smiled back and headed for the main door.  A soft voice behind me. “We going to be changing the doors, my lady?”

I turned, surprised.  “Changing them?”

She flushed.  “Golden doors.  You said golden doors.”

I didn’t know what to say, not really.  “Not yet, Brigid. We’ll have to see. I’m not sure I want the golden doors here.”

“We going somewhere?”

“Eventually.  Probably. We’ll have to see.  Inquisitions don’t last forever, and someone will try to take this place when it is done.  It’s not as safe as I would wish.”

She’d stopped working, looking at me.  Whispers filled the air, just under the level of hearing.  “We would defend this place, if you wanted.”

“You’re not a warrior.  I don’t want you hurt.”

“I can fight.  Been teaching some of the undermaids.  Elves ain’t taught. But I teach ‘em.”

“I appreciate that.”  I took a breath. As I went to open my mouth again, a male scream sounded, and cut off.  “Who was that?”

“Oh, it’s coming from abovestairs.  He screamed all night last night. Milly had to change his sheets, they were so soaked with sweat.  Serves him right, it does.”

Something in me soared.  “Really? How sad for him.”

“He called for a nice soothing tea this evening.  We sent him goatweed and griffon seed tea.”

She was extremely pleased about that.  “I’m not familiar with those teas.”

“Oh, they help you sleep, lady.  They surely do that. Gave it to ‘im nice and strong.”  Something told me that this was not necessarily a good thing.  “Where’s your guard, lady?”

“I have no idea.  I’m fine. I don’t need guarding every step of every day.”

“One o’ them hurts you again, they’ll be getting belladonna in their tea instead.”

“Brigid, no.  We can’t kill them.”

“Mayhap you can’t, my lady, but you’re an elf.  I can. ‘Sides, you elves work harder than any other I’ve worked with.  Don’t complain like some o’ the others, neither.”

“There will be no killing without sanction.”

“Well, then, you’d better sanction it.  Whatever that means.” She bobbled a curtsy.  “You’re ours. Enjoy your walk, my lady.”

I paced the walls a bit in the chill, then leaned where I could see the green valley.  Cillian, of all people, caught up with me. “So often you are at this spot. What do you see?”

“Hello, Cillian.  To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Hello, da’len.”  I stiffened. “Apologies.  Hello, Chrysopal. Is it the elven you object to, or the term?”

“The term.  I am not a child.  And I am older than I look.”

“We did not have the best first meeting.  Or second, or third.”

“It was partially my fault.  I don’t understand you, or your customs.  I didn't intend to offend.”

“Neither did I.  I thought you were city-born at first, but you don’t understand them, either.”

“Not really.  I just try to treat everybody like people, I guess.  The customs vary so much.  Why are you here?”

“Neria finds you interesting.”

“I'm not all that interesting.”

“We saw you in the mirror, during the rite of passage?”

“The point whether they decide if it is more convenient to kill me?”

His face hardened, a hair.  “You were not intended to be released to your people.  A bed had been prepared for you in their spaces, if you passed.  The Grand Enchanter was displeased at our presence, and the interference of the Tevinter.”

“I scare her, I think.  She has reason. It’s a convenient time to neutralize inconvenient mages.  You were saying something about the Keeper’s First?”

“Yes.”

“If she noticed something, shouldn’t she be the one bringing it up?”

“We noticed that you summoned a staff, in the fade, and presented it to a spirit?”

“I wouldn’t bargain for one of its weapons.  But I did need one.”

“You summoned a staff.”

“Not summoned, but you repeat yourself.”

“Created?”  I shrugged. “You do not find that unusual?”

“Please.  Skip the hunt and tree the prey.  I have no idea what you are ambling toward, Ser.”

“Neria believes you may be unusual.”

“She’s absolutely correct, but we probably think so for different reasons.”

“You may be a Dreamer, she says.  Able to manipulate the Fade.”

“I do not affect the dreams of others.  I am not a dreamer as I understand it.”

He was silent a long time.  “Dreamers. They do not necessarily deal in the dreams of others.  Legend says they can wander, seeing the past of a place, creating their own places.”

The whispers rose, humming sweetly as he spoke.  “You hear that?”

“I heard nothing.”

“The whispering, humming.  The almost-noise that exists around us.”

He looked perplexed a moment, then changed the subject.  “You train with the Tevinter Magister.”

“Not by choice.  Not really. And he does not, and will not, know what I can do.  That would not be safe. Little bits, to let him believe I am weaker than I am.  I am not that strong, but even a little underestimation helps.”

“You do not trust me.”

“Would you?”

“Answer me one question, that my First has requested asked.”

“Let me hear the question, and I will decide whether to answer it.”

“What do you see, when you dream?”

“That’s a big question, Cillian.”  I thought a while. He was open. Not judging.  Felt almost friendly, honestly. Maybe totally friendly.  A hint of a connection, wispy but different. Not mine, like the others, more like Solas.  Connected but apart. A potential friend? “Single moons, and bands of stone speaking in glowing domes.  Friends and others, danger and welcome. Lavender trees and gleaming paths. Hope, and Rage. Card games and pounding surf.  What do you see, Arcane Warrior?”

“Nothing like that.  Single moons?”

“Why are you speaking to me?  I thought you didn’t like me.”

“I don’t dislike you.  You are not what I am used to.  You don’t act like how I expect elves to act.  Any kind. You don’t act as the humans do, either.”  The any kind caught my attention, but I didn’t press.

“I’m not from around here.  Nowhere close.”

“You arrived with the Herald.  Like him. But he was absorbed and returned.  Were you?”

“Was he?”

Cillian turned around, leaning against a crenelation.  “I do not understand you.”

“Are you supposed to?”

A rare smile.  “Probably not.”

“You can tell Neria that I am lucid when asleep.  That which is in my head is mine, or I recognize it as not mine.  That which is Fade? The Fade belongs to no one, or perhaps to everyone, but parts of it are claimed.  But I am not a Dreamer as I understand the term, and have been told I do not have the skills of a Dreamer.”

I was still looking at the green valley.  He stood, and spoke to someone else. “Aneth ara, Castien.”

“Greetings to you.  Thank you for watching over her.”  Suspicious timing, but ah well.

I turned my head to look at Cillian’s profile.  He nodded to me, then turned back to Castien. “It was interesting.  Good morning to you both.” I turned to watch him leave. That armor makes butts look GOOD.

“I don’t need watching over, Castien.”

“As my commander would say, a slice in your ear says different, Chrissy.”

“Someone will succeed, at some point.”

“You know this?”

“Nope, but it’s what I assume.”

“You should be sleeping.”

“I know.  I have to be prepared for lessons in the morning.”

“Then why are you out here?”

“Sometimes I can’t sleep, and there is music to one man’s screams.”  I met his eyes and he took a deep breath.

“Okay.  Okay. Not what…  Let’s get you back to your room, huh?  There’s still a few hours of night left.”  As we neared the door to the kitchens, he spoke again.  “Wouldn’t it have been easier to let us kill him?”

“If he died, he wouldn’t learn.”

“Sometimes when you say things like that, it sets my hair on end.”

“I don’t mean to.”

“If you did, it wouldn’t.”

I went back to bed, slept a bit, but barely brushed the fade.  Nothing keeping me out, just not sleeping deeply enough. I awoke still grumpy.  Really need a day off.

Briri was laying out an outfit when I came around the wall.  “Exercise clothes, Briri. I have practice.”

“It’s not on your schedule.  Who is it with?”

“Don’t worry about it.  Not someone anyone else knows.”

“Very well.”  She dug into my drawers and pulled out the silk things that I’m pretty sure Solas was responsible for.

“Do you know where I can get a staff for practice?  Harritt confiscated mine for some reason.”

“I’ll find out, miss.”  She got my hair braided in record time and scurried off.

Alora showed up in my rooms looking grim.  “Briri says you are training this morning?”

“After I check on Luthias and Isa.”

“Let’s go, then.  I would see this Luthias.”

I paused as I gathered my tools.  There was a edge to her this morning.  “Are you mad at me?”

“No, my friend.”  She put her hand on my shoulder.  “I’m worried for you.”

“I’ll be fine.  Let me introduce you to my godson.”

Kenna was there when I came in.  She wasn’t very pleased to see me, moving back from Isa.  Luthias was in the bassinet with Darling. Isa’s doing well, and she let Alora visit with the baby while I held him.

A few checks on my other littles, who were having breakfast, and we were off.  Briri met me in the courtyard with a staff. Not mine, but good enough for government work.  She sped off to do the things she does.

Gara and Elias caught up with us as I headed out to my circle.  “Think I’m going to scare you, Alora?”

“Not a chance.  I know you’re weird.  Is your instructor waiting for you?”

“Yes and no.”

I started setting the circle.  In or out. They chose to remain out.  I made the circle bigger, for room to move.  If I had one, I could park a school bus in this thing.  A bit of magic, the ritual words, and it was set. I focused my will, saying nothing, and calling Valor.

I could feel it close, but it wasn’t enough.  I set to work, knowledge behind me, inscribing in chalk the symbols I’d honed under Vivienne’s eye around the edges.  Charging those symbols. The sensation I’d had before, where the circle was outside or beside everything else, filtered in. More and less, and different.  I felt whole, for a moment or two. And I saw Elias straighten up from the rock he’d been leaning against.

“Greetings, Valor.”

“I have come, dear lady, as I swore.  Are you ready?”

“I don’t know.”

“Excellent.  One never knows if one is ready.  Raise your staff, little treasure, and we shall see if we can stop you from being stolen.”

With that, the lesson began.  Dorian never pushed me this far.  Valor pulls blows, but not near as much as I’d hoped.  It was worse than training with Foxtripper. Valor called out things, things to provoke, things to encourage.  Bits and pieces and advice. I barely got a tap in, and it laughed at me for tickling it. I just didn’t want to hurt it, okay, so I pulled the blow, hard.  I didn’t mean to, it just happened. And then it started with the magic.

I admit, I was totally out of my depth.  The only thing I could think to do was use the staff’s ice to block, and spin the shattered spell.  I wasn’t quick enough, and it struck before the barrier was complete. I was knocked down, dazed, and it advanced over me.  I was freaked a moment, when it stopped. Held out a hand.

“It is enough, Lady.  Enough for one bout. I forget meat weaknesses.  Food, water, air. Pain.” I grasped its gauntlet, and it hauled me up.  “You are not as bad as I dreaded, but much worse than I hoped. And your people gesture for you.”  Gara was waving her arms pretty wildly as Valor pointed.

It had gotten me pretty solidly across the back with its staff.  I could still feel the line. It would bruise, and probably badly.  My whole body ached, even in there. “Thank you for the lesson, Valor.  May I have another?”

“Not soon.  I do not like this place.”  It bowed, and poofed. I just leaned on my staff.  I released the circle from where I was, too tired to do much else.  Big mistake.

When reality came rushing in, so did pain, and I made a noise, nearly crumpling.  It’d gotten more than my back. My arms and legs were jello, and muscles burned where I’d been hit.  Nothing debilitating. I wasn’t injured, just sore and bruised.

Dorian never hit me, never more than the lightest tap.  Foxtripper, same. Is this what training is supposed to be like?  Or did Valor go too far?

Gara got to me first.  “Creators Chrissy, didn’t you hear us calling time?”

“I heard nothing.  Wind and wisps and rushing magic.”

“Fen’harel’s teeth, what were you thinking?”

Elias got his two cents in, too.  I am never to prevent him from getting to me again.  Apparently they couldn’t get in? Alora was… shaky, but outwardly fine.  I turned my attention to her. “So did I finally scare you?”

“No.  But you tried.  It, that thing, could have killed you, and we were helpless!”

“It, that PERSON, is mine, and bound itself to keep me safe.  It is a teacher I can trust not to turn on me without cause.”

Alora and Gara exchanged a glance.  “You cannot trust spirits, they always turn on you.”

“Not without cause.  They work within their nature.  I ask nothing contrary to it.” They were unconvinced.  “Don’t you see? I have a major problem. I cannot, physically cannot seem to harm someone except in extremis!  I have to be able to defend myself. No one else can teach me the blend of physical and magical.”

“What is the price, Chrissy?”  Two female voices, out of sync.

“I defend all those who belong to me.  Valor is MINE, as Zatlan is mine. As you are mine, Gara.  Exactly like, sworn to me. I told you once before, all Ethelathe, on both sides.  When the time comes, you may be grateful for my efforts. Do you think Valor would be less than it is?”

Gara stiffened.  “When the time comes?”

“It was said by another.  One day the magic will come back - all of it. Everyone will be just like they were. The shadows will part and the skies will open wide. When he rises, everyone will see."

“When who rises?”

“I don’t know.”

Alora then, broke in.  “Are you… Is there...”  She didn’t know how to ask.  I answered anyway.

“I am me, and no other.  I will never be we. I have been harrowed, and it was less than the tests that came before.”

The sun was up and high by the time we returned.  I was limping slightly, and needed a dousing in elfroot.  I hadn’t had breakfast, and Zatlan showed up with a pot of elfroot salve and food.  He took one look at me and pointed to my room. I don’t know if it’s because he is mine, or if I was just that sore, but I didn’t object when he pulled up my tunic.

Gunther showed up, too.  Also with a pot of elfroot.  I roused myself to try to cover my chest when the tunic came off, but Gunther scoffed.  “Nobody’s looking at your boobs when you have bruises on your arms, legs, and back. You look like a raw recruit in the first month.”

“I know.  I’m supposed to.  I’m very soft, and grateful for the elfroot.  I doubt a raw recruit gets this care.”

“Nope.  A hot bath, stretching - remember to stretch or you’ll stiffen up - that’s the best we can expect.  But young people are more resilient.”

Alora was against a wall, watching me.  “He’s right, you know. You’re not beaten black and blue like I expected.  That thing pulled its blows. And it always gave you the chance to get up and recoup yourself when it tagged you.”

“It’s teaching, not attacking.  It even told me what I was doing wrong, and how to fix it.”

“I thought you were training with Foxtripper.”

“Evasion, basic maneuvers, escapes.  And they’re gone now.”

“And Heir?”

“She rejected me.  Something about knives never being right for me.  It was weird, because she was tracing my scars.”

“What about that Tevinter mage?”

“Dorian’s not here, and he laid the groundwork for this.  If you mean Alexius, no chance.”

Gunther paused in spreading the ointment on my shoulder.  “Dorian knows?”

“Does it matter?”

“That’s a no.”  He went back to treating the bruises and scrapes.

Briri came bustling in during all this, and gasped in surprise.  Mostly to see all the male people rubbing stuff on my nakedness, I think.  It took her all of two seconds to realize what was going on, though, so that’s good.

Anyway, I felt better, the guys felt better, because I’m not supposed to be itchy in their skulls like that, and Briri shooed everyone out.  Well, tried. Alora’s stubborn. I got dressed in pants, consumed food, and went out and about, Alora walking beside.

“You told me.”

“I did.”

“I’m not scared.”

“Ready to quit?”

“Because you behave like a mage?  No. I’ve had time to realize you are strange.  I’m bringing up some of my support people. We have a midwife.”

“Does she murder babies?”

“No.  Elisabet isn’t Dalish-born, but she is elven.  And trained with us, not under the Chantry.”

“How soon can they be here, and is it safe to travel?”

“Days, and yes.  The pass should be clear unless we get another storm.”

“And then I must deal with Kenna.  I don’t know how to do that. She is much less mine than she was before.”

“Perhaps you ought not strike people with lightning?”

“It didn’t even come close!”

“Details.”  She flipped her hand about.  “I have to do things. You are in no condition to play with the eluvian.”

“That’s what you wanted to do this morning.”

“It’ll be there tomorrow.”

“I’ll make time tomorrow.”

The rest of the day was normal.  Nothing exciting, no upsets. Signing a few things for Cara, going over longer-term planning, checking in on the spinning and weaving, music lessons with the boyos, decisions, dinner.  The Marquis looks tired, poor thing. He should probably get to bed early.

Songtime went swimmingly.  People showed up again. Marta and Philomena are flirting with Zevran.  I wonder if it’s getting anywhere. Cara and Josren are adorable. I hope they make it.  Feren brought Luthias for a bit, which was unexpected. Gethon was sitting close with a girl I don’t know.  I’ll have to vet her. Make sure she’s good for him.

At least no rumors of my training with spirits seem to have gotten out and about.  Andrew gave me a small piece of his mind for getting so banged up, but just basically shook his head about the spirit thing.  He was in the circles, though, so he knows it works that way. And he did it in the library, so privately. Gara waited outside, leaning on the nothing that looked like a wall to others.

I got extra snuggles with my littles.  I heard all about little Anna's ability to keep them all in line.  She's definitely the boss of their little group.  Sweet little martinet.  She says girls should be in charge, just look at me, and Cook, and Josie, and Darrow.  At least she keeps their wants and wishes in mind when they play.

Briri encouraged me heavily to spend the night in Solas’ room.  I agreed. She’s never done that before. I felt the thing that covered his door.  Not quite a ward, not quite a barrier. Some combination of the two, and it has enough power that it could be dangerous.  But it yielded, warming and soothing, at my touch. Welcoming. Then zapped Briri slightly when her hand came too close with my things.

There was a new plush rug, deep enough to dig your toes in.  Sprigs of meadowsweet and queen asha’s lace in a vase, their scent in the air.  A silver nightgown of some unusual soft fabric was draped across his bed. I spared a moment to picture him in it and giggle before I put it on.  A little daring, but pretty.

There was also a beautiful carved brush and comb set on his side table.  I know he doesn’t need those. They had the feel of Zatlan to them. And the feel of Solas.  They tingled in my hands, soothed.  I’m not sure what it was, but I was very calm when I finished my hair.

I’m curled up in his window, watching the snow fall.  It’s so very pretty. It’s like I shut the world out, and only have to observe if I want to.  I’m heading to bed soon.


	195. Day 18, 18 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arguments in the fade, Alora, and managed days. And no eluvian time yet.

**Day 18, 18 Harvestmere, 9:41**

When I slipped into the fade, I woke among spires of glittery stone.  They had forgotten where the land was, I think, some of them. I wandered a bare few moments before an arm snaked around my waist, a familiar scent and feel.  His voice was displeased, his thread angry, but only partially at me. “You were injured, and you were not going to tell me.”

“What?”

His lips brushed my ear.  “Was it this one, or the other?”

I sighed.  “That one.”  So much for my machinations.  “I want to know who told you.”

“It was not Briri, ma’haselan, and I will be discussing that with her.  The Inquisitor was informed. It was he who told me.”

I stiffened, pulling slightly away as I spoke.  “You assured me she was not a spy. She works for me, not you.  Your words.”

He gently tugged me back against him.  “She is there to safeguard your wellbeing.  To take care of you where your people do not.”

“She does.  But if she starts tattling on me, there will be consequences.  For both of you. I will go without if that is what I can expect with a lady’s maid.”

“Tell me what happened?”

“The Marquis ‘missed’.  And nicked my ear with an arrow.  Not badly. It’s barely visible.”

“I heard it was quite visible, until you were healed with your elfroot concoction.  He intended you harm.” He was still as stone behind me, and I couldn’t feel anything over our connection.  His lips dipped against my ear again. “He will come to regret it,” he crooned.

“Oh, Solas mo oíche, he already regrets it.”  I let how I felt about the result out to play.  Pleased, and calm. I admit, there was a feeling of being cruel and enjoying it, too.  Sometimes I am not nice, and the man had earned his punishment. “It’s being handled. My Rage was hot, and the Marquis has beautiful screams.”

“You hurt him?”  Such disbelief in his tone.

“Not at all.  But he’s having terrible nightmares, poor man.”

“I have trouble believing you would assault someone in their sleep, ma’lath.”

“Oh, I didn’t.  But as I said, my Rage was very hot.”

It didn’t take him but a moment to parse my words, and he chuckled.  “I see.” He let go, and came around to my front and catching my hand.  Pulled it up to his mouth and laid a kiss on the inside of my wrist. “Show me something, Emily Lynne.  Something of your home, your life.”

“It’s not much like here, in some ways.”

“Here, the fade?”

“Here, Thedas.”  He just waited. “Alright, come on.  I’ll cook you something.” Stepped into my space, kind of.  And remembered my house, my kitchen. I opened the pantry. There were always staples in there.  I snagged rice, a can of cream-of-whatever soup, stuff like that, and plopped them on the island.  He was busy playing with the faucet. “Watch out for the garbage disposal, it’ll eat your fingers.”

I turned and was digging for pots and pans in the cabinet when I heard a sharp intake of breath.  Shock permeated his thread. I turned, and he was staring at me. “What?”

“You…  Your form.  It is…” His lip curled.  Shock colored with a hint of distaste.  Judgement.

I stiffened.  “Exactly what is wrong with my form?”

“Your ears…  and you are taller.”

“Seriously?”  I dropped the pan on the stove with a clang, touching my round ears.  Turning back to him, I took a deep breath. “Grow up, Solas. This is how I looked before the fade and the breach stole bits of me.  And I flat out told you.”

He put his hands up in that placating gesture I hate.  “It was a shock.”

“I.  Told.  You. I’m going to make something clear.  If you can’t handle the reality of me, of who I am, then you need to say so.  This is me.” I was angry, and I for some reason flashed back on Integrity’s mirror.  A thousand arms, a thousand faces. They were all me, all those strange woman were me.  And I became them, inconsequential form, because I was the person inside, and I was used to seeing strange women in the mirror. Then another change, and another.  Flickering me, taking two steps forward, poking his chest with my finger.

I stopped on something random.  My skin was an asari blue, my size shifted so I could look him in the eye.  Honestly, I’m not sure how I did it. “As is this,” and I shifted again, short and wide, “and this.  Yet another face, regardless of meat, and they are ALL me. Iterations through the multiverse, strangers in the mirror.  If you can’t get past that, if you are so thrice-damned focused on whether or not I have pointed fucking ears, you need to walk away right now.”

His face went perfectly smooth, and there was nothing flowing over the connection from him.  I raised my chin, letting my tight grip on choosing my face go. I didn’t know what face I reverted to.  I lifted my hand, pointing to the door that would usually have led to the garage, but now would eject him from my space.  “Right now, Solas.”

He moved fast, pulling me into his arms.  The connection flooded open, with confusion, and pain, and panic.  Emotions I couldn’t name, churning together, but with a vehement rejection of my ultimatum.  “I know you. It doesn’t matter what form you wear, or none at all.” He brushed the top of my head with his chin.

I did not relax into him, but did not pull free.  “Be certain, mor’ishan. This is the second time I’ve told you.  We might not come back from a third time.” I’d had a stressful week, and was not up to this shit.  I could feel my upset and anger and hurt seething and stretching, swirling around. Wind in the kitchen, fluttering the curtains.

My emotions were volatile, and so were his.  He reached with a long finger, tracing a rounded ear.  This ear did not make me shiver at the slight touch. “You are you.  I feel your anger.” I arched a brow, waiting. He moved his thumb beneath my chin.  “Your eyes, they never change. Blue and gold. And I can taste your magic on my tongue.”

“Be certain, Solas.”  He kept his eyes on mine, dipping his head.  Paused, double-checking his permission. His connection was still open, and he was wary, among a tangle of other things.  I waited, carefully watching for disgust or similar. I would have stepped back at the slightest hint.

He closed the distance, still tense, and brushed his lips against mine, eyes fluttering closed.  He pulled back a hair to speak. “These lips are soft.”

“Good condition, good food, and no harsh soaps.  I’ve been lucky in many ways.”

He pulled back carefully after another brush, making sure I knew he wasn’t flinching from me.  Checking my eyes again. We weren’t back to good, but we weren’t quite on the edge anymore.

“What are you doing with the pans and the strange implements?”

“Cooking.”  I flung out an “ok google”, firing up one of my playlists, and music, my music, floated through the air.  I snagged a knife and chopped the veggies from the fridge.

He was fingering a picture on the wall.  “Do you-”

I pointed the knife at him.  “Not right now. I’ve answered enough personal right now.”

He looked at the knife, then nodded.  “I’ll restrict my questions to less fraught areas.”

I went back to what I was doing.  Cooking is soothing, and something I enjoy.  Cooking in the fade is a dream. Literally.

I discovered that it’s a whole lot easier to cook when you don’t actually have to cook.  Browned meat in minutes. Caramelized onions that don’t burn on the edges. Blended flavors without an hour of simmering.  Solas went back to rummaging and poking.

Solas had never seen plastic before, and didn’t understand what I meant when I told him it was solidified polymer usually from some kind of oil.  Honestly, I have no idea beyond that. And that might not be precisely correct. He’d been investigating the spice rack and what was in the cabinets and pantry while I assembled the stroganoff.

Solas continued prowling the space.  I had to tell him to stop playing with a light switch twice.  And tersely remind him that it was mechanical, not magical. He snagged one of the fruits in the bowl.  “I wouldn’t-” Too late.

The look on his face as he spit out the scented wax was priceless.  “What is this thing?”

“A decoration…”

“You decorate your home with false edibles?”

“Watch out for the ‘candy’ in the bathroom, too.  It’s soap. As are the seashells.”

“Decorative soap is not a mystery.  If you wish fruit, why not use real fruits?”

“Rotting fruit isn't pretty.”

“Preservation spells-"

I interrupted. “Solas.  NO MAGIC. There is NO MAGIC in any of this.”  I took a deep breath again. “Most decorative fruit is plastic nowadays. The wax fruit is probably something you could find in Thedas.  Mom likes the way wax fruit looks better than the plastic ones. More realistic with the added scents, too.”

I thumped his plate in front of him.  “You’re still angry.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” I handed him a fork.  “Try it.”

At least he’s not stupid.  He looked at the grayish-brownish sauce on the rice and said not one word.  I know it looks unappetizing to the uninitiated. My daughter told me so. Repeatedly.  But his face changed when he tasted it. “This is good!”

“Well, duh.  Why would I serve icky food?  I get enough of that at Skyhold.”  I ate in silence. I don’t know if it would nourish at all, but it tasted good.

He set his fork down, catching my attention.  “It was shock, ma’lath.”

“It was disgust, Faolan.  You found me disgusting for being me.”

“I do not.”

“Maybe not, but that doesn’t change the past.  I’ve had a hell of a week, and you didn’t make it any better.  People have found my body disgusting my whole life. You’re just one more, I guess.”

“Vhenan…”

“Usually it’s being fat.  First time it’s been ears.  Never thought I’d be in a relationship with one of you neanderthals, though.”  I don’t think he knew what neanderthal meant.

“Your body is not disgusting.”  He glanced at me and made the decision to change the subject.  “Different forms. Have you attempted this while awake?”

“Haven’t.  Didn’t actually mean to do it here.  It was… I can’t say instinctive, because it wasn’t, but it was automatic.”

“Have you attempted any…”  He thought a moment. “Non-bipedal forms?”

“Haven’t talked to Morrigan about that yet.”

“Morrigan?”

“She had a quality teacher.”

“I see that smile.  There’s a secret there.  Will you share?”

“Not at the moment.  If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.”

We moved to less fraught topics, just chatting.  I didn't cycle at all. No spirit visitors, not even wisps.  I put the dishes in the dishwasher as dawn was arriving.

As I shut the dishwasher, I kind of sighed.  I hadn’t even finished the breath and someone was behind me.  Lips brushed the side of my neck. “Did you at least like the gown?  You normally wear your bedclothes, but you did not today.”

“It’s beautiful.  I did wear it to bed.”  I hadn’t realized I was in a t-shirt and jeans.  “What was I wearing when you arrived?”

“A dress.  Kiss me, ma’lath.”

“Are you sure?  I couldn’t bear it-”

He put his fingers over my mouth.  “Hush, ma’haselan. For so long as we are we.”  I nodded and turned, and he laid his lips on mine.  “May I?” He had his fingers tangled in the back of my shirt.  I was confused, because I thought he already had. “I wish to look, Chrysopal.”

“At what?”

“You.  Your injuries, specifically.”

I could feel minty blue at the edges.  “Not tonight, Solas.”

The feeling faded.  “Another time then, when the emotional hurt has healed?”

“Maybe.”

“I am told you discovered a way to the towers through tunnels.”

“Where are you going with this?”

“You might wish to look at the towers themselves.  They are older than they appear.”

“I’ll take a look.  Maybe not today.”

He leaned down again, sucking at my collarbone.  “If you played with form while awake, I would mark every visage.  Even the odd blue one with no ears at all.”

“Maybe you should consider whether the form matters for others, too.  I don’t want to be a grudging exception.”

“You are you, and we are we.  Your spirit is unique.”

“Everyone is unique, no matter their meat.”

He pulled me into a hug, but didn’t respond to the statement.  “I need to go, but I will return. Tomorrow? It is easier when you are in my room.”

“Maybe.  I won’t promise, but I’ll think about it.”

A kiss, and he was gone.

I woke in his bed, the sun streaming in.  That meant it was quite late. I hadn’t heard a knock or anything.

I pulled on my clothes from yesterday and rushed out with my things.  A handsome elven man I didn’t know was leaning against the wall next to the door.  He seemed familiar, but I couldn’t place him. “Good morning, Ethelathun.”

“Good morning.”

“You should probably see Briri.  She was upset that we stopped her from waking you.”

“Thank you for the information.  Why did you stop her?”

“Alora said you were exhausted, and Eadras agreed.  Where to?”

“Who are you?”

“Just a friend.”

“Hmm.”  He smiled, but didn’t enlighten me further.

I made my way down to the pillow palace, and was stopped by Halton.  “Chrissy, if you could just get these few things, I will leave you alone.”  He handed me a sheaf of papers. Letters, a purchase order, authorization for slaughtering a goat.  All Skyhold business. I read them quickly, and affixed my seal.

Briri had a covered plate waiting for me.  I ate as I reviewed some other documents and she tended my hair.  “I thought you’d be better, miss, but you still look very tired.”

“It was a stressful night.”

“Week, more like.”

True, but I didn’t say it.  Alora just walked right in as I got dressed.  She thinks “modern” modesty is ridiculous. I don’t have any parts she doesn’t see on a regular basis.  She gets privacy, but since Briri’s here… I suppose it makes sense.

She gripped my chin, looking at my face.  She’s one of the few I will let do that. “Nope, not happening.”

“What?”

“Not letting you play in my aravel.”

“But that’s where-”

“Sure is, but it’s not going anywhere.”

“I already slept until nearly noon!”

“Doesn’t matter.”  She grabbed the hand mirror and held it up to me.  “What would you say if my niece had eyes like this?  You’d say she's ill and needs rest. Have done, from what she tells me.”

“I’m not ill.”

“I wouldn’t let you spar with me.  Too likely to make mistakes.”

“Fine.  I’ll leave it alone.  Today. It’s on the agenda, though.  I can’t put it off much longer.”

“Why do you need it?”

“Briri, would you mind leaving us alone?”

“Of course not, miss.”  We both watched her leave.

I turned back to Alora.  “Skyhold may not be a good long-term option.  If they are to have a place, I have to find it.  Ferelden and Orlais won’t tolerate a mixed-race nation of the kind we’re discussing on their borders.  Buy it, steal it, carve it from the fade, or raise it from the sea. We need a place.”

“So you need to go on scouting missions.”

“Basically.  And from what I understand, most people won’t be comfortable going, even if they want to.  Physical pain after a while, for people who don’t have elven bodies. And we may come across bad things, taint, darkspawn, other issues.  Dead ends. Eluvians I can’t unlock, or have been broken.”

“They aren’t going to honor you buying land around here.  Or stealing it.”

“Well, then, there are other options.  Other places. There’s always the Dales, too.  The new Marquis is likely to approve small groups of elves going there.  If you needed a place.”

“But not your group.”

“We’re not just elves.  So likely not. And she doesn’t like me.”

“Good thing it’s winter.  Not much to do that’s not already being done.”

“Exactly.  I can probably get away for a few days at a time.”

“How many?”

“How many what?”

“How many are we taking with us on your explorations?”

“I’ll leave that up to you.  I may have more difficulties off the mountain.  Out of my area.”

She nodded, and I guess the conversation was over.  She went out the door, waving Briri back in.

The gang had made decisions.  I was asked to help with some embroidery for an hour by Leorah.  Leorah Two needed something and couldn’t take the kids, so Eadras brought them in to me for a while.  We got into music and math for a good while.

Even Lydia had a small request, and needed me to look over some decorative work she was doing.  Since I was already there, the forge guys snagged me for a totally unnecessary hour to discuss pens.  We’re starting to get requests and such. Literally my day was taken up with sedentary tasks that admittedly needed doing, but it felt like a conspiracy.  Even Helisma got in on it, asking me to help her catalog some children’s books she’d requested for my littles.

Dinner was decent.  Garalen made me giggle repeatedly.  She kept telling silly stories and stupid jokes that were “anonymized”, but you could totally tell they were about influential people like the Inquisitor.  Like that time she caught him flat on his back, having just slipped on nothing. Or Cassandra trying to explain something to Cole as she turned redder and redder.  And she didn’t leave out Andrew, who apparently sat up in the middle of the night and shouted “But the butterflies were BLUE!”

Marquis de Asshole had dark circles under his eyes, and seemed to startle at flickering light a few times.  The other dude, the Ferelden one who loved to hunt, made it a point to have a discussion with me. Not that I really wanted to hear how long goat intestines were in comparison to bear intestines, or the relative difficulties in taking down a red lion vs. a wolf, but he was trying to be pleasant.

Songtime was sweet, but short.  Curtis and the others were more interested in discussing legal systems and laws, I think.  Making preliminary decisions on what would be against the rules and what wouldn’t be. It was kind of nice to see him treating “his” retinue like they were thinking beings.  Eadras was huddled with Halton and Sorgan working on the parliament idea. This thing is getting a lot of attention.

Joan and Jaylen chatted me up about sheets and blankets and other linens.  We have everything we need for the winter. They’ve talked to Dagna, and there are going to be fire-rune braziers available soon to everyone that needs them.  Much less likelihood of fires. I’m glad I left that in their hands.

Leorah tells me that we’ll have plenty of fabric by the time spring rolls around.  The spinning is almost done, dying is going well, and then everyone will focus on weaving.  We’re stocked for soap, leather, and furniture, and the work I already had done on the buildings means that there’s not a whole lot of repairs still needed.

Cook put in that we planned for the soldiers to be here, so we’re stoked on food.  She’s going to start going a little fancier with some of the dishes. She’s getting around very well now, and barely has a limp.  Hadrian still looks like she hung the stars, and bows to me when he sees me. Which she thinks is adorable, considering he wasn’t at all sure about this elves-in-charge thing at the beginning.  News to me. He was never anything but kind.

Basically, everyone went out of their way to let me know that Skyhold is in very good condition for the winter and spring.  Even if we get snowed in for months. Which is apparently a real possibility? The pass is generally good year round, but becomes far more dangerous starting in the middle of Firstfall or so, and the way to Skyhold isn’t necessarily as safe as it could be.

They also tell me they have everything set for Satinalia.  It’s in just a few weeks, which I didn’t quite realize. I put a few notes down for the preparations I wanted.  The greenery and stuff. Pine boughs smell amazing.

I waffled a bit over where I was going to sleep, but I decided to go back to Solas’ rooms.  Turns out Irusana can get in just fine, and curled up on his pillow before I could even get the door shut.  Alora’s right. I do feel a bit run down. You know what? I didn’t get any studying in today. Damn it.


	196. Day 19, 19 Harvestmere, 9:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fortitude is stubborn, market days, towers, and ethics conversations with Zevran and Zatlan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank Seagrey for letting me pick her brain. It helped a lot.

**Day 19, 19 Harvestmere, 9:41**

I’d barely closed my eyes when I heard “You let Valor hit you.”

I turned.  Fortitude was standing there.  “What?”

“You let Valor hit you.  Disgraceful and shameful.  It is YOUR JOB to learn what Valor teaches.  YOUR JOB to defend yourself. You did not.”

I was taken aback at its matter-of-fact feel.  It wasn’t angry or anything. “I…”

“No.  You will defend yourself.  You will not be weak. Even a friend can turn, and you must defend yourself.”

“But I…”

“NO.  You will defend yourself.  I had thought that you needed to learn to attack.  I let Valor go. And you let Valor hit you, and failed to hit Valor.  Those taps you tried were puny, and unworthy of you.”

I went to open my mouth again, and it held up a gauntleted hand.  “You can defend, evade. I have seen it. But you did not. You failed to move your feet.  Failed to shift your balance, or your shoulders. Swung slow, and did not bring all your weapons to bear.  IT IS MORE THAN A STICK! From this point forward, you will do these things I have seen you do, my lady. Or I will teach you defense.  Until you defend yourself to my standards. Do you wish that?” Its voice was ominous. It lifted its visor, and there was only two lights where its face should be.

Oddly, I wasn’t scared.  I was wary, though. It was not pleased.  “I would prefer not, I think.”

Its visor slammed shut.  “Then do not let Valor hit you.  I will not allow you to shame Valor.”

“I don’t want to hurt it.”

“You can’t.  Not with a stick or that sort of magic.  Even were you to damage Valor, Valor would return to the fade as Valor.  Do you think us so frail as to be harmed by one little girl? We were here before, and will remain after, little one.  And if you let Valor hit you again, I will be teaching. My way.” It stepped away, walking off. A last statement over Its shoulder.  “A promise, my lady, for reasons you will not understand.”

I don’t know how long I stood there watching the spot where it had faded from view.  Who knows. But after another cycle, I had lessons with Patience again. It was happier with my letters, even though I hadn’t really gotten much chance to practice.  I didn’t tell it that, though.

We moved on to a word, a single word.  Want. Because apparently want isn’t a word on its own, it has what is wanted and who it is wanted by and some of why imbedded in it.  I can’t explain it right, but it’s a completely different way of looking at the words. Like no other language I am familiar with. It offered again to teach the “easy” way, but I refused.  I don’t understand why it is pleased by my continued refusals.

The next cycle I woke with someone curled around me in a bed.  He smiled against my neck as I reached back and cupped his head.  “Still angry, ma’haselan’udh?”

“No.”  It came out on a sigh.  I’m more disappointed than angry.  So much relies on him changing his mind.

I turned in his arms.  When I opened my mouth to speak, he put a finger on my lips.  “Rest and relax tonight.”

“Where are you?”

“The Western Approach, of course.”  His hand stroked my face. “We have been wandering the sands for a few days.”

“The Still Ruins?”

“Are no longer still.”  His fingers skated down my arm and traced the edges of the armband. He felt pleased.

“That’s good.  It waited a long time for Sam to arrive.”

“You knew.”

“I knew what?”

“You told that…  You told Cullen Adamant.”

“This conversation should happen in person.”

“Do you think I am less than me here in the fade?”

“No.  But I-”

“We are in person, then.  Or are you still upset with me?”

“A little, maybe.  But that’s not-”

“I will be content that you still wear my gifts.”

“You stayed.  You kissed my human face.  Why wouldn’t I wear them?”

He smoothed back my hair, and started asking questions about my kitchen.  He’d been very observant, and the discussion lasted most of the rest of the night.  The faucets and appliances, the amount and types of boxes and bags and cans of foodstuffs.  He also had opinions on the sheer number of plates, cups, and silverware he saw.

I mean, it’s not that many, right?  Service for eight from a box set at Target.  The leftovers from the last set that had too many broken.  And all the random plastic plates and cups and stuff you pick up as kids grow.  Add in the good set of dishes inherited from Grandma. But people in the past didn’t have that, I guess.

“I saw no evidence of servants.”

“We don’t have servants.  So  passé .  Needing others to feed you, dress you, maintain your home on a daily basis?  Unless you  _ can’t  _ do such things for yourself, for whatever reason.  Of course, you hire people to do the work you don’t know how to do, or which requires specific knowledge.  But daily servants? No.”

I thought about it a bit more.  “A lot of the people who would be considered servants in the past are considered experts and professionals now.  A nanny is a skilled worker with certain qualifications and education. Teachers and tutors. You can hire catering services, which include servers, but they’re not servants the way Thedasians think of servants.  Lawn services to handle the space around your home, but they’re also people who work for themselves and are paid for their expertise.”

“An interesting world, ma’lath.”

“It’s not perfect.  There’s assholes everywhere.”

That made him laugh.  “Like me?”

“You’re not the asshole you used to be.”

“And you love me regardless.”

“So very sure of that?”  I was teasing, and he knew it.

“Indeed.”  I wrinkled my nose at him. He murmured words that somehow made sense, though I didn’t know them.  < _ I can feel our heart beat _ .>  It’s like I only know the language when I hear it.  I didn’t have a chance to think about it at the time.  “Again, and yet again, Emily Lynne.” I lifted my face to his.  Too soon, he slipped from my arms. The night had put back together what had almost broken.

It was still early when I woke to Irusana purring on my chest.  I laid there a long time petting her. The sun wouldn’t be up for hours.  I could hear the sounds of the day out the window. People calling back and forth, the merchants calling out for customers.  Which caught my attention and got me out of bed.

That same elf was leaning on the wall outside the door.  “You again.”

“Of course.”

“Will you share your name today?”

“You may call me Athimi.  And you are the Lady Theneras, or Lady Trevelyan.  Or Ethelathun, depending on who speaks.”

My smile faltered.  “Chrissy. Just Chrissy.”

“As you say.”

“Are you new?”

“It depends on what you mean by new.  I’ve recently joined your bodyguard, to replace the Hessarians who were... not effective.”

“Oh.  They weren’t that bad.  I liked Three.”

“Garalen disagrees, and has made clear my duties.”  He didn’t look inclined to elaborate.

I sighed.  “Sam’s going to be unhappy about it, though.”

He gestured towards the end of the hall.  “After you.”

Halton and Sorgen were eating at their desks.  Briri was already up and doing things in my room.  I was tossed in the bath, washed and primped while Irusana whined about the bubbles.  The clothes, though, were working garments. Well, what passes for MY working clothes.  Warm, woolen, with much less decoration.

There was only an hour or so of paperwork, and I spent the rest of the morning in the stillroom.  Some kind person had added a small cauldron and stand, as well as what looked like a brand new calcinator, retort, and alembic from Morrowind, to the table in there.  So of course, I set some potions to simmer while I was cataloguing and sorting.

I still had trouble reaching above my head.  My shoulders were very sore from yesterday. I didn’t expect Michael to come in and take over those bits.  He didn’t say anything, just walked in and took the bundle of lavender out of my hands and tied it to the rods above.

After a few minutes of working in silence I gathered my courage.  “I feel like I should apologize.”

“It was…  I needed to hear it.  I hadn’t realized. She never looked back, you know.  When the circles were disbanded and the mages scattered.  She didn’t even say goodbye. Not a word as she passed. I should have realized it then.  I thought maybe they were making her go.”

He changed the subject as he pulled down the things I needed.  General things about my Templars’ training habits. And then fell silent.

“I need to look at the towers.  Do you think you can ask Acting Commander Darrow when would be a good time?”  He nodded and left.

Garalen and Alora met me as I finished my salve.  “So we’re going to the towers?”

“I was told I might want to look at them in person.”

Alora scoffed.  “You going to do weird keeper stuff?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, after we look at a tower or two, you should check the market.”

“Market?”

“There’s something like four villages gathered outside the gates selling things back and forth.”

The marketplace Seggrit had been talking about!  “Let’s do that first.”

I’d barely gotten out the gates when Baxter showed up.  “Seggrit wishes to remind you that you are not to do any bargaining.  Just let me know discretely what you want, and I will obtain it. Practice looking disinterested, Chrissy.”

There were every sort of cart and blanket and little stall, with all sorts of goods from cloth to food to metalwork.  Bright colors and laughter. Even some minstrel types strolled about singing for a few coins here and there.

Even one I didn’t expect.  “The fire of Zither! Fueled by wine!”  Twang. Power chords. He’d set up on a little portable stage-like contraption.  Adoring fans everywhere. I have to admit, he was good. Though his music is reminiscent of Elvis and that era, in some ways.  Early rock and roll chords.

After he waved everyone off to take a break, I chanced to hear him sigh as he set his lute down.  Masks can hide the face, but the set of his shoulders was off. Alora tried to pull me away, but I resisted, holding up a hand to ask for time.  I spent a long moment watching him before stepping closer.

He didn’t see me.  “Zither.” His body language completely changed, back to the swaggering buffoon.

“Well well, the beauteous lady of the castle, elf though she may be!”

“Don’t.  Please don’t.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I wanted to apologize for panicking, so long ago.”  I kept my eyes on him as he stilled.

“I have been informed that you were attacked.  And told to keep my distance. No matter, there are plenty of lovely ladies about!”

“Your songs.  They remind me of someone back home.”

“Every song is an original.  Zither has no need to copy others!”  The incessant shouting was annoying.

“Of course not. Never mind.  I don’t know why I bothered. Have a good day.”

I turned to go, and a softer voice, almost silent, stopped me.  “If I had known how you would react, I would not have…”

“It’s okay.”  More apology than I ever expected.

“I have heard some strange tunes around the castle.”

“Oh?”

“Cabot says you sang a few.  The lady pirate likes the one about the sailor’s whore.”

“They still sing that one?”

“It’s gained a bit of favor.  Where did you learn music?” A hint of a sneer.

“Did you think someone with pointy ears incapable?”  He didn’t respond. “Good afternoon, Zither.” Baxter was signalling to me, so I let Alora and Gara steer me in that direction.

I ended up spending some time with the children, as they went around the stalls.  Mine, including Gretel’s two, Kieran, and two youngling mages followed by a bored attendant.  The little ladies swarmed up to join us as well. Baxter arranged hot cider and roasted pine nuts for the lot of us.

After I made far too many purchases, that Athimi guy showed up with Michael.  “The towers, Chrissy?”

“What did Darrow say?”

“She just said ‘It’s her castle’.”

Alora and Gara waved me off.  The hidden door was propped open, which seems to me like a bad idea.  There was no more dust on the stairs, or in the large room. Tables and weapon racks, much like it must have been before it had been sealed away.  Everything was clean and polished.

A few grumbly warrior type people were doing whatever it is warrior type people do with their pointy things while sitting at the various tables.  They eyed us as we passed, but no one actually said anything. I just headed for a random opening. It didn’t really matter what tower I started with.

A little ways down the hall, there were a few doors, open, leading to small barracks-type rooms.  We passed a woman in armor almost stomping back toward the main room. It was probably two or three football fields before the tunnel ended in a pile of crates and bags with a ladder going up to a trap door.

We made our way up the rickety thing, coming out into a square with a staircase up the side.  A set of bunk beds and a basic kitchen-ish set up filled this area. Athimi moved up the stairs, and Michael ushered me after him, taking the rear spot for himself.

A Templar and a regular soldier were manning the tower.  They nodded but weren’t inclined to answer my hello. Athimi started chatting with the soldier quietly.  Michael stayed with me, watching. The place wasn’t that big, maybe eight by eight. I looked around at the amazing view.  The top was open to the crisp cold air.

I didn’t know what I should be looking for.  He just said I should look at them. The roof was new wood, but the stone was old.  The sides came up to about the waist on a human man. Sides. Walls? Crenellations without the holes?  I need to ask what they’re called.

For a few minutes I wondered if I should be looking from the outside, but then my eyes caught a shadow in the floor under the brazier.  I crouched to touch. There was a very shallow indentation, not even a groove, in the floor. The lines curved round in a circle, with very faded markings at the edges.  Simple shapes, not the complicated designs Vivienne had been teaching me.

They were too faded to see clearly, and practically unreadable.  I’d have to come back when the light was better. Maybe take rubbings.  But if all the towers had these, what did it mean? 

I didn’t know.  Still don’t. But the sun was down, and it was time for dinner.  My shadows led and followed me back to the main portion of the stronghold.  They both dropped off as I reached the main doors, heading in other directions.

Dinner was roasted birds with plum sauce.  Cook was going all out. The Marquis was nowhere to be seen.  Dum needed a reminder not to kick people under the table, and Dee took delight in showing off his half-masticated food.  We’re going to have a chat about table manners tomorrow.

Songtime was again short.  The winter is a time of rest, and intellectual pursuits.  Feren brought Luthias out to listen, adding his baritone to the songs we sing.  I got to hold the little guy for a bit. Apparently it’s important that I hold him, but I’m not sure exactly why.

I took the time to peruse my threads, sending energy where it would do good.  People are cold, hungry. I can’t do anything about them so far away. But they have hope.  It’s something, at least.

The group split off again.  They’re taking this quite seriously.  I moved into Curtis’ group and dropped a bomb on his ideas of crime and punishment.  They were seriously discussing putting hands in boiling water and other tortures. I can’t have that.  “What if everything just had a price, Curtis? Murder, theft, everything? What if they created a debt, one that could not be repaid in money alone?”

It was the girl who gathered the nerve to question.  “You don’t think a murderer should be killed in his turn?”

“Depends.  Was it self defense?  Would it serve better to have him make amends?  I’m not opposed to consequences, but what does a murderer learn if you torture him or kill him?  Does he learn not to murder?”

One of the dudes snapped at me.  “At least if we kill him, he won’t do it again.”

“Okay.  I agree with that.  But what does-” I looked at the page in Curtis’ hand. “Flaying, drawing, and quartering before killing him do?  Do you just enjoy hurting people? Because the murderer will not feel it long, if you are to kill him, and you just spent time doing something that would be a crime if it was anyone else.”

Curtis stared at me.  “But…” He didn’t know what to say.  He gathered himself after a moment. “Other people will be scared to do it if they see that.”

“So you’ll torture one person you have already determined needs to be put down in order to make others afraid of you?”

“Not me, specifically.  It’s to make them afraid of the consequences!”

“Do you like making people afraid, Curtis?  Do you think people who are afraid are better people?”

“That’s not what I mean.  You’re twisting it, Chrissy.”

“Am I?”  I was still reading the paper.  “Perhaps I am.”

“I don’t understand.”

“We should put down those that are dangerous to themselves and others, who can’t or won’t learn.  But you have no way to measure when the debt is paid. Would you err on the side of hurting too much, or not enough?”

Curtis was still staring at me in shock when a hand landes softly on my shoulder.  “Don’t scare the boy, my lady.”

I put my hand on Zatlan’s.  “Apologies, young Lord Lendon.  I guess I have an odd way of looking at things.”  I let Zatlan draw me away to the stairwell.

“I see what you are trying to do, Lady.”

“Do you?  Because sometimes I don’t.”

“Unless you can peer into someone’s mind, find their reasons, there’s no way to match the punishment exactly.  You would rather err on the side of mercy.”

“Maybe you do understand.  At the same time, Zatlan, my own, if I could wrench a scream for a scream...”  I met his eyes and smiled. “A rapist might have his ear and hand presented to his victim.  Perhaps seal his cock and balls in a glass jar for even an attempt, his nether regions shaved smooth.  A unrepentant murderer’s ring finger given to his victim’s family. They will never commit such horrors again.  But if you need exploding heads and showers of blood, shows of horror and screams, I can modify my position. Sometimes screams can be beautiful.”

Zatlan’s face paled, and he swallowed hard as I continued.  “A hearthfire or an inferno, Zatlan.”

“I think, my lady, I prefer the hearthfire.” After a shaky breath, he completely changed the subject.  “Briri has books for you. Some from Lord Pavus and some from Madame de Fer. For your rest day tomorrow.”

“Thank you, my own.” I scared him, so bad his hands were trembling.  Quixotically, he was more mine now than he was before, thread firmer and vivid.  Regardless, he was warned, and it is far too late for him to change his mind. He moved away cautiously, like he didn’t want to make any sudden movements.

Another voice came to me in the shadows.  “Showers of blood and beautiful screams. I never expected such words from the lovely Lady of Ethelathe.”

“Hello, Zevran.  You have a habit of listening in on private conversations.”  The world whispered to me. Ways and means to protect myself from the assassin.  They stilled when I checked his thread and found only curiosity and surprise.

“Perhaps you should learn to shut the door, Tesoro.”

“Why is everyone calling me treasure recently?”

“That is not the question you want to ask.  I will not reveal what I have heard. But I am curious, Chrysopal.  Hearthfire or Inferno?”

“Fire, Biondo.  It can warm, it cooks food, provides light in the darkness.  But it burns, and destroys, as well. One must always be careful with fire, lest you encourage it to rage out of control.”

“You are fire?”

“Not just me.”

“I had been concerned that you were opposed to certain things.  I think I can set that worry aside.”

“My hands are not free of blood, no.  I have killed, and ordered killing. I have turned a blind eye for revenge, and revelled in screams.  But I do not wish to codify torture for the flimsy excuse of scaring the populace. Everything has a price, and sometimes that price should be pain, but...  Perhaps that makes me evil.”

“Sometimes, the best way to handle a situation is to buy death, or pain.  My hands have meted out punishment, and some deaths are far slower than others.”

“But not for an audience.”

“No.  Not for an audience.  Will you be hiding in this corner all night, or shall I escort you to your room.”  A dark hand, palm up, was held out. “I think I prefer knowing that you are not the innocent they believe you to be.”

“Oh?  I thought you had figured that out in Halamshiral.”  I placed my hand on his, and he tucked it carefully into the crook of his arm.

“And yes, the Marquis’ screams have a pleasant tone, do they not?”

“Be careful, Biondo.”

“Always, Ethelathun.”

He deposited me at my door and left.  I went and tucked in my littles, checked on Isa and Mika, then returned to my room.  I was reading a bit after Briri was done with me when Elias and Revis tapped at the door.  “Will you be staying here or the other room?”

I really needed to get some reading in.  “Here, I think. Thank you.”

“Sure.”  Elias looked at Revis.  “Couch or floor?”

“What?”  He glanced at me and repeated himself with the exact same inflection.  “I don’t want you in here at all?”

“We have orders.  Outside the library rooms, or in the sitting area here.”

“Who’s giving you orders?”

Elias said Garalen at the same time Revis said Alora.  Well, shit. So my room has been invaded by dudes, because I have to study.  I’m going to have to talk to those two ladies in the morning.


End file.
